I don't mean the beautiful blossoming vines we see so often:

Loverly.

And I don't mean stump cakes, which Jen has devoted a whole tag to in iPhoto because we have that many:

Stumperly.

No, I mean a dead tree plastered up the side of a wedding cake.

Like this:

We really don't get enough opportunities to eat things the color of wet concrete.

Sometimes, in an effort to make the tree look slightly less dead, a baker will add "leaves":

Or "flowers":

"It just so happens this tree is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead... and all dead.

"Now hand me that knife, and we'll split the difference."

My favorite, though, is the baker who opted to liven up a dead tree with polka dots:

They're just so festive. In a pox-like kind of way. (Pox-ish?)

Like a festival of pox.
Woowoo!

Tell you what, bakers, why not stick to what we know? Simple, beautiful, blossoming vines.

Okay, maybe these could use a few polka dots.

Thanks to Amy L., Allison N., Daniel & Kim, Katy G., Layne L., Jon D., & Linda N. for branching out.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

For example, at this place, if you want a picture of a trophy you write down "SB1."

NAILED IT.

Beth S. didn't want any mix-ups, though, so to be EXTRA careful she wrote down the name of the design she wanted, not the number:

...which is how Beth ended up with this:

Doggone it.

Ok, you're thinking, but surely - SURELY - if you draw an actual diagram of the cake yourself, clearly labeled, this won't happen. Right?

Linsay K. agreed, so she carefully mapped out directions for drawing the Quebec flag on her friend's birthday cake:

She picked the color blue, then used a piece of paper to show the bakers just where to draw the four fleur-de-lis.

I think you'll agree, minions, that all of Linsay's hard work really paid off:

Eh?

Thanks to Veronica L. Beth S., & Linsay K. for giving me a new fleur-de-lis on life.

*****

P.S. I recently reviewed this book over on Epbot, and it's making big waves over there:

Organizing Solutions For People With ADHD

The title says it all, but this book is so much more, minions. Check out my review where I share my top 5 tips from the book; total game changers if you have ADHD or live with someone who does.

Who's a cute widdle turd!?

Sure, it may look like a pile of poo on the banks of the Jungle Cruise*, but it's actually supposed to be a cat. Or maybe a lion. With a monkey tail. Regardless, see how the decorator compels us to overlook its blatant turdiness with his/her skillful application of puppy...cat eyes?

* Explanation for Non-Disney Geeks - See, the water on the Jungle Cruise ride at Disney is often dyed a shocking shade of blue-green. I think you have to be decontaminated if you fall in.**

**Follow-up from Jen: Puh-lease, "decontaminated"? It's just a little tetanus shot.

This next one makes use of the "two-cupcakes-drowning-in-icing-on-an-oversized-cakeboard" approach:

See? It's a cow. Or maybe ground beef. ("What do you call a cow with no legs, Alex?") Or Beef Stroganoff. ("A cow with noodles for legs?")

How can I tell it's a cow, and not a spotted dog with an awesome bouffant 'do sitting on a robot*? By reading the "moo" in the barren desert of cake board, that's how. [tapping temple] Skills. I gots 'em.

*Picture the nostrils as eyes for a minute - you'll see it. (Note: alcohol helps.)

Here's another one, fortified with rich, healthy irony:

An embarrassed skunk letting out a little toot, or a Wreckerator letting out a little workplace aggression? More importantly: which makes you hungrier?

Next is a real fluke; it's both the Wreckiest and the cutest cake for today:

A Wreckerator sets out to make a frog and ends up with a sloppy cross-eyed face with jowls, and yet it's still adorable? Now that's luck. (Dig the candle horns.)

And finally, we have the origin of the term “duck lips.”

Better take a selfie before the swelling goes down.

Thanks to Wreckporters Tim, Megan, Kristi M., Leigh S., and Linden S.!

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

That's right: wedding season.

[rubbing hands together gleefully]

BRING ON THE WEDDING WRECKAGE!

Let's kick things off with a lovely Spring Fling inspiration:

...that in execution got a little, well, flung:

I like to imagine that this was delivered on the back of the baker's scooter, and that those smushed fondant butterflies on the sides were all tragic road casualties. Because, somehow, that actually makes this more excusable/believable.

What the baker says:

"Yes, I can do that!"

What the baker means: 

"Yes, I have some shiny ribbon!"

Maybe at the reception they shone a spotlight on the ribbon so the glare would blind all the onlookers. That's what I would do.

Oh, hey...maybe that was the baker's plan all along!

Bride: "That looks TERRI..."

Baker: [flashing ribbon]

Bride: "I CAN'T SEE! Where'd you go? Are you here? Where's the cake? Hey! WHERE'S MY PURSE?!"

[sound of running feet]

This next one could be a metaphor for life and love in so many ways. Not that I mean anything by that, fellas. 'Cuz I don't. So never mind. In fact, can we not talk about this anymore, please? It's just a cake, ok? SHEESH.

EXPECTATION:

REALITY:

Waw-waaaaaw.

Because wedding cakes are like marriages: some settling may occur.

Thanks to Valentina V., Michele W., & Paula B. for sharing their wedding day woes. We're here for you, ladies. Right after we finish laughing.

*****

P.S. I'm back with a more useful stress-reliever. Take two of these and don't call me in the morning:

Squishy Stress Voodoo Doll
******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

(By Clara's Designer Cakes)

Formal, dramatic, goes-with-everything - plus there's nothing better than black-and-white for showing off amazing textures:

(By Zoe's Fancy Cakes)

Like this brush embroidery!

Silhouettes are extra stunning in black and white:

(By Cake Lady Cakes)

And with lines this perfect, less really IS more.

This looks like a whimsical pop-up book come to life:

(By Rachelles)

Isn't it great? I love the layers!

Although the geek in me wants to see one with a blue phone booth. :D

These lines of handwritten script add a romantic, vintage feel:

(By Sophie Bifield Cake Company)

Just as romantic, but with extra bold color-blocking:

(By Lanre Buttercream)

I like the delicate trim on the top tier, and that string of pearls really softens the look.

Of course we can't talk black and white cakes without including one of the biggest new wedding trends:

(By Deliciously Decadent)

Chalkboard cakes!

Such a fun look, and perfect for incorporating a favorite phrase or song lyric.

Check out the darling bunny and fawn silhouettes on this bottom tier:

(By Rosalind Miller Cakes)

So sweet! Combined with the dripping floral vines it has a surprisingly light, spring-time feel to it.

You don't see many intricate string work cakes in the U.S. anymore; it's just too fragile and time-consuming, and if you live anywhere with humidity? Fuggitaboutit.

Which is why THIS is so gosh-darn impressive:

(By Geraldine's Creative Cutters)

If you've never seen a baker do string work, mosey on over to Youtube and marvel at the insane amount of time and talent this cake required.

And finally, more string work, plus intricate piping, hand-painting, and pure prettiness:

(By Gerardo's Italian Bakery)

That lace! That glorious lace! Just stunning.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

*****

P.S. My favorite black-and-white purchase EVER is our magnetic menu board. The design I use is back-ordered, but here's a similar style that's actually a better price:

Magnetic Dry Erase Menu Board

I've been raving about our planner for over two years; we use it every week, and it still looks brand new! I love that it comes with chalk markers, then after those wear out its fun switching up the colors. (I'm on my 3rd set of markers, and this time I chose Vintage Pastels. SO PRETTY.)

Mine cost $20, but this one is on sale for less than $10. Score.

This menu board is a sanity-saver, minions: John and I decide the week's menu every Sunday, so no more asking each other what's for dinner every night. It's also great for keeping a shopping list and leaving each other notes and doodles, then easily wipes clean with water.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Thanks to Alescia F., Megan K., Jordan P., F. G., and Anony M. for the especially chewy cake.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

"Greg, this is obviously a huge challenge for Wüffelshausen. What do you think he's feeling right now?

"Well, he ate the same lunch we did, Pete, so probably nauseous and constipated."

"Hey, I did warn you about those samosas, buddy. Aaaand here we go! Our champ is now in position. Looks like he's assessing the area...he's preparing to pipe...and...

"A-HA! Would you look at that? Right out of the gate, he has destroyed the first word!"

"Tell me, Greg, how many points would you say that misspelling is worth?"

"Oh, I have no idea."

"But if you had to take a shot in the dark?"

"Well, I'd probably spill it."

"No, no, I mean...Uh, tell you what, let's just move on to round two."

"YES!! Wüfflehausen just manages to knock out the second word! That was quite a close call, turning the 'I' into an 'E', don't you think, Greg?"

"Only when absolutely necessary, Pete."

"Haha, sounds good. Well, folks, this is it: the final round. And, uh-oh! Look what just got plunked down on the playing field!

"Greg, it's going to be pretty tough for Wüfflehausen to misspell "achieve" with that star stamp right next to him. Do you think he can pull it off?

"Well, sure! It's just a tiny plastic pick - probably doesn't weigh a thing."

"No, no, sorry, that was my fault there, Greg. I mean, do you think he can do it?"

"Do what?"

"Right, let's get back to the action! The crowd is hushed with anticipation, and you can almost feel the tension in the air, can't you, Greg?"

"Abso-lutely not!"

"And here we go...and, oh! Oh! It looks like he could...go...all..the...way!

"YES!! Do you believe in miracles?!?"

"Well, there was that time my mother-in-law fell down the stairs..."

"And that's a new World Record! To those of you at home, thanks for tuning in, and good night!"

Annie, I think I'd call this the "Hale Mary" of Wreckerating.

******

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

Good news, there's a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop telling these terrible, TERRIBLE jokes.

A) [hint] Sara is also a mom.

Well, I guess it *does* beat "Sara, SLASH Mom."

B)

I feel like this one might be obvious…

C)

Something tells me this cake has something to do with CPEN.
CPEN CPEN CPEN CPEN.
Huh. Yeah, I don't know where I'm getting that.

Say something nice about Wade M., Nancy S., & Jessica K. to thank them for the pics.

Answer Key:
A) Wreckerator is a pacifist
B) Wreckerator is probably high
C) CPEN CPEN CPEN

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

[yelling in a high-pitched monotone]

HI JOHNNY YATES HERE FOR THE ORIGINAL PAN-TASTIC ALL-IN-ONE CAKE PAN. THE FASTEST, EASIEST, SAFEST WAY TO BAKE AND DECORATE ANY CAKE YOU CAN IMAGINE... GUARANTEED! JUST LOOK AT THESE RESULTS:

AMAZING!

NO MORE DECORATING DISASTERS WITH THE PAN-WOW.

*WAH...waaaah*

[yelling louder]

THE UNIQUE DESIGN OF THE PAN-TASTIC LETS YOU TURN ANY CAKE INTO A WORK OF ART!

YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO THINK ABOUT CAKE DESIGN AGAIN!

Attractive, Well-Dressed Woman: "But how does it work?"

SIMPLE!  JUST POUR, BAKE, AND DECORATE!

IT'S THAT EASY!

Slightly Confused, Attractive, Well-Dressed Woman: "But can I use it for the Fourth of July?"

[screaming]

ABSOLUTELY!

THE PAN-TASTIC WORKS FOR ANY OCCASION!

EVEN PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL THUMBS CAN DO IT!

Pouty, Slightly Less Attractive But Still Well-Dressed Woman: "But my husband is left- handed!"

NO PROBLEM! THE PAN-TASTIC IS AMBIDEXTROUS!

FATHER'S DAY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

Wide-eyed Woman In A Sweater Vest: "And what about my mom, the proctologist?"

WE'VE GOT HER COVERED, TOO! IN BRIGHT PINK LATEX!

GIVE HER THE FINGER WITH PAN-TASTIC!

REMEMBER, DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATORS!

GET THE ORIGINAL AND GET MORE BUNNY FOR YOUR MONEY WITH PAN-TASTIC!

THE CAKE SENSATION THAT'S SWEEPING THE NATION!

AND IF YOU ORDER NOW, WE'LL THROW IN THE CAKE-MAGIC ALL-PURPOSE HELMET PAN... ABSOLUTELY FREE!

THAT'S A 600 DOLLAR VALUE! YOURS FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF $19.99!

ORDER NOW!

Thanks to Grahm, Stephanie L., Stephanie, Erin M., Matilda, Scott A., Celeste B., and Sweet for the hand-outs.

*****

P.S. Bet you didn't think I'd find something bizarre enough to match these cakes, huh? Well BEHOLD:

Handy LED Flashlight gloves

Apparently they're good for repair work under sinks or cars or in horror movies where you point at a dark corner and see lots of teeth. Good to know.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

+

=

Thanks to Anony M. for the wrecks' files. (Eh? EH??)

*****

P.S. In case those puns weren't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

Good news, there's also a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop reading it.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Is your basket overflowing with candy eggs today? Because here's a Sweet idea:

(By The Gunny Sack)

Love those colors!

Or perhaps you like your cake with a little more character:

(By Montreal Confections, featured here)

I know bunny butt cakes are popular, but I gotta say, I prefer this end. Lookit dat cute lil' nose.

And this one made me grin:

(By Yummy-Mummy Cake Creations)

:D

As you might imagine, I tend to have a soft spot for cakey carrots:

(By Fantasticakes Cecile Crabot)

And how fun is this design? Really diggin' all the little details, like the snail on the sign and that little green worm sticking out the side.

Sometimes a Sweet can be as simple as these perfectly-piped cookies:

(By Kava Dolce)

Those eyes, ha! I'm sure I'd mess 'em up, but they make me want to break out the royal icing.

Cookie art has come a long way, too; check out these amazing 3D cookie baskets:

(By Julia Usher)

Even the patterns are edible; they're printed frosting sheets.
(It's nice to see edible ink being used for GOOD and not wrecks, huh?)

Oooh, here comes another carrot!

(By My Cake School - hit the link for tutorial)

Well, it's no carrot jockey rocket, but it'll do. ;) And you've gotta love the Peep riders!

I almost didn't believe this next egg was cake; it's too perfect:

(By Made With Love)

Over on her site there's a companion egg cake with a slice out, though, and there are 4 or 5 layers in there! Swooning over the soft colors and that perfect flower swag.

More soft pastels and sweetness:

(By Rouvelee's Creations)

And teensy carrots! Yes!

And finally, a gracefully chic Lady Easter Bunny:

(Made for Project Hof van Saksen voor Ronald McDonald Huis)

Isn't she gorgeous? And so unique, like an art doll sculpt! Love.

Hope you all have a beautiful Easter Sunday!

Now, listen: Easter is coming. That means a lot of long hours, hard work, and painstaking effort on your part to ensure we make some of the most beautif...BWAHAHAHA!!

AHAHAHAHAA!!

[wiping eyes] Sorry, sorry! I really thought I'd get through that with a straight face this year. Heehee!

Right: start your airbrushes! I'll see you back here in five.

Bee-YOO-tiful.

Nice aim on those jelly beans, Jim!

And good call on the "Peep Peep." That'll clue 'em in it's not a swan or a banana or something.

Not bad, but I can still see a little icing. Can we get a little more plastic in here?

And speaking of plastic, here's a great recycling tip:

St. Patrick would be proud.

 
And remember, bakers: the more plastic, the less time, skill, and hassle!

I made this one in 15 seconds.

With my feet.

(Aaaand that'll be $14.99, please. Cha-ching!)

And lastly, I don't actually know what this is...

...but it looks like a really efficient use of time. So let's make a few dozen more.

Thanks to Stephanie J., Angela M., Alexandra M., Shay K., Tony D., Diana Y., & Stephanie R., who think that's supposed to be a bunny rabbit.

[staring in stunned silence]

Well, one thing's for sure: You're not getting a Peep out of me.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Hi, it's john with Pan-Wow. This pan is shaped like a heart but it's also a pan so you can make cakes that are shaped like a heart.

A regular pan can only make cakes that look like a circle or a square, but the Pan-Wow can make a cake that looks like anything. Look at this apple.

You can't get an apple cake out of a round pan. Pan-Wow. It's a heart and it's an apple.

Use it at home, in the bakery, in the car or the boat. Going to a Halloween party?

Pan-Wow.

Oh, no. Is that a ghost?

No. It's a Pan-Wow.

Going tailgating at the football game?

Pan-Wow.

When you're done, just throw it in the dishwasher. It's metal. It's shaped like a heart. Look at these balloons:

There's three different colors.  You could use four colors.  Or five.  It doesn't matter.  Pan-Wow.

Made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff. Use it for Christmas:

Why not? It's a Pan-Wow. It's a heart and it's Santa Claus.

What's that? You're graduating?

Now it's a hat. Amazing.

Got a steak? Put it in the Pan-Wow.

It's a heart and it's a steak. It's like a heart steak. But it could also be an apple/scary Halloween/ football/balloon steak. So many uses.

Is that the Easter Bunny?

Pan-Wow.

And if you comment within the next five minutes, we'll give you a Pan-Wow absolutely free.* You can't beat that. Order now.

Thanks to Lisa S., Erin M., Shelley B., Melissa G., Marie H., Cristina Z., Jyap, Sarah S., and Anna C. who don't mind the three easy payments of $29.95.

*Plus shipping and handling. Other charges may apply. Pan-Wow may not be made in Germany. Pan-Wow may not be metal. Pan-Wow may not be shaped like a heart. Pan-Wow may not enjoy being taunted.

*****

P.S. You know what's even better than baking in heart-shaped things? Wearing heart-shaped things.

Polarized Heart-Shaped Sunglasses

These are my everyday shades, and I love them SO MUCH. I wear the pink mirrored ones, but there are lots more colors at the link.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

And I know just how to sell

I know just how to read instructions

And I know just how too spell!

I know how to make a moose head

And I know how to make a bear

I know just how to write "Amurersary"

And I know what to do with hair!

And I know just how to stack cake...

And I know when I've gone too far!

AND I'M PROBABLY GONNA CHARGE YOU EVEN THOUGH

IT TOPPLED OVER 'CAUSE I REALLY HAVE TO

PAY FOR MY CAR!

 But I don't think you should judge me

Just because it's hard to read my scra-ah-awl...

'Cuz you know I'll always be here

Making caa-aake

Look like nothing at all

{Making cake!}

Look like nothing at all

{Making ca-ay-ake!}

Look like nothing at all

Ahhh-awwww-AH!

 Ahhhh-awwww-AH!

 AHHHHHH!!

 AHHHHHH!!!

THIS LOOKS LIKE NOTHING AT ALL!

Thanks to Kimberly M., Justine T., Kate L., Lauren B., Krista K., Beth W., Meghan M., Margaret, Amy C., Anony M., Fred M., Kris D., Beth, Kate H., & Chelsea V. for helping us write the longest CW post in CW history.

*****

P.S. Since this saved my butt during a long painting day recently, I have a random product recommendation:

No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt

This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!

You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Famous for their Dance Dance Revolution play-offs...offs.

You tech guys know a PEBKAC when you see one, right?

That's "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Cake."

By the way, here's a tip from a former tech support phone operator*: if you're ever told you have an I.D. ten T. error, get a second opinion. Unless, of course, you're using your CD-ROM tray as a cup holder or mouse as a foot pedal**. Then it's an accurate assessment.
* That would be me.

**Yes, it's happened.

Moving on...

If only this had said "Patti Love heart <3 you"...

then it still wouldn't have made any sense.

"Let's see...I could write 'Amanda' in the Happy Birthday bubble, OR..."

Poor Adamwithblueflowers. Grade school musta been murder.

Ashley R., Tara C., Simon P., Amanda L., & Dana G., I would like to thank Ashley R., Tara C., Simon P., Amanda L., & Dana G. In italics.

*****

P.S. I have the kind of insomnia old-timey bards would write songs about, so let me again sing the praises of my amazing sleep headphones:

Bluetooth Sleep Headphones

I listen to boring audio books on these every night to keep my brain from spinning out of control, which works wonders. Lately I've been wearing them like a sleep mask - like the model here - and WOW, that's helped even more than when I wore them like a headband! These things have been a life saver: comfy enough for side sleeping, not too loud like some of my old speakers, and they only cost $20 Prime.

Note that they do run on the big side, but that works out great if you have a big head like me. :D
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Take it away, guys!

"Well, Jen, as you can see we're extremely well-rounded."

"And we always put our best feet forward."

"In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find a frog cake that was too dimensional.

(And if you did, I'd be crushed.)"

"Never mind all that, though: The eyes have it, dahlings."

Uh huh. I see.

Well, frankly, guys, I think you're just making my point for me. But wait - what's this? Dribbles has prepared a short statement summarizing why frog cakes are awesome? Ok, then. Preach it, Dribbles.

"Thowwy, I can't wewwy tok wight now. Ma tongue is bwoke."

Aw, what a shame. Well, slimy hell beasts you remain, frog cakes. Sorry.

Thanks to today's hip-hop artists Wesley T., Jen C., Erin R., Tim W., & Andrea L.

*****

P.S. I take it back; I *do* like chocolate frogs. Or rather, the resin DIY chocolate frogs John and I made a few years ago for our Harry Potter party:

This was such a fun craft, click over for my tutorial and links to all the supplies and free box template.

(By The White Flower Cake Shoppe)

Glass-smooth icing, perfect piping, and buttery soft flowers that make you want to dive in face-first?

YES PLEASE.

A bunch of today's Sweets will have you doing double-takes:

(By Cup A Dee Cakes)

At first glance, you'd swear this was fondant! Other than the white chocolate centers on the ruffles, though, that's all buttercream.

It doesn't have to be fondant-smooth to be a stellar Sweet, though; some bakers actually use the buttercream texture to their advantage:

(By Queen of Hearts Couture Cakes)

Aha! Edible paints! Brilliant.

Or how about something like this?

(By Fat Cakes Design)

Love that ombre fade! And imagine how boring it would be without the extra icing texture.

I bet you've seen this technique over on Pinterest:

(By Catherine, a friend of CW reader Melissa M.)

SO FUN. And even better, it's actually something we mere mortals can do!
(In a nut shell: Pipe a large dot, smear with a spoon, repeat!)

But supposing you DO want the smooth look of fondant.
It can be done!

(Baker unknown. Anyone recognize it?)

That gumpaste ribbon really helps sell the look.

Oooh, now this next one made me do a triple-take:

(By Shannon Bond Cake Design)

How is that all buttercream?? And how the heck did they pipe that ruffly tier? I'd be dragging my wrist through it by the second line!

And another mind-bogglingly intricate piping job:

(Photo by Jay Tsai Photography, baker unknown.)

Just looking at all that lace is giving my hand sympathy pains. WOW. Can you imagine?

Now, personally, I'm a big fan of excessive frilliness from time to time:

(By Linda Wolff)

Ahhhhh. Love it.

But there's also a lot to be said for bold, modern patterns:

(By Tea Party Cakes)

Not to mention poppies are my favorite flower - so brush-embroidered poppies? Suh-WEET!

This baby shower cake has it all: flowers, dots, perfect pattern piping, and even stripes!

(Also by The White Flower Cake Shoppe)

Plus I love those colors. So springy.

And finally, a stunning combination of buttercream flowers, brush embroidery, and what I think is a cornelli lace variation:

(By Emma Page Cakes)

The background pattern reminds me of the subtle crackle/glazing you see on fine china. SO PRETTY!

Hope you guys enjoyed today's fondant-free fancies! Happy Sunday!

Heheheh.

Heh.

Heh.

Hoo! Yeah. Good stuff.

Hey, maybe if we get a mirror!

Oh. Wait...

Don't worry, "Jett" - those poo-bats are so disturbing, no one will care whose cake this used to be.

How to make Al feel special:

AFTERTHOUGHTS:
Technically they're still thoughts, and that's what counts.

And finally, how to totally freak out your boyfriend:

(No, this wasn't intentional. And yes, that's the store "fix.")

I can tell you that Isaiah was probably never happier to see a Cake Wreck in his entire life, though.

Andrea B., Michelle V., LG, Sharon H., & Ashley, you've gotta admit: that would be a great way to break the news. Much better than, say, putting the used pregnancy test stick on the cake.

******

P.S. My "related searches" kind of got away from me today, but I think you'll approve:

"Hiss" Punny Cats Parody T-Shirt

Lots more colors and shirt styles available at the link.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

They failed.

This was supposed to say, "You're a traitor!"

"Drunken Loser"

"You Old Buzzard"

This one's almost accurate, if you think about it:

Like, "You get older, THEN dirt."

No?

Aw, thanks!

What's a riddens?

And who's Noboby?

Here's a hint: That's not supposed to say, "shix."

Ooooh, "burn."

I prefer using people when they're alive, though.
Less messy.

Thanks to Anony M., Warren E., Donna Z., Mandi O., Mark S., Jenny C., Anony M., & Robin K., for their dead-ication.

*****

P.S. One last giggle:

"What's Wrong With Society" T-Shirt

Let's just hope this doesn't give wreckerators any new ideas. :D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

AS YOU WISH.

First up, Randee C. ordered this simple zebra-stripe cake from her local bakery:

... and ended up with something only a finger-painting preschooler could love:

Zebras of unusual stripes?
I don't think they exist.

Next, Tahneea made two notable discoveries: first, this gorgeous cake:

There's a shortage of perfect ruffles in the world. 'Twould be a pity to damage yours.

And second, a use for leftover coffee filters!

"I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six hundred coffee filters on hand?"

"Do you always begin conversations this way?"

"YUP." 

And finally, Mel D. ordered this beauty for her wedding:

She tells me her baker showed her an impressive portfolio of gorgeous cakes, which made the final reveal on her big day that much more, well, you know ...

INCONCEIVABLE.

And ... EMBIGGIFY!

On the plus side, that silver glitter really clumps together nicely.

Bye bye, brides! Have fun ordering your cakes!

("Think they'll be wrecks?"

"If not, it'll be a miracle.") 

BYEEE!

*****

P.S. Forget the cakes, this month has left my house wrecked. I'm so ready for a big purge and organizing blitz - and eyeballing nifty little turntables like this:

7-Layer Rotating Makeup Organizer

Ohhh, look at this beauty. Don't you just want to take her for a spin? It's on sale with a $4 off coupon on Amazon right now, so about $17 Prime. Not bad!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: