There’s a lot to be said for having a niche, or, in plain language, “knowing who you are wanting to reach.”

It’s smart. It makes everything hugely easier, including creating offers, writing marketing copy, finding clients, and receiving referrals.

Just because something is smart, however, doesn’t mean we do it. For thirty years U.S. presidents have been committing to getting us off our oil dependence, being “energy independent” It’s still not happening.

Forget about smartness. Let’s look instead at the missing pieces—humility and tenderness.

Can You Truly Help Anyone and Everyone?

I’ll just be straight up with you: you can’t help everyone. And don’t be tempted to clandestinely find some sheep DNA and start cloning sheepish versions of yourself to do exactly what you’re doing. Not only is cloning an ethical swamp, you still wouldn’t be able to help everyone.

While it may be obvious that you can’t help all people, you also can’t help just any person who shows up in front of you. For some, you may remind them of an ex-lover and they are too triggered to be helped by you. For others, they speak a language you don’t speak and so you can’t get very far. Whatever the reason, for some, whatever it is you do just won’t work.

Humbling, eh? You may have the biggest, best, most wonderful whatever-it-is, and yet you, like we all do, must face our limits.

It’s a good thing, though. Because now you are confronted with the choice: who are you here to help? And who aren’t you here to help? Not that you would turn them away from your door, homeless and starving, but that you aren’t actively seeking those people out.

Don’t collapse into feeling worthless. That’s not humility.

The humility required here is the trust that everyone and everything is in the hands of the Divine. That you are not the sole safety net for the universe. That you are being used by the Divine Safety net, but just one section of it. Who are the people you can trust to let go, knowing they will land in another part of the net?

Big breath. Nice. Okay, with this settling in your heart, you can confront the tenderness.

Whoa! Feeling Kinda Visible…

In the last ten years, over and over again, I’ve seen that the process of choosing who you are here to help is an incredibly tender process. People feel naked and vulnerable in choosing, which brings rise to an incredible tenderness.

Ignore the tenderness to your detriment. The tenderness is the natural feeling of shifting away from being reactive: “I’ll work with whoever asks me to help them.” This stance is a safer stance to take. You don’t risk rejection. You don’t risk anything except starving because so few people let you know they are interested.

When you do allow the tenderness, it deserves compassion. But what is compassion? Compassion is the heart knowing there is already room for all of who you are, both the human imperfection and the Divine perfection. Compassion is the breathing room your being needs to show up in this world and do your part.

Be compassionate with yourself. Don’t push too hard. Yet know that being compassionate doesn’t mean backing away from the tenderness. It means standing in the tenderness of choosing your clients long enough to notice that there is also a fantastic and grounded feeling of power that comes with it.

The shift from reactive, “I’ll work with you if you ask,” to proactive, “I’m here to help these people confronting this problem,” is a remarkable, passionate, caring, powerful stance to take. People will notice this. Actually, they’ll be more certain you are the one who really understands their specific need.

Humility + Tenderness = Niche Finding

With a big dose of humble focus and the rooted power of tenderness, you are ready to plant your flag, shift from being reactive to proactive, and choose who you are here to help.

That choice, once made, will bring you those wonderful things you’re yearning for: ease in creating offers, finding your clients, doing marketing, and receiving referrals, among other things.

And won’t that feel great?

Pick Up The Workbook (No Cost)

I did write a whole workbook on how to get clarity on this topic. Go get it, if you haven’t already, the Heart-Centered Answer to “What Do You Do?”  While you’re there, check out the rest of our Business Heart Toolkit, all there for the taking.

p.s. Today! No-Cost Call on Getting Over the Self-Employment Blues

My buddy Molly Gordon and I are hosting a no-cost teleclass Molly entitled “The Just-Getting-By Self-Employment Blues and What to Do About Them”. I hope you’ll join us, and, if you’re inspired, join us for Molly’s Self-Employment Telesummit happening later this month.

p.p.s A Virtual Retreat for the Oasis

Every one needs to unplug from time to time, and nourish your heart. Something we do at The Business Oasis, which is our heart-centered online community, is hold a 24-hour virtual retreat. It’s an amazing experience the way the community comes together virtually to deepen their hearts, clear their minds, and drink in the Divine goodness for themselves and their businesses.

The next one is September 17. It costs nothing if you’re a member of the Oasis. If you’ve been considering joining, now just might be a good time to jump in. Not only will you get the retreat at no cost, but you’ll gain an entire tender-hearted community of business support.

Check it out: The Business Oasis.

Her email went something like this:

“I’m a distributor for an exclusive skincare line and sell my products directly to customers. I recently paid several hundred dollars to place a small ad in an alternative weekly paper.

I’m so frustrated because the advertisement didn’t result in a single call! Not one. I don’t have much of a marketing budget so when I spend money it needs to work.

Am I doing something wrong? What do you suggest?”

When I asked the skincare distributor what she put in her ad, she said it was a short message about a recently introduced electronic device that helps aging skin look younger.

She was excited because her company said the product produces results faster than creams. And she assumed people reading the ad would be excited too.

So what went wrong?

It’s All About Context

The best message in the world will fail if prospective clients read it out of context.

If prospective clients see your message at a time when they aren’t concerned with the problem your product solves, they will ignore it. Your message might as well be invisible.

Context is about making sure prospective clients see your message at the “moment of truth”: the time when they are most aware of their problem and looking for solutions.

Chances are, the skincare specialist’s prospective clients didn’t see the advertisement at a time when they were worried or preoccupied by wrinkles and crows feet.

For your marketing to succeed, you need to know what your prospective clients are doing when the moment of truth occurs. Then you can make sure they see your marketing at this time.

Figuring Out “The Moment of Truth” for Your Customers

If your customers have a well-articulated process when it comes to making purchase decisions, the moment of truth for your customers happens when they’re accepting proposals or when they’re creating a prospective vendor list.

This is typical for medium and large-sized companies.

If this is the case for you, it comes down to finding out when your prospects are going to be looking for vendors and making sure your marketing gets in front of them at that time.

Not so typical if you’re selling to small business owners or consumers.

Let’s take the example of the skincare distributor. Do people go through a step by step process when looking for help with their skin? Not usually.

Fortunately, there’s an easy way to make an educated guess about when those “moments of truth” may be occurring: Life transitions.

Using Life Transitions to Identify Likely Moments of Truth

Life transitions such as marriage, babies, buying a new home, divorce, and death are times when people go through huge changes physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

When these changes occur, wants and needs change too.

For example, the skincare consultant’s ideal customers are professional women forty and over. What types of life transitions would create a “moment of truth,” a point when these women would feel especially sensitive to signs of aging?

• Weddings: being the mother of the bride or groom or just a key member of the wedding party.
• High school or college reunions.
• Divorce and having to think about dating again.
• Special presentations in which they’re giving a keynote speech or accepting an honor.

I bet you can think of others.

You can also include significant business and career transitions when looking for moments of truth. For example:

• Promotions
• Starting a new business
• Changing careers
• New job
• Media attention
• etc.

Getting the Word Out

Once you’ve identified likely life and work transitions that cause relevant moments of truth for your customers, the next step is to think about likely activities where they might be exposed to your marketing.

For example, let’s say the skin care consultant decides that she wants to attract women who are going to be part of the wedding party (mother of the bride and groom, bridesmaids, maybe even the bride). How would she go about getting the word out?

I’d suggest she begin by brainstorming all the activities:

• Picking out dresses, shoes, and accessories.
• Hiring a planner.
• Buying books and magazines on planning a wedding.
• Shopping for and buying invitations.
• Attending wedding shows.
• Hiring a hairdresser and make up artist.
• Working out in aerobics classes, possibly with a personal trainer.

Looking at this list of activities suggests a number of ways our skin care consultant might market to her ideal customers:

• Giving her business card to businesses that work with wedding parties: retailers who specialize in bridal and special occasion dresses, wedding planners, stationary stores, salons, spas, and fitness centers.
• Buying a booth at wedding shows, or sharing a booth with someone offering complementary services, like a photographer
• Asking complementary businesses such image consultants, make up artists, hairdressers, etc. to trade referrals and website links.
• Doing facials and presentations at specialty retailers, fitness centers, even bookstores.

Bottom Line

Even the most persuasive marketing message is useless if your ideal customers don’t see it when they are actively looking for solutions.

To make sure your prospective clients pay attention to your marketing:

• Know how and when large to medium-size organizations identify vendors for upcoming projects.
• Know which life transition points are likely to make your prospective small business and consumer clients aware of problems and to seek solutions for those problems.
• Brainstorm specific activities ideal customers engage in to solve their problem.
• Use marketing that naturally fits into those activities.

Do you have a success story about using marketing creatively during your customer’s “moment of truth?” Share it in a comment!

Enjoy! And thank you everyone for your support and love. I’d write a little more but… well, just watch it and see.

Oh… and make sure you watch the end. There’s a special bit in there, inspired by Natalie Peluso.

Today was my day to experiment with B roll. If you don’t know what b roll is, watch this video that BrantC showed me.

Today I dug into strategy, spirituality, living in the moment, and planning. In other words… is strategy spiritual or not?

Enjoy. Any of you inspired enough to do a video challenge too?

I must admit that there’s only one thing I like about this video: I filmed it in the rain. I enjoyed the heck out of that. Everything else… eh. The message seems a little banal, my presence seems a little lackluster, and I’m squinting. Squinting! In the rain!

But I did it, and I don’t have it in me to do another.

Well, folks, what do you think? You don’t need to butter me up. I’ve done lots of stuff I’m very happy with.

You know that kind of gross habit some buggy people like to do where they stick a pin in a butterfly and display it in a book? That’s what Charlie’s nicey-icey look did to me. Transfixed, I was, right to that chair. I nodded. “Yes, Charlie. You’re right. It’s time.”

Trouble was, I had said that a dozen times before and since. I wasn’t getting to it. I wasn’t actually doing the walking.

Time to Get Walking

In my Sufi spiritual lineage, spiritual work is referred to as “the walking.” As in, “You’re walking your path.” Challenges, issues, even joys and celebrations, are all part of the walking.

The brilliance of this metaphor is in the observed phenomenon that you have to be in motion to see change. Just sitting there isn’t going to get you anywhere.

In writing that, I feel the need to explain I’m not talking about forgoing contemplative or devotional spiritual practice in favor of action. As I’ve written about time and time again, action can be useless or even harmful if it’s not based in connection and love.

And if you’ve ever maintained a regular spiritual practice, you know that “just sitting there” isn’t just sitting there. You’re doing the walking.

But beyond spiritual practice, showing up is often a critical catalyst for change and evolution.

All of this high-minded blither-blather is to say that I realized there was a place I wasn’t showing up and doing the walking. Video. Oy.

So I Showed Up

I’ve been writing for over twenty years. I love to write. I’m really comfortable with it. I’ve been recording audio for close to ten years. I feel darn good about that.

Video, eh? Yuck. I don’t know how to edit it. I’m not always comfortable staring at a camera. I don’t know all the tricks to engaging an audience visually. I’m a beginner.

But the only way I’m going to get there is by walking.

The Two-Week Video Challenge

I challenged myself to make one short video each day, and posting it on our blog, starting Tuesday, August 24 (Monday was my birthday) and going through Friday, September 3, not including the weekends.

I let go of trying to meet client needs and expectations. I let go of being in service. I realized that I needed to get comfortable with the medium, and just doing nine videos in a row is, I’m pretty sure, going to get me comfortable very quickly.

It’s working. You can see the first video here and then just follow the trail through the blog. I’m already more comfortable.

Will you join me? You could do a video challenge, or some other kind of challenge. The basic guidelines are: pick something you’re uncomfortable with, and then do a lot of it, consistently, in a short amount of time, with no expectations on how effective it will be for your business. It’s purely a learning process.

If you take it on, and you have a blog, post the link here in the comments. Let’s check us all out.

p.s. Molly Gordon’s Amazing Self-Employment Telesummit

Molly Gordon, from Shaboom, Inc, has been a true friend of mine for a few years now. We’re in a mastermind group together, we hang out when we’re in the same city. I just love her to pieces.

She’s also really, really good at the self-employment thing. She’s been helping entrepreneurs for years, longer than I have, and she’s been extremely effective.

Molly invited me to present at her Self-Employment Telesummit, which I agreed to. I know we just promoted our Momentum course, but this is way different. If Momentum wasn’t right for you, but you need real support to get your business going, then check out the telesummit.

Next Wednesday, September 8 I’m doing a no-cost call with Molly so you can experience who she is. I think you’ll really enjoy her no-nonsense, grounded, heart-felt way of approaching self-employment. Click here to read about the call and sign up. Please join us.

This was the most challenging day yet of my two week video challenge (to get the big picture, and for a list of all the videos, check out day one). Today I had to prep for and teach a class, and I had to keep my word to myself about this video challenge. The narrow window of time I had to get it done means that I basically turned on the camera, sat down, and on camera rejected the first idea that came to my mind…

…which sparked what has been an important insight and understanding I’ve gained around making a business. Simple, yes. Fun, not always. Check it out:

What’s your relationship to this message?

Today the whole family slept late. The boys and my wife Holly didn’t wake up until almost 9am, and even I slept close to 7am. (I had a blissful hour of lying on a couch reading a novel.) So, I’m a feeling a little foggy, not so sharp and creative.

And yet, it’s the video challenge. So I asked my heart, made three piles of books, from three different authors, and just added one learning experiement- a different camera angle.

The big question: how do some people write so many books, when there just isn’t that much to say?

What do you think? Are you writing enough?

Today I had a hankering to work the whiteboard in, and had to figure out how to light it without creating a monstrous glare. I did it moderately well, although it’s not the brightest. I may need to get a couple of additional lights to really make it work well.

I also realize I could have made the presentation cleaner, but I opted to just do this in one take, since my intention is to learn and get it done, not create perfect video.

Today I elected to jump into a juicy Sufi topic, Transmission. You know, when you have an experience of something profound or important and you’re wanting to give that experience directly to the client, to help them leap forward? I explain spiritual transmission as it was taught to me, and as I helped to teach it in the Teacher Internship Program at the University of Spiritual Healing and Sufism.

So here it is:

Was it helpful? I probably didn’t need to stand directly in front of my illustration, eh?

Then, the video ended up being 12 minutes and youtube only allows ten! Oy! If I had another day I would edit and cut, but there was no easy 2 minutes and 37 seconds to cut out. So I took the easy way out and made part one and part two.

Thankfully I have room to be messy here, because do you really want to watch 12 minutes of video from me?

Today’s video ended up being a Sufi chanting instructional video, how to clean the four layers of your heart with specific chants from my lineage. I got to practice more with lighting, with titles and text, and with cropping. Learned a lot. Here it is.

Part one, the how-to:

Part two, the actual chanting practice:

How’d this one land?