Budapest Blog - Following the footprints

You've been asked "Why do you do what you do?" and...

2011-11-10T11:10:00.000+01:00

...this is something I've been noticing through out my entire life. At first I did not pay attention, then thanks to one of the nastiest people I remember it pierced me with meaning - the question "Why do you do what you do?"
Have you ever and been asked
What is the purpose the work you do at your job?
Every big corp office worker in his twenties will sigh now.
The purpose of my work is...to open the DB, run an SQL query to extract the bit of data, put it in an Excel file, run a macro and send it to a distribution list
You see startled looks and enjoy yourself for a second of great technical reign and glory! But then that smug, young girlfriend of your mate will fire the inevitable:
So, what is it exactly that you do? What's it for?
And here you have a choice - to bore everybody with long and tiresome narrative analysis of this question because you don't know the straight answer, or simply lie that it's important...unless, you don't care what you do in life and this job is nothing but earning money (which is a dogshit statement if you're in your twenties)...YOU HATE WHEN THEY ASK WHY, DON'T YOU?
Shit...it's hard to admit that you don't have the slightest idea of what the hell are you doing among this half-a-million bunch of robots that all work to earn billions for a huge monster evil corp. And your small moments of pride are gone when you start seeing your more stupid (in your opinion of course) friends get more money, better jobs, showing results...here, I said this word.
RESULTS
It took me years to understand this - when you wave off parties, nice, careless evenings spent with mates partying, the only thing that matters in the end is your own result. What can you show, what can you do, what do you know...and the only person to see the benefit of being able to demonstrate this is YOU. You will feel better if when someone asks you:
What is the purpose of your work?
You'd say: I design motorboat engines for farmers or if you are into arts I build an eCommerce shop for a clothing brand etc etc etc....noone will ask you WHY or WHAT after that. You will be able to answer anything about it because you see the horizon and not a bunch of useless data bits.
I'd say, don't be afraid to ask yourself if you'd feel better to work as a fork-lift driver for sometime, or lay bricks, or work in a consumer store, or any of these jobs and communicate rather than sit in a cubicle all day, reading inspirational memos from your big evil corp. The atmosphere there provokes you to think about career and if your not successful there you'll find this monster pressing down on you and you'll end up in the shittiest department working 12 hours a day in the office and another 3 at home, just to avoid answering the question What is the purpose the work you do at your job?
I must say that I don't have hatred for big corps like IBM or Oracle...the problem with these places is their HR and capitalistic society that we all live in. An HR agent will hire you because she/he is a person and needs to cover deadlines even if you're not good for the job...and you'll get there, start working, without ANY CHANCE to develop because you're just not good for this job and you never asked yourself if you wanted it...it just happened that you got in. Maybe it's TIME TO GET OUT

Bill Hicks

2011-08-21T12:36:00.004+02:00

I've just finished the movie "American: The Story of Bill Hicks". God, I always wish people like him, Jim Morrison, Beethoven, Mendeleev and other crazy fucks would be alive now. It's sad that we don't hear these people because they are to fucking fast for their time. One thing I understood about time is that we every present moment we live and think and only a few of us can actually effectively PLAN and see the bigger picture. You know, like seeing what could happen in 1 year. Hicks gives a good advice on how to go on and feel that you LIVE your life...but I'm ain't gonna share it. Anyone who digs this post out from the web - watch the movie and if you never new Bill Hicks, get to know him. It might be your first step to get in touch with the great, or another name to remember if you already know Kurt Vonnegut.

Time's turning around

2011-07-27T11:00:00.012+02:00

Listening to Tool.
Things are changing around me and I cannot keep up with the pace. Have you ever felt that one more instant and you will be shaken off the face of this planet because you're slow, useless being will loose the gravity because it's not needed here? Well known fact - Earth's circumference is 40000km/25000miles. That is - if you walk from the point where you sit and around the planet following the imaginary line in front of you you'll have to make around 48.000.000 steps. Consider if you make 10.000 steps per day...damn, that's 48.000 days of walking. It's like 2 lifetimes of walking...Sorry, got distracted with calculations :) The point is, HOW FAR will you fly away if you suddenly loose the gravity?) This better be outdoors...I would not want to experience it now here in a cafe house :) I don't want to speculate too much here, but sometimes I feel that my contribution to this place is so small...like tiny winy...But from the other hand, we are all inspired by the big shots, right? Beethoven, Salk, Jagger, Mendeleev, Bach, Tesla, Liszt...these guys lived grand. And, yeah, most of the west lives in this democratic delusion that everything is possible if you JUST FUCKING WISH IT. The formula - sit your ass on the chair and work yourself through the debris of creation, cuz you know that the level you need to achieve is so damn high that you don't even see the top. You have a wall to climb and there are your fellows climbing next to you. You have a choice - you climb fast and leave most of them behind, or you climb slow (ALWAYS) and stay with your friends, loved ones etc...It's easy - IF YOU WANT TO BE GRAND YOU'LL BE ALONE FOR A LONG TIME. It's good if you met a girl/guy who will love you whatever what and stay with you through this period of self-development that does not have any prospect - just a belief. Yeah, we all believe in something. Those, who don't really care about the above, believe in supernatural stuff, those who really do stuff believe in THIS STUFF. Music, web-design, architecture, feelings...whatever you choose...but the LEVEL that Ferenc Liszt achieved. You know, I play guitar. And I used to play like 9 hours per day when I had time during school, but now I have no time, so it's like 10 hours per week max. It's not enough and I feel it, but do I spend my time on important stuff? NO. I work 6-7 hours per day like everyone else (I mean productive work). 24-7-8 = 9. Approximately 9 hours per day to pick up with the speed to become grand. Ok, I go and play guitar now. Oh, wait a minute...I need to meet my gal in 30 mins. Ok I play later. Shit I forgot to go to the bank and cancel my card. Damn, I need to call my mom. The phone rings - oh, hey bro, how are you? Yeah, let's meet for a drink. Baby, are we going to that homecoming party tomorrow? Damn, I forgot, but yeah, we promised. Movie on the weekend? Sure, I wanna see that terrific effects in Transformers 3...have you read that book? no, Paulo Colelhio? Will read it.
You know what...I'm asking myself one question everyday that makes me wanna puke at times: "Dude, have you learned something today that will make your life better?" The answer is NO after most of the days and the reason why the feeling is so bitter is - 9 FUCKING HOURS that you can use to do it and the only thing that keeps you away is YOUR LIFE IN THE PRESENT TIME that will NEVER change if you keep enabling it. I'm slowly turning it around now...very slowly, because you cannot simply say to all of your friends and family that they should leave you alone and let you do your stuff. This is arrogant and selfish, do you agree? BUT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY, especially if you have a mediocre talent for something and you need twice as much time to get to the good level than, say, Bach. I don't believe that bullshit about LAZYNESS...Most of the people are not lazy to the extent when they don't do what they want to do. Most of the talented people don't get support from the ones who surround them because those people are NOT capable to see their raw talent that has to be developed.
So, sorry guys, but you won't see me as often as before, cuz I decided to change the course a little. One year left to become a rock star and die of overdose to join Jimmy :) hahaha. Joking. I love life and I cannot let anything hold me back even if that's my best friends. Wish me luck...because that will be the 10000 time I'm trying that. You know...I'll start new life on Monday, will eat healthy, read a book per week, learn another foreign language etc...
Good luck to you to. Don't let the guilt, fear and prejudice affect you to the extent where you loose your way.

D.

headache

2011-02-28T18:19:00.004+01:00

Have you noticed that when you have a headache it's hard to be polite, impressive, concerned, emotional, adequate, appropriate, respond, not respond...anything you do becomes generic. I mean, strong headache? Damn, that's what is happening to me now.

Headache is drilling my head
It's nagging deep, I cannot sleep
Refreshing pain, my room is bright
This light is like a pulse, a beat

My head becomes a vein that swells
There is a clot that blocks the blood
I hope it will explode RIGHT NOW
So I can feel relief and DIE

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

RE-Legion

2011-02-02T17:48:00.006+01:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote in this blog. I even started to forget Anglishe...Of what the f...feck is the name of this language I'm writing in...man..today, more food for my brain, we talked with my friend about religion. I hate the subject and NOT because I DON'T BELIEVE IN BIBLICAL GOD and search for alternatives, or I HATE ISLAMIC TERRORISTS, or I'M AN ATHEIST because I think humans are ape ancestors. The point is that this is one f...freaking hard subject to talk about. In the end of each conversation I want to ask a question "So, what the h...hole do you know about religion?"

Anyways, "I'm still here, giving blood, keeping faith" just like MJK advised in the Patient from Lateralus. I'm sure the point was not to believe in a certain book or a man in the sky ('invention of lying'2009 imdb) but to BELIEVE in something. In my case in utopia that every human will be able to feel every other human being in the world one day. I don't care if this won't last, but at least just for one second we will be able to feel this sublime emotion of being all connected. With so much anger in this world now that is not just existing but is worshiped by millions it's good to believe in this one. I'm sure I won't live to see it. Most probably I will see a f...flecking nuclear cloud sometime soon or a huge space exile of those who'll be the first to discover another planet to live (the odds? hmmmm....1 to 1000000000000000000000000*10+18)) Shit, we are left with a big nuclear fart in the end) I hope that won't happen. Anyways, my opinion (if someone gives a flying f...fork) that it's better to have a mature belief in Biblical God or Muhammad than to treat life with a matrix/fight club/american history x/traispotting kind of attitude.

I mean, don't stick to something if you are not sure in what is good or bad, right or wrong, but don't acquire the anarchistic s...slimy views just because your favorite band said so or because Brad Pitt is the star in the movie that tells you to blow up all corporations on this blue black'n'green air bubble we call mutter föld :) A life of one human is not enough to know everything so...yep, believe in what you want but be sure you spend quality time to learn it....you may very well offend someone by commenting on religious topic....People turn to God not just because their parents are religious.

HAVE AN OPINION, GOD DAMMIT! BE A MAN, FOR CHRIST SAKES....I have a friend who thinks that I should start recording commercial music to earn money...well I hate that idea but, damn, whatever I say she HAS an opinion and is not afraid to share it...on the other hand before pooing in someone's ears ask yourself if you are competent in doing that...that's where "silence is gold" comes into the picture. But don't be a chicken. If you are 100% sure that you are right, fire out. It's better to learn by making mistakes than not to learn at all. Man becomes a fool when he stops asking questions...haha, this last part tells nothing)) but all the right folks will get what I mean! Ok, gotta run!

Bless ya all!
D

P.S. in end...never forget to ask the question form of the following statement from yourself

Underpassculture.com

2010-10-07T11:30:00.007+02:00

Finally I created a page for myself. It's also more like a blog but at last I have my own hosting.
The page is www.underpassculture.com -> Welcome to those who are interested in photography and music. I will load up my shots there and sometimes my new music. I'm not sure if I will update this blog as often as before because now I'm swarmed with different stuff, work etc but as soon as Anika returns from Stockholm I will ask her if she is eager to take this one over from me :)

See ya all!
D.

www.underpassculture.com

Running wild. Who is to be successful?

2010-09-22T11:55:00.005+02:00

...when life seems to be boring an dull and you sit and think "Why in the world is it so hard to drag myself out to do something" you risk to draw some divine anger upon yourself. If you have a job and some people around you, if you have both legs, hands and a head and your liver is still working - welcome to the world of MUST BE HAPPY. If you are not - seek for what you think can change your life.
In my case - I was not really searching for it. It just happened. I always played guitar - now I have two bands to develop. I always wanted to try myself in recording music in a club. This life gives me a chance to try myself in one of the best clubs I know...I work. Well, maybe I'm restless, but I have just returned from UK from a business trip. Things work out and I'm asking myself - WHY??? I always thought that I'm a lazy bone with no prospects because I was bad in math at school...but now I tend to agree with Kurt Vonnegut. It's not entirely up to how much you know. Knowledge can help, but the most important thing is - being humane. It's a difficult and tricky thing to do...I used to think that it has something to do with being social, partying, being a nice guy...but now I discovered (maybe a little late) that being social does not mean that you have to drink your head off in bars and parties every weekend...Social presumes you to be a member of a society that characterizes itself somehow. In simple terms we are all social cuz we are members of the world's humanity species. But within our human group - find the area where you belong...I'm a musician but I was not able to find companions among musicians because It's much more than that that I require...I need a person to be good. Humane. Higher than childish bias and superstitions...Today grownups behave like ignorant children. All the examples of successful (in my opinion) people that I have met (not many at all) are kind and generous people. They don't cheat, they live their lives out of deceit...damn, it's hard to maintain this. Almost impossible when you know that you can try to make money on selling porn in the internet...or cheating on your wife or your girlfriend with some bimbo in a club which is no longer a difficult task. All depends on how much Jager you order. Well, good riddance, I say. I dont want those people around me. But then I find my self described as a-social and boring. Shit. Never thought that I'm that way and I don't agree. In my life I have people who I love and who I care about, my life is filled with thrill and challenge, I'm true in my intentions and I'm honest with people and myself and for all those people who think that the most important thing in the world is to party and make money by selling scam and bogus I'd like to say: YOU ARE A-SOCIAL. Search for human connections, not for profit.

When profit brings you human connections - be careful with those people. When human connections based on friendship, trust, love, respect bring you profit - that's the way to go.....

BE HAPPY!

Seemingly easy...in real life - hard as hell - MONEY

2010-08-24T15:45:00.004+02:00

...when you try to make a decision that involves your family. You think it's easy because you forgot. You simply forgot how hard it is, because you don't live with them anymore. The household that was developed there does not apply to you anymore. But now you tried to help, tried to influence, tried to change smth for good, but it did not work. Moreover you got headaches and emotional trauma swelling for a couple of days. Nice discussions on random subjects blind people. There it is - the big truth. The only way to really understand if you are good with your parents is to discuss the painful points and especially the ones that are related to money. You think your family is saint just because they are your blood? Yes, that's right. But even then the nasty, stinky goo that clatters and rustles will find it's sinister ways through the fellowship and passion of a family. Money. Everything is dependent on this substance. This society is so fucked up because everyone believes that this is the only fucking way out - to earn more and more money. Even the damn charity doers like Bono speak out and help poor African people and many others by collecting and sending MONEY!!! It comes from grand acts like that to simple family issues when people argue with foam about money neatly wrapped into a nice package of high matters. I'm tired of this. I was never after this substance in my life but now I started to feel that this shit is changing me. I was able to catch it's lurking clawed paw inches from my jugular vein. It's hard to resist. It's acting slowly, poisoning you and people around you...people are easy to bend. Everyone. Money allows stability, even when people are fighting for higher goals (like Bono) they are stable and have enough to feel safe and do what they want. And they will NOT give that away. Or maybe I'm not aware??? Maybe these acts of self-mortification are filtered out by media with high efficiency so no one can notice them? Only the closest ones? Damn. I don't want to sound like another guy who wants the millions of the wealthy ones to fly over the seas to help the ones who need money. I want this filthy substance not to play such a adamant role in our global society...I'm trying to live like that, but it's damn hard, because people arent giving that away for a greater goal. Those people who are the closest to me. And I cannot be sure what would I do if I ever obtain enough of this substance to feel comfortable...I might be a hypocrite right now but I want to say this out. People are putting too damn much into a thing that is called MONEY. There is more there to challenge. And now I'm not giving an advise to anyone who is reading this but trying more and more to get rid of the influence of the nasty paw still there to cut my jugular vein...

...zombie-like but happy...

2010-08-16T12:02:00.003+02:00

well...
Yesterday I went to sleep at 4:00 am. Got up at 9...and this schedule keeps moving like that for 3 weeks already. I can't force myself to go to sleep, spend hours watching episodes analyzing the characters lives instead of getting a glimpse of reality. Trying to avoid food but constantly failing stuffing myself to a tranquil state. Why is this happening? I think I know...
This is called - a pending state. That happens when you wait for something or someone. I'm waiting for both. My girlfriend is away and my musical endeavor is pending because of the summer season. I'm 25 and I'm tired of parties and thus the only way to entertain myself is to stuff the brain with some useful/useless information that I can find in the random sources of information around me. What I lack is being systemic. Instead while being chaotic I'm transforming myself is some weird creature...Random. I cannot find another word. I JUST can't force myself to stick to a pattern. Any fucking pattern. I guess this is what they call - searching for thyself. Hehe...I thought I know what I want, but it seems that I don't. At least I can be sure in two things:
I LOVE MUSIC AND I LOVE LIFE. The second is much more important. I think that even when your head is cracking apart and the whole condition is zombie-like, this feeling can drive you. I was always able to avoid everything commonly believed to danger the length of life....BECAUSE I LOVE IT, DAMN IT.
I don't know how I got there. I think that according to the same commonly believed principles I must be a pathetic geek looser without hope...but here I am, loving life. No idea how it happened.

Translating Mr.Freeman - "What Happened To Your Dream?"

2010-08-09T16:39:00.005+02:00

"Yes, you are right...I'm really sure that you are the one that has grasped the message...But why am I looking at you as you were a piece of crap? Well, are you looking at people in a different way? Friends! Calm down. I understand every each of you.
He'd wanted to become a musician but instead of that he is growing office bedsores on his ass...(about me, hehe)...she'd wanted to become an actress but she learned only how to fake an orgasm and plays off all scenes and roles in the kitchen...
so, what do we have in the end?
1/3 of your life - sleep, 1/3 - on "eat", "shit", "neigh", 1/3 - spent on hating your precious job...
You could have spent your life on something real, do you understand?
But what had happened to your dream?
...Ha, no leaking jeans, no panic, my beloved ones!! EVERYBODY IS JUST LIKE THAT! Every individual alone is a great man! ...but here are the two of us...and someone is already a piece of stinky poop...Everyone looks at the other striving with glut to find demerits! HAHAHAHA!!!!
"He lives with his parents! HAHAHAHA!"
"She got pregnant and he is getting married! HAHAHA!!"
"He has, can you guess, an old Volvo/Traubant! HAHAHA!"
"She does not have a rack and has moustache! HAHAHAH!"
YOU HATE AND DESPISE EACH OTHER! .... AND THIS MUTUAL HATE iS ThE OnLy THinG ThAt UNITES YOU IN ONE WHOLE
"I'm smart, all the others are dumbasses"
"I'm honest, all the others are snitches and swindlers"
"I'm a genius, all the others are butt-heads"
"I'm d'Artagnan, all the others are fags"
...but if everyone are stinking with shit...maybe that's YOU who shit your pants?!!!
And you are surprised why the government is fucking you in all your civil wholes?? But how do you expect them to treat a society where everybody treats everybody as cretins?!! WHAT POSSIBLE BREAKING POINT SHOULD YOU REACH TO FINALLY SEE YOURSELF IN OTHER PEOPLE??? AND INSTEAD OF "ME" or "THEM" YOU WOULD FINALLY SAY "WE"???
You were advised to try to be unique and cultivate your individuality? Go on! Be original! BE A CHAMPION OF BEDSORES IN YOUR DEPARTMENT!! GET AN OSCAR FOR THE BEST ORGASM FAKING!!! LOWBALL YOUR PARTNERS!!! GNAW EACHOTHER'S THROATS IN ARGUMENTS ON WHO UNDERSTOOD FREEMAN BETTER!!!

...so...what's up?....Have your collective mind grasped the MesSaGe? ...or you are still sure that you are "THE CHOSEN ONE"????

socializing...

2010-07-16T10:49:00.005+02:00

Hey all!

I'm writing this blog to keep my thoughts in one place and over time this page has hybrid-ed into something that is not specifically attached to Budapest. I'm feeling that I'm becoming an a-social type. Started to ask myself if that is good or not, because, yeah, we all need people around us so...I asked myself "What does it mean to be social?"...
Before, when there was no social networks it was completely normal not to see someone for months and communicate via post that delivered messages in weeks and sometimes months...but people were keeping it up, loving each other, feeling each other being separated by seas and mountains... I met an old engineer once in a train and he said that he was living and working in Vladivostok when he was young and his wife was from Moscow and they could not see each other for months...but he never cheated on her. And I believe him. I'm not sure if I'm supporting Max Cavalera in his nihilistic approach of returning to the roots or back to the primitive...but...are we evolving now? Should we try to adjust ourselves to the speed the technology dictates? Or there should be letters, gifts, nice small things that can only exist when a human being actually spends sometime to make them? Writing a letter...not typing it and sending via facebook, but, you know...with a pen...pens are dying out? Maybe it's good, soon we won't need to cut wood as everything is going to be electronic and we will contribute to the GREEN. But damn...am I missing something?.. People...are communicating much more nowadays that they have ever been able to in the past but why do I constantly having the feeling that the walls are getting thiner, means of communication are getting better, but we are getting farther from each other?
Or maybe that's just me...maybe I'm renunciating from being social in the modern understanding. Am I too weak to handle the new speed? Am I the putrid example of grumpy representatives of the OLD generation? This world was able to store lots of lifestyles...I hope that there will be place for me there :)

Bless,
D.

Change the world

2010-07-14T12:29:00.005+02:00

...was diggin' my archive of wisdom and found this note.
True as much as birds can fly:

Change the world:
The following is inscribed on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abby (1100 A.D.)
When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But it, too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.
From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world.

...what makes us happy? GET A LIFE!

2010-07-12T16:24:00.006+02:00

I think I will never stop bothering myself on things like that.
Why do I feel happy? I think I have enough reasons to do that:

1. I'm breathing
2. I'm walking
3. I'm loving life as it is.
4. I'm able to enjoy small things
5. I'M NOT AFRAID OF A CHANGE.

I think I will skip the well-known ones and jump to point 5.
All the people I know are afraid to change things. When I say "afraid" I mean that people KNOW what is better for them but for whatever reason they stay in the same stagnating swamp where they rot subsequently becoming losers, pain-in-the-necks, energy vampires etc...I'm not afraid. But my life depends....depends on these people because they are my relatives, friends, love ones...And you can not just say - "GET A LIFE" to your brother or to your sister. There always should be subtle way of delivering the info. They say I'm hard on them. I'm senseless...Shit, this is not what I wanted people to think about me, I just know what does it take to be able to enjoy life and not fall into the stinky suffocating ditch of depression. It's not only about enjoying small things like the dawn, like the sunshine, like beauty of a woman's body, music etc...it's also about being able to feel the world. Feel that there aren't any conditions for most of the people to live normally or at least have enough food to feed themselves. NONE of my friends experience this kind of situations...That's why I want to say - GET A LIFE!!! Means - feel that there is no way you will become a bum, or a cripple, or get a deadly disease if you work hard and strive for what you want. If you don't know what you want - just work where you can. It will come eventually.
Of course there are situations that are out of control...here I don't have any thoughts...maybe if I get lupus somehow I will start singing another song, but for now - no more whining and weeping, friends! GET A LIFE! Learn...I don't know...to play theremin! :)
\m/

Bless you all!
D.

Korean Airlines - Budapest

2010-06-30T16:42:00.000+02:00

refine the crude

2010-06-24T12:18:00.003+02:00

refine and crude

...good stories happen in the early evenings when the brain and the body are in the best shape for adventures. As usual, the brain could not let a walking body relax and pushed some thoughts to boil. I called my dear friend to discuss our little weaknesses. The topic was vague spinning around community pages, people's ways of treating each other etc etc. The basic idea was that all of us depend on other people in many ways. As it is well-known, a person will most probably get mad if he/she is left completely alone...Ok, we are not alone. Nowadays we can sit in out flats, attics, lofts, condos and be surrounded by gossip, news, favorite artists, blogs, ideas, business...But all of the above mentioned comes to play only when one works hard to arrange that for him/herself.
What about those people who are lost and cannot understand what to do? Who use facebook not for any useful ideas but purely to spew their random thoughts out there, hoping for 3-4 comments in return...this becomes an addiction. But where does this addiction take it's roots? That's where we had our conversation warming up...addiction... addiction to other people's opinions. Does it matter, who comments your posts? Does it matter WHO sends you an sms? A letter? Calls you? Of course it does for those people who filter out people based on their perception of this world. We all filter people out. Either because they are fat, or because they listen to different kinds of music, or maybe they are interesting but you cannot initiate a contact with them because you already have tons of other friends that you care about and it's important to show that you do, otherwise you will loose them...so, new people come and go, old friends remain there...or do they?
Renunciating from some of your old connections...happens all the time. Why? Happens because these connections were important before, when you had an unrequited love and you went to meet a bunch of friends just to see that person? Now when it's not the case anymore, those people fuse...you don't even remember their names...

This whole concept comes to it's apex when I ask myself: "Do I depend on others in unconscious way? Do I need other people because of the reasons I don't understand?"
When I asked this question from myself I answered "Yes". I realized that this approach will never bring me anywhere because if I don't know what do I want from people, they will never accept me and there will be this infinite roller-coaster of faces in my life that in the end won't mean anything...I sent a message to a person that means a lot to me hoping to receive a reply but I did not and this was the point when I realized that the relationship is never one-way...If there is no response for a signal, technically the communication dies and only the politeness remains. I decided that I should try to make my addiction conscious, make my dependence intelligent and mature. It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock'n'roll...and I cannot resist trying that though I guess this is going to be tough and I will face many misunderstandings on the way.
I think the only way to make this work is to do a good research about my own weaknesses (I thought I know them) and point out my dependencies and make them known to myself. A difficult task, without a doubt. Self-affirmation should not be based on other people's opinion...it should be based on the estimation of the crude sides of one's nature and eventual refining of those to make them available for sensual and logical understandings...
It's a long way from a bogus life without real feelings filled with misleading information to a life of true self-esteem and irrational deeds being rational at the same time...total control. As we say in Russia "The one who takes the path will eventually reach the goal". I hope that the goal won't be disappointing :)

I have to say sorry for being a little hectic here...it's difficult to put such stuff together but I hope I made myself clear.

Thanks for reading!
I will continue with this one as I get new info.

Bless,
D.

Where to find time?

2010-06-17T13:03:00.002+02:00

...here's the question.
Squeeze the sport between waking up in the morning and going to work? It's not a terrible thing to do if you think about it at 15.00 after lunch when you don't feel how unbearably heavy are your eye lids and how warm and heavenly comfortable it is to stay in bed with your girl for another 2 hours instead of dragging your ass to a gym...
But what to do when we want to wake up at 7 but still wake up at 9??? Should there be some kind of divine motivation?
ok, we can substitute sport with diet. Healthy food, eating 5 times a day, not stuffing your stomach, counting calories...Hell, theory is everywhere around us. Just open the good old Google and ask what you need, but how hard is it to apply it, no?
What about music recording? That's where my ego get's it's blunt and relaxes but even those moments sink when we talk schedule...
When to do what if you have too much to do? Obvious question...where do you spend most of your time doing nothing - your job. Quit job? Not an answer. I think this whole problem can be solvable if I just comprise only the important things, and leave out the thrash.
Today is the day of going to Prague and then to Milovice - to listen to the Big Four...Every time those musicians were able to give me inspiration to move on and understand what I want and start believing that I'm not a lazy tramp but I responsible man and I do things according to my beliefs. Need some metal now :)
I think we all can do what we want if we clench our teeth and dart through the thickets and don't slip...
Damn, this Blog is about Budapest, so maybe I should shed some light on my life here:
in Csepel there is a great place where you can eat hamburgers called "Badi Hami")) I prefer to call it Bloody Hamy but anyways - highly recommended if you are ever in Csepel)
How to get there:
1. Take a Csepeli suburban train from Boraros ter
2. Get of at Karacsony Sandor station
3. Turn left
4. Go till the first road and turn right.
5. Go till the bus stop and next to it you will find it!

:) I hope some one will try this))

Also -- there is a great park (maybe even better than Margit Sziget) called Kaposzi Gat
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aniko_attila/2720404770/in/photostream/

Directions:
1. Take a suburban train from Boraros ter till Lagymanyosi bridge
2. Cross the bridge to Buda
3. The park is on the left side of the bridge

Google map:

View Larger Map

Interesting reading: Hungarian fighters for the human rights.

2010-05-19T15:11:00.003+02:00

Hi all!

Got an interesting video about the justice system in Hungary. I don't see many differences between other countries here but it's always nice to see that people are not just sitting on their asses and doing nothing, but fight for what they want.
It's always a difficult question whether it's appropriate or not, but that's the only way to make the lazy-ass authorities do something. Humans are lazy, that's our nature :)

http://avarosmindenkie.blog.hu/2010/05/19/nonviolent_civil_disobedience_for_housing_rights

Non-violent civil disobedience for the right to housing from A Város Mindenkié on Vimeo.

Check Chris Lavelle on Vimeo!!! Amazing work!!

2010-05-19T14:51:00.002+02:00

Check Chris Lavelle on Vimeo!!! Amazing work!!

ASCENSION from chris lavelle on Vimeo.

Love these great mind bogglingly talented people :)

Sci-fi basis :)

2010-05-10T11:01:00.005+02:00

Just bumped into this some time ago. Interesting reading.
Whoever is interested in science - check this out. Matrix, Dark City and other sci-fi models in a nutshell)))

1. The absurd universe
Our universe just happens to be the way it is.

2. The unique universe
There is a deep underlying unity in physics which necessitates the universe being the way it is. Some Theory of Everything will explain why the various features of the Universe must have exactly the values that we see.

3. The multiverse
Multiple Universes exist, having all possible combinations of characteristics, and we inevitably find ourselves within a Universe that allows us to exist.

4. Creationism
A creator designed the Universe with the purpose of supporting complexity and the emergence of Intelligence.

5. The life principle
There is an underlying principle that constrains the universe to evolve towards life and mind.

6. The self-explaining universe
A closed explanatory or causal loop: "perhaps only universes with a capacity for consciousness can exist."
Wheeler's Participatory Anthropic Principle (PAP).

7. The fake universe
We live inside a virtual reality simulation.

>

Rhetorical

2010-05-10T11:01:00.000+02:00

Living NOT close to the city center :)

2010-05-07T12:33:00.003+02:00

Hi all!

Some thoughts on what's it like to live a bit farther away from the city center.
I call it back to roots) I have been living in the country side during my studies in Moscow and I had a lot of time to develop my self in my area (music) cuz I did not have any distractions. Nowadays it's been so f*cking hard to put together anything that made sense cuz there's always something...either a party, either a birthday, a concert, a cultural event...so many things that keep the mind and the body busy...but the case is on hold.

That's been so damn depressing during the last year. Now, I moved to the suburbs and I feel that my time is getting back. There are complications of course, cuz I don't spend that much time with my friends and it's hard to socialize in such environment, but any meetings or events with the friends are now much more valuable cuz it's much more vivid in my memory.

See ya soon!
Bless,
D.

It's been some time...

2010-04-23T14:30:00.003+02:00

Hi all!

Well, I admit it's been sometime when I wrote here for the last time.
I don't want people to believe and have a preconceived notion about people starting blogs and not writing there after some time...this is not true as everyone needs a break from something from time to time OR...there is simply no time to deliver a nice, decent message to the readers ergo, I did not want to spoil your time with useless reading.
I was putting together my recording PC these days and this is almost done so I will start recording my ideas soon. I have done a demo recording nowadays and it turned out to be great so I would like to share a small work I did:

You can treat this as a current soundtrack to my life. Though it sounds a bit depressive I hope you will feel a big portion of aspiration there, because I know, that the things that I notice in life are those that are snapped by my own psycho state, that is constantly changing based on the input I get.

I hope you like it!

Bless,
Dima

Visitors Views

2010-03-09T11:49:00.002+01:00

The past 3 weeks I have had visitors from family to friends, new ones and old ones, Erasmus time Budapest lovers and first timers who come to see me and my life here.
It always brings me to find new views of the city. All of us are different in our interests and especially while travelling.
As I have been a tour guide once again in the city I love I have come to find new places myself, went into some sights for the first time and have found so much more again in Budapest.

I am always so amazed by the volume of things to do here and choises for me to show my guests. Of course there are my favourite places and the people in my life – my family here – that for me is the most important sight for them to see, but also walking up the Buda hills, going to a consert or visiting a museums are always a part of the visits and a welcome experience for me.

I have visited two new places now in the past couple of days. The first has been on my list for the whole time I have been here – The Hungarian house of photography in Mai Máno house (http://www.maimano.hu). Amazing exhibitions. I really recommend visiting this beautiful house and seeing especially Zoltán Vancsó´s exhibition Unintended light.

The second visit was yesterday which was a great day in many ways, a friend from Finland is visiting and we desided to enter the gates of the synagogue of this city, the landmark of the Jewish quarter here. This buiding in itself is worth seeing from the outside, but also from the inside. It is not only beautiful, but takes you back to the history and heritage of the Jews and so to the past of Budapest and Hungary since the ticket also includes the Jewish museum.

While a night of Szimpla with friends got another twist when an old Budapest friend came to surprise me with a visit – I started to wonder even more, this city binds us all together with the passion and love we have towards it -she came not for me to visit but back home - as no time was between us in our favourite place in the whole world – that really is the magic of this city.

Blessings to all:

Sunday walks

2010-02-23T16:52:00.002+01:00

You know one of these days when you wake up and open the curtains and the sun is shining - you just know it will be a good day?

Combined with the fact that it is Sunday and you have plans with friends and the Design Market is open at Gödör, you know that it will be a great one.
And when the stage is Budapest – even better.

Photography Sunday walks might just have a potential to become tradition among our group since it was a very productive day ☺
Walking around the Danube in the sunshine, picking up new people on the way, taking pictures, sharing stories, locations and history -I felt very lucky once again.

Our steps took us to the statues down the Danube, the shoes, Parlament square, Basilica, Lion Bridge and the on top of the tunnel.

And Gödör. The WAMP design market is held there once a month and if you happen to be in town – you don´t want to miss it!
All you who know my addiction to beautiful and unque earrings and necklaces – can imagine the rush I get here.

Lunch at the Hummus place, hot chocolate at Marvelosa and to top it all a chill out moment at Altair with tea and the day could not have been more perfect.

Discovering the city like this, just wandering around and looking around, you always find something new and surprising...

The main thing as always is – the people and the unique moments the city offers for us to find.
Sometimes we find them on a sunny day on the sreets or dark evenings at smokey bars undergroud - in places we just happened to stumble into – but the main thing is that we find them… and share them.

In this city – when you see a door or a window open – look inside, you never know who or what you will find.

To the wonderful surprises in our life:

Budapest Magic

2010-02-16T13:08:00.004+01:00

Hei Kaikki!!

This city does play an important role in our lives, the souls that have gone through have been influenced by this city so deeply and friendships and lovestories have been built here to last for a lifetime. That is the magic of Budapest.

The past weeks have been filled with new and old friends, visitors and of course digging in to the city again. Lucky we are to have such amazing people to share these experiences that the city offers.

The past weekend as Dear Dima stated already was full of friendship and introducing the city for newcommers – a job that is not only our privlidge but our passion, but also took me to the contemporary art scene of Budapest.

This city does not fail in any counts of offering cultural events in a large range each night of the week and the problem for me is always choosing.

But as I have friends who also guide me throuh this city Andrea was nice enough to invite me to a performance at Trafó (http://www.trafo.hu/) the leading stage in the contemporary art of the city.

Philippe Decouflé´s Solo was a celebration of visual image, light, music and dance. And humor. A combination so well done that it left me with a smile on my face and a happiness of the fact that I was able to see it.

This week brings a selection of live music that is worth seeing. At least these are in the list this week:
Wednesday: At Cökxpôn: Melodramatic night: Botanica (USA), N.O.I. (Noise of Irrational) - T.Bali (http://www.cokxponambient.hu/)
Thursday I will try to be at two places the same time:
At the Treehugger Dan´s (also a bookshop, tourist info and much more – check it out!!) for a Flamenco Evening with Nick Palmer (UK) and Attila Pozsgai (H) starting at 19.00 (http://www.treehugger.hu/) and then to Tüzraktér (www.tuzrakter.hu) to the ♪Mary PopKids♪ We Gonna Rock This! FARSANG!!! Consert starting at 20.30…Somehow it is possible!!!

The weekend brings before us so much once again, including the Meat Jelly festival at Miscolc – a town outside of Budapest, but a festival that sounds so interesting in a way that the Hungarians can only do it!

In Budapest make sure you don´t miss the WAMP – the Hungarian Design market Sunday the 21th between 10 a.m. -6 p.m. at Gödör – this is a market full of treasures and about 100 talented Hungarian designers!!! So many earrings to buy…. See you there!! (www.wamp.hu)

Otherwise choose your favorite venue and style in Budapest and just enjoy!!!!

Off to the Hummus place, see you!

Budapest Blog - Following the footprints

You've been asked "Why do you do what you do?" and...

Bill Hicks

Time's turning around

headache

RE-Legion

Underpassculture.com

Running wild. Who is to be successful?

Seemingly easy...in real life - hard as hell - MONEY

...zombie-like but happy...

Translating Mr.Freeman - "What Happened To Your Dream?"

socializing...

Change the world

...what makes us happy? GET A LIFE!

Korean Airlines - Budapest

refine the crude

refine and crude

Where to find time?

Interesting reading: Hungarian fighters for the human rights.

Check Chris Lavelle on Vimeo!!! Amazing work!!

Sci-fi basis :)

Rhetorical

Living NOT close to the city center :)

It's been some time...

Bless,Dima

Visitors Views

Sunday walks

Budapest Magic

Bless,
Dima