Happy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful time last night, because I am living vicariously through everyone else’s fun! <rant>I hosted two work events, the second of which ended at midnight-oh-five. And crazypants stuff tends to go down at 11pm in an inner-city space. Also, Instagram is one of my favorite things in the world, but when you can see EVERYONE ELSE YOU KNOW HAVING FUN, while you are decidedly not? Ho-hum. Let’s just say that it wasn’t my favorite New Year’s Eve, and move on, shall we? </rant>

I’m embarking on a fairly major house project today: swapping two rooms around. If it goes well, I’ll give you the before-and-after results in a few days.

With that, ONWARD, 2012!!! Last year, I made eleven goals, and made headway on nine of them. That’s not a terrible record! But the one thing that I noticed is that, yet again, I accomplished the Giant Responsible Project goals, and didn’t make much headway on the goals that were just for fun. This is a consistent pattern in my lists of goals. Double-you tee eff, Self?! So, this year I’m giving myself a higher ratio of fun-slash-happy-to-responsible goals. I’m great at working hard, but the “playing hard” thing always winds up on the back burner. NOT ANYMORE!

We’ve talked about things accomplished in 2011. Let’s take a moment to reflect on lessons learned.

1. Control top pantyhose/tights/Spanx/shapewear are a 30-something gal’s best friend.
2. There is such a thing as “too much of a good thing.”
3. Stress can still make your skin break out, even this far post-adolescence.
4. Good books are actually pretty hard to come by. When you find a great one, treasure it.
5. It is totally worth it to hand write notes.
6. Some things are worth the extra cash: the good tights, the real leather shoes, the better sheets. It all comes down to fabric and craftsmanship.
7. Reaching a goal and refusing to reward oneself defeats the point.
8.  Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
9. Laughter really is the best medicine.
10.  Call your mom/best friend/doctor. It always makes things better.
11. Dentistry should be used as a preventative measure.
12. It is worth it to take ten more minutes in the morning to look your best.
13. Small extravagances, like driving to work, can make all the difference.
14. Don’t buy a piece of clothing unless it fits perfectly.
15.  Use the good stuff on a daily basis. You never know when you’ll break it. Once you do, you’ll wish you’d enjoyed it more.
16. If something really doesn’t feel like the right thing, speak up.
17. “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” Spoken by William Morris, these words are very helpful in creating a home that you love.
18.  If you’re at the good restaurant, order the thing you really want. Even if the other person orders it, too. You’ll regret it later if you don’t, and you probably won’t have the cash to go back any time soon.
19. Plane tickets make good presents.
20.  Pay attention to what’s happening around you. It will increase your enjoyment of life, help you avoid mishaps, and probably give you a few great stories to tell.

Blogdom, I hope you had a really wonderful Christmas, if Christmas is your thing. We’ve been hunkering down at home, getting over colds and contracting new ones, and preparing for the World’s Busiest Next Two Months. I go back to work tomorrow, and I’m sad to bid farewell to this vacation.

I was going to wait to do my 2011 wrap-up until the 31st, but looking at my recent track record, I think I’d better just do it while I’m thinking of it. Obviously, it’s been a pretty unbelievable year. I accomplished most of my 2011 goals, though a few are “in process,” and a few remain undone. That’s OK. Just to check in with them:

1. Get married. - CHECK. If you’d like to read about our wedding, click here.
2. Rock the socks off my gala on March 3. - CHECK. Our goal was to net $150,000, and we net $400,000. It was awesome. Aaaaand I have another one on February 16. Dot. Dot. Dot.
3. Buy a bike, and use it to commute to work. – I didn’t do this. I still want a bike, but I haven’t pulled the trigger. One day…
4. Solve my skin issues. - This has had its ups and downs. My skin is finally almost back to normal after a TERRIBLE three-month breakout. I think this is going back on my list for 2012.
5. Find a new dentist, and make an appointment. And then! Go to the appointment! - CHECK!
6. Get a killer post-wedding hair cut. - CHECK!
7. Plant an herb garden on our fire escape. – Nope. Sigh.
8. Pay off my car. - CHECK!
9. Achieve ZERO DOLLARS OWED TO CREDIT CARDS. – CHECK!
10-a. Make my bedroom a more peaceful and pleasant place to be. – In process, but so much better than it was a year ago!
10-b. Organize my jewelry and clothing, so that I can find things. - Jewelry – CHECK! Clothes, not so much.
11. Assemble a local group of friends. – This will be an ongoing thing for me, but I am starting to realize that a “group” of friends might not actually be what I want. I have amazing friends, many of whom don’t know one another, and that’s OK.

So. Let’s talk about the other things that happened.

1. I got a promotion.
2. The Horse Whisperer also got a promotion. I haven’t talked about that here yet, and it’s coming. His promotion has been a pretty big deal for us in a lot of ways, and I’m not quite sure how to discuss it yet.
3. I reached a place where I’m professionally comfortable in my own skin. Part of it is probably the title change, which reflects much more clearly how I see myself. But I think it’s also a shift inside myself. Suddenly, I am comfortable telling people, “no, I don’t play that much anymore.” I’m OK with that. That’s been huge for me.
4.  We went on some fantastic trips.
5. I dealt with some personal drama that’s been lingering for a looong time.
6. I fell short at something, and I didn’t let it wreck my psyche.

2011 has been really kind to us, and I hope 2012 keeps the party going. There’s been a lot to be grateful for this year! This year, more than any other, I feel like I hit my stride. It’s been a year of being more who I want to be, a year of feeling hopeful, a year of hard work paying off. So, adios 2011. Thanks for all the good memories!

It’s 8:30 a.m., and I’m sitting at home in my bathrobe, nursing a cup of tepid coffee. I’ll be working tonight until midnight, so I’m not going in until lunchtime, when we’ll be having our staff Christmas party. I’m bringing potatoes gratin, which I pronounce differently than everyone else in the universe, it seems. They say GRA-tin, I say gra-TAN. We’ve all sort of compromised, and have begun to call them scalloped potatoes. It feels safer.

I feel like French words frequently trip Americans up. They sound so elegant with an accent, so we try our damndest to play along, to sound chic, to get it right. It rarely works. Instead, we wind up with one oddly-pronounced French-ish word standing out awkwardly in a sea of round American Rs and clipped American consonants. This makes me crazy, especially when I hear myself do it. And yet, my special dish for cooking the aforementioned potatoes will forever be my gra-TAN dish.

Honestly, I don’t even know if French people say gra-TAN. Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

I use Julia’s recipe, which consists of potatoes, heavy cream, butter, and cheese. A little salt and pepper rounds out this artery bomb. No one can tell me that these potatoes aren’t worth the 8,262 calories per bite. They are just so very, very good.

Julia’s Potatoes Gra… Scalloped. Whatever.

4 tablespoons butter
2 pounds potatoes (I use yukon golds)
salt
pepper
1 cup grated emmenthaler or gruyere cheese
1 1/2 cups heavy cream

Preheat your oven to 300 degrees. If you have an enameled cast iron gratin dish, this is the time to use it. If you don’t, just use a large, shallow casserole dish. Grease your pan with about 1 tablespoon of the butter. Slice your potatoes thinly – I have a mandolin, but this is also a great time to practice your knife skills. Or so they tell me. I use my mandolin and pray that I don’t remove my thumb (again). Layer your potatoes in the pan, and season the layer with salt and pepper. Sprinkle on a little of the grated cheese, and drop in some little globs of butter (pea sized works best for me). Another layer of potatoes, salt/pepper, cheese/butter. Repeat until you’re out of ingredients.

If you’re using a basic casserole dish, pour your cream into a small saucepan. Over low heat, bring the cream up almost to a simmer. Just before it starts to bubble, pour it over your potatoes and place the dish in the oven. If you’re using a cast iron gratin dish, you can just pour the cream in over the potatoes, and then bring the whole thing to a   near simmer on the stovetop. Then place the dish in the oven.

Bake the gratin for about an hour to 90 minutes, until the cream has been mostly absorbed and the top is golden brown. Let it cool for a few minutes before serving. Voila!

So, I took an unplanned blogging break, the longest one ever in the history of this website. And the longer it got, the harder I searched my brain for something to write about. I’m writing today – just writing, no pictures – for the first time in about a month and a half. This is largely going to be stream-of-consciousness, because I really just need to get something written. It’s like ripping off a bandaid, in a way. It won’t be pretty, but at least it will be done.

Christmas is in full swing at work, and I have a cold. Thank goodness for Zicam, which has kicked this cold in its nasty little pants. I sound awful today, but feel much better, which is probably the best possible scenario for pity points. Right? Right?

We bought a tree on Friday, at the onset of my low-grade fever, which meant that we ended up with a six foot MONSTER tree. It made perfect sense at the time. We brought it home and tried to put it into our tree stand, which we’ve used with our four-foot-ish trees for about three years. You can imagine how that worked out. We put the tree in a bowl of water, left it leaning up against a wall, and decided to deal with it the next day.

I had two concerts at work on Saturday. First, we premiered our new children’s holiday sing along, which featured such incredible characters as a ninja, a pirate, a princess, a fairy, the best St. Nicholas ever, and more. Cold medication and a slight fever made the experience totally surreal. Even though I knew what was happening, I felt confused within the first fifteen minutes. Finally, after our second, more “serious” concert, I left work and drove toward home. I could not shake the image of our cats toppling the Christmas tree, so I decided to stop on Polk Street to pick up a tree stand at one of our many locally-owned hardware stores. I parked and got out of the car, only to find myself surrounded by hundreds of totally wasted Santa Clauses.

It was end-of-the-day SantaCon, and I’m sure it would have been a thing of beauty, if I weren’t already so COMPLETELY OVER EVERYTHING ZOMG. I watched as one Santa limped into Walgreen’s, purchased a knee brace, and then limped back out and into the bar next door. As he entered, a resounding cheer erupted. I found my Christmas tree stand at the third hardware store I visited, went home, and blearily ordered Tom Kha from the Thai place down the street. Yesterday was remarkably similar to Saturday, but with a lower temperature and no SantaCon. By contrast, one might even call it dull!

Today is a day off after eight straight days of work – including a 14-hour day and two 12-hour days – and mostly I need to clean the house and take care of some Christmas present shopping. Next week is a seven concert week, and promises moments of magic and exhaustion. And then, starting December 21, the Horse Whisperer and I have a glorious four days off together. We look forward to this every year! We spend our time enjoying San Francisco as if we were tourists. We eat all of our favorite things. We sleep a lot, go to the movies, and take lots of walks. We’ve been counting down the days since late October, and it is now so close that we are both completely wired.

My last “real” post was about taking things personally, and I’m still struggling with that. I realize that this is a recurring theme in my life, and on this website. If I look back over the past several years, most of my biggest “issues” have stemmed from my inability to let things go. I wonder if the universe is trying to force me to deal with this? I’m not a “woo-woo” person, but I do think that something bigger than me often points me in the right direction. Actually, let’s be real here: I might be sort of a “woo-woo” person. Either way, I feel like I’ve dealt with difficult personalities with increasing frequency over the past few years, and I wonder if that’s maybe a hint that it’s time to deal with this personal shortcoming. Maybe it is time to learn how to care a little less about this kind of stuff. Can it be done, while still remaining a thoughtful person? I don’t know. What do you think?

This post is pretty cringe-worthy, but I suppose it gets the job done. I’m going to try and force myself to check in here at least every other day, in the hopes that I get my blogging mojo back. Sorry for the really, really naval-gazey post, friends. I’ll see you soon, I promise!

Good morning! It’s time for another Blog Share! The post below was written by someone else. Likewise, I have a post somewhere else on the internet. The full list of participants is at the bottom of this page.

Andrea Unplugged
April On Ashley
Bright Yellow World
Drifts Get Deeper
Malfeasance
Our Little Geekling
The Reluctant Grownup
Together They Come
Did I Say That Outloud?
Snarke
Operation Pink Herring
Nonsense and Frippery
Mama Bub
Heidikins
Nothing Is Easier Than Self-Deceit
Barfing Rainbows and Unicorns
And You Know What Else

It’s been one. Awhile, I mean.

So, I’m turning 31 on Saturday. The lead-up to my birthday has always been a time of Major Self Reflection, so this year has been something of a surprise. While there are things I’d like to work on, I’m honestly shocked by how very calm and happy I’ve felt for the past few weeks. This may have something (a lot) to do with keeping up a breakneck pace, but I’m hoping that it also has something to do with getting older and maturing. It doesn’t hurt that San Francisco has been BEAUTIFUL for the past month or so. It’s been an amazing SF Summer, and I can’t get enough of the gorgeous light.

Last week, I went to Baltimore to see Mary. It was so awesome to get out of dodge and hang out with people I love. And, to make matters even more awesome, Diana came to town the day before I left. It was really fantastic to see two of my all-time favorite people in the span of a few days. I feel so warm and glowy and loved. I took some pictures with my film camera, which have yet to be developed. I took some other ones with my iPhone. Here they are.

This isn’t my most eloquent post by far. I am happily exhausted, and seem to be ready to crash into bed headfirst by 8:30 every night. I’ll fill you in more soon. I promise.

We went to Temecula this weekend, for the wedding of the Horse Whisperer’s cousin. It was great to spend the weekend with his family – most of our family members live on the East coast, so we never get to just hang out with them! (Fun fact: the men in the Horse Whisperer’s family are TALL. Really, really tall.)

The bride and groom were both incredibly gracious, and they looked like a million bucks! Their first dance was perfectly choreographed.

There was a Chinese Dragon performance, which terrified one of the flower girls, right up until the moment when she decided that it was totally fascinating.

We danced like idiots, singing Bon Jovi and Frank Sinatra at equal decibel levels. And at the end of the night, we lined up with sparklers and waved as they ran past.

It was lovely. Happy marriage, you two!

I like to think that I’ve gotten less sensitive and more objective about myself as I’ve gotten older. I have a pretty grand sense of humor about myself, and I think I take constructive criticism well.

But maybe, that’s just bull.

I’ve taken a lot of things personally lately, and the chip on my shoulder seems to be weighing me down. I’m dealing with a few new, tough-for-me personalities, and I’m not sure exactly what to do. I’ve tried having candid-yet-tactful conversations about communication style and assumptions, and things just don’t seem to be cutting through the surrounding noise. I’m feeling more frustrated than I’ve felt in a long time. I’m finding myself thinking out loud about it constantly. I catch myself knitting my brow, pursing my lips, hunching my shoulders. I’m tense all over.

We’re getting away for the weekend, which I hope will help. In the meantime, though, can you advise me? How do you avoid taking things personally?

Thanks for all the kind words on my last post. Being done with Ye Olde Credit Cards is a pretty wonderful feeling, and I’m still on a little bit of a high from it! Many of you indicated that you’d like to know how that feels someday, and a few people requested that I share how I did it. First, I want to state for the record that I am not a financial expert. I’m sure I didn’t do this the smartest way I could have. In fact, I can already think of several things I would have done differently, if I had to go through this again (please, god, NO).

This is not advice for those of you who are “more in debt than you’d like to be,” but who are still living comfortably. For you, I recommend following the Ramsey method of paying off your highest-rate card first, negotiating lower interest rates, etc etc etc. There are plenty of great strategies for you, many of them accessible for free on the web. This post, however, is for those of us who have reached the point where we are drowning. This is for those of us who have had to choose between basic necessities and paying bills. This is for those of us who have gotten threatening letters from the electric company. We aren’t in need of strategy, we’re in triage. We probably require emergency financial surgery. This post is for us.

1. Stop lying to yourself.
Have you ever read Confessions of a Shopaholic? Becky Bloomwood is a caricature, sure, but a fairly believable one for many of us. There’s one moment in the book where she confesses that she threw away her unopened credit card statements, because then she could claim not to have known how badly in debt she had become. For several months at the beginning of my own Financial Reckoning, I tossed unopened credit card bills into a dresser drawer. I paid the bills online, but I never wanted to see those balances. It was akin to plugging my ears and screaming, “lalalalalalalaaaaaaaa,” as someone tried to reason with me. In short, I was lying to myself. I remember the exact moment when I allowed myself to grasp the truth: I was sitting on my white IKEA sofa, watching bad television and drinking two buck chuck. I suddenly had the epiphany that this wasn’t going to work. That moment will stick with me forever.

2. Assess the damage.
You have now admitted that there’s a problem at hand. And if you thought that last step was hard, you are in for a rude awakening. This is the step that is going to knock the wind out of your chest. Welcome! The fun starts now! Assemble all of your credit card information in one place. Bring a piece of paper and a calculator. Write down the name of each card, the interest rate, your most recent finance charges on each card, the minimum monthly payment, and the balance. Then, total up your balance.

Breathe.

Let’s face it, your balance is probably A LOT higher than you thought it was. The only consolation I can offer you is that it sort of works this way for everyone. We all seem to manage “fuzzy math” when it comes to our debt.

3. Figure out if you can afford your current interest rates, and try to change them.
At this point, we need to figure out what your debt is costing you every month. Total up your minimum monthly payments. Now, total up your finance charges. Those two numbers are probably shockingly similar, right? This is why your balances are never dropping. If you’ve reached the point where you’ve noticed that you have a problem, the amount you’re paying is probably putting a strain on your monthly finances, too. You have a few options here: first, you can call your current card companies and try to negotiate a new interest rate. This has NEVER worked for me. Oh, sure, they give me a rate that’s better by .25%, but COME ON. That’s not helping anyone. So, another option is to get a card with a lower rate. The best rates I’ve seen recently are at my local credit union. Be sure to check out locally owned financial institutions, rather than just big banks. Your local operation will likely work with you far more readily than one of the big guys.

But let’s be honest: If this post is for those of us who are drowning, something more dramatic is probably necessary. In that case, continue to step 4.

4. Call for help.
I worked with a non-profit debt consolidation company. I’d like to say that I did my research and picked a company carefully, but that’s totally not what happened. Basically, I got really lucky. Remember that moment I referenced in step one, with the bad tv and the two buck chuck? Well, as I was having that moment, a commercial appeared on the television for InCharge Debt Solutions. And for whatever reason, I wrote down their number. And then, two nights later, I called them.

Since that time, I’ve educated myself, and I know that some of these companies are GREAT… and some aren’t. Some of them charge you enormous fees to participate in their programs. InCharge doesn’t. When they set up your consolidation plan, they recommend a monthly donation to their program. I couldn’t afford their recommended amount, so I called back and told them to remove it. As the years went by and I saw my progress, I chose to donate $5 per month to their organization. I work for a non-profit company, so I felt strongly about supporting InCharge the way that it had supported me. You totally don’t have to make the same choice. It’s your money.

5. Understand that it won’t be easy.
When I initially signed up for debt consolidation, I felt more embarrassed by my consolidation than by my massive debt. Why? Because public opinion makes it out to be an “easy fix.”

Let me tell you, this is a serious misconception.

InCharge did a lot of the initial work for me, it’s true. They called each of my creditors and negotiated a much, much lower rate – as low as 6%! They also helped me calculate what I could realistically afford to pay toward my debt in a month. And that’s where the ease ended. In order to remain a part of the program, I was required to make that payment on time, every single month. I couldn’t use any of my cards again. And I couldn’t apply for new ones. My payment, though technically “affordable,” was still a large enough number that it required me to have a second (and sometimes third) job. And I had to agree to complete the debt payoff in its entirety, or risk being charged huge penalties by each of my cards.

6. Make the necessary sacrifices, every single day.
Getting out of debt was a huge commitment every single month. I can’t even begin to articulate how many things I wanted, or wanted to do, but had to decline. It was often depressing; I was working longer hours than anyone I knew, but I couldn’t go out to lunch or buy something nice for myself. Even as I write this, I am wearing a pair of pants that I purchased for graduate school application interviews in 2002 – I’ll replace them next month, once my would-be credit card due date arrives. I’ve missed friends’ weddings, and other major events that I’ll regret for many years to come.

But I’ve also learned something about putting my own priorities first.

I’ve learned that we all have a certain pool of resources, and we have to each decide where to invest those resources. I chose to invest in getting out of debt and building a future for myself that is financially sound. As stressful as getting out of debt often was, I feel hopeful about my financial future now, and I feel far less stressed out on a day to day basis.

7. Create a plan for the future.
I made my final credit card payment on Monday. The first thing I wanted to do on Tuesday morning was GO SHOPPING. And I still want to do that! I want to replace all of the crappy things that I’ve made do with for the past six years! But I (we) also have a financial plan that will both build the future that we want, and also prevent the debt situation from happening again. We’ve been creating this plan for months, in anticipation of that moment Tuesday morning, when I suddenly felt RICH. For me, this future plan is critical in preventing me from gorging on the things that I could potentially now purchase (though trust me, there will are some purchases on the horizon, including the aforementioned pants). I’ll probably talk about the future plan at some point, because it is large and comprehensive and exciting. But that’s a post for another day.

To sum up, this is not an easy thing to do. It sucks. A lot. But it is possible, and I believe that it is worth it. I’m happy to talk about it with anyone who’s interested, so please feel free to start a conversation in the comments, or send me a separate email. Hang in there, friends! It will get better!