Brown Eyed Girl

Make It Fit

2009-08-03T14:18:00.003-05:00

How do I make everything fit into my life that I want to accomplish? How do I fit it all into my daily schedule?

I am having a lot of trouble fitting devo time and exercise into my day. I get up with the kids at 6:30 (if I get up earlier my days are worse because I am tired--we tried that) so mornings are out. That leaves naptime and evening. I really don't like exercising before I go to bed because I have found I don't rest as well. So...naptime it is....however, my kids are VERY light sleepers and one sleeps upstairs where my computer is (to use DVDs) and the other sleeps downstairs in the room next to the treadmill!

AAAHHHHH!

There is the slight possibility that I could use the treadmill just as soon as I lay Alia down and then she would sort of fall asleep to the sound and it may not cause a problem....I guess I will try that. Ok. So, it's not great, but its a plan at least.

What about devos?
This one is harder. Maybe after exercise and shower...then devos? I guess I could try that as well.

However, you notice that all this new addition is during the afternoon naptime, right? The 1 1/2 hours that I usually get the "chores" of the day done are now taken up with my new plan. What about the chores? When do the laundry and meal prep and bills and phone calls and gardening get done? One would say..."during your morning; have the children do them with you." This is a beautiful plan that just doesn't work in reality. At this point in life, I know training/disciplining the kids comes first and I do have them do a lot along with me (although it causes much stress), but there are still certain jobs that require only one set of hands and relative organization. When do those get done?

The evening? I should do those chores between the kids 8:30 bedtime and my 10:00 one. Ok, I can, but then I pose a very selfish but personal question that I feel is important for my emotional health...when do I get time to relax? When do I unwind? When do I get a few moments to myself? And what about my husband? I want to give him some time too.

How do I fit it all into my day? How do I get everything accomplished that I want to accomplish?

I am having trouble figuring this one out. Constructive suggestions welcome!

A New Plan

2009-07-07T13:22:00.005-05:00

Days are still up and down. I had a really bad day last weekend. Caused us to cancel our plans for the 4th. That was a bummer. But, retrospectively, I am thankful that Paul decided to cancel and stay home because I needed a day to just chill and be together. He is still trying to do what is best for me...even after all this time. Sometimes I wonder if I would be as constant if I were in his shoes....he's really amazing!

Anyway, I am trying to plan for the rest of the summer. The garden is coming on in full force and I don't feel capable of keeping up with weeding, putting up all the produce that is headed our way, and managing the kids. It was suggested to me to work in the garden during naps and can after they go to bed. Whew! When is a girl supposed to sleep?

So, I am trying to make a new plan for getting it all done. It is in the beginning stages but that is what I have set my mind to. We'll see how it come out! As I plan...anyone have any suggestions that work for them? How to balance 2 very active kids (that often seem like twins) with canning and keeping up a 1/2 acre garden? I'd love to hear them!

Credibility

2009-06-22T13:33:00.004-05:00

WARNING: I am having a bad day, so if you are having a good one you may not want to read this!

Do you ever feel like you are your own worst enemy? That you are your biggest problem?

That's how I feel today. My kids are having a really tough time with behavior today. Alia used to be a biter. We worked really hard to train that out of her. However, her brother picked it up before she stopped. So, now Josiah has been biting when Alia frustrates him (which is pretty often). After 4 instances of this today (once Saturday and 2-3 times last Friday) I was EXTREMELY frustrated with my children to put it nicely. Then, to top it off, they got into another bout of fighting and Alia reverted about 9 months and laid a really good one on her brother so they have matching teeth sets in each others arms. I find myself so angry at them. I feel like everything I say to them all day long and all the teaching and training I do it pointless because they can't hear me talking. Like I am invisible or something.

Anyway, upon seeking some advice I was told that they are acting out the frustration they sense coming from me.

So, it's my fault. Ok, logical, maybe. But even more frustrating to me to hear that because I feel there is nothing I can do to fix it. I do not feel that I was exhibiting an abnormal amount of frustration than the situation warranted, but I am supposed to be the adult that stays calm in all situations and doesn't ever lose her cool when dealing with the kids. Because I fail at that Proverbs 31 thing and can't retain my sweet, patient demeanor in all circumstances, I am screwing up my kids and failing at teaching them good behavior. That in itself feels overwhelming.

I later journaled this at the peak of my frustration.....

"Yet again, if I wasn't here my kids would be good, well-adjusted, low-stress kids but by being present I make them horrible, naughty, mean, violent, stressed-out little hellions!"

I feel cursed to remain judged the rest of my days by "the measure of PPD". That if I had called for advice in the exact same situation but did not have PPD this past 1.5 years I might have been taken more seriously? Would tough situations be seen as tough situations instead of "things she just can't handle"?

I feel as though I have lost all credibility as an intelligent and competent adult. How does one get that back after PPD?

Chosen

2009-06-19T13:18:00.003-05:00

Read a little something today that I appreciated because it was a really good reminder. I often have nagging thoughts (mostly on bad days) about whether or not the kids would be better off being raised by someone else.
Just thought I would share. Maybe they would also be encouraging to you or someone you love.

---------
Eagerly I've asked God to take charge of my children. Out of fear that I might "ruin" them, I hand them over to him.

But as I give my children to God, I often hear him ask, "Do you really trust me with your children? Do you trust me to get them to school safely?"

"Yes!" I respond.

"Do you believe I can guide them through an illness?"

"Of course!"

"How about deciding if they will marry--and who?"

"Better then I!" I say.

"Then do you trust me to select the very best mother for your children and for who I want them to become?"

We can be the mothers our children need because God divinely chose us for the job. Don't doubt it. He knows what he is doing. And aren't we glad!

God's Words for Life for Moms copyright 2000 by Zondervan, page 43.

Let's Run

2009-06-16T15:01:00.003-05:00

Mom took Si today so I had the day alone with Alia. It was nice. I wanted to do the same things I did last week with Si (no chores, just whatever fun things they wanted to do.). Alia's choices were somewhat surprising to me. We checked on all the animals and played with the kittens for a while (no surprise there!) and then spent the rest of the morning playing My Little Pony!

WHAT?!?!?!

My girl who seems to have 2 speeds, running and sleeping, wanted to sit on the living room floor all morning and play with tiny parts, shoes, bottles, hair ties, brushes, etc???

Did I mention that when we were out checking on all the animals she wanted to literally run from one to the next...."C'mon, mom, let's run!".

I don't get it! I'll take it, but I don't get it.

So, ponies it was and then after lunch more ponies until we had to leave to go get our bulk food order. Again, we get out of the car..."c'mon, mom, let's run again!"

It was a fun day, but I am thankful that most of the time I am holding Si's hand and can't run everywhere...heaven help me when he gets a little bigger and joins her mantra! At least I'll get in better shape!

Missing Something

2009-06-15T13:58:00.002-05:00

So, I feel some guilt over not posting for a very long time. I have recently made it a priority to write every day...be it in a journal, a personal letter or email to someone, or on a blog. I want to write more but feel seriously unqualified to write well or often enough.

I look back with sadness at how much has happened in the past year and thing how wonderful it would have been to get my thoughts down every couple days or so. To see the changes and be able to look back at them and see how far we've come. However, it didn't happen and it is the past now.

So, today, I am just writing. Writing for the sake of getting started again. Maybe for a significant period of time or maybe for a short while...I don't know. I am not even sure that the thoughts I am typing out right now make any sense to me let alone anyone else.

It's Monday, typically a hard day here. First day back to the routine without Daddy (which is a big bummer for the kids and I think an even bigger bummer for me!) and back to Mommy being the only disciplinarian (there's so much that gets missed when only one set of eyes is watching).

This specific Monday hasn't been as bad as most though. Kids played nicely together for approx. 20 minutes (probably a new record) this morning with only one minor injury. I have accomplished almost everything I set out to do today (my list was small on purpose) and am feeling quite productive. For a Monday.

I guess my frustration today stems from how I feel inside rather than any outside circumstances. I talked with Paul last night about feeling stuck in this routine and its monotony and not wanting to go to bed because it meant waking up in the morning (a Monday...ugga.). I desperately want to feel happy and excited for each new day and delighted to be spending them with my two lively and very adorable children. Instead, as I told Paul, "I would rather go to work with you, sit in a corner and color in a coloring book all day."

That's how I feel right now and I don't like it!

I feel like something it wrong...that I have two beautiful children who are healthy and apparently happy and I just want to go do something other then be with them. And I want this EVERY day.

So, today I am a........94. Ok, but missing something.

I know that God has blessed me in so many ways and I know that his plan for my life is so much better than anything I could think of on my own. So, I don't question the "why me" anymore. I get that part. I just can't seem to figure out what it is that I haven't learned yet so I can be done with this lesson. It's getting a little tiresome and I miss my old self.

Published

2009-04-26T19:19:00.002-05:00

I sit down to nurse my daughter before bed...always a welcome and relaxing time of day. Tonight I pick up a copy of Countryside Magazine that I just hadn't gotten to yet. There on page 25 of the May/June 2009 issue is the article I had written about my homebirth experience. Wow, that was a shot in the arm! They printed it! Yes, I understand it's in a backwoods, unrecognized, small time magazine, but they're my words in black and white! And people all over the world read it!

So, here I sit, with a grin on my face, pondering my birth experiences again. Although a lot of things contributed to my getting PPD...my homebirth experiences weren't part of it at all! I love every memory from my kids births and have only good thoughts and feeling associated with bringing my kiddos into this world. My PPD seems to be less severe than most other women's that I have met. I attribute this fact to a number of things, but one of them is my choice for homebirth. I had 2 beautiful experiences and I actually look forward to the next time I get pregnant--not because I want to feel like throwing up for half a year, but because I am addicted to the birth experience!

I have trouble relating to friends who have had difficult deliveries due to hospital rules grumpy doctors. I just want to yell, "Oh, please have your next baby at home and experience all that God truely meant that process to be!" Peaceful, calm, quiet, and comfortable. With a mom feeling strong, capable, empowered, and womanly. "Oh, you're missing out on so much!" I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to birth my babies at home! I just want to share that same feeling with every other mom out there! Maybe this article is the beginning....

My day started out really rocky and I was feeling quite down but getting published was a really nice surprise at the end of the day! Thank you, Jesus!

Step-Grandma

2008-09-12T13:29:00.002-05:00

HELP! Does anyone have a step-grandparent that can give me tips on how to work through feelings that come with adding that person into the family?

This transition has been emotionally hard for my family and now that we know that they plan to be married in less than 2 weeks...well...it just got harder.

Problem #1: Grandma has only been gone 7 months and Grandpa started corresponding with this woman less than a month after Grandma passed away. It feels like we haven't had the time to mourn Grandma yet because we have had to put our minds to accepting this other woman.

Problem #2: Grandpa has been very dishonorable when it come to Grandma's memory and said and done some very upsetting things.

Problem #3: Whenever this woman comes to town she lives with Grandpa.

Problem #4: We have never been able to get a straight answer from her as to whether or not she is indeed a Christian. Maybe in word, but not in deed. Maybe she is but shows no fruit...does that count? Becoming a Presbyterian 20 years ago doesn't mean you have Jesus in your heart...know what I mean?

Anyway, It's just a really hard situation that has many more facets than I am outlining above. I am just looking for some sound advice.

I am planning to sit down with her the next time she is in town and have a very candid conversation with her about my feelings and let her know that I don't dislike her, but circumstances have made it difficult for me to feel good about her entry into/presence in my life.

Any advice?

Better

2008-09-08T14:55:00.003-05:00

These late summer months have come upon us so fast and furious that I feel we almost haven't breathed for a month or so. Canning, freezing, child rearing, marriage building, farm maintenance, animal emergencies, house remodeling, and trying hard to fit in some fun here and there has been the order of the past weeks.

We have gotten peaches and some tomatoes canned and in the basement. Alia seems to have gotten past what we hope was the worst of the behavior issues (for now). Si is very mobile which presents its own set of challenges. Paul and I have been getting away from the kids weekly (thanks to my cousin and a couple from our church) to spend some seriously needed time reconnecting. The chick coop got built and the skunk eventually got removed and dispatched (if ya know what I mean) but not until he had killed a total of 10 chicks. Almost 2 rooms are updated (trim of two windows in the kitchen to finish painting yet)--pictures to come. And somewhere in there we found a day to go to the beach together--much needed and very fun!

I have recently been spending some time reflecting on the past couple months and Paul and I had a discussion about it yesterday. Here are some highlights from that discussion and my reflections:

I am feeling better (finally)! I feel like we turned a corner somewhere about Josiah turning 8 months old. Just felt like there were more days that were "okay" and fewer that were "bad". Two months later I feel that we actually have parts of days that are actually pretty good...which is so far removed from the way I was feeling last spring that I am blown away.

I attribute this to a couple factors:
First, I met (just once so far) with a woman (mother of 7) from our church who has had PPD following the births of each of her daughters (4). It was unbelievably encouraging to talk with her and listen to her stories and ask some of the things that have been rattling around in my brain for months unanswered. God used the one evening I spent with this woman of God to propel my journey down the road of healing with amazing accuracy and speed. I think more clearly, am more focused, and trust God more wholly than I have in a very long time.

Thank you, C, for being broken, honest, and real--for your insights and thoughts and willingness to let me see into your world. Most of all, thank you for being willing to "get dirty" when others are hurting despite your own challenges...I am asking God to give me the same heart of others and strength to do the same.

A few of the things we talked about that may seem elementary to some of you but were monumentally helpful to me were:
1. The difference between a "PPD day" and a "I have 2 kids and its a challenge day"--There was actually a specific something that I can now recognize that helps me to get through the PPD days without so much frustration.
2. God, God, God, God, God. Turn there for every moment. Frustrated, pray aloud right then. Overwhelmed, pray aloud right then. Angry, pray aloud right then. This reminder has really helped me to stay focused all day and as a bonus it helps my kids to see me leaning on God throughout my day too.
3. The desire to have a big family doesn't have to be put on hold until you are "better". Instead, follow God's leading for your family plan despite people who may look at you as irresponsible for "having another while you are still 'struggling'". God doesn't look for perfect woman to be moms, he looks for woman who are seeking to teach their children to love and live for him--while they are broken and relying on him for their strength.

The second factor that I feel has contributed to the healing that I am experiencing is my husband's listening ear and discerning ways. My stint (6 weeks) in counseling produced only 2 ideas that helped us to be able to move forward in any way. So, after deciding to stop going to the sessions, Paul and I began talking through these two things and other ideas that came up during the discussion. At one point I mentioned, "We are really making headway here...why aren't I paying you to talk this stuff through?!" Anyway, we came up with some good ideas for changing the things that were so frustrating/upsetting/causing problems for me. We implemented them, altered them, and worked them into our schedule. Weeks later, they have been a wonderful aid in not only easing some of my negative feelings but also in helping Paul to better understand the connection between circumstances/happenings of the day and my feelings (specifically on PPD days).

The third and certainly not least of the things I feel have been important in me feeling better are the prayers of those who care about me and our family. I may not even know who all of you are....but you know and God knows. Thank you...so very much! Prayer is powerful....even when (and maybe especially when) I didn't feel like prayer was working at all.

So, as I am learning, I may never really be done with PPD, but I do believe it is getting better.

As soon as I get a chance to get some pics uploaded for the rooms we have painted I will post them and I could really use a little advice about the future of the kids bedroom as well! Stay tuned.

What Do You Do?

2008-07-08T09:57:00.002-05:00

What do you do when you are afraid you don't even like your child anymore?

Last night Paul and I put the finishing touches on the room that we started with for the years-long remodel. Looked pretty great in my opinion. I was so thankful to have the work done....weeks was longer than I had anticipated to get it all accomplished.

Then this morn it took one phone call for Alia to get the idea to go draw all over the newly painted wall. I didn't discover it until I went into the room about 20 minutes later.

I am just so tired of the constant disobedience. Will there ever be a day when I can just enjoy her rather than spend the whole day disciplining?

Yeah, ok, so she's only two and only exhibiting 2 year old behavior....but honestly it felt personal. Like she knew that I had put so much of myself into fixing up this room and she wanted to hit me where it would hurt most.

So, per my husband's instructions, I sent her outside to play in the sandbox...despite the fact that it's sprinkling out. I needed some space from her. I get angry just looking at her. Right now, I just really do not like her at all.

So, does that make me feel like a bad mom? Yes. Do I think it is just PPD that makes me feel that way? No. Does that make me worried about my ability to be a good parent to a 2-3 year old? Absolutely. Do I want to be done having kids since I apparently can't handle raising them? No. What do I do to reconcile that inconsistency? No idea whatsoever. Does life right now feel just plain crappy? Yup. What do I do now? Go pry the plastic car out of Josiah's mouth and haul him with me outside to go discipline Alia for not obeying and wandering away from the sandbox when she was told to stay there. It never ends. I see no light at the end of this tunnel...no matter what other people say.

First Room

2008-06-16T20:48:00.004-05:00

So today I began with the first room in what will be a whole house remodel. We expect this to take a number of years to complete as we hope to do most of it ourselves, but I am very excited for the the results.

Since I wrote last I have been feeling pretty even-keel. #5 on a scale of 10. Not great, not terrible.

I really enjoy all the remodel stuff: planning, brainstorming, sketching out, visualizing, getting supplies, demolition, painting, designing, decisions for changes, etc. Okay, maybe not ALL of it, but overall, remodeling makes me feel good. I am happy that we are making this space our own. I am excited for it to look and feel more like me and less like my parents circa 1976.

Now, to find the balance between enjoying all the projects and not get overwhelmed by the scale of it all. Also, not to get frustrated with the kids when they want to be held or played with and all I want to do is go paint a bathroom or spackel a wall in a bedroom.

Lesson Learned

2008-06-07T20:47:00.002-05:00

* Sorry, I wrote this post last Saturday and have never gotten back to really "finish" it as I intended. Lesson learned...just post what you have, don't wait for later.

Friday was an okay day. We had fun with Alia at the Children's Museum and then enjoyed Festival downtown. We had just started back to the car when it began to sprinkle! I got a bunch of errands done and we stopped by Paul's co-worker's place to see the new kitchen he put in himself. Even though we got a lot accomplished it wasn't a relaxing day for me. Si cried through most of the museum (he was tired and couldn't go to sleep with all the noise). Then I did all my errands during the storm and pouring rain...not without stress for me either.

I just felt "off" all day. Like something was out of place in life. Like I just wasn't able to "be there" in the moment with my family....it was hard.

Beth Moore Poem

2008-06-05T13:41:00.002-05:00

I got this poem on an email from my mentor today. It is written by Beth Moore and it makes me ask a lot of questions.
____________

The Life I Planned

Has someone seen the life I planned?

It seems it's been misplaced

I've looked in every corner

It's lost without a trace.

I've found one I don't recognize

Things missing that were dear

Promises I'd hoped to keep

And dreams I'd dreamed aren't here

Has someone seen the life I planned

Did it get thrown away?

God took my hand from searching

Then I heard Him say

"Child, your ears have never heard

Your eyes have never seen

Eternal plans I have for you

Are more than you could dream.

"you long to walk by sight

But I'm teaching eyes to see.

I know what I am doing.

'Til then, you must believe."

He's done so much, I felt ashamed

To know He heard my moans

To think I'd trade in all He's done

For plans made on my own.

I wept over His faithfulness

And how He'd proved Himself

How He'd gone beyond my dreams

And said to Him myself,

"No, my ears have never heard

My eyes have never seen

Eternal plans you have for me

Are more than I could dream.

"Yes, I long to walk by sight

but You're teaching eyes to see

You know what You are doing

'Til then, I must believe."

I felt His great compassion

Mercy unrestrained

He let me mourn my losses

And showed to me my gains.

I offered Him my future

And relased to Him my past

I traded in my dreams

For a plan He said would last

I get no glimpse ahead

No certainties at all

Except the presence of the One

Who will never let me fall.

Are you also searching

For a life you planned yourself?

Have you looked in every corner?

Have you checked on every shelf?

Child, your ears have never heard

Your eyes have never seen

Eternal plans He has for you

Are more than you could dream.

Perhaps you long to walk by faith

But He's teaching eyes to see

He knows what He is doing

Child, step out and believe.

_______________

Am I searching for the life I want that God doesn't have in his plan for me? Do I get to be "done" with PPD inside of a year or will I struggle with it for years to come?

Do I need to let go of my dream to have more than 2 kids because it's not God's plan for me or do I continue to look forward to that dream of mine?

Step out and believe...believe what? That I will get better? That I will be "whole" again someday this side of heaven? That He has a perfect plan...sure, I believe that...it's the timeline that I am frustrated for not knowing.

--------

This poem was encouraging in numerous ways especially that it reminded me to be focusing on Christ and looking for His plan rather than for what I want to have happen.

However, it frustrated me too, is it too cliche? It seems too simple, too trite, too warm fuzzy-Christian-feel good-fluff. I mean no offense, especially to Ms. Moore. However, I find myself in a place where I need to ask some hard questions and wade through the fluff and find the hard core God answers.

This poem reminded me of what I already know and I guess I am looking for more. Something I don't know...something that shows me how to get from here to the next spot...forward.

New Path

2008-06-04T14:42:00.002-05:00

I am going to use my blog for something new. Since Josiah's birth, I have been struggling with post-pardum depression (PPD). I have decided to "take back" my personal blog to write more about my day-to-day experiences and chronicle my current journey with PPD.

I am just a stay-at-home mom of 2 (2y, 6mos) that has PPD and is trying to learn, cope, and survive, and overcome. I plan to try to write about my daily happenings and how PPD effects me and those around me...in all reality it will probably be more like a couple times a week, but I would like it to at least be regular. Comments, questions, thoughts, ideas and suggestions are encouraged and requested. I imagine that writing about my experiences will help me work through a lot of my feelings and I hope they will also help someone else out there who may be going through something similar.

Your prayers for me are also greatly appreciated.

Updates on Kortman family life can now be found at www.kortmans.com

Spiritual Depression

2008-06-04T14:35:00.003-05:00

I just finished listening to a message by John Piper entitled Spiritual Depression as he preaches from Psalm 42. Fantastic stuff! I listened to it twice...in a row.

Highlights I want to remember:
1.Want GOD more than getting better....want him so fiercely that if being with him means staying underwater, you will stay how you are now.

2."Words for the wind"

3.Get a psalm-song of my own to sing for when hard times come.

4.You want praise Him again...so try....now.

I am going to use Psalm 42 and also 8 for my devotions in the coming weeks.

My Kiddos

2008-02-21T12:41:00.001-06:00

Grandma Kortman needed new photos for her house so I spent some time yesterday getting shots of the kids (in black and white) for her. I was pretty pleased with how they turned out.

I think every time a birthday is nearing we will just spend a day getting photos and I will never have to take them to a studio again....pretty easy on the pocketbook and on my stress level since I love taking pictures!

Josiah's photos were not easy to get because he's a pretty fussy baby. However, if you can catch the 10 minutes after he wakes up from a good nap you can see a few of the rare but beautiful jewels we call smiles! I happen to like this shot of him even though he isn't smiling.

Here's our boy:

Alia was also a bit difficult to get a good shot of. She began by hiding her face from the camera and then moved to hiding her whole self (note the photo on Flickr of her behind our oat roller). So, instead of trying to take pictures of her I just started to play "the camera is chasing you" and then it was fun. All along I was trying to see if I could get a few good shots. After a while she sort of forgot the camera since I had been having conversations with her and not actually trying to get her to smile and that's when I got this one...my favorite of the day!

Here's our girl:

I had so much fun taking pictures of my kids and learning what I needed to do to make them comfortable and open to the camera.

Please stop by FLickr to see more of the pictures we took yesterday!

Si Guy

2008-02-15T08:30:00.002-06:00

Josiah is 3 months old (as of yesterday). He is a BIG GUY! He weighs almost 17 lbs and is 27" long. He is rapidly outgrowing his 6 month clothes and has begun sprouting both of his lower front teeth already!

This guy has been going full force ever since labor began! We joke that someday he will make his million playing linebacker for the NFL and after each game he will get on camera to say, "I thank God for my skill, I love you Mom!"

Alongside his "big dude" exterior we also have a sweetie...he is a smiler who is often grinning and has begun giggling too. His "happy spot" is mom's left shoulder!

His infant acid reflux seems to be bothering him less and less...thank you, Jesus!

Oh, and Kortman Family blogging changes are about to come your way, so stay tuned!

Grandma Edighoffer

2008-02-01T10:17:00.000-06:00

Part of our family's journey now includes the death of our dear Grandma/Great Grandma. Vendla Jean Edighoffer went home to be with Jesus at 3:30 this morning.

She had been recently diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and we were concerned that her lungs would fill with fluid before her heart would give way but God was merciful and quieted her heart first.

Grandma was still upset about not having enough energy to sew doll clothes for her great-granddaughters just hours before she passed away...that's our grandma...always giving to others.

We were thankful for the opportunity to go and be with her last evening although she was not happy about her lack of energy and inability to have a "good conversation". Nurses who took care of her the night before were stopping in to check on the "sweet old lady" who had endeared herself to them so unknowingly.

That's our Grandma....we will certainly miss her.

Tiny Little Baby

2007-12-11T12:48:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

Just wanted to let you know that we posted some new photos from the last couple of weeks.

Life with Josiah is pretty hectic but very sweet! Two kids is much harder than just one as many of you already know. Josiah also doesn't like to fall asleep (and stay asleep) on his own during the daytime, which makes things a little hard on mommy.

Poor little bundle goes to sleep and then wakes back up 5 minutes later, cry-cry-cry, bounce or rock to calm him and he falls asleep and wakes back up 3 minutes later...its a vicious cycle!

When you think of us please pray for our little buddy to learn to welcome each new REM cycle that comes his way!

Christmas has become more real to me in the past couple of years. Last year was our first Christmas with a child and that brought a much deeper meaning to the Christmas gift of the Christ-child. This year Christmas songs and readings about God coming to us as a baby bring tears of wonder to my eyes as I hold our tiny Josiah and revel in the Joy of our Savior's journey to earth! How amazing!

Recently, as I have told people the story of Josiah's birth, it hit me that the Bible holds the story of Jesus' birth. Not just an ancient story about a special baby that we read at Christmas time, but the story that Mary might have told to her friends about the unusual circumstance surrounding her baby's coming. How much more real the story becomes then!

Hope your holiday season is cheery and warm...filled with Christ's love and memories of His birth story.

Flickr Photos updated

2007-11-16T19:47:00.000-06:00

There is a lot to write, but not too much time or energy to write it. We have updated our Flickr photos, you can view them here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/namtrok/

In other news Paul's Grandpa, Evert DeVries passed away 24 hours after Josiah was born. Josiah's middle name was chosen to honor his Great Grandpa and his Dad (Paul also has the honor of having Evert for a middle name.) Please remember the DeVries family and those traveling for the funeral. Paul will be gone for 3 days to attend the funeral.

Lil' Sprout has a new name!

2007-11-15T15:45:00.000-06:00

We are tremendously thankful to our Father in heaven for the blessing of our new son, Josiah Evert Kortman, born Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at 11:25pm. He weighed 8lb. 11oz. and measured 21" long.

Josiah, meaning " God will save", is named after the 16th king of Judah who followed God wholeheartedly despite previous kings who turned away. You can read the story in 2 Kings 22-23. Paul was given the middle name, Evert, in honor of his Grandpa Evert DeVries with whom Paul shares a birthday. Now, we give it to little Josiah Evert, in honor of both his Daddy and his Great-Grandpa.

Dark haired Baby Si (pronounced SIGH) was born at home with only his daddy in attendance. Our midwife, Patrice, assistant midwife Lori, midwife apprentice, Amanda, and my Aunt Vera arrived soon after his speedy entrance into this world. He came quietly and calmly in a planned water birth only a little over 2 hours after letting us know he was coming! Mommy was glad for such a short labor and we are all pleased both Si and Mommy are healthy and strong. Thank you for your prayers! Si's birth certificate will name Paul as the "attending physician"...how special!

Alia met her new brother the next morning and immediately wanted to kiss and hold little Si. We have found that only reading books with someone will tempt her away from her big sisterly duties!

We hope that the joy we feel in our hearts today finds its way to your hearts as well.

The new and improved Kortman Family, Paul, Becky, Alia, & Si

Just Around the Bend

2007-10-31T07:48:00.000-05:00

So, we are about a week away from our actual due date--but we know that doesn't necessarily mean anything since a due date is just a number on a calendar! Alia was born this week (week 39) but that doesn't mean anything either since her pre-40 week arrival probably had more to do with how much fluid I had than my body's timing with babies!

Anyway, I'm feeling a little more uncomfortable since the baby dropped 1.5 weeks ago but still okay overall.

I thought I would give y'all an update on the goal list I post a while back so you aren't still wondering if we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off (soon we will have a few of those around here for real!).

The goals were/results are:
1. Getting completely moved in and settled--we're moved in...that's gonna have to do for now!
2. Getting the baby's things out and ready--we should have this completed by the end of the weekend.
3. Painting Alia's toddler bed/dresser--done except for decorative touches...that will have to wait for spring!
4. Insulating the chicken coop for winter--done!
5. Getting the last of our crop into the freezer (pumpkin & squash)--still in progress, but who knows how long that will continue!
6. Getting meals/baked goods into the freezer for post-baby eating ease--Paul is thankful that I have had the energy to keep up with this so we are looking good in this area too (as compared to the amount of things I had put up before Alia's arrival...zero)!

So, after this weekend, we are as ready as we can be. Thanks for your prayers! Any time that goes by beyond that just allows us to get more accomplished. The past three weekends we have had seriously LONG to-do lists....23, 29, 21 items respectively. This weekend looks like it will have closer to 15ish items...which will be nice!

So, more chores to get ready for winter, but most everything is as ready as it's gonna be for baby. Now, I am going to focus on relaxing and resting up! Sure sounds good to me!

The Countdown...sorta

2007-10-15T12:06:00.000-05:00

Thank you to every one who gave advice and/or helped me to find the foam/crib bumpers I needed for the co-sleeper! We are all set and my mom is busily putting foam into the bumpers. Check!

Paul and I worked all day Saturday to accomplish a LONG to-do list and get about half of it completed. All of it needed attention though so it was a very productive day! One of the big things Paul got finished was insulating the chicken coop and putting their light/heat lamp on a timer. Yeah! So good to know they are taken care of. Check!

We have been moving things into the house almost every evening since I posted last and we think we are about 2/3 of the way unpacked. Progress is being made but definitely not finished. Can you consider good progress as half a check?

I have been working every day at getting a little more of the squash and pumpkin into the freezer...so, not accomplished, but in progress. Half a check?

I have also re-worked my meal planning menu to include days when I make double to allow for some to be put into the freezer for post baby eating. So, I think that is a half check as well!

All in all we are about 3 weeks away from Lil' Sprout's arrival and we have one thing completed from our list of 6 goals and 3 others that are half checks....not too bad. This week and next weekend will really tell the tale as to whether we will be able to get it all accomplished in time.

Thanks for your prayers and especially to those of you who have offered to help in different ways...we appreciate it! We had no idea it would come down to the wire like this but God's timing is best!

Fun Fall Fotos

2007-10-10T12:41:00.000-05:00

I've updated our photos at our Flickr site...check it out!

Help Me Rhonda...or anyone else for that matter!

2007-10-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

My mom and I were looking at the crib bumper that we are going to re-fashion to fit the co-sleeper Paul built for the baby and realizing that it will be a bigger project than we were thinking. UNLESS..I could find someone who has an old style bumper (the kind with 1/2" - 1" thick foam) they would be willing to give me either to use as-is or to take apart (if threadbare/stained/coming apart) to use the foam.

The bumper I currently have has the new style that has a thin layer of batting and I would much prefer to use the thicker foam in the co-sleeper bumper.

So, my plea goes out to all of you...if you have one or know of someone else who might...I would really appreciate the foam out of an old style crib bumper to finish getting the co-sleeper ready for Lil' Sprout's arrival (approx 4 weeks).

Just thought it never hurts to ask!

Thanks everyone!