Brick City Vintage

7/24/25

2025-07-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on the couch in my parent's marital home in Portugal. This time, I'm here for a month—last year, it was just three weeks. My goal is to eventually spend June through September here, like I did as a teenager. I was sent in exile from Newark to stay with my maternal grandmother when I was 13 and boy did I hate in the beginning. I'd call my parents crying and begging to come back but they stayed steady. I never asked or found out why they sent me here alone, but I'm glad they did. That summer of 88 I made so many friends and had so much fun that by September I was begging to not come back. One day, I'll write a book about it—I already have the intro, but it'll take many summers here to finish. There's no other place where I can write this story but here. It's late as I'm writing this, and I can hear the ocean and the waves crashing from our house. The ocean was rough today; it's a New Moon in Leo, so o mar está bravo. This place has always been so healing for me, it truly changed my life and probably even saved it. Although this year I wasn't as excited about coming as I usually am. Even the day I arrived, I wanted to fly back home and it bothered me so much to feel that way. Catharsis is like that, though. Something is shifting, and change is never easy—maybe that's why, subconsciously, I was fighting coming here. Us humans do not like change.

Today I took my usual walk on the beach, but this time at the end of my walk I layed down on the sand and closed my eyes. I was laying there listening to the ocean speaking to me. There were people walking by and probably wondering what I was doing, but I didn’t care. The ocean screamed at me to stop caring about what people think and to lay there unapologetically. It felt amazing to let go, be free and do what I wanted without a care in the world. I asked for answers, and the ocean delivered. After an hour, I stood up and searched for the biggest rock I could find. When I found it, I held it in my hand and I whispered into it, pouring every piece of fear and doubt everyone placed inside of me. Then I hurled it far into the ocean where all my fears will stay from now on. I’m done conforming to others expectations of who I should be, when my uniqueness is my gift. Everything ingrained in me by people too scared to live on their own terms is now gone, thrown into the ocean. I’m done with all of it. My healing journey is complete, and one day, I’ll share the story without caring who approves.

The beauty of today was discovering a little rock right after I tossed the larger one. It was in the shape of a heart, a gift from the ocean. That was enough for me. People come and go, loving me one day and being indifferent the next, and that’s okay. There’s not a single person in this world who can change who I was born to be or what’s destined for me. I deserve to be happy and loved despite everyone who has tried to dampen that for me. I'm weird they say, that's fine with me.

Making time for people...

2025-07-11T15:03:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, I dream about my dad, and the first thing I do the next day is visit him at the cemetery. Today, while I was sitting in the mausoleum where he's interred, someone walked into our block. I call it our block because he's indoors, and it's a maze of hallways with dead ends. I like going there because it's quiet, and I can think clearly. In my version of heaven, they get a ping when someone visits their gravesite, and they come to be with you. I've never been interrupted there before; everyone usually minds their business but today was different. A gentleman walked in and said, "Oh, it's a busy day here." He came in while I was texting my friend about something important I have tomorrow. I could feel his energy right away—he wanted me to leave so he could sit and cry for whoever he was visiting. He left but came back quickly. He seemed sad, and I was sad too, but it was a different kind of sadness.

I got up from the communal dead-end bench and said, "I hate that they don't have ladders here so I can climb up and leave my dad this quarter." I looked at him, and he immediately opened up like a flower. He told me he was visiting his wife, who passed away in 2023 after a surgery on her uterus. They accidentally perforated her intestines, and she died from sepsis. He started trauma-dumping, and I realized I needed to stay and talk to him. I complained about how hot it was in there and why the AC wasn't working—those drawers cost a lot of money, and it literally smells like a decomposing body in the summer. He said, "That's what I used to work in. I'm retired now. If someone asks me to help with an AC issue, I say no. I'm done." I could understand that—if you're not doing what you're passionate about, it's exhausting. He told me his wife used to be a teacher for special needs kids and was really good at it. He was so hurt; his energy was heavy and all over me.

I stayed a little longer and shared how I had worked with numbers for 30 years before deciding at 50 to become a substitute teacher, wondering if it was time to finally listen to all the psychics and astrologers I'd visited over the years. They always said teaching. We chatted for a while, and then I left him there with his grief over losing his best friend. She was young, born in the early '60s.

My dad must see him there all the time and was like let me call Michelle here because he needed some words. Sometimes I feel like people like him are angels. Testing me, to see how good I am. Now next time I'm there and we run into each other, he has a friend.

YG Marley and Ms. Lauryn Hill LIVE ON STAGE JAMAICA March 2024 -Praise ...

2024-03-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

I am so happy to see Lauryn Hill so happy.

She's about to get her lick back on this dirty music industry.

They tried to assassinate her character. Nobody liked that she changed but I didn't care. I knew she was on mission for herself, I loved the acoustic album, she bared her soul to us. I was grateful for that. She's not here to do what we want. She gave us Miseducation and it was a global success but then she wanted to go deeper. They wouldn't let her. She rebelled and broke free... her true fans stuck around. I love to see her put her son on, and he's good too. That whole family is solid.. they are such spiritual people. I always felt Bob Marley was a gift to us like Jesus was... Not of this world but in this world.

My morning with ADD

2024-03-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

It's a roller coaster. Not really that dramatic, I hate roller coasters. I hate anything with heights and speed.... So not a roller coaster but more like a maize. I keep walking into dead ends and when I turn back around, I end up at the beginning.

Me trying to watch an Astrology Video on todays .........

I eventually did everything I was supposed to and am ready to start my day. It would of taken half the time with anyone else.

Family Tree

2024-02-11T06:14:00.000-08:00

I can’t believe how excited I am right now. I woke up not even thinking about my birthday—I actually forgot about it for those first few groggy seconds after waking up. I went about my usual routine, and when I checked my email, I saw one from Geni wishing me a Happy Birthday. For some reason I decided to log into this old family tree website. Most of my family is signed up, and we’re all connected there. When it’s someone’s birthday, an email goes out to everyone, reminding them and even including the person’s age—that’s when I paused for a moment. While logged in, I noticed this old picture of me on a catamaran in Sandy Hook Bay from around 2010 or 2011. I immediately replaced it with a picture of eight-year-old me sitting by my favorite fountain in Matosinhos, Portugal. I still need to change that age visibility setting, but that’s not why the Universe nudged me into this Geni rabbit hole today. I noticed the tree said I had a half-sister, and when I clicked on the picture, it turned out to be me in 2009. I must’ve created another account at some point. Then I saw that “she”—the other me—had an entire family tree uploaded. I FOUND IT! I can’t believe I found it.

When my dad was diagnosed with melanoma and began Interferon chemo treatments at Saint Barnabas twice a week, I often went with him. One day, I decided to ask him questions. My dad had an incredible memory and told the most amazing stories. He was quiet, observant, and noticed everything. That year, we started building his family tree, beginning with his grandparents. It was such a fun afternoon because he remembered every detail, even middle names. I eventually abandoned the project after losing the list. Later, when I logged into Geni, I discovered the tree was gone—I was so upset. But what I found today feels like a birthday gift from my dad.

When I visited Portugal in 2022, I went to the cemetery and took pictures of all the grave sites because, in Europe, they all have photos. Now I can start adding those pictures to the family tree I'm building. Everyone should take an interest in their genealogy. To understand myself, I need to understand my mother, her mother, and her mother's mother. Our ancestors are part of our DNA—they are within us. I did a DNA kit with Ancestry, and unsurprisingly, I'm 98% from the region where my parents are from in Portugal. After hundreds of years of my ancestors being near the ocean, is it any wonder I felt like a fish the first time my dad introduced me to the waters of Sandy Hook Bay? The beach feels like home to me. That's why I used to love going to the music conference in Miami all those years ago. We didn’t even go to the sand; just being on that rooftop, looking at the ocean and smelling the air, was enough. I wish I were near the ocean now instead of staring out at the gloomy day here in Newark.

Every year, I say I’m going to Jamaica for my birthday. I’ll say it again... Maybe next year.

Now, off to take my birthday shower, where I use water to manifest my dreams for the year ahead.

Thanks for the gift, Dad.

Gravitus

2024-02-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

The Sun hasn't been out in like 3 days. What a difference that makes on someone like me, I love the feel of it's energy. Although, I can say that the sun feels different in other parts of the world. It feels different in Portugal, it feels different in Miami and it definitely feels different here.

I was born and raised and live in Newark... but I am not of Newark. Maybe that's why I always felt stuck here. As a freedom loving Aquarius Moon Child, I will never function at 100% where I feel stuck.

Here comes Pluto for the next 20 years... just blowing into my sign all guns blazing. If I signal him, he will fuck everything up, burn it to the ground, pulvarize it into dust.. and go... Here, no more of that shit. That's what you wanted right?

This is all happening high on my chart.

Pluto can be very destructive, but I am a true Aquarius and Saturn the father of discipline runs it all there 24/7. Pluto is going to have to pump the brakes, let's talk this through before you go flying your dragon everywhere and burning villages. What I need from Pluto in Aquarius from the next 20 years, is to be Brave... Gravatas. Pluto gives Power to destroy things, so I have to learn to wield that power and channel it into Work... Into Writing. Into Selling. Into Learning More. When all of these things are flowing, in a fruitful and positive way, that is when I will feel the power.

The whole key is to not be ruthless. With ourselves, with other people.

It's been a tremendous 3 years since my father passed away. I want to step back into life as gently as possible but with Pluto there is always Chaos. It's gonna be there and I'm going to have to just accept it. I think as long as you have a pretty good understanding of who you and you already know what your weakness are... then you are good. Now when my weaknesses pop up, I acknowledge them, I hug them and I say to myself, "Now there is something I need to work on." No need to pretend they don't exist anymore..... Yes, I have a bad temper. It's hard to not take the stupid things people do personally for me. If could be the lady cutting me off on the highway... it could be my mom repeating herself a million times about how my hair looks better like and like that. Why didn't it take me so long to learn that it's not about me? I wish I could have learned this in school.

Back to Pluto.

I appreciate you. I want to use you, not you use me. I feel your presence in Aquarius already...and it's only 1 degree. Pretty soon you will all the way moved into my house.. and you will stay for 20 years. I'll give you the nice and big guestroom and you can chill. I'll call on your sword when needed but just fall back. I already have my moon, mercury and Sun there.... plus my Midheaven. As he moves through my sign in the next 20 years he will cross over my 3 planets and those are the times I will have to pay attention to my horoscope. I just want him to be comfortable on his visit...He's free to roam but I'll call u, don't call me. Even if you see someone yelling at me and shit, I just need you to fall back.. I got this.

While Pluto is here visiting my house I will call on him to help with my listening. Less Talking. When he goes over my Mercury in Aquarius is when I'll light a blue candle to have him help me there. Instead of explosions like he likes... Saturn will be with me to teach me to be Nice, Sweet, Caring...to everyone. I already know how to do that with the people i love, to do this with everyone shouldn't be difficult as long as i stay true to myself and be honest. I don't know how to fake it, this will involve me taking down all the old structures. People are hurting out there, empathy is scarce. I have red flags and they usually involve pointing my finger @ people or the whisper in my ear, judging. I know now, that if I change, so will my world

That doesn't mean I have to be a punk bitch though. I will be here with Pluto and my Queen of Swords.... listening better, working on my weaknesses and accepting them more.. being brave, believing in myself more.

Dad's two year Death Anniversary

2024-01-16T15:38:00.000-08:00

I'm at that age where I'm going to all the Dr appointments I used to take my dad to. I remember when I took him to his colonoscopy, he was always super nervous when we went. My Dad was really good at hiding how he really felt, but I knew. I imagine he felt what I did, that I wasn't going to wake up from the anesthesia. I remember thinking back then, one day it will be me in one of these rooms and wondering what I would need the most. I would need for people to speak to me like nothing was going on, it was no big deal, and that's what happened. I was in the procedure room with 4 nurses, and they were talking about movies and shows, and I of course chimed in. Needless to say I had the best 45-minute nap of my life and now I know why Michael Jackson liked the profonol. It was a deep sleep.

I thought a lot about my dad yesterday. He would prob still be here if he took better care of himself and then Covid wouldn't of took him from us. I warned him so many times that he needed to be careful because if he caught Covid he would die. I was very blunt with him and I know he got it. I know this because of the day we had to carry him out of the house to the car to take him to the ER. I knew he wasn't coming back, I reached into the car with no mask and gave him the biggest hug possible. I heard him say to me, "Eu sei." I know. He was in the hospital maybe 2 days when we got the call that his organs were shutting down and he didn't have long. We agreed we wouldn't put him on a respirator because it wouldn't solve anything, it would just prolong his death. My father had congestive heart failure and was on blood thinners and a ton of other medication. His kidney's went first ..

When we got to St Barnabas that day we could only go up one at a time. When it was my turn to go up to the room to say goodbye, I was so out of it that I bypassed the nurses station and just walked into his room with no protective gear at all. There was my dad, looking so frail on that hospital bed and I could tell by the movements of his head he was fighting, like he always did. I reached down to touch his chest and he was so hot from the fever that I burst into tears right there. I told him, my last words.. "You can stop fighting, you can go. It's ok, we will all be ok." I told him that we all loved him and he was a good father and he took care of us. I was sorry we couldn't be with him in his final moments two hours later. Nobody deserves to die like that.. being alone in a hospital room is not a good feeling.

I remember when the Dr called me that afteroon to tell me he was gone. She sounded so sad and tired and she probably made 5 other calls that day for the same thing. I didn't want to get emotional with her and I was already prepared for this news. I just hope that day my calmness gave a little respite from the awful reality she was living through. We don't give enough credit to the medical staff that had to live through this and how much damage it did to their mental health.

I hate how people dismiss Covid. I got to experience his ugly effects first hand and it's not fair to say that it only affects the sick and weak. My dad would of lived and stay with us a little longer if it wasn't for that. My father was really a beautiful gentle soul who just wanted the simple things in life. I miss him. I had so many more questions to ask him.. I regret not going to Portugal while whe was still alive and it now only after his death that I start going again. I feel the closest to him when I'm there.. I believe in that life after death energy. They linger, they come to check on you. I stay present more since he left just so I can hear the messages. Since he left I have been thinking more about what him and my mom did in the 70s. They came over here with near to nothing.. I know get to sit a room of a piece of what was the fruit of his labors. We can sell now and get out. Or we can add to it. Me and my brother haven't had that conversation yet, but my mother is on board for anything but here.

Vintage Luggage are the Best Luggage

2019-10-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

My find this past weekend. It's in almost new condition.

Vintage Invicta briefcase.

Found a Penny inside. Pennies from Heaven. 1969

Thank you Mary! I'll take good care of it.

Thinking about 2020

2019-10-15T15:24:00.005-07:00

Putting my intention out there. I want one of these and I will have it before 2020. I've seen them at sales but I don't want to cough up the $$ for it yet. I'm doing it next year because we belong together.

I'm on a IG hiatus because I made a promise to Our Lady of Fatima while my dad was in the hospital. Portuguese folks are big on Fatima and I was raised in this culture of saints and magic.

I believe in sacrifice. Doesn't have to be animals and humans... a sacrifice can be anything you have to give up that you love. I love Instagram.. maybe I kind of cheated because I still have FB but it's not the same to me. FB is more talking.

The year is almost ending and this is when I have to start thinking about my future. This year started out so rough and boy did it teach me a big lesson. phew! It was heavy but I made it, like I always do. I'm diehard like a motha... My ex boyfriend's mother used to call me that. My stubborness is all over my natal chart. It's real..

It's been 10 years since I trecked into Manhattan every weekend and went to Astrology School for 6 months. The best thing I ever did.. still learning years later. I love teaching people about it. Next year I hope to go back and take the Intermediate Class. I did before but I want to brush up on it and I want to see my awesome teacher again.

Another thing for 2020. My shit list needs to be burned. There is only one person on it but this is major for me. As of right now, if I see this person, it will be on site. I've been wanting to smack the shit of 'it" for a long time. You just don't fuck with my car. That's a no no. I'm getting older and more mature and shouldn't be fighting. If you know me then you understand...

I don't hate nobody as of right now. People piss me off here and there but that doesn't mean I hate them. If anything, I spend a lot of time trying to understand people.

There is more things I want but there is power in silence too.

Right now, my astrology is saying to blog and write and be creative. There will be a healthy balance of social media and real life. I don't have shit to prove to anyone.

ps. My grammar has always sucked but that may be due to my laziness to proof read anything. I'm a more of a stream of consciousness type of writer. Don't think, just write.

2017-05-22T18:35:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine how much it would cost to make something like this in this lifetime?

The Breakers

2016-10-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

A bus hit me today.

It was about 3pm when I started getting the dizzy spells. By 4 o'clock on full panic mode. It just came out of nowhere, nothing triggered it. I ran outside to sit with my face in the sun to see if I could calm down. I felt the tears well up and I was not going to allow myself to cry. It's not my fault these things happen to me. I don't even know why this appeared in my life 5 years ago. Everytime I get an attack I feel instant guilt, I feel like this is happening because of something I did .

I sat there, I calmed down a little and I went back inside to work. I was looking around at everyone hoping nobody noticed that my eyes were red. I went inside the office to sit down and hoping that maybe being in there would make it go away but it didn't. So finally I reached for my prescription of Xanax and took half a pill. I took a walk around the store and suddenly felt like I was going to spin out and fall on the floor so I went into the dressing room to sit down. There is a mirror in there so i did my mirror exercises. This fucking snake wraps around my neck and the fight I have to put up to get it off leaves me exhausted and tired. My coworker started to talk to me and I wasn't even listening to him. I was far away in a fighting ring, trying to unwrap a snake.

When I was working in the restaurant with Jiz he was already versed to it. He knew by just looking at me that I was having one. In the beginning he thought I was full of shit until one day he found me in his office pale as a ghost. He says I get this vulnerable look and it's true but It's really my scared look. I also start touching my neck a lot because I like to feel my pulse there. It feels like I"m going to die. I hate that I have to live with this and it took me a long time to accept that it's a form of mental illness. I was doing so good but that is how this works. I have good days and I have bad days. My nervous system is shot. I live my life as therapeutically as possible.

It makes me sad when I have to reach for the prescription. It also messed up my mood for the rest of the day at work. I'm so tired..

I guess we all have our crosses to bare and this mine. I'm not embarrassed to talk about it because I meet people all the time who have suffered the same as me. I talk about it a lot to bring some normalcy to it, it's ok that this happens to me. It's not ok that I beat myself up about it.

2016-10-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

I remember the first time I went to The Limelight. I was 16 years old and had told my parents I was going to visit my cousin Sandi at Farleigh Dickinson that night. Instead, me and my sidekick Carmen headed to see her so we can go with her to The Limelight. She had already gone a few times but she wanted me and my girlfriend to experience it with her.

So off I went in my most coolest outfit, which at the time was anything that was ripped jeans. I put on my reddest lipstick and blackest eyeliner and thought I was grown. I was such a little sneak.. lol I blame my brother for this because I grew up with him coming in all late from the city all the time. Who didn't love NYC?

We got on line and had to wait to be picked. We were three cute girls, of which only one had ID. That Drag Queen took one good look at us and knew we were kids. We smiled at her and she let us in.. yay!! we got in, we got in!! That was the look on all our faces as we stepped into this whole other crazy world! It was DARK in there and everything looked so Gothic! The music was so loud and it was Packed! Some guy rushed past me with a cane and hooked it on my jacket pocket. I caught him and he felt so stupid that he ran away. I swear, he looked like Mr Bean meets Inspector Gadget. He was weird and so was pretty much almost everyone in there. It was the early nineties so the Club Kids were still hanging out there. The place was full of different outrageous characters.

After we got our drinks we walked around on an adventure. We walked into a few room where everyone looked like they were doing very sketchy things. We peaked in, and snuck right out.
We danced a lot, we drank a lot.. we fell right into one of those NYC moments. We left at 5 am so happy and fulfilled and couldn't wait to get to a bed.

It was Good Friday. We had a good night. But then we couldn't find our car.

Newbie mistake.. we parked wrong. They towed my cousins car to the pound. This was a time when there were no cellphones and we kept numbers in our wallets. My cousin called her boyfriend Louie in NJ to come to the rescue. She sobbed and cried him into guilt and submission. He came to save us.. Finally we get our car out and when we go to get our stuff out of his car... It was locked! With the keys inside. What else could go wrong?

But we finally do make it to her dorm and get a few hours of sleep before she drove me and my friend back home.

This may not be a Oscar winning night but for my 16 year old self, that was epic. It's always a funny story me and her mention because we always associate Good Friday as a bad day to go out. A year later I got held at gunpoint at Burger King as I was coming in to work at 5am, on the same day.

The original church in the 40's

I returned to Limelight many times after that night and always had a good time. I do remember the dark stairways and stone walls. It really was an old beautiful church inside. It's sad to see what they did with it now.

Vintage Scarf 1980s Blue Yellow White Green Geometric Design Scarf

2011-12-27T14:03:00.001-08:00

Vintage Scarf 1980s Blue Yellow White Green Geometric Design Scarf, a photo by Brick City Vintage on Flickr.

Click here to purchase this item in my Etsy Shop.

If you want to purchase this directly, please contact me. :)

Vintage Scarf 1960s Oblong Green Color with Brown, Orange and WhiteLines

2011-12-27T13:09:00.001-08:00

Vintage Scarf 1960s Oblong Green Color with Brown, Orange and White Lines, a photo by Brick City Vintage on Flickr.

Click here to see this item in my Etsy Shop.

Thanks for looking.

Capricorn New Moon: Visioning, Renewing & Making Goals

2011-12-26T01:21:00.000-08:00

Capricorn New Moon: Visioning, Renewing & Making Goals

Vintage Scarf 1970s Flower Power Yellow, Orange and Browns with Free Scarf Wearing Guide

2011-12-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

Click Here Visit my Etsy Page for purchase information. Or contact me here :)

Vintage Clutch 1960s Black and Silver Floral Design

2011-12-23T15:44:00.000-08:00

View it on Etsy
http://www.etsy.com/listing/89149647/vintage-clutch-1960s-fabric-black-silver

Love Is The Answer

2011-12-11T16:28:00.001-08:00

photo (9), a photo by Brick City Vintage on Flickr.

sidewalk inspiration

Foreclosed

2011-12-08T10:14:00.001-08:00

Foreclosed, a photo by Brick City Vintage on Flickr.

It's bad out there, even for a cat. He's kinda chunky to be homeless.

Chapter 1 Wake Up Call.. Pick up Gorgeous!

2011-12-06T10:10:00.000-08:00

Before diving further into this book, you need to choose your name. Think of it as running a company (your body), and you’re the CEO. When you start treating your body like the Goddess temple it deserves to be, everything changes, your hair, smile, energy, outlook, even your sex life! If my body is my company, I’d call myself Chief Starshine. I definitely need to make new business cards for my vintage clothing company and add Chief Starshine to the title. That’s me—a star that will shine. Sound conceited? Maybe, but if I don’t love and celebrate myself, who will? As the author Kris Carr says in her book...

"Nobody can take away your ruby shine when you're happy and healthy. And when you are in the positive space there is a cascade effect. You pay it forward by sharing your wellness tips."

That's exactly how I feel. I'm going to take my time with this book, absorbing every word carefully. I'll blog about each chapter and try to inspire as many people as possible to join me on the wellness journey I was thinking of setting a date to start this new lifestyle, but how can I when I'm still reading and learning? I'm not going to rush or stress myself because that won't help at all. I also know going completely vegan overnight isn't realistic for me since I've been a lifelong meat eater. Baby steps are the way go. Personally, I think eating meat from animals raised on a vegetarian diet isn't as bad as the usual supermarket meat. These are choices I'll figure out once I've finished the book.

I connected with this book and the author because her experience felt so real and unplanned. She didn't feel well one day and visited her doctor due to severe abdominal pain and trouble breathing. An ultrasound revealed tumors on her lungs and liver. Can you imagine? One doctor suggested transplanting all three organs, while another gave her ten years to live. I hate when doctors do this. it’s their job, but taking away someone's hope doesn’t help. She listened to that inner voice saying, “No, there’s a better way! I do not accept this.” She searched tirelessly for a doctor who would work with her, not against her. Thankfully, she found an oncologist who truly understood her and had the sensitivity so many doctors lack today. He explained that her cancer was slow-moving and she had time if she changed her lifestyle and diet. He suggested calling it an imbalance instead of cancer. And so, her journey began...

Her next stop was Whole Foods, which she said had become her pharmacy. She began meditating, practicing yoga, and exercising regularly. Meditation is amazing for people like me who struggle with anxiety disorders—it's all in my head. I relate to her when she says it calms the wild animals in her mind. That’s me, the ultimate overthinker. Overthinking leads to stress, and studies have shown stress can contribute to cancer. She details her lifestyle in her book before her diagnosis and it wasn’t very different from mine. I’m paying attention, Kris Carr... full attention..

She did something incredibly smart—she went back to school for nutrition. How can you heal your body if you don’t understand it? Genius, right? She swapped her rage for prayer and her cocktails for organic green drinks and a vegan diet. In this chapter, she asks: What is your cancer? For me, let’s see, mild anxiety, mild depression. Nothing too severe, but enough to hinder many aspects of my life. She encourages us to let these things be our Guru instead of our jailer. Interesting concept. So, instead of letting them rule over me, I can let them teach me about myself. Back off, anxiety and depression, I see you for what you are, and I’m going to fix this. My anxiety disorder only showed up this past year, and the mild depression has probably always been there but stays dormant until something triggers it. Now, they’re my Gurus, and I’ve got to learn from them.

I need to identify my triggers and learn how to manage them so they don't interfere with my life. First step: Remove all negative people from my life. Next, clear out unhealthy food from my kitchen.

"Change now. Love now.. Live now. Don't wait for people to give you permission to live because they won't. That's permission is your birthright Grab it!"

I think we all recognize our triggers, and many of hesitate to make big changes in our lives because we fear the consequences. Fear isn’t our ally; it just stirs things up and reveals truths about ourselves. Why was I afraid to cut ties with that toxic friend for so long? Why do I keep forgiving people who talk behind my back and justify their own dysfunction?

"Change is frightening to those who find safety in routine"

I feel safe with these people around because I’m used to them and understand their quirks. If I let them go, I lose that familiarity and the comfort that a long-time friend brings to my ego. This also ties to my health and lifestyle, I feel safe in my bad eating habits because they’re easy. Being healthy is hard work, and my ego doesn’t like that. The ego is afraid of change, especially failure. It’s like a scared kid, and I need to pop a pacifier in its mouth to quiet it down. I’m in charge now, and it needs to work for me. When it says I can’t, I ask, “Why not?” When it says, “What if you fail?” I respond, “Why think so far ahead? I’m only on Chapter 1. Let’s move on to Chapter 2 and learn a little more—one sentence, one word at a time. No need to get all worked up about it.”

Crazy Sexy Diet

2011-11-23T09:38:00.001-08:00

I'm a morning person, so it's no surprise I'd be up at 8am watching Oprah Winfrey's Network. She has a new weekly Sunday series called Super Soul Sunday that runs from 8am to 11am. It's full of thought provoking interviews, short documentaries and ordinary people's inspiring stories.

I had woken up and was fully dressed to head out to Starbucks and get my seasonal Pumpkin Spice Latte drink. I had my scarf and sunglasses on and was ready to head out the door. I always turn on the TV to put on my last item, my shoes. I glimpsed at the TV and there was this wispy blonde with the shiniest eyes talking to me from the tv about how she spends 7 hours a week cooking. When I heard that, I stopped tieing my shoe laces and was like, huh? Me who hates cooking and hates the whole cooking process was wondering who his this nut? And hours? Is she for real?

As I listened some more I realized "Yes she was!" she was really really for real. See, preparing these special meals was very necessary because her life depended on it. It was do or die for her. She no longer was just a pretty blond bright eyed wispy lady. Her name is Kris Carr and on February 14, 2003 she found out she had cancer.

I took off my scarf, sunglasses, sneakers and I sat cross legged on my couch that early Sunday morning completely glued to my tv. I listened to a story that would and can change my life. I'm not a lesbian but I fell in love with her as soon as I starting listening to her story and how upbeat and cheerful she was. She wasn't bitter or jaded, she turned that all into something positive. So refreshing.

Her book Crazy Sexy Diet starts off with the a foreword by Rory Freedman. In his foreword he says this book didn't come into my life for no reason. It's not a coincidence, this book is a key to a door I always wanted to open. My life starts now. Can I be a vegetarian? Me? The meat eater? The person who always said "I can never live without meat, that's why God gave us teeth." Now I wonder, who or what gives you cancer?

In this book it says to start small. First commit yourself to a reasonable goal and stick to it for 21 days. I've been thinking hard about it, what can I give up for 21 days? Now I can't cheat, I need to pick something I eat all the time. What do I eat or do regularly that's unhealthy? I choose bread. I eat bread everyday for breakfast when I should be making my smoothies. There it is, I've made up my mind. I'm stepping through the healthy doorway. Next, I clear all the unhealthy crap out of my kitchen. Easy! I'll just ignore my husband's stuff and keep it out of my way where it can't tempt me. He's not ready to take this journey with me and become the Wellness Warrior I wish to be.

I haven't even gotten to Chapter 1 yet...

ps... Another thing I love about this book is that it's not plain. It has pictures and colors, all things that keep my ADD in check. I get bored easily but this keeps me glued, every page is like an adventure. Just look:

A book calling you gorgeous? Well, what else can I ask for?