Captain Schmiddy

Labor Day Weekend: So Much Work

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 11:36:00 +0000

Well, here it is the Tuesday after Labor Day, 5 am, and I'm still awake. Once in awhile, my weekly dose of methotrexate hits me like a ton of bricks and I spend the next day nauseous. This week there was some added misery, as I spent two solid days in the kitchen and took a pain pill on Sunday night. I topped it off with some anti-nausea meds Monday morning and long story short, slept all day Monday. Literally. Until 7 pm. Since I'm up, I figured why not blog about my weekend?

Last year, I decided to redo my pantry. I don't use any animal products anymore when I cook at home, and I buy a lot of my dry goods in bulk and keep them in glass jars in the pantry. This system has worked extremely well. As a matter of fact, I'm able to buy my staples only once every couple of months and they keep in the pantry without any issues.

I noticed, however, that a good deal of produce was going to waste in Casa Schmiddy. When you work all the time and live alone, it's easy for this to happen. Anyway, my remedy for this was to make a big shopping trip and get good deals on produce that was on sale, then prepare and freeze it. It took three solid days of work to get all of the freezer items squared away, plus clean the pantry and package the last haul of dry goods-but it was worth it.

I got a lot of things on sale-including ten pounds of potatoes at Pro's Ranch Market for 99 cents. (Pro's Ranch has the best sales on produce. Typically, oranges are 99 cents for 5 pounds). As soon as I got everything home, I set about cleaning, chopping, slicing, shredding, roasting, blanching, boiling, zesting, juicing, bagging, and freezing.

Making chai concentrate.

Roasting my Hatch green chiles.

Shredding potatoes for hash browns with my Kitchenaid mixer. (Thanks to my Aunt Brenda and Uncle Russell...this only took about ten minutes! That mixer is a lifesaver!)

Potatoes ready to be blanched/boiled/mashed.

When all was said and done, here's what I ended up with in my freezer. (The number is the number of quart-sized ziploc bags that were filled).

1 sliced limes
4 hash brown potatoes
3 red potatoes (chunks)
2 sliced peaches
2 sweet potato fries
2 sweet potatoes (chunks)
2 whole key limes
2 diced onion
2 tomato quarters
3 salsa
1 sliced onion
1 onion quarters
5 rosemary and garlic mashed potatoes
5 white velvet soup
1 carrots (sticks)
1 carrots (sliced)
1 (big bag) green beans
2 french fries
2 green bell pepper slices
1 jicama
2 raspberries
2 blueberries
1 strawberries
1 spiced strawberry sauce
1 roasted green chiles
1 rosemary
2 cilantro
1 roasted garlic
1 (big bag) pineapple
1 lemon juice cubes
1 lime juice cubes
1 lemon zest
1 lime zest
1 lemon rinds (for boiling for homemade air freshener, cleaning, etc)
1 sage
1 dill
1 chai spices (already used once, but again, for homemade air freshener-it smells great!)
1 chai concentrate
5 chai concentrate cubes

Yup, that's a lot of food. Hopefully it will make my life easier for the next couple of months as we head into a more stressful time of year (when is it not a stressful time of year?) Here are a couple of pictures of the final product. It's so organized when everything freezes flat!

And here's the pantry (also beautiful!). I didn't take any pictures of the spice cabinet, but I also buy my spices in bulk at the local Indian grocery because they're cheaper, so picture rows of smaller glass jars.

Not to worry-this weekend was not all work and no play. I took some time out Saturday night to go on a ghost tour of Concordia Cemetery. This tour was great, but even if you're not into ghosts, it's worth it for the history. El Paso has a very long and rich history and I love learning more about it.

The moon was very bright.

View of the star on the mountain.

The most visited grave in El Paso-gun fighter John Wesley Hardin.

I also had some, uh..."help." Thanks, Mac?

If I fits, I sits.

Where Did the Summer Go?

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 02:56:00 +0000

We are already in our second week of school with students...so that's three weeks of school for me. Summer felt like it went by quickly even though I didn't go anywhere. I normally go to Roswell, and had a great costume planned, but given my health over the last year by the time we got to the end of the school year I was exhausted. I'll take the time to finish my costume over the course of this year and go next year.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

I put up a few new posters in my classroom.

And I built a dining room table.

Many thanks to the great Ana White, who posted plans for this lovely farmhouse table. My jigsaw is on loan to a friend, but even if it weren't, I wouldn't want to cut a whole bunch of 1x10 with it. So I went to Lowe's as soon as it opened at 6 am and had them make the cuts. They were extremely accurate and extremely friendly.

Here are some process photos:

This table top is solid...here I am standing on top of it before adding the legs.

Before staining.

I distressed the top before I stained it.

Finished!

So far, it's been a great sewing/paperwork table. I can't say I've eaten a whole lot of meals while sitting there, though. I need dinner guests!

Oh...and many apologies for the lack of updates. My phone (which doubles as my camera) got stolen shortly after I built the table. I just replaced it. Therefore, no method for taking pictures. Fortunately, a lot of these were saved on Instagram.

Girl, Fix it Yourself! Replacing a tail light

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 17:31:00 +0000

Like I said, I had a busy morning.

A friend alerted me a few days ago that my left brake light was not working. Brake lights are a safety issue, so this morning I decided to finally get on that and fix it. The same concepts here apply for any lights in the tail light assembly and for headlights-but headlights are a lot trickier.

You need:
1. A new replacement bulb
2. Screwdriver
3. Something to place between your hand and the bulb-glove, rag, paper towel, old sock, etc.

To fix it:
1. Determine exactly which light is out: brake light, tail light, turn signal, etc.
2.Get thee to the auto parts store and walk straight to the counter. Project confidence, for Pete's sake. You're a girl on a mission, you're confident in your abilities, and you don't have time to dink around an aisle reading tiny little product numbers to find the right part.
3. Tell the person behind the counter what you need and what kind of car you drive. He or she find the part for you and you're on your way.
4. Open the trunk and move aside the carpet (there are usually two little plastic things that hold it in), or if you drive a truck, open the tailgate.
5. There are two screws holding in the tail light assembly. Remove them and set aside.

6. Gently lift up and out...the whole assembly should just fall right out.

7. Find the bulb you needed to replace. Push in slightly and turn the socket to remove it.

8. Usually, you pull straight out on the bulb to remove it. If you're not sure whether you got the right one, use your sock/glove/rag to handle the bulb just in case. Oils from your hands will cause a good bulb to burn out prematurely. It's pretty easy to tell a good bulb from a bad one (see the difference?) Obviously, if you got the wrong one, try door number two.

9. Open the package and grab the new bulb with your gloved/socked hand. Push it straight into the socket the same way you pulled the old one out.

10. Twist the socket back in, replace the assembly, and put the screws back in.

11. Test the lights. If it's a brake light and you don't have a buddy around to push the brake, put something heavy on it and walk to the back of the vehicle to see if it works. A music history text works well...notice I said the BRAKE, not the gas. This is a critical distinction.

12. If it works, congratulations, your'e done! If it doesn't work you might have a bad fuse, or you might have the problem that I have, which is that the socket is bad:

Cue sad trombone music. These are both topics for another post....but let's just say that nobody seems to carry the replacement socket, so I'm probably stuck going to the dealer anyway. BOO. But congratulations if your car is better behaved than mine.

Girl, Fix it Yourself! Mind the Gap

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 16:57:00 +0000

I realized that lately I've been fixing a lot of things myself and thought it might make a fun series. For those of you who are single and living alone, this might be handy. For those of you whose husbands or boyfriends are out of town/deployed/mechanically inept this might come in handy. Or if your cat doesn't have thumbs and therefore can't help you, or if your cat does have thumbs but is too dumb anyway. None of it is novel information, but it proves that girls can fix things, too!

Now that we have that out of the way, I had a busy morning. I've had problems with my dishwasher's air gap for awhile now, but today it really went crazy with my first load of dishes in the dishwasher.

This is the air gap:

This is designed to prevent sewage and gross water from backing up again onto your clean dishes. The dishwasher drains UP into it and then the water flows back DOWN into the disposal. If water is constantly pouring out of that little hole in the front, you have a clog somewhere. A few little trickles, fine...but a gushing waterfall...no way! Here's how to fix it.

First of all, watch this video, which has a lot of great tips. I'll run it down for you just in case you don't want to watch...but if you're a visual learner, go for it!

You need:

1. A flathead screwdriver

2. A bucket

3. Hot water

4. Vinegar

5. Baking soda

6. Some kind of long brush or stick

7. Flashlight

1. Open up the cabinet under the sink. You will see the garbage disposal with the air gap hose attached:

2. Clear a space (you know, all those 5 year old cleaning products you forgot you had) and put the bucket underneath the hose and disposal.

3. If the garbage disposal's electrical cord is in the way, unplug it and move it.

4. On the air gap hose right where it attaches to the disposal is a metal ring with a screw in it. Loosen the screw and pull off the hose. Some icky water will probably drain into the bucket.

5. Shine your flashlight into the disposal from where you just pulled off the hose. Is it blocked? If so, whoever installed your garbage disposal forgot to knock out the knockout plug! Using your flathead screwdriver, punch it into the disposal, then reach in and remove it. Reconnect all of the hoses and you're good to go!

6. Knockout plug is already knocked out? Bummer. Leave everything disconnected. You're now going to have to flush out what probably looks and smells like the spawn of Chtulhu.

7. Head back up to the thing on top of the sink. The chrome part will slide right off-set it aside.

8. There's a plastic part under the chrome. The top (cap) will either screw off, or you have one that you can either pry up or squeeze it with your fingers and pull straight up.

9. Look down into the air gap. There's a small hose off to one side that you're not worried about. Look into the deep, dark recesses of the large space. Is there water in it? Does it smell weird? Then you have a clog.

10. Get a paper towel or toilet paper roll and place it over the air gap. Blow hard into it, using your hand if necessary to create a better seal. If there's a clog, you'll feel it. It's a lot like blowing into an oboe (which for those of you who have never taken a woodwinds course, is a lot like blowing into a potato). If the clog comes out, you'll feel it "pop." Look in the bucket to see if a seed or something popped out.

11. Snake the air gap. A dryer vent brush works well for this because it's long and flexible. Just put it in (which may require some force) and pull it back out. I considered posting a picture of the gunk that mine pulled out and left in the bucket, but I thought you might like to eat today. If you don't have a dryer vent brush (which is worth the investment...dryer safety is important!) then consider some of the extra long zip ties you can get at the hardware store. (As a bonus, these have great sewing applications as stays or boning...and they're cheaper than the "real" stuff at the fabric store).

12. Dump some baking soda down the air gap and follow with vinegar. You'll get a volcano, and possibly a volcano of gunk. Gross. If you do this at the bottom end of the hose, too, it's more effective. You might have to break up baking soda clumps with your "snake" while doing this.

13. Follow by pouring in the hot water. Everything should be flowing very freely now.

14. Reconnect the hose, tighten the screw, and find a suitable place to dump that nasty soup of gunk...eww. Rinse off your brush if you used one.

15. Replace the cap and chrome portion of the air gap.

16. Run and clean your disposal.

Good luck! This created a vast improvement for my dishwasher. If it didn't work for you, then you have bigger problems. Call a plumber, and perhaps an old priest and a young priest and Mulder and Scully and see what they say.

How to Reupholster Anything

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 17:10:00 +0000

Last year, I posted about my summer reupholstering project but I never told you how I did it. I took an old chair from our district warehouse that had good structure but nasty, dusty fabric. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, but it was inexpensive and the results are great. I now have the best office chair EVER. This isn't an exact science-details will vary depending on the project, but this is the basic idea. Good luck!

Before-icky!

You'll need:

1. The item you're reupholstering

2. Scissors

3. A seam ripper

4. A permanent marker

5. Water soluble marking pen/dressmaker's pencil/chalk

6. Disinfectant spray

7. Screwdrivers

8. New fabric of your choice

9. A sewing machine and thread

10. A staple gun.

11. Trash bags.

12. Optional: ribbon and fabric glue.

Time to upgrade!

1. Remove any hardware from your piece that you aren't going to be working with. For me, it was the base of the chair with the wheels. It came off pretty easily with a screwdriver-and was surprisingly heavy!

2. Label EVERY SINGLE PIECE of fabric on your current upholstery with a permanent marker in a way you will remember and understand. When I say every single piece, I mean if there's a seam separating two pieces you need to label both. Trust me.

3. Get out your screwdriver and seam ripper and start ripping! Make sure that as you do this you're careful not to rip pieces of fabric too much (they'll be your pattern pieces later). Initially, you'll use your flathead screwdriver to pry up the edges of the fabric. BE CAREFUL as they're likely held on with heavy duty staples and/or upholstery nails. You don't want to stab yourself. If you're extra cautious you might consider gloves or eye protection. This is by far the hardest part.

4. Remember the order in which you take everything apart (take photos-it makes things easier later). Set your pieces aside as you go.

5. You should now be stripped down to the frame. If you had stuffing anywhere that isn't attached to the frame (for example, in that back cushion), you might want to save it in a trash bag. If it's not too gross, that is. Otherwise you'll have to go buy more. Vacuum up any dirt and spray this whole thing down with disinfectant spray (careful not to spray the cat...seriously, that spray is toxic to cats).

6. Prepare your fabric as you usually would-wash, iron, etc.

7. Lay out all of those pieces you cut apart on top of your new fabric and trace using your water soluble marker. Then label all of those pieces on the new fabric using the labels you had for the old fabric.

8. Cut out your pieces. Sew together anything that was sewn together on the original (the cushion in the back, the seat cushion.) As always, make sure you're sewing right sides together.

8. Get out your staple gun and start reassembling in reverse order of the way you deconstructed. This takes patience. Make sure you're stretching the fabric taut as you go, and be careful with that staple gun! Eye protection is a fabulous idea.

9. Re-stuff anything that needs to be stuffed and close up seams.

10. If you have edges where you can tell that you've stapled (for example, the original had cording or piping and yours doesn't), you can either use fabric glue and piping to cover it up or you can do what I did and use fabric glue and a flat ribbon in a coordinating color.

11. If you want to paint any hardware that you removed, do so and then put it all back together.

Voila! You're done!

iPad Flip Case and Stand Tutorial

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 03:21:00 +0000

My dad is the most impossible man to shop for EVER. Anything he wants he just goes out and gets for himself. For Father's Day, I wracked my brains for a long time to figure out what to give him. Since he's obsessed with the tablet he purchased last year and has a very boring slide-in cover for it, I figured one of these would be perfect.

Unfortunately, they're expensive and not all that unique. Now, if you have a boring, run of the mill dad then that might be fine, but my dad is responsible for some of my best party stories, so one of those wasn't good enough.

I couldn't find any free tutorials on this online, so I just made one. Naturally, I forgot to take pictures of the process because I threw it together in a couple of hours the night before. You get a lovely mix of actual (but crummy phone) photos and computer drawings. I ask that you only use these for personal gifts, because I'm not making any money by posting the tutorial here. Enjoy!

Materials:

1. Two kinds of fabric. 1/4 yard of each should do it.
2. Scissors.
3. Rotary cutter (you can also just use scissors)
4. Measuring device of some kind.
5. Rotary cutting mat.
6. Utility knife.
7. Roll of adhesive craft magnet.
8. Square (optional but handy)
9. Embroidered letters for monogramming.
10. Tablet, or if you don't have the tablet, a cardboard mock-up as a template.
11. Chalk for marking.
12. Elastic (optional-I didn't end up using it).
13. Vinyl floor tiles. These go for between 35 and 99 cents each at home improvement stores, depending on how rigid they are. You decide what works best for you.
14. Sewing machine and matching thread.
16. Iron and ironing board.

Assembly:
1. Measure your tablet. If you're making it as a gift and don't have the tablet, make a cardboard template.
2. Cut four pieces of fabric 1.5-2 inches larger than your tablet, two pieces with a length that matches the pieces you just cut and a width about 2/3 of what you just cut, and four squares about 1/4 the size of your first four pieces. The color combo is up to you, but you can see how these are laid out below (pieces are numbered for future reference):

3. Cut your squares in half diagonally to form 8 triangles. Place the triangles right sides together and stitch according to the diagrams below:

4. Press the seams open, then fold wrong sides together and press flat.

5. Pin the triangles in place on piece #3, right sides up. If you want to use elastic along the edges for extra tablet security, pin that in place now.

6. Lay out your odd numbered pieces as shown below. Stitch 1 to 3 and 3 to 5, RIGHT SIDES TOGETHER.

7. Press the seams open.

8. Repeat steps 6 and 7 using your even numbered pieces.

9. You now have two sides that look the same except for the corner pieces. Place them RIGHT SIDES TOGETHER and stitch 3 sides. Leave the top side open.

10. Clip your corners and turn right side out. You might need to poke the corners out. You should now have something that resembles a pillowcase.

10. Measure how large each of your 3 sections are and subtract 1/4 inch from both the length and the width. Cut your vinyl floor tiles to those measurements. (To cut a vinyl floor tile, just score it with your utility knife and then bend it to "break" it. It's extremely easy. Leave the paper backing in place, because they're hard to handle when sticky).

***UPDATE***

I made an error here. See that top section? You're actually going to use two separate vinyl pieces for that. The one nearest the end is a very narrow strip that is the same size as your magnetic strip. So you can still use your measurements, then add the magnetic strip and simply cut that section free. Does that make sense?

11. Cut magnetic strips to the length of the vinyl pieces and place them on the tiles as shown below. (Back side refers to the side you're not looking at when you can see the corner pieces).

12. Slide the bottom vinyl piece inside the case and top stitch along your previous seam between pieces 3 and 5. Slide the middle section of vinyl in and top stitch along your previous seam between pieces 1 and 3. Slide in your third section and top stitch again. A zipper foot makes this top stitching a lot easier, since the vinyl creates a sort of ridge between sections.

13. Fold over the top (not sewn) edge and press. Trust me, this makes it easier. Slide in your last piece of vinyl (the very narrow strip with the magnets on it) and stitch the top edge closed, sewing as close to the edge as possible.

14. You can now fold your case closed (the magnets should catch and hold it in place) and decide where you want to place your monogramming (optional). If you're using those embroidered letters, just follow the directions on the package.

15. You can fold this out into a stand, as shown below. The magnets will catch to hold everything together. And if you're worried about magnets affecting your tablet, consider that these are the magnets rated a 2 out of 10 on magnetic strength by the craft store. It's hard to get them to stick to the fridge. They'll do the job for this project, but they're probably not going to damage anything. I say probably, of course, because I'm not responsible if they do cause damage.

The tablet should slide into the corner pockets. My dad didn't have his tablet with him on Father's Day but he tells me it fits perfectly and he loves the case.

If you liked this tutorial, please share!

Easy DIY Landing Strip

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 05:11:00 +0000

I have a chronic disorganization problem, but to most people apparently I appear to be organized. At school, I misplace my keys regularly, but at home, thanks to my handy landing strip by the front door, I always know where they are. This trick is relatively simple, functional, and looks good!

To achieve this, you'll need:

1. An antique furnace grate (I found mine at an antique store for about $20)

2. Toggle bolts, or a suitable wall anchor of your choice. There's a great tutorial at Natural Handyman.

3. A good power drill.

4. Measuring tape.
5. Pencil.
6. Carpenter's level.
7. Round craft magnets* (the strong ones) from a craft store.
8. Giant clothespin or other fastener from the craft store (optional).
9. Spray paint (optional).
10. Stud finder (optional).

To install:

1. Decide where you want your furnace grate to go and measure it.

2. Mark the midpoint of the wall where you'd like to hang it along with the midpoint of the grate.

3. Using the carpenter's level, draw a line level with the mark you just made on the wall.

4. Look at where the holes are for mounting the grate. You can use the stud finder to determine whether one of them will line up with a stud in your wall, which is handy because then you can anchor it to that on the one side and not have to mess with a toggle bolt on that side.

5. How heavy is the grate? Determine which type of wall anchor you'll use. My grate is cast iron, so toggle bolts were really the only option. Measure the distance from the holes in the grate to the wall. Your anchors are probably going to have to be pretty long. Also check to see how big the hole is; you don't want the anchor to slip right through the grate.

6. Line up your grate on the wall with the marks you just made and mark the location where you will drill the holes for the anchors.

7. Drill the holes for the anchors.

8. Place the bolts through the holes on the grate and thread the toggle onto the end. Make sure you do it correctly!

9. It's handy to have a friend for this step: line everything up, fold in the toggles, and push them into the wall. Using your drill, tighten the bolts. You'll want to try to work evenly on each side, so tighten a little on the right and then a little on the left and so on until everything looks good. Trust me on this! It's hard to do otherwise. Hence the friend.

10. Place the magnets along the bottom edge of the grate and toss your keys up there. They'll stick and you'll never lose them again!

11. Glue a magnet to the back of your chosen fastener (spray painted in the color of your choice) and stick it to the side. Perfect place for outgoing mail!

12. Add some coat hangers underneath the grate for even more places to put things you need at the door.

As you can see, this is a great place to drop incoming and outgoing mail, hang your keys and ID badges, place your glasses (seriously, I'd lose mine if they weren't here!), bluetooth headset, etc.

*Important note about magnets: if you have kids or pets, you need to be extra careful to keep these rare earth magnets completely out of their reach. If they swallow them, they can attach to one another in the digestive tract and cause severe damage and death. My cats haven't swallowed any, but I'm pretty careful!

Do's and Don'ts of Hiring a String Quartet

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 06:00:00 +0000

It's the month of weddings, which means I'll be busy playing a lot of Pachelbel's Canon, which really means I'll be busy people watching and silently critiquing the wedding in my head while the violinists and the violist do all the work.

I've been playing in quartets for various events since high school, and I have a ton of great stories. There was the one where the Christmas party attendees became inebriated about half an hour in and started reading poetry, at which point we plucked Christmas carols for the next hour and a half. We were uncomfortably shoved into a corner by the buffet line, anyway, so we didn't feel terribly obligated to give it 110%. There was the one that was outside in a dust storm, and the groom's own mother was at least an hour late. We got paid overtime, but were also treated to the bride's advice for life. And a coating of dust. There was the one in which the entire wedding ceremony was alternately in Hebrew and Vietnamese. Spanish, we could handle just fine, but this one had us worried. It's lucky our violist spoke Hebrew and was able to tell us where we were as she counted the blessings. More mature colleagues of mine have even better stories, including one about a homeless man and a guiro.

I've discovered that the easiest gigs to play aren't necessarily the ones with the most competent colleagues (although I'm blessed with very good people to play with), or the ones in the most convenient locations, or the ones with the easiest to play music. They're the ones in which the people who hired us actually know what they're doing. Here are a few do's and don'ts when hiring a string quartet.

DO give us clear instructions. What you want us to play and when. Are we starting the processional when the congregation stands? When we can see the bride? When the groom gives us the secret signal?
DON'T look at us accusingly or turn and ask someone why we aren't playing if you haven't given us any instructions for the bride's uncle's cousin as he walks down the aisle.

DO make sure that at least one member of the quartet can see what's going on, especially if it's a wedding. We can repeat Canon ad nauseum, and if we can't see that the mother of the bride is already seated, we will. It's also important that we can all see each other. There's a certain amount of non-verbal communication that occurs between quartet members. It's also nice to have room to move our bows.
DON'T tell us to prelude before the ceremony, and then wait until 15 minutes after the ceremony was supposed to start to tell us to stop, then look at us like it's our fault. OR get mad when we stop one minute before hand to prevent the aforementioned occurrence.

DO pay us in cash, preferably with bills that are easily divided four ways. We're musicians (and probably teachers). We don't always carry around change for hundreds.
DON'T pay with a check unless we know you personally. Odds are at least one of us has been burned before. Plus, it likely means one of us has to go to the bank and then split up the cash. And that might be the money we needed to buy toilet paper on the way home.

DO give us plenty of notice if there's a special piece of music you want. We either have to order or arrange it, and that takes time and sometimes, extra money. If it's something really out there that's not in our normal repertoire, we might even have to get together to rehearse it first.
DON'T look offended if you ask for your favorite Beatles tune right before the gig starts and we either don't have it or don't know it. Most string quartets are pretty progressive and have a lot of pops tunes under our belts, but we don't have everything. Standard wedding fare is probably fair game, though. Usually we can even figure it out if you just hum it for us....you don't even need to know the title or composer.

DO feel free to book us in an outdoor venue within reason.
DON'T get upset if it is unreasonably hot or cold and we end two minutes early or have to keep re-tuning. We play expensive instruments that are sensitive to temperature and humidity, and they go out of tune and can even sustain damage if they're left in those conditions for too long. Even Yo-Yo Ma and Itzhak Perlman didn't play live at Obama's inauguration due to weather.

DO ask questions and encourage your kids to ask questions about our instruments or what we do. A lot of us are teachers and are happy to talk to them when we're finished or in between tunes. We love to recruit new orch dorks, and with really little kids who are attentive and whose hands are clean, I'll even let them touch my instrument or pluck the strings with some instructions on how to do it properly.
DON'T allow your kids to run right up and grab our instruments. (Yes, this has happened more than once). It's not a good idea for you to do it, either. My cello is worth more than my car, and believe me, you don't want to pay for repairs if it breaks. My bow isn't cheap, either. I'll be considerably more understanding if the child who has briefly escaped your watchful eye has an obvious intellectual or social impairment and they really don't know that they can't do that. I get that. But the moral of the story is, watch your kids.

DO tell us how long you expect us to play, and compensate us accordingly.
DON'T leave it up to us to guess when the gig is over and give us uncomfortable signals to try to tell us that it is. We've got music for hours and unless the gig is outside in ridiculous weather, we'll just keep going unless there's a very clear sign or you tell us we're done. This video is filed under "Top Ten Signs That the Gig is Over."

DO hire us again and follow these tips.
DON'T get the idea from this post that I resent every gig I've gotten. Quite the contrary! I love to play, and getting paid for it is a bonus. I've also seen some really neat weddings and events, and gotten some great stories out of even the worst gigs. But these guidelines make it a lot easier for us to do the best job we can for you!

A Year in the Life

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Sat, 02 Jun 2012 02:56:00 +0000

Today was our last official day of school. It's a little strange, though, because I know I'll be there tomorrow after graduation finishing a project, as well as there on Monday fighting for some scheduling issues and finishing more projects, and there Tuesday through Friday for summer orchestra camp. Summers in a year-round district are short anyway, but they're even shorter for those of us who teach in fine arts.

Since most of my friends (and therefore, most of the people who will read this post) are teachers, I know I'm preaching to the choir. And I'm not complaining, because I love my job. But I do hate it when I hear people say things like "Wouldn't it be nice to only work 180 days out of the year from 8 to 3?" or "Why do teachers need a pay raise? I work just as hard." Chances are, you really don't work as hard. And we really don't only work 180 days out of the year, and 8 to 3 is a sick joke. Ask me sometime how many people in my profession are: a)divorced, b)living alone, c)the crazy cat lady. Our stats are abysmal.

Here, for your reading pleasure, my year in review, beginning with July of 2011 and going until July 2012. I still have my very well-kept planner from this year, so this is easy to do! This is long, but I want it out there for all of the people who think we have an easy job. Not so! Keep in mind that what I'm listing here is in addition to the regular school day, Monday through Friday. I don't get to school super early, but I try to get there before 8. I rarely leave before 6 pm.

Sometimes we'll get called to do gigs. My kids thought this made a nice picture in a library where we performed.

July 18-22, 2011: IB teacher training in Montezuma, NM. It was a good time, and I'd go back in a heartbeat...but it was still work!

July 25, 2011: back to school for teachers. This is a week of inservice (meetings and trainings) as well as "work days." This means putting together my handbook, running back and forth from the theatre department to the student activities manager to schedule my concerts, copying parts, selecting music, finalizing class lists, making sure instruments are in working order to be checked out to new students, filling out and turning in purchase orders, and generally preparing the room.

August 1, 2011 and month of August: back to school for students. This is everything that "back to school" entails. For fine arts, this is often teaching new rehearsal rules (and reviewing old ones), teaching completely new technique, etc. We do a back to school picnic in which the upperclassmen make t-shirts for the freshmen and the sections compete against each other in stupid games. It's fun, and I spend a lot of money on pizza and t-shirts. The district orchestra teachers also hold two beginner clinics for new middle school students on two Saturdays of the month, and there is always a region-wide meeting in which we discuss business. It usually takes the majority of the day Saturday. If you're keeping score, that's three out of four Saturdays in the month of August that we're working.

September 2011: ah, Labor Day! This is usually the month when we start having head director meetings and the month in which I start after school rehearsals. They go until 5:30 in the evening or later. This is also the month in which football games start, and clubs and organizations can sign up to work concessions for a fundraiser. That's a job that goes from about 5-10 pm and is genuinely hard labor. The kids do most of the work, but a sponsor must be present and always ends up doing quite a bit as well. Somewhere in here the high school directors usually sponsor a clinic or two to help the middle school kids with region audition music, as well as do some clinics of our own. These are usually Saturdays or late evenings.

October 2011: we're a year-round district, so the first two weeks of October are intercession. However, the first Saturday was middle school all-region auditions, in which I heard over 70 middle school cello players play the same two excerpts for an audition. It literally took all day (but we do have fun judging). I spent at least two days at my school or at another school preparing my own students for their auditions. On the last Saturday, I judged high school cello auditions, and the following Monday, judged the 9th grade auditions. The last Saturday of the month was taping for all-state auditions. I didn't go this year to help because I had scarlet fever :( The last week of the month was our movie concert, and we literally started reading Christmas music the very next day. Please don't get mad when it's December 1st and I tell you that I really can't handle "Sleigh Ride." I've been hearing it for over a month already.

November 2011: the middle school all-region clinic was November 10-12. I normally don't get involved in the middle school clinics, but this year I actually got to be a conductor for one of the groups! It was a lot of fun but a lot of work. Rehearsals were Thursday evening, Friday evening, and Saturday until the afternoon, and then we had a concert. Fortunately, November also means Thanksgiving break. Hooray!

At middle school region.

December 2011: Holiday concert. This is a massive undertaking. This year, ours featured over 15 tunes, several of which incorporated other groups (choir, band, mariachi). It got rescheduled due to weather (HUGE pain in the rear). Mercifully, winter break is two weeks, and this is one break during which we don't tend to work. However, entries for solo and ensemble were due on January 25th, so I picked out music for something like 40 events and put together ensembles before we left.

January 2012: back to school on the 4th. High school all-region clinic was the 12-14th, and it ran much the same way as the middle school clinic. This year I was an organizer for one of the groups, which mean that before auditions in October I had to have the folders of music ready for everyone. I wasn't able to do a great job on this because I was sick, but it was still a lot of work. Entries for solo and ensemble were due on the 25th, and we started rehearsals as soon as we got back from break. Entering solos and ensembles involves collecting entry fees and an online entry process.

February 2012: middle school solo and ensemble was on the 4th, and I judged. Again, it's literally an all-day event. Judges are paid, but it goes through our paycheck and gets taxed until just a little over half is left. It's a great experience but it is mentally exhausting. Our state music convention was February 8-10. I didn't go this year, but if I had any students make state I would have been responsible for them there. Many directors end up going for this. Again, a great experience, but mentally exhausting. High school solo and ensemble was the 18th. After hours of after school rehearsal, wrangling an accompanist, etc, the kids go play in front of a judge. I had something like four hours of kids performing that day. I hauled around a lot of scores, rehearsed last-minute, talked kids down from meltdowns or near meltdowns, ran from room to room, moved instruments, tuned instruments, tracked down missing music, you name it. Again, totally exhausting. Just for good measure, the week before solo and ensemble we threw in a jazz concert. Why not.

My kids' response to our insane number of entries at solo and ensemble this year.

March 2012: the beginning of contest season. If you've never experienced a Texas UIL contest, you have no idea and there's really no way to accurately put it into words. In addition to the regular day, rehearsals were running fast and furious until about 6pm every day. With two orchestras (five sections within each orchestra needing section rehearsals), it was a lot of rehearsals.

April 2012: our spring break this year was the first two weeks of April, which was two weeks later than it normally is. It drove everyone crazy. Since my IB students had their exam in early May, we had two days over break in which we did practice exams and study sessions. I also held one two hour rehearsal a week during break. Our pre-festival concert was April 16th, and district contest was April 20th and 21st (again, that's a Saturday gone). TAKS testing was a whole week in late April, and the entire school devotes all of its energy into administering these tests. Rehearsals are allowed for a little bit after school, but for the most part they're frowned upon that week. This is incredibly nerve-wracking for those of us who still have UIL.

In 2010, I broke my big toe at district orchestra contest. I went on stage barefoot and went to the ER only after I'd listened to the judges' comment tapes. I'm hardcore like that.

Fun with instrument inventory. God bless the barcodes and the people at the fixed asset office.

May 2012: UIL contest and the IB exam were May 3rd and 4th. Again, a whole day or two essentially gone. This year I didn't get home from the first day of UIL until after 10pm. Because some of my best players were also in my IB music class, we had to find substitutes for them at contest. They were taking an exam while we were playing. We did our final concert (with all new music) two weeks later. May 25-27th were state solo and ensemble. This is a long bus ride to Austin on Friday, contest all day Saturday (running all over the UT campus, sometimes with buildings a 20 minute walk apart, fighting for practice rooms, etc.) Sunday morning the kids go to Six Flags (this means we stay in the hotel on Saturday night, which saves a hassle as well as prevents the obvious safety issue of traveling all the way through the night), then we drive all the way home. This is essentially 24 hour duty. This year, two other teachers and I were up until at least 3 am patrolling hallways. It's a great experience for the kids, and a tiring one for the teachers! When we got back, we had inventory, lots of cleaning, and a few projects, including finals. Oh, I almost forgot, there's a Saturday TMEA meeting this month, too.

It's a very long bus ride to state.

Add caption

Re-enacting our hallway patrol, which had many of the elements of a Scooby Doo cartoon.

June 2012: today was the last day of school and tomorrow is graduation. I'll be at school tomorrow and Monday finishing projects. Tuesday through Friday we'll have summer strings camp, which runs from 8 to 3 every day. We assume that we do this for free, and if the fine arts department pays us it's a bonus. We do a concert at 5:30 pm on the last day. Days in June that I'm working (either school inservice or gig:) 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 16, 23, 25, 26. So far.

July 2012: days in July that I'm working (so far): 17, 18, 19. Teachers go back to school the 23rd, and students come back the 30th, and then we start all over again.

Well, folks, there you have it. Now imagine doing this with a chronic illness that causes pain and serious fatigue. Now imagine what it must be like to direct high school marching band (twice the contest plus all those football games! Ugh! Glad I teach strings!). And no, our stipends aren't THAT big. They're very nice, and our fine arts department takes very good care of us. But it's still a lot of work.

I'm closing with a picture of my colleague and I working on making our instrument storage room a happier place. We were tired of looking at all the scuffs and dings. It was really kind of depressing. And yes, I bought all the paint myself.

Music Teacher Gothic.

Pantry Scraper Gourmet

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 02:58:00 +0000

Towards the end of the month when I'm broke, or when I'm so busy I don't have time to go shopping, I tend to throw together what I call pantry scrapers. Those are the meals that you make when you scrape the back of the pantry for whatever's there.

Fortunately, since deciding to eat vegan at home, my pantry is well-stocked all month long with plenty of dried goods. I go shopping once a month and only buy fresh produce or specialty items in between.

This week has already been busy, between a concert and preparations for contest on Saturday, so I haven't had the time or energy to go to the grocery store. I was proud of myself tonight for pulling together the delicious item you see above.

Greek Stuffed Bell Peppers with Tzatziki Sauce

Serves 2, or 1 with leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Bell Peppers:

1/2 cup cooked chickpeas, drained

1/2 cup cooked quinoa, drained

olive oil

handful chopped green onion

1 clove garlic, minced

juice of 1/2 lemon

1 tsp fennel seed

pinch of fresh dill

1 tomato, chopped (or whatever veggies you like)

1 large bell pepper

1. If you are using dried chickpeas (my preferred method) soak overnight and cook.

2. Rinse, drain, and cook the quinoa.

3. Preheat oven to 350.

4. Saute onions, garlic, fennel seed, dill, and other veggies in the olive oil until the onions are tender. Drizzle with the lemon juice. You can add the quinoa and chickpeas to the mixture if you like-it makes the chickpeas crunchy on the outside.

5. Core the bell peppers. Slice in half and clean.

6. Stuff the peppers with the mixture you just made and place right side up in a baking dish. Bake until the bell peppers reach desired tenderness.

Tzatziki Sauce

4 tbs Veganaise (or similar...I've also seen recipes that use vegan yogurt/tofu, but it was a pantry scraper!)

1/2 large cucumber, chopped

juice of 1/2 lemon

dill to taste

1 clove garlic, minced

salt and pepper to taste

Throw it all in a food processor or blender and process until it's as chunky as you want it.

Serve the peppers with a drizzle, or as I did, drowning in the sauce. There will be plenty of extra sauce! I know it's hard to see in the above photo because the plate is white. Enjoy!

My Favorite Green Things

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 01:07:00 +0000

In honor of Easter this past Sunday, and of spring, here are my favorite green things around my home. I meant to post this for St. Patrick's Day (also my birthday) but of course I got too busy. Imagine that!

1. My entire bedroom

2. This tea infuser, by Tea Forte. It was part of a conductor's gift I got this year.

3. These green fountain glasses. They were my mom's. For storage I hang them upside down in my dining room with all of my other wine glasses.

4. These aluminum champagne flutes (a gift from my good friend Jared) and the Irish coffee mugs and bell (a gift from my good friend Gina).

5. Galactic Vino bottle and a Roswell Alien Wine Festival glass.

6. This stuffed alien and Kiss Me I'm Irish frog.

7. This tiny MKT model train car. My grandfather worked for the MKT, which is no longer in business, so this whole collection is special.

8. UFO Christmas ornament and Pyrex promotional Green Dot Cinderella mixing bowl (1960's). The ornament was a gift from my friend Chelsea that I couldn't bear to put away, and the mixing bowl was an antique store find for about $10.

9. My robot lamp with a green bulb.

10. The Theracane. Seriously, I don't know how I could live without this thing.

DIY Retro Robot Lamp

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 07:52:00 +0000

Over our two week school intercessions, I need things to keep me occupied. This time, I decided I needed a reading lamp for my living room but didn't find anything unique enough. I wanted something that looked like it belonged in the space age, and a Google search led me to this:

Unfortunately, these things are as expensive as they are hard to find. I looked at it and thought, "I could make that!" If you want to make your own, here are the materials* you need:

-A cylindrical metal container with a bottom, like a cup or bowl

-Two metal bowls of the same size

-Three smaller metal objects, at least two of which are the same size (for the eyes and top of the head)

-A spring (optional, for the antenna)

-Two round drawer handles with necessary hardware

-1/2" long machine screws (with nuts)

-1 roll galvanized pipe strapping (found in the plumbing aisle)

-Lamp kit with cord and socket

-Duct or electrical tape (optional)

-Drill with different sized bits

-Screwdrivers

-Pliers

-Superglue, metal epoxy, or similar

-A paintbrush you don't care about

-Eye protection

-Gloves

I didn't take pictures as I went (sorry!), but here are the steps and pictures of the final product so you can see how it's put together.

1. Drill all of your holes. Drilling metal is dangerous and tricky. Wear gloves and eye protection, and work over a fire-proof surface like concrete. Expect hot chunks of metal to fly and protect exposed skin accordingly. In your cylindrical container, drill 6: two for "feet", one for the lamp assembly itself, one for the cord, one for the pull chain of the lamp assembly, and one for the "kickstand" you'll put in the back to stabilize your robot. In one metal bowl, drill 5: two for "eyes", one for the top of the head, one between the eyes and near the lip of the bowl, and one directly across from the last one. In the bowl that will be the bottom, drill two holes near the lip of the bowl in the same locations as the other one.

2. Make a very large hole in the bottom of the last bowl-basically you're removing the bottom. I accomplished this by using the largest drill bit I had and drilling several holes close together. Then I used pliers to sort of rip the rest of the bottom out. It wasn't perfect, but it worked. If you're worried about the sharp metal edges, cover them with some tape.

3. Add the robot's feet by screwing your drawer handles in place. There will likely be too much space between the handle and the body of the robot-fill it with nuts or washers. Cut a 2-3" piece of the pipe strapping and screw it to the body of the robot with a machine screw. Bend it to form a kickstand.

4. Remove your lamp kit from the packaging and familiarize yourself with the directions. Remove the pipe and cap from the bottom of the socket. Thread the following onto the cord in this order: nut and washer if you need it, pipe, body of robot (cylindrical container), washer if you need it and nut. Tighten the nuts on either side of the pipe; you don't want too much sticking out of the bottom.

5. Thread the socket cap onto the cord and tie an underwriter's loop with your two wires above the cap.

6. Loosen the terminal screws on the socket. Find the wire that is either white or covered in a ribbed coating, and loop the exposed end around the SILVER terminal screw and tighten. Attach the other wire to the BRASS screw in the same manner. Fit the socket back together and screw it onto the end of the pole.

7. Disconnect the ball from the pull chain, thread the chain through the hole in the bottom of the robot, and reconnect the ball. Pull on it to make sure that it can move freely. TEST THE SOCKET. If it doesn't work the first time, try a different bulb. Remove the bulb and set this portion aside.

8. Cut a 2" and a 3-5" piece of pipe strapping. Attach the 2" portion to the bowl that will be the top of the head using a machine screw. Use the hole that is at the BACK of the head-opposite the eyes. Attach the other end of the pipe strapping to the bowl that will be the bottom of the head. You want there to be very little space between the bowls. This piece of pipe strapping is the hinge and it's easier to attach if you bend the pipe strapping "open" before attaching the second bowl.

9. Attach the longer piece of pipe strapping to the holes in the front of each bowl. You may want to leave one side unattached until you are finished and put in the bulb, depending on how small your robot is. This will allow you to open and close the robot's mouth to control the amount of light. The pipe strapping will bend inward when the mouth is closed.

10. Using your glue or epoxy, coat the edges of the eyes and the top of the head and adhere them over the holes you drilled. Attach the spring or whatever you're using for the antenna. Remember that you have to work quickly with this stuff, and whichever paint brush you use should be one you plan to trash when you're done. Follow ALL of the directions on the package.

11. Coat the top edge of the robot's body (where the light socket is) with the glue or epoxy and settle the robot's head onto the body. Fill in any gaps and allow to dry.

12. Place your bulb in the socket, tighten up any loose screws, plug it in, and enjoy! If you want more light, open the mouth. Less light, close the mouth.

I decided to try mine with a green bulb and really like the effect.

It goes perfectly on these shelves I found over the weekend. After searching flea markets all day, I saw this shelving unit sitting in someone's driveway with a "for sale" sign on it when I was driving home. It's very solid (not particle board!) and the price was right.

This lamp fits right in with my odd collection of alien and retro stuff that I'm starting to accumulate, and with a regular bulb in it is perfect for reading. Hooray!

*A word or two about the materials:

-Lamp kits are available at craft stores, but I recommend the hardware store. Your selection of switch types will be limited at the craft store, and the kits often come pre-assembled with the wires already attached. They aren't attached with screws and if you try to remove them to thread them where they should go in your final project, they'll break off inside the socket and you're out ten bucks.

-The bowls are hard to find in the right size. I got mine at a thrift store.

-The eyes and top of the head are salt and pepper shaker lids. Again, thrift store.

-The body is an aluminum mug I found at the store. I left the handle on in the back because it will make the lamp easier to move while in use (it will undoubtedly get hot).

Cat Lady Cred

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 04:10:00 +0000

I had big plans for this evening. They included coming home, finishing my cleaning of my apartment, cooking, and sitting on my butt. I was also planning to do a blog post on my favorite green things in honor of St. Patrick's Day, but of course life intervened. I got home around 9:30 with this in my hand:

Yes, that's my official animal bite certificate. I was driving to the music store and saw a lady in the left turn lane with her hazard lights on. As I drove past I saw that there was a cat hanging from between her bumper and radiator. I picked up my items at the music store, and when I came out she was still there. Nobody had stopped yet, so I walked over and offered to help. The lady drove to the parking lot where there was a small auto servicing place and I ran to the vet's office up the street. They told me they couldn't help and gave me the number for animal control.

Meanwhile, back at the parking lot, a couple of big tough looking auto mechanic guys were attempting to free the cat, who was completely stuck. We were afraid that since he appeared to be so injured, calling animal control would most likely result in him being put down on the spot and we tried to free him. Given the position he was in, I was afraid that pushing on him too hard from under the hood would break his back, and every time the mechanics would push on him he'd scream. I asked to borrow some gloves in case the cat was a biter (most scared animals are) and attempted to scruff him.

As you can see, his front paw is still stuck inside the car and his midsection is completely stuck. He's not hissing in this picture; he's crying. Anyway, he bit me and the glove wasn't thick enough. At that point, we had to call animal control because he has to be quarantined. I don't want to get rabies shots. I called animal control and they were quick to respond because it was a bite. The lady in the car and her friend/relative who she called wanted to drive the car to a Mazda dealership a couple miles away and have them remove the bumper. I talked them out of it because a) the drive with the cat this close to the pavement would likely kill him very painfully, and b) if he lived there would be no way to contain him, and he'd be roaming injured. And then I'd have to get rabies shots. I felt kind of bad for keeping them there, but at this point it was probably their only option, and it didn't cost them anything. Needless to say, the lady driving the car was pretty upset at this point and was in tears. She obviously felt pretty bad for the cat.

After half over half an hour of me holding the control stick and the animal control officer working under the hood of the car, we got the cat free. I honestly was afraid he was hurt worse, but he came out pretty well. Meanwhile, it had started to snow, of all things. I went to urgent care because the wound hurt a lot worse than I thought it would (doesn't look like much, but it broke all the way through my fingernail on the top and punctured the bottom) and is swollen. Also, animal bites are dirty and my immune system is the equivalent of a beat up Ford Pinto. I got antibiotics, a tetanus shot, and instructions to watch for blood poisoning and tendon sheath infection. It still hurts like crazy.

I'm thinking of framing my official crazy cat lady certificate.

Also, this is not the weirdest bite I've ever had. I was once bitten by a camel (on my wrist) and ended up with a hematoma the size of a golf ball on my arm.

Now, to my dear fellow El Pasoans:

Stop getting animals you can't or won't take care of. We have a huge feral cat program in El Paso because a few people got cats that they didn't have neutered and they got out and bred. When the weather gets cold, they crawl inside of cars to get warm and we end up with what happened today. We have taken an animal and domesticated it, then left it completely to fend for itself and do nothing but breed in an urban area. This is cruel. More remote areas have endless problems with dogs running free. Sure, they have "owners"...but dogs with owners who are responsible don't allow this to happen, regardless of what kind of dog they own. (In a strange coincidence, I went to elementary school with this man's daughter).

And when you see something like this happening in your own neighborhood, don't look the other way and wait for someone else to help. Stop and see what you can do.

It's less about being the crazy cat lady than it is about being compassionate.

Hurts so Good

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 01:01:00 +0000

Yesterday, I went for a deep tissue massage. I have a membership at a local massage place. For about $60 a month I get a massage every month that rolls over if I don't use it, and additional 1 hour massages are $30. My back has a habit of knotting up and then completely going out, which usually means two days off from work while I recover in a pain pill and muscle relaxer induced coma.

This time around my back (and really the rest of my body) was pretty bad. Everything ached and my posture was seriously terrible because it hurt so badly. The manager at the massage place told me that this therapist was great at deep tissue. I told him not to be afraid to dig. He was careful to ask about my RA and whether anything hurt (of course it did) and to ask if I had any bruises; the last time I went in I had IV bruises up and down my arms.

This therapist was darn good; he definitely got all of the knots out and my back is loose for a change. The popping noises it made when I sat up were completely astounding. He also found trigger points everywhere else, which is not surprising. I think with any chronic condition affecting the joints, muscles tend to overcompensate and end up tensing up, which in turn just makes the joints hurt worse. It's a cycle. My ankles and elbows also feel a lot better today.

Unfortunately, I am sore and bruised. Below is a picture of the middle of my back. You can see the visible swelling on either side of my spine as well as the impressive bruises. For the record, I have done some research and with deep tissue massage some bruising is normal if you're really tense. Bruising on this level, maybe not, but I also suspect that all of the meds are causing me to bruise quite easily.

I'm loading up on the ginger and tylenol and am taking epsom salt baths alternating with ice packs on my back. I'm also considering a ginger bath tonight to sweat some of this out. Either way, my back still feels better than it did two days ago!

I Didn't Watch the Grammys

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 04:10:00 +0000

It's true, I didn't. I thought about it, but I always cry at tributes. I don't really follow pop music and I'm not into spectacles like this. The Facebook posts about Nicki Minaj, however, were enough to make me seek out the performance on YouTube.

I understand that people were offended by the presentation and by the mocking of religion. I'd like to point out, however, that this is nothing new. Songs about exorcism have been around for a very long time and are well-known in the literature of classically trained musicians. They're called Tarantellas.

Musicians and artists have been satirizing the Church and giving it a hard time since at least the 11th century when the Carmina Burana hit the shelves, so to speak.

Here's the difference: in the 11th Century, and for a long time after that, people had a better reason to satirize organized religion. For a long time, the Church was the only major ruling power in the world. If you were rich, you could buy forgiveness, but if you were poor you weren't being helped at all. For the most part, things have changed since the middle ages. Churches of all kinds have set up outreach to help people. Since the separation of Church and state, no organized religion has any power in government. Religious persecution continues, yes, but it's kept better in check in 2012 than it was in 1180.

I don't have too much of a problem with what Nicki Minaj might refer to as "performance art." I'm all for free speech (well...except for this.) The one instance in which Nicki Minaj crossed the line was her allusion to sex abuse in the Catholic Church. If you're going to protest it, protest it. Here's a good example. When it's to enhance a performance of completely unrelated material and as background dancing, however, it's insensitive, pure and simple.

The biggest problem that I had with the performance was that the song truly stunk. There was no real complexity or depth, the singing was average at best, and I finished watching with no idea what Nicki Minaj was trying to communicate. People might praise the performance as avant grade or unique, but the bottom line is that you can't put makeup on a pig.

Recent Developments

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 06:11:00 +0000

I really stink at keeping things current, apparently. If you're still following the epic saga of All My Kittens, here's a quick update. We've gone from climbing the walls to this:

This is Wednesday in the picture. Mac has made similar progress but overall Wednesday is more clingy and less camera shy. Mac likes to chase things on the computer screen.

In other news, after heading back into a flare my rheumatologist determined I needed to add methotrexate. I was seriously hesitant about going back down this road. I was up to 6 or 8 pills a week (can't remember which) when I was on it in high school and college, and it made me really sick. Methotrexate is a low-dose mild chemotherapy drug. It is low-dose and mild but has the same side effects. This time around, I'm on a very tiny dose of injectable methotrexate. Injectable is better absorbed by the body than pills and since it bypasses the digestive tract the nausea isn't as bad. Still, I'm taking mine on Fridays in case the day after is a bummer.

These are way easier to do than Enbrel injections. They do require a little more preparation, but they don't burn and the needles are seriously tiny. This is the first time I've ever felt comfortable injecting into my stomach. Seriously, check out that tiny needle!

The vials are also tiny. Two of them come in a pill bottle labeled with the prescription info.

OK, it looks like radioactive Mountain Dew. But it doesn't burn, and I have noticed an improvement so far. The side effects aren't terrible....yet.

Feliz Navidad

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 03:18:00 +0000

Well, folks, it was an eventful trip to Kansas to spend Christmas with my Aunt Brenda and to visit old friends. First of all, a rare winter storm in the Southwest made driving a rather messy hassle until I got out of New Mexico.

Unfortunately, driving through Roswell there was a nasty incident with slamming on breaks driving through town, and long story short, I need two new headlight assemblies. I ended up using bungee cords and duct tape to get me the rest of the way to KS.

I spotted an awesome mullet somewhere in Oklahoma.

Finally, here is the end result of my Christmas crafting. My great grandmother wrote a poem about Mrs. Claus, so I made an ornament for each verse to give to my aunt. Since her tree is blue and silver, I kept the ornaments those colors. I'd give instructions on how to make each of these things, or at least link to online tutorials, but it's less work for me if I just tell everyone to look on Pinterest.

Of all the busy people
this happy Christmas time,
none work like Mrs. Claus
for days and nights besides.

The good old Saint her husband
has so much to do
if Mrs. Claus did not take hold
they never would get through.

Their home is bright and cheery
they call it Reindeer Hall.
Icicles stick fast to the roof
and icebergs form the walls.

The Northern star, bright and shining,

gives all the light they need,

for How to Climb the Chimney

is the only book they read.

There's dolls in all the corners,
there's dolls in all the chairs,
piled high in every cupboard shelf
and way up the front stairs.

But not a stitch of clothing

on any can be seen.

Old Santa Claus is nice,

but he can't sew on a machine.

So Mrs. Claus is busy

making petticoats and sacks.

And there are all the shirts to make

for all the jumping jacks.

And long clothes for the babies,

and hats and caps and capes.

All the dresses must be cut

in the very latest shapes.

Bright on the fire a kettle boils

making such a noise.

The lid pops up,

how good they smell

those lemon candy toys!

Such lots of candy cooking,

such stacks of chocolate nice.

The kitchen is a sticky place,

so sticky but so nice.

The reindeer must be harnessed,

the toys packed in the sleigh

and old Santa Claus wrapped up in furs

to ride so far away.

Then Mrs. Claus he kisses and says,

"My dear, I don't believe I'll be back home

'till nearly New Year's Eve."

And then away he dashes,

as Mrs. Claus does call

"Be careful how you climb,

I'll worry lest you fall."

And old Santa Claus is smiling,

"I never in my life

could do so much for boys and girls

without so good a wife."

I'd like to apologize for the weird formatting in this post. Between the Yorkshire pudding and the homemade toffee, my stomach is full and my brain is fuzzy. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Propaganda v. Real Life

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 09:59:00 +0000

I am knee deep in Christmas crafting. Actually, over my head would be more accurate.

I know it's been nearly two months since I last posted. Life has been crazy, between rescheduling a concert that got snowed out (it was a big one, too...and since when does stuff get snowed out in the desert? Ick!) and everything else, it's a miracle the military hasn't annexed my apartment and office for hazardous terrain training.

Meanwhile....I got my fourth infusion of Actemra yesterday, and it couldn't have come sooner. It's been a rough few weeks as I am in what my doctor calls the "peaks and valleys" stage of treatment. This is a valley. This last infusion marks the first time that my nurses missed my IV on the first stick and had to stick me not two but three times...and then I didn't bleed enough from the IV stick for labs, so a guy from the lab had to come up and stick me a fourth time. The first IV attempt hit a valve and left me with an awesome bruise. The ones on my hand are cool too, but not nearly as impressive as this one, which is becoming more colorful by the hour. I still love my nurses, though. They do a great job.

Anyway, I'm almost over my infusion hangover (which feels exactly like a real hangover, by the way) and recalled some mail I got about a week ago from the drug company.

By "mail" I mean this stuff was delivered to my doorstep via UPS. This is a miracle considering that when I was taking Enbrel it took an act of Congress to get the actual drugs delivered to my doorstep....but drug company propaganda is no problem! When I first saw the huge package I thought, "Wow, that safety brochure they mail out has gotten huge. Should I be worried?"

It turns out the drug company was being helpful and sent this lovely journal:

As you can see, this is supposed to help me chart progress on this new drug. I can't decide yet whether I'll actually use it. I hate paperwork, and I'm pretty aware of how my body is doing, so I probably won't. I think this is probably more helpful for people who were more recently diagnosed. It does, however, include neat little appointment stickers. Those are kind of cool. Everyone likes stickers.

Yet another reflection of what I believe to be targeting of the newly diagnosed was the second item in the package, a brochure:

While I certainly can appreciate this attitude, it really isn't mine. After 22 years with RA pain I'm not on a "journey", and I'm not so much determined as I am resigned to the fact that I must have something that works in order to function and live my life. I have things to do.

Bottom line, my real life perspective on my RA is this:

Halloween!

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 01:19:00 +0000

Happy Halloween!

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. My mom always did a great job of making it magical, and I intend to do the same for my own children one day. You know all of those Halloween episodes of Roseanne? That's totally how my family was.

In the meantime, it's a great excuse to dress up in costume and pretend to be someone else for a day! I'm still recovering from my scarlet fever, so I'm staying in and just handing out candy to trick-or-treaters tonight, but I did manage to put on a costume for school:

You can't see it in the picture, but there are tuning pegs on that bone necklace. I suppose some cellos must be included in my kills. The hair was surprisingly easy to accomplish with the help of some very tight rag curls that I put in last night before bed. I woke up looking like Bozo the Clown, brushed it out and sprayed it, and I got cavewoman. Works for me.

For my orchestra's annual costume concert, I dressed as Marge Simpson:

A lot of people mistook me for Thing 1 or Thing 2, I think largely due to the bright blue of the hair. However, the shape of my hair is completely different, as is the costume. I know I'm wearing a red sweater over the trademark Marge dress, but there's only so much skin you can show at school, especially if you're the teacher!

Two of my previous costumes, as well as Marge, are visible over at Mental Floss right now, but they definitely pale in comparison to some other costumes! Today at school I saw a wide variety of "Sexy (insert whatever here)" costumes on girls. It's so sad that these are the majority of available costumes for women and young girls. However, I saw quite a few creative ones as well. There is a great tumblr by the group Miss Representation that is showing creative and non-skanky costumes right now. Go check it out!

I had fun with my IB music class discussing scary music today. We watched Keeping Score's video on Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique (don't do drugs, kids!), listened to and followed with the unconventional score of Penderecki's Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima, and watched the most incredible animation I have ever seen (made using sand on glass) to Schubert's The Erlking. The kids enjoyed it, and to my great amusement, had the same reaction that my kids last year had when I explained what the elf king was. "So, it's a German Cucuy?" Yeah, pretty much. Happy Halloween, everyone! Enjoy the animation.

Miss Scarlet, in the Throat, with the A Streptococcus

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:16:00 +0000

'Tis the season to be sick.

I don't know if it's just coincidence, but a week after my first infusion of Actemra (which suppresses the immune system) and a week after finishing 30 days of prednisone (which also suppresses the immune system), I have Scarlet Fever.

Don't worry too much; Scarlet Fever won't kill you nowadays like it and other diseases did in your elementary school days of playing Oregon Trail. Really, this is strep throat caused by A Streptococcus, and my body is simply reacting to a toxin produced by the bacteria-hence the rash. Of course I feel miserable, but I've felt worse. On a scale of "screw it let's go dancing" to "take me to the ER now" I'm at about "I'll do my own grocery shopping but then I'm staying home and watching stupid movies, because holy crap I'm exhausted." This isn't quite like that time in college when I got the mumps and had to be quarantined by the CDC, even though I am contagious for the next 24 hours and have all of the nasty symptoms pictured above.

I'm fortunate to have a really good nurse practitioner at my local urgent care facility who knows my rheumatologist and knows the RA drugs pretty well. He gave me a shot of antibiotics (my rear end is quite sore now) and a ten day prescription of oral antibiotics. Because he's a good healthcare professional, he gave me the option of steroids. He said they'd really help with the swelling, which is fairly impressive at this point (my right tonsil is full of pus...ewww), but that he'd understand if I didn't want them. I didn't. 30 days of prednisone in the last month was enough, thank you. I guess I could have asked for painkillers, but like I said, I've felt worse and quite frankly my body doesn't need any extra crap. Doctors and nurses, take note: when you're dealing with someone who's had a chronic disease for more than 20 years, it's nice when you involve them in their own healthcare. The urgent care nurse (who I liked the first time I went because he proclaimed my old and very much unloved rheumatologist "an arrogant pig who I wouldn't allow to shave my cat") also told me that he could literally smell the infection on me. Ick, ick, ick.

I have to be careful with strep because my immune system is the equivalent of a poorly cared for 1971 Ford Pinto, and strep can very easily become rheumatic fever (heart problems) and/or post-streptococcal glomerulonephritis (inflammation of the kidneys, and your big word for the day). Strep is sometimes even a trigger for juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, which is what I was diagnosed with as a child, and can aggravate RA. I'm a little concerned that I may have to postpone my Actemra infusion on Friday, but will call the rheumatologist Monday to be sure.

Anyway...I'll likely still go to school on Monday, and I'll likely wear a costume, but there will be a lot of sectional work instead of full rehearsal. I promised the IB kids scary music (Erlking, Symphonie Fantastique, and Penderecki's Threnody), so I will have to do some talking. Speaking of IB, we've had some cool moments in there where the kids have been able to apply what they've learned in my class to other classes. They've also told me that my class is the "most international" of all of their IB classes. Win.

For the rest of the weekend, I did go grocery shopping. I'll probably feel worse if I eat greasy delivery food all weekend. Also, I needed cat food. In the event that I'm so sick I'm rendered unconscious (unlikely), I don't want it to end in a news story that includes the words "and then her cats ate her face." I'm going to make some miso noodle soup tonight because it's basically vegan chicken noodle. I'm also trying out some easy to swallow and fall appropriate recipes from My New Roots: ginger roasted carrots, raw salted caramel apple dip, and white velvet soup (a personal favorite that I have already enjoyed on many sick days).

Remember to wash your hands frequently, cough and sneeze appropriately, and eat healthy this week!

Caffeine IV Drip

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 19:14:00 +0000

Seriously, do they make one? I want one!

This week was not as crazy as it could have been for being the first week back from fall intercession, but it was still somewhere on the nutty scale. This week saw the turning in of grades, preparing freshmen for region auditions, helping IB kids with extended essays, and last night, working concessions with my kids at a football game. I don't know how much we'll keep, but the stand made almost $3500, so the five and a half hours were worth it.

Next week will be even crazier: Monday, freshman region auditions. Tuesday, performance for the superintendent. Wednesday, staff development and full rehearsal. Thursday, concert. Friday, crash.

However, there is good news! If you can't have caffeine in an IV drip, you can have the next best thing: a new RA treatment. For about the last month I've felt like crud and have woken up every morning in varying states of pain with my joints stuck at various angles. My doctor determined that my Enbrel probably wasn't working anymore after a good 5 year run and it was time to switch meds. After satisfying the insurance loophole of trying Humira first ("Heck, I'll give you a box of Humira, you can take a shot today and say you tried it!"), putting in insurance paperwork, etc., I got my first infusion today of Actemra.

Actemra is a fairly new drug, I guess, but my rheumatologist likes it a lot. It's given once a month by infusion at the hospital and works by blocking some B cell receptors that apparently play a role in immunity and RA. One of the ladies next to me at the infusion center is on her 4th round and said it is working well for her.

Anyway, after registering with the ER and waiting forever (good crowd watching, though!) I got taken upstairs to the infusion center, weighed (prednisone added only 7 pounds this month, but I swear it feels like 20), and briefed on side effects and when to call the ER, etc. The infusion nurse then told me that some of their patients have actually started to feel better halfway through the infusion-one man who came in couldn't even close his hand and by the end of an hour and regained full function. We did the usual did you get your flu shot, have you had a TB test, be careful with germs conversation and then started hunting for veins. I have really small veins and am a hard stick. The nurse asked me which arm is better and I just said "good luck." After sticking me once she went and got a baby needle and used that instead with much better results. This nurse has a daughter with RA and is very careful with the joints-she started looking for a bigger vein further up my arm, then noticed how swollen my elbow was (I didn't even think of it till she pointed it out!) and went back to my hand.

They started me off with just the saline and then brought the medicine up from the pharmacy-wearing a big blue smock and heavy duty gloves and carrying the IV bag in a big plastic bag that said "caution: chemotherapy drug." The nurse told me that they have to follow chemo protocol with this one, but that if it splashed on them they probably wouldn't freak out the way they would with the cancer drugs.

The infusion only took an hour, during which time I was given some blankets and a pillow (the room was cold), some apple juice, and a chocolate rat on a stick because one of the nurses was assembling some Halloween bags for the kids in her family.

My hand is still sore from the IV and I am still in pain, but since I don't currently feel any worse, we'll take that as a good sign for now. Side effects for all of these drugs can be scary, so I'm hoping I don't get too many. I go back in two weeks for my next infusion and hope to see some results soon!

Now to go find some diet coke....

Sofa 3.0

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 15:58:00 +0000

The free sofa I scored back in August has been upgraded again. The lady who I got it from found one of the seat cushions, so I took it down to our local fabrics and foam store and had them cut a duplicate. Then, I used extra material from the original cover and some upholstery fabric from Hobby Lobby and sewed new covers for the cushions. Here is sofa 3.0:

As you can see, the cushions are a little uneven since one is brand new and the other is old. Also, the cats have taken it over. There's not much point in me even trying to sit on it.

I also decided to finally put up curtains in the living room. I think they really class up the joint, don't you?

As you can see, I also put up some Halloween decorations recently, because I love Halloween.

I'm quite proud of my outside decorations. My scarecrows have a reputation for scaring the pizza guy. Last weekend, though, they managed to scare some religious folks distributing pamphlets on Saturday morning. I felt kind of bad, but then realized that these people did wake me up, and while I know their intentions are good, I'm quite secure in my own faith, thank you very much.

Now, for those of you following All My Kittens, an update! Both are doing quite well and have taken to making lots of noise in the room where they are living. It's a good thing White Cat and Moe are deaf.

I finally got the opportunity to check, and LJ is not, as previously thought, a boy. The Kitten Formerly Known as LJ is becoming cuddly and will let me pick her up and hold her. Mac still believes that I am the devil incarnate. Her emails and Facebook posts are kind of rude, too.

Anyway, LJ needs a new name. Suggestions welcome.

Dammit, Janet! Absurdity for a Good Cause

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:42:00 +0000

Tonight I had to play a wedding on the other side of town. Even though my body has been uncooperative as of late thanks to the RA, I hate to waste a perfectly good trip across town and decided that it was mind over matter and dang it, I was going out! After leaving the wedding I took myself out for sushi and then met my friend Marni for coffee. I don't actually drink coffee, but I may now be addicted to Earl Gray lattes.

On a whim I checked Facebook and discovered that the organization who funds the city's feral cat program was holding a fundraiser in the form of a midnight movie downtown at a historic hotel. They didn't specify which, but given that they said "audience participation" and "props, but no wet props such as hot dogs" I figured it was probably the Rocky Horror Picture Show-and it was! I showed up just as the doors opened and paid $10 admission plus $3 for a bag of props-all of which goes to fund PetsAlive.

After enduring the "hazing of the virgins" (a rite of passage for all who have never seen the film in a theatre), I settled in to watch the shadow cast perform live right along with the movie. They did a great job and we all enjoyed shouting rude things at Brad and Janet and throwing toast. There was an older couple who left about 15 minutes in. I don't think they were really into the participation aspect. For me, this was like Roswell condensed into 90 minutes. Since they do the show the second Saturday of every month, I'll definitely be back-in costume and with some practice on doing the Time Warp. I think I could pull of the costume for Columbia, and it won't surprise any of you who know me well that I already own the majority of the items needed for it.

It's a small world. One of the ladies volunteering was discussing teaching with another volunteer who teaches math at a local high school. I turned around and joined the discussion on standardized tests and why I'm glad we don't have them in fine arts, and was asked where I teach. The volunteer mentioned that several of our students had helped her on a project and I asked if they were IB kids. She said no, that she wasn't aware that we had the IB program, but she's an IB grad! She is also a musician and took the music exam HL.

Even smaller world-I asked the volunteer her name and found out that she is one of the women I spoke to last week about getting the mother cat to the vet to be spayed. When I spoke with her she said she was out of state at a funeral and today she mentioned that the funeral was in Kansas. Three guesses which town.

Anyway, for those of you following the ongoing saga of All My Kittens (and since my page views increase every day, there must be a few....if you're stalking my blog, leave me a comment so I know who you are!), the kittens are doing just fine.

Last night LJ fell asleep in the sink rather contentedly while I petted him, and tonight ate part of his dinner in my lap. He is getting much better about being picked up. No purring yet, but he does seem to enjoy being touched more now and last night even let me use the flea comb on him (no fleas!). Mac will let me touch her if she's eating and will come close to me to get to the food, but the minute she figures out what's going on she hisses and I usually get swatted.

Both kittens played with a toy for the first time tonight, which took quite a bit of coaxing on my part. They have also started to groom themselves more in my presence, which is a good thing.

Kitten Socialization, Day 4

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 02:04:00 +0000

This is basically a three minute video of kittens eating, and you have to listen to me talk (sorry), but you can see the following:

1. Both kittens will now eat off of my fingers and let me touch them.
2. Short/broken whiskers. Hopefully these grow back in shortly as the overall health of the kittens improves.
3. They really are tiny. The spoon is one of those very small teaspoons if you need a reference for size. Both fit pretty darn comfortably in the sink, too.
4. They don't seem to have their adult coats yet, but Mac looks like she could end up being long-haired.
5. They're kittens, so naturally, they're adorable.
6. They're very messy and enthusiastic eaters. In less than an hour they made it through a whole can of food and a jar and a half of baby food. They get the hiccups, too.

Kitten Socialization, Day 3

noreply@blogger.com (Queen of Derps) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 06:42:00 +0000

Sorry, no pictures again. But I will share some videos that I have found extremely helpful.

I've decided that the guy in these videos deserves some kind of award, not just because of the obvious kindness he displays toward animals, but because apparently his "day job" is resident stage director for the NYC Opera at Lincoln Center. He's also a vet tech. Maybe that's what I should do in my free time when I'm not teaching orchestra....because I have so much of it....anyway. Here are the videos from Mike Phillips at the Urban Cat League in NYC:

Both kittens will eat off of the spoon, but Mac still hisses at me when I enter the room until she realizes that I'm just there to feed her. She's very smart and reluctant to be lured closer with food. I originally thought that she'd socialize faster, but it looks like I was wrong. LJ, on the other hand, will lick food off of my fingers and let me pet him. Today he even let me pick him up and put him in my lap. He was pretty wide-eyed and scared but not at all defensive and continued to eat when prompted. I got him off the ground and against my chest for a couple of minutes, which is a huge step. He's going to make a great mellow cat and has very expressive eyes and a very adorable expression in general. Mac is going to take some more work. Hopefully once LJ is comfortable in laps I'll be able to separate the two a little more.

Anyway, these are hungry little guys. They went through three jars of baby food and a can and a half of regular food today. It shouldn't be any problem continuing to socialize with food! Both kittens also look considerably cleaner and fluffier after their bath yesterday, but they are extremely messy eaters and as a consequence are a little grody again. Maybe they'll clean each other off.