BrideZilla

The Long-Awaited Bridezilla Rebuttal

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:26:35 -0800

After an overwhelming response to the hate mail, we had to draft a rebuttal. First of all, I called the letter hate mail because the writer despises bridezillas so much he felt the need to draft a letter (probably from his mom's basement) about how weddings aren't special. And Passive-aggressive, semi-hate letter wouldn't fit in the title. And really, we think the writer did a great job pointing out the shortcomings of some brides (notice he left out the grooms). Our bridezilla definition is "exceptionally attractive, confident women who know what they want...". He's writing about the bulging-eyed, tantrum-throwing variety. There's a fine line between a woman who wants the perfect day (nothing wrong with that), and the woman who takes an axe to her centerpieces because she didn't like them. Since there's some confusion, we're responding only to points made in regard to women who want the perfect wedding. Not the entitled psychos who (we all agree) should be left at the alter.

Exhibit A. Why Bridezillas Obsess Over Weddings

We don't want to look like this chick. Photo from Tacky Weddings If we didn't care about our weddings, if we didn't obsess over every detail, there's a good chance the whole thing would crumble like the Roman Empire. It's true that no one cares more than the bride. So yes, we want a dress that makes us look beautiful and we'll try on hundreds to get it. And we obsess over the tiny details because we want it to be a good time for us and our guests. Who cares? There's no reason to take personal offense to it, as if brides everywhere were killing toddlers or mugging grandmothers. It's their soiree and money to spend. Weddings stimulate the economy. If a bride wants the big party, let her have it.

Exhibit B. A Save the Date Card Isn't a Court Order

If you think weddings are a chore, stay at home This is an example of what the bridezilla hater called "hyping weddings way too long." Looks by the preview like this wedding will be a rockin' good time. And Save the Date cards aren't to made to hype the wedding, they're courtesy. There's dancing, cake smashing, an open bar, and sometimes at bridezilla weddings, a brawl that ends in a tasering. What else do you have going on? Grow a pair and R.S.V.P "No" if you don't want to go -- a Save the Date card isn't a court order. No one likes a wedding wet blanket (the guy sitting in the corner, eying the bridesmaids and going on about how much he hates weddings). We'd rather you not come if our wedding is a chore. Don't get a gift. Don't celebrate the couple's happiness and don't wonder where all your friends are when your bride finally arrives...in the mail. It's a party. Have fun.

Exhibit C. Excitement Isn't Contagious

So shut the f*#k up about your own life A wedding celebrates the commitment of a lifetime together. We agree that it's not as exciting to everyone else -- how could it be? But neither is your baby, your promotion, your new BMW, your gold count in W.O.W... nothing in your life is as exciting to everyone else as it is to you. We're forced to see baby pictures and muster a smile when someone shows a video of their kid who (o.m.g.) just mastered the art of crawling. Excitement may not be contagious, but you can fake it for the happy couple just like your girlfriends faked their orgasms. If you can't do that, maybe you're the one with a problem. I can think of many worse offenses than being excited and talking about your own wedding. If she blabs on and on (it happens) just change the subject. And if bridezillaS, the TV show whips you into a letter-writing frenzy, change the channel. It wouldn't be on air if it didn't have an audience.

"50 percent of marriages end in divorce...think about whether or not your family would be equally excited to shell out 30K or more for you to wager on a coin flip"

Your favorite football team has a 50 percent chance of losing the big game. But fans still go out, cheer for them, and some even wager on them. Hope for the best and wish the couple well. It might not be a special day to the whole world, but it is a very special day for the bride and groom.

BrideZilla Hate Mail: 10 Reasons Your Wedding is NOT Special

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:42:56 -0800

Bridezilla Readers, We received some vicious hate mail from the anti-wedding brigade. And because it's just so laughable, we decided to post it. Stay tuned for our response. Feel free to comment below and stick it to this bridezilla hater. Yours Truly, A. Zilla

10 Reasons Your Bridezilla Wedding is NOT Special

I've been watching a lot of Bridezillas on TV lately, and after giving it a considerable amount of thought I'm pretty sure the reason for this is because I'm a masochistic idiot who doesn't know how to avoid things that piss him off. As a result of sitting through multiple marathons of the infuriating show with my girlfriend (whom I'm beginning to love more and more for the mere fact that she's not bat shit crazy), I've started to recognize a few patterns. First of all, the awfulness of the bride is directly proportional to the amount of screen time she gets. The show does a masterful job of adjusting the amount of time spent on each bride so it's in direct proportion to how much of a bitch she is. If you charted it out, it would look something like this: However, if anything, this is a testament to the artisans behind the scenes, and their ability to capture unadulterated ugliness with more gusto than any horror film in our generation. Still, what's most disturbing is that from watching this you begin to get the impression every bride thinks their wedding is special. It's "their day," all eyes are on them, and they've "been dreaming about this" their whole lives. Sadly, the reality is that aside from them and (possibly) the groom, chances are no one else is really all that excited. It's my hope that I can do the world a huge public service by offering up a few quick reminders to all the would be brides out there as to why your wedding is NOT all that special after all.

The Simpsons' Marge Named Bridezilla

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:15:02 -0800

Who knew sweet, blue-haired Marge would be considered for the Bridezilla Hall of Fame? In the Simpson's newest episode, "Wedding Disaster," Homer calls Marge a bridezilla as she breaks out in lizard-like scales, a bad reaction to wedding stress. The bridezilla name and Hall of Fame should only be reserved for true bridezillas: Women who want the perfect wedding at any cost. Marge just doesn't seem the type. She wears her hair like a British beefeater hat and dons a lettuce-green dress from Sears (ok, we're not totally sure it's from Sears). Watch "The Simpsons" episode "Wedding Disaster," and tell us if you think Marge should be added to our Bridezilla Hall of Fame.

Destination Bridezillas: 9 Things to Pack for Paradise

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:14:36 -0800

The destination bridezilla not only desires the perfect wedding, she wants it in paradise. She's a bridezilla to the extreme -- only ocean front will do. And who else but a bridezilla would make her family travel thousands of miles just to see her get hitched? We celebrate these worldly bridezillas, who are unafraid to trade in their Manolos for flip-flops and get married where they want, the way they want. Destination bridezillas, this blog is for you!

9 Things Every Destination Bridezilla Should Pack

9.) Antacid/Pepto. If you're headed to far away lands, the cuisine (not to mention wedding-day jitters) might upset your delicate American stomach. No classy bridezilla wants to be seen red-faced over the commode on the Big Day (unless you're bridezilla Valerie). Pack travel-size pepto in your purse (nowhere near your wedding clothes) and an antacid. 8.) Sunscreen and moisturizer. Lobster should be the entre, not the bride. Unless you're getting hitched at the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland, you'll need to slather up. When you do tan, strive for sun-kissed, not splotchy or leathery. Remember, the tropical sun is more fierce than a bridezilla who just found out her venue ran out of champagne. We recommend NARS Skincare to keep that bridal glow even when you're in the sun. 7.) Moisture-wicking Headband. Humidity can turn your chic coif into a frizzy 'fro. Bring a sweat-proof headband, like this one from fit2bmom and keep your hair off your face while doing your makeup or lounging at the beach. 6.) Sexy Bikini. While basking in the sun, bask in your new brideness. This sexy bikini, as seen on "The Hills", titles your rump with rhinestones, so everyone knows you're Just Married. Even though you're not Heidi, you might still get the red-carpet treatment from your resort. 5.) Wedding gown. Do not check your wedding gown with your bags! Lost luggage means your couture gown could find its way back to Milan. Bring that million-dollar baby on the plane. Most airlines have a place to hang garments, so carry it with you and make sure it's secured safely in the hotel before you go gallivanting. 4.) Groom's tux and shoes. Unless you're headed to a wedding world, like Las Vegas, make sure your groom gets his tux and shoes beforehand. Do not let him wait until the last minute. Some places, the Caribbean especially, are abundant with wet suits and Hawaiin shirts, but severely lacking when it comes to tux rentals. You don't want your groom-to-be to marry you while donned in a touristy tee. 3.) Itinerary. Spontaneous types (ahem) despise itineraries. But you're planning a destination wedding, don't get on the plane without an idea of what you'll be doing on what days. An itinerary prevents your monster mother-in-law from dragging you off to see the museum of flightless birds, when you could be sipping umbrella drinks with your besties. 2.) Documents. Everyone witnessed Heidi and Spencer's first wedding publicity stunt, which occurred under the guise of "Our first marriage wasn't legal in Mexico because we didn't have the proper documents." (sigh) Check license restrictions and corral all your marriage documents ahead of time: license, passports, birth certificates, divorce papers, etc.
1.) Jewel-Encrusted, Swine-Flu Proof Mask. Even though it's been overshadowed by Michael Jackson's death and Mark Stanford's affair, the swine flu is still alive and well. If you planned your destination wedding long before the swine flu reared its ugly snout, bring a jewel-encrusted mask (yes, bridezilla does everything in style, including avoiding deadly illnesses.) Also, bring handsanitizer. Don't think the swine flu is any match for bridezilla? Check out this article about a swine flu that crashed a Chicago wedding.

Bridezilla Love List: Hot Summer Bridal Sales!

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:34:30 -0800

Nicole Miller & BlueFly Pair Up

Psst... What do you get when Bluefly and Nicole Miller join forces? Freaking bridezilla paradise, that's what you get. Next Tuesday and Wednesday, Bluefly is hosting a By-Invitation only sale on Nicole Miller gowns. This means, you'll get exclusive access to select dresses from Nicole Miller's Spring '09 show plus wedding gowns from her Bridal '09 collection at up to 60% off. And all you have to do is fan Bluefly Wedding 2.0 on Facebook - the delicious deets will be shared through there. For more information read Bluefly's blog.

Take Back Your Wedding Sale

Bridezilla can prevail, even in this awful economy. WeddingStand.com and GroomStand.com are having a huge "Take Back Your Wedding Sale - 10% off on bridesmaid gifts and must-have wedding accessories. If your big bridezilla wedding is shrinking to average standards, take it back and save on the little things.

Bridezilla Beware: 7 Signs Your Fiance has Cold Feet

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:39:42 -0800

You're busy planning the biggest party of your life and couldn't be happier. But what about him? He shakes at the sight of your engagement ring. He broke out in a heinous rash at the tux shop and it wasn't allergy related. You practically had to arm-wrestle him to get him to address the invitations. Are these signs of cold feet or normal wedding jitters? Bridezilla Disclaimer: Bridezilla isn't a Dr. (although we certainly read enough Web Md.) These are merely symptoms of cold feet, not a strict diagnosis. And keep in mind that the quickest cure to cold feet is an honest conversation.

7 real signs of cold feet

1). He keeps postponing the wedding date. Or refuses to set one. If you set a date, put a deposit down, and the groom-to-be suddenly prefers fall to summer (and then winter to fall), his feet likely feel the nip from the nuptial north wind. 2.) He clings to bachelorhood. Everyone is sentimental for their single days. But if you see him gently stroking a shot glass with tears in his eyes, something is up. The transition from a wild bachelorhood to contemplative cuddles on the couch can be difficult, but shouldn't send him into convulsions. Look out if he's spending way more nights at singles' clubs and less date nights with you. 3.) He constantly references an ex. Being friends with an ex is acceptable, as long as she's part of the scenery and you're center stage. Constantly comparing her to you or making references to their long-ago love affair is not acceptable. Marriage jitters are normal. But you shouldn't worry you're marrying the wrong person. 4.) He's not involved at all. Bridezillas are perfection-seeking, anal-retentive ladies that would rather perish than let someone else (including their grooms) plan their weddings. Regardless, your fiance should respond to your task delegation. If he blatantly refuses to address invitations, rent a tux, or go cake tasting, he may have cold feet. Or he may just be lazy. 6.) He has night terrors about marriage. The thought of a lifelong commitment is daunting, especially as the wedding day grows near. But if he's popping Xanax to subdue his ever-growing anxiety and waking up in cold sweats because of nuptial nightmares, a heart-to-heart is in order. 7.) He can't snip the apron strings It's typical to be somewhat sad about "leaving the family," but he should be ready to snip the apron strings. If he demands that his mom live in the marital abode or requests a daily visit home, he has an incurable case of frigid feet. And he's a major momma's boy!

Sneak Peek at New Bridezilla Season

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 10:59:31 -0800

We know where we'll be this Sunday -- watching the premier of Bridezilla season 6! This season showcases the worst bridezillas of all time. Lucky us, we got an exclusive viewing of the entire episode and it's good one! Bridezilla can't divulge any diva secrets, but we can show you this sneak preview: Bridezillas season 6 premiers this Sunday, June 7th at 9pm. If you still aren't convinced that you need to see this episode, check out these photos of bridezilla Valerie. Apparently, she snaps at the spa, the most crowd-pleasing bridezilla meltdown. Enjoy the opening of bridezilla season and comment below with your predictions.

Friday Photo Fun: Pretty Parasols and Breathtaking Umbrellas

Fri, 29 May 2009 13:16:47 -0800

Toss the bouquet and pick up bridezilla's favorite accessory: the wedding umbrella! These gorgeous wedding pictures might change your opinion about rain on your wedding day. Photo found at Toxel.com. Photo by Shade! Photo by CamilleStyles. Photo by Kalandrakas.

Bridezilla Love List: Couture Invitations by ExclusivelyWeddings.com

Thu, 28 May 2009 15:04:11 -0800

ExclusivelyWeddings.com has been serving discerning brides since 1992. Is there a better place for bridezilla to shop for wedding invitations? Most DIY wedding invitations have out-of-date prints or cheap ribbons that fall off at the slightest touch. Fellow bridezillas, don't do it yourself if your crafting projects look kindergarten. ExclusivelyWedding's Couture Invitation Collection features the damask print that's oh-so-chic this season, along with several elegant alternatives. And they're affordable, so you don't have to spend hundreds on wedding invitations that eventually end up in the garbage. ExclusivelyWeddings is offering free shipping on all orders of $75 or more, so discerning bridezillas should check out their invitations and other wedding items before this summer sale sails away.

How to Fire a Bridesmaid, Bridezilla Style

Thu, 21 May 2009 11:06:52 -0800

You don't want her in your wedding party anymore. Maybe she was laid off and you want to spare her the cost of those Vera Wang bridesmaid gowns. Maybe she refused to cover her giant skull-and-snake tattoo or dye her hair from bubble-gum pink back to brown before the Big Day. Maybe she'll be eight-months pregnant, and you don't want her waddling down the aisle, stealing attention from you with her baby bump and pregnancy glisten. Years ago, I was demoted from Maid of Honor to mere first-to-walk bridesmaid and without just cause. The bride asked me in the early planning stages to be her Maid of Honor. Months later, after she got a new best friend, she asked "Do you still want to be a um... bridesmaid?" Ouch. I performed my bridesmaid duties, but with the bitter taste in my mouth, I could barely enjoy the wedding cake much less muster a smile. There is a proper way to break up with your bridesmaid. And it doesn't involve back-talking, text messages, or a tear-filled scene straight out of Mean Girls. Read on and learn how to let a girl go, bridezilla style.

Monday Bridezilla Bites: Hot Summer Sales and Wedding Exhibits

Mon, 18 May 2009 17:27:22 -0800

Lazy bridesmaids got you down? Upset that because of the current economy, you can't afford the wedding of your bridezilla dreams? The exhibit Wedding Tales - a collection of artifacts of Jewish Weddings in 1930's will make you see that bridezilla doesn't have it all that bad. Israeli artist and writer Leora Wise put together this collection of memories Holocaust survivors have of their weddings. Wedding Tales is being hosted by the Holocaust Memorial Resource and Education Center of Central Florida in Maitland. Tired of Target towels? Want to create one single registry with multiple stores without looking like a total bridezilla? Try Wishpot - the newest way to register. Like a bridezilla genie, it allows you to add all the things you love from any store to your list and share it with your friends. Now only if you could get your wedding guests to buy them! And finally, let your groom-to-be in on this bite. GroomStand.com is having a huge 10% off sale until May 31.

First-Ever Marriage Hunting Bra Unveiled

Wed, 13 May 2009 15:23:06 -0800

Bridezilla has seen our share of bad wedding ideas: denim wedding dresses, Star Wars reception themes, mini-skirt wedding gowns... the list goes on. But this has to be the worst wedding invention we've ever seen! Introducing, the Marriage-Hunting bra, recently unveiled in Tokyo. The wearer sets her marriage-deadline date and the clock counts it down. It also has a pen and seal holster for signing marriage contracts. It's just what every single woman needs -- an oh-so flattering, boxy front from wearing a digital clock in their bra, coupled with the constant reminder that they're still single. Do they reset the clock every time they break up with a beau? And aren't bras supposed to uplift, not bring a girl down? Japanese characters on the bra read, "now hunting for a husband." With that sexy statement of desperation (snort), this beautiful model might as well be wearing a chastity belt. And get this: when an engagement ring is inserted between the cups, the melody "The Wedding March," is played to celebrate the engagement. Experts predict proposals will take a weird new turn in 2010.

Bridezilla's Love List No. 1: Bridal Party Tube Socks

Tue, 12 May 2009 13:19:49 -0800

Wedding Season is upon us! June brides can get a jump start on their last-minute wedding shopping with bridezilla's love list. All season long, we'll feature wedding items we absolutely adore (think Oprah's favorite things, only better). There's a new trend taking the wedding world by storm. Hint - they're better than gerber daisies and more fun than a photo booth. Bridesmaids are showing their bridesmaid pride from head to toe and this year, they're forgoing the rhinestoned sweats for....cool socks! Bridezilla looked long and hard and finally found a pair we love at WeddingStand.com. Just imagine all the great "getting ready" shots you'll get when your girls are sporting these bridesmaid tube socks. Sure, bridezilla would rather be caught dead than wear sneakers under her wedding gown but there's something irresistible about these tube socks. Maybe it's their sexy retro Roller Girl style. Comment below and tell us what wedding accessory you can't live without!

Bridezilla and MIL: Match Made in Heaven or Hell?

Fri, 08 May 2009 16:13:08 -0800

Finding Mr. Right thankfully didn't involve an epic search for me. Meeting him was like walking into a shoe store and immediately finding the perfect glittery sandal, then finding out it was on sale. We share a love of Conan O'Brien, boston terriers, and fancy restaurants. Match made in heaven! And then I met his mother... Sound like you? It's every bridezilla! There's something about wedding planning that brings out the monster in our mother-in-laws. She's the sweetest lady, baking you cookies, inviting you on family vacations, and then dear son puts a ring on your finger. Suddenly, she transforms into the MIL from hell almost overnight. Are the two of you destined to be peas in a pod or fire and ice? In honor of Mother's Day, check out the Brides.com's Mother in Law Matcher Tool.

Bridezilla (Capricorn) and MILzilla (Virgo).

Where we click:

"She'll appreciate the fact that her son married someone so similar to her." Uh oh. Did I marry a momma's boy? "Your down-to-earth values resonate with her at a core level." Down to earth values? *Snort* I'm a bridezilla. She can keep her down-to-earth values.

Where we clash:

"There are too many cooks in the kitchen. Capricorn and Virgo like to be in charge and insist on having things done just so." So true. When it comes to my wedding, I want things done my way. Why can't mother-in-laws understand this? "Capricorn springs for sophisticated styles from high-end design houses. You won't appreciate her trying to put a doily over your "Design Within Reach" coffee table. She'll think your spending habits are snobbish and exorbitant." So accurate, it's almost scary. If my mother-in-law dared to doily my coffeetable, she would never be invited back. Good thing she knows this. What did the match tool reveal for you? Let us know if you and your MIL are a match made in heaven or hell!

5 Feminist Bridezilla Trends We Like

Mon, 04 May 2009 15:55:46 -0800

What happens when a feminist gets married? Does she suddenly forget all her beliefs, wear ribbons in her hair, and wait eagerly at the door for the arrival of her husband like a Maltese? The logical conclusion would be that she's ...still a feminist. Jessica Valenti, founder of Feministing.com is the first recognized "feminist bridezilla." She's keeping her last name, wearing a not-quite-white dress, and educating her wedding guests about same-sex marriage rights. Her bridezilla tenancies? Although we are darn sure she's a feminist, we don't know why people are calling her a bridezilla (hey, that's our name!). There are no reports of her screaming at a caterer or firing bridesmaids. If anything, Valenti fits the bridezilla definition for going forward with her Big Dream Wedding despite her readers' uproar. We salute Jessica Valenti! Sure, bridezilla might not be your average feminist. When we give the finger to the patriarchy, it has a five-carat diamond on it. And we're drawn to glittery bags, giant sunglasses, and beautiful weddings. But feminism is all about choice and it will be a cold day in hell before bridezilla lets someone speak for her. If you want to celebrate your nuptials in a big way, but not lose your feminist street cred, take a look at these five feminist wedding trends.

1. What's in a name? For feminists, everything. Fellow bridezillas, remember name change is your choice. Don't let anyone (not even the groom-to-be) make this important decision for you. The hyphen is alive and well and we've heard more bride and grooms keep their individual last names or make up new ones (so cool). If you keep your name, be prepared to explain to your accountant, cable installer, insurance agent, and your grade-school friends that yes, you're married and no, you didn't take his name. Keep in mind that a few raised eyebrows are better than a full-blown identity crisis or taking a name like "Weinerham." 2. Wedding pictures before the wedding. Oh so long ago, (like in the year 2000) brides thought it was bad luck for the groom to see them right before the wedding. Not so anymore. More brides are scheduling posed pictures with their bridal party before the ceremony. Having your posed pictures before the shindig starts saves you from standing and smiling after the ceremony, when all you want to do is celebrate. Bridezilla hint: You'll still have the "groom sees bride" moment, plus your photographer will get better angles and you're at your freshest in the beginning of the day. 3. It's a nice day for a not-so-white wedding. Bridezilla still thinks white is the prettiest color on a bride. Not because it symbolizes purity, because white pairs just so with sun-kissed skin and it makes color coordination a breeze. But if your favorite color happens to be lipstick red, just tell Grandma to avert her eyes. For an understated, yet still feminist touch, consider ivory - it's a wonderful hue and not reserved for second weddings anymore! 4. Mangagement rings. This is a relatively new and exciting wedding trend. Upon their engagement, some feminists give their guys mangagement rings to symbolize commitment. We wonder if guys go through the "make your single friends jealous with the ring" stage. Somehow we doubt it. 5. No giveaway. Many feminists believe that the father "giving away" his daughter to the groom feels a little too much like property exchange. It's a beautiful moment in the traditional ceremony, but the new trend is for brides and grooms to walk down the aisle together! Some brides walk down the aisle with both of their parents and some brides walk alone.

Whether you choose to have the bouquet toss because you think it's fun or toss the tradition because you're not comfortable making your single ladies fight for flowers, it's your wedding. Embrace the bridezilla spirit and have your perfect wedding, whatever that means to you. Comment below if you're having a Big Fat Feminist Wedding!