OH MY GOD. TWO POSTS IN TWO DAYS.

Let’s neither of us get used to it.

Someone said something to me today, and I want to remember it. It took something with which I’ve always struggled, and made it MAKE SENSE. I love when those things happen, and I need to document this one.

I was thinking out loud. I do that a lot, and if you know me in real life, you know this. I problem solve with words, even the problems that aren’t verbal – things like, “how do I play this insanely hard orchestral excerpt.” I need to think it out. I’ve always been this way, and I think it’s also part of the reason that I obsess over choosing the exact right word: I need to be clear. Clarity solves problems. Ergo, words solve problems.

Anyway. (Ahem.)

I was thinking out loud about a creative problem, having to do with my Super Enormous Project. I apologized to the person with whom I was talking, feeling bad about wasting her time as I thought aloud.

“No, no,” she said, “that’s how creativity happens. People think that creativity just springs forth from your brain, fully formed. Instead, our brains produce the seed of creativity. It’s words, talking out loud, thinking that allow us to nurture that seed.”

This is so comforting to me. I am a creative person, yes, but I am also an insanely analytical person. It has always bothered me how those two things coexist in myself, as though one day I would have to choose one Way To Be. But maybe, just maybe, the words are the link. Maybe, just maybe, it all makes sense.

I did a lot of stuff in January. Most of it involved working on a really amazing project, about which I’ll tell you later. But in the meantime, I cut off all my hair.

Yes, yes I did. And I really love it. Here’s a terrible self-portrait.

I also spent one morning at my all-time favorite market, at 22nd and Irving in SF’s Outer Sunset neighborhood. While I love our home, I miss the days of living within walking distance of this amazing mom-and-pop grocery. The same cashiers I first met seven years ago still work there. It’s a madhouse any time after 9am, so I like to go at 7:30, if I can drag myself out of bed that early on a weekend. For under $20, I leave with enough amazing produce to last us for at least two weeks, during which time we feel like a million bucks. I wish I thought to go more often. It makes me so happy.

I also started a home-improvement project. It’s actually really close to being finished now, but I want it to be really really finished before I show you the before and after photos. But in the spirit of honesty, I’m going to show you the room that was, until recently, my not-so-secret shame. Be prepared.

It’s OK if you want to judge me a little. I’m judging myself right now, too.

Anyway, the next two weeks are the peak of my Super Huge Project, so I might not be around that much. For the five of you who still check back, thanks for stopping by. I miss you! See you soon!

Happy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful time last night, because I am living vicariously through everyone else’s fun! <rant>I hosted two work events, the second of which ended at midnight-oh-five. And crazypants stuff tends to go down at 11pm in an inner-city space. Also, Instagram is one of my favorite things in the world, but when you can see EVERYONE ELSE YOU KNOW HAVING FUN, while you are decidedly not? Ho-hum. Let’s just say that it wasn’t my favorite New Year’s Eve, and move on, shall we? </rant>

I’m embarking on a fairly major house project today: swapping two rooms around. If it goes well, I’ll give you the before-and-after results in a few days.

With that, ONWARD, 2012!!! Last year, I made eleven goals, and made headway on nine of them. That’s not a terrible record! But the one thing that I noticed is that, yet again, I accomplished the Giant Responsible Project goals, and didn’t make much headway on the goals that were just for fun. This is a consistent pattern in my lists of goals. Double-you tee eff, Self?! So, this year I’m giving myself a higher ratio of fun-slash-happy-to-responsible goals. I’m great at working hard, but the “playing hard” thing always winds up on the back burner. NOT ANYMORE!

We’ve talked about things accomplished in 2011. Let’s take a moment to reflect on lessons learned.

1. Control top pantyhose/tights/Spanx/shapewear are a 30-something gal’s best friend.
2. There is such a thing as “too much of a good thing.”
3. Stress can still make your skin break out, even this far post-adolescence.
4. Good books are actually pretty hard to come by. When you find a great one, treasure it.
5. It is totally worth it to hand write notes.
6. Some things are worth the extra cash: the good tights, the real leather shoes, the better sheets. It all comes down to fabric and craftsmanship.
7. Reaching a goal and refusing to reward oneself defeats the point.
8.  Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
9. Laughter really is the best medicine.
10.  Call your mom/best friend/doctor. It always makes things better.
11. Dentistry should be used as a preventative measure.
12. It is worth it to take ten more minutes in the morning to look your best.
13. Small extravagances, like driving to work, can make all the difference.
14. Don’t buy a piece of clothing unless it fits perfectly.
15.  Use the good stuff on a daily basis. You never know when you’ll break it. Once you do, you’ll wish you’d enjoyed it more.
16. If something really doesn’t feel like the right thing, speak up.
17. “Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” Spoken by William Morris, these words are very helpful in creating a home that you love.
18.  If you’re at the good restaurant, order the thing you really want. Even if the other person orders it, too. You’ll regret it later if you don’t, and you probably won’t have the cash to go back any time soon.
19. Plane tickets make good presents.
20.  Pay attention to what’s happening around you. It will increase your enjoyment of life, help you avoid mishaps, and probably give you a few great stories to tell.

Blogdom, I hope you had a really wonderful Christmas, if Christmas is your thing. We’ve been hunkering down at home, getting over colds and contracting new ones, and preparing for the World’s Busiest Next Two Months. I go back to work tomorrow, and I’m sad to bid farewell to this vacation.

I was going to wait to do my 2011 wrap-up until the 31st, but looking at my recent track record, I think I’d better just do it while I’m thinking of it. Obviously, it’s been a pretty unbelievable year. I accomplished most of my 2011 goals, though a few are “in process,” and a few remain undone. That’s OK. Just to check in with them:

1. Get married. - CHECK. If you’d like to read about our wedding, click here.
2. Rock the socks off my gala on March 3. - CHECK. Our goal was to net $150,000, and we net $400,000. It was awesome. Aaaaand I have another one on February 16. Dot. Dot. Dot.
3. Buy a bike, and use it to commute to work. – I didn’t do this. I still want a bike, but I haven’t pulled the trigger. One day…
4. Solve my skin issues. - This has had its ups and downs. My skin is finally almost back to normal after a TERRIBLE three-month breakout. I think this is going back on my list for 2012.
5. Find a new dentist, and make an appointment. And then! Go to the appointment! - CHECK!
6. Get a killer post-wedding hair cut. - CHECK!
7. Plant an herb garden on our fire escape. – Nope. Sigh.
8. Pay off my car. - CHECK!
9. Achieve ZERO DOLLARS OWED TO CREDIT CARDS. – CHECK!
10-a. Make my bedroom a more peaceful and pleasant place to be. – In process, but so much better than it was a year ago!
10-b. Organize my jewelry and clothing, so that I can find things. - Jewelry – CHECK! Clothes, not so much.
11. Assemble a local group of friends. – This will be an ongoing thing for me, but I am starting to realize that a “group” of friends might not actually be what I want. I have amazing friends, many of whom don’t know one another, and that’s OK.

So. Let’s talk about the other things that happened.

1. I got a promotion.
2. The Horse Whisperer also got a promotion. I haven’t talked about that here yet, and it’s coming. His promotion has been a pretty big deal for us in a lot of ways, and I’m not quite sure how to discuss it yet.
3. I reached a place where I’m professionally comfortable in my own skin. Part of it is probably the title change, which reflects much more clearly how I see myself. But I think it’s also a shift inside myself. Suddenly, I am comfortable telling people, “no, I don’t play that much anymore.” I’m OK with that. That’s been huge for me.
4.  We went on some fantastic trips.
5. I dealt with some personal drama that’s been lingering for a looong time.
6. I fell short at something, and I didn’t let it wreck my psyche.

2011 has been really kind to us, and I hope 2012 keeps the party going. There’s been a lot to be grateful for this year! This year, more than any other, I feel like I hit my stride. It’s been a year of being more who I want to be, a year of feeling hopeful, a year of hard work paying off. So, adios 2011. Thanks for all the good memories!

It’s 8:30 a.m., and I’m sitting at home in my bathrobe, nursing a cup of tepid coffee. I’ll be working tonight until midnight, so I’m not going in until lunchtime, when we’ll be having our staff Christmas party. I’m bringing potatoes gratin, which I pronounce differently than everyone else in the universe, it seems. They say GRA-tin, I say gra-TAN. We’ve all sort of compromised, and have begun to call them scalloped potatoes. It feels safer.

I feel like French words frequently trip Americans up. They sound so elegant with an accent, so we try our damndest to play along, to sound chic, to get it right. It rarely works. Instead, we wind up with one oddly-pronounced French-ish word standing out awkwardly in a sea of round American Rs and clipped American consonants. This makes me crazy, especially when I hear myself do it. And yet, my special dish for cooking the aforementioned potatoes will forever be my gra-TAN dish.

Honestly, I don’t even know if French people say gra-TAN. Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

I use Julia’s recipe, which consists of potatoes, heavy cream, butter, and cheese. A little salt and pepper rounds out this artery bomb. No one can tell me that these potatoes aren’t worth the 8,262 calories per bite. They are just so very, very good.

Julia’s Potatoes Gra… Scalloped. Whatever.

4 tablespoons butter
2 pounds potatoes (I use yukon golds)
salt
pepper
1 cup grated emmenthaler or gruyere cheese
1 1/2 cups heavy cream

Preheat your oven to 300 degrees. If you have an enameled cast iron gratin dish, this is the time to use it. If you don’t, just use a large, shallow casserole dish. Grease your pan with about 1 tablespoon of the butter. Slice your potatoes thinly – I have a mandolin, but this is also a great time to practice your knife skills. Or so they tell me. I use my mandolin and pray that I don’t remove my thumb (again). Layer your potatoes in the pan, and season the layer with salt and pepper. Sprinkle on a little of the grated cheese, and drop in some little globs of butter (pea sized works best for me). Another layer of potatoes, salt/pepper, cheese/butter. Repeat until you’re out of ingredients.

If you’re using a basic casserole dish, pour your cream into a small saucepan. Over low heat, bring the cream up almost to a simmer. Just before it starts to bubble, pour it over your potatoes and place the dish in the oven. If you’re using a cast iron gratin dish, you can just pour the cream in over the potatoes, and then bring the whole thing to a   near simmer on the stovetop. Then place the dish in the oven.

Bake the gratin for about an hour to 90 minutes, until the cream has been mostly absorbed and the top is golden brown. Let it cool for a few minutes before serving. Voila!

So, I took an unplanned blogging break, the longest one ever in the history of this website. And the longer it got, the harder I searched my brain for something to write about. I’m writing today – just writing, no pictures – for the first time in about a month and a half. This is largely going to be stream-of-consciousness, because I really just need to get something written. It’s like ripping off a bandaid, in a way. It won’t be pretty, but at least it will be done.

Christmas is in full swing at work, and I have a cold. Thank goodness for Zicam, which has kicked this cold in its nasty little pants. I sound awful today, but feel much better, which is probably the best possible scenario for pity points. Right? Right?

We bought a tree on Friday, at the onset of my low-grade fever, which meant that we ended up with a six foot MONSTER tree. It made perfect sense at the time. We brought it home and tried to put it into our tree stand, which we’ve used with our four-foot-ish trees for about three years. You can imagine how that worked out. We put the tree in a bowl of water, left it leaning up against a wall, and decided to deal with it the next day.

I had two concerts at work on Saturday. First, we premiered our new children’s holiday sing along, which featured such incredible characters as a ninja, a pirate, a princess, a fairy, the best St. Nicholas ever, and more. Cold medication and a slight fever made the experience totally surreal. Even though I knew what was happening, I felt confused within the first fifteen minutes. Finally, after our second, more “serious” concert, I left work and drove toward home. I could not shake the image of our cats toppling the Christmas tree, so I decided to stop on Polk Street to pick up a tree stand at one of our many locally-owned hardware stores. I parked and got out of the car, only to find myself surrounded by hundreds of totally wasted Santa Clauses.

It was end-of-the-day SantaCon, and I’m sure it would have been a thing of beauty, if I weren’t already so COMPLETELY OVER EVERYTHING ZOMG. I watched as one Santa limped into Walgreen’s, purchased a knee brace, and then limped back out and into the bar next door. As he entered, a resounding cheer erupted. I found my Christmas tree stand at the third hardware store I visited, went home, and blearily ordered Tom Kha from the Thai place down the street. Yesterday was remarkably similar to Saturday, but with a lower temperature and no SantaCon. By contrast, one might even call it dull!

Today is a day off after eight straight days of work – including a 14-hour day and two 12-hour days – and mostly I need to clean the house and take care of some Christmas present shopping. Next week is a seven concert week, and promises moments of magic and exhaustion. And then, starting December 21, the Horse Whisperer and I have a glorious four days off together. We look forward to this every year! We spend our time enjoying San Francisco as if we were tourists. We eat all of our favorite things. We sleep a lot, go to the movies, and take lots of walks. We’ve been counting down the days since late October, and it is now so close that we are both completely wired.

My last “real” post was about taking things personally, and I’m still struggling with that. I realize that this is a recurring theme in my life, and on this website. If I look back over the past several years, most of my biggest “issues” have stemmed from my inability to let things go. I wonder if the universe is trying to force me to deal with this? I’m not a “woo-woo” person, but I do think that something bigger than me often points me in the right direction. Actually, let’s be real here: I might be sort of a “woo-woo” person. Either way, I feel like I’ve dealt with difficult personalities with increasing frequency over the past few years, and I wonder if that’s maybe a hint that it’s time to deal with this personal shortcoming. Maybe it is time to learn how to care a little less about this kind of stuff. Can it be done, while still remaining a thoughtful person? I don’t know. What do you think?

This post is pretty cringe-worthy, but I suppose it gets the job done. I’m going to try and force myself to check in here at least every other day, in the hopes that I get my blogging mojo back. Sorry for the really, really naval-gazey post, friends. I’ll see you soon, I promise!

Good morning! It’s time for another Blog Share! The post below was written by someone else. Likewise, I have a post somewhere else on the internet. The full list of participants is at the bottom of this page.

Andrea Unplugged
April On Ashley
Bright Yellow World
Drifts Get Deeper
Malfeasance
Our Little Geekling
The Reluctant Grownup
Together They Come
Did I Say That Outloud?
Snarke
Operation Pink Herring
Nonsense and Frippery
Mama Bub
Heidikins
Nothing Is Easier Than Self-Deceit
Barfing Rainbows and Unicorns
And You Know What Else

It’s been one. Awhile, I mean.

So, I’m turning 31 on Saturday. The lead-up to my birthday has always been a time of Major Self Reflection, so this year has been something of a surprise. While there are things I’d like to work on, I’m honestly shocked by how very calm and happy I’ve felt for the past few weeks. This may have something (a lot) to do with keeping up a breakneck pace, but I’m hoping that it also has something to do with getting older and maturing. It doesn’t hurt that San Francisco has been BEAUTIFUL for the past month or so. It’s been an amazing SF Summer, and I can’t get enough of the gorgeous light.

Last week, I went to Baltimore to see Mary. It was so awesome to get out of dodge and hang out with people I love. And, to make matters even more awesome, Diana came to town the day before I left. It was really fantastic to see two of my all-time favorite people in the span of a few days. I feel so warm and glowy and loved. I took some pictures with my film camera, which have yet to be developed. I took some other ones with my iPhone. Here they are.

This isn’t my most eloquent post by far. I am happily exhausted, and seem to be ready to crash into bed headfirst by 8:30 every night. I’ll fill you in more soon. I promise.

We went to Temecula this weekend, for the wedding of the Horse Whisperer’s cousin. It was great to spend the weekend with his family – most of our family members live on the East coast, so we never get to just hang out with them! (Fun fact: the men in the Horse Whisperer’s family are TALL. Really, really tall.)

The bride and groom were both incredibly gracious, and they looked like a million bucks! Their first dance was perfectly choreographed.

There was a Chinese Dragon performance, which terrified one of the flower girls, right up until the moment when she decided that it was totally fascinating.

We danced like idiots, singing Bon Jovi and Frank Sinatra at equal decibel levels. And at the end of the night, we lined up with sparklers and waved as they ran past.

It was lovely. Happy marriage, you two!