Human Beings are made to be in relationships. Sure, there are times when being a “Grizzly Adams” seems appealing.

When a project isn’t going as planned and there seems to be an extra supply of critics on hand to comment.

When a “significant other” acts like they are more significant than you think warrants significance at the present moment.

When a day is just not going the way you anticipated or planned.

Hanging out in a mountain cabin all alone can sound pretty appealing. But it doesn’t last.

Why? People are designed to be with people. And that’s the difficult part sometimes. Working side by side, team by team, to make something happen requires people. People united in purpose to make a difference.

Let’s face it, some days, being with those people, those challenging, grating, different-than-we-are people is just plain hard. For all of us. And for those in leadership? No hall passes granted to not be with people.

Leaders without people with them – well, aren’t leading. Aren’t participating. Being with people-that is the job.

Leaders can get stuck when they forget this fact for longer than one bad day. When leaders get stuck, and find themselves alone, three key factors as to why it happened emerge:

1. Focus

Somewhere they lost focus that the ideas and challenges they championed, were for others. They ran ahead too far and left the people behind. The idea became more important than the people it was to benefit.

2.  Arrogance

They were arrogant. “I can do this – I am in charge!” You know the type.  Arrogance doesn’t create space for participation. It took awhile before they noticed people had drifted away. Once they noticed they were alone – couldn’t figure out why.

3.Fear

Too scared to ask for help. Forgot to be human. Pat Lencioni, author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team coined this need – “vulnerability based trust.” People, teams, leaders – all of us need to be in a safe enough space to be authentically who we are.

As a leader, are you feeling isolated, not heard, not understood? Perhaps you are swimming alone. No person can do it alone. It’s silly that somehow we ever thought we had to.

If you find yourself tired, worn out, frustrated or discouraged, chances are you have fallen into one of the traps above and are swimming alone. The good news is you don’t have to keep it up. You can stop. Right now.

Find a team, a like minded group, a colleague or subordinate. Title and position are irrelevant. Find a buddy to swim with you and watch the joy return. You can do it. After all, we are all human and are designed to be with each other.

Straight through the stop sign to access the local farmer’s market. A right turn earns a peaceful afternoon at one of several local wineries. Turn left and quickly arrive at a gas station and loop back into civilization.

It’s one of those intersections where you hope at least 3 drivers are paying attention.

Signal change using the "3 Cs"

Alot of people.

Alot of choices.

Alot of movement.

Many accidents have occurred at this concrete patch. Most times as a result of a driver wrongly predicting the moves of another driver.

Yesterday, as my husband and I were waiting our turn at this popular junction, sure enough, one of the drivers neglected to use a blinker – the turn signal to let the other 3 drivers know of her intentions. My husband commented, “traffic sure flows better when people just remember to use their blinkers!”  Yep.

Interestingly enough, no horns blared, no shaking fists or other gestures flew out of  car windows, just a massive “tentativeness” permeated the area. For the next 2 sets of drivers navigating their turns, hesitation, unsurety, and a lack of trust regarding intentions clogged the area.

Was the driver going to turn or go straight?  The right turn signal is on – does he mean it?  Can I trust the signal or lack of a signal? Is he going to go straight after all or did he forget to use the blinker and is about to turn?

People ended up, well - stuck.

This same thing happens in organizations – businesses, schools, churches, (families too) when “the driver,” otherwise called “leader,” neglects to signal a “lane change,” “turn” or any other change in direction.

When we neglect to clearly share our intentions, we leave people wondering, tentative, and unsure about their next steps. Sometimes even bigger issues are ignited -  Trust Issues. And once the trust foundation is shaken, the workload doubles as you have to repair trust and still drive the required change.

Just like at the 4 way stop,intentions are honorable. People just get in a hurry and forget. So before you start the change process, a quick reminder.

Remember  the 3 Cs:

1. Communicate Early.

Let people know what is coming, when things are going to happen and how it will affect them and or their jobs. Save surprises for gifts – not communication. Use the 5Ws and H framework: What is happening,When is it going to happen, Where is the change occurring, Who is it going to impact and very important – Why is it necessary and HOW will it affect them personally. Starting off with this framework ensures movement and flow.

2. Communicate Frequently.

Research states it takes 7 times for a leader to communicate a change for people to understand it  – so get comfy.  The first time, is for you to hear it, second time,  you learn it. The third time – they hear it the first time and by the time you have communicated the change 7 times, they  begin to get on-board. One CEO pushed back when he heard this, “I expect my kids to only have to hear it once – you are saying I  have to tell my organization 7 times?” Yep.

If you get bored, count the times you have communicated so you can cross them off your list – when you get to 7 it’s real.

(FYI, the CEO that pushed back, tried the new way of communicating change to his family and they reported a direct increase in family harmony!)

3. Communicate Clearly.

Be clear about the direction and message  before you type the first email, hold the first meeting or make the first phone call to begin communicating it.  Figure out the direction you want to go ahead of time, so by the time you signal to start the process, you are not changing your signals at the last minute and stopping traffic flow.

Servant -leaders, when driving change must remain consistent and clear. They must not change leadership style based on the changing situation or authenticity and trust will be breached.  Situational communication is what is required. Not, situational leadership.

Before embarking on your new path, check your blinkers, remember the 3 Cs and you will sail through the intersections!

Want more info? Check out the BridgeLite  resources page  http://www.bridgelite.com/resources/ or sign up for the BridgeLite newsletter for Change Management tips.

I hate it when I have to “eat my own dog food.”

For the past two months I’ve been in change mode, but this time, for ME.

It’s so much easier to help others change. Don’t you think?

I hope you notice, we just launched the new website. Yea!

The need to CHANGE sprung from the desire to clarify and simplify. I want it easy for you to quickly see and view offerings, get a true picture of who we are, how we deliver, and provide a broader range of resources for you.  Also, I need an easier way to make updates and add content for all ya’ll when the desire or realization strikes at 12:30am.

Thanks to Umstattd Media – we are LIVE and have met these goals!  Big thanks to Katie, Sam, and Thomas for their patience and creative and analytical solutions.

These site changes are all and more than I expected. All goodness. But instead of doing my usual Happy Feet Dance as I see the light at the end of a project, I’m a little grumpy. Why?

Makes no sense.

Or maybe it does make sense and I get to laugh at myself – again.

It’s because I have to change.

Change process, tools, application integration, registration, and many other itty- bitty things that really don’t matter but do – because I have to change how I use them.  Outlook vs Gmail; phone to Facebook to Twitter and back out again. The list seems long and yet I know in about 2 more weeks, I’ll have the IT equivalent of postpartum amnesia and will wonder what all the fuss was about.

So, I’ll tell the truth and confess:

I like changes. Love new adventures. Can’t wait till I can put new ideas into motion, as long as I don’t have to change anything.

Ahhh – good to be back online!

What about you?  What do you like and not like about  making changes?

“Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?”

Originally stated by Ray Kroc, founder of the McDonald’s empire, the quote is reiterated by Derek Sivers in his worth viewing YouTube Clip:

When driving change and new projects, many leaders think they must have all the answers.  For some, it’s difficult to say 3 magic words:

I don’t know.

It didn’t work.

Let’s try again.

Another fantastic resource on the topic of driving lasting change and developing a growth mindset is the book, SWITCH by Chip and Dan Heath. Clear, well written, great insights – and with a sense of humor!

A Must for leaders driving change.

Authentic, Servant Leaders know the value of a growth mindset. Experimenting. Learning. Sharing.

Enjoy!

We talk  about how to lead followers – but what about leading leaders?

Or, more specifically, how do we effectively team with other leaders  to drive changes, hammer out a new initiative, raise funds, promote an idea to the Board – or – participate effectively as a Board member?

We see it all the time.  And, we cope by joking and complaining about the  “power struggles,” bullying, and begin to label our teammates with not so nice labels.

When working with a team of strong willed, independent thinkers, convinced that their way is the only way, here are some survival tips:

1. Listen 80%, Talk 20%

It’s amazing what we learn when we genuinely listen. Not  speaking or focusing on our next brilliant utterance, but listen to what is really being said by others.  Valuable team time can be squandered when we are not really listening to each other. And, it’s easy to move into conflict when we begin to make assumptions about what we think we are hearing when only half listening. Try applying the 80/20 rule to listening in team meetings and see what the true landscape is.

2. Ask Clarifying Questions – Don’t Assume.

There is a reason that the word ASSmption begins with those first 3 letters…. Take time to clarify what you think you hear, especially if the comment seems out of line with the discussion or what you expect. It also helps if the question is asked with respect, without hidden agendas and in true question format. For example:

Do ask:, “Fred, are you saying  you believe the delivery should be next week as opposed to this week?

Don’t ask: ” Fred, you can’t possibly mean that the delivery should be this week as opposed to next week!”  [Besides being a statement as opposed to a question – the real statement is the underlying tone – “Fred, you idiot! You can’t possibly mean that the delivery….” You get the idea.

I see this in teams – alot. The not so subtle “clarification” that is really intended to coerce the other party back to the speaker’s way of thinking. The attitude in which a clarifying question is asked is just as important as the question.

3. Focus on the problem that needs to be solved – not the personalities.

Tug-of-wars in meetings can pop up without much warning when the focus is on each other  rather than the problem to be solved.  If a team is debating more than required to uncover data that helps the decision making process, shift the focus. If in a room together, shift focus to the problem on a whiteboard or flip chart. If in online meeting, highlight in meeting tool and/or verbally restate what you think the problem to be solved is- sometimes, just restating the problem statement, will refocus attention. Arguing is guaranteed to diminish as you partner with each other to solve the issue at hand.

4. Remember, as a servant leader – it’s not about you.

Skilled leaders, remember that it’s not about “winning” or “losing.”  It’s about driving the new initiative forward. Enabling the change to occur, etc. The best outcome is the one where something gets done, all feel engaged, energized and respected.

Where can you shift focus this week and team with your leadership colleagues to make a difference?

Tiny squirming children would wait  patiently (or not so patiently) for the highlight of the show, the closing scene where Miss Nancy (the original host out of Baltimore)

or Miss Debbie, Miss Susan, Miss Sally, etc. would position her magic mirror in front of her face, look directly into the camera, and recite  the names of  the good boys and girls she could see that day.

Some children would jump up and down in front of the TV, attempting to get Miss Whoever’s  attention as the roll call began,

“I see Sarah, I see Bobby, I see Suzie…”  And 40 years later , “I see Michelle, I see Tiffany, I see Tyler, I see Brandy” – you get the idea.

(Nope – I never heard Denise. -Ahh the agony!)

Which, years later leads us to the Romper Room Effect in leadership.

As a leader, how many times have you had the opportunity to hold up the magic mirror?  A way to see people that are doing good things, just waiting to be noticed?

That employee wanting you to notice  he is doing a good job.  That volunteer wanting you to recognize  the hours she is putting in makes a difference.

Did you see him/her? Did you offer a thank you? A “good job” comment?

The recent Bureau of Labor Statistics report  indicates that the number of people leaving their jobs, not affected by a layoff is up by 6%.

Up in an otherwise down economy.  Why? Many cite their boss as a primary reason for exit, along with lack of opportunity for contribution, or loss of confidence in senior management.

Most reasons for leaving are concerns about how they are viewed, treated – noticed.  [note: compensation is hardly ever noted as the reason to leave.]

What about you? As a leader, do you see and value the people vying for your attention??

If not, perhaps it’s time to look in the mirror.

O.K.,  us older ones as well.  But let’s take another look at how leadership – happens,

as demonstrated in the following clip by Derek Silvers.

This clip illustrates a key principle of Servant Leadership.

As a leader, from the very beginning -

It’s not about you.

Also, a great reminder that leadership takes courage, simplicity, and a willingness to be authentic.

If you were captured dancing in this video, where would you be?

The first follower?                 The leader?               Later in the pack?

Kenny, age 10, provides insights into some early definitions of leadership.

His poster makes me chuckle.  As the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Take a look.

He pretty accurately captures what so many do when setting  out on a leadership path.

Promise enticements.  Follow me and you get…..

Notice he is the one with the key to the treasure.  Interesting.  Kenny has figured out how to entice with the  lure of “stuff.”  ( in this case, free candy).

Are we lured by those promising “stuff?”  As leaders, do we promise to deliver “stuff?”

You’ve seen the adds.  People promising: financial freedom, inner peace, less work, less fat,  no taxes, more time, a better life, more money etc. etc.

Is this leadership?

Student Council – vote for Kenny!

Elections are over, What did we learn?

Did we find new leaders? Affirm those we already had ?

Last week, elections on the state, local, and school student council stages rekindled questions for me  about leadership.  How about you? Do you wonder about this topic?

Who are the people that we choose to follow?

What is so special about them?

Leadership.  What is it?  What constitutes a leader?  Which models make sense?  When are they best used  and why?

If you are like  me and have more questions than answers, I invite you to join me  explore leadership in sometimes deep and sometimes humorous ways over the next few weeks.

After all , we all lead something or someone. Even if we – or they, don’t know it.

Change is:

Going to Happen

Happened

Hoped For

Desired

Dreaded

Avoided

Welcomed

Refreshing.

“E.”….. ALL  the ABOVE!

What to do?

Many focus on the CHANGE and neglect the TRANSITION that has to occur to make the change happen.

The first steps?

1. Realize that transition is needed.  It’s a process to incorporate the change into where you are now to create where you want to be.
2. Create a mental link from what you want to happen to what you are doing now.   ‘Gotta know why before you try.’
3. Map out the “Baby Steps” you need each day to support your change.
4. Connect with a partner. Tell that person what you want to focus on – create self accountability to propel yourself forward.

It’s not easy, but you can do it.

Join Mary DeMuth, Lauraine Snelling and Holley Gerth as they talk about transitions from their perspectives. Gain  new insights and energy to address your own.

http://www.bridgelite.com/TransitionSeries.html