buntak dayung rantings

day 44, 2012

2012-02-13T23:49:00.005+08:00

its nite, its late, and i got to online, alas. although....
see, at this speed, its, slow

but still worth it!!
just like old time, using the 55k modem, wakakaka

anyways, i've been too busy to remember anything else, thus, another project, postponed? delayed? cant find the exact word. but i'll try to update anything on the other blog as possible, adding the fact i might be too tired to update it or, just no idea what to put there

last few weeks has been too challenging. my car was used practically everyday. since the day i arrive here. somehow, it has become an important part in my family, since my dad cant drive, much. and the fact that this household held much sick person. it has become a, mini ward? and as the latest addition. my little nephew has been diagnose with autism. as for what it is autism? to simply put it, autism is some kind of brain problem that can make it somehow hard for kids to communicate, but sometime adult may have it too, at least that was what the doctor told us...

as for dad, he has 2 appointment upcoming month, a lab test TRO OM and a CT BRAIN TRO brain tumor. dunno what will happen next...

my car's birthday is coming, so need money, again. perhaps i'll last for 6 month, top with this situation? plus she needs her wheels to be replaced, and her ass seams to be, a little holey?

as for me. posting seams to be too far away. so, i'll try to enjoy my little "vacation" while it last.

wakakakakakakaka, sigh....

Day 7, 2012

2012-01-07T01:24:00.002+08:00

a new year. think its not to late to wish everyone happy new year, hopefully a happy one. think it will be happy. anyways, i did a dumb thing to delete my old post at my pic blog, so i start a new one. hopefully i can continue that one for a long time.

so, new year...

gotta have a new resolution? have to? i kinda like goal then resolution, i dont even understand what resolution means anyway.

so my goal this year

-less social networking, so less facebook, leaving only blogging, hahaha

-get a job, sooner or later, Radiographer, i will be

-settle card debt, at least half of it

-fix bluesavvy, paint, service

-take mom shopping, a must

-take dad shopping, a must

-learn something new, anything i do not know yet

-get a wife, need to move along

-get a house, build mine, like my dad did

last year i manage to go half, so hopefully this year i can do all of it

the thing i want, not need much, so more of a want

-a camera, compact or DSLR, still thinking

-a desktop

-a tv

-a microwave oven

-new glasses

-new false teeth?

-a new shoe

-a new jacket

well, at least after a month working

so now, i am officially my family technician, tutor, cook, garbageman, cleaner, baby sitter. they said i havent been home for too long, hahaha

hopefully got posted before Gawai, need something to celebrate by then

Year Closing

2011-12-25T22:49:00.015+08:00

yay, 2011 is coming to an end!!! Supposedly happy right? i must say. i has been a fun year. though the sucks part is there. lets just say its, bitter sweet. like one of those dark chocolate, never like em, but kinda tongue flicking. the most happy moment? the end of this 3 years here. cant say its boring or whatnot. it was fun, full of fun memories, not to mention the not so fun ones. still, im glad its over. 3 months at clinical area, its the best clinical experience ever. all the staff are, awesome. just awesome.

lets see...

January

nothing much, just here and there, and there was, the curve, One Utama, The Store

owh, and this early year i actually go for a mass at Kepong. yay for me!!!

February

went for a little adventure, going to Genting, 2 cars, and a bike, haha

All the things to go, including a joke bout bringing a chick up, hehe

this guys are the best!!

Owh, research jammed my brain this time along

Cultural week, to bad RnR performance just, okay. but Occupational Therapist, the best!!

March

Its full with clinical area and ect...

nothing much

Team Nuclear Medicine?

April

Basically the same routine

again the research, the clinical, the assignment, the tension, the cursing, the formative

So my head is as hazy as picture above

May

my vision is getting dark, my research is going clueless and spiral...

so, again with the routine, the research, the clinical, the assignment, the tension, the cursing, the sumative, the going home to send my car back

June

Sumative Exam, send my car home

Cost me MYR26++ to send it back. arrive late, damn late than schedule

but then, after i got my car, i got to bring my family to places, go to my cousin's place. fun!!

July

Starting to Clinical at Sibu Hospital. as a new member, everything is blurry, scared. cant lie. but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

but then, the staff were friendly, and we were brought to picnic at Belawai Beach, free of charge!!!

not a beauty like cenang beach, still its salt water, sea water...

August

Clinical at Mukah Hospital for 2 weeks, fun, yeah

not much case, so.. boring yet.. fun...

1st day arrive i stay with friend's brother, then stay at cousin's house. feel kinda bad to go and leave without nothing much

view from my cousin's quarters

then back at Sibu Hospital for 2 weeks

MRI, CT scan...

September

2 weeks of holiday, doing nothing much, bought new lappy, hehe

doing ultrasound and appointment counter

October

On-call, fun!!

then there were KSKB JB students, and from Masterskill too, the real fun really fun, hehe

really like em

November

Back to KSKB SB and to misery, doing research and prepare for Sumative Exam

no fun, it is

then, there were, langkawi...

then

December came

good news, i pass everything, recommended for appointment

we had our farewell. the funny thing for me, is, i actually cried...

manly cry, i may add...

post cry lunch

last picture....

so, this year may end, in few days?

but for this blog, it ends now, next year, be new chapter.....

yeah.....

Day 355, 2011

2011-12-21T15:01:00.003+08:00

it has been a while since i wrote anything here. or type...
anyways, cant say its official, but i now hereby, posses 2 diplomas and no degree. dunno if i should celebrate this...

along this 3 year. i wont lie, and i cant deny. i yearn for it to end. now it ends, i made me somehow, relieve...
will i miss the moment while i'm here? yes? wish i can turn back time? no. wont relive the moment even for a million dollar...
have i gain anything? a lot...
experience...
age...

it was fun. this 3 years at KSKB Sg. Buloh... with K46

my hair is lessening..
my car is soon to settle...

as for my wishlist..
i tries didnt i...

anyways, i will be free most of the time. so i plan to start an infoblog. and recontinue my pic blog...

Day 318, 2011

2011-11-14T01:55:00.002+08:00

Final paper for final semester in my final year. Finally, but no resting yet. at least till the result is final. next is induction. for a week. then, its waiting till my posting. fun starts now? dunno...

anyways i think i forgot how to have fun. or my idea of fun is hot here, yet. hopefully i get it back this up coming vacation, with the guys. hell i dont even really can talk anymore.

since my phone broke down, i bought new phone, e5, honestly its not that favouring ans not suiting me much. so i bought a new n82 just now. a second hand actually despite of an advice by a friend to not buy it. now there is a little bit of regret. but i, hopefully will have fun with it.

Day 235, 2011

2011-08-23T21:44:00.002+08:00

its night. im at my hostel room. just did MRI Brain and my pituitary gland seams to be, not healthy. now i wonder about my health. seams like hard to sleep nowadays. too much thinking? yeah...

mom told me to stop worrying about other family members business and start thinking about mine. its kinda hard when you live close to them, fell kinda helpless. maybe i am thinking too hard about others. me? too hard to think about. even i, sometimes lost track of how i am, and what do i suppose to do (beside doing research, case study and hospital project) now for myself. i cant drink out, no buddy. i dont have money to buy new gadgets. and i need to settle my debts.

seams like im lost....

and...

i nearly lost my faith....

its been a while

2011-07-27T20:43:00.002+08:00

i just realize i haven't update this blog for days, weeks? anyways, life is not that fun, either way around. there's always seams something bugging my mind. maybe its my surrounding, because, honestly, i don't have any fun here, except for the fact that i had to. i really miss my old life, from years ago. our KP made a visit yesterday, and what he says is true, at my age now, i was suppose to be climbing my career ladder, not waiting at the bottom. right now, i wonder what have i become, if to say i continue at that path; getting my degree part time, getting job done, maybe i even have more asset than i am now, maybe even, a family of my own.

yeah sure, a better career, that everyone crave for, but what have this cost to me? 3 years of reliving my diploma student life. a bit of regret? yes. a little of thankful? yes. an unsatisfactory? a lot.

well, what the hell. 7 month of hell as a student, then another longer hell as a working class hero...

life is fair? never....

Micheal Tolcher - Sooner Or Later

2011-06-27T00:11:00.002+08:00

this is a nice song, true enough for me. gotta love the chorus

MICHAEL TOLCHER - Sooner Or Later

"Sooner Or Later"

[Verse 1]
Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
Try not to say anything weird

Save your questions without answers
'Til your old enough to know that things ain't as they appeared

Before you go out in the sun
Cover your skin and don't get burned
Beware the cancer, it might kill you when you're old

Be first in line, raise your hand
Remember everything you hear
And playing in the rain is worth catching cold

[Chorus]
Sooner or later
We'll be lookin' back on everything
And we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
And someday you might listen to what people have to say
Now you learn the hard way

[Verse 2]
We only want what's best for you
That's why we tell you what to do
And nevermind if nothing makes sense

'Cause it all works out in the end
You're just like us without a friend
But you can build a privacy fence (Yeah)

[Repeat Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Somethings you have to learn them all on your own
You can't rely on anybody else
Or the point of view of a source unknown
If it feels good and sounds nice
Then it's your choice don't doubt yourself
Don't even think twice

Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
You know they like it when you smile (Find a reason to smile)

Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down (Down)
Don't let anything bring you down

[Repeat chorus 'til fades out]

day 177, 2011

2011-06-25T23:54:00.003+08:00

its been a while since i last post here. now im on my semester holiday and will start my practical at Sibu General Hospital next month. i dunno if this made me nervous or happy, or both, maybe.

now, its midnight, i just got back from Lubuk Antu. the last time i was there was December, last year. and i thought it has change. nope. i was wrong. the journey was long and i had been driving since, well, my car got here. Sarikei, Bintangor, Sibu, Kanowit, Lubuk Antu, Batang Ai, Bekakong, Tanjung Manis, Julau, Durin. the best thing? my family always keep the gas tank full, hehe. the bad? i drove. since the geography of this place are far vary with the ones at PM, lets say, i go the distance, literally. going to places that are much mote further than going to Genting Highland, even Penang. not that its bad, i get to go out often. but less resting time for me, plus theres less pitstop between the places. i just hope the car wont bring me trouble soon. it worries me...

as for outside world? i'm completely disconnected. not that i'm antisocial. but maybe, time to pay back the time i lost being with them. karma. you left your family, now you'll spending time with them. i like the idea. anyways, since my phone are left at the top floor most of the time, i cant reply messages and calls, plus the line here totally sucks (dont ask how this post got through, im at the damn hot top floor now). so, forgive me for i cant entertain everyone's request at the time. just now my phone just fall from the shelves edge, karma for ignoring maybe. FB starts to bore me, nothing new much and too much people become friend just to increase their friend list. seams like a 2nd Friendster to me. so i've been abandoning it for a while now, and off to somewhere else.

anyways, karma is not all fun, for me. it sucks, at least when it gets back to you. it just happen to me. why does it sadden me much? dunno. maybe i dont like it. anyways, this morning, i gave a near miss to a lorry on the way to Lubuk Antu, the place is cursed, maybe. i had a near miss later then to a lorry on the way to Batang Ai Dam, sucks. it made me think much, it nearly cost my family's life. i dont care if its just me. but one of my nephew was clearly traumatize by it. made me felt guilty.

as guilty as i am, something made me smile. what i want this year, somehow some are fulfilled

i get
1. new phone (Hazel)
2. get out of this room more often ( seen the world more-er)
3. send bluesavvy back home (its here)
4. try to settle at least quarter of the debt ( settled half)
5. new mindset (family matters, money for the need; not the want, finish the course, and get a house )

5 out of 8 is good for me, at least. i still got 6 months to go

as for my long term target, maybe harder to archive. seeing other siblings family troubles me. plus my parent got eyes for a better woman. theres a must of knowing the tradition of the family. and other relative point of view matters and change everything. this hurts my head since me, well. not everything can go as plan. maybe i need a new plan, before something goes wrong

Day 107, 2011

2011-04-17T11:36:00.002+08:00

its Sunday, palm Sunday to be specific. another 3 weeks before my final exam, 4 weeks before i go back to Penang, 5 weeks to Sarawak. suddenly everything goes so fast that i cant catch up. i'm thinking its either i'm lazy or i'm plainly slowing down much. either way, time is running out for me, to do what i planned.

1. my research is damnly abandoned
2. my notes are barely untouch
3. my car is lack of maintainance

but, i know i'm not that alone. i'm surrounded by bunch of lazy ass myself. this will make me miss this moment here. the fav word around here, "its not like i don't know you, i've been around you for more than 2 years" well, i'll be damn!! its a comfy when people say that to me nowadays, makes me think less on how to behave. just act naturally, no explanation needed. no why, no how, no whats...

i remembered, i once swore to a dear friend of mine back at Penang, how i hated this place. that i refuse to take part in anything, and i just want to survive here and get a job. oh, God, how i annoyed by everything here..
well, this place grew on me, the moments of smiling, hanging out together. minus the pain, cause, thats a lot...

anyways, annoyed. its weird how little things can annoy me nowadays, compare to few years back. why? don't really know. maybe how they behave, the way they talk, the way they act, their words, the bullshit they spill, empty promises, lies, hypocrites, and the stories they made up. but its not my place to complain, really. i'm sure many people annoyed by me, but kept silent. then again. this is very subjective...

Zainal Abidin - Orak Arek

2011-03-24T21:27:00.002+08:00

Usah kenang- kenang yang lama
Abah akan pulang permata
Orang ingat senang dan sama
Diri merasa rata- rata

Orak- Arek
Dikata- katakannya
Berulang alik
Tidak kedengaran, oh

Orak- Arek
Dikata- katakannya
Berulang alik
Tidak kedengaran

Duduk mengadu ku tersapa
Mengenang dirimu terasa sayu
Resam orang- orang yang lupa
Bila mahu merayu- rayu

Orak- Arek
Dikata- katakannya
Berulang alik
Tidak kedengaran, oh

Orak- Arek
Dikata- katakannya
Berulang alik
Tidak kedengaran

Angan- anganan
Diidamkan jangan
Walaupun ia berharga
Tak serupa
Bebas- bebaslah
Lepaskanlah jari- jari
Yang memulas hatimu
Hingga kau terhina

Usah kenang apa ku kata
Yang benar akan nyata akhirnya
Resam orang- orang yang lupa
Dilupa ia selama- lamanya

Orak- Arek
Dikata- katakannya
Berulang alik
Tidak kedengar, oh

Orak- Arek
Dikata- katakannya
Berulang alik
Tidak kedengaran

Subjective

2011-03-10T01:21:00.002+08:00

A weird title isnt it? well, its been a while since i wrote anything. partly because i was busy. another was my laziness.
aaaanyways, heres what i got from wiki

Subjective may refer to:
Subjectivism, a philosophical tenet that accords primacy to subjective experience as fundamental of all measure and law
Subjectivity, a subject's perspective, particular feelings, beliefs, desires or discovery made from information pertaining to a personal experience
Subjective experience, the sensory buzz and awareness associated with a conscious mind
Subjective case, grammatical case for a noun
Subject (philosophy), a being which has subjective experiences or a relationship with another entity
Subjective theory of value, an economic theory of value
A school of bayesian probability stating that the state of knowledge corresponds to personal belief

well, i wanna share something about subjectivity.
you see, each of us have our own perspective of life, and supposedly how it revolve around us. which made us human, with individuality and different personality. so each of us have our own style, way of speech, behavior, habit, judgement and even our physical.

now this difference made us see things and also other people's action differently. for example, as in verbal speech, a guy can accept an F word as a joke, while other may see it as an insult. in action, a wave can mean a polite gesture, or an avoiding action. a silence can mean nothing to talk about or nothing to be talk about. in a sentence, one sentence can have a various meaning to the reader, just like those quote, "a picture can say a thousand word" or "a radiograph can bring a thousand diagnosis" which is very subjective to the viewer's eyes or perception.

as for individualizes, each of us may have a various interpretation of the world around us. some of us see a begger with a pity eyes, while others, may not seams to care, or with a disgust look. some see pig as a disgusting creature, and other see it as food, or just some creature living in this God made earth. some see beer as a hazard, as other see it as just another beverage. see, this is the thing that affect how we act, see and live in our daily life. so correct me if i'm wrong

now the start of this topic in my head, begins when i read this interesting topic somewhere while i was doing my research, well more like a debate of some sort, made me think deep. the word was simple, but damn. let me copy paste it, cutting out the inappropriate words
-what are you people keep complaining about? what is this thing? come on people. see it from your own eyes!! no one wants to see ugly things!! cut this thing about accepting who you are!! come on!! eat some salad!! start exercise for yourself!! ask yourself!! everyone got their eyes on pretty things!!"

well, as for me, i'm plainly lazy, even to take a walk. so this somewhat cuts me deep.but people around me, some see me as jut fit, but some see a thin guy, and the guys from komag says in getting fat, i weigh just right now, BMI is fairly normal. but in term of physical, i fail big time. you see, i got beerbelly, thin arms and legs, and fairly wide forehead, maybe i think too much? none cant be fix, i can jog, and lose the 1 bag, start building muscle to my arms and legs, by exercise, undergo hair treatment for my premature balding, and undergo dental surgery for my oral condition.

but, maybe someday, as a start for something cheap, i will exercise, for my health, maybe?

My Wishlist

2011-01-12T23:43:00.005+08:00

this is The Chapel of Christ the Light in Desa Jaya. i went here last saturday, and to think, there is a Mass on saturday. anyways, the sermon was about how lucky we are, i think. that make me think even deeper. i, who was born physically good, didnt even have any life goal, compare to those who is impaired. so then, i wonder if i should make this, but a man without a goal is a man without a journey

so, as for this year :

i want
1. new phone (maybe N8 or Satio)
2. new friend (enlarge my friendship circle)
3. get fit ( have to hike to 5th floor count)
4. get out of this room more often ( see the world a bit)
5. send bluesavvy back home ( yeah, i'm going home)
6. try to settle at least quarter of the debt ( my card at least)
7. new mindset (right now i'm an arrogant hypocrite liar who is a slave to money, need to change that)
8. a healthy body (everyone wants this)

will i make it? dunno, but i'll try to fulfill at least half of it

but before i reach 30
i want
1. to take the whole family on vacation, on my expense
2. a house, anywhere as long as i can have a garden => for me
3. a family of my own => kinda hard, but i'll make it somehow
4. traveling, go vacation oversea =>Japan and Australia came to my mind
5. 2nd car => obviously a family car

this, is a long term goal, but it is worth to aim for

Will Dailey - Tomorrow Still Comes

2011-01-07T23:27:00.003+08:00

This will be my song theme for this year

Hold on, maybe
In our next life I will be less crazy
And make up for the mistakes made this time
I know you're trying to save me
I know your busy saving yourself
Don't let the light you leave on
Burn you out inside

Chorus:

If I kick tomorrow
Would you stick with me
I know I'm not as straight
As I would like to be
And though it's hard enough as it is
Tomorrow still comes

I'll take the high road
The one you pave with
Patience and love
Let our pages turn with the tide
I have made you my crutch
Yeah I owe you too much
I can only clean up and
Get out the gallows from my mind

Chorus

So shine your star
Sing the words
From the song that leads the way back home

Tomorrow still comes

Day 1, 2011

2011-01-01T21:53:00.002+08:00

new year, yay
yeah, right
anyways, looking back to 2010
not much happiness happened
but looking forward this year?
dunno.....

anyways, my new year resolution
i want to ..............
bummer, i cant think of anything. but this year will be a great challenge to me and family

for past month, let me summarize what they told me, or my interpretation of their, advise or action

dad wants anything but black
mom wants anyone who knows our traditions
big bro wants me to just get along with someone who have a job
2nd bro tells that toleration is important, and the heart must be content
sis, well, best say to appreciate what you have

as for situations complications, i wont bother to elaborate much, but its all about 2nd wife, scandals, not yet working future spouse, lazy-ass husband and somehow i can see how alcohol can kill marriages, financial crisis, reluctant, stubborn, uncertainties, fear and somehow lies can both cure and kill any relationship, as long as it is on the safe zone, sibling rivalry, understanding each other, win-win situations, in-laws trouble, tiredness, future planning and finally, diseases

now as for me, well, i just want to live, i guess, and survive this hellhole, before i get to the other hellhole.

then again, what is life if not for living, gotta life to the fullest as life isn't short enough

That Time of Year Sick Puppies

2010-12-30T22:01:00.002+08:00

That Time of Year - Sick Puppies

Another year
has come and gone again
look around
and think where have you been
trace the lines
on your face tonight
and don't forget
that this will pass in time

It's cold out this morning
you should be getting into bed
can't believe its that time
of year again

Curled up tight
a darker shade of white
thinking back could be
here for a while

Its cold out this morning
and it's getting harder to pretend
can't believe it's that
time of year again

Can you believe the life you led?
did you achieve the goals you set?
did you lose your mind?
now and then

Is there a reason you won't mend?
it is a season that won't end
can't believe its that
time of year again

Another year
has come and gone again
look around
and wonder what happened

It's cold out this morning
you should be getting into bed
can't believe its that time
of year again

We're fresh out of warnings
maybe it's time you called a friend
forget that it's that time
of year again

Forget that it's that time
of year again

=> i like this song, just to conclude this year, for me....
a lot of shit that i missed happened at my home and i was helpless about it
maybe thats another tale to tell. but it does affect how i thought about lifetime partner...

100 TRUTHS BOUT ME

2010-12-19T12:32:00.003+08:00

I've been tagged by Mavis. so, heres the truth

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. Mavis
2. Nick
3. KC Chun
4. Aina
5. Honey
6. People who read this post. U must do this.

I dont have many friend

Anyways
Here we GO !

1. Last beverage: Sky Juice. This morning.
2. Last phone call: from Mom, yesterday.
3. Last text message: "cakap dgn kawan2 , arahan kepada pelatih RnR dikehendaki check in di asrama 2hb January 2011. Kelas start 3 hrbln 8am. tindakan akan diambik jika gagal mbuat demikian"
4. Last song you listened to: I Feel So by Box Car Racer
5. Last time you cried: Few years ago

Have you ever:
6. Dated someone twice: Yup
7. Been cheated on: Yup
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yup
9. Lost someone special: Yup
10. Been depressed: Yup
11. Been drunk and thrown up: Yup

List 3 favorite colors:
12. Blue
13. White
14. Black

This year have you:
15. Made a new friend: Yup
16. Fallen out of love: Yup
17. Laughed until you cried: Yup
18. Met someone who changed you: Yup
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yup
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yup
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Nope
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: About 50
23. How many kids do you want: 4
24. Do you have any pet: Nope
25. Do you want to change your name: Nope
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Cake to the face by roommate and a bucket of stinky water to me
27. What time did you wake up today: 0700
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Movie
30. Last time you saw your Mother: Just now.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My attitude
32. What are you listening to right now: Some Chinese song
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yup
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: Anyone?
35. Most visited webpage: erepublik.com
36. What's your real name: Dennis anak Matthias Kamandan
37. Nickname: Inis, Den, Buntak, Nis, YB, Jang, Dom,
38. Relationship Status: A complicated situation
39. Zodiac sign: Capricorn
40. Male or female: Definitely a male
41. Primary School: SRK Sg. Mador
42. Middle School: SMK Meradong
43. High school/college: UPM Kampus Bintulu, Sarawak ( Diploma in Engineering(Safety and Emergency) ) and KSKB Sg. Buloh, Selangor ( Diploma in Radiography )
44. Hair color: Black?
45. Long or short: Short
46. Height: 158
47. Do you have a crush on someone: Nope for this momment
48: What do you like about yourself: My eye
49. Piercings: Was
50. Tattoos: Pain
51. Righty or Lefty?: Righty.
52. First surgery: Post circumcise
53. First piercing: 2003
54. First best friend: Anda of childhood and Nic of workhood(?). still in touch with Nic but kinda lose contact with Anda
55. First sport you joined: Badminton
56. First vacation: Long Time ago
57. What Goes Around, Comes Around
58. First pair of trainers: uh.....

Right now:
59. Eating: Nope
60. Drinking: Nope
61. I'm about to: Go back home. CC here sucks
62. Listening to: Nothing.
63. Waiting for: Time out for this damn slow PC?
Your Future:
64. Want kids: Definitely
65. Get married: Definitely
66. Career: Radiographer

Which is better in the opposite sex?
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs
69. Shorter or taller: Shorter
70. Older or younger: Younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Both
73. Sensitive or confident: Confident
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

Have you ever:
76. Kissed a stranger: Yup
77. Drank hard liquor: Yup
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yup
80. Broken someone's heart: Yup
82. Been arrested: Nope
83. Turned someone down: Yup, felt bad about that
84. Cried when someone died: Maybe..

Do you believe in:
86. Yourself: Yup
88. Love at first sight: Yup
89. Heaven: Yup
90. Santa Claus: Nope
91. Kiss on the first date: Yup

Answer truthfully:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?: Yup
95. Did you sing today?: Nope
96. Ever cheated on somebody: Yup
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go: Post UPSR? wish that i had entered Kolej Tunku Haji Bujang
98. The moment you would choose to relive: Moments at UPMKB
99. Are you afraid of falling in love: Yes, after what happened at home
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: Nope

so, thats that. feel free to answer this yourself?

is it a want or a need?

2010-12-04T00:29:00.004+08:00

its midnight and now staying at big bros house at Sarikei. no fruit this year, so no work to be done. no money but, time to relax and do house cleaning. spent 2 half days to clean up. another half, sleep.

1st day of arrival = kitchen duty, discard the expired, the unneeded, but they still buy things that they want, but not needed
2nd day of arrival = family area, got many clothes, and size keep growing, so new cloth is bought and the old ones, put aside. old busted electronics, like TVs, players, and nearly everything useless

today, half day of cleaning and the other half at sarikei....
so not much of bored, without the job with money, coz family matters
plus im broke to go around.

anyways, heres a question. thats obviously being answered by myself.
what do i need, do i really want it?

hell, i cant answer that myself.
i never really want things in my life, after i have it
i never really need things in my life, after i have it

confusing, yet its true.
when i was at UPMKB, i really want to work
when i was at Komag, i told nick how fun it was to be a student, and i'd like the moment back
now im at KSKB, damn i miss the working moment
in the future? maybe i'll crave a degree

then again, a job, a car, a house, a girlfriend, a wife, an electronics

so, is it a want? or a need? thinking again? maybe not?

hell with this uncertainties,
family and friends matters most

then again, it dost makes me feel hopeless sometimes,
because,
there are times that i never get
the things that i want, and things that i crave the most, even now....

Day 331, 2010

2010-11-27T00:29:00.002+08:00

Another day pass. time pass slower than ever. maybe its just me, but the 2 year that has pass seams like 2 decade to me, and the other year, seams like i must go through 1 decade to get through.

i got 2 flight tickets. 1st on the 1st of December, and the 2nd, is on the 2nd of December. both are at 7.30pm, so i dunno which to follow. sounds like they need me back home. so the best choice maybe at 1st. but thats my last day of clinical, and i hate to rush, so the 2nd might be the best choice. now thats a headache.

aaanyways, i pass this semester, yay. dunno if i can maintain my pointer. too many things going on inside my head. i felt bad for those who fail. hope they do better this time

so now, time to pack and what not. which will be tiring and no fun, mostly. which makes me think, why do i buy so much stuff here? i have several items that i didnt use much. some just used once or twice, max and some are still virgin. time to discard or post it home

i had been tag for a contest by a dear friend, but fail to fulfill it. i just realize, i dont have that many friend knowing i blog. dunno its good or bad.

what else is there, hurm......

25 trivia about me

2010-11-22T23:18:00.002+08:00

Today, i took a dear friend tag on sharing 25 information about me, well, its not much, i think...

well, here it goes

1. I was born on 8th January 1985, on 10.00am. I was nearly discarded as i was born in the caul, lucky mother's gut let me survive, thanks mom

2. I am the 4th son of Mr. Matthias Kamandan & Mdm. Klikak. they are my world, and my guide to everything

3. I have the smallest foot size, maybe its my body. its hard to buy a shoe and

4. Growing up at Bintangor for 16 years, start leaving home at 17 to Bintulu for 3 years, Kuching for 1 year, Penang for 3 years and now living at Sungai Buloh for the 2nd year. I'm a traveler

5. My name: Dennis, was given by my family. it was from the old TV show, Dennis the Manace, which explain how i'd behave sometime

6. I natural born IBAN and proud to be one. I've always been mistaken for Chinese or Malay. wonder why

7. I never have a fix ambition. i never was an ambitious man, i dreamt about being a Scientology, Lecturer, Safety Officer, Engineer, Doctor, Pilot, Driver and the list is long..

8. Aced my UPSR, PMR, lingkup at my SPM. too much enjoyment. once had a chance to go to Kolej Tuanku Haji Bujang but still too dumb. now wishing i had took the chance

9. I'm going for my 2nd Diploma. i had Diploma in Engineering (Safety and Emergency) from UPMKB. went to be a Technician at Komag Penang with that

10. I'm stubborn, ego maniac, day dreamer, stick to reality, down deep to the ground, intelligent, pessimist and i'm not good at first impression

11. I idolize 2 character for TV drama,
Dr. Cox of Scrubs - his rant always have a slice of life
Leroy Jethro Gibbs - he got this Alpha Male aura

12. I dont talk much, unless it excite me. most of the time i'm in my own head

13. I have sleeping problem, hard to sleep and hard to wake up

14. I like the nature, the landscape

15. I'm fond of any minty flavor

16. I like Blue color, its calming like the sky

17. I dont like perfume, i never wore one unless necessary. any strong odor piss me off

16. I dont like any bugs that can hurt me (indu engkerawai and indu gamang)

18. i LOVE watching the sky at daytime. maybe its the feeling. its calming and fun to watch the cloud and maybe some plane passing by

19. I like taking picture, especially scenes

20. I like drinking beers and cocktails but not plain liquor, not to kill myself but enjoying it, slowly.

21. I hate getting sick and really hate Hospital and its ironic that i am about to work in one

22. I have partially learn Mandarin, Cantonese and Japanese

23. I fail at my own native language at my PMR, Bahasa Iban - E

24. I like Japan. like their culture and everything

25. I hate anything that can hurt me and tend to avoid that pain

well, i think thats all....
or is it?

we, human II

2010-11-14T10:40:00.002+08:00

as simple as we saw things, we humans ourselves are pretty much complicated, from our anatomy to our physiology, from our emotions to our expression. this are vary and special as no one is the same. its the way we think, we thought, we do, we eat, we talk, everyone has their own way. and it doesn't stop there, our act and everything comes from our DNA, our body cells, this is what made us different from each other. this is what i call, individuality.
now our body is our interpretor, our what we do in life. this is because our body react to stress. even a slight pressure goes a long way. a muscular body comes from a hard work, literally. and vice versa. as also for brains, though this, i'm not sure since our brains are so complicated. each of us think differently, and we interprets a situation differently. which comes to the saying - "Every picture tells a thousand story" . and this somehow applies to my future line of work. where "every radiograph tells a thousand diagnosis"
and our choices of expressing ourself are, pretty much large. we write books, blogs, we tweet, Facebook, Friendster it and every internet medium available in this humanity. we wrote songs, poems, scripts. we paint draws and the list goes on. and some wish to be anonymous, maybe not liking the fame or pretty much afraid of something they fear, may it be people's impression on them or of their own family member.

to be continue...

p/s - the idea was there when i want to write but gone when i start typing

we, human

2010-11-12T15:10:00.003+08:00

yes we are indeed. made by the good Lord above. humans, we are everywhere and going everywhere we can, the moon, the sky, the sea, even the space, the outer space, even. the only limit is when we cant get there, then again we will try to get there.

we are always try to improve our life, making it easier and simpler in a complicated way. indeed we are. and not to mention very lazy. and easily tired.

when we feel its tiring to walk, and of course lazy to move much, we invented vehicles. easy
when we feel operating something is hard, we have remote control, for nearly everything
easy
when we feel hungry and lazy to cook, we have shops

in fact, we have shops for nearly everything. so that we don't have to make anything by ourselves. clothes, foods, drinks, washing our clothes, you name it, we might have if. but rule out life, cause we only have one of those but we can length it, what if we lose our body parts?
so, organs? body parts? it was the only one we have back to the old days. if you lose a limb, you'll be a crippled person till the day you die. now, thanks to modern medicine, we have the artificial ones. theres limb, teeth. and if we are not satisfied with what we have, theres always one of those surgery. trim this, extend that. yes, we love that much.

and we always want more, want to be the best. the best among the best. maybe its the ego, maybe its the desire, i cant pin this down myself. but its the feeling when we're on top, we feel great. this feeling is indescribably. this happiness and joy of feeling owning.

but if theres competition, oh, we hate that. some might take it for some challenge, some might take it personal, some might take it as a motivation. we will feel like bringing them down, tear them apart and laugh at the losing team.

to be continue

Disconnecting

2010-11-03T20:32:00.002+08:00

1st of all, this is the 150th post!!! yay!!!!

anyways, i dunno how to call this, its a success or a milestone. i have officially deactivated my Facebook, after a year deactivating my Friendster. i cant say if its for temporary or a permanent. but, seams like i can live without it. so, its for the better, maybe. but, i'm very addicted to eRepublik to let it go, so, it make take me some time to get over it. maybe next year, this will be the only medium for me to express myself and, maybe after that, i'll be out of eLife, maybe

Final exam is near, uh....
Elective clinical is near, uh....
i need to buy new flight on the 2nd, next month, uh....

dang

my BMI is normal but my body shape is at its worst, so i must exercise...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Day 303, 2010

2010-10-31T13:29:00.000+08:00

nothing much going on. still at my room. was thinking of fooling around. cant. maybe will go to church, hope to find some peace there. maybe will rain soon. dunno what else to type. missed the octoberfest, maybe not this year. maybe study? but feel lazy. still sick. mind, body and soul. unlike last few semester. this time its clean. no notes scattering around. maybe i'm not up to it. maybe now need to set my mind to the incoming exam. maybe? perhaps...
setting new goal perhaps? nah, the old ones not yet accomplished. what to do? dang...
lazy?
lazy...

lhay, zeee

Pain

2010-10-16T13:04:00.007+08:00

pain? yeah, pain.
why pain? dunno
some said Pain For Pleasure
yeah, maybe. but not now.
now....
My gum hurts - got water and bonjela for cure
My teeth hurts - gonna pull this one out too, soon
My Pocket hurts - got bored of asking more from siblings, time to be in pain
My car hurts - still dont have money to cure it
My Broadband hurts - digi upgrade service
My gurl hurts - read her blog, can do nothing bout it
My tongue hurts - dont have enough to eat
My tummy hurts - not enough alcohol

why the pain?
me being here
me being damn broke
me being lazy
me being not that hygienic
me being self isolating

what else is pain
people around me
people far from me
people that i care about
people i dont give a damn about
people with attitude
people without attitude
people being noisy

then again. up to this point, i survived most thing, so obviously i hope i can survive it here
survive the exams
survive the community
survive Lord's test
survive this diploma
survive my clinical
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