The Happy State of the Chronic Optimist

Embellishment Versus Lying: Stolen Valor and the Brilliance of Aaron Sorkin

2015-02-10T17:50:00.000-08:00

Aaron Sorkin is not only a genius writer but apparently a fortune teller. For all lovers of the "Newsroom" you know the fallout of telling lies or embellishing when it comes to the news. Even in a fictional world it is not something you overcome easily or quickly. When it comes to trusting those who provide us with facts about the world, we cannot write off a flagrant mistake as "better luck next time." If you want that, then read internet news and bloggers. We have no checks and balances and can say whatever we want. I also don't bring home well into eight figures.

Brian Williams has come up with a doozy of excuses as have his counterparts at NBC. This is a full breakdown in the news, make no mistake. Not only did Brian Williams lie but a series of people let him tell that lie, knowing it was in fact a lie. This isn't the "Newsroom" where one man knew the truth and kept it a secret. A series of cameramen and producers tried to bring it to the attention of the higher ups and they said, "aw, it's close enough to the truth." That is unacceptable. I am tired of the people making excuses for his behavior. I am really disgusted by his half-hearted apology where he never admits to actually lying but rather "misremembering" facts.

I can tell you it has been decades since a car accident I was in. I remember every detail of it like it was yesterday. You better believe if I was in a helicopter hit by an RPG or behind a helicopter hit by an RPG I would remember every second of it as would he. You don't misremember that. You misremember a birthday. You misremember a funny story. You misremember a name. You LIE about being on a helicopter you weren't on to look cool.

If he were in the military he would be court marshaled for stolen valor. That says a lot. A lot about what it means to be in service for this country and a lot about honor and even more about lying. We all tell interesting stories where we amp up the dialogue (to try and be more like Mr. Sorkin) and where people are a little more daft and a little more witty. But you cannot be the authority on topics around the world and tell large numbers of people you were personally shot at when you weren't. You are held to a different standard because you are revered by a different standard.

Brian Williams enjoys many perks from his job. He gets to go places he otherwise wouldn't get to go. He makes a small fortune for telling "facts." He enjoys the ability to delve into topics the rest of us might just be curious about and meet the real players in the world. Heck, he is a real player in the world. He can help shape the conversation. His choice, and it was a choice, to lie makes him untrustworthy.

I am all about redemption. I am all about people owning up to their mistakes. But lying is not a mistake. Lying is a choice. A mistake is finding out your research was flawed and having to straighten out the facts. Lying is telling people things about you that are not true and you know they aren't true. Yes, people deserve second chances, but he is not 23 trying to increase his stature. He has the stature. He is a grown-up who knows better. Yes, you can tell interesting stories on the news, but at the end of the day they must be true. They must be as accurate as you can make them.

I don't think Brian Williams deserves the desk he sits at. I think he needs a big, long time out and then maybe he could write a book or two. The truth is we aren't taking away his livelihood. He is not a regular employee who will not be able to support himself anymore. He has plenty. He may not have as much as he once hoped but he won't be homeless and he can book another gig. Maybe he can even start a website, then he can tell all the stories he likes.

Super Bowl Delay, a Successful “How I Met Your Mother” Moment

2015-02-02T21:52:00.002-08:00

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I am a huge football fan. I must admit that I lean a bit more toward college ball, but I gather with my friends almost every Sunday to watch games. It is really about the bad jokes, Frank Gore’s Penis, F**** Julius and a variety of inappropriate jokes that makes it fun. My life turned into an the Super Bowl episode of “How I Met Your Mother” when they had to wait to watch the Super Bowl recorded.

My husband was called into work the night before so he wasn’t going to be awake in time to watch the game. In addition, my best friend Carrie was in from North Carolina. Carrie and I mesh on many levels, my love of sports is not one of them. With limited girl time, I couldn’t bail early to watch a football game in which none of my teams were even playing. That being said, why did I care about the Super Bowl? If I wasn’t going to be at the party, it couldn’t matter; yet somehow it did.

I told myself I didn’t care, no big deal. I hate the Sea-Thugs anyway. When my husband suggested we Tivo the game and watch it later I was fine with it. Honestly I figured I would see something and just pretend I didn’t…it’s just a little white lie, right? Chris saw the look on my face and called my lie before the lie. He challenged me to not see anything. It was like the grown-up version of a double-dog dare. Challenge accepted.

My first order of business was to call Craig, the only Patriots fan amongst those at my usual football party spot. No calls or texts during the game as I was on delay. That took care of a big part of the potential problem; it also got me laughed at, but that’s beside the point. It’s easy enough not to sign into Facebook, Instagram or things like that during the game, besides I was with Carrie.

We tooled around Los Angeles, I averted my eyes from the TV whenever there was one. You don’t realize just how many TVs are around until you are trying not to watch them. I turned my phone to “hide” so text messages merely came on the home screen as whom they were from, no hint as to what the sender had typed.

For dinner, we chose a sushi place. Japanese should be safe, right? Wrong... TVs lined the one wall and then two were over the bar. Lucky for me the distance made it so I would have to really focus to see the score and I managed to listen quite intently to everything Carrie had to say so as not to hear anything. By the way, also shocking. Places that play football all season don’t put the sound up, but Super Bowl Sunday, it is blaring everywhere!

Said my good-byes to Carrie and started on my way home. I went to turn on the radio and realized that was a very bad idea. Silence in the car, I don’t think I have experienced this ever. No radio, no phone just driving. I lived, barely. Left to my own devices my road rage can get a bit out of control. But there was no traffic, so the general public was safe.

The next challenge was turning on the TV and not seeing who had won. The new menu on Tivo is cool, but it shows the current image in a small window next to the list of programs. So while I could mute it or pause it, I was still going to see a little picture in the corner that may just give it away. Solution: squinch up your eyes super tight. Just enough to make out the list and enough to see what program is highlighted. Success…we started the Super Bowl and knew nothing.

Then the phone started buzzing. I glanced down and saw it was from my brother. I quickly picked up Chris’s phone, texted my brother from there to say I wasn’t reading his text because I didn’t know who won yet. Tragedy averted.

We did it, we made it through the whole game without any information. We experienced it as everyone else did and were equally shocked by the ending. It was actually quite nice to live in a little bubble. To be a small party of two with our own little reality for a short time. Honestly, I don’t think we could have made it another hour without something leaking through.

Not Everything is About Color

2015-01-19T18:35:00.004-08:00

On MLK Day it seems quite fitting to discuss the color of the Oscars. I empathize with the frustrations of minorities in feeling they are under-represented in the world of film and television but it is getting better. I get that it would be annoying to not see more people who look like me in the movies but I don't believe that story telling and awards need to be color specific. There are many things that separate people and put them in boxes. It is not all race based. With that in mind, there are simple facts when it comes to awards in the world of appearances and it really isn't about color.

Selma didn't play the game. Nominations are all about the game. If you think everyone in Hollywood gets together and makes these choices of their own accord you are crazy. Screeners are sent out, ads are purchased and whole publicity campaigns are waged, people make huge money running these campaigns to get people and movies nominated. Selma didn't send screeners. Selma didn't give as many free viewings. Selma did itself a major disservice by assuming someone who played a famous black man would simply be nominated for doing just that.
Who shouldn't have been nominated? There are too many excellent movies to make a case that Selma's lead actor was overlooked simply because he was black. He was not nominated because in a tough field of actors this year his performance was simply not as noticeable as the five other men who were nominated. As usual it was a stellar year (for those who are male) and there are many men who could make a good case for a performance that deserved notice. Only 5 are chosen and I challenge you to tell me who should have been off the list so it could include David Oyelowo. Don't even get me started on the lack of parts for females. (Check out Julianne Moore's speech from the Critic's Choice Awards for a good expression of sexism in movies).
Just because you make a great movie, doesn't mean you will get a nomination. Great movies throughout history have been snubbed or overlooked by the Oscars. Often the movies as of late that are even nominated are not popular by mainstream standards. This makes the Academy Awards not a popularity contest but rather a vehicle for cause movies and lesser known entities. I think a better argument could be made to move away from this current trend and get back into what the public likes.
There are many awards that are more heavily weighted to the black community and no one has a problem with this fact. When the Grammys started paying attention to who was popular, look at the color change up. Of course, since the beginning there have been more black winners than white on music stage and no one seems to notice or care. In a number of arenas black people outnumber others but yet a single missing face irritates everyone when it comes to the Oscars? How is that right? Quincy Jones has more Grammys than anyone, he's black. The country music solo performance went to Darius Rucker last year. The top four spots of total numbers of Grammys are all black people. Why does no one care or notice this?
There are many careers that are more favored by other ethnicities based on talent, skill and hard work that I don't have a chance to be a part of as an average height, white female. The NBA, the NFL, the MLB are chock full of "minorities." The hard work and talent of these individuals as well as certain genetic gifts makes them superior. Why would one complain they cannot rule all arenas? It is not practical nor does it make sense.

The Golden Globes hate Clint Eastwood, not a single Globe nomination for Clint and American Sniper, yet a plethora of nods for Oscar. Is that because he's white? No. It's because he doesn't play nice with the foreign press. We need to stop seeing color barriers where they aren't. Selma is a fantastic movie. It deserves to be nominated for best picture and it is. It deserves to be nominated for best song and it is. It didn't make the cut in performance, not because of color but because of competition. To give a pity nomination to a black person every year is not a solution. To assume you will get nominated because you play a civil rights leader is ludicrous. It is all about great stories and great movies.

With the growing unrest around race relations it seems more imperative than ever for people to stop putting others in categories. Killing police because they are police is not fair. Treating others badly because they are women is not fair. Assuming those of color are violent is not fair. But life is not fair. What we need to look at is providing more opportunity for everyone. The opportunity to get a good education. The opportunity to learn how to be better parents. The opportunity to make a living wage. The opportunity to tell your story. What you do with that opportunity is up to you.

Side Note: The Lego movie didn't get nominated for best animated feature, prejudice against squares and circles or just plastic people?

Reality Check...Stop Being Stupid

2014-04-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

Everyone was quick to jump all over Gwyneth Paltrow for her idiotic statements about how difficult her life is compared to the rest of the world. At first I thought I have no right to comment because I don't have children. Then I thought I felt a little sad for her for being so "sheltered" that she can't get out of her own way. Then I reframed the problem and realized she is a bigger douche than I originally thought. You see, she has a choice to be ignorant of the rest of the world and what brought this into perspective was another idiotic move by a more "common" person, Rachel Canning. I didn't cut this girl any slack and she at least has the naivety of youth.

Rachel Canning is the spoiled teenage girl who wanted to see a boyfriend who may or may not be bad for her, but bottom line, her parents didn't like. She moved out of the house in a fit of rage and then turned around to sue her parents to continue to pay for her private school. This sense of entitlement plagues our entire population lately. The thought that you could defy your parents, move out on your own and then expect them to still pay for your existence is laughable. It is a sheer exercise in not understanding the basic facts surrounding "consequences for one's actions."

You do have rights, you do have choices and you must deal with the CONSEQUENCES of those choices. Move out, see the boy, figure out how to pay for your existence. You aren't owed anything in this world accept the right to live. Not the right to live in the glorious style you are accustomed to. Just ask anyone who has lost it all, there are no promises of future wealth or status here. How many times did Mickey Rooney go bankrupt?

Gwyneth seems to suffer from the same lack of reality. You see she grew up in a Hollywood home. She knows no other life. She has never wanted for anything so the idea of children going to bed hungry is nothing more than some sort of Sally Struthers infomercial. I understand her statement was probably meant to say her "relationship with her husband would be easier with a more consistent schedule." Problem with that or any of the statements she made, she works by CHOICE. If she really felt her life was lacking and she put her marriage above all else she could have stopped working at any time. There is enough money in those coffers to last an average person 10 lifetimes. You are not a victim of circumstance, you are a victim of poor life choices. You reap what you sew.

Neither of these situations address the sheer tiredness of parents and the amount that they have to balance. Women were further insulted as they don't often work by choice but rather out of necessity. They don't miss school events because they are making multi-million dollar paychecks, they do so because if they don't they might not be able to pay the rent, feed their kids or buy them a new pair of shoes. And please, don't blame the 140 character limit on Twitter, Gwyneth's stupid knows no character restriction.

As for Rachel Canning, she is definitely the victim of her youth coupled with access to a lawyer, a bad combination. If Gwyneth had bothered to consult with someone, probably just about ANYONE, they would have told her the comments were a really bad idea. On the other hand, Rachel got advice from an incredibly stupid lawyer who plays to the "entitlement" factor. As a country I ask that we please get back to a sense of reality. A sense of saving for what you want, not needing the new thing at every corner and understanding the value of our relationships. We are destined to fail if we keep along the path we are on, stuff doesn't fall out of the sky and a little work never hurt anyone!

For a great response from a working mother go to Crazy Days and Nights.

HIMYM Finale, No April Fools Joke Here

2014-04-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

***SPOILERS, DUH! I very rarely watch things when they are "on" but due to social media I knew I had no choice. I even had to shut down my phone three hours in advance to avoid any east coast people ruining it for me.

Series finales have lots of pressure. Add that to the fact that "How I Met Your Mother" took an untraditional road from the start and you have an almost impossible scenario. Social media lit up with complaints about the finale and problems but all in all the finale answered all the questions it should have, gave you a glimpse into the wonderful life the group had and ultimately made everyone cry at different moments.
Now there are some out there who are belittling the relationship he had with his wife because he ended up back with Robin. That just isn't the case. He loved his wife completely and never looked back. SHE DIED. So his life is supposed to end!? Even his kids called out that the entire story was aimed at telling them why he might want to revisit the idea of he and Robin now that they were past the child having age and now that he had lost the love of his life.

That's another thing. The finale expands on the idea of the "love of your life." At different points in your life there are changes that cannot be planned or altered. You can't just give up, you have to adapt. If Tracy had not died this wouldn't be an issue. For Ted to go back to Robin is not a statement on how perfect they were for one another but merely a statement on the inalterable change in the situation. Does everyone need to be reminded that Tracy had her "one love" prior to Ted as well? He died tragically and so Ted was kind of her second chance and she leaves him with a great second chance. They had about ten wonderful years together, only about three of them married. It gave Ted an expanded view on the world. Just because we didn't see him mourn the loss of Tracy doesn't mean he didn't.

The truth is that Robin and Ted could have never worked out in a traditional sense. He was meant to have children. He has that, he had the perfect wife for him and now he has come full circle back to his best friend. Just because the story isn't linear and perfect doesn't make it wrong. It is messy, like real life is. It also explains why the entire show seemed to be about Robin. As the kids pointed out it was never really about their mother or she would have been on the show much, much earlier, like six seasons ago. It was an explanation of the world of Robin.
As far as the Robin and Barney of it all, they careers didn't meld, they couldn't ever find a way to both be happy. Barney also needed a kid, specifically a daughter to really grow up. Their marriage was simply a stunted adolescence. They both loved each other but not in that, I would give up the world to support you kind of way. Look at the tough choices Lily and Marshall made in order to make it work. I was sad to see the divorce but it wasn't entirely unexpected.

Another criticism is the fact that Ted and Tracy had so much chemistry that the writers should have changed their course when they saw it, despite the ending having been decided. Now that is just silly. Ted and Tracy should have chemistry, they get married, they have kids they are happy. Stop trying to make one relationship be a statement on the other! You can love two people totally, in entirely different ways. Ted was true to his heart always. He made a commitment and saw it through, now it is time to make a new commitment. You can have chemistry with more than one person, you just make a choice to commit.

This was a nice hour to tie up a complicated story. There was even more pressure put on this ending than the other sitcoms (which everyone always says fail to deliver) because of the bookended end of a story. You saw a glimpse of how adorable and happy Ted and Tracy were, you saw Marshall and Lily grow even closer and happier and you saw both Robin and Barney find their groove. It isn't flawless, but it is a perfect mirror of life.

THE DRAMA!

2014-04-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

I understand that earthquakes can be somewhat scary. I understand that for those who don't live in California the thought of an earthquake is terrifying. I also understand that the drama the media makes up about earthquakes is ridiculous. My sister asked me the other day how many earthquakes I had been in. The true answer to that is 100s. Not exaggerating, not even a little.

The way the news makes it sound is that every single seismic event is one of epic proportions. That just because people feel a little shaking it is something to take the streets about and make sure everyone knows the terror that we live in. This is not a third world country and sending in photos of your fallen over picture frames is idiotic and way more than a little condescending. Let's wait for a real tragedy to start sending in photos of the "devastation."

Now I turn to my computer this morning and see the above headline. "Stars Respond to the Second Earthquake in March." First, let us dissect the statement for the sheer inaccuracy. I know we play fast and loose with the rules of grammar and meaning here in Hollywood, but there were THREE earthquakes just yesterday around the time of the ONE they are referring to. The "first" one I am assuming they are discussing is the one of March 17th which also was a cluster of no less than two and likely more. What new math are they using?

Next, if you just pull up the USGS website you will see the entire area is lit up like a Christmas tree on any given day. Just because this particular earthquake seemed to last a little longer so more people noticed it, does not make it a reportable event. Maybe a single line item on the news, not a half-hour expose on the earthquake and what it means. My husband thought I was playing around, that is how little you actually felt in LA, which brings me to my next point.

In any other story the lead on this would be "ORANGE COUNTY." While I understand the wording is right in the article, the slug is WRONG. The geography of Southern California is not often related with any kind of accuracy, but this quake was in Orange County. That is not even the same county as LA. A county that is larger than many states and it wasn't in it. Maybe, just maybe, you can get away with calling it an LA earthquake when it is in the county but that is still a stretch. It is as ridiculous as saying Disneyland is in LA or that the LA Angels of Anaheim makes any sense. This is as ludicrous as starting to call the team the Ft. Lauderdale Dolphins of Miami and really it should be the NY Giants of East Rutherford by this new naming system.

Finally, as newscasters and reporters, please learn to listen. Stop asking the same question the person asked just before you of the poor scientists trying to explain to you that this is a non-event. It has been the quietest seismic time in all of LA's recorded history for 20 years so a few earthquakes doesn't mean the big one is coming. Rephrasing the question to say, "doesn't this point to a bigger event on the horizon" does not change the answer. There are pre-quakes, yes, but there has never been any proof of groupings of quakes that grow in intensity leading to a big quake. There are times of more activity that have led into big events, but we aren't even at NORMAL activity right now, so chill out!

I am glad that there are magazines out there that still make money. I am fine with the fact that our country is a bit star-obsessed. I am not okay with needing to get the celebrity reactions to non-events. It was a Friday night at 9pm, if you were anywhere but home, chance are you didn't know this massive apocalypse happened until you saw a Tweet about it or a lame newscaster chat about it.

Of course, the viral video of the KTLA newscaster diving under the desk was hilarious and the RIGHT thing to do. I only post this image because I love his eyes, his reaction and if I had 200 pound lights hanging over my head I would move too. Now that's worth Tweeting about.

One Too Many, Surprising Results

2014-03-31T09:26:00.001-07:00

It is rare that I wouldn't do absolutely anything for my husband, but the other night we encountered my limit. He got himself in a bit of a pickle by engaging with a comedian on stage. One drink too many and my usually shy, adorable husband decided going toe to toe with someone who makes fun of people for a living was a good idea. Not wise.

Now I knew what he wanted but he was not as clear to the rest of the room opening himself up to ridicule. The thing is he went all in. He actually stood up and kept going. I have to admit I was slightly impressed. That being said when our friends leaned over and asked if I was going to go get him I looked at then like they were the nuts. I was sitting there thinking nothing more than, "please don't ask if he's with someone. And for God's sake if he does please don't let him refer to any of us! "

I can claim I was taking the high road here. On the very rare occasion that Chris has one too many beers I become public enemy numero uno. He will do anything to spite me in that moment and I am known as the fun-sucker. My friend Craig would say that's karmic retribution as my drunk alter ego, Lily, tends to do exactly the wrong thing and is a bit belligerent. Someday I'll tell the story of the late night skinny dipping and the broken nose.

With that in mind, me getting up to do anything would have ensured us getting kicked out and led to more ridicule. So I simply shook my head and let it play out. It wasn't too bad. I am grateful he didn't fall over on Dr. Drew, just gave him a nice slap in the back like they are the old friends that they clearly are. Of course the real reason I did nothing was I wasn't about to open myself up willingly to whatever observation was sure to come my way, I prefer anonymity.

The glare of the next morning came all too soon. We had a lunch date and my husband willingly offered to go clothes shopping. Taking him shopping is tantamount to trying to get a four-year-old in nice clothes, it never ends well and is rarely worth the frustration. But you see, getting ready for the show we had been in a rush and Chris had put on my least favorite pair of pants, Harbaugh like khakis, ugh. I didn't notice until too late so I was stuck with the choice. Well, his lack of fashion sense was most of what the comedian made fun of so suddenly I have a newly dressed man. Thank you Jim Jeffries for not only fixing the clothing problem but also proving I was right to just stay out of it. I am certain the last thing Mr. Jeffries ever intended was to prove a girl right.

You should watch the show:

Company Rip Offs and My Silent Protest

2013-05-24T11:20:00.001-07:00

Nothing frustrates me more than the rip-offs that some companies try to wiggle in under your nose, there but just so well hidden that you may or may not see them. I understand that it is my responsibility to be a diligent consumer and go over all my bills. I also understand that in a world where I am pulled in 90 different directions, social media constantly breaks my train of thought and everyone is encouraging me to single-handedly save the planet by getting rid of paper billing that noticing small discrepancies becomes more and more difficult. Then you have to consider the fact that I, personally, find my time more valuable than the 30 minute conversation I have to have that puts me in a bad mood to get a $15 charge removed from my bill. This led me to the "sit-in" type of protest against Suddenlink.

Now cable companies in general have always been some of the worst with mobile phone companies a close second as I paid a city tax for 10 months for a city I didn't live in, but that's another billing nightmare. Add to that Suddenlink was the same company totally kissing my ass after I turned them into the FCC for blatant violations of the new laws regarding third party DVRs (I love TiVo) and it is amazing how quickly they forgot their own ass chewing from the top. Chris and I are traveling for his job and we do not currently have a TV in our bedroom in Mammoth so in October I turned in our stupid DVR/cable box. I call it that because I am TiVo loyal but our TiVo is in the living and the other is with us on our journey. I proceed to be charged $15 per month for a box I don't have. It is being "looked into." I don't pay my bill. I call again, it's still being "looked into," mind you with computer systems shouldn't a simple keystroke show you that I no longer have the freakin box? I pay the past due amount and continue to send an email every month when I pay half my bill in silent protest of the continued overcharge. By silent I mean not raising my blood pressure by screaming into the phone about their incompetence and truly crappy internet service that they charge $50 per month for, but I digress.

Flash-forward to May when my silent protest ends in a simultaneous victory and defeat. Out of town for my brother's graduation I didn't get to my past due payment in time. Though I am not exactly sure how that is possible given that I paid on the exact same day last month and everything was fine. I log on after our friend gets to our house and finds a disconnect notice on the door. Now anyone who knows me knows that in times of excitement or anger it is very, very difficult to keep my voice at a normal, non-offensive decibel. Online chat has been my savior as well as many of a "Tim" in India.

Begin chat with a rather snotty guy after I pay the bill in full just to get it reconnected but it is significantly more than I think it should be. Snotty guy asks me to confirm the last four of my social which I accidentally do wrong but he doesn't even notice and continues to talk to me. Wow, security is top priority there. He proceeds to go through resetting up the account because paying the bill doesn't do that, tells me I overpaid by $60 so that will be a credit because of the "non-returned equipment fee" and that everything is scheduled to be turned back on tomorrow. He tells me the new monthly cost which is obviously wrong. I confirm that internet will be turned back on as well and he swears that it will be. I ask him to break down my bill because I don't understand how I only overpaid by $60 and he can't. He won't go over one penny with me and he won't look into the internet factor, the steam is rolling out of my ears. I ask him to look into the equipment charge and he needs a calculator and yet cannot tell me what the equipment is. I give up, thank him for his time and move onto the phone call.

I open with an apology to Emily who is likely to hear my frustration though I understand it is not her fault whatsoever. I probably sound like an escapee from the looney bin as I am kind of laughing and kind of pissed as I describe the situation in rapid fire language, it is just so utterly ridiculous. She confirms what I thought, the internet has not been slated for reconnect and she begins to take care of that. She goes over the bill to which the snotty guy left only a single note, overpaid by $60. Even Emily is less than pleased. As her screen shows it I overpaid by $240 for the modem that is not returned. Mind you, it is probably one of the worst modems out there and where they have come up with this price for it is beyond me, but as my service is back up and running I won't be paying it. And how snotty guy got $60 from $240 is disturbing especially since it seems to be a line item not something requiring calculation. This is where "I win," as I then address the monthly $15 charge for a box I obviously don't have as it would be on the non-returned equipment list. The pause is brief as she immediately recognizes how ludicrous this is and why I have been staging my prolonged "sit-in."

Of course by the end of the conversation there was still a lag when it comes to when the internet will be back up and running and how long it will take for them to assess the refund for the box I am paying for that I don't have. The big question in all of this remains, when did this become acceptable customer service? Not to mention the fact Suddenlink has had the town by throat for years as the only provider (can we say monopoly?) of internet service but Digital 395 is rolling in very soon with faster cable and Suddenlink still treats their customers this way in the face of certain destruction? I cannot wait to cancel that part of my service, I think I might even send Emily a bottle of bubbly.

Checks and Balances that Don't Work

2013-05-14T10:51:00.001-07:00

I could rail on about the health care system, the abuse of the Emergency Room, the sad state of immigration and the job market ad nauseam, but I won't. Instead I will say I find it incredibly frustrating when incompetence on a company's part leads to me having to jump through massive hoops to get something corrected when a simple warning could have stopped all the drama.

As many of you know I am somewhat recently marred (advice...never change your name) and a freelance writer. One of my main contract sites, I won't name names, but I should, recently shut down my account (no warning) because my IRS data does not match my name. First, I have processed the paperwork and my name change is forthcoming but I cannot control what they have in the computer. Second, I have worked for you for over a year, why is this coming up now? Third, why didn't you warn me, ask for paperwork or at least give me a week to see where we are? And finally, I specifically kept my old name in the system because it hadn't been changed yet and asked to be published under a different name, you are the ones who decided in a fit of craziness to make all the names match. Pen names have been around since the dawn of time, Mark Twain, and now it is suddenly a problem?

Now, the IRS has no problem taking my tax money or understanding that I am married. I have a marriage license with my new name and a driver's license. A simple email could have taken care of this or a phone call but instead I am instantly suspended and have to wait for the situation to be rectified for me to withdraw the monies I have earned. I didn't do anything wrong! You put my pen name in the wrong box and now my name doesn't match, um whose fault is that? Let's move past that, how many stories have I seen/heard of people with a million different names working a million different places and maybe having the right paperwork or not. I submitted my passport and my social, that has not changed. My first name is rather unique and I am not playing a switcharoo type thing so what is the problem? I feel like I have been harshly punished for something I didn't do and something that is simply a clerical error.

I really just had to vent because I found it absurd. These are the types of things that make bureaucracies ineffective and serve to do nothing but punish those who are trying to "do the right thing." I am out there working, getting paid and doing it in my own way, not taking public assistance and finding a way to be productive in a harsh job market. No, wait, we don't like that so we will cut off your access. Seriously!?

I am a Grown Up, but I am Not a Mother

2013-05-09T16:23:00.001-07:00

I know it sounds silly, but I am totally offended by all the email I get assuming I am a mother. I know I am a woman of a certain age and there are a plethora of sites out there giving my demographic information to others. I also know that by the nature of some of the things I buy for other people's children it could be deduced by a computer that I am a mother, but it just isn't so. Does that make me a lesser person? Even worse, this has suddenly happened since I have been married. Just because I got married I have to have kids!? Why isn't my husband getting this addressed to "Dad?"

Parents work hard and I respect their choice, but why jump that very wide gap to assume everyone procreates? I love celebrating the many moms in my life. They have shaped my life and they make it wonderful everyday. This includes my friends who are mothers, my real mothers and even my aunts. There are so many mothers I respect out there, I feel like a cheat being called something I am not. I don't "deserve a day" or want to be sent accolades for things I don't do. And it isn't just this time of year, I constantly get things that ask me if I need a break from my kids. If you mean my husband, maybe....kidding.

It seems that in the world of social media it isn't that difficult to find out who is really a mom and who isn't. What if I wanted to have kids and simply could not? Then every time I open my email I am accosted by being called mother, reminding me I am not one? It seems that it would behoove these companies to be a little more careful with what they send out. Truth is 90% of the women who are my age and are married are probably parents, but not everyone is. This isn't a PC thing, I am not into "titles" this is just a fact. I am a woman, not a mother and that doesn't make me any less important. I can tell you, I have never seen anything in my husband's email box that assumes he's a Dad.

I am not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, but when you have jackasses like the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch (I refuse to use his name, jackass is more than he deserves) is telling women what is attractive after his face has been distorted by what I can only assume was a bargain basement plastic surgeon, I feel like the assumptions of the world are more dangerous than the facts. More than ever before the world of big business is trying to target their marketing and they seem to be doing a worse and worse job. As women we get pigeonholed into what we are supposed to be: thin, married, mother, chef, party girl, shopping guru, why not just ask me? Why try and grab my attention in a way that could backfire? Just tell me the facts and let me decide for me.

Let's not forget that this comes on the heels of me just resenting things being sent to my email in the first place. I took the time to finally get rid of all the crap in my box. 32000 emails later and an attempt to "unsubscribe" to everything I am bitter that my name and information is passed around. Even worse, Tookie Clothespin is apparently a mother too. A made up name I gave one time to one store that now appears constantly in my inbox. Sure you don't sell my data, because Tookie is totally what my license says.

Banned from Store Hoax/List of Great Wal-Mart College Pranks

2013-05-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

The letter that has been going around since 2006 resurfaced today on Facebook. The letter claims (falsely) that a man and woman have been banned from the store due to a husband's ridiculous pranks after she forced him to start shopping with her post his retirement. The letter remains obviously false on many levels. One, the supposed security camera footage would not yield the very specific dialogue or "screaming" accounts mentioned in the letter. Two, a man could not possibly do all these things while shopping with his wife and not being noticed. This is the same woman who can be scolding one kid, stop something from falling and breaking and grab a third kid all at the same time. She would have seen her husband do these things. Had it been written in re
verse, I am quite certain a woman could get away with ALL these things and her husband would be none the wiser. Third and most importantly, the store would not wait to compile a list of this length. Wal-Mart can barely tell you what you purchased off the electronically scanned receipt you present, you think one store would have such complete records of a problem customer?

I read the letter much more as a college "how to" guide of things to do in Wal-Mart at 2 in the morning when you are full of energy and have no money. The list is very funny but omits some of the things we liked to do to blow off a little steam.

1. Test out the roller blades, usually with a race from one end of the store to the other. (It is very difficult for a store clerk to catch you when you have wheels). This can also go for bikes, skateboards, anything that will roll.

2. Try on the most ridiculous outfit combinations and do a photo fashion show.

3. Rearrange the medication area so that all the anti-diarrheal has been switched with the laxative/constipation medication. Just move the boxes, don't actually open and swap the pills. (Now this one might seem mean, but you really should read the package of what you are buying).

4. Stand behind a self-checkout cash register and check other people out. It is amazing how many people will let you do this for them.

5. Screen lock all the display phones, computers and televisions.

6. Remove all the "opposing team" clothing from the racks putting it in carts and hiding it in the corner.

7. Coordinate with your friends to all be at different cameras at the same time and hold up signs that make a sentence when put in the correct order.

8. Attach all the belts in the clothing department together and wrap them around the rack. If you are really bold you can see how many aisles you can serpentine the belts through.

9. Take "interesting" photos on all the cameras and cell phones that have a memory stick.

10. Move all the store hour stickers around so the "pharmacy" is open 24 hours but the store is open from 9am to 6pm.

11. Walk around wearing floaties and snorkel until a clerk is brave enough to talk to you. You will be shocked at how many won't. We used to "win" if we could look the most crazy scaring off the workers for the longest amount of time.

12. Make a "wanted" poster of one of the employees and tape them up all around the store.

13. Play a game of "SuperMarket Sweep" seeing which team can ring up the largest bill in five minutes of filling up only one cart. Everything has to fit inside and you should be nice and put all the items back when you break it to the clerk that you won't be buying any of it.

Finding things to do in the middle of the night is always fun...and here is the letter so you can add to your repertoire.

The Winds of Change

2013-04-17T16:03:00.000-07:00

We all make promises. We even intend to keep those promises but change is just so impossible. Except it's not. It means doing something different, it means making a conscious effort to do that thing that has always eluded you and getting it done. After a wonderful vacation home in Mammoth, snowboarding, laying by the fire and just plain enjoying the snow (yes I said it midwest, ENJOYING the snow) it was time to head back to El Centro where I was blindsided by the winds of change. Quite literally.

For a week now there have been winds whipping through the region at about 35 to 50 miles per hour all the time. Where I come from they call that a tropical storm, here it is just "wind." The literal manifestation of what I had been thinking on the 8+ hour drive home spurred me into action. I was back, I had a writing schedule to keep, phone calls to make and things to get MOVING. If the wind could do it, so could I.

Day 1. The cold I had so valiantly avoided the entire time I was in Mammoth despite my husband getting sick firmly landed on my head and I slept for 23 hours. Literally 23 hours. I occasionally woke up to put some cold water on my parched throat or to try and ease the coughing fit that I was sure would end my life, but other than that, straight up sleep. Winds a tolerable 25 mph.

Day 2. I am sick of being sick and I am not letting THIS get the best of me. Die, microscopic virus, die! That meant going to get cold medicine. The trailer for the motorcycles is still attached to my truck so I go to the car. "Press," I push on the little button to unlock the car that had been sitting unused for 2 weeks. Not even a glimmer of light or the faintest whisper of a beep. Not good. Manually unlock the door to discover what I already suspected, dead battery. Chris works tonight so I let him sleep, round up the neighbor with a truck and jumper cables. Get all set up and then proceed to wake up the entire RV park as the alarm will not disengage with the car trying to start and every time you hook up the "negative" side of the battery an incredibly negative sound of echoing beeping blares out of the horn. Now the hubby is up as are the neighbors. We give up on the battery and just use one of the marine batteries we have in the RV so that I can go to town and return the non-working battery to Costco. That took way more energy than I expected AND I haven't even gotten on the road yet. Winds hitting 35 to 40 mph.

Day 3. In a drug induced, cold medicine filled haze I try to get some work done as I find out the neighbors are going to be requiring some massive help. Larry is now the color of a lemon and is in as much pain as he was when we left two weeks ago. Not good. After much convincing we get him in an ambulance at midnight on this day and I follow behind to care for his wife. When you have family who work in an ER the last thing they want is to see you there visiting. My bigger problem, I have been sick in bed for two days straight, I look hideous (at least I ran a brush through my hair and threw on lip gloss, thank you Carrie) and I am now face to face with all my husband's co-workers for the first time. Great. No one remembers me bringing in cake for his birthday because I slinked in so as not to disturb the "important" work of the ER. Next time I do something nice and I have make-up on, I swear, I am making a SCENE! Massive 45 to 50mph winds with gusts up to 65.

Day 4. Barely making it to and from the hospital. Helping Larry and Patricia get organized and deal with a heartbreaking diagnosis. I feel like I can barely think or move and then look at Larry who is really suffering and I keep telling my lungs to suck it up. When the Dilaudid is kicking in he is actually quite funny. Still cracking jokes, making light of his color and being transferred to San Diego. At one point he even calls to say it is happening and we won't possibly make it before he is on his way. I laugh at this knowing exactly how long a transfer takes and he is there for many more hours, enough time for his daughter and granddaughters to arrive via plane, via 1.5 hour drive. The girls and I start buttoning everything up, making plans and end with BIG, HUGE margaritas to wash away the day. Winds still at 50 mph.

While I have not exactly gotten on track with my "plan," I can say I am more motivated than ever before. I have watched two people have their plans laughed at by the universe. Their entire existence has shifted and Patricia likely only gets to enjoy her husband's company for three or four weeks. All the while the winds kept pushing, forcing their way in and reminding me in their very brutal way that today is all you have, so appreciate, have fun and do what you say you are going to do. The plan is underway. It has really only been about 24 hours since they left and since I was able to focus, but there are checklists and calendars and all sorts of intentions. Of course reality, like the battery, the cold and the illness are sure to rear their ugly heads again, but I think that is the real challenge of change. To do it anyway.
Winds, 25 mph, still peskily reminding me to be good.

23 Truths about Being an Adult

2013-04-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Make it stop!

I discovered 23 Adult Truths a long time back on my friend Lisa Bistreich-Wolfe's Facebook page and I couldn't help that think most of them are not only true but require a bit of personalization. There is that sad moment in life where you realize you are the grown-up. You expected to know so much more by the time that minute hit, but alas you realize the real truth behind the mystery of aging, no one knows what they are doing and we are the sum total of our life experiences. Which basically means all those times we thought we would know more, better or understand when we grew-up was a facade predicated by all the otherwise lost grown-ups in the world. For parents out there, the predicament is much worse as the faking reaches new and epic proportions.

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I count this comment up to the fact we have filled our brains with useless information that soaked in during our youth. Our brains our sponges, indiscrimentent sponges when we are young and we just plain run out of room. So you will always remember all the words to "Ice, Ice Baby" to the shock and dismay of the young people who have rediscovered the song (seriously, who knew!?) but you will forget the time repeatedly.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

In your youth I don't think this realization ever hits, maybe because your memory is better so you are never on the wrong side. But when you are older you can be oh so certain that you are reciting facts and suddenly you remember the moment when you really did move the keys, say something you forgot or any number of other things that make you wrong. Now you must decide, how do you back down yet keep a tiny bit of your pride?

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Sleep is that thing you always want but don't want to waste your time on, until you get to an age where you want desperately to shut your brain off. What did we think we were missing when we were kids?

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

My ability to communicate is desperately diminished by the lack of a sarcasm font. I think I should develop an app for that. Make some joke about how sarcasm is the cheapest form of humor, I don't care, it's necessary. Have you met the morons in this world!?

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

My friend Wendy actually taught me how to do this. You have to fold the corners into one another and then sort of partition it off in three pieces. Despite the excellent teaching, my solution: fold twice and roll into ball.

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

In the computer age...um no. I do still think it looks pretty.

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5, I am pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Now Google allows you the possibility of skipping your neighborhood, but even then the directions are a bit tedious. I want a way to say "start from the liquor store on the corner and..."

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I stand by this statement 100%. It is not that they would only be more interesting it would stop me from sitting and wondering for hours how the person who was only 43 died. Now, in the days of Google I can usually find out, but that is 15 to 30 minutes of procrastination I don't need to be talked into.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

Actually, this is not true, but only because I don't have my own kids. Usually my "tired" now has much more to do with me not wanting to do whatever it is I am supposed to do. I participate in procrastination sleep.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

This is something kids probably don't need to know as it might encourage more bad decisions, but I can say when looking back on my life, we are rarely telling the stories when "things started to get a little nuts, so I went home to go to bed." It is much more like, "it looked like a really bad idea for her to try the jump in the dark and 10 hours later we were finally being discharged from the ER with a list of local AA meetings."

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

And you can't fight through it so don't bother. Go get a cup of coffee, a soda and stop by the desk of every person who might just have a minute to chat until the day is over. Or get on Facebook.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection....again.

I have replaced portions of my movie collection multiple times. I don't even plan to fully upgrade to Blue Ray. Now I just use a program to put RedBox on my iPad and delete most of the movies when I am done watching them. Great for a plane ride! On that note, so many movies are just not as worthy of being watched over and over again as they used to be. Or maybe there are just too many of them.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

This is why I have 30 versions of long projects on my computer and no matter how I choose to use the file name/date combination I still can't figure out which is the newest version. The one time I didn't do that...replaced a file with one that was incomplete...rewrite hell!

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

You know who you are. Okay, maybe you don't.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

Why should you have to turn on the glaring overhead light to get an ice cube in the middle of the night? Okay, let's be honest, I meant ice CREAM.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

While this is a relatively funny idea, I will never forget the time by 14 year old sister said that statement out loud and realized it meant the letter "K" and was a play on the spelling. 2 weeks later I was telling the story to Craig who is 30-something and had never put that together.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

This is much more important than the "skip neighborhood." Of course, what would the people do who live in the ghetto? Would it refuse to help?

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
For me it is more procrastination and hunger, but same general idea.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "what?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
I say twice. If you can't project your voice or annunciate, whatever you are saying can't possibly be important.

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

These are my favorite LA traffic moments and they are too few and far between. And don't look at me when I am doing it in your high-end Mercedes and act like you are a tourist who didn't know any better. No one believes you.

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.

I think this starts in college. When you have to pay for laundry. It doesn't really start when you have to do your own, but once those quarters start flying, pants can be worn forever!

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

Is this even confusing? It's want and desire to stay in bed instead of do work. It's why you can't find your keys, don't want to find your cell phone and desperately want to avoid getting vertical.

23. The first testicular guard, the "cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize their brain is also important.

This does not surprise me in the least and most of them would still avoid protecting their brain. Just look at all the helmet-less motorcycle riders in Florida.

The Continued Devolution of the Species

2013-03-20T11:59:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I have to say that the two people Chris and I watched practice at Indian Wells won the tournament, so I believe we have some magical powers and we should be hired on to travel around with Rafa and Maria to ensure future wins. I’m just saying, it could be something to consider.

Now onto the truth about a tennis tournament and absolutely baffling people. We were watching Djokovic play and because we had purchased our day tickets rather late in the scheme of things we were up pretty high. Now here they do let people come in on the points as it is unlikely to disturb the players below. There still isn’t a bad seat in the house, but the visual and audio disturbance created is not like having dude in a pink neon shirt walking up in your eye line, talking on his cell phone while you are trying to serve the ball.

These fine individuals start climbing the stairs, being as loud as humanly possible (I think they might both be hard of hearing) and pretty much sounding like a conversation you would hear between Jerry Seinfeld’s parents on the show as they take their seats. After FOREVER they finally settle down a few seats away from us, great.

Everything is just fine until the woman’s cell phone rings. Now for those who haven’t been to a tennis match, this is like going to the movies. They remind you repeatedly to silence your cell phones and you NEVER answer the phone. Oh, but she did. Now the already hearing impaired woman is talking on the phone, you know what that means. She is yelling as though she is somehow projecting her voice clear to the location of the person on the other end.

Multiple people shoot her dirty looks, I “shush” her no less than three times and she is oblivious to all of it. She is going through her laundry list of what she has done over the past two days including who she has seen. She then starts relaying shot-by-shot the match we are all watching. As if the Tennis Channel announcers are not bad enough, I am getting the expert tennis advice from the elderly Jewish lady who doesn’t know how to shut off her phone as “Djokovic obviously is loosing steam and might very well lose the match.” He didn’t by the way, won the second set 6-2 and pretty much eviscerated his opponent, so I am not sure what game she was watching.

Chris had enough and went over there to kindly remind her that she was not supposed to talk on her phone in the stands and she got off the phone and apologized. He was thanked by everyone around us and one man even applauded. Suddenly her husband gets his 80-year-old self all in a tizzy. He begins loudly complaining about “who is that asshole to tell you what to do. I should have done something about it, I am going to go over there…” you can imagine.

That would have probably been the end of it other than the man continuing to mumble (loudly) under his breath about how rude Chris was; clearly the world revolves around him. When it was certain who was going to win the man next to us decided to leave and get something to drink. This man is 20 years older than Chris, wearing a different color and looking nothing like Chris walks past the couple. Old, senile man has decided in his head that this is the man who told his wife to shut up.

He begins yelling at him and chasing him down the stairs as his wife tries to hold him back. He has no idea that he is yelling at the wrong person nor does his wife. When the man ignores him, he then proceeds to accost his friend about how rude and horrible that man is and he needs to be taught some manners. Again, SERIOUSLY?! The 80-year-old, who looks like he might stroke out at any minute, face as red as a tomato and sweat pouring down, actually looks like he is going to throw down putting his hands in fists. The younger man barely contains a smile, shakes his head and starts walking quickly away. The old man barely makes it back to his seat, I was half expecting him to roll down the stairs ala Looney Toons.

With that the entire section is laughing as the old peacock man finally sits back down and we all realize we have missed the end of the game because the sideshow was just so show stopping. Luckily there were a few more games in the set, but still. I guess I could look at it that it was nice the old man was defending his wife’s honor, but when did it become okay to be a total jackass? Isn’t he supposed to be the one who is annoyed by cell phones and people who don’t have common courtesy? We are devolving faster than expected, it is not good, not good at all.

The Accidental Shoplifter

2013-03-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

I never knew it would be more difficult to right a wrong or try to explain to someone that I just wanted to pay for something I had forgotten to pay for. You see, I went to the grocery store and I got a cart even though I only needed a few things. I put the half gallon of milk in the bottom and the other things all ended up in the area where little people belong. When I unloaded onto the conveyor belt I totally didn't see the milk.

Unloading at the car, my phone rang so I answered it. I loaded everything up in my car, returned the shopping cart all while chatting away without ever thinking about the milk I had just put in the vehicle. It wasn't until I was unloading at home that it struck me. I checked the receipt and low and behold I had just shoplifted a half a gallon of milk.

Now the little inner rebel is like, "ha, ha, you got away with it!" The good girl side felt guilty. The realistic side said while it doesn't matter in the big picture, but every penny does add up. I didn't rush back to the store to fix it, but the next time I was there I went to the customer service desk. I showed them my receipt and asked to pay for the milk. Here is how the exchange unfolded:

"I don't understand? We didn't give you the milk you paid for?" the woman asks while holding the receipt that clearly doesn't have any milk on it.

"No, I accidentally didn't pay for the milk I have at home."

"So?"

"So, I would like to pay for it."

"I would have to have the milk to scan it."

"Can I get another one from the cooler and you can scan that one?"

"I guess, but I don't understand the problem. If you already have the milk why do you want to pay for it?" My patience is wearing thin.

"It's not that I WANT to pay for it per say, but I feel like I should pay for it." In the woman's defense, this might have been a bit more abstract than she was capable of.

"Fine, get the milk." I go back to the cooler, bring up a new half gallon of milk for her to ring it up. She scans the milk, I pay and then she proceeds to bag the new milk and hand it to me. "Here you go."

"You want me to put it back in the cooler?"

That's some good lighting for jail!

"No, you already paid for it take it home."

"I was paying for the milk I already have at home, not THIS milk."

"Look lady, I don't know what kind of scam you are running here, but you paid for this milk so you take THIS milk."

I relent. I did the very best I could. I did consider leaving the milk on the counter and running out the door. Can you imagine the look on her face? What would she have shouted? "Security! Stop, the girl paid for something she didn't take!?" At least now I can consider the milk a gift from the store rather than an act of civil disobedience.

Haters Love to Hate

2013-02-28T12:32:00.001-08:00

Not that I feel badly for the people of Hollywood or I don't think they deserve some of the ridicule they get, but the only way the Oscars are ever going to relive the glory days is if you take them away. Not from the artists. Not from the celebration, but stop making it the media circus it has become and let everyone celebrate quietly. We don't air the Nobel Prize winners, we don't showcase all the awards journalists give themselves. Just stop televising it and guess what, people might be interested again or at least nice.

Basically the telecast is too big for its britches. They have turned it into a Broadway show with a lame throughline. Cap that with the fact that the whole country, no wait, the whole WORLD has a love/hate relationship with Hollywood and is it any wonder that no host, no show, no anything can get a good review? Sans just chucking the awards at the peope's heads and doing away with speeches altogether, there really isn't a way to make the show shorter.

The Academy Awards need a revamp from start to finish. If a small ceremony is good enough for the techies, why can't that be good enough for the people whose faces are in the limelight 24/7 anyway? Throw them a ball, celebrate the movies and put it on the web. Then everyone can watch the bits they care about and move on. There are only about five awards anyone cares about anyway, anyone outside the biz that is. While I do believe the behind the scenes people deserve their moment in the sun, I also think those developing green energy, saving the lives of children, on peacekeeping missions the world over, discovering medical miracles and many others deserve to be recognized. Let's discard the arrogance of awards season and move on.

Just think about the real marketing opportunities of moving it to the web. People could instantly buy and download all the movies. They could watch the shorts for a small fee. They could see behind the scenes of why the editors matter. More than anything those who went to watch would care and would be nice. It is great that artistic and meaningful movies are shown, but the Academy Awards used to be big when people saw all the movies that were nominated. Back then 25 movies came out a year, if that. Then you have universal interest. It's not possible today. You have box office winners and independent films. Occasionally the two cross over but not often. In those cases everyone knows about them anyway.

Like much of the entertainment business, the model has to be adjusted. Of course, some could argue that no press is bad press and Twitter and Facebook were alive with people who wanted to hate on the show. It did have it's moments. I mean, Kristen Stewart should really lay of the drugs before she presents. Hollywood should be willing to laugh at itself and know that the comment about a "woman never letting anything go" when combined with the fact it is the reason Bin Laden is dead is funny. That Joaquin Phoenix is a freak, what was up with him!? That Channing Tatum should have been the cohost, it might not have worked with Franco, but Tatum can dance! Jennifer Lawrence probably fell on purpose, look at all the press she got when they thought she had a "wardrobe malfunction;" she's not dumb. Daniel Day Lewis was the funniest person of the night, he should have come on earlier. Jack Nicholson should be able to afford a tux that fits. Michelle Obama was stunning, but either be there or don't, the weird White House appearance? Ugh. And if you are going to sing, sing! Don't go out and lip sync badly, Catherine Zeta-Jones, especially when Adele is going to make you look like a punk!

Whatever you may think of the Oscars, it is never going back to the glory days. It is a fun awards show full of people who help to illuminate parts of the world and stories that might otherwise go untold. With all the familiarity in the world now, the show is outdated and will continue to be so until they either scale back all the other shows or shake up the situation and make it a private affair.

Super Bowl, God, Randy Moss and the Best Damn Halftime Show Ever

2013-02-05T08:06:00.002-08:00

Much will be written today about the Super Bowl last night. The jokes on Twitter about “oops it was me” and Beyonce’s curling iron regarding the power outage were endless. Though I did like the Mark Hoppus reference, “if you like it then you should have put a fuse in it,” good reference without being on the nose, #nailedit, I agree. Whether you were for or against the “good team” (49ers) you have to be looking at that final drive and the pass interference with skepticism. Has football turned into the WWE? Of course, San Fran should have not been in that place, they should have done more earlier, but in the end the Ravens won and Michael Oher has a Super Bowl ring, not all bad.

Personally I would like to discuss all this talk lately of getting rid of extra points and field goal kickers because they “aren’t real athletes” and the game should be decided by “real football players” (insert random soccer comment here). First Take has hit this topic over the head all week. Okay, last night’s final five minutes had nothing to do with real football players but rather how to best run down the CLOCK. So, what kind of athlete is the clock? What kind of training does this time piece go through? You cannot on one hand say that it is an unfair advantage (3 points) and ignore the way coaches work the clock. It has become a part of the game and it is far more ridiculous than the “non-talent” (their words not mine) of the kicker. At least they do something!

Next God. Ray Lewis, you had two weeks to figure out how to best thank God without being a douche. Saying “when you have God on your side” in any format with any words behind it is inappropriate. Thanking God above all else is fine but acting like the heathens on the other side of the field have no relationship with God is ridiculous and that an all-powerful being as somehow anointed you is pure hubris. On that note, if God did have anything to do with this football game it was to deny the ego of Randy Moss (who dared say he was greater than Jerry Rice) a Super Bowl ring. As long as Randy Moss is on the 49ers it is unlikely they will win the Super Bowl if God has anything to do with it and Jerry Rice is laughing in his head, you know it!

And finally, the halftime show. Not only did Beyonce bring it, but the singing and dancing made the whole thing just plain fun and entertaining. Like the halftime used to be before nip slips and old people took over (Mick Jagger). Everyone is up in arms about Destiny’s Child being forced to sing a Beyonce song, the mean comments all over Facebook talk about what a horrible person she must be. Seriously!? Would either of those girls been invited to sing at the Super Bowl if it wasn’t for her? I don’t even know their names! They got to perform at the Super Bowl, their stock just went up and they looked and sounded great. I don’t think wanting to sing one of her biggest hits, one that got the whole crowd roaring is something to be sad about. Now losing the Super Bowl…that’s something to be sad about. Poor Jim Harbaugh…so close, yet again!

It's Simple: Keep Your Private Stuff off the Web!

2013-01-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

NEWS FLASH:

The Internet is NOT, in any way, PRIVATE!

***No matter what you say

Okay, so your bank has figured out a way to “lock it down” and so have credit cards, but that’s just because they want YOUR money. Facebook wants someone else’s money, so you are useless to them, a number, a demographic.

The latest and greatest is the “All Rights Reserved” people are putting on their photos. While this does cover you in a lawsuit (kinda), do you really have the money to hire a lawyer and sue someone for using your image? It’s a protection for after the fact, after all your friends have linked, commented and shared your most embarrassing moment. What good does that to you? The way to really protect your image is a watermark across the photo so that people can’t use it. Of course, people will still probably share it…if it is funny enough. What’s the next step, protecting pictures of your cat? If you don’t want to risk it showing up somewhere else, don’t put it on the web...period. If you don’t want someone else to post it, don’t get your photo taken doing something stupid. Or, develop a sense of humor…learning to laugh at yourself might be the only way to survive in this data fishbowl we have created and participate in everyday

Every few days there is some huge paragraph that someone has come up with claiming your “rights” on the public forum of Facebook. It either gives some protracted list of things you need to do in order to ensure “others” can’t see your photos or it states your explicit instructions to keep all your information private. Here’s the thing, if you want your information private, don’t use Facebook. If you don’t want to be tagged in photos, then unfriend people who do that to you. All the multi-paragraph statements do is annoy your friends for the space they take up on the newsfeed (love Twitter for the 140 character limit at that moment!). Admit it…you’ve stolen other images before that you found were funny, it’s just for fun: ease up!

Your concerns should not be based around what your friends are doing but rather how your data is being sold to advertisers. Funny how those ads around the side suddenly changed the other day when I ordered a pair of dirt bike riding pants. Guess what? Every time I log in now there are other dirt bike ads all over the page for gear and otherwise. I wasn’t logged into Facebook at the time, but I accept that somehow the crawlers on the web know what I buy and what I use.

Is it “Minority Report,” big brother is watching like creepy, hell yes; but I accept it as a modern age form of finding the right audience. Truth is, I would rather see ads I am interested in then the endless barrage of ED medication to buy online. I love it when they try to sell me things for a piece of anatomy I don’t even possess! Let’s all agree to accept that social networking is a public place, if you wouldn’t want it on the wall at Starbucks, maybe don’t put it on Facebook.

Germ Ridden Children, Why is Logic Considered Evil?

2013-01-21T08:38:00.000-08:00

This happened to a friend recently and it just reminded me of all the crazy things we do for kids and the judgment parents and grandparents pass if you choose to be logical rather than emotional about the children in their life. I preface this by saying I love kids and I love playing with kids. The person this happened to does not. I even love babies and I have a special place in my heart for a number of my friend’s progeny around the globe. This person does not. That being said, I will defend his position of logic and I question the unfair shunning he received for simply hating germs, the flu, colds, other diseases and the basic grossness of the situation.

You see this child was running around giving high-fives to everyone in the room. She is an adorable little girl with an infectious laugh and a slightly runny nose. The hand touching was not bothering this friend until the moment right before the small person gave him a high-five. She stopped, picked her nose and then reached out. Suddenly, he removed his hand and said, “I’m all good.” Collective gasps around the room. Seriously!? If I blew my nose and tried to hand you the tissue, would you take it?

Every parent I know is worn out, never gets enough sleep and is susceptible to every type of bug imaginable because they have a little Petri dish at home that just keeps growing new germs. Now it is nearly impossible not to catch what your kid has, but there are simple things you can do to try to avoid it. Besides, if you catch said cold, flu, illness you will be even more tired and sleep deprived and it is not good for anyone. If you can’t avoid it, why would you want the rest of the world to suffer?

Snot is gross. Throw up is gross. Boogers are gross. Diapers are gross. These are facts, not opinions. When they come out of small little humans they are slightly less gross but still gross. Why am I Satan for not wanting to touch any of the above mentioned things? Our mind responds to these things as “gross” because intellectually we know they carry bacteria and disease. I have no problem with a mom who stuffs dirty tissues in her pockets because there is no place else to put them and I applaud her for not littering. I would advise stock in Purell, but that is not always possible.

Unfortunately it is your responsibility, you wanted/had kids so that’s a lifelong commitment of putting up with all the crap that comes with the joy of raising a little person. I prefer the “borrow” plan but most people want their own. I understand I am in the minority. Now it is my responsibility to put all my sharp, pointy, breakable objects out of the way when I have your kid over. I don’t want to be sick if I can avoid it, so don’t give me your dirty tissue kid and think I am going to be happy about it and don’t judge me for not wanting to touch it. I, in turn, will not be upset if the child breaks something in my house because it was my fault for leaving it out.

The kids don’t know not to touch gross things, but you do. They learn by example. I don’t want to be sick, I don’t touch other people’s dirty kids. That does NOT make me a bad person. No one judges me for sleeping on the couch when my husband has the flu and subsequently washing everything before I even consider sleeping in the bed again. I love him, but I can love him just as much from the other room and he loves me more (I am certain of it) when I am not grouchy and sick. It’s really a win-win.

***supposedly there is a filter on this, but I think it is pretty nasty.

Now, obviously, little kids can’t take care of themselves so parents have to make sacrifices. I get it. I have taken care of children when they were sick, you suck it up and do what you must. My sister had walking pneumonia one time when I was “babysitting” her and we stayed in bed all curled up watching movies for days on end. I didn’t drink out of her cup, I didn’t share food with her and I washed my hands until they were raw. Guess what, I didn’t get sick. She needed the comfort and on in that instance luck was a tad bit on my side. But when I have a choice I am going to avoid contact with germs and if it was anyone other than a kid I was directly responsible for, I would not have been in that bed.

My friend, Carrie, is probably cracking up right about now as she was the former germaphobe who has two children now and has to be more lenient. (Of course Carrie wouldn’t judge me for not handling a sick kid, because if she had a choice she wouldn’t either.) I was the former “nothing can get me sick” person. Well, I am a learning system who has decided the few days of feeling like ass aren’t worth pretending I don’t know better. I wear shoes when it is cold outside, I wash my hands, I take zinc and vitamin C all winter and I avoid children when they are sick. All it took was a few too many vacations partially ruined by illness and I decided to grow up.

Don’t judge me for believing in the overwhelming evidence supporting germ theory and taking the necessary precautions. And I won’t judge you for all the slightly icky things you have to do in the name of love for your child, such as sucking on pacifiers that have hit the ground, carrying around dirty diapers, wiping noses, etc. And please know if your child has boogers on their hand, I’m not going to touch that hand until I have doused it with soap or Purell, get over it and keep your loud sighs to yourself!

Leap Day Resolutions

2012-02-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

I am not the kind of person who can handle New Year's Resolutions. There are many reasons I avoid them. One, failure. Typically I am traveling around that time of year so any attempt at making some sort of statement of what I am going to do with my life becomes an instant failure as I will never get it done while I am on VACATION! Two, everyone does them and I don't want to be cliche. Have you ever gone to the gym New Year's week or the entire month of January. There are people there you have never seen before and won't see again after February 1st. Three, I think you can choose to change your habits any old day you want. You can start a "clean slate" every morning if you like, so why glob it all up on just one particular day that one particular calendar says is "new."

Of course, all of this got me thinking. With all the changes in my life there are a few things I would like to make a pact to do differently, not least of which is to start keeping up with my blog again. Here I was staring at this day that only happens once every four years. Now there's a day that is special, truly unique and a great time to lay on the line a few of the things I would like to do differently this year. What better way than to start with my long abandoned blog. (In my defense, Carrie Currie pointed out to me that I had a pretty good excuse as to falling behind on things given that since July I have not been in my "home" for more than 10 days in a stretch.) But enough! Enough with the procrastination and excuse making. It is time to seize the day and stick to a plan. I don't have kids, so I don't have an excuse.

Resolutions:
1. Read a new book every week. This comes from the simple fact that I write better when I am reading. In addition, it actually inspires me to get other things done and now that I have my handy dandy iPad I really have no excuse not to. I did start this resolution early with the Hunger Games series and then a horrible little book that somehow drew me in at the end. I still can't decide whether I liked it or not, but you can read it for yourself if you want to suffer too. "Bumped" is the title.

2. Stick with my blog. This means at least a once a week post about something. There is enough that happens, I must have something to say, right!?

3. Finish my projects. Now this is a long list and I think I need to tackle it monthly. One project a month until they are done. Many of you are going to laugh, but my March project is going to be to finish the wedding album I have started, separated and worked on a million times yet still have not finished and/or ordered. Lisa was married a month after me and with her OCD surely had hers done within a week after the honeymoon and she managed to make a person already. So...no more excuses there. Happy due date Lisa!

4. Get back into my Yoga kick. Not that any of you care about this, but I promise you, the size of my butt does! I have chosen a profession that keeps me planted firmly on my ass far too much which means I need to make an effort to get up and move. I realized this year how much I miss working at Sea World and running around all day. Man, that was fun.

5. Travel more...not just to see family but forcing my husband out of his comfort zone and going places. The truth is, he does like to travel, it is just the nagging work thing that keeps him stressed. Well we are going to be perma-travelers now for work, so I intend to extend that experience.

I think 5 things is enough. I reserve the right to revise and rework my list as necessary. Okay...let's see how this goes. The image is only to showcase that today was apparently the beginning of winter for Mammoth, so if snow can choose a new beginning so can I! :)

A Month of Change

2011-10-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

We are pretty settled into life, even if most of our stuff has yet to be moved. Trying to keep up three locations is ridiculously difficult. I am scheduling meetings in the city while applying for jobs in both Mammoth and Carson City and attempting to spend time with the hubby. We are very lucky to have the support of friends and family as we navigate the constant change we are experiencing.

We had a wonderful anniversary weekend in Tahoe where we pretty much did nothing. I never thought doing nothing could be so good, but after all the upheaval it was very much worth it. Of course, it was strange to walk downstairs in the hotel and find out the convention in town was the California Coroner's Association. But we made it through our first year. Jobs, lost jobs, 2 moves and hopefully on the path to a little bit of settling...but life always throws a curveball or two, right?

Then it was back down to the city for back to back meetings and packing. I was able to attend a going away Thanksgiving for Brett, Stace and Kyla. They are off to Morocco and I can't wait to visit. It was great getting to hang out and drink some wine. Then, last meeting on the way out of town was at Sony. Imagine driving your truck, filled with boxes onto the lot. Furniture, boxes and junk were spilling over the edge. The gate guard thought I was dropping stuff off for production when I had to explain it was merely my stuff. He definitely looked at me with a puzzled expression, wondering if I was homeless I am sure.

Met the hubby in Mammoth for some wooding. I said that to my Dad and he thought it was a cute term for hiking. No, this means pulling out chainsaws, going into the woods and cutting apart wood for winter heat. Then I think my Dad just thought I was crazy. John and Cheree came to help us with the second day of wooding. We averted dropping the truck down a large embankment due to John's calm demeanor, got the truck and trailer out of the sand with lots of back and forth rocking and at the end of the day headed into town for yummy Mexican food.

I was suddenly reminded of what it is like to live in a small town as we ran into two old friends back to back. It was nice to see friendly faces again. Needless to say...got all the work done and now it is back to work! Hopefully things will calm down over the next few weeks and one of the jobs I want will pan out. Sorry I don't have anything particularly funny to talk about, but I am sure I will find something in the very near future.....

Untangling the Truck

2011-09-10T11:10:00.001-07:00

A bottle jack. Who knew there were these ultra small jacks that work with hydraulics, don't cost a lot and can lift 8,000 pounds. Ish knew. My first experience in our new home of Carson City was going to be at Home Depot. As much as I love Home Depot, and I do LOVE Home Depot, I have become accustomed to the Los Angeles attitude of help. Here I was going to be walking into the massive store with no idea where such a device would be and in LA no one will help you.

You walk into a Home Depot in the Southern California area and employees actually run and avoid eye-contact. They do everything they can to look as busy as possible to keep from having to tell you where anything is. Now in their defense, the typical person in a Home Depot in SoCal probably knows NOTHING about home repair and couldn't find even the most simple things. Couple that with an entitled attitude and I wouldn't be keen on helping either. But when you are in a hurry or can't find the needle in the haystack bolt you are looking for, a little advice is handy.

I brace myself as I walk through the door already on the lookout for someone so I can beeline it to the person before they can play "duck and dodge." Thoughts of Christopher alone with the RV just "trying" a few things leaves me with images of the entire thing knocked off its wheels, lying on the ground or the back half of John's truck laying on the ground. How do you explain that one!?

Suddenly, I am the one under sneak attack. Out of no where comes and employee who asks, "Can I help you find anything today." I stand in stunned, confused silence. This has NEVER happened before. I, of course, stutter out some version of a response along the lines of, "I am looking for a jack, but one of those bottley ones that can lift a lot of weight. It's hydraulic I think but I don't really understand how it's in a bottle and how it doesn't cost a fortune but my Grandfather said...." and I realize the guy is already leading me in the direction. I fully expect to be abandoned in the "general area" to fend for myself. Nope. He stays, searches through the area, finds the bottle jacks, goes over the options and tells me what he thinks will work best. Holy cow! This is the fastest I have ever gotten out of a Home Depot and with the right thing.

Back at the new digs, we know we are supposed to use a board to equalize the pressure on the frame. Done. What we didn't know, was this crazy powerful jack could shoot right through the board making a terrifying noise as the small, circle jack top hits the metal frame. Normally, not that scary. But you've seen what we have been dealing with on this trailer. I am fraught with thoughts of the dynomo splitting through the metal and the entire trailer falling over. This is not a logical fear but one none-the-less.

We prop the RV up and up and up and UP some more. Now even Chris is getting nervous. The freakin ball will not release from the truck. We almost have the jack fully extended and even though I have been running around like a hamster on a wheel cranking up the four corner jacks, as the RV becomes taller and taller my fear of it listing to one side grows exponentially. With a large "THUNK" the truck is finally free of the trailer and we begin the process of leveling the entire RV. Well, almost.

Chris has driven the truck all the way from SoCal up to here. I remember my uncle's instructions very well, you don't have to use first and DON'T push on the gas. It is a fuel injected system and will go on its own. What I forgot in all of that is the fact the truck is on a minor slant and having the clutch pushed in is the same as having it in neutral. I start to pull the truck out and instead of going forward the truck lurches backwards. Mind you the tow hitch is right near the precariously propped up bottle jack and the front of the trailer. Chris screams, I scream and slam on the gas proceeding to skip-chug down the road until I am a safe distance from the RV. Then I slam on the brakes and take the moment to gather my senses. From there on out I got along fine with the truck, but in that moment we were not friends. I think our "Home Alone" screaming moment introduced us to our new neighbors.

The Trekking RV Adventure

2011-08-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

New house meets apartment.

Because nothing can be simple in this world, you have to expect there will be a few hurdles when trying to accomplish a major task such as relocating an RV from Garden Grove to Carson City. Especially one that had not been used in five years. After getting past a majority of the RV integrity and repair issues and completing Hacker work camp it was time to move the RV. I must clarify that while I am behind in my blogging, this all happened immediately following Hacker work camp because Chris needed to start work on the 8th. We began our trek on Friday the 5th after having schlepped up to Carson City to complete all the license and HR requirements.

We arrived at my uncle's house with no problems. Up to the top of the mountain, we exchanged trucks and got the low down on his six-speed diesel. The week before I had determined Bunny, my Honda Ridgeline, had earned her "big, big truck" badge for hauling motorcycles back up to Mammoth and then towing 7,000 pounds of rock to the yard. She may have a badge, but John's truck is truly a BIG BIG TRUCK. I listened diligently to all the rules such as "don't give it gas," it has an accelerator system, probably start in second gear, the gas gauge doesn't work, so don't take it lower than 1/2-ish, use the engine brake when going down hill, etc, etc. I was intimidated but we could do this!

Our only snafu was with Bunny as we did attempt to remove the ball from our tow hitch which did not go so well, but while John obsessed I got to hang with the girls so all was good. Home we go, making the day an 8ish hour adventure. We were about 30 minutes from home when some guy comes screaming up the side of the truck. Now in LA traffic this just means he is going 15 MPH as we are practically sitting still. He announces that our "fuel pump is hanging." Chris diligently pulls over and I run around the back of the truck. See, John keeps two huge built in gas pumps in his truck, one for regular, one for diesel. I assume the pump for one of those were hanging but neither was. Oh, well. Crazy guy, back in the truck.

About 4 minutes from home Chris hears and feels a big "clunk." Not good, but things are in the road all the time in LA, the truck is still running we must be good. As we unload Chris is about to take off to run a few errands so we can leave first thing in the AM. Best laid plans and all that, his car battery is dead. In all fairness it has been sitting for a week and has a faulty interior light that likes to turn itself on. Either that or the ghost of his grandmother watching over us, either way, the battery was dead, dead, dead. The auto car lock clicker won't even work. As I wait for the elevator to take our bags to our apartment he is going to pull the truck over to jump start the car. He arrives back at the elevator with wide-eyed look of "oh, crap!" Come to find out the "fuel pump" the man had been speaking of was actual the fuel pump for the truck that was now hanging down off the bottom of the truck. Not good.

A quick call to my uncle and all we need is a bolt, a locking nut and some baling wire. No problem, IF we had a running car. As we wait for AAA for the jump-start, we inspect the underside of the truck. Chris remains befuddled as there are two holes but they don't line up. I share with him, John knew all too quickly exactly what I was referring to, so he has probably done something funky and we should just do what he says. We determine we will pack tonight and get everything together in the morning as fast as possible. Adventure number one.

After seeking out all the appropriate materials, we get the truck up and running and head over to Samoff's house to pick up the trailer. Because of a small rainstorm, he became worried about our seals and worked on sealing all of our work again, meaning the other repairs were slightly behind schedule. Needless to say, he stayed up all night getting our lights hooked up so the trailer would be ready to roll. The paneling on the inside would be a project for Carson, that's cool. Hooking up the trailer went fairly well, with the exception of shooting the ramp out the side and almost taking out a very small magnolia tree. We pulled towards Disneyland and hit the road back to our apartment to load the RV. Driving the RV in the skinny streets of Long Beach and backing it up to our front door, adventure number two. Our soon to be ex-neighbors did not know what to think of the RV parked in front of our fancy building, but I think it is prettier than a moving truck. Finally loaded, we were off to Mammoth, only six or so hours late, but whatever.

One the road.....

An uneventful trip up ended at the house in Mammoth where we decided we needed an extra night. It is Saturday, so we have to get the RV up to Carson on Sunday, Chris starts work 7am Monday. We reluctantly get up the next morning, feverishly load the trailer, get the mattress in (adventure number three) and I get the moniker "clock-watcher" as I keep pushing Chris to stop being a perfectionist, we need to get on the road. After a brief stop at Mono Cone we keep pulling all the way to Carson. A lesson I didn't want to learn was that all those people who tell you fuel efficiency is much better at 55 MPH, they are right. We made it all the way from Long Beach to Carson City in the Honda Accord on one tank of gas. 500 miles. I hate that driving slower saves fuel!

Mammoth house meets Carson home.

Home free. We made it 15 minutes before the front desk closed at our RV "Resort" (thank you clock-watcher), got our spot, pulled in without incident and set about to free the truck from the RV. Adventure 4: Not so fast....The jack that pumps the trailer up and removes it from the ball, broken. It worked fine hooking it up. Somewhere in the interim the pin fell out and there was no way to make the crank spin. Until it hit resistance, I could push it with my finger or a stick, but that wasn't going to work for a 4000 pound trailer. A phone call to Ish was in order.....

TO BE CONTINUED......

From RV Repair to Hacker Work Camp

2011-08-09T17:04:00.001-07:00

Normally have a week's worth of information to share on my blog would not be that big of a deal. But this particular ten day period happens to be ripe with more fodder than usual. For all the doubters out there, we were able to finish the RV, sort of. You will have to follow subsequent posts to hear how everything turned out, but I am posting a few pictures to showcase the end of the week. We complete the framework and fully sealed the back of the RV on Friday, July 29th. Not as far as we wanted to get and a much longer day. We were 3 days late leaving for Mammoth and did not finally make it there until 3am Saturday morning. But we left knowing a major portion of the RV was done and Samoff was going to finish the rest. We now had two days to complete the forest service fire requirements for our mountain home.

When Chris and I first started dating we took a road trip to Oregon. On our way we were stopping off at his Mammoth house to do a "few" repair things and then we would continue on our leisurely road trip. It was a good thing the promise of the trip existed and that I had known Chris for quite awhile, otherwise this fix-up work might have been enough to scare me off for good. We repainted the outside of two sides of his house, rebuilt the framing around windows, sanded, dug, planted and generally did some massive physical labor for all the daylight hours three days in a row. Not all bad, but Chris does not like to stop for lunch or dinner, so I was a bit surly by the end of each day. Of course we made amazing progress and were both happy with the finished product. I dubbed the few days as "Hacker Work Camp" which was apparently my "dues" for getting to go on vacation. The rest of the vaca went extremely well with a Shakespeare Festival, White Water Rafting, Water skiing and jet boat riding so I decided Hacker work camp was worth it.

It has been a yearly summer event with the exception of last year as we were preparing for the wedding. We dove back into Hacker work camp immediately post RV repair only this time with a mandate from the forest service. Due to the Station Fire, there are a number of new rules regarding clearance around the house, branches, wood piles, etc. Needless to say, Chris on a ladder with a chainsaw is not my favorite sight. Of course having the branches of super tall trees thrown directly at my head is not exactly awe-inspiring either. Ben asked if I was a lumberjack camp when he heard the din of the chainsaw in the background and I am pretty sure Chris almost fell 15 feet off the top of the ladder at one point, though he says he was in control. Of course the chainsaw was still spinning, so while I was diligently holding the ladder steady I was also thinking of where I could duck for cover should the whirring chainsaw come flying down at my head. We definitely did not need a live action replay of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," as I like my head in one piece. We raked and piled, cut and dragged, pulled and pushed, loaded and unloaded until the yard was well above code. We had a pile of branches taller than me by the end, filled three dumpsters, taken two other trips to the dump with bags of yard waste and a beautiful yard to show for it. For those keeping track, this was 4 12-hour days of RV repair, followed by a 5.5 hour drive hauling motorcycles, and 3 12-hour days of yard work and stone piling. (I got Saturday off for good behavior and for being the one willing to drive the whole way until the 3am arrival.)

Chris is obsessive. He gets an idea in his head and it is pretty much impossible to get it out. I normally wouldn't be worried but we were heading up to Carson for his pre-employment physical on the 4th, so he did need to be able to move. Can you imagine him going in for his physical, moving like an 80-year old man and beat up to boot? He was already worried about his fingerprint cards for his license as he had gouged a pretty significant chunk out of one of his thumbs. Not as dramatic as removing your fingerprints with acid or anything but still suspect. Luckily I did convince him we could split the wood he had gathered in the forest and from the trees we downed later as we were about to enter our RV pulling marathon. But if it hadn't been for that, I think Hacker work camp would have continued for at least four more days and ended with at least one hospital visit. I left camp with a tan/burn, stronger, definitely filthy and sap covered. I am pretty sure I finally found the last bit of sap in my hair with this last wash, mind you camp officially ended on August 3rd and it is the 9th. It should only take a month or so for my nails to grow back, at least they are finally white again.

RV Work Photos

2011-07-29T23:27:00.000-07:00