Can O' Whup-Asstag:typepad.com,2003:weblog-6366852011-08-07T21:49:38-04:00Just Like Mom Used to Make! Breaking News! Celebrity Guests! Haiku Reviews! TypePadCanOWhup-asshttp://feedburner.google.comSouth of the border (plus, bonus commentary from Aunt Betsy, the universe's most irresponsible advice columnist)tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef01539082a6c5970b2011-08-07T21:49:38-04:002011-08-07T22:34:53-04:00Hola, trash. You've missed us desperately. In our absence, natch, the world went down the toilet. Debt ceilings and ratings downgrades and stock sell-offs and scary fundamentalist hoote-nannies. The economy is smoking crack with Whitney Houston in some bathroom in...Whup-Ass MasterSpamtasm: "Nice Olga"tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef01538fcb6f6b970b2011-07-10T20:02:44-04:002011-07-11T06:11:12-04:00Hello, muskrats. Good summer so far? Wait, we don't really care. It's a hot one today, in that "the-air-feels-like-mushroom-soup" kinda way that's particular to our beloved liberal elite greater New York City. Anywho, we sat down to write something for...Whup-Ass MasterHow we met Rob: a totally true storytag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef01543342cac5970c2011-06-25T19:26:45-04:002011-06-26T09:19:23-04:00So last night we attended a screening of an odd yet hilarious independent film called "Co-dependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same," starring a college friend. After the credits rolled, the producer bounded onstage with the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen,...Whup-Ass MasterA brief note of friendly concern: Dear Callista Gingrichtag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef014e893f0fe4970d2011-06-19T21:13:43-04:002011-06-19T21:13:43-04:00Excuse us. Ms. Gingrich? May we call you Callista? How about Cally, then? Or Cally-cally-bo-bally-banana-fana-fo-fally? You have no idea what we're saying, do you? Tell you what. Let's lose that spectacularly unappealing dude by the onomonopoetically correct name of "Newt"...Whup-Ass MasterGov. Rick Perry unveils long-awaited Republican fiscal strategy: cry and pray!tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef015432f2ac98970c2011-06-11T17:23:29-04:002011-06-11T19:46:23-04:00Rick Perry (Governor of Texas, ABBA fan, gaydar activator) has taken a break lately from his many closed-door meetings with his Secretary of State and his personal chef in order to team up with that notorious homophobes-for-Jesus outfit called the...Whup-Ass MasterSarah Palin would like to talk about American history and other stuff alsotag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef01538ef85d04970b2011-06-05T17:00:24-04:002011-06-05T18:27:01-04:00*** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE *** Hi there. I have decided to take a break from riding on the bitch seat of Harleys and not telling the press where my next press conference is happening so I can talk about my...Whup-Ass MasterAunt Betsy live-blogs the Oscars!tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef014e8661290b970d2011-02-27T20:49:30-05:002011-02-28T19:49:03-05:00Well hi-dee-ho-dee-dippity-do!! Here I sit, luxuriously ensconced in my nutmeg-and-crimson House Beautiful chaise with magic fingers (stuck lasciviously on "fondle"), with a pitcher of Singapore slings and a bowl of bugles. Tonight, I shall share my Jesus-inspired insight with regard...Whup-Ass MasterAlbum review: Heidi Klum's "Dead Inside: Beloved Christmas songs translated from English to German and back into English"tag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef0148c6a7cb02970c2010-12-12T18:34:32-05:002010-12-12T18:45:25-05:00Review: It's that time of year again, when salespeople are trampled, Grandma gets groped by security, and our little darlings are traumatized by fire-spewing demon dolls. It's also the season when the Klum-Seals gather around der tannenbaum and Heidi tells...Whup-Ass MasterMadame Secretary Clinton would like to apologize in advance to world leaders for all that stuff she said behind your back just for laughs before it gets wikileakedtag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef0148c670697b970c2010-12-05T19:22:20-05:002010-12-05T20:31:05-05:00*** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE *** Dear prime ministers, queens and despots (and I'm not just talking about you, Vladdy! LOL!!), As you know, some fruity Aussie named Julian Assange runs a cyber fib clearinghouse called Wikileaks, which rudely disseminates classified...Whup-Ass MasterOn your 50th birthdaytag:typepad.com,2003:post-6a00d8341ccc3253ef01348843c56a970c2010-10-17T15:09:43-04:002010-10-18T21:07:33-04:00*sigh* So. How's junk? Lots happened since we saw you last, looking (forgive us) less than your best in that sterile chamber; silent, save the regular beeps and whirrings of all that infernal machinery. Where to start? Chronologically: an election...Whup-Ass Master