Hello Bugaboo.

2011-12-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

Hello Bugaboo. I'm the first to post here, and I have never Blogged before. So here I go. To start, Bugaboo is my grandson. He passed away on 07/30/2010 at 15 months old. I will not get in to how at this time, but you may have seen it in the news paper in Colorado Springs, Colorado on 07/31/2010. He was everything to a lot of people. He had a laugh and a smile that would take your heart away the first time you met him. He loves his Daddy and Mommy more then anything. I am his Gamma and his best friend. ( Next to his dog Bandit ) My son Chris is his Daddy and Bugaboo is his world. He does not know what to do with himself now that Bugaboo is gone. Chris was only 16 when Bugaboo came into this world, ( I know what you are thinking. I was thinking the same thing at the time ). But my little boy became a man over night. He is a GREAT father, and Bugaboo knew it from the first time Chris held him the day he came into this world. My son (Chris) is dealing with something that no father or mother sould EVER have to deal with. Some days I do not know how he is doing, but I can see the pain in his eyes that I know will never go away. It kills my to know I can never fix his pain.

As for me, Part of me died when Bugaboo left this would and I wanted to die with him. He took a part of my soul and my heart. I try to stay strong for my son and my other kids the best I can. But some day's I can't even get out of bed. I will not lie, there are days I still want to put a bullet in my head. I know I cannot put my kids through something like that, but I still think about it. It hurts so much. I try to think about the happy times I got to have with him. But that does nothing for the pain I feel every day. I see all my kids going every day with the pain in there hearts and on there faces and I know I can do nothing to help them. That too, kills me. I hope some day I can deal with the pain and try to live my life with out him. I think about him every day and every night. I cannot close my eyes without seeing his face. I dream about him falling every night, and I wake up crying. Right now I am just going through my life as a half person. Here in body, but not in mind.

I love and miss you so much Bugaboo. I will always be your Gamma.