by this everyone will know

What I Learned in 2017: A year of Testing and Blessing

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie larrison) — Wed, 03 Jan 2018 01:17:00 +0000

Two years ago it seemed like everything bad that could happen did. If you read my post from last New Year’s, you’ll see that I sort of gave up on New Year’s resolutions. Not in a bad way, but I realized that I needed to leave margin for what God wanted to teach me.

Last year I ditched my business plan, my cleaning schedule and everything else I had concocted in my gung ho efforts to be massively organized and productive. I assumed that since the previous year had been so difficult, that the lessons on endurance were over and life would return to normal.

Except, it didn’t.

It got worse.

Sicker Than a Dog

I started out January with a 14 week long case of Mono. I was sick in bed more often than not, the house was a literal disaster, and homeschooling was an afterthought. My son watched more tv last year than I’d care to admit. But at least it was educational tv, right?

It was exhausting and I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

Once the round with mono was over I thought I’d start feeling better, but I didn’t. Now I was sick in bed with extreme fatigue (still), intense nausea and vomiting. A few weeks into that fun journey I found out that I was pregnant.

My wonderful husband teaching our son while I was sick

Tough Decisions

We had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year so we were very excited, but it was still a tough time. During this time we were deciding what the future held for us as far as living arrangements. The past 6 years we were living with my husband’s grandparents in their home.

It started off as them giving us a place to stay after we lost everything from my husband’s back injury. Six years ago we were homeless with a new baby and 19 cents to our name. After awhile we decided to stay and help them, since they were growing older and needed the assistance.

Now that both of his grandparents were gone, we had a decision to make. We could continue to live there and buy the house, or we could start over and move somewhere else. The original plan in January was to purchase the house, but we discovered something awful while cleaning out the estate.

A Toxic Discovery

When we moved the cabinets in the basement away from the walls to clean, we found something we hadn’t expected. Toxic black mold. Everywhere. Apparently when mold is disturbed it releases a poison called mycotoxins that causes a long list of health issues, including death.

We both became very sick from the mold. And as we looked back at the health issues we developed over the years (especially my husband) more and more of the symptoms matched up with what we were learning about mold poisoning.

There were other things about the house I wasn’t so excited about, but the toxic mold was a deal breaker. We started looking for a house to purchase (that didn’t have mold), but that was also a seemingly impossible task! For the next 7 months we house shopped.

One of the ones that got away

House Hunting Woes

The market here is hot, so most listings were sold within 24 hours of being posted. With a new baby on the way we were running out of time, and it seemed like we would never find our home. We had lowered our standards several times, looked outside of the area we wanted to live, and still couldn’t find anything.

After 6 months of searching, we put an offer in on a home that we were both excited for and spent the night praying. This home was on a great piece of property, was cozy but just big enough and was in an ideal location. It had been sitting on the market for months (which was unheard of for our area), so we were sure it would be ours.

Just a few hours before we were supposed to close on the house, someone else swooped in with another offer. All cash, no questions asked. It was hard to lose what we thought was going to be our first real home, but we knew that God was protecting us from something.

God's Timing

The search began again. I got updates from a housing website on my phone that notified me once a house with our desired characteristics came up on the market. One night in August a notification popped up on my phone. My husband and I had just woken up from a nap, and I showed him the picture. He hadn’t even opened his eyes all of the way yet before he said,

“That’s it! Put an offer in.”

I convinced him to at least look at the house first before we agreed to buy it! But he was right. Within an hour we had a showing scheduled and the next morning we had our offer in.

I’m a writer by nature, and I really wanted to be sure that we had the best chance at getting this house. I wrote a cover letter to submit with our offer, telling the owners of our situation and why we wanted their home. Something must have worked, because that evening our realtor called and told us they had accepted our offer!

Testing and Blessing

That in itself was an act of God. After months of searching and properties constantly being sold out from under us, we were discouraged. This house was larger, nicer, in a better neighborhood and better location than any house we had looked at so far. We also have fantastic neighbors, one of which happens to be a fellow blogger!

This house just happened to be listed for the exact amount we were approved for. Similar properties here sell for $30-40,000 more than what we paid for ours.

Last year God told me at the beginning of the year to expect a Job year. A year of testing and trials. A year of learning to trust Him for my very existence. And boy was it. I knew that at the end of it though we would be blessed beyond anything we could think to ask for.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20

My two little blessings

Living in God's Grace

We moved into our new home in October, just a few short months before my due date. We’re starting the long process of healing from our exposure to the toxic mold. There are still struggles, however in the midst of the struggles there are blessings beyond measure.

I’m holding my newborn baby in my lap as I type this. I’m able to work (mostly) from home, as I’ve been blessed with several writing positions that make my dream career possible. And for the first time in our lives, after years of living with others or in crappy run down apartments, my husband and I get to enjoy our own home.

I really don’t know yet what 2018 will hold for us, but I’m excited to find out.

When Your Schedule gets in god's Way

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie larrison) — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 05:33:00 +0000

KynaB via Flickr CC

As messy as my room was in high school, you'd never know that I'm an OCD plan-aholic. In college each class had an assigned color with a color coded notebook, pens and file folder for every one. All of my science assignments were written in blue ink pen in my planner, and class notes were taken in a blue notebook. I had my life planned down to 15 minute increments.

No guarantees

Maybe you're not as schedule planning crazy as I am, but maybe your life plans are still getting in the way of God's plans for you. Are you leaving margin in your life for God to test you, grow you and bless you in unexpected ways?

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— ¹⁴yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. ¹⁵Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." - James 4:13-17

Leaving God out

I hate to admit it, but it honestly didn't occur to me until this year that my life goals and life plans left God out of the picture. Sure, I've committed to reading scripture and prayer journaling every morning, but I had made the mistake of compartmentalizing the God of the universe. Even though I try to pray without ceasing throughout my day, I hadn't really invited God to take charge of my dreams and plans.

I've planned out my year, my goals and what I want to accomplish when, but I didn't think to leave room for God's plans. Not that there's anything wrong with improving my businesses, and focusing on growing my family relationships, but I didn't stop to ask, what may God have planned for me this year?

Trying to fit a square into a circle mold

To be honest, last year was a huge struggle. My husband almost died from acute pancreatitis in May, and then again from a heart problem in October. I had to help him through the trial of opioid withdrawal. It was so bad, that he had thoughts of death, and I had to come home early from work, to hold him as he fell apart. Later that year we became the sole caretakers of his grandma who has severe Alzheimers, only to face the death of both of his grandparents after being their live in caregivers for 4 years.

Before all of that craziness happened, I had planned out a detailed schedule and goals for my life at the beginning of the year. I was going to teach more essential oil classes in the community, I was going to write for 5 hours a day, I was going to have a clean house. But God had other plans. My mistake was trying to still shove my human goals into a day that He was trying to fill with testing and blessing. I spent the year frustrated and overwhelmed as my plans clashed with His.

Unless the Lord builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchman stays awake in vain.

²It is in vain that you rise up early

and go late to rest,

eating the bread of anxious toil;

for he gives to his beloved sleep. - Psalm 127:1-2

Commit and He will establish

The problem wasn't that my goals were bad. The problem was that I was trying to drag God along with me, instead of allowing Him to lead. I don't want to labor in vain! That's too much work and I don't have the energy for it. I had made my plans, but God had a different path for me.

The plans of the heart belong to man,

but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

²All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,

but the Lord weighs the spirit.^[a]

³Commit your work to the Lord,

and your plans will be established.

⁴The Lord has made everything for its purpose,

even the wicked for the day of trouble.

⁹The heart of man plans his way,

but the Lord establishes his steps. - Proverbs 16:1-4,9

Speaking of letting leaders lead, this is an absolutely hilarious video that illustrates the point perfectly. It shows just how messy (and embarrassing) things can get when we try to lead where we shouldn't.

The best part is, that God isn't trying to mess my plans up because He just wants to make life hard for me. Quite the opposite!

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. - Ephesians 3:20

I'm realizing that not only does God have a good and perfect plan for me life, one to prosper me and not harm me, but His plan is far better than anything I can ever imagine! At the end of last year, before things got really intense with more craziness, I was offered 3 full time writing jobs in one week. Yes, 3! This is something I had been working towards for years, and it finally happened all in one week. Yes I worked hard for it, but I know without a doubt that if it weren't for God intervening, I never would have had those opportunities.

Re-evaluating my plans

As I was planning out this year again, ready to finally hit my goals hard, it was brought to my attention that I need to leave room for God to interrupt my plans. Because his plans are far better than any I could ever imagine.

Do you invite God to interrupt your life with His testing and blessing, or do you power through with your life and goals? Please share your thoughts in the comments!

We Don't Know Who We Are Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie larrison) — Tue, 03 May 2016 03:43:00 +0000

Via Flickr CC: Ashley Pollak

It used to be a huge shocker when a celebrity came out of the closet and announced that they were gay. I remember as a little kid, hearing that Rosie O'Donnell was gay and trying to understand what that meant. Whole episodes of talk shows and the front pages of magazines would be devoted to their announcement.

The identity crisis

Now, it's old hat. We expect any guy who likes drinking tea and fashion to declare that he's attracted to men. No one is surprised when they find out a celebrity is gay. There's usually no big announcement, no fanfare, just quiet acceptance of the fact.

So what happened? Why are women turning into men, why are men dressing as women and using the women's restrooms? Why are we a culture that celebrates transgender, transrace, and even transpecies now?

Trusting in our own hearts

The human mind is a complex thing, and our emotions can be even more so. With such a wide culture of acceptance, I do believe that men who happen to like "women's" activities, and vice versa, can feel pressured into just saying they're gay. If everyone else thinks you are, then that's who you must be, right?

Truth in our culture is now subjective. There is no hard right or wrong, and there are no hard facts. Whatever you feel to be true for you, is your truth. This blurring of lines not only causes an ethical dilemma for many wading through it, but it's a telltale sign that we as a culture have lost our identity.

You want to be a dog? Good for you. You want to leave your wife and 7 kids to spend your days coloring as a little girl? Go for it. You want to be an activist for your black family? It doesn't matter that you were born white. The disturbing thing is, that all of these are true stories.

Where do you come from?

It comes down to your perspective of origins. If we believe that we evolved out of nothing, we're worth nothing in the grand scheme of things, and all that matters is the little joy we can scratch out of our existence, then that changes how we see life.

I'm not saying that non-Christians can't be happy, or don't celebrate successes. Some do, some don't. But if you ask them to do some honest to God soul searching, their reality looks pretty empty. One atheist told me that there's always hope in hope. He doesn't know what there is to hope for, but he still has hope, really in nothing.

Your identity

As a Christian, I don't have to wonder about who I am. I don't have to go find myself and discover my identity. I already know who I am, because God told me who I am.

I am a child of God

I have the joy of the Lord

I am the bride of Christ

I am a sinner, washed clean and sanctified

I am a wife under the authority of her husband (that ones hard for me sometimes!)

I am loved by the God of the universe

I am created in God's image

If we believe God's word, really truly deep down have faith in it, then we have to believe that we are who he says we are. Now I'm not going to get into Sodom and Gomorra, or all the verses about homosexuality in the Bible. Not because they aren't important, they are, but the other issue that we don't seem to be addressing is this:

Do you believe that you are who God says you are?

You may not think you're a woman trapped in a man's body, but do you think you're so dirty you can't be sanctified? Do you believe you've been healed by his stripes and blessed to live a life of abundance, or is God's healing and abundance for other people? Do you believe that you've been given a spirit of power. of love. and of a sound mind, or do you live in worry?

How precious is it that we don't have to wonder who we are! We only have to claim the promises and live in obedience to experience our awesome, life changing destiny. We DO matter in the grand scheme of things. We have a plan and a purpose that will matter for all eternity. We matter.

Some in our culture have found a false identity in what their emotions are telling them is true. You don't have to be gay to be missing your identity, but by God's grace you don't have to stay that way.

Feel inspired? Please share this post with others who need to hear it!

The Problem with Worship

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie larrison) — Sun, 10 Jan 2016 03:52:00 +0000

Flickr CC via Aikawa Ke

I recently went to a church service at a church we stopped attending years ago. I was expecting to feel refreshed, filled with God's word and ready to worship. I came with the right heart, but I must say that I left feeling dead inside.

The Lack of Worship in Worship

The worship service was what really saddened me. The songs were shallow and the lyrics repeated over and over again. I felt myself longing for a soul filling experience. Now this isn't to knock those who do feel worshipful with this style of music. There were obviously people there truly worshiping God.

There were also dozens of people scrolling through their phones and texting, or half heartedly muttering words they didn't seem to feel. It was like a dead man singing. The worship leader even got up and gave a moving talk about the beauty and richness of the old hymns, reading a few verses of Joy to the World to the congregation. But no, they still weren't sung.

The heart is what matters when it comes to worship, absolutely. I came there seeking God with my whole heart, ready to worship and instead, I felt let down. We're supposed to be passionate and on fire with the holy spirit! What happened to true worship?

Feeling Dead Inside

For the 3 years that I attended a Christian college and attended mandatory chapel, I felt more dead inside than I'd ever felt in my life. I can't really explain it, but maybe you've felt that way too? I have however worshiped with other believers in someone's living room, on a front porch, seated around a dining room table and in a church with a thousand people and felt God moving.

When you truly feel God's presence, it changes everything. I've felt such an indescribable joy and peace. I've felt like laughing and crying at the same time. I've heard God speak to me and felt the warm protection of His presence.

Many, many people my age I've talked to have felt this way about church services. That they're a hollow shell of what they're meant to be. Jesus says "I am the way, the truth and the LIFE." We need to put some life back in church!

And no, that doesn't mean strobe lights, more electric guitars and a pastor who is "relevant" because he wears t-shirts and jeans. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with those things, but when you forget to invite God to church, everything else is meaningless.

Plant it

The other thing, is that sitting in church is only a small part of the equation. In James 1:22-25 we're told to not just listen to God's word, but to obey it. That our faith is proven by our actions, and that faith without deeds is worthless.

Beth Moore, one of my favorite speakers, had described it this way. When we hear the word of God we're given a seed, and we're supposed to plant that seed. Instead, we just eat the seed and the fruit never manifests itself. We don't see a harvest when we're only hearers of the word and not doers.

^"As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." James 2:26

So if you're feeling dead inside when it comes to your spiritual life, no matter how much you pray, listen to sermons and sing praise music, then it's time to get up and do something! Go bake cookies for your neighbor, or shovel someone's sidewalk, or volunteer at your local pregnancy center.

Go plant some seeds.

Loving Your spouse Even When its Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie larrison) — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 03:22:00 +0000

Image Credit: Flickr CC - Jamey M. Photography

I talked about how I learned to love my son the other day, but I’m also finding that I’m still learning to love my husband. We love each other a lot of course, which is one of the main reasons we decided to get married. Everyone tells you how hard marriage is, but it’s hard to believe them until you’re in the trenches yourself.

There really isn’t too much about how to treat your husband in the Bible, other than the “wives submit to your husbands” part. As I become a little more seasoned, I’ve discovered that the Bible does have a lot to say about loving and sacrificing for each other though.

We asked the minister at our wedding to read these verses, and we made them a part of our marriage vows. The Bible gives a clear outline of what true love is, all we have to do is follow the blueprint. Of course my selfish desires too frequently get in the way, but I feel good knowing that I have a clear picture of what I’m striving for.

The Love Blueprint

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient – Even when they still haven’t put the socks in the laundry basket for the millionth time.

Love is kind – Responding with a kind spirit and tone smooths things over when they’re tense, and helps keep them from getting to that point when things are going well.

It does not envy – When one of you is at work and the other has to stay home with a colicky baby.

It does not boast – Rejoicing with them for their accomplishments instead of rubbing in your own.

It is not proud – Humility in marriage is a hard, yet frequent lesson for me.

It does not dishonor others – We’re supposed to respect and honor our spouse, not putting them down in front of others, especially our kids.

It is not self-seeking – If you seek their interests and needs, they’ll be more inclined to seek your needs which is so much more fulfilling than trying to do everything for yourself.

It is not easily angered -Back to the part about patience, it’s easy to get frustrated with each other when you’re around each other all the time. When you try to love the other person though, situations that could be downright frustrating are easily water under the bridge.

It keeps no records of wrongs – Dredging up everything and rehashing it is satisfying at first, but then you both end up hurt. It’s best to let it go and take things as they come.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth

Love bears all things – Bearing your spouse’s burden uplifts you both.

Believes all things – Supporting them and believing that they can accomplish what they need to. Believing them when they tell you something. Trust is really key in a marriage.

Hopes all things – Hope that they’ll start fulfilling their end of things, hope that they’ll get the promotion at work, hope that

Endures all things – No matter how tough things can get, you endure it with them and for them.

Love never fails – As people we fail all too often, but we can strive to never give up on loving our spouse.

Emulating God's love

This is such a beautiful chapter that its easy to get caught up in the poetry of the words. I try to occasionally meditate on the words though and mentally apply them to how I should be acting and reacting in my marriage. Of course being the fallible creatures that we are we’re not always going to love our spouse perfectly.

We do have the perfect example to follow though. Husbands are told to love their wives like Christ loved the church, sacrificing everything for them, nurturing and leading them. As you read through the gospels and see how much Christ loved the people, it’s a powerful image of how we’re called to love our spouses.

Sometimes when I think he's not acting the way he should, its easy for me to brush off my behavior. I'll start treating him well once he treats me well. But we're told that God loved us so much that "even while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." If Christ can die for people who were abusing him, the least we can do is love our spouses with this same kind of love, even when we don't feel like they're living up to their end of the bargain.

The Problem With Having Children

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie larrison) — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 05:17:00 +0000

"I don’t want kids." Or, “I want to wait 5-10 years before I have kids.” These are comments I’ve heard from a lot of my friends lately. From what I’m seeing, the majority of my generation either doesn’t want kids, or wants to wait a good long time before they start.

I have to say, that I used to be one of those people. I wanted a smashing career, I wanted to travel. I wanted to live life and experience the world. I didn’t want to be tied down taking care of kids.

I remember being so upset when I found out I was pregnant just a few weeks after my wedding. I felt like my life was over and I’d never be able to do the things I’d wanted. I feel ashamed to admit that I had some very horrible thoughts towards the inconvenience inside of me about to take over my life.

My heart changed though once I surrendered to the idea that the life inside of me was a blessing. He was pre-ordained, he had a purpose. Feeling the little kicks and seeing his tiny fingers and toes on the ultrasound images melted my heart. I realized that my thoughts on the matter were that of pure selfishness.

It's a heart thing

Some of my friends are on the other end of the spectrum and have children one right after the other. Either way though, I believe very much that it’s our hearts and mindset that we need to be examining. Not wanting children for selfish reasons is just as bad as wanting children for selfish reasons.

In Genesis, Leah had several sons. Everytime she gave birth though, it was a plea for her husband’s affections. With each baby she was given, she was sure that now her husband would finally love her. But he never did. Finally, when she had her fourth baby she said “This time I will praise the Lord.”

I like to think that Leah finally came to the conclusion that even though her husband didn’t love her, God did. Her heart just hadn’t been in the right place before. We’re not all called to have children, but we are all called to be servants. To love each other deeply and to sacrifice ourselves wholly to God’s will.

When the mindset is on what we want to accomplish first, what we’d be missing out on and the inconveniences brought about by caring for another life, then the heart is in the wrong place.

This is absolutely something I struggle with, but I’ve found these verses in Philipians to be a great reminder to put the interests of others first.

Philippians 2:4 – Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility consider others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interested of the others. In your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus… He made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.

And this verse in Romans.

Romans 12:1 Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.

Selfishness is the epicenter of our sin natures and it’s such a prevalent part of our culture that its easy to blindly embrace it.

I love my son more than almost anything and he has been such a huge blessing in my life. I’ve continued to go to school and do all of the other things I was sure I wouldn’t be able to after he was born. I’m experiencing and sharing life with him, when before I had thought that my life would end with kids.

So I guess my final question for you is this: