Life’s a bitch..and then you die!

Coot Kiss (Photo credit: stewartmorris)

Heaven knows that the lifestyle of a Cantankerous Old Coot isn’t easy. It might seem glamorous and all but fame and fortune aren’t easy. And then there is actually living up to the title. You have to be on your toes every minute, With all those messages urging you to take the well-worn path of ordinary, charting your own course through life takes determined and dogged commitment. You have to fight the urges to just settle for what everybody else does and do something special. Travel is no exception.

Travel these days means cruises. You can’t avoid the commercials showing happy people eating or playing on cruise ships. It’s like water torture except with pretty pictures. It is so hard to resist. What’s not to like? Lots of food in exotic locals while you are safely isolated from any of the harsh realities of actually visiting a foreign country, trying to understand a foreign language and deal with a foreign culture. You are quarantined in luxurious digs surrounded by shlubs just like you. And you have a crew whose job is to make sure you are happy while you float through alien cultures without ever having to engage. And did I mention the food?

Disclaimer. 

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

OK, I confess that this Coot has never been on a cruise. I have been tempted by the commercials just like everyone else. I feel the call of all that fun, all that service and the promise of 24 hour food service. Even a committed Coot finds it difficult to resist the Siren call of the seven day cruise to paradise. In spite of everything, however,  this Coot is still a cruise virgin and it’s not so much from my own inner strength as from that of my wife who has an overwhelming fear of any endeavor designed to make her happy.  Logic tells her that the parties involved are either very sick or have some ulterior motive.

I think this probably comes from exposure to the Love Boat TV show back in the day but that is just my guess. I’ve invested a life-time in trying to understand my wife and I am still a long way from mastery. The best I can manage is to accept that I’ve have inexplicably got myself a good thing and to avoid doing anything that messes it up. So it is that the Carlson’s have escaped cruise mania.

So how does a committed Coot travel?

Engage in a new culture

Cruises may be off the table but still what’s the point of retirement if it means staying home and staring at the walls? Waiting around to die is so unsatisfying. Any Coot worth his salt wants new experiences to sweeten the wait. Not the empty calories of a seven day cruise or a Caribbean resort but something with high fiber and micro nutrients to feed the soul. No pre-digested travel pablum will satisfy a real Coot. Coots need to engage real life in a foreign clime.

So what is our plan?

The goal is to immerse ourselves into life in some exotic locale and avoid the tourist mentality by learning what real life is all about in a foreign land. So to start, we picked a city we would love to know better and rented an apartment. Two weeks is not enough to become a native but it is surely long enough to test the practicality of our plan. If we start longing for our old conventional lifestyle before our visit is over then maybe a cruise is all we want our of life. On the other hand if two weeks only tells us how much there is left to explore then we are ready for Plan B- a month or two for the next trip.

Ready for Superbowl?

Image via Wikipedia

The media are preoccupied this week with the Superbowl. So what’s the big deal? After a season of football,it’s all pared down to two teams. One team will win and the other won’t. One city will celebrate and the other won’t. When it’s all over, what difference does it make, especially if you don’t live in the Northeast. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll watch the game while I cook some treats for the half-time break. I don’t know if I’m up for Madonna. We may just cut out for the Puppy Bowl or the Law and Order SVU Marathon.

Despite all the hype, the Superbowl is just another football game. Most of them aren’t even good football. There is lots of news related to the spectacle but none of it really matters. It’s just empty calories like the food served at the Superbowl Parties.. So this week the Coots News Service is skipping the Superbowl for news that is important. Global Warming be damned. Europe is freezing to death.

No End in Sight for European Deep Freeze 

So what good is Global Warming if we all freeze to death?

Now that we know that Global Warming is a fact, winter is nothing more than a word. When my wife and I planned our trip to Europe, we quickly dismissed any concerns about visiting in Winter. Winter is so old fashioned. Besides, since we were visiting Venice, how cold could it really get on the water? After all we hear about the wonderful Mediterranean climate how could there be a problem.

Venice, Italy (NASA, International Space Station Science, 03/15/07) (Photo credit: NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center)

So we scheduled our time in Venice for the month of March right after Carnival.. No tourists and the weather shouldn’t be a problem, or so we thought. Then I started watching the weather. In January the nights were right at freezing and the days in the 40′s. It was making me nervous but after all we had two months and March is practically Spring. Then last week the temperatures started dropping. Nights were down below 20 and day-times just barely in the 30′s. Venice was beginning to seem like Chicago.

So this week, the CNS is preoccupied with that European cold snap and thinking about getting some long johns to take along. Global Warming may be a sure things but it is not doing anything to help our European trip.

Originally posted 2010-05-25 08:00:42. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

So, I picked up a couple of self help books today. I started reading and it really sounds like BOTH authors started off well to do. Maybe not rich, but (with the small amount I’ve been able to get into either) it surely seems like they don’t remember having done without–if they ever did!

Why would someone like me, who is trying to get off the ground from a broke ass place, even think they could tell  me how I can make it???? I have VERY LITTLE to invest other than time and effort.

I am sick of people who really seem so far removed from who I am now trying to tell me I can make money this way or that way. Sure–they made MORE money with their efforts, but once you have money making money gets a touch easier I’d bet. You can make more when you have a bit to invest. When you can’t even afford the tools of the trade without juggling bills and stretching the dollar, its damn neigh impossible (or so it seems).

I want to find a story about someone who started from a place where they were going to charities to get the essentials paid while praying the not so essential stuff didn’t get cut off before their check (what ever type it might be) came in. I want a story about someone who made it despite being poorer than poor when it came to money. I don’t want they story to be one of over night success, I just want it to be real and from someone I can frigging relate to.

Maybe in a few years I will be writing that story, but until then…what the hell is someone like me supposed to do when they want someone to relate to that they can also look up to and learn from?

Maybe I am wrong and everyone one of these motivational writers and speakers started out when they were eating deer stew and thankful someone they knew had been kind enough to share the meat. Maybe they did start when they were juggling bills and praying to keep the utilities on plus one or two extras. Well..they need to tell THAT story as well as their successes in my opinion. Let the common man related to you. There are more lower middle class and poor people than there are middle upper class on up….Write something these people can relate to. Go find the stories that haven’t been written of those who’ve succeeded against such rough looking odds…and TELL them.

If you stay tuned long enough..I will write that story. The one where I succeed against all odds, and I will tell the ugly side of where I am starting from…and hope that someone like me will pick it up and find they can relate. Then I hope they take my story as motivation from them to get out there and do it themselves.

Image via Wikipedia

Ralph likes to dish stuff out.  He likes to rail on myself and Bob about not getting our posts out.  I have one thing to say to him!  You’re right.  If it wasn’t for Ralph, this blog would be like my other one.  By the way, if you have ever visited my other blog at justinsbrainpan.com, you may have noticed that the domain now shows a girl who I am sure is way to young to be desireable and some ads.  If you missed it, I have changed the domain (and host) to www.catharsisofthebogue.com.  Like the phone company lady says, Please make a note of it.

Now back to that…..Ralph.  Yes my balls have been dropped, wait, that sounds wrong.  I have repeatedly dropped the ball and posts have not been flying from my fingers like the proverbial roomful of monkeys.  I am not going to promise a change, but at least there are a few of my posts peppering the site from here and there, unlike Bob.  He is into taking the video world by storm and making a site that will make all of the other “How To” sites weep like little girls.

But where are the posts that were promised Robert?  I only hope that the Political Coot is a hit and we are getting loads of undeserved traffic.  Well slightly deserved traffic.  And you know what else? I keep finding places where www.catharsisofthebogue.com is not the current link for my stuff.  Good grief I have a lot of things that are pointing to the old site and not at www.catharsisofthebogue.com.

But I digress.  What are we going to do this year as the coots?  Well we are going to let Ralph carry us for the most part.  He doesn’t seem to have anything to do other than write anyway, (well there is that Europe trip so his wife will not either castrate him or hang him by his ankles in the town square) and Bob and I will contribute infrequently and sporadically.  That way it will keep you readers guessing when I am going to shower you with shit er wisdom.

Cantankerous Old Coots is a great site with some wonderful things going on in the cantankerous realm of Cantankerosity.  I can’t exactly recall what those great things are right now, but trust me, they are great.  Keep coming back here and reading this drivel that I am producing, you will be grateful for the poetry that Ralph puts out.  Bob is on his own, he likes video anyway.

Stay tuned faithful readers, there will still be variety here at the coots most of the time.  Otherwise, I guess this is just ralphcarlsonblog.com part deux.

Have a dandy weekend.

-Justin

PS I am curious to know why the “suggested post tags” came up with Preparation H as a term…..I am confused.

Related articles

• Cantankerous Old Coots Unite! (catharsisofthebogue.com)
• The Cantankerous World View about Cantankerosity (cantankerousoldcoots.com)
• Coots Lesson 13: Same to you! (cantankerousoldcoots.com)

Originally posted 2010-08-13 08:40:48. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Don’t waste your time

One of the benefits when you are a cantankerous old coot is the time you save. People can be so demanding – especially friends. They have to know everything. How are you doing. What are you thinking. And, of course, the ever popular How are you feeling? They really don’t care about any of that. What they do care about is being known as the kind of person who cares. They will go to any length and waste any amount of your time just to make sure that you (and everybody else) know that. What a waste of your time and energy. Today’s lesson will teach you how to take control of your time by not answering questions. You have an important mission. It is your life and it isn’t a team project or a collaboration. Anything that is important to share, you will share when and how you think is right. And when is never after someone asks you a question. Don’t pause. Don’t ponder. Just keep moving.

Don’t  explain yourself!

You are in charge of your life. You don’t owe anyone a response. You don’t have time to spend explaining yourself or your actions to anybody. We get hung up today because society expects niceties like answering your friends questions and explaining what you are doing and thinking. As a result we end up being pressured into wasting our time. Being a pushover never made anyone like you. Being a Coot lets you drop all the pretense. There is no need to explain yourself. There is no need to respond. Friends will understand. After all you are a Coot. You have your own drummer to march to and your friends will respect that. Sheep love to follow – even over a cliff.

Don’t argue!

Another reason not to respond is that people will argue with you. They either want to change your mind or understand your thinking. Either way you don’t give a rip and besides you don’t have time to waste. When you get a question it is like someone has thrown you a baseball, They gave you the ball. Just keep it. There is no need to throw it back. So long as you keep it you control the game. Take the ball and go home.

Don’t seek their approval.

They don’t have anything you want. You don’t need or want them to give you a thumbs up. Who are they to tell you what to do? You aren’t seeking to be chosen Miss Congeniality. You aren’t needy and you aren’t indecisive. You know what you are doing and even if you don’t, there is nothing gained by sharing that with anyone else. So when your friends, neighbors, coworkers, family want to know what is going on, don’t get sidetracked into explanations or arguments. Just keep on with what you are doing. Tell them what they can do if they want to help then keep moving. Let them make up their own reasons if they decide to help. Otherwise just leave them wondering about what you are doing and what is important. And they will be sure to understand that whatever you are doing is more important than anything in their trivial lives.