Britta Vandenberg Photography

Giving up, suicide, and other such lovely topics

2012-06-22T11:17:00.003+10:00

I’ve written about bullies, I’ve written about how to find a reason to go on, how to find hope, in helping others, I’ve written about how self knowledge of one’s roots and origins can help oneself analyse and work through old hurts, old issues within one’s subconscious, things from high school, and childhood and so on. One thing I have not written about is giving up. There are times when giving up is necessary, when giving up means the end of a long and painful journey that you realise you have put yourself through because of your blind faith or belief. Sometimes you find out that all of that energy has just led to more pain, sometimes you find that giving up is the right way for your own healing. But I am not writing about those times today, I am writing about when not to give up. Sometimes it is necessary to give up on others, when you realize those other people are never going to help you forward, but to give up on yourself, to give in to others and allow them power over your own spirit, that to me is the deepest treachery one could commit. When you get to that stage, or that place, where you feel you can never stand up again, where you feel the tears will never stop, or the loneliness is never ending, when you feel tempted to give up on yourself, dig deep, find that place within you that no one can change, no one can reach, and no one can know but yourself. Find it and see that you have power, you are a person, and that intrinsic fact allows you power, power to help others see through the layers in their minds that hide their true nature from themselves, the power to see yourself as others see you, the power to stand up for yourself, the power to inspire others, the power to help and teach and learn, the power to stand up for your friends, the power to stand up for what is right. You have power, you just don’t know it.

When you get to the stage where thoughts of suicide float around in your mind, you begin believing that the pain will never end, that you have to take things into your own hands and end the pain yourself, but what you don’t realize is that by ending your own pain you create ripples of pain in so many others, you give what you yourself wish to end, to others in spades, pain. When someone close to you dies, there is enough pain as it is, when someone close to you dies through their own hands you leave behind guilt in the people who feel they could have stopped you, you leave behind grief and misunderstanding as to your reasons for ending your life, you leave behind far more than your own pain, and to do this kind of thing, is so selfish it is beyond measure. You have every right to wallow in pain, you have every right to feel the keen edge of pain, but understand this, you are never alone, you are never the only one crying, reach out and you will realize there are so many others like you that you can help. All humans feel pain at one point in their life, it is part of life, it is part of humanity. But there are ways to work through it. The longer you ignore it, the longer you allow it to gouge away at your insides, the worse it gets. Once you acknowledge your pain, once you acknowledge that your pain is not your fault, once you accept the brunt of the pain and face it, it will pass away, it will not stay this way forever. You are not in pain, or sadness, every minute of every day are you? It comes, and it goes, just like thoughts, just like time, just like everything in this world does, life, love. True happiness is not the absence of pain, but the acceptance of all states of mind as just that, a state of mind that will pass.

Never give up on yourself, never stop believing in yourself, if you can believe in others to help them on their way do so as well. Have belief, stay strong, after all we are all in this together, always.

Indigenous peoples and cultures and their importance

2012-06-22T11:16:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I attended a gathering of women in Paraparap. At this meeting we listened to guest speakers, one woman was a traditional land owner and lived locally, the other woman had an amazing story to tell about learning her mother was a stolen generation child and recognising her grandmother in the local community. We asked lots of questions and learn all sorts of amazing things. We then watched an amazing film called “For the next 7 generations” following the journey of 13 indigenous grandmothers from all over the world, travelling to each other’s home countries. This gathering created energy, enthusiasm, and a need to help change our children’s lives. We pondered questions such as “why is it that my child, or our children, do not learn the local aboriginal history relevant to their home town such as Torquay, or Grovedale, or Central Geelong even?”Why is it that we all assume that the aboriginals just lay down and allowed the first fleet of whites to simply join the land peacefully? It is not so. This is not the truth. The aboriginals fought to their death, so many of them, all slaughtered by gunfire. When you hear stories of white politicians going out hunting aboriginals for sport, when you know that the aboriginals were part of the Flora and Fauna act for (ie classed as animals) for a shamefully long time. We talk about the awful stories of white people going in and systematically taking apart families and the social structure, literally taking away the future generations, allowing so much of the culture that is the oldest surviving culture in the world, to be forgotten, and we say “oh that wasn’t us, that’s not now, we’re not like that”. Just take one look at the “intervention” in the Northern Territory. They suspended the Racial Discrimination Act to be able to do the intervention in the first place, and what they’re doing is saying to the aboriginal people there “we’re taking all your money and giving you coupons to get food with” the result no one can share a taxi into town to Get the flipping food in the first place, because there’s no cash. So essentially the aboriginal people are saying we want to live on our land, we want to live off our land like we used to, the governments reaction is to take away all their money, give them coupons instead, effectively starving them until they are forced into the town-camps and have nothing to do all day. And do you want to know why they force them into the towns? Because of course their traditional land is full of minerals to be mined, and if they’re not there living on the land, well so much easier and faster for the miners to get their money. So this intervention is pretty close to the “stolen generation”, except the type of death is less violent, starvation. Therefore it goes unnoticed.
Anyway I have written before about ancient wisdoms, I have written before to explore your origins, to remember the wise words spoken to you as a child. I have written before about the wisdoms of the ways of the people living on islands, and in the mountains, those who have retained their ancient culture, and live their lives true to this culture. When I think of the education I had as a child in Australia Victoria growing up, the only Australian history I learnt was the stupid Gold Rush over and over. The southern cross flag, the rebellion, and so on. But what about all of the wisdom held by the aboriginal peoples of my country? There is so much to learn, the dreaming stories, the respect for the land, the connection to ones people, and one’s culture. Aboriginals are similar to Jews in this aspect, they are all connected, they are all part of this big circle, and they are all family to each other. And it is this connection, this respect that is the strongest protection for oneself as an individual. To have that kind of support is essential, and the result of the erosion of these connections is our generation today. The statistics for mental illness in our generations today are as follows: men aged 16-34 years (23%) and women aged 16-24 years (30%). That’s massive, one in three for women, and one in four for men!! And why is this do u think, because we are losing our culture, losing our sense of community, slowly, slowly. It is eroded by technology, sms messaging, facebooking, twittering, email, and all the other types of communication that takes place over the internet has changed the way our young generation connect to each other. Of course it has not eroded completely, many people still have a sense of community through sport which is very popular in Australia, in Victoria especially aussie rules is a very family orientated thing to do, and so connects people to each other. We do still have face to face communication and face to face friendships, and student teacher relationships, and so on, but the way kids understand communication these days is vastly different from 50 years ago. Kids often thing internet communication is suitable for serious conversations between individuals, such as the ending of a relationship, or the discussion of sensitive topics such as gender preference or sexuality, or the death of a loved one, or if you’ve had a fight with someone an apology through text or through the internet is just not the same. But kids these days hardly differentiate between the two vastly different types of communication. They don’t appreciate the importance of face to face feedback, such as body language, facial expressions, and the different types of sounds that indicate emotions and feelings, or even crying, over the internet there’s no direct consequence for your words, but face to face you see those consequences directly, and you are forced to take responsibility for them.
Anyway I have previously suggested a world education, combining all cultures, all of the sciences together. Now I wish to add something to that suggestion, what if we added to this education, the specific local history, culture, wisdom, religion, of whatever area you live in, then our future generations would have more of an understanding of mother earth, a wider knowledge of the people in their country, and knowledge leads to acceptance and peace rather than scared, aggressive, and racist. I know that in Ireland in some places the children are taught Gaelic. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. Teaching some of the basics of the ancient language, the ancient culture, the basic principles and beliefs of those cultures, allowing those people in our society room to grow and continue living life the way they’re elders did. This kind of relationship would be hugely beneficial to both sides! So if you agree with my suggestions, why don’t you go to your local school, your local principal, or even your local political leader and suggest some changes? You can even create an online petition with Get Up or Avaaz, simply tell Get Up the issue you are passionate about and they will help you create this online petition that you can then take to your local political leaders to help make a change!
So, good luck with your mission, I hope it goes well
And All the best in every way
: ) Britta Vandenberg

The End of the World theories and the real situation

2012-05-20T16:24:00.002+10:00

http://www.itwire.com/science-news/biology/54664-maya-mural-found-refutes-worlds-end-on-122112, 20/5/2012 1600, William Atkins, Yahoo News.

Maya mural found: Refutes world's end on 12/21/12

William Atkins Saturday, 12 May 2012 00:13

Archaeologists discovered an ancient Mayan mural that contains a calendar, which refutes the idea that the world will come to an end on December 21, 2012. It looks like we are safe again from another misguided doomsday scenario.

The recently discovered calendar states predictions that go out several thousand years into the future – way past 12/21/2012, the mythical end of the world date. Boy, that was close! I thought we were goners later in 2012!

The Mayan mural was found in an ancient Mayan house deep in the Guatemalan rainforest. It was found in 2010 within the ancient Maya city of Xultun in northeast Guatemala.

Dr. William Saturno, an assistant professor of archaeology at Boston University, is the leader of the archaeological team that uncovered this ancient mural. (Personally, I tend to believe much more in such scientists as Dr. Saturno, than people who promote these doomsday scenarios, often for money or other personal gain.)

Saturno stated, “The paintings we have here—we've never found them anyplace else.” [National Geographical (5/10/12) “Unprecedented Maya Mural Found, Contradicts 2012 "Doomsday" Myth”]

And, the 5/11/12 Christian Science Monitor article “Oldest Mayan calendar found, and it goes way beyond Dec. 12, 2012” goes into much more detail as to what was found to refute the doomsday predition that the world will come to an end on December 21, 2012 based on the Maya calendar.

The CSM article states in part, “The oldest-known version of the ancient Maya calendar has been discovered adorning a lavishly painted wall in the ruins of a city deep in the Guatemalan rainforest.”

And, “The hieroglyphs, painted in black and red, along with a colorful mural of a king and his mysterious attendants, seem to have been a sort of handy reference chart for court scribes in A.D. 800 — the astronomers and mathematicians of their day.”

Further (and most importantly), “Contrary to popular myth, this calendar isn't a countdown to the end of the world in December 2012, the study researchers said.”

Read more of these stories to better inform yourself on what will "not" happen on December 21, 2012 (the mythical end of the world) and what "will" happen on December 22, 2012 (the day after December 21, 2012 ... just another tomorrow).

For instance, LiveScience.com writes about other failed doomsday predictions in “Oops! 11 Failed Doomsday Predictions.” They state, “When it comes to apocalypse and planet-wide destruction, there seem to be no shortage of details on the when and how and why, with some "prophets" saying they are certain the world will come to a halt on this day or that.”

And, “Most prophets of doom come from a religious perspective, though the secular crowd has caused its share of scares as well."

Further (and, again, most importantly): "One thing the doomsday scenarios tend to share in common: They don't come to pass.”

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2zsvvZ/www.mnn.com/eco-biz/building-products-supplies/sponsor/the-many-uses-of-trees

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1MvyBM/m.inhabitat.com/helios-vehicle-by-kim-gu-han/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/98Hhph/waterlife.nfb.ca/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1zn0jE/www.mnn.com/lifestyle/responsible-living/stories/infographic-united-states-of-the-environment

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/6VuIxQ/www.simondale.net/house/index.htm

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5LFyHa/www.breathingearth.net/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/AuTe9g/xaxor.com/bizarre/19711-Glass-door-with-a-surprise.html

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/8YFp99/www.dumpaday.com/index.php/2011/08/simple-ideas-that-are-borderline-genius-part-13/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2Vlsbp/www.trutv.com/conspiracy/in-the-shadows/the-18-most-suppressed-inventions-ever/gallery.all.html?link=DCF

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2IEztu/www.dumpaday.com/index.php/2011/05/simple-ideas-that-are-borderline-genius-part-8/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/9ltQjs/www.zadan.nl/pics/underwatersuite/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1WeZTw/www.greatecologyandenvironments.com/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1feVFA/www.nceas.ucsb.edu/ecology/economics

http://www.triplepundit.com/2011/09/wind-lens/

Many people are talking about the end of the world, we’re all gonna drown, or starve, or overheat, or be blown to smithereens. Well if you read a couple science articles about all of these myths you will realize there’s not much truth to any of them. Here is just one example of one such article. Below I have provided links to websites with masses of innovative ideas that we people have come up with, technology and more, that will enable us to adapt to the issues facing the world. Not only that the scientists say that we would have at least one year warning if something was to hit the earth even the smallest meteorite can be seen from light years away, and in that time we would be able to adapt, although the likelihood of a meteorite is something like 1 in 100 years or something. I have read somewhere that the world is much better off than we think, it is only because of the media and media hype surrounding some few articles concerning certain theories that a mass of people are scared, however the real situation isn’t widely talked about, people need not be so scared. As I have previously said do not accept what you read in a newspaper as unshakeable truth, do not believe all of what you hear on the news, there is always more to the story, more information, more facts, that can be purposefully left out to make a certain point. Also things can be exaggerated to enhance the drama factor and thus increase readers or viewers and thus revenue (money income).

Some examples of really good innovations are the new Japanese wind turbines, the German houses inside a hill, the battery and hybrid cars are spreading across Europe and the rest of the world within a couple years they will be common instead of new and different, as will solar panels, water tanks, and wind engines. People don’t realize how much technology is being developed, how many different people there are out there all working towards a more sustainable future. Regardless of who’s fault the situation is, why these issues are happening, and what you yourself can do about it, the world is not so bad off due to technology and human adaptation.

an unpublished note i wrote 3rd of Jan 2011

2012-05-13T13:36:00.001+10:00

Ok so “God” is a belief system or symbol.

He is something comforting and superior to all human leaders. He is perfect in every way, and he is always there. That is the assumption.

This notion of “god” was created by humans themselves, via books, authors, myths, legends, to comfort and nourish the human need for an ever constant love and support and leadership.

Right?

Humans need a leader that will never fail. No human could ever fullfill those shoes, so what do we do? Create this huge thing called. . . GOD

Ok so Africans understand that when you believe enough

You can manage to levitate

Walk on fire

Do all sorts of crazy stuff

And go unharmed, arrive safe bla dee bla

So, if you believe with no grain of doubt, full force belief, things come true
god is true and real for a lot of people
he is a myth/legend come true for a great many people,
because they NEEEEEEEEEED this constant love / support / perfect leadership

however, if you look at it from a logical reasonable stand point, you realize that God is in fact a created phenomenon by man himself, just like a television show, to placate a sense of unrest or anxiety or worry or whatever.

similarly if you are grieving say your husband, or your aunty, and you NEEEEEEED her/him to be back in your life. You CRAVE, or you feel this enormous sadness because they are not there, the human mind creates a presence that placates this need, but it is made up just like a television show. See TV fills your need for gossip, and social drama, all the needs formed by old “village-style” communities, where all the latest social drama fullfills this need. nowadays when people don’t feel such a part of a community perhaps, they turn to TV ie neighbours, for social drama/gossip, and this fulfils the need. you see the similarity?

I bought a book for my mum about the human brain, it describes that the human brain is so powerful, that if I was simply to believe/expect to develop schizophrenia, then I would. However I believe steadfastly in myself, and my capacity, and nothing gets in the way of that. I believed I would get into my uni course, and what happened? I did. I believed I would get above 80. And hwat happened, I did. Your expectations and what you THINK wil most likely happen, form your reality bubble. Like I talked about in my uni essay about reality.

You understand now? I believe in the fact that people create things to help fulfil their spiritual/emotional needs, however what binds all people together, and is physical concrete and real, the human body, the human body language, the basics of culture, and hope for the future, is far more powerful than any “THING” created by humans to fulfil a need. every human on earth has eyes, ears, nose, mouth, arms, legs, feet right? Every human on earth can think of their national anthem, or exactly what kind of things their people make (ie sculptures, pottery, art, food etc). and every human reaches for some deep sense of hope that everything will turn out ok in the end. Those keys are what connect every single person upon this globe to each other, and to connect each person, to form a community of intellectual relation to each other of that sort, would create THE STRONGEST PROTECTION AGAINST ANY THING. You think you feel safe with your family? Because you are connected to them blab la. Imagine if every person on earth was part of your family. Imagine if every where you go you feel safe, happy, trusted, trusting, hopeful, happy, welcomed, accepted, loved. This isn’t some religious …. Stuff…. Trying to be respectful. This is humanism in basic form. Thing IS humans aren’t like that. Humans don’t trust people that easy, humans are greedy, want power, want money, want want want want want want. Never stop wanting. And THIS is why there are social rules, like don’t have sex on your first date, he’ll think you’re desperate, don’t slurp your soup he’ll think you’re rude on your first date, make sure you wear a suit to your interview otherwise your prospective employer will think you are a slob, no sex before marriage, never tell lies, never murder other humans,
all this STUFFFFF
is there to help humans be more family like, and less jungle/animal/war like.

To me I …. Feel…. That events in time are very important. And choices define events. You WILL get wet if you forget your umbrella when there’s a thunderstorm predicted. You WILL Get cold if you forget your jacket going out to a party. You WILL make a mistake if you don’t consider all consequences inherent, via taking your time.
I am going to say something that might freak you out, I have seen a path in my mind, a goal, or a way forward, a hopeful daydream, of what might be. Its just a daydream. I made it up inside my head when I was doing some serious thinking. But it might happen. I’m not going to tell you a single thing about what that daydream was about, because that might change everything. Everything happens naturally in due time. But I understand that a lot of exact events, exact occurrences, a lot of chance meetings, and random events, happened to bring me and you together. And if all of those random events lead us to where we stand now, then why should not future random events lead us to a way forward?
I love thinking about time, and random events. Think about cogs, or how clock machinery fits together, every spike on the cog connects to another spike on another wheel. The second cog only turns because the first cog is turning. Without the first cog, the second cog would not have turned. But what made the cog turn in the first place? Did someone turn an engine on? Did somebody push the machine? Did someone simply turn the first cog with their bare hands? Who chose to cause the first cog to turn, and why did they make that choice? What exactly was it in their life during that time, that made them turn the cog? What events in THEIR life caused them to turn the first cog, which then helped turn the second cog, which then turns the third cog, the third turns the fourth cog, and so on so forth. A ripple effect of cogs turning. Each cog does not turn without the previous cog turning first, and the first cog would never have moved unless somebody made a choice to make it move. So the cogs probably fit inside some larger machine, and when all the cogs have turned, or are turning, the machine can do its work, and help somebody do something big and helpful in their lives. I decided to turn your first cog mateo. And all the other cogs started moving from that first cog moving. And eventually a machine some sort (ie. Some sort of emotion or driving force) will start if nobody decides to purposefully stop the cogs moving. And the “machine” or driving emotion or force will help do something big for somebody’s life.

Does that make sense?
that is what I believe in. your choices define what happens in your life, in the time that you have. Everything that you do, will turn a cog small or big for somebody else. And everything that everybody else does, turns a cog small or big in your life.
nature has been around since before humans ever existed, therefore it was not created by any god, it is not maintained by any god, since god was created by man. it exists in itself, as it always will if the environmental conditions are right. This is why I believe in nature. J

Beauty

2012-05-03T11:34:00.002+10:00

"Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye." Grey Livingston
"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it." Confucius

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
This phrase was first recorded in 3^rd century by the ancient Greeks, and one thing the Ancient Greeks were good at is beauty. Just think of all the beautiful statues, and architecture, some people might even say Greek art and architecture could be the epitome of beauty.

Now why might you ask, am I blabbing on about beauty? Well the inspiration for this “blabbing” comes from a series of books I’ve been reading lately, by P.C.Cast (the Goddess Summoning Series), fictional fantasy, my favourite genre : ) In this series the beauty of a Goddess and of a mortal woman is a major theme. I’ve always loved the idea of Greek Goddesses because they are not all-powerful and utterly perfect, they can make mistakes, they are supposed to be closer to the human person, and more accessible. This is not supposed to be a religious thing, I am focussing on the themes and the values that came with Goddesses. Sure the Greek Gods are all-mighty, Poseidon, Hades, Zeus, but if you get interested in Greek mythology you realize they have all made their mistakes in their time. Just like Gods highlight the masculinity and power of men, so do Goddesses highlight the femininity, spirit, and beauty of women. Now there is something we have forgotten in this modern world. An outspoken, spirited, curvaceous woman like Christina Aguilera is demonized, criticized and so on. What happened to the Marilyn Monroe’s of today? Why all this skinny minny business? What’s wrong with a woman standing up for herself? What’s wrong with a woman speaking her mind? Don’t get me wrong, we’ve come a long way, hello, we have a female prime minister. But guess what? We demonize her too! How silly I thought we lived in a democracy where we choose our prime ministers? Sounds like a lot of Australians regret their “choice”, or maybe threw that choice out the window with a donkey vote? Who knows? All I know is women, to this day do not get enough respect from her fellow man. We are paid less, expected to work more outside of a paid job, ie housework, and sometimes treated like plain shit. Excuse the French. Where are the Goddesses in our world? They are sitting right in front of you, you just don’t appreciate them. Ok obesity is a problem, but so is anorexia, and bullemia. Anyway, how did I get here? I was supposed to be focussing on beauty.

So, beauty. Beauty can be a biological thing, the prettiest mate the prettiest. It’s a genetic thing. Got a good face, therefore got a good set of genes, or so says biology. I believe that beauty is becoming a forgotten thing in our world. True beauty is what we are speaking of now, the kind of beauty that touches one’s soul, and soothes one’s heart. Not the skeletal kind that walk down runways, red carpets, and the television world. When you think about it the beauty in art is not a mainstream thing anymore. Teenagers don’t flock to museums of Salvador Dali art anymore. Museums are boring. However beauty in music is all the rage. Adelle is only one recent example : )
Anyway my main point is beauty has become something to sell, something to marvel at, but where did the true appreciation go? Why do women all over the world compete endlessly with computer improved images, when truly the most basic beauty sits right in front of their eyes? I ask of you, open your eyes, see the beauty in this world, don’t forget it. Treasure it, honour it. The simplest view of the simplest beauty, sunlight through trees or plants, brightens up my mind, my days, and my heart. Even the pattern on the ground of falling rain, the appearing and disappearing circles, it’s a wonder to watch. What I am saying is, don’t forget to take some time out to stop and smell the roses.

All the best in every way

Britta Vandenberg

another one of those things that I write every now and again

2012-03-28T16:31:00.005+11:00

So I’m back, but really I don’t feel like I’m back cause so much has changed that well nothing feels the same. Not quite. I’ve been hearing a few well placed queries for a note, or something like that. So I’m here trying to cobble together something that will sound good and all that. All I can think about is what I’m trying to do for my own life, I mean I’ve been focussing on my own life for quite a while now… bit selfish really isn’t it? In my defense this is what normal people usually do, focus on what is going on in their own life. Really when I think about it I just go “why on earth did I think it was a good idea to take responsibility for what, oh only the world, and all its problems”? Not that I have given up, I mean I have not been living under a rock, well not quite… I know about the Arab spring, and the health bill stuff in America, and all the problems with the business running the government in America, and generally criticism for Julia Gillard, the whole thing between Gillard and her people and Rudd and his people. Umm what else? The mining tax… Honestly I dunno much about all that. I should watch more news shouldn’t I? I do get the dregs of dad watching his daily news, so I know about all the floods, and the cyclones, and stuff… And um… frankly I dunno really what to do about it…. I mean I feel a little silly about this whole thing. Like how am I, some girl from outta town, who hasn’t even finished uni yet, supposed to be connected to all this? On the other hand I feel all too connected sometimes, it gets scary. Anyway I don’t have much to say except just to reiterate the basics in a world like this. Love is the most important thing in life, if you have some love, go spread it round, and remind yourself everyday that you are lucky to have so much love around you. I mean I am pretty lucky myself to have such a loving family who supports me. And just take that extra second to think about how you can increase the love in the world, even in your own backyard, or your own community. Love isn’t just about kissing your wife goodbye, or kissing your kids goodnight, it’s about taking care of each other in a community sense, about dedicating some time to do something for others, not for your own benefit. There are some people out there who do forget to give themselves some love, so on that note don’t forget to take some time for yourself and remind yourself of who you are, where you come from, and why you love the way you are. Another important thing is friendship. All of this stuff really just ties back to how we are all connected, and never forgetting that we are all part of this thing we call humanity. And we all should take responsibility for our little section of the world, and hope that the rest follow by good example, that some of that goodness might spread a couple continents, hopefully.
In Buddhism they ask if your hand was hurt you would go “ouch” and set about mending it asap, right? Well they say that humanity is one big “body” and if you think about that body as, arms, legs, brains, muscles, arteries, all separate from each other, then it is kind of backwards, you would never ignore a bleeding leg if it was part of you would you? They say the same about humanity. We are all one, and we should all do our bit to take care of the greater good, or the greater health of that body.
Also meditation doesn’t have to be something weird and unknown, or forbidden. I mean it’s just focussing on stillness, and peace and quiet, and learning the slowly building benefits those moments of stillness have on your mind. It just goes back to the whole we are all running around busy doing all this stuff that we have to do. And yeah of course you gotta get it all done, but you can spare five minutes just to stop and breathe and smell the roses cant you? Just to take a moment to appreciate the fact that you are breathing and continue to breathe.
And also in respect to my sensitivies, there are times when it is appropriate for me to use these, and times when it is inappropriate. I haven’t quite learnt how to control these things yet, but I am learning, slowly. In the mean time please don’t dump me in the deep end and expect me to swim, just go about your business as usual, and I can conduct business as usual too. I’m not saying I don’t appreciate any support given, I’m just saying it can be a little overwhelming sometimes.
Oh and on the point of being overwhelmed, some people may have it in their heads that I am fearless. Ah well see I have perfected the art of seeming fearless, seeming peaceful, even seeming normal, but think about a duck floating on the surface serenely, paddling away furiously with its legs underneath the surface. Hmm yes well I’m a little bit like that. Not always, but usually.
Anyway, in response to the immense feeling that people are beginning to fight for what they believe is right, I think you are doing a good job, so well done, you deserve some good karma coming your way.
Oh and that reminds me, a certain male, he knows who he is, no his name does not start with m, rather it starts with d, he may not read this, but someone who knows him will, and will tell him, he tried to do what he thought was best this past weekend, and he got some immediate bad karma sent his way as an uncontrolled unintended result. I’m just telling you now, your intentions were good, but the act was unnecessary because I always feel the full blow of my karma one way or another, so you needn’t have worried about it : )
So just quickly don’t forget to be loving, be forgiving, believe in friendship, and accept all the beauty that you have in your life, because regardless of who you are, there is always beauty in life, become familiar with it and you may just be on the path to steady happiness, rather than immediate happiness which is not long lasting.
So I hope you all have a good day, and continue to fight and believe for/in the truth and the good path. Never give up!
All the best in every way
Britta
Ps. Don’t expect these things I write to be regular again cause I’m not really sure I have much more to say about anything. I think it’s all been said.

echoes, repeats, reminders

2012-03-28T16:31:00.002+11:00

Ok so I’ve done a little thinking, I’ve been listening to some smart people, and I feel like my brain has kinda been reactivated haha : )

Anyway I feel a lot like I’m repeating myself, but people forget, so I think it’s good to repeat and remind important messages.

I know for myself that my life so far has been amazing, already I have stepped on the soil of many different countries, already I have had the opportunities to learn from many different teachers, in different places, at different stages in my life. I have been extremely lucky, I have all my limbs, all my fingers, all of my brain, I am practically healthy and fit, and I have been gifted with an extroadinary set of genes. I’ve been lucky enough to have amazing influences on my personality all throughout my life, and I should remember this every day. I am lucky to have this day, this time to continue breathing, speaking, writing, loving, learning, enjoying, and living. I am lucky and so are you.

You may think “oh but I have all of these problems”, and oh how we people love to compare our problems, whoever has the worst wins! What a lovely conversation? What a lovely use of words, time, breath? Something my mother has introduced to me, through Buddhism, if you are going to speak make it something worthwhile, avoid divisive speech that might cause an argument, or the ending of a friendship or relationship for others and yourself, avoid negative speech such as complaining, gossiping, and avoid speech at all unless it is necessary such as a teaching, or instruction. When you think about it, consider how many words, sentences, phrases, you speak each day? Think how many negative things you say, and then how many positive. Aim to make the positive speech win big time, over the negative. Praise people, give compliments for free without any cause whatsoever, if you are going to aim to criticize think about what you are saying, think about the situation from the other person’s perspective, basically just think before you speak. I am really not very good at this at this point in time, but I am learning gradually.

Sometimes however there are times in your life that are truly, awfully, difficult to deal with. During these times it is quite natural for people to back themselves into an emotional corner where they cannot get out, cannot get better, where things can’t change. For these people it is difficult to reach out for help, difficult to reach out at all for anything. For these people always know, always remember you are not alone, you are never alone, there are billions of other people out there sharing your pain, sharing in your suffering, and just like you they want happiness, they want freedom from suffering. Take the time you need to cry, to move through these tough times, do things that you find nurturing, such as going for walks in nature, reading a good book, learning to do something new, knitting or perhaps crochet, going for a bike ride whether on a push bike or a motorbike, maybe go on a little holiday, treat yourself to a bubble bath, or a massage, eat some food that you loved as a child, or keep in touch with old friends from childhood, or just old friends in general. Your life won’t improve at the snap of your fingers, but if you can change your thinking from “oh this is awful, and there’s no way out” to “this is awful, this has happened, I accept this, however I am aware of all the opportunities that have been opened up before me due to whatever has happened, I can see a path forward”. Sometimes writing things down can help, a diary, or a letter to someone that you never send. Sometimes just spending time with loved ones who understand without the need to talk or dwell on it can help enormously. Other times sharing memories can help. If you are carrying a burden, share the load, ask for assistance, don’t do all the work yourself, there’s a reason for kids, for family, for friends, they are there to help, to support. Another way to help yourself out, is simply to help others. Because when you help others you are also helping yourself. By helping others you can actually improve your health, and your wellbeing. So get into volunteering, join a leisure group, do something for others, maybe even people in your own circle. The little things always make the biggest difference, in your own and others lives. So never give up on yourself, or others, never be daunted by how big a problem is, because it’s the little things that help, always remember that.

One thing that I have been hearing over and over lately is how good meditation really is. Essentially meditation is just training the mind to relax, relax the entire body, and the mind follows. Then as you become more and more relaxed try to focus on one object. For some it is easier to focus on an actual object such as a candle, a painting or picture, a view, a photograph, a bowl of water, or a plant, whatever it may be, pick your object and try to focus wholly and entirely on this object. The most common object is your own breathing. And as you find your mind drifting off into life’s worries and issues, into the past and the future, just gently, patiently bring the mind back to your object. Sometimes it helps to focus on what muscles you use to breathe, to imagine the breath going in and out of your body, sometimes counting the breath also helps. As you begin to improve, as your mind reacts to this training, you see benefits in other areas of your life. You feel yourself relaxing more with things that happen. You feel a certain deep acceptance of the nature of life, nothing is permanent, and there is nothing in this world that will always stay the same, so just relax and accept the change, expect it, come to know it well. Your friends and family will notice you become more positive, less likely to engage in or cause conflict, your anger and attachment to worldly things decreases and becomes less. Sometimes exercising can have a similar effect on the mind swimming laps, jogging, working out, juggling, balancing, skipping like boxers do, training certain skills repeatedly can be meditative too, even things like cooking. Even if you are not comfortable with meditating, just become familiar with relaxing your body and mind regularly however you wish to do that.

So just to recap, remember how lucky you are to have lived the life you live, and to continue to live such a life, appreciate every day, every breath. Remember there is always a way forward, always another door to open. Remember your loved ones, your friendships, nurture them and so nurture yourself. Aim to act, speak, and think only positively. Remember you are never alone, all humans suffer, all humans want happiness, it is a part of our lives here on earth. And last but not least never give up, not on yourself, not on anyone, or anything, because it is the little things that count.

I wish you all the best in every way

Britta Vandenberg

what do you think of the tattoo i want?

2012-02-20T12:34:00.000+11:00

I like the middle one with the circles in the centre the best :)
What do you think?

arco iris

2012-02-13T22:13:00.001+11:00

The boy watched the rise of the full moon across the little river, deep in the forest behind his home. He always loved watching the moon on the water, and the way the air turned silver under its light. It brought on a calm
unmatched by any other, a clear form of thought that wove its way into his being. He started out of his reverie at
the sound of a tiny twig snapping. His eyes roved over the trees by the river, searching for the source. He glimpsed the dark reddish-brown of a fox-tail for a second, before it slunk away. He blinked, for a second he
thought he'd seen a shimmering rainbow flow through the bushes, but on a second glance there was nothing
there. He thought his mind must be playing tricks on him.

      Back in his house, sitting in the kitchen the boy spoke of what he thought he might have seen, to his mother. She snorted, telling him "don't be ridiculous, my dear boy, there's nothing of the sort in our forest". He finished his
dinner and went to bed without another word about it. That night his dreams were filled with rainbow coloured
moons, and red-brown coloured skies. He woke confused and bedazzled all in one.

      He spoke about it again to his father at breakfast, and his father said, irritated "I would shoot one, as soon as I
saw one, m'boy! Eating our chickens, and what not". His mother rushed him off to school, bustling about his
packed lunch, making sure his uniform was clean.

      At school his thoughts were not on the calculus, or the english novel they were reading "1984", in his first two classes. Neither were they on his mates discussions during recess. By lunchtime his best mate Markus asked
him what was up. He felt somehow ashamed at the lie he told about his mother being sick, he felt that Markus would turn the events of last night into a joke, and he would do anything to avoid that. Markus remarked "I
thought you mgiht be in love, mate" and he smirked. The rest of the day passed quite slowly. The boy thought of all the memories of the forest where he and Markus had hung about countless times. Never before had he seen
anything so beautiful. He thought maybe he was in love, but it made him feel stupid, how could anybody love a
glimpse of something in the dark?

The days and weeks passed, as the boy went to school, kept his grades up for his mother, helped his dad set the traps around their property, and generally watched time slide past. That glimpse of ethereal beauty slipped his mind, until one night when the moon was out again, and all was calm inside, he went for a walk through the forest. The trees were tall and silent as usual, and the wind whispered through the leaves. And then all at once, he came face to face wtih a pair of strikingly clear green eyes, and he couldn't pull his gaze away. The fox's eyes bled wisdom and beauty like the moon instilled calm. Her fur was such a deep red brown colour, she almost blended entirely with the trees, and night air around her. Then she vanished around the closest tree, and somehow in doing so her body turned into a water-like ripple of the brightest rainbow he'd ever seen. After the fox had left the boy stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to believe what he had just seen. It took some time
before he turned around to head back home. This time he resolved to tell no-one about what he'd seen, he
would sound crazy, and he didn't want that. Yet because he told no-one, his mind was so full of the experiences
he'd had, that nothing else seemed important. The boy began to forget his homework, forget to listen in class, or
to his mates at school. All that seemed important was planning his next trek out into the forest while the moon
was up. He began to live for the moments in the forest with the fox, his thoughts began to centre around
nothing else. You could say he was obsessed, or perhaps possessed. Who knew? He certainly didn't know what
was happening.

     The years passed and as the boy grew more and more attached to the encounters with the fox, so he began
to grow into a strong young man. His shoulders broadened, his voice deepened, and his muscles began to fill out.
However as he grew, he began to see less and less of the fox. And as the fox slowly began to dissappear from his
life, and the forest, the little boy's heart still lived within, aching for another sighting of the fox, if that was what
she was.

     It became expected of him to get a girlfriend, but no beauty in this world compared to waht he'd seen. He
went through girlfriend after girlfriend as he knew he should, but felt no true love for them. It was a lonely life.
He followed his father and became a carpenter.

     But then one day at the hairdresser, his eyes locked with those clear green eyes again, except this time they
were in the face of a woman. The new hairdresser. Her face was sharp, and her hair that same deep red-brown.
The boy almost couldn't speak, he couldn't believe it. Yet no one else at the hairdresser seemed to be aware of
her beauty. They treated her like any common hairdresser. As she cut his hair he watched the smooth ripple-like
movement of her hands, and listened to her deep voice, and her bark of laughter. He was enthralled, he'd found
her again!

     He asked around, to see if anyone knew any more about her than he did. No one seemed to know anything,
and no one seemed to care either.

     Next time he was due for a haircut he made sure the appointmet was as late as possible, and the rest of his
night was free. After she'd finished with his hair he paid. Somehow he managed to linger behind, talking to her
about his life and so on, until she was closing up shop. He walked out of the shop with her and asked if she'd like
to go for a walk with him. It was a clear night, with a full moon, and everything was going to plan. The man
wanted to see if this woman had the same rainbow magic as the fox had at night. While they walked he did his
best to find out about her background. But all his questions were met with unsatisfactory answers. She'd moved
around a lot, so ahd no home town, she kept no contact with any family, or friends, in short he came to the
conclusion that she was just as lonely as he. Then as she bade him goodnight and walked away, he noticed the
water-like shimmer of the rainbow between her slim fingers as she moved, and he shivered as a peculiar feeling
rushed through him.

     Again the man's life changed, he began forgetting all sorts of things, stopped listening properly to his friends,
or his parents, and once again he lived for the times he spent with the woman.

     After his sixth or seventh haircut they began dating, and he began to get to know her likes and dislikes, her
ups and downs, and she his. This time he was truly in love, and he would have done anything for the woman. She
loved the way he treated her, as no one else seemed to give her a second glance. His mother didn't much
approve, as she couldn't find any information on her background or her family at all. His father could see how
happy they were together and wasn't much fussed about anything else.

     The time soon came when they were to be married, and by then the man's mother had all but adopted the
woman as her long-wished for daughter. The bridesmaids, and the flower girls all of course came from his side of
the family, and the ceremony was to be a traditional one, inside a church, as his mother wished. The woman
managed to find a dress made of the most beautiful silk the man had ever seen. It seemed to be the closest
physical thing, except the woman herself, to the ripple-like rainbow of her movements. The day the family shared,
was one of the most joyous in the man's life. His parents were very proud.

     As the man and woman's life together passed, the closer they grew. They had children, and they watched
them grow up. They let them move out, and find their own lives to be lived. And through it all the man and
woman lived with grace. They shared their secrets lovingly, and their wisdom grew. The woman never lost her
clear green beauty, or her wisdom, and the man never lost his calm, as they endulged themselves from time to
time with a walk through the forest at night under a full moon.

Fin.

handy cupboard healthcare

2012-01-29T11:20:00.001+11:00

I've come across some really handy and natural health care tips that are tried and tested, and I thought it'd be nice to pass them on.
My favourites are:

50ml of olive oil heated up so it is lukewarm to the touch,
then rub the oil into your hair all the way from the roots to the tips, (into dry hair),
if you wish to even out the oil, pull a comb through the knots and it will even out the oil
simultaneously. After you are done twist your hair up in a towel and leave for 1/2 an hour,
it really doesn't matter how long you leave the oil in your hair, you can leave it in for hours if you
prefer. Next shower and shampoo your hair, twice, or even three times, just to make sure you get all
of the oil out, no need for conditioner, towel dry, and let dry naturally, and your hair turns out beautifully.

Put 1 tsp of bicarbonate soda into half a glass of water, wirl it around until the soda has dissolved,
then dip your toothbrush into the water, give it a swirl, and then proceed to brush your teeth, it tastes a bit salty, but not disgusting at all I promise! And it has the added benefit of getting rid of any stains on your teeth, whilst cleaning them too. Natural, cheap, effective!

If you've run out of moisturizer or you prefer something more natural, you can either use the pulp of an avocado or the avocado skin. Either way rub the skin/pulp against your face, or wherever you need moisturizing until it is all gone. I prefer using the skin on the face, and the pulp for the hands, or elbows, or knees etc. It works a charm, and there's no added nasty chemicals to react to!

As is well known Cleopatra used to bathe in warm milk almost daily, and this worked wonders for her skin. Today it has been proven that milk has cleansing properties, and also neutralizes the skin. Not only that but it works as a light moisturizer for normal skin, or any type of skin in my opinion. You can bathe in it, (I prefer milk that has gone out of date, works just as well, and you don't feel like you are wasting it!), or you can bring a little bowl of it into the bathroom and just wash your face with it. Your skin feels lovely and cool and refreshed afterwards.

Now there are plenty of other amazing tricks out there, and I'll put the links up here where I have learned these tricks, and there are plenty more for you to explore!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1NCYZe

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1W5dDt

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2K5e2e

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/26sr8i

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1Bfwlm

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1yX457

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1OdIvC

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2BCL4b

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/milk-kitchen-cupboard-beauty-tips.html

Have fun!

recommendations for good movies

2012-01-28T14:50:00.000+11:00

I've been doing quite a lot of 'movie watching' last year and this year, and I thought it might be nice to share some great movies up here :)
So here's my list, not in preferential order, simply a list.

Wall-E
The Gangs of New York
The Invisible
Crash
Precious
The Source Code
In Time
Cosi
Mystic River
Solaris
Zozo
Pans Labyrinth
Pursuit of Happyness
Green Mile
The Bucket List
Brother Bear
2012
The Social Network
Perfect Stranger
Tsotsi
The Brave One
The Pianist
The Piano
The Other Boleyn Girl
Dirty Dancing
Esther Blueburger
Goodwill Hunting
A Beautiful Mind
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Cowboy Bebop
Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
Laputa Castle in the Sky
Kiki's Delivery Service
Porco Rosso
Whisper of the Heart
Princess Monoke
Spirited Away
The Cat Returns
Howl's Moving Castle
Tales from Earthsea
Arriety
Grave of the Fireflies
Leon
En Karleks Historia (A Love Story-Swedish Film)
Lost In Translation
Ondskan (Evil-Swedish Film)
Hanna
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Oranges and Sunshine
Entrapment
300
Thor
Troy
The Bourne Supremacy films
Alice in Wonderland (old and new)
Sideways
No Country for Old Men
Moolade
Up
The Lives of Others
Schindlers List
L'Enfant (French Film)
Martian Child
Whip It
American Beauty
American History X

interesting symbolism

2012-01-26T11:18:00.002+11:00

Did you know that the Australian white cockatoo is one of the Aboriginal totems that aboriginal children are given during their childhood, or possibly at birth I'm unsure? I just wondered one day what the white cockatoo might symbolize because I am particularly fond of this bird, I for some reason had the impression that it is a chatterbox, just like me! Anyway the meaning behind the totem is "communication" so if I ever had an aboriginal totem I would love it to be the australian white cockatoo! If you wish to read more go here:
http://www.kuracca.com/creative.php?cat=2

Another interesting symbol that I was interested in was that behind the common crow or raven. I looked it up on google because I seemed to be seeing them everywhere. To be fair they are quite a common bird, however an interest grew in me. So I wished to challenge the common superstition that crows or ravens are bad or evil omens, and even connected to "witchcraft" in the mediaeval days. What I found was quite interesting. The crow or raven from one perspective can be a symbol of the sacred laws, or whatever you wish to call it, sort of like a moral policeman. Also that it is a power animal, and if we meditate on the crow and how it relates to ourselves we may find that we can see ourselves in a way that transcends one-dimensional thinking and the laws of nature. Also to appreciate the multiple dimensions of reality and our own identities, to trust our intuition and personal integrity. I found this to be highly interesting!
You can read more here:
http://www.shamanicjourney.com/article/6033/crow-power-animal-symbol-of-sacred-law-change

I've become interested in butterflies and their symbolism too :) They are such a beautiful animal, and I became curious if there was any symbolism connected to them. So once again I googled it, and this is what I found. Across many cultures the butterfly symbolizes the soul, and sometimes the departed soul. The process of metamorphosis in the butterfly and the connection to the soul can be explained to symbolize the theorized cycle that souls go through, life and death and so on. The ancient Greeks saw the way the butterfly flits from flower to flower constantly as symbolic of how the mind 'flits' from subject to subject never truly at rest. Also the butterfly goes through the biggest change in its life cycle, compared to any other animal around. This could be a symbol for how as humans our personalities, our ways of thinking go through enormous change throughout our lifetime, and that we should keep faith as we change. I found all of these explanations very intriguing.

If you'd like to find out more, just google it! :)
Have a lovely day!

where i'd rather be...

2012-01-16T11:33:00.000+11:00

here are some awesome photographs of places i'd rather be (again from stumble)

another yummo recipe from stumble

2012-01-16T11:09:00.001+11:00

This recipe is pretty sweet also I couldn't find it last time I was putting all the awesome recipes up, so here it is :)

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1GhjxQ

old poetry

2012-01-15T14:38:00.000+11:00

i am not sure how many poems there are, maybe 100 maybe 200, if you know the title of the poem already i am sure you can search it in the toolbar at the top of my blog, otherwise happy hunting.
Also, I only realized recently that ever since I started taking my medication, I have stopped writing, the last time I wrote a note that felt real was in February 2011, that's aaaaaages ago! The last time I wrote a poem was probably in 2010. I feel so.. different now, it seems unfair, I used to write in my maths books, on a receipt from the shops, on the backs of bus tickets, and train tickets, and aeroplane tickets, I used to write daily in my diary, I used to pour out words with ease, nowadays I don't write much, at all! It is a bit of a shock, maybe this blog will help renew my love of writing. Hopefully!

UNWRITTEN
the woman who bears
rings on her fingers
and bells on her toes

remains the apple
for many a male heart
with her e-ternal rose

the soul of the earth
shall be touched by her feet
every jack and jill be meet

the spot on her nose
shall help i suppose
to keep her roots intact

the clothes on her frame
shall always remain
comfortable, but nice

the things she shall own
will be always known
for being so or-din-ary

no one will steal
her clear sight away
not even the thorns in her mind

for she shall do
good shall become
and fun for everyone

ACHES and PAINS
I wanna hold your fingers
between my fingers
and tell you honestly
that I can't live without you

your my water
my air
my fire
and my earth

you feed my heart
the brightest of light
and its hard to go without

my heart aches
from the pit of my stomach
to be in your arms
loved and loving

i miss you.

STUFF
I miss you so bad.
Sometimes i get sad.

All i ask is respect
from people i trust
consider the effect
only say what you must

no one escapes hypocrisy in life
but don't be an ape
it only causes more strife

just please appreciate all that you've got
i don't just hang around for some joe blo
i try have a good shot
but my patience can go

just don't take me for granted
i'm not just a doll
i get disenchanted
but i let it roll

so do me a favour
take the whole package
its not so much labour
it may ease the voyage

GRATITUDE
To have one
who loves your you

priceless

To wear your love
like a shield of iron

empowering

To share everyhing
without effort
without boundary

cleansing

You are my soul
You are my life
You are my love

TRUTH

A tiger strikes
and roars
and snaps

a butterfly flitters
and lands
upon a flower

A jaguar sprints
and tears prey
to pieces

A gecko steps
with ligh feet
hiding from sigh

A wild cat purrs
with gentle pleasure
in the golden sun

A wildcat pounces
on a meal
and snaps it up

Dimensions of self
hidden
or shared
by choice

True wilderness
True melody

Listen
let it through
for the health
of your true heart

WISHES
You won’t let me in
I won’t let you in
I have changed
You have changed

But really ever child
lives on their own planet
And every person
has their own ocean of individuality
which needs an unexploitative explorer
And we thought we knew each other

I see the path of the moon on the sea
And I wish I could walk upon it
Holding your hand
I see the sunshine all around
And I wish I could bathe you in it

I hear a heart that sings
In my mind
But never aloud
Never spoken
And I wish that time was not so connected
To reality
And that bravery
would overcome uncertainty

SANCTUARY
there's a place
i feel safe
a feeling
that let's me heal
a mind that is quiet
and provides me with calm

but it seems that place
that feeling
that mind
was only once
and no more

that person
that simplicity
seems gone
and irretrievable

[insert title]
Rain washes the windows
tears wash my face

lightning tears the sky in two
loss tears my self in two

appreciation, strength
like a puffer fish puffed up
at the end of the day
found dead
washed ashore

hope is impossible
strength lies next to taunts
I have lost my core
and I can't stand living
with the fake replacement
inside me

HÖRNE
Djupt, så djupt
var finns det jag tappat?
Inom mitt eget smuligt hjärta?
Inom ett vackert foto tagit just nu?
eller inom en annans hjärta?
Inom en annans själ?
omöjligt att leva förutom
omöjligt att hitta tillbaka
så jag fortsätter leta
kanske jag hittar något
i ett litet hörne jag glömt
inom mig själv

DIRECTIONS
I've lost myself
I've lost my way

Empty
blank
boring
dull
listless
grey
endlessly grey

It seems
there's only one solution
one step to returning to my
self

But that step
even the notion of that step
impossible
absolutely

I realize
I have resigned
to letting go
of the self lost
that girl can never be regained

Forever
only a half
only a shadow
of the cirlce
of light
we shared

We both know
how hard it is
to live outside
the circle

outside

I am not
anyone's love
I have betrayed
the utmost
in myself

I have transgressed
the deepest of boundaries
I seem to have walked into oblivion
and am blinded
as to my return

I have lost my self
and the only person
who knows that self
and could help me find it

I will most probably
never meet

[insert title]
Losing what you never wanted to lose
Gaining what you never wanted to gain

Time is lost like dry sand
through your hand

Life moves on at a terrifying pace
so much goes to waste

But you learn not to care
You learn to die a little

Cause that's the only way
To get through

INSTINCT
fly like a sparrow
swim like a seal

run like a jaguar
fight like a lion

leap like a doe
sing like a nightingale

use your freedom
while you've got it
cause not everybody
is free

AUTUMN
a little girl
under a tree
with no eyes
no water
no sadness
the leaves fall
all around her
a rainfall of leaves
it's autumn
well and truly

H20
a river
the deepest river
it flows
and flows
moves along
the water never stops
the deepest river
swelling and flooding
the sun upon it
sparkles
it's beautiful
but the water
nonetheless
is still water
still deep
still flowing.

SKIN
the skin on the drum
is tightly strung
the hands on the skin
unrightly flung

the message that follows
unexplicably complex

clouds form
and dissapate

caterpillars are born
butterflies result

but how?
how?
how?

SIMPLICITY
birds make a nest
and lay some eggs
the eggs crack
and out come some babies
the baby bird learns to fly
and hunt
and eat
the baby bird learns to squawk
and talk and sing
such a beautifully simple
and free life
why can't human's fly?
maybe cos then we'd mess the sky up
just like we did the rest of the world

SHORT BUT SWEET
A dragonfly lives a short life
but a sweet one
they fly many places
explore many things
they know better than we
the importance of action
and at times lack of thought
the need for spectacular failure
when looking for success
sometimes not getting what you want
can be the most wonderful stroke of luck
so look for luck and you may find some
look for bad luck and you most certainly will find some :)

EXCUSES FOR DISORGANISATION
We have shelves for books
wardrobes for clothes
shoeracks for shoes
and hatstands for hats

We have coathangers for dresses
photoframes for photographs
computer desks for computers
and desklights for desks

We have pillowcases for pillows
jewellery stands for jewellery
hallway rugs for hallways
and diamond rings for ring fingers

But what about a shelf for memories?
a box for love?
a balloon for happiness?
and a candle for freedom?

What about a teacup of friendship?
a jigsaw puzzle of respect?
a pond of peace?
and a locket of silence?

What about a cubby of families?
a wall of idols?
a lily of innocence?
and a mudslide of maturity?

losing your things
is life's way of telling you
your things aren't important
it's the nothings that are

WATCHING THE CLOCK TICK
Buy a watch
you lose it
buy a clock
it breaks
receive a chainwatch
it stops

Why such a need for time?
why the need for precise minute hands?
why not watch the sun in the sky?
why not forget the time and have fun?
why not?

Because it's scary for most
to let go of surrounding needs, and routines
chores and errands, all the clutter of life
which only serves, to hold you down
forget the time, every once in awhile
it's healthy :)

CIRULAR MOTION
The circle of life is love
The circle of love is light
The circle of light is pure
The circle of purity is bottomless
circles never end :)

PLAIT ... or TAPESTRY.. ?
Life weaves in and out of boring
People weave in and out of love
Friends weave in and out of touch
Families weave in and out of stable
Time weaves in and out of life
The plait of everything is wide
but after all isn't everything nothing?
it is only a plait
after all :)

CREATION
Buying a present
and giving it away

hugging friend
and sharing a wide smile

planting a seed
and helping it grow

taking a photo
and sharing it with others

sharing a life
and making another

creation is beauty

FIBRES
soaked through from the rain
singing and dancing without strain

feet barely touch the ground
running and flying, for a second in one bound

a walnut smile all the way through your eyes
given to a stranger to share your happy fires

feeling heavy and weighed down, by life, by time

and watching the sun light up an ordinary thing
or the smell of rain and trees and flowers

dancing and spinning and singing and laughing
and letting go of every single thing that ties you down

taking a chance just cause your curious
and its fun not knowing exactly what might happen

that is real appreciation
for what life has to give

SEGMENT
my heart is the river
my heart is these hills
you will never change
i will never change
and i never will

i don't get what i wrote??? weird. but i'll try finish it anyway.....

my memories stay
my memories replay
the past doesn't change
everything else does
but nothing ever ends

LONG
it feels wrong.
do you know why?
i hear a beautiful song
and it makes me cry

you are too far from me
to meet you is all i need
can't you see
i don't want to read

i just want to touch
is that too much
to ask of you?
even though it's new?
I miss U.

SPACE
Each and Every human
holds a place inside
a place for themselves only

when this space is shared
it grows
when it is tested
it holds
but life wears it down
just like water wears down a stone

my space?
sometimes feels like

the ozone layer

whatever is beneath the bark of a tree

the space around the leaves in the crown of a tree when the wind blows through

the force of a waterfall

the sunshine making Anything look beautiful

the moonshine making Anything look magical

whatever children think sleep under their bed at night

a stone:old,steady,difficult to destroy

how a joey feels inside its mothers pouch

an eagle soaring

a whale coming up for air

a jaguar sitting in an enclosed area at werribee zoo

a baby girl's giggle

a young boys satisfaction eating chocolate cake

a woman singing in the traditional nth-sweden style...jojkning :)

SLOW
Don't u know???
All i want
is for you to like
me
to tell
me

just show me
who you are
don't Be anyone
cause you
already Are
someone

you
are
You

it is so goddamn
easy
but you make it
so hard
just tell me
ask me
i won't be scary
i promise
:)

WITHOUT DEATH LIFE WOULD NOT BE PRECIOUS
We could have been it all
but you see yourself as too tall

you were willing to take a chance
and join in my alluring dance

but what you've done
cannot ever be changed
unless you start to run
and become deranged.

I have turned from you
and have another in mind
I don't waste time being blue
life's too short for being so blind

Time shall never be wasted
unless it is necessary
life should always be Fully tasted
with nothing to bury.

the wind blows
through all your worries
the moon's face watches
and feels your pain
the ocean lulls
away your loneliness
the sun kisses your face
and lights up your heart
trees hold you carefully
their leaves fluttering through you
like a waterfall
these things exist eternally
and can always be depended upon.

found this, wrote it aaaaaages ago lol. feels like i didn't write it. when i read it it feels like someone else wrote it. Very strange! neways lol:

EMPTY.
I am:
full of life
laughter
love
hugs and kisses

full of:
talk
fire
belief
in nothing much

full of:
so much
but oh so empty
all but touch
it just can't be
when you're to leave

Don't be sad if i turn to another
it will happen pretty quickly

that's the way i work
it's the way i run
full up to the brim
why waste so much fun?

A POEM WRITTEN SUCH A LONG TIME AGO THAT IT FEELS LIKE I DIDN'T WRITE IT! XD
I want to know anothers mind
as I know my own
I want to learn anothers body
as I know my own
I want to laugh and love and touch
I want to give and care
and share.
I want to grow
through someone else's eyes
and see another grow through mine own.
I want too much.

'AAA'
to keep us apart
is to part the ocean
to bring us together
lights a dangerous fire

you watch me.
I watch you.
we cannot stop staring.
It's love you see :)

THINGS I NEED
A ball thrown up
falls down
A key pressed
will make a sound
A word said
might let things be found
Anger passed on
Vented on another
Tears flow free
When it comes from your mother

Emotions shift like the sea
never the same
at least not with me
and not ever a game

I want to run away
from school
from my parents
but I love them all
far too much
without them
I would not be me
I would not survive
So why do I want go?
I want freedom
from everything
from all needs

I want wide open spaces
so I can move like lightning
I want the wind
to blow away my worries
I want the sea
to lull away my fears
I want the moon
to shine light on my way
I want the sun
to shine on my face
and make me feel
sunkissed.

TWO
We touch
drawback
like two doves
in love
glide freely
yet together
not steely
not at tether

If we touched
fire would burn
oh so much
we have to learn.

My soul lies in yours
we breathe in unison
without you I might die
and all I'd do is cry.

We are a flame
both blue and red
invisible
visible
We burn
endlessly.

KNOWING
Such anger
such passion
such a heart
such questions
to get to know you
if that happens
would be Verry interesting.

MIRROR
Pure
simple
hidden
protected
limited
access
you are
a mirror
of me
sometimes.

WANTS
My heart beats
my mouth opens
as if to yell and scream
but there's no sound
in my eyes tears pool up
and spill silently

I need to share warmth
and intimacy
I need to tell you
so much
I need to feel you
I need to know you
I need to kiss you
I only want
you.

UNIVERSAL
My tears come from
a bottomless well
you evoke the utmost
in me

I need to be one with
you
I need to breathe you
enfold you
I cannot ever forget
you

This feels eternal
universal
as if it might affect
humankind

It goes right through me
right into my
inner self.

How can I hide it?
But I must force it
down
So you don't get scared
by my intensity.

ICE
I have a place
deep inside
it is hard
pure strength
chiseled
practiced
I am using it
now.
To think, learn, live
and survive.
I know I will be fine.

STOP, DROP and THINK
My gut
flutters
flips
swells
and then
is numb.
nothing left
push
it
down.
stop the thoughts.
stay to facts.
reality.

RUNNING ON
I broke the link
and set myself free
I feel better
less worry
less stress
getting back my
physical.
mental.
health.
I
feel
reborn.
restrengthened.
revitalized.

HOPE
You are like a tree
without leaves
like a waterfall
without sound
like a soul
without company

I give you company
but you tell me 'no thanks'
it's not fun
to keep on like this

I'm all about hope
you're all about hopelessness
You've got to open up
Before I will open up
more than I already have

KAPISH?
Before you brand me
you must understand me
which is no easy feat

understand all of me
and my heart is
wide open

to let you in
where no one else can come
except for my family.

STOP TRYING
You push
and shove
try force me
into your glove

believe me
that will never work
I won't change see
you're just one mighty irk

WAIT
I've been shredded
and torn
broken
and shattered

in pieces
completely whole

laughing outright
shedding tears

oh so sure
oh so uncertain

i've fought hard
and given up

i'm exhausted
but energetic

i need to know now
but can wait till you know too.

SURVIVAL
I can't survive
without breathing
and that's the only thing
you don't give me
air.

Let me think
and move
freely.
Let me speak
and laugh
freely

and you will find yourself
falling
so deep
you won't
believe it.

CLEAN CUT
It really is simple
to stop
drop
and leave

might sound like a lie
but i've perfected the art
of getting over things

in actual fact
I'm already
entirely
over
you.

i'm doing another top ten

1.THE CONCRETE ISN'T SET
Trembling
like a leaf

that could drift away
any time

that could fall from the tree
any day

but it's not autumn
yet

2.
LIFE
Human life

is beautiful
and tragic

time the only rule
love the only magic

3.
AMAZING
Climb Mt Everest
Climb a Coast Redwood tree
Abseil the steepest rockface
Sprint faster than the speed of light
Sail the choppiest ocean straits
Walk the darkest part of the amazon
Survive the Sahara desert
Stare into the eyes of the sun

All are achievements
of which to be proud
but love is more
love.
is.
life.

4.
UNSPOKEN
I was in waist deep
your toes were just getting wet
We both can't sleep
Though we still haven't met

I pulled in the reigns
You went all mute
Its like waiting for trains
Except there's no time to suit

Far apart
somehow friends
When will this start?
Hope it never ends.

5.
JUST DO
Leap and the net will appear.
Look take no photo and the memory will stay.
Say don't think and crazy stuff will happen.
Sprint, dance, laugh, jump.
Cross the line
and you might just get lucky.

6.STRENGTH TO THE CORE
hold your back upright
keep your eyes straight ahead
even if you lose the fight
there's always more to thread

sing your own song
do your own thing
someone will come along
and make your heart sing

no matter how hard it gets
or how far down you go
live without regrets
and just let the wind blow

7.THE SURGE
my blood pumps
it runs through me
i feel life
surging through me
such a power
life is

power equals
responsibility
do not use it amiss

8.
UNTITLED...

time moves on
people will be gone

open hearts left behind
am i supposed to not mind?

cos it won't work
this can't be controlled
it's not like clockwork
when things are left untold.

9.
PASSING BY
past.
present.
future.
end.

childhood.
adolescence.
adulthood.
reality.

freedom.
learning.
responsibility.
teaching.

crawling.
skipping.
running.
sitting.

cherished.
rebelling.
establishing.
accepting.

new.
fresh.
stretched.
overused.

facts.
of.
life.

10.
WOULD YOU?

if i was a t-shirt
would you wear me?

if i was a piece of cake
would you eat me?

if i was a nice cool drink
would you drink me?

if i was a shopping bag
would you use me?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

if i was a photograph
would u look at me?

if i was a telephone
would you ring me?

if i was a microphone
would you sing for me?

if i was a piano
would you play me?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

if i was a punching bag
would you punch me?

if i was a piece of ice
would you crush me?

if i was a curious cat
would you kill me?

if i was a snake
would you enchant me?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

if i was a memory
would you cherish me?

if i was a puppy
would you keep me safe?

if i was a radio
would you listen?

if i was a seedling
would you give me love?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

CRAZINESS
If we could know the future?
what would it be like?
If we could read each others minds?
what would it be like?
This world would disappear
No one would
speak
there'd be no need
No one would
do
anything
Because they'd already know
the consequence
and would fear it.
The opposite of chaos
would reign.
Silence.
Stillness.
Craziness!
It would not work.
And I'm glad of that.

REAL
Your ice cold
like a sculpture.
Silent.
Still.
Watching things happen.
Detached.
Emotionless.
It doesn't make sense.
This is a lie.
Or maybe there is reason
for why I cry.

Empty.
Blank.
Cruel.
I don't know why.

I can guess
but u leave me
unsure.

U leave me at the mercy
of time.
And time never lets up.
I could kill u,
that, or instill in u
understanding.

But maybe it's all
forgotten.
Erased, gone, nothing.

So why write at all?
Why care?
For the sake of pain?

Cause no one can change
Time.
Reality.
Those buckets get filled.
Nothing can be done.
And I hate
that.

LIKE
Your a rainbow
on the horizon
and I'm still searching
for the pot of gold.

Your an ice sculpture
beside the feast
I don't know how to sculpt
and you won't let me eat.

Your a piano
not up for sale.
I can play
but not the right song.

I've got my heart
stuck in the cookie jar.
You've got yourself
back home.

So who's upset?
Not me
and obviously
not you.

Echoes
and silence
tell nothing
but lies.

Patience
is much harder
than difficult.

Grace
well what for?

You.
Tell.
Me.

FRIENDS
Its over
that was the last time
I won't say it again

I'm moving on
you'll be surprized
how fast I can

I've met nice people
since you left
who knows?

I cannot go on
without love
now that I know

I seem to breathe it
now without it
I'm choking

Not really
but you get the drift
so that's it.

just friends
from now on.

YOU
I dream of travel
but will my life then unravel?
will it be ok?
I just want you to say
tell me, just once
and don't be a dunce

Will you wait?
will you walk straight?
I don't want to lose you
because then I'll truly be blue

Please make this last
don't let this sit in the past
please, just please
tell me

FRUSTRATED
Tangled and confused
it makes me feel bemused

what do I do now?
which way do I turn?
I'm not really sure how
and if I will get a burn

let sleeping dogs lie
make nobody cry

careful, you've got to be
when you can so plainly see
the centre of things
in all places but one

strong walls keep you from me
there's no time to try and climb
wish you would try and see
at least let me try and sublime

but no is the final answer
i know you're just trying to protect
its not helping me out at all
no rather it feels like neglect
although in truth I realize
that I cannot idealize

must turn another way
but where to go from here?
don't really know what to say
at a loss, nothing seems clear

know what I want
yet know it can't be
its all one big taunt
with you way out past the sea

FÖR DIG ''aaaaa''

Jag äskar dig
som havets djup.
Jag vill ge dig
allt jag har.
Men du åker hem
och det kan ej ändras.
Jag önskar så mycket
att vi kunde bli
precis allting
som någon kan bli.
Jag älskar dig.

translation: much is lost
in this translation I feel, but oh well:

FOR YOU ''aaaaa''

My love for you
reaches the ocean's depths
I want to give you
everything I have to give.
But you're flying home
which can't ever be changed.
I wish so much
that you could stay.
I wish so much
that we could become
absolutely everything
that someone can become.
I love you.

ABSOLUTELY TAKEN
I feel like I'm so taken
can't tell if I'm mistaken
I'll be abandoned in a week
before it gets to reach its peak

how morose I will become
I will always want more than just some
it is all so very awful
and feels entirely unlawful*

I'll hope and hope
in the process, become the pope
I'll wait and wait
and resist all other bait

I'll see you again
after I visit the Big Ben
we can whip around Europe
and in Holland we'll pick a tulip

my bloodline is long
my list of countries too
hope that nothing goes wrong
before coming back to meet you

*unlawful=reference to 'Honour' the play by joanna-murray smith :)

A SELF-CENTRED WELL

Are you swimming upstream?
In ocean's of blue?
Do you feel like you're sinking?

No one can buy
true love in their life
we all need someone
on standby

And there's just no way
that I can fight these emotions
your energy running through me
nobody can renew me like you

And I've tried cutting the ropes,
I let you go
but you're still the only one that feels like home

Just lookin' for shelter
from cold and the pain

echoes and silence
patience and grace
all of these moments
I'll never replace

Sometimes I just wanna hide
'cause its you I miss
it's so hard to say goodbye
when it comes to this

I swam across
I jumped across for you
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Cos you were all yellow

Don't you ever wish for
just one thing that you might never see
Don't you ever wish for
just one thing that you might never know
You might never know

You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

Cash money,
ain't got no use for you
unless you can buy me true love
And it's funny,
how many times they've proved
that the only true fortune you can save
is the truth

Artists....I prefer calling them poets:
Delta Goodrem
Missy Higgins
Foo Fighters
Christina Aguilera
Coldplay
Sarah Blasko
U2
The Beautiful Girls

'Aaaaa'
for you.

I'm missing you
and you haven't even left
I think of all you do
and I can't bear to become bereft

your funny stories
your questioning comments
all the beautiful glories
letting me put in my two cents

the music
the soccer
all the wondrous talk
I can't bear to let you go
to fly away
from me

BLINK and MISS
leaves fall
they touch the earth
people live
from death to birth

memories run
far far away
into the sun
to keep time at bay

say I love you
every day
to all who you do
so they know, anyway

speak your mind
surprize yourself
relax and unwind
keep love off the shelf

*inspired by the notebook*

PRECIOUS weird thing
a small life
within
how precious
a thing

still strange
it must be
to carry
a mini-me

imagine
a thing
inside
your belly

growing
and growing
even whilst
you watch telly

painful
and scary
it probably
is

unless treated
like a fairy
then it'd be
a bit of a buzz

TOP 10:
JAIL FLAT

Zoned out
dead flat
a little pout
is where i'm at

stuff this
i wanna fast forward
exams i'll miss
and the circus is onward

i make the effort
n feel like miss muffet
yet if i neglect
i'll despise the effect

a jailbird i am
of obligations and musts
sometimes i go bam
and nobody i trust

i need to shape up
but where does that come from?
i'm a bit like a pup
overly sleepy
an enthusiasm bomb

REWARD

patience
in life
is difficult
to learn
easy to fulfill
within everyday
but something to earn
in the long term
you wait
and wait
and learn to tolerate
but where's the reward
with whom i'd go abroad

PROFOUND...?

words of power
touch through time
people of power
brighten through life
the way to find them
is to look where you stumble
and if you're in luck
you may just learn
to live all of life
and appreciate the small
to let go of worry
and open your mind
to watch with wonder
while the world turns over
because it only happens once
the rest is unknown

MOVEMENT

sliding through your fingers
falling from your stomach
time tricks you when it lingers
and bores you when it gets stuck

watching without moving
walking without thinking

time moves over us all
and we all forget to care

a raindrop in a waterfall
its enclosed but still connected
our lives sometimes they feel so small
we're so caught up and still so blind

watching without moving
walking without thinking

time moves over us all
and we all forget to care

we waste so much without a thought
what will be, when we grow old
its time we do all that we ought
cos rebels always crop up bold

watching without moving
walking without thinking

time moves over us all
and we all forget to care

THOUGHT PATTERN

touch
and go
speak
and laugh
draw
and change
look
and avert
decide
and pause
do
and forget
promise
and fulfill

SURE

Ballooning above the city
skating above the stream
learning while walking
pausing while swimming
white teeth
a windy day
springy toes
a glint of mischief
why not?
go ahead
go flying above ice
go swimming below a balloon
do it now while you can
because if a year is quick today
tomorrow it will be quicker
so blind the world with your white teeth
irritate people with your springy toes
do it enough and you may just find
someone who loves it
never wanting you to stop.

ABANDONED UNFINISHED AND UNTITLED POEM

my heart is the river
my heart is these hills
you will never change
i will never change
and i never will

THOSE PEOPLE, DESSA MÄNNISKOR

i'm swirling
i'm twirling
i'm watching the clouds float
i'm humming
and singing
and hearing the off notes
the sun
and the sky
can be seen by anyone
its amazing
connections
can so simply come undone
i miss them
i miss that
yet know that i can't have
i have lots
yet want lots
its so incredibly stupid
i'm looking
not finding
it's driving
me crazy
yet what do
i want to find
not even that
do i know
i just have to wait
and listen
and watch
and maybe
a something
will come
or will happen
maybe life will happen
or maybe i just can't
accept that life's boring
sometimes
att livet är tråkigt
ibland

FREEDOM

sweet and fresh
bursting alive
alive and free
its so fun to be just me

no restrictions
everything's allowed
i'm in charge
and i make the rules
i can be oh so large
or an absolute complete fool
i can laugh at myself
and not have to put anything on a shelf
i can eat toasties for dinner
and leftovers for lunch
and oh what a bunch
of people i can be

bursting with freedom
and floating in laziness
making noise so uncarelessly
not caring who hears
dancing with enthusiasm
along to whatever i want

it's fun
I really must say
but i'll get sick of it
and have a bad day
all things good have an end
and eventually I'll need a friend
But I can wait
I'll survive until then
on all things good like freedom

HUMANITY

a sunshower
a look of horror on someones face unbelieving of the violence, death and destruction
yet that someone's capacity to create that which is so horrifying

a camera run out of batteries
before a picture perfect scene

a smile, a laugh, a hug being left till it's too late
and the hesitation that caused it

a computer keyboard
next to a calligraphy brush

the meanings in a single word
left to interpretation

translations destructive influence
giving new life to the words through others

the translation of interpretation between people and animals

the enormous power of eyes
a look, of hatred, fury, destruction simultaneously being a look of amour, confusion, care
and of somebody scared and upset

what is it all in the end?
humanity.

WISHING, WANTING

i lost a friend
he had no end
to friendly smiles
and flirty whiles
his hands were strong
across my back
and how i long
for their attack
on my sore back
only one hug
it was so snug
that voice those eyes
that wide wide smile
all they do is tantalize
of something past
of something lost
oh how i wish
oh how i wish

HOLEY

it's holey i swear
there's two big gaping tears
one from moral objection
the other random rejection
is my heart so despisable?
cos it's definitely not recycable
the holes are growing
the pain isn't slowing
why does no one tell you
what to do in times like these?

TIMES PASSED, LESSONS LEARNT (number 10)

a year of change
like never before
a change of tongues
a change of shore

a change of heart
and smile and touch
a year of change
a year of much

a shedding of hair
a shedding of friends
an old school fair
forgotten to no end

a change of circle
a change of zone
many things lost
and many things thrown

a birthday seen a birthday past
with presents of
the non-physical type

a cat discovered
then hidden away
a horse that shivered
and neighed in dismay

a foal caught, unaware
in all her flare
a foal left behind
with much despair

a new language learnt
or so to speak
a sunburn well earnt
and a dance with a geek

balls attended
ballet to see
feelings upended
a girl set free

letters sent
and letters received
words well meant
though causing 2 aggrieved

as has been written
a year of change
as has been written
a year of much
will it end
oh surely it will
though will it do
what all want it to do?

a man voted out
and two voted in
one is about
the change on the wind
the other is all
apology eyes
yet how do we know
that he really is wise?

we shall have to wait
we will come to see
them create fate
for you and me

LYRICS

I live by the river
in a yellow submarine

it's a beautiful day
when she moves in mysterious ways

suddenly I see
truth truth everywhere

little darling its been a long cold lonely winter
in my own time i'll find romance

money money money its a rich mans world
slow down everybody you're moving too fast

scar tissue that i wish you saw
we are beautiful in every single way

where'd you go? i miss you so, (Z)
you broke my heart for the first time. (Z)

i'm not acting like myself
i've been cheated by you since i don't know when

i know exactly why
say goodbye to all of these ghosts in your head

he tried to blunt me so i'd fit
cos i'm a little bit tired of feeling like i'd be the bad fruit nobody buys

as a new door opens you close the ones behind
then you'll find the strength that will guide your way

Artists:
The Clash,
beatles,
U2,
KT tunstall,
sarah blasko,
delta goodrem,
abba,
jack johnson,
red hot chilli peppers,
maia hirasawa,
missy higgins,
christina aguilera

CYCLES

If someone has a problem
they either pass it on
to another friend
or they cause another problem

if you meet a problem
don't cry,hit or shy
absorb it
then let it go

but best of all
don't pass it on

if someone meets kindness
they can pass it on
without a thought
or rear back in shock
in total disarray

people are different
but essentially the same

when you meet kindness
pass it on
and mean it
what will happen is unknown
but rest assured
it won't be bad

TRUTH

intentions
point blank words
actions
meanings
do not twist them
beware
the trouble caused
is not a fun fair
you cannot always be right
sometimes you're in the wrong
acceptance shows maturity
truth shows honesty
but most importantly
integrity

COMPLICATIONS

the struggles we meet
should never be ignored
instead they're challenge
we can beat without revenge
there's always the side alley
if you wish to escape
the crash on the highway
although don't keep a tally
cause that will only cause dismay

STORIES TO TELL

I'm a book
full of stories
and characters
many with a good heart
the only person missing
is the sweetest heart
when will i know?
how will i know?
and why can't i know now?

random untitled thing....
I often do, what I hate in others
I'm a horrible hypocrite

CONCLUDING

where's the end?
we seem to just pretend
i wanna berate
and set things straight
i wanna live my life
without all your strife
but i need to find the courage
to get across this message
i don't need ''BIG BROTHER''
i want that to go No further
i am by No means a threat
to my own safety
i have Never been an oven
and wouldn't Ever discard a bun
whispers created
by strangers, go wild
i turned 16
had a ball of a year
turning 12 was
far harder i fear
didn't read myspace
tho understood the disgrace
all people are good
they just need to be understood
so worry or concern
need not exist
I Am Fine
and will Always Be So

INOM MIG
jag glömmer aldrig
ditt leende
dina skämt
dina magiska händer
din varma kram
den sista träslöjdsklassen
ditt flyrtiga sätt
dina snälla
intelligenta ögon
ditt intresse för musik
och sport.
du finns alltid inom mig
men bara som ett minne
förlåt.

NEVER AGAIN

i miss it
so much
it hurts
sO bad
why can't I learn to fly?
then half-way round the world,
wouldn't seem so far
so impossible
so unreachable

vem vet?
inte du
vem vet?
inte jag
vi vet ingenting nu
vi vet inget idag
Lisa Ekdahl

who knows?
not you
who knows?
not I
we know nothing right now
we know nothing today
translation-me
....maybe some day
I will fly

a poem inspired by the book "The adoration of Jenna Fox"

ME.

What is me?

is me my name?
my date of birth?

is me my hair colour?
my eye colour?

is me my brain?
and all my memories?

is me my blood type?
my specific genes?

is me my mum and dad?
my brother and sister?

is me my friends
cousins and pets?

is me my languages?
my reading writing and speaking?

is me my sports?
my favourite past times?

is me my favourite things?
colours, artists, clothes?

is me why I laugh?
when no one else does?

is me the things I've done?
or haven't done?

how do I know what me is?
how do I know anything at all?

if I don't know exactly what me is
then how can others think they know?

maybe me is all my questions?
that never stop.

maybe me is my strength?
in my body and my mind

me will never seem to change for me
but will constantly change for others

me is a strange thing
with no real answers
only more questions

me.

''houston, we have a PROBLEM!''

somebody please fix it
make it go away
i can't stand this
all the hate and circling revenge

ghandi says
an eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
sometimes i feel as if everyone
is already blind
but maybe it's me?
maybe i am the one who's blind

i dunno
i'm just over it now
make it go away
can't it just fix itself?

i'm sick of the misinterpretation
of the hate
spreading of blindness
can't we leave this behind
and let ourselves grow a little

i keep writing
yet someone keeps reading
the cycle keeps going
but only because
of bOth sides actions

just please
make it go away
make things go back to neutral
because i can't stand all this
hate

NATURE

water flows
it runs
it bubbles
it crashes
it falls
on you

wind blows
it swirls
it haunts
it pushes
it lifts
you up

grass swishes
it squishes
it shines
it freezes
it ripples
under you

trees creak
they shade
they rustle
they challenge
they support
all of you

the moon glows
paints a path
lights up your skin
controls the tide
has a face
for you

the sun shines
through windows
heats you up
burns your skin
makes shadows
around you

everything runs
nothing ever stops
things change
but it feels so much the same

SICK

I am sick
of you and all your shit
I am sick
of people who cannot get over themselves
I am sick
of all the stupid power struggles that go on around here
I am sick
of adults and all their petty grudges
I am sick
of time and all its sneakiness
I am sick
of life and wanna join the circus
no really
I am sick
which ruins many a fine day
with all its sore throats
and runny noses
and sore stomachs
and niggling earaches
I am sick
and couldn't give a shit
about you.

THE WEIRD POEM

hello
hello to
hello to you
hello to you there
hello to you there, I
hello to you there, I didn't
hello to you there, I didn't see
hello to you there, I didn't see you
hello to you there, I didn't see you behind
hello to you there,I didn't see you behind that
hello to you there, I didn't see you behind that mask
hello to you there, I didn't see you behind that mask of
hello to you there, I didn't see you behind that mask of reserve
I know you
but I do not
you know me
but you do not
so why do I care?
because you always stare
it freaks me out
and makes me wanna shout
so
so please
so please don't
so please don't say
so please don't say hello
so please don't say hello or
so please don't say hello or stare

SLEEP

I can't sleep
it drives me insane
my thoughts go down deep
but there's no real gain

It's time for a midnight snack
and a little time under the stars
singing songs on my back
and dreaming of going to mars

then back inside to snuggle up
and think of things again and again
have thoughts that really won't shut up
and ideas that drive me round the bend

I only ask for sleep
Is it really so hard?
well clearly this week
my nights are marred

with sleeplessness and restlessness
I've shown myself
that I can make a mess
of any routine that sat on the shelf

well hello there
I'm finally asleep
and dreaming of a bear
who cannot sweep

the dreaming ends
It's time for school
I cannot pretend
and I must not drool

Its not fair at all
that I cannot sleep
I wish I could fall
more easily into the deep

Sitting awake
my eyes begin to itch
I get a headache
and maths I wanna ditch

the bus ride home
is a dangerous one
I might just fall asleep
despite the sun

I'll probably miss my stop
and have to walk
all the way back home
where I can only balk
at the willpower I have

enduring this vicious cycle

PEOPLE, LIFE AND US

the healing power
of laughter
of a hug
of a meaningful smile

of a chat
of music
of wind and water

of air and salt
of little children

of a movie
of time
of a worthwhile rhyme

of,of,of
or maybe because
this is the reason
for breathing
for moving
for sleeping and eating
for going on
through the
no longer monotonous
times

GOOD MORNING, BAD NIGHT

a good day started
a good day came
a feeling grew
and then came to be true
a pair of shorts
and a pair of retorts
that feeling had come
and that feeling had passed

I rode to training
and it wasn't raining
yet something was wrong
and it didn't take long
for me to figure out
what that was all about
the grass was green
and no one could be seen

but that was ok
because the feeling had passed
i'd found my dad
and now i truly could no longer be assed

my energy was well spent
and i was not in the mood
to see anything other
than some glorious food

the dishes were ready
to be packed away
but the tv was on
and i just wanted to stay

that wasn't fair
i was to do my share
but what about me
i just wanted to be
no i was in deep
when all i wanted was sleep

i left my fair share
though i was meant to stay
then i fell asleep
and todays a new day

WOULD YOU?

if i was a t-shirt
would you wear me?

if i was a piece of cake
would you eat me?

if i was a nice cool drink
would you drink me?

if i was a shopping bag
would you use me?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

if i was a photograph
would u look at me?

if i was a telephone
would you ring me?

if i was a microphone
would you sing for me?

if i was a piano
would you play me?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

if i was a punching bag
would you punch me?

if i was a piece of ice
would you crush me?

if i was a curious cat
would you kill me?

if i was a snake
would you enchant me?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

if i was a memory
would you cherish me?

if i was a puppy
would you keep me safe?

if i was a radio
would you listen?

if i was a seedling
would you give me love?

or
would you just
let me grow old
and gather dust

S-O-R-R-Y
a word
hard to say
for some
easy to say
for others

can mean
such a lot
and so so little

forgiveness is a gift
that some
can never recieve
for the magic
in this word
does have its boundaries

actions have been done
things have been said
eyes have spoken
and even such
a powerful word
cannot make
these things undone

this doesn't mean
that this word
has no power
of course it still does
you just need to learn
about how to use it

actions help too
a smile or a favour
sometimes a hug
will do the trick nicely
but try not to hide it
or to leave it hanging
for this will only cause
more problems further on
talk about it all
and clear that space
that awful section of vibes
that destroy all the trust
and background comftability
talk about it soon
to clear your head
because then it will end
whatever it is you dread

FOR ME, FOR YOU, FOR ANYONE
an apology
that should be for me
hangs around
in the air
and never reaches me

more than one
more than two
what is it with this word?

people
easily see their own faults
but cannot
show them to me

just say it
and be done
forget and go have fun
time won't stop
the world won't end
and just maybe
you might set a trend

awesome graffiti by the famous banksy (rat)

2012-01-15T14:09:00.002+11:00

This guy says he does graffiti, well I say he does art, he has some very interesting opinions, check him out at www.banksy.co.uk

here are some of my favourites!

He truly is original, and sometimes awe-inspiring. Just an amazing person!

books books and more books

2012-01-15T13:55:00.001+11:00

My little cousin Joel is way into the HP novels at the moment, and he was recently listening to the 6th book 'the half blood prince', and I was listening in... It's got me back into the HP novels again, I have read books 1 through 4 about five times over, but the last 3 are all a bit hazy so I'm going to read them again, how fun!
Also looking through kinokuniya and berkolouW books I found some interesting titles that I'm going to check out this year with all of my free time on my hands (that reminds me I have to find a second job so I can save to travel to the US)
Anyway thought I'd share some of the things I found :)
Far to go by Alison Pick
Lila by Robert M. Pirsig
Daphne by Justine Picardie
Ruby's Spoon by Anna Lawrence Pietroni
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
Inheritance by Christopher Paolini
The boy in the suitcase by Agnete Friis
Extremely loud and incredibly close a novel by Jonathan Safran Foer
The hare with amber eyes a hidden inheritance by Edmund defs Waal
A common loss by Kristine Tranter
The angel Esmerelda: nine stories by Don Delilo
Blood by Tony Birch
Scarecrow and the army of thieves by Matthew Reilly (also Hell Island)
The Burning Soul by John Connon
A dance with dragons by George R.R. Martin
Little Star-John Ayvide Lindquist (Let the right one in)
Caleb's crossing Geraldine Brooks
Lola's Secret by Monica McInerney
The thread by Victoria Hislop
Jubilee by Shelley Harris
Our lady of Alice Bhatti by Mohammed Hanif
The Ionia Sanction by Gary Corby
Season of light Katharine McMahon
The picture book Jo Baker
We Bought a Zoo by Benjamin Mee
An echo in the bone Diana Gabuldon
Pao by Kerry Young
The flowers of war by Geling Yan
Chung kuo 01 son of heave by David Wingrove
Unwanted by Krishna Ohlsson
The Kindness of your nature by Linda Nilsson
The Botticelli Secret by Marita Fionato
Mia Culpa by Mia Freedman
The little book of perfumes by Lucca Turin and Tania Sanchez
The Help by Kathryn Stockett

quite a list I know, but I do have an entire year, and this isn't even including all the books I recieved as christmas presents!
Anyway enjoy!

famous photography taste (not mine!)

2012-01-15T13:39:00.001+11:00

I love checking out photography done by famous people that are individual and interesting and have made a mark in history. So here are some examples :)

my favourite ansel adams photograph (also favourite photographer)

ansel adams

annie leibovitz another one of my favourite photographers

the afghan girl (made it to the cover of national geographic) by steve mcurry

the “Pulitzer Prize” winning photo taken in 1994 during the Sudan Famine, taken by Kevin Carter

June 11, 1963, Thich Quang Duc, a Buddhist monk from Vietnam, burned himself to death, by Malcolm Browne

powerful photograph of a lone Jewish woman defying Israeli security forces as they remove illegal settlers in the West Bank. By Oded Balilty

Tiananmen Square by Stuart Franklin Magnum


and to end on a cheery note Abbey Road (Beatles shot) by Ian MacMillan

Tell me what you think, do you like them? Also feel free to critique my photography, I'm open to new ideas :)

Buddha's Jewels Recipe from the moosewood restaurant cookbook

2012-01-14T18:10:00.001+11:00

My sister has made this recipe for us a couple of times, always turns out delicious!
Buddha's Jewels
Serves 4 to 6
(Copied word for word from the "New recipes from moosewood restaurant, moosewood restaurant, The moosewood collective" (Ten Speed Press) book)
Joan Adler is a longtime Moosewood member. In her continuing quest for the new and exotic menu feature, Joan discovered this delicious, healthful dish. Golden tofu dumplings filled with crunchy bits of vegetable and topped with a shimmering, pungent sauce. As an appetizer this recipe will serve 8 to 10 people.

Dumplings:
3 cakes of tofu pressed and mashed
2 tablespoons peanut butter
3 tablespoons tamari soy sauce
8 scallions, chopped (don't ask me what exactly those are...)
1 green pepper (or capsicum)
1 1/2 cups chopped mushrooms (6 ounces)
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1/2 cup diced water chestnuts

Sauce:
1 1/2 cups pineapple, orange and/or apple juice
1/4 cup maple syrup, honey, or brown sugar
1/3 to 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup tamari soy sauce
1 garlic clove, minced or pressed
2 tablespoons cornstarch dissolved in 2 tablespoons cold water

In a large bowl, mix together all the ingredients for the tofu dumplings. Shape into approximately 2 dozen 2-inch balls and place on an oiled baking sheet. Bake at 375 fahrenheit or 190 celcius for 45 minutes, until golden and firm.
Combine all the sauce ingredients except the cornstarch in a stainless steel or enamel saucepan. Bring to a boil. Stir in the dissolved cornstarch and simmer, stirring continuously, until sauce is clear and thickened.
Pour the sauce over the dumplings and serve immediately.
Serve Buddha's Jewels with rice and steamed vegetables.

and there you have it, you can actually cook tofu so that it comes out yummy!

stumbleupon.com recipes

2012-01-14T17:57:00.004+11:00

Stumbleupon.com is the best thing to kill boredom!
Not only that but it finds the most amazing websites from the internet for you too!
If you aren't a member already, I implore you to join! It is so fun, and interesting,
and funny too! Basically what it is, is a site that finds websites within your interests
and learns what you like and dislike as you go through each site that comes up. When each
site comes up you have a choice, click the thumb up or the thumb down, you can also share the link
on a range of different social networking sites, so you can show your friends how cool it is too!
Anyway, I have found some amazing recipes on stumble and thought I might share them here.
Check them out!
The 'better than sex' cake, mind you I don't really believe anything is better but that's up to you :)
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1YY59o

Chocolate peanute butter torte:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1WnuNi

Lasagna cupcakes (perfect for school lunches)
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1A2PYt/www.cruftbox.com/blog/archives/001618.html/

The perfect dip to serve your guests for pre-dinner snacks!
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/178fXz/noblepig.com/2009/01/07/belle-of-the-bowl.aspx/

Cinnamon sugar pull-apart bread, this recipe is divine!
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5DjbyG

and this is only some of the recipes, there's so much more awesome stuff, so many interests available!
Go ahead and explore like a little kid at a theme park :D

dad's vegetarian bolognese sauce (with some of my own tweaks)

2012-01-14T17:37:00.002+11:00

Ingredients:
1/2 cup red lentils
1 brown onion
a couple of cloves of garlic
2 or 3 tblsp of basil, thyme, oregano, rosemary (whichever you prefer)
1 tsp miso paste (which you can buy from most supermarkets, and otherwise asian groceries)
1 can of diced tomatoes
1 1/2 cups water or stock

Steps:
-Dice the onion and garlic.
-Fry the onion and garlic.
-Add the lentils and the water/stock. (The extra half cup is just in case the lentils
aren't fully cooked after the first 15 minutes.
-Add the miso paste and mix well with a wooden spoon so that the miso dissappears into the liquid.
-Put on low to medium heat for fifteen minutes, keep the lid on but slightly off centre so that some steam is allowed to escape.
-After fifteen minutes check the mixture and see if the lentils have gone soft, if there are still some lentils that are very red or orange continue cooking for another 5-10 minutes. (Add the tomatoes and herbs here, so that the extra water in the tomatoes is boiled away)
-The sauce should be quite thick, but liquid enough to pour.
-Serve with your favourite spaghetti, or noodles.
-If this recipe is too boring, just add some eggplant, zucchini, carrot, capsicum, or any other vegetables that you enjoy.

swedish sticky chocolate cake (kladdkaka) YUM

2012-01-14T17:24:00.001+11:00

Ingredients:
2 eggs
250ml sugar
5 tblsp cocoa
2 tsp vanilla sugar
100g butter
100ml flour
1/2 tsp salt

step by step:
-Turn the oven on to 175 degrees celcius
-Melt the butter in a saucepan
-Whisk the egg and the sugar well
-Mix together the rest of the ingredients, be careful to mix carefully otherwise the mix becomes too airy and the cake ends up dry.
-Pour the mix into a cake form with butter lining it and bread crumbs spread around it
-Cook for 15-20 minutes, depending on how sticky you wish your cake to be.
-Leave it to cool in the fridge, and serve with cream and raspberries

The perfect cake to make if you don't have any sweets at home and are having unexpected guests!
Plus it is super duper yummmmmy :)

photography... finally

2012-01-14T14:41:00.001+11:00


flowers from my backyard

flower from a street in caulfield

bud from a street in caulfield

flowers on the walk to johanna

lavender in the park in caulfield

flowers on the currawong falls walk

flower on the walk in noosa

leaf structure on the walk through angelsea heath

flower on the walk in noosa

flowers from the park down the street (jan juc)

flower from the currawong falls walk

strawberry flower from the backyard

new growth in a park down the street (jan juc)

a fly-eating flower on the currawong falls walk

a flower on the walk to johanna

a paper daisy from the angelsea heath walk

new sprouts on a silver princess in a jan juc park

some trees from the dandenongs

a lake on fraser island

hot air ballooning in the yarra valley

the garden at heartland near gympie in QLD

a tree on a street in caulfield

hot air ballooning in the yarra valley

my auntie's house in gothenburg

one of four photos taken for my VCE project

the view from the feathertop walk i organised at alpine school

the view from a tree at ayre river camp ground

the view from the feathertop walk

the creek near deakin burwood

the NGV at night

one of the many photos taken whilst trying to take "the" photo for my VCE project


a view of the melbourne CBD skyline from the yarra river

SO! I finally got some photographs up... YAY ^_^ Now it's your turn to do some choosing and ordering :)
Here are the sizes and individual prices:

6 x 4"	$10
5 x 7"	$15
6 x 8"	$20
8 x 10"	$30
8 x 12"	$40
10 x 15"	$45
11 x 14"	$50
12 x 16"	$60

You can choose matte or gloss paper, with or without edging, with or without my name on the bottom, side, or top of the chosen photograph. You can also choose a canvas style:

popular canvas sizes: 300x300mm (11.8"x11.8") $55 400x300mm (15 3/4"x11 3/4") $65 580x435mm (23"x15 1/2") $120 860x645mm (34"x25") $155 1016x762mm (40"x30") $220 square canvas sizes: 610x610mm (24x24") $165 762x762mm (30x30") $230 1016x1016mm (40x40") $300 larger canvas sizes: 1220x920mm (48x36") $240 1016x508mm (40x20") $260 1500x1015mm (60x40") $420 1 image over three (20x43") panels 1016x508 panels x3 $720

I am happy to post anywhere in the world however I will send you an email with the added postage cost and will not post the package until I have received the extra amount, this is because I do not know exactly what each package will cost to post before I go to the post office with the package, sorry for any inconvenience.
We will swap bank details via email. You can choose either of these two emails:
brittavanden@yahoo.com.au or
brittavanden5667@gmail.com

Hope you enjoy the photographs!
All the best in every way
Britta Vandenberg

sense it is not making

2012-01-13T23:21:00.001+11:00

Hello fellow bloggers and readers,

It may seem strange, I have only just started this blog and yet I have made close to 80 posts that are quite long ... I started putting my writing up on Facebook, and only now have I decided to switch to making my own blog, much more fun!
Anyway it doesnt' make much sense either that I have called my blog brittavandenbergphotography
when I haven't got any photographs up yet! But they will be up soon, I promise.

I may as well set up the system for selling my photography now.
Ok so what you do is you choose whichever photographs you wish to own,
then you choose what size you would like, and what type of paper you would like,
you can opt for it to be mounted on canvas, and then just send me an email at:
brittavanden@yahoo.com.au and I will get on it asap! :)

for now at least it is time for bed,
i'm absolutely exhausted from an early start, flight from sydney, then 3 hours approx on
public transport from tullamarine to jan juc, one luxurious purchase of a tony bianco pair of heels on sale, $40 bargain!!!

i hope i have improved your day slightly
all the best in every way

hopefully all my effort way back when hasn't been forgotten

2012-01-13T23:13:00.001+11:00

So I’ve been out of action for quite some time now, but here I am back again writing away.
For the past couple of months I have been taking different medications for small scale psychosis, in my case believing something is a fact when there is nothing there to prove it, such as the idea of Mateo loving me. In such a small space of time I have come so far from where I was, I have met so many people, learnt so much, it seems that everything around me has changed, I have been gifted with a new life, a new me, and I am loving it. However one thing hasn’t changed, I am still quite intuitive, a little extra so you might say ;)
Once I found the correct medication my body went back to neutral and I function as normal per say.
Anyhow so I found myself again, in a bikram yoga class, of all places? Actually it makes sense, its where I go to meditate and focus on my inner self. I just realized that I needed no one except mysellf and my own love for my deepest self to survive. I just felt and knew that I was stronger than ever before, and I could hold my heart and keep it safe from everybody. I never knew that before. It sounds obvious, but I never realized. It is such a simple thing, independence, but when it truly hits you like that it is such a breath of fresh air!
So now my life at university and working and socialising, all in all its quite busy, but I still maintain very good contact with my family, in fact family bonds have been strengthened by my taking medications, communication is better and more frequent : )

All I’ve been thinking of all day is where to from here?
Over the summer I tested the limits of how much control my subconscious has over me, and I won. I saw a possible future pathway that could lead me through much struggle and pain and I was clueless as to how I would survive this test, because I knew for some reason it would have to be as an utterly standard human being part of normal society, without any intuition whatsoever. I got quite scared as you might imagine. However somehow I ended up in a Jewish park standing beside a massive ancient tree and I was so calmed by it, I felt bewildered and curious. I felt from that moment that Judaism was the key to surviving what was to come. It was the only way.
Guess what happened, within weeks I met a jewish person who is now one of my closest friends and supports me endlessly.
I don’t believe in God, but I do know instinctively that everything happens for a reason. But they need not be shared on facebook.
My point is I went from being utterly terrified of my future to wanting to know and being very curious about the keys to ‘surviving’ this future. I went from thinking I would be hopeless without that which has helped me every second of every day, my intuition, to hopeful, happy, and strong and only having lost my true self for a very short time.
I regained hope.

And that my fellow human friends is the key to survival, the key to a better life. Finding out what gives you hope, whether it be talking to people who are in a situation like yourself over the internet, whether it be joining a community and part-taking in that community situation regularly, whether it be facing your problems and realizing the positive side of them instead of burying yourself in the negative ‘to-comes’, whatever it may be, hope is the last thing in Pandora’s box for a reason.
It’s clearly the most important thing. Give yourself some hope, and you give yourself a new life. I learnt how to do it, and I believe that so can you!
If you look clearly at your goals, or even your inklings of a goal, write down a list of details that come with your goal, a list of baby-steps that will help you attain your goal, and most of all have patience for your goal may take years to complete, however if it is what gives you hope and purpose, then it is worth waiting for.
I do not condemn any religion, or endorse any religion. Remember I support every one and every thing. I love all. Regardless of the past present or future. I aim never to judge, never to hurt, and always to help.
So my current best advice to help yourself is take a little time out to find your deepest self, the part of you nobody else can or ever will know, make friends with that part of you, think about it a lot and feed yourself strength by giving your deepest self some hope.
They say music is the language of the world.. or is it mathematics, I can’t decide, either way they can’t do you any harm, so have some fun that way too ;)
All the best in every way
Pursuit of happyness “never ever let anybody tell you that you cannot do something”
Britta Vandenberg