Callithump Thunderblog

Meditation Bootcamp (Part Three of a Multi-part Story)

2012-01-20T10:33:00.001-05:00

This is the third part of a multi-part story. To read the first part, click here. Opening meditation. It is made clear that this is meditation bootcamp. You, Sondra Stinglash, Ms. I-Meditate-Every-Day-Most-Days-Twice, Ms. Liar-Liar-Pants-On-Fire, are so out of your league here. We will wake at 5:30 am. We will begin meditating at 6 am for one hour, the first hour of our daily

A Story, in Multiple Parts, in which this is the Second Part

2012-01-08T11:37:00.001-05:00

Dear Readers, This is the second part of a multiple part story. Please be a good little blog reader and read the first part first. Sincerely, Sondra Stinglash So, I go to the nice little silent meditation retreat, put on by the nice Canadians, lovely people who want me to be there and everything is going to be great. Everything is going to be fine and aren’t I happy that

An Open Letter to the Year 2011, from Sondra Stinglash

2012-01-01T15:22:00.001-05:00

Dear 2011, I am concerned about you. How are you faring with all of this? All of the over-eager, nary-a-glance-backward goodbyes. The casting away of a perfectly good year, with all the requisite seasons and months. Four of the former and twelve of the latter- you delivered what was promised. You made that trip around the sun in just the right number of days. 365 of them. Or

A story, in multiple parts, in which this is the first part. The story gets better as it goes along. I promise. Stick with it.

2011-12-28T14:11:00.000-05:00

Once in a while, you are the keeper of a story so good that each time you tell it, your audience, fighting back tears of laughter, begs you to write it down. This, my friend, is not that story. But it is a long story. And because of that, lately, when I tell it, I find that at about the midpoint of the story, I get tired of telling it and I start glossing over details, which makes it a

Love Notes

2011-05-19T20:31:00.006-04:00

Dear Sondra, If you were a porch light, I would be the moth who is drawn to you. Fondly, Howard ---------- Dear Howard, If I were a sentence, you would be my exclamation point. Sincerely, Sondra Stinglash ---------- Dear Sondra, If you were the weather report, you would be unseasonably warm. Fondly, Howard ---------- Dear Howard, If you were a writing implement,

Wherein Sondra Stinglash Makes a Comeback and Explains Her Brush With Clown's Disease

2011-04-17T17:58:00.006-04:00

Callithump? Is that you? It's me, Sondra! It's been over a year! What have you been up to? It is so good to see you! You look great! I am so sorry that I haven't kept in touch but I have just been so busy. You know how life gets. Busy, busy, busy...what with my new production, The George Foreman Grill: The Musical, finally taking shape and my new chia pet, I totally let

Sondra Stinglash's Guide to Kindergarteners

2010-03-09T07:54:00.008-05:00

Fact #1- Kindergarteners are very curious about people: Kindergartener- "Who your husband is?" Ms Stinglash- "Pardon me? I didn't quite understand the question. Can you ask me again?" Kindergartener- "Who your husband is?" Ms. Stinglash- "Who is my husband?" Kindergartener (smiling)- "Yes" Ms. Stinglash- "I don't have a husband." Kindergartener (frowning)- "Why not?" Ms. Stinglash-

100th Post!

2010-03-05T09:39:00.002-05:00

So this thing that happens- I get an idea that makes me giggle, I put my fingers to the keyboard and start typing. More giggling happens as I press "publish." Then even more giggling as I read the published piece and then joyfully fantasize about all the giggling that will soon occur in front of computer screens around the world. Hard to believe that this phenomenon has happened 99 times!Which

Yoga Class

2010-02-16T12:53:00.006-05:00

Standing in Mountain pose, feet a comfortable distance apart, we allow our heads to reach upward, yearning for the sky, opening our hearts to life, love and possibility... We invite our shoulder blades to plunge downward, surrendering to the earth's gravitational pull, imagining our feet growing roots that coil and wrap into the center of the earth... While at the same time,

Beaming With Pride

2010-01-30T08:58:00.004-05:00

Once in a great while my son, Eckhert, does something that makes me beam with pride. I know what you are thinking- that he finally started that humor blog he talked about a few months back. Not it. No humor blog. He did write one post which he sent to Edna, my inner editor, as he has no inner editor of his own. She checked it for typos and errors and sent it back

Have a Nice Day!

2010-01-24T09:42:00.008-05:00

Hey! Is that you!? How are you!?! It has been a long time, hasn't it? You are looking great! New haircut? No? New Glasses? No? Oh, you got your teeth cleaned! Fabulous. It's a good look for you. I really like your pantsuit. What would you call that color? Really? I would say that it is more of a saffron- it definitely has a bit of yellow. The little paisleys

The Latest Facebook Games

2010-01-09T12:11:00.010-05:00

Some fun is going on.... just write the color of your bra in your status. Just the color nothing else. And send this on to only girls no men... It will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a colour in their status.SOME FB FRIENDS HAVE PUT TOGETHER A "SUPPORT AMPUTEE AWARENESS

Shut Up!

2010-01-02T14:54:00.008-05:00

Haven't heard much from Ms. Stinglash lately have you? Beginning to worry, weren't you? Of course you were. You may have busied yourself bringing forth holiday cheer, making merry, toasting in the new year, etc...but all of that was to keep your mind off your nagging concern about Sondra Stinglash and her strangely uncharacteristic silence.Let me enlighten you. You see, as it turns out, the

Difficult Times

2009-12-13T10:41:00.011-05:00

Enjoy a classic from way back in the early days of Callithump Thunderblog.This piece was written some time ago, back in the days when our country was encountering difficult economic times.Funny...It still holds up.Dear Spleen,We would like to thank you for your loyal service for the past several decades. You have been a reliable and hard working part of our organization. Unfortunately, the

There's no such thing as a free hug

2009-12-05T09:05:00.013-05:00

I hugged this guy. Well maybe not this guy, but it was a guy with a sign just like his. And a woman too. I hugged her. I was walking down the sidewalk in Times Square and when I saw the free hugs signs I jumped up and down with excitement and then ran and gave them both enthusiastic hugs. My family was all like, "Sondra Stinglash! What are you doing? Hugging a stranger?" But I was all like, "

The Buddha's Got Weird Ass Hands

2009-11-25T20:52:00.010-05:00

This is an historical post, as it is the first ever written on a foreign computer on account of that I am currently in "The City," NYC, the Big Apple...that's New York City for you people from Manhattan, Kansas. I saved a few bucks by inconveniencing a friend in order to get a ride to my 1:00 in the morning bus which looked nice from the outside and was really clean so at first sight I was

World Peace Tea, Black Flax Slacks, Fortune Cookies In Bed and Enhanced Book Titles

2009-11-14T22:10:00.016-05:00

So I went out with a friend of mine and we got tea and they had a tea called "World Peace Tea" which we didn't get because we wanted another kind of tea but we were both wracked with guilt because what if it really works and we didn't order it? We got regular kinds of tea like peppermint and chai though, not sinister tea with a name such as "Immediate World Destruction, But Fuck It Because This

Money Saving Tips

2009-11-09T22:46:00.014-05:00

In these difficult economic times, Callithump Thunderblog recognizes that it is not enough to provide first rate humorous anecdotes and hilarious commentary. We realize that what the typical reader really needs are ouch-less money saving strategies.Look no further. You have come to the right place. Here is one such tip, something that will not only save you tons of money, but it is fun to do as

The New Funny

2009-11-05T20:04:00.016-05:00

I have been sick for four weeks now. In truth, I had a one week reprieve and then got sick again, so it is more like I have been sick for three weeks over a four week time period with two different illnesses, or maybe one illness with a relapse since it seems similar but with a lot more sleeping. Although, to be honest, I don't remember much about the first illness except I was on it, as in

This AHA! DUH! moment was brought to you by Sondra Stinglash.

2009-11-02T10:33:00.018-05:00

As you might recall, my last post was full of advice for my son, Ellis, who is starting up his own humor blog. Or at least he said he was going to start one, but this could be like the time he said he was going to take over the world and insist that people eat more hot dogs. Or something like that. I am not sure about the details because the fact is HE DIDN'T DO IT. Poor follow through, if

This Proud Moment In Parenting Brought To You By the Fine People At Blogger

2009-10-30T07:02:00.006-04:00

Having a teenage son is full of challenging moments in parenting. But recently, my son, Edric, said something to me that made me beam with pride! Straight A's, you wonder? An after school job? Did he tell me that he thought that it would be good if he started taking responsibility and giving back to the community by volunteering at the children's hospital on weekends? Better. Last night

Why you stick with your original idea of pretending not to hear when your son cries "MOM!" in the middle of the night.

2009-10-28T13:52:00.007-04:00

I am going to dash off a very quick post. Like I have 10 minutes before I leave the house kind of post; many would not attempt such a thing, but I am going to dazzle you with an act of brilliance of such caliber that my commenting audience will accuse me of cheating. "This post reeks of hours upon hours of earnest effort and hard work too, coupled with a liberal dash of Edna consulting; so fine

A Message From the Sunshine Day School

2009-10-23T07:57:00.003-04:00

The Halloween season is upon us again. And with this holiday comes another annual event- the reprinting of the Message From the Sunshine Day School. Since writing this piece I have done an internet search for 'Sunshine Day School' and have discovered that there are more than a few schools with this name. The Sunshine Day School in this post, however, is fictional, which means that as much as

Just Another Conversation Over Coffee In the Stinglash Household

2009-10-21T10:47:00.008-04:00

Another transcript of a real conversation that took place this morning in the Sondra Stinglash household.Person 1: That's my coffee mug.Person 2: It's mine. I have squatter's rights. Besides, you never drink out of this mug.Person 1: That's because MY MUG is never available.Person 2: You drink your coffee out of a drinking glass.Person 1: I am forced to. You have my tall mug. I like drinking

Exploding Blogs. Kids Saying the Darnedest Things. And Lots Of Strikethroughs.

2009-10-18T21:00:00.000-04:00

Way back when I started my blog, I became obsessed with was looking for ways to boost my numbers, as in hits, as in people reading my blog or at least clicking on it before saying, "This isn't what I am looking for," and immediately exiting in order to find their goat thing of the day, or whatever it is that people really want because, take it from me, this blog isn't it. So, I joined this group