Ah, the uncomfortable truth-in-jest …

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I would add, it likely is also a life-long process.

Some days I wish I had taken the blue pill instead of the red one. In the movie The Matrix when Neo reaches for the red pill, Morpheus reminds him “I’m only offering you the truth; nothing more.”

Some days the truth stinks.

It wasn’t so long ago I was on staff at a large, respected church, had closet full of nice clothes, a nice house, nice friends, etc.  But somewhere along the way I got offered the red pill.  Now I”m making just above the poverty level, spending my work time with those below and well-below the poverty level.

The church institution has become unreal to me and my wife.  As has the US American culture.  What is more real, more true, is the reality of the One who is the Way, Truth, and Life.

But this more real way is indeed painful.

Though I’ve never detoxed from street drugs, I spend lots of time with those who have or are presently detoxing.  It’s an ugly process.  Everything your mind fights against, your body wants to embrace.  It truly feels like life and death.

The financial comfort, the good social standing, the good standing within the institutional church … all these things I know are shams.  I know it in my head.  I know it like the deepest of convictions.  But the rest of me struggles with a sense of loss for these things.

The majority of the “respectable” folks consider me and my wife wacky, mistaken, bitter, or just flat out wrong.  Those opinions are painful.

A large portion of my clergy peers don’t understand why I left “real ministry,” nor do they see their own complicity with the negatives of institutionalism.  Their limited understanding and denial is painful.

Long time friends and even some family occasionally just don’t get us.  Believe me, that’s painful.

I realize that when Jesus declared that those who follow him must leave behind family, friends, and attachment to institutions and culture, he meant it.

Separation from those within the institutional and cultural milieu is not fun.  It’s easier when there are sojourners to dialogue with.

And it does feel like a matter of life and death.  Every day part of me dies.  And only through hope do I trust it is a necessary part of my life I must lose so that I might be saved.

I guess this post comes from a place of loneliness.  A loneliness I share with Jeremiah and the prophets, Jesus the Nazarene, and even Neo and crew.

Do you share it too?  Are you detoxing from institution and culture?  Is it painful?

–

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email or RSS.Related Posts:

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…when we are in different surroundings, or

…when we get back on our feet, or

…when I start (and hopefully complete) my PhD work, or

…when, when, when

Each time that sense of longing for a different future arises, the Spirit has a way of directing me back to the present.  And I’m blessed to remember (again) that God’s goodness is not out there somewhere, but right here, right now.

A passage of Scripture I’ve been meditating on daily this month will be a lifelong touchstone for remembering God’s goodness.

I’d like to share it with you.

“If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people’s sins,

If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,

Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—firm muscles, strong bones.

You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past.

You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.”

–YHWH, The LORD our God as rendered in Isaiah 58.9-12

The goodness described here is a very specific goodness, from a very specific God, in a specific context.  This specificty requires my response and involvement; and the involvement of my family and community.  This specificity graces me with light and thanks.

–

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.

The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is even beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted,
knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation
in realizing that. This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well. It may be incomplete,
but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results, but that is the difference
between the master builder and the worker.

We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
Amen.

–Oscar Romero

Thoughts?

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Christ, as a light
illumine and guide me.
Christ, as a shield
overshadow me.
Christ under me;
Christ over me;
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Be in the heart of each to whom I speak;
in the mouth of each who speaks unto me.
This day be within and without me,
lowly and meek, yet all-powerful.
Christ as a light;
Christ as a shield;
Christ beside me
on my left and my right.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

AMEN.

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“John Wesley recognized the ambiguities of Matthew 25:31-46 but did not allow them to deter him from responding to persons in need. To those who wondered ‘what does it avail to feed or clothe men’s bodies, if they are just dropping into everlasting fire?’ Wesley responded, ‘whether they will finally be lost or saved, you are expressly commanded to feed the hungry, and clothe the naked. If you can, and do not, whatever becomes of them, you shall go away into everlasting fire.’ He strongly resisted any attempts to narrow the scope of responsibility or to dull the intensity of the passage.”

From Christine D. Pohl, Making Room: Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition

–

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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Here’s an excerpt:

God is weaving something beautiful, even when all seems lost. God is faithful to love us and care for us, even when we feel abandoned. God is relentless in his activity to create wonder and hope, even when we feel like he has nothing to work with.

This is the God I worship. This is the God I serve. This is the God I’m anticipating will surprise me again soon in wonderful ways.

I need to be reminded of this faith again these days.

What about you?

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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It might be less about us (the one who “prays’) … it’s more about the One who has already spoken to and to whom we respond.

It can’t be all about talking … perhaps it’s more about listening and silence.

It can’t be simply submission … except to the One.

Bottom line: prayer is a protest against pragmatism.

Thoughts?

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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You see, he was under the assumption that I had to be a pastor to preach. And since I resigned from the typical pastorate last autumn, I must not be preaching anymore.

I do miss the whole string of actions that is typically considered preaching: prayer, study, listening, creating, speaking. I miss the interaction with a group of listeners/participants. I do occasionally get this opportunity. That’s about all I miss from pastoring.

Especially since I’ve been able to preach everyday in my new role as a shelter manager.

The “sermons” I’ve preached while elbow deep in some dark earth while planting flowers around the building, or while propping up a very intoxicated resident, or while sharing a meal with someone who hasn’t eaten anything for 24 hours, or while listening to a resident friend as he smokes and reminisces about his life choices … these are more profound, more real, than anything I pontificated on in a typical sermon.

Every single day I preach with the way I live my life.  And while I’m usually very particular about the preachers I would go sit down and listen to, the sermons that are forced upon me each day but those I rub shoulders with are spectacular.

What I’m experiencing these days helps me understand why Jesus rarely preached in the temple or synagogue.  And the few times he did, somebody got run out with violence: either him or those corrupting the house of prayer.

Rather, Jesus chose to preach while living life.  Occasionally he would sit in a boat, or on a hillside and teach.  But usually this preaching was in the context of his actions: either feeding people or meeting their physical shortcomings with healing and forgiveness.

Jesus’ most startling and wonderful sermons came while he was walking with his friends through fields or from town to town.  Or while sitting at a well where women came to draw water.  Or while creating some art in the dirt.  Or while drinking and eating with societal rejects.

The imposed pressures and expectations of a “preacher’ that come from the church are so off-base with what Jesus actually did.

And, at least for me, I’ve heard the call to “go and do likewise.”

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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O God the King of glory, you have raised your only Son Jesus Christ with great triumph into your kingdom:  we beg you, do not leave us comfortless, but send your Holy Spirit to strengthen us and raise us to the place where our Saviour Christ is gone before, who is alive and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. AMEN.Related Posts:

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