BuggBlog

Post-election blues and easily predicted congressional cowardice

2009-11-06T09:09:45-05:00

Some weeks are busy, some weeks are boring and some weeks are just batshit crazy.

One guess which category this past week has been.

I've been little melancholy since my current home state of Virginia elected a (possibly) former Pat Robertson acolyte to the governorship, and for attorney general selected an anti-gay nutjob who invokes "natural law" in his claim that homosexual acts are bad for both the individual and society.

Oh, of course I'm not worried about securing equal treatment under the laws and bureaucracy of the commonwealth of Virginia. Why do you ask?

Then again, I'd been feeling melancholy about the Virginia elections for a couple of weeks since the outcome had been as patently obvious as a piece of advice from Dr. Phil. I still wouldn't have voted for effin' Terry McAuliffe, though. Note to Virginia Dems: Try some better candidates next time. Thanks! Bye!

More melancholy was the outcome in Maine where, since the pro-marriage supporters weren't up in the pre-voting polls by the 15 percent apparently necessary to compensate for the homo-version of the Bradley effect, the loss wasn't a total surprise but was still a punch in the gut. I am glad I was unable to attend the post-election D.C. for Marriage rally in Dupont Circle where marriage equality foe and all-around anti-gay harpy Maggie Gallagher showed up in all her smugness.

And now the Democratic Congress appears to be preparing to do exactly what I (and many others) said they would do: use the 2010 mid-term election cycle as an excuse to delay any action on LGBT legislation such as DADT repeal. Because we all know that the scariest thing in politics is to vote in favor of an issue that's supported by two-thirds of the population. And then, after they survive the 2010 mid-terms, we'll get the message that we have to wait until the 2012 presidential election is over and cross our fingers and hope for Obama to be reelected. Oh, and don't forget that the 2014 midterm elections will be an important part of setting up the Democrats for the 2016 presidential election, so, you know, no promises guys! But we'll get to you people someday!

I try so hard not to be cynical about politics and the democratic process, yet politicians keep trying so hard to make me so.

A Halloween treat to make your week a little scarier

2009-10-27T00:30:00-04:00

I wrote my first horror stories in the late 1970s after my grandmother gave me my first typewriter, an old Royal manual she found at a flea market. Had she realized what vile, despicable and lurid stories I would produce on it in my pre-adolescent Stephen King-inspired mania, she probably would have bought me another Bible instead.

While those early stories were mercifully never published, they never truly left the darkest little corners of my heart. So in 1999, for Metro Weekly’s annual Halloween issue, I reached back to my past and combined it with my present for a nasty little number about tricks and treats — or, more accurately, a trick that turns out to be anything but a treat.

In the spirit of Halloween 2009, I’m offering a newly formatted PDF version of “The Medicine Cabinet” for download through Nov. 1. Download it now to read on your laptop by yourself in a dark room. Or on your iPhone while you’re waiting for your date to come back from that suspiciously long trip to the bathroom....

The story is available at my main website, SeanBugg.com. Click here to go directly to the download page.

Have a happy (and safe!) Halloween.

Preparing for the insanity of National Novel Writing Month

2009-10-26T13:28:50-04:00

At heart, I am a person with a huge tendency to say "yes" far more often than "no." While that was a fairly entertaining character trait for both me and anyone around me in my younger, wilder and prettier days, now that I'm a responsible adult I most often find myself saying "yes" to things that require work and effort. And while I do say "no" more often these days than in the past, I've learned to do so primarily so I can put more energy into those projects for which I say "yes."

So this year I've decided to say "yes" to November's National Novel Writing Month, an annual event where thousands of people attempt to write a 50,000-word-minimum first draft of a novel over the course of 30 days. Whether this is a wise decision on my part will be seen come Nov. 30, when I hope to have dragged my tired, aching fingers across the metaphorical finish line.

There are reasons I've chosen to take the plunge this year. First, I've already moved forward with publishing my collection of essays -- Boy Does World, which will be out in early 2010, and you'll be hearing a lot more from me about it before then -- so I'm thinking about I want to do next. Second, writing a novel, whether published or not (though preferably published, of course), is on my list of life goals. And third, while I've started a couple novels in the past, almost 40,000 words worth in one case, I've not actually finished one.

It's the search for a finish that attracted me to NaNoWriMo, as they quirkily abbreviate it. I have a tendency with longer formats to spend a lot of time looking and backwards and forwards in my manuscript, agonizing over particular choices and plot points and structural strategies, and generally bogging myself down to the point of frustration. Plus, novels generally have no deadline (unless you've managed to sell an unfinished one), and deadlines have a marvelously and creatively clarifying effect on my mind.

The NaNoWriMo approach is just to get it out, quantity over quality, a shift in my usual approach. Well, my usually usual approach -- lord knows my blog posts could sometimes use a second (or third) glance before clicking "publish." But the idea is to just get it out and tell the story, errors and questions be damned, and worry about all the particulars when editing it later for a second draft. It's around 2,000 words a day to reach my own personal goal, a number that always sounds formidable but a word count I've grown accustomed to meeting in my everyday professional life, so I shouldn't be too shocked by the volume.

The other key to making it through the month is telling everyone I know that I'm doing it so I can set myself up for shame-faced embarrassment should I not reach my goal. So, feel free to ask me how it's going, what my word count is, if I think I'm going to make it. I won't mind, even if I act like I do. Just don't ask me to tell you what I'm writing -- for now, that's going to be my own little secret.

James Kirchick gets it totally wrong on Tom Coburn and GOProud

2009-10-23T18:53:12-04:00

James Kirchick at The New Republic believes there's a method in the madness of GOProud joining hands with anti-gay Sen. Tom Coburn for an op-ed to battle against health care reform:

If you told a gay political activist last week that Tom Coburn would coauthor an article with the Chairman of an organization that, while conservative, is explicit in its promotion of the dread "gay agenda," they'd look at you pretty queerly. But here is Coburn doing exactly that, and in the digital pages of the country's leading gay news magazine no less (full disclosure: I am a contributing writer to the Advocate).
...
If the President of the United States can "engage" with all manner of tyrants and petty thugs, then surely a small group of enterprising homocons can co-sign an op-ed with a conservative Senator from Oklahoma who, not so long ago, was railing against the "gay agenda." What Coburn may or may not realize is that he's just become an unwitting cog in it.

Tom Coburn is many things -- including an egregious homophobe -- but he is not an idiot. He is completely aware that there are elements of the gay community who agree with some of his economic positions -- GOProud is not breaking any news to him and he is no "unwitting cog." With this op-ed, Coburn gets to 1) attack health care reform, 2) attack Ryan White Care Act funding, which he has been doing since his days in the House, and 3) bring along a gay political group in an attack on the government program that has done more for HIV/AIDS care (and by extension for gay men with HIV/AIDS) than anything else in this county. And it costs Coburn nothing; his standing with social conservatives in the Republican party is strong enough that he can hang out with the gays all he wants because they know he's not going to change his core values.

Kirchick points out that when GOProud formed earlier this year, "disgruntled Log Cabinites...warned that enemies of gay rights would use the organization as a convenient cover for their anti-gay political agenda." I'd say this op-ed proves them right. If the goal is to make the Republican party a welcoming place for gays -- or, more realistically, to denature the homophobia of the party to the point where it is no longer as consistent or effective in attacking LGBT rights and people -- then there are other factions of the Republican coalition to focus on.

Breakout stars, gay activism and DADT repeal

2009-10-23T17:50:23-04:00

Over at the Bilerico-D.C. I have a new post on Lt. Daniel Choi, the Army veteran and member of the New York National Guard who came out publicly earlier this year and in the months since has grown to be one of the most prominent faces and voices in the fight to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Short version: some people have been around for a long time, others have been around only briefly, yet both are needed if we want to continue moving forward as a movement.

Be sure to check out my interview with Dan at Metro Weekly -- and be sure to call your senators and representatives and tell them to repeal DADT now -- for your representatives, tell them specifically that you hope they support the Military Readiness Enhancement Act (H.R. 1283). For more information on the ban and how it ruins careers and damages our national security, visit Servicemembers Legal Defense Network and Servicemembers United.

Fairness follow-up: Log Cabin Republicans statement on House passage of Ryan White

2009-10-21T22:57:20-04:00

My screed from last night about gay Republicans was most broadly about current tendencies from that side of the gay community to focus on taking shots at Obama and Democrats rather than focusing on making the actual Republican Party an even slightly more welcoming place for LGBT people. However, the point on which I was most screedy about -- and justifiably so -- was in reference to an opinion piece attacking health care reform and the Ryan White Care Act written jointly by radically right-wing and anti-gay Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) and Christopher Barron of the newer gay group, GOProud.

Given that Log Cabin was not a part of that opinion piece, it's only fair that I pass along this press release from LCR praising the passage of Ryan White in the House.

"Having watched this disease afflict so many in my generation and still continue to affect so many today, I am proud of each and every legislator who voted to continue the critical support the Ryan White Care Program provides," comments Log Cabin Republicans National Chairman, Terry W. Hamilton. "This legislation will enhance the efforts and programs of many private & non-profit organizations already in place across the USA, making our nation's response to HIV/AIDS much more effective."

Gay Republicans, clean your own home before checking for dirt in your neighbor's

2009-10-20T22:21:19-04:00

That I happen to know and like and enjoy the company of a number of gay Republicans is rather a cliche at this point in that, “I have lots of [insert minority here] friends!” kind of way. It does, however, happen to have a fairly large kernel of truth, as I actually do know and like real, flesh-and-blood gay Republicans and/or conservatives. Perhaps because I’ve never completely left my upbringing and political roots behind, I have some fairly Republican tendencies of my own -- in a nutshell, some of the aspects of the libertarian and free-market wings of the Republican party. This doesn’t mean I’m a Republican, which is a hard thing to be when, like me, you’re an agnostic-slash-Buddhist, anti-death penalty, pro-drug-legalization proponent of a (mostly) free market system who supports health care reform because it would be a good thing for my business.

Believe me, it makes it hard to be a Democrat, too.

I bring this up because I think having active and open gay Republicans is an important part of advancing equality for LGBT people. Having consistent allies on both sides of the aisle would truly be a good thing.

That’s why it frustrates me to no end that so many gay Republicans -- of both Log Cabin and GOProudstripes -- are focused exclusively on attacking the Democrats. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons to complain and kvetch and attack Democrats for cowardly inaction on LGBT issues. But the fact that Democrats have been, shall we say, less than stellar, doesn’t mean that gay Republicans have succeeded in creating a conservative political party that offers a viable alternative for voters who actually care about seeing advancement on LGBT issues.

Every day that Barack Obama declines to personally come to my house and blow Skittles-flavored rainbows up my ass is another day that gay Republicans crow via Twitter feeds, “How do you like your Obama now?!? LOL! #FAIL.”

Seriously, gay Republicans belong to a party that’s undergoing a massive ideological struggle that could easily set the party’s political course on LGBT equality for the next generation, and the biggest thing I’ve seen come out of the gay Republican camp is an attack on Ryan White Care Act funding for AIDS treatment, co-authored by Sen. Tom Coburn, one of the most ludicrously socially conservative Republicans, like, ever, an ideologue who opposes not only gay marriage but gay adoption, a politician whose primary contribution to the advancement of gay equality has been hiring onto his staff a hatchet-man to go after HIV prevention programs that had the temerity to serve gay men and sending spokesmen to tea-bagger conferences to proclaim that straight pornography will turn young boys into queers?

I mean, fucking seriously? Changing a party from within doesn’t mean providing apologia and cover to curry favor with the party’s most notorious social conservatives. Just as I anxiously wait for Obama to deliver on his promises, I’m also eager to see gay Republicans deliver some change I can believe in.

Kiss kiss, bang bang

2009-10-19T18:06:52-04:00

I don't even bother wondering anymore why I end up on the e-mail lists that I do, so the fact that I'm suddenly getting alerts from Guns & Ammo no more surprises me than all the right-wing-nutjob birther e-mails that still wend their way to my inbox. Actually, given that I grew up in a rural Kentucky culture where guns were prominently displayed in pick-up truck gun racks and such, I don't have quite the visceral reaction to firearms that a lot of my urban friends do.

Unless, of course, one is pointed directly between my eyes while I'm being mugged, in which case I'm just as close to pissing my pants as the next person.

Despite the predominant gun culture of my youth, I was raised to be cautious and wary of guns given that they are weapons and deserving of a fair amount of respect. So, when Granny got out her shotgun to take after the flock of starlings in her garden, I headed inside toot sweet.

That said, I am not comforted by this particular image from the e-mail Guns & Ammo just sent me:

Look at those eyes -- that's the look of someone who hangs out in book depositories and campus bell towers. This is not the expression of someone who's ready to have a rational conversation about the limits of the second amendment.

Just to make sure I wasn't mistaking junk mail for actual Guns & Ammo content, I shot over to the magazine's web site to see what they had loaded, and I found the handgun that -- were I ever to exercise my constitutional right to carry a small package of hot death -- I would totally buy:

ZOMG! It's so cute! It's like the result of a Project Runway challenge to design something inspired by Angie Dickinson in Police Woman. Go Sgt. Pepper!

Hitting the scales

2009-10-16T12:50:47-04:00

During our vacation in Provincetown, Cavin snapped a picture of me as I walked out of the ocean and back onto the beach after a swim. It was not exactly a Daniel Craig moment for me. Instead, it ended up being the straw that made me realize I simply had to do something about the way my body was going -- at 41, my window of reasonable opportunity to solve the problem was only getting smaller.

I realize that yammering about weight loss is one of those things that's often more interesting to the yammerer than the yammeree -- like quitting smoking, climbing on the wagon, or going vegetarian -- but screw it, I just weighed in at 189 pounds so I'm going to indulge in a little online happy dancing. That's all down from 215 at the beginning of September, and the first time I've had an "8" in the tens position of my weight in way too many years.

I'm a little giddy at the moment because I've discovered a whole "new" wardrobe buried in my closet, all the stuff I haven't worn that suddenly fits again. I'm resisting the shopping urge because a) I hope to continue the trend in terms of my personal downsizing, and b) it seems like an invitation to a jinx to get all shoppy-shoppy for newer, smaller clothes before I prove to myself I can maintain it.

Well, maybe just one pair of pants. That should be okay, right?

You better work

2009-10-15T23:57:43-04:00

Andrew Sullivan has been hosting a lot of back and forth from supporters and opponents of DADT repeal. Something from one of his latest commentators really caught my attention:

Repealing DADT will certainly go some way toward seeing that some in the military will set up some as gay servicemen & servicewomen as heroes and role models, but others, likely the majority, will never feel that way. They will allow the government to dictate how they tie their shoes, dress, and behave in public, but there is no way in hell that they will allow the government to dictate whether or not they accept gays or work along side them.

Of all that things that have bugged and bothered me about being gay in our society, I think this kind of gets to the nub of it: We simply have to be better in order to be accepted. This is something that gets exacerbated in the military, an institution that by design forces its members to achieve more physically and socially than they would likely be forced to achieve as civilians. It's no fluke that many of the servicemembers who have been, by choice or not, spokespersons for DADT repeal and who have enjoyed support from their own peers have been particularly forceful and high achieving personalities. (I should note that Andrew responded to this pro-DADT email that worried about sparking "the tinder" of the teabaggers in about the only way you can: "At some point, you have to face down the fear. Then it will dissipate. End the ban now." Amen.)

The same dynamic plays out in everyday civilian life -- when you live your life being told you're less than, the pressure is always there for those who choose to be open (or who have no real choice but to be open) to be more than. We have to prove that we are this (writer, athlete, engineer, father, aunt) in order show that we're not that (faggot, dyke, pervert, molester).

Over the years, this has bothered me quite a bit -- obviously, we can't all be more than. Being gay or lesbian doesn't confer a concomitant aptitude for achievement, and the fact that we have to work far harder to be considered "equal" is grotesquely unfair. But we also have no choice but to live in the times that we do; our only real choice is whether we meet the world on those terms in order to change those terms for the people who follow us.

That's why I admire and respect all those gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders in the past and present who've worked to achieve more than they otherwise might have in hopes of changing the world for the better. If we have to work harder, so be it. It's the price we pay for being part of change.

Promises are nice. Proof is better.

2009-10-10T23:45:16-04:00

Pam Spaulding already has her take up on Obama's big gay speech following our little talk-fest on Sirius OutQ. I honestly need to think a little more about it. Some parts of me get how this speech could impact lives outside of the world of Beltway bandits and passionate activists, but that might just be my desire to believe that Obama means to do what he's always said he would do, present circumstances notwithstanding.

Another part of me -- an appreciably bigger part -- is even angrier than before about the fate of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," a policy that at this point is simply and morally indefensible. A promise is only that, a promise. I'd like to have some proof, as would, I imagine, the lesbian and gay soldiers who continue to be discharged despite the professed support of their commander in chief.

Andrew Sullivan and folks at Bilerico have declared the speech a stinker; Andrew calls the speech "much worse than I expected," which actually makes me wonder what on earth he was expecting. It pretty much met every expectation I had, all of which were very, very low. I'm sure someone out there has a glowing review, but I haven't seen it yet, and haven't honestly been looking very hard.

Thinking about my priorities and responding to some Facebook comments, I wrote this a few minutes ago: But anymore I find it really hard to put energy into anything other than DADT repeal -- Americans support repeal, it goes directly to the core of the American narrative of who we are as a people, it ends a glaring injustice. You'd think that would earn a bit more than a "the check's in the mail" promise.

I need some proof, not the kind that can be delivered in a speech but the kind I can see in accomplishments. Don't ask me to support you because our nation's problems affect us all as Americans when you won't take the steps to end the most egregious way in which our own government daily reminds us that we are not, actually, considered fully and equally American.

Managing my expectations for Obama's big gay speech

2009-10-09T20:01:25-04:00

Kerry Eleveld at the Advocate writes that a White House spokesperson says the president "looks forward to speaking directly to the LGBT community about the steps his administration has taken thus far and the progress he hopes to achieve in the coming weeks and months." On the surface, that sounds fine and dandy -- better, certainly, than this morning's warning for everyone to get ready for a big helping of the same-old same-old.

But, further into the piece, Kerry presses press secretary Robert Gibbs on what, exactly, we might expect:

That statement suggests Obama might deliver some fresh new piece of information Saturday, but White House press secretary Robert Gibbs on Friday didn’t presage anything new during Friday’s briefing, saying only that he expected the president to talk about “a range of issues.”

When I asked Gibbs if the president would highlight anything beyond the recently nominated openly gay ambassador and the nearly sealed hate-crimes legislation, Gibbs said he didn’t want to “zoom past” the hate-crimes achievement.

“Hate-crimes protections are long overdue, in the president's opinion,” Gibbs said. “He believes that their passage represents an important step, and looks forward to, when that legislation gets to his desk, signing it and making that the law of the land. I think that's certainly part of what he'll discuss on Saturday night.”

Based on that response, I think it’s safe to say that hate crimes will clearly be a major emphasis of the speech.

Look, the majority of the LGBT community has clearly and consistently advocated for hate crimes legislation, congressional votes have been there for a while (depending on what insane parliamentary procedures are implemented to skew votes akimbo). We finally have a president who will actually sign a hate crimes bill. Yay, and so on. But if Obama hangs his hat of pro-gay accomplishments on hate crimes, well, that would signal a pretty deep unwillingness to engage energetically on other issues like DADT repeal.

Obviously, I'm reacting to something that hasn't happened -- I'll react more fully tomorrow night when I'm on Sirius OutQ for the broadcast of the speech. And my thinking, until this morning's Post piece, was similar to Kerry's: Why on earth would Obama bother making such a high-profile speech to a community so on-the-edge waiting for signs of positive -- and substantive -- change in federal law and policy if he didn't have something new and significant to bring to the table?

But, I thought the same about the big gay White House reception and was wrong; I believed Obama when he said DADT repeal would be a priority, and I was wrong. A president can't do everything, but Obama can clearly do more than he bothered to try so far.

I'd really prefer not to be wrong yet again.

Disappointingly unsurprising: Obama HRC speech may "stress incremental advancements as evidence of progress"

2009-10-09T00:18:52-04:00

From today's Washington Post article on the supposedly low-profile battle over marriage equality in Maine, comes this portent of the president's upcoming Saturday night speech to the HRC dinner:

Since then, many dependable gay Democratic fundraisers have felt burned -- and decidedly less generous. Plus, progressive lawmakers, worried about the 2010 midterm elections, have shied from the issue. And within the gay leadership in Washington, established politicians and a freshman class of bolder legislators disagree as to whether the Maine campaign should be central to a larger federal push for equality. Those frustrated voices are lobbying Obama to include a reference to the Maine referendum in his speech. Any failure to do so would be the last straw for many gay activists fed up with the small-bore approach of the Obama White House, the Washington-based gay lobby and the Democratic Party's gay elders.

(A Democratic source familiar with the White House's thinking on the speech said Obama will stress incremental advancements as evidence of progress.) [emphasis mine]

Incremental advancements? Like, say, appointing gay ambassadors...just as Clinton did back in the 1990s? Or offering domestic partnership benefits to federal employees...except those aren't actually full benefits because federal law bars providing full benefits to gay and lesbian partners in order to "protect" marriage, and where the hell has the Obama administration been on removing that law as it pledged to do? Or any of the other little micro-initiatives that dot the Obama list of accomplishments on LGBT issues, initiatives that are all super in and of themselves, but do nothing to address the fundamental inequality forced on us by federal legislation and policy?

If that's what we're about to get served up as dinner on Saturday night, we should be sending that dish right back where it came from.

I'm here to provide your Radio GaGa

2009-10-08T20:34:11-04:00

As D.C. readies for the National Equality March, a lot of attention is focused on President Barack Obama's planned speech to the Human Rights Campaign dinner on Saturday night. Will this be another eloquent moment where a lot gets said but nothing of substance gets done? Or will he use the occasion to has been or is imminently about to be done for all us gays and lesbians who hung our hopes on his election?

I'm hoping for the latter, but recent experience has me prepared for the former. Given the tepid and unenthusiastic attitude his administration has shown since January 20 on gay issues -- most recent example: today's latest wafflings by Robert Gibbs, who continues his descent from no-nonsense one-word answers to disingenuous gobbledygook at a rate that could give even Dana Perino pause -- I can't imagine why Obama would bother to show up if he didn't have something of substance to offer.

And I'll be keeping those thoughts in mind on Saturday night when I'm part of Sirius OutQ's coverage of Obama's HRC speech, alongside the fabulous Pam Spaulding. I love doing radio, so I'm looking forward to doing the show. And I have a couple of bones to pick regarding Obama's treatment of gay issues, so I'm looking forward to sharing my feelings, by they frustration or fulfillment.

Yeah, probably frustration.

For the record, things of substance would include:

--Announcing a stop-loss order or other executive step to stop discharges under Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and/or announcing a concrete and explicit strategy to introduce and move a legislative repeal of DADT through Congress.

--Taking an unequivocal stand in support of marriage equality in Maine and Washington, D.C., and in favor of domestic partner legislation in Washington state, while there's still time for a presidential declaration of support to protect the rights of gays and lesbians in those states.

Things of substance would not include:

--Pledging to sign the hate crimes bill that has already passed once (only to run into George Bush) and is about to pass again, if all goes well. If this is what Obama holds out as proof of concept for gays on his presidency, we should be very, very angry.

--Same goes for ENDA, a bill that came within one vote of passing in the Senate under Clinton. Attempting to make this his administration's calling card on gay issues would be insulting, at best.

Which means what I'm looking for is something on Don't Ask, Don't Tell repeal. Will I be pleased or pissed come Saturday night? Tune into OutQ to find out.

Meat: It's what's not for dinner

2009-09-30T13:11:01-04:00

I’m not a vegetarian but my husband is. Rather, he is now.

This has been causing some issues.

Now, I’m not the kind of guy who needs to wolf down some cow every day to reach culinary satisfaction. But as the main cook in the house, it has thrown a little cramp into my style. While I didn’t often do big meat-centric dishes like giant steaks served rare alongside a small salad that barely acknowledges the existence of vegetable matter in the human diet -- damn, my mouth just watered -- a lot of my basic repertoire includes meat, and that repertoire is now useless.

Stir-fry of rice noodles with ground chicken, scallions, peanuts and super-spicy sambal? Not any more. Penne pasta with salsa amatriciana? Nope, pancetta is no longer allowed.

Pancetta, people. Pancetta! What is my world coming to?

So, my cooking these days has focused on two things.

First, learning to cook more purely vegetarian meals beyond marinara sauce. Luckily, I picked up Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian, so my horizons now include a bulgur chili, which is far, far better than it first sounds to the ears of a meat eater. I’ve also experimented on my own with simmering cactus with black beans -- thank you Goya aisle at Giant! -- for rice and bean burritos at home. And I’m really starting to love my capers-and-black-olives pasta sauce. So far, so good.

Second, I’m making sure Cavin at least eats some occasional seafood because I just believe it’s healthier that way. Yes, yes, I know the standard vegetarian riposte is, “What did the fish ever do to you?” Well, as far as I’m concerned the fish was pissing and shitting in the ocean I swim in, so the little s.o.b. had it comin’. So there.

On another still-food-related topic, I’ve been totally remiss in noting that I have not one, not two, but three friends now dedicated to the art of food blogging.

First off, my friend David has been documenting his own experience as a vegetarian at Just Vegging Out (he just got back from my home state, Kentucky, where meat eating is just about mandatory, yet he survived). He also posted my strawberry and spinach salad recipe, which is flattering, and he has a lot of veggie approaches I need to be checking out for myself.

Then there’s Jenny’s new NomNomNom, a food blog by a foodie who doesn’t cook. Funny, Jenny used to be a vegetarian back when she lived with me but now she’s all about the bacon. Mmmmm, bacon. Jen’s a witty and urbane voice you’ll find, um, tasty. Like bacon!

Finally, check out The Passion Fruits, one fruit of which, Joe, is all about getting fresh (I totally want to make a “getting fresh” joke here, but I’m going to fight off the urge). Joe and his co-fruit Luke have a more refined approach to food than, say, I do -- and that’s a good thing. And I know for a fact Joe’s food is excellent, so I’m happy to listen to what he has to say.

Especially if he tells me to eat more meat.

So, WTF have I been doing lately, anyway?

2009-09-29T21:41:55-04:00

Excellent question! I wish I had a simple answer. So I’ll treat it as a multiple choice question where every choice is a correct choice because even though I’ve been away it’s still my blog and that’s the way I want to do it.

Focusing on myself: I know, I know, the idea of me descending into a solipsistic revelry is so totally not like me. But while I came back from my vacation feeling relaxed, I also came back feeling like...oh, how should I put this...a fat fucking cow. Not only did I demure from going to the beach with Cavin because I didn’t want to be the beached whale sunning itself next to his Jack Sprat, I managed to gain about 10 pounds of weight and more than an inch on my waist -- all that despite the fact that I was playing at least two hours of tennis a day for the first week and a half.

Yes, that means the food in Provincetown is really, really good.

All that said, I hit 215 pounds and I can’t blame it all on two weeks of buttered lobster and scallop rolls. And since it’s nobody’s fault but mine, I realized I needed to fully commit to hitting the gym, doing some real work, and eating healthier. Which I’ve done, at least for the past five weeks, and that's gotten me back down to 195 pounds -- not exactly svelte, but certainly a very noticeable difference in a short period of time. I have a ways to go before I’m where I want to be, but I feel more like I’m going to get there than I have in the past couple of years.

Focusing on my book: I don’t want say too much about it yet, other than it’s coming very soon. I had mentioned through Facebook or Twitter or something a few months ago that I was thinking about self-publishing a collection of my columns from over the course of Metro Weekly’s first 15 years of publication, and I got a surprising amount of positive response to the idea. I’ll have a lot more information on when, where and how on the book soon.

Reading other people’s books: As always, my reading pile is daunting and likely insurmountable, but I’ve been in a particularly good groove on novels lately -- credit, again, to free time in P’town. I’ve resisted the siren call of re-reading Infinite Jest once again, and finished off some of the science fiction I’ve had waiting for me. One hearty and enthusiastic recommendation from me to you: go read Iain M. Banks. Consider Phlebas is actually a couple decades old but recently reissued in a very nice trade paperback; I wish I’d read it when it debuted, because it flat out blew me away. This morning I finished his more recent Matter, which had the same effect on me, but more so. I’m not going to try to summarize them beyond saying that they’re extremely literary, densely complex and hugely entertaining.

That’s enough reason to go go, buy buy, isn’t it?

Refocusing by disconnecting: Not only have I been remiss in blogging, I’ve radically curtailed my Facebook and Twitter updates, as well as taking an unannounced hiatus from Bilerico D.C. None of this was particularly planned out in advance, but the more I realized my attention span was being destroyed by a million small, constant tweets and beeps, the more I realized I needed some time away from it. Perhaps in the future I can see these things coming earlier and actually plan for them or something, but that wasn’t the case this time and I just tuned out. And while it’s cost me some blog traffic and friend requests and followers and so on, I’m glad I did. Now let’s see if I can get tuned back in....

That’s it, no more? Of course there’s more: family events, lots of tennis, video games to catch up on (another recommendation: go play Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4, it’s a blast), recipes to try, and, oh, yeah, a husband who takes priority. In short, I really don’t have anything to complain about.

For the moment.

An obligatory posting from P'town

2009-08-19T08:41:02-04:00

I had intended to check in with a few posts from Provincetown over the past few days, but once I got here I became pre-occupied with actually having a vacation during my vacation. So sue me, etc. But I'm relaxed and refreshed, and while I'm not blissfully unaware of important world events and gay happenings over the past two weeks (I can't resist an occasional internet connection even if I can resist a television) I am the most unplugged I've been in months, if not years, and I feel fine.

That won't last, of course, as vacation's end is inching closer by the minute, so I'll be working hard to relax as much as possible for the next three days. Shouldn't be an effort, as most of the time has been spent on moments like this:

I've put together a quick album of photos Cavin and I have taken so far; maybe more to come later. Right now there's some tennis that needs playing.

Being Uncle Bugg

2009-08-06T15:00:00-04:00

Cavin and I had our nephew Andrew spend a few days with us over the weekend, which was the usual bundle of rambunctious 9-year-old fun and games, with a lot of Wii Sports Resort (verdict: fun) along with some reading and math homework. Starting Sunday off with a trip to the Air & Space Museum and ending the day with a trip to a friend's swimming pool reminded me of how awesome it is to be a kid on a summer's day, even a slightly rainy one.

A few things I learned:

-- When you get in a full-motion flight simulator and let the 9-year-old boy take the "flight" controls, he will invariably cause the machine to flip and roll as fast and as often as possible. Make sure your stomach is prepared. (I finally had to pull rank and seize control before I passed out from all the blood rushing to my head.)

-- I remember having movie and television tie-ins at bookstores when I was growing up, but I just don't remember it being as oppressive as it is now. I finally had to lay down the law that I absolutely will not buy anything related to a Nickelodeon show, a Disney movie or a Nintendo video game. I'm trying to get the kid to learn how to enjoy reading a book because it's a book, not because it's going to make him ask me to follow-up on it by buying another video game.

-- I had a free-burrito coupon for Chipotle, so I took Andrew there for lunch on Tuesday and he had his first-ever burrito with rice. He liked it okay, particularly the hot sauce, but after he finished he looked at me and said, with a knowing nod, "Next time I want to go to Taco Bell. They make tacos there the real way." Sigh. I have my work cut out for me moving this kid up the culinary ladder.

-- Finally, when you're heading out to a museum and the forecast calls for rain, you really should bring an umbrella. I suppose a real grown-up would know these things.

I want to hear a song that makes me believe there's something to believe in

2009-08-06T09:00:00-04:00

There was a point in my life when I thought nothing could have more meaning than music. This point, of course, was during my teenage years in high school and college.

At 16, even a Motley Crue song can carry some impressive emotional weight -- I, for one, thought Nikki Sixx to be an exceptionally talented songwriter, even if Mick Mars was a fairly pedestrian guitarist. Those emotions carry forward. To this day, every time I hear The Cars I'm transported back to my best friend Roger's basement bedroom where I watched the still-new MTV, listened to Rush albums, silently tried to figure out why I couldn't like girls the same as he did, and plotted more than a few drunken weekend excursions.

My young life had a soundtrack, one that reflected and amplified all the feelings I had, whether suppressed or not. In high school it was Motley Crue, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen and Kiss. In college I started out with Rush and Metallica, and ended up with with Depeche Mode and The Cure.

But nothing really compares to the reaction I had when I first heard Love and Rockets. During my sophomore year of college, my work study consisted primarily of manning the radio station on Sundays for a re-broadcast of operas from the Met. Not being the opera sort, I would turn down the feed volume and blast albums from the newly arrived stacks over the studio monitors. That's where I first heard Express, my first true love of college alt-rock. I played the tape into static in my powder-blue 1978 Oldsmobile 98 and on the cheap stereo I was able to afford for my frat house bedroom.

The follow-up album, Earth Sun Moon, came out during my junior year, three weeks before I came out -- or, more accurately, was forced out by an indiscreet confession and a pack of fraternity brothers. During what remains the darkest period of my life, I latched on to the album as my only life jacket, the only support that remained when everyone I had ever trusted had turned against me -- and most of that support came from the song "No New Tale to Tell":

You cannot go against nature,

Because when you do,

Go against nature,

It's part of nature, too.

That's a lot of pressure to put on a piece of magnetic tape and three men I never had -- and never have -- met. But as cheesy as it sounds and feels from the perspective of middle-aged adulthood, the album helped save my life. Love and Rockets didn't write a song for me, but they ended up writing a song to me. While they don't and can't really know it, they're part of a frighteningly small and fragile group of people who held me together long enough for me to realize I was strong enough to be the person I was meant to be.

Shortly after college when I had moved to Northeast D.C. -- in a group house of straight women and gay guys we dubbed the Playhouse -- we for some forgotten reason had a jean jacket painting party. I chose to paint mine with a Love and Rockets motif, complete with the Bubblemen, the L&R logo and the lyrics above. I still have the jacket, one of the few pieces of flotsam from my younger years that I hold onto fiercely, far more so than my high school letter jacket or small academic awards.

I brought the jacket out this week because a Love and Rockets tribute album, New Tales to Tell, was just released. Naturally, I immediately bought it and have been listening to it incessantly on my iPod and computer -- one thing about the future is that I don't wear out my music with repeated listening. The other thing about the future is that there's very little music that grabs me by the heart and shakes me. Books and movies have never lost their power for me, but music has faded. On some level, re-hearing the songs that made me believe I was someone is a re-energizing moment, a reprieve from surface-only enjoyment I get from music as an adult.

On another, probably more important level, it makes me want to hear a song that makes me believe. And, at least for the moment, I do.

A blast from the past

2009-08-05T22:21:37-04:00

Because I'm the go-to guy in the family for cultural detritus, my sister e-mailed me today:

Do you remember the movie when we were kids with Richard Pryor as a baseball player and someone cut him up with a straight razor?

Um, yes. Yes I do. That would be The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings. I had to google the title because I couldn't remember that. But I do vividly remember sitting in a dark Paducah theater watching what seemed to be a comedy about black baseball players and suddenly there being a straight razor and a bloody outfielder stumbling onto a baseball diamond and me sitting there on a sticky fabric seat with my eyes bugging and my heart pounding and a lifelong phobia about razors taking root in my heart.

Thanks for taking me to the slashing razor baseball film Mom and Dad.

PG my fucking ass.