In the workplace, one of the most valuable traits any person can have is authenticity. There’s just something about people who are genuine, sincere and honest that’s extremely attractive.

In the work I do with organizations, the most common characteristic missing in the workplace, hands down, is authenticity. Whether we’re talking about disingenuous leadership, dysfunctional teams or co-workers who try to fake it ’til they make it, authentic people can be hard to find. It shouldn’t have to be that way.

Being authentic is easily defined. It’s rooted in being genuine, real, trustworthy, honest and original. As such, it should come easily, but it doesn’t — at least not for some. So why is it that some people simply can’t be themselves? If you feel you truly are the real deal, then kudos to you. But it could be that you find who you truly are in conflict with how you behave in the workplace.

Since we’re being straight-up, let me be perfectly clear. This article is not intended to be a serum for improving one’s self-esteem. It is designed to help you reflect on some basic hurdles that prevent us from being authentic and provide you with some positive behaviours to help you move forward.

First, let’s deal with some of the obstacles:

• We’re concerned about how others think of us. Let’s face it: If we spent less time trying to impress others and more time actually just being ourselves, we would all sleep much better. By disguising or altering our true personalities we put up this false sense of ourselves, which inevitably catches up to us with less-than-impressive results.   
• We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Our need to be liked often prevents us from being honest with others. We might fear the consequences of being honest and therefore avoid it. As a result, we become dishonest not only with other people, but with ourselves as well.
• We won’t admit mistakes or weaknesses. Workplace culture is a direct result of the personalities within the organization. On a team where people fail to admit their mistakes or weaknesses, trust is rarely built. Without trust, authenticity cannot survive.
• We lack personal accountability. Not following through on commitments and promises is a clear sign that authenticity does not exist. If you say you will do one thing but do the complete opposite, your co-workers will judge you accordingly.

One of the best ways to identify authenticity within yourself, your team or your organization is to recognize the behaviours associated with it. Remember, it’s not your job title but your actions and behaviours that define you.

To help you understand that more, here are some behaviours that exemplify authenticity:

• Acting with honesty and integrity. Living by a set of principles or values, respecting confidentiality and being true to yourself and your colleagues are perfect examples of being authentic.
• Acting with humility. Acknowledging that no one is perfect (especially yourself) is a sure-fire way to deal with mistakes, misfires and mishaps. Having the ability to accept and learn from them is part of being authentic.
• Walking the talk. When your words are in line with your actions, it’s easy to be true to yourself. This means following through on your commitments and promises. Just do what you said you would do, when you said you would do it.
• Being transparent. When your motives are clear and there’s no hidden agenda it will be easy for others to see that you are for real. It’s liberating to live your life with nothing to hide.
• Being sincere. People can see through those who are insincere. Respecting others’ opinions and points of view, being empathetic and showing genuine interest in those around you are classic features of an authentic person.

So, are you authentic? I hope you are, but if you’re not sure, maybe reading this will be the catalyst for change or at least trigger another round of self-reflection.

If you think some of your co-workers may be a little low on the authenticity scale, feel free to share this article. We’ve got to start somewhere and there’s no better time to start than now.

The late Franklin P. Jones, long-time reporter and humourist for the Saturday Evening Post once said, “One advantage of talking to yourself is at least you know one person is listening.” It’s a point well taken.

I’m constantly amazed by how my wife and her friends can sit around a table and hold multiple conversations with one another while all talking simultaneously. It’s mind-boggling to me. I’m not sure how any of them can even comprehend what is being said when they’re all talking at the same time. Well, somehow they do; at least, that’s what my wife tells me.

But not everyone has super-human listening powers. Most often, the successful relationships we build in the workplace or in our personal lives are grounded in good, solid communication.

There are many ways to communicate and, with the advance of technology, we seem to have no end of innovative ways to connect with others. But putting technology aside, at its heart a conversation is built on talking and listening. Unfortunately, there seems to be more talking than listening.

Most of us think we actually listen well, but I can guarantee that your co-workers, friends, family or even you could use a little brush-up on listening.

I hope you’re all ears, because here are six ways to become a more effective listener:

1. Stop talking

I like to get right to the point. There is no better way to start a conversation than with one person talking and the other listening. Sounds simple enough, but with so much going on in our lives, reduced attention spans and a million thoughts racing in and out of our heads, conversations need some breathing room. Just relax, listen and enjoy.

2. Avoid distractions

Nothing gets in the way of listening better than a distraction. So put the techie toys down or shut them off so you can remain focused on what is being said. You may also want to keep that wandering eye in check. I’ll admit it takes discipline, but by reducing distractions, you can focus on what’s important.

3. Content is king

Train your brain to focus on the content. Listen attentively to what is being said, not who is saying it. This will allow you to understand the message, but also give you the chance to add value to the conversation with your responses.

4. Show empathy

Empathy is about caring and the best way to show it in a conversation is by being attentive, understanding and engaged with the people you are conversing with. Something as simple as nodding your head in agreement or asking a follow-up question is a sure-fire way to build on the conversation.

5. Don’t jump the gun

Focus on what is being said, not how you will respond. Often when we disagree with someone’s opinion we feel the need to interrupt and give them our thoughts immediately. Don’t do it. Let the other person finish. Your turn will come, but by showing respect and remaining focused on the content you’ll probably end up hearing things you would never had heard if you had jumped the gun.

6. Leverage your thought speed

I first heard of thought speed from the listening legend, Dr. Ralph Nichols. Nichols passed away in 2006 at the age of 96, but his legacy of work is the foundation of most of the research used in effective listening. His concept of thought speed can be found in his 1957 book, Are You Listening and in the many articles he wrote on the subject.

The idea is pretty simple. We spend a certain amount of time in listening mode when our minds wander. Thoughts run in and out of our heads as we listen to the other person talk. Nichols’ process is to use that time, or thought speed, to think and process the information more effectively and almost foresee what will come next.

Here are some of his suggestions:

• Try to anticipate what a person will say on the basis of what they have already said.
• Mentally summarize what the person has conveyed to you.
• Mentally question what the person is saying.
• Listen between the lines. Watch body language, listen for tone and inflection.

By leveraging your thought speed, your focus will be directly on the content of the conversation and you will be better prepared to respond. What’s more important, you’ll be 100% engaged in the conversation.

Effective listening is a skill. Practice makes perfect, but it’s practising the right way that makes it permanent.

I thought I had effective listening mastered, but my wife reminds me daily that I need some work. On that note, I am reminded of this quote from Frank Tyger: “Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.”

Teams thrive or become dysfunctional based on the value each member brings to the table. Whether at home, on the job or for pleasure, teamwork is an essential part of our day-to-day lives.

Some of us do it well, while others have a more difficult time navigating through team dynamics. In the workplace, I find it interesting that many companies assume their employees understand effective teamwork. Of course, we all have some level of team acumen based on our life experiences, but the complexities of a team and its potential for effectiveness are often misinterpreted, poorly communicated or misdirected by those who lead us.

I’m not focusing on team cohesion here, but rather zeroing in on how effective individual team players can be. And the best place to start answering that question is with you.

On a scale of one to 10, how effective are you on your team? The high end is 10, and a one means you aren’t very effective at all. Even better: Ask your teammates how effective they think you are as a team player. It’s easy to judge others (most people do it), but it’s a lot tougher to take a long, hard look at yourself and offer up an honest opinion of your performance.

To help you reflect on your own effectiveness, here are seven keys to becoming a better team player and seven takeaway tips to help you get there.

1. Put your pride on the side

It’s imperative that you check your ego at the door. This doesn’t mean you always have to compromise your identity; it does mean you have to recognize that what’s good for the team will be good for you in the long run.

Takeaway tip: Live by the motto “It’s all about the team.” Use this phrase to remind yourself that it’s team first and everything else second. If you believe it, you will become a more effective team player. If you struggle with it, you simply need a bit more work.

2. Stand and deliver

It’s one thing to have talent, but to add real value to a team you need not only to be competent, but also to give 100% effort all the time. Consistency is key, and it takes a certain mindset to give your best regularly.

Takeaway tip: Your expectations of your own performance should align with your expectations of anyone else’s. You expect a surgeon to be at her best all the time. A server in a restaurant just doesn’t cut it if he mails it in. No one wants to hear excuses from someone who serves up a lackluster performance. So, expect nothing less from yourself — 100% with no excuses.

3. Focus on results

The DNA of effective people always includes the ability to meet the objectives of the team. When you have a roadmap for where you want to go, you will get there a lot quicker.

Takeaway tip: Keep your eyes on the prize. Make sure team goals are clear, measurable and prioritized. With clarity, the light at the end of the tunnel will shine brighter.

4. Communicate

Sharing information is critical for any team, so each team member shoulders the responsibility of ensuring that happens.

Takeaway tip: Be open and honest in the transfer of knowledge with your teammates. No one on your team wants a surprise, unless it’s a party to celebrate a win. Otherwise, share information formally and informally at meetings or in casual conversations where appropriate.

5. Flex your adaptability muscles

Be flexible and adaptable and you will be treasured by your teammates. Change is constant, so be quick on your feet. Change is actually much easier than you might think. What messes most people up is the amount of time it takes to decide to change.

Takeaway tip: The next time someone says, “Hey, we’re going to make a change,” be the one who says, “Great! What are we changing?” By becoming a change champion, you will add an incredible amount of value for the people you work with and will help the team constantly move forward.

6. Be supportive

Know your role, do it well and make sure you give your team as much support as possible. Support comes in different forms: Lending a helping hand, co-operating and being collaborative and reliable are all great ways to make a major impact on your team.

Takeaway tip: Regardless of their personalities, approach all teammates with the intention of making them as successful as possible.

7. Trust

The foundation of any team is built on trust. But if there’s mistrust among members, then it’s guaranteed that some form of dysfunction will rear its ugly head.

Takeaway tip: Respect your teammates’ differing points of view and use them as building blocks for solving problems or generating better ideas. Effective team players give lots of respect and as a result, they get the respect they deserve.

How well did you score? If you think there’s room for you to raise your game and become a more effective team player, test-drive a few of these tips and see how far they will take you.

More tips for teams:

• How to object without being objectionable
• How to build a high-performance team
• Bridging the gap in multi-generational teams

	Are you on track to meet your financial and retirement planning goals?
Having a plan to protect your family and build your savings now can help ensure you will have enough money to last through retirement, so you can live your retirement your way. Learn about Money for Life.™

Get monthly tips and tools to help you plan a brighter financial future.
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I felt it just five days into January, when I broke down and devoured an apple fritter. I had promised myself not to be lured into that sad state of caloric excess, but I caved. Did it feel good when the icing-coated, crunchy-soft dough touched my lips? Absolutely. But that fresh feeling became stale pretty quickly. And that, my friend, is resolution remorse.

But rather than throw in the towel as I might have once done, I made another promise to myself. I vowed that this would be the year I hit the reset button as often as I had to.

We all slip from time to time. We fall off the wagon, break down and make mistakes; it’s part of life. Whether it’s coming up short on a resolution or crumbling in the face of a serious life challenge, failure always seems to walk hand-in-hand with success. But it’s not how many times we get knocked down that matters, it’s how many times we get back up. That’s what counts.

So today, I’m inviting you to join me in hitting the reset button as often as needed this year. Just decide that whatever the issue, you’ll get back up and tackle it head-on with the same tenacity and passion you used in round one.

Hitting the reset button has worked pretty well for some legendary figures:

• Steve Jobs was a college drop-out who was fired from Apple (the company he founded) at age 30. He later returned and the rest is history.
• Steven Spielberg was rejected from the University of Southern California School of Theater, Movies and Television three times. So he attended a different school and received his degree 35 years later.
• Oprah Winfrey was told she was unfit for TV and fired from a Baltimore TV station. Seven years later she found her groove in Chicago and never looked back.
• Thomas Edison found 1,000 ways to not illuminate a room before the light bulb finally went on.
• Michael Jordan was cut from his high-school basketball team. So he decided to become a multi-season NBA champion with the Chicago Bulls and a Hall of Famer instead.
• Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” After a number of failed businesses and bankruptcies, it looks like he got things right.

Although we’ve all experienced the joys of success, we can also be pretty hard on ourselves when we fail. Often those feelings of guilt, remorse and stress can become overwhelming.

To avoid being overwhelmed and giving up when you stray from the path, here are three quick strategies that will help you get back on track:

1. What’s happened has happened

Once an event has happened it’s done. It’s over. There’s not much you can do about it, so don’t waste time and energy on what might have been. Learn from the past, but always focus your energy on moving forward.

2. Keep your eyes on the prize

Stay focused on your goal, not your setbacks. Why does it matter if you failed five times, if you eventually hit your target? The satisfaction of reaching your goal will outweigh any setbacks and missteps you may have had along the way. Remind yourself of your goal, write it down, look at it often and visualize success.

3. Never give up

Success is grounded in the ability to persevere. The woulda-coulda-shoulda people of this world fall by the wayside far too early. The good news is they leave an open path for those who choose to continue down the road. There’s a price to pay for success and for failure. Decide which one you want and be prepared to pay the price. Stick-to-itiveness reaps big dividends, so hang in there.

Join me in hitting the reset button as often as necessary this year. Try doing things a bit differently and see how it works for you. By getting right back up after you get knocked down, and kicking setbacks and adversity to the curb with authority, you’ll see results quicker than ever.

More strategies for success:

• The science of keeping your New Year’s resolutions
• Would you like a LATTE with that complaint?
• How to build a high-performance team
• Five keys to employee engagement

	Are you on track to meet your financial and retirement planning goals?
Having a plan to protect your family and build your savings now can help ensure you will have enough money to last through retirement, so you can live your retirement your way. Learn about Money for Life.™

Get monthly tips and tools to help you plan a brighter financial future.
To receive recommended reads about money, health and family, sign up for the FREE monthly Brighter Life newsletter.

Don’t you just love the start of a new year? It’s like a get-out-of-jail-free card that lets us put all the things we didn’t like about the previous 365 days behind us and push the reset button for the next 12 months.

When the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve you can hear the clichés ricochet off the walls: “Bring it on!,” “It’s got to be better than last year;” “This is going to be my year;” and everyone’s favourite — “Got any New Year’s resolutions?” Wow, that last one can put a damper on your party really fast.

New Year’s resolutions are funny things. They’re filled with hope and optimism but they also have this underlying dark side of anxiety and missed opportunity. It’s a game of managing expectations mixed in with a little bit of liar’s poker. It’s not that we’re trying to kid ourselves — it’s just that it seems so hard to actually follow through on our good intentions.

The reasons for not sticking to goals are many. Lack of willpower, procrastination, lack of time, unrealistic goal-setting, lack of money, lack of energy, low self-confidence and the fear of failure usually top the list. But regardless of the obstacle, if the desire is there, then there’s hope for all of us.

So to kick-start this New Year, we’re bringing in an expert to help make this year your best year.

Gene Hayden is a mobile advertising executive who is the best-selling author of The Follow-Through Factor: Getting from Doubt to Done. It’s an excellent read chock-full of strategies on how to achieve your goals.

In her book, Hayden identifies 15 hurdles that typically get between us and our goals. Whether you want to launch a business, embark on a new project in the workplace, lose weight, create and stick to a budget, run a marathon or travel the world, you are going to have to problem-solve your way over some obstacles.

“The follow-through factor is a deal you make with yourself,” says Hayden. “You acquire the follow-through factor when you recognize that your goal is your story. And you shake hands with yourself on the promise that you are going to see your story through to completion. At that point, you see obstacles as cliffhangers in your story, and like a writer who plots out a novel, you get hooked on how you will resolve them.”

Knocking down these barriers is much easier when you have a better understanding of what makes you tick and become fully engaged in the process of goal achievement.

According to Hayden, people who have the follow-through factor know these secrets:

• Create a plan. The number-one reason people drop a project is because they stop feeling the love for it 24/7 and figure it’s not their passion. But projects are like people — they have a mix of admirable and irritating traits. Some days you like the thing you’re doing and some days you’re really not so sure about it. Keep with it, because when you stick with a plan through thick and thin, your interest in it doesn’t diminish, it grows.

• Start right away. You don’t have to know as much as you think you do to achieve your ambition. When you don’t have a clue, all you have to do is ask the question that launched a thousand success stories: “What do I need to find out first?”

• Small steps count. When you’re feeling world-weary, taking even the tiniest micro-step toward your goal gives you a shot of energy. It’s less draining to do something than to wrestle with the guilt of inaction.

• Stick with it. Every project gets tedious at times, but stick with it through the boredom, even though it’s making your stomach knot. Eventually it will give way to something rewarding.

• Don’t let others discourage you. Skeptics and naysayers want to keep your world as small as theirs. So when you push back at fear, make sure it’s your own fear you’re tackling and not other people’s.

Achieving your goals is a state of mind more than a state of circumstances. Perseverance will carry you through the tough times, and the ability to crush your fears will help realize your goals.

Why not make today the day you make that deal with yourself? Kick procrastination to the side and move forward with everything you’ve got, and make this year the Year of the Follow-Through.

Have a fantastic year, everyone!

More tips and tools to make the New Year bright:

• Planning a career change?
• Eight steps to landing your dream job

Differences of opinion, varying points of view and opposing beliefs are common in the workplace. What is also common is how often people interpret a different point of view as an attack on their beliefs or an attempt to undermine their position — or they feel the other person is simply being difficult.

While any of those scenarios could be true — and in the case of the man in the cartoon, they probably all are — they don’t necessarily have to be. But when faced with conflict, many of us assume the worst and tune others out. The result: Solving problems or generating the best ideas often becomes an exercise in frustration.

How do you deal with conflict?

The fact is, some people are better at dealing with conflict than others. What is also true is there is good and bad on both sides of the conflict ledger. Some people who are good with conflict can tackle an issue head-on, which is great news. The bad news is they often create unnecessary further tension. At the opposite end of spectrum, a person who avoids conflict might have a higher tolerance for disagreement and not sweat the small stuff when ideas clash. The downside for a conflict-avoider is that emotions can build up and unresolved differences can fester, with unpleasant results.

So today, let’s agree that conflict can be good because it can resolve issues. And let’s also agree that some people embrace conflict and some avoid it.

What we will focus on is how to voice our opinions without upsetting others. How can we influence or persuade others while still being accepting? Or — bottom line — how can we object without being objectionable?

How to be a positive objector

Every day, I help organizations improve team effectiveness, performance and leadership-building. I see people who struggle with voicing their opinions and I see others who excel at it. I call those who do it well “positive objectors,” and I’ve noticed that they all seem to have five key strategies that consistently work. They are:

1. Acknowledge the other person

Positive objectors always recognize the other point of view first. It not only shows the other party that they are listening, but it’s also a great way to ensure clarity before they deliver their own viewpoint.

Takeaway tip: Nod your head and repeat the other person’s statement to ensure you’ve got it right. If you’re not clear, ask for clarification. (You probably won’t have to ask; they’ll be all over you.)

2. Speak the right body language

The best communicators are consciously aware of what their bodies are saying, because body language speaks volumes. They avoid movement that could be interpreted as aggression and assume a more open posture, such as leaning forward attentively, to make their points.

Takeaway tip: Avoid finger-pointing, arm-crossing and toe-tapping. If you start to ramp up your anxiety level it could have the same effect on the other person.

3. Hit the mute button

Positive objectors have mastered the art of the mute button. They know when to talk and when to be silent. Understanding the power of silence and the impact it can have in human interaction is a huge asset.

Takeaway tip: Don’t be the first, don’t be the last, don’t be the loudest and don’t cut people off. Just be clear, cool and calm when stating your point.

4. Share ownership

Positive objectors have an uncanny way of making their points of view or beliefs inclusive. Of course, it always depends on the situation, but the ability to let the opposing side add ideas to your position allows for a more unified perspective.

Takeaway tip: Don’t make it personal; it’s not you versus them. It should be about solving problems and issues for the good of the team. If you can get even one morsel of buy-in from the other side, you’ll be off to the races.

5. Show respect

You’ve got to give respect to get respect, and positive objectors do it with ease. Showing empathy, good social judgment and genuine concern are hallmarks of respected people.

Takeaway tip: “Treat others as you would like to be treated” is often quoted and more often forgotten in the heat of the moment.

There is one final key characteristic that the best positive objectors are absolutely brilliant at. It’s called framing, and you can use it to make all the other strategies I’ve listed even more effective. Framing is how you act to influence others by acknowledging another point of view while asserting your own position.

Here’s an example of framing in the context of the first strategy, acknowledging the other person:

“Wow, I never thought of that. That’s a really interesting approach. I like it. I wonder what would happen if we also tried it this way. What do you think?”

By not discounting the opposing view and giving credit for a great idea, you take the edge off the entire conversation and set up the opportunity for some common ground as the discussion progresses.

No, not every exchange is going to go according to plan and yes, we have to pick our battles. But the potential damage to your team, your relationship with the other person, and the perception of how others see you can be best managed by becoming a positive objector.

More on working together effectively:

• Five keys to employee engagement
• Five ways to fend off energy vampires
• Would you like a LATTE with that complaint?

	Are you on track to meet your financial and retirement planning goals?
Having a plan to protect your family and build your savings now can help ensure you will have enough money to last through retirement, so you can live your retirement your way. Learn about Money for Life.™

Get monthly tips and tools to help you plan a brighter financial future.
To receive recommended reads about money, health and family, sign up for the FREE monthly Brighter Life newsletter.

That doesn’t mean we can’t keep searching, but the reality is we’re often glad just to have a job, never mind love it.

So how does an organization, knowing full well not all its employees are going to love their jobs, keep them involved, interested and performing at an optimum level?

Here’s what they shouldn’t do: Keep them satisfied. That’s right. Keeping employees satisfied can be a recipe for disaster. Satisfaction in the working world is just another way to say contentment – and contentment can lead to inertia.

The difference between being satisfied and being engaged

What organizations should be striving for is an employee base that is engaged. Trust me, there is a big difference between satisfied employees and engaged employees. You can have some very satisfied and contented employees who have no problem coming to work, playing solitaire, surfing the net, doing the bare minimum and collecting a pay cheque. Sure, they’re satisfied — but is that really what you want?

Engaged employees are a different animal. They go above and beyond their jobs’ roles and responsibilities, they’re focused on achievement and they have an emotional attachment and commitment to the goals and objectives of their company or business unit that supersedes the traditional “compensation for services provided” model.

Organizations are trying harder than ever before to create and maintain employee engagement. Many companies start with an employee engagement survey. After mining the data they put in place multiple initiatives to create and maintain a level of commitment that’s a win-win for both parties.

Make no mistake: Employee engagement is a two-way street. For an organization and its employees to walk down that road together, there must be common elements that make it work for both parties.

So whether you’re leading a team or you’re sitting at your desk wondering why you’re not as committed as some of your co-workers, here are five keys to building a solid foundation of engagement in the workplace:

1. Core values

When people are aligned in what they value, standing together and moving forward happens at a much faster clip. What a company stands for is critical in employee engagement. What a person stands for is just as important. If those two worlds collide, you get a disconnect that’s often tough to align.

2. Vision

When people work in an environment with purpose and meaning, great things can happen. Organizations that clearly articulate their goals, objectives and expectations to their employees stand the best chance of increasing engagement. Creating a roadmap that provides direction will get everyone from point A to point B with the fewest roadblocks.

3. Opportunity

When people work in a culture of learning and growth, life becomes more fulfilling and the organization can realize its potential.One of life’s great motivators is opportunity. But if the drive isn’t there in the form of challenges, promotion and personal and organizational improvement, then count on the road to success being a bumpy one.

4. Communication

When people can be open and honest it builds trust. Trust builds loyalty and loyalty is one of the keys to an inspired working environment. Strong communication is a hallmark of high-performing and highly engaged teams. But it takes everyone in the organization to shoulder the responsibility to be open, giving and honest in exchanging information.

5. Respect

When people give respect they get respect. The more you give the more you get. And the best part is, it’s free. At the end of the day everyone wants respect. Whether it’s respecting others’ opinions and differences or being inclusive and accommodating toward your co-workers, respect is a pillar in building engagement.

When you consider the amount of time we spend at work, doesn’t it make sense to make the most of it? We are the only species on earth that imposes boundaries and limits on our potential. A tree does everything in its power to grow. Animals don’t sit around saying, “Hey, I’m going to be lazy today — who’s up for take-out?” As humans we make choices that affect our potential, and far too often we decide to let outside forces dictate our future.

If you work in an organization where people are engaged, I’m happy for you. If you don’t, take the time to reflect on what you can do to increase engagement. Admittedly, it takes more than one person to make your team engaged. But make today the day you do your part to make things happen.

The best place to start is with the five keys above and there’s no one in a better position to effect change than you.

More tips for a brighter working life:

• How to build a high-performance team
• Suffering from unconscious incompetence?
• How to get things done

Well, guess what? You’re not safe. None of us is. Those vampires are real. I don’t mean the ones in Tinseltown — I’m talking about the vampires that live among us. They’ve been here since the dawn of humanity and they’re not going away any time soon.

I’m talking about the people you might work with, live with or live next door to, who suck the energy right out of you. They’re called energy vampires and we all know they can be a real pain in the neck.

As much as I like to have fun with the whole topic of energy vampires, they can be a genuine problem. The best way to deal with them is to identify what they look like and then take the necessary steps to fend them off.

Energy vampires come in all shapes and forms but they all have one thing in common: They feel that they are victims. Many of them don’t even realize their energy-draining powers, but it’s tough for the rest of us not to notice them.

Clues to help you recognize energy vampires:

• If someone is constantly whining, complaining and moaning about how the world is conspiring against him or her and you’re left feeling emotionally drained, then that person is an energy vampire.
• If someone continually asks you for advice but never acts on any of your recommendations, or you get the feeling your suggestions are going in one ear and out the other, then that person is an energy vampire.
• If someone is constantly talking about him or herself with no interest in others and the non-stop chatter makes you feel like your head is going to explode, then that person is an energy vampire.
• If someone is in drama-queen mode 24/7 and spends most of the day calling, emailing or texting you with minute-by-minute crisis updates, then that person is an energy vampire.

(By the way: If someone shows up at your office wearing a black cape, fangs and a widow’s peak — and it’s not Halloween — that might be an actual vampire.)

Five ways to ward off their evil powers:

1. Don’t run. As much as you may want to look the other way, they will eventually find you. You’re better off to stand up to them and take them on.
2. Don’t feed them. Playing into their self-pity isn’t going to help. If you constantly agree with their complaints (just for the sake of getting through the encounter), then you are essentially feeding the beast. Don’t be an enabler.
3. Just say no. Where it’s appropriate, have the courage to tell energy vampires that you have no interest in listening. Let them know the impact they’re having on you and end the discussion. If they want to adjust and engage you in a meaningful dialogue, then that’s great. If they don’t, they’re confirming what you already know.
4. Offer selective support. There is nothing wrong with showing empathy or support as long as it is not counter-productive. One trick that might help is shifting their focus from problem to solution. Offering a solution and sending them off with the promise that you will not engage in rehashing the old but that you’re happy to discuss the new often works.
5. Not your problem. As much as you may want to help (or not), the issues forced upon you by an energy vampire are not your problem, so keep it that way. Nothing discourages these energy-sucking creatures more than being rebuffed.

Your time and energy are precious, so why waste them on things that don’t really matter? I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t consider many issues that friends, family or co-workers bring forward; you should. But allowing someone to drain you constantly of your energy can have a serious impact on your life.

When your energy level drops it can create a multitude of problems for you and those around you. Some people literally get sick by getting caught up in the stress and problems of others. It can also dramatically affect our relationships with others.

As crazy as it sounds, sometimes less giving leads to more living. If you’re going to give, give to the people who can appreciate and benefit from it the most. Rarely are those people energy vampires.

On a lighter note, if all else fails and you want to keep these people away, try garlic. I hear it’s worked on vampires for centuries and in my experience, people seem to keep their distance from me after I enjoy a Caesar salad.

Tips for dealing with people at work:

• Would you like a LATTE with that complaint?
• Bridging the gap in multi-generational teams
• Seven things your boss wants you to knowSeven things that bosses need to know

But wouldn’t it be great to be able to spot potential great leaders early on? I suggest you can. Take a moment right now to think about the five traits you admire most in great leaders. Now, if you haven’t seen great leadership in action, this exercise can be problematic. If that’s the case, simply think about what characteristics you wish a poor leader you know possessed. If you have time, write them down.

How good leaders become great

Before we get to my list, I want to share with you some insight from one of the world’s foremost experts on leadership, John C. Maxwell. In his book, The 5 Levels of Leadership, Maxwell has perfectly captured the essence of how good leaders become great ones.

His concept of the various leadership levels is brilliant in its simplicity. Think of each level as a building block to the top of the leadership pyramid, starting at Level 1 and moving on up towards Level 5. You never discard a level, you simply build on it. I highly recommend Maxwell’s book because I’m confident it will be a real eye-opener for you.

For our purposes, I want to highlight Maxwell’s entry level of leadership. It’s where all leaders start and where they sometimes slip back to in their leadership journey. Level 1 is called Position. Positional leadership is based on the rights of the position or title. You’re given a leadership title such as supervisor, and then it’s game on. Simply put, people follow you because they have to. As Maxwell often says, “The position doesn’t make the leader, the leader makes the position.” But we have to start somewhere, so Level 1 it is.

Many people in Level 1 never make it to Level 2. They reached Level 1 because someone felt they had potential and gave them the opportunity. What a person does with that opportunity is the leadership journey.

So here’s today’s exercise: If you were tasked to identify potential leaders within your organization or community, leaders that you hope will reach Level 5, what traits would you look for?

I should mention that Level 5 leadership is referred to as the “Pinnacle.” People follow you for who you are and what you represent. It’s based on the respect followers have for you as a result of your mastering the previous four levels. I’m not sure how your list matches up to mine, but based on my experience, here are five key traits of great leaders:

1. Self-awareness
   Great leaders have a strong sense of self-awareness. They know their strengths and their weaknesses and aren’t afraid to admit mistakes. They walk with humility and embrace imperfection.
2. Emotional intelligence
   Emotional intelligence is the art of understanding and using the emotions of others to help achieve success. Great leaders use emotional cues from those they are leading to help improve a situation or assist others.
3. Results orientation
   Great leaders get results. Not just bottom-line results but people and team results. Helping others achieve their potential is one of the hallmarks of superior leadership.
4. Competence
   I differentiate between competence and intelligence. I know lots of people who are extremely smart but fall short of doing their jobs well, let alone leading others.
5. Life-long learning
   I always look for people who have a thirst to learn. You rarely find Level 5 leaders who are not constantly learning about themselves and others. They might not have all the answers, but they’re not afraid to ask the questions.

There are other traits that could make my list, but these are the game-changers for me when I look for leadership talent.

I’m often amazed at how people in a position to hire or promote make their decisions. Just because you’re a great salesperson does not necessarily make you a strong choice to lead the team. Seniority should be the last consideration when deciding who should be promoted to a management or leadership position.

Whether they’re on your list or mine, certain characteristics are common to great leaders. All we have to do is look for them.

I’ll leave you with my favourite John Maxwell leadership quote: “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.”

Play that card and watch how fast you move through the five levels of leadership.

I thought his words were bang-on, especially since I was in an establishment that wrote the book on customer service. Actually, countless publications have sung the praises of the secrets to Starbucks’ success. The Starbucks Experience: 5 Principles For Turning Ordinary into Extraordinary, It’s Not About the Coffee: Leadership Principles from a Life at Starbucks and Onward: How Starbucks Fought for Its Life without Losing Its Soul are only three of a dozen books loaded with tips, strategies and insight into what makes Starbucks one of the world’s leading brands.

It’s not like Starbucks has cornered the market on customer service; it hasn’t, but what it has done is build a culture of superior service that makes it look like the leader of the pack.

Where Starbucks has catapulted itself to the top is in handling customer complaints and problems. For those of you who frequent the coffee shop chain, you know there is never a problem with dealing with a problem. In fact, complaints are almost embraced as opportunities to make someone happy.

Keeping the customer happy is the key

Rarely will you see a dispute, argument or even mild debate within the walls of a Starbucks. It simply doesn’t happen because keeping the customer happy is the foundation of the business.

So knowing it works for Starbucks, I thought this might work for you. The next time you’re faced with a complaint from a customer, client, co-worker or that crazy neighbour, try applying one of Starbucks’ most successful customer service strategies.

It’s called the LATTE method for dealing with customer problems. LATTE is simply an acronym for:

• Listen completely to the customer.
• Acknowledge the problem.
• Take action to resolve the problem.
• Thank the customer for bringing the situation to your attention.
• Encourage the customer to return.

This method is incredibly simple to apply, yet it can sometimes misfire if our focus is slightly blurred. To help make it crystal clear, remember this:

Listen means active listening, it doesn’t mean not speaking. There’s a big difference. You want to listen for clues to what exactly the problem is.

Acknowledge the problem is best delivered by repeating back to the person what you believe to be the issue. If perhaps you’ve read the situation wrong, this will be the time to clarify any misunderstanding.

Take action means exactly that – do something about the problem. The quicker you can move forward the quicker the problem will be resolved.

Thank them. Killing a customer with kindness often works, but when it’s done with sincerity it has a whole new meaning. Remember, with every complaint comes a chance to learn, fix and make someone happy.

Encouraging people to return is simply inviting them to connect with you again.

The LATTE method has proven successful and the more you apply it and see the results, the greater the chance you’ll be able to resolve some big meltdowns.

People are funny about conflict. Some are very comfortable with it and others will do anything to avoid it. The fact is you have to deal with it. Dealing with complaints can be very challenging, but it doesn’t have to be. The best way to start is with a latte.

More business relationship tips:

• Seven things that bosses need to know
• Bridging the gap in multi-generational teams
• Networking: More than just swapping business cards