Bush Mama

I dream of leaving

2013-05-19T11:04:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I was outside raking the yard in the sunshine. I was moving my tender seedlings onto the porch to begin hardening them off. I was thinking about where I want to plant the new flowers I picked up at the Gold Show on Friday.

Today, there is about 8 cm of snow on the ground, and more falling from the colourless sky.

Maybe it's this never-ending winter, or maybe it's something more, but I spend more than the usual amount of time dreaming of a life lived elsewhere. P and I have talked about leaving the Yukon 5-10 years from now, but I find myself wishing it could happen sooner than that. I long for milder winters and more than 90 frost-free days a year. I want to be out in my garden now, I want to see green things growing and to feel the warm sun on my shoulders.

It's more than just this winter business, of course. I wish it were easier to get local food more of the year. I'm not comfortable with how far our produce travels to reach us. The farmer's market will be open next weekend, but the first vegetables won't be available for almost another month. Living here just doesn't seem to jive with so many of my values.

I try to focus on the positives: the tight-knit community, and the fact that people are trying to farm here....but I know these things exist outside of the Yukon, too.

For now, though, I must accept where I am and make the best of it. I will support the local food movement as much as I possibly can. We will improve our little homestead, make ourselves comfortable for as long as we remain...but I will continue to dream of greener pasture.

Oh, the birds!

2013-05-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

They'd been arriving in dribs and drabs for about a week, the birds. A vanguard of brave water birds, clustered in ditch puddles; bald eagles, northern harriers and owls perched high in the spruce trees, surveying the land for signs of prey; the odd seagull, looking a little lost sailing over the frozen rivers. I imagine these first birds sending confused envoys a few hundred kilometers south, not sure what to tell their waiting friends.

Then, on May 10th, an explosion of song! That morning we had a large mixed flock of sparrows in our yard: white-crowned sparrows, dark-eyed juncos, chipping sparrows, lapland longspurs and fox sparrows. I spotted a warbler I couldn't identify, and heard robins broadcasting themselves from the tree tops. A confused sandpiper touched down in our yard for a brief moment, just as surprised as I was.

I love waking to bird song each morning. Such a gift!

Something nice to say

2013-05-09T16:45:00.001-07:00

My mother always told me: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I suppose this is the reason for my silence here for the past...week? Longer? I'm not even sure how long it's been. Honestly, all I've felt like doing is complaining about the weather. And that gets old, and fast!

But it finally feels like this longest of long winters has had its last gasp. Each day, more and more bare ground is revealed. We're lucky to have full southern exposure at our home, so the snow banks that had built up are quickly disappearing. The raised bed I made last fall is fully uncovered and (I hope) thawing out, as is the remainder of the load of topsoil we had delivered last year. My flower bed is slowly being revealed, too, and I'm curious to see if the delphiniums I put in last year have survived. There still isn't much of any green out there (though I hear the crocuses are coming out on the bluffs). There IS a whole lotta ugly...I can't wait to attack with a rake! But spring has finally found us here in the Yukon, and we're all rejoicing!

The rivers are still frozen, but the ice changes daily. Each spring there is a danger of flood for many communities, but this spring it seems especially worrisome. Should we get a heat wave and all of this snow and ice melt in a hurry, there's no telling what might happen. There hasn't been a major flood in Dawson since the late 70's, and they built a dike along the riverfront following that. But I've heard more than a few people speculating that the waters could breech the dike this spring. Certainly our friends living right on the river, in Rock Creek and other spots like it, must be anxiously watching and waiting...only time will tell!

Taken today from the bridge at the Dempster Corner, looking north along the Klondike River.

Finally...

2013-04-23T14:35:00.002-07:00

Finally it feels a bit more like spring is here. The last two afternoons we've hit 10 degrees (on the plus side!) in the sun. Big, deep mud puddles are opening up in the walk to our house; little channels form between them, and they drain from one to the other, and then eventually down the little hill in front of the house. Our forest trail is becoming soft as the snow begins to rot away, and soon we'll have to take our walks on the shoulder of the highway. I've noticed a some silvery-soft pussy willows popping out along the road, and the tree buds seem to swell a little more each day.

There is light in the sky until well after 10 pm now, and it makes me eager for warmer weather. I think constantly of the garden, of what I will do, of the successes and the failures, too. The other day I dreamed I walked down to the garden and all the snow was gone, and I stood barefoot in the warm, muddy soil, the sun on my face. Ah, if only. I still need snowshoes to get down there right now. Next time we clean the ash out of the woodstove, I plan to spread it over the garden bed in hopes of speeding up the snow melt.

Splash! Aedan was soaked after his afternoon of exploring puddles. We need to get him some proper gum boots!

Spring? Is that you?

2013-04-17T16:13:00.001-07:00

Once again, my blog roll is filled with images of blooming flowers and greening trees, and stories of wild-harvesting nettles, opening farmer's markets, and the first turnings of garden soil. And here we are, with 2 feet of snow still on the ground. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't discouraging. It feels like this snow will never be melted, like we'll never see green grass again...

...but of course I know that's not true. The weather is changing: last night only got down to -10 C. We've got hours and hours of daylight, and the roof is constantly dripping with snow melt, so spring must be here, right? It's mid-April for goodness sake!

Today I went out with my camera and tried (a bit desperately, I'll confess), to get a few pictures to prove that Spring is...on its way? Here already? I don't know. That it's not-winter, I suppose.

Just curious...

2013-04-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

I originally started this blog to let my family back in Ontario know what was happening in my life. For a long time, I thought it was only my mom reading! But I wonder if there are more of you following along?

If you're family and you read regularly, please leave a comment here and let me know!

Appointments

2013-04-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

We've just returned from a quick trip out to Vancouver for our regular check-up with Aedan's doctors. The appointment went really well. Aedan's A1C hasn't really changed since our last appointment 6 months ago: he is still in a non-diabetic range, which means we're managing his blood sugar really well. I've noticed myself that he seems to be in a much tighter range lately, so that means the 5 mg of Glyburide spread over 3 doses a day is working great. We picked up a new blood-glucose meter, one that uses a much smaller sample than what we've got now, set an appointment for 6 months from now, and we were free to enjoy the rest of the day in Vancouver.

Vancouver was absolutely beautiful, warm and sunny, with lots of flowers blooming. The air smelled of damp earth, cut grass, and green things unfolding. We had lunch on Granville Island, and then watched Aedan play in the park. I have to say, it wasn't easy to come home knowing we're still a month and a half away from weather like that!

On our way back through Whitehorse, I met with my midwife, Christina. That appointment also went really well. We talked about my low energy and decided I should start taking an iron supplement: I'm using Floradix. I told her about the headaches I've been having, and she said the iron supplement might help with that, as might getting more exercise and fresh air. She gave me the name of a chiropractor in Whitehorse, so I might book an appointment with her for my next visit. She confirmed that I seem to be about 14+ weeks pregnant, judging by where my uterus was sitting, and then we listened for the baby's heartbeat! It was so good to hear that pulse; it makes things seem more real to me.

Not the most thrilling or lyrical update, but an important one nonetheless. Enjoy your Sunday!

A moment I'd like to remember...

2013-04-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

From my journal, April 2nd:

A pause in our walk so Aedan can run up and down a little rise in the path, while I contemplate the sun, so high and warm in the sky, not long ago barely able to peer above the hills. A raven calls from the tree tops. Aedan stops, points, says "bird" in his way. The raven calls again, and my boy answers, crying "Ah! Ah!" with a big smile on his face.

Surprise #2

2013-04-01T15:55:00.004-07:00

I've been keeping this one under my hat for a while now, but can't do it any longer...

I'm pregnant!

Just like with Aedan, I found out just as we were getting ready to go on our vacation. Not very good timing! It's part of why I didn't get as much out of this trip as I'd hoped...I spent half of it experiencing morning sickness and a serious lack of energy.

I'm about 13 weeks along now, due October 6th. I'm not feeling as connected to this pregnancy as I was with the first, maybe because I'm so busy chasing around a toddler so I don't have much time for reflecting. I look forward to the first stirrings from within. I think that will change everything. We have an appointment with our midwife in Whitehorse in a little less than two weeks, and I wonder if we'll get to hear a heartbeat.

As I enter the second trimester, I'm eager for the tiredness to abate. I feel like the house is always in shambles and I have to force myself to get anything done. The dogs haven't had a proper walk in weeks and my body is missing yoga practice. I'm making a conscious effort to get more iron in my daily diet, and I think that's helping. I'm going to ease myself back into my regular exercise routine, gradually lengthen my walks day by day.

Breastfeeding is becoming challenging for me, and I flip-flop between desperately wanting to wean Aedan, and an intense desire to work through it and let him wean when he's ready. I feel very antsy, almost irritated, while he's nursing, and my nipples are quite tender. It doesn't help that it seems like he wants to nurse often these days...and I believe my supply has begun to drop off. To top it all off, he started biting again yesterday. He's also got some red cheeks and has been chewing on his finger, so I wonder if he's just go a bit of teething pain right now. I think most likely I will work through this and let him wean naturally. It's what I've wanted for him all along, and he obviously still needs to nurse, whether for the calories, the comfort, or both.

I wanted to include a belly shot with this post, but I don't think I've got much of a baby belly to look at, so I'll forgo it for now!

18 month old baby

2013-03-28T21:14:00.006-07:00

Well, okay, he's actually closer to 19 months old by now. I've been meaning to make this post for a while! And I suppose he isn't really much of a baby these days. No, Aedan has fully embraced toddlerhood!

What is he up to these days? He TALKS! Wow does he ever. When he's awake, he keeps up an almost constant stream of babble, with about 20 recognizable words thrown into the mix. It amazes us how quickly he can pick up a new word; we go through periods where it seems like he learns a new word every day! Some of his words are: gah-gah (dog), ball, apple, date, wah-wah (water), bird, ice, and heavy. I think that last one is kinda funny, he usually says it when he picks up a big book or a wooden toy my dad made for him. Oh, and let's not forget "mama" and "dada"!

Aedan expresses himself in many ways. He still signs regularly, though I've slacked on teaching him new signs. But he still uses dog, milk and outside on a daily basis.

He's also become quite adept at expressing his frustration (much to our frustration!). I suppose toddlers are tempestuous creatures, and Aedan is no different. He'll be happily playing along and suddenly burst into tears because something hasn't gone right. He cries when he's getting tired (but he also signs that he's getting tired), he cries when he's getting hungry (I'm learning to anticipate his meal times), he cries when he can't get his way.

We must keep reminding ourselves: babies are not manipulative! It must be so hard to go through your day having a good 90% of your efforts frustrated. Although, he's getting better and better at most things he likes to do!

Aedan loves stacking his blocks, whereas before he only loved knocking down the towers that Mama made. He can build them up quite high, though, and he likes to add non-block things into the mix, trying everything from bits of fluff, to bottle caps to a ball.

And speaking of balls, he loves those, too! His throws were pretty random and uncontrolled until recently, but now he's really good at throwing in one direction (straight ahead!) and he's a bit obsessed with having two at a time. Maybe he'll be a juggler!

He also loves to climb: furniture, Mama, stairs, whatever (or whomever!) he can get his hands and feet gripped onto. He seems like a bit of a daredevil to me, but what do I know about toddlers? Maybe they're all like that.

He loves to play outside, too. I still walk the trails with him on my back, but lately I'll let him down for the homestretch. He can walk a good distance, and likes to chase the doggies. He also loves being pulled up and down the lane in his little sled. This summer should be interesting...we need to get a fence up around the yard!

Aedan is still nursing, but I feel like my supply has really dropped off recently. In response, his appetite for solid food has grown immensely! He polishes off some pretty impressive plates of food, eating pretty much everything we do. He loves fruit (grapes being a favourite lately), dates, oatmeal, tofu, beans, broccoli...anything we put his way. It's wonderful! I feel like we're establishing a really healthy food-foundation for him. It's a lot of time spent in the kitchen, but I'm so glad I've committed to cooking almost all of our food from scratch, and keeping only nutritious, wholesome foods in the house.

Life with a toddler is exhausting, challenging, and joy-filled. I learn so much about human development, and Mama-development, every day!

Spring Moon

2013-03-25T16:46:00.002-07:00

Only a week ago, it was close to 40 below at night, clear and sunny and cold during the day...and here we are, all of a sudden surrounded by the first signs of spring!

~ The snow is melting off the rooftops, crashing to the ground in great thick sheets that rumble the whole house

~ The city and highways departments have been working to grade all the roads down to pavement or dirt

~ Ice Guessing tickets are on sale!

~ Starting seeds and dreaming of the garden (still lying under at least 3 feet of snow!)

~ Melting and drip-drip-dripping everywhere

~ Letting the fire go out today!

~ Opening doors and windows and letting the fresh air blow through the house

~ No long underwear and no plugging the car in!

~ Small flocks of snow buntings flitting around. I love these birds, so starkly black and white, and still remember the first time I saw them, right around this same time of year!

Now is the long haul before all this snow is gone, and the first green shoots of lupine and bluebells start to poke their heads up in the yard.

What are the signs of spring where you live?

Finally...Nicaragua!

2013-03-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

Granada was gorgeous, beautifully restored colonial buildings:

Granada had lots of really unique, colourful doors!

Isla de Ometepe was calm and quiet after the bustle of Granada. It was a bit buggy, but had lots of natural beauty to fill our days!

Volcan Concepcion

Ranchers would bring their livestock down to the lake each day for a dip!

Volcan Madera

San Juan del Sur was the ocean...and not finding quite what we wanted. Still...there were flowers and ice cream and sunsets!

We learned so much about what we want from a vacation, and about travelling with a toddler. Last year, in Belize, we stayed in one spot. We found that got a bit tiresome after 2 weeks...this year, we visited 3 different places over the course of about 2 and a half weeks. We found this to be a bit too much travelling. Aedan was a real trooper, but each move meant resettling of nap times, getting comfy in new surroundings, finding kid-friendly places to play...we're getting closer to finding what we want, closer to the perfect vacation. Learning about yourself, what you're capable of and what you're not capable of, is definitely one of the most exciting parts about travel!

P.S. In case you were wondering...I kept up with my photo-a-day challenge all through Nicaragua...and lost it while visiting family in Ontario. Maybe next year!

Suprise!

2013-03-18T16:58:00.001-07:00

Oh my, I didn't expect it to take me this long to make it back to this space! Nicaragua seems so long ago now, and I promise I'll get some pictures up soon. The days following our return from vacation have been a bit hectic, to say the least...

We've been preparing for our wedding!

On March 14th, we drove out to Tombstone Park with a couple of witnesses, our friend who is a marriage commissioner, my parents, sister and brother-in-law, and we got hitched!

We've been talking about doing this for awhile now, and we picked this particular day because it kicks off the Spring carnival weekend in Dawson. We thought that if any family made it up, it would be a really fun time for them to be in town. And it was! We spent a busy week cleaning the house and yard up, getting ready to hold the casual reception here. We kept things small and fairly private, as that is the kind of people we are (well, except for sharing my life on a blog. Heh heh!)

An hour before we left the house, we picked out a few readings from a selection our friend the marriage commissioner had in her arsenal, and pocketed our own written vows and our wedding bands. It was a gorgeous day, clear and sunny. After driving along the Dempster for awhile, we pulled into a runaway lane a couple kilometers past the Tombstone Interpretive Center, with a beautiful view of the snow-covered mountains. We built a little fire, and as we gathered in a loose circle around it, the wind died and we began. It was short and sweet and heartfelt, and seemed so right for us. Aedan slept through the whole thing on my back, but we were happy that he was "there", and not just back in the truck sleeping (or crying or running around).

Back at our house, we signed the papers and it was officially official. We had a friend cooking for us, pulled pork and baked beans and roasted veggies and potatoes and coleslaw and 3 different desserts. More friends joined us for a bonfire. Aedan had a blast running around the yard with his friend Emery and pretending to drink beer.

It was a beautiful day, a beautiful evening, and we are so grateful to everyone who helped make it special. I never thought I'd get married, but all of a sudden it felt like exactly the thing I wanted to do. So there ya go. I'm a Mrs. Bush Mama now!

Home, home again

2013-03-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends and family! I just wanted to get a quick post up to let you all know that we're home, safe and sound.

The vacation was not always what we thought it would be, but such is life. The visit to Ontario was wonderful, as it always is. 5 weeks is long, though, especially for this home-body, and it is so good to be back! Aedan and I have been nestling in here at the cabin, getting settled again, while P is right back into the swing of things at the hotel.

You can expect a longer post with pictures of Nicaragua, plus an update on all the goings on around here...because there are some real goings-on, I tell ya!

Goodbye January, Hello Nicaragua

2013-01-30T16:38:00.000-08:00

I must admit, January has not been my favourite month. There have been moments of joy and beauty:

a warm afternoon with the sun bright in the sky, the wind blowing swirls of snow off the trees;

a cheery bonfire in the yard while Aedan chases the dogs up and down the shoveled walkway;

and my favourite, a Saturday morning, the house filled with golden sunlight, the wood stove keeping us warm, dancing around to the Beatles with the babe in my arms.

But this month we watched my good friend's dog, Suzie, die. We've been caring for her while my friend is away. Suzie stopped eating, and about 10 days later, she passed peacefully in her sleep. I was able to sit with her and comfort her through the worst of it that night. It is never easy to see a beloved animal die; it is harder still to see another's animal out of this life. She was a good old girl, and didn't seem to be suffering. I suspect it was just her time. I wish she could have had her own mama at the end, but I hope I was familiar enough to her.

There have been some downright frigid spells this month, with lows of -50 C at night. These temperatures guarantee crisp, clear days...which are spent indoors. The rest of the time, it's been fairly mild. January has brought a few feet of snow and day after day of grey skies. I'm tired of the monotone....

Sunday we set out on an adventure: we are headed to Nicaragua for 3 weeks! We are so looking forward to sunshine, bare feet and shoulders, swimming, fresh fruit, foods we've never tasted before, a new language, culture, history and landscape.

I'll be in touch, friends!

Rest in peace, Suzie-girl.

On the other hand...

2013-01-16T11:40:00.002-08:00

Some days are just beautiful.

Like yesterday: the clouds cleared off at dawn, and we were treated to a lovely, slow sunrise, the wisps of cloud still trailing across the sky blushing pink. The sun finally burst over the hills around 10:30, and oh my did we enjoy the afternoon.

After lunch we all spent a couple of hours in the yard, P shoveling snow off the roof, Aedan chasing the dogs and throwing himself backwards in the snow, Mama taking some photos.

The wind was blowing the snow off the trees; we've had so much over the last couple of days, about a foot!

My Tuesday night yoga classes started up again last night, too, and that was just wonderful. I feel strong and grounded today, my body back in balance...

well, except for the leftover berry crumble I ate for breakfast this morning. That wasn't a good idea.

365 project

2013-01-13T20:29:00.002-08:00

On January 1st, I began a 365 photo project. I will take (at least) one photo a day, for the year. Each Sunday, I'll share my favourite photo from the previous week here on the blog. If you'd like to join in on the fun, feel free to post a photo or a link to one in the comments section!

January Blues

2013-01-13T11:53:00.001-08:00

January has caught up to me, burying me in an avalanche of monochrome sky. It fills my eyesearsnosemouthlungs with cold and dark; I choke on it, gasping for warm breath.

It smothers each tree, each branch and twig. Every twisted strand of lichen, each spruce needle, each dried out stalk of grass that has managed to keep its head up: weighted heavy with snow.

Each day is flat, grey, sunless. The trees offer a suggestion of green that is more black than anything, their trunks a pale brown. That is the only relief in this drear month.

I long for colour and light. Gaudy-plumed tropical birds calling raucously from trees in every shade of green, trees sporting blooms of red, purple, yellow, orange. I long for skies that scream blue, and puffy white clouds and an ocean that glitters in the ever-deepening gradient of the Caribbean.

I hunger for fresh fruit, juicy and ripe bursting between my teeth, flooding my mouth with stored up sunlight instead of this tiresome weight of snow and ice and dark

dark

dark.

I forgot what January was like. I seem to forget each year until it hits me like this.

3 weeks until Nicaragua: an orgy of light and colour and fresh fruit and oh my. Swimming and bare shoulders and bare feet. At least I've got this to move toward!

Hello, sunshine!

2013-01-09T13:55:00.001-08:00

January got off to a very grey start, and it was making everyone in this house grey, too. We're all rejoicing to see clear blue skies and some bright sunshine peeking through! We've even got some direct sun on the walls, and little drops of rainbow cast by the prisms in the windows.

On Being Present

2013-01-09T07:00:00.001-08:00

I didn't realize how much work it is just to be present with a little one, or to be present in my days generally, I suppose. To me this means being in the moment, fully committed to what is happening in that moment. Whether it's reading "Brown Bear Brown Bear" for the 10th time in a row, or making toast, or washing the dishes or calming a fussy baby, it takes some effort to keep my mind focused on the task at hand.

Especially when it comes to Aedan, I want to try harder to stay present. I don't want to get into the habit of just checking out: it's a real challenge! I also don't want to be micromanaging his play. I recognize that he is capable of amusing himself, and if he's in that mode, I'm happy to pick up a book or some knitting or get busy in the kitchen. But when he starts throwing the books at me, or pushing me away from the kitchen counter, I try to listen to what he's telling me.

My biggest problem day to day is internet usage. I find myself drifting towards the computer, often checking out mentally as a I scroll through my Facebook news feed. I'll pull Aedan into my lap if he wants me, and I want to break that habit. He's too young to be learning to stare at a screen (a screen that invariably is full of advertisements of one kind or another). In an attempt to curb my Face-time, I've set it up to be way less interesting, but the habit persists.

I've decided I want to limit my internet time to when Aedan is sleeping. I think it is my number one time wasting, mindfulness-sabotaging tool...it's going to be tough. I tell myself that I keep Facebook open all day because the chat is like my telephone. But if I'm honest about it, it's not like anyone is "calling". And I do have Skype for that. Some days I feel I'm not much different from the person with the smartphone glued to her hand, constantly checking for updates. And I don't want to be that person.

How do you stay present with your kids? How do you manage your internet time (or do you?)

365 project

2013-01-06T16:50:00.002-08:00

Quotidien

2013-01-05T11:00:00.001-08:00

It has been a cat-pee-on-the-couch, baby-poo-on-the-rug kind of morning. Tempered by a big mug of fragrant jasmine green tea and Stewart McLean on the CBC.

The babe is down for a nap, the couch cushions are soaked in a vinegar/dish soap/water solution that seemed to work last time. The floors are swept, and the cat is hiding, so the dogs are in to relax by the wood stove.

This mama is left wondering if she's bitten off more than she can chew.

Since my cat, Patsy, died last spring, I've been missing a feline presence in the house. Aedan has been getting better with the dogs, learning more about "gentle" each day; I felt sure that the right cat would fit right into our Dempster home. On new years eve, we brought home Jameson, a sweet one year old grey cat from the local shelter.

He's taking his time warming up, but spends a little more time out of hiding each day. He's wary of Aedan, and of the dogs, too. I'm stressing a little over how he's fitting in, even losing a bit of sleep over it.

And he's peeing on furniture. This is the second time he's peed on a couch, and last night I crawled into a big stinky wet spot in our bed. I hope he can settle in here and feel comfortable, but if the peeing hasn't stopped by the end of the 2 week foster/trial period, he'll have to go back, and I'll have to put off my dream of a cat...

Reflecting

2013-01-02T11:18:00.002-08:00

Something I didn't realize about blogging: it's as much for me as it is for all of you. It's strange that I didn't realize that until a few days ago, when I read back over my year's posts. It was an eye-opener to read the things I felt compelled to blog about, and to notice the things I left out.

I feel like in the last year I've begun to come to terms with the path my life has taken: with motherhood and with bush life primarily. Being a new mama is isolating in and of itself...being a new mama who lives 40 km from the nearest town, with no close neighbours, takes that loneliness to a whole new level. Missing from this blog are those feelings, the blues I felt many days, the total craziness of spending days without talking to anyone other than my baby or my man. I didn't want to live here, so far out of town. But here I am today, and I'm loving it.

I've come to love the peace and quiet life in the bush brings. I've come to love the solitude, the feeling of freedom and independence. More than anything I've come to love the space we've got. We have 5 acres to call our own, but those 5 acres are surrounded by thousands of acres of forest, river and mountain. I think I'd feel claustrophobic if we moved to town now. Whereas before I felt trapped here, now I feel free and full of possibility. It's a wonderful change and I'm grateful for it.

I regret that I didn't record those feelings of loneliness, though. Not here, and not in my paper journal, either. I think it's just as important to include the darkness with the light, to give balance and a truer perspective. I hope to use this space more freely in the coming year, recording my days openly and honestly, as much for myself as for those of you reading.

My hopes for 2013 include making good use of this land we're on, growing some of our own food and keeping chickens. I hope to continue on my path to eliminating toxins from our daily life, from how we wash to the food we eat and the pans in which we prepare it.

I want to make creativity a big part of my life again, writing and taking photographs and creating with my hands.

I want to fill my life with light and love and positiveity. I want to nurture my soul, and in so doing, nurture those closest to me.

Wishing you all the best for your own endeavours in this coming year!

Journey Outside and Back

2012-12-25T10:32:00.002-08:00

The past 10 days feel more like 30. From knowing we would have to make a dash to Ontario, to doing it and being there, and back again: it's gone by so fast, and yet seemed like forever.

Each time we make the journey Outside (of the Yukon, that is), I am struck by just how remote we are here. As we speed along the winding highway carved out of a vast boreal forest, sometimes seeing nothing else moving but grouse for hours, I can't help but reflect on what this journey would have meant a mere 60 years ago. In winter, it would have meant more than a week on a dogsled, food packed for dogs and people alike, first aid kits, an ax, and your luggage; nights in little log-cabin roadhouses or canvas tents pitched under the flickering aurora. In short, this is not a trip one would have made lightly.

I am grateful that we can answer the call of family, that we are able to make it out of here with relative ease when we are needed. We take these things for granted: pick-up trucks with block heaters, paved highways and government crews to maintain them.

Thankfully, all is well back east.

Our drive home yesterday was mostly uneventful: while P and Aedan both slept, I slowed the truck as we passed a pair of elk at the forest's edge. A little further down the road, we bumped over a glacier that had appeared across the highway in the week since we'd made the trip down. It was a colour of blue that is curiously common only to thick, glacial ice and the Caribbean sea.

We arrived to find the house in a state, though...the housesitter had caught a whiff of propane (the pilot light had gone out on the propane fridge, but she didn't realize this) so she'd cracked open a door and then forgot about said cracked door...it was -10 C in here. The 3 jugs of water she'd left us were frozen solid, as was all of the food in the cupboards. The food in the freezer, however, was all thawed, because the pilot light went out. It was not a nice homecoming. It took about 4 hours to raise the temperature 20 degrees.

In the face of things like this, I count our blessings. A safe drive home. A fire that was still going (it could have been much colder inside if not for that). Groceries brought from Whitehorse. An incredibly adaptable baby who thought it was fun to toddle around the house in his parka.

The house is toasty now, we've opened our stockings and had blueberry pancakes for breakfast, using the last of the blueberries I harvested at summer's end.

It's good to be home, to slip back into the rhythm of my days.

A Little Blue

2012-12-13T16:52:00.003-08:00

Each day grows shorter; we spend more time in darkness than in the light. I find myself drawing inwards, my mind filled with projects and ideas for the coming months. I'm finding it difficult to extend myself outward, and I suppose that's been reflected in my infrequent trips to town, and my silence in this space.

I'm looking forward to the solstice, but I am a little sad this year, too. We'll be travelling, making an unexpected short trip to Ontario. I try to focus on the reason for this trip: being with family in a time of need. We didn't have any big plans for celebration here, for the solstice or for Christmas, but I am eager to begin our own traditions. I feel like that will be put off for another year. Oh well...

Que sera, sera.