Broken Chalk

Cow Trouble

2011-11-04T21:24:00.001Z

I can't actually remember what we were doing, but those cows in section C certainly weren't supposed to be enjoying themselves quite as much as that.

Takes me back to our Science exam at college. We'd all agreed to answer the question 'Name a positive effect of friction' with 'orgasm'. Sadly, the question didn't come up.

Overenthusiastic History

2011-10-24T11:38:00.002+01:00

Pink Paradise

2011-10-17T20:57:00.002+01:00

Rabbit, actually...

2011-10-13T20:01:00.002+01:00

...but the castle and repelling soldiers are a nice touch. Good job you extended its jaw and claws - giant rabbits simply aren't equipped to cope with early medieval weaponry...

U Stink

2011-10-03T19:24:00.001+01:00

I think it's 'stink', anyway. I'd be surprised if any of them had the vocabulary to accuse others of slinking, and the idea of a skink probably hasn't occurred to a single occupant of the school under the age of twelve. Which is all of them, yes. Our nature table has two pigeon eggshells, four acorns, a dead dragonfly and three dried mushrooms, none of which are psychotropically active in any way shape or form. We know this because one of the teaching assistants forgot her 'nutritious' cereal bar last week and idly gnawed one of them to stave off the pangs of mingled dread and hunger during Numeracy. Apparently, the world simply came into sharp focus and all made sense, so a bit of a loss all round, really.

Donkey Feet

2011-07-11T19:08:00.002+01:00

That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet.

That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your penis feet.

Irony

2011-07-07T19:31:00.002+01:00

And You Know Why?

2011-06-30T21:57:00.002+01:00

Those of us familiar with the Year 4 SATs tests will understand. The rest of you, sorry...

Oh, okay - it's a direct repetition of part of the test. See, it's really only funny if you've seen the Year 4 SATs.

King's Clothes

2011-06-12T13:38:00.002+01:00

History Projects Gone Wrong Part 1: The Holocaust

2011-06-06T20:55:00.004+01:00

"Oh, a Lego concentration camp... Er - it's very detailed, isn't it? You... um... you do realise it was a bad thing, yes?"

"It's just a model to show what it was like."

"Of course it is. Just checking."

A Proposal

2011-05-26T19:59:00.001+01:00

Dead Dog

2011-04-30T22:14:00.002+01:00

My Unkind Uncle (With Bonus Repetition)

2011-03-18T22:33:00.002Z

Furry Animals

2011-02-13T18:09:00.000Z

When formulating the new class rules, Evelyn could not help but take into account that fateful 'Pets Afternoon' when she witnessed the brutal savaging of her best friend at the paws of an enraged stoat.

I Am Watching You

2011-01-02T14:38:00.000Z

Irritated by mysterious classmates fiddling with her possessions and in the absence of a reliable proximity alarm sensor, little Maxine adopted the 'psychic guardian' approach.

Misery Haiku: Hospital Horror

2010-12-06T21:27:00.002Z

Think back if you can

to a time of real despair

and write a nice poem.

Hitler Pat

2010-11-07T20:57:00.003Z

A Short Conversation

2010-09-17T21:21:00.000+01:00

I do enjoy these little chats...

Woof!

2010-09-04T18:18:00.000+01:00

Another great guest submission: "Here's another gem from today's creative writing session. For context purposes, we're reading the book Woof, about a boy called Eric who turns into a dog. Today's task was to imagine what a day with Eric might be like. Either this boy has made a spelling error, or it'd be like something from a top shelf magazine..."

The Only Solution

2010-08-15T12:01:00.000+01:00

Wikipedia has all the answers.

Passive Aggressive Best Wishes

2010-08-06T19:35:00.000+01:00

Who wouldn't feel buoyed-up by these nothing-if-not-honest sentiments?

Surreal Spellings: World Famous Composer

2010-08-03T12:54:00.001+01:00

The task: show you understand the meaning of your weekly spellings by writing a sentence that correctly uses the word.
The results: Unpredictable.

The Viking Invasion Of Swindon

2010-07-31T12:15:00.002+01:00

Misery Haiku: Sadness

2010-07-28T18:58:00.005+01:00

Now children please write

something which makes a complete

mess of haiku form.

Sss!

2010-07-27T11:13:00.001+01:00