Cabin Fever - my survival guide to "doing it all"

2010-02-23T11:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my 2 year old son made an ass out of me by running out the preschool doors while my back was turned putting on Cassie's coat. Not only was I frantic, emotional and panic-stricken, I was also feeling like the worst-mom-ever.

Turns out he just wanted to get back into the van and go home. He was sick of waiting around for his sisters and therefore planned the perfect escape. He made it all the way to the van without the crowds of parents picking up their kids noticing (not that it's their responsibility...clearly it's my own). Thankfully, he stayed on the sidewalk and just stood next to the vehicle *waiting*. Then he kicked and screamed when a strange woman picked him up to give back to me. I gave an embarrassed "Thank you" to the woman, grabbed my boy, the girls, and walked away.

With tears rolling down my face and my tail wrapped between my legs I got into my van with all 3 kids accounted for, and drove away.

Parenthood is hard. Fortunately, what could have happened, didn't. And now I am defiantly more aware of what Braydon is capable of, and what him and I need to work on in the future.

I probably knocked off a few years of my life yesterday...eh...but those are the diaper years anyway.

"so you've had a bad day...."

2010-02-15T12:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, they exist and everybody has them. The dreaded BAD DAY. Because I'm all about positivity, I would NEVER allow myself to put in print all the negatives that today has brought so far, so I'll only sum up so we can both get this over with quickly and then focus on more happy thoughts.
One of my children has #3 and cant hold it in (for those of you who are blessed and don't know what #3 is; just think the gross version of #2)
Because of this child we are officially out of toilet paper and have resorted to using tissues for our bathroom needs.
Said child has gone through 5 pairs of panties (one of which needed to be thrown out) and it's only 3:00pm!
My face has broken out so badly that using make-up will not even come close to covering it. I thought women my age shouldn't have this problem!!
The doctors office called this morning and woke me up. Trying to answer the phone I accidentally hung up on the nurse. She called back but I could tell from the tone of her voice she was a bit annoyed.
The doctors office called to let my husband know his lab results (to test for seafood allergies) came back and that he needed to make an appointment to "discuss" the results with the doctor. One can only hope he can still eat his favorite fish, shrimp and swordfish.

And lastly, my 2 year old did not want to take a nap today which means no down time for mommy. boo.

Okay that's it! That wasn't too bad and yes, I know, it could be worse. But with a day like this, all I want to do is stay in my warm house and cuddle on the couch with my husband and watch 2 hours of "The Bachelor" tonight. But, of course, I have KCSC choir rehearsal tonight and since I missed last Mondays rehearsal due to inclement weather it would be wrong if I missed 2 weeks in a row.
On a positive note, I'm doing well in school! I got a B on my first sociology test (only 3 points from an A!) and I keep getting wonderful feedback on my writing from my Comp 2 professor. So I must say taking this 10 year break from school has done me some good. I'm more focused and determined to earn my degree than last time. I just hope all this enthusiasm lasts!! After all, I have 8 more years of schooling to go. GOOD GRIEF!

on a high note

2009-11-29T17:03:00.000-08:00

So last night was, for me, a night I would never forget. I currently sing in the soprano section of the Kansas City Symphony Chorus and last night we had our annual performance of Handel's Messiah. As I've sung this piece probably 150 time before, not any one of those performances could be compared to the raw emotion and energy received from our audience of 5000 last night. I didn't even care that they spelled my name wrong in the program. :)

Uncommonly, there was applause after every piece. The Hallelujah Chorus wasn't even finished when some members of the audience felt the need to express their gratitude. At the completion of masterpiece people rose to their feet to display one of the fastest and longest standing ovations I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. Our director, Steven Jarvi, took me on an emotional ride of my life when he ever so graciously put his hand on his heart multiple times throughout the performance to show his love for the music and it's participants. The soprano soloist, Keira Duffy, took her music to the next level by adding in extra notes and runs to make it her own, and succeeded flawlessly.
I was so moved by the emotion building in that large auditorium that I could barely read the last for bars of "Worthy is the Lamb" thanks to the tears welling up in my eyes. Thank goodness all I had to sing was "A-men" and since I've done it many times before, had it memorized.

The choir takes up my free time on Monday nights for rehearsal and most of the week during performance weeks. And although I am saddened that those nights I don't tuck my kids into bed, or don't spend anytime with my husband, when I have a performance such as the one last night, I remember why I do it all. Aside from my family, this is my passion. Putting all my efforts into something so big and to share it with thousands of people on the same emotional ride as myself puts all the sacrifices in line.

I can't wait until the day I get the privilege to share this with my children. That would be a dream come true.

For more info:
KC Symphony Chorus
KC Symphony Orchestra
Handel's Messiah performance

50 pills later

2009-11-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

I have to start this with saying ever since I had my last child (my son), I have experienced extreme fatigue. About a month ago I finally went to the doctor to have it looked at. She took my blood (which was normal) and sent me to an allergist, who, of course, took more blood and did a full out allergy test on my back all with negative results (yay!). Anyway, it turns out the extreme fatigue is from what my allergist expects to be Acid Reflux or GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease).
Well he started me on a regimen of about 500 pills INCLUDING prednisone (steroids) to help with the sinus infection I had from all my reflux issues.

Because of this problem I've been having for the last (gulp) 22 months or so, I have to admit I've been a pretty lame mother. When my kids wanted to go out and play there I would be, lying on the couch, or sitting in a chair too tired to move. I would get about 8 hours of sleep at night but because of the awful sleep I got from all the reflux issues i would never wake refreshed and I would look for the first opportunity to lay down and rest some more.

Thank the Lord I finally went to the doctor and thank the Lord it's nothing too serious. And I'm not one for taking pills, let me tell you. My husband gets annoyed with me that if i even have a headache, I would rather sip on hot tea than take the ibuprofen he waves in front of my face. I'm all about homeopathic medicine, I believe in it and i do it every chance I get. but I was to the point of no return. I needed to feel alive and rejuvenated again! If not for my sake, for my children's!!! And when my allergist was prescribing me all these meds and asked me "You're not one of those people who doesn't take pills are you?" I have to laugh out loud and confess to him the truth, but then also assure him that I am ready to do what it takes to have my life back again.

It's been about 2 weeks and close to 50 pills later and I'm feeling WONDERFUL! So great that i actually, for the first time ever, went in the backyard and played soccer with my twin girls. My heart was racing, I was sweating and I was having the time of my life. What makes it all worth while is the look on their faces when I asked them if they wanted to play soccer with me. With a twinkle in their eye they didn't miss a beat "with you mommy?! Yeah!!!!".

It made my day. I felt bad that after an hour of play time I had to run in the house and start dinner, but I knew that this was only the beginning of my new life and there would be plenty of soccer games to follow.

10 years in the making...

2009-11-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

In 1999, when I was just 19, I remember walking into the Dean's office at Concordia University in Ann Arbor and telling him I was dropping out of school. That going to school full time and working 3 part time jobs to pay for it was just too much work for me, not to mention the way some students treated me (but that's another story). He said to me "If you leave, the chances of you ever going back to school are slim to none". I just looked at him and said "Dean (insert past Deans name here I have since forgotton) you just watch your mailbox because the moment I register at a new school I will send you a letter to tell you you were wrong about me"

Well, he is no longer the Dean of Admissions at Concordia University, so it's too bad I can never send him that long awaited letter.

On Jan 21st, 2010 I will attend my first college course in 10 years. Yup, I finally did it! I registered for 2 classes (hey I need to start somewhere) at Johnson County Community College (JCCC). I'm am extremely excited about this new endevor and only hope I can keep up with the homework and such seeing as I'm so busy at home taking care of 3 kids and a husband. These classes will be evening courses of course, and to start, I'm taking Sociology and English Comp 2.

I've decided after all these years that I want to become an Occupational Therapist (something I could never work towards at Concordia). With this career choice under way I expect to be in school for the next 7-8 years, with a hopeful graduation at 38 years young. If I can land a job by the time I'm 40 then I would feel as if I've reached my goal.

"They say" you're never too old to learn, but MAN being there at JCCC registering for classes last week with 500 other younger, more vibrant students made me feel out of place. At my age, you're expected to have already finished college AND your masters and be working in the career of your choice. I just have to remind myself that I chose to drop out of school, no one forced me to, and I took a different path.

Now, 3 kids and 2 husbands later, I'm ready to be a student again!!! And Dean something-or-other can kiss my community college butt!

set aside the me time!

2009-10-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

"I love my Mummy"...Yup, that's what the Halloween shirt my little man is sporting today, and boy does he look handsome!! He's currently playing on my way-out-of-tune guitar as I'm writing this, but I'm ok with that...at least the guitar is getting some use from someone!!

Where are my twin girls? Currently they are having "computer time" so that mom can have her "computer time"! I love Tuesdays! No school today for the girls which means we can all stay in our jammies all day if we wanted to.

As for tonight, this week is "hell week" for the big American Opera Studio Halloween performance I'm in this Friday night, which means I'll be spending 6pm-10pm in a stuffy theater sweating my but off under the bright lights of rehearsal for the next 4 days. Don't get me wrong, I love this sort of thing but boy it takes a lot out of me(it's more of a love-hate relationship us performers have regarding the theater)! Not to mention, I don't get to put my kids to bed and snuggle while reading them a bedtime story. It makes me sad, but it's the price I have to pay if I want to pursue a passion I have and refuse to give up because I'm "a mom" now.

These are the things I struggle with; I want to be there for my kids (even if it is the little things), but I also want to enjoy doing what I love so I don't feel so incomplete and sheltered from a world I enjoy being apart of. Call it selfish, but us mom's NEED to be a little selfish once and a while and take care of our OWN needs so that we can happily attend to our children's with any resentment or regret.

So lets keep on setting aside the "me time" for us moms and pamper ourselves. We'll be more refreshed, relaxed and happier after doing it which will trickle down when caring for our children. And with less stress mom is not pulling her hair out and screaming at the kids because they forgot to put their shoes away. Our kids will definitely thank us for it in the long run!!

first blog ever...

2009-10-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

I must be crazy to think I can actually start blogging. With 3 kids vying for my time it seems an impossibility to add anything else to my to-do list. As I was typing this, my son thought it would be fun to click on the mouse a few times which resulted in clearing my entire post before I actually "posted' it. So here I am....10 mins later and all I have to show for this post is 4 sentences. Lord have mercy. (5 sentences)