Busy Toes

First day of school

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 13:48:00 +0000

It didn't start out so well. In fact, it started out with vomit on Patrick's blues ... but Wesley and Patrick went upstairs, changed clothes, and we drove to school.

In front of school, where his class was lining up, Wesley held on to me and refused to get in line with the other children. He finally did, and though I couldn't see him, I could hear him crying as he walked in.

I trusted him. I turned with Patrick and Boden and walked away.

Two hours later, I got a call, "Wesley vomited. He doesn't have a fever so I think it's nerves, but he does need a clean pair of shoes."

I drove to school, attached the visitor ID to my shirt and walked to the clinic. I found him sitting quietly with his hands in his lap.

"How are you?"

"I threw up."

"Do you think you're nervous about school?"

"Yeah. I think I had butterflies in my stomach. But they're all out now."

"You feel like finishing the day?"

"Yeah."

I was so proud of him.

The next few days were rough. I had started school the week before and Wesley does not deal well with change. Spontaneity, sure, but long-term change not so much.

Yesterday was the first day I picked up a child who was enthusiastic about school and seeing me again. This morning was the first morning I saw him run to line to sit next to a friend.

I'm excited for him. I know transitions are tough, but I've seen him pull through again and again and each time he grows a little more assured of himself and his place in the world. I can't wait to see what he chooses to do with his education and the relationships (with peers, teachers, knowledge, his own talents) he forms along the way.

No matter what he does, if he comes away with solid standing in knowing his own unique gifts to share with the world and a desire to make the world a better place then I know he'll do well. He's already showing that he knows how to keep going and trust that everything will be OK even when he is afraid and doesn't know what lies around the corner, or in this case, down the hall of his elementary school.

Happy Birthday, Wesley!!

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 08:59:00 +0000

I can't believe you are only four today ... seems like I've been tickled by your outbursts of laughter forever :D

He sometimes asks, "Will you be my mom for ever and ever and ever?"

"I'm the lucky one who gets to be your mom for ever and ever," I said as we throw our arms around each other with a hug. Sometimes, it's actually with a tear because we were both upset at each other and he had just said something like, "I don't want you, I want a different mommy!"

Wesley is bright and creative. When the fire alarm was beeping because it needed a new battery he said, "There's bat in there, mom, it's squeaking and saying, 'change my battery.'" Then he asked me if I would change it and I told him that I didn't want to and that his father would later that evening. Then Wesley said, "If you go get a screwdriver I'll teach you, but you have to help because it's too high for me."

My day is filled with sweet moments like that. As well as with cunning moments. He finds many different ways to ask for chocolate milk to try and trick me if he knows he can't have any because it's either too late or he already had a glass. "Can I have brown milk?" "Can I have the milk I had yesterday?" "Can I have my favorite milk?" "Can I have something that I like?"

He is very patient with Boden and kindly makes him things out of Legos. Finally, Wesley is realizing that it's OK if Boden breaks his gifts and rearranges them a bit. He refers to his brother as Bo-bear and runs to him in bed if he is still sleeping. Sometimes he lies next to him and sometimes he tries to wake him up so they can play.

Wesley is a force. He knows what he wants and doesn't back down when he isn't feeling cooperative. Usually, I can get him to show his cooperation. He's very excited about starting Pre-K on the 24th of August. We go to his open house in a week. He'll do well. He considers every child an automatic friend and when we see someone knew he asks me, "What's that friend's name? Can I go find out? Let's go play with that friend."

When children shut him out for whatever reason they do, he just ignores it and goes on. He will play with someone until they accept him. If someone says, "You're not my friend," he goes on to the other kid in the group and befriends that one, then the others accept him. Usually. Not everyone is as friendly, but he handles rejection very well. I don't try to shelter him from it. I don't try to assume from the start who will accept him and who will reject him ... I have been surprised too many times! When he is rejected I let him know that maybe next time that child will be in the mood to play and that we all want space or special time with certain people sometimes.

I am so delighted by the emerging boy inside of him. He's tough and sensitive at the same time. He puts up a good argument, at the same time I can use his smarts to reason with him. I just adore him.

The other night I was reflecting on how little time there is for myself. Heck, I'm up at 4 a.m. to write this and drink some coffee alone today. I wondered what life would be like without small children ... sure, I'd have time to watch a movie, repair my chairs, paint my hutch a funky color, and pick out curtains ... but then who would be there to turn those chairs into rocket ships, open the hutch doors for art supplies or giggle with his brother behind curtains just to "surprise" me?

Life would not be the same without Wesley. I thank God that I get to be his mommy "forever and ever."

Here's a picture of Wesley helping us paint his room:
And here he is in the tree house daddy is building for him:

And here he is enjoying his baby brother:

Boden Took 7 Steps, etc.

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:48:00 +0000

Boden took seven steps today!

Before Patrick left for D.C., he said, "Boden might be walking by the time I get back," because the baby had just taken five steps.

Looks like he was right!

***

On another note, a friend called me to ask if I could watch her son for her while she rant to a doctor's appt. Her original sitter canceled. I said I would do it and I'm so glad :) I like having a network of moms that share and help out. I feel so connected. *Warm Fuzzies*

***

Wesley rides his bike without training wheels. That's kind of old news, as in two weeks ago, but I forgot to update. Maybe I did, not sure. Anyway, yup, Patrick and a neighborhood dad taught him how while I was at class one night.

***

Patrick is in D.C. again. He says the meetings are boring. I think it'd be cool to be in the Pentagon though ya know? How boring can it be? Oh, never mind, I just remembered who he works for.

***

I just turned in a paper that I really like. It's a proposal for electronic support groups for isolated moms. Nothing new, really, but I certainly enjoyed diving into the literature/research about motherhood, depression, environmental support, stress, connection, familial ties, etc. That was a blast. And can I just say I LOVE that I can do my research from home? Thank you, online libraries and online access to professional journals everywhere! I love being a student again :D

***

Don't tell Patrick, but I just reorganized our office space. I have to get it ready for my research class this summer. I hear it's a tough one. So if I can get an idea about what I'll have to do/read before hand then I can get an advantage on the summer work. Of course, I still have four projects and two tests coming due this semester. Perhaps, I won't be getting a head start after all.

***

The dogs are great. I am teaching them NOT to bark when our neighbors ring the door bell, which is every day. Especially because little children come by to see if Wesley can play (I love that!) and I don't our dogs scaring them.

***

That's all for this random update!

What are these toes up to?

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:40:00 +0000

Wesley enjoys helping me pick out plants at the garden nursery just around the corner. He usually pulls the wagon, often asking if he can pull Boden.

Virtue of the Week(s)

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 18:24:00 +0000

Our virute of focus for the next two weeks is:

Responsibility!

This virtue will be our main topic at our "Don't Waffle" Saturday morning family devotions this week and my "Hearth and Soul" ladies devotions next Sunday night.

It is the primary focus of our point chart, through which Wesley earns points and saves them for rewards. It is also our primary focus in our lives right now as we look for ways to act now rather than later and own our actions as well.

I have a list of things to act on right now that I am putting off for various reasons. Sometimes I shy away from conflict, so with this virtue in sight I am praying to develop the assertiveness, focus, and fortitude to take the actions that I've been putting off.

I'm looking for a childen's activity for this Saturday's devotions ... something focused on responsibility. So if you have any suggestions ... please share in the comments. And if you have any thoughts and/or tips related to this virtue. Please share those as well!

First Step!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:11:00 +0000

Saturday, April 11, 7:10 p.m., after many failed attempts, Boden Lee took his first step (toward his Aunt Casey)! He got right back up and took another!!

Thank God for the drive to grow and move forward ... My son reminds me that belief and follow through can take a person anywhere!

Upside Down World

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 22:48:00 +0000

I know people without children who don't get it ... the "it" being we parents and our odd behaviors and thoughts in relation to our children. I don't get it either. All I know is that I think every little thing these children do is amazing and I adore them ... even at 2 a.m., and then 3 a.m., when little feet pitter patter into my room or a little baby stirs to let me know he is hungry again. The nights can be long and hard, but somehow I find more energy than I need to get through the day ... which can be equally long and hard ... but I think they are the most precious days I may know so I try to take it all in.

Here is a picture of Wesley at his gym.

Isn't he amazing! I'm glad I'm in good company and that my world isn't the only that seems upside down at times.

Bubble Trouble

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:39:00 +0000

What are these toes up to?

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:49:00 +0000

Boden loves to go outside. No matter what he is doing, as soon as he hears the back door open, he takes off for the door. He can crawl out the door and onto the patio by himself. While outside he enjoys picking up leaves, sucking on rocks, and chasing the dogs. He usually screams upon his return insdoors.

Evolutions All Around!

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:18:00 +0000

This blog is evolving. I decided to spruce things up a bit to revitalize my efforts here. Thank you, everyone, who has not complained during my hiatus as a regular blogger. This blog isn't the only thing that's been evolving lately.

In addition to my regular mom duties I've becoe a full-time student again and have incorporated a regular exercise routine into my life. Both my mind and my body are working out, and both have had a hard time readjusting to the demands of anything other than motherhood.

I found it hard, at first, to turn the children over to Patrick as soon as he walked in the door on Mondays and Wednesdays so I could get to class on time. I returned at 9:45 -- tired and ready for bed, but usually not until I cleaned the kitchen and fed the baby one last time.

As for the physical exercise, I am now reaping a trifecta of awards: increased energy, increased balance of thought and feeling, and decreased inches (I' not quite losing weight, as I am building muscle). At first, I found the workouts tiring and that they demanded a long recovery. Now, however, I find them invigorating. In fact, if I miss an appointment, as I did today, I am quite let down by it.

As I've been weaving these two lifestyle changes into my life and keeping up with Wesley and Boden's changing demands, I've also dealt with my issues regarding time and energy as they relate to my abilities to pursue a Ph.D.

The application and interview processes alone were challenge enough -- especially because Patrick was gone during an all-day interview, requiring me to not only take the children to a daycare, but to find one I trusted and then to fill out all of the required documents and make sure the children were up on their shots. Then, there was finding something to wear. I had considered buying a new suit for the interviews, but anyone who has been 7 months pregnant with only 15 more pounds to lose can understand my opposition to investing a suit I hoped to only wear twice. Well, lucky me, I pulled out my suit from 1997 and it fit (thank you, Spanx)!

Back to "time" and "energy." During the process of filling out the application, etc., I wondered more than once if I would actually have the time and energy to follow through on the degree and still devote the time to my family and myself that we need. And, ore than once, I kind of freaked out about it all and had panic-related attacks. I realized that I was saying very negative things about time and energy and viewed them as very limited resources to be coveted and guarded heavily. Well, I decided to change my views. After all, my experience has shown that when I am determined, I find the time and energy to do most of the things I value.

Rather than saying, "I am exhausted, I need to lie down," I say, "I want to relax, I think I will lie down." The difference may seem subtle, but it is immense. This is one example of the way I've tweaked the way I use words in order to change my reality. I've also changed how I think about time. I haven't pinpointed what exactly I've done there, but I do know that I don't feel like I need to hurry up and unload the dishwasher or put away the clothes anymore. I used to get a little anxiety as I did these things -- as if they were dreaded things that had to be done right away. Now, however, I don't feel any tightness in my chest. Again, I don't know what I changed, I just know that something worked.

So, there you have it, an update on my evolution and a start on this blog's evolution ... not bad! I hope that you will enjoy the redesign and I have a few more things to tweak before I've installed all the components that I want. I already enjoy being here again and feel somewhat like I can write for pleasure once more. I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever want to do that ...

For those who are wondering, I start Ph.D. program in counseling education and supervision with a concentration in marriage and family therapy this summer :D I am looking forward to growing at St. Mary's University! And I look forward to updating this blog with pictures and stories about the most precious people in my life -- Patrick, Wesley, Boden ... and me!

Picture Blast

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 02:47:00 +0000

brothers that play together ...

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:11:00 +0000

I adore how Wesley and Boden play together. Boden has been pulling up and crawling since 5.5 months and cruising since 6 months. At 7 months, he can really keep up with Wesley. The two interact and play with cars and other toys already.

I really don't know how much longer Boden will be crawling ... dare I say he'll be an early walker? He's already letting go and holding his own for a second or two before falling down. He even attempts to let go of one piece of furniture and fall towrad another for support.
Wesley and Bo take baths together too. They really enjoy the water. Boden gets excited as soon as he hears the water start filling the bath, will stand up on the side of the bathtub and try to pull himself into it.

Bo's first real meal

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 14:30:00 +0000

I found something that our sweet Boden will eat ... summer veggie mix. Here are the pics of his first meal :)

Baby crying, Wesley laughing ... gotta go!

more pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 05:51:00 +0000

I downloaded those pictures ... so that's two out of three (reference to previous post).

Family-in-a-hammock balancing act.

It's no wonder these boys light up every time they see their daddy!

Boden started cruising (walking while holding on to furniture) at 6 months, two weeks after he started crawling and pulling up. Bo even turns corners around this play table. Isn't he amazing?

He's got those cold red cheeks that come with teething. I don't like that he's in pain, but I so adore his gummy smile ... it's one of the only baby things left on him. As Wesley says, "He's a big baby now. He's growing up."

Look at those eyes! He's self soothing some here as he waits for mommy to put down the camera and pick up the cuteness.

"write in with nature"

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 05:17:00 +0000

(The above pictures are about a month old now. But doesn't Bo just fit right in with nature?)

Wow. I haven't updated this blog in a while. I kept thinking I'll have time in the morning, but find it quite hard to get out of a warm bed on a cool morning ... especially after waking all night to feed Boden. Earlier this week I had a night that might have rendered 2 hours sleep total ... I'm still recovering.

Nighttime is my only time to get on the computer because we no longer have a functioning laptop. Previously, I'd set the laptop up in the kitchen or living room and would write/post/surf/etc. every few minutes or hours in those few minutes the boys were content. Not having a laptop means finding time upstairs, which doesn't happen because the boys don't play upstairs, they play downstairs.

So then night would come, but the computer was in our bedroom and since Patrick wakes at 5:30 he tends to go to bed at a decent hour, unlike the hours I find time to write/post/surf/etc. Now that the computer is out of the bedroom and in a little nook I created in the hallway I hope to post more.

*Looking around nook* It's kind of cozy here. I have a bookshelf to my right, a window in front of me, and the bedroom door to my left. There's a pile of tax information on our desk, along with a hair brush, a marker, a light, and a pacifier. The dogs are snoring behind me.

Now that I'm enrolled in three courses at a local university I'll likely spend more time at this computer. In general, I find the more I have to do the more structured I become and the more energy I have. Right now, however, as I adjust to life as a student along with life with an active workout schedule, I find that I am rather tired. I am wondering why I'm awake, oh yeah, I want to read a chapter of one of my books, download some pictures and post on this blog ... at least one of those things will be done.

Anyway, I like the pictures above. Remember when life consisted of simple things like swinging from trees? Well, it still does for me. Sure, I'm not the one hanging in the tree, but I sure do enjoy playing with the boys and watching them play. Just tonight Patrick, Wesley and I daydreamed about the tree house we would build: A fun retreat, accessible by ladder, exitable by slide, a place where Wesley could wonder about the world, a place where I could set up my laptop and hope for a strong wireless signal.

Yes, this nook is cozy, but I sure do look forward to computing among the boys again. Writing now seems forced. Writing in bursts here and there between their laughter and crying and wanting and needing, is more natural to me. Writing in a tree house ... now that's just natural.

thought I'd share this:

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 21:24:00 +0000

Devon Gundry - "Armed" (Please keep Kathy Grammer in your prayers) from Justin Baldoni on Vimeo.

As 2009 approaches, it looks like we'll have another 365 days of unnecessary pain, death, illness, poverty, etc. I hope that when it comes to matters of the heart and soul, you will find the strength to heal what ails you. It is my hope that not only will you heal, but that you will find joy, that this joy will permeate your lives, your homes, and spread out to the communities around you. Be the spark that ignites the fire and warms the hearts.

how hobbies are helping us bond

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 14:33:00 +0000

Patrick and I haven't always lived a well-balanced life. When he was in family practice residency, he especially didn't have many connections outside of work and family. I had a few friend groups that I visited with regularly, still, I lacked hobbies.

During his public health residency, which was less demanding of his time, Patrick picked up Dungeons and Dragons and similar gaming adventures. He had found an outlet for his creativity and had made time to bond with other "cool" guys. I wanted some hobbies too. I tried knitting, but didn't enjoy it.

Here in Texas, Patrick has resumed his gaming adventures and has even joined a spelunking group. He is doing more AND has more energy!

As a mom of two, I have found that I need to refuel more frequently. To that end, I have a couple of developing friend groups, I exercise regularly, and I reward myself with pedicures. I still felt the lack of growth and companionship that I was sure I'd find in hobbies.

One night, I rose to put down my thoughts and feelings. When I read them I realized that I was writing poetry. I hadn't written poetry in years. I've tried, but it didn't flow. Now, however, it flows! I feel like I've got my writing back ... and with it comes a hobby! One would think that poetry is an isolating passion. But that doesn't have to be the case.

I'm joining the San Antonio Poets Society and will join the other members once a month to share poetry, develop my craft, and enter contests. I'm also joining the Greater San Antonio Photography Club. I don't have a fancy camera yet, but that won't stop me ;) I'll mix and mingle, learn some tips, and then decide which camera suits my needs. This group also supports monthly contests. I'm excited: Not about the possibility of winning, but the fact that I am going to enter and learn from people who are enthusiasts about their crafts, people who are passionate.

My craft of late has been parenting. I am passionate about parenting. Sometimes I do it well, and sometimes not so much. I've surrounded myself with other people who are passionate about the children they are raising, other people who don't do it perfectly (or rather, who admit they don't do it perfectly), and who are willing to share and learn from others' best practices. The greatest lessons I've learned from parenting are that if I know what I want (in order to refuel me) and if I am willing to forgive myself ... the job is a lot easier. Now that I know what I want, I can get it ;)

Now, comes getting what I want in concert with my family. Patrick and I are balancing our schedules so we've both got the time we need for ourselves and for each other. Our goals are prioritized and we will both make exceptions as needed, but we've built our activities into our schedule and both are richer for it.

Wesley drew the above picture. It's a rainbow cave. Inside are his friends Roshan, Aidan, Collin, Daddy, Aspen (the one in the purple and green dress), Wesley, Boden, and "another Roshan." On the bottom right is an orange "people eating plant." To the left of the plant is the plant's plate of spaghetti (it had to eat something after the people kindly asked it not to gobble them up.

I like this piece of art. He started with the cave and his dad. I think it's neat that he knows his father has an activity that he enjoys, one that offers a reference for some of their time together (as Patrick has taken Wesley to a cave and to one of his spelunking meetings).

I knew that having hobbies would enrich us individually, what I didn't know was that those hobbies would enrich our cihldren's experience as a member of our family. I look forward to seeing how my poetry and photography enrich our family life. And I strongly encourage everyone to find an art, sport, hobby of some sort. If it's done right -- in an inclusive way, a way that spreads the passion -- the time away is not selfish, it's shared by all.

Wesley "N" Learning

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:02:00 +0000

Yesterday Wesley wrote "N" and "N" on a piece of paper. I pointed out to him that he could use those letters to spell a simple word. He said, "No, those "n"s are for Brianna."

:)

Smart or coincidence? I think smart.

Also, his drawings have taken on new life. People have legs and feet now, and even shoes. My stick figures will no longer do. People need more features. For instance, "Mom, can you add some teeth so they can sing?"

Wesley and Daddy 'Tie' a Bond

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:37:00 +0000

Guess what's new with Boden

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:33:00 +0000

I love the picture with his hand on his chin. He's taken this pose quite a bit lately. It's adorable because he always looks so thoughtful about things. He drinks in his surroundings. I think that's part of the reason he's trying so hard to crawl now: He sees things, he groks things, and he wants to get to them.

This is Bo's typical smile: BIG! He is a joy. On the rare mornings that I don't wake up before he does I get to wake up to this smile. I feel like the luckiest mother in the world!

There's the evidence: His bottom is in the air. He rocks back and forth a bit too. Every once in a while he moves forward, but he knows he's much quicker rolling and scooting here and there.

A rare find:

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:17:00 +0000

A picture of Pat & Em ... Can't you feel the love? Can you believe that we'll soon celebrate our ninth anniversary? How time flies!

Reflections

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:14:00 +0000

We had a wonderful day at a local museum last week. Toward the end of our time there we were debating whether or not to hang out for jazz in the park. Patrick and Wesley sat by the pond pictured above and played as the band set up their equipment. Random bits of our conversation went like this:

"It's close to dinner."
"Looks like they'll serve food."
"They won't do this again until March."
"Wesley would love it out here on the lawn."
"We've had such a good day already."
"Yeah, but would we be pushing his limits if we stayed?"

Ultimately, we decided to leave 45 minutes before the jazz started. Sure, we had a great day, but we know our boy and our boy requires certain things: primarily a steady flow of food and that food supply had run out. Staying for music on the lawn was a romantic idea ... but it wasn't worth the risk of topping off the day with a sour note. No, we wanted to leave on a high note, even if that note wasn't from a saxophone.

More pictures from the museum below:

Ready, Set, Grow!

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 17:45:00 +0000

What IS it about children that gives hope and inspires forgiveness and growth?

It is my hope that as these boys grow, they retain the light that I see in Wesley's eyes, and the motivation Boden shows as he tries to go mobile ....

Wesley's said: "When I grow up I want to go up into space and put another flag on the moon."

Boden is looking around for the next thing he wants to conquer/accomplish.

He found it (notice he sits up now ... usually with a little help).

Boden is ready to go (in style I might add ... that's a Be-bops wool diaper cover and a pair of coordinating Baby Legs leg warmers ). Watch out, world, this boy can roll and scoot his way around!

And THIS is the look of joy that radiates at every turn . I hope this look is with him every step of the way on his journey to realizing the inherent potential within him.

In cas you're wondering

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 01:07:00 +0000

I ran again tonight :)

Where have these dirty toes been?

noreply@blogger.com (Emily) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:04:00 +0000