The short answer is: If you feel the travel bug, you want a change, and this seems like a possible financial and life logistics thing you can make happen, you should go for it. 

Minimize Career Impact 

To make sure time off for travel won't impact you negatively, there are a few considerations you can put in place. First, try to have at least 2 years in your current job or with your current company before leaving to travel. Shorter than that and you may come off as a bit flakey and prone to jump when you look to return. The good news is that it'll probably take a few months to fully plan what you want to do for travel and how to do it well, so if you've been in your job for less time, use the coming months to plan and get excited while you stick it out at work. 

Second, maintain a good reputation and professional relationships with your boss and colleagues as you prepare to leave. You want to leave on a high note to maximize your opportunities while your'e away and when you come back, both so that you'll have good references but also so that you could find work back with the same company if you want it, or using your network contacts at your current job. You never know who you'll be able to be connected to later, so keep your relationships positive and strong. 

When you give notice and explain what you want to do, keep it positive and enthusiastic. Your boss and employer is much more likely to be supportive if you share your travel plans as something you are super stoked to do, a bucket list item, or a golden once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you can't pass up. You might choose to share your personal reasons for doing it, or you may choose to keep your inner workings to yourself, but stay positive as you explain that you're headed off to do a thing.

Ease Re-Entry 

There are many ways to help ease your transition back to the working world when you return from travel, and if you've laid your groundwork well in advance, you likely won't have to worry. 

First, if you like your company, you can consider asking for a leave of absence or sabbatical rather than a full resignation. Know that it's not typical for companies to guarantee you a job when you return, particularly if you'll be gone for months on end, but if you're a valuable employee and are well-liked, you just might find that you have the option to return. This is worth exploring if you have a great relationship there and would want to come back. 

You can also consider working while you travel. This could keep your networking contacts fresh, your professional reputation as a contributor intact, and can help you earn money while you're away. You have a few options for how to do that - consider asking to do a portion of your work remotely (or some new work entirely) for the same company, look for remote-based contract work while you're away, or consider freelancing on a site like UpWork or Fiverr or a consulting marketplace. This could also be a good way to test out a new type of work if you need a break from what you were doing before, or if you think you might want a career change. 

Third, don't check out. Send updates to professional contacts you'd like to stay in touch with, consider documenting or sharing your travels via social media and adding in your professional contacts who might be interested in seeing what you're up to. Network while you travel. You never know who you'll meet on a plane or at a hotel or restaurant, and your next opportunity might be found while you're in the middle of your adventures. 

Make It Work For You

Travel can actually be a professional advantage. It increases your awareness and cultural understanding, demonstrates curiosity, it can spark innovation through exposure to new cultures, norms, and problems, and if it's done well builds soft skills that contribute positively to most professional roles. It can also simply refresh you as a worker, bringing you back more enthusiastic and clear about what you want to do next. When you do return, own and celebrate the time you had to travel even in a professional context. Put the travel period on your resume and Linkedin. Talk about it in interviews. Document what you learned or did for others to see. Most people will be nostalgic or jealous or happy for you when they hear about your travels, rather than judgey. Be authentic about what you did during your time and why you did it, how it mattered to you and what you took from the experience, as well as why you are happy to be back and returning to work. 

Travel is hugely valuable, both personally and professionally, and can enhance your career if you put some effort into planning it mindfully and transitioning smoothly in and out of work. If you need help with how to propose your time away, planning your return if you're ready to come back from traveling, or what to do for work while you're gone, I'm here! Just get in touch. 

What's Your Goal? 

The first step in your decision making process about further education should be to consider what your goal is at this stage in your career. Are you looking to make a career change completely into something new and more satisfying? Are you unemployed and need a new role that pays the bills, preferably sooner than later? Are you looking to add skills to your portfolio to make you more employable moving forward? Are you seeking a promotion or to move upward in your career? Want to just earn more money? 

First, be very clear about what problem you are trying to solve for through education, or what you are hoping to accomplish next career-wise. 

Once you've identified what you want to achieve, do some research about what will be required to get the job or career or opportunity you want. Ask people who do that role what it would take to make that move yourself. Then you can determine which type of program might best fit your goal. 

When to Choose a Bootcamp

Bootcamps are short-term skill-based education programs. You can find them in a variety of professional areas, from entrepreneurship to data science, programming, design, writing, and more. Bootcamps are great for skill building. When you know that what you need to get you from where you are to where you want to be professionally is more or new or different skills, a bootcamp or skill-based education program may be the right choice. You'll build skills much faster and less expensively than if you do this via a full degree program, and you may have more flexibility to start and complete the program sooner or from the comfort of home. 

An alternative to a boot camp for skill building is a certificate program through a university or college's professional development arm (called various things at various universities). If you want the name recognition of a name brand school but not the cost or commitment of a full degree, a certificate program could be a good way to build your skills as well. 

Some bootcamps offer career support with the skills you'll be building, and that can be a great support if you know you will struggle with a job search. Career support via boot camps usually takes the form of help with resumes, linkedin profiles, and interviewing, so if you know you need help in those areas, choose a bootcamp that provides career coaching as well as the technical skills. 

Know that skills are sometimes all you need to move into the next step in your career, but you may find that you need much more than just the technical or professional skills that boot camps offer in order to have an effective career transition or growth.

When to Choose Grad School 

Grad school is the best fit when you need credentials or a network, not just technical skills. Let's look at the value of both of those things. 

While bootcamps can be excellent at specific skill development (like coding or data analytics or design), most have not been around long enough to develop solid reputations as excellent educators. There is also no standard or evaluation yet for what makes a high quality program. So that can make it hard for companies to value boot camps as a proven way to have built the skills needed to do a particular job. A graduate degree program from an established university carries a bit more weight and trust, often, than most bootcamps do, and the credential you get by being granted a graduate degree is a form of certification that you have what you need to do a particular job. Many roles in management for example require an MBA, and doing a boot camp or certification program in one aspect of management or business will not be enough to satisfy that requirement. So if you aspire to management, you may be better off with a full MBA degree, for example. Similarly, if you need professional licensure to do the work you want to do next, it may be more beneficial to do a degree program that meets those licensing requirements than a skill-building program alone. 

The network potential of many graduate programs is one of the most valuable reasons to take them. Whatever your career aspirations, you will have more success by utilizing a strong network in the field you are or want to be in, and graduate degree programs are often excellent places to build your network. They often leverage a community of alumni as well as create relationships in the local or national employment community of that discipline through engagement offices or via the larger university's advancement and funding apparatus. They may host networking events, invite community speakers to campus, and facilitate networking between students via activities, retreats, events, or clubs. These networks can be incredibly valuable later on in your profession as well. Well-respected universities often attract well known employers for recruiting events and job opportunities, and these opportunities are sometimes only available via the school, not via a job search in any other way. 

Most graduate programs also have career support, some have very intensive and effective career offices and programs, so look into what is offered as you investigate your options as well. 

In short, if you have a good reputation in your existing field or with your current company, and/or a strong network of your own, or know that the main thing keeping you from the next step in your career is skills, then a boot camp is undeniably the right choice for its cost and time efficiency. 

If you are making a change into an area where you will need a new or stronger network, or need a credential to move up or forward in your career, then a full graduate degree program is likely the best choice for you. 

If you need help navigating your next education choice, I can help. Reach out or book in a career strategy coaching call and you can get clear next steps this week.

Finding Authenticity

To hep answer this question, earlier this year I created a short list of people I most admire for their professional work and then looked at what it is about them that most inspires me. And the answer turned out to be not that they are performers, or wealthy AF, or hustle hardcore, or have a bazillion followers and best selling books, the answer is authenticity. The people I most admire for the work they do show up as completely themselves and bring what they genuinely care about to their work, despite what other people think or want them to become. So my commitment in my business and my career this year is to be more authentic, to be more genuinely real, to show up as me in all that I do, and use that as what sets me apart in the work that I do. Gary Vaynerchuk, a marketing guru for entrepreneurs, is big on this (I'm reading Crushing It right now), so it's not just my own idea, but it is the key to career success as well as success in being a great entrepreneur. 

Now you'll have some objections to doing this yourself, I know. Authenticity is scary and fluffy and sounds a lot like a hippie dippie nonsense ticket to a life of goat farming and utilikilts. But I'm here to work through those objections with you and crack this authenticity thing so you can apply it to your corporate gig, college major, or goat farm if that suits you. 

So let's dive in. What is keeping you from being more authentic in your work? 

What I Am Is Not What People Want. 

Let me tell you a story. My doctor, who I absolutely adore and is amazing at what she does, told me in one of our first meetings, "I am not a nice person. But I do have a ton of experience and I'll tell you what you need to know." She has lived true to her word - she speaks directly, doesn't sugarcoat, doesn't try to please me, but she does bring all of her knowledge to bear to solve my health problems because she genuinely cares about me as a patient, and she believes in doing high quality and incredibly thorough medical work. She is authentic, and serves me in a way that is true to herself but also gives me exceptional care. Now. Her style won't work for everyone, and that's ok because there are lots of other doctors out there, but what makes her a great doctor is that she has a baseline commitment to providing great care. Her style is what delivers her version of great care. So rather than focus on whether your authentic self is nice enough or likeable or interesting enough, or is too direct or too boring, Instead of focusing on pleasing people, tap into and communicate your underlying motivation and what you really care about. That's the part of the authentic you to embrace. 

Then, let the way in which you show up in the world be true to what you really care about, and act in a way that serves that purpose. So if you're a software developer, what about your work is important to you, and what do you want to achieve with your work? What is high quality to you? On top of that, it may be that you "tell it like it is", or that you're gentle and kind, or that you write up a storm or like to be ridiculous on YouTube. If that style enables you to do your best work and serve what is genuinely important to you, then go all in. Why do you do the work you do? Communicate that to yourself and others, and that will channel authenticity that is based in service, and will keep you out of jerk territory.

I'm Boring. 

Most of us think we're at least a little bit boring. But yet almost all of us have friends, people who love us, and manage to get along with at least a few other people on the planet. And, what's boring to you may be fascinating or attractive or super useful to someone else. Just because you feel boring does not mean you actually are. And just because you haven't done something you would label as interesting yet doesn't mean you have a good measure of what's interesting. Most of us are way harder on ourselves than others are on us. And even if you are truly boring now, doesn't mean you won't do something more interesting next if you just release that label and pressure on yourself. What would you do, how would you be, if you believed instead that you are not boring? 

I'm Not Sure Who the Authentic Me Is.

This is kind of the secret to life here, I have to be honest. Looking for and noticing yourself and discovering who and what that is is a constantly evolving process that can feel really elusive, especially if you're a person who lives for others - if you're a people-pleaser or box-checker or perfectionist or are super competitive. But there are some good ways to get at who you are and what makes you unique. 

First of all, get feedback. Simply ask friends, colleagues, your partner, your teachers, boss, parents - what do you think I'm "known for"? What makes me unique? What am I good at? 

Secondly, look for your superpowers. What comes easily to you? What do you do in half the time it takes others to do? What is the special sauce that you bring to a group when you join a team or get together with friends? What are you just good at? 

Third, look for the hidden you. What characteristics of yourself are you afraid to let others see? Or are you afraid that you might be judged for? There could be a secret authentic you hidden underneath what you are afraid of others discovering about you.

Differentiate.

Leading your career from a place of authenticity will bring on much more success and satisfaction than trying to be what you think others want, and this is how you will be able to do your best work. Bringing out more authenticity will help you differentiate from others, and you'll find and be a much better fit for the work and workplace you go into next if you pretend or hide less and show up a little more. 

As always, I'm here to help. Nothing would bring me greater satisfaction than helping you figure out what makes up your authenticity, and bringing that out to forge a path forward in your career. Get in touch if you want support.

Treat it Like a Project 

Think about your move from now through the first month in the new role and city as a defined project. I even recommend using a project management or list-making app to help keep you organized and accountable for various deadlines and to-do items that you will need to track. Asana or Trello are my personal faves, but you might prefer a bullet journal or simple list app where you can jot down the tasks that need to be accomplished along with deadlines and dependencies. Being super organized will help make sure that the relocation goes smoothly and you don't miss  important details like shifting your health insurance policy or booking a date in advance for the moving service. So put on your project management hat and get going. 

Get Clear on Any Relocation Benefits 

If you have negotiated for or been provided relocation benefits, check in with HR about what these are and how to claim them before you start doing anything. Some companies provide everything for you, from packing your stuff to providing an apartment, and some companies want you to do it yourself but collect and submit all receipts, and other companies give you a flat bonus and say bon voyage. Know in advance what you need to do to take advantage of any benefits they have available, it might save you a ton of money and time and stress. 

Allow Extra Time

Relocating for work is unique in that it's both a personal and professional transition. You're setting up in a new role with new colleagues and a new boss potentially at a new company, and have to be on your game professionally, but you also are going to be finding a new apartment and getting to know a new city and neighborhood and managing both the personal details and emotions (including stress) of hauling yourself and your sh*t to a new state. So leave time to allow for both the personal stuff you'll need to get done (Running around to look at apartments! Buying groceries! Getting copies of your keys made! Going to ikea! Finding the liquor store!) and the professional (Commuting for the first time! Filling out paperwork! Sitting down with your new team! Figuring out where to get lunch!). If you think you need a couple of days to settle in, double it and give yourself some breathing room. Don't be the person who can't focus in the first meeting with your boss because you're waiting to hear back on the apartment you applied for! 

Note the Details 

There are lots of little things we often overlook in our home cities that we suddenly realize we need to think about when we move. So watch out for these, and make sure they're on your project plan and you allow time to consider or follow up or find them. Some big ones include: 

• A new state income tax rate and/or withholding 

• New health insurance provider/policy 

• Finding a new dentist, doctor, convenient pharmacy, and hospital system (find all of this before you need it!) 

• How you'll commute to work, including traffic patterns and how much time to allow

• Your morning, afternoon, and evening routine (do you stop for coffee on your way in and where?) 

• Where and how you'll exercise (Gym membership? Identifying a running route?) 

• Change of address for your mail, your financial providers, and for HR 

• Drivers license and car registration (most have a strict timeline when they need to be updated) 

• Tax deductions for moving expenses (save your receipts!) 

Create a New Network 

After you've prepped, done the move, and had a few days to settle in to your new city, you'll want to start building community and finding your people. Many times people relocating put this step off, and then a few months into the new job at the new place they're unhappy, simply because they haven't engaged in and connected in their new city. Don't let this be you! Creating a new network and connecting with your new place can take time (I tell people to allow a year. I know that feels like a long time but it's true.). You can get started with a few of these suggestions: 

• Find and connect with other newcomers, recent hires, or people from your previous/home city

• Join an activity or hobby 

• Join a professional group (a meetup, local professional association) 

• Join a spiritual community (a church, temple, meditation group)

• Join a fitness community (a gym, studio, bootcamp, run or bike club, etc) 

• Take a local class (yoga, cooking, paddleboarding, surfing, painting, language, whatever appeals!) 
  

Go Easy On Yourself 

Relocating is hard, exhausting, stressful, and time consuming. There will undoubtedly be something you didn't think of or didn't plan for or that breaks. Go easy on yourself, try to be patient with yourself, find the humor where you can, and take it a day or hour at a time. 

Need help pulling off your relocation? Get in touch! 

But there comes a time sometimes when you may have to choose between two things you love or that are important to you. My full time job was taking up so much time I didn't have the space available to give my business enough time and effort to actually succeed. I didn't want to let the full time security blanket go, but I knew that if I kept it going, I wouldn't ever be able to see the business grow, and that gnawed away at me. I needed to quit, I knew I did, but I really, really struggled with that choice. 

This might be you, too. Whether your struggle is about changing your career, or trading in some time or work to get different or new skills, or going to work in a different industry, or going after a job that's more satisfying, or pursuing a side hustle or running your own show, you might feel like you have a trade-off between stability and security, and freedom, possibility, satisfaction, or the future you. 

The Solution: Get Time Perspective

One thing that can make this easier is remembering that no choice is permanent, and choosing one thing that you want NOW, doesn't mean you'll always have to sacrifice the other thing that might still be important to you.

Choosing to quit my job and run my business full time was super freakin' scary. What made it a little less scary was knowing that I was prioritizing my lifelong dream of running my own business TODAY, at the short-term expense of security. But I wouldn't always have to make that trade-off. I reminded myself I could go back and find a regular full time job any time if I wanted to or needed to. And ultimately, if I was successful at running my own business, I'd be creating much more security and stability for myself later on. I was choosing satisfaction over stability for right now, but only for a short while, not for the rest of my life. Those two things don't have to be mutually exclusive forever. 

I talk with clients all the time who have an idea of what they want to do that's interesting or appealing, but involves giving up a stable income or the promise of security. In my experience, the number one thing that keeps us stuck doing what we're doing that we don't like is fear of losing stability. So if that's you, try putting a time stamp on your trade-off. If you know that to make a change and do something more interesting involves giving up some stability and security, give yourself a time period where you'll allow that to happen. Maybe it's a month, or 3 months, or 6 months, or a year, or 2 years, any time frame is fine as long as you give yourself enough time to have the experience. After that, you can go back to prioritizing stability and security again, no questions asked. Set the date, then make the commitment to try the change, and see what happens. Know that you can always make another change later. Nothing is permanent. 

If you want some help navigating your tough career choices, I can help. Get in touch. 

I'm here to tell you that going for "in demand" jobs of the future is not a good way to manage your career. Here's why. 

It's Reactive

This seems like a proactive strategy, thinking about what will be in demand or what is in demand and preparing accordingly so you can be in the right place at the right time. But actually, it's reactive. This strategy involves waiting for employers to tell you what they want, and then trying to become that. If you're hoping to find an area that 

"In Demand" Changes with Supply 

Something is only "in demand" if there aren't enough supplies to meet the demand, but as soon as there are, then the thing is no longer in demand. So if you and 100,000 other students in your geographic area all answer the call to become data scientists, suddenly there are going to be too many data scientists, just like there are too many journalists and lawyers. And you have no control over that. 

It's Impossible to Stay Ahead of the Curve 

Most businesses move fast. There are always new needs and new challenges, new skills that are needed, and old ones that are phased out. I used to meet regularly with hiring managers to learn about what they needed in potential hires and the needs changed faster than the course designers at the university could create new courses. Which means that almost as soon as you graduate from a professionally-focused course, the employers already need new and different types of workers. This game of catch up means you could study all kinds of things that are no longer really in demand as the future unfolds. 

The Solution

So what do you do instead? For this we need my good friend Mark Twain, who says, “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.”

To create a truly future-proof future for yourself, you'll need to craft your own way forward, and your own work, career, or job. You'll need skills in critical and analytical thinking, agility, learning quickly and efficiently, opportunity identification, problem solving, cross-disciplinary understanding and communication, persuasion, empathy, design, creativity, and you'll use these to make your own work. You'll use those skills to build your own business, or become a maker, or partner with amazing other people who have complementary skills to solve problems and get paid for the privilege. But looking just at what jobs are in-demand is too small a perspective to sustain you over the long haul, and too dangerous a strategy to guarantee success. 

Crafting Your Own Opportunity

To be in demand, you need to be scarce, and of value. So start by thinking about how your interests and skills combine to be a unique value-add to someone, a business, a community, or a problem. You can use the design thinking process for this by starting with empathy: looking around you for the way the world is experienced and understanding needs and challenges from a variety of perspectives. And you can invest in understanding yourself, by getting clear on your strengths and skills and interests and values. All of that will combine to chart yourself a path forward that will be in demand, even when we no longer need all those programmers.

Need help crafting what work you should be doing? Get in touch with me! 

The world is in crisis, and I think it would be hard to argue otherwise. Climate change is very real, poverty is widespread, every day there is a genuine problem to solve in the world or in our local communities. This incredible need creates incredible opportunity for impact, and to help solve and address these issues. And yet, most of us sit in offices making money for ourselves and our business owners and shareholders without considering whether and how that work matters. Does what you do matter? 

There are lots of companies, organizations, and individuals making great money with great security and growth while also giving their 40 (or more) hours per week to solving these challenges. You can too. But first it's important to think about and look at where you are now, so we can think about where you need to head next. 

One way to look at impact and whether your work is aligned to making a difference is to look at the UN's Sustainable Development Goals (SDG's). The SDGs are a list of priority areas that UN Member states (the country you are logging in from now is probably one of them) strive to make an impact on as a collective, and they are also a useful list of areas to consider when you look at your work and evaluate its impact.  So, drumroll please.

The SDGs are: 

1. No Poverty. End poverty in all its forms, everywhere. 

2. Zero Hunger. End hunger, achieve food security and improved nutrition and promote sustainable agriculture. 

3. Good Health and Wellbeing. Ensure healthy lives and promote wellbeing for all, at all ages. 

4. Quality Education. Ensure inclusive and equitable quality education and promote lifelong learning opportunities for all. 

5. Gender Equality. Ensure gender equality and empower all women and girls. 

6. Clean Water and Sanitation. Ensure availability and sustainable management of water and sanitation for all. 

7. Affordable and Clean Energy. Ensure access to affordable, reliable, sustainable, and modern energy for all. 

8. Decent Work and Economic Growth. Promote sustained, inclusive, and sustainable economic growth, full and productive employment, and decent work for all. 

9. Industry, Innovation, and Infrastructure. Build resilient infrastructure, promote inclusive and sustainable industrialization, and foster innovation. 

10. Reduced Inequalities. Reduce inequality within and among countries. 

11. Sustainable Cities and Communities. Make cities and human settlements inclusive, safe, resilient, and sustainable. 

12. Responsible Consumption and Production. Ensure sustainable consumption and production patterns. 

13. Climate Action. Take urgent action to combat climate change and its impacts. 

14. Life Below Water. Conserve and sustainably use the oceans, seas, and marine resources for sustainable development. 

15. Life on Land. Protect, restore, and promote sustainable use of terrestrial ecosystems, sustainably manage forests, combat desertification, halt and reverse land degradation, and halt biodiversity loss. 

16. Peace, Justice, and Strong Institutions. Promote peaceful and inclusive societies for sustainable development, provide access to justice for all, and build effective, accountable, and inclusive institutions at all levels. 

17. Partnerships for the Goals. Strengthen the means of implementation and revitalize the global partnership for sustainable development. 

Does your work clearly align with one or more of the goals listed here? Does any part of what you do professionally move any of these goals in the opposite direction?  If your connection to any of the goals is a little bit iffy, what could you be doing to make it stronger?

What if we all did work that somehow aligned to one or more of these goals? How much more could we see change, and how much more impact would we have on solving the world's greatest problems if that were the case? What can you do in your work, now, to make progress in one of these areas instead of hold us back? 

If you want to talk about your career, whether you’re making a difference, or how you can do better, book a call.

And yet, you don't want to give up your career path, this great salary and these benefits. Where do you even start? 

Ultimately, you should quit. You should do something else, because life is too short to wonder and to feel like you're missing something and to show up every day not feeling like you make an impact. But before you quit, here are some important things to do first. 

First, focus on a mission. What lights you up? What gets you excited, or mad, or frustrated? What problem can you see right in front of you that you think you could make an impact on?  For example, I get really incensed when I see companies operating in work spaces filled with fluorescent lights and open-plan cubicles, it just makes me mad (because I find that a terrible environment to work in). Is there something that I can be doing to make that better for workers, or encourage companies to think about work space differently? Or, I really am bothered by the lack of outside time that little kids in schools get, I'm a big believer in fresh air and nature and outdoor time for everyone. Is there something I can do that uses my skills to address that problem? 

Next, take action. What is the smallest thing you can do in your spare time to begin to make a dent in that thing you care about? Can you go to a meetup on the topic, or help one specific person out with that problem, or call someone to ask for a meeting to learn more about that problem? Or maybe you can volunteer with an organization that is working on that problem. With my example about terrible office environments, I could read about companies or designers that are redefining effective office environments, and reach out to connect with someone working on those projects on LinkedIn. I could ask one of those people to coffee. I could draw out my ideal work space/arrangement, and share that on LinkedIn or social media with a call to action for companies to create better work spaces. I could look at what it takes to become an office designer. Or I could join a website of people who work remotely. 

Next, take more action still. Too often the thing that keeps us stuck in our jobs and not making changes is that we spend so much time thinking about what we could or should do, weighing the pros and cons, wanting to learn more so that we make the RIGHT decision, that we end up doing nothing. But there is no way to know what the right thing to do is or right decision to make is sitting from that place of unhappiness, you must act your way forward to discover what is going to be the right thing. So do more activities that can engage you with topics, people, and interests you're excited or angry or frustrated or passionate about. The more you spend your free time doing those things, the more opportunities will open up to you, and then you'll be ready to jump on one of those, and away from this unfulfilling work you're doing now. 

And remember I can help. This is what I do all day every day - help people move from what isn't working to a career or job or lifestyle that is. Book in a call and we'll get you sorted. 

All of this is fantastic, unless...you don't love your job. In that case, these feel less like benefits and more like you've signed on to an offer you can't refuse, if you know what I mean. And once you start earning those great perks and bonuses, leaving seems impossible. My friend, you are wearing the Golden Handcuffs. 

Companies are smart. To hold on to the absolute best workers, they make leaving hard and staying a no-brainer. But what if you're questioning what you're doing there? If your role doesn't feel fulfilling, you're not making an impact, you're a monkey in a monkey suit making money for someone else and wondering WHY? What if you have a secret tiny dream of throwing it all in and opening a bike shop in New Zealand or coaching Little League full time or farming goats? You shove that thought way deep down and laugh at it because how could you give up this money, lifestyle, these perks? How would your partner or your parents ever look at you with a straight face again, walking away from all this? 

Your dream is not crazy, and there is a way forward. There is an option that doesn't require living in poverty but still lets you explore what it is that would really light you up and make you excited to pack your metaphorical lunch box and head out the door in the morning. 

Step 1: Redefine Success. 

If there wasn't a standard script for what success looked like, how would you define it? It probably would include money, but how much? Does your definition of success include your health? The connection you have with your partner or family? Does it include the impact you have in your community or the positive mark you leave on the world? What about your legacy? How about freedom, flexibility, or giving back? 

Further, what price are you currently paying for the perks that you earn? Yes you may have more money than you ever imagined, and free health care and a regular cash payment that means your bank account is ever growing (while your cars grow ever sexier). But what are you giving up to have that? Your satisfaction, sleep, health, connection to family, friends, or community? The bucket list thing that you never have time for? Or the perpetual sense that there's more to life while time continues to tick on? Tally the true cost of the benefits your job currently gives you. Is that good enough? 

Step 2: Open Your Eyes to Alternatives

When I work with people looking to find more impact and meaning in the work they do, there is often the assumption that doing work you love means earning less for it, or giving up the security of a great corporate job. There are certainly fulfilling options that mean earning less than you do now. But there are also many roles, companies, ventures you could take on, maybe even within your existing company, that will leave you with as much or more, and even add on a sense of fulfillment and purpose that you're missing. It is possible for a move to be a double-win. Start looking for examples of this. Are there people in your community doing work they love and who are well compensated for that? Start to measure their success not by the traditional social definition of success, but by the measures that are truly important to you. How much connection do they feel and have in their lives? Are they financially comfortable? Do they have a legacy, freedom, impact, strong health, or other things that you can only dream of right now? Begin to look for what is possible. Meet some of these people. Talk to them. 

Step 3: Get Creative.  

Go for a run, put on some music, take up a pen, and craft your way forward. My clients have come up with astonishing ways to combine interests, make ends meet, and do what it is they really want to do without feeling the loss that you are afraid you will feel if you make a change. This change can happen when you begin to take stock of what an ideal day, week, and life looks like to you, and you put aside the assumptions, fears, and self-set limits you're carrying around with you. What might really, actually be possible? 

You can get a free guide to Crafting Your Job here:  

We all can do impactful work, and be successful while we do it. Do not waste another day doing work that sucks your soul just for the money. You can do better, and I'm here to help. 

These are thoughts and words that inspire action. They are crystalizing phrases that I say, out loud, in the moment that I am simply, truly ready to change, and not usually before. I found myself saying these things in the car this afternoon, thinking about my 2018 goals, and in particular one goal that has been carried forward year after year without me actually making concrete progress on it. As I thought about this goal, I felt mostly depression and despair, failure and disappointment. These are really common feelings for me when I feel stuck on something that I want and just can't seem to achieve. 

So I took myself to the beach in January, and I sat there on a bench in the bracing cold and wind. I was going to sit there until I felt ready to move. I didn't think, I just stared at the clouds rolling through, at the mountains glimpsing in and out of the view, at the waves crashing into the beach. As I sat there, my ears progressively turning to ice, my breathing regulated, my body shifted, and then after 25 minutes, I felt something. Mostly impending hypothermia, but also something a bit deeper. I walked back to the car. 

And that's when I said it. "This is bulls*hit. Totally unacceptable. I've had ENOUGH." The words just fell out of me, propelled by the energy that had transformed from despair into fierce control. And I felt the universe shift a little as these statements fired out of me. 

This is what I like to call an Action Moment. All of the biggest and best changes of my life have occurred only after one of these moments. For me, it feels like a shock wave in slow motion, and I can almost see the air jiggle in front of me like in that scene in Battlestar Galactica when the bomb hits earth and number 6 pushes Gaias to the floor of his fancy house, and the screen gets wavy with the bomb's impact. It's like that. Like I'm producing nuclear energy. 

Good things happen when I reach these points. I've had job offers pop out of nowhere after these moments, have had pieces of writing fall out of me like skittles from a candy machine, and have had amazing human beings cross my path. Transformation of my life as I know it always follows. 

So how can you engineer one of these moments for yourself? How do you get your own bomb-dropping energy to manifest change in your life? How can you move through despair and depression and frustration to crystal clear action? Here are some things that work for me: 

1. Change your environment. When you feel stuck, the first thing to do is get up and move. Get out of the house, the office, the city, the state, or the country for a change of environment. Even moving to a different room can help, but it's even better if you can go put yourself in an unfamiliar pattern-breaking place. New sights, smells, light, air, and sounds will give your brain new information to put together as it works on solving your problem, and can change your perspective. So get up and go. 
2. Get angry. Depression and despair are action killers. If these are your primary emotions when you think about your situation or dilemma, see if you can transform those into anger instead, which is much better at making you move and change. Women in particular often have a difficult time leaning into and expressing anger, and instead let it eat away internally rather than use it to propel an alternative. So how can you get angry? It might be just the fuel you need to act. 
3. Listen to yourself. Really listen. What are you saying to yourself about this dilemma you're in? Are you whining? Are you complaining or giving yourself excuses? What language are you using? Are you playing the role of a victim? Are you helpless or child-like? Sometimes pointing the flashlight at how you are perceiving your own situation and what you're saying about it to yourself can illuminate the ways in which you are keeping yourself stuck by your own thoughts. Moments when I've realized how I sound inside myself inspire change, because I get almost disgusted with my own whining. You can parent yourself in these moments, and inspire action. 
4. Get some tough love. Do you have one of those people in your life who just tells it like it is? Is brutally honest? Sometimes a bit painfully so? That person could be your best friend right now. Before I moved to Australia I hemmed and hawed about it for 6 years. I kept telling my friend James that I wanted to move, but it just seemed too hard, I was too scared, I didn't have a job, it wasn't the right time...but I kept talking about it. One day he said to me, "Janet you've either got to do it or you have to stop talking about it." Boom. An action moment crystallized for me, and I made the decision right then which of those choices I would make. 
5. Get outside. There's just something about nature. It puts our ridiculous little decisions and lives into a greater context and can help us see the bigger picture, quite literally. Going out into nature almost always produces clarity and action for me. I also find that getting physically uncomfortable, being cold, really hot and sweaty, a little bit scared, or battling wind and rain or trudging through snow, produces some sort of mental brain chemistry shift that usually clears my thoughts right up. I feel 10x motivation almost immediately after returning to comfort. Maybe today you go running in the rain. 

If you're feeling stuck, you don't have to stay that way. This could be your year, and this could be the moment you change. Need help? Get in touch! 

1. Take On More

There are two things that distinguish typically entry level roles from mid level or even management level positions. 

Leadership: This is you stepping up to take initiative on something or to drive a process, project, program, product, or initiative. It can include identifying tasks, recommending actions, delegating, or managing or supervising as well. Leadership is seeing problems and opportunities, deciding what to do to address those, and making those things happen by orchestrating tasks or people. You can lead by yourself as well, you don't need people under you to demonstrate leadership. 

Responsibility: This is the ownership you have over outcomes and results. It's your tush on the tarmac when someone asks "who's accountable?" in both good and bad situations or outcomes. When the numbers come in it's you who breathes a sigh of relief, dances a jig, or face palms, because those outcomes reflect on you. This responsibility and ownership piece is one of the biggest reasons that senior people get paid more, because it's their neck on the guillotine. 

As you look to move up in your career, you'll need to demonstrate these traits before you can make the case that you deserve a higher level opportunity. The good news is that there are lots of ways you can do this even within the confines of an entry level job, by looking for things to take initiative on. Look for ways to take on new projects, and demonstrate both leadership and responsibility/ownership as you do that, to show you are ready to take on more in your role. You'll be rewarded with more of these things, and a title and pay to go along with them, but only after you prove that you can handle it. 

2. Take stock of your learning and contributions

How are you different now that you've been working for a while? What do you now have proficiency or expertise in that you didn't before? Further, what have you contributed to your organization as a result of that expertise? This is an important item to reflect on if you'll be seeking a more advanced role either in your current company or somewhere else. We want to know what additional value you have brought to your organization, so that we can see evidence of your potential. I keep a running list of contributions in my jobs as things happen, so that I have a running list. When the list gets long enough, I know I'm safe to look for something else, because I've got a solid track record where I am. 

3. Get a mentor

If you don't already have a mentor, you need one. If you already have one, add another one. Ideally you want a team of mentors (an advisory group, if you will), who will serve as sounding boards and sources of information, advice, and connections as you move up and through your career path. These people are absolutely invaluable as you make career changes or shifts, as they can connect you to new opportunities, provide you external feedback, and share insights that you may not have thought of or been exposed to otherwise. 

4. Consider any changes you want to make

What are you looking to change in your next role? Is it just more money and more responsibility, or are there other areas you want to move into or away from as you take your next career step? I met with a young professional recently who wanted to move more into product management and away from his more technical role. In a case like that, you may need to build additional skills, move laterally, or conduct a career pivot as you make your next career move. Your existing role or company could help you do that, if you have a supportive manager or organization willing to provide or support training or new projects that expose you to areas you are interested in. Mentors can also help you identify ways to make any shifts or changes if you're stuck on how to get these different elements into your next job. 

It's entirely expected for you to start thinking about your next move if you've been in your first/second/entry level role for a while. Before you go applying for mid-level roles however, make sure you've demonstrated your readiness through your actions, take some reflection time, and get some support, to make the next move the best one. 

As always, if you're stuck, reach out to me! 

1. So what do you do here? This year, get clear about your value. What do you contribute? How is your business, your profession, or the world around you better because of you? What unique or special or particularly good spin do you bring to your work, that someone else wouldn't? Knowing your unique value, what makes you YOU, as well as why someone would want to work with you, for you, or above you, is super important to making any kind of career growth or change. So start with that this year, get clear on your value. 
2. Grow your social capital. The time to build your network is before you need it. Make 2018 the year that you expand your professional network and meet interesting people everywhere. Write fan mail to your favorite professionals. Go to a meetup. Go to a conference and actually talk to people while there. Ask the guy in the line behind you how his day is going and see where the conversation goes. Then actually follow up with those folks with a linkedin connection, email, text, or follow. As you ride the waves of your career, it's the community you build now that will get you from where you are to where you're going next. You won't be able to go it alone. 
3. Get a side hustle. We expect a lot of economic turmoil in the coming year. You can help mitigate the impact of this on your career by increasing your own security with a side hustle. What project can you create that will earn a bit of income, develop a different skill set, or create an asset that will add to your professional and financial security this year? If you need some inspiration, check out Side Hustle School on your favorite podcast stream.
4. See problems everywhere. Cultivate the art of identifying problems. But rather than being angry when something doesn't work as well as it should, get curious about what doesn't work and why. Learn to see problems and the opportunities in those problems all around you. Left your coffee on the roof of your car this morning? What is that problem about? What's the opportunity there? Forgot to do laundry last night and now you don't have the right shirt for today? Or, notice that construction is interfering with your normal route to where you're going, slowing down traffic? Get curious about that as a problem. What opportunity is there to change it? Do others experience it? What can be done to improve it? Why does the problem exist in the first place? Who is already working on it and what progress have they made or not made? Become a student of problems of all kinds in 2018 to see what that does for your opportunities. 
5. Solve at least one of them. Take action. Pick low hanging fruit or something that you think is perfectly aligned with your skills or personality, and tackle a problem. Your action might be a volunteer project or it might be writing some code, whatever it is, contribute something to an actual problem. You'll experience a higher degree of engagement in life, and who knows, maybe it will lead to an exciting new opportunity or person (see numbers 2 and 3 on this list!). 

If you've been stalling, or feel like you're reaching a crossroads in your career, this could be the year you change that. Cultivating these new behaviors in the next year will help. And as always, if you need support, email me! 

When to leave

First of all, if your environment is abusive, or you are at risk of significant health impacts as a result of your work, you should leave. So if that's you, you can stop reading, go quit, and then come back and we'll figure out what to do next. 

If it's not abusive, but you still want to leave, here is a 7 step framework that will help. 

1. The Hates. What specifically about the job is not working for you? Make a list, or describe for yourself in detail. If it helps you to free-write rant for a bit, go for it, but then go back over your writing to look for key words or themes. 
2. The Loves. What is good about it, what would you miss if you left? There must be something, so make sure you account for the parts of it that you really actually do like. Make a list. Again, if it helps you to free write first and then find the key words and themes, do that. 
3. The Opportunities. Are there any opportunities that this job could present to you to grow your career in some way? Is there anything you could do to make this a growth or learning experience that will create other opportunities for you later? Identify these ideas for possible hidden opportunities in the role that you might not have taken advantage of yet. It could be forming a networking or mentoring relationship with a person you admire there, or the chance to work on a project that will grow a skill or be something to put on your resume/portfolio. 
4. The Vision. What's the positive vision of what you would like to have in your work instead? What would your ideal job description include? Look back over the list of things you like about the role, so that you can keep the ones on the list that are important to you, and think about what you could have instead of the things you don't like. Create a detailed, very specific, descriptive vision of what you might want instead. If you're artistically inclined, you can literally create a picture or visual representation, if words or analytics are your thing, use a spreadsheet or list to log all the elements in your vision of what you want instead. 
5. The Conversation. Have a conversation with your manager, and ideally at least one other leader or mentor in your life, about what you would like to change and what you want to be doing instead. How receptive are they to helping you change your role? Are they open to supporting you working on the opportunities you see? Are changes possible that will make you happier and keep you learning? Try pitching an idea for how you could change the role to make it better, and see what the response is like. 
6. The Try. Based on that conversation, try out any changes that are proposed or agreed to by you or your manager, and notice whether they improve your experience. Give it a timeline so that you can genuinely have enough time for it to change, and see that timeline through. 
7. The Move. If this creative exploration of how to change your role to include more of what you want, less of what you don't want, and opportunities to grow and develop fails, then it's time to move on! Start exploring for other opportunities that might better meet your needs. But at least now you know for sure that nothing could be done, and you can move on with a lot less doubt and regret than if you jumped ship right away. 

The bottom line is: you might be surprised by how often jobs can change if you put in the effort to edit them. Managers often say they are surprised that they didn't know someone wanted to do something different, so make sure you speak up to ask for more of what you think would make you happier before you jump ship. Then, if you can't see a way forward in your current role, it's a lot easier to explain what you're looking for and why as you move on to your next opportunity, and in your next interview, what you did to try to solve the problems there. 

Still uncertain about what you should do? Reach out to me! 

We need passionate, committed people to solve these problems. We need you to stand up, like Gary Gilliland, the President of the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, and declare that you will solve this problem, and will solve it in 10 years or less. We need you to be one of these people. 

The time you spend sitting at that desk, staring at that computer, wasting your time, wasting your energy on activities that do not matter, is time that the world needs you to be dedicating to solving our problems. These problems affect you, and me, and all of the people around us, and what we need are people with the skills, the commitment, the knowledge, the care, to set about applying themselves and solving them.

You are full of excuses. There isn't time, or you don't have the energy. Or you'd have to go back to school and start all over, or you're close to retirement so maybe you'll volunteer then. Or maybe you have kids and your friends and you worry that if you had one of Those Jobs you'd be gone a lot more. Or maybe you worry about the money.  But these are excuses, because you don't actually know that you can't do these things and have these things and make a difference at the same time unless you try. And I think you'll be surprised that when your work is actually effective, your energy and priorities might even shift. There is no caffeine boost like the high of knowing you make an impact. You can be making change. 

You are mostly pushing little digital bits and bytes around, attending meetings, just showing up, part of a large process of bureaucracy that makes companies move and stockholders happy, but for what purpose? Will things be different because of the time you spend at work when you look back in 6 months, 2 years, 10 years? You spend more than 2,000 hours at work every year (some of us much more in fact), and how much of that really makes a difference? Solves a real problem? You have more time than you think. 

You are wasting your potential and I won't have it anymore, because we need you. The world can not afford to have you sitting there, letting the hours tick by, leaving you with that feeling of being rather useless when 5 pm and Friday come around. We need you putting in your part to reducing emissions, curing addiction, engineering safer cars, protecting the albatross, or supporting indigenous community development. You have skills these problems (and more!) need, so put them to use, please. 

Where do you start? Start where you are, with what you have. What problems affect you? What are the issues in your community, that you experience in your life? Learn about that problem. Investigate it. Why is it a problem? What contributes to it? What is there too much of, or not enough of? Break the problem down into small pieces. Ask why again. Look for the pieces that make you say, "Well I can do something about that." Look for organizations doing great work on these problems. Do they need help? With what? Ask. Do you need more skills to be able to make a difference? Then learn. You are not a rock, stuck in the dirt, you are a human. Surrounded by a big wide beautiful world of other beautiful and pained people, struggling every day to do work that matters. Do your part. We need you. 

Need help? Book in a career strategy call with me here.  

Maybe you don't know exactly what you want to do instead, but it's clear it isn't what they are thinking. How do you get out of this situation? How do you respect them, love them, show them that you want them to be happy, while also doing something that will make YOU happy? 

Why does this happen?  

There are lots of reasons that parents have a clear idea of what they think is best for you. It might be because they feel they were limited by their own career prospects, or didn't have the opportunity to develop the security and success that can come with having an achievement-oriented career. Often parents who dictate for you what they think you should do are afraid themselves, afraid that you will suffer, struggle, afraid that their efforts in raising and educating you will be wasted if you do not go on to experience security and prosperity. Or, maybe it's because they missed out, and didn't pursue the career that they might have wanted to if given other options, and they may be living vicariously through you. Or, maybe it's because they themselves have been enormously successful, they know what worked for them, and they want you to have the same experience, or to demonstrate that you are part of the same in-group of successful people.

Largely, this is about security, their fear of your not having, their fear of losing it with you or through you. 

Have Compassion

Your parents and your relationship to them are important. You should not throw that out as you make your life and career decisions. But what I see a lot is that the fear of disappointment and the pain of potentially going against them gets in the way of having clarity and enthusiasm and joy around what fits you better. If you struggle to know what you want to do instead of what your parents want for you, it could be because the fear of their reaction to anything other than what they want is getting in the way. So have compassion for yourself and for them, and set that fear aside. 

Visualize it

If your parents were to be in complete agreement and support for whatever career path you chose, what would you want to pursue? Imagine what it would feel like to have both the career that will make you so happy, and their approval, love, pride, and support. Pretend just for a moment that that is possible, and see if you can actually feel it.

Let them see you as successful, and happy

It's important that your parents see your successes and happiness through making your own choices. But demonstrating this requires a leap of faith on your part, and the bravery to act on your own desires and dreams, and to let yourself be successful at them before or without your parents' permission. So act on what you would like, take the first steps that you can to pursue your interests and ideas. Allow yourself the possibility of joy and success in that. 

Everyone is different, and I can't promise that your parents will ever support you fully in walking your own career path. But to be true to their intentions for you - that you live a happy and successful life - may require that you step out along a different route than the one they have planned for you. Doing that takes courage on your part, but doing it out of love for yourself in addition to love for them and respect of their intentions for you, is the way forward. 

There are lots of ways to fail, you could do something quick and catastrophic (like crashing your car), or simple and slow that didn't quite turn out the way you thought (like crocheting a hat that turns out to be too small), or by doing nothing at all (like not responding to an invitation to a concert with friends and regretting it). All of us fail, and according to popular business literature and my own blog, we should being doing more failing. Failing is healthy, it builds resilience, and gets us to try new things, without which we would never learn and grow. 

But that doesn't take away the sting or the misery when it happens. So when you fail, whether it's catastrophic, slow, or by doing nothing at all, how do you bounce back? How did I bounce back? 

1. Forgive yourself and agree to let it go. Most of the negative impact of failure is caused not so much by others' feedback on our failure (though that is hard to deal with), but by the pressure we put on ourselves when we don't live up to our own expectations. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves, and are not easy to let up when we don't meet our own expectations. But that's the first step to bouncing back and moving forward. So sing the Frozen theme out loud and let it go. Forgive yourself. 
2. Do something you enjoy. Re-engage your energy by doing something that makes you happy. It could be simple, like spending time with friends or going for a hike, or something bigger, like starting a project that you've always wanted to. The key is to take the pressure off of succeeding and to instead just focus on enjoyment and being present in doing something you love. 
3. Do something you're good at. Similarly, spending a bit of time doing something you are already good at or usually good at can remind you of your strengths and give you some positive feeling to build off of as you recover from your failure. This will generate energy that you'll tap into as you try other new things and tackle different challenges and get back on your proverbial horse. 
4. Find inspiration. Think about your values, what's important to you? What is your purpose? What impact do you want to have in the world or in your community? Tapping into what inspires you can help you move forward with a bit of a spring in your step. 
5. Tune in to your role models. Connect with people who inspire you as well as the ideas that you find inspiring. Admitting your failures to those who you admire can often be surprising, you're likely to hear stories of the ways in which they failed, and get some encouragement for the challenges that you are facing. If you don't have one yet, find yourself a mentor by connecting with people you admire and respect and asking for some time with them to gain inspiration. 

Failing at anything, large or small, sucks. But that feeling is temporary, and you can bounce back more readily the more you practice. 

Need help bouncing back? You can write to me. 

The thing is, the mechanics of all that don't really matter. Not really. The thing that matters more than any resume edit or cover letter sentence or interview answer is the level of interest and purpose and energy you bring to the job opportunity you want. 

You can have a beautifully crafted set of application materials and rehearse your answers again and again to prepare for an interview, as many of the people I work with do. But you will still find yourself struggling through the process to get an offer that you feel good about. And that's because what makes an application successful is being so clearly interested and passionate and willing to be in a position because it is just the perfect opportunity to be and do what you bring to the world, that someone would be a complete idiot to not hire you. Managers can see that, when it's there. 

Turn Your Light On

So instead of focusing so much on what's on your LinkedIn profile, and practicing your interview answers one more time, take some time first to think about what really makes you curious, what interests you, and what makes you light up a bit. Because people want to hire other people who get that light turned on when they talk about work. 

I'll give you an example. I was talking to a recent MBA graduate about the job he wanted as a Corporate Strategy Director. We went over his resume, made some changes, and then we did a mock interview, and he was polished and really well presented. Except something was missing. His words sounded like everything I might expect to hear from someone who wanted to do that kind of work, but without the energy. So we began to talk about his volunteer work, as an aside, and that's when I saw the light come on in his face. Turns out he loves talking in front of groups. "I've always thought about motivational speaking," he confessed. "Well good Lord above why not start telling people that THAT's what you really want to do?!' I begged him.

If they're going to put in the resources to hire you, they need and want to see your energy. A manager wants to know that you will bring all of what you have to do the best job you can, not just the minimum required. That's especially true when most of the applicants are qualified, but not inspiring. They want to see you light up. 

Develop Purpose

Angela Duckworth, in her book Grit (read it if you haven't), dedicates almost half her book to the importance of purpose to success. If you don't have that strong sense of purpose yet, she recommends the following. First, "reflect on how the work you're already doing can make a positive contribution to society." The act of reflection on what skills you are already using and practicing and how you could use those to make a difference can help you build a sense of purpose that may be enough to get you excited to talk about it and do more of it. 

Second, "think about how, in small but meaningful ways, you can change your current work to enhance its connection to your core values." This is especially helpful if you are already working in an area that doesn't feel very motivating. Small changes can make a real improvement in your energy and sense of purpose for what you do, that can leak out and over into applying for and finding new work. 

Third, "find inspiration in a purposeful role model". We often struggle to see how we can possibly find energy and meaning and connect that to work until we see someone else who is successfully doing it in ways we can relate to. Begin your search for those who are doing meaningful work that you find wonderfully interesting, or become aware of the people who already inspire you, and why. 

Bring Your Energy To Conversation

When you job search with the positive energy of being inspired by what you want to do, your application materials and your interviews will matter far less than the enthusiasm and sense of meaning that you will bring to conversations about your work. And that's where the best opportunities are generated - in conversation with others when you get excited to share what you really want to do. Because other people will become inspired by that. That's when real work partnerships can form and create exponential opportunity. 

So put the resume aside for right now, and take a few moments to reflect on what lights you up.

My friend is a young entrepreneur, really proud of and excited by the fact that he's a business owner, and to lose a business and have to go back to work is absolutely a failure, no doubt about it. It's probably what most of you are afraid of if you're thinking about starting your own business. Because, what do you tell your parents? And your friends? And what do you say in your interview for your next boss? And if you fail at something what does that mean for who you are? 

We have a lot of fear of failure and a lot of social shame associated with the idea of something that isn't successful. Ours is a culture that worships success, only wants to hear about success, and expects that you will be successful in everything that you do. We talk about bootstrapping and working hard and how, if you put in the time and the effort, success will come to you. Failure isn't in our cultural narrative. 

And so, when you do fail, it's impossible. So impossible that you avoid trying or doing things that might lead to failure simply because you really don't want to deal with those consequences. What does this look like in action? When I was in university I avoided taking French, even though I'd always wanted to learn it, because I was worried it would be hard and it might drag down my GPA. In fact, the list of things I've always wanted to learn and haven't is long and riddled with fears, because I really like to be good at stuff. I'm a person who is good at stuff. 

This means, that when I DO fail, and I do, it is extra awfully painful. Because I generally don't have a lot of practice at that. Sound familiar? 

If so, prepare yourself, because there's hope, but you have to step right into the fear that you have and that is holding you back the most. Here's how to limber yourself up and work on your failure muscles. 

Preparing to Fail

Try something new that you've never done before. I know it sounds scary because of all the stuff I just said about failure, but it really will help you. The key is to start with something small. For example, you might try to master the pronunciation of "Hello, how are you?" in your favorite always-wanted-to-learn language. Or, you might try making a new recipe (or cooking anything at all if that's not your thing - but start simple, like, a fried egg.). Or, learn the basic knitting stitch. Or, craft a 3 sentence introduction for yourself and say it out loud. 

What Happened? 

First of all, my guess is that was really hard to think of something small that you could try. This is partly because of another social conditioning factor - we tend to think of BIG things we want to accomplish (Be fluent in french instead of mastering "hello") which makes the task seem unattainable and more prone to failure. Our parents brag about the things we are best at, the awards or games we win, and we tend to share the big stuff when we feel proud of ourselves.We don't focus as much on the small wins, the small steps that move us toward a someday bigger achievement long down the road. But this stuff is essential, because it is the building blocks of building resilience and conquering that resistance and fear of failing.

Notice How you Feel

Did you fail at your small task? If so, would you be willing to try that little tiny thing again (the fried egg or the knitting stitch or the "hello"?)? After all, it's a pretty small task, and no one needs to know if it didn't go well the first time. Was your task too big? Can you break it down even further? Can you get some outside information that will help you complete it?

Or, did you succeed? And if so, amazing! Because now you have a little win that you can begin to build on. 

Go bigger

The key to building resilience to failure and overcoming fear is practice. You have to actually try new things, and fail at some things, and learn about what happens to you when you do fail. What are the things you would like to do but are too afraid of? Make a list, and choose one to start with. Break it down into really, really small steps. Practice and master one thing at a time. You will feel uncomfortable, and that is the point. The point is not to achieve it, but to get comfortable with that feeling of being very uncomfortable. The more you practice that, the easier it will get to tackle bigger projects and ideas and ultimately, to feel the fear and do it anyway when it really matters. 

You may never get rid of that fear of failing, I still carry it with me whenever I try something new. But what will get easier is moving forward with what you want to accomplish and the life you want to have despite that fear. It is possible, if you're willing to try. 

Stay tuned for the next post in this series on how to recover when you do fail. 

1. Don't speak too soon or agree too soon. Practice these words: "let me think about it". Oftentimes, good negotiators make us feel like we need to provide an answer immediately. It's easy to feel put on the spot and like you need to say yes right away when you're asked if a salary package or a number will work for you. If you feel like you're being asked to agree to something and you're just not sure yet, simply say "Let me take a bit of time and think about that. Can I get back to you tomorrow morning?" 

2. Don't give your work away for less than it is worth. How do you know what it's worth? Do your research so that you know what your value is. If you are currently employed, look at what you are currently earning now as one data point of your demonstrated value. Research salary information on glassdoor or indeed.com so that you have a market range for the type of work you do. You can also put together a demonstrated value estimate for the work that you do. How much money can you save the company you're working with? How much value can you help them earn? Those are great ways to determine and make a case for the value of your work. 

3. Don't entrench yourself in a position that makes you impossible to negotiate with. Leave room to be flexible. For example, you might have a dollar amount in mind that you think your work is worth, but maybe you're willing to be flexible on your benefits, or your work location, or your number of hours, or the type of work you're doing, so that if you get stuck on one piece of your negotiation package you have room to move with other factors. Think about what you can be flexible on so you have room to negotiate when you need it. 

4. Do listen for and understand the values of the other side. Be clear on your highest priority (the "WHY" behind what you want). And then ask questions of them so that you have a mutual understanding  of the things that are most important to them as well. Really listen for their needs and values. Negotiation can then find ways to meet both sets of needs. You can say "let me see if I understand you, it sounds like x is most important to you, am I hearing that accurately do you think? Am I missing anything?". This will help make sure you're both understanding each other. 

Remember that your goal in negotiating something like your salary and benefits is not to win or lose, it's to find an arrangement that satisfies the most important needs of both sides. You'll be able to end a negotiation well if you've considered and spoken to both your needs and theirs, and that's where your feeling of self-worth will be honored. 

Need help? Write to me.