(excerpt from upcoming book) I was taught an important lesson about the distinction between declaring a definitive purpose and living with a sense of purpose from a man in Kenya. Declaring a definitive purpose defines an action. The latter, living with a sense of purpose, identifies a feeling. I had always thought I was supposed to define my one authentic life purpose if I were to be happy. A Maasai tribesman changed my mind.

After teaching a management class in Nairobi, I went on a three-day safari in the game preserve above the Serengeti. The training organizer paid me for teaching partially in cash and the rest by giving me the trip. Since her travel agent cousin chose the trip without my input, I had no idea what going on a safari meant. I pictured non-stop trekking through forests and across the planes. Instead, I was given a small cabin to sleep in for three days outside of the game preserve. We were driven out to view the animals every morning from six to eight am and every afternoon from four to around seven pm. The animals slept in the heat of the day. From the lack of things to do in the camp between viewings, I surmised the camp managers expected humans to behave the same as the animals. The electricity was turned off after breakfast until three pm. There were no phone lines and definitely no Internet connections. I couldn’t go walking beyond the fenced grounds of the camp unless I enlisted a guide to shoot the animals who might see me as their dinner. There was no way I could live with the guilt of killing an animal because I was unable to sit still, so walking was not an option. I tolerated the first day by taking three naps in between finishing the two books I had brought along.

On the second day, I went in search of something to do. I ran across a young man from the Maasai tribe digging a hole with a stick. I asked him if there was anything I could do to amuse myself in the confines of our camp. He pointed to a big shade tree. “The tree likes you to think about it,” he said. “And if you sit under it, the cicadas will be quiet. They only make noise when they are lonely. You bring happiness to the cicadas and meaning to the tree when you sit under it. Do you have something better than that to do?”

Since I had no good answer to his question, I sat under the tree. The world became still around me. My mind miraculously cleared as well. I looked out on the vast plain below me. I felt small but yet a part of this timeless scene, as if I were standing on the spot where life began. I thought about my own endless quest for meaning, which felt trivial in light of the cycle of life that plays out on the African plains every day. Maybe the man knew the truth—I was meant to give purpose to the trees and keep the cicadas from feeling lonely. If this work gave me a sense of profound meaning in the moment, was I not living out my life’s calling? I sat without moving longer than ever before in my lifetime. I have no idea how much time passed.

Finally my hunger urged me to move. I thanked my tree and promised the cicadas someone else would come by soon to keep them company. I passed my wise Maasai friend on my way to the dining room. He was happily giving his stick and the ground a purpose for being.

The incident taught me my life’s purpose was more a feeling than a definition. Yet I still had to discover what would give me the same sense of purpose that I had sitting under that tree in Africa. You too, must discover for yourself what gives you this sense of purpose. Laura Berman Fortgang asks in her book, The Little Book on Meaning, “If our goal was to feel bliss, reverence, or love versus to achieve this or that marker of worldly success…how would that feel? How would the journey change?” When you release the need to know the definitive answer, you live for a feeling instead of a goal. Fortgang says that when she started praying to know happiness, peace and love instead of the answer to her questions around the purpose of her life, her meaning became clear. “That’s the work,” Fortgang says, “to get back to love.” We look too hard to find a unique, profound, and tangible reason for our existence. If, as psychologist Alfred Adler said, community feeling will bring you health and happiness, then your quest for purpose should focus on what makes you feel alive and connected instead of on a specific role or action.

If life is a continuum, then every event that happens will lead you to what’s next. Maintaining a curious eye will help you see how the present moment, no matter how frustrating events and people can be, plays into the flow of your life. Your career, your relationships, and your self-concept are all interconnected in the course of your evolution; when one of these elements shifts so must the others.

Once your life changes, whether you chose the change or not,  you will be hard-pressed to recognize all the forces at work in the world around you while you make your way down the road. You have to give reality a chance to unfold before your eyes. Can you trust the process? The quicker you can accept and even enjoy the continuum of life, the more you will successfully flow with what you can’t control.

A Strong Person vs. a Person of Strength (author unknown)

A strong person works out every day to keep their body in shape…but a person of strength builds relationships to keep their soul in shape.
A strong person isn’t afraid of anything…but a person of strength shows courage in the midst of their fear.
A strong person won’t let anyone get the best of them…but a person of strength gives the best of themselves to everyone.
A strong person makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…a person of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be unexpected blessings and capitalizes on them.
A strong person wears the look of confidence on their face…but a person of strength wears grace.
A strong person has faith that she is strong enough for the journey…but a person of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

Thanks, Sally!

On this note, Valerie Williams has been coaching and teaching executives how to be powerfully present for years. She just launched a great new book called The Influence Puzzle: 6 Aspects of Powerful Executive Presence http://bit.ly/5AXsm

In today’s environment of information overload, unless there is a compelling reason for people to pay attention to you, they don’t. Val’s book provides is a 6-part model for how to cultivate the executive presence that a leader needs to create impact in these challenging times. Through applying the pieces of the puzzle in this book, you will have a greater impact on people and circumstances more quickly and with less effort.

How to create an inspiring presence has always been a puzzling question. The Influence Puzzle provides real answers.

When it comes to business, it’s the companies that “spend their way out of the recession” who become the champions. Now is the time to innovate. Kellogg became the industry leader by doubling its ad budget during the Great Depression. Apple introduced the iPod in 2001, six weeks after September 11th. Whether you work for someone or yourself, if you show courage and imagination, you can help your company emerge on top.

Most importantly, this requires you monitor your mood and shift to hope and possibility as often as you can. Recently, a study was done where 360 degree feedback assessments were given out to over 11,000 leaders. The number one most common failure of leader: the lack of energy and enthusiasm. The leader sets the emotional tone.

Are you aware of how you are showing up?

3 Signs of Stress to Watch Out For

The recession has taken an emotional toll on all of us. Watch out for these signs of stress:
1. Working too hard. When times are tough, we tend to double our efforts. Putting in 10-hour days will not save your company from the recession — it will tire you out and render you ineffective.
2. Loss of self. Stress can cause us to withdraw or do things out of character. If you’re losing your personality or skipping things that used to be important to you, step back and evaluate your stress level.
3. Delusions of grandeur. We all like to think we’re important. However, it is unlikely that your job directly affects the fate of your entire company. Keep your role in perspective — taking a break won’t break the company.

The best thing about going to Russia is coming home. When the plane touches down in Phoenix, my heart fills with gratitude. Although we are experiencing an economic crisis, we still have more conveniences and access to possibilities than most places in the world. Here’s a few things to ponder if you live in a first-world democracy…
1. There are many countries living with ridiculous inflation. Our prices are cheap in comparison.
2. We complain about taxes yet love our clean streets, our safe neighborhoods, our ability to have our day in court, and our right to choose our leaders. In many countries, people fear their government instead of feeling protected by them.
3.The economy may be crappy yet we know it will turn around. Hope is real. In many countries, hope has little meaning.
4. We have pretty good access to clean toilets. Now that’s something to be grateful for!!

I recently read that female-owned companies are faring better during this recession than male-owned businesses. We seem to embrace change more quickly and we are more inclined to inspire our community to work together to find solutions. I think it’s also because we focus more on what we have than on what we have lost. Let’s share this “eye for gratitude” as much as we can. We have so much to appreciate in every moment.

Thanks for reading this. I am grateful for you, my community.

I would not have judged this man to be uneducated or even inarticulate. He was a well-dressed, white, 57-year-old American man born and raised in Houston. If the cornerstone of a democracy is that people are informed enough to make decisions, then I think this is a demonstration of where we are failing.

He also told me that he took his first airplane trip two years ago. I’m afraid that he represents thousands of Americans who love to comment on foreign affairs and the rights of people they do not know without having any real knowledge on these subjects.

A man born in Pakistan was student in my leadership class this week. Although he is now an American, his father is very high up in the Pakistan Army. I had a fascinating discussion with him about the fighting in the Swat Valley. I learned so much. Every time I learn like this, I realize how much about the world I don’t know. I can’t wait to learn more.

So what am I asking for? Please support educational funding and reform whenever possible. Please speak up when schools want to cut out classes that open student’s minds and hearts to the outside world and the variety of opinions that make up our diverse country. Please encourage people to seek many views, even those opposite to their own, before they make an opinion or vote.

I don’t have an answer for this. Yet, I had to say something about it. If you have something to say, please comment here. Somehow, we need to get this conversation going. America needs an upgrade. We may never get out of this financial crisis as winners if we don’t.

As I drove to the airport, I reran the final scene of a television program I had watched the night before. It was the cliff-hanging season finale. One of the main characters was about to die, maybe. Yet the picture of a crazy person holding a knife to the character’s pregnant belly haunted me that morning.

Then the news played on the radio. The reporter described in detail the brutality the Taliban had been inflicting on women in Pakistan, among other atrocities. They predicted an upcoming war that eventually, could engage the entire free world.

As I turned the car off, a strange anxiety flooded my body. I began worrying that there would be trouble on my flight or something terrible would happen on my trip. I never fear traveling even when I am off to Africa or Russia. This was odd for me. The feelings had to be premonitions.

From that point on, the day was full of mishaps. I left my reading glasses and special back pillow on the plane during the first leg of my journey. This confirmed that the day would be lousy.

While waiting for the next flight, I found that someone had hijacked my Skype account and had used up $40 worth of phone calls to Nigeria and Egypt. The calls were being made while I sat there. Since there is no Skype person to contact (only emails that reply with form responses), there wasn’t anything I could do to stop them. So I frantically raced to shut down the auto renewal function and possibly my account. Again, the day’s events confirmed my fears.

As I sat on the next plane, I started picturing what else could go wrong. My brain spiraled out of control. At that point, I figured all my online accounts were going to be stolen. Someone was going to break into my house. My cat would run away. My health would fail…

Do you ever do this? I took out my computer and started writing. That is the best way I know how to refocus both my emotions and my thoughts. Yet the anxiety kept creeping back in.

When I finally got to my destination, I checked my email on my phone while waiting for my bags. A message came in from a friend announcing that Mercury went retrograde. I sighed in relief. Of course! It wasn’t me. It was the planets. I was now free to enjoy dinner with friends. The following day, a white sand beach and a fabulous dolphin sighting secured my mental freedom.

So who is in control of my brain? The television shows, the news reporters, the email scammers, or Mercury?

Today, as I am flying back home, I am choosing to listen to beautiful music. No television, no news, no email threats of viruses and planet positions. Yes, I live in this world so I need to know what is going on. However, I need to be conscious enough to rise above the chaos to stay in control of my brain.

They want my brain. I know it. There is value in hijacking my thoughts. Yet they can’t have my heart. We will fight wars, people on TV shows will live and die, there will be viruses floating around the world, people will scam me out of my money, and mercury will continue going retrograde.

Yet there will be strangers who find and return my lost items, dolphins who play to my delight, white sand to dig my toes into, friends to greet me when I return home and a cat who lies on my suitcase to remind me that taking a moment to play is more important than unpacking and getting back to work.

The love in my heart is my secret weapon to keep my brain from getting hijacked. What’s yours?