Calming Reflections

Spirit of Life

2012-01-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

Spirit of life peaks above

shadowed giants,

singing songs of blessings from

infinite times

Day 2 of A River of Stones where you learn to engage with life and open yourself up to the world around you.

Pencil Etches

2012-01-01T17:54:00.002-07:00

Pencil etches slowly seep

longing echoes from

my heart. Quietly, softly they spill

in a torrent of peaceful ecstasy.

To fall in love ....

2012-01-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

I want to fall in love ...

with life

I want every breath that I take to have beauty, depth, and meaning. I want to walk out the door and be overwhelmed with all that surrounds me. I want to hear the message of every bird's morning song, see the dance of every tree, and feel the magic secrets carried within the very breath of the wind. I want to dance beneath the stars and serenade the moon. I want to feel awe in the beauty of a raindrop and be mystified by each sparkling snowflake.

I want to bathe in the beauty of life, and in it's love, feel my spirit come alive.

I wrote these words during a quiet morning a couple of weeks ago, along with this poem on my Quiet Poetry blog. I sat and wistfully thought of the someday in which I might perhaps truly awaken to the beauty and magic of life. Perhaps someday, when I am past this obstacle, answer these serious life questions, or obtain this goal - well, someday I can fall in love with life.

I stepped outside and gazed at the world beyond, yearning to touch the magic of life. I realized that there were many days when I could in fact reach out and grasp that magic, and other days when the touch of life and living seemed far beyond my grasp.

What, I wondered, could be the difference?

Why are some days filled with awe, wonder and beauty, while others so mechanical and empty?

As I sat and pondered, I heard the fluttering sound of the dove's song in flight as she flew from one tree to another and sat closer to me. I sat in awe at her grace and beauty and listened as the message of her coo filled my heart.

The difference of my days was simply a matter of choice.

It is a choice to awaken and open our eyes and heart to the beauty around us. It is a choice, each and every moment whether or not to accept and appreciate the gifts that life gives to us. We can take the hand of life and dance, or we can close our eyes and indifferently sleep walk our way through life.

I choose, today and each day, to fall in love with life and to learn to see each day's beauty with renewed wonder.

Today

2012-01-01T16:45:00.000-07:00

Today is a brand new day, a time for new beginnings, a time to shed the burdens of days past and begin to plant the seeds of tomorrow's miracles.

I have not chosen today because a magical number has changed on the calendar. Today is the day because I have made a conscious choice to leave behind the pain of yesterday.

I have toiled long within the cocoon of this life lesson and today I prepare to depart the darkness of the shell of painful untruths. Today, my spirit will spring forth and fly. I know that at times I may have to push against the currents; both those created by others and those created by myself. But I know that with each moment of flight, the truth and spirit of my wings will begin to carry me higher and higher.

My Christmas Gift

2011-12-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

Christmas – that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance – a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.

Augusta E. Rundel

This Christmas Day, I am a child once again. I have opened my eyes with immediate anticipation in my heart. I know what a busy day it's going to be and I can't help but smile as my heart leaps in joy. I nearly run out my bedroom door to see my mom and dad already making their hectic preparations. I run to them and wrap my arms around them as my voice sings, "Merry Christmas Mom and Dad." I see my two younger brothers quarreling, a task they've learned so well at this age. But I stop them in their tracks with a kiss on the cheek and wish them a Merry Christmas. I giggle as I walk away to see them both in unison, allied at last, wiping my kiss away with their hands.

I begin to get myself ready, as well as to help with what I may, when my mom calls us all to the phone. My Grandfather has called from Mississippi to wish us all a Merry Christmas. I am handed the phone when it is my turn to hear the musical voice that I know so very well.

Grandpa had such a loving and magical way about him - it didn't matter the time or distance, you could feel an outpouring of his love, his heart, his joy - in the musical sound of his voice and laughter. For all my days, that is a song that will never cease to play in my heart.

I can see his smile now, a smile that shone in his eyes and radiated through the hearts of all in the room.

Grandpa poured his love through the telephone, gave us hugs from my aunts, uncle, and grandmother and we all both wished and planned for a reunion soon.

After getting off the phone I rejoined the hectic race to get ready - watching last minute gifts being wrapped, gathering of food, and much more. Once all was loaded in the car, our first stop was to see my Grandma Rita and my mom's brothers and sisters.

I always marveled at their wonderful loving relationship. They were grown ups and yet they always played and lovingly bickered just as my brothers and I did. I can still see my Grandmother shaking her head at their antics, telling them to behave, as the look in her eyes showed such a deep love for them and a great joy in their playfulness and laughter.

I think I could quite possibly write for days about them all and each of their amazing qualities - of my Uncle Gilbert, with such deep and gentle eyes who always made me smile and how I truly wish that I could have known him as an adult. I could talk about the wonderful loving relationship between my mom and her sisters that is still so strong today and that I am so very blessed to know and be a part of.

Even in this very instant of writing, each of their smiles, their voices and laughter run through my heart with the strength of a river creating pathways through all that I am.

After time spent there, although very difficult to leave, it is time to go to my Grandmother Victoria's house, a place that I know will be absolutely filled with noise, so many voices, love and laughter.

Walking into my Grandmother's house for me was always like walking into a real but fairy-tale world, where she was the beautiful and gentle, yet so very strong Princess. Such a big family, but she was the absolute center of all of our hearts and worlds.

It is Christmas Day and the house was filled with parents, children, and grand children. There was barely a place to walk and before you could find a place to sit or stand, a round of wonderful loving hugs would ensue. The adults would sit or stand at the table and we kids would find a place in the corner on the floor to sit and talk and play.

An absolutely amazing choreographed symphony of love, voices and laughter played loudly throughout the entire house. It didn't matter what the conversation was, it didn't matter that us kids would certainly have to be scolded a time or two - or even a dozen - it was a home filled with love and Christmas Spirit. A home and family created, built, and nurtured by the love and strength of one of the most amazing women I have ever known - my Grandmother Victoria.

This is my Christmas gift to myself, the gift of these precious moments to be a child again and to take this nostalgic journey. A gift that I am able to give to myself today because my wonderful and amazing parents and family have blessed me with so very much.

The holidays can be difficult when we think of those we love who are no longer with us. They can be difficult when they are so much quieter than we might be used to or would like.

I have taken a journey to give myself the precious gift of warm memories. Today, I have once again heard my loved ones voices, their laughter, and have seen within my heart the love shining in their eyes.

I can honestly say that this has truly been my most treasured gift ... today and always.

Seeking Answers

2011-07-21T21:41:00.000-06:00

My absence here has been extreme. I'm sure that those who may have stopped by could hear the echoes and found my quiet place of reflection deserted. I have not left, not really. My pondering mind is just not capable of being turned off. Instead, my reflections have been confined to the quiet recesses of my heart and mind.

Just as we all experience, my life over this past year has faced some hardships, and twists and turns that have at times, left me at odds with myself. I have found that all too often I have more questions than answers.

I began to feel that if I did not have a morsel of wisdom to share, a positive life lesson, or an inspirational message, then perhaps my words should remain confined to the recesses of my heart. I began to wonder - who am I to impart wisdom? I am only a child in this school of life, still asking questions and seeking answers.

However, as my mind and heart begins find a little clarity, I began to realize - aren't we all really children in this school of life? Aren't we all on a quest to find the answers to the questions of life? And if so, then if my quiet little pondering questions do not contain an answer filled with wisdom, well that is all right.

After all, even if I did have all of the answers, it is very possible that those answers may not even fit your questions, or my questions may not fit your answers. But in the process of this seeking, the emergence of my pen and words, it is very possible that you might impart a grain of wisdom to my seeking mind and heart. And even if not, in the journey of these Calming Reflections, it is even more possible that through a love of words, a shared passion for questions, a friendship may be born. And in the journey of life, no greater gift can be found.

So, fellow student and friend, if you should find yourself here at my humble home, welcome, and I hope that sometime we can sit in the grass beneath the old Oak Tree and and ponder together these questions of life.

A Story of Awakening

2011-01-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

Within the depths of the frozen fields of blackness, a single gasp, and once again, I am. I know not who I am, or where I am, or even at this point - what I am. I know only, with that single breath, that I am. I cannot yet feel or see or touch, or even what these words might mean, but I have inhaled and I have exhaled, and therefore, I must be.

I exist in this state for an immeasurable amount of time. There is no sun or moon, or measure of days or time. In my state of existence, I am but an empty vessel.   There must be more, as a vessel by definition itself, would suggest that I should carry something, hold something, but I know not what.

As time passes, I begin to feel the cold, the ice piercing my being, and I realize that I can feel. I open myself up to the sensations, the ice scraping against me, and I relish even this pain and discomfort, as I now know that there is indeed more to me than this empty existence. I   feel pain, I feel the joy of feeling pain and I feel the thought   processes going through me as I come to this realization - I can think.   There surely must be more to me than this empty existence.

This moment of epiphany filled me with hope and I began to reach out. What else might I be capable of? What more could there be within the depths of me? As I reached out, I felt truth wash over me as the life force of my breath began to flow through me like a strong steady river. I can feel the energy of all that I am pulsating throughout me.

I am!

I sit quietly, indulging in my newfound joy. I feel a sense of exultation that can surely only be gained by the realization of being alive. Perhaps such a simple thing, but for one who has only just awakened and felt the breath of life, it is truly a miraculous awareness.

In my childlike wonder, I luxuriate in the absolute pleasure of being. I   allow the essence of life to skip and jump as it runs and frolics   through me. I laugh out loud at my own playfulness and stand in   amazement as I become acquainted with the light and energy flowing   through me.

I trace the pattern of its path, of my path through myself and begin to see an outline take form. I see ribbons and ribbons of light, entwined together, reaching down, reaching all around. It is here where I feel my strength is rooted.

I feel myself flow into the culmination of these ribbons of light to a mighty trunk, where the essence of me begins to spill upwards for amazing spans of time. I stand in awe, as I continue to trace the path of my inner self, and suddenly my being branches out into dozens of different directions. I feel myself span from the delicate strength of my hidden beginnings all the way through my own vast world of light towering in the sky. In this single instant, my essence flowing completely free, I not only am - I am now also cognizant.

I have spent time within myself, and in that sacred time, I have explored the depths of my being and become aware. As my awareness begins to grow, my thought processes begin to reach outward. I have now explored the depths of myself, no longer an empty vessel, but still - there must be more. There must somehow exist a beyond.

I reach outward but I feel nothing. It seems there is only darkness   that surrounds me. The more I reach out and feel nothing, the more my   spirit begins to sink. What good is 'being' if there is nothing   'beyond'. My recent joy soon transforms into an all consuming sorrow. My   memory begins to fade, and with it, my sense of being.

Although I have found myself, although I have filled the vessel, without a beyond, I am alone - with no purpose and no meaning. Why am I even here? Why 'be' when my existence is filled with such dark and emptiness.

I then begin to feel a pelting against me; not one or even a dozen, but   what feels like thousands against me. What is this pain and why must I   endure it? I already stand in darkness and now my sorrow weighs on me   even more. I try to understand from where this pain is coming but my   fear begins to overtake all sense of awareness and becomes the ruling   presence of me. I sink deeper within myself, wanting only to return to   the safety of my slumber.

Without awareness, I do not have fear. Without awareness, I do not have to feel pain. I begin to sink, traveling from my vast world of light in the sky, down the limbs of my reaching; falling, sinking, hiding back within the ribbons of my roots.

I had become so engrossed in my sorrow, fear, and grief that I had not   thought and lost the passage of time. I no longer felt the cold, and   instead of ice, I began to feel droplets of light begin to seep into the   delicate ribbons of my essence.

My spirit merged with these droplets of light and I felt the entire universe entwine with me. All at once I knew the stars, the land, and the sea. All at once, the mountains, rivers, meadows and lakes all were one with me. In that miracle of true awakening, the whole world lived within me. As the universe merged with my world of light, I felt life rushing forth to every part of me. And as the life force of the universe danced with mine, at the edges of my being, a gentle explosion of blooming light.

All at once, my heart could see; my purpose, my direction, as part of   infinity. My world, once dark, now in full bloom, one connection in   life, as part of a whole.

A Journey

2010-05-02T16:17:00.002-06:00

No, I am sorry my Dear Ones, but you cannot go with me. This is a journey that I must travel alone.

Yes, I realize that the way has not been charted. I understand that I may get lost. No, the potential dangers of my journey are not being disregarded.

Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters of my heart, loved ones, and friends -- I do know how much you care, but as much as you love me, and as much as I love you - you cannot take this journey for me. Nor can you wish away the need for this journey for me, because without it, I will be lost. If I never find the answers that I seek, if I never complete this quest, my heart will surely be lost.

Yes, I do treasure your gifts and will keep them always close to my heart, but it is not gifts that I seek. As much as they are valued, simply because they came from you, they cannot take away the need for my journey.

Yes, I know that you are wise and knowledgeable. I understand that you have taken your own journey. I see that you have answers, but they are yours, and yours alone. The answers that you have found, that you wear with so much deserved pride, simply do not fit me. The cloak that is you, I am not meant to wear. It is much too snug in places, drapes much too loosely in others. As beautiful as it is, and as you are, I cannot wear the cloak of you.

Oh, my Dear Ones, I do understand your fear and concern. But wouldn't you rather see me in my own cloak, with wings of my own?

Yes, that is very good advice. I have read information, teachings, and lessens from many knowledgeable people. I have read works from gurus, spiritual leaders, and experts. I have found much value in them. I do understand that I haven't even scratched the surface of the wealth of information, inspiration, and beauty that is available to me, and that is why I will continue to read and learn. However, even if I spent every second of the rest of my life devoted to only reading and learning of their wisdom, their words will not negate the need for my journey.

Their wisdom may point me in a direction where I can begin. They may serve as a guiding post when I meet a crossroads, but still, the journey itself must be my own.

My Beloved Dear Ones, yes, when I return, I promise, I will still be me. Perhaps I will be more 'me' than I have ever been before, but I will certainly still be me.

What can you do then, if you cannot take the journey for me?

What can you do then, if you cannot hold my hand throughout my journey?

What can you do then, if you cannot give me the cloak of you, of your answers, to wear?

It is simply, my Dear Ones. It is so easy, and yet, at the same time, it may be the most difficult thing that you have ever done.

While I am in the process of undertaking this journey, you can simply be present, be you, as you are. That is the only thing that I ask.

There are candles within your heart that are already lit, keep them lit, and I will do the same.

The candle of love that we share, yes, that is the brightest. While I am on my journey, when I become cold, I will feel its warmth. When my way becomes darkened, I may reach for its light. If the candle flickers or sparks, I will know that you need me, and I will be here. Keep the candle lit, and no matter where my journey takes me, we will always be connected.

When will I leave? When will my quest begin? Oh, Dear Ones, as I stand before you now, my journey has already begun - my quest already in progress.

You see, my Dear Ones, the journey that I take is within.

The answers that I need are of me.

Gumbo

2010-04-25T10:29:00.002-06:00

This is my brain today, a big thick pot of Gumbo.

A true myriad of different ingredients and spices, all put together in one singular pot. No two Gumbo recipes are ever the same, and it's often said that you can't make the same pot of gumbo twice, no matter how you might try.

And so, when faced with this dilemma within your mind, what solution remains?

Shall I sit and try to separate the ingredients in order to rebuild and analyze the recipe? Which of the ingredients are good and add needed flavor, and which are adding that not-quite-right taste? Is it even possible to separate the ingredients within the recipe?

Maybe I just need to add a touch of ... something.

Maybe if I can only take out a bit of ... something.

The big pot of Gumbo remains cooking on the stove, and all I can do is stand and watch it as it boils. It is nowhere near the overflowing point, as I have now turned it down to a simmer, and calmed the swirling heat.

But I cannot partake of this meal. I cannot sit at my kitchen table and savor it's taste, when I don't understand the recipe, and where I went wrong in the cooking.

And although the doors to my home are open, if you arrive, and see my kitchen counters filled with measuring cups and spoons, spatulas and cutting board, please know that I am only cooking - trying to find the perfect recipe.

Changing Seasons

2010-04-10T22:13:00.002-06:00

I am growing older, there is certainly no denying that fact. Yes, I may go through my day to day life conveniently forgetting my age, but it is a fact of life that I cannot deny. It is something that we all must go through, something that no matter how hard we try, there is absolutely no way to get around it.

There are so many changes that come with growing older, some physical, some mental, and of course, emotional - both good and bad. In one aspect, if we are lucky, we are able to grow wiser by the knowledge that we gain from our experiences in life. We are able to grow stronger emotionally by learning to cope and manage through different experiences in life. This is one of the beauties of the experiences of time.

I think that many of us tend to focus on the the physical aspects of growing older. I will be the first to admit, I am not young anymore. Although I would not call myself old, the youth of my twenties is certainly behind me. I know that I do not look like I am twenty anymore, and that I cannot do with ease many of the things that I did in my teens.

But is this the worst part of growing old?

In my opinion, this is only a drop in the bucket, a single star in the vast universe, and cannot begin to touch the most difficult part of growing older. The most difficult thing about the passing of time, and seeing the seasons change is the pain of watching loved ones grow older, and then the loss of my childhood heroes.

It has been a time of changing seasons, the winds blowing the leaves as they may. I've found, more than at any other time in my life, and for more than any other reason than this, I wish for time to stand still.

I stand now, as a child, grasping to hold on to my heroes.

I stand now, as a woman, resisting the change of seasons.

But alas, as we all come to know, much to our sorrow, time stands still for none of us. We must learn to embrace the child within ourselves, treasure the heroes of our life, and hold tightly to them for as long as we can.

We must learn as adults, that through the difficult changing seasons, although it may seem that our heroes have slipped away, the treasures that they have left in our hearts, in the shaping of our lives, will always remain.

A Simple Kindness Remembered

2010-04-03T16:03:00.002-06:00

I was going through one of my notebooks, and came across the smallest note, which reminded me of a business trip that I took for training several months ago. It was a week long, fairly intense, and intellectually stimulating training.

Now, I must admit to you, I had been dreading this training for many months prior to actually going - not because I was fearful for my job in any way, or because I doubted my ability to succeed. I have been in my profession for ten years, and like to think that in those ten years, I have learned and grown. However, I am a fairly shy and quiet person, outside of the realm of my comfort zone - and this was 1300 miles from that comfort zone, waltzing into the land of the Ivory Tower of Corporate Headquarters. Yes, I will admit, I was terrified.

The first day of training began well, offering shy smiles to those training with me, as we quietly introduced ourselves to each other. The instructors were warm, welcoming, and yes - even fun. I had found that another woman from my area was also attending, although we had only met once before. During one of our breaks, two of the Corporate Giants came into our training room, walked up to me and the colleague from my area, introduced themselves, and welcomed us. They let us know that the Manager from our region called to let them know that we would be there, and they just wanted to stop in and welcome us personally.

Wow! Talk about a shock. Not only did the Manager from our area take the time to make that call, but the Corporate Giants took the time out of their schedule to stop in and welcome us. This would seem like such a small thing, but so thoughtful and had an enormous effect on my own comfort level and helped me to settle in.

In addition to our class time, we also had a project to do in teams in the evenings. We had to take a troubled business, and prepare a presentation on how we would turn that business around. We were given massive amounts of data - everything from Profit and Loss statements, Balance Sheets and Budgets, marketing, advertising, competition, and service scores. In every aspect that this business was failing, we had to present a plan to fix it and turn it into a success. Then, to top it all off, we were told that we would be graded on this presentation, and the grade would play a part in determining if we passed and obtained our certification.

I confidently took the data, knowing it would take some time, but I had no doubt that I could do it. Piece of cake - even creating the Powerpoint presentation would be no problem! But - gulp - public speaking?

In my job, my own humble castle, on a regular basis I have to speak publicly to my staff, give presentations, hold our own training, speak daily to people I've never met and so much more. But that is in my own castle, with my comfortable shield and protective armor. This was different.

We spent the evenings working on our project, and the last day of training came, and it was time for our presentation. I knew that we had worked hard together, and had done a thorough job, but inside I was terrified of getting up in front. I had shared these feelings with my teammates the evening before as we practiced with the final presentation.

But now was the moment of truth, it was do or die - time to get up. Once again, just as I knew it would happen, my heart began racing, my hands shaking, the whole nine yards. We stand up and walk to the front of the room, and as I am preparing the Powerpoint presentation, one of my teammates, a kind sweet lady from Mississippi, handed me a small folded up note.

It said:

"Bernadine, wear your knowledge it will show your confidence"

This completely flipped a switch in my brain. For one, at the precise moment that we were on stage, ready to go, I was startled by this amazing act of kindness. Yes, it may have taken her only a few seconds to write those few short words, but it is a kindness that I will remember always.

Yes, I got through the presentation, still a bit nervous, but much calmer than I had been before. We got a 98%, and yes, I received my certification.

This trip stands out for me, and will be remembered always because of those Acts of Kindness. And now, because of the Manager who took the time to make that call, the Corporate Giants who warmly welcomed me to the Ivory Tower, and to the sweet lady from Mississippi, and each of you who spread Kindness daily ...

I must change my title and say a sincere "Thank You"

~~A Simple Kindness Remembered~~

There's No Such Thing as a Simple Act of Kindness

Every single act, has the power to touch another person more deeply than you will ever know!

The Invitation

2010-03-28T11:13:00.001-06:00

I don't normally post videos here, but this one touched me so profoundly that I felt the need to share. The words, the music, the video - none are my own - but I hope it moves you as it moved me.

You may take from it something different than I - but this is the type of beauty I have found in friendships here. We come to know each other not by our manner of speech, the clothes that we wear, the title we hold in the world of corporations, or any other of the superficial wrappings that bind us.

Instead - we come together, introduce ourselves - by the words of our heart.

Butterfly Daydreams

2010-03-23T16:32:00.003-06:00

I am neither here nor there; not then or now. I am magically lost in a butterfly daydream. It is a world where time does not exist, and the scenery and landscape are anything that I dream it to be - because the land of the Butterfly Daydream comes from within the deepest part of me.

A butterfly can sit delicately on my fingertip at any given moment of time asking timidly for me to come and play. She flies around me, circling me, tickling my ear, performing a sweet dance in the air around me. It seems that much too often, I cannot always come in to play, sometimes I must send her away, but always with a promise that the dance will begin again soon.

Upon entrance into this fascinating land, all else around begins to fade and I become lost in the land of my solitary kingdom. The landscape begins to transform, and once again - I am neither here nor there; not then or now - I am flying, dancing, and singing - in the land of Butterfly Daydreams.

The song plays on and with each note from the violin, a Kaleidoscope of butterflies join the dance. No butterfly exactly the same, they come in varying sizes and colors, some dazzling brightly, others singly quietly in the background. Each of them, in the act of their creative dalliance, teach me to fly.

This image came to me on Sunday, as I was writing a poem called Hope's Angel, as the thoughts sparkled around me. This is the feeling that I get, the place that I go when I get lost in writing. It begins with one thought - one butterfly landing on the tip of my finger, and before I know it, I am lost in a world of ideas. Each butterfly, a thought, a word, an image - a true Kaleidoscope of ideas.

Every trip to my Butterfly Daydream does not have the same result - it may be simply words strung together, the beginning of a song, or it may be the dawning of a poem, story, or blog entry such as this - or it may not ever be seen outside my own journal. Whatever the result of my travels to this terrain within myself, it always - yes always - allows allows my soul to fly.

Although while in my beautiful kingdom, I know that you and I will not meet, I know that you too can get lost in your own majestic Butterfly Daydream. When your butterfly asks you to come in to play, I hope you fly, dance, and sing.

Slow Dance

2010-03-16T20:18:00.002-06:00

There are moments in the dance of our life when the tune is lively and the tempo is fast. Those are the moments when you want to swing from cloud to cloud and bask in the light of the sun. Yes, the times when the dance floor is full, and the energy from the crowd is contagious.

Then at other times, you find when the tempo slows and the crowd begins to thin, and you can waltz underneath the light of the moon. A beautiful minuet, the rays of the moon carrying you from star to star in a dance through the wonder of infinity.

Still, there are those moments, when you find yourself performing a solitary pirouette within the quiet of your own heart. The only music that remains is the music created by your own spirit - a slow dance from within. Here within your intimate solo, you can immerse yourself in the all encompassing melody of you. Here - it matters not the tempo or tune, the sunshine or moon, but only the melody of the slow dance within.

My Magical Time Machine

2010-03-05T19:46:00.004-07:00

Time travel is one of my favorite pastimes, and I have a special time machine that is amazingly simple in its beauty and mechanics. My time machine can transport me back in time to many different dates and locations and allows me to step into and experience them again. All I have to do is to choose an option from my controller.

One of my favorite buttons is labeled, "chokecherry jam".

You see, my Grandmother made this jam, and the power of its taste has the ability to transport me to another time and place.

I am a child again feeling the excitement when my Grandmother tells us that the chokecherries are ready to be picked. Surrounded by many cousins, we race outside and enjoy a day of fun picking the cherries from the trees. I can see her so clearly, showing us how the jam is made and allowing us to help, even though I'm certain that we were really in the way. I can smell the wonderful aroma that is present throughout the house, and I can hear the sounds of family all throughout.

My Grandmother left us only six months ago, to my great sorrow, but the taste of her jam today was able to transport me back in time to share a wonderful memory of her.

Another of my favorite options is a special button similar to an mp3 plater that, in itself, has dozens of destinations to chose from. One such destination, labeled 'Bachman Turner Overdrive' can take me back to a wonderful and carefree time in which my dad would pop in his good old 8 track cassette (I wonder how many of you will know what that weird sounding contraption is). He would turn the volume up loud and take us for a ride in his 1957 Chevrolet that my grandfather had given to him many years before.

I could also set my mp3 controller to a destination called 'Olivia Newton John' or even 'Jim Croce' and experience once again the lovely sound of my mom singing as I looked through the record collection to see what to play next while we were cleaning the house together. Although it was work, and cleaning house was would not appear to be a significant memory, it was a special time shared with my mom. Yes, it's the little things that count, right mom? (She taught me well ladies and gentleman)

I certainly cannot forget the button called 'Pancakes' either. My mom is a nurse, and has been for many years, and back when we were really young, goodness knows how, she worked graveyard so that she could be there for us during the day. Upon getting off of work, especially on Sundays, she would make a big wonderful breakfast for all of us, complete with towers of pancakes. To this day, every time I smell or taste pancakes, it immediately transports me to that 'when'.

The button labeled 'Christmas Cookies' immediately now, and forever will transport me to a happy time when my mom and my aunt Carol and Debbie would all get together and bake Christmas Cookies. It would be a day full of fun and laughter, messes and taste testing.

Within my magical 'Time Machine', I can conjure up dozens - no hundreds of different destinations to visit, and even now, I am smiling and my heart is swelling. Yes, I know that it has been scientifically proven that there is a real link between the senses and memory, and that when one sense evokes a memory, it triggers the other senses as well.

I chose instead to believe in the magic of my own personal "Time Machine' and will endeavor to travel often with one of the many buttons on my controller.

I'd love for you to share the buttons on the controller for your magical "Time Machine' so that we can compare our journey's together.

New Beginnings

2010-02-25T21:44:00.001-07:00

Like many others, in December of 2009, I found myself thinking of what my New Year's Resolution would be. I created a mental list of goals and I told myself that no matter what statistics said, I would carry out and achieve these goals. I was not in any way conservative about the list of goals that I created. No, I couldn't simply choose just one resolution - why - because this was going to be my year. This would be the year that I would transform myself into the me that I truly believed that I was capable of becoming! I would learn to manage the demands at work better and become more productive; I would begin once again to get on the treadmill and ensure that I was the healthiest me that I could be, etc, etc.

Then, as many others who were so passionate about their New Year's Resolution, I found myself in the middle of January, looking back, recounting those goals, and wondering why I had not yet even begun. I looked at my mental list of goals and saw a notebook's worth of paper, each scrunched and torn, thrown into the wastebasket of my mind. I was now part of that majority. I was now a part of that statistic.

For a moment, I allowed myself to sink into and travel to 'Feel Sorry for Myself Land' and began to ponder what could have been. Then I told myself, why does it have to be over? Why are my goals now lost? After all, is tomorrow not a brand new day, yet another chance to begin anew?

That very thought brought forth more thoughts, which was the beginning of the avalanche within my mind. I took my shovel and begin to dig through this beautiful chaos. I began to shovel away all of the falsehoods, unnecessary and misleading piles. I knew that sooner or later I would reach the truth.

I diligently continued my search, until a helping hand told me that I was looking in the wrong place. Another beautiful soul came along and pointed me in the right direction and so I began my search once again, sifting through the bits and pieces. Then - at last, the truth had been found! It was a truth more profound than any other I have even known!

And born of this truth - a new fantastic journey to a place that I had only imagined before in my dreams.

The wads of garbled & torn up goals, tossed away in exchange for crystals so much brighter and meaningful. A solitary journey no more, with sisters to dance with along the way. This journey has so much meaning, one spiritual and within, and the other - a life dream.

My message to you my friends ...

~Tomorrow is another day and a new beginning. Embrace the dream and don't give up.~

~When you find beautiful souls who will travel with you along the way, reach out, share, laugh, celebrate, and dance~

Emerging from the shadows

An Awakening

in light

Pushing past false selves

A fledgling

reborn, tonight.

Layer upon layer of untruths

Melt from my skin

like ice

Puddles of darkness surround me

Evaporating

into the night.

The stars slowly descend

To encircle

my inner being

A dance of light and love -

An ethereal Celebration

of Seeing

City of Dreams

2010-02-20T10:58:00.000-07:00

Here I stand once again -On the outside looking in
At my City of Dreams -An impossible simplicity.

Near the edge where I stand the beauty and light before me are astounding. Just beyond my reach lies a city which holds my dreams. It stands before me, brilliantly shining its light and energy. But, just as the star in the nighttime sky, although it feels close enough to touch, in truth it lies many, many light years away.

This city of dreams is not an illusion of unattainable perfection; nor is it filled with riches, or jewels, or treasures. It is true beauty in life's simplicity. The streets are paved with love and the city lights illuminated by laughter. Each building represents a memory, with the city growing in beauty as each new building arises. The flowers, trees, and plants each hold a smile and the stars in the sky are each a twinkle in the eye.

I stand at the edge and I think about how many times and ways that I have tried to reach the city over the years, and I wonder if it will ever be. I have climbed, run, jumped, and yes, even crawled. I have prayed, looked & reached within, and even consulted the experts, all to no avail. I have built bridges only to see them crumble at the gate.

An invisible barricade surrounds the city barring entrance to the land of my dreams.It calls for me, reaches out for me, but with each attempt - brings me to my knees.

I see so many others enter the city and the beauty is simply beyond compare. But it's the others - "the lost" as I call them, who seem to bother me the most. You see, they enter the city simply by accident and care not for the dream. They enter the city, then burn and pillage, existing with total disregard.

I thought then, maybe I cannot reach the city because maybe it is my purpose to help "The Lost". And although I've tried, they do not hear me, because they do not see or care for the dream.

Still, I search for answers - How do I reach my city of dreams? What is the purpose for the invisible barricade in my path? They say there is a reason for all, and I look within, and I pray for the the light to understand.

In a matter of days, I may have the very last bridge of hope built before me - but it may just be the bridge that finally carries me to my City of Dreams; or I may find that the city is beyond all hope for me.

Until then ...

as long as there is the smallest spark of hope - I will hope

Within the consuming darkness
The smallest spark of light still shines
A glimmer of possibility & chance-
The hope for a miracle survives.

The chance is smaller than a grain of sand
Among our world’s broad areas of open land
Less, even so, than capturing snow
And matching the flakes within my hand

Yes,
Even less …

Than a single drop of water
In the oceans so massive and deep
Or an isolated solitary star
In our universe’s vast infinity

Yet I know It is His hand who holds
All of these boundless things
And in His love and mercy
My miracle can surely grow wings

My hope will not be diminished
As long as the spark remains
Shining in the darkness –
A glowing symbol of faith.

Stress

2010-02-18T20:59:00.002-07:00

In my last post, I talked about how to avoid getting stuck in the routine of daily life - how to live, and not simply exist. I wrote several ideas down on different things that I could do to connect with myself and those around me, and believe me, I had every intention on following through.

Although, it seems that fate has intervened, and having a busy week filled with stress on different levels, and being sick, just aren't conducive to the wonderful ideas that I shared in my latest post.

But then again, maybe that's when we really need it the most. In the spirit of my barely there, holding on by a thread sanity and the rushed time frame that I find myself in this evening, here is just a little bit of silliness to take the "stress" out of stress.

Quotes on Stress

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.

Jane Wagner

There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Henry Kissinger

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency.

Natalie Goldberg

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Anonymous

More important, you have to stay happy and positive or the stress will kill you - but at least it will make you skinny!

Joely Fisher

Beat The Robotic Blues

2010-02-13T11:43:00.001-07:00

The robotic blues -- no, it's not the latest style of music or the newest dance step, but a condition that can and I'm certain has happened to each of us. It's something that I have noticed has been happening to me quite frequently, especially in the chaos, hustle and bustle of the work week.

Monday morning I awaken, I am me - refreshed from the weekend and ready to take on the world. Then, as Monday becomes Tuesday, which fades into Wednesday, it seems, without my conscious knowledge or consent, a gradual metamorphosis of the self occurs. I am no longer me - I am a robotic 'to do' machine. I travel blindly from one task to the next, measuring my worth by the deeds and tasks that I accomplish and the level of stress that I can endure. In the back of my mind, in the spare moment when I am between tasks, wistful thoughts run through my mind, hoping for time enough to write - to read - to breathe - even to simply feel. By the end of the work week, I am in a state of nearly catatonic awareness.

When we become these robotic creatures, existing solely by the routine of tasks, to do lists, and responsibilities, we and those around us, begin to suffer. We lose sight of the most important and beautiful things in our lives. We cannot truly learn and grow, experience the beauty of our surroundings, notice or sincerely appreciate our loved ones, or feel the wonder and magic that life really is.

We cease to be, and instead -- only exist.

I know that there is so much more than this robotic existence - we both know this. I feel it and experience its wonder quite often - when I don't allow myself to be weighted down by the Herculean 'to do list' in the sky.

We all have responsibilities and stress but they do not have to define our lives or create blinders to the magic and beauty of what is both within us and around us. We cannot ignore the requirements of responsibility, but we can find ways to connect with ourselves, our family, & the world around us.

There is a better way. I simply cannot accept that I will only 'exist' for seventy-one percent of my week, month, or year. I vow to beat those robotic blues!

What do you do to beat the robotic blues?

I have compiled a short list of thoughts and beginning this week, I will try to do one thing on this list each day to connect with myself and the world around me and I welcome you to join me.

Ways to Connect to Yourself

Keep a Journal - You may not have time to write a blog post, poem, or story that you will publish for the world to see, but even five minutes per day writing in a journal can open up your mind, relieve stress, and start the creative process flowing.

Take a bubble bath - complete with candles and music. Push aside all thoughts of responsibilities and simply relax

Take note of your feelings - several times a day, of your emotions and feelings. Connect with them and yourself.

Lose the negativity: say a daily affirmation

Learn and practice yoga - The practice of yoga brings you balance and focus, helps to relieve stress, and allows you to connect to yourself both physically and mentally.

Daily Inspiration - Choose a daily quote from an inspirational teacher. Spend 5 minutes before you begin each day and think about what it means to you and how it might benefit your life

Draw, Paint, or Photograph - open yourself creatively

Ways to Connect to the World Around You

Take a walk - Consciously take note of your surroundings and the beauty of nature around you. Take note not only of the big things, but also try to find the smaller, less visible signs of beauty

Bring out the photo albums - Spend some time with a family member and go through old photo albums. Nothing brings wonderful memories to the front of your mind like old photographs. It also can help you to connect with your loved ones, spend quality time, and not take them for granted.

Spend some time with a pet - they are loyal, ask only for your love, help to relieve stress, and can also be a ball of fun

Do a good deed - Be aware in your day to day life of others in need. By doing a good deed daily, you not only help another person, but also actively open your heart for yourself

Hug someone! - After all, you can't give a hug, without getting one in return.

Be Silly! - Nothing helps to relieve stress better than a good laugh. Visit, call, or even get online with a friend - have fun - be as silly as you want to be!

An Honor Bestowed

2010-02-07T18:44:00.001-07:00

This past week, I was both stunned and honored to receive a wonderful blogging award from Jaqui over at Uplift Antidote. It was an honor especially because it came from somebody whose writing, thoughts, and inspiration I truly admire.

And so now, in the rules and spirit of this award, I will give you a list of people who have inspired me and then a list of blogs to whom I will pass this award on to.

My grandmother - Anybody who has read my blog, I think knows truly what an inspiration she was to me. From the words that I've posted there, "My grandmother has taught me what true strength is. From every aspect of how she lived her life and brought up her children, to the courage she showed until the day that she left us. My grandmother was the true epitome of strength and the best example I've seen of a true lady with unbelievable courage and strength."

My mom and dad - My parents sacrificed so much in order to give us what we needed. It is because of their love and guidance, that I am who I am today. The greatest gift they could have given me were the lessons on values, morals, respect, hard work & so much more - truly everything that the very foundations of what true character is.

My fiance John - He has shown me what true love, soul mates, and best friends are - all rolled into one. He has shown me what it's like to live with unconditional love and true acceptance, and knowing that no matter what weird, crazy or silly thing that I do, he will love me no matter what, and probably join me as well. He knows the good in me and accepts me with all of my faults as well, and loves me still - because AND in spite of it all.

My aunts - Debbie, Carol, and Alice - Although they are grouped together, they each have shown me so much throughout my life, and each in so many different ways. They have shown me strength of family and self. They have overcome adversity to become successful - each in their own way.

My mother-in-law, Dorothy - She is one of the most loving and accepting people that I know. Throughout her life, she has had to deal with situations & loss that would cause others to fall, but with the true strength in her heart & spirit she continues on, still loving, accepting, & supporting all those around her. She is one of those people who you feel are simply angels on earth.

My friends Kathy, Joy, and Shelly - A true trio of inspiration, strength, and love! The most amazing thing about these ladies is that they are each some of the closest friends that I have ever had - although, I have never met them in person. The friendship began nearly two years ago in a group called Hearts of Kindness - in which these ladies pulled together and helped others in need. By working with them, coming to know them, and helping others with them - I was able to come to know the true beauty of their kindness!

Those who are too many to be named - People who have devoted their lives to helping others, creating peace, and spreading love - Mother Theresa, Ghandi, and so many others who helped to shape the world and create love wherever they went.

My fellow bloggers, especially those in the Authentic Blogger group. Truly a wonderful group of people, filled with smiles, inspiration, & wonderful thoughts. It is not only an inspiration to read their blogs & work, but also to come to know them as friends as well.

And now for the difficult part ...

I know that this should not be difficult as there are so many wonderful blogs out there that I have recently discovered, like's Dawn's Blog 'Healing Morning' or Marty's Blog at Coffee With Marty, both of which I never miss a post. The problem is choosing only 10. So, I included a new little rule of my own, to reach out and give it to deserving blogs who have not recently received an award. So, for my top, in no specific order:

Kelphotography An amazing photography blog from a photographer who has a beautiful eye for detail. Her photos have such a way of touching your heart, you can almost place yourself in them.

1 Door Away From Heaven This is a poetry blog by Shadow who has an amazing way with words. If you enjoy poetry, her words are some that you could truly lose yourself in.

Creative-Treehouse This is a blog that I've only recently discovered, but fell in love with it from the first post that I read called Starfish & Footprints This blog is a combination of different things, filled with knowledge, unique experiences, and so much more

Sleeping Kitten - Dancing Dog This is a great blog filled with a variety of different subjects. Here, you can find everything from cooking, to the plight of the homeless, to the devastation in Haiti and how you can help.

Dancing With Pens This is another one of my favorite poetry blogs. Lisa has an amazing way with words and writes publishes poetry on her own blog, twitter, & poetry dances. Truly words that touch the heart.

The Widow Lady I have just recently discovered this blog and truth be told, I don't think I could do it justice with any description that I could write. Such an amazing lady with true heart, and reading this could help so many people who have to take the same journey. You'll want to start at the beginning, as I am now beginning to as well.

My Road As I Travel It A wonderful blog filled with inspiration, spiritual guidance, and wonderful thoughts.

Hope's Breath Another blog that I have recently been lucky enough to discover through the AB group. Beth has some wonderful thoughts, and a beautiful way of putting them together to make you think and touch your heart.

Write Minded Deb has such an uplifting blog filled with inspiration and wonderful thoughts to ponder.

Auntie V's Life and Cookery You can find such a variety of wonderful subjects in this blog - everything from excellent recipes to try to profound and inspirational thoughts.

I hope you have an opportunity to visit each of these very well deserving blogs as I'm sure you will enjoy them as much as I have.

Simply Pondering

2010-02-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

I woke up today, and began it as I have just about any other day .... with thoughts of all of life's complications. I spent this time as I was getting ready working thru life's issues. And as I began to work through and analyze each issue, I had some realizations ....

So, I stopped - in the middle of getting ready - and I stepped outside in my slippers, and I simply sat and breathed.

And as I sat and just breathed, I witnessed life and my surrounding world turn from night to day. I cleared my mind and began to take notice ... the briliant oranges of the not yet fully risen sun, the birds chirping, the scent in the breeze and all the grand and minute signs of a brand new day awakening.

And I once again began to see the beauty in life ...

And began to ponder not life's issues ... but why we allow life's complications to blind us from the beauty that life is. Life does not consist soley of complications, unless we allow it. And I've come to realize that whatever obstacle, problem, task, or heartbreak may be visiting us at any given time, it does not have to define who we are ... or take away from the simple beauty that ... WE ARE.

And so, today I begin anew ....

Today, I simply ...

AM.

Today I begin a new day with a renewed lightness in my heart and a curiousity in my mind of what today's beauty will unfold. And I begin today knowing that I can and will handle any complications that come my way, and I will not allow them to define me!

Today,

I simply am.

Beneath the Surface

2010-02-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

In so many instances we forget to look past the surface when we look at others. We forget that each one of us has fears and vulnerabilities. When we fail to recognize this, by only seeing the surface of what is in front of us, we also don't think about the impact that our words and actions may have on another person.

We make incorrect judgments based on a surface image that is built of puzzle pieces. These puzzle pieces are comprised of everything from job, clothing, manner of speech, and physical appearance - to even words spoken by the person themselves. But regardless of how many pieces you may be able to collect, they still do not add up to the sum of the person.

What you are missing is the true foundation of what the puzzle is built upon, beneath the surface of the pieces.

If we could only do this, it would allow us to stop and think - before we judge, before we speak mean words, and before our actions can hurt.

It reminds me of a poem that I read many years ago that I continue to keep in the forefront of my mind even today, called 'Please Hear What I Am Not Saying' by Charles C Finn. If you haven't read it, follow the link and I'm certain that you will be just as touched, and amazed as I am still today.

Mr. Finn says, " I give you the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water's calm and I'm in command and that I need no one, but don't believe me. My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing. Beneath lies no complacence. Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness. But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it."

Truly, if I could share this poem with the world, I would shout it from mountaintops for the rest of my days.

This sounds a bit extreme, you might say. Yes, maybe so.

It's possible that it's because I have been there, but then again, haven't we all?

It's also possible that I feel so strongly about this because other people's pain touches me so deeply. This is made even more difficult by the fact that I seem to be a person to whom others come to for support, advice, and guidance; and through these experiences, it makes me realize just how much pain and heartache could be avoided if only people could get past "I" and look beneath the surface before they act.

This holds true in not only avoiding actions that hurt, but by taking the time to really see - really listen, we could reach out in kindness and make a positive difference in somebody's day or life.

So please ...

Look beneath the surface and hear what they are not saying.

Lessons Taught ... Lessons Learned

2010-01-27T20:02:00.006-07:00

Lessons Taught, Lessons Learned

It is various lessons in life that we are taught, and that we learn on our own that shape the person that we are. Stopping to think about these lessons gives us a glimpse into the shaping of ourselves as an individual and can put into perspective things lost in our day to day life. So what are these all important lessons?

My parents taught me, "treat others as you would like to be treated". Yes, I begin with something so cliché that many of us brush it off. However, it is spoken of so much, and called the 'golden rule' for a reason. If we as a society could follow this one simple rule, many things would be different. But even for those of us who know this "rule", it takes great effort and thought to follow it. I may not always hold true to the golden rule, but I know that the more that I keep it in my thoughts, the more I will try, and the better person I will be.

My parents taught me that there is a very big difference between being a "woman" and being a "lady". I received this lesson early and often in life and then was given the freedom to choose which I would become, and it has made all the difference in the person that I am today.

My parents taught me the importance of family and how your family is the most precious gift that you will ever receive. Neither time nor distance can take away from the love, memories and experiences that should always be cherished. There is nobody on earth who will be there for you like family will. My family is more precious to me than I can even begin to express and I value every single moment that I am lucky enough to have with them.

My parents taught me values and morals. This is the greatest possible legacy that I could possibly ask for from them. What they have given me in this, is more valuable than any monetary value could possibly describe. These various values and morals are the true foundation of the person that I have become. They taught me about hard work, independence, the difference between right and wrong, respect, courage, and so many others. I would not be the person I am today, had it not been for the guidance, direction and lessons of these priceless gifts from them.

My grandmother has taught me what true strength is. From every aspect of how she has lived her life and brought up her children, to the courage she showed until the day that she left us. My grandmother was the true epitome of strength and the best example of a true lady with unbelievable courage and strength.

-------------------------------

And although these lessons that have been taught to us are very important, sometimes it's the lessons that we have to learn on our own that are the most difficult and heartbreaking.

-------------------------------

I have learned that trust is a double edged sword. When given to you, it is something to hold close to your heart and never betray. It is one of the most heartfelt and true things that a person can entrust you with, and should never be taken lightly. I've also learned that to give your trust to another person is the ultimate vulnerability. You open yourself up to the potential for pain like you could never imagine, and therefore, trust should be given to another person only with great care and thought. I've also learned that even when you do trust, you should always hold some in reserve, and never give your full self.

I have learned that one of the greatest struggles in life is the struggle to be your true self. Too many times, we try to be who and what others want us to be until we get to the point where we lose sight of who we really are. We need to learn to never let another person or situation to allow us to lose sight of who we really are, what we really want in life, or what is truly important to us. A person who truly cares about us will help us in our journey to grow as an individual, and not hinder the person that we are or would like to become.

I have learned that true friendship is a commodity not often found in its purest form. Many people will come in and out of your life, and call themselves your friend. However, you will find, to the sorrow and disappointment in your heart, that many only want something from you, or may only be around when the sun is brightly shining. So, if you find a friend, who accepts you as you are, faults and all; a friends who is there through the rain and fog and ice as well as the sunshine, hold them close to your heart, cherish them, and never let them go. And when you learn the truth of the others, don't let your heart be troubled, only realize what a rare gift true friendship is, and accept that not all "friends" or "friendships" will fit that mold.

I have learned, through much experience and mistakes, to never judge people. The woman who did not say hello to you, or the man who only showed you anger, may have more hurt in their heart than you will ever know. Each of us holds close inside the person who we truly are. And each of us has an image that we have created to portray to the rest of the world, for good or bad. This image may be to hide hurt, anger, fear, or self-doubt, and is not a true indication of the person inside. I have learned to not judge people, and to realize that, somewhere inside, is a person like myself, who I'm certain other people have judged, and that person has feelings, just as I do. By not judging, this allows me to try to take a deeper look at this person, and just perhaps, see the true beauty inside.

I have also learned that you cannot live your life to please others. There will be people in my life who will come to know me, and accept me as I am, and there will be people who may despise me for no reason at all. I have learned to accept the fact that I have no control over this, and therefore I must not live my life with concern about what others might think. To do this will only bring about a feeling of defeat, because it is truly impossible to please all people. To live for the approval of others would only cause you to lose who you truly are inside.

I have learned that you cannot depend on any other person for your own happiness, regardless of who that person might be. You must be strong enough to be able to find happiness within yourself, before you can find happiness with another person. If you depend on another person for your own happiness, you are only setting yourself up for defeat, because it is no other person's responsibility to ensure your happiness. You must live your life in a way that you create the circumstances for your own happiness. Then, if you are lucky enough to find the right person, you can build a relationship based on a healthy happiness between two people, rather than each person being dependent upon the other. The path of dependency leads only to disaster.

I have learned that fear is my greatest enemy. For too long, I have allowed fear to control too many aspects of my life, and it has suffocated the very essence of who I am and who I want to become. This has been my most difficult lesson, and I am still in the process of learning, accepting, believing, and fighting what I believe is my greatest weakness. If I continue to allow fear to control my life, I will lose all that I am.

-------------------------------

So, with courage in my heart, and tears in my eyes, I will find the will inside myself to follow these life lessons and try to become the best "me" that I can be; A "me" that I can respect and will be proud of.

I am humble enough to admit that I am only human, with many faults & failings. However, I know that if I falter, I will pull myself back up again, lift up my head high, and continue to try again.

And although I may not reach my ultimate goal in living each lesson as I have been taught and have learned, by continuing to try, I will become closer to the person that I strive to be.

Dance In Your Underwear!

2010-01-26T21:01:00.005-07:00

Yes, I did -- I said it ... dance in your underwear.

Before you begin to think that I am crazy, just stop for a moment and think about the last time that you really let loose and did something fun and spontaneous. How long has it been? A few weeks? Months? Years?

I had an interesting conversation on Facebook tonight and it began with this quote, "Dance in your underwear, Run through the sprinklers, Act weird with your best friend, And just be crazy cause life is too short to be normal." During this discussion, some general silliness followed, leading up to me posting a link about a poem I had written several months ago called The Dance that I had originally posted on my poetry blog A Wave Will Rise on Quiet Waters.

It was amazing the response that I received from people in messages who didn't want to publicly comment, but who had to tell me a story of something similar that they had done.

In a world where we struggle to find peace, acceptance, growth, and even financial means, we so often forget to let go and have fun. I know that it's something that I have a difficult time with. It seems that in my life I am always so focused on being the responsible citizen & employee, the boss who leads by example, and the caring compassionate friend and family member, that I sometimes forget to let go.

It brings me back to a time two summers ago, when a few friends and I were doing our nightly walk / jog at the track. Somehow, some way, we each let go of the weight of our 'required maturity', and were having a cartwheel contest in the grass near the baseball field. Even as I write that, my mind reels at the thought - "What, oh what ... will their opinions be?" But I have to tell you that I hadn't let loose like that in a very long time, and the absolute sense of freedom was amazing.

No matter where it may be, no matter what you may do, we all need to find a way to let loose of the weight of expectation and truly allow ourselves to feel, to laugh, to dance, and sing.

When was the last time you:

truly laughed out loud with abandon?

Sang out loud?

Run through the sprinklers?

Or danced in your underwear?

What are some of the things that you do when you allow yourself the freedom?

The Dance

The house is quiet

She is all alone

The lights are dim

And the music is down low

Here in her solitude

There is nobody to care

She’s a world away from

All their whispers and stares

So she reaches into her heart

And she sets herself free

Becoming one with the music

Flowing into its sea

She breathes in its beauty

As it seeps into her soul -

Feeling its magic

With each sway & each flow

For one fleeting moment

It’s only her and the dance

A joining between music and self

in this moment of solitary romance

An Amazing Discovery!

2010-01-24T10:05:00.003-07:00

I awoke this morning with the perfect idea of what my new post for today would be and I was excited because today is 'the day' - 'my day' that is filled with a beautiful, peaceful quiet morning to read blogs to my hearts content. Today, I would write about the peace that blogging brings to me. I find peace and enjoyment in writing, and always have, but I also find it in reading others' blogs as well.

In addition to reading other people's blogs, the wonderful conversation that comments brings about stimulates my mind, my heart, and yes, my spirituality. The sense of community among bloggers is amazing and something I've not found anywhere else. I have made some wonderful friends at BlogCatalog and found some truly interesting and heart-warming blogs that I make a point to read on a regular basis. One of my favorite things to do is to randomly go to links listed on others' blogroll, and am able to come across blogs that truly speak to me and touch my heart.

My only gripe, is that I simply don't have enough time to spend, and believe me, there are some blogs that I would love to just stop time, go to the very beginning, and read from it's inception. But alas, much to my sorrow, there is no pause button for time.

Yes, this is what today's post was going to be about!

I must admit that my current thoughts are not completely different from what I WAS going to write about, but it is truly so much more!

You see, I've made a discovery! A truly amazing discovery! But I don't believe that the credit for this discovery is my own or that it is a coincidence.

You see, I have been traveling a dim pathway, feeling alone, and searching for a way, a light, a guide. I have been reaching to find - what I know I must be searching to find, but just could not grasp.

Then, just a short time ago, and I honestly don't even remember exactly how, but I came across a wonderful group on Facebook called Authentic Blogger. At first, I had the opportunity (because of time restraints) to only browse through the group and it's various blogs. In the past couple of days though, I have had the opportunity to visit different blogs from the group members, and must say that with each blog I visited, and each post that I read, a feeling of wonder, peace, calm, and clarity filled my heart and mind.

I have not had much of an opportunity to get to know many of the authors yet, and as the quiet person that I am, I hope to be able to come out of my shell enough to do so, but their writing is some that I will certainly will follow and get to know.

This morning, I had to pry myself from my reading, to make myself pause to write for my own blog. I don't believe that it was coincidence that brought me to Authentic Blogger, and after some reading that I did last night, I awoke this morning with a new sense of direction and a lightness in my heart, and even a clearer direction and path to His Word.

Authentic Blogger is not a Christian Blog Group, you can find blogs of many styles and types there, but I must say that there are some truly amazing Christian, spiritually uplifting, and inspirational blogs and bloggers there.

To my newly found Authentic Blogger friends, if you read this, I am a bit embarrassed to admit my reaction to your wonderful blogs - okay - maybe I'm not - because you are truly amazing! I recommend that any of my friends, whether you blog or not, to check out the various blogs in the Authentic Blogger group.

And although there is so much more that I could write here on the newfound feelings of direction and wonder, I think that will have to wait for a later post. In my limited time this morning, I find I want to see how much more reading I can fit it!

What an amazing discovery!