Picture by Randy Son Of Robert

Most of yearn for free time.  Time to lean back, relax and do absolutely nothing.  Sounds like paradise right?  Well . . .maybe.

The thing is that when we have lots of free time, say like a vacation, we often do less with our time.  Sometimes this is a good thing.  If you have a very busy work or home life, you may need every minute of free time you can get.

Too much free time can be a motivation killer. Think about it.  Let’s say you are laid off from work and you have all day to yourself.  You believe you will be super-productive – no stressful boss looking over your shoulder, plenty of time to get things done, etc.  But the truth is, too much free time can lead itself to procrastination.

This is what happens to me.  When I am left without a schedule or daily plan, I tend to accomplish much less than I do during a regular work week.  I get the essentials done, but I overestimate the amount of time I have.  So I  put off easy tasks for tomorrow instead of getting them done today.

One reason free time is so easy to misuse, is that it seems endless. Many times weekends are like this.  Sometimes we are constantly structured in our daily routine; get up and ready for work, work for 8 hours, come home, eat dinner and clean, then go to bed.  The weekend is then like a free-for-all.  Wake up whenever, have a leisurely breakfast, do a little shopping, and bam – it’s 9:00 p.m. already.

Another key to using free time is to plan for it. Recently I have been out of work.  Instead of using my time to go to the amusement park, visit the ice cream parlor or go tubing down the river, I found myself struggling to get my daily chores done.  I would have much rather spent at least ½ my time doing those things I enjoy – that’s why I want time off in the first place.  But because I didn’t schedule my day, I lost more time to unexpected diversions – say a TV show, 2 hours cruising the Internet, or an unintended nap.  Making my time at home sadly unproductive.

If you’re a well organized, highly productive person who has no problem with these things – please kindly ignore this advice. If however, like me, you find yourself floundering in a sea of time with no clear plan of action, feeling strangely unmotivated and bored, take heed.  Try a few of these simple solutions to put your free time to use.

1. Make a list of the top 10 or 20 things you need to get done this week.  Break them down into a daily list and try to spend the first part of your day on that.  Leave your afternoons free for fun.
2. Check in with others. When you lose ambition or direction, call a friend for help.  Someone doing multiple tasks each day is much more likely to help you be efficient with your time.  Use their assistance wisely.
3. Do the fun things first. Do those things you really want to first.  They will energize and inspire you, and if you take Monday and Tuesday to play at the beach, the rest of the week will seem much easier.  (If you like rewarding yourself, you can reverse this and give yourself a bonus AFTER you’ve done the job interviews.)
4. Start. This is one of my biggest problems.  I see a project as too big and feel overwhelmed, so I just don’t do anything.  Don’t get sucked into this pit.  If you do something, anything, it is better than nothing.  Small things add up.  Update your resume today, and apply for a job tomorrow.   Do something now.
5. Challenge yourself. Race to see if you can wash all the dishes before the next TV show.  Bet yourself you can do 5 chores before 10 a.m., then go watch a movie you’ve been waiting to see.  Make it a game, have fun, and enjoy the process.  It’ll make it much easier for you to keep going.

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography

Start each day with a smile. Try to fit in as many as you can.  Just talking with friends or coworkers can spark a grin.  Discussing funny TV shows or commercials, venting frustrations about being overworked or counting idiots in traffic can be a great vehicle for fun and laughter.

Smiles are contagious too. Once you start smiling, others will start.  Try an experiment and see how many people you can get to smile in a meeting or conference room.  Share a funny experience about your child, a picture of your pet or some other tidbit and let the room lighten up before the information flows.  It will make for a more relaxed and productive time.

Smiles are good for you. When you smile, it changes how you feel.  It’s hard to stay angry when you’re smiling.  Don’t we all have fights that end like that?  You’re right in the middle of a big tirade about how unjust life is, how no one listens or cares about you, then suddenly your dog runs over wagging her tail and offers her tummy up for a rub and you totally lose track of what you were mad about.

Smiles promote positive connections. A true smile is recognized by most everyone.  When you smile with your heart it shows.  We all know that used-car salesman smile and that we should avoid it.  But a real honest-to-goodness feel-good smile can light up a room, or make someone’s day.  Getting the smile is almost as great as giving it.

Smiles are fun. Smiles accompanied by giggling are likely to make you instantly popular as people come to investigate the good news.  Ever drive down the road listening to a comedy tape?  Ever noticed the people in the other car smiling at your laughter, even though they have absolutely no idea what’s so funny?  That’s the power of a smile!

Smiles are free. One of the great bonuses of smiles is that they cost nothing.  In fact, giving smiles away enriches those that give them.  Smiles can bring relief, hope, perspective and relaxation.  Sometimes all at once!  Smiling is a great gift to give when times are tough – they’re a treasure that everyone longs for.

Smiling becomes easier the more you do it. This is really true!  When you find things to be happy about, even in the midst of turmoil, it brings peace and spreads love.  Smiles are a sign of joy and caring.  When you give someone a smile, most often it is returned to you.  Smiles often multiply, bringing more joy and laughter with it.

Smiles help heal. Anyone who is stressed out, in pain or suffering knows that a simple smile can start the road to recovery.  Smiles can ease tension, relive pain, and inspire a new outlook.  Whatever kind of day you are having, a smile can make it better.  Try it today and see.

Why is fear so powerful and convincing? When we see or hear something that pushes our primal fears; of not having enough shelter, food, or good health, our fear center takes us over and we become powerless.

Suddenly we start to listen once again to that false voice of self-criticism inside us.  The ones that tells us we’re not enough; not smart enough, not successful enough, not dedicated enough, just not enough

Our fear can be over anything at all; fear we are not worthy of love, fear that we will never achieve our dreams, fear of not enough money, or fear of dying.  Even when these fears are totally false, still we can fall victim to them.

I remember when I was around 26 and I started thinking about death.  This lead to an irrational fear – not of dying, but of suffering.  Suddenly I started imaging all the potential ways I could be being kidnapped, tortured, beaten or worse.  These worries would pop up when I was walking to the car alone, in the dark of night, or even in a crowded store with too many strangers.

But most of this fear is irrational. It comes from our “old brain,” the one that said “Run before you’re trampled to death!” and “Look out for that snake!”  We don’t need these adrenaline-filled warnings anymore, yet our bodies are still primed to produce them.

Too much fear rewires the brain.  When we worry too much, our brains slips into a pattern, like a groove on a record, that’s hard to break out of. And since we are often surrounded by bad news – murders, disasters, illness and problems abound in the nightly news, it’s easy to believe the world is a scary place.

So what is the opposite of fear?  Joy!  Happiness, fun, laughter and love. But how do we break away from fear and into the bright light of smiles and peace?  There is no easy answer, but here are a few ideas that seem to work best for me:

1.  Distraction. One great way to get rid of fear is to distract your mind with another activity.  It could be doing the dishes, making dinner, solving a puzzle or walking the dog.  You could listen to some music, watch TV, or read a book.  Often just taking your mind off your worries for a while will help you see them in a more realistic light and this will banish the baseless fears easily.

2.  More fear. While this may sound strange, it works for me.  For instance, I love to watch horror movies, read scary books, or even try something new like white-water rafting that I am somewhat afraid of.  The over-the-top fears in the horror movies help to give perspective to my own fears – real or imagined.  Doing something I am afraid of, like navigating a rushing river in just a raft full of air builds confidence, and that too helps get rid of fears of being unworthy or no good.

3.  Building happiness skills. This one is harder and not effective in the short run, but provides greater benefits over the long haul.  Building happiness skills, like gratitude, optimism, stress relievers and other techniques help me to find the good things in my life and build on them.  Finding new ways to laugh, recognizing blessings I have overlooked, like having good health or reliable transportation help me to relax and feel more secure about my life.

4.  Attack them. Sometimes the only way to get rid of fear is to attack it head-on.  Since much of what we fear will never come to pass, this is often an effective technique.  Take a piece of paper, and write down what is bothering you.  Then list 5 steps you can take to do something about it.  Even if you can not start them right away, simply having a plan can bring peace of mind.  Seeing things in black and white also takes away the power of our imagination, and we find that we are well prepared to solve our own problems.

5.  Get reinforcements. Fear does not survive well in groups.  It thrives in loneliness and isolation.  When fear is overtaking you, get help.  It can be friends, family, a counselor, or a support group.  It could even be a blog where you give the help to others that you thought you needed yourself.  Other people can find the flaws in fear’s logic and blow a hole through it so big that it can’t survive.

Photo by scragz

We all need it.  Even when things are going well, we are often busy with one task after another, going from work to taking care of the kids and keeping the house in order.  Some stress is good, but often when we are working hard and things are great, we think we can handle even more and thus we tip the balance of work and play.

Stress relief is important because left unchecked, stress produces harmful changes that can lead to health problems and depression.  If we want to be happy it’s important to take care of both mind and body.

To reduce stress we need to have a method or set of steps to follow to feel better when we’re tired, overworked, feeling ill or sad. We need a way to give our body and mind a rest, a chance to recover from the symptoms like pain, headache, poor sleep or unhealthy eating.  To relax and rejuvenate so we’re ready to tackle a new day.

There is a huge variety of stress busting techniques available. They range from the ordinary to the unusual.  Since we’re all different, using an assortment of ideas and methods to match our individual styles is highly beneficial.

Some of my favorite stress relievers are meditation, music, dance, exercise, reading, chocolate, TV and laughter.  Other people enjoy gardening, painting, basketball, bubble baths, a glass of wine, playing with the kids and playing video games.

There is not right or wrong way to take a break.  If you can’t remember what it is you enjoy doing, now is the time to make a list. Get a sheet of paper and list 10 other things you ‘d rather be doing right now; fishing, taking a nap, watching a movie, bird-watching, yoga, laughing with friends, visit a museum, play the guitar, get a manicure or go to beach.

A great way to add to your list is to include things you like to do on vacation. See if there are ways to do the same things at home.  If you golf, maybe you can mini-golf with the kids; if you love the ocean you could join a gym with a great pool.  The wonderful thing is we can continue to add new ideas to our relaxation list until we have so many ideas we couldn’t possibly do them all.  Maybe you could start a monthly spa day with the girls!

Here’s a list of a few more relaxing/fun ideas:

• Go cloud watching.
• Ride a bike at the park.
• Rock in the backyard hammock.
• Ride an ATV.
• Light some scented candles.
• Jazz it up with some upbeat contemporary jazz music.
• Play squirt gun tag.
• Dance like a ballerina.
• Cook an elaborate dinner.
• Watch lightning bugs flash in the dark.
• Close your eyes and pretend you’re a tree.
• Throw a barbeque party!
• Do some wood working.
• Treat yourself to some fresh-cut flowers.
• Write a letter of love to your mom.
• Build a tree fort retreat.
• Trade massage treatments with your spouse.
• Listen to classical music as you clean.

Paperwork by anomalous4

Stress in small doses can be invigorating and challenging, pushing us to do our best. But how many people do you know lately that have only a small dose of stress?  Not many I’ll bet.

So how do you find ways to combat the effects of stress?  Those tense, tight shoulders, stiff neck, and jaw-clenching reactions to being worried, angry or just generally overwhelmed.

Here are a few quick tips to help you feel better right now. Do them one at a time, or put a few together, just be sure to try them all so you know what works best for you.

1. Breathe. Take a few deep relaxing breaths, inhaling deeply, expanding your belly outward like a balloon, and deflating again as you push the air out through your mouth.  Do this 5 – 10 times for an instant lift.
2. Stretch. Have a sore back or achy muscles?  Try a quick stretch break.  Stand up and reach high above your head.  Bend down and slowly touch your toes letting your spine realign into a more natural position.  Here are some simple stretches you can do right at your desk.
3. Use aromatherapy. It doesn’t have to be elaborate.  Keep a pine-scented car air freshener hanging near your desk.  Put in a Glade scented oil plug-in if there’s an outlet nearby.  Lemon and citrus scents energize tired minds and especially useful at work.  Or use scented lotion and gently massage tired muscles.
4. Quiet time. This is an easy one to overlook.  Taking as few as 5- 10 minutes alone in a silent, peaceful location can revive an overworked mind.  Take a few minutes of calm to retreat from the pressure and come back more focused and relaxed.
5. Prioritize. When we need fast relief, nothing is quicker and easier than a good to-do list.  Often tasks get added to our day and we feel overwhelmed and frustrated.  When things are piling up, take a step back and list what you have to do.  Organization will make your day easier and you’ll get more done.
6. Happy List. Take a few minutes and list things that make you happy – even if they’re not happening right now.  Reliving joyful memories – thoughts of kids, your spouse, a favorite fishing hole or even hitting a great sale can give you a positive boost.  See an example here.
7. Get outside. If you can manage it, go outside for a few minutes.  Listen to the birds, smell the flowers, watch the clouds roll by.  Nature’s slower pace is soothing and the change of scenery helps take your mind off your worries.
8. Funny pages. Most everyone has a newspaper handy and can read their favorite comic strip.  You can also find the on the Internet at Go comics.com. Keep a list of jokes in your desk drawer or a use a 365 day calendar.
9. Music. Music calms the savage beast.  Remember that old Bugs Bunny cartoon with Bugs soothing Taz with music and song?  It works on the rest of us just as well.  Whether calm and restful smooth jazz or loud and fast rock n’ roll, music affects our mood.  So put on your favorite CD and enjoy!

The best stress relief tip is simply to begin. Relaxation can be as simple as taking a hot bubble bath or as complex as planning a week-long spa retreat.  Make a list of the ideas that sound good or work best for you and start rejuvenating your mind and body today.

Here are a few other web sites to help you get started:

Stress Relief Tools

Tranquility is Yours.com

Relaxation Techniques and Tension Tamers

Pink Swirls by aussiegall

Better late than never. This is true whether you are visiting friends, learning new skills, or reaching your goal of traveling to all 50 states.  It’s even a great reminder for a well-intentioned but easily distracted blog writer like myself.

Better late than never is the voice of the optimist. The one that says “I may struggle, I may falter, but I will not give up.”  It’s the hope that refuses to die.  It’s your reason to keep going in the face of life’s obstacles.

This is the belief that though life may deal you a rough hand, though your plans may not work out the way you thought they would, you will not stop trying.  You will not quit reaching for your goals, no matter what obstacles life throws your way.

Better late than never is a song in your head.  A mantra that repeats endlessly, pushing you to keep going when the sky looks dark and the sun is hidden from view.  It is the knowledge that the best things in life are worth fighting for.

Better at 50 to start a fitness plan, than to never start at all.  Better at 34 to start your search for you life’s purpose, than never to begin. Better at 44 to discover your love of dancing, than to never to take a class.

Not all of us were blessed at an early age with the confidence and knowledge we need to succeed in life.  Some of us suffered with parents who lacked the necessary life skills to teach their children to thrive.  Others of us were distracted by parties, good times or quick thrills.

But whether we began our path early on and stumbled to a stop, or simply never began our journey at all, we can always begin anew.  Start now.  Live the life you’ve dreamed of for so long. Take a chance; break through your comfort zone.  Dare to be you. Better late than never!

Jester by Dave Hamster

Happy April Fools Day everyone! As you may have noticed, I have been incommunicado lately.  I’ve not been myself.  Instead I’ve been upset, hurried, tired, grumpy and depressed.  Since I started this site to increase happiness and notice the positive, I obviously don’t like dumping that stuff into my blog.

However, after two weeks of being worried, busy, dispirited and blue, I’ve had enough!  April Fools Day seemed like the prime time to come back to being myself.  (Lucky for me a have a high happiness baseline and that’s not too hard to do).

The newspapers, radio hosts and of course a few coworkers have tried to pull some fast ones today.  It’s fun to see people being silly and lighthearted, and by-golly we could use some of that right now. I love the crazy holidays – like did you know that tomorrow is National Peanut Butter & Jelly Day?

We all know that suffering and worry that many of us face right now.  Whether it’s our own, our family or friends, we see the problems – they’re on the news every night.  But that’s why it’s extra important to spend time having some good healthy fun.  To acknowledge and value what we already have.

Be grateful for what you have. If you have a home – be glad, there are some who don’t.  If you have a car, we happy, some are losing theirs.  If you have health, be thankful for it, there are some who are ill and in physical pain on top of this financial suffering.

Appreciate the simple; the beauty of the sun rise in the early morning sky, the pinks, purples and orange glow as it moves high above.  If you see a child smile at you in the store, smile back.  As you walk into work or drive down the road, stop and notice the blooming trees and bright spring grass.

Be a fool.  Today it’s officially okay to be silly. Don’t bother with the pranks and such, just have fun.  Tell jokes, invent a new dance move, give out compliments, and smile while you do it.  Give a crayon love letter to your significant other, or a play dough butterfly to your coworker.  Shake things up in a good way for a change.

Don’t let this opportunity pass you by. Don’t just sit back and think “Well, I’m too busy and stressed right now to have any fun.  I’ll enjoy myself later.”  Don’t fall into this trap.  We’re almost always busy, and stress is constantly popping up in one form or another.  Don’t put off until tomorrow good times you can enjoy today.

Happiness is not selfish. When you feel good, you have more energy and can spare more attention for those you love.  When you smile, they smile.  When you laugh, so do they.  Your good mood can infect those around you for the better.  Try a little foolin’ around today and see for yourself.