But can she type?

The Danhausen Spite Tour 2024 day 3; or, Freelance Wrestling 7 March Chicago, IL

2024-03-07T17:02:00.167+00:00

It's standing room only at the Emporium Arcade Bar for Freelance Wrestling in Chicago.

The Danhausen Spite Tour 2024 day 2; or, House of Glory 2 March Queens, NY

2024-03-02T16:36:00.332+00:00

Get ready to learn the lyrics to Kersed, buddy, because we're finally hitting the indies with House of Glory Wrestling and Joey 'Sweet Cheeks' Silver!

The Danhausen Spite Tour 2024 day 1; or, Ring of Honor 22 February Las Vegas, NV

2024-02-22T14:51:00.136+00:00

After two months of cyberbullying Tony over lack of Danhausen on AEW TV, the Spite Tour 2024 kicks off with a return to Ring of Honor (did someone say 'compromise'?)

The Danhausen Spite Tour 2024; or, I guess you're all wondering how we got here

2024-02-21T15:53:00.123+00:00

Howdy! I'm Dolli and I'll be your (self-appointed) tour guide for the 2024 Spite Tour. I'm the one who'll be terminally online so you don't have to. The story so far...

The alternative Hallowe'en countdown; or, Happy Goth Christmas, y'all

2021-10-31T20:26:00.001+00:00

It's Hallowe'en, ghosts and ghouls! Time to don a disguise, go out trick or treatin' and raise some mischief. Or, just curl up with a nice glass o' something and watch a horror movie or read a good ghost book, your call. Now, before you go out there and stuff your face with chocolate and sweets, maybe glance upon this 1977 PIF about 'Halloween Safety'.

The alternative Hallowe'en countdown; or, maybe lay off the drugs for this one

2021-10-28T00:10:00.000+01:00

Story time, fact-fans. Back in the day, before Channel 4 was just the 'Great British Bake Off' channel, my mum and I watched this by chance one afternoon. We had no clue what we were letting ourselves in for. I didn't remember much about it, other than it was called 'Alice', so for years I was constantly wondering if I'd ever be able to find it again (you try finding 'weird Alice in Wonderland animation' in the days before decent interwebz!) Fast forward a bunch years and again, by chance, I was sorting through some DVDs at work when I saw the cover and immediately knew that this was the Alice I had been searching for!

This is the second of the Czech offerings; clearly they excel at creepy animation. A curious mix of live footage and stop-animation, this is 90 minutes of pure eccentricity. Oh, and a word to those of you who have phobias of taxidermy or porcelain dolls....do NOT watch this. Trust me, you're gonna have a bad time.

Made by Jan Švankmajer, this surreal retelling of 'Alice in Wonderland' is just one long fever dream involving marionettes, animal skeletons, specimen jars, and a March Hare that looks like it's escaped from 'Five Nights At Freddy's'. Interestingly, the customary MC of Wonderland, the Cheshire cat, is absent from this version. Possibly because a disembodied, grinning cat would be the least weird thing about this whole thing.

Whilst there's a few words spoken in Czech, it doesn't detract from the story if you don't bother with the subtitles. Most of the time, Alice is saying 'said the white rabbit' and the other times you can kinda work out the gist of what's being said. Incidentally, "what the fuck?" in Czechoslovakian is "co to sakra?" Feel free to use if often during your viewing.

The alternative Hallowe'en countdown; or, take care how you dial

2021-10-27T00:46:00.002+01:00

Almost everybody knows about 'Twilight Zone'; William Shatner with his aeroplane gremlins, Kojak dealing with talking dolls, aliens cooking people, and Rod Serling just being the coolest motherfucker on the planet. Most people, however, don't know about the 1980s reboot and, no, I'm not talking about the ill-fated film where Vic Morrow got decapitated.

The alternative Hallowe'en countdown; or, how to give tough love to kids

2021-10-26T18:43:00.001+01:00

I dunno what it is about the 1970s and hating kids, but they really loved to scare the hell out of them back then in the name of 'safety'. The '70s were the golden age of Public Information Films (a.k.a. PSAs in the USA); how many of us can go past an electricity pylon without proclaiming "JIMMY!" or hear Donald Pleasence's voice whispering whenever we go near a pond? They were an integral part of growing up, either by having them wheeled out during special assemblies at school or seeing them fill in the gaps in the TV schedule.

The alternative Hallowe'en countdown; or, the moral of the story is ‘pay your freelancers’

2021-10-25T00:19:00.001+01:00

This is the first of two Czech films that are part of this countdown; it wasn’t intentional, purely accidental. Doesn’t take a genius to work out that ‘Krysař’ (meaning ‘rat catcher’) is a retelling of ‘The Pied Piper of Hamelin’. Except instead of wearing a garish outfit, our Krysař is a tall, bearded fellow who cuts a dashing line in cloaks.

The alternative Hallowe'en countdown; or, it's Sunday so that means a horror story before bedtime

2021-10-24T18:30:00.005+01:00

Update 2023: Ugh, looks like the dreaded copyright strike has stricken the YouTube video. If you're in the UK, then you might be able to find it elsewhere (the show is on continuous repeat on channels like Sky Arts and ITV3).

Ah, anthology series...they are the best of times, they are the blurst of times. Mention 'Tales of the Unexpected' to anybody under the age of 45 and they'll blurt out how terrifying it was. However, there's a reason why people tend to pick the same five or so episodes as 'the best episodes' and that's because 95% of 'Tales of the Unexpected' is absolutely shit. There, I said it. A majority of the time, the scariest thing is the opening credits, with it's warbling fairground music wafting over visuals of Bond-esque dancing girls, garish masks and glowing skulls.

The alternative Hallowe'en countdown; or, some things are creepy that aren't ment to be

2021-10-23T02:17:00.000+01:00

As a self-proclaimed doyenne of forgotten pop culture, I've decided that over the next week I'm gonna resurrect this zombie blog* ("IT'S ALIVE!!") and share with you all some little-known TV episodes and films to lead you to the countdown to Hallowe'en.Read more »

Slang term of the month: 'have one on the city'; or, how I'm single-handedly bringing back forgotten slang

2021-01-31T17:37:00.001+00:00

I love old slang. Watching some black and white 50's B-movie on a Sunday afternoon is one of my ideal pastimes, 'cos they're always full of old sayings and words which have fallen into disuse. Some of them, well, you can see why they aren't used any more; let's face it, if somebody called you flutter bum*, you'll most likely give them a slap. But there are some words and phrases which deserve a rebirth, and that's where I come in.

Each month I'll post an old, disused slang term, with the hopes that it'll be used at some point in conversation during that month. Granted, it may mean that you'll end up talking like a tommy gun carrying gangster, but that's all part of the fun.

So, this month**, I present to you the following phrase:

Have one on the city! - original photo courtesy of Tack-O-Rama

Have one on the city

The next time somebody asks you for a drink, tell them to 'have one on the city' and then give them a glass of water. You'll probably start getting invited out less but hey, at least you'll sound cool!

* In case you're wondering, a flutter bum is allegedly a good looking guy. Hmmm, don't think I'll be using that one anytime soon.

** Yes, yes, I'm well aware that it's the end of the month. Just make out I'm giving you a head start for February, OK?

Wait, cigarettes are bad for you? But I thought they were full of vitamins and stuff!; or, let's port one of my half-finished blogs over here

2021-01-30T17:31:00.000+00:00

So, it's approaching the end of January. Chances are that, if you'd made any New Year's Resolutions, that they'll be a long-gone, distant memory by now.

January 1st - "Start going to the gym 5 times a week? I'm on it!"
January 2nd - "Ah, screw this, it's cold outside"

If one of your resolutions was to give up smoking, then maybe you should try the 'anti-nicotine diet'.

Dunhill De-Nicotea cigarette holder, 1950

It's recommended by doctors (I assume the kind of doctors who operate in back streets and will gladly forge prescriptions for a price) Wow, I bet you can feel your energy and health come back with every puff. And look, every 11 days (why 11 days, who did this study?) you take in almost a whiskey glassful of nicotine and tar. That's some scientific measurements there.

"OK, we just need to take some blood for testing."
"How much, nurse?"
"Oh, about a whiskey glassful".

See, you don't have to give up your favourite cigarettes. Sure, feel free to give up your dislikeable ones, but not your favourites.

Alternatively, you could just give up smoking. Or continue smoking. Your call.

Paper towels - they're not Mafia hit-men; or, it's another Rock 'n' Roll Martian adoptee

2021-01-29T17:32:00.000+00:00

The job of the copywriter is a hard one. If you're selling fancy cars or big houses or you're 'Employee of the Month' at McMann and Tate , I'm sure the superlatives come thick and fast.

I'm sure the job is much harder when you have to sell this.

Gala paper towels, 1965

For one thing, it doesn't look like they're too sure that it is the prettiest paper towel ever made. Well, at least it's the newest, that's something! I can just picture the meeting they had:

- Hmmm, how can we really demonstrate that this is some of the prettiest paper towels around?
- Ooooh, I dunno....how about we shove a rose in it?

It's not too clear where they were going with the disclaimer 'Gala has a soft and silent strength...' Did they get it confused with a Mafia hit-man? Oh no, wait a minute, they can't have, as this particular paper towel comes by [those qualities] honestly. Honestly? So, don't worry, it didn't jump a guy in the back alley for that soft and silent strength. Phew, that's a relief. Don't want a dishonest paper towel in my house, not like that Bounty stuff.

They clearly couldn't come up with a decent tag-line either. 'Gala - a really wonderful new towel' isn't exactly laying on the praise with a trowel. Makes you wonder what the tag-lines were that they didn't go with:

Gala - the reasonably adequate new towel

Gala - it's an alright new towel

Gala - the unremarkable new towel

Also, I might paint my kitchen so-right yellow. I think it'll be a winner.

Netflix killed the cinema star; or, my love/hate relationship with going to the movies

2014-05-13T18:53:00.000+01:00

"C'mon son, let's go get shit seats for Batman"

I overheard this choice quote when I was in the lobby waiting to see The Dark Knight Rises. I had booked the day off work especially to see this on it's release, because I knew that it was going to sell out and I didn't want to wait for the masses to descend onto the cinema in the evening. As it happens, by the time I'd got down to the cinema, the first showing had already sold out, so I was stuck with going to the second showing instead*. Cue football-dad and his 11 year old son. It was already 15 minutes past the start of the first showing, so the adverts and trailers would be in full swing. However, they'd clearly booked their tickets ahead, as they went straight up to the ticket machine and got their tickets. Dad looked at the screen number and screening time on them, looked up at the film times board and turned to his son; that's when he muttered those immortal words.

I had to stifle a laugh and the incident quickly became one of those private jokes where you can text it to your friend at 2 am and they'll know instantly what you're referring to. But that one sentence summed up the problem I have with going to the cinema today. You pay your extortionate ticket prices, for what? To sit in a crowded cinema, in an uncomfortable seat, surrounded by ungrateful people. And that's the problem there.

People. People have ruined the magic of going to the cinema. Yeah, thanks a lot, guys! But perhaps I should clarify. Not everybody has ruined it for me, it's mainly those people who don't know how to behave when watching a film in the cinema. We've become so used to watching HD films on our flatscreen TVs in the comfort of our own home, that we forget that when in the cinema we need to be courteous to others. So don't be taking your shoes off and putting your feet up, because you're not at home. Don't be arriving late during the movie then ducking out early, because you're not at home. Don't be obnoxiously texting your friends/checking Facebook/doozying about on your phone, because you're not at home. Don't be discussing 'where do I know that actor from?' with the person next to you, because you're not at home.

Unfortunately, the big chain cinemas do little to discourage these actions. In fact, they often pander to them! There was talks at one point about having 'interactivity' during movies; film companies were going to encourage people to use their phones during movies! I kid you not. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, then why not just join them, huh? And, yes, I realise that the article states that 'it wouldn't be encouraged during the movie', you've kinda lost that one 'cos chances are people will be using their phones anyway.
On a recent movie outing, as soon as the credits began to roll the lights went up and people instantly began to pile out. The screen hadn't even gone black yet! There was no time to let the film that you've just spent 2 hours watching sink in, no time to actually read the credits (yes, some of us do!), no time to just enjoy the film. I made the joke that a photo of Clarence Boddicker should flash up on screen with the immortal phrase "Bitches, leave!" blasted over the speakers.

I am sooooo getting this t-shirt

The sad thing is, as much as I love films and even the cinema (especially old cinemas, the ones that still have character and architecture, but I'll leave that for another ~~rant~~ story), the more bad or just plain annoying experiences I have, the less I actually want to go. I'd rather just watch it at home, in HD, on my widescreen TV, in a comfy chair, with no obnoxious people and I can make my own popcorn the way I like it. It's not that I want to do this, but it feels like I'm kinda being forced to do this, thanks to lame big chain cinemas and even lamer patrons of said establishments.

I also think that the following video should be shown before every film.

* As it happened, this was actually a blessing in disguise, as the second showing was pretty empty! Everybody had clearly gone to the first showing, thinking they'd beat the crowds.

It's 1.30 am. Do you know where your brain is?; or, start collecting jars and bottles now for Christmas crafting

2014-03-09T21:56:00.000+00:00

There was a time, not too long ago, that 1.30 am on a Saturday night (or Sunday morning, for the pedantic out there) would have seen me somewhat dishevelled, revelling away in a nightclub, trying to work out if I had enough money for another drink or whether I should save it for a portion of chips, onion rings and mayo on the way home.

Ah memories.

Alas, last night that scene did not take place. Instead, I do what most other people do when they can't sleep but it's now too late (or early, again for the pedantic) to actually go and do anything; I started treeing on the internet. You know, you innocently go to read your email, you click on a link, that leads to another link and another, and before you know it, you're planning your Christmas crafting session and looking at recipes for cinnamon buns.

Yes, you read that correctly...cinnamon buns...errrr....I mean...yes, Christmas crafting session. To further reiterate how ridiculous that sounds, today not only are we in the beginnings of Spring, but it was also practically Summer out there today. I kid ye not! Today in good ol' Blighty with its schizophrenic weather, it was a balmy 16°C. Now you can see why the Brits love to talk about the weather so much.

Now, the crafty* and well-organised amongst you will no doubt guffaw at my cavalier attitude to Christmas planning. I'm sure some of you have already grabbed gift wrap and greetings cards from the post-Christmas sales and have them safely stashed away. Unfortunately, my ninja skillz don't extend to forward planning. Not unless that forward planning involves ice cream in some way. No, my road to Christmas is paved with good intentions, but usually ends with me in a panic somewhere around the 22nd December when I realise I've bought my mum rose-scented bath foam...AGAIN!

So last night, hidden between the cinnamon bun recipes, I found loads of great recipes for homemade foodie gifts. Gifts that were quick to make and didn't cost ££. But, most important of all, homemade gifts that didn't suck. And so I took it upon myself to start collecting glass jars and bottles in preparation for the Christmas crafting extravaganza that will no doubt overtake me come November 30th. And that's why I'm letting you guys know too. 'Cos the last thing I (and you) need is to have all these great crafty ideas but no actual receptacles to put them in. And then there'll be a panic-buying episode where you buy ridiculously overpriced ornate glass jars because you threw out all those empty jam and pickle jars over the last 6 months, so you end up spending more money than you intended just because you're determined to do your damned pumpkin chutney and mincemeat.

And you don't want that, do you?

* By 'crafty' I don't mean devious and sly, I mean likes to make stuff.

The gentle art of making frenemies; or, it's about time I cleared out my music folder

2014-02-27T16:33:00.000+00:00

Record collections are a strange thing. For one thing, they're not record collections any more...they're either CD collections or (in my case) digital media collections. But, however you want to refer to them, they are a perfect encapsulation of the period, mood and place you were in at the time you acquired them. There are those items that everybody amongst your circle of friends had, like it was some kind of rite of passage (Rage Against the Machine by Rage Against the Machine is the synonymous one); there are those items that were the ‘oh, this will do’ part of the ‘3 for £20’ deals at HMV (hello Pablo Honey by Radiohead, which I only listened to once, and only half of it because it always, always sent me to sleep); those items that were bought in a state of nervous exhilaration because your current crush/boyf at the time was heavily into them and so you felt you needed to be too (I’m looking at you, Siamese Dream by The Smashing Pumpkins) and then there’s the flotsam and jetsam that just get caught up in your collection through various house-shares, flatmates and friends staying over who forget to take their CDs back with them and so you end up adopting it as one of your own (The Best of Life of Agony, The More Things Change by Machine Head and many, many others).

In the early 2000s, at about the same time I got my first MP3 player (and before all phones were smartphones), I decided that I should rip all my CDs to my PC; well, at least the ones I listened to the most. I wasn’t quite ready to give up the physical objects (yet), even though most of the time I played my CDs on my PC through tinny speakers rather than hook up my stereo.* So, my music was digital via the old-fashioned method but I still had CDs cluttering up the place.
A few years later, when I was getting ready to move house and I realized that I really didn’t want to be shifting boxes of stuff from one house to another, I decided to be really radical and rip all my CDs to my PC, regardless of the last time I had actually listened to them, and send my eclectic 10 years+ collection of CDs over to Music Magpie.

This guy's clearly saying 'gimme more stuff!'

It’s funny to think that my copy of Smash by The Offspring is probably floating around a branch of That’s Entertainment.

Anyway, fast-forward to modern day…today in fact. All of my music is now digital, acquired through various means {ahem}. Which means, even though I no longer have the actual physical objects cluttering up my front room, I still have MP3 files cluttering up my PC. And those li’l buggers have a strange habit of popping outta nowhere. They mutate and multiply when you’re not looking. Moving folders of music from one device to another seems to act like a transanimateobjectifier**. I have songs in my collection I have no idea where they came from. Did that copy of Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith come from old phone my mum gave me when mine packed in? And since when did I download an entire album by Katy Perry?
And so, the painstaking task of going through my music folder and deleting all those weird and wonderful songs is upon me. The only difference is, this time around I can’t sell them on; so I’m not gaining ££$$, just GB.

Suede? - DELETE
Gary Numan? – DELETE
Get the Funk Out by Extreme? – DEL…oh, actually, I might keep that one ;P

* No change there then, as I sit in my chair, laptop on my knee, listening to my music collection now stored on Google Play Music. The only difference is, I no longer have a stereo.
** +50 points if you get that reference. –100 points if you have to go to Google.

Lazarus Pit; or, it's about time I resurrected this blog

2014-02-23T19:22:00.002+00:00

Let's face it, this blog has been languishing for ages, abandoned and wandering the streets like a Dickensian orphan at Christmas. But no more! It's about time that I got my backside into gear and actually bothered to write stuff. So, as you can see, I've had a redesign and also a renaming; RIP dolli*knitrix deliberations, we hardly knew ye.

I've gone through a lot of my old posts and deleted a bunch which were either (a) out of date or (b) nonsensical/boring. There's still a few I'm umming and ahhhing about, but I may just keep them, or I may not. I may be radical and delete them all!*
Anyway, enough of my rambling and on with the show. But don't get too attached; chances are I'll have a brief mania on here and will update it constantly, then my attentions will be diverted elsewhere and this blog will probably lie on the side of the road, again. Don't be disheartened, 'tis the dolli*knitrix way.

At this point, you're probably wondering where the But can she type? title came from. Or maybe you're not. Either way, you're about to find out. I'm a huge fan of The Twilight Zone, both the 60s series and the 80s one (but not the 90s one, with it's god-awful Korn soundtrack...we shall kindly ignore that one). One of my favourite stories from the 80s one is about a secretary who gets sucked into a parallel dimension while sorting out a photocopier**; a parallel universe where all secretaries are revered as superstar models. But, why should I bother telling you when you can just watch it? Thanks to the magic of YouTube, here it is.

And yes, that is Mindy from Mork & Mindy.

* Highly unlikely, as it would involve effort on my part.

** As I spend most of my working day unjamming and fixing photocopiers, this is a fantasy I often indulge myself in.

Jem and the Holograms wave 2 announced!

2013-01-28T17:00:00.000+00:00

As previously stated, I have been waiting a loooooonnnnnnggggg time for a re-release of Jem and the Holograms dolls. Looks like plenty of other people were too, as the first wave released in November 2012 sold out almost immediately! Luckily, I managed to find a little-known dealer who still had a full set left, so I didn't miss out .

Integrity Toys Jem and the Holograms wave 2

Jem and the Holograms - the return!

2012-06-28T11:56:00.000+01:00

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I haven't felt this way about a doll line coming out in absolutely ages. But here it is....Jem is coming BACK!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

And, the best bit is, Hasbro have partnered with Integrity, so you know it's going to be a quality production.

'Hollywood Jem' 2012 Comic Con special edition doll

At the moment, there's not too much information about the rest of the collection, just that they'll be launching at the 2012 Comic Con in San Diego, with a special edition doll of Hollywood Jem being released. Also, no size info, although I suspect it's 12".
You can find out more information at the Official Jem Collectible Doll website. Finally, it really is showtime, Synergy!

WHAAA! Why the torture?

2010-03-17T12:30:00.001+00:00

So, I wait forever for The Huntress to appear. Now we get an email of the Tonner newsletter saying that they're doing a special doll for the Chicago Comic Con (C2E2) in April. And guess who it is? A deluxe version of The Huntress!

Whaaa, that's not fair! Sure, there'll be eBay, but you can guarantee that the $150 she's retailing for will suddenly increase to double that for those people who mistakenly assume that just 'cos she's a special edition and a LE 200 (which is nothing in the doll world) that she'll be worth some $$$$. Yeah, right.

For those interested, here's the Tonner newsletter from March 16th.

Toy Fair 2010 - the photo I've been waiting for

2010-02-15T11:52:00.000+00:00

Yes, as you can see from my previous post that I was hoping The Huntress would be revealed at IDEX and Tonner's 2010 collection. But she wasn't BAH! So, my hopes were up for Toy Fair. I hadn't seen anything officially announced and I'd actually forgotten about Toy Fair, until I saw a tweet linking to Tonner's Facebook page, talking about some pics taken there. Amongst the chatter about Dr Who and Torchwood, I saw this pic:

YAY! There she is!! Looks like she's got the superhero flat feet (well, I suppose she can't be running around in heels if she's a crime fighter LOL!) I can't wait for her official pics to show up on Tonner's website (as of yet, it's still showing Harley Quinn and Power Girl), but she looks amazing :)

Rumour mill - new Tonner DC characters (and others)

2010-01-24T21:52:00.002+00:00

It's been a while since I really cared about the new dolls Tonner was releasing. Don't get me wrong, I still like his fashion dolls and such (Tyler et al), but ever since the sYbarites and Jason Wu's influence on Gene and the Avantguards, my interest in Tyler's world has waned.

But over the last few years, it's become apparent that ol' Bobby T and I share a common love (apart from dolls :P)....comic books! I already knew he was a big Wonder Woman fan (one of his first dolls he made was a porcelain Golden Age WW) and when he got the DC licence I was made.

Over the years he's gone through the usual people, using the regular Tyler body. But there was one character missing for me. Then the athletic body came about for Lara Croft, and the DC line was reinvented. This bigger, bustier body works so much better for the DC girls and I was still waiting for a certain character to appear.

Then it was announced this week. In Tomart's Action Figure Digest there was an interview with Robert Tonner and a few small pics of some upcoming dolls in the DC line. One was Harley Quinn (cool!) and the other was....The Huntress!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

This is the girl I've been waiting for. At one point (before Tonner did the DC dolls) I was going to makeover a Tyler to make a Huntress, as I never ever thought she'd turn up. But now I don't have to YAY! I haven't seen actual pics yet, but there's gonna be a big reveal this Friday 29th on the Tonner website. But according to the sources, she's gonna look similar to this:

There were also some other rumours about the new Tonner line, especially where it involves the Disney licence. Apparently, a line of dolls based on Tron may be in the works (this one I've gotta see, big time Tron fan here), as well as Alice in Wonderland (which I can only assume will be based on the Tim Burton film) and Prince of Persia. Does this mean we'll see a Jake Gyllenhaal doll soon? (Does anybody else think he looks like CM Punk?)

Unfortunately, as it'll be based on the upcoming film, it means we won't be getting an Elika doll...maybe if I pester Robert he might do one in a few years? ;)

Gene's Christmas party

2010-01-03T16:34:00.001+00:00

For many years now I've been meaning to make a display for Christmas, using my dolls. For one reason or another, I never got around to it, but this year I made sure that I would do my festive diorama. So, here's this year's 'Seasonal Scene'.

The guest of honour hasn't arrived yet (hence the reason why I'm posting these pics so late), I think she's somewhere over the Atlantic. Oh well, I'm sure she'll be fashionably late ;)

Rondelet Gene is hosting this year's party, with guests Careless Kisses Madra and Vee for Tea Ivy (wearing Sambuca). As you can see, Madra is giving Gene a sly look, making sure Gene doesn't upstage the party she'll have. But, of course, Gene is too savvy for that and is giving her a sly look back.

Here's a close-up of Gene, with Ivy in the background (eating a cupcake) and Gene's White Christmas tree. I love this tree! I'm gonna be on the lookout for new decorations for it, maybe even make some from beads and what-not.

Gene's refreshments of choice are cupcakes and red wine (a winning combination :P ) The cupcakes and wine bottle (including the glass that Gene is holding) is courtesy of Japanese miniatures company, Re-Ment. I ADORE their stuff, so tiny and detailed. Anyway...hmmmmm, looks like one of them has fallen on the floor and somebody is having a sneaky nibble!

There were a load more props I wanted to add to this diorama, but time was short. Oh well, there's always next year!

FDKK: Re-jigging patterns part 1 - substituting yarns

2009-12-03T18:44:00.003+00:00

As you can probably tell from the 'blurb' in my banner, two of my loves are knitting and fashion dolls, as well as knitting for fashion dolls. One of the questions I hear continually is how to resize and rejig patterns, either from one type of doll to another, from human size to doll size or by using a different type of yarn to the one stated in the pattern.
I'm going to tackle each of these questions using examples and I'll even include a downloadable fact sheet (bonus!) In some cases I'll include a free pattern too.

Anyway, in the first of a few parts, here's how to change the yarn stated in the pattern to another. This is particularly good if you want to make the pattern in a finer yarn, or if the yarn stated in the pattern is one that you haven't got or if you'd prefer to make it in a different yarn.

The pattern I'm going to use is my own design for 16" dolls such as Tyler Wentworth and Gene called (originally enough) Fringed Dress and can be downloaded at the end of this post. So, here we go.

First things first, you've got to do a gauge/tension swatch with your chosen yarn before you go any further. Yes, I know I know, doing tension swatches are boring, but trust me it's worth it! One of the things I hate most is when I read a knitting pattern for a doll and it states "Gauge not crucial" ARRRRGGGGHHH! Of course it is! If the gauge is wrong then the pattern won't come out as it should for the intended doll (and I've learnt this the hard way when I didn't check my gauge once, and the sweater I was knitting for Tyler ended up fitting my 22" American Model. Be warned!)
Now you've got your gauge swatch, look and see how many stitches you get to the inch/centimetre. It doesn't matter if you use inches or centimetres, as long as you're consistent and stick to the same throughout; no flitting from cm to " and vice-versa. For me, I can work in both, but I know a few people out there can't convert between them.
OK, you've got your stitches per inch/centimetre. Take a look at the pattern and see what the gauge is for the yarn they have.
N.B. Make sure you read the gauge properly; in the Fringed Dress pattern I give the tension over 5 centimetres (2 inches), so to get the stitches per inch I have to divide by 2 (and for centimetres, divide by 5). Some patterns may give it over 10 centimetres (4 inches) or just the 1 inch. Double check to avoid a sizing disaster!
Here's where the maths comes in. The equation goes like this:

Stitches in pattern divided by pattern stitch gauge multiplied by substitute stitch gauge

'Stitches in pattern' refers to anywhere it mentions a certain number of stitches or rows, such as when casting on.

Lets work this out with an example (arm yourself with a calculator, unless you're a whiz at maths):

The Fringed Dress has a gauge of 6 stitches per inch. My (imaginary) substitute yarn has a gauge of 10 stitches per inch. The pattern says to cast on 58 stitches.

58 divided by 6 = 9.66666

The answer actually came out longer, but we'll shorten it. Whenever you get a long answer, round the number down to the nearest decimal point.

58 divided by 6 = 9.6

We take this answer and multiply it by the gauge of the substitute yarn.

9.6 x 10 = 96

So, with our new yarn we'd cast on 96 stitches. Hurrah! As I said earlier, you'll use the 'stitches in pattern' part of the equation wherever there's a certain number of rows or stitches mentioned. A good example from the Fringed Dress is the armholes

p11, cast off 10 sts, p15, cast off 10 sts, p to end

Using our 'substitute yarn sums', we'll work it out as before.

11 divided by 6 = 1.8
1.8 x 10 = 18

Instead of purling 11 stitches, we'd purl 18 stitches. And for the 'cast off 10 stitches' part:

10 divided by 6 = 1.6
1.6 x 10 = 16

Means we'd cast off 16 stitches instead of 10. However, make sure that the number of stitches worked matches the same amount of stitches you should have in your row. Sometimes you have to do a bit of working out (occasionally the numbers may be one stitch out or something).

There, now you know how to substitute a yarn that has a different gauge! Remember, this also works for crochet and 'human sized' knitting.