The Cackle Shack

Shoppers Sparse

2009-03-15T19:43:00.003-05:00

Many shoppers leaving department stores reported feeling uneasy in recent weeks, citing all the manikins biting their nails.

Outcry Over Bailout

2009-03-15T19:37:00.003-05:00

GM is looking for another $30 billion in bailout money. A financial burden the public would have to bear; prompting their own little Public Service Announcement for the automaker, CLICK IT & STICK IT!

Phelps & the Funky Stuff

2009-03-15T19:25:00.004-05:00

Fans and pundits expressed outrage over news that gold medalist, Michael Phelps, let them down by being photographed smoking marijuana out of a bong.

Even if he did lose many of his fans he could win over twice as many by showing off some of his other talents; such as drinking the bong water and gleating it out of his gills.

Generally Bad News

2009-03-15T19:17:00.002-05:00

GE recently announced even more layoffs, along with a new slogan: imagination at home.

Veto: Bush Style

2008-07-27T13:31:00.003-05:00

Nancy Pelosi recently proposed 'windfall profits' tax legislation in light of record breaking profits by oil companies. The bill passed the house but was later vetoed by president Bush. Upon terminating the Bill's passage into law, Bush offered this signing statement, reading, "Windfall profits tax... on Oil Companies? Hey Pelosi, suck on Exxon ValDeeez Nuts!"

Big, Happy Countries

2008-07-02T18:55:00.003-05:00

A recent study lists the Worlds’ Top 10 happiest, or gayest, countries. According to the study Denmark is the worlds’ gayest country in the world, closely tailed by Rosie O’Donnell.

Well....at least it's not for cats.

2008-07-02T18:43:00.003-05:00

Leona Helmsley, the late New York hotel queen, has left her entire estate, an estimated $5-$8 Billion for the welfare of dogs. She outlined all of this in her ‘mission statement’, stating that dogs still won’t be allowed in the hotels.

We Get It!

2008-07-02T18:35:00.003-05:00

Now that gay marriage is legal in California, can homosexuals finally shut up and swallow their gay pride?

Hummer Bummer

2008-07-02T18:16:00.003-05:00

News of GM possibly discontinuing the Hummer in light of plummeting sales, has led to people remarking near lunch time, “I’m hungrier than a Hummer dealer.”

Tomato Scare Ripple Effects

2008-07-02T18:14:00.001-05:00

In wake of the Salmonella-Tomato scare, hack Stand-Up comics are suffering most as their booed off the stage while dodging V-8 Juice.

New York STD Figures

2008-07-02T18:08:00.001-05:00

A recent study confirms that 1 in 4 New Yorkers have Herpes. Their easy to spot, however, because their all such dickheads they actually have herpes on their face.

Recipe for Scandal

2008-07-02T17:57:00.002-05:00

Cindy McCain was recently caught, again, plagiarizing recipes. Maybe she should steal a recipe for her husband: the Elixir of Youth.

Four Stars?

2008-06-23T20:03:00.004-05:00

Critics rave, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a great addition to the franchise; if you too have a crystallized rock of a skull.

Cadavers Are People Too! Dummy.

2008-06-04T22:37:00.005-05:00

GM and Saab are purported to have used human cadavers last year in crash tests. They're now changing their slogan to, "On the road of life, there are passengers and there are cadavers."

Attorneys Love the Lord: Feeling not Mutual

2008-05-27T17:09:00.002-05:00

A study conducted at the University of St. Thomas School of Law in Minnesota found a direct correlation between strong spirituality and academic performance. Empirically proving, once and for all, that lawyers are the sworn spawn of Satan.

R. Kelly Trial Update

2008-05-27T16:24:00.002-05:00

In the case against R. Kelly, prosecutor Shauna Boliker, informed the jury of the footage they were about witness. She told the jury they would “..see vile, disturbing…actions that were choreographed, produced and starred in by Robert Kelly.” Much like all of his music videos.

Gruesome Mystery Afoot (pun regretfully intended)

2008-05-27T15:52:00.003-05:00

A 4th severed foot was found off of Canada’s Pacific Coast recently. Local officials are said to have encouraged “deese Yoopers to quit playing footsy wit da woodchipper.”

Buy a Car, Get a Gun

2008-05-27T15:32:00.002-05:00

A Missouri car dealer has enjoyed soaring sales following his 'Buy a Car- Get a Gun' promotion. In other news, rival meth-lab drive-by shootings are skyrocketing.

Phweeee Phewww!

2008-05-27T15:14:00.002-05:00

New Zealand road workers’ wish came true when whistling at a passerby, who, being fed up with such overt sexism, stripped naked in an effort to ‘show them’. Unfortunately, it was actually that dude from the Arby’s commercial.

Take a Bow, Hint

2008-05-25T13:11:00.004-05:00

Everyone's urging Hillary Clinton to drop out of the race. What's amazing is that she still thinks she has a chance to win. Is she delusional? Is she living under a rock, or rocks… which her marriage is on.

Medical Breakthrough News

2008-05-25T12:48:00.001-05:00

A new medical breakthrough allows doctors to perform major surgeries through many of the bodily orifices. Dick Cheney plans on getting his next heart surgery done through his mouth so he can keep talking out his ass.

$4 a Gallon? I'm Going Horseback Baby

2008-05-23T21:43:00.003-05:00

A student in Tennessee rode his horse to school in protest of high gas prices. However, when he arrived the police were called and the school principal banned him from the graduation ceremony, who is apparently a chairman and shareholder of Exxon-Mobil.

McCain Medical Records pre-date Magna Carta

2008-05-23T15:01:00.006-05:00

Earlier today, John McCain released his medial records to a select group of reporters in an attempt to quell concern over his age and general health. Before releasing the records he told reporters, ‘There are going to be no surprises.’ Except, of course, for the hyphen and blank line after his birth date.

This Laser You Speak of...

2008-05-22T20:32:00.004-05:00

The University of Texas powered up the world's most powerful laser recently. It’s power output is 2000 times that of all U.S. power plants combined... or roughly half the power needed to perform Lasik surgery on Larry King's eyes.

Dino Do do

2008-05-22T14:06:00.004-05:00

Earlier this month fossilized Dinosaur dung was auctioned off for nearly $1,000! That much… for dino shit? Hell, I’m pretty sure a Pterodactyl crapped on my car this morning, how much can I get for that?

Cackle Shack has just received this official statement following the Dino crap controversy, "My auctioned off crap should not become a campaign issue," said John McCain.