brooke & freeland

oldies

2016-02-29T09:52:00.002-06:00

Here is the current problem .. my computer wont upload my photos. The even larger problem is .. Ive lost almost all my other photos. Gone. Just like that. Poof. I dont have the heart to figure it out. I just get angry or upset and if someone else wants to come pick up my computer and take it to apple to figure out for me - feel free. (basically, Freeland, I am asking you to do this for me on my blog)

Until I can figure it out - we'll go with what I can find.

So here are some pictures from almost this exact same time as last year:

Look at these little babies. River is doing much better recently. Either Kindergarten - or this age - has been a transition for all of us. Right now he is set on being an artist and a builder when he grows up. He also wants to play soccer and basketball and he really wants another baby in our family. Ha.

Currently, Freeland is in the middle of all his interviews for his fellowship. Did I mention this already?

Right now he is in Denver. He has been in and out the last 2 months and he has 4 more to go. They've been going really well and he has managed to stay with a friend at almost every single one so he has been able to see friends along the way which has been really fun too.

The match process, for him, (every specialty is different) is at the end of the month through the beginning of April .. so by the middle of April we will know what is next for us!

By next, I mean we will know what we're doing in 1.5 years. He will still have his last year of residency to finish. Which is so nice that they apply for fellowship during their 4th year. It gives us an entire year to plan so Im thankful for that.

Its exciting and crazy to imagine. We have no idea what will happen and we have no idea what is best for Freeland or our family. But he's just focusing on getting through the interviews and figuring it out once they're done. We're praying the Lord would just make it clear what His plans are for our family.

Those are old glasses. Wylder doesnt wear them anymore. These are his "froggy" glasses because - well, there are frogs on the side of them. He does love them.

He wears the black ones and most days he doesnt wear those because he cant see well in them anymore - which means either his vision is fixed or his prescription changed. We'll see once he has his appointment.

Wylder is so precious lately. His heart is so big and kind. He is super sensitive to some things and he has some big emotions. I love seeing how smart and thoughtful he is and I love watching him make friends everywhere he goes. Speaking of River wanting another baby in our family - Wylder currently wants to adopt 120 kids when he grows up. He also talks about his future wife and family a lot and its precious.

and this little itty bitty munchkie:

as I write this she is yelling at Wylder #threenager.

She is my shadow everywhere I go. Wanting to know why Im a mommy and what makes me a mommy. If Im mopping - she is mopping. If Im putting on make up - she is putting on make up.. and so on. Its sweet and Im trying to fully embrace how much she wants to know and learn and be around me right now. She's the little mommy in our family for sure. She is also ca-razy fiesty and the girl knows what she wants and is learning to calm down and just ask or use her words without screaming about it. ha.

and this little bit is growing and doing so so well. She loves passing out kisses and hugs and if youre here she is in and out of your lap a million times. She climbs on everything and loves to jump around. She is starting to talk. Her favorite words are currently "mine" "daddy" and "nonononono" my favorite is when she says "uh oh" and "tank you" She has been on a nap strike the last 4-6 weeks. But she is for the most part happy and all over the place. I'll still have to post an update on where we are in the adoption process and what the Lord has been showing us.

My conflict is that if there is time in the day its either - get something done or sit and write on here.. most days I choose to get something done. I also dont know that I have a ton to say but I do love reading back at the things we were doing over the years so Im hoping to post - even when its about nothing - because I love the memories.

Off to run some errands.

(and there you go - 2 post in one year so far. ha)

The year I accidentally quit blogging

2016-01-07T14:01:00.002-06:00

hi.

its been awhile.

Im currently, in the back of my head, working on my list of what I'll remember from 2015 and what Im hoping for in 2016. (per usual - after the new year)

A few people have brought up my blog to me lately. One person, being my husband, said he felt like it was time for me to blog again. Though that sounds more intentional than I think he meant it.. when a few other people brought it up as well it got me thinking.

(note, add to 2015 list - the year that I learned about myself that I think NON STOP .. like I never stop thinking about things.. which sounds normal, right? But after multiple discussions I have realized I generally think and keep thinking and continue thinking about things and then I think about them a little bit more when other people probably stopped thinking about the right after the conversation we had. So, 2015 - the year I learned Im a thinker - at age 32. Bout time)

Ive been thinking for about the last 6 months why I stopped blogging and more specifically why I haven't shared more about our journey being foster parents. I *think* I know the answer to this. Ha. Most of it I'm still chewing on though.

Overall I know this last year was more of a silent year for me. I remember the Lord saying my influence was going to be in my home and with our daughters Biological mom last year. I didnt really get it because I never saw my influence outside of that. (meaning - I didnt see my blog as a place of influence) But what I realize is that my time and attention and thoughts and energy have all gone to those things this last year. So its where my influence ended up being.

It was an intense year. Caring for a child who has high needs and never sleeps and has many mountains to climb while juggling our normal - busy - husband is a resident - we have 4 kids - blah blah blah life was intense.

Im happy to report, I feel on the other side of that now. (in most ways) But when I think through the Lord telling me where my influence was to go at the end of 2014 .. I now see what he meant. It was a year I could really only put out things for our family and outside of that I didnt have near as much to give. It was a great year - though intense and hard. On the other side it always feels worth it.

We're still foster parents - still hoping to adopt baby girl - and thinking it will happen in 2016. Our kids are all still growing and crazy and rambunctious and wonderful and more adorable than ever. Freeland is in his 4th year of residency and half way through it already - currently applying for fellowships. I cooked a meal every night of the week this last week - so seems Im growing too. (wink)

There is so much to update Im sure.. seeing as I only posted 3 times in 2015 and my last post was in March.. and Im pretty sure it was just pictures from the kids starting school the previous August?

Hopefully I can find time and once again start getting all these thoughts out on to here. If not, hopefully I can at least just post some pictures for our family to see since their all still crazy far from us.

I just saw the clock and its time for me to go get River (so many thoughts on this as well .. him being in kindergarten and such. see - so much to write out. But I have to hop off now.

Peace n blessins.

For now, here are some more pictures from this fall (Sami Renee Photography did them)

(both girls are in this picture if you can spy the little foot hanging out)

the first day of preschool - as I get ready to register for Kindergarten.

2015-03-04T11:18:00.000-06:00

Im about to get up and go figure out how to register River for Kindergarten. So I thought it was only appropriate to share pictures from the boys first day of preschool this year.

They already look so much more grown up in such a short time. I love these pictures. It makes me realize how much they have changed. In both good and different ways! ha. They've grown and learned so much. Wylder is already nervous to be in the 4 year class next year. River is SO ready to be in Kindergarten. We considered holding him back but his teachers have advised me that he is emotionally and socially really ready and he loves learning so we are going to go ahead and enroll him. (despite the tears it makes me have)

Freeland was able to come home for the morning on their first day to help us all out. (the boys went at separate times the first day and you stay with them in the class so he stayed with the other kiddos while we rotated between all that)

praying for the school year:

Chapel thinks she is going:

(such a typical chapel face!;)

Wylder went first:

He was in the same class that River was in last year - and with the same teacher - so he was MORE than ready. You may recall, he cried almost every.single.day last year when we dropped River off. He waited a long time to start! ha (and I was SO thankful he had Mrs. Erin as well!)

Then Wylder finished and it was River's turn:

(I dont remember where Chapel was? Maybe she was running in the hallway? Lets hope! ha)

River did great. He had a whole new classroom with new teachers and new students. He loved it.

Then we promptly came home and did haircuts on the front porch that evening. I guess this is something that should have happened BEFORE the first day of school. Oops

Little did I know 2 days later I would be carting FOUR kids to school every single day! ;)

hello? Is this thing on?

2015-02-17T10:37:00.000-06:00

Freeland pointed out to me the other night that my last update on this little space was in November.

ALSO** The noonday spring line is live today!!! Its beautiful. I'll share more about it soon. You can see it here if you want. www.brookeackley.noondaycollection.com****

Well, a lot has happened since November. Thats crazy.

I have about 15 minutes until the babe wakes up so I will write my little heart out until then. Who knows how many times I'll be interrupted in those 15 minutes by other little ones asking for a snack, more milk, a different snack etc.

(full disclosure - this ended up taking 3 days to actually finish posting and its not even long or thought provoking.)

Im uploading pictures for my own sake that I want to post and have on here (first day of school .. remember that? Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas .. our family pictures) Freeland is half way through his 3rd year and well on his way to his 4th year of residency. Ive been on 2 trips to different conferences and my sweet pop also passed away so I took an unexpected trip to Texas in the middle of that to celebrate his life with family too. Freeland is in Kenya again right now working with Cure and visiting Naomi's Village and our friends there. Thats what I can think of at the moment.

I miss this little space though and writing all the things the Lord is doing and what we are learning and just sharing our little lives on here so hopefully I can get back to it.

For now I will update you on how things are with the lil nugget.

She is 5 months old now. She will be 6 months old on the 29th. WHAT THE WHAT?

She has THE BEST smile. I mean it lights up a room. Im so tired of not showing you her face because its just the most precious little face ever and I cant wait for you to see it. She smiles a lot and loves her brothers and sister so much. She laughs the most with them. She is definitely attached to us and Im so thankful for that. She kinda freaks out if anyone else holds her for too long and Im not near. (momma's girl) I'll take it and just praise the Lord for it.

We spend a lot of the day holding her and entertaining her. She is in the middle of tons of physical therapy and early intervention is coming to our house to work with her weekly too. So far she is a little fighter and meeting a handful of her milestones but we want to work hard to make sure it stays that way and the gap doesnt get even larger - if she is capable of hitting those milestones at least. If not then we'll go from there. We still do lots of weight checks to make sure she is gaining weight and growing like she should. I tried to start her on some food to give her even more calories but she may not be ready just yet. We do let her play with a spoon and occasionally taste things because its what they recommend we do for her. I'll try food again soon.

She has good days and bad days. Im so thankful for her good days. They help me to see little glimpses of life being normal again. Normal, meaning where Im not exhausted from a newborn-ish baby and sleep deprived. Ive accepted that our life will never actually be 'normal' again.

Things got better at 4.5 months and then she got sick or something and she had a handful of really hard weeks/nights but I think we are on the upswing again. (im writing that so I can remember.. it does get better!)

This week happens to be a great week so thats why I feel like Im able to write all this. She actually put herself to sleep 3 times this week! I could do jumping jacks and cartwheels all over our house from that. Its amazing how much simpler that makes my day feel. It may never happen again but I will celebrate the fact that it did actually happen and she was able to do it!

Her OT (occupational therapist) keeps reminding me to seriously celebrate the victories she has because they really are HUGE considering all she has experienced. It is a blessing having someone in my house pointing out the things she does that are worth celebrating because I can easily forget and see the things she isnt doing or worry about all the "what ifs". I joked with my friends and with the OT, Sue, that all moms need someone like her to come to their house weekly because she literally just sits and tells me what a great job Im doing. For example, when lil nugget was tired and I picked her up to swaddle her and get her to bed (a very normal thing to do that nobody would think twice about. I mean we would all just do that without thinking about it right - pick up a fussy baby?) she went on and on about how wonderful that was that I know her cues and can easily comfort her. All the sudden something I would never think twice of - Im like "yeah, you're stinkin right! This is amazing. Im like actually a good mom and know what to do! And she is SO comforted right now" ha. Its ridiculous. I could write so many sweet and silly things she has cheered me on for. But having someone cheering you on for an hour every week somehow makes a difference and I think every mom needs a Sue in their life. (and it makes me wonder - what is she normally seeing if she is praising me for knowing normal things to do)

Where it stands (technically, I guess, if youre trying to understand what is actually happening) is that we are still her foster parents. Her birth family still has legal custody of her (meaning she is not legally in the custody of the state which is why we are foster parents) We will remain foster parents until the state seems fit for her to either return to her family or until the state legally removes her family's custody of her. At that time she would then legally be in custody of the state and able to be adopted.

There have been more than a handful of court dates and a ton going on, of course. But at the same time, as you can see, nothing is happening or changing. It just takes time. That doesnt bother me at all. I have a peace about the process happening and I dont feel anxious about any of that.

(photo by River James.. He is really proud of this one! :)

Since the beginning we have done weekly visitations with her birth mom. They have been just fine. By the grace of God that hasnt been hard. I dont mind them and I truly see it as a gift that she comes every week and that I have the chance to know her some. Things are starting to get complicated in this area but the Lord is still so faithful and I have a peace that he is guiding this whole process.

I could probably write a million thoughts here but I digress.

I really want to share so much and I feel like the Lord has given me a desire to share a lot of it but I also want to pray about it because this really isnt our story to share. Its hers. I can get over all my own fears of being misunderstood and all that but Im more cautious because once I put it out there - its out there and how does that affect her? Im constantly thinking "what if she finds this and reads it one day? What will it feel like to her to read these words"? So Im still praying about it all. I do feel a peace about sharing what we have learned through all this and I cant wait to have the time to sit down and share that.

This has been the hardest and the best thing we have done to date. (emotionally and mentally its hard. Physically its just whatever it is.) I never imagined how hard it would be and what it would feel like. If you had told me I probably would have said no to it all. Because I dont love doing hard things. Except I love her so I wouldnt have said no. She is worth it. The Lord is worth it. And we are just in a season of laying down our lives, growing in discipline and obedience and faith and its been humbling and wonderful.

Okay its 9:40 at night and I can still hear Wylder yelling "Cocka doodle doooooooo" in the bedroom and River saying "please shut your mouth" so I should probably go take care of that situation.

Hopefully I'll post again before her 1st birthday! (just kidding.. I really hope to post again this week)

and because Im sure my family wants to see here are some pictures of all the bigs:

Rivers first homework assignment ever - he was so excited!

wylder got new glasses.

the first day with our new addition ..

2014-11-21T12:26:00.002-06:00

Phew, here we are, almost 3 months in with our new little peanut.

There is so much to update, so much to remember, so much to share, so much I dont feel like I can share.. and so on. The transition to 4 has been just fine but my "free time" is out the window and gone so its a lot harder to find the time to sit down and write all this out. At least while we are deep in newborn-hood ... once she sleeps longer than 30 minutes during the day I know it will be better.

But I finally have a moment to sit down at the computer so I thought I would update our little blog. This has actually taken weeks sitting here and there to write.

Thank you to those of you who have prayed, reached out, celebrated, listened, interceded, called, texted, sent cards, sent meals and loved us so well in so many different ways. We've needed it. I love running in to people and them begging to see her picture and wanting to hear all about her. It thrills me to know she is adored all over!

I feel like there is a fine line of what Im "allowed" to share and what I can not share. Im not sure I know where or what the line is. But I do feel deeply convicted to respect her birth mom as I share details. I also feel deeply convicted that her, our foster-daughter's, story isnt completely ours to share. Its her story to share. (it PAINS me to type out foster daughter.. that is not what she is to us.. so I wont ever say that again. Just so you know. Regardless of what happens.. right now she is our daughter in this house. She is a sister to 3 siblings. I dont say that with a dramatic undertone, I promise. I just wanted to throw it out there.)

So, here is some of the story. Forgive me if I share too much or dont share enough.

(blurry because someone else took it - but it works)

We got a phone call on Wednesday afternoon, September 3rd, letting us know there was a baby who had been born and needed a home. A girl? A boy? I had no idea - just a baby is all I knew. Freeland was at work. I got the phone call from our resource manager first. She thought I had already received the news so she was calling to check how I felt. I had no idea what she was talking about because I actually had not received a phone call. So it was a little anti-climatic in that sense.

I immediately called Freeland and told him to keep his phone by him at work because we'd be getting a call and I had no idea when.

Around 5:00 I received a phone call from the case worker with more information. I sat in the backyard while all the kids played and got some details on what the history was and what we could expect and I was able to ask questions as well. In hindsight - it was basically a 10th of the story. But, I told the case worker yes - before I talked to Freeland.. knowing Freeland would say yes too.

And he did.

We sent out texts to family letting them know "ITS A GIRL" and within the next 24 hours we would have a little girl in our home once again.

And then we waited. I immediately wanted run to the hospital to get her. I mean I already said yes - why couldn't I be there? The thought of a little innocent baby spending another night in the hospital alone without a parent by her bedside was a lot. (not to worry, I later learned she was never alone at the hospital! Which made me cry big alligator tears of joy too. Also, her birth mother was there with her as well and even when the birth mom was discharged from the hospital she did come to see her) The baby wouldnt be discharged from the hospital until the next day and they had to get the legal work done for us to be able to come and be there with her. At least, thats my understanding of why we had to wait?

The way I felt after receiving the phone call and knowing a baby would be placed in our house was definitely not how I expected. Of course I was thrilled and couldn't wait to see her and have her with us. We were ready and excited! But it also just felt heavy. The minute I was on the phone with the case worker hearing the details and knowing what we were doing .. I just felt the weight of it all. The reality that our celebrating was at the expense of another mothers pain was a lot. Of course, I knew this going in to it. As a foster parent this is how it would look. A child is being taken from a home and from parents and being put in to yours. They arent asking to have their child removed. Yes, you could say their decisions led to this and analyze it a hundred different ways but it doesnt change that its still painful for everyone involved. So even though I knew this going in to it .. living it out feels so much more messy and complex. I found myself so excited one minute and so grieved the next.

The conclusion that Ive come to so far is that our response and our feelings are just a realistic response. Adoption and foster care feel really glorified when its far off and something we're dreaming about and reading about but the reality of it doesnt "feel" as glorified. Its a person you are dealing with. Its heartbreaking and there are a lot of unknowns and even though its been WONDERFUL (seriously) that doesnt mean it hasnt been without an ache too.

okay.. moving on.

So, on Thursday morning I dropped River off at school and ran around town like a mad woman/hot mess grabbing diapers, formula, preemie clothes, bottles etc. It was so so fun. It helped a ton for me to wrap my head around all of it. I loved spending the morning gathering things for her and praying and calling people to let them know. The funny thing is I always thought we'd be placed with a little boy. I never imagined an infant girl! It was such a surprise. I loved spending those hours wondering what she looked like and what her little personality would be like.

Freeland had the afternoon off (even though he was on call.. raise those hands up yall .. that was the Lord. He actually never once got paged the entire night either) so he got home and we pulled out the swing and all the baby items and got them set up in her room. It was a sweet time of expectation and the kids were precious.

We watched the clock like crazy waiting until it was time for us to go. Finally it arrived and we make our way to the hospital! (actually we still left early because - we're impatient) We took the kids over to my friend Te'sheba's house and then we headed to the hospital to meet our daughter. Wylder cried because he was so sad he couldn't come with us. Which I just love his sweet heart.

Freeland and I spent the drive praying together. Praying over the baby, praying over the birth mom and her family, praying over the case workers and our own family too. Its hard to describe what it felt like pulling in to the hospital and waiting for the case worker to come get us with no idea what was about to happen or how to prepare ourselves. Being a first time placement was strange. There was so much unknown for us. But there we were - waiting. Nervous, excited, grieving for her birth mom, it was somber and exciting all at the same time. The case worker came and found us and walked us up to her room.

All eyes were on us as we walked through the hallway (this may not have been true but its how it felt) Then we turned the corner and right across from the nurses station was her room. It was dark and there was this little itty itty bitty baby bundled up that I could barely see.

She was in her little bed just sleeping. (which is hard to believe because she rarely did that again once we got home! ha) She was perfect and beautiful and peaceful and so so so adored by everyone there.

Freeland & I sat trying to take it all in. I picked her up first and got to hold her. It was overwhelming and sweet. But at the same time there was a ton of information being thrown our way and papers that needed to be signed and staff coming in and out of the room. So while I wish I could say it was such a dreamy moment - it was just a really realistic moment of the fact that we were foster parents too. In hindsight I would have just asked for a moment to sit and see her and wait to do all the logistics after. Actually, if I had it my way, Id ask them to let me just stay at the hospital with her for 2-4 days bonding .. but we all know this already, right? I love the hospital! ;)

After we got as much information as we could and signed all the paperwork and hugged the nurses and the social worker and the case workers and thanked them for all they had done and were doing and for adoring this sweet little girl and standing in the gap for her - we walked out.

Officially as a family of 6 for the first time.

I got in the car and sat in the back with her because I just wanted to sit and stare at her. She was the tiniest thing I had ever seen. (she was about 4lbs and 15 ounces when she left the hospital which I know isnt THAT little in comparison really but to me it was so little).

On the way home we found out that our friends had ordered pizza for all the kids to celebrate and pray together so we headed back to the Olivers so the kids could meet their sister for the first time and so we could spend some time in prayer with friends.

There is a picture of all the kids (ours, the carlisles and the olivers) all standing at their window from inside the house trying to see her as we pulled up. I love it! Then they all ran out to greet her!

We didnt make it home until almost 8:30 or 9:00 that night. And there we were putting 4 kids to bed.

It was crazy and its still all so surreal to me. Life didnt stop or slow down. That was the strangest part. Having a newborn in the home but your husband going back to work the next morning at 5:45 and still needing to get the other 3 kids up and out the door for school. Ha. I mean I just have to laugh at that. But the Lord has so graciously sustained us in the midst of a very busy season.

So there is the story of the first day with our little nugget. The kids are HEAD OVER HEELS in love with her. I keep saying that if anything - all of this was worth it just to see their love for her. Ive never seen River react this way to a baby and be so affectionate and enamored. Its so sweet. Wylder of course loves her deeply. That boy cant get enough of babies and he tells EVERYONE about her all the time. Chapel, oh my goodness, she was my biggest concern. You may not know, but Chapel was basically attached to my hip for the first 18 months of her life. Rarely even letting her dad hold her if I was in the room (if I was gone - no problem) and she even freaked out if her own brothers were sitting in my lap. What was she going to do with a new baby? As you can see in the pictures above she immediately took to her. I stood there in shock and couldnt believe my eyes. I was prepared to have to have Freeland hold the baby all night while I held Chapel. But its like from that day on Chapel has been fine. The first thing she wants to do each morning and after her nap is go kiss and hug baby sister (and say "its okay sister I got you") if anything she loves her a little too much and Im constantly supervising how much affection is shown. I still, 3 months later, cant believe how well all the kids transitioned to having another baby in the home. Dont worry, theyre already asking for another one too!

I hear a baby crying so thats all I got for now. Excuse the typos and rambling. I didnt have time to even pretend to check any of this. (as if Ive ever cared about grammar) Thank you again for always celebrating with us and letting us share our journey with you!

God writes a good story .. we're officially done and waiting

2014-09-03T07:13:00.002-05:00

The other weekend after texting my friend Sarah back and forth all morning after a series of crazy things she responded by saying "God writes a good story" and I laughed.. its so true.

The funny thing is I feel like we're just still in the forward and haven't even reached the first chapter.

I want to write this out so I can always come back and see it and remember it and most importantly so I can share it with our children .. but I also want to write out this story as it happens to share it with all of you. I understand that we are in the midst of it and our hearts are tender right now so we have more emotion invested in the story and I'm sure that will be clear as I write it out (today and I'm sure as we move forward too)

As you know, we had our final training August 16th to officially be certified as foster parents and have our name on the list of "open beds" who could bring children in to our home.

Our case worker let us know, about 2 weeks before it, the 8 hour course was happening and we had to be there. This course only happens every 3 months so if we couldn't make it we would be waiting another 3 months. (I know this probably doesn't make sense.. how could they only offer it every 3 months when there are children waiting for homes? It is because they don't have enough families willing become foster parents to offer it every month. So sad)

So, the bad news was, Freeland was already on call August 16th - the day of the training. He tried to change his call day and couldn't but thankfully his friend (and the other resident with him) graciously offered to cover his call during those 8 hours so we could both make it to the class.

I found a sitter and asked our friends down the street to help watch the kids for 8 hours while we were gone. Freeland had work covered.. the kids were covered.. we were good to go and by 4:00 that afternoon we would officially be done and ready.

Freeland still had to round Saturday morning at the hospital since he was the one on call so he was going to do that and meet me back at the house at 7:45 so we could leave once the sitter arrived. (bless her heart for coming so early to take care of the kids)

and then at 7:30 I got a text from Freeland that some things had come up and he was going to have to go in to surgery at 8:00 ... therefore he would probably be missing the training unless something changed in the next 15 minutes.

I got in the car and started driving towards the class. I texted my friends and told them the situation and that we had 10 minutes for something to change and to be praying. Its a 30 minute drive for me so the entire time I spent praying knowing that whatever happened was the Lords will... if Freeland didn't make it - we'd just wait another 3 months.

But I didn't want to wait another 3 months. I was balling crying.

Fifteen minutes went by and Freeland texted me that it wasn't going to happen. He was stuck at the hospital and couldn't leave. The surgery he had to do was going to take 2-3 hours and there was no way he could get out of it or get it covered so he couldn't make it. I sat there balling crying the rest of the drive. I couldn't believe that here we were thinking a child could be in our home any day now and instead it wouldn't be until November or December.

As I pulled up to the building I had come to a peace about it (umm, I know, from balling crying to having a peace - that was fast. I cant explain it except that I feel like we're on a roller coaster).

I knew this wasn't a surprise to the Lord.. only to us. I knew if He wanted Freeland to be there - He could get him there. (the surgery could be canceled, the crazy stuff that came up could have been resolved, someone else could have stepped in.. etc.) I knew the Lords timing was perfect and His plan is always perfect .. and that the disappointment I felt was only because of my own expectations.. it wasn't a disappointment in the Lord. My friends had all sent me texts reminding me of these things and as I walked in the building my 'mourning' from the drive turned into dancing. In my spirit I had a peace and just kept praying over the Lords plans. I started remembering how much joy there is in waiting. I started thinking about what the Lord could be up to by having us wait and felt a peace again.

Our class started and Freeland texted me that he was going in to the O.R. and the surgery was about to start... and that was that.

I even posted this onto Instagram (this is a variation of what I posted .. since 2 minutes later I deleted it):

Right as I posted that and set my phone down I asked our instructor, just to clarify, when the next course would be and explained why my husband wasn't there. She told me it would actually be 4 months because they wouldn't offer it until December this time.

Sad.

and right then my phone started buzzing.

It was Freeland texting me saying "surgery is finished".

WHAT???

the 2-3 hour surgery was done that fast?

I jumped up and blurted out "wait! His surgery just finished.. if he left now can he still come to the training"?

You should know, this is not okay. You normally have a 15 minute window and if you are later than 15 minutes you can not come in to the building or and even if they did let you up to the class - you would never get credit for finishing the class. It was crazy that I even thought to ask knowing the answer was a big.fat.no since it had already been an hour.

Every person in the class stared responding "let him come. Tell him the answer was yes and just to get in the car and start driving.. come on .. let him come... " and then the instructor responded and said "okay, tell him to start driving and I will go work out the details" I explained that he was still 30 minutes away so it would take even longer for him to get here.. she was fine with that and went to let the man who was in charge know.

WHAT???

YOU GUYS. I cant even explain that. It may not make complete sense to you .. but THAT WAS A MIRACLE. let me try to break this down:

-Freeland's 2 - 3 hour surgery is done in 30 minutes. (the patient was okay! No worries)
-his attending tells him not only to go and try to make it to the class.. but that he (the attending) will close the surgery for him so that he can make it. (THIS IS UNHEARD OF) Freeland said okay, still thinking at the time it was impossible for him to make it but he would try since the attending was offering.
-I somehow take the risk to ask if after an hour he can still come to the class
-the instructor and entire 'system' says yes that he can come.. and they will meet him at security and work out all the details.
-Freeland makes it to the class ridiculously late when normally there are no exceptions to get into the building.. much less the training.. if its more than 15 minutes after the class starts. (I'm not sure if its this way in all counties - but in ours its that way)

so many details... all just worked out... right then and there. An hour and a half later Freeland was sitting next to me finishing his training.

I deleted that instagram post (2 minutes after I posted it) and replaced it with this later that day:

And by 4:00 that afternoon we were both done and done with all our certifications and training and home study and the whole shebang.

Freeland & I were crying on and off the entire day. I don't always realize how tender my heart is in this season because it doesn't feel that way day in and day out. Until I realize that I'm crying off and on during conversations with Freeland .. and he is doing the same. So I realize this entire post may seem like "big deal it worked out and he made it. you could have just written that at the last minute he made it" but we see it as much more than that. I understand that a huge reason why we see it as more than that is because our hearts are so tender right now and also because we're in the middle of all this so our eyes are opened to whats happening.

And just to add cherries to the top .. I also got this text from my friend on Sunday:

How amazing is that? I mean. I just love all of this. I love how people around us are joining in to this story. I love how the Lord just keeps surprising us. I love how even when it feels like there are so many things not working out - in the end - it works out. (this isn't the first hiccup we have had. Add it to the ever growing list of stories I could share)

So that was 2 weeks ago. Here is a new update.

We finished all the work. Got assigned our new resource manager (case worker) and she came to our house this last week for a final visit and to add our names to the list of waiting families. When she showed up she explained that all the sudden, after 9 months of doing this, our drivers license's were going to be an issue. We still have our Pennsylvania ones and they wanted us to have Ohio ones. This makes sense. Except I had a long lengthy conversation about it 6 months ago with our case worker during our home study and it wasn't an issue. We were surprised. Again. But it was obviously fine and we were happy to update them.

And update them we did. Within 24 hours Freeland had his updated and after loosing mine for a few minutes and driving around town to find it - I was up at the DMV updating mine.

And what do you know - RIGHT THEN AND THERE WE GOT A PHONE CALL.

A 3 day old child was needing placement.

I'm not joking. Is your heart racing? Mine was! And my dear dear dear friend Camille was with me and hers was too.

But here I am writing this .. and there is not a child in our home. Did I say this was a roller coaster? Ha. seriously. By the time I got home the child had actually already been placed with someone else. It was totally fine. I really truly want whatever the Lord has for us and if it wasn't that I truly believe that child is in the home that best fits his needs. It was of course exciting.. I mean the timing of everything was just a little too perfect. ha. So once I stepped back down from cloud nine.. it was fine.

And that leaves us here.. we are officially *still* waiting. The Ohio Drivers Licenses we're updated in the system on Tuesday (august 26th) and as of that moment we were cleared to be added to the list of families who have an open bed in their home to take in foster kids.

I carry my phone everywhere. Ive never answered so many phone calls before in my life. I normally ignore numbers I don't know and wait for voicemails. Not anymore. I feel like I'm waiting to go in to labor and I have no idea when its coming. Although there are days I forget we're waiting and then there are days I feel like I'm just sitting and watching my phone too!

So stay tuned. It could happen fast or we could be waiting for a long time. Some case workers told us it would happen within days and others said it would happen more within 30 days. It just depends on the case loads they have which is an ebb & flow as you can imagine. We have a trip we planned mid September so that may cause another hiccup. But we trust it will all work out. I, of course, little miss over sharer-novel writer-cant make short blog updates- will be posting it as we go!

Now.. go grab another coffee .. or glass of wine .. if you made it through this whole thing!

stay tuned.

fear and joy and another sweet word from the Lord

2014-08-29T09:12:00.000-05:00

First of all, the giveaway ended and a winner was selected! I'm sooo excited to share:

DANIELLE HARTLAND!!! YOU WON!! This is especially exciting because they just announced that they are adopting and I will be working with her to have Noonday as a part of their fundraising! I was so surprised and thought "oh no, this is going to seem like I rigged the votes! Ha"

I will email you Danielle! So exciting!

So, I mentioned that the Lord gave me another promise in my last post so I wanted to share that now.

I have another story to share with you too. I will post that tomorrow. But I wanted to share this one first. Also, I wanted to say that I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't say, even though its easy to share all of this, I still have a ton of insecurities posting and sharing our stories a long the way. Insecurities like - the mean world of the Internet is going to rip my thoughts and heart to shreds and analyze and critic everything I write. Or that one day I will look back and read this and ache with the ignorance and innocence I wrote these things with. Or that 'its just easy for me to write out all this hope I have because it hasn't been crushed yet' or I'm not jaded or bitter yet .. It feels easy to share them since we aren't in a season of pain or mourning or trials but my hope is that if there is ever a season that I am - I can shout from the rooftops just the same - how good our gracious and loving Father is.

I don't mean to make it sound hard to share. I just mean that in the back of my head I always question how its coming off and I digress ...

Last week Freeland & I were laying in bed talking about everything that was happening and how all the sudden we were at this point in our journey where a child could come in to our home really soon. It feels similar to when you're pregnant and think "oh my gosh - wait this is actually about to happen - I should do something like pick out bedding or finally put the car seat in the car". I sat and shared with Freeland how I felt like there was some disconnect in my heart and I was realizing that I was believing lies and operating (in some areas) out of fear.

Occasionally it sinks in the reality of what we have said yes to. The reality that we are choosing to say yes to our comfortable lives possibly becoming really messy and no longer comfortable. The reality that we could get hurt and the reality that we will have no control over what happens. All things that don't cause me to change my answer .. but it does happen where I remember those things and have a choice to believe God is good enough or live in fear.

So Freeland & I were talking about all that and I shared how I started seeing areas in my heart where I was afraid my heart wasn't ready or that I wasn't going to love this child right when I saw them. I realize this isnt true and that I'm not disconnected .. really I just have no idea what to expect. (not that I want to idealize or put an expectation on what I'm supposed to feel right when I meet every child who comes in to our home.. I digress)

Anyway, I kept thinking how it is hard when you have no idea what age or gender child is about to come in to your home. How do you prepare your heart and connect and love a child that you have no idea who they are? You just get a phone call and all the sudden "surprise! its a 2 year old boy!" (which the surprise, I'm sure will be really fun too!) So somehow in my heart I was thinking .. if I at least had a picture or an idea if it was a girl or boy I could connect "more".

Freeland pointed out a lot of things and helped me see where all that (probably normal) crazy was coming from. We talked for awhile and I worked through it. I know it will happen. I know my heart is tender and ready. I know the Lord is the one softening my heart and preparing it - and I can sense that - I guess I just had some other idea of what it would look/feel like. Realizing why and where I am at helped me realize I'm in the right place and not to believe some lie that because I feel one way or the other, its because I'm in the wrong place or need to do more. Not sure if that makes sense .. but there it is.

(side note: I do have a feeling of who the child will be that is placed in our home! So - seriously, all this is ridiculous and all over the place)

Overall, this isn't where my heart was, but I had realized over the last few weeks that I had the reoccurring thoughts and deep in my heart there was still some random fear. Not a ton of fear - but it was there. I sat and continue to share those with Freeland. I also shared how I realized I kept having this other reoccurring thought too. I kept looking at Chapel and realizing how much joy she brought to our family and thinking:

"how could another child bring this much joy.. what if I don't feel the same amount of joy again"

I have to stop and clarify: this thought is not because we're adopting. Ive had this thought every time we have had a child .. "what if I don't love them the same .. what if its harder to parent them or connect or what if they act this way or that way and its not the same or what if its not what I expect or what if something is wrong" so please know this was not a fear over loving an adopted child or that adopting wouldn't bring us the same joy. Its just a fear that plays out with each child we have in our family.

I knew the answer to my question. But I realized I was still having that same thought here and there. Its not a fear that I was believing or consumed by .. I just acknowledge that it kept popping its ugly head up here and there and shared it with Freeland. We talked about it and talked about how we wanted to spend the rest of the week praying through those things.

I went to bed thinking about JOY and committing the week to praying over the fears and lies I knew I was tempted to think. I went to bed telling Freeland I just wanted/needed to root myself in truth and I knew the Lord would graciously cover those lies with His truth and His promises. As I fell asleep I knew the underlying thing was joy.

I went to bed and had no idea He would speak truth to those in the middle of the night though!

At midnight I woke up to Wylder crying. I went in to check on him and calmed him down (because he was so upset that he wasn't tucked in.. serious stuff) and came back to bed. I grabbed my phone so I could see what time it was (please don't be 5:00 in the morning and I only have 1 more hour of sleep!) I saw I had a message on facebook and that it was from a sweet girl I knew back when I was in high school .. and she was much much much younger. It started with her introducing herself so I was so curious! (she was young enough that when I knew her.. she didn't remember me.. which makes the story, I believe, that much sweeter)

With her permission, here is what she wrote:

I know this is very very random, especially since we don't know each other. But I was just about to fall asleep and literally out of no where The Lord put you on my heart. ?!?!! I saw a picture of you just with your children and being fulfilled as a mother. So since it was so out of the blue I prayed for you. That The Lord would just pour excellence over you as a mother and cover you with His riches. 

Then I saw another picture of you holding one of your babies. It was one that you haven't had. As you held this baby in your arms, it brought you so much joy! You were belly laughing and really really happy. 

I wanted to share this with you! Because it was about you. You can just take it for yourself however you'd like! 

Hope all is well with you - God bless you and keep you! 

UMMM.

You guys. I mean. First, she sent that not realizing I know her (and love her and her sweet family!) and obviously not knowing what was going on and clearly she had no idea the conversation I just had with Freeland. It was only a few hours prior to this that I spoke out loud for the first time the fears I had were centered around joy.

How sweet is that yall?

I share all that to share the testimony of how sweet the Lord is. He didn't have to do that. So many times its looked so differently (I'm so thankful there is no formula to Him) but I just sat weeping right when I read it. It spoke to me in such a more profound way than I can explain.. since it was the Lord speaking that over me, through her, I just crumbled as I read it. I woke up Freeland and told him and He immediately started praying over her and thanking the Lord for His word and her obedience and boldness to share it.

It is another promise I'm holding on to in the midst of this.. a picture of Joy to cling to as we walk into an unknown territory of life with 4 kids and life that now will involve case workers and city employee's coming in and out of our home as they please! A life that we will have very little control over.

The thing the Lord keeps reminding me in this season (through our journey of becoming foster parents and other areas too) is that I keep wanting to put my hope in myself but I cant. My hope is in Him. This entire post was so focused on how "I" cant or what if "I" do this or that. The Lord so graciously keeps reminding me to put my hope in Him. Its a sweet place to be.

The day of our last final training is another story I cant wait to share. I have it all written out and will post it tomorrow. I'm thankful to share our journey and write out all the different ways the Lord is intervening along the way. (there are so many different ones I could write.)

Freeland & I, if you know us in real life, are an open book and probably over share too much (cough, cough, Freeland) we probably blurt things out too often and are way too opinionated and process out loud when we shouldn't.. we argue in front of people at times too (gulp. its true. and its awkward) Thanks to all of you who continually extend us grace as we grow. All that to say, I think sharing my life on our blog for everyone on the interwebs to read seems normal somehow and doesn't freak me out (seriously, I've been blogging since we were engaged - in a sense.. our entire marriage is on this blog.) Thanks for always trucking a long with us through our wedding, our moves, our family growing and mostly -us- growing over the last 8 years!

pregnant with a promise

2014-08-15T06:34:00.000-05:00

(this the is last day to enter my Noonday giveaway below! Go get some free jewelry)

This is both the promise the Lord gave us and the reason I will NEVER hear Katy Perry's song the same again in my life. seriously.

Here is an email I wrote to my family in November right after the Lord spoke to us about adopting. I didn't actually send it until April after we told our immediate family in person. But it shares our story of how the Lord spoke to us that it was time to adopt. I included the email instead of typing it all out again because it shares the entire story and a larger chunk of our journey.

Its the promise He gave us that we're holding on to now. Our church has a sort of declaration in the front of our sanctuary. On it, it says "pregnant with a promise" and that is something Ive held on to in this season. Though, I am not pregnant, I am at the same time. Inside me is this promise that I'm holding on to and clinging to. Praise the Lord.

Friends & Family,

I wrote this email in November and then felt like I was supposed to wait to send it. Freeland & I are so excited and ready to share the news, so here it is. I'm thankful the Lord had me write this out back then and not now because it would've been written so different now. Meaning, the emotion of some of this is clearly different now.. but our hearts are still in the same exact place and we are walking in more obedience, wisdom, etc etc etc now instead of just the whirlwind of it all! We are going to share the news on our blog as well, but here is some of the details behind it all:

on 11/26/13 I wrote:

Well, I'm sure some of you may have known or wondered if/when the day was coming. Maybe you have been waiting for some sort of an announcement! ha.

Chapel is 12 months old. Per usual.. if we were following our trend I would be having our 4th baby in just 3 months. Obviously, that is not happening. And to be honest, I'm torn and sad about it. I would go as far as to say at times I felt like I was almost mourning the idea of it. I know that sounds dramatic. But at times it felt that way for some reason. (Although I am okay with the fact that we aren't pregnant too. I just never would have thought I would feel like I was missing something since I already have 3 children.)

But to be honest, its how it feels. It feels like something is missing. Clearly, I do love being pregnant.. and I LOVE having babies. So I acknowledge that and know it is a good thing and something I'm incredibly grateful for.

Soooo.. there is that.

Now, on to the point of my email. Freeland & I have had a ton of conversations around "will we have another child.. will we adopt.. will we foster.. how will the Lord use us to work with orphans.. will we advocate for children.. will we bring them into our home.. will we move overseas.. will we help run an orphanage.. will we not do anything?!?!!"

We know that the Lord has stirred our hearts for children especially children who have no family.

We've gone back & forth and wavered so much. I actually got pretty weary of it. ("it" being the back and forth and not just landing on a decision) I couldn't tell what the Lords desires or my desires were anymore. My emotions and thoughts and feelings changed daily.. sometimes hourly!

I told Freeland I just had to hear from the Lord because I was tired of wavering. I just wanted the Lord to give me a peace to do either or to just stop and enjoy where we were at and stop trying to come to a decision.

And so we committed to pray about it. I really felt like the Lord impressed it upon my heart to ask what HIS desire for our family was. I believed that the reason we were going back and forth and the reason we were experiencing all the emotions and the reason all the desires in our hearts were growing was because He was leading us into a place to pray and ask Him.

I believe He was the one stirring up such intense and deep desires for us.

(these pictures were our family pictures last november. I remember taking them wishing they could be announcement pictures and thinking the next time we took family pictures there could be another child in them)

And what do you know - the next day after we committed to pray about it. He spoke.

And ummm He spoke really really loud.

Here is what the Lord spoke to me:

During worship at a women's conference at our church, the Lord spoke to me. I went to the conference with a little expectation of Him giving me clarity around this since we had just committed to pray about it. (which is why I wrote out the back story to this for yall if youre wondering why I just told you all that!) I wasn't sure if He would. And I wasn't even sitting and asking Him at the moment. (I was actually sitting down because I was distracted and annoyed.. so basically the opposite of trying to sit before the Lord) Anyway.. in the midst of a bad attitude He broke through and all the sudden spoke to me.

Our pastor had just got up and shared a word that he had .. saying he felt like the Lord gave him the word "roar" for the weekend. Then our pastors wife got up and shared that on her way to the conference the Lord put on her heart the verses where He says 'God is our refuge and strength.. our help in trouble.. therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way.. though the sea will ROAR and the mountains will tremble .. (Psalm 46) She said this without knowing her husband, our pastor, felt like His word for the weekend was roar too.

So clearly, yes, the Lord was speaking the word roar.

I heard what they said and was still sitting down with my bad attitude. Repenting and trying to get back to a heart of worship.

When all the sudden the Lord showed up.

He gave me a picture of Himself as a Lion. Literally, he showed me his face as a lion (think Aslan, from the Chronicles of Narnia if you want a reference) and He spoke:

"If you want to hear My roar .. go and fight for My children"

The End.

I mean, you don't really need much more after all that when the Lord speaks so clearly.

It was overwhelming to say the least. It was one of those "I think that was an audible voice" moments. I immediately wept. Then I immediately wrote it down. When the Lord speaks that powerfully I don't think you can really do anything but say yes. All my questions, all the practicals, all my desires to have another baby, all the what ifs, the doubts, fears, worries, etc. VANISHED. I literally just wanted what the Lord wants .... and trust me, I want to hear Him roar.

A passion and desire was ignited in me to see Him fight for what is His. To see Him be victorious, see Him be powerful, watch Him go to war and do the work. I will fight for His children.. if that's where He is - I want to be there too.

I should also note: as I was still sitting there screaming yes in my heart and laying down all my own desires and fears our speaker, Beni Johnson, got up and in the middle of talking stopped and just started repeating "mama be brave. mama be brave" and then went on. I mean .. all I could do was laugh. That of course is now stuck in my heart too.

Also, I think its only fair to share Freeland's response to all this. Right when I got home I woke him up and told him I knew it was time for us to adopt. His response: "I know". Before hearing the story.. he knew. He was probably ready the entire time just waiting for me to join him.

.... I'm very aware the Lord didn't say "I have this perfect beautiful easy baby I am going to bring in to your life" .. instead He said go and "fight" which I have to imagine means it will be a fight. It will probably look messy and scary and hard except it wont at the same time because I'm just looking ahead .. and when the Lord shows up as a Lion it doesn't really feel that scary anymore to me. So amen.

If you made it to the end of this GIGANTIC novel... congratulations. I just wanted to share all the details I could. And share the whole process with all of you. We realize our family - is your family too.. and our heart is that the vision and promise the Lord gave us would be apart of our entire families vision and promise! Feel free to let me know if you have more questions or if anything I said was confusing or if I left anything out. The Lord has spoken very clearly to us through his word, friends, and in prayer. I'm happy to share any of that if you would like. Thank you for always cheering us on and jumping on the adventure the Lord has taken us on. I will be posting it on our blog (today or tomorrow) and I will be sharing the details and story as it unfolds there so feel free to check there if you want more information too!

*********************************************

So all that was from November. As I knew He would, the Lord has taken care of all the details so far. In the midst of Freeland's busiest year of residency we completed our 36 hours of training even with most of the classes being on days he was taking call. So many random things came up that couldn't be explained during that time. (like their system showing I didn't complete one of the classes I was at and a handful of other things that almost delayed us a ton) and each and every time the Lord swooped in and took care of it.

Our home study is now officially approved (as of Tuesday, August 12th) Our last and final step is this Saturday (the 16th) and once their system updates to show we completed a final course on Saturday .. we will be waiting for a phone call!!

The kids know and are excited. They want a brother AND a sister! (oh Lord)

The Lord gave me another promise this week too! I will have to share that with you all. I have no idea why the Lord was so gracious to speak as clearly and as powerfully as He did. We could have easily just felt a desire to pray about it.. searched the scriptures .. (which we did all those too) and then decided to simply step out in faith knowing that in His word He calls us to care for the orphans. At one point I thought He spoke the way He did because 'obviously' my faith was so small.. I wouldn't have ever said yes without it. I don't believe that is true. I know its not. My faith isn't small at all. But whatever the reason was.. I'm incredibly grateful. It feels like the biggest gift and so compassionate and loving of the Lord to do. It fires me up and stirs my heart in a way that can not be explained .. as if the Lord literally came down from Heaven and touched my heart and ignited it. Praise the Lord. I know for everyone their journey to stepping out in faith or becoming parents, adopting, saying yes to new things etc looks different. Thanks for reading what ours has looked like and believing with us!

Noonday Collection Fall Launch + a giveaway to celebrate my own personal launch

2014-08-07T16:03:00.001-05:00

If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the NOONDAY. Isaiah 58:10

This is the heartbeat behind Noonday. This is what my heartbeat has been over the last year. This is my "why" and I'm so excited to share it with all of you today!

First things first, (I cant get the IGGY song out of my head every time I read that. Anyone else? no?) If you're visiting from the Noonday Blog Train, welcome! I'm so glad that you're here and I am so excited to kick off our fall launch and the start of our blog train with you.

If you are a regular reader here, my fellow Noonday Ambassadors & I are celebrating the launch of our Fall Collection with blog posts & giveaways for nearly an entire month! You can see the first entry and giveaway here from my friend Carina at Lovely Little Whimsy. The next post after mine will be from Carmen over at CarmenJonas.com first thing tomorrow morning. Keep following along for almost an entire month of giveaways from Noonday!! You can enter every single one if you want!

As most of you know during the very end of spring/beginning of summer I began my relationship with Noonday Collection as an ambassador! It felt like a huge scary step of faith. It was harder for me to say yes to than adopting yall. I know, that is insane! But its been so fun and Ive learned so much from the Lord already! But now that the fall is kicking in to high gear and our fall line is live I am officially launching my business here on my blog with all of you! Lets pretend the summer was my "soft launch" and now I'm officially - officially launching my relationship with noonday!

Noonday Collection's mission is to create economic opportunity for the vulnerable. We partner with artisans in the developing world, empowering them to grow sustainable businesses. By creating a marketplace for their goods, we create dignified jobs at living wages. This allows our artisans to earn more in order to support their families. We also offer no interest loans and make advance payments on orders. This way we are able to shoulder the costs of materials and build a lasting relationship based on trust. We offer scholarship programs and emergency assistance. Noonday Collection also donates a portion of sales from adoption trunk shows to place orphans in forever families.

Noonday Collection is not a charity and we do not believe that providing a hand out is a sustainable long-term solution to poverty. We aim to be a sustainable business that gives women across the United States a way to make a lasting difference in the fight against poverty and injustice. This is what makes this movement so special. To learn more about Noonday's impact, click here: http://www.brookeackley.noondaycollection.com/impact

If you asked me a year ago if jewelry was something I was passionate about I would have just given you a blank stare probably. I love getting dressed up and fancy but 'Fashionista' is not a word that would ever be used to describe me. So it just really makes me laugh that the Lord would put something that fuses fashion & design to advocate for people in front of me!

You have to know, this is not a about selling jewelry for me. I was not looking for work nor is direct sales something that just stirs up a passion in my heart. However, being an ambassador of hope, empowering women, giving a voice to the voiceless.. seeking justice and loving the orphans, widows and poor .. those are things that stir up a huge passion in my heart.

Basically over the last few years and mostly this last year the Lord has straight up interrupted my life by opening my eyes to all the layers of poverty & injustice all over the world. It feels like He gave me this little glimpse into what His heart is all about and what He created me and so many other women (probably you - reading this) for. He then left me in a place where I could no longer wait until the "one day" when Freeland & I could go and engage what was happening. (meaning, when residency is over) He took that interruption and empowered it by lighting a fire in my soul to engage and advocate and do something now.

Noonday, for me, in this season is about just that! Its about sharing stories for those who want their stories heard, creating a marketplace to empower people and help others out of poverty, getting to wear gorgeous handmade items that have the most incredible redeeming stories behind them, gathering with women and sharing our passions, engaging people right around me to jump in with me, advocating for the vulnerable .. those things I get excited about! Those are just a handful of reasons I said yes when I felt the Lord asking me to step out in faith and join the Noonday team.

I could cut and paste so many solid things from Noonday and some of our biggest advocates trying to relay my heart for what this all is. Instead, please let me beg you to read all of these:

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2014/07/17/are-you-taking-my-message
http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2014/07/18/women-hold-up-half-the-sky
http://www.jennieallen.com/the-end-of-charity/
http://www.jennieallen.com/quit-dismissing-your-power/
http://brookeackley.noondaycollection.com/blog-1/show-up-scared-1

One of my favorite things about Noonday is that its not just about being an ambassador. YOU are the one empowering these women too! There is nothing fancy or different about what I am doing than what you could do too! Noonday allows us all to partner together to empower and change lives. I just happen to have all the samples at my house. But you can do the same exact thing by simply purchasing their items or inviting your friends over and allowing us to share what we do! How easy and amazing is that?

Okay, another favorite thing because I just cant stop, is that we have the ability to also partner with families who are adopting to help them raise support for their adoption! As you all know, we are in the process of adopting and while we aren't in need of raising support for it, I love helping others raise their support! This is really what I love to do with my trunk shows! Its so fun! You can do adoption fundraisers with noonday and they are so sweet! The one I did last Friday had me in tears. Seriously. To combine 2 things so dear to my heart and support both at the same time blows me away! We spent a lot of time in prayer, a lot of time encouraging my friend adopting and lots of time sharing updates on their adoption and talking about their kids! How much fun is that? If you are adopting or know someone who is, I would love to partner with them! Please let me know! (or any ambassador can too!)

Here are just a handful of pictures of our artisans. enjoy seeing their strength and pure joy captured in photos:

*photo originally posted by Wynne Elder on Instagram. Taken by Paige Knudsen

These are not just "poor people". This is not charity. All of our artisans have a name, a story, a family and all of them are working hard learning and creating beautiful handmade pieces of jewelry for each of you! These women are brave, strong, passionate, skilled, hard working and beautiful. Noonday isn't a sob story or a heart breaking story. Its a story of redemption that should leave us all feeling empowered and in awe!

So much more to share. So so so much. Lets wrap it up though and get to the fall line and my giveaway....

So without further ado.. here are just a few of my favorites from our fall line:

"Get excited, because our new Fall lookbook is live! This season, we fell hard for Fall—the lush jewel-tones, crisp foliage, and buttoned-up looks inspired us and made us long for cooler climes (summer’s no joke here in Austin!). Best of all, we got to capture the story of women across generations and countries joining hands over a common cause and a well-loved pair of earrings as we explored the special bond between mothers and daughters. We’ve put a lot of love into this season’s lookbook, and we can’t wait to share it with you. In fact, we’re so excited to spread the word that we’re offering up a special treat when you share the lookbook with your social community! - See more at: http://brookeackley.noondaycollection.com/"

this bag. oh my

Now, for the good stuff, the giveaway!

In honor of our fall launch and me officially launching my business here with all you blog readers, I am giving away one of my most favorite pieces from the new line! I wear it all the time. Its simple and so so glamorous at the same time! Its our Sofiya Wrap Bracelet. Its made in India with faceted glass beads, cotton cording and a metal chain. Its named after our dear artisan, Sofiya, which you can read about here. It wraps 3 times around my wrist and I LOVE IT.

Gorgeous and so glamorous right??

Go here and check out the new fall collection.. come back and tell me what your favorite piece is (or list all your favorites) in the comments section! I created a raffle copter to track the entries - but if you cant figure it out just leave a comment and let me know.. I still want you to enter and win! You can receive multiple entries with all the steps listed in the rafflecopter if you enter that way! Let me know if you have questions!! Get to shopping!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

an update on our adoption process

2014-07-15T11:09:00.002-05:00

Hi poor neglected blog. Summer is taking over. Its so busy but not busy at the same time. I guess the lack of a defined schedule I just cant keep up with. There are SO many things to update and share that I haven't. People who came to visit (last winter!) pictures, stories and just life.

Summer has been great so far. Its going by too fast. Freeland has officially started his 3rd year of residency, Wylder has been potty trained, river has been playing Tball and taking swim lessons, as of last night the boys are sharing a room (still to-be-determined if this will be permanent) we've grilled out, had lots of friends over, celebrated the 4th, broken up way too many fights between siblings, cleaned out the house, done smores, summer haircuts, went on vacation and done more swimming than I can believe. So more on all that soon.

(*I threw in some pictures for those of you who have texted me letting me know you havent seen the kids! ;)

Today I thought Id share an update on our adoption process. I'm just now sharing it because I myself, just received it! Ive known this entire time we would have to be flexible and that the timeline would probably change 100 times. That has been true. Ive also known we're working within a system so we would have to do just that - work WITH the system. I know that the ways we're having to be flexible and readjust our expectations and be patient now are probably nothing in comparison to what it will be once a child is actually in our home. So its felt easy to do at this point ... knowing what could be ahead.

When we originally started our training & home study in January, I thought we could be placed by May. (Awwww, sweet innocent Brooke.) Then that quickly become June or July. Which by the end of our home study changed again to August and as of yesterday I was actually thinking we wouldn't be "officially waiting" or "placed with a child" until September ... possibly October... and if you asked me I wouldve actually told you "in reality lets be honest.. it will probably be Christmas".

I was talking to my friend, Sarah, once and she said "I understand, its like you really want to rush it all just so you can wait" That was exactly how it felt. It was so true and wise! I wanted to rush this entire process so then I could just more than likely sit and wait still.

So Freeland & I felt like we were supposed to just be patient. It was a great reminder that there is a time to fight for a child and a time to wait and allow the Lord to do the work. Im not sure if that makes sense, but my point is, instead of calling and asking and trying to push our home study along and ask for updates every week ... we both just felt a peace about waiting. Knowing that the Lord was orchestrating it and doing the work and aligning everything even though we felt like we were just sitting here. Another friend, Ashley, had encouraged us when we started that in the times it felt like we weren't "doing" anything to know that the Lord still was. Ive definitely found that to be true too.

Then yesterday I got an email from our case worker letting us know about one last class we have to take. (we've known this was coming) its something only our county requires and its just plain silly. Its an 8 hour class that basically will cover all the things we have already covered and we will have to find something to do with our kiddos for 8 hours! But alas .. its the way the system works .. so we will happily work within the system.

I emailed her back to say thank you and ask that since our home study was just now being submitted (long story but thats was my impression) should I expect to be cleared and officially waiting late September or October? She emailed me back right away and said "no!!!! your home study is almost done being processed and should be done before the training so you will officially be waiting as soon as yall do the training"

UMMMM WHAT?

I had no idea. In all our "being patient" and "not pushing" I didnt even realize it was finally submitted. And all this time Ive been gearing myself up to be waiting even longer. Ive mentally planned on later in the fall. We've even already scheduled things thinking we wouldn't be placed yet. (LIKE A TRIP TO TEXAS. GULP)

and it just makes me laugh. We adjusted to thinking it would take a long time. And now Im adjusting to feeling like all the sudden this could happen WAY sooner than I thought. Im positive that this is just one tiny little adjustment we will be making along the way and there will be plenty more unexpected things a long the way.

And to be clear .. this is a really exciting unexpected bump so I love it.

We're ready. Our kids are SO ready. (well maybe not Chapel. Yikes)

Yesterday I walked outside and heard River saying something about a baby. I assumed he was calling his sister a baby (to tell her she couldn't play with the 'big kids') so I asked him what he said. He responded "I was telling Wylder we're getting another baby and we need him here NOW." (yes, him, they are convinced its a boy)

So thats the latest update for all of you. Our home study, despite thinking otherwise, was actually submitted and is almost done being approved. We'll take our final training mid August and once it shows up in the system as being complete.. we will officially be waiting. We're told that in our area we could be placed very quickly and to expect that. But we also know that the Lord is the one orchestrating it all so we will see what happens.

For all I know .. we could go back to waiting even longer! Stay tuned.

Plum Paper Planner Review + discount code for you!

2014-06-23T09:26:00.000-05:00

I was just talking to some friends this morning about being unorganized so far this summer and having a hard time getting motivated. Then planners came up and it reminded me that I have been meaning to share all of this with you! I need help being motivated. Im an incredibly lazy person and having things written out and planned helps me. (also getting up early + getting something done right away helps too)

Anyway, I am so excited because its that time of year where I get to order a new planner! I love having all the big things written out in front of me and knowing whats coming. I also just got the boys school calendar in the mail and the crazy person inside me was so excited to already be able to write down the first day of school, spring break and even the end of the year parties! Back in the day I used to color code it all and make it super pretty.. I dont have time for that now so I just enjoy having a planner thats pretty instead!

This isnt the first time Ive written about planners. So you all know this already. I also know so many of you are the same too! Ive gone through a handful of planners and love them all for different reasons. If you want a huge crazy organized and pretty one, Erin Condren is great. If you want a tiny compact one the the May Planner is great - it goes straight in your purse easily. But if you want one that is a mix of all of them without the price of an Erin Condren planner .. I think I found the one for you!

This is the regular life planner from Plum Paper. Their store is on Etsy. They have a handful of designs: family planners, teacher planners, meal planners, wedding & fitness planners. They also have a ton of different options for the way you can do your weekly view.

The covers are a great quality. It will definitely hold up without bending! There are so many options to customize them.

The options are endless. For example on mine, I took the monogram off and changed the font of how my name was written. You can also add a family picture to the cover. It would've taken me years to pick which picture I wanted so I went without one.

Here are some pictures of my cover:

Here you can see how they have a protective cover

here is the back:

For the weekly view there are a lot of options too. You could do it broken down by "morning, afternoon & evening" or broken down in 30 minute increments or broken up with just lines (what I did) or even just lined pages behind the month instead of a weekly view too.

Here are some pictures of the planner inside:

They add lots of little extras in the planner too:

There are also a ton of extra pages to just write down notes are whatever you need.

Plum paper also has lots of great add ons: extra pages, stickers, checklist pages or you could even add extra months.

I like the metal binding and that the month tabs are thick and sturdy and wont bend. I like that the monthly view is on two pages so I have plenty of room to write everything out. And on the weekly view there are so many options and a checklist at the bottom where I can write out our meals. I really like the colors on all their planners too. Its definitely much more my style.

I especially really like that you can start the planner at any month. So I ordered mine in May and had it start in June. Want a new planner but dont need one until August? You can do that! Or want one in January? Again, do it now and take advantage of the discount they offered!

So FOR ALL OF YOU Plum Paper has offered you a discount for the next month! Just use the Plum Paper Coupon Code: BROOKE10 for a 10% off your order. This code is good for one month so hurry up and grab it before its gone! And as always feel free to let me know if you have questions! I'll happily answer whatever I can from my experience!

Happy Monday!

a super big heartfelt thank you and group hug

2014-06-17T07:22:00.000-05:00

Friends! First I wanted to make this so fancy and compelling. Picture a title like "when saying yes looks like a no" or you know, something that would pull you all in. (im slightly being sarcastic) but really I just cant because currently all I want to do is tell you thank you. I dont want to be preachy or layout what this looked like and all the wonderful things I learned and felt. (at least not yet?! cliffhanger!)

I just want to say thanks!

Its been about 2 weeks since all of you went nuts rallying for me to win that trip to Rwanda. So I wanted to follow up here. In case you arent on facebook or Instagram and didnt know, I wanted you to know I did make it in to the top 7! You guys did it and are so awesome! It was amazing watching the votes come in and all of you go crazy up until the very last second voting! Yall were sharing it everywhere.. texting all your people.. emailing everyone.. sending out to your offices.. I mean the list goes on & on!

After the top 7 made it then we all had to submit a 1 minute video saying why the team should pick us to go. I did this, during the stomach bug of 2014 I might add, and then waited.

Then on Monday I found out I did not make it into the final top 3. So I apologize if you're just now finding that out and were waiting for me to update.

I wanted to follow up since its been so long now and Ive had some time to process it all.

Here are my thoughts: That was awesome! When I entered that contest it was on a whim. I saw it right when it was announced and went crazy and entered because I knew it aligned with the dream the Lord has given me and then I thought about it after. That night I sat in bed thinking "what in the world did I just do?" Then when I saw the other people who were entering I especially questioned myself. I thought it was all over because I had no chance and then I felt ridiculous for putting myself out there. But that's when my friends & my husband all stepped in and said "keep going" and that's when all of you stepped in and kept voting! I couldn't believe it. I kept pressing in and trusting the Lord and just saying "I will at least finish this well." The first week I had no idea what was happening or where I stood or how many votes I had. Then the second week they showed the ranking and I started crying right when I checked them... I WAS IN 4TH PLACE!!!! All lined up and surrounded by women who I follow and know can rally a community by just pushing one little button. But YALL did that - you actually responded when I asked for help and that was amazing you guys.

Then the rest of the week you kept going back and kept voting and kept sharing it and kept encouraging me. My inbox is still FULL of emails from you guys sharing it on facebook. Friends I haven't "talked" to in years and people I haven't seen since high school - all of you being willing to vote daily and ask all of your people to vote too. IT WAS CRAZY ans seriously SO AWESOME!

So I just wanted to say thank you again so much. It means so much. (I can promise you if I ever see anything asking for votes again - I will be stopping to vote! ha.) It was such a crazy experience.

Don't get me wrong, I was sad. Like, so sad. At first I was okay. Then one night I was watching a video from our founder at Noonday, Jessica Honegger, where she was talking about the work they are doing and the work IJM is doing in Rwanda and I had the biggest cry fest I have had in a long time. I think this is okay and good though. It shows me that I really did want this and I really do believe in the work both these organizations are doing. I know through all this the Lord gave me a clearer vision of what my passions are. He gave me an even larger desire to be a storyteller and a voice for the vulnerable and for that I am so grateful.

In the end, I mostly felt so encouraged from all of you. So many of you texted, emailed, commented and prayed with me. You affirmed that I wasn't crazy and this was something I could do. You affirmed that all the dreams and desires in my heart are there and that you see them and know them. Sometimes its easy to feel like I need to convince people of how I feel or what the Lord is teaching me or giving me a passion for - but all of you stepped in and said "we've seen this and know this about you.. we see the Lord doing this and we are with you!" In my little world its easy to also feel like "this is something everyone wants to do" and that the dreams I have maybe aren't valid because its a dream everyone has. So I also learned that (once again) all our dreams are different. And that's why we have to be willing to say yes.

If anything this crazy contest made me love social media that much more. (I know some of you are rolling your eyes!) But its true. People are nice. Social media has the power or ability to wrap their arms around you and encourage you. I know it isn't always that way. I see it daily where people are just straight up mean and I'm shocked. But not my people - not yall! You've never been rude on my blog. (seriously! EVER) You've jumped in and supported us and encouraged us and come along with us from Texas, to Pennsylvania, to Uganda & Kenya and now in Ohio! Through our little zoo to now our 3 kids and a 4th on the way. Ive learned a lot and probably didn't deserve most the grace y'all gave us! Please know if anything I'm just so grateful for all your encouragement during the contest and for all your encouragement over the last 8 years that Ive been blogging. (yikes)

I will definitely still be following a long on the trip. You should too. The girl who won, Meredith, is wonderful and I'm so proud and excited for her.

And as most of you know I am in the process of launching my relationship with Noonday Collection! I will write about that tomorrow! Im so excited. So far I have loved advocating for these women and the Lord has continued to amaze me! Stay tuned.

the last day to help me go to rwanda with #styleforjustice

2014-05-28T10:34:00.000-05:00

Today is the LAST DAY! I cant believe it. This has been a roller coaster, no? You guys have worked so so so hard voting, sharing, rallying and praying with me. The entire time I stayed in the top 7.. and not a day went by that I wasnt blown away by that. Thank you so much for all your kind words and affirmations and encouragement during all of this.

Currently Im in 9th.

I need to be in the top 7 to move on to the next round. I need yalls help.

YOU CAN VOTE HERE: http://www.noondaycollection.com/styleforjustice#view/23056/2105565

I know everyone is voting like crazy. Im watching the little number change and jump up over and over. I think that everyone is just doing the same exact thing so its neck and neck.

But here is the deal, This is a dream of mine to go on a trip with noonday overseas. Im diving in to what justice and advocating looks like and I think a trip with both Noonday and International Justice Mission would be a dream. To see the work they are both doing and then partner with them in their collaboration. Fighting justice and empowering people and helping them out of poverty at the same time blows me away. They werent kidding when they said this contest was for someone who normally wouldnt have the opportunity to go. This is such an opportunity.

On top of that the most amazing part is not only going to see and engage in the work both Noonday and IJM are doing... its going and meeting the women and families. Its realizing they are women, mothers, friends, daughters, neighbors and wives just like I am. The difference is they are in a place where they are vulnerable. I would love to go and be apart of sharing their stories with you.

To be honest, I used to not really have a passion for these things. But, here is the deal... it was because I didnt know about them. I heard about it all the time but I never stopped to read or ask any questions or try to understand it. Then a few blogs that I read started sharing about it.. my husbands crazy passionate heart that wants to "just go and do" kept talking about it.. and the Lord kept graciously softening my heart and eventually lit up a fire in it! ha. My point being, I believe it takes other people sharing their stories and their experiences sometimes to help us understand what part violence is playing in poverty and the orphan crises. It takes someone else introducing you to a woman they met and telling you the people you hear about - they have a name. Sharing their stories. I believe our yeses open the door for other people to say yes and dream too. So I know that no matter what this trip will be incredible because the people going are using their platforms to do just that. To share and tell stories and open all of our eyes up to the world around us that we cant always see or that we've been begging to see and begging to engage in.

this is an adorable sign my sweet friend Sarah sent me last week as she cheered me on. Ive said it before so many times but if it werent for you guys Id never have this opportunity. And if the judging was based solely on who our community was and how awesome they were - Id be winning!! Seriously!!

My heart obviously aches because I want to be apart of this trip. But I also believe the Lord gave me the dream and desire He did and however He fulfills it is going to be the best part.

To read my heart on the trip click this post.

And just in case: dont forget to go over and vote: http://www.noondaycollection.com/styleforjustice#view/23056/2105565

Help me go to Rwanda with #styleforjustice

2014-05-24T09:31:00.000-05:00

If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter etc. then you know Im trying to win a spot on the #styleforjustice trip. (and youre probably tired of hearing about it already! SO sorry)

Noonday & International Justice Mission are collaborating for a blogger trip to Rwanda. I would love to go and chase a global vision of economic empowerment and justice! I would love for my blog to be a platform where I could continue to share stories and advocate.. and I would LOVE to bring you all with me on this trip as I share them!

Im passionate about so many things that line up with the heart of this trip, the heart of Noonday and the heart of IJM.

Here is the deal, as of this moment Im in 7th place. I have 4 more days to rally all of you to help me pursue justice in Rwanda!! The gallery is organized in order of votes received so Ive jumped around from 4th-7th place the last few days! A lot can happen by May 28th! (*update.. by the time I finished writing this post you guys already bumped me up from 7th to 4th place ---> Im not kidding.. its neck and neck yall!!!)

You can vote DAILY for me and I would love if you would. It takes 10 seconds to hop over here and click vote right above the picture I shared on this post. If you feel inclined Id love for you to share it with everyone you know too.. your husbands, teenagers, families, neighbors, blog readers, etc... have them all vote too.. because as with most things in life - this is taking a village!

Here is the link again:
http://www.noondaycollection.com/styleforjustice#view/23056/2105565

Im blown away already that somehow I made it to the top 7 to begin with. I have no idea if I will stay there or not. These women are all working hard and having their stories and hearts shared. Its inspiring for sure to see so many people this passionate! Thank you for helping get me this far already! Trust me - I dont love begging and reminding and posting non-stop.. but you have all been so encouraging and rallied around me so well! Im going to finish well and trust the Lord with whoever the top 3 spots go to! Thank you so so so much! If anything this entire experience has been so sweet to me to see friends from so many different seasons of my life encourage me and jump in with me!

Also, I wrote on instagram and facebook already but this trip is not a popularity contest. Its not about who has the most blog followers or social following.. they opened this up for one person to come along with them who normally wouldn't be able to go - based on who could get their community to rally around them and vote! I AM SUCH A TESTIMONY TO THIS! Im not sure if you know any of those women surrounding me in the picture above but they are wonderful women who I, myself, also follow! (a chunk of them are linked in my post below about saying yes to dreams)

I dont have the social network following they do but that didnt hold me back from jumpin in (praise God.. He gave me some strange confidence to enter! ha) and then you guys, my community and my people, have done all the work to vote daily to get me to that spot surrounded by people who (in my mind) have a HUGE community voting for them! So thank you - you're the heartbeat behind what this contest was about. I do have the opportunity to hear the heart behind this trip as I can see it on the internal website for Noonday and if anything its just that much sweeter to be able to hear and see what is going on and how women are encouraging each other in this and not competing.. I feel like this contest and the community around it are handling this with so much grace and support and love. Its been incredible to be apart of it! So thank you guys!!!

On May 29^th they will officially announce the Top 7 who will move into Round Two, where the storytellers going on the trip will make an incredibly tough decision to determine three contenders that will move into the final round. On June 2^nd, they will announce the top 3 finalists!!

in us in winning people's hearts to chase a global vision of economic empowerment and justice, and you could win a spot on our team! - See more at: http://www.noondaycollection.com/styleforjustice#sthash.yBSXr0nP.dpuf

saying yes + a giveaway for YOU

2014-05-21T09:23:00.001-05:00

YALL!! You will definitely want to click on over to my incredibly sweet friend Beckys blog today because she is doing the most amazing giveaway!

She has a heart to encourage and a heart to say yes to the Lord and see others do the same too! Ive loved hearing her heart over the last year and then be able to witness the Lord fulfill so many desires in her heart! Its been so encouraging!!

I wrote a little (ummm not little.. its very wordy) guest post about what saying yes has looked like for us in this season. In honor of that she is giving away a sign to one of YOU!

Go follow her blog

(you can easily follow her here on bloglovin too because thats SO easy!)

Here are pictures of her adorable signs. She has such a gift for creating and capturing beauty in so many different ways:

Her adorable family (with another on the way!!)

Can we just talk about these & how much I love them?

Now go... check out her blog. Enter her giveaway. Be encouraged as you stay updated with her and hear her heart!

You can find Becky here:
Her shop is here
Her blog: shop little branches blog
Easily subscribe to her blog on blog lovin here
Follow her on facebook
Follow her on Instagram

*Also, in full disclosure, she does mention the contest I am currently saying yes to and the dream I have to go overseas.. but voting for me and rallying with me will not get you an entry to the giveaway so dont feel like you have to! She is just so kind to want to support me and encourage so many of you!

saying yes to dreams. {my heart behind wanting to go to Rwanda}

2014-05-19T07:31:00.001-05:00

This is a picture of a page in my journal from September or October of last year. I felt strongly in the fall that the Lord was reminding us to dream again with him. I was at a conference with our church and they spoke about how God was releasing a gift for people to dream again. There was so much at the conference that I feel like the Lord did and shifted for me.. but this post is about dreaming with the Lord, so I will stick to that for now.

One thing that really stuck out to me when I was at the conference was when Bill Johnson said "the longing for the world is for people to dream.. and if you are going to dream.. please dream of them" The vision in my head & my heart when I heard that & when I re-read it now.. resonates SO deeply.

I came home from the conference and told Freeland that I felt like we should write down our dreams. Dreams for family, for the people around us, for our life & future.. for the people the Lord would have us dream for.. and not hold back. This is not hard for Freeland. My husband is WAY more of a dreamer than I am. I am WAY more Realistic Rachel over here. So I can already tell you some of his big dreams without even having to ask him because he speaks them all the time. (even though they are CRAZY and make my heart pound)

I knew for once I needed to remember to dream.. through prayer & with the Lord.

So I sat down one afternoon and wrote down some dreams. Some obvious dreams that I know and have known were in my heart. And other ones that I just wrote and thought "what in the world?"

On that list, as you can see above, I wrote adopting (isn't God crazy.. about 4 weeks later he started fulfilling that dream!) and then I wrote "going overseas with Noonday."

That may seem normal but its not.. at least not for me. I had no idea why my dream was to go with Noonday. Especially back in the fall. (I get it now) At that point, if I was dreaming about going overseas I could have gone with anyone (like for example, I could go with my husband who goes EVERY SINGLE YEAR!) But I didn't just write "go overseas" or "go on a mission trip again with Freeland" or anything else - I wrote down noonday. The strangest part to me that makes me laugh is.. I had no connection or relationship with Noonday at that point when I wrote down my dream.

spoiler alert: about 4 weeks ago I signed up (after MONTHS and MONTHS and MONTHS of knowing I was supposed to) and became a Noonday Collection ambassador. Im launching my business & relationship with them in June. I planned to do a fancy ol post here on it in the next week. Cart in front of the horse here people.

Back to my list, I didn't work with Noonday last fall. I knew ZERO people (in person) who did. So why did I write that down? Isn't that just strange and beautiful at the same time.. that deep down its a desire of mine that the Lord gave me.. and really is a huge dream.. but one I just barely realized until I stopped and asked the Lord? Then it took being brave enough to write it down. Then it took me being brave enough to ask the Lord to fulfill the dream too! ;)

In summary, back in the fall the Lord revealed to me a dream to travel overseas with noonday.

Obviously, I could continue to break this down for you even more and tell you all the ways the Lord gave me different dreams and how He is weaving all those dreams together.. but this post shall end at some point.

Fast forward to last week: what do you know?! Noonday announced they were taking a trip this summer.. not just any trip! A storytelling trip. A trip to meet women & connect. A trip to establish friendships & share their stories.. a trip to give a voice to the voiceless! My heart immediately started racing and it didn't stop for appropriately 6-7 hours! Not lying.

Noonday has partnered with International Justice Mission to fuse fashion + justice on a trip to Rwanda. They are calling it #StyleForJustice. Here are the people going:

AND GUESS WHAT!? THEY HAVE ONE SPOT OPEN! I don't know what got into me. (I do know, the Lord gave me a dream and I'm being brave enough to believe He is going to fulfill it) But I entered the contest to win that spot you guys!

I have NO idea if this is the trip the Lord gave me the dream for. I mean, I know from my perspective it seems per-fec-t. My passion for missions, photography, relationships and how the way the Lord has been revealing to me His heart for justice, the way He is giving me a desire to share other peoples stories & advocate, the way He has been showing me my purchasing power, the way He has humbled me and called me to repent, the way he has given me boldness to jump in and say yes.. boldness to engage in all of it and not miss it! All of those reasons and more make me brave enough to try to fulfill this dream! Praise the Lord when I wrote down that dream .. I had no idea what He was about to do in my heart and how He was going to reveal His heart to me to align with the dream He gave me.

But I'm so happy with whatever the Lord does.. and whoever he sends because I know no matter what this trip is going to be powerful and its going to share stories with people who wouldn't hear them otherwise. There are SO many fabulous women who have entered the contest. (for example: Flower patch farmgirl, Let Love Grow, Honey Holden) So many that Ive tried to convince myself I'm wasting my time a gazillion times in the last week. Id encourage you to read through all the entries you want because you'll be inspired by how brave women are and how many women today just want to see Jesus move!

So, now its time for me to ask you to help me.. HELP ME GO TO RWANDA! The person who wins will be the one who can convince her community of people to support her! You guys are my people.. and here I am trying to convince you! This isnt about blog followers or your social following (praiiiissseee) its about rallying your community!

All you have to do is click this link:

http://www.noondaycollection.com/styleforjustice#view/23056/2105565

you will see my picture and read my "why" (in only 350 words... we all know that could have been a novel though) Right above my picture all you have to do is click "vote"

*YOU CAN VOTE EVERYDAY THROUGH THE 28th!!*

Easy Peasy.. no email registration or anything else!

I wish I could sit with each of you in person and share all the Lord has done over the last year and what He is doing now. (don't you worry friends, I'll continue to share those stories here) You're all invited to our house if you want & I will sit and tell you about it too! ;)

In summary: When you ask the Lord for dreams He gave you.. He beautifully aligns your heart with His and the dreams and desires of His heart.. if you do get ready for your life to be wrecked!

Thank you for those of you who have already voted, rallied with me, shared it on your facebook pages, emailed your families, even blogged about it and cheered me on! Regardless of if I go or not - the Lord has given me a voice to share my dream & now literally everyone I know and so many people I don't even know.. know a dream of mine! Bless it!

OH AND YOU GUYS!!! Do you see what dream is listed below going overseas with Noonday? It says "playing a part in rescuing women in trafficking" Do you know what International Justice Mission does??? THEY DO THAT! (there ya go.. now you know another dream that makes my heart race and bubbles up some sort of passion that cant be explained!)

Lastly ---> if you want to read the heart behind the trip or read why they picked who they did click here.. Jessica Honegger wrote a beautiful post.

Here is a link to all the websites of the people who are going:

Jen Hatmaker - author of the best seller 7
Jennie Allen - founder of IF Gathering and author
Kelle Hampton - author of Bloom
Raechel Myers - co-founder of She Reads Truth
Emily Lex - blogger at Jones Design Company
Jessica Honegger - founder of Noonday Collection
Paige Knudsen - blogger, photographer and Noonday Ambassador
Wynne Elder - blogger, photographer and Noonday Ambassador (also another Baylor Alum!)

and hopefully me!! (if you VOTE HERE)

women are warriors.

2014-05-16T09:59:00.001-05:00

Prepare yourself for a wordy and long post! I hope I dont step on anyones toes and I hope you read this with grace because Im no expert.. I just know what the Lord is teaching me.

So, our pastor BROUGHT IT on Sunday at church.

I wrote out a few of the things he said that the Lord used to speak to me and pierce my little (big) heart with on Sunday. I had to share it because I just feel like I see the Lord saying this to so many people right now. I see so many women He is growing and equipping.. I see Him raising up an Esther generation yall!

I also definitely see our culture fighting for women to be equal to men. This is everywhere.. yes, we all know this. That's great.. and fine.. Im not slamming it. I think its wonderful in a lot of ways. (thats a different post) But I also agree that we are mistaking being equal with being the same. Women aren't the same as men. They just aren't. (in my humble opinion) I see the Lord teaching women this all over and its awesome! I seriously cant believe or really imagine what the Lord is doing that He would be teaching so many people this at the same time!

So my pastor just gave a service on Sunday that commissioned women to go .. fight for what is in their heart .. pray .. have relationships .. intercede.. mother .. etc the way that we were created to. Here are a few things that stuck out to me:

Women were destined to be warriors. The bible says Children are like arrows in the hand of a warrior.. We as women were destined to be warriors. Children are meant to be arrows that destroy enemies. Children are to be raised up to settle injustices.. to fight darkness. Mothers & women bring forth that. We're sharpening & shaping weapons of destruction against powers of darkness. Children that will bring in light.

Women birth things in a new way that guys cannot do. Women uniquely give birth. Literal birth.. but they also birth things wherever they go that brings forth transformation. The birth of a literal child will bring transformation. The atmosphere shifts when children show up.. and identities shift. But women also have a gift and ability to birth those same things in a spiritual realm that will also bring forth transformation and shift atmospheres.

In Genesis the Lord says I will put enmity (active opposition) between satan & the woman. The Lord speaks over Satan .. "I will put an awkward, uncomfortable battlefield between you & the woman." Why didn't He put it for the men - who were built for the battlefield? Instead Im going to put a war-ing spirit in women specifically towards darkness towards Satan towards injustice.. towards things that need to be resolved.

In revelation its basically a woman against a dragon and a child. The woman wins. A promise is given to women that we will crush Satan's head. Women are rising up in their full potential. Women will birth things that will transition environments. Women will give birth to things that will cause people to realize their identities. In the very spirit and heart of a women is the heart of a mother.. whether she has children or not she will birth things.. Everything that comes out of Hell - will stir something in a woman's heart to fight for it.

The travail Elijah had.. is what women have. They travail (and give birth) to things through spiritual labor .. praying and interceding and fighting through prayer. Reshaping Identities, changing atmospheres through laboring in prayer. Women are warriors.

you can watch the sermon here. It starts at about the 58 minute mark: Steve Witt Mothers Day Message . or you can hear the audio by clicking this link.

You guys! All of that may have seemed crazy to you. Thats okay! It didnt to me.. it was so affirming to what the Lord is doing in my heart (if it did seem crazy, maybe listen to his sermon. Those are just notes I pulled from it. if you want the bigger picture - go take a looky!) I basically walked out of the sermon feeling like a stinkin super hero ready to go pray and fight for women to know who they are and to keep saying yes to the desires and passions and stirrings the Lord is putting in my heart!

I realize it sounds like a battle cry is going on in my heart.. thats because I think there is!

I had to write it all out because I cried almost the entire sermon. The Lord has been and continues to reveal these things to me. If I could invite you all over to go through my journal and see where the Lord started opening up my heart and changing the desires and showing me who I am .. and who we are as women, moms, wives, neighbors, friends. etc. etc. etc. Anyway - the Lord has just done a work in me. And He continues to do something SUPER deep in my heart that is changing me.

Im just so enthralled and in love with the Lord for it! Its been so sweet.

But the best part - Ive seen Him revealing the same thing to so many women around me too.. and it just makes me so excited and stirs something SO deep in me that the Lord would be showing this to so many of us. He created us this way - and He wants us to actually know it you guys! ha.

To imagine that He would create us a certain way (which is a really strong, tender, powerful, graceful and purposeful way) and then He would give us dreams & desires and then He would commission us to go do them! Imagine what will happen when we all embrace this? Imagine the power we have? You guys this is huge. We are created and equipped to "labor" through things and travail in prayer and fight for justice and against what grieves the heart of the Lord!

The thing that strikes me the most is.. this is how the Lord created ALL women.. women who are also gentle and gracious and tender.. but are so strong too. (We just gotta redefine what strength is sometimes.) BUT even more than that - back to this is how God created ALL women. Not women in America.. the same woman who is fighting for clean water or food for her children and begging and praying for her kids to be able to attend school... the same woman who lives in shame or who feels forgotten.. this is the same way the Lord created her and she needs to know that!

I know how this is playing out for me in this season.. or at least I have vision for it through our adoption and other areas he is revealing to me. I know the things the Lord is calling me to go to war for and pray and believe for. And I also know its different for each of us... and thats the beautiful thing. For some its our children, for some its our education, for some its poverty, for some its our husbands, for some its our home, for some its our neighborhood, for some its overseas, for some its politics or our work, for some its youth or ministry, for some its the orphans, widowed and poor... it is all going to look so different and it should. When we are all going to war for the things the Lord puts in our hearts.. change is going to happen!

The Lord will fight it for us and through us and He will be victorious because its just who He is.. and how the story ends! Praise the Lord.

**also, in case we arent friends on facebook or instagram .. I wanted to share & ask if you wouldn't mind clicking this link and voting for me. Im saying yes to a big dream from the Lord and putting my name out there to try to win a trip with Rwanda to meet women and be able to share their stories! I will write more on it tomorrow. But if you wouldn't mind clicking here and just hitting the "vote" button. (and if you feel led.. share it with everyone you know!) you dont have to enroll or enter your email or anything. You can vote everyday until the 28th! Big big big big hugs and thank you so much! Click Here.

(also, I feel the need to note, I wrote this post on Monday before the contest was announced.)

The easiest & most delicious Pepperoni Rolls recipe

2014-05-14T06:25:00.002-05:00

Okay, so when we lived in Erie, PA we learned about pepperoni rolls. Literally, the day we moved into our townhouse and met our landlord she mentioned the best place to get them at (because obviously we would be looking) and when we had no idea what she was talking about she was so shocked we had never heard of them. They are all over the place in Erie. Most pizza places had them as a staple in their restaurant. So we tried them and I wouldn't say I was honestly that impressed. (but maybe we never tried the best ones??)

Anyway, that all changed when our friend Jill made us some. And then I was ALLLLL OVER the idea of pepperoni rolls. They were SO good. and SO much better than what we had tried around town. Its the bread .. and the massive amount of cheese that I add!

So the other day I posted a picture on Instagram when I made some and a handful of you asked for the recipe. I figured this is easiest to post it here. Let me know if you have questions. This is all from Jill and how she makes them. They have family in West Virginia and word on the street is that pepperoni rolls are a thing there too and she has an even better recipe now. ;) I see them at places here in Cleveland .. but it looks different .. its not just a roll its more a pepperoni stick. But all the same idea. So Im sure you've seen them in your hometowns too. I just may not be "THE pepperoni roll" they have in Erie or West Virginia?

Ingredients

- a bag of frozen Rhodes white dinner rolls (at every grocery story Ive been to) Its a bag of 36 rolls.

- 1-2 7 oz. packages of pepperoni, depending on how much you want

- 1 large blocks of mozzarella cheese (or 2 small blocks), cut into 36 cubes

- Italian seasoning

- 2 tbsp Melted butter (or a personal favorite, papa johns dipping garlic butter)

- marinara sauce for serving (optional)
-any other ingredients you want to stuff in there (peppers, sausage, mushrooms, etc.)

Directions

Follow directions on package to allow dough to rise. I normally lay out all the pans and let them thaw (covered) for 2-3 hours. If you are pressed for time they have directions to thaw them quicker. (I do them the quicker way now all the time and like it best)

frozen rolls

spray pan with cooking spray, then cover with saran wrap, and let them rise.You cover them so they dont dry out while they rise.

rolls once they are thawed and ready

Once dough has risen, preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Next, take the rolls & stuff them with ingredients:

cut pepperoni & cheese (you dont have to do this.. I do it this way because Im crazy and I think its easier to stuff them this way)

Directions in case the pictures dont explain it:

Take a roll and flatten out completely with your hands. It doesn't have to be rolled out our anything, just smash it with your hand and that should be fine. Then place the pepperoni and cheese onto the flat dough. Next, fold the dough over the cheese and pepperoni. Press any extra dough and layer it up so that all the pieces are sealed. (otherwise cheese will ooze through when it cooks.. which is fine if that happens too) Then put it back onto your baking sheet.

Note: To fill the rolls I normally put about 3-5 pieces of pepperoni in each roll. (totally your call as to how much you want) I also cut the pepperoni pieces in half first before I put them in (its easier to bite into the rolls that way without pulling out the entire pepperoni slice) and lastly, I have found its easy to stack it up & layer it while you are stuffing the rolls. So I lay down half the pepperoni then top it with mozzarella and then add the remaining pepperoni to the top again .. and then I pull the bread over.

*also, you can stuff these with ANYTHING. Doesn't just have to be pepperoni. You can use any cheese you want. Ive used shredded cheese also and it works. Its just easier to stuff them if you cut up a block of cheese and use the cubes. I guess you could buy them already cubed or use string cheese too.

*You can also cook them all next to each other in a pie dish or round pan.. or in a muffin tin.. or on a baking sheet.. or in a 9x13 pan. Whatever floats your boat. It all works.

One more time:

Repeat with the rest of the bread dough pieces.

Then let them rise just a little bit again before you pop them in the oven. (they dont HAVE to rise. I just like to do mine that way. I dont let them get super huge again because they dont need to.. just a little bit of rising if that makes sense)

At this point you could just throw them in the oven and bake them.... ORRRRRR you could top them with melted butter, papa johns garlic butter sauce, Italian seasoning, Parmesan cheese.. etc. and take them all up a notch like this:

I just pour straight garlic butter on them. And the angels all start singing.

place it on cookie sheet, and follow directions on package for baking.

viola:

I also baked them in a pie dish so you can see it that way too.

As you can tell, THE OPTIONS ARE ENDLESS WITH THESE

all rolled up and stuffed.

after sitting a few minutes to rise again.

and baked:

Spread dough out into the size of the palm of your hand and place 6-8 slices of pepperoni onto of the dough Begin pulling the corners of the dough over the pepperoni, spreading evenly and pinch the top of the dough to seal it into a roll. Place all your stuffed rolls into an oil-sprayed muffin pan and lightly sprinkle Italian seasoning and Parmesan cheese on top Cover with wax or parchment paper and towel for several hours to allow rolls to rise. Once they have risen, bake on 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes, until golden brown. Remove from oven, spray with Olive Oil Pam and add more Parmesan cheese Serve hot with Marinara Dipping Sauce. - See more at: http://singlemindedwomen.com/food-and-wine/super-bowl-recipes-from-the-pros/#sthash.WYAAzEgc.dpuf

These also store well.. I just put them in a plastic bag and throw them in the fridge. You definitely want to warm them when you reheat them. I prefer the microwave. You could do the oven too .. I just dont like when mine get hard so thats why I do the microwave!

I am not a food blogger so if I left something off or if you have questions let me know! Now.. go.. enjoy.. try not to eat an entire bag!

Rivers 4th birthday {and how we were accidentally really mean parents.}

2014-05-12T17:46:00.000-05:00

I already posted about Rivers party.. but I did take pictures on his actual birthday too. It was a good easy and simple day. I wanted to share for our family to see

He was on spring break so we got up and went and got doughnuts in our pajamas:

chapel put hers down and wanted a bagel instead. not my child.

Then Freeland actually had a break at work so he met us at home after doughnuts and we let River open all his gifts from us and family.

his first Texas flag

(right when he was rubbing it in Wylders face how he was getting all the gifts we pulled out a gift Lady sent for Wylder too. humbling for a 4 year old)

its fun when youre at an age that cards can make you this excited too.

texas rangers shirt.

his first baseball glove

and then here is when Freeland and I became mean parents.

This was the first year River understood and knew to ask for something for his birthday. He went back & forth between a bike and a scooter for weeks. We told him he could only have one so he had to pick.

He picked a scooter. We technically never promised him he was getting one. We just said "We'll see"

So we let him open up his helmet first:

and then I asked

"Why do you have a helmet if you dont even have a scooter to ride it on?"

and this was his response:

immediate tears.

oops. (but freeland & I were also cracking up. I never expected him to cry)

I immediately told him to go to the stairs (where we put it)

He was thrilled

and then we blew his mind even more because My mom ended up getting him the scooter .. so we also got him a bike too:

when your birthday is in April in the north - youre still in a snow suit outside.

After some lunch & rest it was back outside playing all evening.

Then he picked Chipotle for dinner.

Id post more pictures but there were some MASSIVE meltdowns while we were there. Meltdowns I hadnt seen since he was 2 maybe?! So I didnt take any pictures! Its intense turning 4 and having expectations of exactly how you want it to go. (like when your quesadilla is cut and you wanted to pick it up and eat it whole!) But it was a nice relaxed day. It was a huge blessing that Freeland could join us for so much of it. The kids all had a great time & River felt so celebrated between that & his party.

He went to bed that night & told me he was sad. When I asked why he told me it was because he was sad his birthday was over & he didnt want to go to sleep so that it wouldnt end. I get it! I soooo get it!

the littlest mavs fans for life

2014-05-08T06:58:00.001-05:00

Actually this post shows the littlest mavs fan. River just a couple weeks old cheering on the Mavericks!

Or here is this one from when River was 1 during the playoffs at my step brothers wedding.

Im sure if you know us its no secret who bought these for the kids.

answer: my dad & tracy.

They proudly wear these all over the place. River wore his jersey to school every day that there was a game (or the day after a game) One of the dads at the school would ask him every time "Whoa, did you go to the game last night?" and River would proudly tell him yes (no, he did not)

Obviously, the mavericks lost to the spurs. It was sad. But these pictures are still just too cute not to share.. so here they are. Still mavericks fans. My dad has had season tickets since before I was born, so they have quiet the little heritage behind all this. We'll see if they grow up loving them just as much:

and not to out do her brothers... but Chapel has her own little Mavericks outfit too:

OH EM GEEEEEE

These pictures are such a perfect representation of Chapels personality. If you arent able to be around her in real life (cough.cough.all our family.cough) these will show you what she is like! Its a good thing we named her Chapel Joy.

If she sees her daddy or her brothers walking towards her she instantly throws herself down like this (squishy nose and all) and starts laughing waiting for them to come play/wrestle/hug.

(this was mid-daddy-walking-over-throw-myself-down-he-is-going-to-tickle-me)

Rivers 4th Birthday Party

2014-05-05T09:13:00.000-05:00

We had *thought* we weren't really going to do birthday parties for our kids at this stage. Well, not that we wouldn't celebrate.. we just thought we would keep the celebrating/parties to just us as a family since we aren't really able to do parties for 3 kids every year in this season of life. So I hadn't planned on or even thought about one for River.

That is until the weekend before his birthday he was invited to 2 parties from kids at school and then came home and asked who was coming to his birthday party!

oops.

It occurred to me that he wouldn't understand WE made the decision to not do a party with friends.. instead he would probably just think his friends didn't come over.

Lesson learned. (hashtag: rookie mistake. hashtag: mom slowly learning)

So I texted all our friends (our neighbors) and asked if they were available to come that week and have pizza and cake with us. They are all awesome and at the last second jumped on board and showed up!

When I told River the excitement on his face was priceless. All week long he talked about who was coming to celebrate with him.

Praise the Lord he had no concept of having a theme. He's been to some pretty big parties with some pretty big themes so I wasnt sure what he would want.

But, the only thing he requested was cake and ice cream. Specifically a cake with 4 candles and then the number 4 candle too.

I threw up things I already had in our house to "decorate" and make it feel like a party to him. When he woke up from his nap and saw everything he told me it was all "so amazing and the best party ever"

I love how simple and easy this age is. He even helped me get things cleaned up. Kid loves to host apparently.

Thank you Sams Club for the cake!

I wrote this sign but cant take credit. Source here. I would have ordered it had there been time.

same with this. The source is here. Its actually a really cute card.

(note: If thats awful I just shared pictures of those that I drew for him and I need to take them down.. let me know. For some reason I feel weird about it even though I listed the source)

Then the hardest part... waiting for people to show up:

He came and told me "maybe if we turn music on people will come" WHAT? How is a 4 year old saying these things. It was so cute to see him anxious and nervous and ready knowing people were coming for him.

So we turned on music and had a dance party while we waited.

chapel loves a good dance party.

A quick picture all together:

Freeland went and grabbed pizza for the kids:

and praise the Lord for Tesheba.. I hadnt thought of anything for the kids to do. She is a pro and kept them entertained by playing red light, green light.

and then Simon says:

and then cake:

and gifts:

I cant believe I don't have a picture to prove it.. but river had a celebrity come to his party.

And by celebrity, I mean Cesar.

(Cesar is the other resident who works with Freeland. But he is a celebrity to River. When I told River he was coming to his party he almost exploded! ;) So pretend there is a picture of River & Cesar together right here.

And of course Cesar brought him a gift. The most perfect gift. A soccer ball and goal:
(Cesar plays soccer)

Also, mateo could be listed as a celebrity around these parts too. ;)

When you asked River about his party for the next few days he would say "I had a party and cesar came and I got cake & ice cream" So yes, Cesar was a highlight for him. ha

Then we finished off the night with a good old dance party per the birthday boys request. Mateo serenaded us on the guitar:

(please note how seriously Kingston takes a dance party.. boy knows how to sing and dance and I love it! He has such a fun personality)

It ended up being such a fun & laid back night with friends. River felt SO loved and SO celebrated. It was such a sweet blessing to be able to see. Im so thankful for friends that love our kids so well and want to celebrate them.. even at the very last second. I have pictures from the day of his actual birthday that I will post too.

River told me at the end of the night that it was the best birthday party he had ever been to. Praise the Lord.

a no sew - no measure - fabric banner

2014-05-02T06:44:00.001-05:00

Back in November for Chapel's birthday party I made a little fabric banner to hang and decorate with. It seemed like the easiest and cheapest little backdrop I could think of at the time. Then after her party I put it over her crib to fill up the huge blank wall in her room.

I posted a picture on Instagram and a few people asked how I made it.

Thankfully, for some reason even though I am not a craft blogger or DIY blogger, I took pictures while I was making it.

So here are some pictures to help explain how I put it together.

I think in total this cost $6-$8. And it took maybe an hour AT MOST.

If I can do it - you can do it!

The thing I was the most thankful & excited about was I didnt have to measure anything. If I had to measure I probably wouldnt have ever made it! (probably the biggest reason I never sew anything)

So all I did was go to hobby lobby and grab the cheapest fabric I could find. I believe I bought the fabric that was $2-$3 a yard. I bought 4 different colors:

1 full yard of white
1 full yard of pink (which once I left the store I realized was too peach)
.5 yards of a white-ish-cream
.5 yards of an off white (which once I left the store I realized was more brown/khaki)

I was in a hurry to grab fabric so I didnt look closely enough at the colors I was picking.

I would totally change the brown/khaki color out for one more white & I would make the pink a lighter pink instead of a peachy-pink.

BUT THE POINT IS .. I dont even love the colors and the banner is still just fine. So whatever you have Im sure will be fine. I think it would look great with vintage sheets or vintage fabric or just random scraps that you have.

the biggest decision was which way to turn the fabric and make the cuts so I would know how long my pieces would be once they were tied on .. You can cut it or do it however you want.

Whatever size your fabric is when you fold it and cut is how long your strips will be so just do it based on that.

I just ended up folding each piece of fabric in half (pictured below is the fabric folded one time so that its just folded in half) and then I cut about 1 inch wide pieces along the entire thing. I ended up folding it in half in the direction where I would be able to have the most amount of strips. (meaning not longer strips.. but more strips.. so confusing Im sure)

I didnt measure these.. I just went by what looked like an inch to me. It doesn't have to be perfect. Mine weren't even or straight .. and they were all torn up.. but it still worked.

When I cut each piece I cut from the bottom UP TOWARDS THE FOLD.. so that when you pick it up .. the fold is where the knot will be and it is one long piece like this:

about half way through I realized I could take the fabric that I folded and fold it one more time to make it go by faster.. here is a picture:

*note, I used my little blade roller/cuter thing (see, Im really professional here guys) to cut the fabric at first but after a while I realize the scissors were faster and easier and cut more evenly for me. probably because of how I had the fabric folded up so much.

Once I cut strips on all the fabric I laid it out on the table to see the spacing and where I wanted all the colors:

Then you get your string (or rope or whatever you want to hang it on) and knot/tie it with a loop around the string. You just lay down the fabric and pull it through. Trial and error and you will get it. I tied mine all the same direction so that the little knots would look the same. You can do it however you want.

You can also push them super close together to make it shorter.. or spread them out and make it longer.

I also had leftover pieces from a few (I believe from when I was cutting to see which direction I wanted to turn the fabric and cut it..) so I made this little banner for the drinks. Its now hanging on some built ins in Chapels room):

Chapel does sometimes play with the banner above her bed. I was concerned at first.. but then I realized there wasnt anyway she could pull one of them off. The more she pulls it the tighter the knot will be .. keeping her from pulling it off even more. And if she pulls the entire thing down I will see it on our video monitor before its an issue. So do whatever is best for you and what you are comfortable with. Wylder has slept in her bed since we've had it hanging.. and with him being 2.5 it hasnt been an issue either.

Im not a DIY person or craft blogger.. so I apologize if some of that didnt make sense or wasnt clear. If you have questions .. seriously let me know! Im happy to help.

some details on our adoption so far

2014-04-28T09:03:00.000-05:00

First I just have to say, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Im not sure why but sharing the news felt like such a personal and sensitive thing to share. (even though it was REALLY exciting.. I was surprised how personal it felt) I think partly because we had been holding on to the news for so long, partly because it all the sudden became that much more real, and mostly because the Lord is doing such a deep and real thing in our hearts through all this that it just feels really personal and hard to somehow find the words to get it out.

But I so appreciate all your text, emails, phone calls, comments, and even cards in the mail! I feel like even if people didnt care, we'd obviously still be moving forward, but it sweet to see so many of you around us see the Lord doing this and understand and were able to speak words that affirmed and encouraged who we are as parents and believers. I do appreciate it so so much. Im sure I wont be able to say thank you enough.

So there is a lot to this story and Im not sure where to begin. I'll just run through some of the details because a few people asked. Then I will share other parts of the story in their own post because I think they deserve their own post.. and I would basically be writing a novel if I put it all in here at once.

After a lot of prayer and then a pretty amazing experience where the Lord totally spoke and affirmed that it was time for us to pursue adopting and working with children who dont have families (which I will share this story) we feel like we were supposed to work directly with Family Services here in Cleveland. This means that we will be working with the county and children who are in foster care.

So, we will technically be foster parents. Our goal is adoption though so the idea is that we will be fostering to adopt. This does mean technically that a child could come in our home and then go back and be reunited with their birth family. Although Im sure I cant fathom the depth of what that would feel like.. I absolutely support that and do believe in the idea of an entire family being restored and Freeland & I feel like we would love to work with a family to help them do just that. Even though we really really really want to adopt. We feel like the Lord just told us to do this so we are just saying yes and moving forward.

(ps: I just wanted to also say that it is possible to work with the foster care system, Family Services, and do JUST adoption. You dont always have to do foster care.. people always say "I just couldnt have a child come in my home and leave" and there are ways to work through that not happening. (it just means you could be waiting for awhile) Its also very possible (as Ive witnessed it 8+ times) to have a child come in your home as a foster child and stay with you and quickly be adopted too. We dont know everything. We dont know the full ins and outs.. We're just starting all this and we arent expert advocates on adoption by any means.. I just wanted to share that too because I know the stigma comes along with foster care)

We started our training in January (which was a step of faith itself because of Freeland schedule). You have to complete 36 hours of classes and training. It wasnt that bad at all and I actually feel very thankful for it because it really helped us think through some things and we were able to meet other families doing the same thing. It also helped us feel like we were "doing something" instead of just sitting and waiting. And it brought up good conversations for us both too. I have one class left to make up and Freeland has just 4 classes left which he will finish on the 18th of May.

We've finished our home study with our case worker in March also. So once Freeland finishes his classes this month our case worker will officially submit our paperwork to be processed. She told us here in Cleveland this will take about 1-2 months to process. Once it is processed we will officially be waiting.

So as of now based off what we have been told we are expecting to be officially waiting mid July. We could be placed within hours or we could be waiting a few weeks or months. We have no idea. It could all happen before July or it could take longer. Who knows!!? (answer: the Lord)

Our home is ready, we are ready, and our kids are ready. So we will see what happens!

Im sure I left a ton off. I will sit down and write out how this all happened in our hearts and how the Lord affirmed it for us. (because its a pretty awesome story) And I took pictures of us telling our families of course too - so I'll share those!

Thank you again for celebrating with us! Its fun seeing what the Lord does when we ask him what his desire is for our family!

Here are a few more pictures that I took on Easter before we shared the news:

wait? what?

Chapel was not havin it anymore:

we've got a big fat secret to share

2014-04-21T11:48:00.001-05:00

We've been keeping a big secret:

We've known since October and we just cant keep it in anymore:

(I promise Wylder is thrilled and wants a baby brother or sister more than anyone in our family. He was focused on getting his promised jelly bean for sitting there! )

Chapel, do you know what this means?

You may not be the baby anymore:

Just Kidding ;)She was crying because she wanted food.

We're so so so excited and expectant and all the other emotions you may be able to imagine.

More details soon.

I cant wait to tell you all about it.

(and dear Lord, I hope I didn't hurt any one's feelings by not telling you in person. We just had to get it out there! And we realize this is probably a huge surprise for some people to find out on our blog!)

Cry me a River {river turns 4}

2014-04-08T13:33:00.000-05:00

Last week we celebrated Rivers 4th birthday.

Stop.

I cant believe it. We had a small little celebration on Tuesday night. Then we celebrated as a family on Wednesday, his actual birthday. He went to bed that night and stopped and told me he was sad. I asked why and he said "because now my birthday is over" I GET IT SON! So we told him the rest of the things we did that week were for his birthday & I let him have icing for breakfast the next day too... and probably a cupcake for lunch.. and so on and so on.

More pictures from his actual birthday soon.

Freelands best friend David was here this weekend and we are slowly but surely catching up (mostly on sleep!)

I just looked through all these and now I need to go cry in the corner:

The day River was born:

The day River turned 1:

The day her turned 2:

The day he turned 3:

The day he turned 4:

The day he became a big brother:

The day he became a big brother again:

And for your viewing pleasure, here are some random pictures I just love:

Its too bad he wont have any pictures from his childhood one day! ;)

I love this kid. I love his personality. I love who he is. I love who he will be. I love being his mom. These pictures are good for my soul - they make we want to embrace all his energy and laughter because its what I look back and love.