CARE Multicultural Healing's Blog

Sadder But Wiser? by Sahar Dorani, Psy.D

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Fri, 24 Apr 2015 06:59:00 +0000

For about 25 years, there has been much research conducted on a phenomenon known as "Depressive Realism." Depressive realism suggests that, at times, those experiencing mild depression may be more accurate in their perceptions of the world, specifically with regards to how much time it takes to do something and how much perceived control they have over situations. Some researchers believe these findings convey that depressed individuals are “sadder but wiser” than non-depressed people (Dobson & Franche, 1989). Some research has focused on depressed individuals' ability to be more accurate with time and how long it takes to complete tasks in a timely manner. The hypothesis here being: if someone is depressed, they are likely fixated on timelines. Specifically, if time feels like it "drags on" for someone, that person is more likely to be attuned to how long it realistically takes to complete a particular task because they are overall more conscious of time. A preoccupation with one's negative mood state and concern that it may never change could lead one to be hyper-focused on the concept of time. In random studies where depressed and non-depressed participants were asked to estimate how long it would take to complete various tasks, mildly depressed individuals were more accurate in their guesstimates (University of Hertfordshire, 2013).

An equally interesting phenomenon present on the other side of this psychological coin is a concept termed "Positive Illusions." This concept suggests non-depressed individuals tend to distort reality in a positive direction. While some of us may think we would rather hold more realistic views of the world than distorted ones, many researchers argue positive illusions are essential in maintaining optimal mental health (Dobson & Franche, 1989). The idea here is that realistic perceptions of the self and of the world may be more likely to be linked with depression, low self-esteem, and other mental health issues. Learning about this research had me wondering, "Would I rather be depressed but hold more realistic views about the world, or be happy-go-lucky in a blissfully ignorant way?" Of course struggling with depression can be debilitating, but anyone who has been a victim of the beast that is depression knows it can attune you to the suffering of others in a way that fosters deep emotional connectedness and empathy. Several therapy clients have expressed to me that experiencing depression has enabled them to fully appreciate the high points in their lives since they have lived through some of the lowest.

The concept that an optimistic person may distort reality in a positively biased manner has been discussed by academic scholars as well as by popular and mainstream sources of information. The New Yorker recently published an article about the research on depressive realism and how those with depression may tend to be more cynical than others, and how this cynicism has dire consequences for one's overall health. They discussed research that showed that optimistic outlooks on life were connected to an improved ability to deal with stressful events. Different groups of research participants were given surveys to complete that measured their level of optimism; the groups studied were pregnant women in their last trimester, college students about to begin their first semester, and men who were about to undergo coronary-artery bypass surgery. The pregnant women who scored higher on measures of optimism had lower levels of postpartum depression. Similarly, the more optimistic college students were doing better in school than their less optimistic counterparts three months after beginning college. In addition to having a psychological impact, positive thinking was also shown to have benefits on the physical body; men who were more optimistic before heart surgery were less likely to suffer a heart attack during the bypass procedure and they recovered more quickly (Konnikova, 2014).

While it may not be a surprise that thinking positive thoughts leads to optimal mental and physical health, it is interesting to consider how depressed individuals may have more accurate perceptions of time and may be more realistic about certain situations. The research on depressive realism continues to evolve and this phenomenon proves to be intriguing, perhaps mostly to those who have suffered from depression and did not know they may have more accurate views about certain parts of life. But does being sadder really make one wiser? Is such wisdom worth psychological and physical havoc?

References

Dobson, K.S., & Franche, R.L. (1989). A conceptual and empirical review of the
depressive realism hypothesis. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 21(4),
419-433.

Konnikova, M. (2014, June 18). Don’t worry, be happy. The New Yorker. Retrieved from
http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/dont-worry-be-happy

University of Hertfordshire. (2013, August 22). Depressed people have a more accurate
perception of time. ScienceDaily. Retrieved April 20, 2015 from
www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130822090326.htm

The Science of Empathy by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Wed, 07 Jan 2015 00:27:00 +0000

Who would have thought that the saying “I feel your pain” actually has scientific validation? As a mental health clinician, I was fascinated to learn that a therapist’s ability to empathize with his or her clients was backed by sound research. In the early 1990’s, an Italian neurophysiologist, Dr. Giacomo Rizzolatti, was investigating the planning of movement in the brains of mammals by studying the activities of individual nerve cells in the brain of macaque monkeys. This was done by placing electrodes on the premotor cortex of monkeys’ brains to see how activities (such as reaching for fruit or toys) were planned and initiated. Every time a monkey reached for food, the monkey’s neurons in a specific brain region would fire. Before resuming his experiment one day, one of the researchers reached for a raisin while the monkey being studied sat still. The researcher noticed that the measuring device hooked up to the monkey’s brain was firing even though the monkey was merely sitting still watching him grab the raisin. One of the premotor neurons was firing, just the way it had when the monkey itself had been reaching for food! This was the moment that marked the accidental discovery of what we now call “mirror neurons.”

Researchers found that the same activity was present in human brains, which means the brain activity of someone doing something was replicated in the brain of someone who was observing the action. Since this discovery, social scientists have been interested in how this finding extrapolates to a therapist’s ability to feel empathy when their clients share emotionally-charged information in session. As it turns out, when electrodes have been placed on both therapist and client, the brain activity in the client is mimicked by the therapist’s brain, illustrating that a therapist has the same neuronal activity as his/her client when empathizing in therapy sessions.

Dr. Terry Lesh conducted one of the earliest studies on empathy between therapists and clients in 1970. Specifically, the link between Zen meditation and the development of empathy in therapists was examined. It was found that therapists who took part in Zen-Buddhist meditative practices regularly were able to develop a higher degree of empathy (illustrated by accurately detecting and describing the affective state of others) than therapists who did not meditate. This was thought to be because meditation and mindfulness facilitate empathy through reducing stress, and thus, increasing self-compassion.

Taking this research a step further, a 2013 study at the University of Chicago found neurobiological roots of psychopathic behavior. In the field of psychology, someone with antisocial personality disorder lacks remorse and empathy and often manipulates others for personal gain. We’re talking about con artists and serial killers, and the range of sociopaths and psychopaths in between. In the aforementioned study, functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) was used to measure brain activity in 121 prison inmates believed to have had antisocial personality traits. These individuals were shown visual scenarios illustrating pain (e.g., a finger slammed in a door, toes caught under heavy objects, etc.) and told to imagine that the accidents happened to themselves, or somebody else. Researchers found that, when imagining they were experiencing the pain themselves, the inmates showed a typical neural response within the brain regions involved in empathy for pain. However, when participants imagined pain to others, these brain regions failed to become activated. Actually, when imagining others’ experience of pain, the participants showed increased levels of arousal in their ventral striatum, which is a brain region involved in experiencing pleasure. The results of this study convey that, not only do psychopathic individuals lack the capacity for empathy, but also some of them actually derive pleasure from watching others in pain. While this may seem obvious to some of us familiar with this clinical population, the neuroscience of a sadistic psychopath proves to be fascinating. From Zen meditation fostering empathy in counselors to discovering the neuronal basis of psychopathy, the human brain never ceases to amaze.

References:

Decety, J., Chen, C., Harenski, C., & Kiehl, K.A. (2013). An fMRI study of affective perspective taking in individuals with psychopathy: Imagining another in pain does not evoke empathy. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 7, 489. doi: 10.3389/fnhum.2013.00489

Lesh, T.V. (1970). Zen meditation and the development of empathy in counselors. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 10 (1), 39-74. doi: 10.1177/002216787001000105

Staemmler, F. M. (2011). Empathy in psychotherapy: How therapists and clients understand each other. J New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company.

Underneath we are all the same, by Alyson Gould

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sat, 02 Aug 2014 20:55:00 +0000

As a Caucasian Marriage & Family Therapist in training working primarily with Latino families, there is a concern that the cultural differences between me and my client will prohibit the growth of the therapeutic relationship. I am afraid of what my clients might be thinking in the primary stages of therapy. It could be anything from, “What could she possibly know about me?” to “This white girl is going to be my therapist?” While this could be a projection of my own fears, in my experience I have found that by mentioning cultural differences my clients are able to open up and express any concerns or hesitations that they have. It is a balance between mentioning these apparent cultural differences, while creating a safe environment where the client can begin to trust me as the therapist and possibly have a corrective experience with a person from a different cultural background. I have seen a client’s resistance surface when he or she sees my light skin, light eyes, and hears my exaggerated Spanish accent. It is important to acknowledge our cultural differences in order to understand my client’s experience, and to allow for an open and honest discussion regarding any concerns about having a therapist from a different cultural background.

The counseling center works in a co-therapy team model, and as the only Caucasian Spanish-speaking trainee in my program, I have noticed that my clients feel more comfortable opening up to the co-therapist. While doing an initial assessment with a 33 year-old from El Salvador, it was clear that he felt more comfortable responding to the co-therapist in the room. When I asked this client questions related to his citizenship and family history, his initial reaction was to turn to the co-therapist to ask why we needed to know this information. Although I reiterated our ethical standards related to confidentiality, I still feared that he would not be able to open up and trust me as his therapist. Even though this particular client did not return after that first session, I had to learn not to take it personally by remembering that each client brings his or her own life experiences into the room. It is important to remind myself of this simple fact because I am able to use the client’s resistance as a way to further explore their cultural identity and past experiences with adversity. When I feel discouraged, I have to remember that regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, culture, language, or sexual orientation, my goal is to create a safe and non-threatening environment where my clients can feel heard and understood, even if their transference is triggered by the color of my skin.

One of the primary reasons that I have chosen to work in the Latino Family Therapy Program is due to my admiration for the strong sense of community and pride that my clients gain from their cultural identity. I admire the collectivist family attitude and the cohesive bond that defines the family system. I am genuinely curious about working with a multicultural population and I want to further expand my knowledge about how an individual’s character is defined by their cultural roots.

The Recovering Therapist, by Sahar Dorani M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 06:03:00 +0000

There seems to often be a misconception that therapists in mental health are always composed, and impervious to psychological angst. As in many careers, for a psychologist the role of professional may be seen as trumping the therapist’s own human emotions. Yet with all of the training that a clinician receives, the emotional difficulty of certain situations will prevail and conquer the conceptual ways that we are taught to deal with such scenarios. Understandably, conflict may arise when one is having difficulty with the exact life issue that he or she is working to help others through. This can create cognitive dissonance for an individual, such as in the example of a marriage and family therapist who is going through a divorce, or a person of the clergy who preaches while challenging and second-guessing their faith. Equal is the struggle of a grief counselor who is mourning the loss of a loved one. This was my reality during my second year of graduate school while working with adults in an outpatient therapy clinic.

I was somewhat new to the field of mental health, and I certainly held judgments about how “I should” be able to conduct myself as a competent therapist regardless of any personal issues that I was experiencing. I was in denial about the fact that my ego and emotional states could be just as fragile as those of my clients during times of turmoil. At this time, I had just lost a close friend to suicide. He decided to hang himself in my former garage after losing a long battle with depression. There was an element of violence in the way that he chose to take his own life. While I was fortunate enough to not have directly witnessed this horrific event, I was very much a part of the aftermath: awaiting the arrival of police to the scene, calling his loved ones to inform them, and searching through his house for a suicide note and any information that could assuage the pain from the many gut-wrenching questions that I was left with. Needless to say, this event left a larger-than-life impact on me emotionally and psychologically.

While I was attemptimg to recover from this loss, I worked at the therapy clinic with several clients, including a 19 year-old female college student who was coping with major depression and who was often preoccupied with suicidal thoughts. Prior to my friend’s death, I would see my female client in session and I would feel empathy towards her for her struggle with her moods. After my friend’s death, I was so consumed with the details surrounding his suicide (i.e., “How could this have happened?”, “Were there any signs?”, “Could we have prevented this?”), that it became such a challenge just to be present in session with this client. I would not ‘tune out’ as much with my other clients during this time, but with this client, I would learn that her own obsession with suicide was triggering me to disconnect from her emotionally. The day that I realized that I needed to talk to my supervisor about this (which I had avoided and which made me feel totally incompetent) was the day when I went into the waiting room of the clinic to retrieve my client for our session, and I walked up to notice her sketching a large picture of a noose in her notebook.

I felt that my client was not in danger of harming herself, as she would talk about suicide in a conceptual way, stating that she “wonders what it would be like to not be here,” but that she would be too afraid to end her life. She still had hope for herself and for her future. Though her situation was not likely to end in suicide, I still became emotionally unraveled following our sessions. When talking to my supervisor about this, she was incredibly supportive and assured me that it did not make me an incompetent clinician for not being sure if I could continue to work with a client who triggered such visceral feelings for me. The alternative to working with this client was to refer her to another therapist at the clinic, which my stubborn brain would not have allowed me to easily do. A tug of war ensued between my pride and my clinical judgment. After all, how could I help this individual when I would feel overwhelmed in response to her feelings of despair? It would not be fair to my client nor to myself. Between my clinical supervisor, my own therapist, and myself, I made a promise to inform the clinic if I felt that it was necessary to transfer my client.

I began talking to my client in session about her suicidal ideation. We had discussions about what would bring fulfillment into her life. She had always lacked strong communication with her parents, so our treatment focused on restoring integrity in her relationship with them (which seemed to be a major contributor to her depression). As a month and several sessions passed, my grieving process was in full force and while I still felt immense sadness, I found it to be more manageable to work with this client, and I was not emotionally ‘checking out’ anymore. We had begun doing good work in our sessions with setting goals for her to master proactive ways to handle disagreements with her parents. Things didn’t feel like they were at a standstill anymore. It was a long road to recovery, for my client and for me, but we were on our way.

A great lesson that I learned through this experience was to be able to recognize and gauge when I am becoming so emotionally involved in a case that it could become counterproductive to the therapeutic work. I learned that it is necessary for my pride to take a backseat to my psychological well-being, otherwise my work as a clinician can be compromised. While working with this client didn’t heal the emotional scars from my friend’s suicide, it allowed me to witness the progress of an individual who overcame a deep depression. Even though my client still struggled with her mood changes, she began enjoying life and had motivation to live. In hindsight, I believe that helping this client restored a sense of hope in me; this clinical case enabled me to provide the support that I was unable to offer my dear friend.

Giving Ourselves the Permission to be 3D, by Lia Mandelbaum, MSW

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Mon, 27 Jan 2014 06:27:00 +0000

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Some of the questions I’ve been pushed to further explore lately revolve around what it would be like to live in a world where there is not such a tremendous amount of judgment and fear in giving ourselves the permission to have and feel our insecurities and vulnerabilities. I wonder what the world would be like if we felt safe enough to be transparent and show our vulnerabilities and insecurities to one another, and not hold them against each other and view them as a weakness and a defect in our character. It’s crazy to think about how many wars have been fought due to the insecurity and fear of being vulnerable by those who hold the most power.

A personal example of feeling insecure is in regards to something that came up with writing this blog. Even though I understand my strengths as a writer on an intellectual level, sometimes I don't recognize and feel those strengths in the core of my being. An insecurity that kept popping up for me had to do with knowing that I was writing to a reader base with people who have doctorate degrees. My negative self-talk led me to feel stuck and insecure about the direction and quality of my writing, and how it will be perceived. I felt vulnerable by putting myself out there while dealing with my insecurity.

Feeling insecure about writing to people with doctorate degrees does not make me an insecure person. It makes me a human being, who needs to explore and transcend her own feelings of inadequacy. I have learned how not denying my vulnerabilities and insecurities can be a very empowering and grounding experience. Taking ownership can bring a sense of security, clarity and a greater self-awareness.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”

― Brené Brown

The power and sacredness of being in a safe space where our wounds and scars are showing, and where we allow ourselves to feel insecure, raw, and vulnerable holds the potential for profound growth. It is such a powerful and beautiful space where we are given the choice to be aware of and take ownership of our struggles. People go to extreme lengths to avoid this space and just stay in the dark, and end up being unaware of how much their issues drive and impact them. I can definitely relate. Being able to live within that sacred space came out of desperation.

About seven years ago I was forced to stop running in circles and truly face the parts of myself that I had been doing everything in my power to avoid. I was lost - I had failed out of my second college because I couldn’t just be still and focus on my work. It was devastating for me. I come from a family of people who have thrived in academia, which made me feel a lot of shame over being that family member who just couldn’t have a successful college experience. I can remember a moment while at the University of North Carolina at Asheville, where I was sitting in my dorm room and desperately trying to contact some friends to make plans with because I didn’t want to be alone with my feelings. I remember curling up in my bed and sobbing because nobody was available to help distract me from the pain that was constantly festering inside. It felt unbearable. When I had no choice but to truly face myself and feel, I became terrified by how deeply broken I felt. A lot of the “not so pretty” parts that had accumulated inside of me had developed as a result of struggling with my own insecurities and running from feeling vulnerable. The process of becoming fully self aware was definitely the most terrifying and challenging thing I’ve ever done. There were times when it felt unbearable.

I had made the choice to finally take the steps towards healing by getting involved in a therapeutic community in Culver City called Beit T’Shuvah. Although it has been branded as being a Jewish residential treatment center for addiction, people with all sorts of issues and religious backgrounds joined the program. We each had our own separate experiences that brought us into Beit T’Shuvah, but what we shared as we walked into their doors was feeling lost, a huge void, purposelessness, misunderstood, and hopefully the desperation to change. Things shifted for me when I forgave myself for the things in my past that I had felt ashamed over and embraced the idea of it being okay to be imperfect.

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

― Brené Brown

What I found to be the most healing at Beit T’Shuvah was being able to be a part of a therapeutic community where I could show my wounds and scars without being judged by my fellow residents. Similar to a cut that is constantly covered by a Band-Aid and not getting the air it needs to heal, I learned that people need to be able to expose their internal wounds before they can begin to heal. This exposure was welcomed in the community mostly without judgment and fear. We were all in the same boat of being desperate to experience a profound internal shift. As I faced and embraced the imperfect person that I am, the deep shame I had felt over my past no longer controlled me. I felt incredibly authentic and courageous, and proud of all that I had overcome.

Similar to the holding space that we strive to create with our clients during therapy, when a person can own all the parts of himself or herself amongst the presence of another, it helps the person to feel more alive and three-dimensional. It is easy to develop a heightened sense of insecurity and fragmented perception of oneself and the world when we are busy living in fear and feeling like we need to hide behind masks.

I would love to see the stigmas in our society surrounding insecurity and vulnerability transcended so that we may feel like we have the permission to just be real. This way we can feel less imprisoned by our fears, and gain the incredible sense of freedom one can experience by taking the risk of living from a place of authenticity.

Stewards of the Land and a Present Day Struggle, by Slobodan Nesovic Psy.D

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Tue, 24 Dec 2013 08:04:00 +0000

It was not that long ago that American Indians lived freely on this land, breathing
unpolluted air, eating organic food, and maintaining a balance with nature necessary for
sustainable existence. After many years of systematic assimilation brought about by the
American government, a majority of native people lost connection with Mother Earth and
traditional ways of living. Most of them were literally uprooted and transported to
unfamiliar locations, a practice that still goes on today, although in more subtle ways.
Los Angeles County has the largest urban American Indian population in the United
States. 140,000 Native people live throughout every corner of the county. For the past
seven months I have been working for the United American Indian Involvement (UAII),
which is a federally funded agency that has provided services for the American Indian
and Native Alaskan/Hawaiian populations of LA since 1974. The amount of hardships
and traumas that many Native people face today is enormous.

The American Indian population has higher rates of domestic violence/intimate partner
violence/physical assault than any other ethnic group. There are some harrowing statistics
regarding sexual assault and rape—it is 2.5 times more likely that American Indian
or Native Alaskan women will be raped or sexually assaulted. Many scholars say that
violence against Native women is directly connected to historical victimization and
internalized/normalized violence (1).

In addition to violence, American Indians have the highest rates of diabetes, alcoholism,
and are more likely to live in poverty (more than twice as many AI/ANs live in
poverty than the total US population) (2). They also have a lower life expectancies: life
expectancy among AI/ANs is 6 years lower than the U.S. average; infant mortality is
higher than that in the general US population (3).

Considering all of suffering that Native people are going through as a consequence of
being uprooted from their soil, it is up to all of us, Native or non-Native, to step up,
share some love and help with whatever means we can to assist those in need. Yes,
many groups struggle with similar issues, and many Native people are infected with the
same disease that Europeans brought with them—GREED—however, I believe that the
American Indian community often gets overlooked and ignored, as if they are not around
Well, let’s raise awareness that Native people are here to stay and could use some help
from other groups. Maybe you could visit a local Pow Wow and support local Native
community members by learning about their culture, dancing, or buying their art. If
you are a clinician, maybe you could reach out to Native people by offering a pro bono
clinical hour in your schedule, or maybe, you could help out with running a therapy
group that will focus on domestic violence or addiction.

1. www.futureswithoutviolence.org
2. US Census, USDOC. (2005) Statistical Abstracts 2004. www.census.gov/statab/www/
3. Indian Health Service, HHS. (2004) Trends in Indian Health, 2000‐2001.

Discovering Parallels Between the Human Experience and the Natural World by Lia Mandelbaum, MSW

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Thu, 26 Sep 2013 04:12:00 +0000

"Look deep into nature and you will understand everything better" -Einstein

We often hear different religions, spiritual principles and philosophies, encouraging us to seek out the interconnectedness and oneness that always exists within the universe. Over the past few years, I have begun to recognize this “oneness” through the relationship between humanity and all of life within the natural world. My imagination has helped me to discover how science, human emotions and spirituality all coincide. What is key to this process is having self-awareness, an understanding of human behavior, and being able to recognize how they are scientifically mirrored in the natural world.

Parallels between family healing and birds

While on a vacation to my hometown, I went to go to a very meditative and reflective space along a sea wall overlooking the Tampa Bay. Upon arrival, I was disappointed by how it was drizzling, gloomy, and the waves were incredibly choppy from the strong winds. Although it was not the most ideal and serene space to be in, I felt that it was still important to find connection and beauty in what I was facing. I realized that it could be symbolic of how with life in general, it is important to be able to have the faith and recognition of the intrinsic beauty within challenging situations and relationships.

As I was standing there I began to worry about a very polarized and emotionally charged situation in my family that I had been obsessing over. I was very angry because I felt misunderstood and not seen. I was ultimately very saddened by the situation and wished for peace and healing, but my ego and fear held me back from facing them and making amends. I found myself demonizing them and treating them as “the other.”

While being reflective, there were pelicans struggling to fly as they battled against the wind currents, but I noticed how they would freely soar when they would swoop down and skim the surface of the extremely choppy waters. I later came to discover how they would freely soar due to the wind field just above the waves, created by the eddies in the lee of wave crests. I realized a great metaphor was taking place. Often times, similar to the pelicans battling the wind, we are battling a struggle within ourselves, but when we take the chance to face the choppy waters, whether that be ourselves, challenging situations or tumultuous relationships, there is a freedom that can occur as we soar and break the shackles of belief systems based in fear, anger and mistrust.

After I finally made amends with my family members, I had been invited to go to a birthday party with them, and we all caravanned there by taking the Pacific Coast Highway. As we were caravanning, similar to how we were finally united and trailing behind one another, I saw a flock of birds traveling and soaring parallel to our cars. It was incredibly symbolic to me.

Finding parallels between the human struggle and the Galaxy

When I made it to the birthday party with my family, I met another guest who is an incredible man in his 90’s, and not only survived the Holocaust, but prevailed through his incredible resilience and ability to transform the darkness and despair he was forced to experience into a life filled with light, love, purpose, gratitude and service to others. He has an incredible story, and I decided it would be wonderful to interview him for a blog.

As Bernd and I sat in his living room that day, it became clear to me why I was so drawn to his energy. He is a perfect example of transforming darkness into light.

A short time later, as I began to go over my notes from Bernd’s interview, I happened to glimpse down at the cover of a copy of Astronomy Magazine. I was drawn to a headline on the cover titled “Turning clouds of darkness into Stars of light” by Bruce Dorminey. I instantly thought of my friend Bernd Simon.

I learned that there are places in our Galaxy that are so dark they actually appear to be nothing at all. When the shadowy patches of clouds in the Milky Way were first seen through a telescope, astronomer’s actually thought that they were seeing holes in the fabric of space. These dark clouds, called Bok Globules, are the coldest objects in the natural universe. “Despite their apparent nothingness, these molecular clouds turn out to be exceedingly important: They are the places where stars are born.”

The connection was so clear to me. It is often in the darkest of places, that you can find the brightest of lights.

* See image of Bok Globules at top of blog

The parallels between glaciers and having an open heart and mind

About a month ago my brother and I traveled to Alaska to go on an adventure and bond with one another. While staying in Seward we went on a boat tour of the Kenai Fjords National Park. At one point the captain stopped the boat right next to a beautiful glacier, and everyone became quiet so that we could see and hear the falling ice plummet into the water and sound like thunder.

As we were leaving the glacier, the captain of the boat mentioned something that caught my attention. I found out that although glaciers emanate different shades of blue, there is more to the picture that does not meet the eye. The ice is actually made up of crystals that act like prisms, however the ice is so dense that the white light is unable to pass through it and the blue wavelength ends up absorbing all of the other colors. The blue is brightest when it is overcast.

Similar to how a glacier is a dynamic being made of prisms, human beings are also very dynamic and colorful, but depending on how open our minds and hearts are determines the amount of light that is able to pass through us and what colors we reflect to the world. Similar to how the blue wavelength overpowers all of the other colors, when people get a “case of the blues,” it can be overpowering and we can get lost in that darkness.

Glaciers are usually wedged between two mountains and are made up of different layers of ice that have been compounded over time. Similar to glaciers, our fears and rigid beliefs can compound us and make us feel stuck and frozen when engaging with life, and limits our capacity to see the big picture. It takes us out of the present moment and closes us off from accessing all the dynamic and colorful parts of ourselves, and hampers our ability to welcome intimacy into our lives.

Similar to the thunderous falling of ice from the glaciers, I welcome the walls that I have built around me to continue to crack and come tumbling down, so that I may let in the light and let love run through me.

Einstein sums it up…

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

― Albert Einstein

May I continue to find mirrors and spiritual guidance through connecting with the natural world. With open eyes I can discover how the parallels are endless.

From behind the scuba mask, by Lia Mandelbaum

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sun, 08 Sep 2013 02:27:00 +0000

Over the past few centuries, society has spent a great deal of time focusing in on discovering the magnificent wonders of life outside of oneself. Some of these wonders include the explorations of outer space, excavations deep into the earth, and exploring the rich inner space of the ocean. At this point in time, I strongly believe that for the betterment of society, there must be the commitment towards the journey of exploring and diving deep into our own inner worlds. This inward journey can help us to magnify our full presence as we engage within the world, and help us to discover the majestic universe within each of us. Although it is not easy, I have found the cliché to be true, of how the process of understanding how we are all an integral part of the divine, to be enlivening and fulfilling in a way that just looking outside of oneself does not.

From behind the scuba mask

When I was just a little kid, I used to love to put on a scuba mask and spend hours at a time just floating face down in our pool. Aside from the noise made by the pool filter, and the voice of my mother checking in on me to see if I was okay, there was a silence from fully immersing my head under water, which I loved and found to be incredibly soothing.

A few years ago, I made a piece of art from the perspective and angle of behind the scuba mask, and wanted to capture the headspace of silence and non-judgment I felt when floating under the water. This time however, I wasn’t just seeing the bottom of a pool on the opposite side of the glass, but rather an image and window into myself as I engage with the world.

On the opposite side of the glass

There was a sense of stillness from behind the scuba mask, however the view on the opposite side of the lens was an image of myself with the word fear written over my forehead. To relay my inner struggle, I inserted a tornado and lightening bolts coming from out of my mind and swirling above my head. I inserted words such as paranoia, resentment, anger, anxiety, and projection, blame and disconnect. It was a powerful experience for me to create an image of myself caught in a whirlwind of fear and relentless negative thoughts, but have the piece interpret myself from a non-judgmental perspective.

Trees and faces

I want to use the rest of this blog to focus in on the images I had placed directly behind me. There is a person with no face, and a tree that is just a green blob on top of a brown trunk with no details in the leaves or the bark of the tree. They are supposed to represent my observation of how when I am in that mental state of chaos, the lens in which I view the world lacks the ability to see the nuances in life. I believe these images are very relevant to most of society, and how we can get so caught up in the chatter of our minds and fears. We miss out on the blessing of getting to truly see others, as well as the deep beauty found in the physical and natural world.

Seeing the sunset

I can remember a time in my life when I would look out at some of the most extraordinary sunsets, yet I would feel nothing. Those moments were very depressing because it reminded me of how dead I felt inside. Today, I feel sunsets on an emotional, physical and spiritual realm. I am able to walk by and just gaze at a tree, and see its nuance, from the details of all the shapes and sizes of the leaves, to the very patterns and deep lines found in the bark. I love it when the sun is beaming directly over a tree, and illumines each individual leaf with a golden shimmer. Those moments remind me of how alive I feel today, and how my own self-awareness has helped me to connect to nature. When I walk by a tree, I can really feel the energy it omits, and the bond that is always there between people and nature. It is invigorating.

Everyone has a story

My mom has always told me, “everyone has a story,” and I have missed out on hearing far too many of them. I am continually learning to not be afraid to look into the eyes and souls of others, and risk the potential of them seeing my humanity as well. We live in a world where far too many people do not “see” one another.

Years ago, my inability to be present and look into the eyes of individuals who were different then me, and that I felt challenged by, was partially because of ignorance and insecurities, and the fear of having to face these hard truths about myself. I have come to find that the truth can truly set you free, and so regardless of how challenging it is sometimes to look deeper, I have dedicated my life towards pushing myself to see others as they truly are, and not what society or I have projected onto them.

Things are not black and white

I have learned that life at its essence is not the dichotomy that society always tries to frame it in, where things are just good and bad, right and wrong. It is often framed as a dichotomy when we feel threatened and don’t see the humanity in those who may not be like us, and/or challenge our belief systems. On my path towards wholeness, I have dedicated myself to opening my eyes to the nuances in life, and have the bravery to live in the grey. If we are open to it, we can find healing as we discover the beauty of how we are all interconnected when living from the place of the soul, rather then from a place of fear.

More then you previously perceived

Sometimes deep sadness can be the result of being unaware of or feeling disconnected from our own true nature. As you express unconditional love, you become more than you previously perceived yourself to be.

Such as how the leaves on a tree become illumined when the suns rays spread its golden light, we can illuminate our own souls when see ourselves through loving eyes, and as an integral part of the divine.

Drawing in the details

Right after I finished this blog, I felt inspired to go up to the perspective art piece I made years ago, and felt that it was time to draw on top of the glass with markers, the details of the leaves in the tree, and the details of the persons face. I crossed out the word fear on my forehead, and wrote in the word love, and drew a beating heart on my chest.

Social Media in Therapy, by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Thu, 18 Jul 2013 19:18:00 +0000

In today’s world of explosive social media- where your family learns about your life via Facebook before you have an opportunity for disclosure- there are clearly less options for people to maintain their privacy. We may want to be present and feel connected- but perhaps not to some people who remain outside our social circles. In graduate school psychology courses, supervisors and professors may discuss the myriad of issues that can arise when running into a therapy client in a public place. Some ideas could be to act as though you don’t notice a client (unless the client acknowledges you), keeping discussion to a minimum and avoid talking about therapy content, and not disclosing your relationship to the client if interacting with individuals in your clients’ company. However, as a new clinician practicing psychotherapy in 2013, a true concern exists in considering how to be present on the internet for personal use without being fully accessible to your clients. If a client finds you on either of the numerous social media outlets or online professional networks, is there a way to avoid exposing your client to information about yourself (which likely blurs therapeutic boundaries) without leaving your client feeling rejected?

While working as a therapist facilitating groups with incarcerated male clients, I had been repeatedly told by supervisors to protect my personal belongings and identity for my own safety when in the jail facility. I never felt threatened or intolerably uncomfortable during the nine months I spent there, but I certainly noticed how some clients would ask specific questions about the staff and we would always deflect such inquiries. One long-term client had struggled with suicidal thoughts and major depression during his time in jail, and he consistently checked in with staff and remained involved in his recovery and rehabilitation. He was a very compliant client and inmate, as well as a pleasant person. Upon his release from jail, he instantly began popping up in my social media networks. He requested to connect with me on three various websites with which I was affiliated; I could not accept these requests because I strongly believe in keeping firm boundaries between personal life matters and relationships with clients. The feelings that arose when I was forcing myself to neglect this former client’s attempts to connect were conflicting. Irritation was amongst them, however. Although it can be nice to hear from a former client, social media has created grounds for intrusion within the therapeutic relationship. Of course no therapist would intentionally want to reject or neglect a client, the infinite access that the internet provides must be met with caution and clinical judgement.

The therapeutic relationship relies on structure and consistently kept boundaries. The internet remains boundless and easily poses as a threat to preserving a therapeutic relationship. The conundrum remains of "how close is too close?" for therapist-client relationships; the World Wide Web has enabled our society to be connected and updated like never before, however, it does not seem that complete privacy for professionals in practice is an attainable goal. Once again (and like in most "grey area" situations), our clinical judgement is heavily weighed upon.

Multiculturalism, by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:36:00 +0000

Multiculturalism does not solely refer to differences in skin color or to different religious symbols worn around one's neck. Rather, multiculturalism encompasses many facets of one's identity- including age, sexual orientation, presence or absence of disability, ethnicity, gender, socioeconomic status, religion, and any characteristic (potentially unique to the majority) that is shared by a group of people.

To me, multiculturalism is what makes our country distinct. America has always prided itself on being the land of opportunity, where various people can migrate to “the land of the free” to seek a better lifestyle than afforded in their native country. To me, multiculturalism is my (Muslim) Iranian relatives migrating to The United States after the Islamic revolution to seek political and religious freedom in a predominantly Judeo-Christian country. Multiculturalism is my Muslim Iranian parents converting to Christianity and raising children in an environment where no one speaks Persian, except live-in extended family members. Multiculturalism is my gay younger brother seeking support in a predominantly homophobic and White community growing up.

As clinicians, I believe sometimes we tend to forget that multicultural differences between our clients and us extend further than just the country that our ancestors are from. In my experience, multicultural differences can look very different in the therapeutic relationship. It can look like: me, the Iranian therapist sitting across from a non-Iranian client; or me, the non-religious therapist sitting with an Orthodox client; or me, the straight-identified female sitting in session with a LGBT-identified or gender non-conforming individual; or me, the 26 year-old psychologist-in-training sitting with a 63 year-old professional or physician. Or me, the able-bodied therapist sitting in session with a handicapped (or otherwise disabled) client. The working therapist and the unemployed homeless client. The single therapist working with married couples. These are all cultural differences between my clients and I; however, these differences never have, and hopefully never will, compromise the therapeutic work or alliance that we have created in treatment.

In my several years of clinical experience, I have encountered many situations in which the cultural differences between my clients and I have resulted in awkward and uncomfortable moments in session. Clients have certainly tested my patience over the years with regards to multicultural issues; I have been told by an older client that ‘my young age’ prevents me from knowing anything about ‘real life’. Also, being told by a non-Iranian client that Middle Eastern people ‘deserve to be victims of warfare’ is difficult to sit with. However, I continue to be intrigued by the clients’ aggression and remain dedicated to my work with them. I have noticed how my own feelings can be easily be triggered by an aggressive and/or prejudice client (a phenomenon known in the psychodynamically-oriented community as 'countertransference'). Nonetheless, deconstructing the clients’ anger and helping them make sense of their hostile impulses remains key to our treatment plan. It is crucial to be a culturally aware clinician in order to be sensitive to the cultural components of a client’s identity. Multiculturalism is ever-evolving and present everywhere; it is upon us as clinicians to educate ourselves and gain the awareness we need to better serve our clients.

Sahar Dorani is a third-year doctoral student at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, California. She continues to work clinically with multicultural clients (mostly in a forensic setting), as well as conduct research on the acculturation process of Iranian-Americans. She can be reached at SaharDorani@gmail.com.

Photo by Pug50

Different Culture, Same Goals, by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:29:00 +0000

There are many incidences in daily life in which cultural differences between people may create tension or affect the working relationship they may have with one another. This tension can be incredibly heightened in the therapeutic alliance, being that it is an intimate (and in a sense fragile) relationship. In working with clients of various cultural backgrounds, I have witnessed how differences in age, gender, and ethnicity between client and therapist can contribute to intense moments in session.

When working in therapy with a twelve year-old African-American female (and her family) in a juvenile hall setting, there were many times in which my competency as a counselor were brought into question by the client’s parents. As a Middle-Eastern individual, who is often subsumed to be Caucasian, my client’s mother constantly questioned my knowledge about her culture and my ability to support her twelve year-old daughter through the legal issues and trauma she was experiencing. On one occasion, I was referred to as “a White girl who probably doesn’t know anything about ‘the streets’, and who is likely part of ‘the system’ and only here for school credit”. It was a hostile and uncomfortable confrontation. I worked to engage my client’s mother in a conversation regarding our differences in life experience; my aim was to highlight that although I may come from a different culture or neighborhood, my current role in her young daughter’s life was to provide support and guidance. I explained that I did not think that our cultural differences affected my ability to fulfill that role for her family. Fortunately, I was able to work with the young girl until she was released from jail into a group home, where I was able to continue mentoring her weekly. As my dedication to our mentorship became more discernable to her and her mother, it was clear that they began trusting me (and my intentions) more.

Our visits from behind the iron bars had now evolved into a casual relationship, where we would meet weekly and discuss her plans to return home and transition back into middle school. The difference now was that she genuinely trusted me and looked forward to seeing me. Before I would have brought her court papers to review in juvenile hall, whereas as now, six months later, I was able to bring McDonald’s and movies to our weekly visits. The evolution of our mentorship taught me so much about the malleability of social relationships and the capacity that the therapeutic relationship can contain.

- See more at: http://www.multiculturalhealing.org/blog-news-articles/different-culture-same-goals-sahar-dorani-ma#overlay-context=users/medhanie

Hysteria in Diagnosis, by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:18:00 +0000

In a day and age where diagnosing clients remains key to our work as therapists, and to our training as diagnosticians, many clinicians may have mixed feelings about assigning a diagnosis to clients in treatment. As my knowledge about (and experience in) the field continues to develop, I am quickly learning that the manual we use to diagnose our clients is simultaneously hated, yet needed, by many mental health providers in the field. The practical purpose of the DSM-IV TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- Fourth edition/Text Revision) is to be able to clearly identify and categorize symptoms. Originally created by the American Psychiatric Association in 1952, the DSM enables mental health providers to utilize the manual to better understand a client's potential needs, in addition to being a tool for assessment and diagnosis.

However, this immensely informative tool is also controversial, in the sense that it may tend to diagnose behaviors that are not universally seen as ‘disordered’; in addition, it lacks cultural sensitivity, as some behaviors in a particular culture may be seen as ‘different/abnormal/deviant’ by another culture. For example, in discussing the difference between ‘depression’ and grieving the death of a loved one: the DSM recognizes the sadness and low mood that accompanies Bereavement, and does not list it as an official disorder. Although, if the depressed mood following the death of a loved one persists longer than two months, a clinician should consider assigning a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder to the grieving client. This specificity seems to imply that two months is the appropriate- or normal- amount of grieving time. This poses as a conflict for me personally, and I have learned from clients of various cultural backgrounds that grieving for an extended period of time may be culturally expected in some cases.

After losing my best friend in a tragic motorcycle accident five months ago, I still feel as devastated and grief-stricken as I did the night that I found out over the phone. Am I only allotted two months to be depressed before my reaction to this event is viewed as ‘disordered’? When working with clients from non-American cultures, I have learned that most cultures have their own varying beliefs regarding mourning the death of a loved one- many of which are not time-limited. I have struggled to make sense of the specific qualifiers in the DSM, as I often find them vague or culturally-bound. I believe in the importance of utilizing the DSM as a diagnostic tool, although I fear the over-diagnosing or mis-diagnosing of clients that could result from overlooking cultural components of the client’s beliefs and values. While I continue to struggle with some of the viewpoints of the DSM, I constantly refer to it for information and could not work as a clinician without it. As the new Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- the Fifth edition- is planning to be published in March 2013, I remain incredibly curious of what changes and what, if any, cultural considerations may be taken into account in the new edition. It has been twelve years since the DSM has been revised, so I am intrigued to see what American cultural shifts will be reflected in the manual.

(Photo by the half-blood prince)

Silenced By Privilege, by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:09:00 +0000

In the field in psychology, I find that we are constantly being trained to be culturally aware and sensitive to the needs of underserved members within our communities. I have found that many times, our multicultural training focuses heavily on issues affecting non-American or nonwhite individuals and groups. While I clearly understand the importance in this, I did not realize until recently that there are many clients in need whom may get overlooked perhaps due to the assumed privilege that may accompany the lighter-skinned Caucasian individual. When working as a therapist in an outpatient drug treatment center for recently incarcerated males, my Caucasian clients tended to be the minority in our treatment program. One of my American clients approached me after group therapy and brought to my attention his feeling of invisibility in our group sessions and in the treatment center milieu. I noticed that this particular client tended to stay silent when uncomfortable; voicing his grievances was incredibly unlike him. Hence, when he spoke, I listened a bit more intently.

As a 34 year-old homeless male recovering from drugs and desperately seeking shelter and stability, he would often spend eight hours a day at our treatment center, which far surpassed his court-mandated five hours a week that accompanied his probation requirements. It felt nice to see this client doing behavioral therapy homework, applying for jobs, and making doctor's appointments from the secure couches within our building. As I would report to the treatment center a few times a week, there was certainly comfort in knowing that one of our clients chose to be safe by spending his free time in the treatment center, as opposed to panhandling outside three blocks away in front of the subway station (as many of our clients would do- even immediately after exiting the building/therapy/treatment check-ins). This client would make requests at times for psychiatric treatment, government funding, legal assistance, case management, GED courses; these are all resources encompassed within our free outpatient treatment program. For some reason, however, this client found it difficult to obtain such resources as efficiently or timely as other clients. He approached me on several occasions, voicing his opinion that: because he "is White, decently literate, is not physically detoxing from drugs, and is able-bodied, that other clients and case managers assume he does not need therapy or resources as direly as everyone else, thus consistently overlooking [him and his] psychological needs."

I felt incredibly stuck, as the most I could have offered within my capacity as an intern therapist was multiple weekly therapy sessions (and urging case managers to follow up on his requests). This client became very angry after a few months and began distancing himself from the treatment center. Although I did not want to necessarily believe it, I did begin to notice how this particular client’s high level of functioning almost created stumbling blocks for him in this setting. As most of the clients traditionally served through our program are severely mentally ill, it did in a way seem that there was this attitude amongst the treatment staff that he is ‘okay enough’ and that other clients’ needs may be ‘more immediate’ than his. As my therapeutic relationship with this client came to an end, I continued to think about his unmet needs within our program and if any reason could have been attributed to his cultural identity.

(Photo by Kamil Porembiński)

Once a ‘Disorder’, Always a Disorder, by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:03:00 +0000

The most recently used edition of the DSM, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- fourth edition- text revision, has gone through quite an evolution since the publication of its first edition in 1952. As a student learning how to utilize this diagnostic tool (while attempting to avoid ‘over-diagnosing’), I find myself captivated when discovering previous diagnoses that were actually viewed as legitimate "disorders", but then later were revised and no longer considered a disorder. The definition of ‘Disorder’ in the mental health field is explained as: 1. A lack of order or regular arrangement; confusion.; 2. An ailment that affects the function of mind or body. Given this definition and its use by us diagnosticians, it feels unnatural that the term ‘ailment’ seems to have a time-limited implication. It makes sense logistically that some ailments may become alleviated over time, but it seems that I have been repeatedly dumbfounded that a group of professionals in the American Psychiatric Association decide what characteristics of “the human condition and development” are to be considered ailments or irregular to the ‘normal’ development of an individual. At the same time, I must respect that this is the best devised systematic way yet to assign mental health diagnoses to be treated.

The one fact that was truly appalling upon discovering it, was that up until the release of the DSM-II (originally published in 1968), “homosexuality” was included as diagnosis. How was this possible? That the most well-respected and efficiently trained mental health professionals were able to link “homosexuality” to a mental health disorder?

It is only now, decades later, that suggesting that one’s sexual orientation implies an existence of a mental ‘ailment’ may sound bizarre and outrageous. With regards to how the DSM has evolved, the first and second editions were published in a cultural historical context that were rooted in homophobia in the eyes of Western civilization. As I learned that the DSM-II was revised in 1974, I assumed that the diagnosis of “homosexuality” would be eradicated altogether. My wishful thinking was disproven as I learned that the “diagnosis of homosexuality” was retained in the second printed version of the DSM-II; it seemed that the only difference was that it was only a disorder now if it created ‘persistent psychological distress which prevents the individual from pursuing desired heterosexual relationships’. As the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders aims to keep up with the zeitgeist, it was relieving to read that there were no diagnoses linking homosexuality to a psychological disorder in the DSM-III’s release in 1980.

As society worked towards the less discriminatory way of viewing human behavior, previous publications of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders are proof that our society’s changing views on human behavior can certainly infiltrate the process of perceiving and treating individuals from within the mental health field. As the DSM has just barely released its fifth edition, which has yet to be fully endorsed and utilized by pre-DSM-V trained professionals, it will be interesting to see what disorders may have been modified (or eliminated) since the DSM-IV’s publication twelve years ago in June 2000.

(Photo by a.drian)

Lifelong Relationships, by Sahar Dorani, M.A.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 21:40:00 +0000

The most difficult factor faced in clinical work is creating deep connections with individuals over time, only to carefully terminate those relationships, and hope that the therapeutic work has a positive influence on the individual client (and hopefully the therapist as well). I have become all too familiar with the various forms of ‘boundaries’ in therapy, and the flexibility of such boundaries, depending on the therapist and his or her clinical judgment. Most therapists would admit that they have worked with an individual (whether formally as a client or informally) who made a significant emotional impact on them. Personally, these emotional connections are gifts to me; a reward from the work that I do, the essence of my motivation to practice psychotherapy.

Four years into volunteering on a suicide prevention hotline for the elderly, I made an incredibly (and delightfully) unlikely connection: Lina. Lina is an unbelievably strong and brave soul; stronger than most people that I’ve met… her chronological age is likely always mistaken or misperceived to mean that she may be young and naïve, but her wisdom constantly surprises me. As a 13-year-old girl battling cancer most of her life, there has never been a flavor of bitterness in any of her words. Our relationship initially began while she was seeking services for a counseling crisis hotline. From the confines of her isolation unit in a children’s hospital hundreds of miles away, her only comfort was her few select visitors, family members, doctors, a plethora of nurses, and her iPad.

We initially talked one night when she called the crisis counseling hotline in search of social support or just someone to talk to as she struggled to fall asleep. Her mother had found many resources for her, as Lina is bound to her isolation unit in a hospital, unable to be around anyone because of the fragility of her immune system. Her condition is so severe with recurring cancer, that she cannot be around anyone else or have anyone visit her unless they are suited in a sterile gown. From the confines of that isolated unit, she found a phone number, and I happened to be on the other end. The tenet of the crisis hotline for the elderly, which she had called that evening, has a rule about our clients meeting the minimum age requirement of 65 years or older to talk to a counselor. Lina is clearly 50 years younger and technically could not be served as a client through our hotline. Her mother and she expressed frustration in this; here was this great resource for her daughter who has no social support and who routinely only talks to the number of nurses who draw her blood from the moment she wakes. I had to do something. I couldn’t just let her hang up.

As I spoke to my supervisor, we concluded that it would not be appropriate for me to talk to Lina outside the frame of my counseling shifts, and that the best we could do is allow her permission to call the hotline solely during my twice-a-week shifts. Lina was ecstatic; she instantly lit up over the phone when hearing that we would be able to continue our conversations. She always reminded me that her body was in less chronic pain towards the end of the evening; I always knew she would be the last caller of my shift. In a way, I began to routinely look forward to speaking to her as a way to culminate my day. She would always tell me which nurses were there, and why she appreciated (or did not appreciate) their attitude and approach to patient care.

This little girl and I had so many parallels between our lives, despite our 14-year difference in age. She was Middle Eastern, held many traditional cultural values that I identified with, practiced and loved ice skating (my sister’s main hobby), and grew up in the same Southern California neighborhood that I had. Some days, Lina would be able to hear frustration or exhaustion in my voice; she was so incredibly perceptive, more so than many adults that I’ve come across. These brief interactions with Lina reminded me of the childlike innocence that we all have within us. She helped me channel mine; when we’d be on the phone, I’d forget about my loads of graduate work and just tune into our light-hearted and playful conversations. At times, however, our conversations would become grim, yet real. She would often engage me in conversations about ‘if it would hurt’ to die, and ‘why’ God would enable children to endure such painful diseases such as cancer. I became emotionally invested in our ‘relationship’, to say the least.

3.24.2013—————————————-Most of the way through writing this article, Lina’s mother contacted me to inform me that Lina had lost her battle with cancer. I couldn’t believe what I was reading in her written message. I froze up before I could finish the paragraph; this couldn’t be. I had just talked to her the night before. I checked the call log, and she had contacted me close to 11pm, about six hours before she would enter Heaven’s gates. I only had one prominent emotion: Gratitude.

I thanked Lina’s mom for giving me permission to be part of her daughter’s life, and that I would be pleased to help her find resources to help her throughout her grieving process. By default, my emotions as a therapist had to take a backseat. I didn’t even know if it was appropriate for me to feel as intensely as I did about her loss, but I just surrendered to my emotions and allowed them to flow over me like I was a rock anchored in a flooding riverbed. It has barely been three weeks, and I remain in loose contact with Lina’s mother. She left me with a few pieces of heartfelt information; first, she had disclosed to me that she was pregnant! She mentioned that Lina always wanted her parents to birth another child, whether or not she lived to experience their sibling relationship. Her mother pointed out that in nine months, when her child will be born, she hopes that Lina’s soul will live on through this baby. This sent chills down my body. Second, apparently Lina had talked much about me to her parents, expressing how thankful she was for making a connection with me and for having me to talk to. While praying with her parents one night, she had thanked God for blessing her with our relationship. This sent a wave of warmth all over my body that soothed my chills.

Mindfulness for LGBT People, By Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 04:12:00 +0000

Research on the brain has brought our attention to the impact of earlier life experiences on the development of the brain. What occurred in the past can condition our brain to have certain expectations about the future which impacts how we experience our present moment. This raises a concern about the growing up experiences of gay children (Gay here refers to our entire LGBT community) who often experience homophobic mistreatment. Examples of common homophobic mistreatment of many gay youngsters include but not limited to being called derogatory names, being bullied, and becoming subject to physical violence.

Unfortunately, it is common for many gay youngsters to spend many years of their childhood in state of hyper-vigilance in order to be ready for future possible homophobic attacks. Spending many years of one’s life in such state of not knowing what is around the corner or waiting for the other shoe to drop can condition the brain to be in constant state of over reactivity and might cause severe anxiety. It can also cause many gay youngsters to relate to the future with a sense of threat instead of optimism.

As gay people we need to have empathy toward our painful experiences of growing up and work on healing from our past homophobic mistreatment. Fortunately, in addition to psychotherapy, mindfulness practices can help us to stop living life based on our past conditioning. Regardless of our past experiences mindfulness is useful for anyone who desires to be fully engaged with life. In this brief article, I attempt to explore mindfulness and its benefits. My understanding of mindfulness is based on attending several classes at UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center, studying literature, and many years of doing mindfulness practices.

In the 1960s, Thich Nhat Hanh brought mindfulness to the attention of Westerners. Later in 1979, Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn founded the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program at the University of Massachusetts to treat the chronically ill. Variety of mindfulness practices exist today and much of it was inspired by teachings from the East. For the most part, mindfulness involves bringing our complete attention to our present experience on a moment-to-moment basis with acceptance and compassion. With mindfulness we can observe our physical, emotional, and mental experiences with kindness.

We pay attention to whatever is happening in the moment and we can use our sensory awareness to stay fully present. For example, when we wash the dishes we can see and feel the soapy water on our hands. Taking a walk and noticing without judgment how life unfolds around us is another simple mindfulness practice. For LGBT people who grow up in anti-gay environments and had to rely on hyper-vigilance as a survival skill, mindfulness practices can help them to be in the moment without getting lost in catastrophic thinking. This also applies to anyone who is a survivor of any kind of past traumas and need to shift to a more balanced state of the mind.

When we practice mindfulness, we don’t get lost in the memories of the past nor fantasies of the future. When attending to the sensations of the moment instead of getting lost in our catastrophic thinking, it helps us not to feel overwhelmed. For example, we can cope with overwhelming emotions by focusing on external sensation such as hearing the sound of our shoes making contact to the ground that we walk on. This way we ground ourselves in reality and improve our capacity to tolerate difficult emotions.

Often our minds can wander away during the practice of mindfulness. We can witness with compassion how our minds wander away during this process and gently bring our awareness back to the present moment. With practice, non-judgmental awareness of the present moment can be a peaceful way of living.

Paying attention to our breathing is one more way to be with the present moment. Awareness of breathing is the most accessible path to the present moment. Over time, this practice can help us to improve our ability to be in the moment. Each breath combined with acceptance of our moment-to-moment experience can help us to experience serenity.

Mindfulness helps us to regulate our attention and observe our mental activities with consciousness. We bring conscious awareness to our current thinking, feelings, and sensory experience. For example, we can label our thoughts as we mindfully notice things like “planning” or “remembering.” We can also label whatever emotions we are experiencing in the moment by labeling them as “feeling anxious” or “feeling calm.”

Having an attitude of curiosity toward our surroundings helps us to notice and engage with life in a new way. We can embrace curiosity while practicing mindfulness is by paying attention to our environment. This simple act of curiosity can help us to find another path toward present moment. The greater awareness that we bring to our current life, the more we can be part of life.

Finally, the practice of mindfulness can be enriching for anyone including LGBT people in order to live a more present-centered life. This state of active, open attention to our present moment can help us awaken to our life experiences instead of letting life pass us by. Mindfulness can help us avoid living a life based on multi-tasking and maintain our connection with the present moment.

My Cultural Identity, by Brittany Estes-Garcia

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 05:15:00 +0000

My mom’s family and my dad’s family are complete opposites.

My mom’s family is from a small town in West Texas, a farming community with a population of slightly under 10,000 people. Despite the size, there are approximately thirty churches. I once asked my aunt where everyone was. It was a Friday night, and we were driving through the square in the middle of town. Her answer was “Bible Study”. Besides Jesus, football is king, and “Democrat” is a dirty word. My mom grew up with her daddy rising very early in the morning to tend to the fields, her driving to school amongst pastureland that stretches as far as one can see. She lived 30 miles out of town where there are no trees and no hills, just miles of blue sky.

I’m the only one from my generation that didn’t grow up there. I was raised in San Antonio, Texas, a city that is just a little bigger with 1.3 million people and is located in south central Texas. San Antonio is predominately Hispanic. This is a big part of the city’s culture, with attractions like El Mercado, the largest Mexican market outside of Mexico, as well as celebrations like Fiesta (which means party in Spanish) that is thought of as San Antonio’s Mardi Gras and is held annually to honor the culture here.

My dad’s family is also predominately Hispanic. I say predominately because my dad and all of his siblings married white people, and neither my cousins nor I look like we are of mixed race at all. None of us can speak fluent Spanish either, although all those that have come before us have been able to. My great-grandparents are actually both from Mexico. Their immigration stories are both very interesting – my great-grandmother had to come to the United States because her father got killed by Pancho Villa!

Mom’s side of the family tends to forget that I’m half Hispanic, making comments about the town getting taken over by “Spanish” people. It seems that my mother and father’s families have no common ground; from religion and politics to just what they consider normal within their particular worldview.

So where does this leave me? I don’t seem to fit in with either side, although I’ve desperately tried to my whole life. Not to stereotype or generalize southern culture, but when I was younger I went around for months wearing a cowgirl hat, boots, and only listening to country music. I purposely tried to give myself a twang, more than just what I had picked up from my mom – something noticeable. And I wore her sweater from high school, imagining myself living there. When that didn’t work, I tried to immerse myself into my dad’s family’s beliefs and values, but that felt even more wrong.

To give you all a visual, it’s like each side has their own house, and I’m just standing in the middle floating, with no cultural roots or identity to call my own, occasionally running back and forth just to feel like I belong somewhere. I cannot be both, can I? I’ve been asking myself this question my whole life. How do I be myself and find peace in both places? I’m a vegan, for Pete’s sake. I’m liberal. I listen to pop music, and like to talk about feminist theory and call myself an activist.

I don’t have a cultural identity. Consequently, feelings of belonging and a sense of community have always been painfully absent. A strong cultural identity can contribute to a person’s overall wellbeing and as a result, their mental health, whereas the opposite can have an adverse effect.

I definitely felt this when I recently took a trip to San Antonio’s Institute of Texan Cultures. As the name of the museum suggests, it talks about the different cultures that have been present in Texas throughout history. I had no exhibit to point at and say, “That’s me!” even though there were exhibits that do apply to my heritage. Nothing felt right.

So what is the solution? I believe it is owning a sense of self, concentrating on individual identity, and building confidence and self-esteem. If one really believes in the person that they are, feeling like an outsider won’t affect them as much, and will allow them to create their own cultural identity. I am working on both. Maybe my identity simply comes from my own soul.

Happiness is a Warm Gun, by Layla Jillood Psy.D

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 05:23:00 +0000

When horrific acts of violence happen around the world, our first instinct is to try to understand why. We look for solutions and try to understand what drives people to commit these seemingly senseless acts. When these violent acts happen in our backyards, we begin to wonder about the safety of our families and the people around us.

On December 15, 2012, twenty children and six adults were killed in a mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown Connecticut. I was seeing patients that day and did not hear about the shooting until it was mentioned to me by one of my patients. The overwhelming response from my patients that day was shock, fear, sadness and a reflection on their own lives. Many of my patients got in touch with the darker side of humanity and expressed feelings of confusion and fear as to why bad things happen in the world. As I watched my patients react to the mass shooting I noticed that I was numb to my own feelings about what had happened. I connected to their reaction to the shooting but was not connected to my own feelings about it.

In the weeks following the shooting I noticed newscast after newscast recounting the shooting. The media seemed to focus on asking why this happened and why children were the target. People seemed to channel their angst through discussions about gun control and a political dialogue that is still going on today. Despite all of this attention and my own interest in gun control, I continued to feel numb and kept changing the channel when there was coverage on the shooting.

I began to ask myself why I was not reacting to the shooting. Why was I not distraught and consumed by the horror of what happened to these innocent lives? In digging deeper I became in touch with my anger towards the media. I believe that most of these perpetrators of mass shootings are looking for fame that is provided by the media. I decided that I did not want to know the shooter’s name or why he committed this act. I did not want to contribute to the media frenzy that gives these people the attention they are so desperately seeking. I felt good about changing the channel and felt that I was not contributing to giving the shooter any of my attention.

Only after I allowed myself to have this process was I able to pay more attention to the discussion on gun control. I understand and empathize with the people who are seeking stricter gun control laws and with parents that want their children to be safe. I understand that these horrible acts trigger feelings of sadness and confusion about the state of the world. What I do not understand is why these horrible acts need to happen before we engage in important discussions such as stricter gun control.

So why am I writing about this topic and what does it have to do with multiculturalism? My answer is twofold: First, I hope that we can address the media culture and how it grants fame and notoriety to people that commit horrible acts. This perpetuates a cycle that may encourage or provide a format for people to commit these acts. Second, I think that events like these transcend ethnic culture and bring us back to our basic humanity. We are reminded of our fragility and unite to face the horrors that exist in the world. In this instance, the spotlight has shone on the gun culture in America and people are forced to take a closer look. It is worth taking a closer look at this culture in order to deepen our understanding of people’s attachment to guns and in the general hesitation to further regulate gun use. I would like to gain a deeper understanding of the gun culture and why people are so attached to their guns. I am also interested in understanding why people have attached the idea of freedom to gun ownership.

I hope that the dialogue continues and that something other than sensationalizing another shooter comes out of this horrible act of violence.

LGBT Suicide and the Trauma of Growing Up Gay, by guest blogger Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 06:06:00 +0000

As a mental health counselor for the past twenty years, I have listened to many painful stories by some of my lesbian and gay patients regarding growing up in a homophobic and heterosexist world. Many of my gay and lesbian patients, including a number of bisexual and transgender individuals, shared with me that as young as age five they felt different. They were unable to articulate why they felt different, and, at the same time, they were too afraid to talk about it. Many reported that they knew this feeling of being different was related to something forbidden. “It felt like keeping a tormenting secret that I could not even understand,” described one of my gay patients. Others shared with me that the feeling of differentness revealed itself in the form of gender nonconformity which could not be kept secret. Therefore, it made them more venerable to homophobic and transgender phobic mistreatment at school and often at home. They had to cope with a daily assault of shame and humiliation without any support.

The experience of carrying a sense of differentness as it related to some of the most taboo and despised images in our culture can leave a traumatic scar on one’s psyche. Most school age children organize his or her school experience around the notion of not coming across as queer. Any school age child’s worst nightmare is being called faggot or dyke which is commonly experienced by many children who do not flow with the mainstream. One gay high school student disclosed to me that on average he hears more than twenty homophobic remarks a day. Schools can feel like concentration camps for LGBT children or any child who gets scapegoated as queer. For the most part, LGBT kids do not get any protection from school officials, and this is a form of child abuse on a collective level. Mistreatment of LGBT youth and a lack of protection are contributing factors to the issue of LGBT teen suicide.

The feeling of differentness as it relates to being gay or lesbian is too complex for any child to process and make sense of especially when coupled with external attacks in the form of homophobic, derogatory name calling. Unlike a black child whose parents are typically also black or a Jewish child with Jewish parents and relatives, the LGBT youth typically does not have gay or lesbian parents or anyone who would mirror his or her experience. In fact many families tend to blame the mistreated LGBT youngster for not being like everyone else and make the child feel like he or she deserves this mistreatment.

When parents are either unable or unwilling to “feel and see” the world through the eyes of their child, and do not provide a reflection to their child that makes the child feel valued that child can not develop a strong sense of self. Facing with isolation, confusion, humiliation, physical violence, not being valued in the eyes of parents, and carrying a secret that the youngster connects with something terrible and unthinkable is too stressful for any child to endure. Especially when there is no empathic other to help him or her to sort it out. The youngster suffers in silence and might use dissociation to cope. In a worst case scenario, he or she could commit suicide.

Many LGBT youth who found the courage to open up about their identity issue have experienced rejection by their families and peers. Many families treat such disclosure as bringing shame on to the family and throw their kid out of the house which forces the kid to join the growing population of homeless kids on the street.

The stress of trying to come to terms with a complex matter such as same sex attraction, family’s rejection as a result of finding out about same sex attraction, and becoming victimized through verbal and physical abuse by peers due to being different are contributing factors to the trauma of growing up gay or lesbian. Such traumatic experience can explain why lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. Suicide attempts by LGBT youth is their desperate attempt to escape this traumatic process of growing up queer.

Those of us who survived the trauma of growing up queer without adequate support and managed to reach adulthood can benefit from making internalized homophobia conscious. When a gay or lesbian youngster experience humiliation every school day for being different and has no one to protect him or her that child can develop internalized homophobia. Internalized homophobia is internalization of shame and hatred that gay and lesbian people were forced to experience. The seed of internalized homophobia is planted from early age, and having a psyche contaminated by the shadow of internalized homophobia can result in low self esteem and other problems later in life. Bisexual and transgender youngsters can also internalize the hatred they had to endure growing up and may develop self hatred.

Not dealing with internalized homophobia is ignoring the wreckage of the past. Psychological injuries that were inflicted on LGBT people as result of growing up in a homophobic and heterosexist world needs to be addressed. Each time a LGBT youngster was insulted or attacked for being different such attack left a scar on his or her soul. Such violent mistreatment caused many to develop feelings of inferiority.

Life after the closet needs to include coming out inside. Becoming aware of repressed or disassociated memories and feelings around homophobic mistreatment of growing up is part of coming out inside. Coming out inside is about approaching unconscious and understanding the development of internalized homophobia. Some painful experiences that contribute to the development of internalized homophobia can get split off and remain in the unconscious. Those split parts can impact how one treats himself or herself in life. Providing empathy and regard for one’s gay inner child who endured years of confusion, shame, fear, and mistreatment due to his or her identity is part of the psychological healing process.

The solution to the demon of internalized homophobia is self-knowledge and self-acceptance. As a community, learning to know ourselves can add vitality to our struggle for freedom. The LGBT liberation movement should not only include fighting for our equal rights, but also working through the injuries that were inflicted on us for growing up queer in a heterosexist world. External changes such as Marriage Equality or the repeal of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy alone cannot heal us from homophobic mistreatment and rejection we received growing up gay or lesbian. We need to open a new psychological frontier and take our struggle for freedom to a new level. Our civil rights movement is like a bird that needs two wings to fly and not just one. So far, the political wing has been the main carrier of this movement. By adding psychological healing work as the other wing, our bird of liberty can fly higher in the sky.

(Photo by Svenstorm)

Coming Out for Gay and Lesbian Iranians, by guest blogger Payam Ghassemlou, MFT, Ph.D.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 05:25:00 +0000

As a gay Iranian living in Los Angeles, I would like to do my part in bringing attention to the fear, shame and isolation that many gay Iranians (gay primarily refers to the entire LGBT community) experience living in Iran and overseas. Per my dialogue with other gay Iranians, who are still living in Iran or have recently escaped the country, and as noted in several news articles, countless number of gays have been tortured and persecuted by the Iranian government. It has been reported that undercover Iranian law enforcement has entrapment operations that arrest and execute suspected gay people in secret prisons. Despite extreme violence against gay people in Iran, many still risk their lives by trying to exercise their basic human needs to connect and build loving relationships. They are brave people for jeopardizing their lives this way.

The world knows that not only the gay population but Iran itself is a victim of oppression. With worldwide recognition, the 2009 uprising in Iran has gained respect internationally at the cost of many sacrificing their lives just to be differentiated from the regime of the current dictator, Khamenei. More international efforts are being called to help Iran.

Gay Iranians who live abroad are dealing with other sets of challenges, including the struggle to come out and live an authentic life. They may not deal with Iran’s oppressive government, but they still find themselves oppressed by both intrinsic and extrinsic homophobia. Growing up in a homophobic and heterosexist society contributes to the angst of shame and rejection that most gay Iranians experience. Heterosexism dictates only one kind of existence and it is being married to the opposite sex and raising children. Any deviation from such a traditional lifestyle is denounced by individuals and religious groups that patronize heterosexism. One can only imagine how it feels like for LGBT people to grow up in such societies.

Extrinsic homophobia that many gay people experience includes being bullied and called derogatory names, not having freedom to marry, getting fired from their job, being blamed for AIDS, and becoming victim of gay bashing. As long as gay people are subject to homophobic mistreatment, the fight to challenge homophobia needs to continue.

The remedy for the negative impact of homophobia and heterosexism is self acceptance. Learning to take pride in one’s gay identity is an important step toward healing. Pride and self-acceptance requires work and dedication which involves participation in gay-affirming counseling sessions, attending coming out groups, volunteering for gay pride events, reading self affirming books, and building friendships with other gay people.

Gay Iranians often deal with lack of family acceptance and support. Many Iranian families who migrated to the United States live in close knit communities. Most of which live in Southern California and are most commonly referred to as Persians. For the most part, the Persian community does not embrace gayness. Lack of acceptance by the community and by their family members make it very difficult for some gay Persians to come out. As an immigrant myself, I understand that having a strong relationship with one’s family and one’s community are vital in order to survive in a foreign country. Many gay Iranians live a double life as a way to avoid jeopardizing such vital support. Staying “in the closet” helps many gay Iranians avoid rejection from their family and their community, but it comes with a high price. Many closeted gay people resort to lying and hiding their true identity which later on can lead to negative feelings like dishonesty and disingenuous. Gay individuals need to obtain support in order to avoid remaining a victim of homophobia and live a double life.

Coming out involves a degree of differentiation and establishment of a personal identity outside one’s family. Another reason gay Iranians might have a harder time coming out is due to difficulty in having a different identity than what is expected from their own family. A traditional Iranian family is patriarchal, and the father is the undisputed head of the family. The mother tends to encourage her children to respect their father’s authority and seek his approval. For the most part, no one dares to question this system, sacrificing one’s needs to gain parental approval. In many Iranian family systems, there is no room to express one’s gay identity. In most Iranian families coming out is viewed as “bringing shame to their family.” It is not uncommon for Iranian parents suppress their gay children by using guilt factors like accusing them of being “namak nashnas” (Persian for ungrateful).

Even though Persians who migrated to the United States are very educated people, still many of them believe that being gay is a choice and one can always change. I disagree on the other hand. It has never been a matter of choice for me and my intention of coming out to my family during my early twenties is to have a real relationship with them and stop pretending.

Sadly, for some repercussions of “coming out” can entails family violence, homelessness or extreme financial burden. The decision to come “out of the closet” is a continuous process that requires support from other individuals who have relevant experiences. Each individual has to assess his or her personal safety before deciding to move forward and come out. No one should be pressured or forced to come out.

Iranian families, who are dealing with their children coming out, also go through a painful journey. Many parents raise their children hoping they would grow up “normal” as affirmed by the conservative society. They look forward to having grand children as a result of their children’s heterosexual union. “Coming out” can shatter such dreams for many parents. Support groups are encouraged to assist these parents who mourn the loss of their children’s perceived heterosexual identity. Parents would often blame themselves, and they find difficulty understanding that it is not merely a choice. We are born this way. The best thing Iranian families can do for their gay children is accepting and loving them with no judgment. There is no valid reason for families to fall apart.

Being gay is more about loving another human being and should never be judged as unnatural. PFLAG, Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays, is a national non-profit organization that aims to provide families with moral support and counseling to address their issues.

Despite all the suffering that gay people worldwide, Iranians as well, have endured due to homophobia, many have overcome these challenges and live happy lives. “It does get better,” as the saying goes.

No one should be made to feel bad about his or her identity. Iranian people have a rich culture of poetry and mysticism that is filled with homoerotic stories and poems. We can look into our own rich literature for validation of gay love. We can stand together and help to liberate one another from the bondage of homophobia hoping someday none of us has to suffer for love.

(Photo by Elvert Barnes)

No Other, by Lia Mandelbaum, MSW

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 02:07:00 +0000

For my new years resolution, I have decided to be very intentional with transforming the ways of thinking that cause internal suffering. An incredibly powerful avenue for me to break down suffering has been through being conscious of when I might be “othering” or “demonizing” another human being. Demonizing “others” is often a coping mechanism for people when dealing with threatening situations. When I demonize “others,” I feel spiritually disconnected, and I ultimately suffer.

A little over a year ago, I was asked to share my personal story at an event for an organization called NewGround, which brings Muslims and Jews together to establish a new relationship. I was asked to share about my experience with being LGBT within the Jewish community. When I shared with some family members about speaking at the event, they made it clear that they did not support me because “Muslims kill gay people.” I became confused because of how incredibly supportive the Muslims were at the events planning meeting. Since these particular family members are usually very open-minded (more so then most), I was feeling very thrown off, and I wondered why they wouldn’t be there to support me if they were so concerned. They were letting their fear over my safety dehumanize and generalize all Muslims. I knew in my gut that the event would be wonderful, and so I moved forward.

When I first started to speak, I mentioned that I was a part of the LGBT community, and then I asked for us to pause so that I could acknowledge my vulnerability in the moment. It had been a big deal for me to be up there because I was still having a tough time with being open in general about my sexuality. The immediate response I received from the audience was incredibly supportive as they clapped and cheered me on. They reaffirmed to me the importance of being open-minded, and the power of stepping out of your comfort zone. As the audience embraced me, I felt a sense of community, and a sense of internal freedom.

Midway through my share, I asked the audience to see if they could find a part of themselves in my story regardless of their sexual orientation, or to ask themselves if I was “the other.” I was trying to set up a mirror for the audience to inspire some self-reflection. I know that for myself, the opportunity to speak was one of my most powerful mirrors.

Following the event, although I felt empowered, something inside felt out of tune. There had been a major blow up and misunderstanding with some family members, and my coping mechanism was to throw up a wall and “other” them. What had been out of tune was that I was not being congruent with the message I had given at the event. I knew that my integrity would be at stake if I did not take action, and amazingly enough I took that bold first step to let my guard down and make repair. I was able to recognize the incredible irony of how by taking the steps to create a new relationship with Muslims would end up bringing healing within my family. I knew that there was a powerful message taking place, and that I needed to continue to explore relationships with the various Muslim communities.

During school, I had been given a major assignment to interview someone that I had been taught to demonize. I decided to reach out and ask to interview one of the Muslim women, who had contacted me following the event to offer support and words of encouragement.

When the woman addressed the conflict between Israel and Palestine, she said, “I don’t remember anybody ever saying anything from a Quranic perspective that was demeaning about the Jews. If anything, it was making connections between the Jewish tradition, the Christian tradition and the Islamic tradition, and that we all come from Abraham. That there is this deep connection, and brotherhood and sisterhood amongst our traditions, and that we should respect that and we should hold that relationship dear, and this is coming from the line of thought and the same message of God.”

When we first met, I asked to sit tucked away in the corner so that any additional voices would not get picked up on my recording device. Half way through the interview, four priests sat next to our table, and I became a bit nervous that their voices would overpower ours. When I listened to the interview later on, I realized that the voices from all three faiths had been captured. Between my new Muslim friend, the four priests, and myself, our voices weaved around one another harmoniously.

At the end of a trip to visit my family, only a few hours before I was to head back to Los Angeles, I went to my favorite seawall in Tampa Bay to relax and reflect. The weather was gloomy, windy and rainy. Not the most ideal and serene space to be in, but it was perfect. There were pelicans struggling to fly as they battled the winds, but I noticed that when they would swoop down and skim the choppy waves, they would freely soar. Their freedom to glide was within the wind field just above the waves, which are created by the eddies in the lee of wave crests. I realized that a great metaphor was taking place. Similar to the pelicans continually trying to battle the wind, we have had an ongoing wrestle within. When we take the chance to swoop down and come face to face with the dark and choppy water, it is similar to us facing ourselves, challenging situations or tumultuous relationships (or all three at once). When someone has chosen to open their eyes, mind and heart, there is the potential to soar, as the shackles from belief systems based in fear, anger and mistrust are broken, and new beginnings are brought forth.

When I got back to LA, it was time and effort that really brought healing to my family situation. While spending time with them, we headed toward a wonderful birthday gathering at a park in Ventura County. All of our cars were lined up as we followed one another up the Pacific Coast Highway towards Ventura County. It was a beautiful day, and as we drove alongside the magnificent presence of the ocean, a flock of bird’s soaring one after the other began to travel parallel to our cars. The symbolism of our cars and the birds soaring in unison was a wonderful shift from the imagery of the birds swooping down in Tampa. The universe was reflecting an exquisite sight to bare witness to.

When I got home that day, I posted a photo online of the birds that were soaring parallel to our cars, and a friend was inspired to share the link from a BBC News: Middle East column. It was titled “Bird Watchers Find Heaven in ‘Superhighway’ Israel.” In the article, Dr. Yossi Leshem, director of Israel’s International Center for the Study of Bird Migration, relayed how above Israeli and Palestinian territories, is the second busiest bird migration route in the world, trailing behind Panama in Central America. Every autumn, over 500 million birds cross Israel’s airspace, heading south to warmer weather in Africa. “Politically, it’s a disaster, but for bird migration, it’s heaven.” The rising warm thermal air carries the birds as they effortlessly soar. Birds play major roles in some of the most important religious texts found within both Islam and Judaism. If you are open and in tune with nature, the extraordinary bird migration over Israeli and Palestinian territories presents possibilities for rich metaphors regarding Muslim and Jewish relations.

Demonizing occurs across the board, from the conflict between Muslims and Jews, to the demonizing towards the woman at your job that had gotten the promotion over you. In both cases someone is being dehumanized, but with just different circumstances and consequences.

As I strive to live rooted in the authenticity and integrity of my soul, may I continue to open my eyes to how we are all wonderfully interconnected.

“We can each retreat to our shells and live within the surety of our faith, but God shows through more then answers… mystery paves the holiest ways; if you release a fearful heart.”

~ Lyrics from You Will See the Love, Spirit Sounds album

Shame, by Lia Mandelbaum, MSW

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 05:59:00 +0000

This year marks the 100^th year since the birth of an African American man, who has been called the “lost prophet” and “invisible man” of the civil rights movement. In the article Remembering Bayard Rustin at 100, by Matt Meyer, it relays how Rustin was a visionary thinker, grassroots organizer, tireless activist, charismatic speaker and a master strategist of social change. He was known as ''Mr. March-on-Washington,'' for his work as the lead organizer of the 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom. Rustin brilliantly strategized on how to mold Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. into an international symbol of peace and nonviolence, and by the late 1950s, had emerged as a key adviser to King. He taught King how to make Mahatmas Gandhi’s non-violence/non-cooperation protest techniques the centerpiece of the movement, which he successfully applied to the non-violent March on Washington.

As one of the most prolific leaders in the civil rights movement, Rustin was silenced, threatened, arrested, beaten, imprisoned, and removed from important leadership positions, mostly because he was an openly gay man in a ﬁercely homophobic era. Rustin was an object of suspicion to some leaders of the civil rights movement. Rivals and adversaries capitalized on the stigma and shame attached to homosexuality, making Rustin and fellow leaders vulnerable to attack. A rival black leader of King’s, Adam Clayton Powell, the minister-congressman from Harlem, threatened to float a lie that King was one of Rustin’s lovers if King didn’t exile him from his inner circle. For the sake of the movement, Rustin offered King his resignation, and in a panic, King accepted it and reluctantly pushed him away. During the beginning stages of strategizing the march on Washington, according to Congressmen John Lewis, “While some felt that there was nobody better then Rustin to lead the march on Washington, Roy Wilkins, as head of the NAACP felt that because Rustin was gay, he couldn’t be the person because it was embarrassing to the march, and it was embarrassing to the movement. The March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom, took place in Washington, D.C., on August 28, 1963. Attended by some 250,000 people, it was the largest demonstration ever seen in the nation's capital, and one of the first to have extensive television coverage.

“When an individual is protesting society's refusal to acknowledge his dignity as a human being, his very act of protest confers dignity on him.” ― Bayard Rustin

I try to respect a persons right to have their own opinions about homosexuality, however I am often baffled and upset (sometimes bitter) when I think about how Rustin was so demonized, and viewed as such a symbol of shame to some members of the very communities he fought for. Rustin was such a huge part of the mind, heart and soul of the civil rights movement, yet there were masses of people who just couldn’t get past the threat of what his sexuality represented to them. If you were to transport the person I had been eight years ago to the year of 1963, regardless of Rustin’s advocacy for the gay community, the shame I had over my sexuality may have made me one of the very people to demonize him. I believe Rustin’s story is a powerful example of how shame can impact our relationship to even the best of humanity, but ultimately with ourselves. We must try to understand how and why we can turn against even the angelic messengers within our lives. Amazingly and ironically, Rustin was never ashamed of his sexuality, and was openly gay during a time when the majority of people were not. I truly admire and respect Mr. Bayard Rustin, and believe he is a testimony of great resilience, brilliance and courage.

Shame is a soul eating emotion. – Carl Jung

Most people are unaware of how shame affects their personal lives, and is such a major driving force throughout societies around the globe. While Mr. Bayard Rustin’s story is a very powerful and poignant example of how shame has played out in our society, shame plays out in all sorts of shapes and sizes: Feeling ashamed within and outside of ones own community over the darkness of their skin tone; parents disowning their gay child out of the fear of being ostracized within their own community; the shame and hiding from when someone is trying to cover up how they are not a part of the “perfect family”; the shame a child carries into adulthood from having always been told that they are stupid and worthless; the shame and self-blame of victims of sexual abuse. Alyson Stack, a M.S. Marriage Family Therapist and Registered Intern, whose practice largely serves patients with food and body image issues, as well as addictive and compulsive behaviors, said “The shame created by engaging in eating disorder behavior is analogous to parasitic toxicity- it continues to eat you away.” Her words are applicable to all forms of shame. I firmly believe that there is nothing positive or productive about shame, especially for the people who have committed the most heinous of acts, because it keeps them stuck in old behaviors and unable to transcend their darkness. I think it is helpful to isolate shame as a single entity, and understand how its many different forms stem from the same beast.

In the book, Psychology of Shame: Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes, Gershen Kaufman, a contemporary scholar on shame, goes over the splitting of the self that can occur with shame. Professor Kaufman, who works in the Counseling Center and Psychology Department at Michigan State University, said “Contempt turned against the self is the principle means by which splitting occurs. Splitting is actively maintained by negative identity scripts that have become so magnified that autonomous partial selves split off and then coexist within the same individual.” Kaufman’s words about the “splitting of the self” definitely spoke to my own journey towards wholeness. I have learned that it is incredibly important to understand the various ways of how shame is oppressive and socially constructed. Through gaining awareness about the roots of shame, someone can step back and not personalize their shame as much.

The world would be an incredibly different place without shame being so imbedded within most societies. We must give ourselves the permission to stop beating up ourselves and “others,” literally and figuratively, so that we may live in a more loving and peaceful world.

White Cloth of Grace A Personal Reflection, by Slobodan Nesovic, Psy.D.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 03:32:00 +0000

I recently started working as a counselor at the Community Based Adult Services (CBAS) center, located in Los Angeles, and close to Compton. The majority of the residents within the neighborhood are African Americans, and 95% of all the participants at our medical center come from the same population. Considering that this is a low income neighborhood, many participants are living in low income housing or board and care, with few participants remaining homeless. All of our participants are in a day care program, which means they come in at 9am, receive food and medical services, and leave around 2pm.

This personal reflection is about one Caucasian participant named Grace, who was suffering from the late stages of dementia. She was bound to a wheelchair and had a very unique temperament. She was usually unhappy about being at the center and was aggressive with staff and peers around her. She would often get in altercations and quite often throw things around her, such as her plate of food or the crayons that she sometimes used for her drawing adventures. She would get so mad that her cuss words were coming out of her mouth along with white foam and spit. People that were sitting close to her knew that Grace can easily get angry and tried to stay away from her. No one could help Grace to calm down when she gets upset. The other participants found this amusing and laughed at her, made jokes in front of her, and complained to THE staff if her outbursts personally affected them.

Two weeks ago, when Grace began to act in same way, she aggressively pushed her table around and turned it 90 degrees to make a barricade between her and other peers. When the nursing assistants tried to put the table back so that they could serve breakfast, Grace yelled at them and threw a tantrum. I was watching the whole thing because she was just 15 feet away from my office. Grace managed to rip the multicolor flower designed tablecloth down to the floor. All twenty tables are decorated with the same table cloth. I came out of my office to pick up the cloth and as I placed it on the table I accidentally turned it inside out. We discovered that the other side OF the tablecloth was A shiny white color. Grace seemed to like the white side, and began to fix the tablecloth so that it was perfectly aligned on all four sides. She stroked the cloth to fix it, and really made sure it fit perfectly, leaving no wrinkles. When she finished she sat in peace for a moment reflecting on what she had done. She turned towards me and communicated, “I want to go home,” and I reflected back to her, “I hear you, you want to go home.” She smiled. My sense was that she felt understood and that felt good to her. We did A few more exchanges like this, and she started rolling her wheelchair into my office. She got to the door and rolled half way in and just sat there watching me type my notes.

The staff was surprised that Grace was at my office door, and started to make jokes about how she must be getting counseling. I heard one person say, “Look, Grace likes Slobodan.” This lasted about 20 minutes, and then she rolled back to her original place and began to turn over the other tablecloths to the white side. The Activities director came over and said out loud in front of Grace, “Look, Grace wants to make all tablecloths white.” By the end of the day Grace managed to turn over three of the tablecloths closest to her. As she was rolled out towards her bus, Grace waived for me to come close to her because she wanted to say something. She pointed towards my silver ring and communicated that she would like to see it. I took off my ring and gave it to her. She admired the ring and made A few gestures showing me that she liked it a lot. She was smiling and acted like she wanted to keep it, however she knew that ring was mine. I asked her to return my ring but she wanted to place it on my hand herself. She proceeded to place it on my ring finger and I said, “Not there, I wear it on this finger, not that one.” She looked at me, but would not have it. She had to place it on my ring finger. As she was placed it, she had the biggest smile on her face. I have never seen her like that. Right before she boarded her bus, she turned and pointed to my finger and sent me an air kiss with her hand. This was on Friday.

As I went to work on Monday, I was thinking about if she was going to continue rearranging THE tablecloths, and what will her reaction be when she sees that my ring was not on my ring finger. I waited, and waited, but she did not show up. I asked another worker where Grace was and she said, “Grace died this morning before they were going to pick her up. She had a smile on her face.” I was surprised that no one mentioned to me that she died until I had asked around midday! No one said anything, not even the owner or her peers that sat next to her! There was no speech or anything else for that matter. It was so strange to see that other participants did not acknowledge her passing in any way. I felt sad and was filled with symbolic thoughts of what had transpired between Grace and I just three days prior. I thought of the significance of white tablecloths and her fascination with them. I was pondering what she wanted to portray when she placed a ring on my ring finger. I was stunned that no one seemed to notice that she was not around anymore. Two weeks later, I am still pondering if on some level, Grace knew she was ready to go and that she wanted to arrange the white cloths for her passing. I feel that her placing the ring on my ring finger was a way to let me know that she was longing for unity, a mergence with something good, and someone who understands her. It is also possible that I helped her to see that white is welcomed in the midst of multicolor tablecloths, which possibly provided a necessary impetus for her to leave home with a smile.

Hidden Treasures, by Lia Mandelbaum, MSW

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 06:10:00 +0000

I never imagined that I would ever have the incredible honor of speaking on the same panel as Mohandas Gandhi’s grandson.

I was one of the two students selected to represent Cal State LA on a panel for the annual Soledad Enrichment Action (SEA) Youth Peace Conference. SEA was founded in the 1970’s by a couple of young mothers who wanted to protect their kids from gang violence, and has become a full service professional agency that serves over 12,000 youth and families annually. The SEA community is made up of 17 education centers throughout Los Angeles, and brought a total of 400 students to the conference. The topic of the panel was to touch upon the morals and values of a non-violent peacemaker. The main guest speaker of the conference was Arun Gandhi, who is the fifth grandson of India’s legendary leader, Mohandas K. “Mahatma” Gandhi. Mr. Gandhi covered topics such as: non-violent peacemaking, lessons he learned from his grandfather, and the inner development and characteristics of a peacemaker. Following the panel, Mr. Gandhi spent 15 minutes giving the panelists feedback, and also shared insight into the life of his grandfather.

(Click link at the end of the article to see Mr. Gandhi and I speak)

During the conference, students from different schools gave presentations that covered subjects such as: poverty, homelessness, hunger, healthy relationships, cleaning up graffiti, canned food drives and making pledges to stop the hatred in the world. We also sang and danced as two SEA students were drumming and playing the guitar. There was an enlivening sense of unity and hope within the ballroom, and I began to feel a kinship with the kids.

The kids in the SEA community are incredibly powerful, and are learning how much they do matter. Many individuals within our society are completely unconscious of how special they are, nor do they have the interest in discovering how. These kids are often dehumanized and dismissed as being just a bunch of low-life gangbangers, who are violent and have nothing to contribute to society. When constantly given those messages, especially through the media, it is easy to take on those behaviors and fall into those roles. While there is truth in that some of the kids possess violent backgrounds, it is also very clear to me that they exude a lot of heart and soul. These kids are very real, and if a great deal of people were to open their eyes and look deeper into who they are, they would discover how much they could connect and learn from them.

Part of the human experience involves going through the sometimes-unbearable feelings of emptiness, anger and great sadness. I used to frequently feel those overwhelming emotions, but I found transcendence through my willingness to be open to seeing the humanity in adults who have had similar issues as the kids. As I discovered our interconnectedness, I began to understand how judging and dehumanizing others ultimately imprisoned me, but as I worked hard to break down my prejudiced beliefs, I came to know freedom. While sharing my personal narrative at the SEA conference, I was extremely open with the kids about my internal journey (including the not-so-pretty parts). I wanted to clearly highlight the power found in relaying ones humanity. I especially wanted to emphasize that there is no quicker way to shut the door on relaying ones humanity then through violence, and as peacemakers, they must strive to keep that door open.

On the day of the conference, I had mentioned to one of the SEA principles, Jason Hasty, that I wanted to continue to engage with their community. The following day the principle contacted me and asked me to join him in exploring how I could stay involved, and so I met him at their Hyde Park Academy site on the corner of 60th and Crenshaw. My vision is to create an afterschool program where I meet with a couple students to help them discover and develop a personal narrative. Similar to how I shared my personal narrative at the conference, I would like set up opportunities for the students to share their stories within and outside of their communities. Poet and veteran civil rights activist Maya Angelou said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Through sharing their stories, I believe that the students will feel seen, heard and empowered.

I formed an incredible connection with the kids that day. Despite our different life experiences, it was through the language of the soul that enabled us to truly see and support one another. They truly are society’s most hidden treasures.

Click here to see Mr. Gandhi and I speak.

Presidency: Black or White?, by Layla Jillood, Psy.D.

noreply@blogger.com (Med) — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 06:13:00 +0000

Presidency: Black or White?

Every election is interesting in its own way, but I have found Election 2012 to be of particular interest. In 2008, America rejoiced (well, most of America rejoiced) when Barak Obama was elected president of the United States, as he was the first African-American President to take the White House in American history. People felt that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream of a man being judged by his character rather than by the color of his skin came to fruition 45 years after his historic speech. As a culture, we seem to have broken through many cultural barriers and elected a man who we thought could do a good job based on his character. However, throughout our current election, I have asked myself, what role has race played in this election? Will it be a deciding factor?

In the last election, Barak Obama won the hearts of Americans who were tired of the old way of doing things. America was upset with the previous administration and was desperate for change. Obama was elected not only by people of color, but also by people who were desperate to see change in any form. The impact of race may have been overshadowed by the need to move away from an administration that drove America into two wars and an economic crisis. Now that the dust has settled from the Bush administration, is race playing a factor in this election?

I have watched the debates, heard each candidates’ arguments and tried to weigh each argument fairly. However, when watching the debates I could not help but notice what I saw: Black and White. Obama and Romney. Mitt Romney, to me, represents the epitome of our traditional view of a powerful White man: Wealthy, Elitist and Christian. Obama represents change and unfamiliarity. When Americans cast their votes, I wonder what role race will play in the electoral vote. I wonder, now that the desperation for change has passed, will prejudices return to the forefront? Will people see Black and White on Tuesday?

I truly hope not.