Ginger's Blog

This is Oyiboland - How to mind your kid

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Wed, 23 May 2012 09:46:00 +0000

Hey People,

I'm sorry about my impromptu absence, I am back and I promise not to disappear like that again. If it's any comfort to you, now I know what withdrawal-symptons feel like!!!

Mucho Thanks to Toinlicious, Cherrywine, Lady Ngo, Okeoghene and Madge-ine the Twaddle for my Liebster award. I will answer your 50 Questions o_O in my next post. Wahala dey!

Another Thank you to Toin for checking up on me :). Isn't she the sweetest!

I took these pictures on Sunday while sunning myself near the mall in Newcastle City Centre after Mass. I welcome explanations on why this couple could not hold each child by the hand. A Nigerian mom dares not try this unless you want to be declared unfit for parenting. smh

The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's wives - This is not a review

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sat, 28 Apr 2012 10:50:00 +0000

Plot: Baba Segi's first three wives are very upset about the addition of a fourth wife to their menagerie lives. They make her life as difficult as possible, but their attacks start to backfire when Baba Segi takes his new wife to the doctor to discover why she can't seem to conceive for him.

Hi People,

I have been away from blogger this past one week and i must say i missed you all. Usually even if i dont blog, i manage to make my rounds but this past fortnight has been so packed with busyness that i doze in front of my laptop. At least i am happy to find that i suffer not internet withdrawal symptons. I'll find some balance soon and hopefuly will catch up on all ya gist.

Congrats to @tilola on getting published! Will be adding your book to my side bar. My list of famous author friends is increasing! Remember me when you get to your kingdom o.

So I finally finished Lola Shoneyin’s debut novel and can I say I loved it. It's been my conversation starter this past fortnight :). The book sorta sorta started slowly and unlike those who guessed the secret from the beginning I didn’t. It wasn’t until the chaos that accompanied the fertility test results that I started LOL and couldn't wait to get to the end!

A friend described it as …’a more elaborate reproduction of the Nigerian sitcom “Fuji house of commotion”. Maybe. For me, it was an intimate glimpse into a traditional Yoruba polygamous family: the kind of man who heads it, the women who marry him, the chaos, the jealousy, the solidarity. It also drew/threw me back to the city of my alma mater Ibadan.

Baba Segi’s home setting is quite different from the only example I have of polygamy. My childhood friends come to mind. They came from a polygamous home. Their wealthy dad married 3 wives or was it 4??! There were about 20 kids and as a last child who practically grew up alone, I envied them their bustling home, sister-friendships and the ability to swap clothes/books etc. I’m sure there were some internal rivalry, wranglings but surely not death plots as seen in Baba Segi’s wives?!

So I had a rousing argument with two of my friends (Nigerians I must add) who have read the book over lunch last Sunday about the ‘theme’ of the book and the ‘ending’. Z said he neither appreciated the plot (he is the one that compared it to Fuji house) nor could he see a theme. He liked it cause it was an amusing read. Same with J.

Both said they did not appreciate the ending; that we didn’t get enough of Bolanle to believe in her transformation. That with all that had happened, that simply getting over it and moving on was just too simplistic.

I was on the opposing camp. First I have never looked out for themes per se when reading a book. A book should either entertain me with its plot or the author’s writing style. I would use M and Bs as my case in point. They all have same plot right? But the location, setting, authors style of delivery is what makes one interesting and the other boring (but what do I know!). A book could also educate and here I don’t mean obvious ‘thou shalt not kill’ or thou shalt not commit adultery’. It can enlighten me about a location, a culture, a people, a cause. I think Lola’s book did all that.

Notwithstanding, there was a theme…Lola’s book explored the status of women in a patriarchal society. It’s a bit difficult to identify them cause as a Nigerian, they are situations we accept as normal, moreover they were treated lightly and humorously.

Iya Segi’s mother gave her hard earned money (cause as a woman she was not supposed to love money) to her future husband without her permission.

Iya Tope’s father gave her to Baba Segi in a business exchange.

Iya Femi’s Uncle and Aunt took over her inheritance and sold her into modern day slavery in Grandma’s house where she was subsequently abused by the son.

Bolanle was raped by a man who assumed that she was asking for it.

The obligation to produce a child especially a male child and the status it gives.

Yet, it wasn’t all about oppression. The women weren’t victims. They connive and manipulate to get their way. Be it Iya Segi’s cunning to get her business up and thriving, or Iya Tope's fulfilling sexual affair or Bolanle and her colorful bowls, they had their ways of rebeling and exerting their will on Baba Segi.

Secondly, I thought the ending was fitting. Bolanle wasn’t the main character per se. All the wives were. Bolanle was only the catalyst that triggered off the chain reactions. Bolanle had married Baba Segi not just to hide her shame, but to find herself – even if she didn’t realize it. Her subsequent confessions about prior events were more or less the catharsis that healed her. Ultimately, her infertility gave her a peaceful out as Baba Segi in fairness couldn’t keep her back to bear the brunt of ‘barrenness’ now could he?

I also think Iya Segi’s advice was the only way forward because although Baba Segi is horrifically betrayed by his wives, being an African man, he wouldn’t want the world to know he has been cuckolded not by 1 but 3 wives.

Thirdly, ‘simply getting over things’ and moving on is a cultural thing for us Nigerians. We don’t spend hours talking about issues or pay a shrink to help us. We just fold it away in some deep trunk and move on. Therefore to an extent I could appreciate why/how Bolanle was able to move on.

Lastly, there was a little criticism about her prose. That it was too simplistic. That it wasn’t as tight as a Chimamada’s for example. That it fringed on crudity. I agree, but I think it well-suited her illiterate characters. I believe she wrote in a voice that represented them. The reader is expected to appreciate the absence of a ‘certain refinement’ in their thought processes.

Anyway these are my thoughts. What do you think?

On a lighter note, 5 things I learnt from the book

The saying that only a woman knows the father of her child never came truer than in this book lol
When next I drive past Ayikara in Ibadan I would be on the lookout for Bolanle’s haunts
We live in a lawless society. The burning of the hit and run driver in front of his family gave me goose pimples.
Polygamy exists because men can! Not because of some great love/lust on their parts like I used to think.
A woman’s hoo-ha is akin to a snail’s body. Hmmm, let me go look again..
Sexual dissatisfaction is a silent epidemic amongst families! Haba, how can 4 women sentence themselves to a lifetime of unsatisfactory coupling? No wonder they were always quarreling. And the silly Baba Segi's of the world prolly think themselves 'the man'. Lol.
Baba Segi’s adventures with porn, masturbation and semen collection was hilarious. Funny, I never thought that could be an issue with men. So how do men who abhor masturbation deal with the process when they have to, at least for medical reasons like a fertility tests?

Goodluck is one of TIMES 100 most influential persons

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 09:33:00 +0000

TIME’s 100 most Influential persons: They are the people who inspire us, entertain us, challenge us and change our world. Meet the breakouts, pioneers, moguls, leaders and icons who make up this year's TIME 100

I laughed in Mandarin when I saw this.

I thought he was there for presiding over the most number of violent civilian deaths under a democratic government in Nigeria (influential doesn’t have to be positive you know - e.g. Hitler).

I laughed more when I read the preface given by none other than Sirleaf Johnson. I almost wondered if she was talking about someone else.

This is what President Sirleaf Johnson has to say about him:

“In two short years, President Jonathan has shown the same dexterity he demonstrated as governor of Bayelsa, the same ability to find the remedies to the many complexities of running a nascent democracy. He has spearheaded the fight against corruption and turned Nigeria into an example of good governance. He has also made a significant impact on consolidating peace and security in West Africa. From the onset of our own crisis, Liberia has benefitted from the support of Nigeria. President Jonathan not only upheld the trend but added to it. With leaders like President Jonathan, Africa is sure to move toward prosperity, freedom and dignity for all of its people”.

I threw my hands up in the air at the last sentence. Really? I wish we could say “He has also made a significant impact on consolidating peace and security IN NIGERIA”. Sic.

p.s. This is where I miss Nigeria. I’m sure all the dailies will be filled with congratulatory messages from his sycophants. And worse he now has a reason to puff at his naysayers and say ‘this prophet is not admired in his own home’ then relax and do even less than he is doing.

Click here to see the rest 99.

Click here to check out The All-time TIME 100 of all time (mouthful isn't it?)

Tyler's Good Deeds

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 02:10:00 +0000

Hi People

So in my last post, TP fans told me to keep my critiquing mouth outta his business cause they are not gonna stop watching his movies anytime soon. Lol.

I hope he is paying you’ll for showing him love :)

Myne and LDP recommended the new movie Good deeds so I decided to watch it sooner than later.

The Plot: Wesley Deeds, a fifth-generation Ivy League graduate and workaholic-company executive of his family’s vast computer empire (something vague like that) has his hands full juggling business concerns, a self-destructive brother(Brian White) and a controlling mother (Phylicia Rashad). He finds even less excitement in his long term relationship with his live-in Ivy league fiancée Gabrielle Union.

As plans for their impending wedding kicks in, Wesley meets homeless widow and mother Lyndsey (Thandie Newton). His radar for sniffing out flailing companies tells him she needs a saviour, but Wesley ultimately discovers that Lyndsey isn’t the only one who needs saving.

I liked the Romdram (It wasn’t exactly a romcom - the ‘com’ was sombrely missing).

First off Tyler Perry it seems is listening to his critics yeah (me included!!). Good deeds is a much more rounded movie than his usual offerings. The melodrama was quite mellow. And best of all, no raunchy extended family members or Madea shooting things up.

The tendency to create one-dimensional characters like evil brother Walter was still there but it was at least limited to him. On the other hand, I appreciate the effort he made to flesh out the lead roles. Lyndsey’s character held true to the end. She is someone I could know. Rude yet kind, bitchy yet strong, just rolling with the punches life has given her. Kudos to Thandie Newton who I have never seen in better form. She carried that movie.

Fiesty Gabrielle Union did great too though her character wasn’t as fleshed out. She wasn’t bad on the eyes either. As for Tyler Perry, he puts the gentle in gentleman with that soft voice and enigmatic smile. I also think he had good chemistry with Thandie.

The only weakness in the plot was the ending. Methinks they desperately needed time apart.

Secondly, note to Tyler: Africa is a continent comprising of 46 diverse countries. You could have made an effort to know the names of one or three. You could have said ‘I am going to Tanzania/Kenya/East-West-South Africa NOT ‘I am going to Africa’ duh! and uh um when did poor girlfriend manage to get all the requisite visas. Obviously they've not tried to get a Nigerian visa before, lol.

Ginger scores it 6.5/10

In other gists, there were some unexplored themes in Good Deeds that made me go hmmmmmm:

1. Did Wesley cheat on his girlfriend? I loved that most mature break up talk but damn I think an apology was missing from him. Like my friend said….he compromised his relationship. He should never have accepted that bike ride with her knowing he was engaged. Na so handshake reach elbow.

2. When are we ever going to have a movie where the handsome rich man helps the poor damsel in distress then leaves HER to get on with HER life while HE goes back to his wife or girlfriend?

Okay, I’m out. Have a great week people!!

Tyler Perry and his Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sun, 08 Apr 2012 06:31:00 +0000

There are two main kinds of people who watch Tyler Perry’s films. Those who love his movies and those who hate them.

Then there are those like me who really want to love his movies and keep rooting for him because we admire how far he has come and what he has achieved for the black community. The reality is that Kimberly Elise, Tasha Smith, Jill Scott, Malik Yoba, Richard Jones, Janet Jackson are billable today because of his movies. But more than that, he gave a girl who doesn’t mind some dark chocolate on her screen a venue to see black families in action. No matter their madness I could relate to them somehow.

On the downside a beautiful and talented actress like Kimberly Elise might never be critically acclaimed or receive the highest rewards in her field because she has hitched her star to Tyler Perry’s melodramatic enterprise. Like someone said ‘while mainstream movies are subtle and take you in scene by scene, Tyler just drops the viewer into a fish pool of barracudas where you are forced to make instantaneous judgments’. LOL

He first came into my horizon with ‘Diary of a Mad Black Woman’ in 2006. DMBW was like a drink of cool aid after being choked dry with black movies where ‘fuckU’ is the noun, verb, adjective and mantra. It was good to see a black movie that was devoid of street violence, guns and plain old crime. The moralistic undertones, the Hallelujah singing were most welcome.

I went through the highs and lows of the MBW. Her expulsion from her matrimonial home. Her lack of self confidence in a new relationship. I crowed at her revenge: I understood every slap, every with held spoon of food, every insult she leveled at her bedridden ex Charles. Ha! I believed in karma once again.

I got to watch the movie again, late last year and it was like I had had brain surgery. Where I’d cried before I cringed this time - Charles unrelenting vileness, the druggie cousin's redemption, Madea shooting ‘em up? Oh please!

Then came Meet the Browns. Arghhhh! This movie made me pull my hair with its mediocrity and drama. Angela Basset played a long suffering, always crying, three times baby Mama who was waiting on yet another Sir Galahad to save her (and hopefully not impregnate her again). Latino girlfriend thankfully gave us some reasons to laugh though that grew old real soon.

Madea’s Family Reunion. That’s the domestic violence plot where hot grits resolves all problems and TP made multiple Madea-rish appearances. Twas alright but moving on…

The Family that Preys. Family loyalty, Infidelity, Sibling rivalry, two friends off on a ‘Thelma and Louise’ type adventure. I found this an interesting watch except for when Sanaa Lathan’s husband (without prior discussion)sweeps out the family’s joint account, an account majorly contributed to by the wife and Tyler Perry makes her the bad one? Come on!

Daddy’s little girls: So much drama (rolls eyes) – The druggie ex-wife and boyfriend, alleged rape, child abuse, Rich girl/poor boy - TP knows how to pile ‘em on! What I loved though was the message that a united community can protect their own.

Why did I get married? Despite its melodrama, this was one of his most entertaining movie. There was the villain, the good wife and all the characters in between. Tasha Smith carried the day as the loud nagging gangster shrew Angela married to a bumbling Marcus.

My favourite scene is when Mike reveals everyone’s skeleton-in-the-cupboard at the dinner table. Match Set BOOM!! LOL!

Why did I get married too This is where TP tries to rip off on the success of Why did I get married. But this time in Marriageville, there was no plot but plenty of subplots, and Janet J’s character finally went mad. I mean what was all that ‘trashing the house with a golf club for? Did her husband deserve a share in her book earnings? A big fat YES. If the roles are reversed would you think, a wife has a right to her husband’s earning? YES. So why the double standard?

Pls wait!! Does that cameo appearance by ‘The Rock’ mean there will be a ‘Why did I get married too too? Nooooo

For Colored Girls

This has been one of Tyler Perry’s better movies up to date and his most ambitious project. TP adapted the movie from Ntozake Shange's play "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf – a collection of 20 poems each dealing with intense issues that particularly impact ‘women of color’. I don’t know if I agree with the issues being ‘For Colored Women’ – black women in particular. Women of all races and skin color deal with love, betrayal, rape, infertility, domestic violence, abortion, infidelity everyday. What is crazy is that this play written in 1975 (37 years ago) still resonates today.

For those of us who might never have seen it staged, we have TP to thank for bringing it to the screen. I am thankful he retained most of the original play, cause though the characters break into poetry at incongruous junctions in the movie, one can’t deny the beauty and truth in Ntozake’s words.

Lady in Yellow/Anika Noni Rose gave a most glorious performance. I loved the imagery of light, dance and joy which radiated through her from her first scene till post–rape when it felt like someone had switched off her light. I wept at that darkness cursing the rapist who had caused it.

Lady in Green/Loretta Devine’s relationship with an unreliable lover, her love-plants made me laugh and when she finally decided that her love was too precious, to be thrown in her face, I cheered.

Kimberly Elise’s Crystal suffered what no woman should ever go through while Phylicia Rashad was the real ‘Madea’- all seeing, all wise.

The weak links were Janet Jackson’s Jo, her gay husband, Whoopi’s fanatic character, Macy Gray as a scary alcoholic ~~butcher~~ surgeon (I wouldn’t let a woman like that see my briefs talk of opening my legs for her to touch my womb!!). Coincidentally we have TP to thank for tacking on those characters to the original script.

Under more nuanced and less melodramatic directorship, FCG could have gotten an Oscar nod at least but with TP as screen play writer/director/producer, it is what it is. I would still recommend it - but be warned - the stories are not pretty.

Who has seen ‘Good Deeds?’ and what’s your fave TP movie?

Have a blessed Easter people!!

Are child murderers born or made

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 01:25:00 +0000

Post Oscar awards, I observed that some people thought Tilda Swindon was robbed of a deserved best female award for her role in ‘We need to talk about Kevin’, so I had to see the movie for myself.

I was also curious to see what they make of the home environment of teenage murderers. In the past decade there has been a spate of gruesome murders committed by kids (In recent news, a 14 yr old Daniel Bartlam murdered his mother using a claw hammer then attempted to burn the house to cover the body and evidence??!!). Have you wondered like me what drives a child to kill despite seemingly normal home environments?

We need to talk about Kevin chronicles the childhood of a teenage ‘sociopath’ who was behind a high school massacre. It particularly looks at the relationship between the boy and his parents growing up and their lives post massacre. It is fictional and biased (we are seeing the mother's view of events) but as a good movie should, it leaves you with questions.

What role do parents play in creating or nurturing bad behavior? The eternal nature nurture debate. I don't know anymore. I want to believe in free will of a child but I also don't want to believe that a 14 yr old will rationally wish to kill nor do I want to blame parents who might have done their best in their own way.

In the book written by Lionel Shriver, the mother had suffered Post natal depression after Kevin's birth and some people attribute his lack of emotions to the maternal rejection he endured as a baby. Still based from the book, others blamed her poor maternal ability. Hmmm, I don't want to accept these reasons as they shift the blame for a child's behaviour on the mother. Moreover she went on to have a second child who was a 'normal' loving child.

Was Kevin badly behaved enough to be ‘suspect’? Hmm, One couldn’t really pin point. Those malevolent eyes of his made my skin crawl. Though I guess for the sake of the movie they might have encouraged that to exaggerate his ‘vileness’. The scenes from childhood where he refuses to talk, poos in his pants deliberately or wrecks his mom’s treasured maps, are not necessarily what a child does and you think ‘Woe is me, my son is going to be a murderer’. Rather, he was mostly a mean character who played his parents against each other by withdrawing or giving his affection.

Imagine being a mother and you never have those tender mom and child moments where your child wraps their arms around you in love, or just smiles and gurgles at you. This woman never had it and she tried. She really tried to bond with her son. Interestingly he was the opposite with his father. Not because he loved him more but to further punish his mom. So when the mom complains to the father about his behavior he thought she exaggerated.

Could the teachers have helped? The movie did not focus much on his school environment so we don’t know how he behaved there and if the teachers could have detected ‘abnormal behaviour’. I can understand why the movie makers might want to avoid that minefield especially in America. Teachers have enough on their hands without society giving them added responsibility of detecting/reporting disturbed children.

Till death do us part: Saint Kevin strikes back

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:13:00 +0000

So on Facebook, a well meaning female lawyer and probably close family member makes a case for crowning Kevin the Saint of husbands (click here)

The letter is as verbose as the other but it further sheds a little more light on the Onuchukwu home. (To her credit, she did not cast any smear on the late woman).

I summarized the salient points below:

1. Ogochukwu suffers from endometriosis of the lungs. (Endometriosis is a gynecological medical condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus/womb appear and flourish outside the womb, most commonly on the ovaries. Sometimes the cells can pass through the blood to other organs. In Ogochukwu’s case they grew in her lungs – a rare complication)

2. St Kevin knew about her ill-health prior to their marriage but because he loved her, he still went ahead (though she should have been considered to be damaged goods)

3. He spent over 80m in their 12 years of marriage maintaining her health.

4. He provided her with nannies, state of the art cars, drivers so she could live a pampered existence.

5. He never raised his hand at her.

6. Her mother in law worshipped the ground she walked on.

7. Though friends and family had tired of Ogo’s ill health and childlessness, Kevin faithfully stood by her.

8. A doctor had suggested that the removal of Ogochukwu’s ovaries would improve her health but the husband said No. His faith was later justified as they went on to have 2 kids after 7 years of childlessness.

9. Kevin loved his kids and provided well for them.

10. He did not attend his daughter’s christening cause he had to go away on business not cause he rejected the child.

11. His wife’s car is unsold and still parked in their home.

12. The letter and info on the Ogorip website are false and baseless and Ogochukwu had no input to them. The individuals that sponsored these false / fabricated website publications are hiding under the name of late Ogochukwu to cause damage to the families.

13. The individuals were probably Ogochukwu’s sisters who were home breakers and opportunists/gold diggers encouraging her to fleece her husband and disobey him

Sigh.

My View

The families of Ogo and Kevin had no love lost between them.

Ogochukwu’s health was a drag on their dear brother's resources.

Due to her sick status it seems she became a pawn used by both her husband and sisters.

The lawyer’s rebuttal doesn’t necessarily mean that Ogochukwu was not an abused wife. Paying huge medical bills isn’t a sign of love (infact it might be a reason for resentment and anger), nor does providing nannies and a driver. Most middle income Nigerian families can afford help/sssss please.

If a doctor thought ovariectomy would resolve her health issues, why didn’t he let her have the procedure? Isn’t it possible that the subsequent childbirths helped to deteriorate her health faster?

Anyway I’m almost sure there will be a 3^rd installment from Ogochukwu’s sisters cause they have been made out to be the villains of the piece.

I doubt I’ll read it whenever it surfaces.

Ogo is at peace now. The rest of them should go hug transformers........ooh wait, don't. We need you alive to care for the kids left behind.

My date with Chimmy Adichie

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 23:05:00 +0000

Hi people,

I’d planned to blog strong this month all about women, empowerment feminism. Here I am 2 days to the end of the month with only two posts to show and over 5 drafts. Life happens that's what. Good things though. All to be revealed in good time ;).

Now onto my date with Chimmy.

What?! Don’t tell me you guys don’t know we are BFFs? Well, now you know.

LOL

So I got to meet the feted Nigerian writer Chimamanda Adichie at the Guildhall, London where she delivered the 2012 Annual Commonwealth lecture 'To Instruct and Delight: A Case for Realist Literature' (Author of Purple Hibiscus, Half of a Yellow Sun, This Thing Around Your Neck).

Close-up appeal

I wish I had a cool picture where we sat like Sistas discussing writing, happy feminists and Ibo culture. No siree. Instead here I am looking like a ‘Mad about you’ fan.

Here are snippets from her engaging lecture. (watch it here or read the full transcript here).

‘I read human stories,’ she said, ‘to be instructed and to be delighted. I also read to remind myself that I am not alone.’

‘when we read human stories, we become alive in bodies not our own ... It seems to me that we live in a world where it has become increasingly important to try and live in bodies not our own, to embrace empathy, to constantly be reminded that we share, with everybody in every part of the world, a common and equal humanity.’

I discussed her speech with a friend post-event and commented that some parts of Chimmy's lecture ‘choro ndi Britain okwu’ (challenged Britain):

“When I went to the US to go to university, I met a number of international students. From Jamaica. From India. From Kenya. And I soon realized that while we were very different, we did have something in common, something that the students from China or even Senegal did not. A certain way of being and doing, an almost intuitive way of understanding each other. And I would argue that it was not simply because our countries had been colonized by the British, not because we came from places where lawyers wore funny white wigs, but because we had, from childhood, read British books. We read Charles Dickens and Enid Blyton, we read of cucumber sandwiches and ginger beer, and our imaginations were bound in a common familiarity. There was something in this discovery that moved me, although it also left me newly astonished at just how the British had managed to meddle in so many parts of the world”.

Chimmy also spoke about the evils of colonialism and how the British empire’s indignity to man was swept under the carpet with “bloodless words like ‘amalgamation’, ‘pacification’ and ‘bloodless rule’”. It was the truth alright and I was impressed by her forthrightness. You see, it’s the kind of finger-pointing you might expect from a Soyinka, an Achebe not a budding writer (so to speak) who is being tenderly courted by the West. Moreso when you are standing on the host’s soil.

But my friend’s viewpoint gave me pause for thought - That maybe therein lies her attraction to her courtiers. Her refreshing candor and loyalty to her roots. Her pride in her Nigerianness. Her boldness in broaching subjects which other budding writers might have been silent about. Her consistency.

I agree with him.

So at the reception following the lecture, I beheld these two men chatting. One was holding a book. I noticed a word that looked like K-Leg on the book cover and I thought, did someone actually include K-Leg in their book title? LOL.

I went closer and asked if I could see the book. Indeed the title is “K-Leg Protocol” and I was actually speaking to the author and his friend. They were of course Nigerians (Or is there another country that uses K-Leg in their lingua franca?). I read the blurb. Sounds interestingly vague. Didn’t get to ask questions cause his friend kept prattling on about why I should buy the book.

Still on writers.
At a friend’s house later in the week, the buzz was all about Chibundu Onuzo’s “The Spider King’s Daughter” which was being launched at Waterstones earlier in the afternoon. A copy of the book was in the house and I glanced through. Hmmm, let me just say that 15 yrs ago I would have begged, bribed or helped the book take a long walk in my handbag - ‘the things I used to do for a good read’. Enough said.

An Irish friend was raving about Chinua Achebe, Ben Okri, Camara Laye’s books. While I appreciated her diverse library I was happy that I could introduce her to contemporary Nigerian writers whose books are as ethnic and entertaining as ever.

Here’s to Nigerian writers. I am so proud of you!

p.s. Remind me that when next I have the opportunity to meet an author, it would be nicer to come along with a copy of their book for autographs.

p.p.s. Chimmy’s husband is like the best kept secret, Haba!. She has refused to introduce us and Google hasn’t been helpful.

K-Leg means not straight (like legs which are K) awry, off kilter,. hence In Nigeria when you say “plans have gotten K-Leg” it means “plans have gone awry” off-kilter”).

Till death do us part? Please No

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 20:48:00 +0000

Prof sent me this 'letter' from the grave by an Ogochukwu Onuchukwu. The link is here.

First off, may her soul rest in peace, Amen, and if this were Nollywood, may her anguished spirit trouble her husband till he makes reparations at least starting with caring for their children.

It’s a pathetic story of domestic abuse. While this wasn’t physical abuse you can see how psychological/verbal abuse can be as damaging as a knife in the heart.

Her story also brings to light so many other issues in the larger society –

the do or die attitude towards marriage by women (how many times must we discuss this?),
domestic violence form extended family e.g. In-laws which is also rampant,
Spousal inheritance and how wives are overlooked,
Stigma attached to childlessness,
Rejection of the girl-child,
Rejection of imperfect children.

Ogochukwu sadly represents a large percentage of Nigerian women who think their worth is validated by the love of a man and childbirth. I think this is a most ~~selfish~~ self-absorbing preoccupation which adds no value to womankind.

International Women’s day was celebrated this month. A day we celebrate women who have made contributions to their society, to the world despite the limitations placed by their gender, environment.

e.g. Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti is mother to Fela, Olikoye, Beko Ransome Kuti (all notable and illustrious sons), but when her biography is read, the first paragraph will be about her amazing achievements as a warrior and activist while her equally notable children will be mentioned in the second paragraph. Her bravery lives on in her children. They are what they are because they had a mother who showed them that they could do whatever they wanted to do. Not a mother who’s sun rose and set on their father.

In all her tears one thing stood clear. Ogochukwu had substituted love for self with love for Kevin. She had supplanted her desire for God’s love by her desire for her husband’s attention. That’s not real love. This mental conditioning, this mental subjugation, this self martyrdom has got to stop!

She didn’t say he threatened her not to leave ala Jennifer Lopez’s film ‘Enough’, rather I am wont to believe that if she had made the decision to leave, Kevin and his family would have given her a befitting farewell (tic), swept the house clean to welcome in a new wife.

I remember the character Crystal played by Kimberly Elise in For colored girls. Crystal was married to a former soldier suffering from Post Traumatic Distress syndrome. He abused her and the kids for months, years. But she stayed on trying to be a super hero. Hoping to change him through her loyalty/faithfulness prayer and love (pride disguised as love methinks). Then one day her husband threw the kids out of the window in his bid to hurt her. C’est la Vie.

As she mourned and sunk into depression, can you remember one of the chats she had with Phylicia wherein she was blamed for the loss of her kids. For not trying to leave? I read comment sections where people said Phylicia was wrong to say that. Too judgmental. You haven’t walked in her shoes etc etc.

Let’s be real here. If a stranger hit your kid, would you pat his head and say “it’s alright”?

No, you’ll call the cops on him/her.

How about if the stranger slaps you and stomps on your feet. Would you say “Thank you and turn the other cheek? Well you might turn the other cheek then, but from that day on, you would wisely give him a wide berth for your safety (or you could tell your mean brothers to beat him up).

Why then would a woman put up with a husband-turned-stranger in her matrimonial home? If the man who professed love to me, worshipped the ground I walk on suddenly turns into an abusive stranger am I obliged to stay with him? Is that what for better, for worse is? I think not.

The self/marriage preservative thing to do/say is ‘Husband I still love you but you need anger management/drug rehabilitation etc CAUSE you are no longer the man I married’ and as you say that, you give him a wide berth and move out or at least plan towards that if incapacitated.

Let’s stop putting up with sh##t or encouraging our friends, daughters, sisters, brethren to put up with it in the name of marriage or ‘what will people say’ or worse ‘for financial benefits’.

If we do, then we should be ready to keep burying them young.

RIP Ogochukwu Onuchukwu and truly, may your life teach others what marriage isn’t.

Disclaimer – ‘I am aware that there are women who walk in these shoes who wish to leave but lack the means, the support etc etc. this is not for you. This is for those who can’t bear the thought of not being Mrs. Somebody. For those in abusive girlfriend/boyfriend relationships right now..who are eyeing the price (an engagement ring) instead of their future health. Them who have ears listen..

Unsung Heroines in my neighbourhood Meme

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 19:38:00 +0000

Happy Women's day everyone!!

So my girlfriend asked members of a group on Facebook to talk about what they love about being a woman.

Here's my take. Please don't laugh :)

I am also thinking that we should continue this in a sort of Meme for international Women's day/month. You can tell us what you love about being a woman or
about a woman whose life/doings/resilience/achievements inspire/inspired you. It can be someone famous, it can be the little lady in your neighbourhood, it can be your grandaunt in the village. Tell us what it is about them that touches you and please if you can, one of these days please tell them.

Can a Woman Propose to a Man? (A Male POV)

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 22:08:00 +0000

Myne’s post inspired this conversation earlier today. I thought it was funny, enlightening and share-able

Ginger: Can women propose to a man from Myne's blog post

Prof: yup

Ginger: my answer to that...

Prof: I read it

Ginger: Ha, Myne. no be me and you oo. If na Oyibo i fit. But African man MBA.

Fa fa fa foul!! I totally see where Deronks above is coming from and can envisage it.

Let the man do the chasing please. let it be all his idea. In this I will play the culture card. It is not our culture.
Same reason why i could never approve of getting pregnant before marriage.

Till our marriage is signed sealed and delivered I aint brooding no baby.

I don't want to be remembered for pushing a man.

I can hint, and I can give ultimatums like ‘guy if you dont get your act together

before this year runs out, I am walking away’ ala Craig David...

Prof: Hmmmm, Interesting answer

But I don't totally agree.

Every r/ship is peculiar and it depends

Ginger: Well, me no want peculiar

Prof: laughssssssssss

It all depends

Ginger: which nonsense peculiar

most times, the woman already sees a marriage before the man

and they scheme and they nag and thay ask all the

'where is this relationship going 'questions

Prof: :)

Ginger: what is the manly man waiting for?

Prof: It still depends on the two people involved

Ginger: ka agbanye ya ring na aka? (for her to put a ring on it?)

Prof: U are straying from the topic

Ginger: I'm not

I am rehashing a typical relationship

Prof: It's possible that Man A is the type a certain Woman X will never propose to

but could propose to Man B cos of the kind of person she thinks he is

E.g. How she thinks he'd handle it

Ginger: and why should a woman still propose after all the green light she has shown?

Prof: What's a proposal anyway? "Will U marry me (on bended knees)?

Technically, yes

Ginger: She can stand straight don’t worry

Prof: But a babe can propose in so many other ways

Ginger: ok. agreed different relationships/diff peculiarities

Prof: It all depends

Ginger: etc

you should know your partner etc etc

There are few men shaa that are receptive to it

I have just told you that I will find it easier to do it to an Oyibo man

Prof: See ur life?

Ginger: even to toast an Oyibo man

Prof: Na colonial mentality go kill you :P

Ginger: yeaah. like it is acceptable there.

in Nigeria...it isnt

even if i come onto a Nigerian guy who understands, what of his friends, his family

Prof: That means he'd go spreading the news?

Ginger: its not the type of giggly story you are happy to share...oh Ginger proposed to me yesterday

Prof: Then he is not a man

Ginger: Dont we spread the news when a man proposes?

Prof: Laughsss

U are women

That's d difference

Ginger: in the spirit of equality and fairness should we hide it when a woman proposes?

Prof: Laughssssssssssssssssssssss!!!

Ginger, leave me o

Equality & fairness!

LOL!

Ginger: going to copy and paste this bit of the convo on Myne's page

ewu gambia

Prof: LOL!

Ginger: but really na

Prof: Approved

Go ahead

Zuworess

Ginger: So you have seen all those engagement/wedding websites, haven’t you?

Prof: Post everything not just the part where u seemed to be winning o

Ginger: When the question 'how did he propose?’ is asked

Prof: LOL

Ginger: should we hide the fact that ‘she’ proposed?

Prof: Forget the website and the whole Hollywood entrenched thinking

Ginger: ahh ahh

Prof: If dem no come get website nko?

Must they have a website?

Ginger: which one is hollywood entrenched?

Why shouldn’t they if they had always wanted to?

Prof: Hollywood entrenched=pop culture= website/Man proposes kneeling down etc etc. Did U not see the couple in Sex & The City? Each marriage/relationship is unique & two people involved should make their own rules as long as it fits them. They don't have to play for people to cheer. Just saying, not that I personally would want a woman to propose to me (and that is the crux of the matter)

Ginger: I agree, proposals don’t have to be something elaborate.

Prof: Just saying there's nothing wrong or UnAfrican abt it

Ginger: ok.

Ginger: In fact here goes. Prof will you marry me?

Prof: No, it doesn't have to

On chat?

LOL

Ginger: lol

Prof: Call me and say it

Ginger: all na proposal na

Prof: LOL!

Post ds on your blog o

Ginger: if a man proposes to me online it is binding

Prof: Really?

Ginger: yes ke

even though i will yab him for the rest of our marital life

Prof: I'd have to chew that. Never thot of it b4. U might be right

Ginger: okay that’s a no then.

No probs

Prof: Afterall, we spend 70% of our lives these days online

Hey

wait

I was talking about eschewing the online mode not d proposal itself

YES!!!

The answer is yes

Ginger: Sorry

I've moved on

Prof: Laughssssssssssssssssssss

Zuwo!

Ginger: Ewu meeee

Prof: U just smashed my heart!

Ginger: akuko

Prof: Nonsense

Ginger: see, if you were in the spirit

you would have said yes before all that pre-meditation

Prof: Oh, I am not a spirit

We should run the application again

Ginger: dream on, dream away…

Ginger: so why dont you want a woman to propose? And I have got other questions..

Prof: LOL!

Ginger: does he still get her a ring?

Ginger: who asks for whose hand in marriage with the parents? Who pays dowry?

Prof: Now, proposing in d 1st place by d woman was to find out sth

‘If d guy is ready to be with her for life’

Just like it serves that same purpose when the guy pops the question

In this case

Our man is a bit "unconventional" or shy or sth

Or maybe just waiting to be proposed to

U know d way babes wait

So, the girl pops the question

Prof: He says yes

Ginger: okay.

Prof: and then he wakes up

Ginger: lol

Prof: or he smiles and says, "I thot U were never gonna ask"

Ginger: lolsssssssssssssss

Prof: "What too U so long, baby?"

Ginger: I'll just clonk his head

Prof: Laughsssssssssssssss

Ginger: anu mpam

Prof: LOL!!!

Ginger: he is waiting for all my eggs to die ee kwa?

Prof: LOL

So he now says, Ok we need to call your parents/go to d village

Thanks for bringing me to this point

for understanding me

in my own unique way

Ginger: lol

speechless

Prof: and then everything continues as before

Ginger: I haven’t forgotten the first question though

Prof: Ring gets bought,

everything gets done the "conventional" way

Ginger: thanks for the enlightenment Prof

Ginger: Interestingly some real life proposals i read, played out just like you explained

Prof: A proposal= a question

Really?

LOL!

Ginger: Yep

Various stories of women proposing

and they said their men still proposed in their own time in the end

http://www.pricescope.com/forum/proposal-ideas/women-proposing-to-men-stories-t41619.html

Prof: U see?

Ginger: So maybe women proposing is just not taken as seriously by the man

maybe it hastens things a tad bit..but everything is still at his own timing

Prof: I’m back. Checked out the link. got engrossed. Wow!

Ginger: I know. Yay to the ladies.

Ginger: Here’s another interesting link http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/04/women-proposing-tomen/

Prof: I do agree with your last statement. It's sad isn't it, the way men get to dictate the pace of everything?

Its Oscar night

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 03:42:00 +0000

So the Oscars are around again and as usual, I haven’t gotten round all the nominated movies yet. Tell me something new J

One thing I can say off my head though is…the offerings are pretty ordinary. I am yet to be wowed by a plot or cinematography.

I haven’t been inspired enough to cheer for the good fella - at least not like I cheered myself hoarse for Jake Sully & Neytiri in Avatar or The King’s Speech. None has made me doubt my smartness (or ability to understand convoluted stories) like Inception did, Thrilled me like Black swan, nor given me equal doses of sexy, family and comedy like ‘The kids are alright’.

‘Charming’ a word as fuzzy and inane like ‘nice’ is my favourite adjective to describe most of 2012’s offerings – ‘Hugo’, ‘Extremely close and incredibly loud’, ‘The Artist’, ‘The Descendants’, ‘Midnight in Paris’. I haven’t gotten round to Moneyballs maybe it will the balls (pun intended) so far lacking in the Oscar nominations.

Lastly I noticed that most of the movies paid tribute to the past in some way or the other, like producers/directors were told that the Oscar theme for 2012 was Nostalgia. Lol.

Okay let me give you a review of the nominations.

Nominees:

The Artist (2011):
I really really liked the Artist and hope it wins. The storyline is quite simple. A popular silent movie actor at the height of his career meets a young wannabe and falls in love. Unfortunately the days of silent movies were about to be over. Talk was in. and as her star rose, his fell. A fire, a rescue will love conquer all. What makes the Artist different was the throwback to them days of black and white movies and the use of no talk!!!
I didn’t believe how much we have been spoilt by color/HD/audio surround. I had to pay extra attention to that movie cause the colorlessness was doing me in. At a point I was craving like a drug addict wants his fix to hear their voices. To fit a voice to the characters. The score did help tremendously to set the mood.
Jean Dujardin totally deserves to win best actor too. Without talk he took us through the whole gamut of joy, pain, sadness, anger. And he didn’t have to over dramatise aka Nollywood. Side eye.
Oh and it’s high time animals begin to get an Oscar award too. Uggie won my heart!
The Descendants (2011):
The determinedly single George Clooney starred in this movie as a husband forced to deal with his dying wife’s affair. It dealt with the politics of a land sale (save the trees/save the planet) and showed us how absent fathers deal with their daughters – they don’t. they look to the elder to take care of the younger and continually look askance when the 8 yr old uses swear words. All in all it was a great movie for seeing adultery from a loving husband’s POV.
I got a bit emotional at the scene where the betrayed wife met the ‘home destroyer’. All in all a charming movie but I doubt if it will win best picture nomination. George Clooney is my next best choice for best Actor nomination
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (2011): Scott Rudin
A charming movie with a most uncharming lead actor..pffft. I wanted to turn him over on my laps and give his ass a whooping so many times. I read a comment section on IMDB where a man who claims that two of his sons have Aspergers syndrome defended his ‘wonderful’ charm as normal.
Uhmm Ok. If you say so. What do I know….the nearest I’ve been to someone with Asperger’s was in the movie ‘My name is Khan’.
The plot – we are taken on an incredible search for the matching lock to a key in the possession of a 10yr old boy who recently lost his father in the WTC on 9/11. He is convinced that the key he found atop his father’s wardrobe will lead him to last message/gift/note from his Dad and maybe when he finds it he will be free of the sadness and guilt over his father’s death.
His roughshod treatment of those who loved him best – his family was quite difficult to watch. My most memorable scenes were with his psychologically-dumb granddad Max Von Sydow (I’m rooting for him for Best supporting Male Actor!!) and the final 15 minutes when the Mom(Sandra Bullock) makes that wonderful revelation. I’d wanted to hug her so many times. How does a widow deal with a son like that at a time when you need bonding the most??
The Help (2011):
I reviewed The help here. The performances were stellar and I hope Viola Davis wins Best Female actress. I was thrilled when the cast got the Globe award. Indeed, it was one movie where everyone did their bit and the synergy was truly greater than the individual person’s input. I can’t decide between Octavia and Jessica Chastain for supporting actress. Actually I can – Octavia it is.
Hugo (2011/II):

Hugo is the story about an orphan boy who lived by stealth in a train station in Paris. He had inherited a passion for fixing mechanical things especially an automaton (robot)..a job both of them started before the father died. Hugo desperately believed that there was a message for him from the automaton from his father but he can only get the message when the automaton is fixed.

Despite hindrances like a one-legged station guard and a grumpy toy fixer, with the help of Chloe (the toy fixers granddaughter), he found the message he sought.

This movie received a lot of critic acclaim…mostly cause of its award winning director Martin Scorcese (imho). I watched it cause of my favourite young actress Chloe Moretz (Hit girl) I am thankful they haven’t pigeon holed her in any genre. Asa Butterfield the lead was ‘ahem’ suitably winsome and blue eyed. Did you notice the too much camera focus on his eyes pfft.

The story was cutesy enough and my best scenes were the horrifying dream he had, and the romantic goings on of the people who worked in the train station. I also enjoyed the brief history on film making we received. Was it really true that the first movie produced was the video of a train moving across the cinema screen? And here we are in 2012 watching movies like Unstoppable, Transformers CGI etc without blinking an eyelid.

Having said that, I can understand why it got an Oscar nod even if it might not win....it was an ode to film making. It reminds us again to appreciate those who were/are dedicated to the industry and made it grow. They were there not just for the money but cause they wish to be remembered for 'truly entertaining' their audience. bringing some magic into their dull lives………..and you know the old fuddy duddies who vote will appreciate it.

Best cinematography and directing maybe..

Midnight in Paris (2011):

Midnight in Paris started with an assault on my ears and eyes – a idyllic score and 10 mins of a slide show of Paris. Then there was Owen Wilson the lead actor talking like he had pebbles under his tongue ala Woody Allen (Imitation is the best form of flattery they say), annoying! Also Woody Allen’s aptitude for verbose dialogues made it easy for me to listen to this movie while I did other work. Lol.

A successful Hollywood movie writer turned struggling novel writer travels with his fiancée Inez (can we push that spoilt lil’ bitch into the Seine pls) and in-laws to Paris to seek inspiration for his new book. Gil falls in love with Paris in the ‘20s (he sorta of time travelled) – the literati of the 20s – Matisse, Picasso, Gertrude Stein, Scott Fitzgerald, Hemmingway and especially ….. a lady from the 20s, only to find out that she longs for the 17^th century cos she thought they were more romantic. Game set match.

Owen finally realizes that indulging in the past makes you unavailable for the present – lesson for everybody!! Let nostalgia be for table conversations and blog posts. Heck I can’t imagine a word without 3D Films, the internet, smartphones, ultrasonographs, flat-screens and social media. Imagine if there was twitter then he could have taken pictures on his phone uploaded it and tweeted ‘having a chat with Hemmingway and Stein woot woot’.

I half-wished I was clever and bourgeois enough to understand the inside jokes about the great men and women of the 20s who made cameo appearances – Matisse, Picasso, Gertrude Stein, Fitzgerald, Hemmingway. Ah well. Maybe in 50yrs when they make a parody of George Bush, Kim Kardashian, I’ll be explaining the inside jokes to my granddaughter.

I think this movie got a lot of hype because of its producer/director Woody Allen. Yes I admire his diligence but I don’t normally seek out his movies to watch. Midnight in Paris scored a 7.8/10 on Imdb. Really? I struggled to give it a 5.5/10.

Moneyball, The Tree of Life, War Horse - Yet to watch

I've been Google Plused :/

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 00:09:00 +0000

One of the times I wish i had a Twitter account so i can rant in short sentences.

1. Why is Google forcing us to use Google+. Google friend Connect for blogging and Facebook were perfectly alright for me..till blogging starts paying I can't afford to spend more time on social media than I do right now.

2. I don't get the circles thing joo. Well I do sort of (I understand sets and subsets from those Maths days). Some people are strictly friends, some can be friends and following, Some friend and family, Some friend, following and family. Just that its tiresome. Feel like making friends all over again.
Google+ can never become another Facebook or Twitter. Yeah I said it and I am ready to swallow my words with a glass of bitter lemon if it does.

3. Google+ interface is weird or should i say not attractive or maybe Zuckerberg has got us all Faceblued. Google you can't afford to be slow with your changes like you are on Blogger. See, it took you almost 3 yrs to introduce threaded comments. Enough said.

Notwithstanding, I still love Google. Imagine if we all had to pay for the awesome services they give for free. Eg. Gmail - I use Outlook on my laptop and with Gmail which pulls mail (sort of what a blackberry does) so i can work on my mail online or offline. Yahoo requires you to subscribe and pay for that service.

Google docs - I used the free Survey software to do my thesis. Thankfully a friend recommended it before i spent 28 pounds for the same service on Survey Monkey. Moreover they offer you some large gigabyte of space to store your documents..all for free.

Picasa - Stores all my pics
Blogger - Blogger just keeps getting better and better. True. They really listen

So here I am saying Thank you Google. You are the Pied piper, I am the mouse. where you go, I follow :)

Meanwhile Where are you all? Can you write your handle on Google+ so I can follow or befriend, or familia-rise, whatever you want.

Update it seems it's not yet compulsory to use Google + but i heard the Google connect thingy is closing and when i clicked on someone's blogger profile it took me straight to Google+. I have since realised hers was a random case but yeah I am on Google plus now anyways.

Fame and other drugs

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 01:40:00 +0000

Girl meets Boy. They fall in love. They get married.

All is hunky dory at the beginning.

Then Boy’s career nose dives

As Girl’s career soars

Girl is generous with her love and fame

Boy is generous with his smack and crack

She used to say ‘no’

But familiarity breeds temptation

And her demons – career, sexuality, media, marriage demanded a sacrifice

She succumbs.

Begins to enjoy the false calm

One day she wakes up to realize she can’t live without it –

Hello Drug addiction.

Defined as, compulsive drug seeking and abuse despite the known harmful effects upon functioning in the context of family, health, school, work, and recreational activities.

I’d been meaning to write a post about addiction and there’s no better time than now as we mourn the loss of my all time favorite female singer Whitney Houston. I can just picture those lips quaver as they open wide to belt out a tune.

Michael and Whitney are the only singers I have even gone on my knees to pray for. They were the icons of my childhood. When I listen to X factor hopefuls that is the only criterion I judge them with…can I recognize that voice from a thousand others? Are you a Whitney/Mariah/Michael? Sigh.

I kept hoping she’d rise from the ashes of addiction. I kept waiting for that comeback hit. I truly believed she could do it.

My opinion resonates with many about the cause of death – A bad Brown decision made in 1997. But then there are those who insist that we should stop blaming Bobby. That she always had a choice, after all they’ve been divorced since 2007.

Well, they are equally right – I don’t blame Bobby Brown really. He is who he is. It was the choice she made to love him and loose herself that breaks my heart.

Doug Sellman of the National Addiction Center (US) says that the most important thing to know about addiction may be that addiction is "fundamentally about compulsive behavior". Secondly, such habits originate outside of consciousness. The compulsive sequence of behaviors are so practiced that they can be extremely difficult to avoid initiating, and even harder to interrupt.

I think that makes a lot of sense. It explains why relapses occur. You see, going cold-turkey might rid the body system of the drugs and eliminate physical dependence but the compulsive behavior, basic instincts are harder to kill.

We don’t really talk much about substance abuse in Nigeria yet it is so pervasive (as usual we pretend it doesn’t happen; just like we think 14yr olds are not sexually active). A public health issue that’s silently destroying youth and homes. Marijuana is the drug of choice and though it is illegal to possess it in Nigeria, I can wager that 60% of our law enforcement officers (police) ON DUTY will not pass a urine test ..just saying.

“Marijuana intoxication can cause distorted perceptions, impaired coordination, difficulty with thinking and problem solving, and problems with learning and memory. Research has shown that, in chronic users, marijuana's adverse impact on learning and memory can last for days or weeks after the acute effects of the drug wear off.² As a result, someone who smokes marijuana every day may be functioning at a suboptimal intellectual level all of the time.

Think of the irrational shootings carried out by police - Are those actions of a ‘normal’ functioning person?

Area boys? - most of the petty thieving and violence going on is just to fund their drug use.

The rich ones are not left out. Bright futures that have been buried in the ashes of Igbo/marijuana/dope. I know friends who are battling sibling-drug addiction in their families. A friend said jewelry and electronics are not safe in her house anymore..cause if her brother is broke and in need of a fix, better be sure he is going to steal and sell whatever he can lay his hands on.

Back in the , of Ibro, a friend at University who came from a wealthy home. He used to be this sharp dresser, fine dude. By his final year, he was a shadow of himself. Ibro walked around campus with uncombed hair, flip flops and wrinkled shirts. From this gentle smooth talker he became loud and confrontational. I don’t know what happened to him case our paths diverged at this point. He frightened me. I’m not sure he graduated.

Drug addiction also hits uncomfortably close to home. I have close kin battling with addiction. This made me a bit too familiar with marijuana. I could easily identify the sweet/sour smell of marijuana from a mix of smells by the time I was 14. It used to shock male friends, they prolly thought I was doping. Lol. Nah, I could never be tempted. I have seen firsthand the havoc it causes.

I remember finding out that an ex bf smoked cannabis. I came across a drawer filled with the dry leaves in his apartment!!! Not funny.

However, he argued that “he’s been smoking marijuana for relaxation since he was 14 and was not dependent on it. If it was that bad, he wouldn’t have graduated first class nor hold an executive position in a top notch firm’.

Me: Ha..and you have a drawer-full of leaves to ensure you don’t ever run out at midnight. Dependence pls!!

By the time we broke up I could even tell when he was under influence from the way he professed love to me. smh

He quit his job over 7 years ago and has been sorta-loafing about since then as self employed. I’m not knocking his independence I am just convinced that his ‘failure to launch’ is tied to drugs. Cos yeah, he smokes full time now.

Interestingly cannabis isn’t as addictive as heroin and cocaine. Only 9% of users become addicted but this number increases to 17% for those who start young and up to 50% among daily users.

Adverse effects: A number of studies have shown an association between chronic marijuana use and increased rates of anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia.

If you’ve ever seen drug abuse up close and personal, watched movies like Sugarhouse, Trainspotting, Blow, or celebrities – Elvis, Marilyn, Dorothy Dandridge, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan then you’d applaud countries like China, Singapore and Malaysia’s for their death penalty rule for drug traffickers.

The difference between the murderer with a gun and the one who lures the innocent into drug taking is aesthetics. A Gunshot is instant and leaves a bloody mess while Drugs have a long term collateral damage.

Addiction isn’t incurable, but the addict can’t do it by himself. God, unwavering family support, empathy but not tolerance, resilient good health, change of environment and the addict’s resolve are integral to the long long journey to recovery.

Adieu Whitney and thank you for the greatest love songs!

Do you think drug use can actually be managed like ?

Love makes the world a better place

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:25:00 +0000

Hey people. Getting your love groove on huh? To all the loved up bloggers hmmm...may you be loved and cherished in return.

For my single folks...Jesus loves you so does Ginger. now pass it forward :p

Sharing with you one of my favorite musical videos from 'Freshly ground' a South Afrikan group. I love their use of colour as a metaphor for differences.

Anyways, have a love-filled day.

Sigh. Going to have a Val-ala-phone day :(

Pee-pee drama

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 21:08:00 +0000

A friend of mine constantly moans about her 7 month old son’s package. I am always in giggles whenever she is changing his diapers or giving him a birth, cause she seizes the poor appendage and cries ‘Lord, how do you want this boy to impregnate his wife in future? I want grandchildren oo.

Then she later conciliates with ‘ Size doesn’t matter my boy. Don’t you fret’ like the boy knows there’s a problem. In fact while she is going on and on, he is fondling his pinch of a penis and gurgling happily (why do little baby boys like playing with their pee pee?)

Anyways I thought she exaggerated (what do I know?!). But after the last weekend, I am worried too.

In case you are wondering, that blue thingy is a pee-pee teepee -
supposed to save mommy/daddy from getting peed on during diaper changes..smh

A friend and his 4 yr old son came visiting while I was bathing baby boy (mom was out and I love getting my hands on him any chance I get). Lil Johnny came to my side and watched as I massaged in Vaseline lotion on his trunk. He looked and looked, then with a puzzled frown asked ‘Aunty what is that? Pointing to my adopted son’s package!

Ehh how do you answer to this?! I didn’t want to say ‘penis’ cause I wasn’t sure what ‘politically correct’ nonbiological word the parents have taught him. Nor did I want to introduce him to a new word and spend the next 30 minutes answering curious penial questions.

So I threw back the answer at him ‘Come on Johnny. Baby is a boy. Isnt your own the same? He said, “No, it doesn’t look like mine, mine is bigger and longer”.

I burst into laughter.

Nonsense!

Enemies!

I retold the conversation to Lil pee wee’s mom. Poor gal. Now she is even more worried.

Who knows if penile elongation creams work? It should be more effective when the male is young shouldn’t it? Lol!

So just wondering..do you moms/dads out there worry about your son’s package/peepee?

What are the politically correct names for little boy’s penis?

Lastly, why do we need politically correct terms when a perfectly respectable biological term 'penis' exists?

Dream Interpreter needed

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 23:05:00 +0000

I didn’t realise how recent news from Nigeria had eaten into my psyche till I had two vividly graphic and violent dreams two consecutive nights last week.

When you think of a creek/fishing community..what scenery comes to mind? Lush Green vegetation, fish, fresh water reflecting the trees, fishing vessels, hamlets and small time fish industries right?

That’s not what you find in Bodo creek, Ogoniland.

Earlier on Wednesday evening, I came across a video review by Amnesty International about Bodo creek, Bayelsa since the 2008 Oil Spill by SHELL.

Photograph courtesy George Esiri/EPA/Commondreams.org

Shell’s spill has turned Bodo into a black and desolate wasteland and as usual the stakeholders (ward heads, local government councilors, governor, senators except the community directly involved) look away and pretend it isn’t their business. Where is Atedo Peterside who is lauding the good-work of their son - our President? I am sure the Bodo community share his joy in their elected son who has refused to put pressure on Shell to clear up their mess and compensate the 69,000 people who have lost their livelihood, water source and food. BP oil spill (5 million gallons) was cleaned up in months but in Bodo Creek, 4 years after nothing has been done.

Moreover it seems there is a new spill now. This report says that between December 20th and 21^st 2011, oil spewed from a ruptured fuel line connecting the Bonga platform to a waiting tanker. Before workers noticed the spill (how irresponsible), Shell said that up to 40,000 barrels (1.68 million gallons) had leaked, reportedly making it the worst offshore accident in Nigeria since 1988.

Can you calculate the crude oil waste and the ecological damage? Read more here and here. This is the video where Saraki threatens to use the Senate might to see that Shell cleans up. Yes he sounds very serious, I can see Shell quaking in their boots. Another wait and see?

On to the dreams...

Wednesday:

I was an onlooker watching two fishermen vie for speed supremacy on the creek waters. A sort of creek rage (akin to road rage) led to one of them ramming into the other and damaging the boat’s body. Then entered some militant looking men, who wade across to the victorious boat and drag the boatman out. The gorge out his arm using a knife, scooped the oily black water and poured it into the bloody hole. Graphic much! Then I woke up.

Thursday:

I was in some camp (which looked exactly like my dormitory in secondary school) when we came under attack from Boko Haram (the terrorist group throwing bombs in Nigeria). They hadn’t entered the dorm yet. My mom was in the next room asking everyone to come together and pray our last prayers that our deaths will be quick. I told her that I refuse to give up my life so easily. My bff and I considered going across to ask an elderly man occupying the room across the courtyard to pretend we were his wives but I said it would be dangerous for my fair friend who didn’t look Hausa. Then we decided to take our fate into our hands and fight. All of a sudden machine guns materialized n our laps.

I woke up so pepped with energy cause in my dreams we were making mincemeat of the terrorists Rambo styleeee…lol. Alas it was all a dream.

Occupy Nigeria: we're not done yet

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 15:24:00 +0000

I followed the unfolding events of the fuel subsidy strike this past 10 days mostly on TV. I watched aghast as a protester was manhandled then shot in front of other protesters in broad daylight (RIP). I listened to pro subsidy debates on the government sponsored media NTA and I wondered if the debaters were aliens from some neighbouring WA country.

I saw my respected friends doctors, bankers, take off their suits, don Tee shirts and walk on the streets protesting our corrupt government, Nigerians became mathematicians again challenging GEJ’s fuel prices/subsidy calculations in a manner which would have impressed Chike Obi, I saw courage which I thought had almost died, I heard young promising youth tell the nation that they were willing to die. I watched protesters cry, moan, pray, dance, laugh in unity for the first time in a long while. And it was beautiful.

Nigerians are finally waking up.

I was hopeful that we would get ‘satisfactory results’. Then NLC happened and the rug was swept from under our feet.

The Nigeria Labour Congress and the Trade Union Congress said they acted to save lives, after receiving information that the security forces had been ordered to use all means to end protests.

Really? They got a reduction to N97 per litre and a pat on the back and they sold the future of 160m Nigerians. I’m pained.

The unions also told journalists in Nigeria's capital Abuja that they applauded the government's recent promise to EXPLORE CORRUPTION in the country's oil sector. They described the six-day strike as "a success".

"We are sure that no government or institution will take Nigerians for granted again," said Abdulwaheed Omar, the NLC president.

Rightfully said but with all due respect Mr. Omar, you missed the point. ‘Explore corruption’ is the government’s polite euphemism for "Shut up retard" and you did….shut up I mean.

Occupy Nigeria is not just about the fuel hike as President Goodluck would like to believe. It is about lying thieving politicians blatantly stealing Nigeria blind.

Occupy Nigeria was not inspired by the rallying call of NLC but by young Nigerians who were fed up of same old, same old. Nigerians who would normally wait out a strike watching movies in the comfort of their homes. The NLC had the crème of workers and youth ON THE STREETS for the first time. Don’t the understand what power they had? How can they blow such an opportunity?!

But it’s not over.

Seeing Gbenga Sesan, Omohyele Sowore of Sahara reporters interviewed on Al Jazeera etc has shown me that in this social media age, where governments try to control news emerging from their Countries, media houses in search of truth now seek for credibility from bloggers and activists. Our senators salaries, GEJ’s home maintenance budget would probably never have seen the light of day in our dailies if bloggers/twitter users hadn’t made it trend. That information was the tipping point for many who joined the protest. (And of course the new reality of sweating in a ride through Lagos traffic - Sorry @tilola - because car air conditioning is now a luxury).

In this year 2012, we owe it to ourselves and our children to make Nigeria the country we want it to be. Yes, our blogs are personal spaces themed on fun things like fashion, food, relationships etc. but I think it is high time we see our blogs to be much much more. For the sake of Nigeria, let us be more concerned about what goes on in our country. Let us not be scared of making our collective voices heard.

A shoutout to Adura Ojo of Naijalines for her rallying call to Nigerian bloggers during the protest. And to Prism who kept up with almost daily updates.

I applaud all those who stepped out of their blog comfort zones to blog about Nigeria and engage on other social media sites but most especially to those who walked the talk.

Protests may have been silenced for now but it is not over yet. I leave you with Fela Durotoye’s words “The dream of a New Nigeria as a most desirable society remains firm in our hearts. We are stronger than this. We will not be broken. We are the New Nigeria and we will not stop until we Deliver the Future.

Protests: What was done well and what could have been done better?

GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 00:29:00 +0000

“The arguments being advanced to justify the proposed full deregulation do not make sense. All the arguments have a ring of deja vu.

The so-called complete deregulation of the downstream sector and the removal of subsidy may seem like a purely economic policy decision, but it is so tied to larger Nigerian questions that it ought to be more rigorously debated, and government should make haste slowly.

The regime is corruption-ridden, it is badly managed. There is no indication that a complete deregulation regime will be better managed. The problem is not one of form, but leadership”.

These were the words of Reuben Abati (a former activist/writer turned Government apologist) in 2009 when a similar fuel subsidy removal was proposed.

Three years after, the same arguments are being repeated by Goodluck Jonathan’s government.

According to The Economist

“The president will be a brave man if he fulfills his promise to end cheap petrol”.

I disagree.

GEJ will be a brave man if he tackles

Rebuilding the 4 moribound refineries which has failed other governments,

Similarly improving power supply to the nation

Investigating NNPC, its leakages, inflations and over-estimations

Passing a bill which makes corruption a criminal offence punishable by 14 years imprisonment

Cutting down the wages of government officials

Cutting down HIS personal and house maintenance budget.

And need I mention catching the fiends that go by the name Boko Haram who have made Nigeria a name now synonymous with terrorism.

Albert Einstein quotes “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

Fuel subsidy is the solution of a lazy and inept government. It is the coward’s way out.

Do the needful, resolve these highlighted issues and come 2014 if your government seeks to ‘remove subsidy’ the people of Nigeria will support you. But not now.

A good friend of mine Wale quoted, “The amount of our collective resources you squander on a daily basis is more than sufficient to begin to rectify the problem and restore our faith in you. When we see you curb your gluttony and become more accountable, we will be more open to what sacrifice you are trying to extricate from us”.

P.S. It irks me to hear/see our politicians and reporters from the West tout the phrase ‘Nigeria’s cheap petrol’…I don’t know where they get that idea from. What is cheap about our petrol? Take a look at this graph and tell me how petrol is affordable to the common man?

Moreover, in none of these countries do citizens BUY THEIR OWN FUEL TO RUN GENERATORS WHICH IN TURN SUPPLY POWER TO RUN BUSINESSES, MACHINES IN FACTORIES, HOSPITALS, HOMES AND OFFICES!!!

Fuel is a constant in the budget of an average Nigerian and Nigerian business owner…and we are not talking of transport. Nigerians depend on refined fuel 100%. Fuel is a public utility.

P.P.S. I have seen the derisive sneer with which online activism is regarded by many in Nigeria. Pls dear blogger let that not deter you. Be counted. Let your voice be heard!
The sin of silence when they should protest makes cowards of men." Abraham Lincoln

What You can do

For a week starting from today, all Nigerian bloggers and other interested parties are enjoined to:

1. Do a similar post of your own on your blog using the title "GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest"

2. Add the pic/tabled diagram in this post

3. Publish your post today or latest by tomorrow

4. Please allow for seven days on your blog or place in a prime position on your blog for seven days.

5. You can still play your part as a non-blogger: share on facebook, twitter and other relevant social media.

6. Journalists, use your media space.
7. If you've done a post or published elsewhere online, please leave a link at Naijalines. Thanks.

Protest initiated by 9jaFoodie, Naijalines.

Picture from Azeenarh

Reminiscing Christmas traditions

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 08:45:00 +0000

Hey BlogFam,

So Christmas day has come and gone but the season of jolly goodness is yet to expire...well 2 more days. All the long months of preparation, shopping, cooking, wrapping presents, work parties, Santa Claus visits for the kids, months of peace for the parents when the Santa Claus threat worked: (the ‘if you don’t behave Santa wont fill your stocking).

A couple of days before Xmas, I was visiting with my friend and her family. Amidst dinner preparations she squeezed in some Christmas baking. There was the mince pies which is quite easy to make. I’ve blogged about my love for mincepies before. She was also preparing ingredients for the traditional Xmas cake which she planned to bake overnight (8hrs). This included soaking the dried fruits - which make up 75% of the cake batter - in brandy at least 12hrs before use (she soaked hers for 12 minutes). She confessed that traditionally the Xmas cake is baked months before Xmas..infact sometimes a year before!! I called her modified recipe the 'time waits for no-one Xmas cake' recipe.

She was also going to make Xmas puddings the next day, this was the traditional Xmas dessert. She said that the Christmas menu was a tradition handed down to her by her gran which she hoped to hand down to her daughters. The eldest daughter had been summarily summoned to the kitchen to help mix the batter :).

The pudding is so rich in alcohol that it is usually ignited before serving.

Other food in the traditional Xmas menu are the roast turkey/geese eaten with vegatbles, brussels sprouts, roast potatoes, cranberry sauce, rich nutty stuffing, tiny sausages wrapped in bacon (pigs in a blanket) and hot gravy.

In the midst of the stories, she asks me what Christmas traditions we have in Nigeria. Hmmmm.

First off, I thought of the traditions we had in common which includes the activities that occur in the weeks before Xmas – the carol services (songs are sang in English and in local dialects, the exchange of cards, end of year work parties/xmas parties, nativity plays in schools, putting up of Xmas trees and decorations (while homes vie to have the best decorations in the West, in Nigeria the competition is left to commercial offices).

Then I remembered those particular to us.

Shopping for new dresses and shoes. Most kids in Nigeria are guaranteed two new outfits at Christmas time. the one worn on Christmas and New Year days respectively. Many a Christmas eve I would be found late in the evening in the market with my big sister trying to find news that fit my too long feet. There was no leaving of that market for me till i get my shoe!!

Travelling: Christmas isnt complete without travelling in Nigeria. The people of the Eastern part of Nigeria - where I come from - have a long standing tradition of spending the Xmas holidays in their home towns. We are the most travelled Nigerian tribe (anecdotally it is said that if you get to any town in Nigeria and you don’t find an Igbo person there ..then you should flee cos that town is a ghost town). So for the Ibos, the Xmas holidays is the time when all the sons and daughters in diaspora come back home. To reunite with kith and kin and peers. To flaunt new tokens of success (cars, phones, newly built mansions, etc). It is also a sort of coming out period for the single men and ladies. You know I aint lying :).

Red Christmas - While my western friend dreams of a white Christmas, we have a cold, dusty red one. Red from the wind blowing up the clayey soil which is found in the Eastern parts of Nigeria. After the long travel down to the village 3-9 hrs depending on what part of Nigeria you are coming from, vehicles usually have a thick layer of red dust. The passengers rarely escape this dust coating even if your windows were wound up during the drive. Somehow it just filters in. The green foliage also turn red cause of the dust. White outfits are only worn by the brave. Dusting the house? A twice daily affair. The cold dry air also ensures that lip balms and Vaseline intensive cream are constant companions during the Xmas Season.

The Food: Rice is a staple food in Nigeria eaten in most homes at least every other day..yet there is something special about Xmas rice. Be it jollof or fried or rice and stew. It always magically tastes nicer.

There is also a lot of meat eaten during the festivities. Families may buy a cow or share it with another family, goats (sorry NGIP), chicken and more recently turkeys are present at tables. Well fried or stewed.

Drinks were in abundance. Fizzy Coca brands, Juice, Malt drinks Wine, Beer. As a kid, it was only during Xmas you had unlimited access to drinks from the fridge and freezer.

Church: Midnight mass is usually wonderful. Most times the actual mass is over around 11pm, but cause it isn’t midnight yet, the congregation chill in church singing hymns and choruses to welcome the baby Jesus at midnight.

Fireworks: Come 1^st of December, people start buying their stash of fireworks for the Xmas. Proper firework displays while common in cities like Lagos, are still a rarity in the villages cos of safety issues, handling and the expense. What is commonly found is the banger which isnt exactly safer. A description of Salute shells in Wikipedia here fits what we call knockout : A shell intended to produce a loud report rather than a visual effect.

My favourite was the sparklers. Anyway the bangers get their 2 minutes of fame from 10pm Xmas eve reaching a crescendo at midnight (Xmas day). Then dangerous part begins - the throwing. The thrower usually strikes the cylindrical shells against a matchbox and throws them as far as possible from him/herself but the naughtier revellers deliberately threw them at people’s feet. Or worse bodies. Their usual victims were those returning from Xmas midnight service. The air becomes rent with bangs, screaming girls and running feet. It was crazy, dangerous and ..... fun. I doubt that those who have burn scars will agree with me.

Entertainment: There are traditional marriages to attend, the launch of a new dance by particular women/men groups, Churches also hold their bazaar and harvest sales then too cause they are guaranteed to make money off their 'August visitors'.

Up to a decade ago, Masquerades were also part and parcel of the Xmas celebrations. The masks were usually worn by a particular sect/family. Some masquerades danced for money, some just wanted to display their costume. Some (ie. Nwaulaga) flogs anybody who dares to stand in his presence. Fleeing from Nwaulaga was the bane of my childhood existence during the Xmas holidays. I got flogged twice :(

Little Terrors: The most interesting thing about Xmas day is that I rarely dined at home. Rather I'd dress up in my new fineries and together with my cousins, start a busy day of personal fundraising (gbaara m christmas) - the best part of Xmas!!

Its like this, on Xmas day, I dress up in my new finery and with my group of friends (usually cousins) we visit our Aunties, Uncles, Family friends, etc. At each house the Ma and Pa "Uh oh" over how much we’ve grown since they last saw us, ask after our parents and even give us some message to relay back to them (no cellphone dem days!). The ever ubiquitous rice is served, fizzy drinks, biscuits. The richer families also served chin-chin and cake. After eating, we thank them prettily and signal our intention to leave, at which the father/mother of the house hands out money to us kids. Over the years (7yrs-13yrs) we knew the homes who cooked the best rice, gave the best financial reward or who entertained least.

My mom was the chin-chin and cake type entertainer ..lol (not cause we were rich..she just felt it was less messy). She was also known for giving out brand new Naira notes to her little guests (notes deliberately obtained from the bank prior to travel).

In retrospect, we must have been little terrors, unrelenting in our gbaara m christmas quest, accosting our older single cousins at pubs, along the road until they gave in and dipped into their wallet. For the guys it was best to harass them when they had their friends with them.

At the end of the day, heaving from exertion and too much food, my cousins and I will climb atop the roof of this uncompleted house in the compound to share our loot. Woot! Woot!

I remember that those days our parents rarely asked us where we were going to or when we'll be back - we were 8yr olds!! Curfews cease to exist in the village. I guess they were safe in the knowledge that we were surrounded by kith and kin. I'd come back home at 12 midnight and my dad doesn’t raise an eyebrow assuming I was at my cousins. Well, I was usually :p

The Xmas eating, drinking and fundraising continues till the New year. By the 2^ndof January, like magic the village empties as people return to the cities whence they came. By the 5^th day, the villages become ghost towns again inhabited by the aged and retirees.

Christmas celebrations have changed in the last decade. The food and church service remain the same but visitations are greatly reduced with kids properly chaperoned (the spate of kidnappings in villages and an increased belief in juju/voodoo amongst Christian folk isnt helping matters). Many families don’t even travel home for Xmas any more becos of beliefs that something evil might befall them cos of scheming/jealous kith and kin. The masquerades are also a thing of the past as Christian societies deemed them demonic and urged for their ban.

A shame really.

My family still travels home for Xmas. Dad is a die-hard traditionalist who has never spent the Xmas holiday outside his hometown, to please him, we the kids have to keep making that effort to come home for Xmas. Nowadays I too, like my mom, fill my purse with mint naira notes to give out to my younger cousins :)

In the end, be it roast turkey and pudding or Jollof rice or Tortellini in brodo (Italy), la reveillon (France), Hogmanay(Scotland) …the key ingredients of the Christmas celebrations around the world are Christ, love and sharing. I pray we never loose sight of that.

May Charity, Hope and Love make their home in your heart this New Year!!

In which I get a proposal

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 00:38:00 +0000

I got this love letter this morning:

To my darling Ginger,

You are the sugar in my tea, the baby wen dey make my heart beat pu pu pu. If I no fit tell you korokoro eye make I put am in writing you this letter.

I look you every day you walk through our yard. Na wa ooh my tongue dey always hang out. So now that you know will you marry me? I will make a good husband and you the mother of our plenty children. I see you have the back for it.

Your handsome loving man(husband)

Chidioke Bigman*

Always look back when I dey whistle to call you na

Toinlicious, what do you have to say?

#Update on Kat

The late Kat actually left a suicide note in which she bid adieu to her family and friends and all who have met and loved her. She tried to explain that she has always had this darkness engulfing her and had tried so hard to escape it but couldn’t and at this point was unable to fight it anymore. I guess this is depression with a capital D!

I will still reiterate this ‘May her soul now find the peace that eluded her on earth, Amen. And may we be better shepherds Amen. And if you can..try and think generous thoughts about her.

MJ’s Property auctioned…. well some

Some of the contents of Michael Jackson’s home sold at an auction raked in over $1,000,000. Three times their original cost. Apart from inflation, I trust that his die fans will be willing to fork over their last savings to get their hands on his bits and pieces!

Wonder if this is to settle his debts or because the family are digging for gold.

Anyway, me I want his wig!!! I'm sure its Peruvian.

RIP Kim Jong IL
This hasn’t been a good year for sit-tight leaders (sadhappyface) But while I was expecting dancing in the streets .. like what happened when Abacha died, I saw a nation in deep mourning for Kim Jong.

Emotions so intensely expressed that it had me rotflol. Believe me I was almost ready to bet with a friend that these were professional mourners hired to make the guy look good. You see I had bought into the Western media’s propaganda which told me the deceased was a tyrant and reviled by his people who were in bondage. Maybe he was but his people ‘adored’ him in spite of his excesses it seems or like someone commented “I think the people are genuinely in mourning. He is their religion”.

I think the face of the guy with a red scarf was photo-shopped

I think my second shocker was seeing such intense emotion on East Asian faces. Korea and neighbours China and Japan are known to have deadpan expressions. So it was just strange to see men and women dancing and throwing themselves on the ground ‘African stylee’. #StereotypeFail.

As for the successor to the North Korean throne, Jong-un, can he please lay off the doughnuts plss.

Yes We know its Christmas

A group of unemployed local musicians in South Africa have joined forces to release a Christmas single, entitled ‘Yes we do,’ in response to the Bob Geldof inspired Band Aid song, ‘Do they know it’s Christmas?’ Speaking at the launch of their song, the composer and singer Boomtown Gundane praised Geldof’s relentless quest for an answer and said they hoped their collaboration would free the Irishman and his friends to start looking for solutions to new and more important questions.

“Like, Do they know about climate change in America? Or did Kim Jong-il have time to write down the abort codes for the nukes before he died? (very important question I must say lol).

He said despite the poverty and hunger that had inspired Geldof and his friends to create the song back in 1984, Africans had developed their own ways to remember Christmas.

‘Just because we don’t have Boney M or Christmas advertising in September doesn’t mean we are oblivious to it,’ said Gundane. Proceeds will go towards teaching discipline, literacy and contraception at British schools. Touche Gundane!! LOL.

RivieraHandbags Giveaway

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 00:07:00 +0000

Hey BlogFam,

Here’s me advertising a giveaway hosted by Riviera Hand bags named after the lovely English Riviera, the hometown of the maker.

They have a most delightful collection of bags. With categories like wild, passionately pink, evening, fun, everyday, office there is definitely a bag for everybody and any season

What do you have to do to get one? Well, if we all got a dollar for our tweets and retweets I’m sure we’ll be smiling to the bank J

So here’s your chance to let twitter work for you!

Follow Rivierahandbags on twitter here

Retweet their giveaway tweets to enter the draw.

The winner gets to select a bag of your own choice!!!! How cool is that?

Start following and tweeting nooow!!

Giveaway ends Dec 24th (look what Santa e-mailed me!)

Errr. Its restricted to UK residents. Sorry.

Like Rivierahandbags on Facebook here

You were f**king perfect to me

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 22:14:00 +0000

I coerced my girlfriend to attend the Doctors' Xmas Ball yesterday. So I could tag along and maybe meet some cute doctors, who knows lol

Well, they were certainly respectable cute-looking young doctors. They also came with significant others hanging on their arms. What is it with Brits and marrying early? I swear some of them didn’t look like they had celebrated their 25^th birthday and they had been married for 3 years.

Jat introduced me to her group and I got on brilliantly with the Zimbabwean chic by my side. Like the pea soup appetiser was so bland that simultaneously we looked up from the first sip and screamed ‘Argghh SALT!!!’. Then when the salt shaker was passed to us, it came with a single pin-sized hole. What’s that?? It would take forever to get a pinch out. So I pulled the bottom off and we salted to our heart’s content #teamAfrica.

The roast potato with gravy, steak and ham plus the cheesecake desert more than made up for the bland appetizer. Yum yum.

Then the DJ set up his gig and it was Dance! Dance!

I was itching to dance but the Docs on my table were just sitting and tapping fingers. What’s that??

So I took the hand of the male doc nearest to me. ‘hey I want to dance and I need a partner…lol. Not that my 6 inch heel let me do much damage to the dance floor but I tried. At a point Tat and I had to get together to do some afro-flavored boot-shaking…ok, not like I had the booty but you understand..

Finally at about 11.30pm I reminded Jat she had a husband and kids..lol.
As we waited for Tat to get her coat so we could all leave together, (Jat had volunteered to take her home), one of J’s colleague/friend, a petite brunette, Kat came over to chat. She had this little black dress on with a tutu-like ruffles at the hem. I told her her dress was pretty. She teased Jat about her bootylicious behind. Jat did some booty gyrations specially for her with Kat and I giggling and asking her to donate some to the less privileged.

As we said goodbye Jat warned her to take it easy with the alcohol so she won’t be hungover at work the next day. She laughed and said she’ll try.

It was a great outing and subsequently I have been in a good mood most of today. All that dancing and exercising and socializing really does good to the heart.

But I am sad now.

Jat came back from work a couple of hours ago looking most harassed.

She said ‘Guess what?

Kat is dead.

What!!! How??!!

It appears Nat, Kat’s friend had told Jat earlier that Kat has been AWOL all day. Not picking her phone too. None of their mutual friends had also heard from her.

So Nat decides that after their seminar that she’ll call the porter to check Kat’s room or something. Just in case.

They went to her room in the doctors quarters. The porter unlocked the door with the spare key and pushed open the door but found it difficult cause - there was a hanging body leaning against it.

Kat.

And the friend went into hysterics. They said Kat was still in the short black gown. And her body quite stiff, so she must have been dead for a long time.

Nobody knows why she decided to escape her life.

They say she had had a recent breakup with her boyfriend. Who had left her for her friend. (What is it with guys????). She hadn’t been coping well with the breakup coupled with a family history of depression. But she had also been looking forward to spending some time with her mom and jnr sister during the Xmas break.

I wonder if all the lovey dovey xmasy couples in the house yesterday could have tripped her off? Or maybe a combo of alcohol and anti-depressive drugs. Or the stress of being a young doctor. Or a combination of the above or something else entirely.

It’s heartbreaking.

This is the nearest I have come to suicide and it’s scary that someone laughing and dancing 12 hrs ago could think she wasn’t loved enough.

Jat wonders about the mom….who must have been preparing for a family reunion at Xmas but will now be planning a funeral.

Plus the guilt. ‘Was it something I said/did?’. ‘Maybe if I had called her last night, this morning, maybe maybe I could have talked her out of it etc etc.

So many fragile souls out there; dear God bless them and make them strong in the face of challenges. Help us too to be better shepherds. Amen.

RIP Kat

p.s. Post title was borrowed from Pink's track of same name. Do pardon my French.

This is Oyiboland - Where 70 is the new 40

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 00:25:00 +0000

Ginger: Hi Doc. How was your day today?
Doctor Z: Busy and funny too. The youngest patient i saw came to complain about her Mom who lives with her. She said her Mom was driving her bonkers.
The joke - She is 72. Her mom is 94.

If you go to the bus station at off peak periods (between 10am-1pm), the white brigade as I fondly call them make up the majority of passengers. The men in their black or brown coats; the ladies well powdered in their sweaters, pleated skirts and Clark shoes. The women remind me so much of my mom. Now I understand some of her 'odd' habits which seemed so out of place while growing up: Mom was a sweater and pleated skirt, hair in curlers, lipstick, tea and biscuits-in-all-weathers type. I guess those were habits picked when she was in the UK that never wore off.

I always have a big smile when I meet the White Brigade. They are usually a very friendly lot....you are not careful and a talkative gets you in his/her clutches, you might find it hard to extricate yourself. But more than that..they make aging something to look forward to. They have lived 70+years on earth. You want to sit at their feet and hear their adventures.
I am also filled with admiration sometimes. When I see that old man struggling to take that next step with his walker. I smile at the effort he makes to stay alive. I smile at the government, the society that allows them to age gracefully. S/he has his pensioner bus tickets that allows him ride free, S/he has disabled parking if needed. S/he has homes with basic amenities that are helpful as bones get stiffer (running taps, showers, microwaves, waist length gas cookers, washing machines). And when s/he is tired she can move on to a home (subsidised by the govt or paid for in full). Care work is a popular job among immigrants but it also represents the importance the society places on making them live as independently and gracefully as possible.

The Nigerian consensus has always been that Western society do not take care of their old like we do etc etc. Surely we have all heard the horrible stories of aged men/women who were dead for over 4 days in their apartment before their frozen bodies were discovered or of parents in Care homes who never get visited by their kids. And we would say, 'that could never happen in Nigeria'. 'Neighbours would have checked in on her, infact there's no way s/he would have been on her own cos one of the kids would have taken her into her home' etc etc.
But I wished to look at this from a different angle. As much as i admire our sense of community in Nigeria, I've also come to appreciate the independence I see among the elderly here, and wonder at some of the things we take for granted back home...that our mothers will drop their personal schedules to come babysit, wash and cook for 'OUR' families even in cold wintry UK/US.

Don't we have parents who want to spend their old age enjoying the new phase of their life/marriage after raising 7 kids? Maybe they want to travel together, start a new hobby, join a social club etc. Knotchocolates even blogged about 'over 60s getting it on' and if you've ever visited Blog mom's page, you'd know age is nothing but a number but in Nigeria we tend to think our parents - esp moms, become asexual by 60.
While the majority don't mind becoming occupational grannys i am writing for the sake of those who prefer to see their kids and family thrice in a year not 345 days a year. i think we kids should try and be a bit more understanding and stop laying the guilt or worse...refuse to care for them (money matters) cause she is not fulfilling her 'grandma' quota.

Babysitting sadly is the least of the problems the aged face. Some are abandoned by their kids. forgotten, mistreated, labelled witches/wizards, left to beg for food. For some their kids thither over paying for their healthcare and/or necessary surgeries and are left to die alone.
And how about the absence of running water, electricity, kerosene stoves which make it nigh impossible for an aged person to be independent. Really sad.

Have you had to deal with elderly parents, relatives or friends. What thoughts about aging did it inspire in you?

p.s. My maternal grandma spent the last 20 yrs (75-95)of her life with us. She and her only kid my mom had their ups and downs but it was mostly peaceful co-habiting. On the other hand, in retrospect I think we her grandkids tolerated her mostly..and found her amusing at best.
p.p.s. Maybe I find it easy to wag my finger cos I am not expecting babysitting duties from my mom. In her hay days her 'omugwo' visits to my siblings never lasted for more than 10 days cause she was working. Now she is definitely too old for that kinda stress. Yeah I know I am on my own #notscared.

omugwo - is a tradition amongst Eastern Nigerians wherein the maternal grandma comes to help her daughter care for the newborn grandchild. Her visit has precedence cause mothers are expected to be more helpful to their daughters than a mother-in-law.
In Western Nigeria, the paternal grandma's visit has more precedence since the child belongs to the family.
Visits can be as short as a week or as long as 6months :(

p.p.s Shoutout to my new followers. I can't believe I've finally passed the 100 followers mark (dances a jig!)
Also thank you for all the comments in the last post. That post was a bit personal though i didnt let on :). Well, lets see....

Mixed Blessings

noreply@blogger.com (Ginger) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 00:35:00 +0000

Is Marriage for White People? That's the title of a book written by a Stanford law professor Ralph Richard Banks (an African American married to an African American - I like how he puts that out before the haters start questioning his right to make such a proclamation). Alas I am yet to read the book but from the reviews I have read here, here and here it was all heart, backed by personal narratives and data.

His question is 'In an economy where women are thriving and desirable black men are scarce, why do black women stay loyal to black men to their detriment?'

These include:

large numbers of professional black women being rotated by the 'few' college educated black men who gets to pick and choose who he wants to be with and even then he still has multiple sex partners
almost half of all black women have had an abortion, over twice the rate for white women;
2 black women graduate from college every year for every black male that graduates;
black men out-marry (i.e., marry interracially) at over twice the rate of black women;
there are two million more black women in America than black men;
higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases when compared against other groups of women due to the high incidence of `man-sharing' that occurs among black women;

And his ~~solution~~ well, suggestion is 'Black women should liberate themselves from the shackles of race and date outside the pool'.

I wholeheartedly agree with him though I wonder why we need a Stanford law professor to tell us that? What is it about marrying outside our races, tribes that scares black women?

This isn't the first time I have read or listened to people write/talk about the dearth of eligible black men for black women in America and I used to wonder.. 'but there are other men?!!..Chinese, Indian, Africans, you haven't exhausted your options yet.

I have reframed this problem in our society. Kindly substitute Black women for Ibo, Yoruba and Hausa women and think about the Nigerian environment. Yes, that tribe thing. Maybe its not as pervasive as before but I do know I have single girlfriends who swear that they can never marry a non-igbo/non-Yoruba etc etc.

Interestingly I think this outlook is more common to Ibo women than other tribes yet we are the ones who have a man-scarcity. College educated Ibo men are a minority compared to the majority who are secondary school leavers (though thriving businessmen). From what I have observed/personal experiences, the Ibo men who are good income earning graduates tend to feel like they are 'something special'. Correct me if I am wrong.

I used to think like 'Warrahell? Who said I can't fish across the River Niger' msheew.

So lets reason together, what are the fears of marrying outside our comfort zone be it - Race/Language/Geographical zone?

Off hand I can think of these few points:

Culture. Someone from another race/tribe won't understand the basic parts of black/Igbo/Yoruba/Benin/Tiv life and culture. It may seem trivial at first especially if the dating/married mixed couple are living in a cosmopolitan city. then bang, one day you travel home with your hubby and like a chameleon he suddenly expects you to kneel down and serve him food and you wonder but 'he wasn't like that before'!

Different standards of beauty: For the inter-racial couple, she may feel like you are competing on a different standard of beauty. He is used to blondes/redheads/brunnetes with blue/green/hazel/gray eyes and long wavy hair, now he has you brown chocolate from your eyes, nipples to your happily nappy hair which has not seen the sunlight in oinks because of permanent extensions). Same for the woman who has to exchange her ideal of Denzel W for a Ryan Reynolds.

(On a lighter note, I am yet to be toasted(chatted up) by a Briton. Infact it has become a mission for me. Silly I know, but I need affirmation that my beauty is universally accepted. lol).

Food: She'd have to widen her cooking skills to accommodate what is cultural for the other person. Igbo girl learning to make ewedu/amala. Yoruba girl learning to make oha soup. Nigerian girl learning to make lamb casserole for her British hubby etc (Lucidlilith gives me great comfort that all food is acceptable so long as its cooked right).

Skin color. Yeah that is the simplest to overcome yet the most conspicuous reminder of the boundaries you have bridged in an inter-racial relationship. Even though love has blinded you the world wont let you forget as easily...i think and they may not be polite about it.

Religion: A change of religion maybe part of the bargain. Christian marrying Muslim, Muslim marrying Hindu, Vampire marrying Human (lolsssssss) etc. Blog mom Linda has blogged about her daughter who is married to an Iranian. She (daughter) even converted to Islam; and she can speak Farsi (Iran's official language) and Arabic too. While stories like hers make me marvel at the power of love, on the other hand, it scares me shitless.

Can I love a man that much to give up that much? Come on, I am already giving up my father's name, now I have to cleave to a new culture, language, food, religion.

What is husband giving up for me? (Maybe now I can understand why Edward was so reluctant to grant Bella her wish!)

So that's my first question....Is my fear above valid? If you are involved in a mixed marriage/relationship I'd like to know if such thoughts have crossed your minds and how you combated or resolved it.

Two..for my single and formally single readers, have you ever considered mixed relationships?

p.s. My elder sister said mixed marriages should only be considered if the man is from royal/rich family, hear! hear! Her logic is that people with money/status do not follow culture as strictly as those without so less burden for the wife. I don't know how true that is.....lol