Really, less happy than my mother? I don’t think so.

I believe the research is flawed in that it uses happiness as a general rating without breaking down the factors that define what women need to feel “happy.”

In my research with women in the workplace, I find that women are often frustrated and disappointed at the inconsistent recognition for their achievements and the lack of frequent, new challenges to keep their minds and talents engaged. Yet these emotions don’t stack up to a general unhappiness.

When I asked my research participants to share one thing they would like to have more of in life, most of the comments centered on wanting more “peace of mind, contentment, a sense of purpose, serenity and spiritual connection.” Out of 100 respondents, NONE said they wanted to be more happy.

I believe that strong, active women are happy with the opportunities life now offers them. They are restless, busy and even exhausted at the end of the day, but they wouldn’t give up their lives to replicate what women had 40 years ago. They may be disappointed that their goals are harder to reach than they had expected, but they would rather have too many choices to deal with than feel restricted as our mothers did.

My mother was angry most of her life. Then she gave up and mentally checked out. She never had the opportunity to live up to her potential and achieve her goals. This is a picture of unhappiness. I may be working way too hard to achieve what she could not, but I am grateful and happy that I am living now and not 4o years ago.

There are some good tips in Buckingham’s book. You can find many of these in articles he is sharing around the Internet (Google Find Your Strongest Life). I just don’t care for the view that we are unhappy and unaware of our strengths. I believe the subtitle for my book, Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction (to be released next June) better defines what is missing for today’s working women. Notice that I didn’t say “find happiness and personal power.” It’s time books for women recognize that we have evolved and quit comparing, defining, and judging us against our mother’s generation.

We are not the weaker sex. We are not depressed and unsure of our abilities. We need to unite and tell people who we are as strong, passionate women today and what we really need. Help me forward this message to clear up this misunderstanding.

Anyone can prevent getting sucked into all the ugliness of the workplace and stop the negative spiral. Here are some of the topics:

• Learn to manage those spoiled brats in the office.
• Know how to dump entitlement attitudes.
• Get a grip on office politics, the grapevine, and dress codes.
• What to do if you’re laid off and need to find a job.
• Quick tips on dumping the anxiety when you give a presentation.
• Use social networks to grow your business.
• Survival tools for the meetings that are time wasters.
• How obesity affects the job.

Obviously, no subject is sacred. And if anything on this list pushes your buttons, even more reason to look into what she has to say.

Marsha blends years of experience teaching these techniques with interviews with key business leaders. In the end, how you respond in times of trouble ultimately makes the difference between success and failure.

Visit http://www.ReactorFactorBook.com where you can connect with Barnes and Noble.com , Borders.com, Books a Million, Amazon.com.

Send confirmation of the book purchase and receive a complimentary download of Toxic People – Decontaminate Difficult People Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape book on tape, The CEO of YOU: Leading Yourself to Success e-book and a PDF containing  25 of Marsha’s most popular articles. Great value! Toxic People is a #1 Barnes & Noble best seller and featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, WorkWise, Reuers, and more!

Happy reading!

On Monday I scheduled a must-needed eyebrow waxing before leaving to speak in New York. The woman I normally go to, Olga, wasn’t available at the time I wanted. Her replacement assured me she was trained in the same manner as Olga and could offer me a discount this week.

I took it. You know the rest of the story. I ended up going home after my waxing and cleaning up the chop job the woman had done.

In these days of a poor economy, cheap and convenient can be tempting criteria to use when we make purchases. We need to put quality back on top of the criteria list.

From eyebrow waxing to choosing a coach or buying a home, spending wisely means getting great value for our dollars. Results trump savings in the long run.

Although planning a new move is inspirational, the more you plan the more you are distancing yourself from your current work. Your mind is focused on the possibilities the future holds, not the present. Your mind wants to justify the move by negatively judging the people you work with and the decisions the leaders make. You fixate on the worst aspects of your job. Everything bugs you. You are likely to feel too tired to work by midday.

On the other hand, you might also start second-guessing your choice to leave. When you worry, you are also focused on the future, not the present. You have to choose to feel connected each moment so your thoughts, your joy and your creativity don’t drift away with your daydreams.

You can plan for the future while still finding ways to benefit from today. Practice centering yourself in the present moment. At various times throughout the day, observe your stream of thinking and note what emotions you are feeling. Don’t judge yourself when you find your brain has wandered. Instead, acknowledge the rumblings of change going on in your mind and body. Then choose to return to the present because it is an important step on your journey.

Ask yourself, “What can I do to see my current job as building the platform for my leap to somewhere else? How is this moment going to help me in the future?” Your current job is still a laboratory for learning. Find the lesson today that will help make your life easier tomorrow.

To help you stay present, try changing your routines to force yourself to think about what you are doing instead of counting the minutes until you can go. If you have traveled to work every day on the same route, take another one. If you have a grooming routine for your hair and make-up, mix it up so you do things in a different order.

At work, start your day with a discussion on a current event instead of checking your email. Find people you never got to know well and see what you can discover about their lives. Miss a meeting. Attend someone else’s meeting. Practice conversations you may have in your next job. Study how your company makes its brand known which may spark ideas for yourself in your next position.

Above all, become an Explorer where you see each day as an adventure full of surprises to be discovered. What wonderful thing will happen today that will change the way you see the world? Practice these “tricks” and the time until your next adventure will fly by.

(Excerpt from Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women find Contentment and Direction to be released June, 2010)

Why Read It? Compromises are part of our everyday work lives, but what happens when we start compromising personal values and beliefs?

Author Elizabeth Doty interviewed employees at all levels to learn more about the consequences people face when they enter into devil’s bargains and find themselves trapped in situations they are unwilling to stay in but are also unwilling, for many reasons, to leave.

The book advocates a six-point process that includes connecting to your strength, seeing the whole playing field, defining a “worth-enough” win, forming allies, making positive plays, and keeping your own score.

Read an excerpt here and buy the book for 30% off directly from the publisher. While you are on the site, check out the other wonderful books that Berrett-Koehler publishes. They are committed to making a world that works for all.

“Every great loss demands that we choose life again. We need to grieve in order to do this.” Rachel Naomi Remen, Kitchen Table Wisdom, p. 38.

The need to grieve applies to the loss of dreams, expectations and thwarted goals. You don’t always get what we want no matter how hard you work. Life can be unfair.

Yet grieving allows you to express your sadness for the loss so you can move on. Anger can motivate you to change, but you get stuck in the past if you don’t release the anger in time. You drift into old wishes and worries that keep you from seeing what is real.

I am sad and there is nothing in my power that I can do to bring back my cat. And I know the quicker I accept this painful truth, the sooner I can move back into the moving cycle of life.

The same is true for all of my disappointments and rejections. Is there anything you still need to grieve so you can free your mind to move forward?

I found in my research that high-achieving women tend to enjoy their victories, but only for a moment. They may dance a jig, call their friends or even fall to the ground full of gratitude and bliss. They celebrate well, but it doesn’t last. All too soon, they are on to the next challenge. There is always more to do and more barriers to break down. They don’t sport their smiling satisfaction for too long.

If you are a momentary celebrator, you are missing an opportunity to benefit from your pride. Researchers at Northeastern University found that people who feel proud make great team leaders. “The experience of pride can be very socially adaptive,” says Laura Williams, the study’s lead author. Their researchers found that when put in teams, the people who had just completed a task they excelled at were more dominant and likable than the other participants. People tended to follow their lead. The overall experience was positive.

It is good to feel good about yourself, which makes you smile a lot and carry yourself with confidence. Pride is a social lubricant. Therefore, the next time you complete a great accomplishment or you are rewarded for your ideas, take time to gloat. Carry your pride with you. Your joy will lighten up the spirit of those around you.

Unfortunately, the interview emphasized that women get less pay and are more flexible. They touched only briefly on the importance of having a balance of men and women in the workplace.

Recent studies in the United States, Great Britain and France show that companies with women comprising at least one-third of their leadership team make more money. In these countries, the more women on a company’s senior management team, the less its share price fell in 2008 during the economic downturn.

In another study that spanned the last 19 years, Pepperdine University found that the Fortune 500 companies with the best record of promoting women outperformed their competitors by anywhere from 41 to 116 percent.

A report released by Ernst & Young in the World Economic Forum in 2009, Groundbreakers: Using the strength of women to rebuild the global economy, shared research that demonstrated the need to capitalize on the contributions women make as leaders, entrepreneurs and employees when moving the world’s businesses and economies forward.

If you look at the talent pool, women represent 60% of university graduates in Europe and North America (70% in the United Arab Emirates).

I don’t think this should be an Us vs. Them conversation. I think it should be a We conversation. As we move out of the recession, how can companies develop a gender-balanced workforce at all levels? How can we move away from this conversation as a diversity issue into development and retention issue of top talent, regardless of gender?

This blog generally focuses on helping high-achieving women find contentment and direction. I also think it’s important for businesses to know how to retain and promote all their high-achievers, but especially the women since the numbers at the top levels are still embarrassingly low even though they can drastically improve profitability. I would love to quit talking about gender diversity, but until the workplace is balanced, we have to keep having the conversation. Please help me get the word out.

I had left a workshop early to make sure I got through the Friday afternoon security line at the Washington Reagan National airport in time to catch my flight home. I had not been home for more than a day in three weeks. I was looking forward to spending the weekend quietly unpacking, answering my mail and lying around with Karl.

When I got to the gate, people were swarming around the agent. The flight was delayed. This meant anyone who had to make a connection, including me, might need to find another flight or spend the night somewhere other than home.

The closer I got to the desk, the louder the disgruntled passengers were screaming. The adrenalin surged through my blood. If I didn’t make my demands known, I might be stuck in Washington. I am a Platinum frequent flyer. They should be talking to me first. I maneuvered my way toward the front of the crowd. I ignored the complaints knowing I had the right to be pushy.

When I got to the desk, I heard the agent say, “I’m doing my best sir. We have the list. If we can find you a connection, we will.” I threw my ticket on the counter. The agent looked at me. I said, “It must be very difficult helping people when all they want to do is scream at you.” A wave of relief washed over his face as he smiled and then turned back to the irritated man in front of him. My body relaxed as well.

I left the desk and sat away from the crowd so I could read my book. I would either go home that night or first thing in the morning. In the big scheme of things, a few less hours at home didn’t matter. It mattered much less compared to the gift I could give the agent.

When I remembered how good it makes me feel when I help people cope with adversity, I knew what I had to say to the ticket agent. My words connected us both to a sense of peace that allowed us to go with the flow of what life was dishing out at that moment.

When you know that even your smile, a kind word or your willingness to listen is a part of your noble purpose, you will finally know what it feels like to be “in alignment” with yourself and the world around you. You can feel contentment in your restlessness. You can channel your passion so that it is constantly renewed and you won’t burn out. This is the life energy you need to sustain the journey.