The Cynically Tested Channel Blog: Serving Our Literate Fans Since 2008.

Dane Cook Dead at 36

2008-08-22T01:22:00.005-04:00

By Dan Speerin

In what has already been a rough year for the comedy world. Actor/Comedian Dane Cook died late last night inside a Los Angeles comedy club. He was 36 years old. Police are awaiting the results of a coroners report but believe Cook was killed under the massive weight of his own mediocrity. Witnesses say Dane was in the middle of a routine about how cheese shouldn’t be called cheese but rather an “intergalactic ninja sponge”, when an vain in his forehead burst, sending the comedian to the ground in a fit of convulsions.

Sadly, paramedics feel Cook’s life could have been saved, if his fans hadn’t mistaken the convulsions for Dane’s usual act, and continued on laughing for 20 minutes before calling 9/11.

“I thought it was his best joke ever, until he died.” said grieving Cook fan Carrie Dewhurst (age 12.)

Dane Cook: A Legacy in Progress.

Cook changed the face of comedy, when in the late 90’s he decided to replace punch lines with arm movements and speed walking. Though his style has come under much criticism, Cook set his critics straight in an interview with Banality Weekly.

“I mean every comic before me used real words – except for like Charlie Chaplin or Hippo Marx, but that’s because they were old and S*&t. Dude, of course I “could” use words to say something but then Chinese people wouldn’t get my comedy – Okay, Bill Maher and Chris Rock can make you think, but can they make China laugh?”

Cook’s big screen credits include: “When Loveable Jerk, Met Hot Girl and Fell In Love Due to a Forced Premise” “Good Luck Chuck” and the Generation Y classic “Love, Crazy, Woah, Bro, Dude”.

What did Dane have “Cook-ing” ?

Dane was set to shoot the Terry Gilliam romantic comedy “Shouting and Pouting” with co-stars Keira Knightley and screen newcomer Maggie the Monkey. The film revolved around “R.J” (Cook) a lovable jerk who pays his roommate (a monkey) to date and lower the romantic bar of his long time crush, veterinarian Charity Cisco (Knightley)

Producers feel Dane made enough funny arm movements and random noises at his taped audition, that they can finish the film digitally despite his death. A DVD and Blu-ray release date has been set for next Tuesday.

Dane was also told recently, that he finished his autobiography “Are you there Bro? It’s Me… Dane!” The book or “bookazine” as Dane called it, will be filled with plenty of pictures of Cook in tank tops while giving various versions of his “SUFI”. A first of its kind in the publishing industry, the “bookazine” will actually include buttons at the end of each sentence. When pushed, the buttons will make the book vibrate, so Dane’s fans will know when to laugh.

Funeral Arrangements

Dane’s publicist said a private funeral for the family and Dane’s Top 40 friends will be held on MySpace tomorrow. Dane’s supporters have already flooded the Comic’s comment section with their own messages of sadness.

The reading of Mr. Cook’s last will and testament will be put on hold until next month, after lawyers for Louis C.K and Joe Rogan filed suit late this morning claiming many parts of Cook’s Will were actually taken from their own Wills written in the 1990’s.

Dane Cook: The Show Must Go On.
Despite the death of his body, Dane’s ego continues to tour. Cook’s ego will make stops in comedy clubs throughout the Midwest until it finally worms it’s way into New York for a New Year’s Eve show at Madison Square Garden. After word of Dane’s death the “Deathgasm” tour has completely sold out and now has plans to tour throughout China in 2009.

CTCB Preview: WTF?!? Wednesday's

2008-07-30T17:44:00.000-04:00

We here at the CTC Blog want to keep it fresh that's why from time to time we'll like to show you something that makes absolutely no sense and yet you'll probably say "how haven't I seen this before?". You'll probably then say "Why the hell did you show this to me?". Welcome to the way of the internet... Since yesterday we brought you news of Spiderman: The Musical with music by Bono and Edge, we thought this would be an appropriate first entry into "WTF?"

U2 Meets The Godfather Meets Awful attempt at Comedy.

CTCB Preview: Spiderman Musical with Bono??

2008-07-29T04:14:00.000-04:00

Every Tuesday we'll sadly celebrate the death of an art form or aspect of culture once held in high regard. Our first entry to be celebrated -

The death of the Theatre.

“I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being."
- Oscar Wilde (giving us early clues to his sexuality)

If that quote rings true to you, perhaps we should show you in our own Cynically Tested Channel way, the most immediate way in which human beings are sharing the sense of what it is to be a human being in 2008.

The Cynically Tested Channel Blahg! Proudly presents Humanity 2008.

SPIDERMAN THE MUSICAL! Featuring the Music of Bono and Edge. Read the tale of humanity here.

How it was pitched:

"Okay, so here's our new idea, are ya ready? Imagine Miss Saigon meets Phantom of the Opera..yeah, yeah do you love it yet?- except the Phantom is a spider/man and Saigon is New York... Instead of a Helicopter we have a man who is an octopus/mad scientist... Okay, Okay aannnd instead of the Vietnam war it's the Iraq war.. No, No, you're right, okay scratch that, too much substance.. umm okay the Vietnam war isn't a war at all, Innn-stead..it's the band U2...! "

How it was actually conceived Pt 2.: (Overheard in a Basement in Ohio):

Dude 1: Spiderman is so freakin cool, but it was missing something though.

Dude 2: Batman?

Dude 1: wtf-?

Dude 2: Guy, sorry but it's illegal to blog this summer without giving unnecessary hype to Batman.

Dude 1: Anyways, I'm just saying Spiderman was f-ing awesome and all but it needs something more soo when they remake it in ten years with darker undertones of psycho babble it still owns.

Dude 2: I had a dream once where Spiderman wore giant Sunglasses and saved Mary Jane from starving in Africa by piling all the world's debt on to The Green Goblin's back.

Dude 1: Dude, I soo have an idea.

End SCENE.

----------------------------

Okay, so many of you are saying "umm guys, give me one thing that's not cool about Peter Parker swinging over the audience to save Mary Jane all to a soundtrack provided by an echo pedal?"

Touche, I suppose. Theatre lives!

Okay, so now that we've decided Spiderman: The Musical is our generation's RENT. We need to cast this sucker!

Obviously, all you actors want to be a part of 'Spiderman the Musical'.

Well we here at the CTC blog think you'd be good for the "Principal Woman".

Casting Notes: "The Principal Woman should be "female, 25-35 years old [with] amazing rock vocals. Think Sinead O'Connor with a Middle Eastern/Bulgarian/Greek twist."

....Umm sorry? No, no wait we have the perfect person!

HA!- You've totally been Pat-rick-rolled - Stewart that is!

Oh and one more thing they want you to know that at the Spiderman Musical auditions

"All ethnicities are encouraged to audition."

Everybody sing "Spiderman, Spiderman...Ethnically Sensitive Spiderman... " take it away Edge! (spider, spider, spider, spider, man, man, man, man...etc)

Now, Now. I know that new theatre isn't all bad and browsing playbill's website gave us here at the CTC blog a lot of hope for it's future!

Here are some other actual (we only wish we were making them up) theatre shows we've found out about that are playing now!

A Chorus Line with Mario Lopez - For more click here - Preppy.

Whoopi Goldberg in Xanadu: Finally the answer to the rhetorical question "Could anything be worse than Xanadu the movie?".

And in Legally Blonde: the Musical, critics await the most anticipated Broadway debut of the year. Playing the part that Reese Witherspoon made famous... MTV WINNER!

To see MTV WINNER'S Bio - Click Here

Oh, MTV reality shows- we can't begin to describe your contributions to the fine institution of theatre!

And finally not to be outdone -The Cynically Tested Channel proudly presents our newest contribution to the fine art of theatre!

MINDFREAK: THE CRISS ANGEL STORY WITH AN ALL KISS SCORE!

Stay Tuned For Casting Notes!

The Cynically Tested Channel Blahg: Almost Open for Business

2008-07-27T05:01:00.000-04:00

Mood: Cynical
Twitter Status: Trying to figure out what the hell the purpose of Twitter is.

Welcome to the teaser post of The Cynically Tested Channel: The BLOG. Like any new blog we expect this to last a long and healthy blog life span of approximately 6 months or until one of us gets a girlfriend again. Earlier this year we sent out a Questionnaire asking our fans on YouTube, Facebook and Myspace - would you be interested in reading a blog, if we were bored enough to actually create one? And just like most facebook, youtube and myspace bulletins, no one responded. Though if they had- we think it would look just like this made up scenario we have created below.

Q: Dear Cynically Tested Channel why are you blogging after all this time ?
A: None of us have girlfriends and ....

Q: Wait, didn't you have a really crappy blog before?
A: We have no idea what you're talking about and if you bring that up again we will tie you to a chair and make you sit through this until your childhood is ruined.

Q: Will you apologize for making me watch that last clip?
A: Saying sorry is for the weak or for people who get caught on YouTube saying ethnic slurs. We fit into neither of those groups.. yet.

Q: Didn't you use to be called Cynically Tested - what the hell is this "channel" business?

A: In 2008, Wes and Dan expanded their horizons and added two actual professional filmmakers (Vince Kesavamoorthy and Alan So) to give street cred to the Cynically Tested online name. The four have combined to create "Not Like Us Productions" and have produced an online series "Twixters" and a short film premiering soon called "De-Limited". YouTube was so shocked to see something other than just nerdy white kids throwing out 80's references, they immediately gave us a partnership deal and My Space followed suit - thus we are now the pretentious "Cynically Tested Channel".

Q: You mean 80's references like "Grimace"? Seriously, what the hell was with that Grimace video and why did you make me watch it?
A: Nostalgia = Warm, Fuzzy feeling = comedy genius. See: David Hasselhoff or Chuck Norris or just proceed to repress your childhood like we did.

Q: How did you end up being the Millennial guys?
A: We were the only four people who could define the world Millennial.

Q: What can you expect from this blog?
A: This Blog is the cure for boredom for all "haters", cynics and intellectuals, who wish they had the time to search out and find all the interesting/funny/odd news stories/videos but don't because they actually have girlfriends.

Q: You guys seem bitter over that girlfriend thing...
A:

Q: Isn't it somewhat sad to make up a list of questions and answer them yourself?
A: Well that's a loaded question...

The Cynically Tested Channel Blahg: Creating Minimal Buzz since 2008.