Ginger's Blog

Ending 2013 with Praise, To Be Continued 2014!

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Mon, 06 Jan 2014 03:30:00 +0000

Hello Blogfam, How did the Yuletide Season go for you? Hope it was a time of reconciliation, reunion and joyful times in church and with family and friends for you.

I've been keeping secrets from you Blogfamily.

Remember my first post of last year 'Grateful'? Remember this bit:

"My 2013 pact with God is that I am going to have a baby. All I ask is that He sends the perfect accessories. Amen!"

Well, when God wants to answer prayers, He really does it, and perfectly too.

Something borrowed (Edo bride beads), Something bumpy :)

The Igbankwu requirements. Them yams were almost as tall as me!

I had a big smile throughout the day. lol

Mom and Dad bless Us

I'm going to remove the pictures later today. Hope you understand. Please do not repost any pix without my expressed agreement.

Will write about how it all went down in next post. I am also happy to answer questions from blog readers if any :).

But more than anything Come praise God with me!!!!!.

Blogging Anonymously or Publicly

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 23:21:00 +0000

This blogging daily business is haaard!! MsTizzle inspires and shames me in equal measure lol. Keep it up dear gal!

I found Nutty Jay’s last post about pros and cons of going public as a blogger quite interesting.

I think that’s one question most of us battle with at some stage in our blogging journey. To do or not to do?
Two things you might like to consider before you pull the mask:

Can you defend the words/views/opinions you have written?
I blog semi-anonymously and I’m perfectly satisfied with that. If my friends IRL/family get to discover my blog, I would have no qualms because there’s no word/opinion written by me on my blog that I cannot stand by. Disclaimer of course is that as a human being, my opinions can and WILL change due to ‘new knowledge being brought to light’/’a lived experience’ etc. Life is all about change innit?
One becomes a fraud when you live a life different from what you preach.

Have you written things that could affect other lives/future jobs?
Some of us have broken the confidentiality of family/friends/employers/customers in our blogs. You need to be aware of legal/economic consequences of being found out.

Is it really necessary?
Or are you giving in to pressure from readers and friends. Readers are curious and won't mind putting a face to this person that writes so wonderfully..yet that doesn't make it necessary for you to satisfy them. If you want to start off a sort of business or turn your blog into a money making one linked to some sort of business/cause, then you may need to increase your fans' confidence by revealing yourself.
Personally I’m not prepared to do that jare. Let the two communities remain apart. Like T-Note said in a comment on said post "The world is much too much of a noisy place to indulge free access to every side of you".

“Let the two communities remain apart”.
As I write that, I pause and wonder what's the difference between these communities? Virtual difference?
Not really.
Lines have blurred over time. One can't keep sharing intimate details about yourself with strangers without a concomitant bond between similar souls. Its cosmic. Some of us have become fast friends offline.
And even if an offline relationship exists not, it doesn't reduce the sense of sister/brotherhood blogging gives. A feeling I don't share with 80% of Facebook friends (mostly ex-school friends).

Blogging gives me the best of both worlds, an opportunity to write unbridled and enjoy a unique clique of friends.

The personal journeys we share, these are the stories we don’t see on social media. The heartaches/successes stories behind the ‘My life is so wonderful” updates on Facebook/Instagram.

That is why I find it easier to rejoice with friends on blogsville. And I didn't need to see your face to make it more legit.

If I’ve followed your personal journey (as much of it as you have seen fit to share) and tomorrow you blog about vacations, promotions etc, rejoicing with you comes much more naturally because I know where you're coming from (Of course I don’t mean there must be 'suffering' to validate to success stories. But we do agree that real life, is not roses, is it? for most of us anyway).

I have been enriched by blogging. I don’t know how people can say they wanna stop. I keep thinking what will make me stop?
Never say never anyway.
Maybe one day I will run out of words. Maybe one day my life will become so perfect/busy that blogging becomes a bore. But I can’t imagine disappearing and not keeping up with what is happening with you’ll. Dollchic is a great example of a ‘retired blogger’ lol.

I call you friends cause you are my friends.

Thanks for the comments in last post. I feel greatly loved :) Mwah! Mwah!

p.s. I have told my family and close friends about my blog but It didn't 'wow them' like I thought (hides face). It was sort of like 'Oh you do?' Cool!. They check it out once or twice every quarter, and that's it lol. Overrated!

p.p.s. I have grown into the name Ginger and don't even feel a need to change it to my real name. Maybe I should just legitimise it? :)

Happy November and What Ginger Did Last Month

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 01 Nov 2013 21:23:00 +0000

Hey Blog family

God bless you all. I’m back J

Happy November to y’all. The year is briskly marching to the end isn’t it? How do you feel about the last quarter? Got any plans you are working through to ensure that 2013 ends with a hurray? God’s blessings on your effort, Amen!!

I thought of challenging myself to 30 days of blogging last month but instead ended up without a post all month. Sigh…Prism and Okeoghene I am following your lead oo!

November is the National Blog Posting Month – NaBloPoMo, so watch out!

Nigeria

was 53 years a month ago. Did you celebrate it? My sister said I should try and join the activities in Nigeriahouse *confused face*. For what na? To eat jollof-rice or what? Another time biko. But I did offer a prayer for my country. E must better!!

My eldest sis was in the UK this past month. Half of it with spent with me in Milton Keynes. It was a wonderful wonderful time for catching up on family and personal gist. I must admit that I was quite surprised at the renewed bonding. I have been a disappointment to her for so long (she isn’t happy with my career progress etc) that I dreaded her visit.

But rather than it being a period of recrimination, we actually got to understand each other better. We shared some of our challenges which improved understanding and cleared some long term friction that had built up (mostly on my part. I don’t think she noticed, just playing her big sister role lol).

We had fun mostly - except for the times I had to spend calming her paranoia. She has been so groomed by all the news and stories she reads about psychopathic neighbours, murderers in the wood, etc, that I spent an inordinate amount of time calming her fears about my neighbours lol. I also loved cooking for them and in turn loved coming back from work to meet a ready meal or some treat.

Big Sis used to get irritated at my ‘thankful politeness’ to sales persons, cab drivers, bus drivers, seeing it as a sign of ‘colonial subservience’ I think. I tried to make her see that it was just UK culture. Yes, I know I paid for the service but I am thankful that it was a mutually satisfying experience/exchange. She, on the other hand is a product of Nigerian culture where thanks and gratitude are usually one directional - from the bottom to the top.

My Sis loves shopping, especially the flexible refund policy. 60% of clothes bought get to be returned the next day. After showing her the way to the shopping malls in Milton Keynescentral and Bletchley, I happily excused myself. Shopping is exhausting abeg!

I loved showing them around Milton Keynes or Ginger’s little village as they called it. It was an opportunity for me to get to know my way around MK too. We went to the Cinema on take two Thursday and saw Les Miserables (first time for her, second time for me). And yes, I cried again. My tears greatly amused her ‘like maka why lol.

The Sisters and DBF got to meet. And because DBF’s mom was around, they got to meet too. Mini introductions?? Lips sealed.

In other news, it was alarming if not depressing to hear about Boko Haram’s fatal attacks on school students again. The last one is the 3^rd one in 4months if I am not mistaken. GEJ’s response to this issue leaves a lot to be desired. A LOT!!

I would also wish that Media houses and Journalists put more about putting faces to thesetragedies. Don’t these children have faces photographs? This number business just dehumanizes them. Let the Nation and President Goodluck be looking at the faces of the lives lost to his inaction. Maybe it will make him think of his own sons.

The recent Air tragedies and the way they are being handled leave a lot to be desired from the Aviation Ministress and all stakeholders.

May the Souls of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace, Amen.

Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA Ministries has it seems, proven that Silence is Golden. He is still winning with his congregation while Ese Walters will be remembered as the woman who dared to call a Man of God to order. Only in Nigeria.

What’s with Naija celebrities and ‘vacation picutres’? Thanking God the spate of vacation picturing is over!! The thing tired me o. When you want to copy, copy well na. I look at Beyonce’s vacation pictures (beach/swimmimg/fun) and I look at Ini Edo (pix inside plane, on the stairs of some non-descript hotel). Seven Up!

No it’s not about the luxury of a yacht. It is the fact that you see a couple actually having a holiday. Letting their hair down. Doing fun things. The glorious sea background only added to it.

Still on celebrity gossip, I’ve not been able to get Omotola Jalade’s interview with Sunday Telegraph’s Stella Magazine off my mind. Talk about damning with faint praise. I’m torn between chuckling at the interviewer’s use of words and feeling bad for her. Then again, any publicity is better than none in the celebrity world so my sympathy might not be needed.

The saddest bit was her not realizing she was being had...there was this gauche innocence/pseudo confidence in her responses…..or maybe it didn’t seem like that during the interview

“The biggest film star you never heard of scores a zero on the Hollywood richter scale”.

“Big body, big hair, big personality, big laugh..she comes across like Oprah’s sister”

About Nollywood movies – “histrionic acting combines with often ludicrous plot lines”

Plots “akin to half cooking food to feed impatient mouths and the results feel like first drafts”

And her simpering – “I actually got scared and nearly called the police” at her near mobbing in a nearby Tesco (In Peckham maybe?). I have no beef with her being recognized but that mention of Tesco was soo not de riguer. Lol. Why not at Harrods? Okay I am a wannabe snob. Sue me.

I noticed the interviewer mentioned that Omotola kept em waiting ‘the big superstar delay’. Bingo. Me thinks that is why he served her up on a hot dish. Most Western journalists are not nice to celebrities who don’t respect their time. Anyway, its still a feather in her cap so Congratulations. It isn’t easy.

A big shout out to BlogMom Linda Medrano (hope you get well soon), Style Enthusiast, JustJoxy, Angel’s beauty, Atilola, Congratulations to new Mom Lucidlilithand her cute baby boy Turtilla (named by me), Belated Birthday wishes Myne (thumbs up on your dedication to raising Awareness about domestic violence in October!), Nwunye, Toinlicious (please no pounded yam stories this month lol), latest New Yorker MsTizzle, Meg of Nanny Goat in Panties (her recent post reminds me of how a blogging enriches lives), Jayne, Harry Itie, Cherry Chatter, Sisi Yemmie (pls lets help her and Yomi win My big Nigerian Wedding with our votes), Good Naija Girl (Congrats on another year of Naija Blog awards), Oroque, Le Proffeseur (where is he?), Da-Grumbler, Air Mecca, my followers both the old and the latest members, THANK YOU!!

Marry Me Review

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sun, 15 Sep 2013 14:00:00 +0000

Hey Blogfam,

How has your weekend been? A poster on Romance Meets Life asking readers to help her choose between two wonderful men (sic) who want to marry her reminded me of Lucy Liu in the TV miniseries Marry Me.

Till date Marry Me ranks as one of my absolute favourite romantic comedies. It was romance with a capital R infused with Comedy with a capital C topped with smart dialogue and a happily ever after ending that leaves a smile on your face for days after.

Too much praise Ginger? Sue me lol. I have willingly mostly deliberately re-watched it about 5times now and believe me that’s a feat for me. I rarely watch movies twice cause I am scared they will lose their magic on second watch (case in point, the movies Avatar and Titanic) but this one hasn’t.

Think of it like your favourite ice cream flavour. You don’t mind experimenting with other flavors but it is your default when you just want the familiar.

Cast: Lucy Liu, Steven Pasquale, Bobby Cannavale, Enrique Murciano, Vanessa Marano and Annie Potts.

Plot - Rae Carter (Lucy Liu) is a social worker who just ended a 3 year old relationship when her frog-loving boyfriend chose to pursue a Frog project than put a ring on it. But within weeks/months she had gone from being 'The Dumped' to 'The Pursued' by not one but 3 ardent suitors.

Luke – An architect and the quintessential boy next door. Introduced to Rae by the family pastor, he knew what he wanted from the start, but could he make Rae see it?

Harry – Luke’s best friend, the quintessential fairy tale prince, handsome, charming, rich as Croesus. He makes Rae rediscover her potentials.

Adam – The frog loving boyfriend who realized her true worth when she walked out of his life and is now determined (with a capital D) to win her love.

The real deal is obvious to the viewers from the beginning but I guess if you were in the thick of it, you might be as indecisive as Rae cos my o my! The other two were serious temptations!! The first time I watched it, I was loudly casting and binding MFM style, even as I was sighing at the romance of it all lol.

The Good bits -

Lucy Liu ably held her own in this movie - as a career woman who dreams of being swept off her feet, yet she is able to present her aspirations in a way which doesn’t make them seem incongruent. You also couldn’t help but love her warmth and her sense of style (she was figure/picture perfect from start to finish) and her chemistry with the rest of the cast lit up each scene.

The supporting characters were also exceptional from the best friend (where is the heroine without a best friend), her work colleagues, her crazy southern family, and the precocious teenager Imogen (Vanessa Imogen) her runaway court ward which was the icing on the cake. Their problems were real and intriguing enough but never detracted the viewer from Rae’s pursuit of romance.

You just couldn’t help but root for happily ever after for everyone.

Lastly the movie is in two parts, running into a total of 3hrs. Make sure you leave enough time to watch both at same time unless you’ll be grizzly till part 2.

Bad bit -

This movie is escapism at its best. And there is nothing wrong with that, Thank you :).

p.s. Some kind person uploaded the movie on Youtube. The picture quality isn't the best but if I've got you curious, then you might just check it out :))

Have you seen Marry Me? Tell me what you think of it.

Why is My Marital Status Your Business?

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Mon, 09 Sep 2013 18:33:00 +0000

Recent conversation with a male friend.

Friend: How is your bf or fiance?

ME: He is fine, thank you

Friend: Okayyyyy oooooo

ME: We will join your group soon, Amen.

Friend: We still dey hope

ME: lol. Maybe you should encourage me. tell me 5 reasons why it is to my advantage to marry.

JAMB question.

10mins

Friend: There are three stages in life - green horn, matured, Spent

ME: ha

Friend: You don’t need any reason to marry. What stage are u?

ME: Haba. see Nigerian answering question with question

Friend: You can be 50 and u still prefer to be called a green horn

ME: Exactly!

Friend: It depends on you.....and u can be 26 and you wanna be referred to as a veteran

ME: Okay. how does that answer my question?

Friend: Marriage makes you responsible for the life of another or other people directly, it is a true test of your womanhood.

its either u embrace it or chicken out!

ME: SO. Cant believe that's your reason hopefully that applies to men too??

Friend: Just advising u, its not necessarily my reason

ME: and secondly, many unmarried ones give their lives to raising siblings and other people's children. so they are not women cause they are not married?

Friend: Its the next phase of your life you need to embark upon whether u like it or not......or else u can make up any excuse not to

Its part of human development

as far as u never remained an infant for 30 somthing years

its part of growing up

bikonu...enuf English for this fb sef

it applies to everybody, but the good News is that.....not everyone is destined to get married some prefer to be gay, lesbian.....etc so that means there is tendency to be inequality in the marital cycle.

JUST BE YOURSELF DEAR, AS U HAVE ALWAYS BEEN.....CHEERS

ME: I hear you.

Chat Conversation End

This friend of mine just got married recently. I had asked the question about advantages of getting married expecting to hear him wax lyrical about the joys of getting married as experienced by him, not to hear him tell me I haven't passed the womanhood test.

How many single eager-to-be married ladies are out there? Where are the men who should be passing their manhood test by making a commitment?

As you can see, he left the convo in a huff. For what na? My unrepentant unmarried self was annoying him?

Or Is there another interpretation to this I am missing?

At work, i am surrounded by 24-26year old females who are ambitiously saving up to make a mortgage paydown and own their first home - with or without a husband.
Here i am, unable to carry out a mature conversation with a male peer without it being about my marital status. smh

Benefits of Sex. Go Get Some Now ;)

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 06 Sep 2013 19:03:00 +0000

Hey BlogFam,

I’m still recovering from Ms Sting’s post on Sunday about famed black Hero and Anti-racism Crusader Martin Luther King’s womanizing ways.

To say it struck at my belief in man’s goodness is an understatement. But I have myself to blame I guess, for daring to think that mere man..no matter how famous or heroic or evangelical is infallible.

Only God is infallible Ginger. Look up to him. Amen!!

But I won’t lie all the talk about Sen. Weiner’s sexting, COZA Pastor Bimbo, Bill Clinton, Sanusi Lamido sort of just faded into insignificance. Ok not insignificance but I had this fatalistic attitude of….. Why bother?! Its genetic/evolution/preordained. Lets just learn to separate the Hero from the Penile control challenged man (apt acronym from Naijalines).

Discussing it with my girlfriend. she said times have changed now. That in today’s world he wouldn’t have gotten away with it. Maybe. But we still have the Al Gore’s. John Major’s. Jesse Jackson’s. Media and people seem to turn a blind eye to ‘seemingly lack of penile control’ only when it suits us, making those that get caught and actually pay for their sins - Weiner for example - ‘unlucky’ not more guilty.

Anyway an interesting point was raised by Da Grumbler in answer to my rhetoric question “What is it about male leaders and sex? I guess all that testosterone needs release” on Sting’s page.

He answered ”@Ginger, I think you need to read "Think and Grow Rich" By Napoleon Hill. There is a chapter in it which he talks about the power of sex especially when that power is transmuted. It sure explains a lot why "LEADERS" have always been caught in sex scandals.....LMAO”.

I haven’t read Think and Grow Rich but I have read Napoleon Hill thoughts on the Power of Sex in a book I came across recently Outwitting the Devil. I had planned to blog about it sometime lol. Thought it was an interesting read. Anywho, let me share the salient bits.

Napoleon Hill emphasized throughout his writings that the person who is not master of himself can never be master of others.

And control of self starts by mastering 3 appetites responsible for most Indiscipline:

1. Desire for food

2. Desire for expression of sex

3. Desire to express loosely organized opinions (Wonder what he would say about new age social media lol)

When man becomes master of theses 3 appetites, he has developed enough self-discipline to conquer easily those of lesser importance.

What he says about Mastering sex

Sex is one of the greatest of all forces which motivate humans. Because of that it is also one of the most dangerous forces. If humans could control their sex desires and transmute them into driving force with which to carry on their occupation – that is if they spent on their work one half of the time they dissipate in pursuit of sex, they would never know poverty. (or impeachment or blackmail)

All great leaders in every walk of life are highly sexed but they follow the habit of controlling their sex desires by switching them into a driving force behind their occupation. By the time we remove present great leaders with sex scandals behind them, tell me who is left?

Benefits of Sex

#1. Controlled sex supplies the magnetic force that attracts people to one another. It is the most important factors of a pleasing personality.

#2. It serves to give motive power to one’s desires

#3. It sharpens the imagination and enables one to create useful ideas

#4. It is a great antidote for all fear

#5. It gives one immunity against procrastination

#6. It gives one physical and mental endurance while undergoing any form of opposition or defeat.

#7. It gives one the fighting qualities necessary under all circumstances for self defense

In brief, it makes winners not quitters.

And I might add that medical research indirectly supports the above:

Regular sex has the same benefits as regular exercise. It increases the flow of certain chemicals that naturally boost and strengthen the immune system, improves cholesterol levels, stimulates circulation, invigorates the heart, diminishes the intensity of pain -- especially in migraines and chronic arthritis -- may reduce PMS symptoms, and releases endorphins, which simply make you feel good :).

Advantages are plenty it seems and when I remember movies like The Gladiator, The Odyssey, 300, Troy #4, #6 and #7 are believable.

So Da Grumbler I see where you’re coming from lol. It does seem plausible BUT,

I prefer to believe Napoleon Hill meant ….. in the right place, time and with the right person not indiscriminate, dishonorable sexing please.

Disclaimer – Whatever you get up to this weekend, don’t put the blame on me. I did not send you message!!

I Do Not Come To You By Chance Review

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 29 Aug 2013 01:34:00 +0000

I finally read my copy of ‘I do not come to you by chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani. Wonder why it took me so long!!

I was so caught up in the plot that I didn’t want to get to the end, yet I was very curious to know the fate of the protagonists.

Adaobi sure told a damn good yarn.

I laughed, I cringed, I sighed. The background was an environment I knew intimately having grown up in Aba. The Mbamalu family were my neighbours, my cousins. Cash Daddy? We knew a few.

I loved the intimate views Ms Nwaubani gave us of the inner workings and flamboyant lives of 419 kingpins in the 90s. I don’t think they live like that anymore thanks to EFCC and international crime collaborations.

Who thinks like me that 419 kingpins have been replaced by politicians? And I doubt that for some, if not most, their intimate lives differ much.

Gotta say that the image of Cash Daddy sat atop the loo doing the doo, while his assistants and lackeys stand outside the open toilet door, taking notes, inhaling that air, listening to those boborygmic noises without cracking a grimace is one that will stick with me for a very looong time. Smh!!

It may have seemed like Adaobi Nwaubani painted an overly sympathetic view of a fraudster. I mean the way it happened with Kingsley, the poverty and urgency of events made it all plausible. However isn’t that how things happen sometimes? Especially with health when you are thinking life or death. School fees, Child birth, a Death, Hunger. (think prostitution. Think theft)

‘There go I but for his grace” John Bradford.

Kingsley could have easily been my brother if circumstances were different. In the 90s, his best friends (2 cousins) lived with an Uncle in Aba who was involved in 419. My brother used to come back with tales of Ghana-must-go bags filled with forex idling on passageways.

I was so worried for my brother that my prayers intensified over him. Confession – to think my 16yr old self used to fancy one of the cousins (the taller darker one lol) yet I knew I didn’t want my brother involved with them.

I used to scrutinize my brother’s behavior/wardrobe/activities – was he spending more money than usual, buying more clothes, has he stopped borrowing money from me lol – to gauge his involvement with them. Nay, he remained the same brokeass brother I had always known.

My parents weren’t as worried (they didn’t know). We knew their scathing opinion of people who were involved in such fraudulent activities, waxing lyrical about ‘how a good name was better than gold’.

But I remember when the son of a close family friend gburu ozu (hit it, struck gold, don’t ask me joo) and within 3 months bought new cars for his parents, renovated their home in the village, bought a townhouse for the family and generally turned the family’s fortunes around. My parents are human. I am human. I looked at my dad’s red 504 Peugeot car which he had bought 3 years before I was born and wondered if it would have been so bad if my brother had ‘worked’ with his friends for at least 6 months then smartly retired with his loot.

“There go I but for His Grace”.

There are four other personal commentaries I’d like to make on Tricia Nwaubani’s book:

1. The imagery Tricia painted of the Nigerian society albeit a microcosm (Umuahia/Aba), was it much different from Tim Newman’s? Or was it cause it was a novel so we decided to treat it as fiction or maybe cause it was written by a daughter of the soil we had less objection.

It also made me think of the strong role poverty has to play in the morality of a society.

How can you expect the family, community who have genuinely obtained help in their time of need from these ‘familial fraudsters’ ever have the heart to turn against them? Despite Kingsley’s mother’s rejection of 419, do you think she could ever condemn Cash Daddy publicly after he came to her late husband’s aid? I doubt it. So to Tim Newman, sometimes there lies your answer when you ask why the fraudulent Officer/politician/peer isn’t roundly condemned. You can’t point one finger without the rest 4 pointing back at you.

2. I remember the furore over Ms Nwaubani’s article about helps in Nigeria. Having read her book which was published at least 2 years before that article, I wonder now why there was surprise. Did we not observe that the helps in “I do not come to you by chance” were regarded as subs? There was even a reference to “one’s feral smell” which had irked most readers in her article – yet they were there in her book. Take a look at Cash Daddy who by right was actually a stepbrother to Augustina. Yet he was treated as badly. He was there at their benevolence. An opportunity he was expected to be grateful.

I have seen similar attitude often in real life.

3. This book has made me further ambivalent about 419 victims with the EXCEPTION of victims of confidence tricksters - those who believed in a ‘reasonably genuine offer’ and were defrauded with the tiny print (oyibo type 419) and Single/lonely/old/young men and women whose hearts were preyed on.

But for the rest, those who fall for ‘barely legal deals’ cause they can see the chance of making 300% profit for doing nothing at all, I wonder if I should feel sympathy for them? “A fool and his money are soon parted innit?”. Shrug.

***This does not mean that I don’t believe 419ers deserve punishment. They definitely do. For their predatory behavior, the chicanery and forgery they promote and just for their sheer nuisance value. If I got a pound for every scam mail that comes to my mailbox I will be Croesus.

4. I am ashamed to confess that I marvelled at Merit’s rejection of Kingsley when she found out he was a fraudster. I found myself batting for his side and thinking she was too tough. I hoped she will forgive and reconsider cause he really had a ‘good heart’ - inspite of his cruel 419 activities.

I lay the blame at Tricia’s door for that temporary lapse in judgment. She manipulated my brain joo.

The twist at the end was definitely unexpected! Left me chuckling and thinking that indeed ‘the more things change, the more they remain the same’.

Aluta Continua!

I applaud Tricia Nwaubani’s talent as a writer especially her ability to create characters who were truly multidimensional. They were very human (kind/wicked/selfish/loving) in their struggles. I admired, loved and hated Kingsley, Cash Daddy, Augustina, Ola, Merit in equal parts at frequent intervals.

Contrast this with Nollywood’s one dimensional characters and you’ll understand what I mean.

I look forward to reading more from you Ms Nwaubani. Pls, don’t be a one hit wonder!!

While reading some reviews about the book, I noticed many Oyibos critic its grammar or should I say patois. Abegi, Nigerian English has come to stay. Get over yourselves.

Next on my reading list – Sue Townsend’s Queen and I or Chimmy’s Americanah?

minnie minnie mannie more…

The Abuser and The Abused

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 00:19:00 +0000

Hey people,

Kedu nu? I’ve been fine. Hope you have too. A lot has been on my plate in recent times and I wish I could share. But all in good time. Just say a lil prayer for me ok? Mwah. I will for you too.

So I’ve been following all the hot gist on the media waves. Lola Makinde Wedding story (Intriguing!). DesertSun’s Nigerian experience (Depressingly true), Ms. Kola who doesn’t want to come back to Nigeria (errr 160,000,000 – 1? Sai gobe) and Ese Walter’s tale of pastoral sexual abuse. Sigh

I’ll just take some time to throw some light on this notion of abused/victim and Abuser which it seems many objected to in her narrative.

Sexual exploitation is any form of sexual contact or invitation to sexual contact, with an adult by a professional person, cleric or anyone in a position of authority, trust or power over that adult whether or not there is consent from the individual . . . Meaningful consent for sexual activity is not possible in a fiduciary relationship.

Can clergy sexual activity ever be consensual on the part of the victim? No! The power differential in the relationship automatically puts the priest/reverend/deacon in the position of power. Therefore, there can never exist a true mutually consensual agreement.

Clergy misconduct of a sexual nature (clergy sexual misconduct) is about power - power which is abused through sexualized behavior. It is always the PASTOR'S responsibility to ensure that appropriate boundaries are experienced in the pastor-congregant relationship.

Clergy misconduct is a grave injustice toward another person and an entire religious community. It is a power issue. A sacred trust is violated.

*Fiduciary duty refers to the responsibility of licensed caregivers (doctors, therapists, lawyers, social workers, etc.) to "do no harm." Society's expectation of these caregivers is that they will attend to the needs of those in their care.

Ministers, pastors, priests and rabbis are often the first choice for those seeking emotional as well as spiritual assistance. Their role as counselors gives them fundamentally the same responsibility to those in their care as therapists have to their current or former clients.

And this is why Clergy business has become Court business.

Not all countries have laws to deal with Sexual misconduct among the clergy but it is important to note that in places where such a law exists, example Arkansas in the United States, consensuality is not a defense.

Arkansas State Legislation.

5-14-126. Sexual assault in the third degree.

(a) A person commits sexual assault in the third degree if the person [is]:

(B) A professional under Ark. Code Ann. 12-12-507(b) or a member of the clergy and is in a position of trust or authority over the victim and uses the position of trust or authority to engage in sexual intercourse or deviate sexual activity…

(2) (b) It is no defense to a prosecution under this section that the victim consented to the conduct.

Ms. Walter detailed the events that led up to the sexual encounter in London. Becoming a new Church member. Joining the hierarchy of workers. Receiving special attention from the Pastor. Moving to London. Mail exchanges. How many of us would not have done with she did for the Bishop?

Booking him a cab.

Making a hotel booking.

Wouldn’t you feel honored that he has entrusted you to such…knowing you can’t be the only church member in London?

How many would have thought it untoward to meet up with this respected Pastor.

When you meet him and he holds on to that handshake for seconds longer than necessary, or maybe embraces you or touches your arms, shoulder..how many of you would automatically think…hmmm something fishy here.

Yet, think the way you would have reacted if this were your co-worker, your classmate – your equal. You would have immediately recognized the breach of boundaries.

But with an older person, a boss, an old family friend, a clergy you keep pushing back those reactions because..haba he is a pastor. He is respected. He is a Man of God. You might even ask God to forgive you for daring to think your holy pastor was capable of this.

Now the pastor on his part, remember did not send for you by chance. He has it all planned out. He has been grooming you in his mind. He has an idea of how strong/streetwise etc you are. After all you had passed the initial tests by doing all the above service for him. So he knows you have a healthy respect/fear for him/his office.

He thus continues to test how far he can go. “Come sit on my laps” he asks. You sit (still wondering why).

He lightly strokes the breast. You squirm and hope that was a mistake. He does it again. You squirm again. He puts his hand on your laps.

Na so handshake dey pass elbow. Before you know it, you and your pastor are playing the “No bishop”, “Yes my dear” game.

Now we wonder “Why didn’t Ese storm out of the room?”.

Well, same way you have women who stay in battered relationships for years. And you have those that jump ship at the first raising of hands.

Blame it on women's socialization to be polite, nonconfrontational and accepting of men's behavior, Blame it on culture, Blame it on self esteem lack, blame it on lack of awareness.

That is why some manage to escape like Franca and some become victims like Ese. And they shouldn’t be judged any less for it. That is why laws are made, to protect those who can’t/couldn’t protect themselves.

I applaud Ese’s bravery in telling her story knowing the stigma and ridicule that will come with it. She might not get her day in court because I doubt that Nigeria has evolved to enact such laws (who will bell the cat?!).

But I don’t think that’s even what she is asking for.

All she asks is that he steps down from his earthly church throne albeit temporarily, make restitution to those he has hurt and GET HEALED HIMSELF before he continues his pastoral work.

I AGREE.

Lastly, I saw this comment online and I quote “The time has come for each of us who sincerely follow the teachings of Christ to speak out concerning the proper loving actions we should have toward our brothers and sisters and against what can only be described as bad religion”.

What do you think?

p.s. Check out these interesting articles on Pastoral Sexual Abuse - Soul Stealing
Also 11 Reasons why Pastors should never date their parishioners

Scholar dismisses Fani-Kayode's Igbo/Yoruba Academic History

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 22 Aug 2013 11:17:00 +0000

I don’t know if some of you might have read this memo ‘allegedly’ from an Igbo scholar, Dr. Samuel Okafor, which dismisses some of the claims made by one-time Aviation Minister/self-confessed philanderer, Femi Fani-Kayode, in his controversial August 8 article, "The Bitter Truth About The Igbo", which set off a social media storm that almost threatened Igbo-Yoruba relations. (really?! faceless social media warriors?? Ha!)

I did not join in the debate online or off line. I more or less assumed a siddon look approach. Why? Because I have decided that I am above being used by irrelevant/wanna-be relevant ex politicians like Orji Uzoh Kanu and Fani-Kayode to score cheap tribal points.
If the protests had been from a more credible Igbo politician or the rebuttal had come from a politician ex or present more credible than FFK maybe maybe I would have been pushed to take sides.
An ex school mate of mine who posted the 'inflammatory article' on his FB timeline managed to generate over 200 comments as young Nigerian men and women bickered like they had no other job. I was so tempted to un-friend him for propagating stupidity.

So when an Aunty emailed this to me, I was like..here we go again, but on reading the letter and googling some names, I was surprised to find that they were true. So here I am, passing on the info. Not to start off new controversies please Noo.

Call it edutainment :).

In the first part of an article entitled "The Lies of Femi Fani-Kayode", Samuel Okafor, who has a 1st Class and PhD in History from the University of Nigeria Nsukka (I guess he needed to state his educational pedigree), sought to address point by point what he termed "the most reckless amongst the tangle of reckless comments spewed by Femi, a character who with each punch of his keypad stresses his severely unwell conditions of logorrhoea, delusions of enlightenment, history and sociology - amongst others." Ok, I had to quote that bit. Too funny!.

Femi Lies About the Yorubas Being Nigeria's Earliest Graduates:

Femi FaniKayode claims the Yoruba were the first to acquire Western education; the first ever known record of a literate Nigerian in the English Language is the narrative of an Ibo slave Equanoh Olaodoh who regained his freedom and documented his life history as a slave from the time he was 11 years old in present day Ibo land till the time when he gained his freedom in the middle of the 18 th century. He later married an English woman and had 3 children. He died in 1795.
His autobiography, The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, depicts the horrors of slavery and influenced the enactment of the Slave Trade Act of 1807. His claim to African origins have been challenged by another historian but without available proof to disprove him, Equiano’s autobiography stands.

Mazi Blyden

Dr Okafor asks that we google the name Edward Wilmot BLYDEN - an educated son of free Ibo slaves who by the mid-19th century had acquired sound self taught theological education. He was born in Saint Thomas in 1832. He is one of the founding missionaries that established the Archbishop Vining church in Ikeja.
I did a google search, and just seeing the man’s face I could swear he was my ancestor. That face is sooo Igbotic!! Lol.
Err…..despite his Igbo root claims, he is more or less British so I might not quickly quote this, but it certainly brought slave trade home.

Dr Okafor makes claim that the third president of free Liberia - President J JRoyle – was again, a man of Ibo descent. A search on google did not list any J J Royle but I hit gold when I checked the past presidents of Liberia, the 5^th President of Liberia Edward James Roye (President from 1870 – 1871) is said to be a descendant of the Igbo people.

Dr Okafor also states that the first Nigeria doctor was an Effik man Silas G. Dove who obtained a medical degree from France and returned to practise medicine in 1840 in Calabar. This he said can be verified from historical medical records in Paris. It contradicts FFK's claim that the Yoruba were the first lawyers and doctors in Nigeria. Couldn’t verify this on google maybe when i go to Paris....

Back in Nigeria, Dr Okafor says that before the civil war Ibos controlled and dominated all institutions in the formal sector in Nigeria from the universities to the police to the military to politics because of their advanced education:

Nigeria's first Professor of History - Professor Kenneth Dike who published the first account of trade in Nigeria in pre-colonial times. He was also the first African Vice Chancellor of the University of Ibadan.

First Professor of Microbiology - Professor Eni Njoku; he was also the first African Vice Chancellor of the University of Lagos.

First Nigerian Professor of Mathematics - an Ibo man - Professor Chike Obi. He was followed by another Ibo man, Professor James Ezeilo, Professor of Differential Calculus and the founder of the Ezeilo Constant. He later became the Vice Chancellor of the University of Nigeria, Nsukka and one of the founders of the Nigerian Mathematical Centre.

First Professor of Anatomy and Physiology at the University College Ibadan was Professor Chike Edozien, an Asaba man and current Obi of Asaba.

First Professor of Physics? Professor Okoye, who became a Professor of Physics at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in 1960. He was followed by the likes of Professor Alexander Anumalu who has been nominated for the Nobel Prize for Physics three times for his research in Intermediate Quantum Physics. Never heard of him. Totally impressed!

First Professor of Nuclear Physics and Chemistry - again another Ibo man - Professor Frank Ndili who gained a Ph.D in his early '20s at Cambridge University in Nuclear Physics and Chemistry in the early '60s.

First Professor of Statistics - Professor Adichie.

First Nigerian Professor of Medicine - Professor Kodilinye - he was appointed a Professor of Medicine at the University of London in 1952. He later became the Vice Chancellor of the University of Nigeria after the war.

First Professor of Astronomy - Professor Ntukoju.

Philosophy - Professor G D Okafor, who became a Professor of Philosophy at the Amherst College USA in 1953.

Economics - Dr. Pius Okigbo who became a visiting scholar and Professor of Economics at the University of London in 1954. He is also the first Nigerian Ph.D in Economics.

Theology and theological research - Professor Njoku was the first Nigerian to earn a Ph.D in Theology from Queens University Belfast in Ireland. He was appointed a Professor of Theology at the University College Zambia in 1952.

According to Samuel, Femi Fani-Kayode has peddled falsehoods not backed by facts/research. "That the West were the first to see the white man and interact with him does not mean that you are way ahead of other groups. The Ibo as the late Achebe said had within a span of 40 years bridged the gap and even surpassed the Yoruba in education by the '60s." (I am only quoting this bit because I too have always believed that Western Nigeria was more advanced in education without ever challenging that history or considering that dynamics could change over time).

Further more, Samuel also states that the Binis were actually way ahead of the game than other tribes (maybe a Bini person will publish a rebuttal with names?)

The Bini who were the dominant military force from the 15th to the 19th century raided and sold other ethnicities to the Europeans. Top on the list of those they sold were the Yoruba, Igbo and Igala. Various other ethnicities suffered as a result of the Bini military expansion.
Slaves were moved from the hinterland to the coast and many were sold through Eko to the New World. These slaves were the first to encounter the Europeans and by extension their way of life - this included education in a Western sense. The Bini King had taken pains to establish a diplomatic presence in Portugal and the relationship developed into areas that extended beyond trade in the late 15th century and lasted well into the early 19th century. Scores of young Bini youth were sent to Portugal and studied there, coming back with advanced degrees in various disciplines. Indeed, some went with their Yoruba and Ibo slaves who served the sons of the Benin nobility while they studied in Portugal. The next set of people to receive Western education were therefore the slaves themselves. Some of them managed to buy their freedom and develop themselves further.
These are facts that can be verified by the logs kept by ship owners in Portugal from 1494 to 1830. It is kept at the Portuguese Museum of Geographic History in Lisbon. o___0

In recent times, facts from the Federal Office of Statistics on education show that 3 Ibo states (Imo, Anambra and Abia) for the past 12 years have constantly had the largest number of graduates in the country, producing more graduates than Ondo, Osun, Ekiti and Oyo states. Yet Femi Kayode calls Ibos traders. I thought we were??! I wear the badge proudly!
Another often peddled lie is that the Yoruba have the largest number of professors in the country. The Nigerian Universities Commission has a record of the state with the largest number of professors on their records and as at 2010 that state is Imo State followed by Ondo State and then Anambra State; the next state is Ekiti and then Delta before Kwara State.

In his conclusion, Dr. Samuel Okafor says “It does not matter if your father was the first Lawyer or first Doctor in Nigeria but rather what matters is what an individual does with the talents the Almighty has given to him. Let us open up Nigeria for competition. That is the solution to our problems. Those who want privileges keep reminding us that their fathers were the first to go to school in London. Every generation produces its own leaders and champions. Like Dangote who is the biggest employer of labour in Nigeria today and the richest man in Africa. Was his father the first to go to study in London? Yet he is the master of people whose parents gave them the best. My brothers, the answer to the Nigerian problem is that we should establish a merit-driven society. "I get am before" no be property.

I am with him on establishing a merit-driven Nigeria. Amen to that.
And I must add, that all that ‘First in XYZ' education has not exactly advanced the lot of Eastern Nigeria or Nigeria as a whole 'scientifically/economically’ today. Sniff sniff.

But we soldier on.

It was interesting to learn of ‘illustrious sons of the soil’ and to think there was a time when Nigeria was merit driven. Can you imagine an Igbo man as VC in University of Ibadan or vice versa, a Yoruba man as VC in UNN in this generation?

Oprah and The Racist Zurich Salesgirl

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sat, 10 Aug 2013 12:59:00 +0000

In case you missed this itty bit of news from yesterday….Oprah while in Switzerland for Tina Turner's wedding, went into a shop and asked the Swiss shopgirl to bring down a bag so she can have a better look at it. Swiss Salesgirl told Oprah that she will bring her other bags of similar quality that are less expensive, but that one Mba…is too mush for her purse. Oprah repeated the request two more times, insisting that she really wanted to see that particular black bag. Shopgirl still politely said No offering other less costly bags.

Oprah quietly said thank you and walked out of the shop.

So why did the sales girl refuse Oprah?

The bag was positioned on a shelf above her head. Maybe She didn’t want to go through the stress of bringing it down.

Counter argument – If she had thought the customer talking to her could afford it, she would have climbed up before you can say 'monkey' and made that 35,000 euro sale

Oprah is lying

What does she have to gain from lying when this can easily be refuted by CCTV?

The Shopgirl did not know who Oprah was

Granted Oprah’s show is not regularly aired in Switzerlandso she might not be as popular to Swiss locals, but Shopgirl is supposed to treat all customers equally - not guess at the size of their account based on appearance before responding

The Shopgirl was being Racist…

Oprah was black and therefore looked even less likely to afford the expensive bag (wonder what Oprah wore that day??).

You are damn right.

Listening to Trudie Goetz defence of her Salesgirl, I didn’t know if she was suffering from communication in English or just plain stubbornness in the face of truth.

I believe she rather said something like ’we have some less expensive’ — ’we also have some less expensive bags’ and not ’it’s too expensive for you “

“The shop assistant apparently asked her (Oprah) if she would like to see the bag, but she apparently said ’No, I just want to look’.

Biko, Please, Ejoo, what is the difference between see and look? We have some less expensive/not ‘it’s too expensive for you’

Anyway, the statement ‘she wasn’t sure it was Miss Oprah or somebody else’ was singularly incriminating. Mscheew.

Two lessons learnt from this:

Humility- As one of the richest and popular women in the entertainment world, she could have gotten away with ‘Do you know who I am? or imperially demanded to see her manager’. How many of us could have resisted doing that. But she didn’t. She said thank you and walked out.

Loyalty??- I admire Trudie Goetz the shop owner for not throwing her salesgirl under the bus at the first opportunity. She could have easily told the media, ‘I have sacked the salesgirl. I do not tolerate such behaviour’ and come out smelling of roses. But here she is trying to defend her Salesgirl of 3 years. I’m still not sure if the case is that she trusts her employee and truly believes there was a misunderstanding or because she is a bigger racist and does not wish to apologise…indeed she has not apologised to Oprah. But let me be the bigger person and go with loyalty.

Racism is alive and real but in the words of MJ in the song Black or White – ‘I’m not gonna spend my life being a colored’. I will go about my way jejely and do my best. I’m quite shocked about Switzerlandthough. I thought it was the most egalitarian country in Europewhat with housing the bastions of equality and diversity the UN, UNESCO etc.

Someone tell me to wake up.

5 Things you didnt know about Atilola

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Mon, 05 Aug 2013 15:11:00 +0000

Now that Atilola has had her fun, let me have mine lol. Ladies and Gentlemen, five things you might wanna know about her:

Source

#1. Atilola is tiny. Lol. Don’t be deceived by the giantess that towers in her ‘Spoken word’ videos..lol. I have been told I am smallish. Tall but cause I am slim…small. If I am small, Atilola is tiny. See pix here

#2. This lady loves Chinese. Hates Pizza and Oyibo food. Grin** Her train had arrived after 4pm so I was thinking late lunch/hunger with a capital H. Oya lets go find food. I first offered Pizza hut (easy to locate – I am still an MK newbie) I was also longing for their buffet salad options. But Atilola gave me the eye and twisted lips ‘Pizza’? Lol I had to quickly think of alternatives – Nandos? Harvesters? Chinese? *smile* Jackpot!!.

Red Chilli house it was which served a buffet of Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Japanese food. New discovery for me and It was actually better than Zen Garden Chinese Restaurant (the popular one which was closed). 90minutes after, satisfied guest and I left for home. Thank God.

**for the rest of her stay, she ate like a sparrow.

#3. Atilola is Super observant. It took her pointing out the ‘weird titles’ of the books on my shelf for me to realize that I either had a weird reading taste or I am attracted to books with ‘interesting titles’ lol.

#4. Atilola is a Superwoman. In case you don’t know Atilola has published two books. She is the creator of the African Naturalista hair blog. She produces her own branded hair products for sale. And she runs that blog as well as Atilola Writes. At 00.25am while I was struggling with sleep, this babe was scheduling blog entries for November on the Naturalista blog. While I was chatting and lolling on Whatsapp, she was making business calls to Nigeria - Importing/exporting. Babe is a dynamo. I dedicate D’banj’s Igwe to her. O si na nwata buru ogaranya, Someborri say Amii!!

#5. Atilola is shy. I don’t know how the dynamo, super-smart and shy maid cohabit, but they do so perfectly.

Lastly, Atilola actually reads my blog or I guess this is linked to super observant quality above. Her first comment to me at the train station was – ‘You are not as dark as you say you are joo’. *smiles*

Toinlicious, you fell my hand seriously :'(. Blog with Spicy name linked to bread. Complexion woes. And you still came up with Cherry. Send me cherry-bread when you see it o! lol. I still love you shaa.

Honeydame come and take five please.

Phew. I know i am unknown but I had faith in my small community of friends na.

It was a pleasure to finally meet you Atilola. Hope to see you again soonest. We didn't get to see Milton Keynes famous concrete cows. Next time :)

MK's concrete cows. Dont ask me its history. Idk!

Ahh, I nearly forgot. I have one beef with Atilola.

So I reserved my yarn braid loosening till she came around :p. It was heaven to have another hand on my hair. We did short work of the braids within 1hr, what would have taken me the better part of a day if done by myself.

But there was actually an ulterior motive, I haven’t retouched my hair in 8months and I wanted ‘expert advice’.

Me - Atilola, what do you think of my natural hair.

Atilola - ‘You are not serious, Ginger (after running hands through my hair). This is not even natural hair. (surprised face me) You see where the nappy part ends? You need to cut off all the retouched bits above it, only then can you say you’ve gone natural.

Deflated Me – Ok ..in a very small voice.

Didn’t stop me from trying to rock the hair shaa with scarves ala natural-laxed hair lol. My natural hair loving work colleague was ecstatic that I hadn’t succumbed to the devil’s white cream as I had threatened to.

Cheapest braids i had done. 3 packs of Wool = 3 pounds

I had initially planned to rock my hair for the foreseeable fortnight but plans changed after I saw DBF. Note: this is the first time he was seeing my hair la natural, the look on his face was priceless ….like what has happened to my Ginger braids. Lmao!! I was like ‘I am real like ~~Jlo~~ Indie Arie’. Original African Queen like me berra watch it.

For lack of a stronger/local sounding Igbo name in his limited vocabulary, he dubbed me ‘Obianuju’ as opposed to ‘Mgbeke (apologies Original Mgbeke).

My Tiwa Savage inspired braids

Anyway, in 72hrs, I had had enough of painful hair combing and shedding hair like an Afghan dog on the pillow. I braided up my hair pretty as you please. Phew.

Peace.

35 Nigerian Senators, Yerima and Section 29:4b - Lawbreakers Not Lawmakers

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 30 Jul 2013 07:08:00 +0000

'I live in a city where young girls at the age of 12 have already became serial fornicators and cannot count the number of men they were intimate with. I live in a city where school children disvirgin themselves behind toilets on valentine’s day. I live in a city where young girls flood the street at night looking for men that would give them N500 to be intimate with them. I live in city where parents send their daughters out overseas to prostitute and send dollars down. I live in a city where government officials pick undergraduates from university car parks with coastal buses to wild sex parties. I live in a city where abortion is so common that even a chemist shop owner can perform abortion with just N2500.

These are your daughters, and this should worry you not Yerima's private matters. So ask me again why I support early child marriage and I will slap the Jinn out of you' - Senator Yerima.

I am hoping that this statement did not actually come out from the lips of Yerima. Cause that juicy sentence about ‘I live in a city where government officials pick undergraduates from university car parks with coastal buses to wild sex parties’ deserves further investigation. Don’t you agree? Who are these government officials? Is it that he knows of this abuse of government property and finance and says nothing about it? Is it that he knows about the amoral conduct of his fellow government officials and did not call them to order rather waited till this opportune moment when he can fling it in our faces with scorn?

Wait, he also lives in a society where 12 year olds are being sexually abused and he a lawmaker looks and walks away because it is okay?!!

Tell me again why our tax money is paying this man’s salaries???!!!

But let me not digress from the focus of my post.

I have been following the #ChildnotBride protests with interest. My emotions have ranged from ‘Our Senators have gone mad again type dismay’,

To logic ‘but Section 29, sub section 4b. (wonderful, I can now quote a subsection of our law!!) isn’t about childbrides is it? Yes, I can see how easy it is to extrapolate the loophole in this law to more dangerous even political ramifications. If marriage now confers adult reasoning on a girlbride, reasoning enough to make decisions as heavy as renouncing her citizenship, maybe In 2015, a husband can arguably present his underage wife to vote afterall, as she is of ‘full age’ to marry, she is old enough to determine her future leader.

3 things finally set me off:

First, the unnecessary and divisive argument that this is a propaganda against the North by Southern Nigeria.

Do you think it is? I don’t think so.

The Northern situation is a cause for concern for any right-thinking Nigerian. And its amazing that everyone else can see it except the people involved. Yerima and his co defenders might call the West and South ‘hypocrites’ for not removing the logs of premarital sex, prostitution, abortion in their eyes before poking at his. But they might ask themselves which zone has the highest burden of underage girls sentenced to a life of VVF, little or no access to medical care without permission of their male lord and masters, under-achieveing girls in education (the recent cut off marks for federal common entrance is a well known fact), girls who have been told their only value in life is as a bride .

I saw this comment by a Kendra on diarybyemmy.com and it broke my heart

“As for d senate, I come from d north and Emmy dis story is deeper than d passing of dis bill or act or whatever. Small girls of between 4-9 yrs old pass in front of my house when returning from Islamiyya classes and all this children talk about is marriage, their husband’s houses, when they get married how they will cook, their fine fine marriage clothes etc. I live among PROFESSORS! Yes Professors! And these VERY EDUCATED MEN have married brides fresh off primary school. And as Islam permits four wives, they marry these girls when they r really young, suck out their youth and divorce them in time to make space for a new one. Most of them r divorced as teens or in their 20s.Right under my eyes my neighbour’s daughter was eating herself FAT so dat Alhaji will consider her unattractive and take back his marriage proposal but seeing that her mum has 8 kids from an Alhaji who is too old to take care of his children (you see d future of this trend?), d poor girl had to go. And this man is a top official in a FEDERAL university. He had just cleared up all his wives for this new blood. And when he divorces her, she will be referred to as “Bazaura” which is a derogatory term for female divorces in d north, most of which r absorbed into other men’s harems or used by men for extra marital sex. I live in a dirty society that uses religion to mask its sins. My poor north. It is well”… - See more at: http://diarybyemmy.com/losers-week-part-2/#comments

That is the legacy of the north to their young girls. And yet Yerima and Co do not see anything wrong in that?

Secondly, this opinion post on YNaija by a Habeeb Kolade who expunged all the English words in his vocabulary with this pompus statement: ‘The Child Not Bride campaign was uncalled for and insightfully a representation of our collective ignorance of the law binding the Nigerian society and also our unwillingness to seek proper knowledge when approached with these kinds of situations especially when our sense of reasoning had been murdered by sentiments’.

Guy, you are the one who has not done your homework.

Thirdly, the fact that it was Senator Yerima that raised the point in the senate meeting. If Senator Yerima a known child marriage practice, who isn’t a lawyer, and who I cant vouchsafe his educational status could foresee where/how this law could clash with entrenched Islamic practices then shouldn’t we all be wary? Can a fox advise a farmer how to protect his chickens?

There should never be ambiguity in the law. Section 4b is an ambiguous statement which should not exist in our law books. Laws are there to illuminate. To provide clarification.

(b) any woman who is married shall be deemed to be of full age is an ambiguous statement which begs the question ‘what is the marriageable age for women in Nigeria’?

Marriageable age or marriage age is the age at which a person is allowed by law to marry, either as a right or subject to parental or other forms of consent. And guess what? Nigeria’s marriageable age is 18.

Backed by 2 beautiful documents,

First The Nigerian Child right act 2003. There it is clearly stated that,

PART III — PROTECTION OF THE RIGHTS OF THE CHILD

21. No person under the age of 18 years is capable of contracting a valid marriage, and accordingly, a marriage so contracted is null and void and of no effect whatsoever.

22.—(1) No parent, guardian or any other person shall betroth a child to any person.

(2) A betrothal in contravention of Subsection (1) of this section is null and void.

23. A person—

(a) who marries a child; or

(b) to whom a child is betrothed; or

(d) who betroths a child commits an offence and is liable on conviction to a fine of x500,000 (five hundred thousand Naira) or imprisonment for a term of five years or to both such fine and imprisonment.

Secondly by The Protocol to the African Charter on Human and Peoples’ Rights on the Rights of Women in Africa, better known as the Maputo Protocol.

The protocol was adopted by the African Union on 11 July 2003 at its second summit in Maputo, Mozambique. Of the 53 member countries in the African Union, the heads of states of 46 countries (including my dear Nigeria) signed the protocol, and as of July 2010, 28 of those countries had ratified and deposited the protocol (Nigeria included) meaning it is now an enforceable law.

Article 6 which is on Marriage states that

a) no marriage shall take place without the free and full consent of both parties;

b) the minimum age of marriage for women shall be 18 years;

Clearly, that ambiguous statement in section 29b should be DELETED like yesterday, because it goes against Nigerian Laws.

As for Sen. Yerima who cited religious practices as an excuse, I have neither seen any clause which says that Sharia law is allowed to prevail OVER the law of the Land nor did I see any addendum which allows marriage at a slightly younger age with parental or judicial approval like it happens in some other countries (marriage at minimum 15 years with parents/judicial approval).

Moreover Sir, your dishonorable self should have been impeached like yesterday based on contravention of Section 23A, C and D - Marriage to a 13yr old, boasting that you can give out your 6 yr old daughter in marriage if you wish , and the entire dishonorable rant above.

Lastly, Senator Yerima/Co might also pay heed to this wise woman, Judge Maryam Uwais and stop quoting the Holy Quran to suit their purposes.

“It is certainly not mandatory in Islam that girls must be married off as minors, so to keep insisting that this practice must remain sacrosanct, given the background of needs in Northern Nigeria, is incongruous, even under the Shari’a. Where a practice is determined to be merely permissible and not mandatory, it is considered practicable and entirely feasible within Islamic jurisprudence, to discourage or prohibit it, where it is found to be so harmful to individuals and to the community”. VanguardNews

The President, Senators, Governors, House of Assembly, Nigerian bar Association, Civil right activists, fellow Nigerians, this is simple really. We are not asking for anything new. It is already in our laws. Dear Lawmakers your job is to enforce it. Section 29, subsection 4b goes against The Child Right Act 2003 and The Maputo Protocol. Kindly Delete it. That’s all.

I think it is tragic and shameful that our lawmakers neither know the law nor can be entrusted to uphold it.

Chimmy, You Can Call Me One of Your Girls Anytime

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 16 Jul 2013 00:28:00 +0000

An excerpt from Chimmy’s recent interview

AB: I would love to ask you about the Caine Prize. I find it interesting that so many Nigerians are on the shortlist this year - That its four Nigerians out of five

Chimmy: Umm, why is that a problem? Watch it

AB: Well, none of them are you!

Chimmy: Elnathan was one of my boys in my workshop. But what’s all this over-privileging of the Caine prize anyway?? I don’t want to talk about the Caine Prize really. I suppose it’s a good thing, but for me, its not he arbiter of the best fiction in Africa. It’s never been. I know that Chinelo is on the short list too. But I haven’t read the stories – I’m just not very interested. I don’t go to the Caine Prize to look for the best in African fiction.

AB: where do you go?

Chimmy: I go to my mailbox where my workshop people send me their stories. I could give you a list of ten – mostly in Nigeria – writers who I think are very good. They’re not on the Caine prize short list.

Elnathan John: *sigh* I agree. The best Nigerian writing is in Queen Adichie’s mailbox. What a treasure chest.

And of course this sparked off commentaries on Adichie in response to Elnathan John’s status update which ranged from ‘she’s jealous to conceit to too much pride to she’s bitter cause of the failure of Americanah”(raised eyebrows).

You know as best friend Chimmy can do no wrong in my eyes mostly, but this time, I will that I have reservations..

Elnathan has not shown much love for Chimmy judging from his commentaries during the Americanah controversy which indirectly referred to 'her arrogance' etc. So I can appreciate his acute displeasure at her *my boys* reference. Chimmy love, how can you call oke okpa di ka Elnathan ‘nwata nwoke’

Mba nu. I choro okwu nwanne m***.

Update*** On second thoughts, after reading this recent post from Elnathan clarifying their prior personal relationship maybe I can understand why. In the wake of the natural hair/Americanah discussions, Elnathan made scathing posts about Chimmy, someone I now find he has/had a personal relationship with. Not cool. Yes, friends can have a difference of opinion but Elnathan allowed his fans make hurtful personal remarks about Chimmy on his Fb page. To be honest my perception was that he did not care for her or her writing. And now he wants her to give him privileged treatment? Shrug. Source for the goose…..

“What’s all this over-privileging of the Caine prize anyway?”

It is an interesting commentary for one who rose to fame on the wings of a literary prize. She of all people should know the value of any award. Yes she congratulated the winners but by making those scathing remarks about the perceived talent of the prize winners compared to those in her mail box, she literally showed that her congratulations were not worth the paper they were printed on.

I’m not challenging the excellence of these writers she knows, but it was an insensitive speech to make at this point in time. With awards still fresh, this is the time to give credit to whom it is due: To congratulate winners and encourage greater participation: To make relevant critiques about the way the award is run if it marginalizes certain writers or nations or encourages certain stories from Africa (read her article here).

The alleged excellent writers in your mailbox did not send in their stories for the competition by dint of opportunity, time or maybe through some unmet criteria submitted but were not shortlisted. But these winners did. Again, it might just be ladyluck, opportunity, or just pure hardwork but that shouldn’t stop me from appreciating the feat of winners who knocked down hundreds if not thousands of others in a competition. It is only right that they be unreservedly congratulated. And in a future interview, or in an opinion piece, talk about ‘your mailbox of yet to be discovered writers’.

On a positive bit, about having a treasure trove of good writers in her mailbox…She is not wrong you know. My easiest comparisons are beauty contests. Is Miss Nigeria/Miss Universe/Miss World the most beautiful woman in the world? No. Can I similarly boast, that I have a bevy of beauties in my corner street in Gbagada who can give the winners a run from their crowns? Yes and I probably wouldn’t be wrong.

But like I have said. Wrong time. Wrong fight.

Bestie, your recent interviews have spiked a lot of controversy which though important (it is always good to shake up ideas) do not reflect well on you. There’s no gain in making statements that stand to be misconstrued then you now have to give a 2^nd interview to correct wrong first perceptions.

The Nigerian audience is a tough one - they have large egos and tend to take things at surface value – but they are your biggest support Adanne.

Be the mistress of your words and get it right the first time so I won’t have to be doing unpaid PR work :).

On a last note, you can call me one of your girls anytime :)

Of Masectomies and Breast Cancer

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sat, 06 Jul 2013 20:35:00 +0000

So I’ve been reading up a bit about breast cancer, especially after Angelina Jolie’s dramatic double mastectomy. I remembered the discussions my Medical Anthropology group had during my Masters about women who decide to have a preventive mastectomy and why they choose to do it, cause the truth is mastectomy is not the first medical option for a woman at risk of breast cancer.

I am not knocking Angela Jolie’s choice and that of women like her, it is a difficult and emotionally draining choice to make. Talk of the physical pain of surgery. But, I also hope that women who are told that they are at risk of BRCA following screening do not all jump onto the painful bandwagon of mastectomy.

First line actions include:

Active monitoring – the person receives annual screening, mammographs or MRI scans to monitor breast tissue.
Changes in lifestyle are encouraged to reduce individual risk – Stop smoking, maintain a healthy weight, healthy diet, reduce if not stop drinking alcohol, exercise, sun protection and ehh breastfeeding (nature has a way of getting its revenge).
Radiotherapy or chemotherapy whose cure rates are high and continue to improve.
Removal of affected breast tissues (lumpectomy).

I will reiterate…that genes/gene testing is not the be-all and end-all in the fight against cancer or most other diseases. They are just only one piece of the complex puzzle.

Every woman has breast cancer genes BRCA1, BRCA2, TP53, PTEN. The risk of it becoming a cancer occurs if a mutation develops in one of the genes.

About 1 in 500 women have a high risk mutation of the genes associated with breast cancer. However having this high risk mutation does not mean that a woman will develop BRCA. A bit like Russian roulette innit?

Breast cancer screening programmes do not predict individual outcome/prognosis of a person found to have breast cancer. In some cases the cancerous cells can spread rapidly posing a significant risk to health. In others the cancerous cells are much less aggressive so the cancer has no impact on life expectancy. A bit like Russian roulette isn’t it?

This uncertainty leads to what researchers call Overdiagnosis – where women who are diagnosed as having breast cancer following screening, are given treatment and exposed to all its attendant harm (radiotherapy etc) only to subsequently have cancers that would never have caused symptoms in their lifetime.

Check this out

Based on evidence available, for every 100,000 women invited to screening from age 50 for 20yrs

681 breast cancers will be diagnosed

129 of these diagnoses will be Overdiagnosed

43 deaths from breast cancer averted.

So for every one death, there are 3 cases for Overdiagnosis or unnecessary treatment.

Ginger what are you trying to say? Don’t be scared if you get a breast cancer diagnosis? Don’t believe the result? Bind it in Jesus name?

No, I am not saying that o. Though te last suggestion is greatly recommended. I’m just saying that screening results are not a life sentence, don’t make rash decisions based on it. Discuss with your doctor. Seek second and third opinions.

We all have cancer: we all have abnormal cells that can potentially spiral out of control. Making the decision to live a more healthy life reduces cancer risks considerably. Start today.

P.S. In the UK, BRCA screening is offered to women 50 yrs and above. While women with a family history of BRCA are screened from their thirties. Know your family history. Know your risk. Love your breasts.

P.P.S. Info was obtained from NHS choices website

A Cupboard Full of Coats Review

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 04 Jul 2013 13:20:00 +0000

A Cupboard full of Coats is powerful and well told debut novel from Yvette Edwards which was long listed for the 2011 Booker prize.

I have to confess, I finished the book and flipped back through the pages to re-read the poetry in her words!

Yvette wrote with heart and sensitivity about a topic we are becoming very familiar with – domestic violence. But this time we look at the violence through the eyes of an indirect victim – a child.

Jinx was a 16yr girl who had lived most of her life cocooned in the safety and surety of her mother’s love (her father had died when she was 4).

Then her mother started a relationship with Berris. Their once tranquil London home was no more as Berris staked his authority with fists and belts, while his best friend Lemon watched on.

And when death happened, it was unexpected yet fated.

The plot navigated between the events in Jinx’s present and 14yrs ago when the tragedy occurred. Though the chapters were not dated, I found it easy to recognize which period I was in.

In a way it was a coming of age story, but it also touched on maternal/child relationships (Jinx struggle to love her own child was as painful and awkward for the reader as it must have been for her), friendship and betrayal (male/male, female/female), and the malignant feelings of hatred, blame, guilt which remain in the lives of all who witness domestic abuse.

The author’s characterizations made this book extra special. You had a feel of each character and are curious to know the whys and whats about them (Lemon was the most enigmatic with all the demons from his past hounding his present. I wanted to hate him soo much but yet couldn’t). I loved the suspense too. The author kept hinting at a climactic revelation and I was not let down when I finally got to it.

It was also about West Indies food. I wanted to taste every meal prepared by Lemon. I licked my lips and tongue wiped imaginary Plates. Lol.

Even something as simple as pumpkin soup sounded like ambrosia. I think I might try that recipe soon.

I could go on and on about this book, lol. Hope her next book is as good as this!

Author

Excerpts

“There was a time if my mother had said 'we' she’d have meant me and her. Now it was them. She was still a part of we; it was me who wasn’t. 'They' used to be other people, those who lived outside our home. Now they were inside, it was me and them.”

"I couldn’t get the questions out of my head. Like, what could make a big man like Berris punch my mom in the face? How could he have looked at my beautiful mom and done that, then calmly sat downstairs and eaten? From what I saw, she did everything he wanted, tried her best to be perfect for him. I could think of nothing she could have done or said that made sense of how he had manhandled her."

"And the tears, the ones that had set us up the first time, the ones that had seemed so much like the real McCoy, that had made me felt sympathy when I should have felt fury, made her take him back when she should have banished him forever – those crocodile tears were history. He no longer stormed out or bawled or looked ashamed or even sheepish when he did what he did. Or when he gave her the coats afterward.

He would watch her as she struggled to smile despite the pain, watch her twirling and spinning inside them, as if every gift she had ever been given in her life had followed on the tail of a roasting and she expected no different, and his face would be set with a smile that was smug and satisfied, his eyes when they met mine were challenging, daring me to say a word."

"..As for my mother, everything I’d ever felt for her, the envy, the confusion, the sympathy, the annoyance, the admiration, the frustration, the love, that man removed everyone of those feelings.

She’d stood by and let the man she had chosen, the man she had brought into my father’s house, wear himself out on my skin without lifting a finger to stop him, not even a word or gasp or whisper."

Did They Actually Pass the Bar Exam?

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 28 Jun 2013 00:40:00 +0000

Reposting this from Facebook :).

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Points to Ponder About Genetic Testing and Disability

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 23:57:00 +0000

I saw this thought-provoking suspense movie a while back titled GATTACA starring Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman with Jude Law and Gore Vidal in supporting roles.

The background was “a not so distant future, when DNA will play the major role in determining social class. At birth, following the result of a comprehensive genetic testing, a person’s future health is determined on a scale of 1-10.

10 for the human with a superior genetic profile. 1 for – your guess is as good as mine.

To escape producing doomed offspring, parents succumbed to the use of IVF and genetic selection to conceive ‘valid’ children with superior genetic profiles.

In this environ is born the main star Vincent who was conceived naturally by loving parents. A high probability to develop shortsightedness/mental disorders, have a short life span, ascribed him a low genetic profile which translated to a future doing menial labour.

But his dream was to be an astronaut. A job reserved for the best.

The only way he can achieve this dream is to become a "borrowed ladder", a person who impersonates a "valid". Vincent "buys" the identity of Jerome, a former swimming star with a genetic profile “second to none", who had been injured in a car accident, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down.

He used Jerome’s "valid" DNA in blood, hair, tissue, and urine samples to pass screening, gained acceptance into the Gattaca Aerospace Corporation, the most prestigious spaceflight conglomerate, and went on to become Gattaca's top celestial navigator.

After watching this movie, I questioned again my ideas of how genetic testing should be used and became fearful of how society is already directly/indirectly supporting these discriminating ideals of “perfect and not perfect” now.

Points to ponder

It is important to test, important to know

Genetic testing is important to enable us predict/diagnose/manage a potential disease. WHAT IT IS NOT is a means to label and discriminate. Efforts to promote healthy populations need not lead to a systematic segregation/second class treatment/ of the members of our society who do not meet our typical understanding of health.

Genetic testing does not solve health problems

In the future, technology might be able to detect a predisposition to diabetes, forms of depression, Alzheimer disease, heart disease, arthritis, or back (problems which are more prevalent in the population than many of the currently detectable conditions)- What will we do then?

Shall we be picking and choosing spouses – “I don’t want a partner with a potential for diabetes. Too much stress to cook unripe plantain porridge daily” etc etc.

I would wish that we focus our energies on finding lasting treatment and making life comfortable for others.

The life/future of a person with a chronic illness or disability is not defined by their condition

Most people with conditions such as spina bifida, achondroplasia, Down syndrome, and many other mobility and sensory impairments perceive themselves as healthy, not sick, and describe their conditions as givens of their lives – the equipment with which they meet the world.

The same is true for people with chronic conditions such as cystic fibrosis, diabetes, hemophilia, sickle cell, and muscular dystrophy. These conditions include intermittent flare-ups requiring medical care and adjustments in daily living, but they do not render the person as unhealthy as most of the public-and members of the health profession-imagine.

People with disabilities are thinking about a traffic jam, boyfriends, a disagreement with a friend, which movie to attend, or which team will win the World Cup-not just about their diagnosis.

External factors affect people with disabilities more than the condition itself

We wrongly assume that gaps in education, unemployment, poverty, isolation or low social status are inevitable consequences of disability because the impairment prevents study or limits work. But when you take a look around Nigeria for instance – characteristics of buildings (no disability access in schools, workplaces), transport systems, road systems (traffic lights, tarred roads), means of communication, you realize that societal arrangements preclude them.

The parents of this little boy protested about the unfairness of this class picture.

I remember this Entrepreneur and bank customer of mine who used to carry out most of his transactions over the phone with me. One day he decided to visit the bank and I was quite curious to see him for the first time. His jeep drove up, and a wheelchair was brought out by the chauffeur. But alas, the bank security door was not wide enough to allow the wheelchair in unless it was folded. Rather than face the indignity of being “carried in”, my manager and I had to come meet him in the car and have the business meeting there. He kept his business with the bank but never came back. I don’t blame him.

Life with disability is worthwhile

Several prominent bioethicists claim (and many of us agree) that to knowingly bring into the world a child who will live with an impairment

(whether it be a "withered arm," cystic fibrosis, deafness, or Down syndrome) is unfair to the child because it deprives the child of the "right to an open future" by limiting some options.

Yet, there is abundant evidence that people with disabilities do not merely take from others but they contribute as well-to families, to friends, to the economy. They contribute neither in spite of nor because of their disabilities, but because along with their disabilities come other characteristics of personality, intelligence, talent, and humanity that render them full members of the community.

Oscar Pistorious? Jack Carroll (the second runner up of Britain’s got talent 2013), Paralympic athletes, Andrea (winner of the Voice UK), Franklin Roosevelt anyone??!! and lots of other politicians.

For Prospective Parents

This was written by a Disability activist Adrienne Asch - In order to imagine bringing a child with a disability into the world even when abortion is possible, prospective parents must be able to imagine saying to a child, "I wanted you enough and believed enough in who you could be that I felt you could have a life you would appreciate even with the difficulties your disability would bring”.

Instead of thinking of avoiding the life itself, why not think of how the expected problems could be reduced or avoided.

Burden vs Benefits of raising a child with disability

If we assume that there are "extra burdens" associated with certain aspects of raising children with disabilities, consider the "extra burdens" associated with raising children with “extraordinary aptitude” for athletics, art, music, or mathematics.

In a book on gifted children Ellen Winner writes, “All the family's energy becomes focused on this child’s development in two ways: either one or both parents spend a great deal of time stimulating and teaching the child themselves, or parents make sacrifices so that the child gets high-level training from the best available teachers.

They perceive that all the extra work and rearrangement associated with raising such children will provide what people seek in parenthood: the opportunity to give ourselves to a new being who starts out with the best we can give, who will enrich us, gladden others, contribute to the world, and make us proud”.

Can we think the same of a child with a disability, that the benefits of raising this child outweighs the ‘burdens’? Yes, we can.

Closeness brings Understanding

The closer people are to someone with genetic disease the more unacceptable it is to evaluate the worth of the person’s existence solely in terms of their genetic disease.

I will even broaden that. The more you see those with disabilities, the more you accept that they have the right to share the public space.

Personally, it was an eye opener to me when I first came to UK. Saw all modes of people with disability going about their personal business. I was the one gawking.

Coming from a society where disability is heard not seen, pitied not accepted, it took me awhile to understand. To learn not to always rush in to open a door, carry an extra bag - cause the person wants her/his independence.

So make an effort today. Reach out to that disabled person in your place of work, the crippled asking for money in front of Mr. Biggs…not out of pity please. But because they are persons of worth. Say “hello, how are you?”. Look them in the eye as you say it and mean it.

What do you think? What are we doing well, what can we improve about disability in our society?

Source

10 things You Need to Know About Sickle Cell

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 21:00:00 +0000

Yesterday was World Sickle Cell Day. A day set aside to raise Sickle cell awareness worldwide.

Here are 10 things you need to know about Sickle cell:

1. Genetic testing is important to know your genotype. Saying “I’ve never been sick” doesn’t make it impossible that you have the Sickle cell gene. People have found out they had Sickle cell disease in their 20s/30s.

2. Sickle Cell disease does not only occur among African Americans or in African countries like Nigeria, Ghana and Sierra Leone. It is common in Hispanics and in people from Greece, and Middle East countries like Bahrain, Saudi Arabia.

3. There are variations in the genotype. An individual can have Sickle cell disease and have the genotype SS, SC or Sβ thalassemia.

4. The different variants can affect the severity of pain and longevity of the individual with Sickle Cell.

The Cooperative Study of Sickle Cell Disease (1991) focused on the natural history of 3,578 individuals with SCD age newborn to 66 years, and found that the average pain rate in SCD-SS was twice that of individuals with SCD-SC, while the median age** of death was 42 - 48 years for individuals with SCD-SS and 60-68 years for individuals with SCD-SC.

**Note that the ages are median meaning middle in statistics, not average. Hence earlier and older deaths do occur across the range.

Ernestine Diamond, 86, is the oldest American known to be living with SCD

5. These are the faces of sickle cell in the millennium below. Kindly delete those images of yellow eyed, pot bellied, sickly looking under achievers you have been told about.

T-Boz of TLC

Tosin Coker, Author

Akimie, Runway model

Having sickle cell does not mean you cannot be what you want to be (maybe not an athlete), but there are so many career options available for you just like everyone else. In the pictures above, Akimie is a model, Tosin is an Author, T-boz of TLC a singer, Larenz Tate etc

6. Scared about love and relationships? Don’t be. People with SCD have found love just like everyone else, married had babies and are living normal everyday lives. I promise you, there are men and women out there who see you beyond your genes.

7. Self care activities are critical to decrease health care costs as well as improve the health status and quality of life for persons living with SCD. This includes drinking lots of water and eating a balanced diet, taking your folic acid.

8. Self care activities also includes listening to your body and knowing your limits. “Your body is going to tell you before you get sick. Your body is going to tell you that it’s tired. Listen to it”. Great tip for everyone too!!

9. Arm yourself with knowledge about your condition. Read, read, read some more - about treatments available, about reproductive choices. Ask questions of your doctors. Join support forums. Don’t isolate yourself.

10. There’s a lot of physical pain and psycho-social problems associated with Sickle cell disease, the former comes from the disease while most of the psychological pain and depression comes from the attitude of the society.
Dear person with SCD, Surround yourself with positive, respecting and supportive friends and family.

Dear person without SCD, stop being shortsighted. See the person behind the disease.

Sickle cell disease can only limit you if you let it. Choose to be a Warrior not a victim of Sickle cell disease.

Sources
Sickle Cell Warriors
Celebrities with SCD

Sex Scandals and Public Officials

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 09:52:00 +0000

Famous Quotes

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman” Bill Clinton

“I cannot say with certitude that the photo of that erect penis is mine” Congressman Weiner

So, I’m just reading about the brouhaha over the alleged love affair between the CBN governor and a certain Madam Yaro. I noted that denials have come from CBN directorate but none from the CBN governor. Interesting.

Reading all the arguments for and against why this affair should be of interest to the public, reminded me of America's Bill Clinton’s very public extramarital penkelemesi also Congressman Weiner.

"A public official can be impeached when they commit a crime whether it is a misdemeanor or a felony. Impeachment does not necessarily mean a dismissal from office. It is a formal charge of wrong doing against the person and the accused is tried by the Senate (Senate acts as court)".

Bill Clinton was not impeached because he had an affair (oops was it? scratches head)…rather it was cause he had lied under oath (perjury) and obstructed the course of justice during the investigation of the scandal and sexual harassment lawsuit by Paula Jones.

Why was the scandal being investigated if it wasn’t government business then?

Well, they had investigate to find out if any official resources were used to further the affair and if any house rules had been violated i.e. if the affair had been sponsored by public funds (expensed lunches, hotel bills, carrying affair instead of official duties etc).

In Congressman Weiner's case, he had also lied, though not under oath when he was asked about the naughty pictures he had tweeted. Though he later recapitulated, his constituency as polls showed were not impressed. The fact is if ‘you a man of honor and can lie boldly in public, how about in other situations”.

There was no reason to impeach him per se as investigations had shown no proof of abuse of office. He was just a man who thought it was fun to sext with women other than his wife. Unethical but not illegal.

Why did he resign then?

His hitherto private affairs were causing a distraction even disrespect of an office which should be above reproach. Then Obama weighed in, ”if I were Weiner I would resign”. He did.

Why didn't Clinton resign back then?

Higher stakes? Tougher skin? lol. (personally, I am happy he didn't).

So back to our dear Samson of the banking sector, Sanusi Lamido.

Is it our business if he had an affair with a woman not his wife? No

Is it our business if they exchanged texts messages saying “You make me feel brand new, Come and kiss me, Ahmadillah I love you”? No

Is it our business if he misappropriated public funds/expense accounts to support this affair? Yes

Is it our business if he abused his power to get her a position she neither merited or is qualified for (if that was the case)? Yes

Or if she is under coercion because of his position to start/continue the affair (it does happen you know)? Yes

That's my two kobo worth of opinion. So far I can see the matter is dying a natural death. Bigger dailies have not carried the news. Shakes head. Naija! All smoke and no fire!!

Sources of News
Premium News report
CBN responds
Legal opinion about the affair

Book Review - 26A

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 13:13:00 +0000

So in my new love for African Themed books, I snagged up this book from my local Oxfam shop. The book being a winner of a prestigious award made it all the more attractive.

Judges can’t be wrong eh?

Plot: The book focuses on the lives of the Hunters, an inter-racial couple made up of a Nigerian Mom and British Dad and their 5 girls in a London suburb.

There is Ida the Mom who deals with homesickness by having regular but imaginary discussions with her mother in her head. Aubrey, the alcoholic husband whose childhood involved humiliating episodes by a domineering father and doting mother and who had in turn become an abusive father

Of the children, the author focuses on the twins, Georgia and Bessi, exaggerating the different personalities yet emphasizing that intangible but unique connection that is said to exist between twins. And when tragedy in the form of sexual assault happens in the life of one, the confusion and festering impact it has on their mental and sexual development.

From growing up in the family house in Neasden, to a 3 year adventure living in Lagos, From flapjack dreams to boyfriends, Childhood to adulthood, the writers makes us passive observers in the dynamics of this largely dysfunctional family alternating between minutiae details to broad sweeps.

Wow – Diana’s distinctive writing style - alternatively descriptive and poetic - which imbued otherwise brilliance to this laidback story.

Not so wow – I must confess, I wasn’t enamored by the plot. It was a like traveling on the district line tube train (wink wink – slow and tortuous).

The interracial dynamics which I had looked forward to were lost on me.

Ida was not a Nigerian woman I recognized. An Edo woman who called her mother Nne-nne and father Baba?? did not sound right (I've been told that the dialect of the Igbanke speaking part of Edo is borrowed from Igbo language).

A Nigerian woman without friends (except her imaginary mother), A Nigerian mother who lived on the fringes of the lives of her 5 daughters. A Nigerian woman whose only flash of culture was adding cayenne spice to Yorkshire pudding. haba!!

Even the description of Lagos where they temporarily lived bore little semblance to the Lagos I know.

I came to the conclusion that either the author’s geography hadn’t been comprehensive or she'd written the book through a white prism.

Despite the tragic events that run through its thread (abuse, depression, suicide) at the end, it hinted at happy beginnings for the Hunter family and i was comforted.

Do tell me what you thought of 26A....

Book Review: Room by Emma Donaghue

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 13:13:00 +0000

Hey Blogfam, 2013 is flying!! Happy June days to y'all!!

I started reading the book “Room” by Emma Donaghue iin December but put it aside when my Ereader started misbehaving.

Following recent news about the discovery of Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight who were incarcerated for 10yrs by their abductors in Cleveland, US, I quickly restored my faulty Ereader to working order to resume reading. I imagined there might be parallels in their experience to that of the occupants of Room.

It didn’t seem far-fetched anymore.

Room was written through the eyes, vocabulary and thinking of a 5yr old boy called Jack. Don’t knock it yet. It’s not about ‘Fireman Sam”. It was a more than average 5 year old, raised in unusual circumstances.

The book engaged me from the beginning. I am always fascinated about cognition in children - how do kids make sense of the world around them.

For Jack, room was the only home/haven he knew and it was adequate. There was Ma, Bed, Rug, Wall, Wardrobe, Snake - all treated as equal animate playmates.

His mother had tried her best to create a lively and happy regimen which included rhymes, TV, exercise, singing, reading. The concept of ‘bored’ was alien to him.

But as we go along we realize that despite Jack’s happy patter, the circumstances were not normal.

Room had no exit for its occupants.

I won’t give away the plot, as much as I want to, cause it was simple really - Life in room, Life outside room. Yet it was more than that. It was a plot rich in psychological, sociological and political undertones.

The lives of Jack and Ma outside room was interestingly as terrifying as the one indoors. You would think freedom automatically makes everything okay....no it didn’t.

They had to deal with questions which judged the mother's choices (Why didn’t you give your child up for adoption rather than let him suffer in abduction with you? Why do you still breastfeed your 5 year old son?)

Physiologically, they had to deal with skin that burns in the sun because they had not been out in the Sun for years, with Vit d deficiencies, with under-developed immune systems.

They had to deal with spatial cognition – as simple as being unable to automatically judge/measure distance as you move around – which didn’t come automatically to a child who was born/bred in an 11ft by 11ft room.

They had to deal with a child who had serious social adjustments to make having known only 2 people. One good. The other bad.

Much of the grim impact on the mother – the adult - was only implied. The routine rape, depression, raising a child as normally as you can under difficult circumstances, keeping your hope alive and alert for escape opportunities. It was up to you the reader to read between the lines and marvel at human resourcefulness, resilience and maternal love.

I have since found that the author drew inspiration partly from her 5 year old son and the infamous Josef Fritzl case.

Monsters walk among us.

Are you proud to be Nigerian?

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 31 May 2013 01:38:00 +0000

pa·tri·ot·ic

/ˌpātrēˈätik/

Adjective

Having or expressing devotion to and vigorous support for one's country.

Unless you live under a rock (like I do sometimes) you must have heard about the Woolwich attack and our Nigerian brother terrorists. A prayer to the family of the dead soldier Rigby who have lost a son so tragically (Amen) and also for the families of Adebolaja and Adebowale who have lost their sons too. I dont think there is any parent that gives birth and says 'Son, It will be my pride and joy if you become a cold-blooded killer'/get caught and spend the rest of your life in jail barring capital punishment'.

The ensuing arguments over the killers’ British born-bred/Nigerian origin (which I felt was a satisfactory description – nurture vs nature, environment vs genetics) earned me the name ‘unpatriotic Nigerian’ from my girlfriend Jo. shrug.

Today at work, I discovered a new level of unpatriotism.

This is how i feel about Nigeria as i bear that flag

I was at a table during lunchbreak comprised of 4 (3 Nigerian females and 1 male Briton). The discussion went from work gossip, to family. Brit guy asked middle aged Lady, "do you go home often"?. She said last time she was in Nigeria was 2008 for a funeral and prior to that, last visit was 2001. We then got to hear of how her family used the funeral opportunity to become money-grasping etc and how that broke down relations.

We commiserated with her that money tends to bring out the worst in humans anyway, next thing she begins this tirade on, "how terrible Nigerians are. Liars, Cheats, Not trustworthy. She looks at Mr. Britain and says, “Don’t ever do business with a Nigerian, they will cheat you and run away with your money. Don’t even go to that Country, cause it’s not likely you will come back alive. Or if you do, it will be without your valuables. They stole my brother’s passport at the airport check in desk. That was how my dad’s business went belly up. etc. etc. In my former place of work, I even dissuaded my boss from doing business with Nigerian companies”.

My mouth was agape? I was like Lady, really? All Nigerians are bad? 150million Nigerians? How many Nigerians have you met, done business with, have cheated you? 10? 1,000? 10,000? 1 million? Out of 150million? Do the Math. That is still not enough proportion for you to say ‘all Nigerians are bad’. Say “I have had some bad experiences with some Nigerians and that makes me wary about doing business with another”, but don’t go brushing all Nigerians with same tar. For every bad egg there are 200 good ones. Smart, hardworking, honest Nigerians abound. It’s not fair to belittle or taint their hardwork because of the experiences you have had.

I was so mad and deeply disappointed!!

Maybe it was her saying ‘Nigerians’ and not making the distinction ‘some Nigerians’. Maybe it was the way she distanced herself from Nigeria…’I am British” (ha!! Until you are a criminal or terrorist then you realize you are “British born of Nigerian descent” ^__^), maybe it was the feeling that she was “airing our dirty linen in public” - the Briton listening to her might have doubted the news he sees in the media about fake scammers/terrorists/fraud and taken it with a pinch of salt. But now that he has heard it from the horse’s mouth, it makes it true innit?

Later in the day, I took a hard look at myself and I have decided to watch a little more, my utterances about Nigeria. I despair about some of the things going on in Nigeria, about the unnecessary loss of lives due to ineffectual security, opportunities lost, about the corruption, about the unnecessary poverty, about gender inequality. While there is the temptation to talk about love and fashion, and repost BellaNaija Red carpet events and dream weddings to take the sting away, that is not my forte.

Love corrects and it is out of love I point out any ills I see.

But I will try harder to not let the negatives overshadow the labour of the majority contributing their bit to making this engine called Nigeria work.

May God bless us all.

Are you proud to be Nigerian? Score your pride from 1-4

1 for not proud. 4 for very proud.

Letter to a Young Wife, From An Old - Chuma Nwokolo

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 23 May 2013 21:40:00 +0000

Thou art a young wife, so I shall open all my mouth. On that first day that his adultery comes to light, the whole world is right behind you, so let the force of your fury be known. Be natural, let it all hang out. The plates, the framed photographs of your wedding, his suits even, these are the legitimate, the expected casualties of his embarrassing sex.
Noise the scandal to whom you may, what more do you have to hide? You heard it on the bus, did you not, between Onipanu and Maryland? The yellow girl with the housegirl hairstyle boasting of how much she got off the paddy with the potbelly who drives the green Cressida at Cement Busstop? Tell your friends, the groundnut hawker, his own friends even. Let the world feel the pain of his betrayal of you. Pain shared = pain halved, and all that.
On the second day you are still feeling bad, as is to be expected. It is a four-year-old marriage, is it not? One daughter, two London holidays, and a house already growing in the village? Fine, rage some more. Take the excuse of every word he says to dump on him. He deserves it, does he not? A man wants to stray and it is that ugly housegirl-type that his hands can reach.
You could smell her from halfway down the bus, couldn’t you? And she fought like a wildcat too, practically stripped you naked during the fight at the Maryland bus park, didn’t she? Well let him have it then. Let your eyes flash and glint through all his apologies, break his I’msosorry champagne in front of him. Every fifteen minutes or so, hiss ominously. And if he so much as sets an apologetically seductive hand on you… well I don’t have to tell you what to do about that.
But this is the third day and you are not yet five years at this, are you? Fine, let me open all my mouth. You will notice from the party we threw last month that this is my fiftieth-year-anniversary – and my husband still holds my hand during our evening strolls.
On the third day, my young, inexperienced sister, the world is not Click here to continue reading

Do we agree with Grandma?

Mr.Chuma Nwokolo is a writer and advocate. His writings can be found here

Wills, Widow Inheritance and Remarriage - A Male POV

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Wed, 22 May 2013 20:13:00 +0000

Here is one man’s - Hon Sola Adeyeye - efforts to protect and provide for his wife in the case of death. May wise and loving husbands/bachelors take note and do likewise.

"I pray to die in my 70s. I will like to die after age 76 but before my 78th birthday. If I do not, I won't kill myself o! I suspect my wife will live to her 90s. Her paternal and maternal family trees are blessed with longevity.

“So, I have decided to make my provisions for her when I am gone. If she chooses to marry again, it is her right to do so. If she dies before me, and I live long enough and meet another woman I like, I would remarry. Men do this typically. Why should that be a big deal for a woman to do the same? The agreement between us stipulated "until death do us part!".

I have always carried lots of life insurance to ensure that my family does not suffer upon my death. When my children were young, they were all allocated equal proportion of inheritance from my insurance. Now my children are adults and doing very well on their own. My children started work earning more than I earned at the end of a distinguished career. They can and should take care of themselves. My priority now is the care of my wife in her old age.

For years, my father put enormous pressure on me to build a house in my home-town. He got my friends and maternal relatives to constantly nag me about building a house. When he succeeded in getting Chief Bola Ige to join their chorus, I succumbed. Even so, I insisted that I would build the house on one condition! I insisted that all my father's children, six other relatives of my dad, six relatives of my mum, six relatives of my wife, and six friends of mine must be present at a ceremony of laying the foundation of the house. My dad agreed most enthusiastically.

I traveled home in August 1993 for the said ceremony. My relatives were decked in fine clothes that left me wondering what the fuss was about while I wore my Tai Solarin fisherman hat along with my customary t-shirt and shorts. Just as the opening prayer was to be offered, I raised my hand and interjected with a question.

I asked everyone present if they knew what we had all come to do. An aunt answered that we had come to lay the foundation for my house. I corrected her that, the house to be built was not my house but my wife's! Even at that, I argued that since I was not a brick layer or mason, it would have been very foolish and wasteful for me to come all the way from America to lay the foundation of any house.

A sibling opined that we had to come to pray. I countermanded that God did not need me to come to Ora that day just to pray. He would have answered my prayer no matter where I was on the planet. I then went on to tell them that I had summoned all of them so they could all be my witness as to the ownership of the house whose foundation was about to be laid!

“I stated that the house belonged to my wife whether I am alive or dead. I asserted that if my wife should die before me, the ownership would transfer to me. If I should die before she does, the full ownership UNCONDITIONALLY remains with her. I went further to say that if my wife chooses to marry another man after my death, she still retains full ownership of the house!”

I then turned to everyone present and asked if there was any objection to what I had said so that I might terminate the project there and then! Nobody objected. Everything was recorded on audio and video tape. The house was built. It belongs to my wife.

My current will has the house transferring to be my foundation upon the death of my wife and myself. The foundation is to maintain and use the house for freely housing NYSC corps posted to Ora-Igbomina.

“Each of us has to decide how to handle whatever is stipulated by the laws of his/her religion.”

We need to know that most of the laws we inherited in 1960 under the British common law still hold in Nigeria. Indeed, until revised or rescinded either by a legislature or military decree/edict, every such law still holds.

During my tenure in the House of Reps, Hon. Abike Dabiri and I sponsored a bill to protect the rights of widows but the bill died in committee because, the lawyers (among our colleagues) pointed out that the Nigerian statutes adequately protect the nuclear family, especially the widow. But no society lives by law alone!

Cultural norms and traditional conventions are as powerful as the letters of the legal code; sometimes, they are more powerful.

“It is up to every man to assess his own situation and to make every effort, long before he dies, to protect his wife.”

Unfortunately, Africans are very good at enduring bad marriages! Some men do not even want their wife to be their inheritor! If a marriage is so bad that a man does not want his wife to inherit whatever he has, he should be man enough to divorce the woman. Absent that, once the man dies, the widow is adequately protected by the law.

But such widows do not live in cultural vacuums. Often they are too scared by superstitious fears and taboos to assert their own rights under the law. By the time their fellow congregants from church add the oft-touted but misunderstood lingo about "principalities and powers", most women often succumb to the peace of the dispossessed rather than risk so-called spiritual attack!

Where the marriage is good, it is really very easy for any man to protect his wife and children. Every man should draw a will that goes into force on his wedding day! I do preach at weddings and I constantly hammer on couples having life insurance and wills. Those who were at my wedding reception were stunned by my public announcement of my will on my wedding day in 1977!

I took the best possible care of my father. From 1986 till his death in 2007, I ensured that my father was the highest paid man residing in my small hometown of Ora-Igbomina, Osun State. I simply paid him twice the salary of the High School Principal who was/is the highest paid public servant residing in the community. Thereafter, I never once bought him anything; he lived on the monthly stipend I paid him. No wife can prevent me from taking good care of my parents or siblings to the best of my ability. “Even so, my parents and siblings all know that my first responsibilities are to my own wife and children. I used every occasion to remind members of my extended family that upon my death, everything I have passes on to my wife and charities. My wife has numerous audio and video recordings of such private and public declarations. I have taught my children from age six, not to expect anything from me when I die. My relatives and children all know that if they want anything from me, they should ask for it while I am alive.”

Yes, I agree that my own case is perhaps one extreme of protecting one's wife. I have friends who died and their wife/children were dispossessed by the extended family. It won't happen to my wife!

From Ginger: Amen!!

2012's Man of the Year - Christian Grey

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 16 May 2013 01:00:00 +0000

You don’t agree?

60million people bought the book. And I’m sure more can remember what his second initial stands for (C.T. Grey) but not Obama’s (hint: it stats with H).

I read, sneered and commented with derision on forums discussing the book. My learned self could not be tempted to read such unliterary ero-offensive offerings.

Well, I swallow my words. I came across an epub version of the trilogy and thought, why not confirm for yourself why this book was such a hit.

So I read it and I understand.

First off. I think most people have it wrong. It wasn’t the sex. I personally didn’t find it erotic …….. and I really tried to. Lol.

I think what EL James’ book captured perfectly was the fairytale unrealistic yearning in women to be ‘The special one whose love changes a man’.

I call it unrealistic cause 9 times out of 10, people will only change cause of their own conviction that it is advantageous to them. Christian Grey being a handsome, ‘very generous’ rich man was an added plus.

So what did I think of Fifty Shades of Grey? I loved it.

About criticism of EL James writing style: I think her writing style was satisfactory. The book wasn’t aiming for literary genius. It was a contemporary romance novel. I personally think that Ana’s voice was perfect for the subject matter. The author got it down to a pat – Ana’s innocence, humor, confusion, shone through. The reader could easily be Ana – in love and lust with a beautiful man, overawed by his wealth and power and by the strangeness of his sexual needs (BDSM isn't most people's cup of tea).

I loved the humor and laughed out loud plenty at, ‘the antics of Ana’s inner goddess, the witty email exchanges between her and Mr Grey that showed readers a side of him that made us hope like Ana that he could become Mr. Romance and Flowers, the witty references to popular media (You and Mrs. Jones, CEO with friends in the right places, Music - Britney Spears Toxic).

I think my most touching scene was the 1^st time he acts out the Dominant and wallops her buttocks. 18 fricking times! All because she rolled her eyes at him.

I could appreciate why she didn’t break down and cry while he was there. Why she forgot to say the safe word in her bid to please him. Why she broke down after he left. And that niggling feeling of debasement.

I roll my eyes a lot at DBF. And sometimes when he says "that’s rude", I stick my tongue out for good measure. I can’t imagine him turning around to smack me for that. I who was not flogged by my parents, or worse – expect me to be turned on. Mba nu!

I do appreciate that there are a number of people out there who get turned on by some sort of pain consensually. Shrug. EL Jones tried her best to make us appreciate or understand the rules they live by. Safe words are real and essential to prevent excesses and to that extent the submissive has control. And while some feminists argue that Ana was abused, I disagree. It was her free will at all times.

Book 1 was delicious but ended inconclusively so I hurried on to Book 2.

By Chapter 5, I was done and getting bored by 50 shades Darker. The constant sex which wasn’t exactly making me purr was now decidedly turning me Off. Haba! Biologically and physically unless both of them were on a meal of Viagra it was not possible to be at it all the time.

By Chapter 7, I was flipping pages and constantly rolling my eyes (Sorry Mr. Grey) and my 50 shades of patience was running out at the constant angst and bickering.

So I moved on to Book 3. Sigh.

Confession: I flipped through the last 90 pages of the 551 page book just to confirm that they lived blipingly happy ever after.

Mission accomplished.

I heard there are plans for a movie (my honest opinion – its gonna flop!!!) I thought of actors who could embody Grey’s blonde sultriness. Matt Bomer is my favourite.

Please, please if Kirsten Stewart is picked to play Anastasia I will. I will. I will…..flog somebody.

P.S.

When I told DBF I was reading 50 shades, he said, "Oh, I have something in common with Christian Grey".

Me (happily): “What”? ($100, 000 per day income on my mind)

DBF: “We have same waist size”.

*Roll eyes*

Thankfully I'm not getting spanked for that.