Restoration of Love

2011; Anew New Year

2011-01-03T00:46:00.000-06:00

Another year has come and gone. Gosh, it seems only yesterday. Before going any further, may you have a productive and prosperous year! Many will plan resolutions to be challenged in 2011. Some will want to lose weight, some will want to get their finances in balance, others will want to forgive and be forgiven of the past and take steps to do just that and still others will search themselves for answers to their ills and misfortunes. It is to this last group that this article is addressed.

Ever wondered why misfortunes and ills seem to follow like a little black cloud above your head. Nothing seems to go right, no matter how great your intentions. The dime store answer to this perplexing wonder is there’ll be bad times but they don’t always last. And again that is the dime store answer. The million dollar answer to this wonder is such experiences are caused by a mind defiled by negativeness.

Think about it for a moment. Being human means living with a double edged sword of life. On the one edge, life is experienced internally through thoughts and emotions, while on the other edge; the life experience is external through physical sensations and environmental influences. These two experiences feed one another. Eventually over time, specific patterns develop whereby the thoughts control the behavior as a reaction to some external stimulus. This is the cause for the “rut” in which one finds their life. A life that has not experienced many external rewards becomes conditioned to expect the negatives. It is programmed to not only expect the negatives but the reaction is to accept the negatives as general principles.

Allow this year to truly be new by reconditioning the thoughts and emotions. Instead of running away from the negativeness of life; face it. Face the reality as it is, while at the same time observing your reactions. Many people cannot renew their lives because they have been too long absent from observing it. They have grown accustomed to observation in the past tense rather than observing the moment. They are stuck in a type of mental automation which removes the captain from her/his seat.

Self observation shows the reality internally and externally. Do not be the person who only looks outward for the cause of her/his calamities. The cause of all negativeness lies within. Be persistent in observing your reactions, change routes/designs to resolutions. Eventually you will develop new patterns and the mind will become free and once more filled with possibilities. A free mind is a mind more capable of loving and being loved because it is filled with the joy of new successes and rewards.

Let’s Restore Love in 2011.

Restore Love by Speaking Out...

2010-11-24T15:13:00.000-06:00

This moment, this writing is dedicated to all the children suffering, and will suffer, at the hands of those who are supposed to shower them with love. Adults passing down a tradition of lack of love and abuse themselves to the little ones in their care. Following are some of the reports of abuse repeated here as reminder of a confounded world that continues to evolve:

An aunt burns a child’s toenail with scalding water after beating the child’s toes with a hammer. The aunt said the child would not stop asking for food and there was no food to give her. Imagine the innocent little one, experiencing gnawing hunger then she seeks solace in the only person she knows; only to be beaten with a hammer then scalded. Can you really imagine?!

A child dies of asphyxiation. Looking further, the report pointed out that the child’s mother fell asleep and the child, who slept with its mother, suffocated under the weight of the mother. The mother had been drinking alcohol. This was the third child that died in the woman’s home in the same fashion. Children born seemingly to be sacrificed at the hand of their parents, and for what – the love of liquor, drugs, and / or idolization of another person?

A father slaps his son so hard; the three year old child loses two front teeth and does not gain consciousness after being knocked to the floor. The father states “He was talking back.” He was talking back, he was talking back, he was talking back, back…

The most incredible piece of news was the fact that all the children were younger than five years old. “What hatred and cruelty”, one officer, at one of the arrest scenes was quoted. This madness is beyond cruelty. Children under the age of five; innocent, innocuous, and guiltless exposed to such madness by those who are supposed to shower them with love.

History tells of concentration camps and a nation given over to the curious exploratory physical experiments conducted by mad scientists, of nations crippled of mind and will through slavery, controlled by mad masters. Today we read of enemies linked by lineage

without obligation, without responsibility, and without love.

How horrible is this!? – Let’s Restore Love by speaking out against abusive behavior.

Measured Value

2010-10-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

Our relationships are vital and precious. There is the adage, that no man is an island. With levels of truth to this statement, we should handle our relationships with great care; treasure them.

In the turmoil of todays' relationships, we actually see brothers against brothers, husbands against wives, fathers and mothers against sons and daughters, friends against one another. It does not have to be this way; no, not if you take steps to love one another.

Love must be learned -just as any other concept- as part of our cognitive decvelopment. We must practice the concepts of what it means to love, and to be loved. The evolution of our relationships depend on learning the concepts of loving and being loved. We cannot place our relationshps on automatic drive and expect value of them. We must be pro-active in developing that value. Is it not said that what we put in is what we gain from our efforts? Moreover, Jesus, the most profound man of history pointed out, "...the measure you use, will be measured to you..." (NIV Luke 6:38 and Mark 4:24).

At times, in any given relationship you are involved in, you will find that you move in opposite directions from the other person/s in the relationship. If no one makes the attempt to bridge these disconnects; you drift even further apart in the other direction.

To establish a bridge and reconnect can be as simple as a good night kiss to the forehead of your son or daughter, a touch to the cheek of your significant other as they leave the house, a phone call to a friend to say, "I miss you", a card, a letter, and if you're new or rather rusty at all this, send a text message to say "Hi". Any small effort will do; in this case, a little goes a long way. Start today to avoid becoming an island.

Dance, He Gives His Heart Freely

2010-01-04T23:04:00.000-06:00

Dance, He Gives His Heart Freely
by MJCrusin

When he gives his heart so freely
from the balcony so high
Tired of the aloneness
Correlation with one whose
nigh
to
validate him
complete him
stamp his manhood
The ultimate test of his abilities to
do
have
keep
hold
know
respect
appreciate
enjoy
laugh
love
Tailored uniquely, just for him
and this is only when he gives his heart so freely.
he recognizes her
among the throng of masqueraders
dancing below him
before him
glistening
a sparkle
his eyes dazed
mind dazzled
heart stops
grinning
smiling, alpha attention.
Beyond Cupid
he recognizes desire
to catch the illumination
dancing before him
above the throngs of
masqueraders
and this only when he gives his heart
so freely.
No matter what he must do
equip to answer the call
of one crying out to him
she cries
honesty
happiness
joy
you
we
respect
protect
speak
comprehend
compassion
love
None between us
no matter the cause
I call you now
hear me
hold me
love me
tailored uniquely, just for
you
design exclusive
where are you?
breathless she calls.
Listening, frozen
he watches
she dances
without a masque
among the throng of masqueraders
radiant,
before him
dancing
wind whispers echoes of her cries
his ears capture only her
sound
among the throng of masqueraders
his heart
so long without one near
his mouth he speaks
Babylove, my dear
I kept my watch
knowing you were here
dancing among the throng of masqueraders
the distance
a life’s journey
mere seconds
to place your hand in mine.
But, this is only when a man gives his
heart so freely.
Dance, dance, dance, dance
cry for you are heard
whisper your desire
upon his ears
release your
heart on whispering winds
that kisses his ears
that you are here
that you are near
nigh
beneath his window
beyond the balcony
among the throng of masqueraders
dance ,dance, dance
for to you
he will give
his heart to
so freely.
Dance.

Move Toward / Embrace

2009-12-11T02:10:00.000-06:00

Have you taken note of today's great visual artists? A new era in art has risen and a few of today's artists have surpassed the Masters. Check out the works of ( Seventh International Sand Sculpture Festival). Those sculpted works at the festival can act as reminders that we shape our world into whatever we want it to be. Not only our physical world ,as the artist does in the sand; but aspects of our other worlds, especially, the paradigm we call love. Sculpting our way to joy.

What is meant here is this: Examine the value of your life and your relationship/s with open eyes; assess this value carefully for it leads to joy and what many term happiness. Who can say, I am where I want to be? I am where I want to be in terms of my relationships and all other aspects of my life. In the assessment, are you comfortable? Are you content? Are you secure in the fact that someone loves you back? What last did you do to reinforce this comfort? When last did you wink at an issue instead of exploding? Why are your dreams only dreams? Why are all your relationships empty? Create a stage where the two of you can be audience to each other. Can you see?

Some still chase seminar gurus who encourage taking risks. Risk taking is more suitable to desperate people who have a concept that it is noble to -and the spoils taste better if they -take a risk. Think about it.
Risk; a gamble , a chance, a danger, probability, hazard, lay on the line, put on the line, expose to loss or damage.
In other words the possibility of a win based on hope for a favorable outcome. There is no need to take risks when changing your conditions; the order is there and you will carry out/accomplish what is in your heart to do. If you have a significant other, develop and create with that person. State the goals for your relationship. Why do you want a relationship in the first place? Create that. Establish a system to keep each other actively involved. Discuss and correct aversive behavior if discovered.

You will find - in changing conditions, you create the life and love you want.
On the other hand, if your heart is not in agreement with your aim, you get quantity versus
quality and sometimes ,depending on the risks, you get nothing and end up stuck
in the sands of life hoping for a re-creation. Control your condition and change your life.

Express What You Feel

2009-11-15T23:55:00.000-06:00

Its not always that humans say what they intend to say to each other.
Some write their mental scripts of what they will say to the other person

when the opportunity presents itself. They find when they are face to face
with the person, all they wanted to say becomes a phantasm.
How can this be? Especially with family and friends, those we say we love
and cherish, those who consider our relationship with them of much value.

How can this be? You care, but you cannot express yourself openly and
honestly? What a shame, and still, how can this be?

Expressing what one feels should be the simplest exercise, however, the
inability to express what one is feeling is a most difficult task- reason
being- failure to express feelings is the result of being far removed internally
from the character one presents to the world. Some characterizes it
as living a lie. This is the source of all drama in relationships:
trying to maintain an external persona that is not a copy

of one's internal image. Fear is the culprit behind such false external images.
Some say its just a game humans play. This subect of fear is
for futher discussion another day.
So how does one handle self expression?

Poets and song writers have an uncanny way of observing and scribing
human emotions. Often, they express what others cannot say or refuse to say.
The following example is from a song.

Courtesy of Rocky/ Quantum Band / Atlanta, Ga./1994

"You know that I love you,
that I love you, but distance is in
between us, I can't forget your
face and your picture is my
saviour, I'm coming to get you.
----------------------
Ask, what do I want/need to discuss with someone else?
Must I seek clarity by having others elaborate what they are saying to me?
What are some difficulties that we must deal with? Verbalize them.
Do we need to look at the matter from different perspectives?
What ever one must do to express emotions and thoughts, then do!

Think for a moment the last time you had something to say and

could not, would not say it. What stopped you? Your emotions surfaced but then
they were suppressed; why? You be the difference in your relationships
by being open, honest and truthful to self and others. Share with others the
character inside, not the "broken" one you resolved to be externally.
This act eliminates false characters. It also fills you with courage, allowing
you to embrace your emotions.If you need a guide to aid in expressing
what you feel, then, listen to some music or read poetry, get yourself back on track
and express yourself; you'll be glad you did.

Revamp

2009-10-17T21:47:00.003-05:00

Well hello there!! Yes its been a long, long time since the last post. There are times when one has to get away, reposition one's perspective and reorganize one's life. This brings up today's topic; revamping oneself as a form of self improvement. As you have read in this blog and as you will always read in this blog: in order to transform into the best or better person that you seek to be you must change ideas, change routines, change how and what you think then change your behavior and you would have started the evolution into an more enriched life.

One should not maintain routines that produces little or nothing in their life (especially when you realize that you want more). Change it! Do not be afraid to release and let go of the old to make space for the new. Many of us accumulate bags of emotional bricks that we try to move as we walk on our life's path. Life is happening now and will not wait for those who cannot see that their life needs a change now.

One may ask what does this have to do with relationships M.J.? Everything! Throughout our lifetime we will have a great many associations, some up close and personal, some not so close; but in all of them we want our best to show. Our lives are filled with nothing but events which when they are over becomes a part of our history and since some of us cannot see what our future possesses, it is fair then to say, only this moment matters.

Take time, examine yourself. Restore, refresh, revamp, reorganize, redevelop, then rejoice because you are reshaping the outcome of your life. From the moment you do this, you are setting in motion new pages for your future that will leave a history that was filled with love, life, joy, and proactive actions by you. Not only does it benefit you, it also benefits those connected to you in that every little action stirs a reaction.

Let's Restore Love.

So What's Going On?

2009-05-23T13:27:00.002-05:00

Even though one may not see the necessity of couples activities, shared adult activities are essential to every relationship. These are the fulfilling and fun things you do together to maintain the spark, the freshness, the life of your relationship.

Being involved in a relationship, in the ultimate sense, means you're operating together as a team of two. The value and worth of your togetherness rests in how well you move with and complement each other; it can also include how well you plan develop and achieve as a team.

Sometimes you get started in activities and your "sweetie" drops the ball either because it is not fulfilling to them or they may not see the need for such activities. In exploration to add activities, aim for those things that each person finds interesting, essential and fulfilling. As you plan, both must make the commitment to do. Focus on the expected pleasure or emotions associated with the activity and begin reaping the joys knowing that you have much to look forward to. One of the reasons spouses and significant others seek outside relationships is their current ones are boring, stale and unfulfilled. Be the reason your "love" enjoys being a part of the team.

It is thought in many heterosexual relationships that the female commandeers the activities. That may be the expectation because the female role is keeper of emotional aspects of the relationship according to social scientists:
"In virtually every culture , it is part of the female role to
be responsible for maintaining the emotional aspects of the relationships..."
Boyd, D & Bee, H (2006) Adult Development. Boston: Allyn and Bacon
That may be the expectation , but remember, expectations are unspoken rules that can be discarded and together you can create new rules; your relationship, your rules.

Whatever you do, make it fun, exciting, even exotic (hey!). Walk together, bike together, travel together, be and do together. And do not forget to have your reflective moment alone every now and again.

Making "Us" Happen

2009-05-05T01:39:00.003-05:00

In any effort of creativity you will find checkpoints throughout the development. Think of your relationship as a book that the two of you are writing. Just how are you developing the chapters? Create then recreate until both of you have exactly what you want and need, of/for/in, your relationship. This is what you must do to bring and keep the "US" in the relationship.

There are times when your special someone may chose to sit on the sidelines watching as you define and redefine the relationship without any proactive participation on their part but as Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston once sung, "it takes two to make a dream come through..." There is no we in me nor is there togetherness in I.

As the two of you create the events that compile the chapters of your book, remember you are indeed the creators. The pages of the next chapter are yours to design how ever you want it to be. You can write it together or permit "obstacles" to block and keep you stuck in the same chapter as yesterday.

Making "US" happen requires vision, imagination ( lots of it) along with, as always, trust and communication. Your chapters can be short or long , filled with adventure or subtle passion and beauty- you decide this together. Do not behave as the push me, pull you creature from the Dr, Dolittle movie, instead, dream together, plan together, relax and enjoy together.

Search for "US" in the relationship, examine your togetherness and if you should find there is no "US" then it may mean no continuity. No more chapters can be written here.
The End.

Rejected or Neglected

2009-04-17T03:22:00.002-05:00

So, the excitement is over, the phone calls are few, the text messages one in a three day stretch, and the emails bearing sweet notes of adoration have ceased. You are now pass the introductory stage in your relationship feeling a bit more familiar with "the one you chose", that same one you invited into your world. Rather than the relationship evolving you begin to witness its extinction. What was once thrilling becomes lukewarm as your emotional temperatures drop.

"What happened?" you ask. Have you been rejected or neglected? That seems to be the question on your mind. Before answering this question, consider this:
If you are in pain and rather befuddled being jettison from daily conversations, holding hands and wee morning chats to no communication at all then quite possibly you've been rejected.
If you are still in communication with a weekly call, one line texts here and there that wishes you well and hopes that you're having a great day then perhaps its neglect.

But wait, what do your emotions say? What do you feel?
Surely if you feel rejected or neglected it does not feel good and for those who have much at stake or who are deeply involved it hurts. Lost passion, loss of interest, or finding that the person is to complex or too absorbed for you to comprehend- no matter the reason - the end result is the same. The one you want does not appreciate you; its as simple as that.

When you are interested in and appreciate someone you find a way to connect with them. When you appreciate someone you capture every available opportunity you can summon to chat with them, to hear them, to see them, to share your world with them, you want to know them better. You miss them when they are away from you. You desire to see them. So if you feel this way appreciating them then why it is so difficult for them to express their appreciation of you?

One great reason is that some men and women will always be on low emotional scales because they dwell at some past point in time where they once enjoyed their life. They hang around in halls of the past hoping to relive "once upon a time" rather than recreating their lives to stay in touch with what is happening now. They have false expectations that someone, something from the past will invite them back so they wait as they hold out/hold back on now. While in this state of wait they become self absorbed and saddened being incapable of appreciating the joys of the present.

Try as you may to influence participation if you are in a relationship where you are unappreciated, more than likely you will waste your time, however, you can manage and control your life and feelings. Accept the fact that your behavior to make a connection was honest, open and filled with perpetual love. Accept that you will be okay, hoping for the other all the goodness and joy you hope for yourself then release them from your heart and mind.

Create joy within yourself, use that energy to attract who and what you will have in your life and then share your joy and your love.

Let's Restore Love.

Embrace Love

2009-04-09T02:25:00.002-05:00

It is of no surprise during America's lean economic times that many lives are dominated by boredom and emptiness as they face leaner pockets from financial strife. Many have a tendency to mentally fold inward, moving into a cave of loneliness to try and sort things out. The excitement and vitality of their relationships that once was has turned to disaffection and hostility.

When one's security is threatened it actually fuels hostility because so many lives are governed strictly through the emotions- and yes let's face it -money is a needed tool in our lives in that the things which sustains us cost. When faced with financial issues fear and worry become the mental dictates for many. It is so easy to spin away with dictates of negative emotions.

During these times you must create a loving environment within your relationships and be aware of growth and potential which always exist in chaos. Move toward those you love and care about and not away from. Now is not the time to visit your cave. As you move towards them , see love as a practice of acceptance. Accept and acknowledge the fact of the situation as it is and then begin to work on/through it. Embrace your family , your partners, your special someone, include them , engage them in critical conversations. All will be better off for it.

Eliminate any idea that you will not get through these difficult times; be optimistic about your future. The future we created yesterday is happening now and we have the opportunity to see what is working or not as we plan tomorrow today. Accept that whatever upsets you're experiencing there is a solution; lay your plan, set your goal, work it until you are where you want or need to be.

Be alive to new possibilities, in your relationships at this time. Allow your love to evolve at this time. Watch these lean times turn to a period of recovery and yes you can go ahead and say it; looks like we made it.

Let's Restore Love

So Change It

2009-03-18T03:43:00.001-05:00

Loving someone can be compared as developing a good habit ; at least that's the conclusion of a conversation a few days ago. A friend recently quit smoking and began relishing the freedom from the habit that once gripped him. The once pallid spirit he possessed was revitalized, reenergized and filled with joy. The same steps that gets one deep into a bad habit can also be the steps to get someone into a good habit. The practice of loving can be that habit.

When relationships lack vitality it is because they have fallen into the bottomless pit of routine. The automatic pilot is switched on and remains as the relationship flies deeper into a rut. You can change this only if you are willing and want the best of great relationships with your loved ones.

Just as one would decide that cigarettes, over-eating, etc, must be dealt with to increase the quality of their lives, you must also use the same will to rescue your relationship from that apathetic stage known as the bottomless pit of slothful interaction.

When you've reached that stage you begin to hear ( such things as, "we don't laugh together anymore", or "we don't go out as much as we used to", or "we haven't done that in a long time." Each person in the relationship is responsible for making it work. This does not mean that your life becomes a circus either, rather be actively concerned and involved with those who matter to you.

No matter what category your relationship is grouped as - casual, family, intimate, whatever- it can fall into a rut. Its up to you to enrich it. To love is a personal experience which each person can have only for themselves. To take love to the heights that you want it is to have the willingness to change it into whatever you want it to be.

So change it.

See Yourself, Hear Yourself

2009-02-10T16:51:00.005-06:00

All of our experiences are temporary. No matter what we are involved in it will eventually be over and finished, the experience, nothing more than a memory. This unfolding and closing of events is how humanity evolves. The love we have for those people in our lives should evolve as well. Love grows but not if un-nurtured.

There is nothing more aggravating than a stale, energy absorbing, going no where, and doing nothing, flat, fizzed-out relationship. Regardless of the category of relationship it is, it must be imbued with energy that keeps it alive and interesting. The fact that we are evolving says that we have little time to do this. We have to fix what’s wrong and move forward in a positive, loving environment that we create.

To fix what’s wrong begins- and let’s say it together- with you.

In these pages over and over you will read of getting to know yourself first and then your communication with others. Self awareness is where it all starts. Some are so angry or fearful about life they lose themselves in events that delivers more anger, more fear. We must be willing to take the journey of self discovery to understand and accept who we are. When we are unaware of self we are like ones who cannot see, hear or speak.

We can’t become aware if we will not examine who and how we are. Be willing to look at yourself without guilt, without judgment. Examine everything: the negatives and the positives, look fully at what motivates you, what stops up your active movement, what turns you off , turns you on , what elates your spirit, what stops success, what motivated your last thought and even why you don’t eat apple pie.

Examine it all!!

This examination is to make you aware. There is nothing to correct or fix during this examination. It’s the same as an examination at your doctor-making an assessment before taking any action. Through it you become aware of yourself and know exactly what to accept that works to make you better, greater, more capable of loving and being loved. If it works, keep it; if it does not work cast it. If others point out your faults and failures, you are way ahead of them- you already know. You’ve made the assessment and you’re working on it.

Be alive and nurture your relationship, after placing yourself on the next level toward joy and happiness, reach out and touch those you share a relationship with, help them to experience what you discovered. Love more, do more, enjoy more. Time is of the essence.

Let’s Restore Love

A Simple Thing

2009-01-31T20:12:00.007-06:00

When was the last time you evaluated your involvement in your relationships?
We tend to keep tabs on other aspects of life and forget about the state of our relationships until there are upsets and much "crazymaking". It is then that attention is given, but too late. A friend, Ravon, says: " ...we no longer seem to pay attention to what's really important...especially to the people in our lives... making money has become our only priority..."
Has your relationship become as a shell, hollow without joy, a display of veiled emotions, cold and uninteresting?? What happened to it? What can you do about it?

Its amazing that we can organize, schedule, anticipate, forecast and manage everything else in our lives but our relationships suffer because we think they are supposed to just happen. Relationships as every other development requires attention. Our busy life styles demand that we prioritize and schedule. Is your relationship not a priority? In a recent discussion someone stated they don't need a schedule to, "kiss the wife and greet the children", and this sentiment was greeted unanimously as a true statement. For those who forget to show they care then this statement would not hold so true.

Sometimes during your day text, email or call your partner, your friend, your companion, your children, your parents, just to say, " missing you , thinking about you, loving you". Whatever you say lets them know they are important enough for you to pause whatever you're doing to remember them. It asserts your presence in their life and vice versa. It also reminds them that they are a priority for you.

Develop a mental scorecard to evaluate your relationship. Once in a while examine and know where you want your relationship to be then look at how it is and where you are. It requires so little to make this happen. It is not costly or elaborate. It cost nothing to: listen and encourage, have a virtual lunch, take a walk together, touch one another without reason, read to each other, cook together, etc. , you get the idea. In other words, do the little simple things to show just how much you care. If you haven't done it lately , do it today

Even if you have to schedule it;at least you will get it done. This is the work of caring.
Caring is important enough for us to consider it as we consider our jobs , so get busy and pen it on calendar. Then look forward to reaping positive benefits of your action because just as in business, what you put in is what you get out.

Let's Restore Love

Feeding The Hungry Heart

2009-01-06T01:16:00.014-06:00

He told her, "I want our relationship to be as two hands clapping. " She responded, "...and let no one or anything come between us. " That was three (3) years ago as she recalls. Today he is her enemy, today they have only derogatory terms to describe each other, today both are void of any positive feelings for one another. What happened? From introduction to separation, the evolution of the relationship was arrested. What led to this interruption? Let's call them Jack and Sally.

Jack saw Sally, said to himself, "...god, I'd like to meet her!" They met. Sally at the initial meeting, thought to herself, "he is sooo fine!" The first 11 months they spent time together;
exchanging thoughts, eye gazing, wining/dining, holding hands, gift giving, photographs of one another, going for walks, the movies, bike rides, sking, hiking, traveling (whatever together). It was great and neither could wait for the next encounter.

The thrill began to wash away as their "fun" became far between, perhaps, due to lack of time and lack of planning. Each day the polarity of thoughts and feelings centered by the initial encounter became dispersible. Both grew accustomed to the physical selves, Jack is no longer as fine as he once was to Sally. Sally no longer, the figure of interest to Jack. Two hungry hearts have dined. They find something is lacking. Jack has become pigheaded and Sally a witch. The list of character flaws and faults grew. This same list led to attitudes, insensitivity, then the drama and eventually the separation.

Clearly any relationship has to be filled with activity; something to do. Most people know what they want to do to enjoy themselves. It's simple planning for yourself. Enjoying with another requires input from both, however, that is not always the approach.
Males have a tendency to leave this planning to the females - this is their way of ensuring fun for her (something to do with the males' Alpha rights, lol).
Females usually take the role of planning the fun because its expected of them (tales of taking care of everyone because of her nurturing qualities).
Before the fun comes the plan and both Sally and Jack should be involved, this provides an opportunity to see how well the other coordinates, correlates, calculates things. It could also be an opportunity to share skills.

Sharing knowledge in your relationship piques interest. Your value is heightened in the other person's eyes provided you are not a "braggart". Sally & Jack did not share this.
Mental rigidity takes hold when you cling to stale ideological views of male / female roles.
Jack & Sally boxed themselves in this way.
Admiring someone for their body parts must be coupled with other attributes of character as you consider interacting with the person. Sally & Jack did not consider this.
Recognizable flaws & faults in others boils down to acceptance or rejection of the same; although most tell the lie of not judging others. Jack & Sally rejected certain faults of one another but hid behind the lie until they could no longer tolerate it; drama followed.
Pulling away is not always easy after certain amounts of time together and that is when the dislike /hatred builds. Then comes anger, the catalyst for just walking away. Sally & Jack arrived at this exit and walked out.

There is stimulus for every thought and thought precedes any action. With that said, as you see your Sally or Jack, think of what you want your relationship to be. The hungry heart may need all seven courses before it can be satisfied. If you decide you're in it to win it, No issues/ faults/flaws should go unaddressed without a resolution and/or commitment to resolve. Both must be involved in every aspect of how the relationship is carried out.

Love is not a game. Again , it IS A DISCIPLINE, that can be planned, developed & practiced or regard it as a COSMIC ORGANIC which grows given it has care, consideration, and respect. Regardless of how you view it - for Love to establish itself and you to emotionally engage it and know that its there - you must honesty communicate (say what's in your heart) and commit (consciously accept your aim for the relationship).

Let's Restore Love

Self Designed Victims

2008-12-25T13:44:00.006-06:00

The blog written December 12, 2008 received comments from a reader, IamOne/Terrence.
Terrence's comments suggests that love is impossible to restore, he asks:
Can you restore love? Hugh, that is the question. Miss M, can you restore love.? Maybe from your planet. But this planet people minds are to unclear.
He went on to say:
...It takes a while to fall in love but's even harder to fall back into love. It depends on how you fell out of love. People have different reasons why they fall out of love. Some maybe never fell in love. It's just something they wanted for that moment. It depends on how you met and the circumstances
----
There are two points that should be shared here in response to IamOne/Terrence's comments.
In answer to the question: "Miss M, can you restore love?"
Count the number of ripples in the lake after throwing one pebble; did it not spread out despite the fact that it was dropped in a single spot? Human energy ripples in much the same manner. Miss M is throwing the pebble to make the unclear clear on the subject of what love is and is not.

You are wise IamOne to realize that it is in "people's minds".
It is a weakness developed in fear to suppose that some things cannot be accomplished. There are too many minds thinking it impossible versus the few who visualize the end results of getting it done. If no one puts forth an effort to try then many dreams will be buried with the living dead. For those who prefer life with love at its center the Restoration of Love blog is a "kickstart".

To some people Terrence it does not matter how many blogs they read or how many books
contain all the answers, they're not paying attention anyway, they are the ones described as self designed victims-those who consider themselves victims of circumstances. They read, they understand, but they never act, they never do. The amazing power of love is if you practice it, even the smallest bit you know, it transforms the mind, the heart and what was an idea becomes a conviction. Never forget the first step is to love yourself, then love another just as you love yourself.

Thank you Terrence, your comments are appreciated.

Let's Restore Love

2008-12-12T01:35:00.002-06:00

As people mature many of the things they used to do are no longer satisfying. They then set upon a path to redevelop their whole being hoping to evolve to a different category of life. They grow tired, become dissatisfied and the spiral course begins again. Self development requires your entire life, it requires a whole you and each new day is your opportunity to grow in an ever satisfying truth at your command. Love is that truth.

Love is a discipline. As you develop it; you learn to master it. You may ask how does one practice such a discipline? It is essential that it is not practiced like a rule imposed on oneself but rather as an expression of one's own will. It is essential that it be felt as pleasant with conscious, small acts daily that create immediate changes in your being. A practice each morning to start your day would be to look at yourself in the mirror, smile and say, "good morning! welcome to another day", bearing in mind that another day equals myriads of opportunities. Don't wait for some external force to cause you to feel love. You be the well from which love springs.

Love is recognized by its fruit and there is only one proof of love; the change you witness within as you begin to present love as a way of life. No, no, no, no, no, not the false media presentations that portrays love as just a feeling...to love yourself and to love another is not just a strong feeling-it is a decision, a declaration, a commitment. Feelings come in and go out, so to say that love is just a feeling would be wrong. When we love, judgment is involved; you may feel it but love is not just "a feeling. "

Practice loving, start with you and your household and watch its development. You can take these views into consideration but only you can develop and grow love within yourself . Love is exclusively an act of will , responsibility and commitment, therefore, fundamentally it must begin with you.

Let's Restore Love

'

When Its Time To Commit

2008-12-07T00:42:00.006-06:00

Listening to some songs on the radio can cause a person to think that everyone is in love desiring only to be with the object of their love. Still other songs cause one to think how crass being in love must be. One moment there is a male singer pouring out words to express the need for intimate love, e.g. , "late at night it's hard to rest, I hold your picture to my chest and I feel fine..." Then in the next few minutes you hear a female who expresses, "... never thought I'd be alone, all by myself, but what is love anyway but a silly game we play..." Let's stop a minute to examine our commitment or lack of.

To be in love with another intimately means you have taken the time to really get to know the person. You are not being misled by what you see in the beginning. When a relationship is new, people tend to be on their best behavior and falling in love at the beginning stages is risky. Risky in that you do not have enough information about the person to make a sound decision to commit to that person. Know what you seek before beginning to waste time in a new relationship. Many in search of love tend to have the butterfly behavior of floating from person to person, spending time with someone you never would commit to waiting for the next person (the right person) to come along.

In perpetual love it is not wise to spend a lot of time with someone you already know you cannot commit to. You risk developing an emotional bond with that person which may make it difficult for you to end the relationship amicably, it also dishonors you and the person when the end comes and you go away, little communication of why, no goodbyes, or surprise announcements of its over. This abrupt act to just go away is the chief cause of hatred and even violence in many broken relationships. Why? Humans' natural interpretation of this act would be a message that says, your value to me is expendable and I can never commit to you.

The songwriters -writing for your listening pleasure- are personally expressing the love or lack of love witnessed or experienced. In this group you will find those who choose to write of the disappointments, the frustrations, confusion , irritations and anger associated with the dishonor of an abrupt end in a relationship and the message it sends.

If you are open, honest and visible about who and how you are, some people will like you and some will not. But the feelings toward you and acceptance of you by those who do like you will be solid and real leaving a greater chance for commitment in your relationship than not. Start to build your intimate relationships from here and avoid the rest. You need to see the person clearly, the good and the bad to determine if you can commit to this person. Of course, more importantly, know of whom you are seeking in the first place to avoid putting time in a relationship that you would rather not be involved in. Give songwriters some great material to write about.

"... ain't no love like my baby's love, its like burning fire shut up in my bones..."

Let's Restore Love

Every Thing A Season

2008-12-02T23:13:00.008-06:00

Throughout our lives we meet others and share wonderful experiences with them then the experience comes to an end and the encounter becomes a pleasant illumination of the mind as we reminisce. Its like that pleasant cologne that captured your attention in passing. No need to look back at the one that's wearing it, just appreciate the fragrance while its near.
Examining nature we see that things change. The seasons change, the weather changes, sprouts grow to trees, and seeds to fruit; relationships also change. Call it evolution if you must.

In relationships no one wants to let go when they feel secure. At the same time no one wants to stay with feelings of uncertainty. Being in a relationship does not clone your feelings for one another ,therefore, the door is open for misinterpretations and misunderstandings. When relationships change from feel good to upsets and tears, someone changed the pattern, someone lost interest , there was no commitment, someone is no longer satisfied with the course the relationship is moving. The steady wave lengths of communication now change their frequency and much static is heard.

If you begin to experience changes in your relationship that disrupts what you regard as "the norm," it simply means the relationship is moving to another level and it may not include you , while at the same time, it may not be a bad move. Think of it as growing or an opportunity to nurture and grow. Focus your attention on improving and increasing, then gather the goodness of what you enjoy/ed in the relationship to savage it if it can be salvaged or release it and joyfully walk away knowing that your season in this relationship is over and its time to grow somewhere else.

Let's Restore Love
MJ

Trust

2008-11-18T18:58:00.003-06:00

Why do you fret about your relationships? Why are you not comfortable with the fact that you are loved and that you are quite capable of loving? Somewhere there is someone that loves you. In the universal scheme of things, we have the capacity and ability to love just as we have the ability to satisfy our need for energy when hungry. Food and love are essential to living. One is just as important to life as the other. Just as food has to be farmed, harvested and prepared to be enjoyed, love has a similar process to enjoyment. First step in that process is trust.

Do not expect to reap the full benefits of love without the key nutrient which is trust. In perpetual love, trust is unquestionable. You cannot snoop through the children's dresser drawers, under their mattress or search your partners pockets, wallets, purses, email accounts when you trust. To do this states you trust as long as there is proof of their innocence.

Examine the various relationships where you are loved and where you love others (be it intimate or otherwise), do you trust? Can you trust? Are there reservations to trusting? Can you be trusted? Start today to be completely honest with those you love. Honesty is the yellow brick road to trusting. Trust that once you are completely honest in all your interactions with those you love, you enter a new dimension of loving where joy is supreme.

A word to those who continue to play emotional /mental games with themselves and others. Stop it! Learn to Love .

Let's Restore Love

We Are Family

2008-10-25T11:48:00.003-05:00

A group of women were having a discussion two days ago -and as women have a tendency to do when gathered together- the subject of family was initiated. One woman stated,"I hate my family." Another, almost without pause added, "I live with my Aunt and she makes me sick."
Comments such as these give credence to the idea that lineage is not an obligation or a responsibility. Of course such an idea is unfounded given that we live in one world which connects us as a human family. So what causes one to be sickened by or hate their family.

Consider that when born, we were not consulted about our placement with a particular family. Although in some super sensible teachings, it is thought that we make the choice before birth of the people that will act as our parents,guides, etc. Since this is not a super sensible teaching let's proceed with: we were not consulted and the families we are part of is who we end up with. To hate or be sickened by one's family points to one of three conditions:
1. Unable to express oneself as an individual within the family.
2. Disagreement with certain actions of the family.
3. Family's disagreement of one's actions.

Emotions can run high in families mainly by feelings of disappointment and disrespect. The root causes of disappointments can extend far back into the past. Upsets that are never addressed and resolved lay a pattern for disappointment. Sometimes, an individualist way of being (as an adult) is to do what they think others want them to do (false approval / acceptance). They deny themselves the human right to be who they really are.

When the family shows disappointment in one of its members, the member shows disappointment in self; especially when they hold the family in high regards. At the flip of this coin, when an individual shows disappointment of the family it is because of a track record of demonstrated inability or exhibited lack of interest to the individual expectations. Believe it or not.

Emotional ills in the family can be corrected but it begins with you. It begins with your love for yourself. By defining (in total honesty) who you are at this point in time then accepting yourself as a responsible adult competent enough to recognize your needs. Follow this by forgiving and forgetting what you perceived as disappointments. Restore the love with family members be they near or far away by extending your heart to say I love you. In perpetual love you cannot demand that others change who they are, but you can be a model for them to initiate change within themselves. This works both with your immediate family and your one world family.

Let's Restore Love

Stay Connected

2008-10-19T18:48:00.006-05:00

In any relationship there are bound to be disconnects in communication. A disconnect occurs when mutual communication reaches a critical level through misunderstanding, ignoring or even disrespecting the other person's dialogue. Many seem to recognize when communication breaks down and few recognizes when it disconnects. You may be saying to yourself, "how can she make such a general statement?" Simple, take a look around you at the discord you see in various relationships. Regardless of the relationship category- be it personal/business/family- there will be disconnects every once in a while.

Keep in thought that when you are involved in a relationship, much work is required. There is no such thing as living happily ever after without the preparation and development to get there; and no matter the distance, every journey begins with one step. Allow yourself the freedom to be fully involved in all your relationships by being honest with yourself. Know what you need/want and even wish to have within your relationship. By knowing this then you are prepared to partner with another (regardless of the relationship category).

You cannot get there dragging a bucket full of lies around with you nor should you want to assist in carting similar buckets for another. Through dialogue you are able to exchange meaning.
Do not attempt to manipulate the dialogue, it causes others to mentally criticize you which makes it more difficult to engage in an honest free flowing dialogue; too it can cause the other to passively shut down which could lead them to decisions against their own will.

In love one should always look for and cultivate mutual purpose and mutual respect. When we love our hearts are made anew and happily ever after is around the corner in our life's travels.

Let's Restore Love

Change

2008-10-12T23:31:00.005-05:00

Recently in Nashville, TN- in the latter part of summer- day time temperatures reached no less than 80 degrees. A man was seen walking the streets wearing a winter coat. As he passed by others, all eyes seemed directed to him. Many of us believe that temperatures control how we dress, but for reasons of his own this character chose to go against such a belief. Perpetual love too goes against the norm.

More then not you have heard many people make the statement, "...we have been through so much together..." when talking about their intimate relationships. Perhaps you have heard parents say in reference to their rebellious child, "..."I'm so sick of going over the same nonsense..." Maybe once in every blue moon have you heard a person say: "I'm going to change myself, (my life)by changing my point of view."

Quite honestly, the only requirement to changing how we love is to change our point of view. To love perpetually is a decision that you make to love yourself and others without attaching conditions, i.e., you are not governed by nor do you govern others by emotional or physical manipulation.

When you experience perpetual love it communicates to others honesty of heart, clarity of mind,
definition of intent. It is free of emotional games that humans play so well with one another.
When we switch our views to loving in this manner, it becomes the operant conducting our daily lives. As an operant it opens the door to events that shape our lives for the better because it illuminates the true love we have to share.

Do not delude yourself in thinking to change one's point of view is an easy concept. The simplicity of it causes it to sound very easy to accomplish, but in love the more we comprehend, the more there is to comprehend. Casting away much of how, what, who, why we believe as we do is the difficult portion. Just REMEMBER, no matter how much there is to do, it can be accomplished if we start and stay with it.

We can resolve many ills in learning how to love in this manner. Changing who we are and how we love is much like the man walking in the summer with the winter coat: Observers cannot explain it but they see it.

Let's Restore Love.

Is It Love?

2008-10-04T02:30:00.005-05:00

A young man, let's call him G was in a dilemma and asked for advise in that he felt he was losing his girlfriend and really wanted to keep her. "she's nice people", he said, " but she and I might be breaking up." When asked the reason why, he painted the following scenario:

He met his girl some months ago and she, "rocked his world". They had good times, they look great together, they get along very well, the sex is wonderful and they have plans to marry. He asked her to meet his family and everyone was expecting her, however, on the same weekend she preferred spending time with her buddies from the army (she is in the military). She had re-enlisted along with others she knew. For re-enlisting they each received checks for $10,000 dollars. They planned to meet in Colorado and party together.

She promised him she would return by weekend. After getting to Colorado, she began to entertain the idea of breaking up with him. She had had sexual encounters with one of the girls that was now in Colorado with her and although she loved him, she also had feelings for the other woman. He stated, "I don't want to lose her" and he was sending her a text message to let her know his family will be disappointed if she doesn't show for the weekend. She responded she just wasn't sure about their relationship.

He was so upset with her but he added, "I'm not upset that she is seeing another woman because I do not feel threatened by another woman. Maybe I would be a little upset if it were a man but not a woman." He did not feel betrayed because she told him the truth. He asks what must I do in this situation? __

Friend, should I go or should I stay is the correct question here. Let's look at it through some other questions. If you married her, is it okay for your wife to be sexually involved with another woman? Are you content to be in a relationship where your partner is shared sexually? Would your family be concerned about you in such a relationship? Do you know that she wants you and only you? You are not intimidated by the idea of another woman with your girl so does that mean you accept the possibility of never having an exclusive relationship with the woman you love? Could she be happy loving only you? Can she overcome her desire to have other women? And if not, where does that leave you? Will the woman she is seeing be the beginning of others to come? Is she in love but not with you?

He needs a hint to answer one of the questions here. The answers to all the questions he has already seen within himself. So here is his hint: If you were okay with the idea of your girl seeing another woman then tell us why are you asking what you must do?

Restore Love,

Object of Affection

2008-09-30T23:01:00.004-05:00

Long ago a favorite expression to define a difficult search was to describe it as "looking for a needle in a haystack." Envision the process of doing just that. What would be your first action? Perhaps if you knew where the needle entered that may be a good start. Some may even imagine using a metal detector or even a blower to level the stack. No matter the method, the process of finding the needle could prove a very time consuming act. The time it would take to make the discovery could only be afforded by a few tenacious people who are also extremely patient.

Some people think love is as difficult to find as that needle. Love is easy to find and even easier to bestow. The difficulty rests in what is viewed as the object of affection. Previously on this blog it was stated that before you can shower anyone else with love, you must first love yourself. Said before and now again, to love self does not render you as selfish or self absorbed. To love oneself denotes that you find confidence in your being, you are secure in the thought that you have the power to execute changes in your life if changes are needed and you elect to do it.

ometimes a person assess their state of being and find that areas of their lives need to be re-engineered. So what do they do? Many leave the assessment while hoping and wishing for change to come. Many others take the first step on a journey of change and cause the change that's needed because they know with every action there is a reaction. You are the first object of your affection and this love too requires your attention and care.

To be content with who you are, knowing that you are capable of adjusting yourself if need be equips you for interaction with others. Discontented relationships are the way they are because discontented people are involved. Such relationships harbor many ills. To name a few you will find frequent disconnects in communication, anger, deception, feelings of inferiority. Remember, one's behavior is a mirror of one's thinking. Keep focused on respecting and loving self and you will begin to see respect and love of/from others. Why? Because the object of affection is like bright lights to a moth - the glow attracts.

Many would never give a second thought to searching for a needle in a haystack. If one were to consider doing it the first action would be the decision to carry out such a search. It can be done, may not be so easy, but it can be done. It all starts with you.

Restore Love.