Cairo & America miss Jose

Tic-toc our time is almost up

2013-07-30T21:00:00.000-05:00

In September my husband will be in court. I don't know exactly what is going to happen but I've been getting really anxious about it. I feel like the clock is counting down (tic-toc, tic-toc) and we will know what direction the judge will set our lives on.

It sucks, Jose has been home for almost a year and a half and most of our family and friends our immigration woes are over. They are actually surprised that after all we went through the last few years the government still wants to deport my husband. It comes to show how most people don't know how our immigration laws work. Some actually thought he was now on the path to legal residency and were very surprised to find out he is not.

I'm feeling nervous a scared. I look back on this last year and I don't know how Cairo and I would have survived without Jose being home. The fact that he has been working has helped tremendously financially. Not to mention his presence alone has helped so much with taking care of Cairo. Jose is my support system, he's my family and life without him is just back breakingly difficult.

I read on immigration news as much as I can and sometimes I get excited thinking finally we will have CIR and hopefully it will help my family. Then I read about how those who would benefit from the proposed laws are people without criminal history and that's when I realize there aren't any politicians out there who are looking out for my family. How is "criminal history" defined? Where is the line drawn? Is someone who has committed a none violent crime a "criminal"? What if the case is vacated? Does it matter how it was vacated? Why is it that these politicians, even those in favor of CIR insist of making these distinctions?

My husband is no angel and he has made mistakes but he is a good man and a good father. He does the best he can to do right by his son and myself. He is not the same person from 5 years ago, or 10 years ago or 15 years ago. None of us are, we grow, we learn, we evolve. Why does that not account for anything? Why can't they see the person who may have made a mistake years ago is not the same person who is fighting to stay with their family now?

I'm scared that if and when CIR is passed, we will fall through the loop holes. I'm scared that our family will be split up again. I'm scared of how that will not only affect me but how that will affect my son.

Nuns on the bus.

2013-06-18T21:00:00.000-05:00

When Jose was moved to McHenry Detention Center I was attending the Broadview prayer vigils. I met several Sisters of Mercy and there was a moment when one of them, after hearing my name, told me she knew who I was. As it turned out these Sisters visited the McHenry Detention Center and visited the immigrant detainees. During their visits, which were in person and not through the video/electronic visitations, they would pray together and asked who the detainees wanted to pray for. There was one man who would always ask for them to pray for his wife, America. I get a knot in my throat just thinking about it. Jose would always ask them to pray for me and our son, without fail.

I became familiar with the Sisters who visited Jose and asked them, at one point, if they could give him a hug for me. They certainly did and Cairo and I got a hug back :)

I got to know these Sisters. They are the reason why priests and nuns are able to board the deportation buses at the Broadview immigrant processing center and pray with the deportees before they are taken to the air port. They are the reason why their is a law in the state of Illinois that allows them to enter the McHenry Detention Center and pray, in person, with immigrant detainees. They are also the ones that connected me to Jose while he was detained. They would tell me if he was well and how he was doing in between our weekly phone calls and video only visits.

They started tour called "Nuns on the bus" and they toured the southern states speaking out in favor of immigration reform . Their tour ends today but I thought it deserved a mention :) You can read about their adventure here.

Woah, it's been almost a year since my last post here.

2013-06-18T13:36:00.001-05:00

Life just got in the way and I've kinda neglected posting on this blog. Truth is nothing exciting has been happening for us on the immigration front. We are still scheduled for court in September, we are just anxiously waiting.

Now that my son is on summer vacation I've been trying to go to the Broadview Immigration Vigil every Friday. The last time I was there, two weeks ago, I met a young woman whose significant other was being deported that day. She's about to give birth any day. I gave her my number in case she needed someone to talk to. She mentioned she didn't have anyone here. Her family is in another state. I really hope everything turns out ok for her.

I have to say, even though Jose is home with us, my heart aches for these families who are being torn apart. It's horrible watching the buses leave and the children and wives and husbands of those being deported standing there helplessly, crying. There just has to be a better way of handling this.

The eye of the storm.

2012-07-26T18:00:00.000-05:00

What can I say? Things are good now. Jose started working, thankfully, I still have my job and Cairo is on summer vacation. Things seem relatively normal. Every now and then I remember this is not over. We still have to be back in court some time next year, then I get a little scared because I don't know what is going to happen then.

I don't really say anything to Jose, but I'm afraid that our life as we now know it is just the eye of the storm. It's calm now but that day will be here when we least expect it and we can be thrown into all kinds of chaos all over again. Cairo and I are still going to therapy. He's doing so much better, he's started being ok being away from us over night. It's a slow process and he's a smart strong little guy. I'm sure he's going to come out of this ok.

I'm going to the immigration vigil tomorrow. We had been going kind of often but then Jose started to work. Since we only have the one care we're basically up at 5am, we drop off Cairo with Grandma or Auntie, Jose drops me off at the train and then he's off to work. It's nice that I can get out of work super early but poor Cairo is up way to early and he's going to start school soon, which is going to complicate things a little more. The good thing is I'm better at timing myself to get to the right bus or train so I don't miss the other train or bus I need to catch to get home :) Anyways...as I was saying....I'm going to the vigil tomorrow. The Cardinal is going to be there and he's looking forward to meeting some of the families that have been affected by current immigration policy. I'm looking forward to meeting him.

Permiso

2012-05-31T20:00:00.000-05:00

Jose called me at work and said he had a surprise for me. The first thing that came to mind was he most likely tore down a wall or opened up the attic or something crazy like that. When I got there he had a huge smile on his face. I asked him where my surprise was. He laughed, walked into the bedroom and came back with a couple of envelopes. His work permit finally arrived! I was so happy for him! He said he jumped for joy all by himself in the kitchen. With that in hand we went and applied for his social security number.

The guy in the social security office was a total jerk. He explained he had to ask questions and we had to answer honestly and that if we misinformed him in any way, it was a felony and could mean jail time blah blah blah. We said ok. One of the questions was if this was Jose's first time in the United States. We said yes. I mean there was a time he wasn't in the U.S. and then a time when he was and that was it, so to me the answer was yes. Well this jerk went on "reminding" us of what he had told us before..."Do you remember what I told you in the beginning? What did I tell you? Did you hear the question?" He was a complete jerk, I don't know what answer he was looking for but I don't know how the answer can be something other than yes considering Jose has never left the country. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind but I didn't want to mess up Jose's chance of getting a social but WTF???

Anyway, we are now just counting down the days for when it finally arrives and he can finally get a drivers license and probably get back to work. I pray things continue to move forward in a positive way, that's all I ask.

It's just not effing enough

2012-04-18T20:10:00.000-05:00

I read this article on a family from South Africa who were denied residency after coming to the US on an L-1 Visa. It's a great example on how a person can go from being a legal visa holder to limbo status in this country. It shows that not all mixed status people without documents are people who snuck across the border in the dead of night to steal white American babies for drug mules.

What get's me is the comments on this article. Day after day these people cry out "get in line", "why can't you come here the legal way?". Finally we see a family who played by their rules. They stay. They are productive. They create jobs. They pay taxes. They educate their children. They are independent from government assistance. Now that that the family is denied residency the trolls declare "get out!". Even when presented by a family who made it through the line and jumped through the vicious hoops, these people refuse to recognize the failing system.

Here are few comments:

"You've had TEN years to become "legal" .... too busy???

Adios ...."

"I see you as 10x worse of my "illegals" in this country....You should be the first that goes....you did "play by the rules" to get here, but have decided that NOW you disagree with the rules that got you here......

GO HOME"

"You have stolen from citizens. Please leave."

They show how ignorant the commenters are about the whole system. The sad part is no matter how sad the story or how well the story shows the broken system for what it is, it will never be enough for the "antis". They will never see the broken system, they will only see the "criminals" who are in their country illegally, killing them and mooching off the system.

Cairo and America miss Jose - One year later

2012-04-05T20:00:00.005-05:00

Wow, early this month marked the anniversary of when Jose was pulled over. I can't believe the drastic change between then and now. He's been home for 4 weeks now and it's like he was never gone. Looking back I remember the feeling of hopelessness and frustration. Seeing the pain this has caused on my son, who was 5 years old at the time, was killing me slowly. My thoughts ran drastically from one place to another. One moment I would refuse to let Jose go and at another I would think F*** IT, we'll make due in Mexico one way or another. Sometimes I would imagine us there and how we would live, I would get scarred of not being able to provide for Cairo. I would cry at the thought of him trying to make his way back only for him to never make it home. At other times I would envision us here, home, living our lives like we did before. I would see us going camping and on family vacations, cooking out in our yard and playing at the park.

When Jose was gone we didn't really live, being on our own made our lives chaotic. We were always rushing to places, school, work etc... We didn't seem to have time to do anything outside of school and work. I didn't see Cairo being an average child, doing activities at school or outside of school. I didn't have time to do those things with him because we were always rushing. Now that Jose is home life is so different. I feel more at peace, life is not as rushed. Cairo is one hundred times happier. He no longer puts himself on time outs and he's slowed down on ripping his nails off, they don't bleed any more, he's too busy to pick at them.

Both Jose and I had our emotional roller coasters during this time and we both became angry with ourselves and, at times, with God. An experience like this really makes you look at yourself and your beliefs. It makes you ask those questions of why? Why is this happening? Why is this being allowed to happen? It also makes you doubt what you believe and what you want to believe. These questions, which were asked over and over in my mind, in particular when doors were harshly shut in our faces, made me pray even harder. Yes I was angry and doubtful but it didn't make me stop praying and asking for help. This past year was one of the worst years of my life, but now that I look back at it I can see how both Jose and I have changed for the best. Our family is more united than it was before and we feel completely and utterly blessed for this second chance of being together. Now I can say that I am grateful to God, now that Jose is home and in a way this experience has reinforced faith in me some how, yet I wonder how would I feel if Jose was not home? How would I feel if he were in still in jail or in Mexico? Would I still be praying for his return or would the little faith I had before this be obliterated? I hope that question will never have an answer, for now I will keep on praying....for Jose, Cairo, my family and everyone else needing support and love.

Immigration Detention: Good old fashion vacation!

2012-04-04T19:00:00.001-05:00

Apparently ICE as developed new guidelines on how immigrants should be treated while be held in detention. For years this has been referred to as a "detention" but when you get down to it people are being IMPRISONED. The House Judiciary Committee Chairman is Rep Lamar Smith from Texas and according to him:

"The Obama administration’s new detention manual is more like a hospitality guideline for illegal immigrants. The administration goes beyond common sense to accommodate illegal immigrants and treats them better than citizens in federal custody. "

Mr. Smith, I beg to differ. When my husband was held for almost a year he was held in county JAILS where he was treated worse than an animal. He was fed just enough food to keep him alive. He did not receive adequate medical treatment for a skin infection he developed upon beginning his "holiday". He was verbally abused and was not even allowed to feel the warmth of the sun or breath clean air. He wore prison clothing and was put in solitary confinement when ever the guards deemed it so, God forbid anyone made too much noise with their playing cards or accidentally kicked a door or put their foot on a chair. My son ripped at his nails until they bled. I was sleep deprived for almost a year and now we live in constant fear my husband may be ripped from our lives once more. Mr. Smith, this is no "holiday" and to even think it as so is disrespectful, cynical and down right insulting.

What you are doing, Mr. Smith, is wrong, inhumane and goes against every moral fiber that made this country what it is today. There is a better way of handling this countries immigration problems. Criminalizing immigrants, holding them in prisons and destroying families is not the way. We all have choices in life and our choices bring one of two things: Peace or Destruction. Your choices have not brought peace and are destroying families all across this country. You believe you are doing what is right but your decisions have unforeseen consequences.

I pity you, Mr. Smith. We can see the anger you hold within through the destruction you create. Such anger will only destroy you. I will pray you will never have to suffer what so many families have suffered because of you, but I will pray that you are removed from office swiftly and that you will find yourself in a place where your destructive decisions have no impact on anyone ever again.

Just a little TLC

2012-03-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

Jose has been home for almost two weeks now. Everything happened so fast I couldn't believe he was finally home. I kept looking at him wondering if he was some sort of hologram or robot of some sort usurping him. At first Cairo had a hard time with him being home. He would look at Jose, walk away, then come back and look at him again and then lean into him or hug him. He seemed unsure on how to treat Jose or how to act with him. I was concerned that their relationship would not be the same as it was before. Before Jose was arrested they were glued to each other, always horsing around and playing. Cairo would jump on Jose the moment he sensed Jose had his guard down. Watching them the day Jose came home was very different, Cairo was a glance short of asking permission to hug his dad. That afternoon we visited with my brother and my parents, Jose wanted to see them that day. When we finally went back home we sorted out Joses things he came home with and I decided to do laundry in the basement. Not too long after that I heard a ruckus upstairs in my room, Jose and Cairo were playing...they sounded like they were going to go through the floor. I let out a sigh of relief, they were going to be just fine.

Since Jose has been home he's:

Cleaned out the back yard
Cleaned out the front yard
Cleaned out the basement
Fixed the kitchen sink
Fixed the tub faucet leak
Fixed the tub drain, it was clogged pretty bad :S
Cleaned out the gutters, they worked as pots last summer
Removed the paint from the windows and repainted
Organized the pantry
Patched the front and back stairs with cement
Replaced the siding on the little roof over our back door

And he's still going, I'm hearing talk about removing the bushes out front and replacing the sidewalk and front stairs, installing a sump pump for the rainy season....and a whole bunch of other stuff. I'm just glad he's home and keeping busy :)

We still have to go to immigration court soon and we're not exactly out of the woods with the state. We won the case, the judge found not only one of Joses rights were violated but a "slew of them" were...but we don't know if the state will appeal, we'll find out by the end of the month. We're hoping they will not appeal and drop the case, I don't see how this case, being as small as it is, is worth the time and tax money for the state to appeal. I'd like to think they have bigger fish to fry. We're praying for another miracle.

11 months, being stubborn pays off = HE'S HOME!!!!!!!!

2012-03-09T18:07:00.000-06:00

This week marked the 11 month of Jose being in immigration detention. Since then there have been countless events which he has not been able to attend. Countless tears that have been shed and countless prayers that have been prayed by countless people who care very much about our little family. Just words of encouragement were given to us by our friends and family, telling us to hold on and keep hope and never give up. In particular from close friends, family, Mr. Little B and all those wonderful people who I've had the pleasure of meeting at the weekly, Friday morning, immigration vigil at the Broadview Detention Center. Just as I heard words of encouragement I also heard words that were not so encouraging:

"You're throwing your money away."
"You could pay a coyote for the money you've spent on attorneys"
"I've seen it happen to many others, they pay and pay and in the end they still get deported"
"I don't think he's ever going to go home"

All that really did was make me want to prove them wrong. We had court for the criminal case last Friday, it was continued to Tuesday, the immigration court would be Wednesday, so it was cutting it pretty close. When Tuesday came around and I was sitting in the court room waiting for the decision and utter and complete miracle happened. We won the case! As a result the immigration judge, on Wednesday set bond for Jose and as a result of that he came home today!!!!

There are no words to describe how happy Cairo and I are. I didn't tell Cairo he was coming home. I picked Jose up early in the morning and took him home. I let Cairo spend the night at my brothers house and let him stay home from school. After dropping off Jose I went to get Cairo. When we got home, I told him the reason he didn't go to school was because of the surprise inside the house. When I told him Jose was the surprise and was inside the house waiting for him he just darted to the door and ran in the house calling out "dad! dad!". It was amazing to see them together again, the two compadres. They hugged and we cried. Cairo told Jose "I knew you would come home soon".

In the beginning Cairo didn't seem too sure of Jose. He'd walk away and come back and give him a hug. He wasn't the same old Cairo. Slowly he started warming up to Jose. They started rough housing, the house seemed like it was going to fall in pieces, and so it seemed like things were finally back to normal.

Thank God he's finally home!!!!

Valentines Day 2012

2012-02-15T21:41:00.016-06:00

Yesterday was Valentines Day. Sunday night Cairo and I made a Valentines Day card for Jose which he should be getting today. I kinda dropped the ball on that one and should have sent it on Friday or Saturday, in my defense last week I was thinking "oh it's not for another week, we have plenty of time!"...uh yeah right.

I know it was a good thing to sit with Cairo and make the cards but I didn't think it was going to be so emotional for him. Chris, my brother, has been picking him up from school for me and Monday night,when they got to Chris's house, my sister-in-law said Cairo was in tears, he went on an emotional rant about how it was Valentines and we made cards and his papi isn't here...etc. She asked him if he was feeling that way all day at school and he said no, walking up the stairs made him think of his papi. It broke her heart and mine when she told me.

Yesterday morning was bitter sweet. Jose called before we headed out for school. It was awesome hearing his voice in the morning. I hadn't gone to see him on Sunday because his brother and cousin went to visit him. His voice sounded like home in my ear. I was in tears after we hung up. When I got home from work there was a letter waiting for me from him, it contained a beautiful drawing of a heart and rose.

This is another holiday that not even when we were separated were we apart. I remember clearly that year, I was living in my brothers house during that time, and when I got home from work there were a dozen red roses in my room. I remember having this enormous smile and thinking "jerk". He was wiggling his way back into my heart....he never really left it, but he didn't know that...or so I thought. We had been separated for four months by then. It was a weird time in our lives, we were separated but together. We were just kidding ourselves...or he was just letting me go through the motions, waiting for me to come home. Now, Cairo and I are the ones waiting for him to come home. If only it were only up to his will for it to happen.

10 months

2012-02-05T06:00:00.002-06:00

It has been 10 months since Jose was ripped out of our lives. Almost a year! Cairo has since grown up some and his little personality has really started to shine. He's become this little man with such a strong personality, I really wish Jose was here to see that. The household responsibilities have, of course, become all mine. From washing dishes, cooking, to mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. Cairo helps in what ever he can, I'm not sure if it's because he feels a need to help or because he thinks it looks fun and wants to try doing something himself.

Even though it's been almost a year since Jose has set a single foot in this house his absence is just as strongly felt. When we go grocery shopping or when we sit around watching movies on the weekend, he is sorely missed. The emptiness is still there, following us around were ever we go. I've gotten to know his family more now. I've seen my brother-in-law and his family and my sister-in-law and her family more in the last months than in the 10 years I've been with Jose. They are great and I love hanging out with them and Cairo is just ecstatic with his cousins and uncles and aunts. No matter how much we see them, no matter how many dinners and outings and movies we watch together and games we play together the hole is still there.

Friday night I had to tell Jose about the monster. He was hurt really bad, he was angry and disappointed. I can't imagine what he must be going through. It's hard enough to be out here and to feel that disappointment, but we're free. He's locked up with no way to express his emotions, he can't just walk it off or cry into a pillow or hug someone. He's trapped.

Now what? Well, we will be in immigration court tomorrow afternoon. The judge will want to know what happened with this case from Friday and we will have to tell him that we were denied. Mr. Little B. will do what he can to stall to give Tim time to work and is even planning on challenging the supreme court decision that says probation is a conviction even though state says it's not. There is also an amendment out there to the Post-Conviction Relief Act that is being supported by many groups, like the CBA. Mr. Little B and others began this process some time ago and now they are looking for a sponsor for the amendment. As I described before there are limitations to the Act as it is now. We want an amendment that will allow people to bring forth a petition under the act when ever the find out their rights were violated, as in Joses case. This doesn't mean that anyone will be able to get their cases vacated. It means people who believe their rights were violated will be able to at least get their foot in the door to be heard, and if it is found that their rights were violated and their cases are vacated it means the charges *can* be brought back and they might have to fight their case all over again. So it's not an eraser it's a basically a do over for people whose rights have been violated.

The Monster Attacks

2012-02-04T06:49:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I sat in my car waiting to pick up Cairo from school. It had been four days since I'd seen him because I was out of town for work since Monday. I didn't get much sleep the last few nights. Not only was I alone in a hotel all week but we went to court Friday morning in hopes to vacate Joses "conviction", which isn't a conviction under state law but immigration says it is. I envisioned picking up Cairo and being happy to see my changuito and being over whelmingly happy because we were able to vacate the conviction in the morning That's not what played out. I am happy to see my baby but we were not able to vacate the conviction.

I sat in that court room for two hours waiting for Joses name to be called. When they finally did four attorneys stood up. Tim, two attorneys from his firm and Mr. Little B. It all started well, the judge agreed with us and the prosecuting attorney argued gentley. It looked like she was complying with the negotiation she agreed to. I thought we were going to be in the clear and finally Jose would be able to come home. Then all of a sudden the prosecuting attorneys deminor changed, she became animated and began to vigorsly argue. She had realized the judge was in our favor. As our team argued back with valid points she argued irrelevant ones. She became this monster who was refusing to be beat, we would win over her dead body. This went on for quite some time until the judge decided to make his decision. Although he whole heartily agreed with us and wanted to help, our request was DENIED. I was stunned and tears that started to roll when the monster appeared became a steady steam. Jose will not be coming home next week.

Outside the court room Mr. Little B tore into the prosecutor like a lion protecting his pride. I didn't know what was going on since I was talking to Tim but apparently her smug smile and laughing at how she won the case with the other prosecutors made him lose his temper. I spoke with Mr. Little B. later last night, he confirmed what I was seeing from the side lines. It was all about her ego. Because of her ego she threw our agreement out the window. Because of her ego Joses "conviction" was not vacated. Because of her ego Jose is not coming home. What did the state gain from this? Is justice really being served? To who? The cop who arrested Jose? The attorney who told Jose to plead guilty? Or maybe the judge who ordered the probation? Perhaps it's the piece of paper that says probation is not a conviction even though immigration says it is? Because other than that, no one else was involved with the "crime".

Tim seems to think the judge "insinuated" another solution to our problem. He's going to try again within a week or two. I don't know what it involves but to be honest, seeing what happened yesterday has made me lose faith in the justice system and quite frankly in this country. It seems dead set on continuing to torture my family and keeping us apart. It doesn't care that my sons fingers are bleeding because he rips his nails off to deal with the loss of this father. It doesn't care that I haven't slept in almost a year because my husband is locked up some where for something so stupid and minor. It doesn't care that he will forever be barred from coming back to this "wonderful" country. Needless to say, I was happy to see my son again yesterday, but I am completely and utterly devastated on the inside. All I want to do was to hug Jose and sob, but I can't and all I can do is sob silently by myself.

9 months

2012-01-06T20:00:00.002-06:00

We just passed the 9 month mark of our family being separated by inhumane immigration laws. What has happened up until now has at times made us feel hopeful, hopeless and in some instances made us want to just say f**k it.

We are still trying to bring my Gordo home but we are running out of time. His next immigration court is next week and I just want this to be all over. I want him to be home, I want our lives to be back to normal. The affects on Cairo have not diminished even though he is much more vocal and expresses his feelings more. He needs to be a regular 6 year old that has both his parents at his side. I just can't wait to see that day come, when I can tell my son that his daddy is finally coming home.

I've come to appreciate Jose so much more during this time. As I told him in one of my recent letters, it's not because he takes out the garbage or because he helps out around the house or rescues me from spiders. It's because he's my best friend. He's the one that makes me feel better when I'm down and helps me find a solution to any problem. He's the one I need now during this time, not only to comfort me but so that we can tackle this situation head on together.

Today the administration announced more immigration policy changes. Basically immigrants and their families can apply for waivers against the 3-20 year bars many are being faced with. It's a great start and I really hope this helps out a lot of people I know who are now living in exile because of these ridiculous bars. What bothers me is that there are so many who are basically ignored when it comes to policy change. So far none of the policy changes made would help my family and many other families who are facing PERMANENT bars from the country. Is it too hard to ask ICE and the federal government to at least respect state level laws when it comes to their definition of "conviction"? They have split up immigrants into good immigrants and bad immigrants. The problem with this is that their definition of "bad" immigrants aka those who have committed "crimes" is so broad that it is hurting people who are no threat to the community or this country.

None U.S. Citizens aka anyone with or without a valid VISA who have made poor choices in their past are now facing being barred from the country. I'm not talking about people who have committed murder or rape or any type of violent crime. I'm talking about people who might have driven a friend to buy a controlled substance or a person who accidentally walked out of a store without paying for one of their items. Or someone who just made a dumb mistake that landed him in state court. If they admit to their guilt they state normally gives them a slap on the wrist, but that slap on the wrist is enough for ICE to come looking for them, detain them, deport them and never let them back in the country even if they are married to a U.S. Citizen or have U.S. Citizen children. Is that really fair? Is it fair for a person who is married to a U.S. Citizen to be exiled from the country for a moment of poor judgement that was not violent or harmed anyone? Is it fair to destroy a family over something so minor? If the state can give that person a slap on the wrist why can't DHS? I'm not only talking about people who have entered the country un-inspected, I'm talking about people who have student VISAS, vistors VISAS, people who are lawful permanent Residents. Anyone who is not a U.S. Citizen can find themselves in this situation.

Again, don't get me wrong. I think these policy changes are good and hopefully will help a lot of people. It's just that there are a lot of people who are left out and no one is really fighting for them.

As an update on the law we, we is too many, Mr. Little B and his committee, are trying to change.. it was voted upon yesterday. I was invited to be present for the second presentation. I don't know the results of the vote yet but from the questions and comments I'm guessing they are supporting the change. At this point I believe they will asking the support of another group in the CBA, which I hope will also be in favor. Once this has happened they will be looking for a legislative sponsor and there will be full blown petition signing and call your reps type of thing going on. I'm really hoping this passes, so many people can be helped by this change in IL.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-28T14:37:00.000-06:00

This Christmas was spent at my parents house. It was just the four of us, Mom, Dad, Cairo and myself. I baked a ham, we had some salads for sides and we watched holiday movies and cartoons. Cairo and I spent the night so we could all keep each other company. It was a very low key holiday this year. We didn't make tamales and we didn't play games. We didn't dress up or play holiday music. I'm surprised how hard it was on me. Thanksgiving was also low key but my mind was kept off of things...Christmas, on the other hand, was a bit harder to deal with, maybe because it's been almost 9 months since he's been gone. Even when Jose and I were separated, we found ourselves together for Christmas. This is the first and hopefully last Christmas we spend apart.

Cairo and I drove out to see him on Christmas morning. I didn't know if they were going to allow visitations, but we drove out anyway. I was thankful to see that they did and we were in the first group. It was great seeing his smiling face. I wanted to cry, having to say Feliz Navidad through a video screen. Cairo was happy to see his dad but he got very upset after a while. It was to be expected. We have court coming up soon after the new year. I'm hoping we'll have good news then.

Jose seems to be in better spirits. He's sounding more calm and is ready for what ever may come our way. I'm off this week so I'm enjoying hanging out with Cairo and watching him play and be a kid. I just wish Jose can see him. Cairo has grown so much and is such a funny little guy. Hopefully next year will be a much better one filled with blessings.

Attorney number 3 ?

2011-12-19T20:00:00.000-06:00

As some may know and many others may not know, if you plead guilty to a crime, regardless of how minor, and you are a none U.S. Citizen you will be deported and exiled from the country, because it is a "conviction" under immigration law. In some cases people are told to plead guilty because it is the easy way out and they will not serve time. Which may be a great deal for a U.S. Citizen but if you are not, it can have dire consequences in the future. People who are none Citizens are served a double punishment, the one that is dished for the crime and the other dished by immigration. This means that a U.S. Permanent Resident, who has been in the country for 15 years and pleads guilty to petty theft, like stealing a snickers bar from a convenient store, or for a traffic violation, or possession of a minimal amount of a drug, this would get misdemeanor charges or very minor felony charges but then after pleading guilty they would be deported and barred from ever re-entering the country. This seems extremely harsh form something so minor, but it is the reality of what many none Citizens are facing. This page pretty much describes it better than I ever can.

The good news is by law a none Citizen must be advised of the immigration consequences before entering a plea of guilty, otherwise it is a violation of their rights and in many, if not all, states you are allowed to go back and have your case reviewed so that if your rights were violated and you can prove that if you would have plead not guilty the outcome of the case would have been different you can fix it and remove the conviction. The bad news is most people don't even know their rights were violated until they are picked up by immigration years after the fact which isn't a problem in some states but if you live in Illinois like we do, it is a major problem. In Illinois, the only way you can go back and have your case reviewed for rights violations or for a judge to have jurisdiction to review it is if you fall under one of the following:

If you are on probation for the crime in question
If you are on parole for the crime in question
If you are in state custody for the crime in question

Considering that most people do not find out about the immigration consequences until they are arrested by immigration officers which can be years later, many none Citizens are facing deportation and are blocked from any type of relief. So it doesn't matter if they are married to U.S. Citizens or have U.S. Citizen children or if they served in the military or how long they have been in the country, they will be deported and barred from the country.

This is what we are facing. Jose is not going to get a 10-20 year punishment, he's going to be exiled and even though he's been in the country for 17 years and he has a U.S. Citizen wife and child, he has no way to fight his case. Even though he pleaded guilty to a minor charge he will be exiled because it's been six years since he pleaded guilty and he doesn't fall under the requirements to have his case reviewed. I've sent letters to the States Attorneys Office, I've actually gotten a response but even though they are sympathetic, they refuse to help us.

Last week I was present at the Chicago Bar Association Legislative Committee meeting. I was invited by Mr. Little B because he and another attorney were presenting an amendment they want to make to Illinois law that would allow anyone to come back at have their cases reviewed if their rights have been violated regardless of when they find out about it. As it is now, someone who has been sitting in prison for 18 years on a 20 year sentence can have their cases reviewed but someone who as has completed a 5 year sentence can not. The change would not mean that these cases would be thrown out, it would just allow them to be heard in the first place. This amendment would greatly help Jose but I don't if it will be in time. After this meeting I stopped by to see Mr. L. and asked him about Joses other case. He basically said that we are facing a brick wall and he didn't want to try to get our case reviewed because we'd be blocked right away because of the jurisdiction issue.

This is where attorney number 3 comes in, that will be a total of 4 attorneys working on Jose's case. Criminal and Immigration wise, not to mention the countless I spoke to before I hired anyone. I spoke with Mr. Little B. shortly after talking to Mr. L. He basically said to get a second opinion and he referred me to another criminal attorney, let's call him Mr. R. . I told him I don't know how speaking to another attorney will change the current laws. His response was: just like you get a second opinion for a health issue you get one for a legal issue, call him. So I called, the consultation is free. The attorney he's referred me to has been successful at these cases, as a matter a fact he recently won a very similar case not too long ago. This kind of gives me a little more hope. I've sent him all the relevant documents over the weekend but I have not heard from him yet. I called him earlier today but he was not available. I'm crossing my fingers that something good will come of this. Wish us luck!

8 months

2011-12-05T20:00:00.001-06:00

So now it's been 8 months since Jose has been detained. I don't have any major updates on either case. Our attorney is working on trying to get the state to help us vacate Jose's old case. Meanwhile I've been working with immigrant groups. I was invited to the Chicago Bar Association Human Rights Committee meeting last month to tell our story and what mandatory detention is doing to our family. I think I did an ok job. Everyone looked kinda depressed when I was done.

Jose's next immigration court date is Jan 11. I went to see him yesterday, he had asked not to take Cairo because Cairo gets angry and doesn't talk to him or let me talk to him, so we decided that I'd take him every other week for now. The focus of our conversation this time was planning out what to pack up for Jose if he is deported. He requested I buy him some cloths, shoes and money to take to him that day. It was like I was stabbing myself every time I said "si....si....si". He's right, we have to be prepared for the worst and the worst is that he will be deported and forever be banned from the country. What would happen after that? I don't know. My Aunt is here visiting from Mexico and to be quite honest she's freaking me out. If we were to move to Mexico, our option is Monterrey. That is where all my family is, it's a big city (unlike where Jose is from) and we'd be able to find work...we hope...and the quality of life would not be too dramatic. Of course it will be different, there's no denying that, but the roads are paved, there are grocery stores and schools and we'd have a washer and dryer somewhere.

Cairos anxiety is getting worse. He's started to draw blood from ripping his nails off. I've given him paper to tear and my friend is getting a bunch of anxiety balls for him but the paper is not helping. When ever he's idle, in between choosing what toy to play with or watching TV or in the bathroom, he's there ripping his nails off. I was hoping going to therapy and finally being able to see Jose would slow it down but it hasn't. Cairo is just as angry as he was in the beginning. He actually yelled at Jose the last time we went to see him.

I keep planning out in my head what our options are to live in Mexico. I am not fond of what is going on down there now. My family has quite frankly freaked me out. If we move, we'd be moving to Monterrey. 10 years ago I would have been all gun hoe about moving but now, I must admit, I'm concerned. Jose would stay there with my family. We figure there will be a better opportunity for him to find a job there, in the big city rather than in the dirt road rancho he's from...but then what? I know it's all doable but I'm a planner and a thinker, it sucks because that holds me back sometimes. Will he and I be able to find jobs? Should we try setting up a business? What kind of business? Will we make enough to give Cairo a decent life? What about Cairos school? What about the violence? Is it really that bad? Where would we live? What if we have more kids? How will Cairo deal with the change? How long will it take for us to sell the house and move? I go over these things, over and over again....I compare my job now, where I make a decent living and have benefits, to ...... what?

I'm scared. I'm scared of the unknown and not knowing what direction this is all going.

I'm Mexican

2011-11-16T06:22:00.002-06:00

I thought this comment is worthy of it's own space. When I drove to the McHenry County prison last week to sign the paperwork for the marriage license and all I noticed at the bottom of the marriage application were two questions:

Is the Groom MEXICAN? ___ Yes ___ No
Is the Bride MEXICAN? ___ Yes ___ No

Both were checked at 'Yes'. Now, I know I've been a little touchy about Latinoism and discrimination lately....ok let's face it, I've been a lot touchy...but I thought this was an odd question. I probably wouldn't have noticed if the application had perhaps something like:

Is the Groom ___ Mexican ___ Chinese ___ Irish etc... ?
Is the Bride ___ Mexican ___ Chinese ___ Irish etc... ?

But it didn't. It specifically asked if either or both of us were Mexican, yes or no. I have no problem being "Mexican", I'm Mexican-American, there's no denying it....but considering that I was born and raised in the U.S. making me a I don't know, U.S. Citizen AKA American. I just thought it was odd. To be honest I thought there was some sort of confusion and honestly the last thing I need right now is for someone to question my citizenship. I asked the woman at the counter why it was checked off for both of us as "Yes". She responded because our parents are Mexican born, and that the info is used only for statistical purposes.

Hmmm....Ok, here are my thoughts on that. If it's because our/my parents were born in Mexico then why isn't the question "Is the Groom/Bride of Mexican Descent?". Why the hell do they only care about "Mexicans" getting married in their pokey, middle of nowhere county? So if I'm "Mexican" because my parents were born in Mexico, is Cairo the only "American" in my household because his mom (AKA me the Mexican) was born in the U.S. ?

We got hitched!

2011-11-14T18:00:00.011-06:00

My sister-in-law, Cairo and I drove early morning on Saturday to the detention center where Jose is currently being housed. We were supposed to be there by 8am and arrived about a half hour early. We were informed that it would be a while since the Judge had to look at 19 cases before we would be up in front of him. I asked 3 different officers if they would let Cairo in with me, I was denied 3 times. To there credit they seemed really sorry for denying the request, I understand rules are rules and they have to follow orders.

It was finally our turn, an officer came and got us. Cairo and my sister-in-law would be allowed to watch the ceremony from another room through a window. I walked in and saw my Gordo in his orange jump suit. The first thing I asked was if I could hug him and I just grabbed him before they could even respond 'Yes'. Tears just came flowing and all I could do was pray that moment would last forever. The Judge told us to hold hands and the ceremony began. For some reason the words coming from the Judge had much more meaning and I hung on every word as we squeezed each others hand. Finally he told Jose to kiss the bride. He asked us to come forward to sign our names. We hugged good-bye and that was that.

My sister-in-law said all the officers in the room with us were smiling ear to ear, there were at least 4 standing behind us. I think there so many because Jose was not handcuffed. I suppose we will be the talk of the town for a bit, I can't imagine they have prison weddings very often. We couldn't stay for visitations, they were not going to be for another 2-3 hours and my sister-in-law had to go back home. That day my co-worker stopped by with a carrot cake :D She was so sweet, she said "I didn't know what was appropriate, so I got you cake!". That night Cairo and went to visit a couple friends of mine. One made me a congrats card and the other made me a mini wedding cake! They are so funny. Plus she brought a bottle of wine to toast. Another friend sent a gift card. I swear this time around we got more cake, gifts and congratulations then the first time!! I am very lucky to have friends like these. I really wish Jose was there with us to share the cakes and wine.

The next morning Cairo and I drove out to the prison again to see Jose. We got there about 30 minutes early, some time after noon they called his name and we both jumped up. We were sent to a room full of monitors and video cameras. The visitation is via video....considering you are not allowed anything into the visitation room, no jackets, phones, keys...etc..God forbid we try to sneak something through the glass most prisons have. Any way, we sat and within moments Jose was on the screen, it was great to see him again. There was a phone to talk through, Cairo was really excited to see his dad and Jose was really happy to see us. It was a 30 minute visit and since there are a max of 2 people who can visit him for 30 minutes a week (total, not each), we can not go back until next Sunday and they are sticklers on this rule. I'm just glad I can see my Gordo every week until this is all over.

His next court date is Monday the 21st. We have not heard from anyone about the old case. I can only pray that this gets resolved soon so Jose can finally come home.

I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!!

2011-11-09T21:00:00.002-06:00

Just had to share :D We're getting married this Saturday! I have to be there at 8am which means we need to be up and on the road by 6:30am...yaaawwn...but I will be there with bells on! I just can't wait to give my Gordo a big ol' hug and kiss! It's going to be done in the court house and I will be taking Cairo with me. I don't know if the judge will let Cairo see Jose, other than through a glass window O.o, but you bet that will be my primary request. Even if I give Gordo the kiss and Cairo gives the hug.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR SATURDAY!!!!!

7 months

2011-11-08T20:32:00.000-06:00

Three days ago marked the 7 month mark of Jose being under mandatory detention. The only good news I have to give is that our marriage request was approved and he's been moved closer to home, about an hour or so away from us.

Mr. Little B and I went over to ICE on Friday and talked to the officer in charge of Joses case. She tolds us we were just approved that morning. I talked to Jose this evening and he said he has signed all the paper work needed and all I needed to do was to drive over there and pay the $30 fee and that they would be in contact with me. So far, they have yet to call or send me anything official so I'm giving them a few more days before I go over and ask what bloody hell?

We also requested that Jose be moved closer. That same day we were told he would be moved on Wednesday, as in tomorrow, but he was moved yesterday, Monday. This kinda solidifies the horror stories I've heard about people being deported days before they were told and ICE sending their family memebers on wild goose chases across the country trying to get one last good bye before they are forever ripped apart.

My cousin and her hubby have been here for about a week, they will be leaving this Friday. In mental preparation of the possibility of moving to Monterrey I asked them what the economy is like there and how bad is it really? They straight forwardedly said stay here. They said if they could they would stay here themselves. It was not the answer I was hoping for. I was hoping for a sign of "don't worry, you guys will be ok" or "things are slowly getting better", something like that, but no that is not what I heard. I heard that jobs are scarce and underpaid and the violence is so bad you are a prisoner in your own home. This puts a dent in plan B, now what do I do? I can't imagine living my life with my husband in an another country, Jose needs his son just at much as Cairo needs his dad, yet if Jose is deported there is absolutely no way of getting him back the "legal way". What are my options? I'm at a loss, but I feel like I need to keep fighting to keep him here and to get him back especially if living in Mexico is out of the question.

Laws Shmaws & my trip to the ER

2011-10-26T20:12:00.001-05:00

Last week Jose had court for his immigration case. It could have gone two ways. Either the judge was going to grant yet another extension or he was going to deny it and have us enter a plea. Thankfully he granted the extension based on the petition the other attorney submitted. Jose has a "conviction" from six years ago, even though it's not a conviction under Illinois law it sure hells is under immigration law and would bar him from returning to the U.S. for life. So we are trying to vacate that conviction.

Today we went to Illinois criminal court to try and get the judge to look at our case and get the ball rolling to vacate the case. There ar laws in place that allow for this...I don't know what they are, what matters is that the attorneys do, anyway we stood in front of the judge this morning to make our case. Mr. Little B, John & myself. We were confident, we were within the bounds of the law, nothing fishy going on, we were asking that is within Illinois law, the law was on our side and the judge totally shot us down. John made our case, our family is being torn apart, the consequence is hugely disporportionate to the conviction and his response was "You can appeal the decision but I'm not gonna do it". John argued, and by argued I mean ARGUED, we were within legal right of the law. I haven't gotten the transcript yet but the judge said something a kin to he was not there follow the law. John argued some more saying something like "hellllooo we're in court, what else are we supposed to be doing?". I'll update this post with the real quotes once I get the transcripts. We were dismissed. "You can say what you want but you will not change my mind" said the judge. Honestly, I thought John was going to be held in contempt. As a matter of fact, he was prepared with someone to get him out if he were to have gotten himself arrested in court. What do we do now? I'm not sure, but when John and Mr. Little B were talking they were mustering up another plan. Hopefully this one will have positive results.

For the last several days I've had this tightening pain in my chest. Today I was sent to the ER by my doctors office to get checked out. Thankfully everything checked out ok. The whole time while I was half naked in a hospital gown I kept thinking how Jose should be there with me. The tears just flowed as the nurse asked me if I had problems at home, why I was stressed, if everything is ok. I told her Jose was being deported, she said "that's stressful" and that was that. All the tests came back good and I was free to go. The sick part was that I hoped something was wrong with me, maybe it would help Jose come home.

Detention conditions and death at the border

2011-10-17T18:00:00.001-05:00

It was good to hear Jose's voice yesterday. He calls on Sundays now and we can only talk for 15 minutes, they go by so fast. What he said really concerned me. The detention center has become over populated. There are 70 people to a room and now there are beds in the gym, hall ways and people sleeping under stairs. Obviously there are no bathrooms in the gyms. The conditions there are worsening. Jose also mentioned that two men, who were recently deported, were killed in Mexico. I don't know the details but this scared the crap out of me. Hopefully when I talk to him next he'll be able to give me more details about that so I can relay the info to Mr. Little B. I tried to find information online about people who were deported were killed at the border or shortly after, no luck. Not even with Mexican news, so if anyone reading this knows of some please send the links my way?

We have court this and next Wednesday. I'm praying for something good to happen this time. We really need some good news. Every time we are in court or awaiting some sort of decision I am hopeful only to be shut down by a denial or not get a response at all. It's like the Universe is telling us to give up, all we want is for something to go our way. Jose is tired, he's been detained for almost 7 months now. He's far away from us and is living in really bad conditions at the center. My son misses his father and I miss my Gordo.

Life on pause

2011-10-14T18:00:00.017-05:00

As each day passes it feels like our lives are on pause. The world hustles and bustles all around us. People going here and there, living, laughing and loving. Women are having babies, couples are getting married. It's happy times for most. Men and women in a rush to get their kids to school and to work on time. Children playing in the park while their parents watch on. The world continues to spin on it's axis. Day and night come and go. As life goes on for others our lives are like this misty, stagnant fog in the center. It doesn't quite move, it lacks color and emotion. It doesn't move forward in great leaps but moves at a crawl when forced to.

I'm envious of those people who complain about their significant others. How I wish to have those small and meaningless arguments about laundry and whose turn it is to wash the dishes. If only I can pick a fight with Jose about why he insists on not moving over the extra inch to place the fork inside the sink rather than next to it. Oh what I'd give to be able to hold his hand or hear his voice at lunch time asking how to make dinner for that night. What I wouldn't give to call him only to find out he's at the park with Cairo and they haven't done homework yet. I do anything to be able to come home to the biggest mess in the kitchen made by him and Cairo attempting to make something they saw on T.V.

Living life without him is just not the same. Going to bed at night, waking up the in the morning, grocery shopping, weekends at home, evenings at the park...none of it, it's just not the same without my Gordo. So far Jose has been absent for:

his own birthday
the end of spring
a first communion
Cairos last day of kindergarten
my brothers birthday
my birthday
Cairos birthday
my sister-in-laws birthday
a friends baby's first birthday party
a block party
Cairos first day of 1st grade
Cairo joining the Cub Scouts
all summer
a baptism
several school events
the beginning of fall

He's going to miss Halloween, going to the Circus, my cousins visit and most likely Thanksgiving. I can only pray that he's home by Christmas. To the outside world it looks like we are care free, with out any problems. If you take a closer look you'll see a wife and son who are, as Cairo so well put it, crying on the inside.

Our lives are on pause and I all I want to do is hit the reset button.

Cairos Burden

2011-10-14T18:00:00.016-05:00

Every day Cairo opens my eyes to how receptive he is and how much of this situation he is bearing on his shoulders. The things he says can be very difficult to hear. Not too long ago it was picture day at school. He was very angry at having to take his picture. He kept saying he didn't want to take his picture. I didn't really understand why he was so upset. A couple days ago an order form, from the photographer, came home saying "It's not too late to order!!", along with it came the wadded up order form that was supposed to be sent with Cairo on picture day. I asked Cairo why he didn't bring the first form home. He said he didn't bring it home because he didn't want me buying pictures, pictures cost money and we need all our money for his papi to come home. It all made sense. Around the same time a little girl told him she's give him a dollar to cut in line. He took the dollar and let her cut. He came home with the dollar saying it was a good deal because we need more dollars for his papi. Last week as we were on our way to therapy he asked me what he could do to help his papi. I told him the most important thing he can do is pray for him to come back. I told him it was a job that only special people can do. These moments give me a glimpse of the enormous burden he is carrying around every day. He's six, he shouldn't be carrying that burden, Cairo shouldn't be worried about money or his dad. Needless to say the dollar went back to the little girl and I ordered his school pictures.

All I want to do is lift this burden from him. The messed up part is I can carry only so much myself.