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Today, we remember.

Today marks an anniversary, but one of a less than happy occasion.

Ten years ago today, the lives of nearly every American changed ~

in an instant.

In an horrific act by misguided and angry men, thousands of lives were taken and the course of history changed. No longer did America feel like the untouchable nation. Suddenly we were vulnerable, we were damaged,

…we were broken.

As the wife of a soldier, we still feel the ramifications of that horrible day. Families who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001, still grieve for them today.

We will never forget.

Through our grief, our sorrow, and our confusion over the 9/11 attacks, it is important to always remember that God was still in control that fateful day, and He is still in control today. We may not understand, but we certainly can trust. And we can continue to pray for the healing and salvation of our nation, as well as the world.

God bless America!

Image by Willamor Media via Flickr

We bought the tickets.

We booked the hotel room.

We chose our seats for the event.

We listened, learned, and praised.

But the event we paid for was not all God had in store for us.

After a long string of delays, and walking many unnecessary blocks to find food in the middle of the night, we just so happened to wander into a 24/7 diner. All we wanted was cheeseburgers and fries. Nothing else on the menu. Nothing else in our plans.

But God knew we were not the only ones hungry that night.

Through various details of delays and circumstances, our paths crossed. What would seem like an accidental meeting to many is nothing less than a Divine Appointment to those of us ladies who were gathered around the table that night.

What began as the rants of a young man with a dream for his employment turned into a conversation that has the potential to change a man’s soul, as well as his eternal destiny.

We witnessed the battle firsthand. Not just a battle between good and evil, but a battle between human reasoning and a leap of faith. The young man we met that night is at war within himself. And for a brief few moments, we were able to call a truce for him and speak to his heart as we prayed for his soul.

I longed for the immediate confirmation that our words were not in vain, but he was not ready yet. God is still at work. How I pray that the words spoken to him that night, the prayers uttered, will never leave his memory.

How blessed I feel to have been invited to that Divine Appointment.

Image by Mike Rohde via Flickr

In my high school dreams, I planned to go to college and move on to a mission field.

Instead, I traded my college diploma for wedding bands. The mission field for motherhood.

After a teenage whirlwind romance, we eloped and planned to stay married forever.

Rather, the greatest of intentions ended in divorce shortly after our second anniversary.

I was happily moving forward with a new plan, and a new man.

But God saved and changed the man who first stole my heart, and our family miraculously became whole again.

We planned to complete our life with the military in 2004 and leave deployments and uncertainties behind.

Seven years later, we have come full circle and continue to live the life of an active duty military family.

We purchased a home, put down roots, and planned to grow old in our own little corner of Georgia.

Just this past week, I turned the key in that door knob for the last time, said my goodbyes, and realized that chapter of our life is now closed.

We have nearly two decades full of stories of Plan B, each filled with its own measure of heart ache and heart break.

I make plans. It’s who I am. A perfectionist, with a dash of OCD, and an insane need to control every minute detail in every single possible scenario of life.

And yet I can’t.

The irony of my need to control, to plan, is that I truly cannot do either one.

I have no control in our future, no say in what happens next, no real ability to change anything that comes our way.

And somehow I’m learning to be okay with that.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

I don’t have a plan, but I know Who does.

I don’t know the answers to the long list of questions inside my head, or the worries in my heart, but I know He does.

I am fallible. He is perfect. I can only claim today. He can see forever.

Living HIS plan… my “Plan B” … means living, trusting, clinging to the One Who plans best.

If you read my summary of Week 10 yesterday, then I’m sure you noticed I stopped at Day 3 in the week’s lessons.  There was a reason for this… and not just because I had already written so much about Days 1-3!

Remember when I said this…??

It’s not that I possess a greedy spirit or have a need for more, but rather I struggle with allowing God to be enough in me, through me, around me, so that I might feel like I am enough for those around me as well. Rather than finding my satisfaction in the Lord, and who He made me to be, I battle feelings of not measuring up, or needing to do more!

Well, that battle smacked me right in the face again when I reached Day 4 of this week’s homework ~ “The Display of Satisfaction and Peace.” It is the lack of these two things that holds me captive, repeatedly…. even now. The entire first paragraph on page 230 was written just for me, I believe.  Trauma {and drama} in my past has left me with scars. Those scars have left me with emptiness, with holes as Beth says.  Those holes have left me with anger, hurt, bitterness, and a guard that I never let drop.  It’s not the holes that keep me bound ~ it’s my unwillingness to re-open the wounds and give them to God!

I want the past to be the past.  I want to tie it up with a bow, and pack it away as if it never was. But God…? He wants to unwrap it, to lovingly expose the wounds, and gently begin to heal them…

“Healing begins when we recognize how vulnerable those empty places make us, tally the cost of filing them with useless things, and seek wholeness in Christ alone.”

And even more still… He wants to display my hurts and HIS healing, for HIS glory!

And that’s when I will not only find true satisfaction in God, but I will become a display of that satisfaction and the peace that comes with it!

I hope you will forgive me, but I just needed to give that part of the lesson a bit more thought. My heart needed to hear it again… maybe yours did too?

The remainder of Day 4 focused on displaying the peace we find in obedience to God.  Beth says that obedience will ultimately bring about joy and that there is no greater way to display God’s splendor than through our joy!  She also summarizes both Isaiah 32:17 and John 15 by saying:

“Peace is the fruit of righteousness that, in essence, is obedience to God’s commands ~ the product of abiding in the vine.”

Day 5, Beth shares her final words of the study ~ her goals for each one who has gone through Breaking Free, and some final words of encouragement.  There is no need for me to repeat all of her words, but I will say that I too pray this has given you a new lease on life. I pray that you have found freedom, and know how to keep it!  If you {like me} are just beginning to realize where the true battle or bondage lies, I pray that you will continue to look up for the answers and that you will be willing to go through this study again and again until you are set free!!

Dear Lord,

I thank you for allowing me this chance to share your Words of hope and healing. I thank you for the holes you brought to light in my own heart and life.  And I pray that each one of us might know the reality of being set free very soon!

Amen

**If you are new to this study and would like to know where/how to get the information referenced here, please visit LifeWay.com! Thank you, LifeWay for Women, for sponsoring this Bible Study!

God bless!

This is it… we made it to the end of Breaking Free! Although ten weeks of Bible study may have turned into more like twelve or thirteen, I still cannot believe this is the final week.  I pray that, despite my faltering, you were still blessed, encouraged, and changed through this study!

Looking over my notes from the final week’s homework, I cannot help but consider all that Beth {and God} asked us to face, to conquer, and to release in just ten short weeks.  In Day One from this week, Beth states this:

“If you have fully participated in every lesson and every exercise, you have withheld nothing from Him.  This… has been an exercise in loving God.”

It is my deepest desire and prayer that you have fully participated in these lessons {even if not “on time” with the group}, and that this truly has made you stretch your loving God muscles a bit!

In Isaiah 61:3, we are referred to as trees planted by the Lord and are given a specific purpose ~ to display His splendor.  I like Beth’s reference to Moses’ face after he had spent several days on the mountain top with the Lord! We are literally to shine with the splendor of God!  His beauty will shine through our brokenness.  It’s not about us.  It’s about HIM, and the work He is doing in us!

In Day Two we began to revisit the five benefits of our covenant relationship with God.  Beth made a powerful statement here ~ “…any benefit missing in our individual lives for any length of time is an indicator of a stronghold, an area of defeat.” As much as we studied these five benefits throughout Breaking Free, I had never stopped to really absorb that concept.  If I am in a dark place in life, and lose sight of any of the five, I have opened myself up for a stronghold ~ for captivity.

A review of the five benefits:

1. To know God and believe Him
2. To glorify God
3. To find satisfaction in God
4. To experience God’s peace
5. To enjoy God’s presence

I wonder, in hindsight now, which of those five is where you struggle most? I personally can attest to continued struggles with #3.  It’s not that I possess a greedy spirit or have a need for more, but rather I struggle with allowing God to be enough in me, through me, around me, so that I might feel like I am enough for those around me as well. Rather than finding my satisfaction in the Lord, and who He made me to be, I battle feelings of not measuring up, or needing to do more!

The key point in Day Three for me was her emphasis on Exodus 12:21-30, the story of the final plague in Egypt.

“While God set His plan in motion, He demanded preparation out of His people.  The same is true for us… He wants us never to forget that blood was shed by the perfect Lamb of God so we could be delivered.  We have no door of escape unless the doorpost has been painted with the blood of Christ.”

As we have reiterated throughout this entire study, true healing… true freedom is only possible through Christ.  I pray that each one of you has made Him Lord of your heart, mind, soul, and life, and are well on your way to freedom and liberty through Him!

What do you consider to be your “plunder” from the trials you have faced in life? Also in Day Three of this week, Beth says that we do not have to come through trials, hardships, and captivity with nothing to show for it! An example of spiritual plunder from our personal journey would be our determination in our marriage.  We have walked some low roads even after our reconciliation, but knowing the heartache and heartbreak from our first marriage makes us so much more determined to fight for each other, to value our family, and our togetherness.  That determination, and knowing we both feel the same way about it, are invaluable to us!  I pray God has opened your eyes to the spiritual plunder from your own captivity!

To be continued… Come back tomorrow for some final thoughts and an opportunity for you to share!

I warned you guys… I told you there would be times when life would get in the way, and I would struggle to keep up with the Breaking Free study.

I just didn’t think it would truly be this hard!  Once again I find myself apologizing to each of you, as life has in fact gotten in the way again.  Some of you may not know, but I currently have two blogs ~ this one and Pennies and Blessings.  My other blog has been undergoing some changes, and just re-launched yesterday.  I have found myself in front of the computer screen for hours a day making many of the design and set-up changes myself.  I am just mentally exhausted right now…

Please know that I am so sorry for the delay! I will work hard this weekend to get the post written for this week of Breaking Free! And just maybe there won’t be any more bumps in the road from here on out… Maybe…

In the meantime, you guys are more than welcome to comment here or on the Facebook page ~ I would absolutely love to hear from you, and how this study has been for you! Quite frankly, I could use the encouragement!

I sincerely hope you found Days 1 and 2 of this week’s study quite empowering ~ contrasting the “views” from the old perspective and the new! What a powerful thing our minds can be, and that power can be used to glorify and praise the Lord or can be used as a tool of manipulation by Satan.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.” ~Isaiah 26:3

In the King James Version, it says “whose mind is stayed on Thee”.  I want my mind to stay on Jesus; don’t you? I want the peace that comes with focusing on Him rather than my sorrows! Steadfast, “to lean upon”. To trust. Beth states toward the end of Day 1 that “the steadfast believer chooses to lay her hand on God’s Word and know that it’s the truth.” That statement alone struck every chord in me, as so many times I have been given the opportunity to choose to believe and trust, and yet I have chosen to fret and worry and let my emotions control our situation.  Oh, how I desire to change that and make a conscious effort to choose Christ, both in the valleys and on the mountain tops!

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” ~II Corinthians 10:5

Again, I can completely identify with the reference to strongholds we have created for ourselves, as Beth discusses on Day 2.  I have built those fortress walls around myself, foolishly thinking I was controlling circumstances, emotions, and the actions of others by literally boxing myself in from the world.

“…Inevitably,…these fortresses become prisons.  At some point, we realize we no longer control them. They control us.” ~Beth

I feel as though that statement quite possibly sums up my entire adult life.  My perfectionistic behaviors and my efforts to control every minute detail of our lives… all have equaled nothing more than a prison, for myself and for those around me. And in all the great pains taken to control, I have in all actuality lost control.

My goal for this upcoming week {and the rest of my life} ~ to “take captive every thought” and to “make it obedient to Christ“, not me! I need to surrender my pride and give every thought and every circumstance over to Him!

In reading through Day 3, did you find yourself convicted over any high places in your life? For me, the thoughts of the never-ending daily To-Do List of responsibilities and details to manage have become my high place. I would never intentionally choose those things over the Lord or my time with Him, but in essence that is what I have done anyway.  My obsession with control has most definitely “outgrown my thoughts of God.”

I love the illustrations Beth shared on page 202 for the various stages of giving over our captivating thoughts! If you were convicted of a high place in your life, which of those five stages are you working toward today?

• Recognize the Captor.
• Stand in agreement with God.
• Tear down the lies.
• Put up the Truth.
• Bow thought to the Truth.

We can identify the high place or the strongholds in our lives, but true freedom from their captivity will only come once we have identified the lies involved in keeping us there.  The lies have to be recognized and erased, with Truth put in their place! I have no control over today or tomorrow; there are constant reminders of that throughout Scripture. Yet I have believed the lie that it was possible to seek perfection in life and prevent bad things from coming my way. As I give that captivating thought over to God, I am replacing it with the Truth that God makes no mistakes, that He is ever present in my time of need, and that He knows both the needs of the sparrow and of me.  I am a fool to think my wisdom and my power supersede that of an Almighty God!

As you concluded this week’s study, did you create some “Truth cards” to carry with you? Deciding we want to be free from these captivating thoughts does not mean they will just magically go away tomorrow! The believer in the illustrations was able to get her thoughts to bow to truth by believing, speaking, and applying Truth throughout her life!

I would love it if you would share some of your Truth cards here, as an encouragement to others! God says His Word will not return void ~ share what He’s doing in you, and He will make you a blessing to someone else!

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you.” ~Isaiah 54:10

What an incredible verse to base this week’s lessons on!! I don’t know about you, but I could have just pulled up there and parked awhile!  My world has been rocked to its core in recent months… or perhaps better put ~ my mountains have been shaken!  Yet God’s unfailing love and His promise of peace is not shaken or removed!!

Day One we were to list a number of variables in our lives.  That list seemed so overwhelming to me personally, as we currently are dealing with many unknowns in relation to our finances and my husband’s military career. As I penned out each one, and thought through all my fears and anxieties over then, it was so refreshing to read those things in the context of Romans 8:38-39.

“For I am convinced that neither… {insert your own variables here}… will separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Day Two discusses the freedom we find  in God’s unfailing love.  The one who shouts the loudest is often the one who was rescued from the most. I do not believe we should compare sins, hardships, or struggles on a scale of whose is the “easiest” or the “hardest.” I do however believe that someone who has walked through a very dark valley seems to have a greater understanding and appreciation for someone who has been allowed to avoid the valleys in life.  Just as Beth said in Day Two, I too knew truth at a young age, and I too crashed and burned.  As a result of my failings, and my heartaches, I now feel as though I have a much greater appreciation for Who God is than I ever would have had otherwise. People often ask me if I would choose to go through our divorce and reconciliation again, had I known then what I now know…  Of course, my initial response is a resounding NO, but truthfully I do not believe I would change a minute of this journey He has brought me on.  Each step, every chapter, has held valuable lessons and rewards, and each valley has been filled with chances to see the power and unfailing love of my Heavenly Father!

To be filled with God’s love is to be satisfied with Who God is.  In order for our knowledge of God’s love to surpass what our own minds can comprehend, there must be a continual relationship with Him ~ a continual desire to allow Him to fulfill all our needs and desires.  In Day Three, Beth states that the primary hindrance to our satisfaction is refusing God access to our empty places.  When we block off areas of our hearts or lives, and refuse to allow God to fill those spaces for us, we are not only robbing ourselves of the peace He can bring, but we are robbing the Lord of His joy in bestowing peace and love to us!

To say that I struggle with unbelief of God’s love seems absolutely preposterous to me! The truth of the matter is though, that I do in fact struggle with unbelief.  If I trusted Him and His Love wholeheartedly, my instinct to fix everything right away would decrease, and handing all my variables over to Him would become my first instinct rather than the last!  What are your thoughts on Day 4? Is this an area you also struggle?

The example Beth shared in Day Five of a child who could not be convinced of love seemed so sad and heartbreaking! And yet, in a strange way, it felt familiar.  The heartache she must have felt over trying to persuade Michael of her love only pales in comparison to what we ask the Almighty God to endure every day!  I encourage you to go back and read through the numbered points she listed on Day Five.  Point #4 is the one that stood out to me the most ~

God’s child who trusts His love possesses security in His comfort.

Total trust = complete security = great comfort = no more variables to fret over.  God loves me unconditionally and unfailingly.  He is my greatest resource, and yet the last One I turn to in desperate times.  Dear Lord, I want to break free from this impossible bondage I force upon myself when I refuse to trust in You!

I pray this week has been a blessing to you as well, and that you are keeping up with the videos or the audio sessions of this study as we go!

To say “thank you” to each of you who have prayed, emailed, commented, and loved over the past week {or months} would somehow seem so very inadequate.  Yet I feel the need to let you all know what a blessing you have been to me! And oh, how I have felt your prayers! One week ago today was a very difficult day for us here on the home front – prayers were needed desperately, and through those prayers came peace.  I might write a longer update soon, if the Lord leads, and fill you in on some of the healing happening here these days. For now though, I want you to know your prayers were heard, and answered, and so very much appreciated!

Due to the unexpected interruption last week, I thought I would try to summarize both Week 6 and Week 7 of Breaking Free in one post.  I hope you don’t mind, and I hope I can successfully combine the two!  {Did anyone else notice how relevant the titles were to this blog ~ “Beauty from Ashes” and “The Potter and the Clay”?? } The timing, the truths, the titles, and this site… How amazing it is that God orchestrates even the tiniest of details!

Day One of Week 6 strongly addresses the demoralization of women in our current society.  Beth offers a list of ways Satan is actively pushing this agenda on page 129 in your workbook.  I sat and nodded as I read through each one.  God created a man to lead and love a woman, and a woman to love and honor the man. It is a partnership created and ordained at the foundation of the world. Clearly Satan is very calculated with his attacks and devices to destroy that foundation!

“The answer is not in turning from men. The answer is in turning to God.”

Though it may not be our individual form of bondage at this moment, I believe, as does Beth, that we all have been affected by the line of thinking so prevalent today.  Claim this ~ “If we are not royalty, then He is not King.”

Whether our beauty has been desecrated by physical hurts or emotional pain, God desires to bring His beauty from the ashes.  As Day 2 describes in depth, we are His bride ~ He sees us that way and desires to bless us as such! I love the analogy of being Christ’s bride versus being His wife.  When I coordinate weddings, I often tell the bride-to-be that she is princess for a day.  As Christ’s bride though, we can be princesses for life, and for all eternity! We cannot truly appreciate the meaning of that until we really know our Bridegroom well. Allowing Him a chance to love us, to bring us out of a dark pit in our lives, looking to Him for healing… what better ways to recognize just Who He is?!

And the best part of it all… we are guaranteed the “happily ever after”, even if the chapters of our lives before that are filled with life lessons, hurts, and disappointments!

“Our passion will be birthed from our pain.” ~ Viewers Guide, Session 7.

As a teenager, the rules I was expected to obey always felt more like a cage than freedom. But Day One of Week 7 starts out with the idea that obedience to God’s Word is where our liberty can be found.  This entire day’s lesson resonated with me, as I realized that I personally must face these trials, learn these lessons in the Word, walk this road, in order to be changed and renewed from the inside out. I was blessed enough to be raised in a Christian home, attend a Christian school, and participate in a local church for as long as I can remember. While that is a tremendous blessing that I do not take lightly, it also has been one of my greatest pitfalls.  Christianity was almost a habit, more than an active relationship between me and the Lord.  I often tell others it wasn’t until I went through our divorce that God became real to me.  In that dark valley, I was forced to develop an obedient and submissive relationship with the Lord, and through that came great intimacy with Him as well!

As discussed in Days One and Two of Week 7, did you see tendencies of rebellion within yourself? I sure did! In one way or another I could identify with all six characteristics of rebellion Beth listed!

“To flee from God’s salvation is rebellion.

To flee from God’s strength is to flee from victory.”

Days Three and Four of Week 7 compared God’s right to rule and how God’s rule is right.  The conclusion of Day Four is so tremendously powerful.  {Please refer back to page 165 in your workbook.}  God makes no mistakes. His way is perfect. He sets up rules for us to obey to give us safe boundaries in which to live our lives.  His guidance will never lead us in the wrong direction.

There is freedom in obedience.

Blessings to you this week!

I owe you a post today, but my head and my heart are somewhere else.

Our family is back in our own form of bondage today,

so my Breaking Free post will have to wait.

Please accept my apologies,

and an I. O. U.

Prayers appreciated!