Bridget Writes

D Blog Week: Accomplishments Big and Small

2013-05-16T04:59:00.000-07:00

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.).

Our Accomplishments Big and Small

I have to admit it might be a bit cliche' but our biggest accomplishment thus far since Clifford was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes is that he's alive! Diabetes is an inconsistent disease that you really never know what's going to happen every minute with it. So you must celebrate all the small victories. We've celebrated 'in range' numbers after a particularly high carb meal, or sweet treat, and we've celebrated learning to tackle that nasty bg spike that comes from eating pizza a few hours after. But the biggest celebration of all is that he's alive and healthy! What more could you ask for?

Granted you're going to have days that aren't so nice, numbers wise. But we tend think "bolus and move on". I do try to figure out as best I can what is causing those highs, but I don't stress about it as much as I used to. I've learned how his body is and works more now that we're three years into it. I can typically tell which way he should be trending after a certain meal, or bolus. I'm not always 100% right because no one's perfect, but I'm getting pretty good at it, so that in itself is an accomplishment.

Another huge accomplishment is the addition of the insulin pump. He was on MDI's for 2 years after diagnosis, and on the dreaded sliding scale for a year and a half of that!! Throughout out it all his a1c has never been above 7.5%, except for at diagnosis. In fact 6 months after beginning the insulin pump he went from 7.5% to 6.5% and now has been hanging around the 6.4 and 6.3% mark for the last 8 months. I can say that is a huge accomplishment. The best you can do with diabetes is get up and take a hold of it and say, today you will not stop me, you may toss a few bumps along the way, but it will not stop you!

D Blog Week: Memories: A Few Moments In Time Could Save a Life!

2013-05-15T09:18:00.001-07:00

I have to say I pretty much remember almost every single significant event that has happened in our life due to Diabetes now for the past three years. But the one that I can see crystal clear and can recall every single detail of is not the day my son was diagnosed, unconscious in DKA, or the life flight from a low blood sugar, no it's a small glimpse in D life that didn't present cause for a trip to the hospital at all, but it still haunts me to this day.

Like every parent that has a child with Diabetes, those moments walking to your child's room when they have slept in later than they normally would are frightening. One particular morning, he slept in a little later than normal, around 9am, which is late for Clifford on any given day. I tiptoed up to his room, checked to see if his chest was rising with each breath, I myself breathed a sigh of relief to see that in fact it was. I touched him to wake him up, and there was no movement, my heart sunk for a second, but when he started to stir I recovered from my cardiac episode. However I couldn't fully understand what he was trying to tell me. So I went through the normal 20 questions to see if he was in the 'right state of mind', or if a low was taking him over. "What's your name", Clifford, Okay good. "How old are you", Blank stare, no answer, again, "How old are you", : 9, awesome he's back, but something wasn't right. He was only answering me intermittently, and it just didn't sit right with me. I ran downstairs to get his meter (which is why we keep it by the bedside now), ran back up out of breath at this point to test him, thankfully I thought enough to bring a juice box with me. Tested him and he was 65, okay low but we've experienced lower, this juice will bring him right up I thought to myself. He drank, and I planned on checking him again in 10 minutes to make sure he was coming up.

I went downstairs to toss the empty juice box in the trash, on my way through I decided to grab the cake icing tube, you know just in case. Then I went right back upstairs to check on him. During those few brief minutes, honestly maybe only 2. He had moved himself from his bed, and crawled through the hallway to the walk in closet at the other end of the hall, he was on his hands and knees in the closet, and still talking to me intermittently, he was having a slight twitch as well, not one that you would consider even the possibility of him having a seizure, or that you think of when you think seizure, but just a nervous twitch of sorts. Without thinking I grabbed him up and started forcing icing into his mouth, rubbing it on his gums, tongue, the sides of his mouth, everywhere, asking him to swallow. He had that 'low' look that I remember too perfectly, glazed eyes, wide open, staring through me like glass. It seemed to be forever in my mind, but within a few moments he started looking at me like I was crazy, which told me he had started to become 'normal' again and was aware of what was going on, in a sense. He asked why we were in the closet, and what I was doing, he had no recollection of what had happened. I guess in a way that was good for him. But his little sister who is 7 had to watch as I grabbed him up and forced icing in his mouth. I didn't panic, I just made it happen.

It wasn't until after this was all said and done, he was tested and was 141, that I sat down, and had to take a moment to come to terms with what had happened, and what we had just done. It was a simple moment in D life, that thankfully didn't require emergency intervention, but it very easily could if we had lost a few more moments in time that usually seem so insignificant. But in D life those moments are priceless and very well could save someones life!

Inside Peek Into the Life of Type 1 Diabetes

2013-05-15T03:05:00.000-07:00

While on paper it all looks pretty simple when it comes to type 1 diabetes management. You count your carbs before you eat, you inject insulin and this all should provide you with a stable blood sugar number right? Boy do I wish.

While giving insulin to cover the carbs the body will covert into glucose in the bloodstream is extremely important, it's not the only factor when it comes to Diabetes management. Exercise plays a huge role in blood sugar numbers, it's a great way to bring a higher number down, or help keep you in your target zone. Stress tends to increase one's blood sugar numbers, as well as illness, or puberty.

But the one way I've been kept on my toes throughout it all is during the night time. No matter the basal's that we put into place at night time it seems that there is no correct 'formula' for his night time insulin dosage. Clifford's body tends to be more sensitive to the insulin during the night time, I really do not know why this is, as I haven't really researched it as much. Add into play the dawn phenomenon, which typically happens for him at least around 2-3 am, his numbers are usually hit or miss. With his increased sensitivity, if he's high, it's a horrible guessing game for the correct dosage to bring him down to a nice number. I know I have to back off a good deal of what the pump suggests at night time, but just how much, well that's another story. There is no one set number, I can't just back off .5 units and hope for the best, because I get varied results either still high or too low. (Oh yeah, did I mention you must take into consideration also if they had any activity before bedtime, as it could take a few hours to take full effect?) Sounds fun right?

What I'm left with is the job that his once vital pancreas would do. The way the pancreas works is rather beautiful. You wouldn't know it but as a non diabetic you may still have a higher blood sugar from time to time if you checked yourself. That is because the body will secret your insulin at just the right time to bring you down, but not cause you to go too low. It's in no other words beautiful. It's hard to understand this when you don't have to see the other side of a non working organ in play. But here I am left playing the part of the dead organ floating inside his body and it's a bit stressful at times.

An example of my nightly guessing game when he's high is like last night he was over 300 ( which I honestly couldn't figure out why, so I busted out the ketone meter), the pump wanted to give him 3.3 units, but woah is that a large dose at night time for him. I backed off down to 1.9 units, because the particular number 1.4 units showed up in my head (to subtract), and well I went with my instincts. Because he's corrected, I must set an alarm to get up 2 hours later to make sure he's not coming down too fast, last night he happened to be 270 something I believe, and while typically that number comes down into a more stable or target number, something in my stomach said that we should still bolus for this one as well. In fact the pump wanted to give him 1.4 units and I only gave him 0.3. The nice side of this story is, he's is sitting currently at a 117! But there are times it could go either way, it's never perfect, and it's exhausting to be in my head during these few short moments.

This is diabetes. Not what you see in books, or on the internet. It's not black and white, and while it's manageable as they say, it's not easy. It's time consuming, it's a parasite that takes from you every single moment of the day, but it's worth all the hassle to see a healthy child wake up in the morning! Just a little inside view into the life of Type 1 diabetes!

HAWMC Day 10: Wordless Wednesday!

2013-04-10T08:24:00.004-07:00

HAWMC Day #10: Wordless Wednesday!

It's often hard to like pictures of ourselves, post your favorite picture of yourself!

Technically since my blog is about Clifford and living with his Type 1 diabetes I figured I'd post up my favorite picture of myself but also one of him, just acting like himself. So here you go.

Acting like a goof!

The one behind the computer screen....

If Your Health Condition Was an Animal.........

2013-04-08T07:11:00.002-07:00

I am a bit behind on my Health Activist's Writer's Month Challenge from WEGO, but today is Day # 8 and here is the prompt.

HAWMC Day 8:
If your health condition (or the health condition of a loved one!) was an animal, what would it be? Is it a real animal or make believe?

Originally when I thought of this question and thought about Clifford's Diabetes, I wanted to say a Lion, you know the king of the jungle, the ruler of all, I get what I want when I want, Lion. But when I thought about it more, I really feel like Diabetes has multiple personalities. Because why it's large and usually almost always in charge, it does tend to let us get a grip or a hold on it from time to time. You know those brief few hours, or maybe even days where it seems like we got our shit together and everything is going great? Yeah, so I did some research to see which animals tend to have multiple personalities.

This may seem silly, but if Clifford's diabetes was an animal, it would be a MIMIC OCTOPUS! Yeah, you heard me right a mimic octopus. Until today I didn't realize there was such an octopus, but there is, and it resembles diabetes most to me, and let me tell you why. This mimic octopus is a super intelligent mollusc, that has eight arms each with two rows of suction cups, when they are threatened they will take the form of other animals by changing color, shape, and behavior to scare their predators off.

So when you read that it pretty much sums up diabetes to me. When diabetes feels threatened that we got a grasp on things, and it's control isn't as tight, it comes back in for the attack, taking the form of this horrible, life changing disease to scare us off, to knock us off our tracks. Diabetes attaches itself to pretty much every aspect in our lives, hence the 8 arms with 2 rows of suction cups each. I picture diabetes just reaching out and grabbing and touching anyone and everything in it's path just to let them know it's there. * NOTE: I'm not the best drawer on Paint, but that is my vision of the Diabetes Octopus up top there..

You pretty much get the picture right? Diabetes is one bad ass, with multiple personalities that has a huge control issue!

No Time for Diabetes

2013-03-25T22:08:00.002-07:00

There are days I wish I could put diabetes on the back burner, there is simply just no time in the day for everything. But unlike the laundry, I can't set it aside for a better time, nope it needs attention NOW, in fact Diabetes is a huge attention whore! Always poking it's face in where it doesn't belong, and at the most inappropriate moments, plus it's ALWAYS about D!

It may be the lack of sleep leading this post or just the fact that D is simply tiring in itself. With a family as large as ours, (In case you've forgotten we have 9 of us!) there is no dull moment. Quite honestly I go to bed tired as death, and wake up the same. I hardly sleep, and no not just because of D, because well simply with 7 kids someone always needs something at some time or another. There is always something going on, whether it's a doctors appointment, endo appointment, dentist appointment, PT appointment, Speech therapy for the twins, or Early headstart for the twins. There is just something always going on. And the one big thing always there is D. It's a constant 24/7 job that takes no breaks or vacation, quite honestly I wish I had it's energy, I would get soooo much done.

Endless finger pokes, carb counting up the wahzoo, site changes, fighting the doctors for prescriptions, fighting the pharmacy, fighting the insurance, sleepless nights, the uncertainty of it all.

But one thing stays certain in the mix, no matter the time, the loss of sleep it's worth it in the morning to see a bright, smiling, ALIVE face. (Although he has to work on his wake up time, usually it's the butt crack of dawn).....

Just Being a Kid Doesn't Happen With Diabetes

2013-03-07T18:57:00.004-08:00

Just being a kid and having diabetes, well those are two things that do not mix. You can't just be a kid, and indulge in candy, treats, and goodies without giving yourself insulin. I write this post because we are going through a stage with Clifford where he is sneaking into Candy and 'goodies' and not bolusing for these.

He's never been restricted on what he can eat, I've never told him no, unless a good reason (like candy for breakfast), but yet he still feels the need to sneak and indulge to the extreme. But when you think about it, how can we tell them they are 'still just a kid' and turn around and punish them for 'just being a kid'?

I ask this question, because I am curious as to what others are doing, or have done previously. His sneaking has lead to some deep talks about mortality, complications, and consequences. He heard the story of his diagnosis, and how heart wrenching it was on his family, and myself. He was told that while his diagnosis of diabetes wasn't his fault and he couldn't control it, he could however control the food he is putting in his mouth. And with each bite of food unbolused (no insulin given), he is putting himself a step closer to being back in that hospital bed unconscious, or worse.

I wrote a blog post previously about talking to your child about their own mortality and what a toll that plays on you as a parent, and your child of learning to accept this. Hell I'm 30 years old and still haven't fully accepted my own mortality, so how the hell am I supposed to accept that of my child, and worse how is a 9 year old supposed to do it?

Unfortunately, it all comes with the territory when you are in the D game. I'd love to post an upbeat, fun and friendly, laughs and giggles post about D today, but sadly I cannot. All I can do is post what we are going through in hopes that it reaches someone that might be going through the same, to let them know they are not alone. I cannot provide you with the right advice on what to do. I can only tell you these 'talks' you will have with your child will be difficult (to say the least), they will tug, and almost rip out your heart strings, but they are so very important.

Just being a kid is a wonderful concept, and while we strive to keep that happening everyday, sadly it's not always possible. You cannot just be a kid, and go through the painful daily ordeal that kids with diabetes go through. Kids with diabetes are forced to grow up way too soon. All we can do as their parents or family members is support them. Let them know we are hear, that we love them, and do our best to teach them the responsibility that comes along with this disease.

And that my friends is just another day in the life of diabetes.....................

The Impact YOU Have on Others

2013-03-06T15:02:00.004-08:00

Sometimes we don't realize the impact we have on others. We all usually tend to think we are insignificant in this world, just a small spec in time and space that really doesn't make much of a difference. However, that cannot be further from the truth. We all have an impact on others, whether here online, or the way we touch the lives of others around us. We are impacting them with everything we do or say.

With that being said, that impact while we can use for such wonderful things can sometimes end up being hurtful when words are not conveyed properly. A few days ago there was A LOT of hype in the DOC (Diabetic Online Community) the word "CURE" was danced around, but the main spotlight was shining brightly on it. When you live with or are affect with Diabetes of any type, the word CURE brings chills to your entire body. The thought of not having to endure more pain, suffering, mental exhaustion from this damn disease would be an answer to so many prayers. So this word "CURE" is not a word that should be used frivolously, or without regards to how it will affect others.

With this word, the impact to those in the DOC is huge. With this word, everyone starts to imagine just what it would be like. For many more years than D has affected our lives, those living with Type 1 diabetes have been told a "CURE" is so close, only 5-10 years away. Well when you dance around the word, let us know that the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brighter because we are so much closer, you impact us, you impact us to our core.

I have hope, I have faith stronger than you can believe. What I don't have is time to be toyed with, or lead askew. I have learned to have a different, unusual one would think, outlook on things. While I hope, and have faith that a "CURE" will be found, I'm not counting on it. I worry about the here and now, and what we know is a fact.

FACT: My son has Type 1 diabetes
FACT: Realistically my son will live with this disease his entire life
FACT: My son must have insulin to survive
FACT: My son is not 'cured'

Those my friends are facts, those are what I know to be true NOW! I took the information provided to us on March 4 with a grain of salt. I didn't believe that something this big would be 'kind of' announced the day prior. So with that, the information provided the next day didn't surprise me. It more in fact pissed me off to my core. Because so many of my friends and who I refer to as my D family did believe. They had that moment where the word "CURE" touched them to their very soul. Only to have their heart strings tugged, pulled on, and ripped apart when it wasn't true.

It was in fact a sad, sad ploy, to develop hype, and to gain the attention of everyone in the DOC to watch for the news to unfold the next day. Sorry to say, but if you can't tell me anything new, and just kind of toss some new words, and some new 'ideas' in there, it's not NEW news!

Until we actually see our one true "CURE" I will keep doing what I'm doing now, which is, keeping my son alive. Quite frankly I'm hurt, and I'm saddened that the hearts of already delicate people were played with.

Three Year Diaversary - What Three Years Can Do!

2013-02-28T09:23:00.002-08:00

A lot can happen in 3 years.... In years you go from thinking you have a healthy 6 year old little boy, to being told he has Type 1 diabetes, to watching him suffer in DKA unconscious all the while you think he is slipping away. Just when you think you are starting to learn the ins and outs of this new "Type 1 Diabetes World" he passes out from a low blood sugar and bumps his head, only to be rushed off once again via ambulance to Children's hospital. And when again you think you've got it covered he suffers the scariest seizure you've ever witnessed in front of you to be flown by helicopter back again to Children's hospital. This trip though was bittersweet, it was in April of 2010, and a new D mom like myself and I had connected on Facebook, and she helped keep me company while sitting in the hospital with Clifford and waiting for Chad to come. That mom has moved on to become family to me. (Diane, you know it's you ;) ). Moving forward from my initial contact with Diane, she helped to introduce me to many more wonderful people that knew what was going on, and we were welcomed into the DOC (Diabetic online community). If you are reading this and still are unsure what the signs and symptoms of type 1 diabetes are, take a look here, it could very well save someones life! Knowledge is power!

These events haven't even covered the first year of living with Diabetes for Clifford. These events both happened within 2-6 months of being dx'd. Finally though after that was all said and done, his doctors got his 'sliding scale' which I've come to detest figured out better. A sliding scale is basically to me a guess of how much insulin to give them based on their blood sugar at the time. It doesn't take into account the carbs they are eating, or anything. So as you can see it's basically just a 'start' into learning the diabetes lingo, and treatment plans, and honestly it sucked.

In three years, not only did we get handed a diabetes diagnosis, we found out we were expecting (at first we thought just one baby), then we moved, then found out surprise (it's two!). That first year of D is not something I'm proud of, but I tried my hardest and did what I was told to do, all the while suffering from morning sickness. Many times I gave injections, and tested blood sugar from the couch because well it just felt better there, instead of getting up and having the room spin around me.

Finally after questioning it over and over again, Clifford got to start "Carb Counting" in August of 2011. He was on that dreaded 'sliding scale' for a year and a half. I have to admit though as horrible as the sliding scale was we haven't had an a1c over 7.5%, except for Dx which was 10%) In fact in the last three years ( 7.5%, 7.4%, 7.3%, 7.1%, 7%(twice), 6.9% , 6.8% (twice), 6.5%, 6.4% and 6.3%. We moved forward into our carb counting journey with one goal in mind, pumping... I was told multiple times by those at Children's hospital that Clifford wouldn't get approved for a pump, his a1c was too 'good' and that injections were fine for him because he was doing 'good'. Well wouldn't it be better to move from doing 'good' to doing 'great'?? In fact that's exactly what happened after pumping, but we'll get there later. It took some time but I pushed for the pump, fought the insurance a bit, had an appeal, but low and behold in March of 2012 he started pumping (all paid for by the way and approved by the insurance) ;) . Within 3 months, just 3 months of pumping his a1c went from 7.0% down to 6.5%!! Then in September it was 6.3% and 6.4% in December. Before pumping the lowest we saw was 6.8% (which is rocking also btw, but as you can tell he went from 'good' to 'better').

It's been three years and he's gone from not knowing what to do, or how to care for himself to testing his own blood sugar 15 times a day (sometimes more, he's more obsessive about it than I am), to bolusing (giving insulin) for meals, counting carbs, correcting high numbers through the pump, and has even tried changing an infusion set. Today's a day of celebration in that he's made it another year and lived it happy and healthy all while having Diabetes with him. As I said in 3 years a lot can happen!

KNOW the Signs

2013-02-25T07:52:00.002-08:00

There is no reason that a child should die from un-diagnosed Type 1 diabetes. NO reason. But unfortunately, even with all the advancements in technology, and our better treatment options than that of what we had before, it's still happening, even today. Before Insulin what you see in the picture is what was happening. Children were dying from type 1 diabetes, because there simply was no treatment for it. They were put on starvation diets, to restrict from pretty much everything, and the outcome was a slow, painful death. Imagine the heart ache of their parents to witness them go through this.

Before and After Insulin (same child)

But NOW we have insulin, we have much better treatment methods, and we have more education then there was before. There should be no excuse for a child to die from a missed diagnosis. And with the increase of Type 1 diabetes cases being reported in children DAILY, it's important to recognize the signs and symptoms. I'm not going to lie, it was almost missed with Clifford, we almost lost him, because we didn't know the signs and symptoms, we simply thought he had the flu. I look back on it at times, now that I know the symptoms and wonder just how I could have missed it. But it happens. Let's take a look at the signs and symptoms (and I will tell you what they actually mean, having experienced them before) so that someday you can help save a young life.

Symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes

(These are the common symptoms you will see everywhere you look)

Frequent Urination

Unusual Thirst

Extreme Hunger

Unusual Weight Loss

Extreme Fatigue and Irritability

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From our experience you can also have these symptoms
Vomiting
Blurry Vision
Extreme Weakness
Lack of appetite

Unusual Thirst
When it says unusual thirst, I'm talking every 5 minutes, always attached to a water bottle thirst. When your blood sugar is high, you become really thirsty. If you notice your little one, or perhaps hear of a friends child being thirsty all time time, it doesn't hurt to get them tested, or let the parent know it could be a sign. Diabetes takes hold, and doesn't let go. It acts quickly, and it's very serious. When Clifford was diagnosed he was unconscious for the first day because he was in DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis).

Diabetic Ketoacidosis is a serious condition that can lead to a diabetic coma or even death. Your cells are not receiving the glucose they need for energy, and will begin to burn fat for energy, which then will lead to ketones. Ketones are acids that build up in bloodstream, and appear in your urine when you are not getting enough insulin. They are a good warning sign that you have type 1 diabetes, your diabetes is out of control, or you are getting sick. High levels of ketones can end up poisoning the body, and when they get to high lead to the development of DKA.

As you can tell it's nothing to prolong, or perhaps I'll ask the doctor about it next time, well the honest hard truth is there may not be a next time to ask about it. Do it now if you suspect anything unusual.

Closest Picture to "Before Diabetes", this was in the hospital at Diagnosis, notice how 'tiny' he was.

As you can tell from the picture, Clifford looked really tiny (at least it's able to be seen by me now), he lost a good deal of weight before being diagnosed with diabetes.

After Diabetes, Healthy and on the life saving medicine known as Insulin.

We are almost 3 years (2/28/10) into our Diabetes journey and what I can tell you is the media is confused, Hollywood is confused, and many actors and actresses are confused. They mix up type 1 and type 2 diabetes all the time, and it's not acceptable. Because knowing the correct symptoms can literally save someones life!

A Full Time Pancreas

2013-02-15T10:41:00.002-08:00

Sometimes after a long day or night of Diabetes I think... No wonder his pancreas decided to quit, this is a TOUGH job! No matter the amount of work we put into it, the consistency with meals, carbs, etc, nothing is ever going to be the same. I heard once that with Diabetes there are three things that are in your control (Counting carbs, amount of insulin you give, testing blood sugar), and there are 800 different things that you cannot control. I don't know about you but 3 to 800, I don't like those odds.

What does it mean to be a full time pancreas? I'm honestly not 100% sure. We are almost 3 years into playing Clifford's new pancreas and I haven't got it all figured out. I know that when I go upstairs at night to test him, my heart isn't sure how to feel, if it's a high # I'm up making sure he doesn't drop too fast, if it's a low # I'm up making sure he goes up quick enough. If it's a normal number, I go back to sleep for a few hours with the uncertainty of what's going to happen in those few hours.

I know what it feels like to put your child to bed at night with no worries, and that their body is going to work properly and do what it needs to do to keep them alive. We have kids that don't have Diabetes, and let me tell you that feeling is refreshing and wonderful. So if your reading this and your kids don't have diabetes, no matter what is going on in your life at this very moment that you think is horrible, just soak in that feeling, as there is none like it.

It takes some time swallowing the feeling of putting them to bed at night, saying I love you's and "I'll see you in the morning" when you really don't know if that second part is true. All you can do is do the best that you were trained to do and hope that you see their smiling faces in the morning.... That's what being a full time pancreas is.

Diabetes is...

2013-01-23T15:25:00.002-08:00

Diabetes is facing your own mortality on a daily basis, looking it in the eye, and saying not today! How can you stomach hearing a 9 year old, who just brought home straight A's for another semester say "As long as I live to find the cure". Not until a cure is found, as long as he lives to find a cure for everyone else.

If diabetes has succeeded to accomplish anything in my son's life, it is this. We now have a determined, SMART young man, out there wanting to be the one who finds a cure. We will have a doctor who will stop at nothing but to have no more fighting diabetes for his patients. How can you hate a disease that has created this individual.

Before diabetes he was still destined to save others, he was still going to make a difference. That was because he wanted to serve his country. But since Diabetes has taken that option away from him, he is now destined to serve others just like him, and make their lives better.

Have you stopped and thought about your own mortality and what it would be like for those around you? Chances are you may have from time to time, chances are you have even come to terms with dying. But try being a child who has come to terms with dying. A child who hasn't even really lived yet. I can as an adult living 30 healthy years so far, come to terms with my own mortality. But I cannot fathom or even consider coming to terms with my son's mortality. Some people may think I'm strong, and from time to time I consider myself to have gone through hell, and bounced back looking forward to what's ahead, and for that I am strong. But I have no where the amount of strength that my 9 year old boy has. He lays his head on a pillow every night, knowing full well he may not wake up in the morning. That is hard for me to swallow, but imagine being a child and having to swallow that.

I write this not for those that have diabetes, because they have lived this, some of them as children, and are still living it. I write this for others who do NOT understand just what diabetes is, and what it does. Take a moment to think about everything. Try living your life from this moment forward like someone with diabetes does. Go to bed thinking you may not wake up in the morning, so it is your duty to live your life to the fullest, not to let any opportunity pass, and fill your day with nothing short of pure awesomeness, and make a difference in the lives of others.

No Winning - With the Numbers

2013-01-15T10:28:00.006-08:00

It goes without saying that Diabetes is one of those things that has to be in control at all times. Otherwise, well it would be a piece of cake, right? You can battle it daily, think you have it figured out, think that the same meal that gave you that nice 100 the day before will do the same again, same bg (same carbs),etc, etc. But instead you end up with a 205 ?

There's really no explaining it other than, that's diabetes for you. Before diabetes life was care free, do what you want when you want, no stop to think about carbs, no weighing food, no thinking, "Is he just acting up, or is he low, or high?", none of that. But with diabetes you have a new found responsibility. Whether you are a PWD, or a D Parent, you now have the responsibility of helping to do the job of an internal organ that decided they were done, outta there, tired of working (Whatever you like to refer to it as).

So in being that organ (the pancreas by the way, for those unfamiliar) you have to figure out all the "what ifs". So if the bg number is 100 and you're giving 50 grams of carbs, you know to give a certain amount of insulin based on various math, however can you take into account the exercise you may experience chasing after your dog an hour from now, or the fact that you are getting the flu, but you just don't know it yet, or how about puberty?

Nothing much to learn from this posting other than the numbers are never consistent no matter what we try. And that's diabetes.

Why Is Nighttime So Scary

2013-01-06T07:54:00.001-08:00

This was one of my most viewed blog posts at over 5K views, so I felt like it's something that should be shared once again.

You may hear many parents of Type 1 kids talk about how they don't sleep much and how scary night time is. But why is night time so scary? Let's look at it this way as a person without diabetes, your pancreas is still fully working properly, you can go to bed and not have to worry about anything going wrong with your blood sugar, that's because your pancreas is working around the clock to ensure you are stable all though the night with insulin and glucagon (if you happen to get low). However with Type 1 diabetes Clifford's pancreas gave up and quit it's job. Now it's our job to function as his pancreas. Unlike a pancreas who really doesn't require sleep, we as human beings do. There are a few things I've learned about night time. 1. I dislike it, but also love my sleep. 2. It's so unpredictable with diabetes.

I've had an endo tell me once to stop testing overnight so much, that really all he needed was tested 2 nights a week. Well that didn't sit too well with me, but overworked, and sleep deprived I decided to give it a shot one time, and go to bed without testing him. Yes that might shock pretty much all of you, but we were new to this and I decided to listen to the medical professional. Well what happened you might ask? Clifford woke up at 3am and was "dizzy", after testing him he was low with a blood sugar of 50! I knew that feeling in the pit of my stomach was something to listen to when I went to bed.

So as we move on in this game I learned something else just last night. Last week before Clifford's dental surgery I talked with his diabetes educator, she wanted to get his numbers and see where to change his Lantus to before the surgery and the fasting he had to do. Well that night he was below target at 111 at 11pm, his target for bedtime is 120. So I decided to treat and give him 15g's to help get him above target. He happened to wake up a little higher at 240. The educator said with him being so close to target that he didn't need treated to help get him up. Okay well last night rolls around, I again tested him before I went to bed at 11, and he was 112, I decided NOT to treat, and went to bed, 2:30 he was tested again and he was 130, not bad. However 6:30 came around and Clifford woke up feeling "dizzy". After we tested him he was 68.

The lesson I've learned from these two experiences is one I've always knew 1. Diabetes is unstable. He could have been 112 another night and not got boosted up by juice, and still woken up high, or he could have dive bombed as he did last night. What I've learned is if I do not feel comfortable with the number prior to going to bed as I didn't last night (but listened to the educator) I will go with what I feel is best. I mean I understand that his diabetes team is very smart and educated in their field. They are however not experts at Clifford's body. Unfortunately I am no expert at his body either, but I have more of an inside look than they do in caring for him 24/7.

I think I may have sidetracked from the topic of this post, but you can probably guess as to why night time is so scary. Non -working pancreas can lead to many problems during the night, including fatal ones that cannot be undone. So every morning we Thank God that Clifford woke up alive and awake, and for that we are truly blessed.

Celebrating the Holidays With Food Allergies

2012-12-19T08:46:00.001-08:00

I don’t know about you, but I am very excited for what the holiday’s will bring. The holiday’s are about spending time with family and friends that you typically do not get, celebrating whatever traditions you and your family have, and sharing gifts and wisdom with one another.

The holiday meal is one of the things I most look forward to (Eating it, not cooking it of course!) However when you are a family that has diabetes and multiple food allergies in the mix it can be an interesting time to say the least. I’ve learned a few tips and tricks on cooking gluten free/ dairy free so that we all can enjoy the holiday’s without added issues or discomfort. So in the spirit of sharing I’d love to share with others what we do so that it may help you and your family should you be looking at your first holiday Gluten Free.

The Meal

It took a bit of learning and research on my part to figure out how to cook gluten free for the turkey and main staples for our meal. What I‘ve learned in cooking the turkey is you want to use chicken stock instead of the traditional chicken broth if you use this to cook your turkey in. Since we are dairy free as well, we have to watch out for the butter used in cooking the turkey. I use olive oil butter in replace of the traditional butters.

Potatoes are naturally gluten free, which being Irish myself, we LOVE potatoes so that was a blessing. However if you are making homemade mashed potatoes and needing to be dairy/ lactose free there are a few changes you may wish to make. This includes the milk used in the process of making your potatoes. I opt to use Almond milk, and olive oil butter. And honestly the potatoes taste all around much better than they would with regular milk, you will be surprised.

Now gravy can be tricky but it can be made gluten free and still oh so yummy. Instead of your regular wheat based flours, you can use either cornstarch (which is GF), White Rice Flour, or even All Purpose Gluten Free flour. I usually use white rice flour and the gravy still comes out delicious.

As for sides, don’t forget your veggies, they are gluten free and good for you. In addition I love to make a corn casserole that is Gluten Free as well. The ingredients include, corn muffin mix, corn (both kernel and creamed), eggs (which if you need to substitute for eggs, let me know, I can help you with that as well), butter (again olive oil here), cheddar cheese (Shredded) Again for Dairy or lactose free Vegetable cheese tastes just as delicious. In the one recipe sour cream is included but I omit this for dairy purposes and it comes out just as good. Here is a link to the recipe I use and just tweak it to become Dairy free.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/corn-casserole-recipe/index.html

Biscuits! Everyone loves biscuits, but being gluten free it can be tricky. However by following the recipe on the box of GLUTEN FREE Bisquick, you can have some delicious gluten free biscuits in no time at all. I like to include garlic and flax seeds into ours for added flavor.

I haven’t really gotten too much in the line of yummy gluten free treats as this will be our first Christmas gluten free and I haven’t made up much in the line of treats other than our Gluten Free Brownies. I am going to try my hand at Gluten Free sugar cookies this week using almond flour and I will let you all know how those turned out!

Diabetes Burnout

2012-11-29T05:48:00.001-08:00

I haven’t had a post lately, and considering Diabetes Awareness Month is coming to an end, I thought it fitting to get one more in this month. It may come as a shock to you all, but I don’t feel like “talking” Diabetes all the time. Once in awhile I get burnout from all the diabetes lingo, carbs, bolus, basal, ketones, you know the lingo. These are the times that I may not have a post every single day. I just don’t feel like talking about it.

However, while I don’t feel like talking about it on here, we still have to live it. We still have to deal with the high blood sugars, the crappy attitude (whether that’s D, or him just being a kid ) The lows during the night, and everything else that comes along with it. That’s because while we may get burnout in talking about Diabetes, Diabetes doesn’t get burnout, it’s the freaking energizer bunny, and keeps on going and going, and pushing you harder and harder.

So if you see there are times I’m ‘quiet’ well, just know that even though I’m not talking about Diabetes with you all, I’m still out there living it.

Thanksgiving: Carbs, Carbs, and More Carbs

2012-11-18T06:28:00.001-08:00

When it comes to Thanksgiving it can be a bit overwhelming and frustrating especially in the beginning when tossing Diabetes into the mix. All those foods, all those carbs, what are you to do? Below are a few tested tips and tricks that can help make Thanksgiving a fun and enjoyable holiday all around, without sacrificing the chance to indulge in all the homemade goodness around you.

Check More Frequently

The most important tip of all for when it comes to Thanksgiving and Diabetes is to check more frequently. This can help prevent those highs that you may normally see later after largely carbohydrate based meals. Check 1 hour after eating ( I know your # will still be high at this time), however it can give you an idea of where you are headed. Usually 1 hour post meal if enough insulin is given Clifford won’t be much higher than in the 200s. But if we check and he’s rocking in the 300 and 400s then we know that a little more insulin is needed to help combat those after meal highs.

Smaller Portions

If you want to enjoy all the goodies around you, feel free to, you can. However it may be more beneficial to take those goodies in much smaller portions than you would normally like. This gives you the chance to try more than one dessert, or have more than one or two sides with your main meal, and not suffer from the additional carbs.

Increase Your Activity Levels

Adding in a few extra minutes of activity can help greatly in balancing out those blood sugar numbers. It can be something as simple as going for a walk after a large Thanksgiving meal.

Remember No Carb (Freebies).

When you know you will be eating a ton of extra Carbs in the afternoon with your meal, why not opt for no carb freebies such as cheese, meats, etc, etc in the earlier portion of the holiday.

The bottom line is, enjoy the holiday’s as you would normally. This time you just happen to have Diabetes in tow and need to pay attention a wee bit more. Overall it’s that time of year to have a great time with friends and family, so go do that and enjoy!

Passing the Torch

2012-11-16T07:16:00.001-08:00

When you have a child with diabetes you understand that one day they will become an adult with diabetes. All of the issues that you are dealing with now, the care, the management, the diligence with meals, etc, etc will be their responsibility. Honestly this whole thinking scares the crap outta me, but I do what I can daily to give Clifford a bit more responsibility in caring for himself.

It started slowly with testing himself, when he got the pump, he learned to bolus himself for meals, now he’s learning to count his carbs, add everything up and do that. However I didn’t know just how much we were teaching him until this morning. I knew that little by little we were passing the D torch over to him to care for himself when he was older, but it wasn’t until this morning just how much we’ve shown him had become apparent.

At 6:30 he woke up to let me know that my overnight “D” bag needs to have a new juicebox replaced in it, because he had woken up at 4:30 due to being dizzy, but when he tested himself he was 160 something. He said he tried to go back to sleep but still felt dizzy, so at 4:50 am he tested himself again and was 75, he then grabbed the juicebox, and treated himself, tested again and was in range. All the while he did this without waking anyone up.

I have a little bag that I carry with me to do overnight checks, in it I have his meter, his B Ketone meter, alcohol wipes, the dreaded glucagon, and a juicebox, everything that is needed. When I have to go back and retest at 2am which I had to do last night, I leave the bag by his bed, however this particular night I forgot to put it back downstairs, and it turns out that was a good call, as he didn’t even have to leave bed to test and treat.

He managed to handle one of the more scarier situations, overnight lows, with nothing but ease, and took care of it like a champ on his on. It’s that moment that let’s me not be so scared in my thinking of him out on his own as an adult in caring for himself and his diabetes.

Clifford’s Pancreas: You’re FIRED!

2012-10-24T07:34:00.001-07:00

Okay, so it’s been 2 years 7 months and 26 days since Clifford’s pancreas decided it didn’t want the position of taking care of his insulin need’s anymore. But during those 2 long years I’ve never once let it know exactly where it stands with me. So today is the OFFICIAL firing of his pancreas day when I let it know YOU’RE FIRED.

I’ve taken on your job for over two years now, and you do nothing but cause problems, so your gone, we’re finished, we no longer have a relationship with you. We’ll be accepting applications for a new pancreas to take you position….. (Don’t you wish it was that easy??????) Until the day of a cure the job of Clifford’s pancreas will be done by his family, and himself.

This is not a huge post for today but just my way of making light of the situation and letting the organ that has caused all these issues know where it stands. Peace out Mr. Pancreas…..

The Stages of Diabetes Grief

2012-10-18T17:45:00.001-07:00

When you are faced with the news that your child has diabetes there is really a wave of emotions you go through. Personally for me at first it seemed like it was no big deal, “Diabetes” okay we can handle this, limit this and that and ta da! It wasn’t until I was face to face with the doctor’s at children’s hospital watching my son lie in the bed unconscious due to DKA, that this wasn’t the “Diabetes” I had pictured. This in fact was something much more serious.
I am a believer that with a life changing event such as a diabetes diagnosis that you follow through the stages of grief as you would when you lose someone you love. Think of diabetes this way. The day you or your loved one is diagnosed you are losing something very precious and important to you, the carefree life from before. You may think you have big problems now, and nothing could be worse than these “problems” but then WHAM! Your smacked in the face hard with a diabetes dx. How do those “problems” look now? We lost the carefree, worry-free, childhood of our oldest child. That my friends is something to grieve about. I didn’t know it then but I really did go through the various stages of grief, and I still revisit a few of them from time to time.
Here is what I refer to as the stages of Diabetes Grief
1. Shock & Denial
Diagnosis day is when the shock and denial set in. You are shocked this happened to you or your child, seriously you’ve done everything you could to protect yourself and them so why you, why your child? The denial is a difficult part of the first stage because with a diabetes diagnosis there is no room for denial. You cannot think in the back of your brain that you don’t have it or your child doesn’t have it, because there is no ROOM for error or denial when it comes to diabetes. However we all go through this step, some of us tend to linger in it a lot longer, it only becomes a problem when you are in denial so bad that you refuse to follow the treatment method laid out by your doctor.
My personal experience with this stage happened right around diagnosis, I didn’t want to believe this was happening, I cried more tears than I thought I possibly had. I was in denial, I didn’t want to accept that this was going to be the new “normal”, I felt like “Okay well we do this for a little while and everything will be back to how it used to be right?”. NOPE (wake up call, you’re not going back).
2. Pain & guilt
The pain I’d love to say goes away, but it never does. The pain in your heart when you hear your child complaining about having diabetes or they had enough of the poking and injections, and site changes, that pain is still all fresh. It’s always there lingering underneath the surface. The guilt, well that goes away if you let it. I personally felt responsible in the beginning, kept blaming myself for not getting him to the doctor’s a lot sooner than we did, however the monster of diabetes had already started to take control of his body, long before any symptoms appeared. SO that guilt, I’ve shaken it and no longer feel as if it is my fault.
3. Anger & Bargaining
The anger, well that’s a tricky one. It can go away if you let it, but it always likes to rear it’s ugly face from time to time and will sneak back in if you keep the doors open. I’ve bargained, I’ve tried to tell the doctor’s to just take my pancreas and give it to Clifford. I’ve begged, pleaded, and prayed to God more times than I can count just to cure, and make my son one of the “miracles”. If you’ve ever uttered the words “WHY ME, or WHY THEM”, that’s the anger creeping back in.
4. Depression, loneliness, and reflection
With diabetes comes depression, for yourself if you are the PWD, or even if your child is the PWD. It’s just part of the life with diabetes. It doesn’t always have to be, and I’d love to say the depression goes away but from time to time like the anger if you keep the doors open, and you are feeling particularly helpless in the D department it will sneak back in. Loneliness comes along with depression, it’s important in dealing with this disease that you surround yourself with others that know exactly what you are going through. Because only then do you not feel so “lonely”. If you are the main caregiver to your child, try to toss the stick in the other parents direction from time to time, don’t wear yourself too thin, or the loneliness and depression will sneak back in.
As D parents we revisit this stage often, more times than we’d like to admit. We have reflections about our life before all the worry. We get depressed knowing that we can never put our child to sleep again without worrying if they will wake up in the morning. If your child falls asleep earlier than bedtime, you freak out, no other word for it. You hold it together on the outside but on the inside you are freaking until a normal ‘in range’ number comes up on that meter. Yeah this stage is revisited way too often.
5. The upward turn
This is the stage when you are starting to get used to your new normal life. You know what needs done, and how to do it and you get into a new routine. Life doesn’t seem all that bad anymore, it’s part of your new normal, your new family life. This stage is a nice one. It’s nice when you don’t feel as overwhelmed as you did in the beginning.
6. Reconstruction and moving on
This period takes some time to get to. This is the time when you start to reconstruct your new life, and lay the pieces of a new foundation in place. If your child is diagnosed this is the period in which you are teaching other family members about what is going on, what needs done, what to look out for, etc., etc. Because life goes on, it’s just life goes on with Diabetes in tow now.
7. Acceptance & Hope
This is one of the hardest stages to reach, and when you finally do reach it you may not stay there to visit for very long. You have finally accepted that in fact diabetes is an everyday part of your life, and your job now is to protect your child,yourself from this beast, and fight. Fight back, stay healthy, keep them safe, fight back with all you can, and hope for a better future, a future without diabetes.

The business of Diabetes

2012-10-14T18:50:00.001-07:00

You know we’ve all thought it at one point or another while injecting our kids with life saving insulin, or testing their blood 15 + times a day with those pricey little $1 a pop strips. How about ketone testing with $5 strips (each)…..

How bad is is when flu season hits it scares me to my core. Why? One because the flu for those with Diabetes can be downright deadly. Two because I think of all the money that those in the business of diabetes will be making this year alone. Each day when Clifford is sick with the flu we go through at least 25 test strips ($25) 10 ketone strips ($50) not to mention the fast acting carbs to keep those #’s from dropping too fast. Testing alone costs $75 a day (at least).

I remember not to long ago adding up exactly how much it costs right now with the treatment method we’ve chosen for Clifford of being on the pump, blood ketone testing, testing blood sugar’s around 15 x a day, etc, etc. This total was well over $20,000 per year! Add onto that the cost of using a continuous glucose monitor, you’re looking at more than a full time job at minimum wage could pay for in one years time, all to keep this child healthy and alive.

As parents we will do whatever we can to ensure the safety of our children. It just seems depressing and downright pisses me off sometimes the amount of money those in the “business” are making off our children’s lives! I no longer can see a test strip as a test strip, I see it as a $ symbol. I surely hope and pray long and hard that one day their will be a cure for this gold awful disease, but deep down inside part of me thinks why would they do it when they are making loads of money, living the dream life and sipping drinks on the beach all the while our children suffer…….

Let them be a kid…..

2012-10-10T16:49:00.001-07:00

Diabetes has already taken away their carefree childhood so aren’t they entitled to just “be a kid”?

Of course the answer to this is yes, but what happens when “being a kid” threatens their life?

For most parents you have to worry about your children getting older and experimenting with different things, dangerous activities, etc for it to really threaten their life.

Unfortunately for parents of children with diabetes every day “kid” activities can threaten their life. Activities like

Getting an extra cupcake at a birthday party
Eating all their Halloween Candy in one sitting
Running around outside playing kickball from sun up to sun down
The occasional “sneaking of a treat”…..

I am in no way saying children with diabetes cannot eat these things, because they can. These items just require insulin to cover the carbs in them. But what happens if the kids sneak them because you know they are just “being a kid” and do not give themselves insulin for them? Well their blood sugar goes through the roof! That’s what happens, it’s now to the point of endangering their life.

It’s just all part of the territory of raising a child with diabetes. You have to let them be a kid, but still somehow manage to magically protect them from every possible thing they can get their little hands on to. And sometimes, just sometimes it’s overwhelming!

Take a moment…..

2012-10-03T08:32:00.001-07:00

When life with D kicks you down

Wipe yourself off, get back up off the ground,

and take a moment and ponder where you are,

just how far you’ve come from life so bizarre.

High blood sugars, low blood sugars, the rollercoaster of D

Hang on for the ride, don’t let time slip by, or you may not see

exactly where your headed, down the path of life,

full of love, hope, success, and perhaps a little strife.

But take a moment and review just what you’ve learned,

all those sleepless nights, full of fear and worry, badges of honor are what you’ve earned.

Stand tall, and walk with pride,

as you are among the special few that will survive.

There may be times D tries to trip you up,

but remember to take a moment, and tell it to shut up!

The Special Ones

2012-10-02T05:33:00.001-07:00

They fight to keep their children alive in the wee hours of the night.

They go with no sleep, and hope with all their might.

That one day their child will be free from pain.

That a normal life they will again regain.

They go throughout their day with little to no sleep.

Always waiting for that next meter beep.

It’s the special ones who look at their children and try not to cry.

The ones that always want to ask “why”.

Why does their child suffer from an invisible disease so bad,

that at any moment can strip them of the life they had.

You never know how precious life is until you’ve almost lost your child

All the issues that were so big before, now seem so mild.

These special ones you may not know exactly who they are.

Because they wear their pain in their heart, and hide their battle scars.

These special ones are the mothers and fathers of children with diabetes.

No D Day: The other side of life

2012-10-01T11:51:00.001-07:00

Today is No D Day. This is a blog prompt from : http://www.ninjabetic.com/

And the basic idea is:

That people with diabetes have a lot more going on besides diabetes. Let’s talk about, share, and mention other stuff in our lives instead of that disease that never lets us rest.

Stuff like hobbies, family, movies you like, new music, the weather, sports, favorite stuff, things that bug you, whatever!

JUST NO DIABETES TALK!!! (unless of course there is an emergency)

The other side of life for us is quite spectacular. We have 7 children, and two dogs. Our twins turn 2 years old tomorrow, and it seems like time has flown right by. There are no more babies in the house but toddlers, a preschooler, kindergartener, first , second, and third grader. It’s crazy because we are venturing onto our 30th birthday’s (Both Chad and I, we’re pretty close in age, although I tell him he’s older than me by 1 month and 3 days), after that Abigale turns 7 and Clifford turns 9!! His last year in the single digits I told him.

Life just flies by when you least expect it if you’re having fun and living it. I like to act like turning 30 bothers me a lot. When in fact the truth is it really doesn’t sting too much. So what I’m not longer 20, but my 20s were not the greatest, (at least the early 20s, later 20s rocked). So I’m looking forward to a new decade and legendary 30s. And while the twins are no longer babies, and I miss the baby days from time to time, I will cherish the milestones of my niece who will be turning 8 months old later this month. And like the fact that my body can be all mine during my 30’s instead of spending it pregnant, or having babies like in my 20s!

So the other side of life for us is just family. We live our life the way we want, happy and healthy. Every day is a battle in some sense but we make it through. We have a large family, sometimes it’s chaotic, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Best part of it all is we are alive, and that is surely something to celebrate.