Cake Wrecks

Sunday Sweets: Sesame Street

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

Sesame Street is turning 40 this week, so consider these Sweets a few virtual birthday cakes for everyone's favorite Street.

(By Chocmocakes)

Was Baby Cookie Monster ever on Sesame Street? More importantly, when the cake is this adorable, does it matter? :)

(By A Cake For You)

Aw, look at lil' Bert & Ernie:

Robyn and her mom made this adorable number for little Miller:

And here's our fondant-free cake of the week:

(By The Whole Cake and Caboodle)

And lastly, a few of my favorite characters. The Count...

(By Cake Central user jaklotz1)

Oscar...

(By Crazy Cake Lady)

And what has to be the world's biggest Big Bird cake:

Awesome. This was Mike's Amazing Cakes entry for the Food Network Sesame Street challenge. (Well, technically, this was their practice cake. Here's the final entry:)

(photo by Lauren Kitchens)

So happy birthday, Sesame Street! Here's to 40 more years. :)

- Similar Sweets: Sweets to Make Henson Proud

On The Road Again

noreply@blogger.com (john (the hubby of JEN)) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

So, as some of you know, Jen and I have picked up our bootstraps and our IV bags and gone back out to finish the tour. Our first stop was Kansas City, official state motto "The Home of Steak and Tornadoes." We got to meet about 200 awesome fans and a bunch of the folks from Andrews McMeel, our book publishers, came by. We even had a few "Super Fans:"

These three drove all the way from St. Louis, MO to be there. Talk about dedication! And check out those super-cool, custom shirts. They even brought us one. Here's a closeup of the back:

They explained that they made the shirts for the first tour before I got sick so the last few dates are wrong. I think maybe a red sharpie slash through those dates would take care of it in true Cake Wrecks fashion.

Of course, we did the cupcake wreckplica competition and here were our three enthusiastic winners:

Okay, two enthusiastic winners, and Logan who had a terribly itchy nose but was far to polite and gentlemanly to scratch it. Wreck on, my young friend. You're a better man than I am.

The dead rose petal wedding cake was the winner:

Crystal C. made the monkey/frog cake, complete with custom painted paper flotsam:

And Logan made a near perfect copy of the "I'm purrin for you" cupcake cake (ptoiee!)

Honorable mentions go out to Emily Spittler who made some of the most realistic icing poo I have ever seen:

And to Kathy Spittler (I wonder if they're related) who made the snowman from one of my all time favorite posts:

Fantastic, right? Well there's lots more where those came from, so check out the Kansas City Facebook Page for more great entries!

Our next stop was New York City, Official Motto, "Phenomenal Cosmic Powers! Iiitty bitty living space." We were at what is apparently the smallest Barnes and Noble in the world. (Maximum occupancy: 4, as long as they aren't wearing heavy coats.) That said, this was our view of the crowd:

There were actually people sitting on the floor in front of the lady in pink. Let's just say we were "cozy."

Though we only had six entries, we managed to find three champions:

The girl in the middle was even decked out with various wrecky accoutrement. Carrot earrings ftw!

The winner's cake was the nauseated basketball:

And then there was Cookie Monster (appropriate for this week's Sesame Street celebration):

And an also seasonally-appropriate Thanksgiving turkey, shaped like a football:

We actually had two bakers for the show. (Score!) The first was Perfect Endings Bakery and their cake was a Cake Wrecks Wreckerator Wrecker (Woo! Wreck-alicious!):

Complete with side panel signage misspelling:

And we also had Jacy Cakes who provided an awesome gluten-free book cake, which (appropriately) was dropped mid-transit, resulting in a Wreck Wreck. Despite the few bumps and scrapes, however, it still looked pretty sweet:

I thought it was cool that they even managed to nail the Andrews McMeel "U" Logo on the book spine:

And that's about it for the first two shows of Cake Wrecks - The "World" Tour, Part 2! You can check out more pics from the New York Facebook Page. Stay tuned for a wrap-up of Bethesda, Boston and Atlanta!

Bird is the Word

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

Poor Big Bird. He's a beloved childhood icon, he's turning 40 next week, and he gets no respect in the baking world.

It's one thing to rip the poor guy's beak off, but then to sign your name (illegibly) in its place? For shame, Halko! Or maybe Nillo...Mouo? Dang, this Wreckerator must have written code for the NSA in a former life; I have no idea what that says.

Guys, it's a sad, sad day on Cake Wrecks when a dreaded CCC is the "best" of the bunch:

Although I don't recall his beak being quite that...Popsicle-y. Hang on, lemme go grab a reference photo. [furious clickety-clicking]

Ah, here we go:

Yeah, not so much a Popsicle as a banana bicycle seat. (Anyone remember those?)

Um...is this Big Bird, or a blonde Elmo? I'm confused.

From the look of that beak/mouth combo, though, at least I know I'm not the only one.

And lastly, if you've ever wondered what would happen if Oscar the Grouch and Big Bird had a lovechild...

Wonder no more.

Hey Monique R., Donald L., & Todd T., did you know that Big Bird is a lark? It's true. Honest.

Sporty Spice Cakes

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

Here at Anything Goes Bakery, we specialize in cakes that have all of the appeal of your favorite sports activities.

Baseball:

It's a mitt, of course. I don't see WHY people keep asking that.

Soccer:

Boxing:

As you can see, our decorators really put their hearts in their work.

Weight lifting:

Competitive...uh...sweeping?

Whatever this is:

And of course, Epcot:

[smirk]

Nicole N., Rachel L., Maryann G., Charlene, Dyanna, & Sarah C., it's almost like I don't know Spaceship Earth when I see it, huh?

- Related Wreckage: Introducing a Good Sport

New Discoveries in the Animal Kingdom

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

I believe that all new scientific discoveries should be announced via cake, don't you?

[pushing back glasses and consulting clipboard] Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present...

The Majestic Bagel-Nosed Falcon of Uganda!

Or it might be a fish. Fish...falcon...you know. Whatevs.

[Shuffling papers] Next we have...

The Majestic Happy Chicken-Footed Spiny-Backed Slime Devil.
(Watch out; they spit.)

We're still working on the scientific name for this one:

So for now let's just call it the Majestic Coiled Crap Hound.
(I think that has a real ring to it, don't you?)

Here we have a particularly colorful specimen:

The Majestic Disco Newt! Let's pause a moment to admire his beautiful plumage.

Right. That's long enough.

And finally, we have...

The Majestic Three-Toed Four-Eyed Whiskered Zebra Toad.
(Yeah, you heard me. ZooBorns, eat your heart out.)

Thanks to Kelly D., Kit R., Caitlin B., Jordan J. and Donald L., who are all, er, majestic.

- Related Wreckage: Sideshow Slideshow

Call Me!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

Amanda M., you know how they say that postponing a decision is actually making one?

Yeeeah.

- Related Wreckage: As You Wish

The Name Game

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

I don't usually post name misspellings, because - let's face it - names are kind of a crap shoot. Even really common names have those few screwball versions that mess it up for the rest of us. (I'm looking at you, Jenifer with one "n" and Jerimee with no "y"!) So really, bakers can't be expected to get them all right.

However, there is a point at which names get so thoroughly butchered that your only option is to laugh. These...[dramatic pause]... are those butcherings.

"Let's see, is it Steven or Stephen?"

"Eh, I guess I'll go with both."

This approach also works with the "ie" vs "y" issue:

(Try saying this aloud, and see if you don't sound like you're stuck in a stutter loop. "Criss-ee-ee-ee. No wait, I mean, Criss-ee-ee-ee-eah-crap.")

Those at least have a method to their mistakes, but now we're going to veer into some unexplained territory. See if you can guess the names on these next three:

Did you get them all? Here are the answers: Sarah, Susanna, and Seth. Yes, really. Seth.

Fortunately, sometimes a Wreckerator will recognize that something looks a little "off" with his or her spelling. When this happens, s/he will do the only sensible thing: draw a question mark after the name - on the cake.

Then, when the customer points out that the name in question should be "Jenny" and not "Fenny", the Wreckerator will spare no effort in making a few virtually undetectable corrections:

Magnifique.

(You've also gotta love that lone "C" hanging out under "Happy".)

Stephen P., Crissie, Linda M., Lindsey L., Amy V., & Emily H., I now dub thee Steevan, Krissy, Lynduh, Lynnzee, Aimee, & Hath. You're welcome.

- Related Wreckage: Keith and What's-Her-Name

Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN!!! Those of you coming to see us tonight in Kansas City, be sure to offer him plenty of birthday greetings, songs, spankings, etc.

Sunday Sweets: Twilight

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:30:00 +0000

This week I've discovered that there are billions of Twilight cakes out there, most of which fall in the "regrettably hilarious" category. Granted, you can't expect fan cakes to be professional quality, but it did make finding the good Twilight cakes a bit of a chore. And then, most of the nice ones I found were one of two designs: either this...

(By Sweet Austin, who I think made it first.)

Or a book cake, like this:

(Submitted by Jilly, made by Sugar Honey Tea)

Or this:

(Submitted by Annie, made by Cakes by Francesca)

I like how she used photocopied pages from the book on the cake board. It really adds to the presentation, don't you think?

Since I don't want to post a bunch of cakes in the same style, though, here are the best I could find in other designs:

(By Chocmocakes)

This one takes the book-cake idea and adds some great details:

(Made by Camille over on Twilighters Anonymous)

See the little fork? Cute!

A few cake artists did some impressive portrait work in buttercream. Check it out:

(Found here, but the baker isn't credited.)

(Submitted by Emily S., baker unknown)

Others focused on the chess pieces from the latest cover, Breaking Dawn:

(By CW reader Katie C.)

(Submitted by April B., baker unknown)

As always, if you know one of the bakers I don't have listed, please let me know!

And please, if there's to be any debate in today's comments, let it be over which cake is your favorite - not over the relative merits of the Twilight series, eh?

- Similar Sweets: Fantastical Beasts

Hail, Hailoween!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

So my question is this: how heavy does your southern accent have to be that you not only pronounce it "Hailoween", but you also think it's spelled that way?

Go on, say it out loud. It's fun. You know you want to.

Hah! See? Told you it was fun.

And speaking of Wrecked inscriptions...

I'm kind of getting a mixed message here.

And speaking of things that are mixed up...

I think somebody needs an anatomy lesson.

And speaking of anatomy:

These are NOT what you think they are.

Unless you think they're simply flesh-colored versions of a "pumpkin" and a "haystack," that is. Then they are what you think they are. Allegedly.

Kind of like how this is allegedly a pumpkin:

...and NOT a turd exploding on the sun.

Chickpea, Katie H., Sarah C., Bill P., & Rebekah F., that stem really wipes out the competition, doesn't it?

- Related Wreckage: Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators

Step One: Cut a Hole in the Pumpkin

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

I can't think of a more Wrecktastic harbinger of Halloween happiness than this guy:

Yep, Mr. Bonehead here suuure is happy. How happy, you ask? Happy enough to say, "Look, ma! No hands!"

Dorei, just tell the kids it's a levitation trick. Which really startles the pumpkin.

- Related Wreckage: Drew's Birthday Wish

The Twilight Zone

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.

Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...

Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):

As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.

Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?

Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.

Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:

Well that's gonna leave a ~~mark~~ stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?

You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.

Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.

(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)

As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:

Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.

[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]

And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:

"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."

Er.

Yeeeahh...so...

Happy Birthday!

Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]

I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)

- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent

Fan "Art"

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 22:00:00 +0000

This Halloween, why not add a little personality to your pumpkin?

Harry F. carved this little beauty. Disturbing-yet-fabulous, no?

And Lauren was inspired by both the famous belly cakes and Suzy's Wreck to create her own CW tribute costume:

And yes, she's pregnant. That's what makes it so horribly good.

And finally, I'm pleased to announce that I've finally solved the mystery of this little guy:

Several of you sent in pictures of the above cake topper spotted at a cake show some weeks back. (It's good to know that the sight of something this disturbing brings me immediately to mind. Heh.)

Here's another angle:

As you can see, this is a figure of a middle-aged guy in boxers and a mohawk riding a carrot. Trouble was, no one could tell me who made it, or even which cake show it appeared at, so I was left to wonder if the baker responsible meant to do a sneaky homage to CW, or was just plain nuts.

Well, not too long ago, I got a delightful e-mail from the cake's creator, Burton (also responsible for the fabulous Frankenstein wedding cake), and I got my answer: he's both.

Here's his explanation:

"I am convinced that it is only a matter of time before Cake Wrecks inspired cakes get their own category at cake shows. Since I am usually very far behind the curve on most things (current affairs, fashion, street slang, which fork to use…) I thought I would try to get ahead of the curve on this one. So I decided to enter a competition cake partially inspired by the Cake Wrecks blog. And why go half way? I entered it in Kerry Vincent’s own Oklahoma State Sugar Arts Show."

Yes, Burton made a middle-aged half-naked mohawk-man carrot jockey for Kerry Vincent. Told you he was nuts.

Here's the whole cake, with Burton's notes:

See the little fireman's hat? That's an ode to yet another famous classic Wreck.

Wondering how the crowd reacted? [evil snicker] Burton, fill us in on all the gory details.

"Public opinion did not favor this entry. Every time I saw anyone approach my cake they would immediately exclaim, 'Oh, look at the cute pumpkin scarecrow cake!' and then pass my cake by on their way to see the cute pumpkin scarecrow cake that was several entries down the table. My entry did get high marks from Craig Gustafson of American Cake Decorating Magazine, though, and the judges gave it first place in its category —take that, cute pumpkin scarecrow cake!"

And just because I had fun reading it, here's the rest of his e-mail:

"After the judging I spoke with one of the judges who admitted that most of them didn’t know the significance of the carrot until Bronwen Weber set them straight. [Bronwen rocks.] I actually got to meet and make a fool of myself in front of Bronwen as well as Kerry Vincent and several other celebrity decorators. While I may not have made a fool of myself in front of Jennifer Matsubara, I at least left her convinced that I am very creepy, if the look in her eyes and the speed with which she backed away were any indication." [Hah!]

"I just thought I would let you know how something as sweet and innocent as the naked, mohawk-baby carrot jockey can be twisted and perverted in the wrong hands. Mine."

The good thing, Burton, is that most of us are just twisted enough to love you for doing this, so it's all good. Wreck on, my friend. Wreck. On.

(Still trying to figure out what the deal is with the carrot jockeys? Well, I don't have much of an answer for you, but you can start by going here.)

Halloween "Huh?"s

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

For today's cakes I have no answers. Only questions.

Uh, what's up with her nose? (Or should I say "down with her nose?")

I like to think it's just a wart, but I get the feeling that it'sss...not.

Why is the toilet paper angry?

What do colorful sperm have to do with Halloween?
(Granted, "Happy" I could see...)

WHAT in the name of sweet Lassie is that spider doing?!?

I have two questions for Mr. Ghost-with-the-Most here:
First, why did the Wreckerator feel it necessary to include two small chocolate bars and a gummi worm? And second, why, oh why, did s/he put them there and in that order?

Now, I don't want to leave you with all questions, my dear Wreckies, so here's a cake that answers the following:

Q) What do you get if you cross Princess Leia, Dracula, and the Bride of Frankenstein?

A) This:

Paige, Carey H., H.M., Erin, Suzanne U., & Daa, you must admit the resemblance is uncanny.

- Related Wreckage: Ghosts with the Most

Halloween Heckling

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

This season is almost too easy for snarks like me. C'mon, right now this is what passes for cake decorating:

And they say cake art is dead. Pfft.

Bakeries, of course, love it. Every conceivable mistake, no matter HOW bad, can now be made into a Halloween design.

Have a Barbie bride cake that's gone horribly wrong? Noo problem:

Voila! A ghost!

Did your icing bag explode in big globby piles on a cake board? We can work with that.

Just be sure to label it, so folks know what it is. See, now that it SAYS "Evil Witch Hat" you can totally see it, right? Er. Right?

What's that? Your bats don't look like bats? S'ok. We have a giant piece of plastic for that:

And hey, do you have any leftover stock we can make into Halloween designs? You know, like maybe some smiley faces? Oh, good! See, just add some fangs...a little broken English...and...

Ta daa! Now it's a vampire!

I know it's a stretch, Darshani, Bettina G., Shayne H., Kylie K., Lauren, & Rachel J., but don't worry; it's Halloween. People will totally buy it.

- Related Wreckage: E.T. is Back...

Autumn Terrors

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

When you see your typical bakery display filling up with disembodied plastic fingers and red corn syrup drenched eyeballs you know Halloween is nearly upon us. Of course, those cakes are trying to be gross, gory, and/or creepy.

[sing-song voice] Bo-ring!

Personally, I prefer the cakes that were going for cutesy, but didn't quite make it. You know, like this:

Bring me the head of Billy the Scarecrow!!

Don't you worry about Billy, though...

...I hear he qualified for the "bale out" program. (Hay!)

I don't think this next one was going for cute, exactly, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't going for this level of creepy, either:

Um. Wow. The monster mash just got a leeetle bit awkward.

So anyway, you can keep your rat-gnawed arms and zombie brain cakes; to me, no baked good will ever be as terrifying as this thing:

Aaaauugh!

Denise, Surlana, Matt L., & Kourtny, I will never look at fried eggs the same way again. Thanks.

- Related Wreckage: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

Sunday Sweets: Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

I'm not a fan of gory Halloween cakes, so instead here are some truly Sweet designs to get you in a spooktacular mood for Saturday.

First, a fun topsy-turvy style:

(Made by Pink Cake Box)

And a bat cake that is almost painfully adorable:

(Made by Dorispepsi)

Speaking of adorable, this little ghost with pigtails also fits the bill:

(Submitted by Becki E. & made by Janna Espada)

Although she'll have to watch where she steps; it looks like Slimer paid a visit. ;)

This wedding cake has a real Burton-esque feel to it (which is a good thing, of course):

(Made by Let Them Eat Cake)

And this one has fantastic details:

(Made by Thefrostedcakencookie.)

I love the tree and the way the moon is suspended from the roof. Plus, check out the little cobblestones and gate; the composition is as pretty as a painting!

And finally, I never imagined a skull cake would be my favorite, but then I never imagined a skull cake could be this gorgeous, either:

(Submitted by Sheila M. & made by the great Highland Bakery)

I hope you enjoyed today's Sweet Treats! Now brace yourselves, 'cuz this week you're going to see a whole lotta Halloween Wreckage. [rubbing hands together gleefully] Oh yeah, this is going to be good.

- Similar Sweets: Spooktacular Wedding Cakes

There's a Fly on My Cake!

noreply@blogger.com (john (the hubby of JEN)) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

So I'm browsing around the internets the other day looking for bug cakes (don't ask) and I come across the Flickr page of Second City Warehouse. What I saw there made my trackball come to a screeching halt. It seems that Steph's boss, Carl, was leaving for a new and better job and it was Steph's job to pick up the booze and the cake. But I'll let her tell you the rest of the story:

"Of course, I wanted the cake to be very special and couldn't think of anything else to put on it aside from a bat fly." [I feel like we're missing something here.]

"So, I picked out Carl's very favorite microptics print [Who doesn't have a favorite microptics print?] and took it to the bakery to see if they could replicate the image on a cake in frosting. "At the bakery, I decided to cut to the chase, so I pulled the picture out first thing in order to make sure they could transfer it. The bakers were stunned into a profound silence as they stared at the photo. I opened my mouth to explain, but a little voice in my head said, 'No no, don't. It's funnier this way.' "When they finally tore their eyes away to look up at me, I smiled and said, 'So. You guys are the experts, let me know what you think. I was thinking of a blue border, but I'm not sure about the decorations. Balloons, do you you think, or flowers?' "The manager of the bakery didn't really answer my question, just silently filled out the order form and wrote 'balloons.'"
Y'all ready to see this thing now? Here 'tis:

"When I got the cake, I was tickled to see that they had attached frosting balloon strings to the hind leg, the wing and somewhere near the head. I suppose they weren't sure how a microscopic insect might choose to hold a balloon." [Well, that makes about 75,000 of us.]

Let me just say that this cake has given me a whole new appreciation for grocery store bakers. Thanks for letting me borrow your story, Steph!

Note from john (the hubby of Jen): Several of you have noted that this isn't a "wreck" in the strictest sense of the word, to which I say, true that. It is, however, a fun cake story. And it's Saturday. Go with it. Peace out, yo.

When Wreckerators Take the Fall

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

I may be sitting here with the A/C cranked in the southern swamp affectionately known as "Florida", but I have a feeling that Fall will be here soon. And lest we have any doubts, some bakeries have taken to posting helpful weather updates on their cakes:

Next week they're debuting "Bring a jacket; you'll catch your death in this chill."

I can't really tell if that's a threat or a promise, though. Sure, the pumpkins and cherries look happy, but those tree claws seem rather ominous. [shiver]

Fall, of course, is known for its colorful foliage.

We don't have any of that in Florida. (Pine cone pile, anyone?)

That's ok, though; with cakes like these, I don't think I'm missing all that "mulch":

Ah, you don't often see this level of technique used! You see, dragging a knife through icing takes confidence, a steady hand, and the kind of technical know-how that knows exactly which end is the pointy one. [nodding seriously]

Still, no matter how you slice it, those skills pale in comparison to this...

...feather? Spear?Long-necked snail? Worm in a hat? Worm in a skirt? Garden trowel? Underside of a snorkeler's leg?

Hey, I could go on all day. I suspect, however, that Zoey K., Hap C., & Brady want me to make like a tree, and get out of here.

- Related Wreckage: Fall Fumbles

(Note: If you now have Biff on the brain, congratulations! You're a geek! Now go watch this funny song he sings as a reward.)

Recipes for Wreckage

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

You know you're asking for a Wreck when...

...your college has the initials "CNU" and the family member who orders has a strong southern accent:

...you use any kind of shorthand on the order form:

...the color of icing you ask for could also be a proper name:

(For a double birthday party. At least both ladies were equally snubbed!)

...you use the words "camo" AND "army" while describing what you want:

Many thanks to today's dedicated Wreckporters: Allie, Colin M., Ryan B., & Barb B.!

- Related Wreckage: Undeserving of Congrats

"World" "Domination" Tour Back on Track!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:00:00 +0000

Time to clear your schedule and start planning out those cupcake Wreckplicas, faithful henchpersons; I have tour dates to announce!!

The events will be set up the same as before, meaning there will be free cake provided by local bakeries, a fun slide show hosted by yours truly and John, a Q&A time, and of course the Wreckplica contest, complete with fabulous prizes.

To help us know how much cake and space we'll need, please RSVP if you think you'll be able to attend by clicking on the appropriate city name below.

Thanks, and see some of you soon!

Kansas City
(technically Overland Park, KS)
Barnes & Noble
Monday, Nov 2nd, 6PM

New York
(Greenwich Village)
Barnes & Noble
Tuesday, Nov 3rd, 7:30PM

Bethesda, MD
Barnes & Noble
Thursday, Nov 5th, 7PM

Boston, MA
(Framingham)
Barnes & Noble
Sunday, Nov 8th, 2PM

Atlanta, GA
(Buckhead)
Barnes & Noble
Monday, Nov 9th, 7PM

Bride/Baker Communication 101

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

Most brides think that bringing in a photo of their dream wedding cake will help clarify for their bakers what it is that they want and expect on their big day.

[shaking head] Those sweet, silly girls.

In reality, these photos are more like "guidelines." A springboard, if you will, from which the baker may or may not spring - and then into heretofore unheard-of realms of artistic "expression."

Perhaps some examples will help.

Bride Laurie S. asked for this cake, only in ivory and with blue flowers instead of white:

(Photo & cake by Martha Stewart)

Instead, she got this:

"It's boxy, and it's blue and white. What more do you want?"

Kirstie also wanted a cascading floral design, like this:

Which her baker recreated pretty well, except for one key detail:

S/he used real flowers instead of sugar ones.

Once the petals shriveled, Kirstie's cake design became less "cascading flowers" and more "attacking butterflies." Which isn't horrible, I suppose, but it is kind of hard to resist the urge to flap your arms and shoo them off.

(Note: The silver thing is their topper, which the baker laid flat instead of standing up. Or maybe the butterflies just knocked it over. :D)

Sharon L. wanted this gorgeous topsy-turvy design:

(Made by Lisa's Creative Cakes - and I totally want one.)

...only in 3 tiers and using her colors of fuchsia, orange, and lime.

Her baker's interpretation?

Remember that springboard I mentioned? Well, some are a LOT springier than others.

And finally, this bride wanted her seashell-themed cake to rise to new heights:

Instead, she got one that was apparently dropped from great heights:

Think it was served with a pancake dinner?

[snicker]

- Related Wreckage: Love is in the Air...

Oh, It Sends a Message Alright

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

The label on this says it's a "message cookie":

Now, I'm just ballparking here, but I think the message might be something along the lines of:

"When I think of you, I think of bug-infested poop. And football. Because I hate football."

Gee, at this point, why not just cut to the chase?

"The Message Cookie: When you hate enough to actually spend money on more clearly expressing your hatred."

Remember, E.M., if you're ever offered a poo-spotted football cake, the proper response is: "Thanks, but I think I'll pass."

- Related Wreckage: Graduate! Celebrate! "Decorate!"

Sideshow Slideshow

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

(Yeah, just try saying that three times fast.)

Step right up, folks! Witness the stupendous, astounding, incomprehensibly incomprehensible, Freak Animal Mutations Only a Baker Could Create!

First, feast your eyes on a spectacle n'er before seen this side of Pooville...

The crappily conjoined cupcake kitties!
Yessir, there's nuthin' like a few fecal felines to show a baker's "anything goes" attitude - especially when they number two. [smirk]

Well it looks like a frog, but I detect some monkey business.

"Walk the dog"? Looks more like "Scrape the Sidewalk."

And don't you love it when Wrecks are so unrecognizable that the bakers have to write us little clues on the cake board? I think I'll have to do a whole post on those soon...

Oh, but first, remember that kiddy song "Do Your Ears Hang Low?"

meeyOW.

Ok, last one - just for the "shell" of it:

"Dude, I used to have nightmares about a turtle that looked exactly like this when I was little."

"But that was a long time ago. How can you be sure?"

"Turtle recall."

Thanks to Wreckporters Sarah P., Melissa T., Meredith, Kristin C., & Ed P.!

- Related Wreckage: Blame Decopac

Sunday Sweets: Simply Awwww-full

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

If you've read this blog for any length of time then you know that my interests can be, well, a little geeky.

Ok, fine. A LOT geeky.

However, just because I enjoy quoting Monty Python and polishing my Star Trek collectibles doesn't mean I don't have my girly side. Fact is, I'm a total sucker for the cute. So today, allow me to present a lineup of cakes so stinkin' adorable that I've melted right here in my chair, and am now typing this with puddle fingers.

(Submitted by Isabella, baker unknown)

What, or who, is it? No idea. But with its lethal adorableness, it must be Japanese.

[Update: I've been told this is a "Slime from an MMO called MapleStory." So there's that explained. And apparently, it's Korean.]

Why does Japan lead the world in all things cute, anyway? Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I think everything would probably be better with big eyes and cutesy colors:

(Submitted by Andrew H., & made by Bleeding Heart Bakery)

These little guys are meringue candies, and I want the whole set, on my desk, NOW:

(Found on CaptainXO's Flickr, & made by Ginza's Cozy Corner Bakery [in Japan, of course])

Especially the little dog with the green ears. So. Cute.

I've been in love with this next cake since the moment I stumbled across it nearly 2 years ago:

(Made by Flickr user HyperCraftive)

I just love those lines and colors; it reminds me of some of my favorite art styles.

Here's a cutie-patootie turtle:

(Made by Jessica of its-a-piece-of-cake.)

And I suppose no post on adorable confections would be complete without Hello Kitty making an appearance:

(Submitted by Elarael B. & made by Kylie of Le Cupcake.)

I can't claim to be much of a HK fan, but again, cuteness is always aces with me - and this cake has it in spades. (Card puns ftw!)

Have a cake to nominate for Sunday Sweets? Then send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

- Similar Sweets: Off-the-Shelf Cuteness

"World" Tour Wrap-Up: Austin

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:30:00 +0000

After our book tour self-imploded (go here if you missed it), I was determined to get back on the road as soon as my health would possibly allow it. First I had to convince Jen, the doctors, and the publisher, though. We eventually reached a compromise: Jen and I would stay in Dallas for a few days more to recuperate, and then we would drive to Austin instead of flying.

From the moment we arrived at Book People, we were treated with such kindness and hospitality that it was almost overwhelming. Our two bakers, Nicole from Wicked Cakes and Paloma from Coco Paloma Desserts, had each made cakes for the previous week's show - which of course was canceled at the last minute - and yet were gracious enough to do it all over again for this one. Jen and I had assumed we just wouldn't have cake for the show, but these ladies insisted. How awesome is that?

Here's Nicole with a few of her sample cakes:

Unfortunately we didn't get a picture of Paloma with her cake - I think it was almost gone by the time we showed up! - but we did get to taste all the different flavors both bakers brought, and they were delicious.

Considering that we rescheduled the event with only about 4 days notice, and on a Saturday afternoon at that, I wondered if anyone would show up. I guess someday I'll learn to stop underestimating the awesomeness of our readers:

I think we had about 200 fans there. The smiling guy in the front row actually came to both the Dallas show and this one - and all the way from Houston! He also left us a big container of sprinkles. You know, in case we wanted some. ;)

Another thing I wondered was whether anyone would still have a cupcake wreckplica to bring. Foolish man. We had plenty of goodies to choose from! Here are our three "winners":

(That's Lara, Laurel, & our grand prize winner-who-didn't-have-her-name-written-on-her-cupcake-plate.)

And their entries:

(This was my favorite. It actually had tiny little flies on it! There's a picture of me somewhere online looking at this cupcake in a very concerned manner.)

Here are a few more of my favorites:

And lastly, we had a few folks e-mail us the entries they'd made for the previous show, since they couldn't make it to this one. Jen and I thought this one was especially spectacular:

It's the scene from the Kill It With Fire post! Isn't it great?

Kimberly left the wrapper on the bottom of the cupcake to show that she was still following the "rules" (ie, this was partially carved from a cupcake).

That's the guy with the fire extinguisher, and check out the little "Food Network" badges on their sleeves! Great detail.

(To see the rest of the amazing entries for Austin, go to the Cake Wrecks Facebook page.)

We initially hoped to continue the rest of the tour from Austin, but the scheduling didn't work out. That was just as well, though; the evening we got back to Orlando I ended up in the hospital again for a few more days. Bah. But let me tell you, Austin, I wouldn't have missed this show for the world; you guys really showed us the meaning of kindness. Thank you!

TOUR UPDATE: We're still finalizing the dates, but I can tell you that the tour will recommence in about two weeks, AND that it will include two additional cities: Boston and Atlanta! More details to follow very soon.

John's Update to the Tour Update: It's actually the B&N in Framingham, MA which is only 18 minutes away from downtown. Best we could do. I can't wait to see you guys.