It’s kind of insane that after 25 years as a broke-ass, I had never taken the Chinatown bus until last weekend.  Don’t get me wrong, I adore budget travel– I’ve been cramped on overnight buses in Portugal, watched a boy floss his teeth with twine as he sat across from me on a Moroccan train, and waken up at the most ungodly hours just to save a few bucks on airfare.  But until last weekend, I had never boarded the biggest diva of domestic cheapo travel– that dirty, crowded Chinatown bus that never picks up where it’s supposed to, and leaves whenever it damn well pleases.  My friend and I took the bus from New York City to Philadelphia to get out of town for a couple of days, and try out another personal broke-ass first: couch surfing (I know!  I’m the worst broke-ass ever, but I’m catching up).  Both the Chinatown bus and couch surfing proved to be invaluable discount travel experiences (I could write a whole other post about how amazing couch surfing was)– saving us tons of money, allowing us to meet new people, and for sure spicing up our weekend getaway.  But while there are a lot of things to talk about when talking about the Chinatown bus, one aspect in particular definitely remains on my mind (and in my nostrils)– the smells.

When I first stepped aboard that rainbow-geometric-pattern-upholstered mass transit vehicle, I smelled Freedom.  The freedom to travel, no matter how poor I may be.  The freedom of briefly trading the trash-laden, industrial streets of Brooklyn for the trash-laden industrial streets of Philly.  The freedom of escaping the clutches of that toothless meth addict with the hole in her forehead, who spit profanities at us when we got lost while looking for the unmarked Chinatown bus stop.  I didn’t even care that I nearly contracted a disease from drug-addled street lady or that the bus left at 3:36pm when it was scheduled to depart at 4– the Chinatown bus was my ticket to a weekend of relaxing on a stranger’s couch, and decompressing from the stresses of being overworked, underpaid, and annoyed by the general name droppy-ness of NYC.  On the Chinatown bus, there was none of this pretension– it was the People’s Bus, from the People’s Republic of China.

While the smell of freedom lingered on throughout our mini-vacay, I must admit that at times it was overpowered by a distinct odor of fried fish.  This didn’t bother me too much, because honestly– what else would you expect a bus that transports cheapskates back-and-forth between cities all day to smell like? Petunias?  Of course it reeks of greasy fast food, people!  While a number of passengers chowed down on their Filet-O-Fishes, my friend and I held our noses and wondered where the next rest stop would be, so that we could step out and get some fresh air.  Well, newsflash: there was no rest stop.  Our pores began to clog with deep fried seafood air, but we didn’t let the pungent, Long John Silver’s-y aroma hamper our roadtrippin’ excitement.   We simply plugged our noses and split a cookie, which, the moment it was divested of it’s plastic packaging, also began to sweat in the fishy humidity.

Sea life-flavored cookies and meth heads aside, our journey to The City of Brotherly Love was a major success.  We stayed on the coolest girl’s couch, ate a cheap Mexican feast, danced to jams DJ-ed by a guy who looked like Drama from Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory, and pretended that we were sophisticated ladies living in colonial homes.  By the end of it, we were admittedly sweaty from walking around all day– and lookin’ grungy in uniforms of frizzy hair, beanies, big jackets, and giant backpacks definitely didn’t help us look like the Ladies we wanted to be. After popping into a couple of stores and being met with “Are they hobos?  Should we be scared?” looks, we realized it was time to take our dirty selves back to Brooklyn and shower.  We boarded the Chinatown bus again, this time familiar with it’s greasy fumes.  About an hour into our ride, our nostrils were met with yet another familiar smell, however, this one more gag-inducing– the entire vehicle had suddenly filled with the strong, unmistakable odor of putrid human urine.  Whoever had used the on-board bathroom had clearly missed the toilet and whizzed all over the bus.  Coughing and wondering how we were going to stand the remaining hour of our ride, we couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that we had fully completed our hobo transformations– we know sported a cologne of Eau de Old Piss, as well.

In short, a trip on the Chinatown bus is quite memorable… for the olfactory sensations you experience on the ride, that is.  But if you can get past the nasal assault, the confusion, and the unreliability, the Chinatown bus can be pretty special.  I mean, it’s a total adventure– you don’t know really know where you’re going or what time you’re getting there, but at least you’re going somewhere!  So next time you’re low on cash and have an itch to get away, I recommend gettin’ down to Chinatown, fools!  Just stick to short trips, because you never know at what point in the ride you might encounter some pee spillage, and let me tell you– those bus windows don’t open no matter how hard you claw at them.

Photo credit:  The Lo-Down

Necklaces: Red Solo cups are made from plastic #6 which – as we’ve mentioned before – can be baked down like ShrinkyDinks. So decorate your cup, cut it down and turn on the oven. Alternatively, you can cut out shapes and punch holes in the pieces before baking down to create chunky pendant necklaces.

Lighting: Turning Solo cups into lanterns is an actual thing. There’s a whole site dedicated to photos of Sparkleballs that Solo fans have made from different colored cups and lights – some from as far away as Egypt. You can do it too, just grab your cups, then staple or glue them side by side so they form a circle. Continue by forming another circle side by side to the first one. Keep building until your circle closes up into a sphere, then add your Christmas lights or lamp socket. (There’s also a tutorial for an alternate version with the cups facing inward.) If all that sounds like too much hassle, just punch a hole in the bottom and fit it over Christmas lights, then hang.

Treat Cups: You can cut out a shape, or decorate with pens or paper cut outs to create tiny treat cups. To finish off, and hold candy in if you’ve cut out part of your cup, just wrap up with some fabric or crepe paper.

Potting Plants: It must be about time for you green-thumb types to be getting busy, so drill some holes in the bottom of last nights Solo cups, add some compost and soil and pot up some urban tomatoes or peppers.

Ornament: You’ll need clear cups for this (they come in a variety of colors), as well as miniature animals and trees (or robots and Lego men, or sparkly bits like orphaned earrings and glitter). You’ll also need some poster board, polyester batting and monofilament. Basically, it’s just like making a terrarium or snow globe: cut out your base, glue down your batting, add your creatures, glue them down then turn your cup over on your scene. Poke a hole in the cup using a pushpin, then thread the monofilament through to create a loop. They can also be upcycled and used to protect delicate, expensive ornaments between seasons.

Wreath: Much like paper cups, Solo cups can be stacked together to form a quick, cheery wreath.

Images courtesy caption-of-the-day.com, dollarstorecrafts.com, sparkleballe.com, marthastewart.com, youngfarmers.org, and familyfun.go.com

Just because you’re broke or on a budget doesn’t mean you can’t be fashionable—on the contrary, this just might lead to you discovering your strong sense of fashion. Vintage clothing may seem like a fancy term for clothes that were previously worn and vintage clothing stores may seem like a chic version of the Salvation Army, but you get a more respectable selection to choose from.

Just picture paying hundreds of dollars for a brand new, authentic leather jacket. You might regret spending that one check on that one item. Now picture yourself paying just $50 for that same leather jacket. I mean sure, you might find a missing button here, a cigarette burn there and possibly contract an STD from 1992, but think about how much money you saved.

Say hello to No Relation Vintage on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. This one of those places to find such an item as the leather jacket I just described. No Relation has an array of vintage clothing. They sell outerwear, t-shirts, dresses, boots, sneakers, jeans, sweaters and dress shirts. At least that’s where I found my fancy leather jacket. I stumbled across this not-so-hidden gem on a Saturday afternoon in December of last year.

They had some nice stuff in front of the window so I went in did a little browsing. I enjoyed the option to browse freely without a worker jumping down my throat, asking me what I wanted or what I was generally looking for. I appreciate that type of freedom. I saw a jacket I liked and I tried it on. There was no reason to go into any of their dressing rooms because the mirrors were on the outside of the dressing room doors. I thought I looked rather debonair in my new “bad boy” jacket, so I purchased my item (they accept cash or credit) and went on my way.

I haven’t had a chance to head back to No Relation but when the summer comes and I’m in need of some cargo shorts or t-shirts, I’ll know where to go.

No Relation Vintage
204 1st Ave. (Btw. 12th & 13th Street)
Mon-Thurs 1pm-8pm
Fri 1pm-9pm
Sat 12pm-9pm
Sun 12pm-8pm
[Lower East Side]

Photo Credit: miaamos.blogspot.com

Here’s a spot that was reviewed back in 2010 by our very own “Editor-in-Cheap” Mr. Broke-ass Stuart himself. And like Stuart, I think it’s time for everyone to put on their ruby red slippers, click their heels together three times and find themselves at East River Bar on Mondays, because this is the cheapest deal I know of.

From 5pm to closing on Mondays not only can you get two pints of PBR and two shots of whiskey for $5, but you can also get two well drinks for $6, two of any call liquor for $7, and two of any bottle or draft beer for $5. The bartenders also grill hotdogs in the backyard, which they give away for FREE at the bar! There is no cover to get in, and they usually have DJs and parties starting at 10pm. If you know of a better deal than this, please let me know.

For those of you who have never been to this place, the floor space is pretty large (plenty of room for dancing), there is a pool table in the back, red diner-style booths against the walls, and a massive backyard for you to grill your own food or smoke a cigarette with your cheap-ass drink. The crowd is a mix of bike messenger punks and locals who live in the neighborhood. The bartenders are friendly and most have been there for years, so tip them well on both drinks!

All right! New York broke-asses far and wide, everyone together now: There’s no deal like East River Bar, there’s no deal like East River Bar, there’s no deal like East River Bar…

East River Bar
97 S 6th St. (between Bedford Ave. and Berry St.)
[Williamsburg]

Image from nymag.com

I don’t make it to Glen Park often, but for what is coming up at Bird & Beckett that may just change.

Les Gottesman, poet, and Bill Crossman, poet and musician, will be reading poetry inspired by our world following the events of 9/11. I would expect both Les and Bill to offer interesting perspectives, political and otherwise, during the reading. For more information on the event and those involved read this.

Do keep in mind there will be an open mic following the reading. Feel free to bring your own written word or instruments and offer a little perspective of your own. It is sure to be an insightful evening, all for FREE!

Les Gottesman & Bill Crossman
Monday, February 20 – 7:00p.m.
FREE
653 Chenery Street
[Glen Park]

Image courtesy of Bird & Beckett Books and Records

What will it take for the young ‘uns to realize? A pub crawl or something? Maybe. This Saturday marks the 4th Annual Inner Richmond Pubcrawl, a booze-studded fest hitting up the hood’s best watering holes. For better or worse (better, really), we know how to drink out here, and we do it pretty damn cheaply. Ten bars make up the night’s agenda, ranging from Happy Lounge, the initial meeting spot (8 p.m.) to Plough & Stars, a music-heavy spot sitting happily on Clement.

We covered the third shebang last year. The crawl was a successful study in debauchery, so much so that the organizers urge prospective ragers to bring a clean liver.

Inner Richmond Pub Crawl
Saturday, February 18
8 p.m.

Happy Lounge (starting bar)
2nd Ave. at Geary
[Inner Richmond]

Photo from Inner Richmond Pubcrawl

Lee Camp has an extensive comedy resume – he’s a contributor to The Onion, and has made appearances on Comedy Central, Showtime’s “The Green Room,” and BBC’s “Newsnight,” in addition to performing at Occupy locations around the country.

A self-described comedian/activist/writer/arsehole, Camp will be taping his second comedy album tonight, at the Bowery Poetry Club, starting at 10PM. Tickets are $8, but once you’re inside, you’ll be treated to free brownies (plus there’s no drink minimum, which can sometimes be a catch at comedy shows). Get ready for the show with a taste of his politically charged commentary:

Lee Camp at The Bowery Poetry Club
$8
Tonight, Sat. February 18th at 10PM
308 Bowery btwn. E. 1st St. & Houston
[E. Vill]

Sure, San Francisco’s Chinatown is world-renowned, but why not hop the Bay to Oakland’s Chinatown? It’s less hectic, possibly more authentic, and almost no tourists. I especially recommend Shan Dong, which I will go on record as saying that they have the best dumplings in the East Bay. Not to mention everything else on the menu, including their hand-pulled noodles. A dish will cost you around $7, so it’s pretty reasonable. Insider tip: you can request to purchase frozen dumplings in bulk to take home and ration out over your week. It’s also close to both the 12th Street and Lake Merritt BART stations.

Shan Dong
328 10TH Street (at Webster)
Oakland [Chinatown]

Photocredit: Yelper Esther Y.

Wanna be a Broke-Ass of the Week? Holler at us here and we’ll send you the questionnaire.

Jason Wyman was a whore. Now, he’s married. That’s all you need to know.

Oh…and you can check out his writing at Queerly Complex and In Our Words. And…yeah…his two businesses 14 Black Poppies and OutLook Theater Project. See, he’s still a whore.

Name: Jason Wyman

Age: Older than some and younger than others

Occupation: Professionally underemployed (aka writer and arts educator)

What neighborhood do you live in?: Well I say The Mission, but the neighborhood association claims it is Potrero Hill and the real estate listings say it’s New Media Gulch. Whatever.

Best money saving tip: Buy high quality ramen (like Nong Shim), not that Top Ramen shit. Sure it is a littlemore expensive, but it is infinitely more delectable. Add to it a couple of frozen wontons, greens, eggs, tomatoes, etc. and you have a filling (and spicy) meal all for pennies.

What do you refuse to spend money on?: There is nothing I flat out refuse to spend money on. Rather I don’t have money to spend.

Most expensive thing you’ve ever bought: My couch.

How’d that feel?: I was nervous, but we got an excellent deal on the interest on a credit card. So we had it paid off before interest accrued. Best decision ever! And it’s comfy not like those craigslist pieces of shit.

Favorite cheap eat: Hands down, Tulan.

Favorite dive bar: Well…it was The Eagle until it was closed. Now, I don’t have a favorite.

Best deal you’ve ever gotten: God this is a fucking hard question as I’m normally the one giving deals. Does that make me a sucker?

Favorite free thing to do: Wandering San Francisco paying attention to all the beauty of this fine city.

If you woke up a millionaire, what’s the first thing you’d buy?: Art. Lots and lots of art.

Despite not having money, do you still love your life?: I love my life. I have found incredible ease in being as poor as I am.

Do you own my book?: No, I do not. You have a website.

Best hangover cure: Weed. Or more booze. Need I say more?

Are you a hipster?: Only if singing made up songs and skipping home from the bus stop makes me one.

On Saturday, February 18th, experimental rock singer, Zola Jesus will be performing at Webster Hall.

The 22 year-old, Russian-American from Wisconsin has released three EP’s and three full-length albums since her teenage years. Her latest album, “Conatus” has received positive reviews from music critics and fans alike. Heather Phares from AllMusic opined that “this is music made in and for the darkest hours.” The album received an 8/10 score from Spin Magazine and the Los Angeles Times gave it 3.5 out of four stars.

Fans of Zola (or curious music lovers) can see her this Saturday, live at Webster Hall for only $15 per ticket. Doors will open at 6pm and the show kicks off at 7pm. The show is only open for the 18 and over crowd, so don’t take your little brother or sister with you.

The duo, Talk Normal and the black metal band, Liturgy will also be performing on Saturday. If you’re looking for some new music or if you’re tired of the same old playlist on the radio or club, head down to Webster Hall and experience some tunes by musicians who aren’t afraid to push the limits.

The Bowery Presents Zola Jesus
Saturday, February 18th at 6pm
Price: $15
Webster Hall
125 East 11th Street (between 3rd & 4th Ave.)
[East Village]

Photo Credit: trueendeavorsblog.com