When this happens, I always debate chasing after it, but I know the standard bus rules well enough to know they won’t open their doors at an unofficial stop. This leaves me with two options: 1) cry, curse, and wait inside the terminal for another 15 minutes (which feels like 40) or 2) take foot and see if I can catch it. And today, I’d like to tell you about option 2.

I sprint down 2nd avenue, turn left and climb the hill past the Target Center. In my mind, it seemed feasible that I could catch the bus by 6th and Hennepin, but it’s moving more quickly than I anticipated. 4 blocks into this adventure, I’ve worked up a sweat in my wool hat and my light-colored pants are soaked with dirty street slush. But there’s no going back.

My sprint has decelerated to a bouncing jog/walk and I catch a glimpse of my bus midway down 6th street, somewhere near City Hall. I pick up the pace and for a moment consider I might actually make it. A full mile into the adventure, I arrive at the bus door and desperately pound 3-times with my mitten-covered hands and the doors pauses before flying open to receive me. The bus driver smiles (and she never smiles) because she has seen me in her rearview chasing her for the 10 minutes and I’m convinced she was secretly rooting for me.

For once, I thanked the homeless guy who wears a garbage bag and pays for his fare in nickels. It was the only thing that bought me time to catch it.

Next to that 95 World Cup thing, this may be my most shining athletic achievement ever.

Commuting from this particular route for the past two months has found me in uncompromising situations… From sitting across from a harried father wiping the putrid, seeping diarrhea from his sleeping toddler’s person on a stifling, hot, un-air conditioned bus, driven by a grumpy bus driving bitch, to last week’s showcase show down, where a drunken antagonist assumed the Karate Kid position, ready to take down featuring a long, braided, pig-tailed Snoop Dogg circa 1993 wanna-be; on a late, crowded, bus taking afternoon, ‘pon me returning from a gig I scored at yet another non-profit. … Once again I was in the middle… I was worried… I wasn’t pleased.

Scene: On a crowded bus, replete with standees… a stumbling man, with questionable dental hygiene plops down directly across from me, and spies low-budget Snoop Dogg antagonist. My assumption is that there’s bad blood between the two, because the older, unsteady gentleman immediately goes into hysterics…

“I’ll fuck you up nukka! You’re just a punk in a vest!! I’ll fuck you up! You don’t know me!!!! You ain’t nothin’ but a fuckin’ PUNK IN A VEST!!”

Snoop Dogg Dude: “Nukka, shut the fuck up! I’ll fuck you up!!” So forth and so on…

Unsteady Pop-Pop: “You’re just a punk in a vest!! Don’t let these gray hairs fool you nukka!! You gon’ respect me!! I’ll kill yo’ whole generation bitch!!! You don’t know me nukka!”

This is all occurring whilst I’m inconveniently seated in the middle. Unsteady  Pop-Pop stands up, steps to Snoop Dogg dude, and is ready to fight. I, behind a mask of large, dark shades, curse underneath my breath… because if these two men go at it, chances are, I’ll be a victim of any and all residual punches and kicks due to where I”m seated.

The bus driver, A cute, petite, middle-aged Puerto Rican woman pleads, “Guys! Sit down please!! No fighting on the bus! I need you to sit down! You’re disturbing the other passengers!!”

The two adversaries are unmoved by the bus driver’s plea and continue to assume their fighting stances.

Finally, a tired woman, undoubtedly exasperated from work, demands that the bus driver pull over at a non-stop so that she can get off, because she is NOT feeling this shit and is not the one; “Bus Driver! Can you pleeeease… Just let me off NOW. I’m am NOT dealing with this!!  I wanna get off!!” she demands. Commiserating, the bus driver obliges… while nervously watching the two men in the bus’ rear view mirror.

Me? My knees start anxiously bouncing up and down. Clutching my handbag and pretend pearls, I’m registering where, exactly, my pepper spray is nestled, in case I become an innocent bystander once these two dudes start swinging. Fortunately, Unsteady Pop-Pop, who was not feeling the “punk in the vest” live and in effect from my generation, demands that the bus driver lets him off the Hate Ride, between Albany and Vine, because he feels his ire rising to epic proportions!

Without hesitation, she obliges him… all is right in the world of Connecticut Public Transportation.

I stop feeling around for my pepper spray and exhale …

Cross-posted at http://coffeerhetoric.blogspot.com/2010/08/bus-tales-punk-in-vest.html

Eric Skripka got off of a bus on University Ave. in St. Paul (news accounts do not say, but I assume it was either a 16 or 50) when Brian Edward Harper pushed a woman off the bus and then onto the ground. When Eric tried to stop the beating he got knocked down and kicked repeatedly in the head until unconscious.

Unfortunately, Mr. Skripka is out of work an does not have health insurance. A fund had been started to help him pay for his medical costs. Please stop into any TCF branch to donate, or send checks to:

Eric Skripka Benefit Account
TCF Bank
801 Marquette Ave. S.
Minneapolis MN 55402

As a rider on these routes who has confronted thugs in the past this story really makes me feel ‘there but for the grace of god’.

In addition to thanking Mr Skripka for what he did I will be sending in as much as I can spare and hope that all readers of this blog (and users of Metro Transit services) do the same. I hope too it inspires more riders to help keep watch and speak/act against those seem incapable of behaving like humans on the bus.

I didn’t catch the beginning of it but one decided to sit next to me and the other right across from me (lucky me huh?). They were screaming at each other about “selling ass and pussy” and how “I saved you from that.” Well, one of them had a child so I don’t personally think anyone did any saving. They keep going back and forth, f— this and f— that and f— you. This goes on until 5th St & Cedar St, when they got off the bus. Sounded like they were going for route 64. I told the bus driver “I feel sorry for that guy. For the shit he is going to have to put up with from these drama queens.”

It always entertains me when people argue in public places. They must not really care when you’re “airing your dirty laundry” in public. Most of them end of on the Internet, like this.

Makes me wish common sense was common. *sigh*

A few stops later, another driver comes on the bus, taking over for the original driver who exits the bus. The bus pulls away. Somehow this guy notices and starts asking the new driver for a transfer (the guy still hasn’t paid). The driver explains she can’t do so. He continues to argue with her until she pulls over and calls the transit police.

My friend, who’d been watching the whole thing (and who was in a hurry to get to the interview) stood up, walked to the front, told the guy “You didn’t even pay to get on! Get off the bus now!” and turned to the driver, who was still on the phone and told her that he hadn’t paid. The guy pulls himself up on the pole, swings around, and exits the bus. The driver thanked him and told the police that a nice rider took care of it.

****To see images of this wonderful situation, look at http://www.seathogs.com/2010/05/10/seat-hog-shows-up-to-punish-bus-pig/