BuggBlog

Editors, wonks and Nightlife Coverboys

2009-12-16T13:41:08-05:00

One of the great perks of my job is that I get to focus on both the wonky — marriage equality, federal domestic partner legislation, etc. — and the simply fun, such as our Nightlife Coverboy of the Year. I realize that for many people in D.C. the wonky stuff actually is the fun stuff, but I'm not really that kind of person. Don't get me wrong, because I love me some wonk, but I like to keep them a little separate in my mind.

Anyway, tomorrow's Metro Weekly will feature our 9th annual Nightlife Coverboy of the Year. In a departure from tradition, we're debuting the short video I directed about the photo shoot tonight at JR.'s at 10 p.m. — meaning that if you come down and join us you'll be among the first to know who the winner is, well in advance of tomorrow's issue. (Check out the post below for a quick teaser of our three finalists, each of whom would make a fine winner.)

So come on out and be as wonky as you wanna be.

2009 Metro Weekly Coverboy of the Year: The Top Three

2009-12-13T23:09:41-05:00

The photo shoot for the 2009 Metro Weekly Coverboy of the Year was this past Saturday at the Donovan House in downtown DC, a great location for a really fun shoot. I got to flex my my old film/video experience shooting a brief documentary on the process. Here's a teaser for this Thursday's big reveal of the winner:

Personally, I think they all deserve to win -- but I suppose I'm a little biased.

Time for the holly jolly

2009-12-09T12:05:48-05:00

On Sunday, Cavin and I finally managed to coordinate our schedules to the point where we could run out and purchase a Christmas tree. This involved, as every year, a trip to the local Home Depot, where piles of withered evergreens lay stacked and tightly bound with strings and plastic, and with nary a safe word to be heard.

Home Depot makes me weep for trees.

Leaving behind the depressing evergreen death pit, we went to the overpriced nursery just up the street from our house. Yes, each tree was at least $15 more expensive than their counterparts at the hardware store, but with the trees displayed upright and unwrapped in all their arbor-riffic glory, at least I didn't feel that I was stabbing Mother Nature in the heart.

At home, as we decorated our tree, what struck me was the sense of comfortable routine that has settled in on a tradition Cavin and I have shared for about five years now. Our tree always goes in the same place -- center stage at the picture window so our neighbors can see that, yes, we are merry. A certain set of special ornaments are first placed on the best branches before we move on to the lesser, plainer ornaments. We leave the top unadorned because our multi-year search for an appropriate angel, star or Buddha treetopper has been fruitless, and now largely abandoned. The tree skirt my mother made for us is carefully placed around the bottom. And then Cavin begins feeding the tree 7-Up by the 2-liter bottle because he once read it would keep the tree healthy and, frankly, it seems to work so who am I to suggest feeding it plain sugar water?

Creating new traditions in a young relationship is an exciting and heart-fluttering experience. But being fortunate enough to live those traditions over time is intensely rewarding.

Even if it does require endless vacuuming of stray pine needles.

A newfound respect: Andre Agassi's "Open"

2009-12-02T22:40:12-05:00

Prior to Andre Agassi's autobiography, Open, I had never bothered to read a bio of any professional tennis player, or any athlete, for that matter. In fact, I can only name one book I've read that is explicitly about tennis, Brad Gilbert's Winning Ugly, which is pretty much required reading as a strategy guide for any hacker like myself, but doesn't purport to be an intensely personal story of success and/or strife.

I had been totally prepared to ignore Agassi's entry into the hall of ghostwritten histories, as I did those from Pete Sampras, Michael Chang, James Blake, et al. Agassi was never a favorite player of mine, in part because I found his early image off-putting, perhaps because I was such a slavish Bjorn Borg fan in my youth and that Swedish stoicism never seemed a part of Agassi's make-up (oddly enough, since Agassi himself claims Borg as an idol; then again, having an idol doesn't mean you replicate your idol). Even as he grew into an elder statesman of the game worthy of respect for both his accomplishments and attitude, I never found myself warming towards him or his game.

What caught my eye was the controversy over Agassi's admission of crystal meth use in the '90s -- during a time when his game and ranking had hit unexpected lows -- and the predictably ostentatious lamentations and condemnations that followed. Having had my own dalliances with meth -- and more than dalliances with some other things -- I know that not every instance of ingestion of a substance leads irrevocably to a rock-bottom crash into a life in the gutter that must be overcome by heroic personal struggle or succumbed to in a life of bad gums and meth-procuring prostitution.

For many people, they simply do some stupid shit in their lives, like meth, and then they stop doing stupid shit. Because we know we must.

From all appearances, Agassi seems to be one of the latter.

Anyway, I didn't suddenly become an Agassi fan because I found out that he's snorted something illicit and then moved on, giving us something in common. But I did find his admission fascinating and thought, "Hey, that may actually be an interesting read." And, it truly is.

In the very first pages of the book, he describes tennis in a way that speaks to anyone who takes the game seriously, whether they're a world-class pro or a weekend hacker:

"It's no accident, I think, that tennis uses the language of life. Advantage, service, fault, break, love, the basic elements of tennis are those of everyday existence, because every match is a life in miniature. Even the structure of tennis, the way the pieces fit inside one another like Russian nesting dolls, mimics the structure of our days. Points become games become sets become tournaments, and it's all so tightly connected that any point can become the turning point. It reminds me of the way seconds become minutes become hours, and any hour can be our finest. Or darkest. It's our choice."

Life as a series of minute decisions, made quickly and often under pressure, that lead up to our finest moments or deepest disappointments, all depending on what we choose to do, who we choose to be. All of which, to be honest, makes me glad that I'm better at life than I am at tennis, even if at times I wish it had been the other way around.

I finished Open last night, impressed that Agassi had produced -- with the help of writer J. R. Moehringer -- a book that went beyond recaps of famous matches yet never really lapsed into a bathetic plea for understanding. He actually comes across as rather a prick, and I admire that he's willing to let that hang out.

I'm still not what you would call an Agassi fan, but more than I ever did before I have respect for Agassi the man.

The tragedy of the B (and a half) level tennis player

2009-11-30T16:16:44-05:00

I've written before about the joys and sorrows -- mostly sorrows -- of being a good enough tennis player to fully understand how bad you actually are. So I had mixed feelings this morning when I got word from my USTA 3.5 league team that I -- along with most of my teammates -- had been bumped up to the 4.0 level.

On the one hand, glee at achieving something I didn't expect, particularly since the league play that got me "promoted" came earlier this year when I was in no way playing what I would term good tennis. I'm playing much better right now (not having those extra 30 lbs. obviously helps my movement), but of course I'll take what's given to me.

On the other hand, terror at the thought of moving out of the competitive 3.5 league, in which lurked multitudes of sandbaggers who rightfully should have been playing 4.0 or 4.5, and into the actual 4.0 league where the sandbaggers are in reality 4.5 to 5.0. I have friends who are far stronger players than I who regularly get their ass handed to them in 4.0. I may have to ready myself to have my own ass served, and often.

Oh, stop giggling.

Holiday shenanigans and other time sucks

2009-11-25T12:51:51-05:00

Thanksgiving is generally my day to shine, but at the moment I'm feeling a lack of luster. Events of the past couple of weeks have conspired to eat up all my time and energy, so I've had not time to plan the giant, elaborate Thanksgiving me that I generally cook up at this time, putting together enough food for a small army when in actuality I only have 10 to 15 people coming by.

So, this year I'll be doing a scaled back version that might actually be right-sized for the number of relatives headed my way. Except for the 20-pound turkey my mother in law dropped off on Sunday -- I'll be dealing with that carcass for days.

Anyway, the unexpected time sucks of late November have also decimated my plans to finish National Novel Writing Month, so my little suburban horror story will have to be considered stillborn, since writing that pays my salary has to take precedent over writing that earns me nothing (at least, nothing immediately).

I know, I know, wah wah way, poor little me, etc. But what would a holiday season be without a liberal sprinkling of whining and self-pity?

What? Your family isn't like that at? Well, touch you, then.

Washington City Paper writes terrible story about Metro Weekly and the Washington Blade/DC Agenda

2009-11-23T18:30:42-05:00

I have a general policy of always speaking to reporters who call me for comment because my own livelihood depends on people being willing to talk to reporters. So, when Washington City Paper editor Erik Wemple called me up to ask me last week about the sudden closure of the Washington Blade and the statement I had put out on behalf of Metro Weekly I had no hesitation to talk to him.

Unfortunately, Erik decided that our Metro Weekly statement was “grave dancing” because, after I expressed my condolences for the Blade staff and congratulations for their accomplishments over the years, I included a sentence mentioning some pride in my own publication: “All of us at Metro Weekly take great pride in serving our community, and we look forward to continuing our growth as the source for local LGBT news, politics and entertainment.”

Even accounting for the heightened emotions running through much of our LGBT community over the Blade’s closure, it takes an extreme level of sensitivity to read that sentence as “grave dancing.” Believe me, if I had intended to grave dance, it would have been a far more obvious and memorable statement.

What is obvious is that the story attempts to create some sort of public cat fight between Kevin Naff and myself, one that neither Kevin nor I are interested in having. This is what Kevin said to me via e-mail as a statement in response to the City Paper story:

"Erik's story was a transparent attempt to create tension that simply does not exist. I spoke to Erik and told him I wish Metro Weekly all the best; I never denigrated MW or Sean."

Both Kevin and I tend to aver publicly that there’s no “rivalry” between our publications -- or between us and the new DC Agenda. Those statements should be taken with a grain of salt because there is no way for two publications serving the same community with similar (though not the same) focus to not be in competition for both stories and advertising. What I -- and, presumably, Kevin -- mean by that is that we’re not spending our every business hour focused on cutting the other’s throat.

Sure, there’s competition. Sometimes there are bumped shoulders and bruised feelings. This is natural. Anyone who has dealt with editors and publishers (gay or straight) knows that you’re dealing with a lot of big, ambitious egos. Put them all in the same sandbox and there will be some occasional friction.

In other words, not that big a news story. And certainly, in this case, not an accurate reflection of either my intention or sentiment when I released the Metro Weekly statement.

As for my policy of always talking to reporters, it’s still in place, even for Erik -- who, I should point out, has treated me fairly in the past -- though I will probably be a little less forthcoming, since even when you try to say something nice, it may be better to say nothing at all.

In which I meet one of my tennis idols in a completely awkward and ultimately embarassing moment

2009-11-11T11:31:53-05:00

I had this entire thing written in my head about the mix of high school awkwardness and social foibles that resulted when I decided to introduce myself to Martina Navratilova last Friday night at the NGLCC national dinner, but it was convoluted, overwrought and made no sense. So, long story short, I introduced myself to her at her table and because I wasn't interviewing her or otherwise working I did so with all the grace of a 15-year-old dork asking a cheerleader to dance at homecoming, and she gave me the frozen grin and polite "Hello" that all celebrities have perfected for those situations.

Now let us never speak of this again.

Oh, and here's an iPhone photo of Martina I took in between texting friends at other tables:

Post-election blues and easily predicted congressional cowardice

2009-11-06T09:09:45-05:00

Some weeks are busy, some weeks are boring and some weeks are just batshit crazy.

One guess which category this past week has been.

I've been little melancholy since my current home state of Virginia elected a (possibly) former Pat Robertson acolyte to the governorship, and for attorney general selected an anti-gay nutjob who invokes "natural law" in his claim that homosexual acts are bad for both the individual and society.

Oh, of course I'm not worried about securing equal treatment under the laws and bureaucracy of the commonwealth of Virginia. Why do you ask?

Then again, I'd been feeling melancholy about the Virginia elections for a couple of weeks since the outcome had been as patently obvious as a piece of advice from Dr. Phil. I still wouldn't have voted for effin' Terry McAuliffe, though. Note to Virginia Dems: Try some better candidates next time. Thanks! Bye!

More melancholy was the outcome in Maine where, since the pro-marriage supporters weren't up in the pre-voting polls by the 15 percent apparently necessary to compensate for the homo-version of the Bradley effect, the loss wasn't a total surprise but was still a punch in the gut. I am glad I was unable to attend the post-election D.C. for Marriage rally in Dupont Circle where marriage equality foe and all-around anti-gay harpy Maggie Gallagher showed up in all her smugness.

And now the Democratic Congress appears to be preparing to do exactly what I (and many others) said they would do: use the 2010 mid-term election cycle as an excuse to delay any action on LGBT legislation such as DADT repeal. Because we all know that the scariest thing in politics is to vote in favor of an issue that's supported by two-thirds of the population. And then, after they survive the 2010 mid-terms, we'll get the message that we have to wait until the 2012 presidential election is over and cross our fingers and hope for Obama to be reelected. Oh, and don't forget that the 2014 midterm elections will be an important part of setting up the Democrats for the 2016 presidential election, so, you know, no promises guys! But we'll get to you people someday!

I try so hard not to be cynical about politics and the democratic process, yet politicians keep trying so hard to make me so.

A Halloween treat to make your week a little scarier

2009-10-27T00:30:00-04:00

I wrote my first horror stories in the late 1970s after my grandmother gave me my first typewriter, an old Royal manual she found at a flea market. Had she realized what vile, despicable and lurid stories I would produce on it in my pre-adolescent Stephen King-inspired mania, she probably would have bought me another Bible instead.

While those early stories were mercifully never published, they never truly left the darkest little corners of my heart. So in 1999, for Metro Weekly’s annual Halloween issue, I reached back to my past and combined it with my present for a nasty little number about tricks and treats — or, more accurately, a trick that turns out to be anything but a treat.

In the spirit of Halloween 2009, I’m offering a newly formatted PDF version of “The Medicine Cabinet” for download through Nov. 1. Download it now to read on your laptop by yourself in a dark room. Or on your iPhone while you’re waiting for your date to come back from that suspiciously long trip to the bathroom....

The story is available at my main website, SeanBugg.com. Click here to go directly to the download page.

Have a happy (and safe!) Halloween.

Preparing for the insanity of National Novel Writing Month

2009-10-26T13:28:50-04:00

At heart, I am a person with a huge tendency to say "yes" far more often than "no." While that was a fairly entertaining character trait for both me and anyone around me in my younger, wilder and prettier days, now that I'm a responsible adult I most often find myself saying "yes" to things that require work and effort. And while I do say "no" more often these days than in the past, I've learned to do so primarily so I can put more energy into those projects for which I say "yes."

So this year I've decided to say "yes" to November's National Novel Writing Month, an annual event where thousands of people attempt to write a 50,000-word-minimum first draft of a novel over the course of 30 days. Whether this is a wise decision on my part will be seen come Nov. 30, when I hope to have dragged my tired, aching fingers across the metaphorical finish line.

There are reasons I've chosen to take the plunge this year. First, I've already moved forward with publishing my collection of essays -- Boy Does World, which will be out in early 2010, and you'll be hearing a lot more from me about it before then -- so I'm thinking about I want to do next. Second, writing a novel, whether published or not (though preferably published, of course), is on my list of life goals. And third, while I've started a couple novels in the past, almost 40,000 words worth in one case, I've not actually finished one.

It's the search for a finish that attracted me to NaNoWriMo, as they quirkily abbreviate it. I have a tendency with longer formats to spend a lot of time looking and backwards and forwards in my manuscript, agonizing over particular choices and plot points and structural strategies, and generally bogging myself down to the point of frustration. Plus, novels generally have no deadline (unless you've managed to sell an unfinished one), and deadlines have a marvelously and creatively clarifying effect on my mind.

The NaNoWriMo approach is just to get it out, quantity over quality, a shift in my usual approach. Well, my usually usual approach -- lord knows my blog posts could sometimes use a second (or third) glance before clicking "publish." But the idea is to just get it out and tell the story, errors and questions be damned, and worry about all the particulars when editing it later for a second draft. It's around 2,000 words a day to reach my own personal goal, a number that always sounds formidable but a word count I've grown accustomed to meeting in my everyday professional life, so I shouldn't be too shocked by the volume.

The other key to making it through the month is telling everyone I know that I'm doing it so I can set myself up for shame-faced embarrassment should I not reach my goal. So, feel free to ask me how it's going, what my word count is, if I think I'm going to make it. I won't mind, even if I act like I do. Just don't ask me to tell you what I'm writing -- for now, that's going to be my own little secret.

James Kirchick gets it totally wrong on Tom Coburn and GOProud

2009-10-23T18:53:12-04:00

James Kirchick at The New Republic believes there's a method in the madness of GOProud joining hands with anti-gay Sen. Tom Coburn for an op-ed to battle against health care reform:

If you told a gay political activist last week that Tom Coburn would coauthor an article with the Chairman of an organization that, while conservative, is explicit in its promotion of the dread "gay agenda," they'd look at you pretty queerly. But here is Coburn doing exactly that, and in the digital pages of the country's leading gay news magazine no less (full disclosure: I am a contributing writer to the Advocate).
...
If the President of the United States can "engage" with all manner of tyrants and petty thugs, then surely a small group of enterprising homocons can co-sign an op-ed with a conservative Senator from Oklahoma who, not so long ago, was railing against the "gay agenda." What Coburn may or may not realize is that he's just become an unwitting cog in it.

Tom Coburn is many things -- including an egregious homophobe -- but he is not an idiot. He is completely aware that there are elements of the gay community who agree with some of his economic positions -- GOProud is not breaking any news to him and he is no "unwitting cog." With this op-ed, Coburn gets to 1) attack health care reform, 2) attack Ryan White Care Act funding, which he has been doing since his days in the House, and 3) bring along a gay political group in an attack on the government program that has done more for HIV/AIDS care (and by extension for gay men with HIV/AIDS) than anything else in this county. And it costs Coburn nothing; his standing with social conservatives in the Republican party is strong enough that he can hang out with the gays all he wants because they know he's not going to change his core values.

Kirchick points out that when GOProud formed earlier this year, "disgruntled Log Cabinites...warned that enemies of gay rights would use the organization as a convenient cover for their anti-gay political agenda." I'd say this op-ed proves them right. If the goal is to make the Republican party a welcoming place for gays -- or, more realistically, to denature the homophobia of the party to the point where it is no longer as consistent or effective in attacking LGBT rights and people -- then there are other factions of the Republican coalition to focus on.

Breakout stars, gay activism and DADT repeal

2009-10-23T17:50:23-04:00

Over at the Bilerico-D.C. I have a new post on Lt. Daniel Choi, the Army veteran and member of the New York National Guard who came out publicly earlier this year and in the months since has grown to be one of the most prominent faces and voices in the fight to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Short version: some people have been around for a long time, others have been around only briefly, yet both are needed if we want to continue moving forward as a movement.

Be sure to check out my interview with Dan at Metro Weekly -- and be sure to call your senators and representatives and tell them to repeal DADT now -- for your representatives, tell them specifically that you hope they support the Military Readiness Enhancement Act (H.R. 1283). For more information on the ban and how it ruins careers and damages our national security, visit Servicemembers Legal Defense Network and Servicemembers United.

Fairness follow-up: Log Cabin Republicans statement on House passage of Ryan White

2009-10-21T22:57:20-04:00

My screed from last night about gay Republicans was most broadly about current tendencies from that side of the gay community to focus on taking shots at Obama and Democrats rather than focusing on making the actual Republican Party an even slightly more welcoming place for LGBT people. However, the point on which I was most screedy about -- and justifiably so -- was in reference to an opinion piece attacking health care reform and the Ryan White Care Act written jointly by radically right-wing and anti-gay Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) and Christopher Barron of the newer gay group, GOProud.

Given that Log Cabin was not a part of that opinion piece, it's only fair that I pass along this press release from LCR praising the passage of Ryan White in the House.

"Having watched this disease afflict so many in my generation and still continue to affect so many today, I am proud of each and every legislator who voted to continue the critical support the Ryan White Care Program provides," comments Log Cabin Republicans National Chairman, Terry W. Hamilton. "This legislation will enhance the efforts and programs of many private & non-profit organizations already in place across the USA, making our nation's response to HIV/AIDS much more effective."

Gay Republicans, clean your own home before checking for dirt in your neighbor's

2009-10-20T22:21:19-04:00

That I happen to know and like and enjoy the company of a number of gay Republicans is rather a cliche at this point in that, “I have lots of [insert minority here] friends!” kind of way. It does, however, happen to have a fairly large kernel of truth, as I actually do know and like real, flesh-and-blood gay Republicans and/or conservatives. Perhaps because I’ve never completely left my upbringing and political roots behind, I have some fairly Republican tendencies of my own -- in a nutshell, some of the aspects of the libertarian and free-market wings of the Republican party. This doesn’t mean I’m a Republican, which is a hard thing to be when, like me, you’re an agnostic-slash-Buddhist, anti-death penalty, pro-drug-legalization proponent of a (mostly) free market system who supports health care reform because it would be a good thing for my business.

Believe me, it makes it hard to be a Democrat, too.

I bring this up because I think having active and open gay Republicans is an important part of advancing equality for LGBT people. Having consistent allies on both sides of the aisle would truly be a good thing.

That’s why it frustrates me to no end that so many gay Republicans -- of both Log Cabin and GOProudstripes -- are focused exclusively on attacking the Democrats. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons to complain and kvetch and attack Democrats for cowardly inaction on LGBT issues. But the fact that Democrats have been, shall we say, less than stellar, doesn’t mean that gay Republicans have succeeded in creating a conservative political party that offers a viable alternative for voters who actually care about seeing advancement on LGBT issues.

Every day that Barack Obama declines to personally come to my house and blow Skittles-flavored rainbows up my ass is another day that gay Republicans crow via Twitter feeds, “How do you like your Obama now?!? LOL! #FAIL.”

Seriously, gay Republicans belong to a party that’s undergoing a massive ideological struggle that could easily set the party’s political course on LGBT equality for the next generation, and the biggest thing I’ve seen come out of the gay Republican camp is an attack on Ryan White Care Act funding for AIDS treatment, co-authored by Sen. Tom Coburn, one of the most ludicrously socially conservative Republicans, like, ever, an ideologue who opposes not only gay marriage but gay adoption, a politician whose primary contribution to the advancement of gay equality has been hiring onto his staff a hatchet-man to go after HIV prevention programs that had the temerity to serve gay men and sending spokesmen to tea-bagger conferences to proclaim that straight pornography will turn young boys into queers?

I mean, fucking seriously? Changing a party from within doesn’t mean providing apologia and cover to curry favor with the party’s most notorious social conservatives. Just as I anxiously wait for Obama to deliver on his promises, I’m also eager to see gay Republicans deliver some change I can believe in.

Kiss kiss, bang bang

2009-10-19T18:06:52-04:00

I don't even bother wondering anymore why I end up on the e-mail lists that I do, so the fact that I'm suddenly getting alerts from Guns & Ammo no more surprises me than all the right-wing-nutjob birther e-mails that still wend their way to my inbox. Actually, given that I grew up in a rural Kentucky culture where guns were prominently displayed in pick-up truck gun racks and such, I don't have quite the visceral reaction to firearms that a lot of my urban friends do.

Unless, of course, one is pointed directly between my eyes while I'm being mugged, in which case I'm just as close to pissing my pants as the next person.

Despite the predominant gun culture of my youth, I was raised to be cautious and wary of guns given that they are weapons and deserving of a fair amount of respect. So, when Granny got out her shotgun to take after the flock of starlings in her garden, I headed inside toot sweet.

That said, I am not comforted by this particular image from the e-mail Guns & Ammo just sent me:

Look at those eyes -- that's the look of someone who hangs out in book depositories and campus bell towers. This is not the expression of someone who's ready to have a rational conversation about the limits of the second amendment.

Just to make sure I wasn't mistaking junk mail for actual Guns & Ammo content, I shot over to the magazine's web site to see what they had loaded, and I found the handgun that -- were I ever to exercise my constitutional right to carry a small package of hot death -- I would totally buy:

ZOMG! It's so cute! It's like the result of a Project Runway challenge to design something inspired by Angie Dickinson in Police Woman. Go Sgt. Pepper!

Hitting the scales

2009-10-16T12:50:47-04:00

During our vacation in Provincetown, Cavin snapped a picture of me as I walked out of the ocean and back onto the beach after a swim. It was not exactly a Daniel Craig moment for me. Instead, it ended up being the straw that made me realize I simply had to do something about the way my body was going -- at 41, my window of reasonable opportunity to solve the problem was only getting smaller.

I realize that yammering about weight loss is one of those things that's often more interesting to the yammerer than the yammeree -- like quitting smoking, climbing on the wagon, or going vegetarian -- but screw it, I just weighed in at 189 pounds so I'm going to indulge in a little online happy dancing. That's all down from 215 at the beginning of September, and the first time I've had an "8" in the tens position of my weight in way too many years.

I'm a little giddy at the moment because I've discovered a whole "new" wardrobe buried in my closet, all the stuff I haven't worn that suddenly fits again. I'm resisting the shopping urge because a) I hope to continue the trend in terms of my personal downsizing, and b) it seems like an invitation to a jinx to get all shoppy-shoppy for newer, smaller clothes before I prove to myself I can maintain it.

Well, maybe just one pair of pants. That should be okay, right?

You better work

2009-10-15T23:57:43-04:00

Andrew Sullivan has been hosting a lot of back and forth from supporters and opponents of DADT repeal. Something from one of his latest commentators really caught my attention:

Repealing DADT will certainly go some way toward seeing that some in the military will set up some as gay servicemen & servicewomen as heroes and role models, but others, likely the majority, will never feel that way. They will allow the government to dictate how they tie their shoes, dress, and behave in public, but there is no way in hell that they will allow the government to dictate whether or not they accept gays or work along side them.

Of all that things that have bugged and bothered me about being gay in our society, I think this kind of gets to the nub of it: We simply have to be better in order to be accepted. This is something that gets exacerbated in the military, an institution that by design forces its members to achieve more physically and socially than they would likely be forced to achieve as civilians. It's no fluke that many of the servicemembers who have been, by choice or not, spokespersons for DADT repeal and who have enjoyed support from their own peers have been particularly forceful and high achieving personalities. (I should note that Andrew responded to this pro-DADT email that worried about sparking "the tinder" of the teabaggers in about the only way you can: "At some point, you have to face down the fear. Then it will dissipate. End the ban now." Amen.)

The same dynamic plays out in everyday civilian life -- when you live your life being told you're less than, the pressure is always there for those who choose to be open (or who have no real choice but to be open) to be more than. We have to prove that we are this (writer, athlete, engineer, father, aunt) in order show that we're not that (faggot, dyke, pervert, molester).

Over the years, this has bothered me quite a bit -- obviously, we can't all be more than. Being gay or lesbian doesn't confer a concomitant aptitude for achievement, and the fact that we have to work far harder to be considered "equal" is grotesquely unfair. But we also have no choice but to live in the times that we do; our only real choice is whether we meet the world on those terms in order to change those terms for the people who follow us.

That's why I admire and respect all those gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders in the past and present who've worked to achieve more than they otherwise might have in hopes of changing the world for the better. If we have to work harder, so be it. It's the price we pay for being part of change.

Promises are nice. Proof is better.

2009-10-10T23:45:16-04:00

Pam Spaulding already has her take up on Obama's big gay speech following our little talk-fest on Sirius OutQ. I honestly need to think a little more about it. Some parts of me get how this speech could impact lives outside of the world of Beltway bandits and passionate activists, but that might just be my desire to believe that Obama means to do what he's always said he would do, present circumstances notwithstanding.

Another part of me -- an appreciably bigger part -- is even angrier than before about the fate of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," a policy that at this point is simply and morally indefensible. A promise is only that, a promise. I'd like to have some proof, as would, I imagine, the lesbian and gay soldiers who continue to be discharged despite the professed support of their commander in chief.

Andrew Sullivan and folks at Bilerico have declared the speech a stinker; Andrew calls the speech "much worse than I expected," which actually makes me wonder what on earth he was expecting. It pretty much met every expectation I had, all of which were very, very low. I'm sure someone out there has a glowing review, but I haven't seen it yet, and haven't honestly been looking very hard.

Thinking about my priorities and responding to some Facebook comments, I wrote this a few minutes ago: But anymore I find it really hard to put energy into anything other than DADT repeal -- Americans support repeal, it goes directly to the core of the American narrative of who we are as a people, it ends a glaring injustice. You'd think that would earn a bit more than a "the check's in the mail" promise.

I need some proof, not the kind that can be delivered in a speech but the kind I can see in accomplishments. Don't ask me to support you because our nation's problems affect us all as Americans when you won't take the steps to end the most egregious way in which our own government daily reminds us that we are not, actually, considered fully and equally American.

Managing my expectations for Obama's big gay speech

2009-10-09T20:01:25-04:00

Kerry Eleveld at the Advocate writes that a White House spokesperson says the president "looks forward to speaking directly to the LGBT community about the steps his administration has taken thus far and the progress he hopes to achieve in the coming weeks and months." On the surface, that sounds fine and dandy -- better, certainly, than this morning's warning for everyone to get ready for a big helping of the same-old same-old.

But, further into the piece, Kerry presses press secretary Robert Gibbs on what, exactly, we might expect:

That statement suggests Obama might deliver some fresh new piece of information Saturday, but White House press secretary Robert Gibbs on Friday didn’t presage anything new during Friday’s briefing, saying only that he expected the president to talk about “a range of issues.”

When I asked Gibbs if the president would highlight anything beyond the recently nominated openly gay ambassador and the nearly sealed hate-crimes legislation, Gibbs said he didn’t want to “zoom past” the hate-crimes achievement.

“Hate-crimes protections are long overdue, in the president's opinion,” Gibbs said. “He believes that their passage represents an important step, and looks forward to, when that legislation gets to his desk, signing it and making that the law of the land. I think that's certainly part of what he'll discuss on Saturday night.”

Based on that response, I think it’s safe to say that hate crimes will clearly be a major emphasis of the speech.

Look, the majority of the LGBT community has clearly and consistently advocated for hate crimes legislation, congressional votes have been there for a while (depending on what insane parliamentary procedures are implemented to skew votes akimbo). We finally have a president who will actually sign a hate crimes bill. Yay, and so on. But if Obama hangs his hat of pro-gay accomplishments on hate crimes, well, that would signal a pretty deep unwillingness to engage energetically on other issues like DADT repeal.

Obviously, I'm reacting to something that hasn't happened -- I'll react more fully tomorrow night when I'm on Sirius OutQ for the broadcast of the speech. And my thinking, until this morning's Post piece, was similar to Kerry's: Why on earth would Obama bother making such a high-profile speech to a community so on-the-edge waiting for signs of positive -- and substantive -- change in federal law and policy if he didn't have something new and significant to bring to the table?

But, I thought the same about the big gay White House reception and was wrong; I believed Obama when he said DADT repeal would be a priority, and I was wrong. A president can't do everything, but Obama can clearly do more than he bothered to try so far.

I'd really prefer not to be wrong yet again.