A nurse, whose breathing I could hear and almost taste behind me, let out a deep sigh.

“No, no. You’ll never get it out like that. Haven’t you ever changed a baby’s diaper before?”

“Yes, my older son’s but he doesn’t have one of THOSE.” I pointed my finger at the area in question.

“It’s no different. You need to get in there and get it.” In a blinding flash, she blew past me, grabbed a wipe and was deep cleaning it in ways I was uncomfortable with. “Don’t be afraid”, she said.

Don’t be afraid? What I really wanted to tell her that was easy for her to say because she had one and was used to this and other people wouldn’t have her arrested for violating it with a wipe.

I had no idea what i was doing but I learned. The learning never stops. Things only get more complicated and scarier.

My daughter is 7. She makes me pictures. She’s polite. She loves playing games with me. She smiles alot. She brightens up my day. She’s caring. She can do the Whip and Nae Nae. She doesn’t put up with her older brother’s baloney. She loves to talk about one thing and make herself laugh and then change subjects and ends up talking about something unrelated that happened “6 or 1 month ago” (she’s never really sure) but all the time she smiles and laughs and makes me love.

But I’m scared of her. Actually, I’m scared for her. You see, I was a guy once. Now, I’m just a married, middle aged man whose mojo has long since left the building. As a guy though, I did things I’m not proud of. Nothing that would require therapy for anyone mind you but still, shameful, callous things.

There will be lots of guys like I was, once Brooke gets a little older. Guys after just one thing. The lies they tell to get it. The pressure girls feel to be or act a certain way for… guys. I see countless posts with girls acting like women way too early. In fact, girls seem to be going through some form of puberty much earlier.

At the turn of the 20th century, the average age for an American girl to get her period was 16 to 17. Today, that number has plummeted to less than 13, according to data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey.

I’m not ready yet for this discussion. All the more reason why my wife should handle it.

Back in my day, it was nearly impossible for me to walk up to a girl and ask for their phone number. It was like I thought that rather than handing it over, they would reach into my chest, pull out my beating heart, and smash it in their fist. The advent of the Internet, apps, and social media, of course, lets guys off the hook. Now, guys can just Facebook stalk and friend request without having to go through the sweaty palms and shortness of breath that was always commonplace. Honestly, it doesn’t even seem to be that difficult anymore. Guys can quickly follow someone on Instagram, like a few of their posts, comment, and in a few days you’ll come home from work and see your daughter, watching Ellen, while naked, on the couch, with a guy, eating ice cream. Craziness. Don’t even get me started with apps like Snapchat or these “vault” apps that make sharing of dangerous and graphic photos easy and more commonplace. Just ask this high school in Colorado.

According to a new report, the pressure on teenagers to always be available on social media can lead to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Also factor in the higher proliferation of online bullying by young girls (23% of teens report they are or have been the target of cyberbullying) and you have a culture out there which is scarier than just having guy problems.

Short of putting her into a bubble and locking her in our basement, what can I do?

I guess all I can do is be me. Show her how a man should treat a lady. Show my wife the affection and attention she deserves. Buy flowers. Give small gifts. Show that I care because I do. Be a role model. Take our arguments out of her ear shot. Show respect, teach her to respect herself and hopefully, that’s what she’ll demand from guys in return.

Honestly, I don’t know if that’s enough or if it will even work but it’s the best I’ve got. As my father has always said, “You kids didn’t come with instruction manuals.”

I’ll continue to take deep breaths and enjoy the moments. I’ll play those extra games and listen to her every word but in the back of my mind will be guys, and bullies, and inappropriate photos, and stalking, and the lies that can be told. I’ll worry for her and hope we’ve done all the right things.

It’s a scary world out there and sometimes it’s hard not to be afraid…

Some get scooped up in acquisitions, then are forced to stay in a place they loath, surrounded by people who are just as dismayed at their own sense of diminished self worth. Eventually they leave, after their non-compete contracts expire and go off to create the next best thing in anything other than multifamily. Then, there are those people who stay at one place for too long and render themselves obsolete.

I’m not judging one way or another, these are just simple observations.

My recent job change falls into one of the above named categories. Back in July, after 13 1/2 years, I left my IT job at Maryland Management to become the Director of Leasing Operations at WC Smith.

I’ve thought long and hard about what would cause me to abandon what I’ve always truly loved, Information Technology, to jump into the Operations side of things. No more calls about printers. No more running updates on servers. No more cranky users who don’t realize that the computer “won’t start” because the monitor is actually off. Look, I’m no spring chicken. I graduated high school before some employees at WC Smith were born. I complain about songs today not sounding like they used to. Movies from the 90’s are now considered oldies.

So what the heck would make me drop one career path for another one? At 41?

The first thing that comes to mind is mid-life crisis. Found this on Wikipedia:

Midlife crisis is a term first coined by Elliott Jaques referring to a critical phase in human development during the forties to early sixties, based on the character of change points, or periods of transition. The period is said to vary among individuals and between men and women.

This certainly makes sense. Changing careers is a serious change point and transition. Then, I found this:

A true midlife crisis usually involves changing your entire life in a hurry, says Calvin Colarusso, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California San Diego. An example is a man he counseled who wrote a note to his wife, withdrew his money from the bank, and moved to another city without warning.

I didn’t wake up one day and walk out of my job. I didn’t clean out my bank account. If I was to leave my wife like that, I’d better just end up in a ditch somewhere with amnesia and no money. Trust me, it would be better to remember nothing. No, my job change was carefully planned over the course of a few months. I put in a lot of thought. Mid-life crisis tells a little bit of the story but not all.

Over the course of the last year, I asked myself very deep questions that when I answered truthfully, led me down a stressful and yet exhilarating path.

• Are I just going through the motions?
• Am I on autopilot?
• Who is job longevity a blessing really for?
• If my job is to keep doing the same thing for the rest of my days, is that worth staying?
• Can I give up the day-to-day relationships that I’ve built over all of these years?

The answers truly scared me.

For those reading this at your jobs right now, especially those who have been there a while, ask yourself the questions. Here are a few more I asked myself:

• Am I still being challenged?
• What is getting me up in the morning – the free coffee or the chance to do something awesome? Both?

I didn’t want to settle for mediocrity. The same. The usual. I’m better than that. You are too, right?

Create something. If you can’t, and you want to, ask yourself the questions above. Feeling frustrated? Ask the questions. If the answers scare you, maybe you should think about doing something about it.

I’m so glad I did it. Thanks to WC Smith for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime.

Side Note: The funny thing about leaving IT and making the jump to Operations is that IT never really leaves you. A few weeks ago, I walked by a printer that seemed to be malfunctioning. I stopped for a moment, listened to the struggle and the cursing – and I waited. Within a few minutes, the Out of Order sign went up, the employee walked away, and then I pounced. Deftly, I removed the jam and the printer started working again. Call me an IT ninja now if you will.

If you won’t tell, I won’t tell.

Seeing commercials for ILS’s wasn’t something anyone could’ve predicted. Nor would I have wanted to. Unless you need one, to most, apartments are pretty boring. I always wondered how anyone could make a commercial about apartments not sound like a commercial for life insurance.

Earlier this year, we heard about how a change gonna come. What was the change a comin’?

I remember the first time I saw it. I was sitting in front of my television, the screen faded, and The Good Wife went to commercial. I grabbed my iPad to waste time and then I heard his sarcastic voice from out of my sound bar.

“Apartmeninternet!”

There he was, Malcolm, err, Jeff, oops, I mean Brad Bellflower! That name is so catchy right? Bellflower? It just rolls off the tongue. I always felt that an F and an L next to each other can cause tongue trip ups but what do I know? I was never in their focus groups. Wait, Silicon Valley Maverick? In his 60’s? I suppose that could make sense, right?

No?

Maybe?

Malcolm Brad is everywhere now. Televisions, office desks, trash cans, recycle yards. His “Jobs-esque” black outfit, his green beaded bracelet, those dark rimmed glasses, and the headset. Who is he talking to on that thing? Us? Them? Is he in a call center taking calls from angry prospects? What is Brad really telling all of us anyway? That everyone uses the internet?

I looked up the definition of irony. Turns out that irony is when someone says one thing but really means another. Take the phrase(s), Print is Dead or clear-cutting every tree, from the flier in the picture above. Wouldn’t it be funny if you said that print was dead and then mailed out reams of marketing induced, glossy style – paper? Yeah, that stuff made from trees. Oh the irony.

Call it the Brad Bell effect but companies in this industry have stopped getting along, I think. I couldn’t believe the glossy Orange Is Not The New Black piece of advertising paper I saw. I always thought it was more fun to watch big companies implode by buying things that are no longer relevant. I don’t like this new version of things:

I bet that Brad loves Photoshop. He seems to be the kind of Maverick that might. We found the original stock photo of the convict. Is this type of ad the change that was referred to?

I wanted to make it a point to try to meet this Brad guy. Had to. I had a lot of questions. What is a true Silicon Valley Maverick like and do they all just wear the color black? What does he have to say about this aggressive form of advertising?

I sent emails and text messages to try to schedule a meeting. I mailed flyers and sent a courier by Pony Express. I used pigeons.

After a few weeks of trying, I was sent a response letter and given the opportunity to sit down with him for a quick interview.

“Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Jeff, I’m…”

“It’s, Brad.”

“… just going to get right to it as I know your filming schedule for these ads must be jam packed. As an industry that is not used to such campaigns, we have been surprised at the negativity. What do you say about that, Jeff?”

“It’s Brad.”

“Excuse me?”

“My name is Brad.”

“Oh, my apologies.”

“We haven’t gone negative. We are trying to destroy guides … and … snails. Sad little brown creatures. Good eatin’. There’s an infestation you know.”

“So I’ve heard. Wait, snails?”

“Yes, and polygons! I’ll tell you about that later.”

“Stay on topic, Jeff, so is…”

“Brad.”

“… this ruthless, in your face campaigns, the kind of game changer you were referring to?’

“No. It’s about being the only one left in the apartment space. Destruction. The Google for apartments. Hey, did you know that water won’t roll down your hand the same way twice? Chaos Theory!”

“Actually, yes, I saw that in a movie once, Malcolm.”

“It’s Brad.”

“Whatever. Why do you think people are underwhelmed at your website traffic numbers?”

“I don’t understand it. Everybody knows that more traffic means more bandwidth which translates into higher rankings.”

“Huh? That makes no sense.”

“It’s about the ApartmentInternets!”

“Personally, Brad, do you think your higher traffic might be because people are trying to see if there are any Jurassic World spoilers there? Aren’t you in that?”

“No. I’m just on a back cover on my fictionalized book in the movie, as Malcolm. I mean, wait, I’m Brad now. Argh!”

“What do you say about those people calling you a Loony Futurist? Or, a parody? Or, a hyperbole?”

“I’ve had enough! This interview is over!” Jeff, dressed as Brad but looking strikingly like Malcolm, stood up, threw his headset to the ground, and stormed off.

“But wait, Jeff, don’t leave! I’m not done! Shouldn’t it be Change Your Apartment, Change Your World? How do you change the world by changing your apartment?”

Sigh.

“I guess you were right, Malcolm, you left suddenly and now I’m here by myself, uh, talking to myself. That, that’s Chaos Theory.”

Happy renting everyone.

Fast forward to today. Every ILS seems to offer their own set of reviews, independent of the Flappy Birds of the industry, ApartmentRatings. Every company who does reviews has a “Verified Resident” program of some sort. Did you know that one ILS won’t allow your rating to go below 3 stars? That’s pretty handy. The only thing these types of reviews seem to benefit is everyone’s SEO. Ouch.

I haven’t read any new funny ApartmentRatings reviews in a while. It’s been flooded with fake and verified reviews which are hard to digest. Most reviews I’ve read on the other sites, especially ILS’s, are pretty awesome in their stars but are incredibly boring to read. So many of them lack details:

“Excellent and caring staff.”

“Location is good.”

There’s a Fault In These Stars and it’s to the tune of 3 or 4 words. Regardless of value, these reviews are being used to drive traffic or increase monthly costs with addons. If I want a review on a product, I’ll go to Amazon, even though they aren’t by definition a review site. I do it because I know I’ll get quality reviews about a product I’m interested in. Real reviews with real thoughts from real people without any company interference.

Our customers want to read real reviews about our apartments. 88% of them last year used an online review to determine the quality of a local business. All it seems we’re giving them is diluted crap with too much Property Management Company influence. We’ve made people afraid to respond truthfully, just ask these residents in Orlando. All of this sticking our biased noses where it doesn’t belong has rendered these reviews useless, not just for our customers but for us as well. We SHOULD have to worry about dipping below 3 stars but I suppose if I have an excellent and caring staff with a great location, we don’t need to fix anything – let’s just go golfing!

I miss the days of responding to every review. Sure, doing so made us seem needy and too PR-y but that at least felt more real because we were responding to real people. Angry, silly, obnoxiously moronic ones but real.

After all these years, I think we’re still afraid to listen to what our customers have to say. We’re embracing reviews on our terms not the consumers. I guess we never did listen to the blogs and conference presenters and people preaching common sense over the years. After all, how else would we have gotten here?

Since I’m standing on a soapbox and hopefully you’re still reading, I figure I’ll voice some displeasure at Internet Brands. This isn’t a customer complaint but instead upset at the direction they’ve chosen to take. I was excited for Satisfacts at their IB acquisition because with the influx of cash it meant realizing their dream of being a true rating system for the industry. All it seems they are allowed to be now is a public vehicle for property management companies to control the message on ApartmentRatings. Disappointing. Please be the Amazon.

Here’s a thought. Do you ask during your prospect process if they read any online reviews about you? Did you ask what these reviews said about you?

That would be a different type of progress.

What do you think? Have reviews in our industry become redundant, annoying, and just plain boring or am I just out to lunch? Is there still something to learn from them or have we crushed what we can learn from them into submission? Are these 3 buzz words dead? “Ratings and Reviews”.

What was your high score on Flappy Birds? Mine? 98. Boo Yah.

Happy renting everyone.