Erik Logan, Dawn-Lyen Gardner, Ava DuVernay, Oprah Winfrey, Kofi Siriboe. Photo: Britni Danielle

It’s no secret, award-winning filmmaker Ava DuVernay is a champion for women in Hollywood. After beginning her career as a publicist, DuVernay stepped behind the camera to tell narratives we rarely see on screen. After becoming the first Black woman to take home the Best Director prize at the Sundance Film Festival, DuVernay went on to garner critical acclaim for Selma, her biopic on Martin Luther King, Jr. Her next feature, Disney’s A Wrinkle in Time, also makes her the first woman of color to direct a film with a $100 million budget. Last year, DuVernay once again changed the business with the debut of her family drama, Queen Sugar.

The series, which took home a NAACP Image Award and is currently in Emmy contention for best drama, has a slate of all-female directors and an extremely inclusive crew. While DuVernay was at the forefront of the trend of giving women directors a chance, some still question her decision.

“If Game of Thrones Can have three seasons of all male directors, why can’t we have three seasons of all women directors?” she said during a recent press event in Los Angeles about Queen Sugar’s upcoming season. “If they can do it, why can’t we do it?

“We only do it because we can and we want to. You only say, ‘We will not have women’s voice here, we will only center the man’s perspective’ in terms of the creators of the show because we can and we want to,” she explained. “So on the other side of things, we’re going to center women because we can and we want to.

DuVernay added, “We’re at a network owned by a woman so it makes it easy.”

Though she’s attempting to bring parity to the business through her efforts to hire women directors, that isn’t the only reason DuVernay is so passionate about giving them a chance. She’s on a mission to change Hollywood, and she wants other women–who made up “just 7 percent of all directors working on the top 250 domestic grossing films in 2016″–to win.

“I started out looking for women who had at least directed one film. A great majority of our women from the first season had at least one film under their belt. Can you believe that these women had directed a film that played at film festivals around the world and couldn’t get hired in Hollywood for one episode of television?” she told the crowd of journalists.

DuVernay’s choice to employ women directors for her show, which has since been adopted by the likes of Ryan Murphy, is already having an impact. According to the director, all of the women tapped to direct episodes in the first season of Queen Sugar are now “heavily booked.”

“I got a call from a really well-known television show just last week asking, ‘We had someone drop out as a director. Can you refer us to one of your season one directors?’ I got on the phone and none of the season one directors are available,” she said.

Now, that’s real power.

Last week, the first week into my layoff, I set a somewhat big (arbitrary) goal: I wanted to make $1000 in a week.

Now $1000 isn’t BIG money, some folks make that in a matter of hours. But $1000 is a nice chunk of change, and it felt like a solid number for my first foray back into the freelance writing game in a year.

I knew how I’d make it happen (uh, writing), but I also knew it would take a whole lot of consistent effort to pull it off. Thing is, I used to be a quitter. When things got too difficult I wouldn’t forge ahead, I would make excuses and I would give up. The old me would say that whatever half-assed effort I put in was good enough, and eventually, I would fall off. But after getting laid off, I knew I needed to hustle, so I told myself I’d make $1000 no matter what.

For the past month, I’ve been reading Jen Sincero’s book, You Are A Badass At Making Money. Even before being let go from my job, it was helping me shift my mindset and opening me up to so many creative ideas, from writing scripts to brainstorming new ways to take The Write Pitch to the next level. Before the layoff, I had already started writing daily gratitude lists in my journal and thanking money for being in my life and helping to provide freedom and options. Like Lisa Nichols always says, “Energy grows where energy goes,” and even before parting from my job, my energy was flowing toward some extra zeroes in my bank account abundance.

So when I challenged myself to make $1000 I knew I could do it, so long as I stayed the course.

And I did. I took my own Write Pitch advice and wrote + sent one pitch a day to editors at different publications. Some didn’t get picked up , some were ignored, and some were published–this article about Black Lightning, this piece about Everything, Everything, and this quick piece about a natural hair vlogger. The result? I made $1,150. Goal crushed.

Moral of the story, kids, if you want to do big ish, you’ve got to push yourself way past your comfort level. And when things get hard or boring or whatever, you’ve got to push yourself even more. No excuses, just action and results.

PLENTY of times (probably around Wednesday), I didn’t feel like writing a pitch or told myself I didn’t know what to write about. But an idea would appear and I kept writing them, even if I didn’t feel like I was seeing many results (fun fact: 2 of those articles were commissioned on Thursday afternoon and Friday–at the the end of my challenge. Stay the course, y’all).

The path to our goals is pretty simple (note: I didn’t say easy). Peep the formula below.

I can *seriously* accomplish whatever I set my mind to. And so can you.

Dream big.
Set huge goals.
Take ACTION.
Stay the course.
Win.

— britni danielle (@BritniDWrites) May 20, 2017

Now, who’s ready to win? Cuz success, to me, is when everybody is out here flourishing in whatever way we want.

Leave a comment down below letting me know what BIG ASS goal you’re setting for yourself this week and how you plan on accomplishing it. Let’s do this together.

Earlier this year I spoke at the largest women’s conference in California. As I sat on the stage, amid a sea of corporate titans and tech mavens, I was asked to introduce myself. Instead of launching into my usual spiel–writer, editor, blah blah blah–I hit the people with a remix.

“Hello everyone, my name is Britni Danielle, I’m a writer, editor, mother, and badass.”

Now, I didn’t set out to add the last part. When I was going over my intro in my head, “badass” wasn’t anywhere to be found. After all, the Watermark Conference is a super professional event–Condoleza Rice, Viola Davis, and Madeleine Albright were keynote speakers at the conference, so you know it’s real. Still, something inside me said, “Tell these people you’re a badass”…and I did.

I haven’t stopped since.

Earlier this month I was laid off from my job–yup, the super dope job I wrote about last year. It’s gone, y’all. No warning, no real explanation, no golden parachute to land on. I ain’t even get a, “Thank you for your service.” NADA.

At first the experience was jarring. I was upset, confused, and I admit, I shed a couple of tears. I mean, I lost my whole job. But even in the midst of my pissivity, I knew I would be fine.

How? It’s simple: I AM A BADASS. 

For five years I only ate what I killed. I made a living as a freelance writer penning articles for a slew of publications, amassing THOUSANDS of clips, and I also taught others how to do the same (um, take my class and thank me later). EVERY dollar I made during that time came because of my badass brain, writing skills, and ability to convince your favs to trust me with their stories, then writing them up in the most compelling way. Ava DuVernay? Oprah? Denzel? Viola? Idris? Russell Westbrook? Yup…ya girl has spoken to them all–and then some.

Years ago, I stepped out on faith, left my comfy job as a teacher and didn’t even consider a Plan B. I threw myself into writing and made it happen. Was it always easy? Hell no. But was it fun? Yup. And I also racked up some passport stamps, put my kid through private school, and paid my car note (mostly) on time.

Like I said, I’m a killer, I ain’t new to this. So when I was laid off I knew I would be fine, but it took reminding myself who the hell I was to really know it deep down in my bone marrow.

Perhaps you can relate. You’ve been through something that shook you to your core, but it also reminded you who the f–k you were and whose you were. Or maybe you’re struggling right now because things just don’t seem to be going right and your confidence has taken a serious hit because of it.

If you happen to be part of the latter group, I have some good news for you.

1. You’ll be fine. Trouble is always temporary
2. You’re a badass, you just forgot it

I know a lot of people don’t do “self-helpy” and “new agey” stuff. I was once one of them, but then I realized that, yeah, what we focus on does expand and how we feel can and will shift what’s going on in our lives.

So if you’re in the midst of the storm, I want you to do a couple of things to right the ship and start feeling like the badass you are:

1. Be thankful. Sh-t may be going terribly wrong in your life–bills overdue, credit is jacked, your dude is trash, whatever. But be thankful you’re still here. So many others aren’t and being here means you have another opportunity to start over and get it right. Every day, write down what you’re thankful for (one time I wrote, “Coffee”). Soon, you’ll have even more to be grateful about.
2. Reintroduce yourself. You are a badass. Remember it, write it down, say it to all the new people you mean, chant it while sh-t is blowing up in your life, say it while you drive, never forget it again.
3. Walk your talk. As a badass there’s just some things you just won’t accept, like failure. You will not fail yourself, you will not fail at your goals, you will make it happen. Figure it out and get it done.
4. Seek badass info. I read inspirational books (especially Jen Sincero’s Badass books), listen to podcasts, hang out with other badass people. Surround yourself with so much goodness you can’t help but rise to a higher level as well.

Aight, time for some practice. Leave a comment below (re)introducing yourself. I want to hear it. 

I rang in 2016 on a dance floor. The night was epic, but the good vibes were short lived. I entered the year feeling stuck and wondering if being a freelancer in Los Angeles, 3000 miles from the epicenter of the publishing world, was sustainable.

For five years I’d been getting by, racking up bylines for various publications and paying my bills mostly on time. I kept my head down and did the work, but in my opinion, I had very little to show for it.

My name wasn’t on anybody’s dopest writers lists. I wasn’t invited to any of the cool parties and events many of my (NYC-based) counterparts got to attend. I wasn’t booked as a guest on TV shows, in spite of my expertise. Despite grinding my ass off and scoring cover stories and features, it felt like I wasn’t in the conversation at all. I’d often have FOMO–fear of missing out–when I’d see my peers post about their opportunities and achievements on social media, then I’d wonder, Why not me?

Instead of spiraling too far down that rabbit hole, I did what I’ve always done: work.

I kept writing, kept pitching ideas, and kept feeling like I wanted more but didn’t quite know how to get it. I stayed the course, even when I was unsure it was the right one–it felt like the only one.

In April, things changed. I got a call from my now-boss who asked if I would be interested in a full time position. Being on staff at a publication felt like the stability and experience I needed, so I jumped at the chance. I said YES, even though (once again) I was unsure how things would play out.

[Pro tip: always say yes (to something you want to do)…you can figure everything else out later.]

Professionally, the second half of 2016 has been nothing short of amazing.

Tonight was another first. Spent the evening chatting (and eating!) with @omarjdorsey, @macfarlaneseth, and Doug Petrie, writer and director of Daredevil & the Defenders, for a new show called #dinneratlola. Great times! #workflow #dope #hollywood #creatives #writers

A photo posted by Britni Danielle (@britnidanielle) on Dec 9, 2016 at 11:30pm PST

I’ve interviewed some of the biggest stars in the world; I’ve written a few more cover stories; my Nate Parker interview went viral and I appeared on TV; I’ve been asked to speak on panels; I shot an episode of a TV show with Omar J. Dorsey, Seth McFarlane, and Doug Petrie; and as the cover editor for the oldest African American lifestyle magazine in the world, my resume and skill set have gotten some WORK.

Is it all because of the job? Probably not. But good things happen once you open up, start feeling unstuck, and get in motion.

Do I feel like everything is perfect? Nah. I still have a list of things I want to accomplish personally and professionally, but having a seat at the table for once feels pretty damn good.

What would you like 2017 to bring?

I told myself not to fangirl.

I’ve interviewed a lot of celebrities over the years, so it’s something I’ve told myself over and over again. When I interviewed Oprah I tried not to appear too in awe or say anything dumb…cuz Oprah. When I interviewed Idris Elba I tried not to drool (but lowkey, I did it anyway). And when I interviewed Erykah Badu, I tried hard not to stare and act normal when she stripped down and kept answering questions like she wasn’t buck naked. Each time I succeed in not freaking out and gushing about how much I loved them and their work, but all that went out the window when I sat down with Nas.

I knew it wouldn’t be easy. After all, I’ve been in love with Nas since I was 14. Illmatic came to me at the perfect time and completely changed my life. Though we lived worlds apart–me in South Central, Nas is Queensbridge–that album spoke to me in a way that few projects have since.

I started seriously fiddling with words after ingesting the imagery and stories Nas told in Illmatic. I was always a quiet, shy, introverted child, but writing gave me a voice. It gave me the ability to be loud without saying a word.

I wrote poems, I wrote stories, I wrote rhymes. I excelled in high school English all while listening to Illmatic on repeat and scribbling, “The World Is Yours!” on everything I owned, even as my own world–my parents’ marriage–was falling apart.

I was never a talker, but after Illmatic, I was a writer.

So, I knew it would be hard not to fangirl. But I’m a professional, and I was tasked with interviewing Nas, so I needed to keep it together.

And when we sat down to talk, Nas made it easy. He was easy–quiet, open, humble, eager to share, comfortable. The day had run long and he had another engagement after the photo shoot so my time was going to be cut short. Still, once we got going he didn’t seem to be in a rush, so I kept asking questions and he kept talking. In fact, we talked twice as long as we were supposed to about everything from parenting and our inspirations to how he knew Illmatic would change his life.

When I asked Nas if he knew that album was something magical he said, “Absolutely. No question about it.”

He continued:

While I was working on it, I knew what was happening. Of course, I had never been to Australia, I had never been to Turkey, I had never been to London at that point. To imagine going there and doing a concert for Illmatic, a little bit, maybe. In reality, I didn’t spend enough time thinking about that end of it, because that just seemed too far out. Knowing what happened with the record, yeah, when you’re working on something you get a feeling. There’s a feeling that you get about it from everybody that’s involved. Everybody involved has that same feeling that something is special.

I’ve carried that feeling for over 20 years. Through high school and my parents’ divorce. Through college and grad school and loving and losing and life. Illmatic has stayed with me through it all–my closest friend and confidant, my inspiration.

I knew I couldn’t interview Nas without letting him know how deeply his work and words have touched me. I knew I couldn’t walk away without letting him know that he helped me find my voice.

“I’m trying to suppress my inner fan girl here. Like I said, I’ve been a fan forever,” I admitted, trying not to cry.

His response? “Fan out. I love it. Makes my day.”

So, I did.

BD: I went to graduate school. I went to Brooklyn College and got an MFA degree in writing. When you’re applying to graduate school, they ask you, “Who are your inspirations?” I wrote about two people. I wrote about James Baldwin, and I wrote about Nas, for grad school.

 

Nas: Oh, wow.

 

BD: This is a big thing for me. Who are your inspirations, as in artists?

 

Nas: My inspirations as an artist are James Brown, Michael Jackson, Marvin Gaye. Hip hop artists like Run DMC, Fat Boys, Whodini, and the list goes on. James Brown because he was bigger than music. He was a household name when I was a kid, and I didn’t really know his music. I just knew his name sounded like power.

 

BD: Again, it must be like … How does that feel when somebody is like, “You changed my life!” I wouldn’t be a writer if it wasn’t for you, or whatever. I discovered you and the album at the right time in my life. How does that feel for you when people say that?

 

Nas: You know, it makes me feel that we can be great. All we need is a little bit of inspiration. Sometimes, that’s hard to find when you’re a so called minority. It’s hard to find inspiration to grab a career and be great at it. That’s what we’re taught, also, when we’re kids, that you have to work harder because you’re darker. You’ve got to work harder. The reality of it is, if we just try a little bit and not give up, you’d be surprised.

 

If I gave up … I mean, I’m so honored to hear what you’re saying. If I had given up and never got into the music business or went to jail–which was a thing that was out there all the time–then maybe you might have…you were going to be a writer, but there was something about me that you were able to get your motors running.

 

I’m just thinking that it just reminds me that we have a job to do. You have a job to do. You and I both have a job to do.

Nas is right. We all have work to do. I was reminded of that this weekend while at the Blogalicious conference in Atlanta.

Despite all of my accomplishments, I’m still painfully lowkey when it comes to bigging myself up. I’m not sure what it is, exactly, but I was once again reminded that my work–my words, my story, my encouragement–has helped and inspired so many people. A few times people stopped to be like, “Oh my God, you’re Britni! I love you,” and each time it caught me completely off guard.

For the last five years I’ve been grinding with my head down, dropping a few bits of advice, and helping out anyone who has asked. Still, I’m not a celebrity or anybody “major”–not even close.  I’m just me. But speaking to Nas, then having real flesh and blood people tell me how I’ve inspired them, how they found solace in my words, was confirmation.

We may not all drop a classic album, write a best selling book, or be a cultural icon, but we all have work to do. And that work matters.

Imagine that.

CreateHER stock

I’ve been solidly middle class for the last five months, thanks to the job. It’s been so long since I’ve been here, that honestly, I was expecting it to feel a lot better. After all, I’m making more money than half the country, and after years of tap dancing along the poverty line (or what felt like it), I was expecting to f–k up some commas in my account.

But…that hasn’t happened.

The list of things I still can’t afford feels amazingly long–a house in a decent neighborhood in L.A., my car note and my student loan bill at the same time, a 529 plan for Le Kid, any type of emergency, a vacation.

After years of college and grad school and Amex bills and traveling (on my credit cards, ugh) and freelancing and helping out the fam, I dug myself a pretty good hole that now feels like it’s impossible to climb out of and actually live like I want to be living.

And I want to be living.

God, I want to LIVE.

BUT. IT’S. SO. HARD.

Here’s the not so pretty part folks don’t talk about when discussing their journey to “success” (which…let’s be real, I ain’t reached it yet). Burned out and not making enough money to cover everything, I regularly stuck up Peter to pay Paul. And when that wasn’t enough, I took out not one, but two, super expensive personal loans. It did take me quite a time to pay off those loans, but as soon as I did, I quickly switched to use Citrus Loans unsecured loans for their long term repay option.

Around the time I got the job, I also landed a few higher paying freelance gigs, so I was able to pay them both back in full. And while it hurt–like really, really physically hurt to say, Oh yes, I approve that $2000 debit that will wipe out my whole savings account–I knew it was necessary. After all, ain’t no fun having a loan with 135% interest hanging over your head.

So I made some hard choices that will probably pay off in the long run, but right now? Not being able to enjoy the type of life I’ve always envisioned in my head when I supposedly have the income to do so completely and utterly sucks.

And yet, it’s not lost on me how blessed I am. So many people in L.A. are struggling, really struggling to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomach. I have both. Le Kid has new shoes; I recently “splurged” on a $50 work bag from DSW; when I filled up my car with gas on Friday I didn’t even check my bank balance first; I was able to cover an unexpected dental emergency; and if I squirrel away all of my leftover cash–like every single penny (and don’t have anymore emergencies)–I might be able to go visit my younger brother in Madrid next year.

So, I’m not doing too bad. But I’m not exactly thriving either. And the point of living–to me–isn’t to just barely get by.

Lately I’ve been exhausted, which has been jarring since a) I still work from home, b) I really just write, edit, and respond to email all day, c) I ain’t been to the gym in FOR-EV-ER. Still, I’m tired as hell once I close my laptop at the end of the day. Part of that exhaustion, I think, comes from seeing the dream and not being able to really live it, and not knowing when I will.

And yes, I realize I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. After all, I’ve been quietly and faithfully digging this hole for 5 years, so it’s silly to think I’d climb out of it in 5 months. But the way my patience is set up…

Still, I am living part of my dream. I’m not working at a job I hate, I love what I do. I love telling dope stories and interviewing people and caping for the culture. I love it when what I write or say connects with others. I love shining a positive light in the world. And it’s important to remember this, even when I’m feeling ambivalent about my life.

I’m sure you can relate. Sometimes we get so caught up in focusing on what’s wrong, or what’s not quite right, that we forget about the things that are working. I’ve definitely scored some wins in the past few months–I bought my mom’s ticket to Houston so she could go on a cruise, I paid off those two stupid loans, my son is doing really well in school, my savings account isn’t at zero.

I’m making slow progress toward the type of life I’d like to live–and that matters. I’m not sprinting forward, but I’m also not moving backward either. This matters.

Auntie Oprah once said: “What you focus on expands, and when you focus on the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities, relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful no matter what happened in my life.”

I’ve generally lived by this principle for the last 5 years. I couldn’t always see the path, but I just remained optimistic and stayed grinding, and here I am.

So, why should I change course now?

CreateHER Stock

It seems like only yesterday that I left the freelancing world for a full-time gig at a publication, and in that brief  time, so much has happened. I wrote my first cover story for my new job, I had an exclusive interview with embattled actor Nate Parker, I was on TV (three times in the same day!), I went to ComicCon to cover the Luke Cage event, and most recently, I went on an epic 24-hour trip to the Toronto International Film Festival.

Oh, and I got a promotion.

To say that the last five months have been a whirlwind would be an understatement. It’s like everything I’ve been grinding for in the last five years has come to fruition and then completely exploded into something bigger and more unwieldy.

Some days I feel unprepared for all of my new responsibilities and like I can barely keep up with all that I have to do. But in those moments I have to remind myself that they chose me–and keep choosing me–because they know I can pull it off. And for the most part, I have.

These last five months have been a wonderful learning experience, but I’ve grown in ways that I never expected. I’ve been pushed to be less introverted (at least when I’m out and working), and far more organized. In addition to editing and writing, I’m a project manager–coordinating with celebrity PR teams, writers, and my coworkers to make it happen.

While I sometimes feel super unprepared for the task, this experience has once again validated the strategy I’ve had for the past few years: JUST SAY YES. 

When I first started freelancing, if somebody offered me an assignment I would automatically say yes, even if I didn’t quite know how to do it. Write a “as told to piece”? Sure. Write a celebrity profile? Cool. Pen three cover stories? Aight, no problem.

When I first got into freelancing I said yes to almost every assignment that came my way because I wanted to build up my clips and get my name out there as a reliable writer who could deliver. Over the years, I’ve continued saying yes–to working the red carpet, to interviewing people on camera, to speaking in public, to taking this job.

Even when I don’t feel 100% prepared for the task, I still said yes. Why? I know I can figure it out, and probably pull it off.

Sometimes people see strengths in us that we don’t see in ourselves, so it’s important not to be the one standing in your own way.

A lot of times we struggle with worthiness, imposter syndrome, and our own fears that we just aren’t ready. But if an opportunity presents itself, consider taking a leap and say yes.

You never know where it might lead.

Six summers ago I’d just celebrated my birthday in NYC, I was closing out my fourth year as a middle school English teacher, and as they say in Philly, I was feeling some type of way. On the outside, my life looked pretty good–I traveled during breaks, I had a “good” job, and I was getting ready to enjoy yet another summer off. Inside, however, I felt stuck and on the verge of depression.

Then I went to therapy.

And while I spent those first few sessions (ok, month) in tears, soon, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to do something else with my life. My therapist asked what I had in mind, and the only thing I could think about was to write.

Writing had alway come easy for me and, way back before I became somebody’s mama and was bogged down with student loans and Visa bills, I would daydream of writing for the Source or Vibe or Honey. But writing didn’t pay the bills–or so I thought–so I put it out of my mind as an option.

Until that summer. Desperate and looking to do anything else besides spend the rest of my life teaching kids how to write five paragraph essays, I told my therapist about my desire to be a writer.

His only question: What are you going to do about it?

From that moment on, I tried to break into writing solely because I wanted to have something to report back to my therapist. I wanted him to be proud of me, and to think I was making progress, so I worked on getting my first clip.

By August, it happened, and as they say in films, the rest is history.

These last few years have been amazing. They’ve been filled with tremendous highs (hello cover stories) and super challenging lows that made me question my decision to quit teaching to pursue writing. But no matter how difficult things got, I knew they would eventually work out. At least I hoped they would.

As fate would have it, I rang in my birthday recently not just celebrating a new year of life, but also a new job.

After nearly six years in the freelance trenches, hustling up (literally) thousands of clips and robbing Peter to pay Paul, I now have a full time job: Senior Editor & Writer, Entertainment and Culture (digital) for EBONY.com and JETmag.com.

While the whole thing is super exciting, I won’t lie, I was also a bit nervous about accepting the job.

Let me keep it 100. The prospect of a regular, every two weeks, paycheck was a huge factor. Freelancing is hard, some months I’ve been flush with cash, and others, I’ve been barely getting by. So having regular income is a huge plus. But beyond that, and more importantly, taking this job helps me hit another of my goals: being on staff at a publication I’ve read my entire life.

Moreover, aside from the venerable history of EBONY & JET, this position comes with way more responsibility and is just further confirmation that I made the right decision when I walked out of my classroom, turned out the lights, and never looked back.

I’m still learning the ropes of the position–and believe me, I have a lot to learn–but I’m excited about this next adventure, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Photo: createherstock

I had an epiphany the other day. I was driving home after covering the last keynote session at this year’s Online News Association conference, and as usual, a thought just wouldn’t leave my brain.

Maybe you can relate. You’re driving, or washing dishes, or in the shower, or cleaning your house and something just hits you upside the head and you can’t let it go. That’s what happened to me. I was minding my business, stuck in traffic on the 405 when something inside me came through loud and clear and hella rude.

F-ck your timeline, B.

Timelines are a huge deal, right? Often times we plan our lives by what age we think we will be (or should) when we accomplish XYZ thing we really want. For some folks timelines are just ever-present deadlines that help them keep their eye on the prize. But for many of us, myself included, timelines can be suffocating as hell.

At 35, I thought I’d have it all figured out. When I was 18, 35 sounded mad old and I just knew I’d be firmly into adulthood, working some kind of fabulous job, then coming home to my husband and kids. At 35, I thought everything would be clear and figured out, because that’s what I thought being an adult meant–knowing what the hell is going on at all times.

These days, however, I don’t have a clue.

I’m kinda living my dream, but honestly, that dream isn’t as dope as I once thought it would be.

Seriously, don’t let the celeb interviews and work trips out of town fool you. My life ain’t no crystal stair.

I’m a professional writer and I love it, but the constant grind that comes with this profession can wear you down, quickly. And though I thought I’d be a mom by this age, I never imagined I’d be raising my BrownBoyGenius without his father.

In short, I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be by now…and I’m starting to be ok with it.

While I sat in traffic, I thought about all of the things I have yet to do. At 35, I’ve done a few awesome things: I’ve traveled to London, Paris, and South Africa; I learned to ride a motorcycle; and I swam with dolphins. But I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface yet.

Thing is, I used to (ok…sometimes still do), say I’m too old to try XYZ thing, as if something as superficial as biological age should be the deciding factor in learning something new, enjoying an experience, and just straight up living. Until my in-traffic epiphany I figured I needed to get serious and act sensible because I’m 35, but…why?

Why do we place limitations on ourselves because we reach a certain age?

After all, as Dr. Christiane Northrup said on Super Soul Sunday, “Getting older is inevitable, but aging is optional.”

I certainly don’t feel 35–whatever that means–and (hopefully) don’t look it either. So why should I limit my goals, dreams, and aspirations simply because I’ve been on this Earth longer than some?

So, I’m ditching artificial timelines. I will no longer say things like, “By 35 I want to own a house,” or “By 38 I want to be married.”

If those things happen, great, but I’m not going to stress myself out or make terrible, rushed decisions just to meet a deadline that’s doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things.

Instead, I’m going to wake up every morning and ask myself, “What do you really want, B?” And God willing, I’ll answer honestly and figure out how to make it happen.

What about you?

The Fader

I was slow to join the crowd of Drake fans. I haven’t been down since his early mixtapes, can’t quote any of his songs word-for-word, and don’t even own an album. But over the last few years I’ve watched as he’s quickly rose to dominate the music industry through smart branding, catchy tunes, a ruthless work ethic, and a seemingly relentless need to experiment creatively.

While I do listen to Drake’s music (ehem, on Spotify) and enjoy it quite a bit, his recent interview with The Fader made me respect his artistry–and really, him–on a whole new level.

Even though it’s super long, I encourage you to read the entire interview. One, because I wish I’d written it (and as a writer who’s done quite a few celeb profiles, that’s how you know it’s good); and two, because Drake drops some serious gems about business, branding, and how he’s managed to connect so effortlessly with his fans.

And that brings me to his advice on how to be a really good writer. Sure, Drake is talking about his music in this interview, but at the core of it, it’s all the same, right?

Writers and rappers both deal in words, hoping they connect with our intended audience. And while literally MILLIONS of people try (and are talented, too), what sets us all apart is our ability to connect….or not.

I’ll let Drake break it down, though.

You could call it his emotional imagination. But in fact it’s something more specific: a gift for understanding his fans and intuitively knowing how to activate, and lay claim to, their feelings. Drake is an interpreter, in other words, of the people he is trying to reach—an artist who can write lyrics that wide swaths of listeners will want to take ownership of and hooks that we will all want to sing to ourselves as we walk down the street.

 

When I ask Drake about how he gets audiences to identify with him in this way, especially now that his life is so extraordinary and strange, he sits up and lays out the elemental chemistry of his music.

 

“We may be worlds apart in the sense of, you know, where you’re from, where I’m from, what I’m doing, what you’re doing—but what are we talking about?” he says. “We’re talking about very simple human emotions. We’re talking about love, sometimes. We’re talking about triumph, we’re talking about failure, we’re talking about nerves. We’re talking about fear. We’re talking about doubt. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing—you gotta at least hear what I’m saying to you. And I pray that it helps.”

 

At this he interrupts himself. “Not even ‘helps,’” he says. ‘“Helps’ is a weird word. I don’t ever want to think I’m ‘helping.’ It’s not about helping. It’s more like, even though we’re not carrying on a dialogue, I hear you, you know? And when I make an album, all I want you to know is I hear you.”

When your audience knows you hear them, and care about what they care about, and that you put forth your best effort to reflect it in your work, they can’t help but respond.

And yes, there are writers who only care about their voice and what they want to say. But the ones we remember–the Baldwins, Morrisons, Nas–and stan for, and LOVE, are able to say something about both their life and ours in such a way that hits us in the chest so hard we never shake it.

And like him or not, Drake gets it, and apparently, you too.