C r u s h X O u t

Possibility I Still See

2012-10-15T01:05:00.001-04:00

still Here

2012-10-01T19:07:00.001-04:00

(My Friend Druw (@BananaClipse) seems to always write pieces that have some relevance to myself, and because of this... I realize he IS the writer of my heart) especially when I seem to be having difficulty expressing for myself.

still HERE
i keep trying

is it me? is it you?

can we make a comeback? or am I destined to be DOOMed again?

just a couple of months ago it was a dream. we talked. we loved. we laughed . we shared.

I’m all in.

i think it’s all in your head. no matter how much i try to help. i just can’t. I just have to support you as best as I can until you figure it out.

when you do, hopefully i’m still the love of your life. because you are mine. soul mate(s).

I hope you find peace of mind. I pray for you all the time.

if I one day am no longer apart of the plan? well, it doesn’t matter, so long as you achieve the freedom you seek.

I’ll be here for you, Love. forever. FOREVER.

<3

Source/Peep: BananaClipse.com

2012-10-01T00:34:00.001-04:00

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

Tonight's High

2012-10-01T00:26:00.001-04:00

2012-10-01T00:24:00.001-04:00

Losing my balance

“With you by my side…”

2012-09-29T20:58:00.001-04:00

**this started as a one sentence text message…

"You have been on my mind since I woke up. I thought about the embrace we shared Saturday night. It led me to 2 places. The painfully obvious one is that now I miss you. Like crazy. The other being that it is one of my favorite moments. It’s one of the little moments you want to keep forever. To stay bound in the warmth. In the love. Wrap myself up in the soft blanket of comfort that you provide. The bigger, more overt gestures are every bit as meaningful but the little moments, that often aren’t even thought about, they stick with me. And mean more then you’ll ever know. when we saw Lana. In the short line to get “checked” by security outside, you did your patented “big move”. Hugged me from behind. Then as we strolled in together you made it a point to grab my hand and hold it. It was a wonderful evening from beginning to end. But those 2 little things made all the difference. You have this way of making it feel like we’re the only 2 people in world. I get lost in the majesty of your eyes and splendor that is your smile. In that floating space in time; I could die. Nothing is more perfect. The lights are on but your glow illuminates the room. Illuminates my life, my passion. We’ve yet so far to go, but every encounter we have feels like an eternity. Even before we depart I’m longing to once again be a part of your existence. Enveloped in your aura. I’ll live in my dream, just until we meet again, Love."

Source/Peep: The Homie Bananaclipse.com

Whenever Wherever Whatever

2012-09-11T00:08:00.000-04:00

Remains

2012-09-09T00:29:00.001-04:00

"You dream but only of nightmares because you were hit where you’re most defenseless to pain. So your eyelids conceal your eyes and my reflection stays blind. And we both refuse to awaken to each other but my face somehow continues to appear in your mind. So 2 sets of eyes make no contact we can’t look at each other because feelings were obtained 4 lips make short conversations because we gained something that still remains."

-Neensupreme

For the Love Enthusiasts

2012-09-09T00:20:00.001-04:00

“Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.”

-Sigmund Freud

Distant Lover

2012-09-08T19:27:00.002-04:00

"You should think about me, and say a prayer for me"-Marvin Gaye

First Times

2012-09-07T21:56:00.000-04:00

They always say "there's a first time for everything" but why can't this one thing be my last something that I can finally hold onto with out leaving this grasp I wish the first times that happen in certain things can start all over again with just one wish upon shooting star and lasts then it starts all over again in a flash and if there is a first time for everything I then find myself usually anticipating the last because good things come to an end if there is a smalll amount of doubt somewhere in me stashed the first time for anything will never get the chance to live again if uncertainty does pass and the first time for anything thing probably will never be thought again because the first time for anything was never given the second chance

Blu- Untitled(LovedU)2

2012-09-07T21:20:00.000-04:00

Miyagi

2012-08-31T00:40:00.001-04:00

There’s nothing like that feeling of urgency when you want to talk to someone, that somebody about something important. You can’t even fathom speaking to any one else about it simply because nobody else will understand. It’s about that time, Miyagi.

Far Away

2012-08-30T01:24:00.001-04:00

stay far away
as far away as distance will allow you
I'm closer to fine
and my heart now pounds again
don't come around
don't bring me down
there's nothing left for you to stomp on the ground
don't breathe this air with me
I can't stand to inhale the same air
as a coward
opposite direction of me is where you should travel
put millions of acres of land in between us
there is nothing left of us
if one couldn't be true
just stay away
far away like we never had closeness
like there was never fondness
pretend that our hearts never felt each others awareness
stay far away
each day is less gray
each day is going slowly
being aware enough to stay clear of you
leave me alone
because what I was told was never shown
so just stay away from me
because the light connection that we had
has now blown

Control

2012-08-24T01:34:00.001-04:00

My arms
no longer by the side of me
rather they are stretched out
as if they are thinking differently then me
out trying to reach something that I was told was suppose to be free
Love
but why do I feel as if I paying for something that I will never be able to
actually afford
my arms are reaching to be caught up in the middle of another's limbs
that are suppose to hold me with amorous embrace
and a chest that shelters a heart
that replaces any other sound with a genuine heart race
my arms reach with caution though
because my arms are wanting you to hold me now
But everything else inside of me is saying no
and staring each other down
doesn't help
because my arms would do anything to be apart of another's body
and push me into your arms as if they were apart of Cupid themselves
my arms aren't listening to me
as if these arms know what's best for me
They have plans for me
but I can't support them
because I feel like I been reaching out for you for way to long
I don't want them to reach out in hope that you are doing the same in return
and I don't want my arms to be wrap around air
I don't want to embrace you and realize that this affair is only allowed to be rare
I don't want my arms to coil around your waste to find that my limbs don't belong there
I don't want them to be wrapped around you
to only find out after that I can't hold you for too long
And I don't want to reach out to touch someone who doesn't really exist here
So I try to restrain my arms
And keep then under control
because my arms are the only thing listening to what my heart wants, besides my stare
But I can't let myself go for someone that I don't know was really ever there

2012-08-19T02:20:00.001-04:00

"Just pass me over"

2012-08-19T02:19:00.001-04:00

Name

2012-08-19T02:18:00.001-04:00

Such a simple name
one to remember
one also able to be soon forgotten
a name that is rare
a name that brings afloat particular memories
a name that seems to title everything
this name that can cause more hurt then a little
a name that can also bring joy
a name that brings about tears
the same name that then makes one smile again
a name that doesn't want to be let go
a name that can only illustrate your face
a name that only wants to be said out loud if it's going to bring about your face.
a name that needs to be forgotten
a name that should never be spoken again
this name that changes every feeling in the body
a name that wished it could be called more often
a name that wasn't suppose to
a name that will soon be let go
This name one can't hold onto
this name can no longer be heard from this voice
The fact that it happens to be your name gave me no choice

2012-08-19T02:04:00.001-04:00

"BEING THOUGHT OF AS “A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN HAS SPARED ME NOTHING IN LIFE. NO HEARTACHE, NO TROUBLE. BEAUTY IS ESSENTIALLY MEANINGLESS."
Halle Berry

2012-08-14T00:16:00.001-04:00

“I feel like we’re all wounded and we can carry wounds throughout our lives. It can be small incidents that happen, or the soul you’re born into. I’ve always thought I carried this heartbreak since the day I was born.”

Gone

2012-08-12T01:36:00.001-04:00

When I waited for you there was no show
Made myself believe the untrue
How could I not know
I bet it seemed easier just to lie
But I found you out
This is my last goodbye
I heard enough fairy tales back in my youth
So just stop biting your nails and take the painful truth
You just look ridiculous in disguise
Yes I found you out
This is my last goodbye
'Cause it used to be my life and soul
Keeping everything in tune
What the heck man?
Last time I checked man
We had it all
It was just me and you
So what happened to you
Thought I knew you
No more chances
I'm gone, gone, gone

Love is not blind, it's just deaf and it is dumb
So how could I fool myself thinking you were the one
How sad, how undignified
Now I found you out
This is my last goodbye
'Cause it used to be my life and soul
Keeping everything in tune
What the heck man?
Last time I checked man
We had it all
It was just me and you
So what happened to you
Thought I knew you
No more chances
I'm gone, gone, gone
Don't wait for me
I'll be gone
'Cause when I waited for you
There was no show
Made myself believe the untrue
How could I not know

'Cause it used to be my life and soul
Keeping everything in tune
What the heck man?
Last time I checked man
We had it all
It was just me and you
So what happened to you
Thought I knew you
No more chances
I'm gone and gone and gone and gone

- Lianne La Havas

The Love.

2012-08-11T02:00:00.001-04:00

The love.
She made it all better as she’s been known to do. She pressed all the right buttons. It seems it always takes for us to step back from a situation before taking it on. Once we do that we get back on the same wave and ride it to our bliss. I was ready to stay mad. You weren’t gonna let that happen. Thank you.

*funny thing. Neither of us apologized *shrugs*

Source: Bananaclipse.com

He Understands

2012-08-08T16:14:00.001-04:00

only once in your life, i truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. you tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. you share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. when something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. they are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. there is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. you can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. the things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. colours seem brighter and more brilliant. laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. a phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. in their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. you think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. you open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. you find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. you find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Bob Marley

Lost and Found

2012-08-08T00:05:00.001-04:00

Come upstairs and I'll show you where all my
Where my demons hide from you
Just look at who i have become
I am so ashamed you were the one that made me feel the way i do

You broke me
And taught me
To truly hate myself
Unfold me
And teach me
How to be like somebody else

When I felt strong enough
I was discovered by the love
I had been waiting for so long
You told me none of that was real
I cannot hide how low I feel
to know that you were never wrong
You broke me
And taught me
To truly hate myself
Unfold me
And teach me
How to be like somebody else
_________
You're lost and found
Fallen out
Broken down

-Lianne La Havas

Brandun DeShay- I wanted to bring her flowers"

2012-07-23T02:03:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my Cali friend @Bananaclipse from Bananaclipse.com for posting this song I have haven't stopped pressing play. Thank you man!