Cagle Post » Michael Kindt

Government Issues Study of a Study About Studies

Michael Kindt — Fri, 25 May 2012 11:58:11 +0000

So I’m reading the news, right? And I’m reading along, clicking here and there. I don’t read the paper because that’s so 1990. I want to be hip, like all the kids, so I get everything off the internet. And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING: the news, of course, but also tobacco, “hemp” seeds, adult [...]
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He-Man Woman Haters Club

Michael Kindt — Wed, 09 May 2012 13:33:47 +0000

Mitt Romney has an uphill battle. Unseating a sitting president is difficult for any candidate. The snake you know is always better than the snake you don’t. Plus, Mitt is GOP in 2012. A new Washington Post poll is out showing Obama ahead in the the swing state of Virginia 51 percent to 44 percent. [...]
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Conservative Hypocrisy: Ted Nugent a Hero, but the Dixie Chicks are Traitors

Michael Kindt — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:10:29 +0000

In a very small ceremony held in my apartment yesterday, Ted Nugent was proclaimed ‘Dork of The Month’ by me, Michael Kindt. There were no other attendees. Three celebratory old fashioneds were consumed, followed by a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The proceedings concluded around 11:30 PM, when I dozed off on the couch while [...]
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Report on Wine & Tapas

Michael Kindt — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 12:30:39 +0000

The following report is submitted to you because I am sick of writing about politics. There are people in this world who do nothing but write about politics and those people are crazy. I’m sane as hell. Really. The other night, I went out for wine and tapas. This seemed ridiculous to me, like something [...]
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What The Hell Is Wrong With Arizona?

Michael Kindt — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 07:15:12 +0000

Seriously, have they all gone nuts down there? Every week I hear about another wacky proposed law in Arizona. Sometimes it’s so outrageous, so bizarre, I can’t help but wonder if the entire state is punking me. Let’s take a gander at some recent gems that have come out of the troubled and squirming brains [...]
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Plastic Surgery: Keeping Celebrities Looking Old and Stupid

Michael Kindt — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 13:05:02 +0000

What motivates them? Don’t they have eyes with which to see? Can’t they tell that all plastic surgery looks the same? —There’s the perpetually surprised face —There’s the retaining water face —There’s fat giant lips face That’s it. Those are the only options. Some choose all three, saying, “I wanna look like a puffy lunatic, [...]
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To Be Read While Blasting ‘Prison Song’ By System Of A Down

Michael Kindt — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 07:25:31 +0000

A presentation on March 13th by Corrections Corp of America touted the coming growth of the private prison business. It was geared toward potential investors and had a very bullish outlook on locking people up for profit, which is a good thing for the economy—and since we all want the economy to be good, yay, [...]
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Soylent Pink

Michael Kindt — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 13:56:54 +0000

Pink slime is an ammonia-treated meat-like substance that has been used for decades to create really cheap food for the peasants of the United States. It is not much fun to look at, I know. Although technically classified as meat, microbiologist Carl Custer disagrees. “It’s not meat,” he said flatly. Custer, who has worked with [...]
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Limbaugh Goes Oink

Michael Kindt — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 08:05:13 +0000

By now, everyone’s probably heard about Rush Limbaugh calling a woman a slut because she thinks contraceptives should be covered by insurance. It’s all over the place. Even some Republicans are upset with him. One of them, Scott Brown of Massachusetts, even called on him to, gasp, apologize. Some of Limbaugh’s wiser radio show sponsors [...]
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A Thief In The Night of America

Michael Kindt — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 08:15:08 +0000

Let’s say you’re trying to fix your screen door. Last night, let’s say, it was terribly windy and the door came open and flapped back and forth uselessly, much like a politician’s tongue. Perhaps you were away visiting family or something and weren’t home to halt the destruction. So the screen door is all loose [...]
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Sorry Haters, People Like Ellen DeGeneres

Michael Kindt — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:10:27 +0000

One Million Moms, a side project of the hate group American Family Association, is very angry at JC Penney. You see, JC Penney, probably drunk at the time on the white man’s fire water, hired Ellen DeGeneres, an openly gay woman, as it’s spokesperson.
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Screw Marriage, Let’s Just Cohabitate

Michael Kindt — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 16:13:44 +0000

We’ve heard that married people are happier, but according to a new study, that might be a bunch of hooey. In terms of health, self-esteem, and psychological well-being, marriage offers little benefit over simply living together without wedding rings, the study found.
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‘Dr. Doom’ Predicts the Obvious

Michael Kindt — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:30:01 +0000

Economist Nouriel Roubini has predicted that going to war with Iran would be very bad financially, for the U.S. and everyone else.
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That Awkward Moment When Newt Gingrich Could Be The Nominee

Michael Kindt — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:25:15 +0000

Republicans are worried that Newt Gingrich is making Hugh Hefner look classy.
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Government So Small It Can fit In Your Uterus

Michael Kindt — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 16:04:03 +0000

Ron Paul's all about liberty, except when it comes your own output of children. Now get back in the kitchen and make him a sandwich.
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Dear Liberals: Obama CAN Do Wrong

Michael Kindt — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 20:33:50 +0000

Obama's last official act as president in 2011 was to sign a law giving the military the right to lock up anyone indefinitely. Anyone.
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Yet Another Generic Rich White Dude

Michael Kindt — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 16:43:36 +0000

Gingrich briefly filled the vacuum that was created when Herman Cain evacuated the race after being outed as the SNL character ‘The Ladies Man’.
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Open Up and Say “Ahh”

Michael Kindt — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 12:31:02 +0000

A recent Freedom of Information Act request has revealed that the FBI wants what it calls “food activists” prosecuted as terrorists.
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The Only Time Time is Relevant

Michael Kindt — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 17:33:31 +0000

So Time’s Person of The Year is ‘The Protester’. Time magazine, of course, is irrelevant.
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The Rick Santorum Diet for Poor People

Michael Kindt — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 22:54:27 +0000

Rick Santorum has his own Marie Antoinette moment, but instead of “Let them eat cake,” he said “Let them eat nothing.”
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The Desire to Control The Flow of Information is The Real Media Bias

Michael Kindt — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 08:43:37 +0000

Obama has had only three Thanksgivings to mention God, and he totally dropped the ball on it, mentioning God only twice. That’s a God-mentioning rate of just 66%.
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Should We Defend or Respect Marriage?

Michael Kindt — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 15:56:45 +0000

The correct name of the Defense of Marriage Act should be DOCKMA, the Discrimination of Certain Kinds of Marriage Act.
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I Found God On The Mountain

Michael Kindt — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:47:28 +0000

I recently went on the Crazy Horse Annual Volksmarch, and what you do is, basically, start at the visitor center and walk up to the monument. Simple enough.
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Less Than Zero

Michael Kindt — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:41:56 +0000

By now, it is pretty well known that General Electric, a company that showed 14.2 billion dollars in profit worldwide paid no taxes.
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Perfectly Natural

Michael Kindt — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 15:30:46 +0000

There are a number of concerns vegans have that omnivores don’t, most important of which is probably B12. As in you can’t get it from plants. At all.
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Got Ink? Barbie Does

Michael Kindt — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 05:54:56 +0000

The newest Barbie doll sports several tattoos, and some parents say it’s sending the wrong message to their kids.
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We Are The 1%

Michael Kindt — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 15:03:56 +0000

Hello. I am Brian Roberts, the CEO of Comcast, and I was paid 31 million dollars last year.
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That Certain Part of The Male Body

Michael Kindt — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 20:18:50 +0000

I was on the road and had to spend a night in a motel room. It was by no means fancy, just a cheap, roadside motel. It had a bed, a shower, and didn’t stink.
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The Four-Day School Week: Have We Gone Far Enough?

Michael Kindt — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 00:15:37 +0000

A small but growing number of school districts across the country are moving to a four-day week, in a shift they hope will help close gaping budget holes.
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Preserving the Sacred Gridlock

Michael Kindt — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 14:39:30 +0000

North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue called for suspending Congressional elections for two years so they could focus on economic recovery and not on getting themselves re-elected.
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Obama’s Plan To Destroy The Wealthy

Michael Kindt — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 12:22:20 +0000

These are sad days in America when we are forced to demand help from the small group of people chosen by God to have all the money.
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When Did We Get So Czar Happy In This Country?

Michael Kindt — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 12:05:35 +0000

None of these doofuses are officially called Czars, but you have to admit it is a very succinct way of coping with their ridiculous, multi-syllabic titles.
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The War On Poverty

Michael Kindt — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 21:52:18 +0000

In America, we don't much like the poor and/or needy. We've even gone so far as to call the help we do reluctantly give them 'entitlement' programs.
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Bradlee Dean: You Can Run But You Cannot Hide

Michael Kindt — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:51:33 +0000

Bradlee Dean filed a $50 million lawsuit against Rachel Maddow and MSNBC for defamation. The lawsuit, Dean says, is not about money, even though it is for $50 million.
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Rick Perry: Same Suit, Different Head? Let’s Hope

Michael Kindt — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 03:01:01 +0000

Perry, it seems, is more than just a photo-op with pulse spewing lines provided by his biggest financial donors. He is a creep.
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What Do You Call A Republican Who Smokes Pot? A Libertarian

Michael Kindt — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 18:32:40 +0000

Libertarians talk a great game about personal liberty, but really advocate an increased empowering of corporate interests at the expense of everything else.
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America has a Long and Proud Tradition of Banning Books

Michael Kindt — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 19:10:46 +0000

From Christian lunacy to political correctness, censoring the speech of others is an American as apple pie.
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Mommy Smokes Pot, So No Food for Baby? Not Exactly.

Michael Kindt — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 20:40:48 +0000

Missouri and Florida each added a new layer of bureaucracy to make Republican constituents feel better, even though they're for smaller government.
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Viewing the Sippy Cup as Half Full

Michael Kindt — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 21:34:44 +0000

Studies find more and more toddlers are depressed, revealing a untapped market for psychiatric drugs.
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Bachmann: Turn Her Over; Drive!

Michael Kindt — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 13:46:36 +0000

Michele Bachmann is a goldmine of contradiction and lunacy, making the rest of the whack jobs in the Tea Party look almost normal.
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Wherein I Solve the Debt Crisis

Michael Kindt — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 21:35:26 +0000

On August 2nd, if we haven’t increased our limit on the great big credit card in the sky, also known as China, everybody, including you reading this, will die.
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Land of the Free: Put Up or Shut Up

Michael Kindt — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 17:14:43 +0000

The tide has turned, and those who enjoy telling others how to have sex and who to marry are being rightfully shouldered to the fringe.
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Congress Shall Make No Law Respecting an Establishment of Religion*

Michael Kindt — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 11:24:30 +0000

*Unless that religion prays, then it’s cool.
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High Fructose Corn Syrup By Any Other Name

Michael Kindt — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 15:25:49 +0000

What's the American solution when a product might be unhealthy? Change the name!
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Rick Santorum: When the Anti-Choice Choose

Michael Kindt — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 12:40:58 +0000

For former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum, it's do as I say, not as I did.
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