Candid Karina

NaNoWriMo - DONE

2009-11-30T21:16:00.004-05:00

I did it. Wait, let me say that again... I. Did. It. Did what? Completed NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) Wrote 50,000 words in 30 days! Actually, it was 50,592 words in more like (less like?) 20 days or so. Because there were at the very least 10 days when I wrote not ONE WORD. And today? I wrote over 8,000 of them in order to finish on time.

But, the important part? I did it!!!!

And even more important? I wrote good stuff. Really good stuff. This novel, which has been rolling around in my head, on paper, on disk drives, etc., for the last decade plus, has finally taken shape.

At the start of this month, I decided that instead of starting yet another novel that would never be finished, I was going back to my original "work in progress" to try to breath new life into. I was in love with my two main characters, but decided the story itself just wasn't working for me. So, I scrapped the entire thing and started from scratch with everything but the main characters...them I kept.

And the most amazing thing happened, it took about 35,000 words, and suddenly, the new story began to take shape, to have direction, to make perfect sense. Suddenly, it was all there in front of me.

Now, at 50,592 words, I know exactly where my characters are taking me. I probably have another 20,000 words or so before I'm done, and then, it'll be time to go back and edit, tweak, add some stuff...really make it work.

I am excited to keep working on it and see where I end up.

But, pssst...I DID IT!!

Karina from the Block

2009-11-24T10:46:00.001-05:00

Once in a while something will trigger not so much a memory as a feeling of the girl I used to be. It is in those moments that I look at my present life and wonder what the people who knew me then would think if they could see me now.

In all honesty, my present path is not necessarily unexpected. I’ve always been driven, hard working, determined to succeed. I’ve always been independent, serious, and strong. I’ve always been a person of faith, with a giving loving heart.

So, perhaps, the woman I am is in fact a natural byproduct of the girl I used to be. Deep down, where it matters most, I am who I’ve always been.

It is the on the surface, the outside me, that has changed so much. It was a gradual change, so subtle in fact, that I barely even noticed it as it happened.

But now and again, something will remind me of that other me, and a smile will form at the corner of my lips. Even more than wondering what my friends then would think of me now…I smile at the thought of what those who know me now, would think of the girl I used to be.

The few friends I have now who knew me then will know exactly what I speak of.

Let me explain in the quickest way I know how. Listening to the radio the other day, this song came on, I think it’s called “Sexy Chick” by David Guetta and the lyrics say something along the lines of “I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl, without being disrespectful”.

As I listen to that song, a song that is not exactly a musical masterpiece, a song that is about a hot girl in a club and all the ways her body moves that make this guy want to get to know her better, I laugh. Because this song? Has nothing at all to do with the woman I am today. And yet, something about that song pulls me in each and every time I hear it. There is a ring of nostalgia attached to this song, because once upon a time, I was that girl.

Once upon a time, when my friends and I spent every weekend at dance clubs, shaking our booties, flirting with men very much like the guy singing this song…that was the world I lived in.

Hell, I dated, fell in love, and had my heart broken by that guy. More than once. I was not your typical girl from the suburbs, crossing that line into the other side of the tracks for an adrenaline rush. I fit in that world, it was where I belonged more than anywhere else at that particular time in my life.

And yet, today, that world seems so distant to me. So foreign. In no way can I merge that version of me with this version of me and make sense of it all.

But, the truth is, the girl I used to be still lives inside me. Underneath the more suburban me is that club girl, and she still thoroughly enjoys reminders of her hip-hop life.

This One's Got Bite

2009-11-20T08:10:00.001-05:00

What is it about Vampires? Just in case you’ve been living under a rock, which, by the way, might be a perfectly dank enough place to find yourself a vampire or two, there are a few Vampire themed events going on in pop culture at the moment.

The most obvious and anticipated one, is, of course, the release of New Moon, movie number 2 in the Twilight Series, which comes out today...or to be exact, last night, at midnight.... Just in case you are in any way doubtful about the SERIOUSNESS of this event, I encourage you to turn on your television, point your web browser to...oh any website with any news on it, or go ahead, check Twitter and it's Trending Topics. See, I told you!

But, I digress. Let’s get back to the Vampires.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have been infatuated with all things vamp since I picked up my first copy of The Vampire Lestat WAY back in my teens. I read through Ann Rice’s Vampire Chronicles with such voracity that I actually had to stop reading them at one point, such were the nightmares they were bringing out at night.

From the dark world Rice wrote about, I moved onto lighter fare, with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. With incredibly well written wit and sarcasm, this show, and later, it’s spin-off Angel, would supply me with all the vampires I needed for nearly a decade. The tortured Angel, the evil and yet so delectable Spike, true vamps who would burst into flames in sunlight, and couldn’t enter sacred ground. And of course, the “not completely human” girl, tortured in love with the vamp she can’t have, and the one she knows better than to get involved with.

After Buffy, truth be told, vampire lore lost its appeal to me for a while. There were the occasional movie, television show, or book, but it seemed pop culture had taken a break from worshiping the fanged ones.

And then, suddenly, out of the blue, they raised from their graves again, to completely saturate the market. Twilight, True Blood, Vampire Diaries, suddenly the vamps were back with a vengeance. At first, I resisted. I’d moved on, I’d left my vampire crushes behind. Angel was now solving crimes in an FBI suit and tie, Buffy was having babies and making really bad movies, Willow was friends with Barney, Spike was nowhere to be found, and I had left that world behind.

But like the supernatural power of persuasion these mythical beings are known to possess…I couldn’t stay away. Even as I made fun of his sparkly skin, and her dark gloomy emo attitude, I was pulled into Edward and Bella’s world. For the first time since having met my first vampire, however, I found myself siding with the other species. Yes folks, I am indeed on Team Jacob, even after book 4. I blame it not so much on Edward’s dark and gloomy as I do on Bella’s. I like the Bella Jacob brings out a whole lot more, so that wins him points. But regardless of my quips, I admit it, I’ve been sucked into the Twilight world, and I too will be going to see New Moon…just not this weekend. Before all the Twilight diehards go on the attack, let me clarify, I thoroughly enjoyed the books. They were fun reads. But I never found myself falling completely in love with any of the characters, and then, as if I wasn’t enough on the fence with Edward, the casting directors go and pick Rob Pattinson to portray him in the movies. He just didn’t fit for me, and ruined any chance I had of creating a more likeable imaginary character in my head. (I am now ducking to avoid all the objects being thrown at me). But, Twilight was enjoyable enough to suck me back into my love affair with Vampires.

Then there was True Blood. Where Twilight is chaste and innocent, True Blood is borderline um…well no, it actually crosses the line. Often. Still, the formula appears here as well. With the dark and tortured Vamp Bill Compton. The “not quite human” girl Sookie. The meaner, nearly evil Vamp Eric. And all the other creatures of the night we only hope not to ever dream about. But True Blood is not for the faint of heart. And yet, I love it. It is dark, and twisty, and just so plain wrong. And so, so good.

And then, more recently, I decided to give The Vampire Diaries a looksy. All I’d heard about the show was that it involved a (so far as we know it) human girl, and two vamps. Brothers. One, tortured and brooding, one dark and twisty. I’d also heard the talk of how it carried similarities to Twilight, but was in fact, based on books that were written well before Twilight was even dreamt up. That alone led me to investigate. And, I have to tell you, I’m hooked.

What Twilight lacks (both in the books and the movies) is a sense of humor about itself. As much as I’ve been sucked into that world, I’ve always felt something was lacking, and Vampire Diaries reminded me what it was. A little darker (albeit much lighter fare than True Blood), a little sexier (Stefan far out-sexys Edward, sorry girls), and Damon brought back the much beloved “Spike” for me. Dark, evil, twisted and…funny. In a “I’m making fun of you, of myself, of this very genre, but you just don’t see it” sort of way. I think this show has great potential, and am intrigued to see where it is taken.

And here I am…again completely smitten with those dark mysterious creatures of the night. What is it about Vampires anyway?

Retail Therapy?

2009-11-18T10:55:00.000-05:00

If shopping were an Olympic sport, and bargain hunting a specialty, I would proudly stand on that podium, gold medal around my neck, bouquet of flowers in my hand, in the red, white, and blue designer jogging suit, singing along with our National Anthem.

I can shop like the best of them, and there isn’t a bargain I can’t sniff out.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve been known for my fashion savvy, but along with that comes the knowledge that my extensive wardrobe has cost me less than probably one third of most people’s much smaller one.

I am a recreational shopper. Taking real pleasure in spending an entire
afternoon bouncing from store to store, sorting through racks and racks of clothing and shoes, walking away with bags of bargains.

I am a determined shopper. When I have my mind set on a particular
purchase, there is no stopping me from attaining my goal.

I am an educated shopper. If I want an item of expense, I’ve researched all alternatives, scoured all websites, found any lower priced options, and
clipped any coupons available.

I am an impulse shopper. But only if that impulse buy is on sale.

I very rarely pay full price for any item.

And I am, indeed, an emotional shopper.

When all else is stressing me out, when life isn’t going according to plan, when my emotions are getting the best of me…I shop. And most of the time, I instantly feel better.

But I am also reasonably responsible with my expenses, so I know when to stop. I know when too much is too much, and when I need to leave the
item behind and walk away empty handed.

In fact, more often than not, I will walk through a store holding on to those few items that grab my attention, only to put them back one by one before I ever make it to the register. Sometimes, the mere act of thinking I’m going to buy something is sufficient to give me that “shopper’s high”.

Yes, I am a shopaholic, but I am in full control of my addiction. My priorities
are in order. Bills first, pleasure shopping only if and when there is money left over.

And even then, I sometimes test myself, just to prove I have a handle on this habit of mine.

Such as this week when I decided that I was putting myself on a shopping fast. I’m not entirely sure how long this fast is supposed to last, I haven’t decided an endpoint, though, Thanksgiving feels right to me.

Those who know me are surely laughing at this point, because you all know this can’t possibly last very long…but it doesn’t really have to. I don’t NEED to curb my shopping. I just felt I should. For now. Just…because.

I like challenging myself.

NaNoWriMo - Half-Way There

2009-11-16T08:53:00.000-05:00

This weekend marked the Half-way point for NaNoWriMo. At this point, if you haven’t already quit, you’ve probably threatened to do so at least a handful of times. I know I have. I’ve threatened to not only quit, but delete my entire manuscript and forget it ever existed.

Never mind this is a story that I’ve been carrying in my brain for the better part of the last 10 years. There is no “deleting” this story, it has haunted me, creeping up in the most unexpected ways, at the most inappropriate times. My two main characters are like old friends who live far away, but stop by for a visit every few years.

I miss them when they are not here, but when they are here, they tend to overstay their welcome, and drive me crazy.

But I love them dearly, and would never even dream of telling them to leave before they are ready to go. And when they do decide they’ve had enough…I miss them immediately after they’ve gone.

Their story, however, has evolved over the years. And as I tackle this new version of it with NaNoWriMo I find myself completely unsure of where it is going, and what they are trying to tell me.

One thing is for certain however, they are still completely and utterly in love with each other, and I am in turn, still madly and deeply in love with them and the driving force behind this story I must tell.

And that is all I know. I cannot tell you what genre my book will end up being, for I do not know. True, it is a love story, but it is something else as well, and they are just know, at the half way point, beginning to let me in on their secret.

So, you ask me, what is your book about exactly, and I laugh. Don’t ask me, ask them…but don’t expect an answer, for they will only tell you when they are good and ready.

And I? I’ll just keep writing away, reaching for the 50 thousand words, and beyond, and hoping they’ll trust me enough somewhere along the journey to clue me in to the destination.

And then, I’ll tell you all their secrets, I promise.

For the Sake of Brevity

2009-11-13T11:35:00.001-05:00

Brevity is the soul of wit – Shakespeare

I have never been accused of being a woman of few words. Stop laughing, I know I talk (and/or write) A LOT.

Shut up! I can’t help it; I’m a lover of words, and therefore, take real pleasure in putting as many of them out there into the universe as I can.

Nowhere is this truer than here, on this blog. Once I get started writing a post, it seems to take on a life of its own and go on for days.

Trouble is, I find I have very little time to invest in writing my typically lengthy posts of late, and so I end up not writing much of anything instead.

Then, I go weeks without a blog post. And I miss blogging. I miss interacting with my readers, sharing of myself with all of you, telling you all the little things that inspire or intrigue me on a daily (or even weekly) basis.

I have an internal discussion with myself almost daily about whether or not it is time to hang up this here blogger’s cap and give it all up.

But then I have an anxiety attack and realize I could never do that. I’m just not a quitter.

So, I’m going to try a new experiment. Shorter blog posts. I’m not making any promises; after all…I hardly ever know when to shut up. But I’m going to attempt it, and see where that gets me.

What do you think?

We’ll start here. In fact…we’ll stop here for today.

Blessed is the man (blogger) who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. - George Eliot

Here we NaNoWriMo Again...

2009-11-06T09:18:00.000-05:00

For those unfamiliar with it, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, also known as November, also known as a bunch of crazy people sign up to write 50,000 words in one month and then pull their hair out of their head trying to make their daily and weekly word counts, but if it all goes well, at the end of it, they have a novel. Or the beginning of a novel. Or something like that.

Right.

So, NaNoWriMo.

It’s a pretty lofty goal for just about anyone. 50,000 words in a month average out to a little over 1600 words per day. That may not sound like a lot, but look at it this way, this post? 560words. Yeah…1,600 words is a lot. Especially because writing a novel requires a story, characters, and it requires you to be able to keep that story going…writer’s block has a tendency to set in when you’re facing a deadline. At least it does for me. Add to that the fact that I work a 9-5 job, and have about 18 million other commitments coming up for the month of November and…well, yes, I’m absolutely insane for signing up for NaNoWriMo.

And yet, the challenge adds to it an element of urgency which forces me to focus and actually sit down and write daily. I’ve done it for at least two years now, completing the 50,000 word goal last year for the first time.

Truth be told, the novel I began last year has sat pretty much untouched since December 1^st, but I have high aspirations of returning to it one day.

In the meantime, this year, I decided to bend the rules a WEEE little bit and pick up my eternal work in progress. The novel I began writing well over a decade ago and have yet to finish. Technically, this is a no-no for NaNo, as you are supposed to start from scratch. However, I believe the true spirit of NaNo is to get writers to WRITE, and the rest of the rules are more like “suggestions” for me.

Also, I really love the characters in that novel, and they have been begging me to finish their story for ages. I feel now is the time to do so. And, in all fairness to the rest of the NaNoWriMo participants, it is “almost” as if I’m writing a brand new novel, because, you see…besides the fact that I love my two main characters, and have previously rewritten the prologue to the novel…I’ve scrapped pretty much the entirety of the remainder of it. I decided that as much as I love the character, I hated the existing story. In the last decade of so, I have grown, I have changed, and so have they.

They have matured, they have formed new attitudes and created new lives for themselves, and the old story line just wasn’t working anymore. So I tossed it.

I can’t even tell you where this one is going, because I haven’t the slightest idea. I just know that my two characters, who I have loved and known for over a decade now, have a story to tell, and I am merely the medium. I’ll type the words, but they’ll be guiding them.

I can’t wait to see what they have to show me.

So off we go then...

Who's That Girl?

2009-10-27T09:41:00.000-04:00

I have always prided myself on not being “that girl”. You know the one. The girl who’s sole purpose in life is to find “the one”. No matter where she is, or what she is doing, she’s on the lookout for Mr. Right.

The success or failure of any night out on the town depends solely on whether she met a guy, and if there are no available single men present, then the evening is a bust.

I have never been that girl.

When I am out, with friends, by myself, or among my family, I am out for the purpose of enjoying myself. I go about my business, sometimes completely oblivious to the number of eligible (or otherwise) men in the room.

I’m not on the prowl, never have really been, and if a man happened to approach me, that was simply considered a nice bonus to the evening. Unless he happened to be creepy, in which case, it just added humor to the situation.

And yet, lately, I have to admit that I’m seeing more of “that girl” in me. Still not solely focused on “the hunt”, but more aware of my surroundings. It appears the “single man” radar has been turned on, and I’ll be damned if I know how to shut this thing off.

Perhaps that annoying little biological clock which I swore I wasn’t programmed with has indeed awakened in me. Maybe seeing 35 right around the corner has kick started some sort of timer. Maybe it has nothing to do with that, and everything to do with my new found confidence in this new, slimmer body of mine. I’m once again feeling flirtier, and therefore more hyper aware of potential flirtees?

Whatever the case, I find that I’m more focused on the opposite sex, on “potential talent” as my friend Traveler calls it.

When I head out now, be it to the grocery store or a night out with the girls, I’m paying attention.

And the thing that really gets to me is, I’m also aware of my disappointment when, at the end of any such outing, I come up empty. No “talent” to speak of, no potential “Mr. Right” anywhere in sight.

Even more disappointing are those rare occasions when I meet someone with all the right potential only to discover he’s wearing a ring. (I met one such gentleman this weekend in the midst of my travel disaster Thursday, and he was simply adorable, charming, flirtatious and…married).

And there’s that…I’ve never been one to notice wedding rings before. EVER. And now? One of the first things I look at.

When did I become that girl? And how do I make her go away? Cause I’m pretty sure I don’t like her invading my body. She’s not welcome and she's kind of annoying.

VIsit the White Mountains With Me

2009-10-21T08:29:00.000-04:00

Last month I took a weekend trip to the White Mountains in New Hampshire with my family. You can read all about that little nostalgic getaway in this post. What that earlier post didn't contain, however, were any of the pictures I took while up there. The sights at the top of those mountains are so breathtaking that words can't really describe them. So, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves:

This last one is of the mountain where the famous "Old Man of The Mountain" used to be, before it collapsed in 2003. Sort of a bittersweet shot:

I Realize

2009-10-19T08:24:00.000-04:00

I stole this from Melissa last week, because I thought it was a great way to share a little bit more about "who I am" to my new readers, and have a little fun in the process with ALL of you...I invite you to join in and do your own. (Note: Melissa's list (click on the link) has a few more questions than my own...I took a few out because...well...because I didn't like them. lol)

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...is what it is, and women pay thousands of dollars for what I was given naturally by God, so I might as well make peace with it.

2. I've come to realize that my job...does not define me, but it sure helps when I enjoy what I do for a living.

3. I've come to realize that when i'm driving alone...I play music WAY too loud.

4. I've come to realize I need...to admit my weaknesses in order to become stronger.

5. I've come to realize I have lost...my fear of looking foolish, I embrace my silliness.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...I hurt someone unintentionally.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...I'm probably falling asleep, I know...boring.

8. I've come to realize that money...is necessary, but should not be the driving force behind anything you do.

9. I've come to realize that certain people...are not meant to be a part of your life.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...try harder.

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...has grown up to be a pretty decent young man.

12 I've come to realize that my mom...is my best friend, but then, I've always known that.

13. I've come to realize that my dad...is the sweetest, kindest, most patient and laid back man I know.

14. I've come to realize that tomorrow...we get a chance to do it all over again.

15. I've come to realize that I really want to...live every day to the utmost.

16. I've come to realize that somewhere someone...needs a hug.

17 I've come to realize that life...really is short, don't waste it.

18. I've come to realize that this weekend...was a great one to recharge my batteries.

19. I've come to realize that the best music to listen to when I'm upset...is old school stuff that makes me giggle.

20. I've come to realize that my friends...are amazing.

21. I've come to realize that this year...I have traveled A LOT.

22. I've come to realize that my ex(s)...taught me a lot about myself, but I'm glad they're my "exes". ;-)

23. I've come to realize that maybe I should...stop procrastinating so much.

24. I've come to realize that I love...everything about life.

25. I've come to realize that I don't understand...a lot about human nature.

26. I've come to realize my past...has made me who I am today.

27. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of the idea of "nothingness".

28. I've come to realize that my life...is a blessing.

Re-Run Wednesday - 200 things (well...50)

2009-10-14T08:19:00.001-04:00

As I stated last week, on Wednesdays I'm going to be revisiting some of my old posts, so I figured what better place to start than the 200 things about me series I did in 2007? I'll start with the first 50...with some edits and commentary (because I can never just do a "copy/paste" post...come on folks, you know me...I'm a talker.

So I give you - 200 things about me: - The first 50

1. I was born in Africa

2. Specifically, I was born in Luanda, capital city of Angola a country on the western coast of Africa.

3. Angola was a Portuguese colony at the time, and my parents both moved there as youngsters, met and were married there, and had me.

4. That last one wasn't really about me, but it was about my history so it counts.

5. I left Africa when I was 8 months old, for Portugal

6. I lived in Portugal until I was almost, but not quite, 10 years old.

7. While I lived in Portugal, we moved 9 times.

8. I have wonderful memories of my childhood in Portugal, and even though money was tight, I only remember ever being happy and thinking we had it all.

9. My brother was born when I was 9 years old and became the love of my young life.

10. To this day my brother and I have a bond like few siblings I know. I don't think we've ever had a "real" fight, and I love that even now, at 23 he still comes to me for advice and support. (he's 25 now, but the rest is true).

11. I'm really proud of the man my brother is finally growing up to be. (yep, more and more each day)

12. I left Portugal for the U.S. the day before my 10th birthday.

13. I became a U.S. citizen at the age of 17 (I think) because my parents took the citizenship test while my brother and I were still minors so we'd become citizens automatically.

14. I have now lived in this country about three times as long as I lived in Portugal.

15. I consider myself to be an American in every way that matters.

16. I think this country is flawed in many ways, and wish we'd do a better job of being Americans.

17. That said, I'm proud to be an American, love the freedoms and opportunities that this country has afforded me, and don't plan on ever living anywhere else.

18. However, I do have fantasies of retiring to some tropical beach somewhere in Mexico or Jamaica, and won't completely rule out that possibility.

19. Since moving to the U.S. I've moved 5 times, the first four within the same city, the last time to the next town over, about 5 minutes from my parents' house.

20. I live about 45 miles north of Boston.

21. I went to college in Boston, at Suffolk University.

22. Suffolk was a commuter school at the time, so I never had a "campus" college experience.

23. I don't have a problem with that.

24. My time at college was what "they" say high school should be. "The best four years of your life"...or something like that.

25. College was really an eye opening experience for me, I learned a lot about myself, about life, about others.

26. While in college, I went to school full time, worked full time, and still managed to have time for a pretty darn active social life.

27. I also managed to keep a GPA above a 3.5 the entire time I did the above.

28. My major in college was Communication and Journalism because I wanted to be a reporter or just any kind of writer when I "grew up".

29. I had a minor panic attack my junior year in college when I realized I'd never get a paying job doing the above, and I had way too much debt to risk it, so I added a paralegal minor when most other students were taking the "rocks for jocks" sorts of classes.

30. Suffolk is NOT a sports school, our most celebrated sport at the time was soccer, but the only one we all partipated in attending was intramural basketball. Which was HUGE and I loved going to see.

31. Therefore, I never experienced the "college" sports phenom that seems so widespread in this country.

32. So, most of our extracurricular activities involved more cerebral or artistic pursuits.

33. On that note, I joined the Forensics team my junior year in college. (Yep, along with adding a minor and working full time).

34. No, Forensics doesn't actually have anything to do with dead bodies and CSI investigations. It's just a fancy word for the Speech and Debate Teams

35. I was actually pretty good at this Speech stuff, and won several awards in my short time on the team.

36. With the Forensics team I was able to travel to several schools in the New England and New York area for competitions, and also to a national competition in Flagstaff, Arizona.

37. That trip to Arizona is pretty much when the travel bug bit me long and hard, and hasn't let go yet.

38. One of the speeches I delivered was an informative speech on Pez (yes, the candy). Go ahead, ask me anything about it's history, I can tell you.

39. From the time I was young my dad would tell me that I should become either a lawyer or a politician because of how much I loved to debate.

40. At one point I had aspirations of going to law school and becoming a hot shot Boston lawyer, litigating major cases like you see them do on Law and Order type shows.

41. I knew, however, that it's not exactly like that in the real world, so decided to work in a law firm as a paralegal for a while after college, to decide if that was in fact the world for me.

42. It is now 10 years later, I'm at my fourth law firm, and still working as a paralegal. Obviously, I decided against law school. (except now I don't work in the legal field at all anymore - I'm an executive assistant to the president of a credit union).

43. I'm extremely confident in that if I had chosen to go to law school, I would have done well and would be, in fact, working at some Boston firm, making good money.

44. But I'm even more confident that I made the right choice when I decided that I just didn't want the school debt to enter a career that would practically require me to give up any personal life I have in order to be successful. (AMEN, AMEN, AMEN)

45. I think it is extremely tough for a female to be taken seriously in several different professions, and law is one of those professions, and therefore, women have to work twice as hard as men, in order to be seen as the "bitches" they need to be to be taken seriously. I didn't want to deal with that crap.

46. Most lawyers I know, male or female, hate their jobs.(still true)

47. I won't tell you that being a paralegal was or is my dream job, but I actually enjoy what I do, and aside from my gripes here at The Firm, I like my job. (I wasn't exactly "lying" here, but I think I was in serious denial...I hated that freakin' job. My current job, however? I LOVE).

48. I especially like the fact that when I leave at the end of the day, I leave my job behind me. I don't take work home, I don't have to think about it until the next morning, and I can focus on the rest of my life. (I still love that and it is actually true of this job).

49. While at one point I thought I would be a "career driven" person, I've realized that my motivation to work has changed as I have gotten older. I'm now driven by the desire to have a good, happy, comfortable life. I work to live, I don't live to work. (yep)

50. I don't have a problem with that.

Okay, I'll leave it at that for today, but maybe next Wednesday we'll do the next 50...

Let's Talk ABout Shoes

2009-10-08T09:11:00.000-04:00

Oh shoes...how much do I love shoes. That's not a question. If you know me even a little bit, then you know that a good pair of shoes can pretty much make my day.

Well, except maybe THOSE shoes...YIKES. No thanks.

But seriously, women are so lucky when it comes to shoes. Men get like 3 styles of shoes, we? We get hundreds. Styles, colors, sizes, heels, flats, boots, sandals...it's enough to make a woman go crazy.

And this woman? Yours truly? I have a serious shoe addiction. SERIOUS. As in...I own upwards of 80 pairs of shoes. I can't tell you exactly how many I own because it's been a while since I sat and counted them all. Last time I did count I was up around 79 pairs, but I have since bought new shoes, and I have since donated some old pairs. I've lost count once again.

But, really, who's paying attention to such trivial details? A woman? Can.Never.Have.Enough.Shoes.

EVER.

That being said, imagine my delight when I discovered "Shoedazzle".

What is Shoedazzle you ask? Well...you know those "Wine of the Month" clubs? How about a "Shoe of the Month" club? Sounds like the perfect invention to me. (and for the record, not that it matters, but I am NOT being paid to advertise this site, I just LOVE IT and want to share my find).

Shoedazzle is great though in that it it really a very easy "no obligation" club. I'll let you check out the website for better details, but in a nutshell, here's how it works: You sign up, you fill out a "Style profile", you pay $39 a month, you get a pair of shoes per month. However, if you don't want to participate any particular month, you "Skip" the month, and pay nothing. You also are given, based on your answers to the style profile, 5 choices at the beginning of each month, and pick your shoes from those choices. Not happy with those? (as I wasn't with my first 5 choices), tell them why (I didn't want any open toed shoes with winter just around the corner) and the "style experts" will send you 5 more choices.

Easy enough? So, of course, I signed up. And here is the first pair of shoes I chose:

They arrived yestertoday, and I LOVE THEM.

I will definitely be keeping them. By the way, if I was unhappy with them, I could exchange them for free, or return them for a minimal "restocking" fee.

Another note, I did a little research, and these particular shoes retail at other websites for well over $55. I got a deal.

I will not be getting new shoes every month, because...well, because I still plan on shoe shopping in other stores as well, and I have to behave myself...right? Right...yeah, that's it. But I will keep you all posted on my choices as they come in.

Moving on, since we're talking about shoes, can we talk about these:

Mojito Shoe

Yep, that's a prototype for a real shoe. Click on the link above the picture for more information.

Or, what about these?

Or these?

OH, "weird shoes" abound on the internet...just a quick google search for that phrase will bring you hundreds more...try it...or check out this link.

Whewh...all this talk about shoes is making me dizzy...I need to sit down...I think I'll sit...right...here:

Old is New Again

2009-10-07T14:02:00.001-04:00

The thing about blogging is that it can take over your life. No seriously, if you are a blogger, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It becomes this thing you simply MUST do, and if you miss a day, you feel like somehow you’re letting people down…even if you’re not entirely sure anyone is even reading your blog.

But it is also a great creative outlet, an amazing way to connect with others and really something I am so grateful to have discovered.

When I first started blogging, I had the ability to blog at work and spend endless hours browsing, visiting and commenting on other blogs. Okay, maybe “ability” isn’t exactly the right word, but I was so overworked and overstressed at my old job that I felt I had EARNED the right to goof off for a few hours each day online.

At that time, I was blogging daily, I had three different blogs, all current and constantly updated. I was also very active in the blog world, with a wide circle of “friends” whose blogs I visited regularly.

That all changed, however, when I started this new job. Here at this company, internet security is high, and internet usage is monitored pretty closely. Although I’m pretty sure in my position I could get away with spending a bit of time on-line, I took this as an opportunity to break a bit of my internet habit, and stop visiting during work hours.

With that, however, my blog suffered immensely. As you have probably already noticed, I can go days (okay, fine weeks) without posting anything. It’s taken me a while to find my blogging rhythm again. In the meantime, I’m pretty sure I’ve lost most of my readers (who can blame them?). I’ve also found it nearly impossible to maintain my visits to other blogs, only stopping by occasionally here and there.

Lately, however, I seem to be hitting my stride again. I’m still not posting daily, but to be honest, I don’t know that I intend to again. Every few days works well for me, and I can focus on quality versus quantity.

With the advent of Twitter, I’ve also gained a few new readers to this blog who are pretty unfamiliar with the “old” way this blog used to run.

While I miss the old days here at Candid Karina, I’m pretty excited about the new life I’m planning on bringing to the blog. In a way, I feel as if I’m starting all over. A bit of a rebirth, if you will.

Yet, as I begin to plan for the future of Candid Karina, I find myself thinking about some of my old posts. If I’m starting all over, then there are stories I have to tell again, re-introductions to be made, tales you, my new readers simply must hear.

However, I don’t want to rely solely on my old material here. I mean, how lame would that be? If you really wanted to re-read all my old posts, you could just look through my archives, right? (not to toot my own horn, but you totally should, I used to write some really witty stuff back in the day, haha)

So, here’s what I’m going to do…I’m going to start a new feature called ReRun Wednesday. Once a week (maybe, if I can stick to a schedule and all that) I’m going to re-post an old entry of mine. Some of my favorites. This way, even my regular readers (the two or three that have stuck it out with me) can enjoy some of my “greatest hits” once again. Or, they can ignore them completely once again…whichever they prefer. ;-)

What do you think, are you up for some reruns? We’ll start next week. Come back tomorrow though…I’ve got a treat for you ALL ABOUT SHOES.

Karina's Closet - Take a Peak

2009-10-05T10:45:00.000-04:00

In case you’ve missed it (as if that were a possibility), I’m a little bit of a fashion nut. I can’t help it, when it comes to all things fashion, I am SUCH a girl. I love shoes, beauty products, accessories, and oh yes, of course, clothing.

But more than any of those things, I love a bargain. I’m loathe to pay full price for anything.

This causes me to be quite creative with my wardrobe, but it also, in my opinion, helps me to have the varied and unique style I’ve created for myself.

It has also led me to discover beauty products, designers, and other things that the average person might not come across. When you’re digging for bargains, you are going to find treasures, you just need to know how to search.

Of course, now and again this also leads me to trying out products that are less than ideal, but hey, you learn from your mistakes, and I’d rather make a $3 mistake over a $30 dollar one, don’t you agree?

Anyway, because I hold fashion and beauty so near and dear to me, I’ve decided to open up my closet now and again and share with you some of my treasures, secrets, finds, and tips.

This is just for fun, I’m in no way an “expert” so take what I say with a grain of salt. Although, if anyone out there can call themselves a “shopping expert”, I believe I’ve earned that right. Ask anyone who knows me, they’ll agree.

So, to kick things off, this week I’m going to share with you a beauty product find, and a “fall fashion” personal tip.

My product of the week:

While browsing the shelves at The Christmas Tree Shop of all places this weekend, I came across my new favorite hair product. You should know that my hair is the bane of my existence. It is straight, but frizzy, it is SUPER thin and flat. I learned years ago that my hair holds NO style for any period longer than 10 minutes, unless an entire can of aquanet (do they even make that stuff anymore?) is used. Luckily for me, long, straight, flat hair is in currently. Unluckily for me, even when straightened, my hair has a tendency to frizz all over the place. I have tried various “anti-frizz” and shine sprays, but as an added bonus, my hair is also incredibly oily, so most styling products only serve to exarcebate the problem, and do nothing for the frizz.

But I’ve started using Frizz-Ease Straight Fixation Smoothing Creme, and I LOVE IT (and no, they are not paying me to say this). My hair is now shiny, the frizz is gone, and it does not feel like there is any product in my hair. It does not turn my hair oily, and in fact, my hair even feels silkier and softer. It also looks more vibrant, brighter somehow. I’m a big fan. My friend WEST Virginia also tried out the product last weekend, and she too is a big fan. So there you have it.

Finally, before I wrap this post up, I leave you with my little “fall” fashion tip for the week. COLOR. The weather is turning colder, winter is right around the corner, and we’re all getting ready to hunker down for the shorter days, longer nights portion of the year. For some strange reason, it is exactly at this time, when we need it most, that most people put away their colorful wardrobe. Out come the browns and the tans, the blacks and the greys. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as big a fan of neutrals as the next girl, but take a note from the leaves on the trees, now is NOT the time to put away color. Fight the desire to go all “glum” and somber, and break out some bright colors.

I’m a big fan of mixing the above mentioned neutrals with a punch of unexpected colors. A bright yellow sweater, a red belt, a purple scarf, pink shoes. Be daring, be bold, be noticed.

(my shoes today, for example)

If nothing else, it’ll make you smile when you catch your reflection in a mirror. If the sun won’t come out, bring it with you in your wardrobe.

Fashion is supposed to be fun, don’t be afraid to take chances, that’s the whole point.

I’ve still got game…and yet…

2009-10-01T09:05:00.000-04:00

I’ve been single for a long time. A LONG TIME.

Most of this time has been by choice, I made a conscious decision to take some “ME” time and take a break from the constant struggle and pain of relationships and dating. I needed to focus on me for a little while, so I could get to a good place before I was ready to share my life with someone.

I’ve been told that was the smart thing to do.

The problem, however, is that as I focused on myself, I also got older.

Now, I don’t particularly have a problem with my age. I’ll proudly announce that I am 34 years old and not even flinch. I’m loving my 30’s, having the time of my life, and honestly, look and feel better now than I ever did in my 20’s. I’ve taken control of myself, my body, my attitude, my career, my life is mine.

However, as if dating in your teens, in college and your 20’s wasn’t hard enough…try doing it in your 30’s. Cripes has the game changed.

For starters, I have no idea where to even begin. Long gone are the days of hanging out at nightclubs and dancing with a stranger, exchanging numbers at the end of the night. The excitement of a fresh batch of classes every semester, introducing a whole new group of eligible men are a thing of the past. Most of my friends have “coupled off”, so even girls’ nights out with a possibility for some flirting are a rare occurance. And no longer does anybody have any single friends left to set anyone up with (not that I was ever a fan of the dreaded set-up).

So, what is a girl to do? In the age of the internet, everyone keeps telling me to try online dating, and as much as I believe it can be a great vehicle for some, it just isn’t for me. I’ve always needed the more organic method of meeting someone face to face, having a casual encounter and going from there. “Forced” matchmaking has never worked for me.

I find myself, therefore, just going with the flow. If I am to meet someone, it’ll happen “when I least expect it”, or so everyone tells me.

Like, at a flea market?

This past Saturday I spent the afternoon at a flea market with my friend WEST Virginia (W.V.). As we were leaving, walking toward my car in the parking lot, I made eye contact with a hottie walking toward his car with his buddy. We proceeded to do that whole looking back and catching each other looking thing all the way to our cars. We laughed about it, and he made his way over to us for a quick chat. I ended up giving him my phone number, because…why not?

I’ll be honest, I walked away from that little scenario feeling pretty darn good about myself. Turns out yours truly has still got game. W.V. just laughed at me and told me how awesome I was to be able to pick a guy up like that. I just thought it was funny, and enjoyed the fact that I could once again do that…it’s been a long time since I’ve had the confidence to follow through on flirtation. Not so long ago, I would have looked down at my feet, hurried to my car, and driven off.

And for the record, no, flea market boy has not called me. Why a man takes a phone number and then never calls has always boggled my mind, but that’s another post, for another time. I won’t lie, I’m slightly disappointed. But don’t worry I’m not dwelling on it, there will be others. This is just one more small step in my journey into dating. After such a long hiatus, I couldn’t have expected it to be too easy, could I?

Hmm…anyone up for the flea market this weekend?

Good Friends, Good Times

2009-09-30T09:56:00.000-04:00

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, then you are probably aware that “Some of My Best Friends are…people I met on the internet”.

I have always been the type of person who can make friends in the most unusual of ways. I’m outgoing and talkative by nature, so I’ll strike up a conversation with just about anyone, just about anywhere, about just about anything. I have made (and met) friends over pen pal letters from as far away as Germany, when I was just a teenybopper. I have bonded with girls over musical tastes, a pair of shoes, and a laptop computer while on a flight to visit another long distance friend. And then, of course, there are my internet friends.

If you click on that link above, you can get a little more history on a particular group of friends I met online almost 9 years ago. These 6 girls and I have been through everything together. Break-ups, make-ups, marriages, babies, health issues, career changes, moves, successes, failures, drama and good times. I’ve been lucky to meet almost all of them in person at one point or another, and I count them among my very best friends in the world. Up until this weekend, I had yet to meet two of them in person.

But this past weekend “WEST Virginia” came to stay with me.

There was a little bit of apprehension on both of our parts about finally meeting face to face. We spend most of our days texting and/or instant messaging each other, and we get along fabulously over technology. But what if we didn’t “click” when actually face to face? What if it was awkward? As she kept saying “what if she thinks I’m a dork?” What if…would we ruin our great friendship by meeting?

Truth be told, I was more excited than anxious. I had faith that we would get along fabulously.

Thankfully, I was right. We clicked instantly, and it was as if we were simply old friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while, reconnecting after a long absence. There was no awkwardness. And let us be honest, we’re both big dorks, and we’re both well aware of that already, so there was no issue there either.

I picked her up at the airport on Thursday afternoon, and we instantly launched into an easy conversation about her flight, and giggled like schoolgirls as we tried to locate my car in the parking garage.

Thursday night was made easier by a home cooked crock pot meal (made by yours truly and pretty darn good if I do say so myself) and the two hour season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy, a show we watch together via instant messenger weekly.

Friday I dragged her to work with me (kicking and screaming for the early morning hour), where we were having an employee appreciation cook-out at midday. We left after lunch and headed out for some shopping. Friday evening we had dinner at my parents’ house, where she met my family, parents, grandfather and Bro and his girlfriend. Everyone got along fabulously and we had a great evening.

Saturday we spent the day at a flea market, and then went to the movies. Sunday I drove her back to the airport, and was sad to see her go, knowing that if she lived closer, we would certainly spend a lot of time together.

It was a laid back, fun, and casual weekend. It was an easy, comfortable, not at all forced time with a great friend.

I look forward to our next visit, but am glad to know that we can continue our daily texting and/or instant messaging chats in the meantime, without any awkwardness.

Isn’t the internet great?

Back on Track

2009-09-28T11:38:00.000-04:00

Around this time last year I was barely a month into my weight loss journey. In fact, I set off on my “journey” on August 27th, 2008. Don’t ask me why that date is so clear in my mind, especially since I tend to be really bad with dates, but there it is. That was the day I joined Jenny Craig and set off on my journey to lose “a few pounds”.

At the time, I knew I was “a bit” overweight, but having always been “the skinny one”, I don’t think my brain had wrapped itself around the fact that I was actually “quite a bit” overweight.

I am “petite” at 5’2”, and at the time when I started JC I weighed in at almost 150. (149.9 to be exact). I realize that to some this may not sound like a lot, but the truth is, it’s an unhealthy weight for me. Especially because I happen to be one of those “lucky” girls that carries my weight right in my belly area. Belly fat, as we all know, is the unhealthiest of all.

Anyway, when I started JC, I set my goal at 135, thinking that there was no way I would get there, but what the heck, I’d go ahead and put that down.

When all was said and done, I reached that goal and kept adding 5 lbs. to my goal. Eventually I dropped 25 lbs, and went from feeling squeezed tight in a size 10, to being very comfortable in a size 4. At 125 I looked better than I ever have, and was only 5 lbs. away from my final goal of 120.

I set the 120 goal as a safety net. If I could stay between 120 and 125, then I would be in a good spot, not having to stress too much for a few extra pounds, but knowing to get back on track if I started inching my way up past the 125.

I told myself that 130 would always be my do or die…the number I did not want to see on the scale, just to keep me in line.

I should say here that I’m not obsessing over the numbers, I’m just using them as reminders to stay on top of my health.

But the thing about getting so close to your goal is that it gives you a false sense of security. And then, you slack.

A few weeks ago I stepped on the scale to see 133.

Not a dire emergency, not an atrocious number, but…yes, it’s time. Time to get serious again.

So, starting today, I’m back on track. Eating healthy, eating every 3 hours, snacks, small meals, keeping a food journal, lots of vegetables, THINKING before I eat.

And it is time to step up the exercise again. Truth be told, I haven’t slacked nearly as much with exercise as I have with food. But I’m going to make a concerted effort to really stick to a routine. For now, I’m going to take advantage of the gorgeous fall weather and stick to power walks. I’m easily doing a 3 miler a few times a week now, so I’m stepping it up and adding a mile to it this week. My goal here is to be doing 5 miles before the winter sets in and I’m forced inside a gym. I’m also going to be adding some abs and arms at home every other day. (I’ve also bought wrist weights for my walks).

The goal for the scale stands at 120, with the realistic realization that I really just want to be anywhere between that and 125. It’s a healthy weight for me, and it is where I plan to “live” for the long term. I just need to get there first.

So there it is, all in writing to hold me accountable.

Only The Good Friday - Fall, Shoes and Friends...it's all Good.

2009-09-18T10:09:00.001-04:00

If you follow me on Twitter (and if you don’t, why not?) then you know I’ve been Mrs. Cranky Pants all week.

I could get into a detailed discussion of all the reasons why Cranky Karina made her appearance known this week, but…well, it’s FRIDAY, and that means it’s Only The Good Friday, and we focus on the positives on OTGF.

SO, instead of giving Cranky Karina any more airtime, I’m going to focus on the good things.

What good things, you ask?

Oh, there’s plenty.

For starters, Fall has arrived in New England with a vengeance. And next to Summer, Fall just happens to be my favorite season of the year. It’s been a bit chillier than I would like it to be the last few days, but temps are said to be rising the next few days. Which means sleeping with windows open, waking up to that slight chill, but crisp scent in the air, and then enjoying sunny and warm afternoons before the sun sets and that crisp chill hits once again. I love fall weather, truly.

Fall also means a wardrobe change. Now, if you know me, you know these are the simple things that brighten my days. Yes, I’ll be sad to put away the summer dresses and shorts and flip-flops, but I get to exchange them for cardigans and long sleeved t-shirts and oh…boots. Did you hear me? BOOT weather is nearly here. Oh how I love my boots.

And really, when all else fails, focus on the shoes. The shoes make everything better.

Speaking of shoes, one of my twitter buddies (@ashleygreenere) introduced me to something yesterday that may just be the greatest internet invention of all time. “Shoedazzle.com” is basically a “shoe-of-the-month” club. Yes, you read that right, and if you know me at all, then you know at the moment my head is SPINNING at the mere idea of this. Needless to say, yes, I signed up, and will be keeping you posted on my thoughts about the site and the program. I’m waiting until I receive my first shoe recommendations before I talk about it anymore, but I will post a review about it once I do.

BUT a shoe-of-the-month club? GENIUS.

And since I mentioned my twitter buddies, I should also mention that in the midst of the bad week I was having, those same twitter friends were a great source of support and encouragement for me. What an amazing group of people gathered together by that little blue bird, and how lucky am I to have stumbled across them. I don’t care what anybody says, as far as I’m concerned, Twitter is a GOOD thing.

I’ve met so many amazing people on this interweb, it’s such a great thing.

Speaking of my internet friends, another very good thing is happening next week. I shall have a houseguest next weekend, and she happens to be one of my very best friends. She also happens to be someone I met on the internet oh, over 8 years ago, and who I have yet to meet face to face. Yes, that’s right, we’ve never met face to face, and she’s coming to spend the weekend with me. But you have to understand that for a little under a decade, we’ve been in almost daily, and certainly weekly communication. With a small group of other ladies (some of whom we’ve both been able to meet in person), we’ve been through break-ups, marriages, childbirths, family drama, deaths and successes. These girls at times know me better than any of my “real life” friends could even dream to know me. And this particular friend and I have grown even closer in the last year or so, with daily text and instant messaging conversations. She’ll be here Thursday through Sunday and I am so excited to have her visit.

See, all good things.

So, there you have it, my Only The Good Friday post for this week. Ah, I feel better, don’t you?

Don’t forget to stop by Shelly’s, as she’s the brains (and heart) behind Only The Good Fridays.

Why I'm Single - In this town

2009-09-15T14:34:00.000-04:00

There are many reasons why I’m single at this point in my life.

In fact, just about everyone I know has an opinion about my single status. I’m not willing to settle, the right guy just hasn’t come along, it’ll happen when the time is right or better yet, when I least expect it (that’s a joke), I’m too picky (I’m eternally being told this one), I need to get out more (laugh with me if you know just how ridiculous this one is), I’m not looking hard enough, I need to stop looking so hard, I intimidate men because of how independent and successful I am, I should just be myself, I should try internet dating, I should never do internet dating, I should let them set me up with their cousin/brother/uncle/neighbor coworker, they don’t know any single people to set me up with…well, you get the point. Everyone has input into the situation, as if this was a group project.

Truth be told, I’m perfectly comfortable being single, and don’t spend the majority of my days looking for (or even really thinking about) Mr. Right. That being said, I’m finally at a point in my life where I am certainly open to meeting someone.

And yet, now that I have decided that I am ready and willing to re-enter the dating scene, I’m finding it a bit hard to do so. Meeting someone just isn’t as easy as it used to be in my 20’s.

Somedays, I look at all other aspects in my life, I look at other people around me, I look at other couples and I wonder why am I single? What is it that keeps me from finding “the one”.

Other days, however, I realize exactly why that is. It takes but a walk down the street, a conversation with a friend, or a stroll through my local grocery store to remind me why I am indeed single.

So, I bring you my new segment here at Candid Karina. As I navigate the waters of re-entering the dating scene in my 30’s, I’m pretty sure I’ll have plenty to share with you as to why I haven’t yet found “the one”.

And what will then happen to this segment when I do find “the one”? Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about that, after all…it could be a while.

For example, to kick things off, let’s start with today.

In the spirit of quieting the “you need to get out more” voices in my head, now and again at lunch time, I decide to go for a walk through the downtown area where my job is located.

Mind you I’m not going out “looking” to meet someone, but I figure if I go take a walk to clear my head, and mingle among the rest of the “downtown lunchers” anything can happen right?

Right. Except. These are just a few tidbits of the conversations I overhear as I take my little walk:

1. Walking by a group of guys and gals, probably in their mid-20’s: “So-and-so got arrested last night again” - “What did he do this time?”
2. Walking by two guys, who were obviously trying to get the attention of a girl passing by “Come on girl, we can go smoke a blunt, where do you live?”

And you wonder why I’m single in this town?

Family Time

2009-09-14T14:43:00.001-04:00

This past weekend my family and I took a bit of a nostalgia trip.

When I was in my early teens, we had a family tradition of spending a week every summer in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Every year we would pack up the cars for the 2 plus hour drive, and head to a nice little “cottage resort” for nature, fun and games. My cousins PM, M&M and I would get our very own little cottage, our parents (and my little brother) would set up camp in surrounding cottages, and we would spend the week enjoying each other’s company, and the lack of “technology” available to us.

We would cook out, take all day sightseeing/hiking trips, hang out by the pool, hit up random yard sales and village shops, and then spend the evenings by the campfire roasting marshmallows and telling tales.

My cousins and I would then proceed to stay up all night doing whatever it is that teenage girls can do all night long at slumber parties. Giggle, tell stories, fantasize about their future husbands, listen to music.

Every year we’d look forward to this week.

We haven’t been up there as a family in well over 15 years.

This weekend, however, we decided to revisit and take a mini-vacation at the White Mountains.

My parents, my grandfather, my brother and his girlfriend, my uncle and aunt, my cousin M&M, her fiancé and her daughter and of course I spent the weekend at a little cottage resort.

It was surprisingly easy to allow ourselves to let go of the confines of technology and sink into the beauty and ease of nature around us. I won’t lie, we had our blackberries and iphones in tow, but by Saturday afternoon, the constant checks for emails and text messages were less frequent, and by Saturday night, I’d given up all hope (or interest) in keeping up with my twitter stream updates.

Instead the focus was on the beauty of the mountains around us, the warmth of our campfire, and the company of family. We ate, we drank, we told stories, we played games, and we reminisced a bit. Mostly, we just enjoyed the time, and the company.

It was a lovely and fun time, and a reminder of all the great things God has blessed us with.

I’m hopeful it won’t be another 15 years before we all do it again. In fact, the fall foliage is just starting to turn, so a re-visit in a few weeks is something we’re all considering.

I won’t lie, there was a bit of bitter sweetness there as I watched my family throughout the weekend.

The resort we used to stay at, just up the road from the one we stayed in this weekend, is badly deteriorated, closed for renovations, but now owned by someone else.

My cousin PM now lives in California with a family of her own, so she was not there with us. My brother, all grown up, is no longer the “little boy of the family” but instead brought his girlfriend with him. The “kids” are now the adults, and things are so different.

And yet, the love, the camaraderie, the incessant joking and teasing were all the same. For the record, every last one of my family members is nuts. I can’t wait to do this all again soon.

My family and I took a nostalgia trip this weekend, and I brought back a heart filled with warmth as a souvenir.

Never Forget - EVER

2009-09-11T12:05:00.003-04:00

Okay, I haven't posted anything in a while here (big surprise, seems to be the running theme), but I couldn't let today go by without a post.

I've posted this poem more than once on this here little blog o' mine, but honestly, I can't seem to find words more fitting every year than the ones I wrote back in 2001 after the tragedy happened.

So, once again, I'm reposting a poem I wrote back in 2001.

Tuesday Morning

When I awoke
the sun was shining
I could smell the ocean breeze
the birds singing
the world was grand
I started my day with ease

Then the phone rang
"turn on the tv
You won't believe your eyes"
And then I saw it
the second impact
terror coming from he skies

"What's going on?"
I asked dumbfounded
"Is the world falling apart?"
As time progressed
I learned much more
The knowledge broke my heart

"Oh my God
There it goes"
Someone said to the crowd
And as it fell
our hopes crumbled
the country sighed out loud

How could this be?
Here , in America?
We're not supposed to cry
On a Tuesday morning
for no good reason?
People aren't supposed to die

But things have changed
The world is different
We'll never again be the same
But how we stand proud
The United States
Much more than just a name

My heart still broken
My eyes, still moist
I still can't make much sense
But I've seen the focus
such prayer, such unity
The world's love so intense

They shook foundations
They collapsed buildings
They took human lives that day
But we won't be rattled
Won't be destroyed
God Bless the USA

I only wish our country stood as united today as we did 8 years ago. It shouldn't take such tragedy to bring us together as one.

And that's about as political as I'm going to get here. Hug your loved ones. Smile at a stranger. Pray for our country.

Wordless Wednesday - Off Kilter

2009-09-02T10:26:00.000-04:00

Bittersweet

2009-09-01T10:56:00.001-04:00

I’m a summer girl. I’ve always been a summer girl. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was born in Africa, and therefore, am preconditioned to love hot weather. Maybe it has to do with the fact that here in New England summer lasts a few measly months (if not a few measly weeks as we had this year) and winter lasts all of eternity. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we get to wear less clothing, daylight lasts longer, and I get to show off my killer tan. Maybe it has to do with that whole SAD thing, you know, Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as The Winter Blues. I definitely suffer from that.

Whatever the reason (probably all of the above), I am a summer girl.

I love the heat, the sun, the fact that it doesn’t get dark until well after 9pm, and that you can be out of the house all the time, all summer long.

I love going to the beach, going for walks, running outside, eating at an outdoor café, sitting with a good book poolside.

I love wearing summer dresses and flip-flops and sunglasses on my head to push my hair out of my face.

I love driving with the windows down, wind in my hair, music blaring, getting an uneven tan on the driver side arm.

I AM A SUMMER GIRL.

And yet.

As we enter September today, and, here in New England the weather takes that all too familiar “overnight” turn into the crisp autumn temperatures, I am almost giddy with excitement at the coming season.

There is something very emotionally connected for me about autumn.

I can’t quite pinpoint what it is, but there is something about the smells, tastes, scents, and sights of the season that tug at my heartstrings.

Here in New England we have the beautiful colors of the season, the turning of the leaves into a canopy of oranges, yellows, and reds.

And that crisp, almost biting, but not quite uncomfortable feel in the air as the temperature drops, but the sun is still high up in the sky is hard to put into words. You leave the house in short sleeves and jeans, but bring a sweater with you “just in case”. It is still nice enough outside to go for a walk, and the perfect weather for a run, and the suffocating humidity is almost forgotten.

There is nostalgia in the air, that anticipation of the other “dreaded” season, but the joy of basking in just a little more warmth. The expectation of the “Indian Summer” which is sure to show up in mid to late September, along with the magical twilight that only exists, truly, in autumn.

The air tastes, feels, smells different. And I do love everything about it. Everything but the fact that I know it’ll be short lived, and followed all too soon by a long, drawn out, miserable and cold and dark winter. I am NOT a winter girl.

So, today, on September 1st, a day with a definite autumn feel in the air, I find myself conflicted.

Mourning the end of an all too short summer, and yet celebrating the start of what may in fact be my favorite season.

I’m a summer girl, but oh, I have a secret love affair with autumn.

P is for Passion

2009-08-31T16:09:00.001-04:00

Those who control their passions do so because their passions are weak enough to be controlled. –William Blake

Passion, according to Webster’s dictionary, is an intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction. I am passionate about a great many things in life. It seems, as far back as I can remember, that my life has been a series of passionate events. I fall madly, deeply in love with an idea, an activity, an art form almost instantaneously. And from there, I become fully and completely wrapped up in this new passion of mine.

This is a good thing in my eyes, because it just means that I’m living life fully. I jump in, headfirst, and truly experience each moment.

The beauty of my passionate life style is that as I uncover each new love affair, I don’t lose the appreciation for the former object of my affection. I just make room on the shelf for the new one, right next to my ever growing collection of passions.

As the shelf gets fuller, it becomes brighter, more colorful, completely interesting in its eclectic and random mix.

And I too, become a better person for it.

The more passions and desires one has, the more ways one has of being happy. – Charlotte-Catherine

There is, however a downside to this abundance of passion. I’m never able to fully hold on to any one thing and give it my undivided attention. Were I limited to one passion alone, perhaps my urgent desire to write, then I might be able to finish my forever “work in progress”.

But then, were I limited to just that one passion alone, what then would I do with that fervor once that work was complete?

I would not fully be me if I didn’t become easily distracted by the need to grab my camera and take a photograph of the way the light hits that building just so. If the desire to help our youth find a place in this world wasn’t constantly gnawing at me would I have become a “big sister” to Lil’ K all those years ago, and would I now be able to see her a mature, intelligent, confident 16 year old ready to take on the world herself?

How could I then exist if I had neglected that call to follow my passions where they wanted to lead me?

Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things. – Denis Diderot

I find myself at times chastising myself for caring too much, for becoming too involved emotionally with everything and everyone I touch in life. I wonder if I am weak, allowing myself to shed tears for complete strangers. I debate if maybe I want too much, and am therefore unable to do much of anything.

But then, it hits me, unexpectedly, that I’m doing everything right. Because it isn’t that I have many passions in life, exactly, but that I am fully passionate about life. And that can’t possibly be wrong, can it?

What are you passionate about?

Only The Good Friday - Goals

2009-08-14T11:05:00.001-04:00

It’s Friday, which means it’s time for Only The Good Friday. However, the creator of Only The Good Friday’s, my buddy Shelly over at This Eclectic Life has decided to change the rules a little bit. Don’t worry, we’re still going to be spreading the GOOD, it just won’t be limited to Fridays anymore. Even better, more days to do good. How can you not like that?

For this week, however, I’ll stick to Friday. I haven’t posted my OTGF posts every week, but then, I haven’t posted all that regularly in the last several months either, but I have enjoyed being able to have a day when I just focus on GOOD things.

Some Fridays I’ve tried to help you find good deals, other Fridays I’ve shared with you websites or people who do amazing good in the world, and then on other Fridays I’ve just shared little tidbits and goodies that are going on in my life.

Whatever the content of the post, the meaning behind it is the important part…focusing on good things.

So, today, I’m going to talk about goals and plans. That’s good right?

I’ll start with a decision I made this week. I call myself a writer because…well, because I write. A lot. All the time. Constantly, in fact. I can’t seem to make it through the day without writing something. This blog for a long time served as a great means of that expression, and I’m grateful for the outlet if gave me for my writing. Lately life has gotten hectic, so I’ve found myself having less time or energy for blogging, and for writing in general. But still, I find moments, and I continue to write. And regardless of how many people may or may not be reading my blog (trust me, there are days I’m pretty sure I have an audience of none), or how sporadically I post, I’m pretty sure I’ll never shut down this blog.

But blogging came last. My first love in writing was poetry, followed by short stories, and eventually, the numerous “works in progress”, the novels that would one day be. I have boxes upon boxes of material stored away. And promises upon promises of “maybe one day…”

Well, I’ve decided that this is the day. I need to get focused, and finish SOMETHING. So, this weekend I will dig out my original novel, my first, my work in progress that is closest to completion. I started writing that novel over 10 years ago. Throughout the years I have picked it up, messed with it, and put it away again for a later date. In the meantime I have started other stories, created other works in progress, met other characters, told other tales.

I have not been able to finish a single project, however.

And I think this is because the characters from that first novel won’t let me. They are waiting, each year more impatiently for their story to be told. They want me back.

So they win. Starting next week I’m going back into that world. I am determined to finish the story I started all those years ago. With my busy schedule I am starting slow. I am telling myself I will schedule 3 hours per week for solid writing/research/development of this book. It’s not a lot, but it’s more than I’ve given my craft for years. And I need to do it. So, I’m going to try to spend one night outside the house somewhere with my laptop where I can write uninterrupted.

And can I tell you, I’m so excited at the prospect of becoming a writer once again. Focused, goal oriented, creative. I’m ready.

So, that’s my good. I’m pretty sure that with my crazy hectic life, everything else I have planned (to blog more regularly, to get my photographs organized, to..blahblahblah) is going to continue to be a challenge, but I’m going to write.

Check in with me next week, I’ll let you know how the progress is going.