caperkeeper bits

Doggie Kisses Revisited

2013-04-08T15:53:00.001-07:00

I wrote this blog back in 2010. Bailey was healthy and rambunctious and loved to walk with me, jump on me, and of course give me kisses. My little boy passed on March 24, 2013. He had a rough time of it toward the end but now he is running free and waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge.

In his memory - I have revisited this blog and remember all his kisses including his last one. He was blind and couldn't hear me sing to him or call his name but as I held him he raised his face to mine and I bent down to meet him and he gave me his last kiss. I treasure it as I remember , as I treasure all his kisses.

I’ve been thinking about the kisses my dog gives me and realized there are so many different reasons Bailey gives me kisses so I started to count the ways. Now these are unsolicited kisses - and kisses are very important to Bailey. How do I know this? Because when he's pissed at me he withholds kisses! But if I ask for a kiss I will get one. Bailey is good that way. That's why I appreciate the kind of kisses below.

There is the ’thank you' kiss he gives me while we are riding in the car. Going for rides is his favorite thing and he is always grateful. Of course I won’t let him kiss me when the car is moving so he waits until we stop, say a traffic light, and then he ravages my face with joyous kisses. Then he goes back to hanging his head out the window. He’s such a dog!

There is the ‘good morning’ kiss. This one is maybe more like – ‘thank god you are up’ kiss but I like to think of it more as a ‘good morning’. It’s a nice way to start the day. He bounds up to me and gives me lavish kisses while I rub is back and scratch his ears – then he zips away – does a couple of hairpin turns – comes back and we do it all over again.

There is the ‘I’m listening Mom’ kiss. This usually happens in the car after the ‘thank you’ kiss. I start talking out loud – to Bailey – about this and that. He always looks at me attentively and then at some point will give me a quick kiss to let me know he is listening. I can imagine he's thinking 'I don't have a clue what you are talking about Mom but I'm listening. Especially since you took me for a ride!' It’s very sweet of him.

The ‘welcome home’ kiss. This happens when I come in the door from being away for a while. He comes up to me – puts both paws on my legs and stretches his little body up and I of course bend down to meet him and he gives me my welcome home kiss. Several. Or more, depending on how long I’ve been gone or how long I can stay bent over!

The ‘thanks for not leaving me here’ kiss - this is a variation on the thank you kiss but it is much more frenzied. He uses it after he’s been boarded (even though I’m told he is quite the social butterfly with all the other boarders) or groomed to let me know he really would rather be home with me no matter how much he may have enjoyed the visit. Which brings me to the …

The ‘oh boy I’ve been groomed’ kiss. Another variation on the ‘thank you’ kiss but much more controlled. Bailey may not love the actual grooming part but he loves the afterglow! In between prancing around proudly and preening for photos (really!) he gives me kisses.

The ‘I want something’ kiss. This one can be misconstrued as the ‘I just love you’ kiss however it soon becomes clear to me that isn’t its intent. It’s the ‘I wanna cookie’ or ‘I wanna go outside’ or ‘I want hugs and rubs’ or ‘take me with you, please!’ kind of kiss. This kiss is given if I’ve missed other non verbal signs. It's a get my attention kind of kiss, very utilitarian.

The ‘tit for tat or fair exchange’ kiss – this kiss comes while I am giving him what I call hugs and rubs. This exercise involves me holding him near me with one hand and using my other to rub his back. This causes much good feelings for him because he snorts and moans and otherwise lets me know how good it feels. Then every so often he’ll turn his head back to me and give me a quick kiss – it’s not a thank you kiss – it’s a you give me mine and I’ll give you yours kind of thing. Honest.

The ‘love you’ kiss – which are my favorite. These kisses come while we are vegging out on the sofa together watching TV. He is always somewhere near me and sometimes he just comes to my face and gives me a kiss, then sits back where he was. It’s precious.

I love this little guy. All his many kisses are gifts and I treasure every one.

Doggie Kisses

2010-10-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking about the kisses my dog gives me and realized there are so many different reasons Bailey gives me kisses so I started to count the ways. Now these are unsolicited kisses - and kisses are very important to Bailey. How do I know this? Because when he's pissed at me he withholds kisses! But if I ask for a kiss I will get one. Bailey is good that way. That's why I appreciate the kind of kisses below.

There is the ’thank you' kiss he gives me while we are riding in the car. Going for rides is his favorite thing and he is always grateful. Of course I won’t let him kiss me when the car is moving so he waits until we stop, say a traffic light, and then he ravages my face with joyous kisses. Then he goes back to hanging his head out the window. He’s such a dog!

There is the ‘good morning’ kiss. This one is maybe more like – ‘thank god you are up’ kiss but I like to think of it more as a ‘good morning’. It’s a nice way to start the day. He bounds up to me and gives me lavish kisses while I rub is back and scratch his ears – then he zips away – does a couple of hairpin turns – comes back and we do it all over again.

There is the ‘I’m listening Mom’ kiss. This usually happens in the car after the ‘thank you’ kiss. I start talking out loud – to Bailey – about this and that. He always looks at me attentively and then at some point will give me a quick kiss to let me know he is listening. I can imagine he's thinking 'I don't have a clue what you are talking about Mom but I'm listening. Especially since you took me for a ride!' It’s very sweet of him.

The ‘Don’t hurt me anymore’ kiss. This is the saddest kiss. When I have unintentionally mind you hurt him in some way – real or imagined – like combing or brushing him and the brush gets snagged and pulls his skin – he will give me a quick growl and then give me a zillion kisses as if to say here are kisses now don’t hurt me anymore!

The ‘welcome home’ kiss. This happens when I come in the door from being away for a while. He comes up to me – puts both paws on my legs and stretches his little body up and I of course bend down to meet him and he gives me my welcome home kiss. Several. Or more, depending on how long I’ve been gone or how long I can stay bent over!

The ‘thanks for not leaving me here’ kiss - this is a variation on the thank you kiss but it is much more frenzied. He uses it after he’s been boarded (even though I’m told he is quite the social butterfly with all the other boarders) or groomed to let me know he really would rather be home with me no matter how much he may have enjoyed the visit. Which brings me to the …

The ‘oh boy I’ve been groomed’ kiss. Another variation on the ‘thank you’ kiss but much more controlled. Bailey may not love the actual grooming part but he loves the afterglow! In between prancing around proudly and preening for photos (really!) he gives me kisses.

The ‘I want something’ kiss. This one can be misconstrued as the ‘I just love you’ kiss however it soon becomes clear to me that isn’t its intent. It’s the ‘I wanna cookie’ or ‘I wanna go outside’ or ‘I want hugs and rubs’ or ‘take me with you, please!’ kind of kiss. This kiss is given if I’ve missed other non verbal signs. It's a get my attention kind of kiss, very utilitarian.

The ‘tit for tat or fair exchange’ kiss – this kiss comes while I am giving him what I call hugs and rubs. This exercise involves me holding him near me with one hand and using my other to rub his back. This causes much good feelings for him because he snorts and moans and otherwise lets me know how good it feels. Then every so often he’ll turn his head back to me and give me a quick kiss – it’s not a thank you kiss – it’s a you give me mine and I’ll give you yours kind of thing. Honest.

The ‘love you’ kiss – which are my favorite. These kisses come while we are vegging out on the sofa together watching TV. He is always somewhere near me and sometimes he just comes to my face and gives me a kiss, then sits back where he was. It’s precious.

I love this little guy. All his many kisses are gifts and I treasure every one.

2009-09-07T13:37:00.000-07:00

Speech 5: Being Prepared! Not!

And Ordinary Day

After a long day at work I am closing in on my garage and hit the automatic garage door opener – a wonderful invention! Nothing happens. I keep pushing hoping for one stray flick of power – nothing.

I moan – I hate having to put batteries in these things. I can never get them open and then you have to find the right battery. I let those thoughts trail off for the moment grumbling as I get out of the car and head for the front door.
It isn’t until I open the front door and I am greeted by barely cool air that it hits me -

The reason there were so many people out walking around, so many gathered around golf carts and sitting on porches this late in the day!

The POWER IS OUT! Mannnnn! I hate when the power is out.

But for the moment I shrug it off – greet my darling Westie Bailey and push on. I decide I need to find out just how long this inconvenience is going to last.
Bailey and I get in the car and do a slow drive around the park – checking in with folks here and there.

The news is not good. Probably won’t be fixed until 10-11 PM!
Ok I can handle this. I sigh heavily but decide it could be worse – at least the rain has stopped.

And it is still light out.

I forage through the kitchen looking for something I can eat that doesn’t require HEAT! I find a stray can of tuna fish and check the mayo – it hasn’t spoiled yet. I begin to wonder in the back of my mind – what if this were to go on for more than an hour?

I open my laptop in search of entertainment and discover the battery is dead. I find the old radio and discover the battery is dead. I decide to read and I look over to the oil lamp only to discover that it is out of oil.
I eat my sandwich in the dimming light and make a list of all the things I don’t have.

My laptop battery is dead.
My radio batteries are dead.
My oil lamp has no oil.

Oh and I have nothing else to eat that doesn’t require HEAT!

As the fading light of dusk sinks me into near darkness I realize I will need some sort of light and head for the drawer in the kitchen. You know the drawer – the place where all things come to rest that have no other place to rest. It is a deep black hole in front of me. I stick my hand in and have visions of the high school haunted house where the older kids forced your hand into a bowl of peeled grapes and told you they were eyeballs.

I did feel something squishy but quickly moved on and my hand landed on something hard and slick! Ah Ha – a flashlight. Now I say a silent prayer that the batteries are not dead.

I push the button and glorious light washes over the countertop. Thank you, Thank you.

With trusty flashlight firmly in hand I’m off to find the candles and matches.
But where are the candles and matches?

It is dark now.

Pam honey this is not preparedness!

I find my way to the sofa and drop dejectedly. I am not prepared for this! My inner voice mocks me.

My mind wanders to all the things I am not prepared for:

I am not the least bit prepared for a rainy day – not even a drizzle.
I am not prepared for a long illness – I have no living will – no will of any kind.
Stop – too much to dwell on right now. I make a mental list of what I should have ready to deal with even short power outages – and have ready for situations much worse than this.

Bailey's bark brings me out of my reverie with a jolt. He is not used to the silence. All the background noise is gone from the refrigerator and air conditioner and fan and now he hears everything and barks at everything and scares the crap out of me!

Why is it that the dark is scarier when the lights are out due to a power outage than when you go to bed and turn the lights out on purpose?

I vow to take those preparedness guides more seriously.
I’m going to buy batteries and charge everything after every use.
I’m going to save those gallon milk jugs and fill them with water.

I smile at myself. At the very least I’m going to make sure I have a cash stash so I can buy gas, dinner and a movie and if need be a night at a motel.

2009-08-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

Speech 3: The ‘Git’ Fiddle

An attempt to create a visual image of a most unusual home-made percussion instrument:

A little History

My Dad was a part time musician – he sang and played guitar and harmonica in a country/bluegrass band nearly every weekend and major holiday his entire adult life.

My Mom was not a musician and she couldn’t sing a lick – but she was there with my Dad nearly every weekend and major holiday of her adult life.

My Dad and Mom are a wonderful love story (see below) and this is one part of that story.

See if you can imagine…

A tall pole about 6 feet in length standing upright, maybe 2” wide.
It was six sided so it was easier to grip.

At the foot of the pole there was a heavy duty spring attached so that you could push the pole down to hit the floor and it would spring back.

Dad then took 2 metal beer trays about 15-18’’ in diameter and secured them face to face creating a space between them so if you tapped them it would reverberate a little. He then bolted them to the pole about a third of the way up the pole from the floor.

He found an old bass piano string and strung it from the top of the pole across a bridge he had affixed to the two beer trays and then tied it taut to the bottom of the pole just above the spring.

Next he found a stuffed toy that looked something like the ‘joker’ or ‘court jester’ you see in a deck of cards. It was red, white and blue and had bells on it’s ears and feet. Dad secured this to the top of the pole.

He painted the pole white and the beer trays a bright red. If you squinted it kind of looked like a skinny stand up bass with one string.

The player (My Mom) used a 3 foot long dowel or rod that was about ½ - ¾ inch thick. The rod had a spiral groove on it about 2/3 the length of it – leaving the end smooth so my Mom could grip it. The grooves allowed her to catch it on the string and make a different sound and/or rhythm.

And this instrument my Dad dubbed a ‘git fiddle’ because he said it made so much noise most people would yell ‘git’.

So How Do you Play This Thing?

Hopefully you now have a visual image and wonder just how do you play this thing. Well, my Mom didn’t seem to need any instruction. She took to it so fast and was so good at it that when she played – everyone in the place was on their feet – whoppin’ an hollerin’. Her appearance was a show stopper!

Of course fast paced songs were best – maybe Wabash Cannon Ball, an up tempo Just Because and polka's were always a good choice.

Dad saved her for the third set – she would bring out this instrument and folks who hadn’t heard or seen her play this yet would be scrunching their brows – wondering ‘wha?’ for no one in those parts had ever seen such a ‘thing!’.

What Rhythm…

My Mom may not have been able to sing a note but boy did she have rhythm! She could keep that pole going up and down hitting the floor in time to the music – while making an entirely different rhythm and sound using the long dowel as a bow against the string and beer trays. The bells were just an added treat.

She was fantastic. And least you think anyone could play that thing? Not really. Many tried and many failed, including me.

I tried to find a picture of this instrument and could only come up with an old picture of my Mom where only the top half of the fiddle is visible. And we have no audio that I know of.

I find it sad as I grow older and look back at the love story that was my Mom and Dad and remember this part of their story and realize that there are so few who remain who experienced the ‘git fiddle’. So I wanted to share this vivid memory I have with you – and hopefully pass on a small portion their story by trying to describe this gift my Father built for my Mother so she could share the limelight of a musician - by whacking away with such delight on the ‘git’ fiddle.

Speech Two: The Most Fun Job I Ever Had!

2009-08-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

(What follows is a much longer version of this speech.)

I'm not talking about the most career satisfying job or the highest earning job or the shortest work day. Not the one that was a stepping stone to bigger and better, but the one from the moment I got there in the morning was so much fun I didn't for a moment think I was working!

Who wouldn't enjoy a job where you could saunter in around 9:30 in the morning, have your lunch paid for every day? Where you get to go shopping in the morning and to the zoo or aquarium in the afternoon? Where you got to play games and go to exciting locales and be treated like a VIP?

I was fortunate to work for a children's TV show in Boston, MA for Channel 7 WNAC-TV at the time. I started out part time working as a sort of babysitter for the children who appeared on the show each day and worked my way up to Associate Producer.

But What Made It fun?

First of all the show's premise! The title character of Major Mudd was an astronaut who lived in a space ship who had some buddies who would visit with him each day and children came to watch and participate.

One of Major Mudd's friends was Billy the Milkman played by the very talented Dave Rodman. Dave played assorted other characters as well. I was able to listen to Dave and Ed write their 'bits' for the show and later take a small role in the writing the show. Ok, not really writing like you might think but I did make up the games! Silly games like who could break the most balloons the fastest.

And I did begin to write the 'tease' for each show. The 'tease' was a short poem or chant that I taught the children to say (or shout) together to introduce the show and Major Mudd. Really simple stuff, something like 'two four six eight, who do we appreciate, we're here today to celebrate, the Major, the Major, the Major!' I hope I managed a few more that were more clever than that but writing a different tease five days a week for almost every week of the year you begin to repeat and rely on old ones like the one above. I now have some small appreciation for anyone who writes for weekly TV shows!

The show had segments that featured animals and exhibits from the Boston Children's Zoo and the local aquarium and science museum. I transported some of these animals and exhibits back and forth sometimes.

But Wait there’s more!

In addition to all that fun stuff I was also responsible for answering the mail, giving out tickets to the children who wanted to be on the show (at one time we were booked six months ahead) which led to my first encounter with having influence!
I made name tags for the children and pinned them on each excited child each day. I herded the kids into the studio (including their parents) and I explained how things worked, answered questions and taught them the 'tease'.

I acted as an 'unofficial' stage manager for the children during the show. Since the kids generally bonded with me quickly they looked to me rather than the real stage manager for direction. Telling when it was ok to cheer, when to listen and of course preparing them for meeting their 'idol' Major Mudd.

A Boa around my neck!

I remember one show we had the children’s zoo doing a segment. They brought a big boa constrictor with them. I mean big. We didn’t want the children to be frightened so guess who got to wear the boa to show them not to be afraid?

I look pretty good in boa.

I was wrapped head to toe in boa with a big ole smile on my face. Now all of this happened off camera – which is where I did my thing. Once we were certain the children wouldn't begin crying - the segment was taped.

Nobody Came!

It was horrific weather the one day I got to be on camera. None of the children could make it in so just for grins they took a shot of me in the bleachers waving! My big break.

We laughed so much every day. And every day was different. Sometimes the kids behaved and sometimes it took some doing to get them to behave. Mostly just threatening them with not meeting Major Mudd did the trick - I only had to eject one child in four years.

That was my job – I was the warm-up person. All live shows have them. The person that gets everybody riled up and applauding? They tell jokes and ask questions etc. Well I played games with the kids like Simon Says and had fun teaching them the tease for the day.

One Very Special Christmas

One Christmas we invited Santa to the set. All the young ones – probably just the 5 and 6 year olds – got a chance to sit on Santa’s lap.

Now our Santa was something else – Joe Early was a make up artist and actor. This guy was Santa! The children were convinced that this was the real Santa and not just because he looked like Santa but he knew what they wanted for Christmas!
Oh my. You see Santa had an ear piece – and after gathering up some quick questionnaires from the parents – I fed Santa the skinny on each child. Oh their faces - what wonderful close-ups. It was great TV. What a wonderful day! And there were many.

Major Mudd and The Kennedy Space Center

My first business trip was flying to Orlando FL and visiting the KSC.
Since the Major was an astronaut we did some bits. Apollo 15 was being prepared – we scheduled the trip because it was supposed to have been on the launch pad – we had gained permission to go to the umbilical tower that stands next to the space ship – unfortunately the fueling schedule was changed to the weekend we were there and we couldn’t get close.

But that was ok - we still go to go places in the UAB that most tourists didn't get to go - and got to ride around in a big limousine! I liked being a VIP for a day!

The Rewards

The rewards were definitely not financial but there were rewards. One was being on the cutting edge of technology and getting to be part of it – I was part of the evolution of local TV moving from film based to video tape and from hand painted name tags to computer generated tags. I know - but this was a long time ago!

Another reward was the respect of those I worked with who showed me everyday that my job was just as important to the success of the show as their jobs were.

And of course it was an outlet for that performer trapped inside of me!

GOOGLE

In preparing this speech I googled Major Mudd and was delighted to discover lots of mentions.

Mentions by adults remembering being on the show as children or watching the show and they all had fond memories.

I also learned some real world lessons on the show, the biggest of which was, if the show isn’t renewed either are you!

For my first real adult job – I couldn’t have asked for anything better and in the vernacular of MM – I’ll be blasting You!

2009-08-24T15:32:00.000-07:00

A Love Story –
This was a hastily put together speech I gave because those who were to give speeches didn’t show up! I remember it fondly because when I got to the 7 minute mark (where I am supposed to stop) and said I’d better wrap it up – the audience said ‘No, no – it’s okay – keep going!’ I guess they liked it!

Dad was orphaned young and he grew up hungry in the 30’s in Gloversville, NY. He quit school before the ninth grade and ‘rode the rails’ having been befriended by an older boy of about 20 or 21. They rode from NY to GA to all the way out West and held many different kinds of jobs – including being a roustabout for a circus!

I don’t know the particulars of how or at what age but Dad ended up in the CCC’s (Civilian Conservation Corp) an arm of government set up to get ‘orphans’ off the streets of the cities and into healthier environments which in my Dad’s case was a camp in Utah or Idaho where he worked logging.

He often said of himself that he was a jack of all trades and a master of none. He was actually a master at quite a few.

For a basically shy man he was a wonderful storyteller. He taught himself to play guitar and harmonica and over his short life he entertained thousands. (see ‘The Git Fiddle’ to be posted shortly)

Mom grew up in a large family a bit better off than Dad’s just down the road from him in Broadalbin. She lived in a big house with her Mom and Dad and 9 brothers and sisters. She was the first in her family to graduate from High School. My Mom was attractive and out-going and a bit naïve.

When my Dad returned from the CCC’s he got himself a job at the local roller rink in my Mom’s hometown. He cleaned up and helped put skates on with those old skate keys. Mom noticed him right away but of course being a well bred young lady had to resort to ‘the ways of young girls’ to get Dad to notice her. Thing is he had noticed her too, but being shy he didn’t do much about it – even though he was aware that she was ‘flirting’ with him. But then again, she was a huge flirt with all the boys. Sometimes one those boys might take it a little too seriously and Mom would run off to where Dad was and just sort of ‘hang out’ – the other guy would get the message – and I guess so did my Dad.

Eventually, he started walking the railroad tracks from his home in Gloversville to Mom’s in BroadAlbin and would climb the tree outside her house and play his harmonica for her. He was too shy to come inside and meet her parents.

Mom thought Dad wasn’t moving quite fast enough however and decided she would get herself engaged to someone else and wait for Dad to finally come forward and proclaim his love for her when he realized he was about to lose her to another man. Unfortunately Dad missed the message and feeling on the rebound got himself married to a young lady named Daisy.

They moved to Detroit for a few months and then Dad went off to World War II. He served in the Pacific on a radar platform – his job was to find incoming enemy aircraft for the gunners. He was injured and spent many months in the hospital learning to walk again. During that time he found out that his wife Daisy was having an affair with his brother Art. Since Dad hadn’t really married her for love – he quietly divorced Daisy. (Daisy and Art were together for over 40 years themselves!).

My Mom caught wind of all this drama and began corresponding with Dad while he was in the hospital overseas. She had decided he wasn’t getting away from her again. She became much more straight forward about her intentions and met him at the ship in Baltimore MD when he was discharged. She got herself on a train and travelled all by herself – away from home for the first time in her life – to meet him there – and marry him. There was no way Dad was going to miss this message.
They spent a night in NYC – saw Gone With The Wind in a big Theatre and then started their life together. A life of surprises and many changes for my Mother. Dad completed HS and then college on the GI Bill. He became a teacher and moved us way from ‘the family.’ Of course over the years they were together there were many good times and many hardships and many stories. They were friends and lovers and true soul mates. They truly did ‘complete’ each other.

One such story was the ‘Git Fiddle’ posted here earlier. Another story that was not so funny or sweet but attests to their bond happened when I was around 12 or 13. It was a family reunion. Everyone was drinking and pretty much drunk – including my Dad and maybe even Mom. Apparently, it’s all a bit fuzzy even though I was there, one of my uncles said something disparaging about Mom and made a move toward her – I don’t know what his intentions were but my Dad wasn’t waiting to find out – he picked up an ax and lifted it in the direction of this wayward uncle. At this point my Mom screamed Dad’s name. Gratefully he heard her. He told me many years later when I asked him about the incident, he recalled that he had seen ‘red’, literally, blanking out all other thought or view. All he saw was the red and all he felt was rage and then Mom’s voice pierced through all the red and angry noise in his head – it is what stopped him.

My Mom died from the effects of breast cancer in September of 1972. She confessed to me that she was glad to be ‘going first’ because she didn’t think she ‘could live without Dad.’ It was he she wanted with her as she took her last conscious breathes. Nine Months later my Dad died. I believe he died of a broken heart because he sure was a broken man from his grief. I remember accusing him of not wanting to live. He tried to reassure me – but somehow I knew he really didn’t much want to continue on without Mom. It was ironic that it was Dad who could not live without her. He died on July 4 1973.

We laid him to rest beside my Mother on July 7. It was their wedding anniversary.

Decisions, Decisions

2009-08-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

Note: First ToastMasters Speech

•I was twenty minutes into my first practice run of the speech I had written and realized I also was only half way through it! Talking faster didn’t seem the effective solution so I decided that I had better come up with a shorter way for you to get to know me.

•I needed an approach that framed my history in such a way that it gives you a glimpse of who I am and how I got here from there and do it in less than 6 minutes let alone 20. I had some decisions to make.

•We make thousands and thousands of decisions in our lives.

Some of my early decision....

Had anyone been paying attention my early decisions gave big clues to who I am.

I was three when I decided that I wanted to cross the street and go to the store and get myself a Popsicle all by myself. Of course I didn’t know it at the time but it was the first of many adventures I would make – on my own. I got home safely btw but without the Popsicle.

Another early decision was choosing a musical instrument in grade school. I had decided I wanted to play the saxophone. Probably saw it on TV and liked the look of it. (I make a lot of decisions because I like 'the look and feel' of something or someone.) I confidently announced to the music teacher, Mr Burris, that I choose the saxophone. He calmly nodded and said ok but first you must learn the clarinet. I said no no I want to play the saxophone. He said no and I said ok then I'll play the trumpet. You see, I am a bit stubborn, arbitrary and a little off center.

As it turned out I did have some affinity for the trumpet. I was the first female trumpeter in Genesee County - but it wasn't my calling or my passion - it didn't come easily as it did to my Father and brothers. However I did have one shining moment. It was written in the margin of a high school dance band competition score sheet by a judge to Mr Burris. It read 'she sure can make a trumpet sound pretty.' I still feel good about that.

High School

•I wanted to be a cheerleader – you know how itis - instant ‘cool’.

•I didn’t make the squad in my freshman year, or sophomore or junior year. One of the biggest disappointments in my short life. However, after that first year let down I became a sports statistician and not for the high profile sports but the new sports being introduced to the school. Like wrestling and track. I adapted.

And I became an important part of the athletic department. I grew to realize that it was just as good - perhaps not so cool - to do what I was good at.

– and, so, though it was a difficult decision I chose not to tryout my senior year. Not because I was afraid of failing again, but because I wanted to make a statement at least to myself that I didn’t need to be a cheerleader, I wasn’t that kind of cool.

College - the decision to quit...

To be a teacher or not to be a teacher….back when my decision was made I wasn't aware of all the opportunities that I might have taken advantage of - my world was pretty small - or at least I believed my opportunities were limited. In any event it seemed to be either Nursing (no way) or secretarial (yuk) or teaching - since teaching was what I was most familiar with - so be it.

My Dad was a teacher, I had played at being a teacher pretty much every day as a child but when I got to college to actually be a teacher , I wasn't ready to be a teacher.

I was having difficulty fitting in, wasn't doing well academically and I hid out in my dorm room. Somehow, I got involved with a man who was verbally abusing me, and I had no idea how to deal with this situation, so I quit. It was drastic but it solved two problems. Quitting is usually viewed in the negative. This was a decision that may have saved my life. I'll never know. There were other ways to handle the problem I know but I made a decision – a difficult one and I moved on.

Then there were the middle years (a whole other speech!)- decisions to go back to school, to move, to change jobs, careers, homes, states.

•There are many other decisions I made between then and now. Decisions I regret. Decisions that helped me survive and decisions that made my life fun. Decisions that define me in a way. I’m adventuresome , stubborn, a little off center and adaptable. And I’m not done yet. Who knows where my decision to join ToastMasters may lead me?