On the now-infamous Amy’s Baking Company episode of Kitchen Nightmares, famed chef Gordon Ramsey finally met his match when he bumped heads with a pair of restaurant owners from Scottsdale  Arizona.

If what viewers saw on TV is true, Sammy and Amy Bouzaglo, are horrible businesspeople and probably a tad bit insane.

They yell at customers, serve up subpar food, and spend an awful amount of time cursing out “online bullies,” while claiming God will protect them from their haters.

The show was an epically entertaining hot ass mess.

But in every mess, there is a lesson. So what can we learn from this pair?

Although most people simply laughed at them for being completely batsh*t crazy, I thought the Bouzaglos were the perfect example of what happens when we feel the need to always play defense.

And if the saying “offense is the best defense” is true, Amy and Sammy are masters at playing the game.

Instead of taking Chef Ramsey’s constructive criticism about the restaurant’s food, service, and working environment to heart, the Bouzaglos aggressively disagreed and argued with him at every turn.

When Amy served up pizza with undercooked dough, her husband Sammy refused to tell her why Chef Ramsey sent it back uneaten. And when Chef Ramsey told her just how wack her food was, she couldn’t stand to hear it his criticisms of her cooking and stormed out.

Throughout the episode Amy spoke of feeling attacked, bullied, and oppressed by customers, and she vowed to “fight back.”

After the show aired, the couple took to their Facebook page to explain their position and proceeded to argue with commenters—for hours—about their restaurant.

In one post the couple said they had “God on their side” while calling commenters punks and fools. And in another, they vowed to “start a generation of truthfulness.”

Though some people argue that all press is good press, I can’t imagine how this debacle can possibly be good for Amy’s Baking Company.

People not only think this couple is insane, but they’re food has been roundly criticized on Yelp and on Facebook by real and imaginary customers.

But how could this whole thing have been avoided? And how can you avoid falling into “fight back” mode whenever you’re faced with criticism?

In the book The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra drops some useful jewels about why being defensive is an impediment to our success.

In the Law of Least Effort, the fourth law, he writes:

If you observe people around you, you’ll see that they spend ninety-nine percent of their time defending their points of view. If you just relinquish the need to defend your point of view, you will in that relinquishment, gain access to enormous amounts of energy that have been previously wasted.

When you become defensive, blame others, and do not accept and surrender to the moment, your life meets resistance. Any time you encounter resistance, recognize that if you force the situation, the resistance will only increase. You don’t want to stand rigid like a tall oak that cracks and collapses in the storm. Instead, you want to be flexible, like a reed that bends with the storm and survives. 

Completely desist from defending your point of view. When you have no point to defend, you do not allow the birth of an argument. If you do this consistently — if you stop fighting and resisting — you will fully experience the present, which is a gift. Someone once told me, “The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That is why this moment is called ‘the present’.’

If you embrace the present and become one with it, and merge with it, you will experience a fire, a glow, a sparkle of ecstasy throbbing in every living sentient being. As you begin to experience this exultation of spirit in everything that is alive, as you become intimate with it, joy will be born within you, and you will drop the terrible burdens and encumbrances of defensiveness, resentment, and hurtfulness. Only then will you become lighthearted, carefree, joyous, and free.

Someone needs to buy this book and gift it to the Bouzaglos STAT!

Instead of wasting time and energy arguing with customers, they could use it to improve their business. But as my mother always says, that’s too much like right. And I’d wager the Bouzaglos will continue to fight everyone, until they realize that it’s a losing proposition.

Though not as extreme as Amy and Sammy, in the past I’ve struggled with the reflex to always argue my point to others. When people disagreed with me or attacked me personally, my first response was to always clap back.

But with age comes maturity. And while I still struggle with the urge to defend my side, I also realize that doing so only drains me of valuable energy that could be used to doing more awesome things.

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Do you struggle with being defensive or going on the offense when people criticism you? Drop a note in the comments section to sharing your experience.

I used to pray for patience.

I used to ask God to please, please, please make me a more patient woman/girlfriend/friend/daughter. I used to ask for it every time I prayed, which was daily.

And then I stopped.

After getting hit with situation after situation that strained and stretched what little patience I had–I mean, nothing teaches you patience like losing a job or having a baby or being a teacher or trying to wait for somebody in prison–I realized that praying for patience was akin to playing with fire.

Because God does not come off the mountaintop and shower huge heaps of patience on your head. Instead, he sends you situations that test and expand your ability to be patient. And sometimes they hurt.

Lesson learned.

Nothing forces you to look back over your life and find the lesson in things like getting older.

In a few weeks I’ll be entering my Jesus year (I’ll be 33), which has made me acutely aware of the trajectory of my life.

In year’s past, I would survey my accomplishments (or lack thereof) and regret not doing things differently, but I quickly learned that trying to change the past was completely futile and the only way I could possibly look back and NOT regret things was to chase my dreams whenever I had a chance.

So that’s what I did.

Three years ago, I dreamed of becoming a writer. I didn’t know how it was going to happen, but I knew that if I didn’t try, I’d look back, yet again, with longing and regret.

So I stepped out on faith, taught myself to be a freelancer, and eventually left my teaching job to pursue writing full time.

Looking back on my decision made me feel a little nostalgic.

As I approach another birthday, I am once again looking for the lessons I’ve learned throughout the years. Because my story often mirrors yours (and vice versa), I thought I’d pass on my hard-earned lessons to you.

Lesson # 1: I was never a victim.

Lincoln Anthony Blades, the man behind the hilarious and brutally honest blog This Is Your Conscience, recently wrote a book called You’re Not A Victim, You’re a Volunteer, and he’s right.

Far too often we look back and bemoan the things that have “happened to us,” instead of taking responsibly for our hand in whatever misfortune we encountered.

For instance, for years I wondered why past relationships seemed to fall apart, why guys couldn’t recognize how dope I was, or why they decided to repeatedly act an ass, until I realized I was a willing participant in the foolery. I couldn’t be totally upset that my feeling were disregarded because I was too afraid to speak my own truth and be real about what I wanted. I wasn’t totally to blame, but I was no innocent bystander either.

When we try to sanitize the truth to make ourselves look better, or like the victim, we strip away our agency and our ability to act. Unless you were attacked at random, you are not anybody’s victim sweetie. Remember that.

Lesson #2: I’m not better than anyone else.

I just finished reading Marianne Williamson’s book The Divine Law of Compensation and in it she writes, “All of us are special and none of us are special.”

The idea that none of us is any more or less special than the next person really hit me in the heart.

I’ve had my share of advantages in life. Despite growing up in the hood, I lived in a relatively stable household, went to private schools, and was never subjected to many of the soul-crushing things my peers had to deal with. Because of this, at times, I’ve behaved like a snob and looked down on those whom I either felt sorry for, or felt like they should have known better.

But the older I get, the more I have come to realize that we are all connected. And while I may have turned up my nose at someone for their lack of whatever, someone else was turning up their nose at me.

I am not better or less than anyone; none of us are. The fact that we try to place ourselves, or others we rock with, on pedestals is not only problematic, but it’s limiting.

A person’s worth isn’t defined by their bank account, their degrees, their clothes, or if they can properly conjugate a verb. Our value resides in our humanity. And if we saw each other as humans first, many of our issues would probably fade away.

Lesson #3: Ask for what you want.

This is huge, and I won’t lie, I still struggle with it. But if you don’t ask for what you absolutely want and need, especially from others, you won’t get it. Ever.

In the last few months I learned that I couldn’t rely on someone to just know what I want, need, and expect from them; I have to tell them straight up. No insinuating, no hints, no mentioning other people’s situations hoping they’d extrapolate what I needed for myself. I just had to be real and put my cards on the table.

Although it can be scary to verbalize exactly what you want not knowing if the other person is willing to give it, being honest eliminates confusion and miscommunication, while giving you a clear idea of where you stand and if your feelings are being valued.

Lesson #4: I am magnificent.

This needs no explanation, only a reminder. Daily. Each of us is already magnificent. A work in progress for sure, but an exquisite one no less.

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What lessons have you learned throughout the years? Share them in the comments section below! 

We live in an interesting time. Our lives are becoming increasingly public, our attitudes more entitled, and our language more exaggerated.

You can’t spend more than two seconds on the web (and sometimes in person) without someone talking about getting their LIFE or being dead from something someone else said or did. And someone is always saying or doing something positively “fabulous.”

Amid a sea of selfies, colorful language, and faux fabulous, well-documented lives, one thing gets lost—what we can do for others.

When I interviewed self-made millionaire Daymond John a few months ago for JET, he told me there was ONE question every entrepreneur should always ask:

How can I serve you? 

Since our chat, that phrase has resonated with me on many levels.

It’s a question I always ask myself before putting fingers to keyboard for this blog or sharing information for my writing course, but it’s also a question I’ve begun to ponder when dealing with those in my personal life.

How can I serve you?

I’ll admit, I haven’t posed this exact question to others, but I make a conscious effort to approach each relationship with the other person in mind.

How can I help make their life better, easier, happier, or more productive?

How can I leave them in better shape than I found them?

How can my gifts and talents be used to help them better use their own?

Asking how we can better serve others can sometimes feel very foreign and counter to our achieving our own goals.

After all, we live in the era of “getting mine” and grinding toward our own aims, while leaving others to fend for themselves.

But shifting the question from “what can you do for me?” to “what can I do for you?” will not only make you a more caring and companionate human being, but it will also help you achieve your goals as well.

As I’ve mentioned several times before, successful people have allies. There are few people who can say that they made it from the bottom all on their own. Along the way they had parents, teachers, friends, coworkers, mentors, and perhaps even customers who helped them get to the top.

Because folks are generally not in the business of helping assholes rise through the ranks, in order to make it you need to be humble, a hard worker, and a giver.

And giving starts with a single question: How can I serve you?

When was the last time you asked someone this and really meant it? Or when was the last time you approached every single person you met with that question in mind?

From now on, I challenge you to try it and pay attention to how much you end up getting because you decided to give to others first.

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In the comments section below, let me know how I can help you. Perhaps you’d like me to cover specific topics, check out your blog, or recommend a book. Along with letting me know how I can be a benefit to you, let me know how you are actively working to benefit others as well. 

{This is the fourth post in the GOALdigging Academy series. To read the others, click here}

So you want to start a business, go back to school, learn a new trade, work with a personal trainer, or get your finances in order but there’s one huge thing standing in your way:

MONEY

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had more than a few moments where I’ve felt like I couldn’t quite realize my goals because my money was far too funny and my change was extremely strange.

But after teaching myself the ins and outs of breaking into freelance writing a few years ago (and several other things), I realized that through a fair amount of research, Googling, and thinking outside the box, you can learn many of the things you want to know…for free.

And we love free, right?

This month I’ve been sharing tips and tricks to help you improve both your business and your life. So far we’ve talking about increasing your income, kicking fear’s ass, and how to bounce back when things don’t quite go according to plan.

Now we’re taking it a step higher and diving headfirst into some of the most awesome free resources on the planet.

First a caveat: while you can learn tons of things on your own for free, when it comes to the things you are serious about and want to become an expert on, you’re going to need some people.

When necessary I’ve shelled out thousands of dollars for classes, books, and programs to help me take my life and business to the next level because I realize that being in the company of awesome people will help me become even more awesome. So while you can certainly get started and go very far for free, when you’re ready to stand out as a professional, you have to do professional things and invest in your own growth.

But until you’re ready to learn how to really take over the world, I’m sharing some of the best free resources I’ve found and used.

Learn A New Language

Want to parlez français or hablar español but can’t afford to shell out hundreds of dollars for Rosetta Stone? You’ve got options. While you can comb YouTube for language vids, there are also some dope sites that help you learn a second or third language for free.

Duo Lingo

Duo Lingo offers courses in Spanish, English, French, German, Portuguese, and Italian, and uses a combination of images, audio, and text to help users learn their language of choice. To make it more fun, Duo Lingo allows users to sign up via their social media accounts and compete against their friends (you can find me under BritniDanielle).

Live Mocha

Live Mocha offers courses in 38 languages including French, Spanish, Arabic, Greek, Hindi, Chinese, and a host of others. Unlike Duo Lingo, Live Mocha offers live classes and paid private tutoring. They also use a community-based model that let’s you chat with others in your language of choice.

Free College Courses

As our lives become increasingly digital, many universities have opened their virtual doors to the public. While you can’t get a free degree just yet (but I’m sure it’s coming), you can take valuable classes in business, tech, philosophy, literature and a host of other disciplines.

Venture Labs

Offered by Stanford University, Venture Labs offers free semester-long courses in technology. According to their site, Venture Labs’ mission “is to make online courses more fun and engaging by making them more experiential, interactive, and collaborative.” Venture Labs gives users access to lectures by Stanford professors and allows participants from around the world to collaborate on projects.

Coursera

Coursera, one of the biggest free online learning hubs, boasts over 3 million users from 339 countries. The site offers semester-long courses in over a dozen disciplines from universities across the country. Some course offerings include Sports and Society from Duke; An Introduction to Operations Management;  Introduction to Psychology from the University of Toronto; and The Science of Safety in Healthcare from Johns Hopkins.

FreeVideoLectures

FreeVideoLectures delivers over 1000+ free courses online by providing video straight from the lecture halls. Most courses are in the sciences, but you can also view lectures in economics, history, and law.

Open Culture

Open Culture allows you to wade through a host of college courses, ebooks, films, and even k-12 resources. It’s a bit busy, but spending a little time on the site may yield valuable results.

YouTube

Any article about free learning resources would be sorely lacking without a YouTube mention. While most of us turn to YouTube for beauty tips, music vids, or hilarious viral videos, the site also has a wealth of resources that will help you learn just about anything.

In the past few months I’ve used YouTube to listen to audiobooks, view motivational lectures and speeches, find information on trademarks, and learn how tweak my weekly newsletter.

After you Google for information, be sure to pop over to YouTube and see if you can find even more answers as well.

The Library

I know we’ve gone all digital and many things are found by letting our fingertips do the walking, but don’t sleep on the library. Although technology is great, sometimes you need a good ol’ fashioned book to help you sort through the issues. And when you’re on a budget, your library card is your friend. Where else can you read an unlimited supply of books FOR FREE?!

If ebooks are your thing, many libraries now offer digital books straight to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook…FOR FREE. So head down to your local branch and sign up!

Chat with people in your field

Even if you don’t want to be a writer, interviewing people in your perspective field can do wonders for your business and life. Despite what we may think, most people are open to sharing what they know with others (and will be flattered if you ask them), so reach out to people in your field (or perspective field), invite them out for coffee or lunch (on your dime), and politely ask if you can pick their brain.

Can’t meet them in person? Try to chat with them via email or social media.

Bloggers

Most of the biggest bloggers in the world offer a TON of information for free. While they certainly have paid products, a close reading of their sites will provide a wealth of information.

From Marie Forleo’s weekly videos and Think Traffic’s awesome posts on “writing epic shit,” to this very blog you’re reading and my tips on writing, goals, and life, you can learn a great deal just by reading and implementing the tips of some of your favorite bloggers.

Free Software

Buying software can be expensive. Big name brands like Adobe, Microsoft, and Apple charge hundreds of dollars for graphic, word processing, and presentation software, but there are alternatives. Open source software–which is totally free and legal–often offers alternatives to paid programs. Providers like Google Docs (now Google Drive) and Apache OpenOffice offer robust software options for free.

I’m a firm believer in making a way out of no way when you REALLY want something. Like fear, our families, or our hectic schedules, or a lack of resources is not an excuse to NOT pursue your goals.

If you want it, go and get it.  No excuses, no caveats, and certainly no expiations. Just do it.

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In the comments section below share some of your favorite free resources from around the web, and let me know how you enjoyed the GOALdigging Academy series and what you’d like to see more of here at BritniDanielle.com.

p.s. Love this post? Please share it on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn or email it to your friends using the share buttons below. Thanks!

{This post is the third in the GOALdigging Academy series. To read the others, click here}

I’m going to give it to you straight: Living a mediocre life is super easy.

Barely getting by at a job you sorta hate because it pays the bills, plus leaves a little extra for happy hour, a nice pair of heels, and a vacation every other year (maybe) doesn’t feel so bad sometimes.

After all, the economy still sucks and you’re blessed to even have a job right now, right?

Right?!

At least that’s what you tell yourself every morning on your way to work.

But I’m not here for all that.

You haven’t been rocking with me this long because I champion mediocre dreams.

I go big.

No backup plans, no half-stepping, and damn sure no “just getting by.”

After all, life is too short and ain’t nobody got time for barely making it.

But I get it; it’s easy to get discouraged.

It’s easy to settle for an ordinary life when you’ve watched your dreams explode a time or two before.

Trust me, I know.

I’ve been fired—twice. Been unfairly sued by a creditor and had my wages garnished. Had to convince my thesis advisor not to drop me a month before graduation. Purposely wrote bad checks between my accounts so I could get cash to live on. Suffered with horrible credit. Could not get a regular bank account for years. Had publications fail to pay me after I completed the work. Watched the man I loved get locked up. And now, I’m forced to raise our son alone.

To paraphrase Langston Hughes, my life ain’t been no crystal stair.

But in spite of the adversities I’ve faced (and that was just the short version), one thing has helped me to keep going: resilience.

A few months ago I had the opportunity to interview Daymond John, award-winning businessman and one of the stars of ABC’s Shark Tank, and his advice for overcoming challenges was simple—bounce back.

“When I hit disappointment [or] road blocks it affects me just like everybody else,” he admitted during our chat. “The difference between a successful entrepreneur and other people is the bounce back.

“They bounce back quicker when they hit brick walls. And that’s pretty much it. You’re going to fail way more than you succeed, it’s just how quickly you bounce back.”

I would love to tell you that everything you do will be a smash hit. As a matter of fact, I hope it is. But unfortunately, that isn’t the case for most of us.

For most, success is a rollercoaster ride filled with exhilarating highs and gut wrenching lows. You may even lose everything—friends, family, money, a little bit of your sanity–before pulling into the station and realizing your dreams. Having a few coping mechanisms in your toolbox to help you get through the rough times is not only helpful, it’s essential.

So how can you bounce back when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart?

Remember adversity is temporary

Heard the phrase, “Trouble don’t last always”? Well, it’s true. Whenever you’re going through a rough patch it’s easy to believe that you will never make it out. But the truth is, you will. Remember that. No matter how bad things get, if you cling to the belief that the challenge is temporary, it will help you hold onto hope and remind you that soon this horrible ordeal will be over.

Continue working toward your goals

When adversity strikes, the first thing you might feel like doing is stop working toward your goals. Resist. Unless something truly horrific happens, you can still take tiny steps toward your goals. As Common once rapped, “Slow motion is better than no motion,” and any little movement toward your goals will give you the confidence and courage to continue on.

Phone a friend

When challenges hit—we lose a job, our money is super funny, our relationship ends—your first inclination may be to withdraw into yourself and struggle to deal with these issues and emotions on your own. Don’t do it. When you are feeling most vulnerable and low you need a huge infusion of support, love, and laughter. Call up your friends and let them know what you’re going through. While we may cringe at the thought of people seeing us at our worse, having a supportive circle to help you through the rough times will make dealing with adversity a little (or a lot) easier.

Take care of yourself

When the ish hits the fan go for a walk, do your hair and nails, read a book, pray, meditate, hang out with your kids, take a dance break, or work out. In the midst of adversity it’s easy to put yourself last and wallow in negative feelings. However, taking care of yourself and making sure you are mentally, physically, and emotionally ok—in spite of whatever else is going on—is absolutely essential to bouncing back. 

Stay optimistic

This is by far the most important thing you can do when you’re going through adversity. Staying positive and knowing that whatever is happening will turn out ok (even if you don’t know how) is utterly vital to being resilient in the face of difficulty. Although it sounds like new agey bullsh*t, what you think truly shapes who you become and how you operate, so if you believe that things will turn out fine, they will. Conversely if you tell yourself that you’ll never make it out of this hole, you can’t deal with the roadblocks, and you won’t make it—you won’t.

Your mind is the most powerful weapon you have, use it wisely.

While we work toward our goals, difficulties will inevitably occur. However, how we deal with these challenges will affect whether or not we live a ho-hum mediocre life full of regret, or if we push past the tough times to realize our dreams and live an extraordinary life.

No matter what happens, remember this quote by Kanye West and keep pushing on.

“…You can still be who you wish you is
It ain’t happen yet
And that’s what intuition is.”

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How do you deal with difficulties? Leave me a message and let me know how you remain resilient in the face of adversity.

Cleopatra Jones kicking some major bootay!

{This post is the second in the GOALdigging Academy series. To read the others, click here}

In the trailer for the big budget action film After Earth, Will Smith drops some jewels about fear that hit me straight in the heart.

He tells his son:

“If we are going to survive this, then you must realize that fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me; danger is very real. But fear is a choice.”

Read that again, then repeat after me:

Fear is a choice. {click to tweet this out}

When I first heard Smith’s voice booming through the theater about the fact that fear is not real…I literally got Goosebumps. My eyes welled up, and I damn near bolted out of that theater ready to take on the world (Then I remember how much I paid for my tickets & sat right back down).

Despite writing and speaking about overcoming fear several times, Will Smith gave me the pep talk of my life.
(now, get yours)

Since I was 5, and scared shitless by a little guy named E.T., I’ve been telling myself that my fears were irrational.

I distinctly remember staring up at the E.T. poster on my wall thinking it was alive, and his beady little alien eyes were watching me and waiting for the moment to pounce. I was shook.

After hours of trying to fall asleep while E.T. glared at me, I finally ripped the poster of my wall and went to sleep.

Fear had been conquered; at least for the night.

I’m sure you can relate.

While you may not have been afraid of a creepy little alien, I’ll wager there have been many moments in your life where you’ve been scared out of your mind.

The irrational story you told yourself about why you could never, ever switch careers? That was fear talking.

The lies you fed yourself about why you couldn’t travel to Africa on your own? Yup, that was fear, too.

The loud voice in your brain warning you to not even think about writing that book you’ve wanted to write for years? Fear strikes again.

I know fear when I see it because so many of my dreams have been dashed because I was too afraid to try to achieve them in the first place. And it sucks.

As Will Smith said, “Fear is a choice.” And despite knowing that giving in to fear will get us absolutely nowhere—unless unhappiness is a place you actually want to visit—we do it anyway.

Last week I decided to host my very first group writing coaching call. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for months, but only recently worked up the courage to actually do.

In spite of knowing how to break into freelancing and sharing my advice freely with others (who have always thanked me for it), I still hesitated to be proactive about marketing my services as a coach.

But why? I am qualified, I know from first hand experience how to break into this business, and I love helping others. So what was holding me back?

The most dangerous four letter word this side of hate: Fear.

But here’s how to beat it.

Almost everything we need to know about kicking fear’s ass is found in the above Will Smith quote, so let’s break it down.

To overcome fear you must remember:

Fear is just an emotion: The beauty of being human is that we have a myriad of emotions to choose from, and fear is just one of them. While emotions are simply “energy in motion” and may manifest themselves in very real physical ways, we can use that energy however we see fit by giving it another name or simply channeling the physical sensations into something else, like excitement. 

Fear is a choice: Believe it or not, we choose to be afraid. We choose to allow some things to scare us, while others don’t bother us at all. Once you realize that you have to power to define and decide what scares you, you can also choose not to let it phase you at all.

Your thoughts have power: If you’ve been rocking with me these last few months you have heard me hammer this one home. What we think, we believe. And what we believe is who we will become. If you want to be fearless, accomplish your dreams, and live the life you desire–think fearlessly. Conversely, if you want to continue to be trapped by fear…well, keep choosing to let it rule your life. You have the power to shape who you become, choose wisely.

Listen, all the pep talks in the world won’t prevent you from experiencing fear at some point in your life.

So to really kick fear’s ass you have to do one simple thing: act.

Feeling afraid and taking action anyway is the best way to beat fear into submission.

So the next time fear threatens to stop you in your tracks, do like I did when I was 5….tear it down and move on with your life.

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Drop me a comment and let me know how you overcome your fear. What do you tell yourself to help you move past it? Do you have any strategies? And how DOPE is that Will Smith quote?!

p.s. If you enjoy this post, do us all a favor and share it with a friend or on social media (use the buttons below).

p.p.s. If you’re a writer (or a wannabe writer) and want to get down with my free group coaching call on April 18th, register here. 

In my newsletter on Monday, I shared that my goal for the month is to double my income. And I’ll admit, when the idea first popped into my mind I almost brushed it off as crazy talk.

Then I began to think about it.

I’m smart, resourceful, have marketable skills, a few connections, and I know how to hustle. The more I mulled it over, the more I realized I could TOTALLY make it happen…as long as I don’t get sucked into a constant loop of Real Housewives or Sex in the City reruns.

So I turned off my TV and began plotting. Then I took the ultra crazy step and actually told someone—actually, hundreds of someones—about it.

Now my options are pretty limited: I can either make it happen, or risk looking like a sucka. So you already know which one I’m choosing.

But even that bit of motivation is not enough for me.

While I could hoard my ideas and information and just put them to work for myself, I love you guys and I want you to get the “dollar, dollar bills” as well (then tell me all about it so we can celebrate together).

So today, and every Wednesday this month, we’re entering GOALdigging Academy, and I’m going to share tips, tricks, and outright hacks to meet your goals.

For our first installment, I will give you some tips on how to make more money this month.

But before we begin, here’s what I won’t be talking about:

1)   Get rich quick schemes. I mean if I had the secret to make a million dollars in the next 60 minutes, I’d be on vacation right now.

2)   Things that will land you in jail. I’m not about that life either.

3)   Anything you have to spend money on. Though you do need to spend money to make money at times, right now is not one of them.

Now, let us begin. Here are 5 steps to start earning more money RIGHT NOW

Step 1: Convince yourself that you will be successful

I know, it sounds like some new agey bullsh*t, but I cannot stress this step enough. If your mind is not right you will not succeed. Period.

You will convince yourself your goal is impossible, you will think of every single obstacle known to man, and you will get discouraged.

Forget that.

Listen to some Wu Tang, take a look at your bank account and imagine it with a much larger balance, pray, meditate, and get to that place in your brain AND your heart where you believe you can do anything. Because the truth is….you can. You just have to believe it.

Step 2: Brainstorm ways to make money

If you already have a side-hustle, like freelance writing for example, think of ways to make more money with your skills. Make a list of article ideas and publications to pitch to and get to it. Also, use your writing abilities to do other things like copywriting, crafting business memos, grant writing, writing website copy, penning press releases—basically anything that will pay you for your ability to use words.

If you don’t already have a side hustle take a little time to figure out what you’re good at that people actually want to buy. For example, if you’re great at cookie making, perhaps take a dozen to the office to get your coworkers hooked, then begin taking orders when they’re asking for more. Or if you love working out and all of your friends ask you for advice on healthy living, use those skills to whip them in shape…for a fee.

Believe it or not, we ALL have skills other people will pay for; the trick is identifying them and being confident enough to ask people to give you money for your knowledge.

Spend an afternoon researching what other people charge for similar skills or services, pay attention to how they present themselves, and get started.

Seriously, it’s that easy.

Here’s a tip: if people always ask your advice or help on a specific thing…you might want to start your search there.

Step 3: Tell people about your hustle (but don’t be spammy)

Once you have identified your skills and know how you’re going to make money, tell everyone. Your momma, your friends, your coworkers, your twitter followers, Facebook—everyone.

Because here’s a little secret: People want to help you.

Unless you have surrounded yourself with haters (and eww, why would you do that?) the people you know want to and will help you succeed.

For instance, if you know lots of freelance writers or editors, put it out there that you’d like to take on more writing assignments. If your cookies are better than Mrs. Fields, tell your coworkers you’re selling them on the side and you’d really love it if they’d help you meet your goal. If you want to teach people how to work out properly and you’re very knowledgeable about the subject, give people a few pointers and then tell them why they’d get better results working with you.

But don’t be like those guys slinging mixtapes on Twitter that send out a million tweets to people they don’t know yelling, “LISTEN 2 MY SONG,” and drop a link.

Engage people, find out what you can really help them with, and then hit them with your pitch.

Step 4: Set up a one-page website and offer your services

These days, everybody and their grandma has a website. And one of the biggest obstacles I’ve heard from others about why they haven’t been working on their great sidle hustle idea is…”But I don’t have a website.”

Listen, this isn’t 1999. You no longer have to fish through an endless ocean of jumbled HTML code to build your own website. You can literally sign up for a free account, write a few sentences, add a Paypal link, and be up and running in 10 minutes. No lie.

Moreover, nobody cares if you have a fancy website with 20 million blog posts and music playing when they land on your page (Actually, we do care about the music. It’s annoying. Stop that.)

What people care about is 1) do you know your stuff, 2) are you trustworthy, 3) do they know anyone who has worked with you, 4) can they ask you questions, 5) where to pay.

And that’s it.

We have a tendency to overcomplicate EVERYTHING, when really, keeping things as simple as possible is always the best move.

If you have a quality service to offer, can explain your service plainly in as few words as possible (and be a little funny), and you fill a need (this is SUPER key…if people don’t want what you’re selling, they won’t buy it. This ain’t charity.), then people will pay for what you’re offering.

Step 5: JUST DO IT

Yes, I wrote in all caps, it’s that important.

The biggest killer of side-hustles is the fact that most people don’t even get started in the first place.

We know we have skills, we know people who might be able to use them or at least talk to other people who might be able to use them, we are alive and can point and click our way to a website…and yet….we never get started.

You cannot make more money by osmosis, folks. And on the off chance you can, please tell me how it’s done.

In order to add a few (or a lot) of extra dollar, dollar bills to your bank account this month you’ve got to do the work. You cannot just tell people you’re a great baker without them ever tasting your good, and you cannot tout your writing abilities if folks don’t even know you can spell.

DO THE WORK.

You can totally capitalize on your God-given talent and skills, but you have to get started. Otherwise when next month rolls around and your bank account still hasn’t increased you’ll wish you would have taken my advice.

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Do you have a side-hustle? Leave a comment telling me what skill you’re going to use to make some extra this month (and bonus points if you put a dollar amount on your goal).

What do Coke, Pepsi, Oprah, Jay-Z, Apple, Microsoft, Target, and Bill Gates all have in common?

They are all brands.

While Coke, Pepsi, and Apple are corporate entitles, and Oprah, Jigga, and Bill Gates are people, they each represent exactly what they sell…and act accordingly.

Think about it.

Companies rarely stray from their branding message and dabble in controversial campaigns because trying to be too clever can backfire and pissing people off is bad for business (remember those rapey Belvedere Vodka ads? No bueno).

And although rumors of Oprah’s mean streak have bounced around the media for years, Madam O always operates as America’s Inspirer-n-Chief, forever encouraging her fans to “live their best life,” get in touch with their spiritual centers, and elevate their mind because if she ever went on an epic, TMZ-worthy rant, Auntie Oprah’s pocketbook would take a hit.

Need more examples? Two words: Chris Brown.

Last week I had the opportunity to sit down with Chris Brown to talk about his upcoming album, X, and how he’s grown over the last four years. If you recall, Brown’s career was thrown into serious jeopardy after the 2009 incident that left Rihanna bloody and Breezy in handcuffs.

After our chat I was reminded—yet again—of how easy it is for entrepreneurs to completely destroy their brands in an instant.

And in case you were wondering; if you are a writer, blogger, musician, web designer, actor, or wannabe entrepreneur…

YOU ARE A BRAND

But let’s get one thing clear: You and I are not Chris Brown.

We do not have a gigantic soapbox and a team of people who will help us promote our message and/or spring into action if things get messy. And we do not have a jillion adoring fans who will stick by us no matter what.

And while celebrities may able to get into verbal jousting matches or tweet super inappropriate things (I’m talking to about you Amanda Bynes)—we cannot.

As the sole proprietor of the Britni Danielle brand, I realize can’t go off on every reader who does not agree with me, or every Twitter user who calls me a c*nt for no reason except to get my attention (yes, this happened).

And when you hop on social media looking to make a name for yourself and tell others about your business, be sure you garner buzz for all the right reasons. Not because you’re that crazy chick who snaps on folks on Twitter.

Because I have your back and want you to walk away from this post with some tips that will help you build your brand, I’m going to share a few best practices for using social media.

Cool?

Engage authentically

The first rule of social media: Don’t be spammy! There’s nothing worse than constantly getting bombarded by links from someone’s Facebook or Twitter page. While you think you may be getting the word out about your project or blog, folks are either ignoring your posts or are outright annoyed.

Instead of just sharing links to your stuff, mix it up. Tweet about related issues sans links, or ask your followers to share their thoughts on a particular topic related to your niche.

Be helpful – Don’t make it all about you

Instead of just linking to your content, be sure to share awesome content from around the web that has NOTHING to do with you and will be helpful (or interesting or inspiring) to your fans. Note: before you go retweeting that funny viral video, be sure that nothing in it will reflect negatively on the brand you’re trying to build. 

Be yourself…sorta

If you’re trying to position yourself as an expert or serious businesswoman, you need to think twice about what version of yourself you’re going to present to the world. While I don’t mean you should assume a totally different personality (after all, people can see through fakeness), if your REAL self constantly pushes the envelope, you might want to tone in down.

Which brings me to my next point…

Don’t share every, single thing that crosses your mind

For the love of God….keep some things in your head! All of your thoughts should not be for public consumption, and if you’re trying to build your rep as a professional, you should tread even lighter. Before you tweet, ask yourself this: “If my mom stumbled onto my timeline…what would she think?” If she’d tell you to grab a switch off a tree, or wash your mouth out with soap, you might want to think twice about hitting send.

Do not engage with your ‘haters’

Although I believe most people don’t have “haters,” should you come across a few…leave them alone. Double ditto for the trolls. Nothing good will come of getting into verbal battles with unreasonable people, so just avoid it at all costs unless you want to end up aggravated and looking small.

Here’s your homework

Take a look at what you’ve been saying and sharing on your social media accounts. Does it match the brand you’re trying to build?

Are you sharing interesting content with your fans and followers, or are you bombarding them with random updates about how tasty your lunch was or your awesome new shoes?

If your updates are not helping, inspiring, or entertaining your followers…you might want to start employing the tips from above. You’ll not only gain more follows, but you’ll also position yourself as a serious and trusted person in your niche.

Now it’s your turn

In the comments section below please share your favorite tips for properly engaging on social media. Also, shoot me a juicy story of a time a company (or a person) totally tanked their brand by firing off a wayward campaign or ad.

*P.S. If you enjoy this post, please click the buttons below and share it on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. Thanks!

It looks like the media found a new group to throw under the bus this week: single moms.

I really just want to say…keep our names out your mouth, yo…but I’m going to take a more diplomatic approach.

After The National Marriage Project released a report detailing the pros and cons of delayed marriage, a flood of articles emerged tackling the “crisis” of unwed mothers.

The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, Think Progress, and a slew of blogs published essays discussing the decline in marriage rates and the rise of single parent households and what it means for America. In case you’re wondering, we’re doomed.

Before I get too deep into this let me first openly cop to my bias.

I am a single mother of an awesome 7-year-old son who recently told me to start calling him doctor because he’s going to be a paleontologist. Additionally, I believe in marriage (for those who want to be married) and know that being a single parent is really, really hard.

And while I don’t fit neatly into many/any of the statistics trotted out in most of the articles—I was raised in a two-parent home, I have a two degrees, I’m a professional, and I’m not poor—I still feel like my solo-parting sisters and I are under attack.

To be frank, the opening of The Atlantic’s article, “The Decline of Marriage and the Rise of Unwed Mothers: An Economic Mystery,” annoyed the shit out of me.

While the article made some good economic points, the opening paragraph aggravated every nerve in my body because it hinted at the soft bigotry of ignorance many often engage in.

Derek Thompson wrote:

This was the most shocking statistic I read this weekend: 58 percent of first births in lower-middle-class households are now to unmarried women. Meanwhile, two in five of all births are to unwed mothers, an all-time high, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Maybe it’s me, but I don’t understand Thompson’s “shock” at the statistics.

Perhaps he hasn’t been paying attention to birthrates in the African American and Hispanic communities (and hell, even white ones)?

I sure couldn’t escape the SEVENTY PERCENT OF BLACK BABIES ARE BORN TO SINGLE MOMS!!! headlines that screamed out of news outlets over the past few years, or the fact that 53% of Hispanic babies are also born to unwed mothers (and 30% of white ones).

Or maybe he missed Mike Huckabee’s harsh post-Oscar criticism of Natalie Portman a few years ago.

If he had been paying attention…he’d know.

The spike in unwed mothers isn’t new.

Unmarried women have been birthing babies since the beginning of time (uh, Hagar and Abraham or Murphy Brown, anyone?).

And while Thompson pretty much pinned the decline in marriage and the rise in single parents on the shift from women staying home to entering the workforce (which, really just applied to middle income white women), the real “problem” isn’t children being born in single parent households at all.

The problem is the conditions that lead many of my sistern to become single parents in the first place.

But coming up with solutions for systematic racism, failing schools, inadequate access to health care, the crushing cost of college, and access to jobs that pay a living wage would be too much like right (peace to Elizabeth Warren).

So asking why there are SO MANY single moms (uh…why are there so many single dads?) makes sense, right?

Pointing the finger at someone else is better than examining the conditions that lead to women unintentionally falling into motherhood.

And really, it’s not that lower-income women are out here whoring more than middle-class/professional women. A quick watch of HBO’s Girls, Sex & the City, or Girlfriends will tell you that higher-earning women are getting it in.

But the difference is women with higher incomes are better able to protect against getting preggo in the first place, and if they do unintentionally get knocked up they have more options—have a discrete abortion or raise their baby.

I know what you’re thinking; all women have these same options! But that’s not quite true.

While some would have you believe there’s a Planned Parenthood clinic on every corner in the hood ready to hand out abortions to any woman who walks through the door, there isn’t.

When I got pregnant with Le Kid, my first thought was I CAN’T have this baby!

I was unmarried (but in a long-term relationship), I had just been laid off from my job, I didn’t have health insurance, I was a semester away from finishing graduate school, I was living 3000 miles from home, and I was terrified.

I didn’t grow up thinking being a single mom was cool. I watched girls in my neighborhood get pregnant and drop out of school, and I knew that wasn’t going to be me. As a matter of fact, my mother raised me to wait to have sex until I was married (uhh…yeah).

So when those little lines appeared on the pregnancy test, I was shook.

While I didn’t necessary want an abortion, I didn’t feel like I was prepared—economically or emotionally—to be a parent either.

I feverishly called around looking for the magic place handing out free abortions only find out that I’d have to pay upwards of $400 for the procedure.

That was $400 I did not have. And the only people I might have been able to ask for the money (my parents), would have totally tried to talk me out of it.

But here’s an interesting tidbit: prenatal care was free.

And had I tried to get food stamps (I should have), and housing assistance (I should have done that too), that was available as well—providing my child’s father was not in the picture. Big ass catch 22.

Here’s my beef with most articles about single mothers, though. Instead of providing actual solutions about how to better educate, arm, and support women BEFORE they become pregnant, most tend to focus on what will happen after you get knocked up.

This is the short version: You will be poor. Your children will go to jail. You will never finish school. Your children will not go to college. You will die broke. You will be miserable. The end.

That’s how most narratives on single mothers go.

And yet this does not need to be the story.

I’m a huge dream encourager. And though I’m a single mom and understand the very real challenges we are up against raising a child on our own, I still believe being a single parent is not an excuse to put your dreams on hold. Go get them.

Because single moms have dreams, too.

But what many of us don’t often have is a village.

And while I appreciate the little aid the government doles out to women who ask for it (and many of us do not, by the way), it isn’t enough.

Women don’t need more Section 8 vouchers for crummy apartments in bullet-riddled neighborhoods; we need less crime—period.

We want safe streets and good schools and access to jobs that will help us afford HIGH QUALITY daycare (better yet, we want to work for companies with on-site daycare).

We want farmer’s markets and green spaces and homework help and SAT prep and free museums and field trips for our kids.

We want personal development workshops and business classes and GED prep if we need it.

We want what everybody else has–and often takes for granted–a chance.

We want an even playing field, not just rhetoric about how this is America and everyone must pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Many of us need boots.

Despite what you may hear, single moms want a foundation, a jumping off point, not just handouts that do little but keep us stuck in a dysfunctional system.

But will we get it? Will folks begin to encourage single mothers instead of shame them?

I guess that’s my job.

In the meantime I’m going to close this by relinquishing my soapbox to Gloria Malone, a former teen mom who recently wrote an op-ed for the New York Times about the controversial ads geared toward preventing teen pregnancy.

She details her experience:

At 15, I was a good student and determined to apply to college. But after I had my daughter, my high school guidance counselor refused to see me and help me with my applications. She never expected me to graduate. Most people, even within my family, assumed I wouldn’t amount to anything and would be dependent on government assistance for the rest of my life.

But I wanted to be someone my daughter could be proud of. So every day, I woke up before the sun, drove my daughter’s father to work, my daughter to day care, and still managed to be in class at 7:50 a.m. before the bell rang. I also worked 35 hours a week at a cellphone store. I would leave school early through a co-op program that allowed graduating seniors to work and go to school at the same time. After getting out of work I would pick my daughter up from day care and go home. I was always tired, but more than anything I was determined.

I also had a few people who encouraged me not to listen to the stereotypes. People like my chorus teacher, who allowed me to show up a few minutes late to class, so I could pump breast milk first; my economics teacher, who congratulated me on having a healthy child and reminded me that he was proud of me for not giving up; and the nurse at my daughter’s doctor’s office, who told me I was doing a great job and to keep it up.

These bits of encouragement are what kept me going. Thanks to them, I graduated with honors and went on to community college. Today I am a student, an advocate for young parents and, above all, a proud mom.

Boom!

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Do you think these discussions about unwed mothers are helpful? What would you like to add? What do you wish people would actually talk about? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

At this very moment I have about $5000 in the bank, $63,000 in student loan debt, a car note, a couple of thousand dollars in unpaid invoices, some running room on my credit cards, an always-hungry 7-year-old, and I just dropped two grand on biz classes to help me kick things up to the next level.

If I can continue running headlong toward my dreams, without even thinking about what I will do if this whole thing doesn’t work out, you can too.

Because here’s the truth of the matter:

When it comes to your goals, having a backup plan means you’re going to fail.

Or as Will Smith once said, “Your Plan B interferes with Plan A” {click to tweet this out}

Think about it.

If you were dating someone you really cared about and could see yourself with for the long haul, how would you feel if you found out they had a backup boo (or worse, YOU were the backup boo) just in case things didn’t work out?

Would you think they were being responsible? Would you commend them for being sensible? Or would you want to karate chop them to the throat for even thinking you were only good enough to be an option? (*cue Drake*)

If you believe you’re better than being someone’s backup plan, don’t you think you’re better than cheating yourself out of possibly reaching your goals?

I mean I get it. We’ve been conditioned to be prudent. We’ve been told that we need to have our lives neatly mapped out complete with contingency plans in case things don’t go how we hoped.

It’s why theater majors are business minors. It’s why people go back to school when the economy tanks. And it’s why writers become English teachers even though they don’t want to be anywhere near a classroom (wait…that was me).

When it comes to realizing your dreams, there’s no country for people who have backup plans.

None.

If you want to know what separates the successful people from those who are constantly dreaming about making it but never do, it’s their mindset. Period.

Successful folks have a relentless drive to achieve their goals, no matter what may come their way or who may think they are living in a dreamland.

It is irresponsible? Perhaps.

Irrational? Most times.

Crazy? Pretty much.

But does it work? Ask Bill Gates.

In the book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill studied some of the world’s most successful men from Henry Ford to Andrew Carnegie and found that each of them had one thing in common—their ability to be fully committed to their dreams.

As a matter of fact, in order to be successful, Hill advises you “burn all the bridges” behind you.

He explains:

“Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to burn his ships and cut all sources of retreat. Only by so doing can one be sure of maintaining that state of mind known as a BURNING DESIRE TO WIN, essential to success.”

Or in other words, pare down all of your options, all of your plans, all of your energy into one thing: getting what you want.

After all, there is no Plan B for life. We’re here for however long we’re blessed with then we die.

No contingency, no in case sh-t happens plan for avoiding death, no do overs.

This is all we got.

So instead of wasting these precious years wishing you could realize your dreams, plan on getting them done. Burn every other sensible plan, fully commit to meeting your goals, and get ready to live an awesome life.

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Do you have a plan? Are you fully committed to seeing it through? Drop me a note and let me know how things are working for you.