Canadian Blogger Girl

A Final Word

2012-02-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

Good bye my fellow minions its been a treat. Please email me for details of where I am headed next. If we've already conversed via email, please email me back again and I will let you know what is going on...as things have changed effective today.

It has been my pleasure to get to know you. I wish you all nothing but success in your future.

To email me: canadianbloggergirl@gmail.com

This site will be closed effective Feb 29th 2012

Saying Goodbye

2012-02-07T17:08:00.002-05:00

This will be my last post here at Canadian Blogger Girl. I have decided to shut down. Nothing major has happened. I am fine. I just thought that rather than disappearing that I would let you all know that this is Good bye.

I would like to stay in touch with you. Feel free to email at

canadianbloggergirl (at) gmail (dot) com

My fan page, and facebook profile has already shut down, and my twitter account will shut down at the same time the blog does. Any messages/emails are welcomed.

This blog will stay open for approx another week, and then I will shut it down for good.

yours truly

CBG

Still Here

2012-02-06T08:42:00.000-05:00

So my fellow minions, I just thought I drop by and say a quick hello. I'm still alive. I'm just really having a hard time coming up with things to talk about. But here is a little tid bit as to what I've been keeping busy doing.

I hadn't watched a single episode of Army Wives. I know, I know! Quit jumping down my back about it! Sheesh!

See, I'd heard about the show but here in Canada its not on any cable or satellite provider. So of course, I had to find it online. Gotta love all the different sorts of websites that are out there that provide this service. I guess Canadians aren't allowed to watch anything off of American broadcasters websites, such as *cough* ABC *cough*.

Well I've watched all the past seasons of Army Wives now and can not wait until it starts up again next month.

I will say however that this really does show how much different army life is from American to Canadian. Of course I knew they were different, but this gives a good visual. Of course I know its made for television and not all of it is realistic, but it gives an idea.

Just in case you've never seen the trailer for this coming season here is quick look at the lives of Army Wives.

Who Doesn't Love a Train Wreck?

2012-01-26T13:47:00.003-05:00

Calling out all vetran minions. Do you remember the Adam's Family? Come on....who doesn't remember that train wreck of a family?

Have you ever made friends with someone that you wish you hadn't but it was too late to back it up and get the hell away from that person? Well good old Morticia was that exact person.

I chose to stop posting about her and her family as a way to slowly retract from the insanity. It was soooo hard. She didn't get my forwarding address, nor did she get my current phone number (nor can she as it is unlisted). She probably doesn't have my email address any more, at least that is my hope.

Well today I cut the cord! I finally did it. I sent her and anyone that I met through her a facebook message today stating that I was sick of facebook never working properly and said I was getting away from it all and just closing my account.

But...what I really did, was just delete and blocked them all.

My hubby is gonna be so happy...lol. I must say I am also. I just couldn't handle the drama. I didn't even give her a chance to give me a question, cause as soon as I sent the message, I deleted and blocked her.

Hopefully that will be the last of the dreaded Adam's Family.

But I have a confession to make.......

I want a new Adam's Family to write about....I'm awful I know.

Sitting Comfortable?

2012-01-25T09:33:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that apparently I as well as many other families in Canada are rich. Let me make myself clear. Families within the Canadian Military are made of money!!!!!!!

All you military spouses out there....Did you know this?

According to some extremely ignorant folk out there, the Canadian Military Members get paid so well that we do not need assistance from social programs for our children, ourselves, or our families.

I belong to several Facebook sites that have everything to do with the military in Canada. As I have been to several bases within my hubby's career. But someone posted something just as frustrated as I, in regards to someone thinking that the military families should not be able to benefit from social programs.

Trust me, even though I am aware that the Canadian Military is paid much better than the American Military we are not sitting in the, what I would call, comfortable situation financially. If you do not have two incomes (really even if you do) , even if you only have one child, IT IS HARD. When you think about rent, groceries, car payment, insurance, utilities, it all adds up just like every other non military household.

If you think that our military gets paid too well or doesn't deserve the same perks as you do then you are an ignorant asshole who needs to get educated!

I'm done venting for today.

Living In Canada

2012-01-18T08:33:00.000-05:00

Good morning my fellow minions. Things have been quite chaotic around CBG's world lately. But I'm still around. As you all know I'm Canadian and as much as I am proud to be Canadian, there are some days where I could do without my countries seasons. Well maybe just one season....bad old winter.

You see, I'm not your typical Canadian who loves to be outdoors in the winter. I'm not a hockey fan. I can't skate to save my soul. I've only ever been on a snowmobile a couple times in my life both of which I got stuck in a snow bank and had to walk miles back to home. I'm not much of a cross country skier and downhill skiing is fun if you know how to stop....which I can not unless there is a building or a tree to help me out.

This winter has been an odd one for us Canadians. It certainly has not been your typical winter at all. We're in the later half of January and we're still getting occasionally above 0 degree temperatures (or 32 F). Usually by now we're around the -20 C by now and stick there. Also by now we have about 3 to 4 feet of snow.

Yesterday it rained. I could see my grass!

Then......

Flash freeze.

Then......

Snow squalls.

Now, still snowing. The wind is up and in some spots you can barely see your hand in front of your face.

I don't like it.

I mean of course I should be used to this weather in my 31 years of age. However if you don't like something you just plan don't like it.

So here is what I have to say to Old Man Winter.

Old Man Winter......

Take This Snow

.....and......

Shovel It!

Hello 2012

2012-01-07T16:08:00.001-05:00

So I have a confession to make. I sucked last year. I truly did! I mean come on, I just disappear of the face of the earth and there was no explanation as to where I went or what was going on. So for that I apologize.

2011 was filled with huge amounts of changes and some were definitely welcomed while others were not at all. I'd like to think that were not handed anything that we are not strong enough to deal with. So I'm gonna just give 2011 a courteous thanks for stopping by and I'm sure as hell glad you're gone.

2012 for me is going to be a year of changes. Changes for the positive. Changes that will take me places. I've already started off on a good note, by losing 12 pounds!!! (sorry for all of you struggling to lose weight over the holidays and didn't)

I know you're all probably sitting there staring at the screen in disbelief thinking what the hell CBG, you lost 14 pounds over the holidays last year, and this year another 12? Who does that? Well my little minions....I seem to!

I'm also going to change my finances. Last year was hard. I mean really hard. However this year, its going to be tight. I mean really tight. I'm going to make sure by Christmas time this year we are in a much better place financially. You're probably thinking, really CBG? How are you gonna do it? Well quit smoking for one. That is a MASSIVE savings when two people smoke in a household. I'm also gonna cut back on the groceries. Now I'm not talking cutting back on essentials obviously. I'm talking about all the snack foods. The foods that no one really needs but buys anyways. So those are two of the ways I'm going to do it. I will not be telling you all my secrets though. But I can tell you this, I do not want to be in this same predicament in a year from now.

Another change that I am making in the coming year is getting out of this house! What I mean by this is that I am getting social. I have already cut back the cable package. I'm already not online as much as I used to be. I'm getting out there and meeting new people. I'm socializing with other Mom's. I'm bringing my Sweat Pea to play groups and social events held for children in the area. I've already met a great bunch of ladies all around my age group and loving it.

Also I'd just like to catch you all up on my MIL (who has lung cancer), she has had no changes in her CAT scans in a year! So that 10% chance of survival she had a year ago.....she kicked its ass in a HUGE way. We spent Christmas with her and a few other family members and it was wonderful.

As for hubby and I and our challenge we faced last year. We are working on it. We are communicating. We are trying to be more family orientated and mainly working on rebuilding trust. Some days its not easy. I fear I'll never be able to fully let go. But I'm damned well gonna try.

Now I'm gonna leave you all here to go ahead and ask me questions. You can either leave them in the comment field or you can email me at canadianbloggergirl@gmail.com . Either way will be fine. I'll try and answer you all. These questions can be about anything. If you want them featured in Ask The Canadian that just let me know that and I'll feature it. The alternative is that you can ask the questions and I'll find a way to fit them into my posts.

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season. It feels great to be back!

I Will Always Remember

2011-11-11T07:50:00.001-05:00

Please take a moment today and every day to remember!

All soldiers that have passed while fighting in Afghanistan and around the world are important. This particular story holds dear to my heart.

Canadian military officials released on Saturday the identity of a soldier from Thunder Bay, Ont., who was killed while on foot patrol west of Kandahar.

Pte. Josh Klukie, a member of the 1st Battalion, Royal Canadian Regiment, which is based at CFB Petawawa near Ottawa, died Friday after triggering what may have been an improvised explosive device (IED) on a road in Afghanistan's Panjwaii district.

Private Josh Klukie, a member of 1st Battalion, The Royal Canadian Regiment, was killed on Sept. 29, 2006 in Afghanistan.
(Department of National Defence)

Military officials have not released his age. His remains have been flown to Kandahar airfield.

A woman at the home of Klukie's mother in Thunder Bay told the Canadian Press on Saturday that the family had no comment.

Capt. Jim Davis of Thunder Bay's Lake Superior Scottish Regiment said a public affairs officer from Winnipeg was en route to Klukie's hometown. Davis said officials were trying to organize a news conference where a family representative would likely speak to the media.

PM offers condolences

Prime Minister Stephen Harper expressed his condolences Saturday to Klukie's family and friends.

"Canadians will not forget the dedication and courage he demonstrated," Harper said in a statement. "We are proud of him, and humbled by his willingness to serve Canada."

The military said one other soldier, Cpl. James Miller, of Hamilton, became deaf in his left ear and suffered a possible concussion in the incident.

Col. Fred Lewis said the soldiers were on patrol on a combat road created by a bulldozer for Operation Medusa, the large-scale offensive aimed at driving Taliban fighters from their strongholds in southern Afghanistan.

Device planted in road

He said an IED or a landmine planted in the road and one of the soldiers triggered it.

"The use of IEDs by insurgents indicates their callous lack of regard for people in the region," Lewis said. "It could have just as easily been a bunch of children playing in the area."

Lewis said it appeared unlikely the device had been set off by remote control.

The news came the same day funerals were scheduled for three of four Canadian soldiers killed earlier this month. They died when a suicide bomber on a bicycle detonated a device near the Canadians, who were on foot patrol.

Speaking from Kabul, NATO spokesman Mark Laity told CBC Newsworld soldiers know it is dangerous to get out of the armoured vehicles, but believe it is necessary if they want to win the "hearts and minds" of Afghans.

"These are soldiers. They understand they have to take these risks," he said.

More than 2,000 Canadians are serving in Afghanistan's volatile southern region. With the latest death, 37 Canadian soldiers and one diplomat have been killed since the mission started four years ago.

A little history for you that I found on a google search!

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM
The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM
By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead: Short days ago,
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved: and now we lie
In Flanders fields!

Take up our quarrel with the foe
To you, from failing hands, we throw
The torch: be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die,
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

Composed at the battlefront on May 3, 1915
during the second battle of Ypres, Belgium

On May 2, 1915, John McCrae’s close friend and former student Alexis Helmer was killed by a German shell. That evening, in the absence of a Chaplain, John McCrae recited from memory a few passages from the Church of England’s “Order of the Burial of the Dead”. For security reasons Helmer’s burial in Essex Farm Cemetery was performed in complete darkness.

The next day, May 3, 1915, Sergeant-Major Cyril Allinson was delivering mail. McCrae was sitting at the back of an ambulance parked near the dressing station beside the YserCanal, just a few hundred yards north of Ypres, Belgium.

As John McCrae was writing his In Flanders Fields poem, Allinson silently watched and later recalled, “His face was very tired but calm as he wrote. He looked around from time to time, his eyes straying to Helmer's grave."

Within moments, John McCrae had completed the “In Flanders Fields” poem and when he was done, without a word, McCrae took his mail and handed the poem to Allinson.

Allinson was deeply moved:

“The (Flanders Fields) poem was an exact description of the scene in front of us both. He used the word blow in that line because the poppies actually were being blown that morning by a gentle east wind. It never occurred to me at that time that it would ever be published. It seemed to me just an exact description of the scene."

On My Best Behavior!

2011-10-24T10:06:00.000-04:00

Over two weeks ago was Canadian Thanksgiving. Since my mother in law has us this year for Christmas, it was my parents turn to have us over for the holiday. All was set in stone. We were going to go there for 4.5 days, I was going to make dinner so my parents could relax, especially since my mother always gets so tired and usually gets sick shortly after having company, I wanted to give her that break. It was just going to be my mother, my father, myself, hubby and Sweet Pea along with our puppy, my parents dog and lastly their cat.

That all happened, however three extra people managed to wiggle their way in to the party that was just perfect and put strain on EVERYTHING.

My step sister, as you all know has not been on my parents good graces for about two years (I'm rounding up to make it easier). It seems as though once I moved back into the province she had a revelation and decided to try and make amends with her father (my step dad, whom I consider my father as well). Its just very funny how this idea pops into her head to try and mend her ways two weeks after she sees my car in their driveway.

I'll spare you the details of the continuous drama between my step sister and parents.

Its not that I'm not alright with my step sister and parents making amends. Its more that I do not want her to hurt my dad again. I don't think he can take the stress yet again. This is truly my only concern. The fact that my dreaded step sister and I have our own issues, is solely between us and has really nothing to do with her relationship with our dad.

So my nieces who are now both adults and also have nothing to do with my feelings towards their mother, came over a little earlier to spend time with Sweet Pea. They even went together on a present for her which was totally unexpected and completely unnecessary but a nice gesture. All was well, until she showed up.

Immediately tension grew between my shoulders as I was in the kitchen cooking. A simple head nod was all I received from her. She went straight outside, as the weather was spectacular that weekend and I was left alone in the house to cook.

I did manage to step out onto the deck for a ten minute period while there was nothing I could do to further prepare supper. I sat there and just listened to the conversation around me. All of a sudden everyone started to disappear into the house and it was only my dad, step sister and I. The conversation started focusing on my step sister's spare car key that dad had in case she locked herself out. He had told her that he'd give the key to her since she was moving away (approx 1 hr away further from me happy happy joy joy) and it would no longer make sense for him to have it. He did add to that by saying as long as you continue to make the payments ON TIME.

At this point I knew that the conversation was going to bring up ill feelings towards the two of them. I announced I was heading into the house and immediately took shelter in the kitchen. I did not want to be a witness to whatever was going to come out of my step sister who has been known to fly off the handle when confronted.

During dinner some compliments had come my way for the feast that was in front of us. The only one who didn't compliment me was my step sister. So far no real words of substance had come from her mouth to me. I was fine with it, no matter how much tension between us grew.

Once I was in a good conversation with my now grown up nieces, talking about them coming to visit us sometime on a weekend to get away from school life. They started getting excited about the idea, until their mother piped up and said you know you could visit them too! You haven't yet and that hurts their feelings.

I looked at her, put my fork down, turned my body in her direction and plainly said to her in a tight sounding voice:

I have been here twice since I last saw you over three years ago. The first time was last summer and the girls did not respond to a facebook message that I had left them. I didn't know where their apartments were located, that kinda makes it hard. Plus your youngest daughter was living across the street from Mom and Dad and saw my car in the driveway and didn't so much as stop by to say hello. The second time I was here was five months ago and I was here for three days. So before you start trying to get under my skin, get your facts right before opening that careless mouth of yours!

Needless to say, she just said "Oh!".

After dinner I figured I should probably show that I care about her, and told her that I was happy she had someone special in her life, and good luck with the move, and happy she had lost weight and gotten two very good part time jobs. I was happy that she was happy. I don't know if she believed me, but truly I am happy if she is happy. It is just that I wish she would grow up and quit holding a grudge against me for the last eight years.

As she was rushing to get out of the house to go home and watch television. She said thanks for dinner Mom it was great. My mother quickly corrected her and told her she hadn't so much as peeled a potato that she was to thank me. My step sister said, oh that's right, well thanks for having us over then.

She was holding my puppy (who is six months now) and joking about taking her home with her, and Sweet Pea over heard this as her step aunt pretended to walk out the door with her doggy. She started to cry. You know, one of those cries when their mouth opens up wide but no sound comes out and the tears are falling down their cheeks. Immediately this mean aunt of hers gave her back her dog and walked out the door. Sweet Pea says to me:

Mommy, I don't like her, she wanted to take my puppy from me.

Of course I calmed her down stating that her aunt was just joking. Sweet Pea wanted no part in believing that. Walked away and said she's not nice! I didn't bother to correct her.

So really with no real serious drama, the weekend went well. I'm quite content with my behavior in dealing with my step sister. I ensured to be as pleasant as possible and didn't leave with any behavior that I would regret later on.

About a week later, all of a sudden I get a friends request and low and behold its from my step sister. As much as I didn't want to, I accepted only because it shows good faith. Oddly enough a day later I noticed that her new boyfriend "liked" the fact that we were "friends". I truly think that my step sister informed him just how "wicked" and "mean" I really was eight years ago and he planted the idea in her head to befriend me and she did it. Maybe he is good for her. I hope that he is. But I can't help but think he can't be that smart....he is after all with her!

Either way, I am proud of how I behaved. My dad said something to me that weekend that I will always remember. For the first time ever to my face, he said to me:

Ironically enough of my three daughters, it is my step daughter that turned out the best!

I couldn't believe it. I joked and said I'd mark this day on a calendar. But truly, it warmed my heart. I didn't think anything like that would ever be said to my face by him. Granted he may have been half in the bag drunk when he said it. But most people tell their truths when they're drinking. Either way I'll take it!

Five Question Friday

2011-10-21T07:08:00.000-04:00

After what seems like a long week, we're finally here on Friday. I hope you all have a good weekend. Before you go off on your merry ways, please join me in Five Question Friday and answer these questions below.

1. Where do you escape to when you've had enough?

When I've had enough, I like to escape in a book. My only problem is it has to be quiet. If the television is on or even the radio I start reading the words that I hear! Anyone else like this?

2. What shows are you watching this fall?

Oh my goodness, too many! 90210, Secret Circle, Hart of Dixie, America's Next Top Model, Law and Order SVU, Harry's Law, The Good Wife, Survivor, The X Factor, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Sister Wives, House, The Amazing Race, Vampire Diaries, Blue Bloods, 2 Broke Girls, Suburgatory and Terra Nova!

3. What was the longest road trip you've ever taken and where did you go?

Longest road trip I've ever taken is driving to and from Miami Florida. It was when Hurricane Katrina hit. I had no idea she was coming because we listened to Cd's the entire way, so no fighting to find a radio station. It was quite the experience.

4. Do you plan on taking your kids to Disney World?

Yes I do plan on taking Sweet Pea to Disney World, and myself since I have never been either. However I'll be doing it when she's of an age that she can remember going.

5. What is something people would surprised to know about you?

People would be surprised to know that I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue and wiggle my ears with out touching them with my hands! What can I say I'm a freak!

Have a great weekend my minions. I myself am going away Saturday through Sunday. Hopefully it will be blog post worthy by the time I come back!

Staying Positive

2011-10-19T08:30:00.000-04:00

So while facebook creeping I found a few things that I would like to share with you. I hope you find them as enlightening and full of common sense like I have/do.

Check out Positive Thinking is a life style on facebook.

Out of a Commercial

2011-10-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

I am sad to say that I did not get any questions for my Ask the Canadian segment. So instead, I have a cute short story to tell you all.

While at my parents for Thanksgiving, and I'm busy in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Mom was coming in from outside where everyone was enjoying the most beautiful weather ever in October.

All of a sudden she says aloud, What do you think you're doing you little punk?

I stop dead in my tracks thinking OK where is Sweet Pea? But then I heard her outside, so I thought to myself, is she talking to me?

I slowly turn around and there she is looking at my puppy Cookie who is now six months old. Cookie is looking up at her, with toilet paper stuck to her tongue and about 15 feet of it trailing behind her!

I swear it was right out of a Cottonelle Toilet Paper commercial! I never laughed so hard.

Turns out Sweet Pea left a longer than usual length of toilet paper hanging from the dispenser and Cookie was bored since everyone was outside and I was busy cooking in the kitchen, that she would entertain herself!

If only I'd had the camera handy!

On another note, welcome to all my latest followers/minions. I hope if you have twitter and facebook that you will follow me there too.

Also thanks to Odie Langley for the huge traffic I had on my Sunday Post! You're da bomb Odie!

Off The Map

2011-10-17T08:00:00.000-04:00

I've been off the map in blogging for quite some time and also with personal friends for a couple of weeks now. It is nothing personal I promise. There are things that have happened in the last six months that I just didn't have time to grasp, understand, and/or cope with.

I'm trying to get back into blogging in hopes of finding myself again. As for friends I'm still working on it. Its not that my friends have done anything to me or not done anything to me, I just need space.

I am so thankful of being back in my own province. I am happy to be near family again. I am happy that I have my Sweet Pea and my puppy 'Cookie' (who is now six months old). I am working on my relationship with my hubby, and most days are easy however there are still some that make it hard to cope.

I have been focusing however the wrong way. I need to focus on myself more. Some people may think I already do, and they are wrong or they just don't understand.

I have been slacking off of making myself happy. I need to focus on making that happen. What is it that I need to do? For starters I need to refocus on losing weight. I need to start exercising, well, walking anyways. I have really lost track of that and I know its something that REALLY needs to be done. I also need to be refocusing on my marriage and finding out what went wrong and work to improve it. I need to focus on brainstorming on my book. Which means more brainstorming and possibly even writing a chapter and working from there. I also want to go back to my hobbies, which are reading and doing cross stitching. I also need to find new friends.

For those friends that do read my blog it isn't anything personal against you. It isn't that I'm not wanting you as friends anymore either. But you all have your own lives. Some are going through changes in there lives that are exciting and will be drastic changes. Other friends have lives that are busy and seemingly don't have time other than the occasional phone call. Others I don't see all that much because of geography. What I mean by finding new friends, is that I need some that are geographically close, that go through the same things (military speaking) that I do, and finally those that have the time to support me physically while I try to walk. Again, meaning that will go for walks with me, support me not just over the phone but literally walk beside me. I need a wider circle of friends is what I'm saying. After all, not all of my friends are near me, able to do things outside their current lives within their young families, or have jobs that keep them so busy they don't have time to have a coffee.

For some reason I feel guilty in saying this. For some reason I feel like I will be chastised by some. For some reason I feel lonely friend wise, even though I have fallen off the map lately. But I hope that in reading this that any of my friends will understand what I mean.

I guess what I'm saying is that I have been and am feeling lost in life. I need to change that in order to make myself happy again

Something I Found

2011-10-16T09:37:00.002-04:00

This was a status I found on a random person's facebook status. I thought it so cute and heart warming that I thought I would share it all with you. After all today is Sunday.

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month. The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so, and she dictated these words:

Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her. She likes to swim and play with balls. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.
Love, Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:
Dear Meredith,
Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away.
Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.
Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love.

Love, God

When was the last time you did a good deed for a child, because you wanted to?

Sweat Pea In Deep Thought

2011-10-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

Recently, my mother came to visit for the first time. The visit over all was great. Sweet Pea loved having Grandma on her own turf, and really bonded much better than she ever has with her.

Of course Sweet Pea still got up at like six in the morning and did her usual routine of going to the bathroom in our upstairs bathroom. (Note: She is only allowed in that bathroom first thing in the morning and just before bed, because she likes to go into the vanity and grab lotions, shampoos, nail polish etc and create concoctions or make messes. Every other time during the day there is a child lock on the door). While doing her morning routine, she noticed Grandma's partial (Mom lost most of her teeth when she was young due to being a sickly child and therefore the medication rotted her teeth).

Sweet Pea looked at me and asked me what was in the jar, with a very peculiar look on her face. I told her that it was Grandma's teeth in the jar. Her eyes went as big as paper plates. She sat on the toilet while doing her morning constitutional and went into deep thought.

About a minute later I saw her yanking on her teeth. I asked her what she was doing and she then proceeded to tell me that there is something wrong with her. Her teeth don't come out like Grandma's do.

I couldn't help but chuckle and explained to her, why it is so important to brush your teeth every day and that if she didn't she'd have teeth like Grandma's!

She then asked to brush her teeth, and ever since it she asks all the time to brush her teeth!

Five Question Friday

2011-10-14T08:33:00.000-04:00

Another Friday is among us. Can you believe how time is flying? I've brought back Five Question Friday again. Feel free to answer the questions in the comment field. If you're new here, leave you're link so my minions can check you out too!

1. Do you prefer your ice cream in a bowl or in a cone?

I much prefer ice cream in a bowl, Vanilla to be specific. This way you get to eat more. But if I do eat ice cream in a cone, it has to be soft ice cream.

2. What three things do you love the smell of?

I love the smell of fall.

Rain on hot pavement.

The smell of Chrome cologne, it gets the juices flowing if you catch my drift!

3. Gift cards or no? (In regards to gift giving...)

I like giving gift cards this way that person gets what they really want. However I still love buying a gift personally chosen by me. Even better, I love wrapping it. I'm one of those people that when you see a gift wrapped by me, you don't want to open it because its a work of art!

4. What sports did you play in high school if any and do you still play them?

I hate sports. But I can play basketball pretty good. I made the team and then quit just to prove a point to someone.

5. Were you in band in high school? What instrument did you play?

I was in the band and choir in junior high. I can play the clarinet and alto sax.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Age 42 is Scary!

2011-10-14T07:30:00.001-04:00

Back when I was twenty years old while living in a dorm attending my third year of college, the phone rang. One of my aunts which had just turned 42 had a massive heart attack and died. The news was obviously shocking and unexpected. Years later I often think what will age 42 bring to me?

Two weeks ago, while checking my personal facebook account, I read through a cousin's status that another cousin of mine, aged 42 was at work and ended up having a massive stroke and was/is fighting for his life. Again, I think to myself OMG! What is with this age?

Age 42 is young and vital. You've hopefully figured things out for yourself career wise, financially, family wise and you're getting comfortable. Perhaps done paying off your student loans and own a home.

My cousin "Colin" (name changed to protect his identity and mine) is a father of six children. Has a good job, a mortgage a fiance and responsibilities. To make matters worse, he was away from home working (we're talking 12 hours from home) when this traumatic event happened. His family of course has traveled there to be with him in support of his recovery which will be incredibly slow. However his fiance has had to leave her job temporarily and they have no income coming in.

They have a trust fund set up at a local Canadian Bank and they are hosting a fundraiser in their home town for friends, family and the local community to help support their growing costs along with their normal financial responsibilities.

I have been praying for my cousins quick recovery and thought to myself what can I do to help? I thought of something. I'm not sure it will work. But it is worth a try. You may have noticed that I have a donate button on the right hand side of my blog. It used to say Support my Minions. However I did not receive any donations for that purpose, which is totally cool. I have now changed it to support "Colin". If you are at all able to please donate to help out my cousin. If you are unable to donate funds, that is alright. All I ask is that you keep him in your thoughts and prayers. If you can donate funds that would be amazing. I would ensure that the family receives the money. If you are a skeptic and do not believe that the donation would get to him, then please feel free to email me and I can let you know what bank the trust is set up in and go from there.

Age 42 is what I believe an age where life can truly start being fun. I would like "Colin" to experience this time in his life.

Thank you!

Ignorance is NOT Always Bliss

2011-10-13T19:29:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer
For those of you who are in the United States of America, please know that this post is just based on my recent visit to your country and it is not to implicate all Americans.

I have desperately needed a vacation for quite some time now (3.5 years) to get away from my mundane everyday same ol' same ol' life. I am a wife and a mother of which I love to be. But life seemed to catch up with me and interrupt my hopes desires and how they have changed in just under a decade. I was at the end of my rope and couldn't bare another day it seemed.

I was invited as my mother's plus one to a wedding that was for two distant cousins of mine (relax they were not marrying each other). Two sisters got engaged at the same time. To save their family money they did a dual wedding. When my mother invited me I was excited to have just over 48 hours away from my life and to top it all off, I was going out of country.

I checked my passport and low and behold it was still valid. I was good to go! Mom drove to my house and spent the night, and then hubby got the Friday off of work so I could leave. Off Mom and I went to cross into the U.S. of A and after a very long day we got to our destination. It was a border state so it wasn't somewhere too far, but far enough.

The wedding was spectacular and the girls, my cousins, were absolutely stunning. I would show you pictures, but I don't feel like it. It was great to see all my relatives as I hadn't seen them in quite a few years, probably six years or so. Its so hard to see the great aunts and uncles getting older and showing it. They were like grandparents to me and I hated to see the progression of their years.

One thing got to me however while visiting. It was ignorance. Living in a border state one would think, at least I did, that these some of these people (friends of the brides and grooms) would know that Canada is NOT much different than their own country.

Let me explain.

One individual said to me, I don't believe you're Canadian. You do not say the word 'eh!'.

Not every Canadian says the word 'eh!'.

Oh!? was the response that I got.

People must know by now that not every country has a president. Canada has a Prime Minister.

And for goodness sakes not every Canadian likes hockey either!

I'm quite unimpressed at the ignorance these Americans had with their neighboring country. I mean I am not American, but I do know that they have a president. I know their presidents name. I do know that every state has its own accent, however I do not make fun of any of them. I find them intriguing to be honest. I also know that you can't drive from Manhattan to Las Vegas in one day or weekend. That their country is just as vast and beautiful as Canada is.

Here is my plea. If you or anyone you know are ignorant of the ways of Canada, bone up. Get educated. Care about life outside of your own country. And, if you have any control of the education system in your area, contact those school boards and let them know that it is important to not just teach American ways but little bits from every country around us, especially Canada considering we're your next door neighbors!

Five Question Friday

2011-09-02T08:15:00.000-04:00

Well my dear minions. Another week has passed us by and another month begins. Can you believe that it is September already? I know that I start to panic when I start thinking about just how few pay checks are coming our way before Christmas! Time to start making the list and checking it twice!

But lets take a minute to have five question Friday before you all take off on your Labor Day Weekend!

1. Shoes in the house - yay or nay?

I am a firm believer of taking your shoes off the at the door. But I sometimes doe leave my shoes on if I know they're not wet or dirty on the main floor. I absolutely draw the line at shoes on on my upstairs level. I just think to myself that think how much spit, snot, poop, pee, oil, puddles, animal funk, bugs, germs and sand/gravel are on the bottom of your shoes. GAWD! Excuse me while I go vomit!

2. What do you call them- flip flops, slippers, thongs, etc?

I call my shoes in this design flip flops.

3. What song are you almost embarrassed to admit you know all the lyrics to?

I know all the words to Hangin Tough by New Kids on the Block (NKOTB).

4. What is the best quality to have in a friend?

I think that the best quality to have in a friend can not be just one. There are important qualities that can not be missed such a loyalty, trusting, honest and a sense of humility.

5. Do you know what you want for Christmas?

What I want for Christmas is to be able to see all of my family both hubby's and mine for the first time in several years. For Sweet Pea to be able to know what a true family Christmas is. For every person to have a warm bed to sleep in and a meal in their tummies and a sense of comfort within.........and then of course my e-reader!

Company and Business

2011-08-30T08:37:00.000-04:00

I hope that your weekend was a good one my little minions. I have to admit that mine was fantastic! To start I had an interview for my daycare and I got it! So I have three children from the same family. This will help to pay off my washer and dryer before the interest starts! I was told it wouldn't start until October which I'm fine with. I will continue to look for one or two more children also this way I have five in total plus my Sweet Pea. Of course I am striving for before and after school children, this way I can still have time with Sweet Pea during the day, but she has an opportunity to hang out with children Monday through Friday so she will be well socialized for school in the fall.

Also my mother came to visit finally, after being here for five months. We had a great visit Friday afternoon through Monday morning. It included, laughs, shopping, meals out and bonding with Sweet Pea. I am so happy Sweet Pea took to her more this time. She was upset when Gamma left, but she knows we will be visiting Papa and Gamma again for Canadian Thanksgiving in October!

Sunday evening I found out that I would be babysitting this week from Monday to Friday (excluding Wednesday due to a prior engagement). Yesterday was the first day and both Sweet Pea and I were exhausted. With two trips to the park, two walks, arts and crafts and a movie and then supper and showers Sweet Pea and I dropped like to sacs of potatoes in bed last night.

Today, we have the fire marshal scheduled to come in and talk about fire safety and the kids should like that. Along with a couple trips to the park again and a walk scheduled we should be even more tired today. But at least tomorrow is a break for now, I mean its rough getting used to getting outta bed and within half an hour or so you have four children playing and carrying on. Especially when they seem to have an attention span of about 5 minutes.

On to other news.....

Being in the military in Canada, the soldiers get nailed with taxes beyond belief and of course have to pay into their pension and benefits and families gym memberships (if applicable) along with a whole slew of other hidden items. One of these is Mess dues (a Mess is where the soldiers can go and socialize, have a few drinks, play pool etc.). I had noticed that this charge on hubby's pay stub seemed a lot higher than it should be for a few years now. Not much (not even 20 bucks) but enough to question it. So I finally got around to calling the proper department a week ago to question this. Turns out a mess hall that hubby hadn't belonged to since July of 2007 was still charging him. When investigated and proving that we hadn't lived there in four years, they owe us over 300.00! The check is in the mail and I am super excited over this! Again more funds to pay off the washer and dryer!

I picked up the Sears Wishbook last week. I am not impressed with it at all! In my family its tradition to look through the Wishbook and circle items that you would like for Christmas from Santa. My mother did it with her mother, I did it with my mother and now Sweet Pea had the opportunity to do it this past weekend with both Gamma and I. Of course, she wanted everything in the book. However I find not only Sears getting ridiculously expensive (in my opinion they are going to price themselves right out of business like Eatons did) but the second of "gifts under $5, $10, $15, $20" etc don't really exist, and those that do are pure crap. Does anyone else feel this way?

Ask the Canadian will not be featured until I have more questions. I hate answering just one or two, it gives the post not enough girth! So hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink....send me some more questions damned it!

Tootles!

Five Question Friday

2011-08-26T11:31:00.000-04:00

1. Did you make any fun purchases this week?

Well, last week my dryer hit the bucket for the last time. It was a floor model bought at the military store, seven years ago. The brand wasn't a very good one, Hot Point. It wasn't good from day one and had been serviced several times in such a short period of time. It was bought with the matching washing machine. You know what they say about things going in threes? Well I wasn't about to let that happen. So hubby and I went out and got front loading Frigidaire Affinity Steam washer and dryer. I didn't get the pedestal/drawer thingies yet. I'm waiting to pay off the washer dryer first before the interest free period runs out, then I'll get the pedestals. I mean come on I'm six feet tall and hubby is 3 inches taller than that. Having to bend so far down I might as well be on my hands and knees just won't work. So we're gonna make those our next purchase. Let me tell ya though, I could look at those steel grey appliances all day, they are beautiful!

2. If you could go to any musical concert, what would it be?

I have never been to a concert in an arena. I have been to festival concerts outside, but always end up missing the "big" act (ex: when I was 20 I missed Great Big Sea) because I was out of town and my bus was leaving to go back home (4 hours away) right before the main act. I was so upset. So the first one I'd like to go to is Celine Dion. I am a huge fan!

3. What is your least fav/ most fav house chore?

This question is kinda dumb. Who likes doing house chores? If I had to say the one thing I hate doing is mopping floors. I think mops are over rated. All they do is spread the dirt around. I personally, when washing floors prefer to be on my hands and needs with a wire scrub brush. However since I hate washing floors hubby does the floors with a mop.

The house chore that I don't mind doing is washing dishes. But I have to admit I've never owned a dishwasher until about a month ago, and OH MY GOD, best invention EVER! But if I have to wash them by hand I don't care. As long as someone else dries and puts them away...lol.

4. Would you prefer new appliances or clothes?

At this point the only appliance I have to replace is my stove/oven. Mine is an electric four coil burner plain janer! One element doesn't have a coil cause hubby placed a margarine lid on the element that has the exhaust for the oven and the lid melted all over the coil. It can be easily replaced, its just not a priority. Our oven portion works but is slow! I mean really slow. For example, one hour and twenty five minutes for one banana bread loaf to bake! For those of you that bake ....that is SLOW!

So having said all that, my preference right now would be a new wardrobe. I don't have many clothes to be honest. I have nothing that one would wear say to a wedding or a job interview. I don't even own a pair of jeans right now. One pair of running shoes and one pair of fake Birkenstock and that is it! So yeah, new clothes would be nice.

5. Miracle Whip or Mayo?

To be honest I don't really care. I like the tang of Miracle Whip and I like the taste of Mayo too. Either way I'm not picky except its gotta be name brand. I will not do the no name stuff that claims its either mayo or miracle whip cause ITS JUST NOT!

So that is this weeks edition of five question Friday. Please feel free to answer the questions in the comment field below. Also still in need of questions for Ask the Canadian. My mother is visiting this weekend for the first time since we're back in our home province. She took five months to get here, but its finally happening! I'm looking forward to it. However I must go now, cause I still have a boat load of cleaning to do before she gets here in approximately three hours! Enjoy your weekend my little minions.

CANUCK'd

2011-08-23T11:20:00.000-04:00

The day has finally come for me to announce the winner of the very first CANUCK'd. You have all been so patient while I sorted this all out. Its been a long time coming and I'm very excited to announce that the winner is .................

THE EMPRESS

ABOUT THE EMPRESS

Everyone has plenty of thoughts, ideas and opinions - I just happen to openly verbalize mine! It has been said that I'm a simply complicated person that has as many interests as I do layers to my personality. I am also a bit of a nomad who has traveled the world. In doing so I have met some amazing people and experienced many things that have expanded my perspective on life. While I often poke fun at situations that most of us can relate to, I also write to increase awareness about the things that matter most to me. Yes, I am opinionated – and even snarky at times but hopefully in a lighthearted and informed way that brings people together through their common experiences, dislikes and interests. I hope you enjoy the random troll around my mind.

THE EMPRESS' INTERESTS ARE

Having a good laugh, engaging in witty banter, poking fun, ranting and raving, blogging and saying all those things that everyone else are already thinking.

A LITTLE MORE ABOUT THE EMPRESS

You can find the Empress' blog called The Ranters Box at www.rantersbox.blogspot.com to find her visually stimulating sarcastic humor. She has 307 followers to date, who support and encourage her in our bloggy world. This girl has been blogging since May 2010 and knows what she is doing.

You can find the Empress on Twitter @TheRantersBox and you can also find her facebook here.

So please go and visit her. If you don't already follow her, get a clue and do what everyone else is doing. I promise you won't be disappointed!

Ask the Canadian - edited

2011-08-19T07:24:00.001-04:00

I'm back. I know its been nearly two weeks since I last posted but I needed to clear my head, get some air, and rejuvinate this my head. I didn't like where my head was at and apparently neither did a lot of you. So many of you have been leaving me kind and supportive messages/comments and emails. You truly are a great bunch of minions. But let's face it CBG's little piece of the bloggy world was getting down right depressing! I even lost a minion over it! This just can't go on!

Here I am back in the saddle and am quite excited to say that I have finally heard back (during my hiatus) from the CANUCK'd winner and will be featuring him/her next week. I know, I know. I've said it before but the post is coming along quite nicely. I've also got an amazing interview coming up. It was a long time coming dealing with schedules, public relation representatives, and just plain trying to piece it together to give it justice. But I hope you all appreciate the efforts I went through in getting you this amazing interview!

Since Five Question Friday seems to also be taking a hiatus now, I'll be throwing you a late segment on Ask the Canadian. I hope you continue to email me some questions. I have none so far for next week. Remember the questions don't just have to be about Canada, they can be about anything!

Chocolate Angel asks from http://thecatandthecoffeecup.blogspot.com/

When I lived in northern Michigan it was common to come across Canadian coins (not so much where I live now). Have you ever come across American coins in Canada, and how often if at all?
I have been all over Canada and back again and no matter where I live or visit I always see American coins in Canada. In Canada we treat the American coin as one of our own. What I mean by that is we will not turn our noses up at them, we use them as if they were our own country's coin. In my experience though while visiting or even living in the U.S.A. if a store clerk sees that one of the quarters, nickels or dimes is Canadian they will not accept it! I remember once I was visiting some family in Detroit, Michigan (which is a border state/city next to the Ontario boarder in Canada) and she asked what country I was visiting from as she'd never seen coins like that! I was floored at her ignorance. Especially since there is a huge casino in that city which attracts Canadians. I told her you know when you get to the border of the U.S.A. and Canada? Well, if you cross it there is a whole other world over there too and I'm pretty sure they don't live in igloos anymore. She turned three million shades of red, put my stuff in a bag and said have a nice day. I'm pretty sure she wanted to stab me with a spoon though.

Jo-Anne from http://jo-annemotherandnanna.blogspot.com wanted to ask

I would love to know do you get a lot of television shows from foreign countries?

This totally depends on what you subscribe to with your cable or satellite provider. I know with my cable company I could subscribe to international programming, however I do not (unless you include the U.S.A programming). But it is an option. I'm not sure what shows are on those stations however I do know that we do get some programming from England within regular programming.

Kal from http://calvinscanadiancaveofcool.blogspot.com/ asks

What makes you 'Canadian' besides where you live of course? What stereotypical traits do you feel you have as a Canadian girl?

The stereotypical traits do I have as a Canadian girl are that I love our seasons. I am not a fan of sweating therefore I will choose to stay in Canada. For example, while I was working in one of the northern states my boss wanted to move to Miami Florida. I gave my notice right then and there. I explained there is no way a Canadian girl like myself will move to Miami in July! I would melt away (cause I'm made of sugar). Another trait that I think I have that is stereotypical of a Canadian girl is that I love the fact where ever I travel other countries have welcomed me with open arms. As a Canadian it has been proven that we are like by all countries and that is marvelous. I've heard and seen with my own eyes other people that travel buy little Canadian flags for their backpacks (if they're travelling in Europe especially) so they are assumed Canadians and get treated better! Now I'm not saying that Canadians are better than anyone else. In fact in a perfect world it would be nice if we could all just get along.

What makes me Canadian other that the fact that I was born and raised in Canada is that its normal to wake up in the morning and see a moose/deer/foxes/loons grazing in my front yard. Its normal for me to wake up in the morning while camping and see my breath on an early September morning. It's normal for me to wear socks with sandals (not so fashionable but comfy). It's normal for me to say "eh" (pronounced "A?". It's normal for me to have real Canadian Bacon in the fridge and not just consider it a treat. Its a privilege to be a true blooded Canadian and I personally would not have it any other way!

Here is a statement that sums it up:

Sweet girls come from the South, Barbies come from California, but Canadian girls have fire and ice in their blood! We can drive in the snow, handle the cold, beat the heat, be a princess, throw a right hook, and drink with the boys! We can cook a wicked meal, and if we have an opinion, you can bet your sweet little ass you're gonna hear it!

Vinny over at http://asvinnycsit.blogspot.com/ wants to know

My wife and I live in the tropics & I was wondering where you'd recommend for someone coming from a warmer climate such as ours?

Coming from the tropics and considering coming to Canada is brave, I must admit. It will be a huge adjustment no matter where in Canada you decide to go. However I would suggest somewhere out on the western half of the country. The reason I say this is places like Victoria, British Columbia don't get the drastically cold winters such as Newfoundland or even Ontario would get. They do get a lot of moisture but its mainly rain when compared with the rest of the country. So if you are planning to move here that is my suggestion to live, but over course I highly recommend travelling the whole country over your time here. It has all sorts of different hidden treasures that I'm sure you will enjoy!

A quick note that I would like to ad. I have not been keeping up with your blogs during my hiatus. But I do know that A LOT of you had one year bloggy anniversaries and I'd like to congratulate all of you on a job well done. Your dedication surely does not go unnoticed, not by me anyways!

Ask The Canadian

2011-08-09T09:07:00.001-04:00

Tricia over at http://tershbango.blogspot.com/ (for some great sarcastic and bold humor GO SEE HER) asked me this:

I've been told numerous times that I 'sound like a Canadian' - perhaps you can clue me in as to what the hell that means?

Ah the good ol' accent plug. It's funny you know, when I got to the United States I'm immediately picked up on the fact that I'm Canadian. Not because I say "eh" but more because of the way I say different words, such as about or roof. Thing is no matter where you are from you get an accent, no matter how strong or weak it may be. But Tricia, I can pretty much say in my opinion that when people tell you that you sound Canadian, its because you don't have that ever powering New York/New Jersey or even Alabama accent. It's not so bad being told that you sound Canadian. Didn't you know that we're "a nice people"? In most cases in my experience border states do sound as close to a Canadian accent as they can get. However where is that imaginary dotted line where you get that real southern drawl like former U.S. President Bill Clinton? Now that is a sexy accent! (ps. Tricia I hope your boobies have stopped sweating!?)

Alessandra over at www.alexsblogginglife.blogspot.com (you should check her out, awesome girl!)

I want to know how cold it really gets in different parts of Canada, How long the winter is say on the west coast, and how long and (apparently quite) hot the summers are.

Source

Alessandra this question is a good one. Canada is such a vast country and so many different types of weather patterns. Lately the traditional weather what I'm used to seeing across the country has changed so much. So I'm gonna do my best in regards to answering you as factually as possible. Hitting only the major cities in just the provinces and not the territories of the country (hold up Minions from Northern Canada...the true north, it was her request just to do the true southern major cities of the country, put your shot guns and rifles away!)

I'm gonna take July 1st 2011 and February 1 2011 as the average temps for the summer and winter months. Lets face it, I don't want to put in time to get actual averages for each city and province, cause I'm that lazy. So here it goes.

SUMMER WINTER

note: in brackets is in Fahrenheit

these temperatures do not include humidity or wind chills, which can lead to anywhere from one degree difference to 50 degree difference in temperatures.

Vancouver, British Columbia 21.7 (71.1) 8.0 (46.4)

Edmonton, Alberta 22.8 (73) -3.6 (25.5)

Regina, Saskatchewan 25.7 (78.3) - 6.7 (23.3)

Winnipeg, Manitoba 19 (66) -20 (-4)

Toronto, Ontario 26.3 (75.9) -5.3 (20.7)

Montreal, Quebec 26.2 (79.2) -12.9 (8.8)

Moncton, New Brunswick 25 (77) -12 (9)

Halifax, Nova Scotia 28 (82) -20 (-4)

Charlottown, Prince Edward Island 22.6 (72.7) -12.4 (9.7)

St. John's, Newfoundland 20.3 (68.5) -9.3 (15.3)

There ya have it. My two questions for Ask the Canadian that I received in the last few weeks! So if you can't tell, I'd like to have more questions. Your questions do not have to be Canadian related they can be about anything you want my personal opinion on as well.

Also I would like to let you all know that my bloggy friend Jewels moved from blogger to wordpress. So you can go find her here at http://accordingtojewels.com/ . She leaves specific instructions how to add her to your blogroll so you can still follow her. If you don't already follow her...I'm not sure we can still be friends mmmmmmmmmmmk?

As for my feature of Canuck'd the person I chose apparently is really busy. I'm about to put out a search party for him/her! I'm gonna try contacting someone that I know loves him/her and hopefully that person will keep their mouth shut as to what I'm up to! Please be patient cause he/she is totally worth the wait!

I'd also like to send out a huge thank you to all of you who have been so supportive of me during this difficult time in my life. Yesterday was a bad day, today is A LOT better. Why? I'm not so sure, but please know that your support means the world to me and I'm glad I have all of you. The only thing that I've figured will truly mend my wounds is time. So although I've been quite a downer lately I am trying to not be a complete an utter drag so you all stop following or commenting. Cause quite frankly every time I get a comment from one of you a little part of me gets all warm and fuzzy no matter what mood I am in. Hell, sometimes I even break out in a happy dance! That is an image I will keep from you as it is totally not a pretty sight.

ta ta for now minions.

Verge of Tears

2011-08-08T08:52:00.000-04:00

I want to forewarn you that if you're looking for a cheery happy read that will make you all warm and fuzzy inside. Go elsewhere, cause today you won't find it here.

This past year for me has been one of hell. Sure there have been happy moments. Those moments are so far and few between this year that its like they don't exist. With all the heart ached, the challenges, the tests of life, the broken promises, the hurt, the anger, the feeling of abandonment, the feeling as though everyone in my life is working against me, the feeling of not wanting to go on, has all caught up with me.

I live through each day going through the motions that everything is alright. I push past the hurt and the anger and the frustrations as if they can be forgotten. I feel like I've been hit by a bus, dragged for miles, and then left to deal with wounds by myself.

Some days I feel fine and then there are days like today where I feel like screaming from the rooftops and telling everyone every nasty thought I've ever had of them. Make them feel an ounce of the pain each one of them have caused me.

There are days where my Sweet Pea (whom I know is a toddler and toddlers will test patience beyond repair at times) that the only way she listens is if I scream to the point where my throat hurts for the rest of the day. It's like talking to a brick wall. It's like she sees right through me and I don't exist. I hate yelling at her. I hate being mean to her. I hate the guilt that happens after I do. But sometimes when I've repeated myself so much that its like my own personal sound track I lose my control and scream, then all of a sudden I'm the big meanie.

I have decided that what I have to say, truly has no impact on the people in my life. I can put myself out there and try over and over again. I can be talking to hubby (while sitting right beside him) and he doesn't hear me. I can be telling him something and 20 minutes later he'll ask me a question which the answer I had just told him 20 minutes prior. I can tell my family and friends that you know, not visiting or making an effort hurts and it doesn't seem to change things. I can honestly say that I feel unsupported by life itself.

I have asked for support, I have asked for help, I have prayed and I have made lists, and I have gotten counselling and I have tried to be the bigger person. I have never felt so alone and so unappreciated in my life. I have asked myself what can I do to change how I feel. I come up with nothing. There is no quick fix, there is no cure, there is no answer that I am satisfied with or that is doable for my current situation.

I'm so tired. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling like I am alone. I'm tired of feeling like no one understands me. I'm tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of being rejected. I'm just plain tired.

Eight years of just plain trying. Eight years of being delusional. Eight years of what I thought I could make myself believe was happiness.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how to make things change. I don't know where I'm going to find the drive. I don't know.

This has been a very depressing post. I'm not going to apologize. I'm not going to expect anything from this. I just needed to vent and I appreciate the place to do it.

Canadian Blogger Girl

A Final Word

Saying Goodbye

Still Here

Who Doesn't Love a Train Wreck?

Sitting Comfortable?

Living In Canada

Hello 2012

I Will Always Remember

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEMThe World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEMBy Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

On My Best Behavior!

Five Question Friday

Staying Positive

Out of a Commercial

Off The Map

Something I Found

Sweat Pea In Deep Thought

Five Question Friday

Age 42 is Scary!

Ignorance is NOT Always Bliss

Five Question Friday

Company and Business

Five Question Friday

CANUCK'd

Ask the Canadian - edited

Ask The Canadian

Verge of Tears

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM
The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM
By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae