You ever notice that there’s a lot of pressure to be, well – something?

Be better, be the best, top of the class, stack ranked #1, be visible, be appreciated

Or to get something?

Get promoted, get a job, get a better job, get a better commute, get noticed!

For today, what if you take a minute to just be grateful that you are YOU? What if just for today, you take a rest – a time out from all the “being” and “getting” to be comfortable in your own skin?  Even if green and not so easy as Kermit says.. Will you take a moment to rest in knowing YOU:

Are Skilled,

Talented

Make a difference to people around you – maybe in ways you don’t even notice.

Many times the biggest gift we give others is the gift of being ordinary and letting others be ordinary along side with us.

Can you join Kermit and me for a few minutes of resting and comfort in – well being green?

Hate these words? Most people say they do.

They don’t want to look bad in front of people they work with or lead.

They say, “I don’t want to look silly, stupid – be called a fool.”

Most team members already know who you are. They know what you can do and can’t do – what you’re good at and where you struggle. So why pretend?

At what point do we finally “give in” and just be who we are? Own our strengths and weaknesses, then mesh with others strengths and weaknesses to create something truly special?

In teams, being authentic and real with team members requires self awareness, vulnerability and – the big one -  authenticity. The hardest? I gotta think Vulnerability. And without it, how can anyone truly be authentic? It’s all tied.

Vulnerability has presented some of the biggest biggest roadblocks for some of the best leaders I know. I think their ability to take it head on and embrace it has made the difference. One of the best explanations I’ve heard about the Power of Vulnerability comes from Dr Brené Brown. Funny, practical, authentic, and an expert in her field, she provides insight and clarity about vulnerability and the power of it in all aspects of our lives (not just business).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0

Dr. Brown has a new book coming out this September - Daring Greatly sharing her twelve years of research on this topic. Based on data and research, she maintains that that vulnerability is not weakness, but the clearest path to courage and meaningful connection.

What about you? Are you ready to take the plunge? Give yourself permission to be who you really are and let go of what you think you are supposed to be?

Graphic by Antony Bennison

Yesterday I did it again. Went too far. Asked the question that didn’t need to be asked.

My son just finished a book report. (Always a fun family project) and we were discussing symbols.

I asked him, “if you were to choose a symbol that represents who you are now, what would it be and why?”

He thought for a minute and answered, “a flame.”

He then explained why he chose it with insight and depth I didn’t expected from a fifth grader.

In my surprise – I fell prey to my own curiosity and took it to the next level, not heeding the little voice warning me not to go there… I went there.

“If you were to guess what symbol I would chose, not just as your mom but who I am deep down, what would you guess I’d pick?”

He barely paused. “A muffin top.” He choked through his laugh.

Yes. Of course I was mature. Gave him a playful punch in the arm and wrestled him to prove I am “skinny-tough enough” to still take him. But then had to look in the mirror. How bad is that “muffin-top?” Am I kidding myself? Not seeing what the kid sees?

While funny, I thought about how this is analogous to what many leaders face. Self-deception. The times we are enticed by self-deception to justify our own interests or position only to find what we’re doing or saying is making a situation worse instead of better. Being blind to something in ourselves ourselves that actually hurts us. That hurts others.

 Bob thinks he’s the best manager in the entire company. His employees loath him.

Susie is proud of her results and her efficiency. Teams comply only because they feel bullied. They currently are plotting revenge.

In the book, Leadership and Self Deception, Getting out of the Box by the Arbinger Institute, the concept is explored through a fictional story and journey of a leader new to a company – Tom. The book is excellent, a fast read, and well worth the investment. In their words:

“Self-deception blinds us to the true cause of problems, and once blind, all the ‘solutions’ we can think of actually make matters worse. That’s why self-deception is so central to leadership – because leadership is about making matters better. To the extent that we are self deceived, our leadership is undermined at every turn…”

Where are you being trapped by self-deception? Want to “get out of the box?”

I’d write more – but have to go to the gym.

I look for a way out. I start to think – Hey, I’m creative, I’m an entrepreneur. I bet I can find someone to delegate this to. I look around to see who’s there only to end up pointing at my own chest.

Once I tried to farm out a particularly distasteful task to a grumpy looking woman peering at me in the bathroom mirror. She just shook her head and gave me one of her disapproving, thin-lipped smiles. It didn’t work. I even tried to catch the eyes of what appeared to be a team of people in the corner of the mirror – at the seam, but they were too wiggly. Pointless to get them to take anything.

So! I’m trying something new. Coach myself like I would you. Influence myself to re-frame the issue and tackle it. Sounds easy you say? Not for a well practiced procrastinator. I have to link this to something. Something that will change my mind and behavior. I think I found it. Broccoli.

I’ve decided that grappling with unpleasant tasks is like eating broccoli. My dad told me years ago, it’s the only veggie a person can solely live on. While I was disappointed that chocolate didn’t have these same characteristics, it’s a good factoid to know about the itty-bitty trees on my plate.

I actually like these little crowns as green veggies go, so this might work. I invite you to try it with me. Who knows? Maybe this will help you too.

Step 1 -  I only have to do 20% of this task in my day so the other 80% is really awesome.

Just like, I only have to eat 1 cup of broccoli to get three phytonutrients (the words all begin with the first syllable of gluco and I can’t pronounce any of them) that work together in a unique way to aid the body in detoxification. If you want to see the real words and true facts. Check out The World’s Healthiest Foods and their blog post on Broccoli.

I saw it on the internet, so you know it must be true.

Step 2 -  I can set my task up as a Game.

I can set a timer and see if I can get it all done before the buzzer. I will keep score each day and see if I can improve my time. Like a Broccoli Eating Contest. I don’t think the  idea of a Broccoli Eating contest has actually taken off, but when it does this gal has figured out an implementation method when everyone is ready.

photo by Todd Vanderlin of Todd Vanderlin Designs

Step 3 - I can use the technique of Deliberate Practice.

One of  the ‘”Vitalsmarts guys”, David Maxfield has a wonderful blog post and and video clip of  Don “Moses” Lerman demonstrating the concept of Deliberate Practice – “If you really want to improve at something, focus on the hardest parts.”

If you really want to change like I do,check out David Maxfield’s post on Deliberate Practice  and you can also hear from an expert, Don Lerman about what the Meat Sweats are really all about. READ THIS. Worth the time and will also make you smile.

If you are ready to dive deeper, check out the book, Influencer: the Power to Change Anything, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler

And after I try this? I plan to march myself back to the bathroom mirror, stick my tongue out at that grumpy lady, and in my best big girl voice say, “I don’t need you after all.  It’s done!

Let me know what works for you! Good Luck!

Human Beings are made to be in relationships. Sure, there are times when being a “Grizzly Adams” seems appealing.

When a project isn’t going as planned and there seems to be an extra supply of critics on hand to comment.

When a “significant other” acts like they are more significant than you think warrants significance at the present moment.

When a day is just not going the way you anticipated or planned.

Hanging out in a mountain cabin all alone can sound pretty appealing. But it doesn’t last.

Why? People are designed to be with people. And that’s the difficult part sometimes. Working side by side, team by team, to make something happen requires people. People united in purpose to make a difference.

Let’s face it, some days, being with those people, those challenging, grating, different-than-we-are people is just plain hard. For all of us. And for those in leadership? No hall passes granted to not be with people.

Leaders without people with them – well, aren’t leading. Aren’t participating. Being with people-that is the job.

Leaders can get stuck when they forget this fact for longer than one bad day. When leaders get stuck, and find themselves alone, three key factors as to why it happened emerge:

1. Focus

Somewhere they lost focus that the ideas and challenges they championed, were for others. They ran ahead too far and left the people behind. The idea became more important than the people it was to benefit.

2.  Arrogance

They were arrogant. “I can do this – I am in charge!” You know the type.  Arrogance doesn’t create space for participation. It took awhile before they noticed people had drifted away. Once they noticed they were alone – couldn’t figure out why.

3.Fear

Too scared to ask for help. Forgot to be human. Pat Lencioni, author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team coined this need – “vulnerability based trust.” People, teams, leaders – all of us need to be in a safe enough space to be authentically who we are.

As a leader, are you feeling isolated, not heard, not understood? Perhaps you are swimming alone. No person can do it alone. It’s silly that somehow we ever thought we had to.

If you find yourself tired, worn out, frustrated or discouraged, chances are you have fallen into one of the traps above and are swimming alone. The good news is you don’t have to keep it up. You can stop. Right now.

Find a team, a like minded group, a colleague or subordinate. Title and position are irrelevant. Find a buddy to swim with you and watch the joy return. You can do it. After all, we are all human and are designed to be with each other.

Straight through the stop sign to access the local farmer’s market. A right turn earns a peaceful afternoon at one of several local wineries. Turn left and quickly arrive at a gas station and loop back into civilization.

It’s one of those intersections where you hope at least 3 drivers are paying attention.

Signal change using the "3 Cs"

Alot of people.

Alot of choices.

Alot of movement.

Many accidents have occurred at this concrete patch. Most times as a result of a driver wrongly predicting the moves of another driver.

Yesterday, as my husband and I were waiting our turn at this popular junction, sure enough, one of the drivers neglected to use a blinker – the turn signal to let the other 3 drivers know of her intentions. My husband commented, “traffic sure flows better when people just remember to use their blinkers!”  Yep.

Interestingly enough, no horns blared, no shaking fists or other gestures flew out of  car windows, just a massive “tentativeness” permeated the area. For the next 2 sets of drivers navigating their turns, hesitation, unsurety, and a lack of trust regarding intentions clogged the area.

Was the driver going to turn or go straight?  The right turn signal is on – does he mean it?  Can I trust the signal or lack of a signal? Is he going to go straight after all or did he forget to use the blinker and is about to turn?

People ended up, well - stuck.

This same thing happens in organizations – businesses, schools, churches, (families too) when “the driver,” otherwise called “leader,” neglects to signal a “lane change,” “turn” or any other change in direction.

When we neglect to clearly share our intentions, we leave people wondering, tentative, and unsure about their next steps. Sometimes even bigger issues are ignited -  Trust Issues. And once the trust foundation is shaken, the workload doubles as you have to repair trust and still drive the required change.

Just like at the 4 way stop,intentions are honorable. People just get in a hurry and forget. So before you start the change process, a quick reminder.

Remember  the 3 Cs:

1. Communicate Early.

Let people know what is coming, when things are going to happen and how it will affect them and or their jobs. Save surprises for gifts – not communication. Use the 5Ws and H framework: What is happening,When is it going to happen, Where is the change occurring, Who is it going to impact and very important – Why is it necessary and HOW will it affect them personally. Starting off with this framework ensures movement and flow.

2. Communicate Frequently.

Research states it takes 7 times for a leader to communicate a change for people to understand it  – so get comfy.  The first time, is for you to hear it, second time,  you learn it. The third time – they hear it the first time and by the time you have communicated the change 7 times, they  begin to get on-board. One CEO pushed back when he heard this, “I expect my kids to only have to hear it once – you are saying I  have to tell my organization 7 times?” Yep.

If you get bored, count the times you have communicated so you can cross them off your list – when you get to 7 it’s real.

(FYI, the CEO that pushed back, tried the new way of communicating change to his family and they reported a direct increase in family harmony!)

3. Communicate Clearly.

Be clear about the direction and message  before you type the first email, hold the first meeting or make the first phone call to begin communicating it.  Figure out the direction you want to go ahead of time, so by the time you signal to start the process, you are not changing your signals at the last minute and stopping traffic flow.

Servant -leaders, when driving change must remain consistent and clear. They must not change leadership style based on the changing situation or authenticity and trust will be breached.  Situational communication is what is required. Not, situational leadership.

Before embarking on your new path, check your blinkers, remember the 3 Cs and you will sail through the intersections!

Want more info? Check out the BridgeLite  resources page  http://www.bridgelite.com/resources/ or sign up for the BridgeLite newsletter for Change Management tips.

I hate it when I have to “eat my own dog food.”

For the past two months I’ve been in change mode, but this time, for ME.

It’s so much easier to help others change. Don’t you think?

I hope you notice, we just launched the new website. Yea!

The need to CHANGE sprung from the desire to clarify and simplify. I want it easy for you to quickly see and view offerings, get a true picture of who we are, how we deliver, and provide a broader range of resources for you.  Also, I need an easier way to make updates and add content for all ya’ll when the desire or realization strikes at 12:30am.

Thanks to Umstattd Media – we are LIVE and have met these goals!  Big thanks to Katie, Sam, and Thomas for their patience and creative and analytical solutions.

These site changes are all and more than I expected. All goodness. But instead of doing my usual Happy Feet Dance as I see the light at the end of a project, I’m a little grumpy. Why?

Makes no sense.

Or maybe it does make sense and I get to laugh at myself – again.

It’s because I have to change.

Change process, tools, application integration, registration, and many other itty- bitty things that really don’t matter but do – because I have to change how I use them.  Outlook vs Gmail; phone to Facebook to Twitter and back out again. The list seems long and yet I know in about 2 more weeks, I’ll have the IT equivalent of postpartum amnesia and will wonder what all the fuss was about.

So, I’ll tell the truth and confess:

I like changes. Love new adventures. Can’t wait till I can put new ideas into motion, as long as I don’t have to change anything.

Ahhh – good to be back online!

What about you?  What do you like and not like about  making changes?

“Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?”

Originally stated by Ray Kroc, founder of the McDonald’s empire, the quote is reiterated by Derek Sivers in his worth viewing YouTube Clip:

When driving change and new projects, many leaders think they must have all the answers.  For some, it’s difficult to say 3 magic words:

I don’t know.

It didn’t work.

Let’s try again.

Another fantastic resource on the topic of driving lasting change and developing a growth mindset is the book, SWITCH by Chip and Dan Heath. Clear, well written, great insights – and with a sense of humor!

A Must for leaders driving change.

Authentic, Servant Leaders know the value of a growth mindset. Experimenting. Learning. Sharing.

Enjoy!

We talk  about how to lead followers – but what about leading leaders?

Or, more specifically, how do we effectively team with other leaders  to drive changes, hammer out a new initiative, raise funds, promote an idea to the Board – or – participate effectively as a Board member?

We see it all the time.  And, we cope by joking and complaining about the  “power struggles,” bullying, and begin to label our teammates with not so nice labels.

When working with a team of strong willed, independent thinkers, convinced that their way is the only way, here are some survival tips:

1. Listen 80%, Talk 20%

It’s amazing what we learn when we genuinely listen. Not  speaking or focusing on our next brilliant utterance, but listen to what is really being said by others.  Valuable team time can be squandered when we are not really listening to each other. And, it’s easy to move into conflict when we begin to make assumptions about what we think we are hearing when only half listening. Try applying the 80/20 rule to listening in team meetings and see what the true landscape is.

2. Ask Clarifying Questions – Don’t Assume.

There is a reason that the word ASSmption begins with those first 3 letters…. Take time to clarify what you think you hear, especially if the comment seems out of line with the discussion or what you expect. It also helps if the question is asked with respect, without hidden agendas and in true question format. For example:

Do ask:, “Fred, are you saying  you believe the delivery should be next week as opposed to this week?

Don’t ask: ” Fred, you can’t possibly mean that the delivery should be this week as opposed to next week!”  [Besides being a statement as opposed to a question – the real statement is the underlying tone – “Fred, you idiot! You can’t possibly mean that the delivery….” You get the idea.

I see this in teams – alot. The not so subtle “clarification” that is really intended to coerce the other party back to the speaker’s way of thinking. The attitude in which a clarifying question is asked is just as important as the question.

3. Focus on the problem that needs to be solved – not the personalities.

Tug-of-wars in meetings can pop up without much warning when the focus is on each other  rather than the problem to be solved.  If a team is debating more than required to uncover data that helps the decision making process, shift the focus. If in a room together, shift focus to the problem on a whiteboard or flip chart. If in online meeting, highlight in meeting tool and/or verbally restate what you think the problem to be solved is- sometimes, just restating the problem statement, will refocus attention. Arguing is guaranteed to diminish as you partner with each other to solve the issue at hand.

4. Remember, as a servant leader – it’s not about you.

Skilled leaders, remember that it’s not about “winning” or “losing.”  It’s about driving the new initiative forward. Enabling the change to occur, etc. The best outcome is the one where something gets done, all feel engaged, energized and respected.

Where can you shift focus this week and team with your leadership colleagues to make a difference?

Tiny squirming children would wait  patiently (or not so patiently) for the highlight of the show, the closing scene where Miss Nancy (the original host out of Baltimore)

or Miss Debbie, Miss Susan, Miss Sally, etc. would position her magic mirror in front of her face, look directly into the camera, and recite  the names of  the good boys and girls she could see that day.

Some children would jump up and down in front of the TV, attempting to get Miss Whoever’s  attention as the roll call began,

“I see Sarah, I see Bobby, I see Suzie…”  And 40 years later , “I see Michelle, I see Tiffany, I see Tyler, I see Brandy” – you get the idea.

(Nope – I never heard Denise. -Ahh the agony!)

Which, years later leads us to the Romper Room Effect in leadership.

As a leader, how many times have you had the opportunity to hold up the magic mirror?  A way to see people that are doing good things, just waiting to be noticed?

That employee wanting you to notice  he is doing a good job.  That volunteer wanting you to recognize  the hours she is putting in makes a difference.

Did you see him/her? Did you offer a thank you? A “good job” comment?

The recent Bureau of Labor Statistics report  indicates that the number of people leaving their jobs, not affected by a layoff is up by 6%.

Up in an otherwise down economy.  Why? Many cite their boss as a primary reason for exit, along with lack of opportunity for contribution, or loss of confidence in senior management.

Most reasons for leaving are concerns about how they are viewed, treated – noticed.  [note: compensation is hardly ever noted as the reason to leave.]

What about you? As a leader, do you see and value the people vying for your attention??

If not, perhaps it’s time to look in the mirror.