When I was an executive recruiter, I was always popular at parties. People would sidle up to me and say (sometimes in a whisper) that they wanted to send me their resumes.

No problem. I’m in the service business and genuinely want to help people. I would gladly add these people to the firm’s database and my own contacts list. Invariably though, some of these same people would not return my occasional phone call. But when they needed a job or career advice, they would pursue me relentlessly and without regard for the value of my time.

Indeed there are givers and takers in this world. I’m generally a giver and will give to takers – but only to a point. There is the rule of reciprocity that comes into play. It’s not about keeping score, but you must realize that when things are one way, they aren’t sustainable.

Here are a few tips on how you can make sure you are striking the right give-take balance.

• Invite, and pay for, clients and contacts to attend seminars or luncheons to hear speakers you think they would find interesting.
• Invest time in people who show curiosity, promise, and gratitude; they can inspire your thinking. Be generous with your time but set boundaries.
• While waiting in airports, run through your contacts and pop off 5-10 emails to people you haven’t talked to in six months. People love to be thought about when you clearly have no agenda.
• Send articles that are of interest to people on your contacts list. It’s lets them know you’re thinking about them.
• If you hear of or read about a contact’s personal triumph or tragedy, send a handwritten card or note, or send flowers to express your sentiments.  People remember kindnesses and consideration.

I have a slightly different take on the move. I think it is likely a short-term play intended to rein in possible abusers of the policy and allow to be measured the costs and benefits of such a policy. My understanding from what I’ve read and heard from Yahoo insiders is that there are people on the payroll who have other gigs and are being compensated for more than what they produce. There is a fundamental lack of accountability (not to mention integrity).

Corporate culture is enhanced when there are points of accountability throughout the organization. A strict hierarchy isn’t required to achieve this, but when there have been systemic breeches, the only way to achieve order is to impose the restrictions on everyone. Remember when your whole grade school class was punished when one kid was talking? Yes, it is a case of “one bad apple spoiling the whole bunch,” but the imposition can be a strong corrective short-term move.

I want to give Ms. Mayer the benefit of the doubt, (and not because she is a woman either). Certainly, she understands the benefits of flexible work arrangements (her own childcare situation, notwithstanding). Change requires bold, risky moves that not everyone will like. I want to believe this is one of many bold moves Ms. Mayer will make that will hopefully right the Yahoo ship.

It has been said that the six traits of a good president are intelligence, honesty, connectivity, persistence, leadership and education. Those same traits also apply to a successful worker. Here’s how to make them work for you.

·      Intelligence. Theodore Roosevelt is famous for having said, “Speak softly but carry a big stick.” An Intelligent worker or jobseeker will create a “big stick” – his or her career map – and use it as a guide to their next career destination.

·      Honesty. Every U.S. President spoke about honesty. Grover Cleveland said, “Above all, tell the truth.” Abe Lincoln said, “You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.” Jobseekers: why take chances embellishing your resume with falsehoods, or trying to game the system on personality tests? Tell the truth. Always.

·     Connectivity. Presidents didn’t win elections without becoming good connectors. Likewise, workers can benefit from being good connectors. Reach out to people you’ve known from childhood, and connect with them in person or online. Be clear about what you seek from them. Reciprocate! Return favors and offer to help others without expecting anything in return.

·      Persistence. President Calvin Coolidge said, “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.” That’s especially true when hunting for a job in any economy. Expect rejection, but know that good things come to those who act and are willing to be introspective. Persist in knowing yourself and you will find a job that’s right for you.

·      Leadership. All U.S. Presidents demonstrated remarkable leadership skills. Leadership is an important competency to convey to hiring managers. Smart workers would do well to share their leadership experience and competencies on résumés and in job interviews. You can also demonstrate “thought leadership” on a blog or through social media channels.

·      Education. Most U.S. Presidents received a college education – even the early ones. The importance of an education is underscored in this quote from our current President, Barack Obama: “In a global economy where the most valuable skill you can sell is your knowledge, a good education is no longer just a pathway to opportunity – it is a pre-requisite.” Smart jobseekers understand that knowledge, combined with experience, builds competency, and competency is a stepping stone to success. Get as much education as possible to be as competitive as possible.

We can all learn a great deal from U.S. Presidents – even beyond what they offer those who are jobseekers. Take time this Presidents Day to read about some of them and reflect on their words of wisdom.

It is time to put down the magnifying glass used to scrutinize other’s choices and look in the mirror.  Are you moving toward your dream, or someone else’s?  Your dream career is out there, but in order to find it you have to know who you are, where you are, and where you want to be.  Just as you must take an eye exam periodically to identify changes in your vision, you need to reassess yourself.  To bring your true self into focus, you must remove the blinders that block your peripheral vision and get a full 360° perspective of yourself.  You don’t have to do this alone, consult friends, family and colleagues and take their feedback to heart.  Review old performance appraisals and 360° feedback reports from your employer to tease out patterns or blind spots you might have previously ignored.  Time to take the blinders off and move forward to the fulfillment you have always desired.  You deserve it!

I asked myself ‘what if’ in early 2009.  I had been an executive recruiter for a leading, privately held, global executive search firm for twelve years.  Although I enjoyed executive search, I had a keen interest in the role of talent management and diversity in corporate transformation.  I had also begun a book on career management in 2003 that I wanted to finish.  My responsibilities to the firm did not allow enough time for me to finish the book and attend media and marketing engagements.  But once I asked myself the question, a stream of scenarios came to mind: I could spend more time with my young son, finish my book, open my own consulting and career management firm…  I also began to receive “messages” of affirmation from unexpected places that reinforced that my decision was likely the right one.  Although it was scary, the possibilities excited me and I soon submitted my resignation.  I have not had a moment of regret.

Fear is the opposite of courage.  Cast away fear in favor of courage and ask “what if.”  What if you did what you really wanted to do?  Allow the possibilities to create wings…and choose to fly!

Why do we do it to ourselves? “I really should get my resume together.” “I should find a mentor.” “ I shouldn’t have been so hard on the new hire.”  “I should lose weight.”

We burden ourselves with the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” We make it worse with shame, denial.

The statement is a declaration of a possibility that you haven’t yet claimed. When you find yourself using the s-word, remember “twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do…” Mark Twain

Whenever you find yourself using the ‘s’ word, ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I really want, at least at this stage of my life?
2. Am I willing to do what it takes to achieve this goal?
3. When I achieve this goal, what will success look and feel like?

If this goal/dream/vision is worth achieving, “throw off the bowlines…explore…dream…discover.” Mark Twain

I recently went through a re-org at my company and was laid off. To stay relevant within the business community and show that I am not sitting around as I wait to land the right opportunity, I re-vamped my business development consulting company. I have it listed on LinkedIn and on my resume.

I know some companies will be concerned about whether I’ll give their company my full effort and attention (which I would.) What are your thoughts on whether companies will be largely hesitant to hire me when they see that I own a business already – or, will they appreciate my resilient, entrepreneurial attitude?

Here is my response:

It’s all in how you tell the story. I think most companies will appreciate your resiliency and entrepreneurial attitude. You need to be prepared to explain to a hiring or HR manager how your business works. For example, that you can notify your clients and shut it down in 15-30 days to take their new opportunity, or you plan to keep it, but have a business partner who will run it and it poses no conflict to their business or clients, or some other arrangement.

As for your resume, listing the business is appropriate and it will be apparent to a savvy recruiter that this is a stopgap measure until you find another position. Nevertheless, consider placing an “Objective” at the top of your resume stating the type of position that you are seeking. Create different resumes for each functional area or position if they vary. Tailor the body of the resume to include specific competencies that relate to the position you seek.

Remember you should be networking to get interviews (informational, phone, etc.) to be able to tell your story. Sitting around applying to on-line postings doesn’t give you that opportunity. Wishing you my best. Go get ‘em!

Inside of every man is a candle that burns by the power of a dream. Don’t let fear stop you from expressing your dreams. Even big dreams. When goals, desires, and ambitions are spoken it causes manifestation. Instead of allowing fear – negative talk and the “what ifs” – to rob you of your dream, reflect on your fears, values, and passions to guide you in making conscious choices. Speak it. Acknowledge and seek to improve all aspects of what makes you you. Of course this requires discipline and perseverance, but failure to do so will keep you from the adventure of seeking the work and personal life you want and deserve.

Be generous with yourself; express and explore your dreams. Then you will see them take shape.

I told her that she is not alone and should not beat herself up for putting her kids first. I only have one, but I was a single mom from the time my son was 2-1/2 years old. I can only imagine the demands of 3 kids; she is to be commended.

There is no science to this sort of thing. I think the answer lies in setting priorities, being organized and realizing that as your children grow you will be able to spend time doing different things for yourself. During my years at Spencer Stuart, I swore off of joining not-for-profit boards because, when I wasn’t traveling 2-3 days/week, I wanted and needed to be home for my young son. When I left the firm I joined the board of the Chicago Sinfonietta (classical music) and am now, three years later, board chair. Point being, you can’t do everything; your career, like your children’s lives, will move through stages.

Here are some tips to manage motherhood and ambition:

1. To the extent that you can get a sitter or nanny a few times a month, try to hit up company or professional association events.
2. Leverage social media to connect virtually with people, especially join some virtual groups (like LinkedIn) and participate in discussions to feel connected beyond your employer.
3. Sign-up for newsletters and RSS feeds for organizations and blogs to stay abreast of movers and shakers you can benefit from knowing. Add them to your list and reach out even electronically to connect.
4. If possible, attend and even participate in company-sponsored affinity or resource groups catering to women and parents with young children.

Then there’s social media. Facebook, LinkedIn and countless other internet sites connect us across numerous dimensions and can create a sense of commonality, familiarity and intimacy that is useful, fun, and even comforting. Co-workers are friends; we reminisce with old classmates and build virtual relationships with people we’ve never met.

Testing the boundaries of these relationships can be treacherous. A misstep can banish you to “Unfriended-land” or be reported as “spam.” I have been amazed by the gumption and just plain gall of people asking for favors or introductions.

Worse yet, in work settings, whether face-to-face or virtual, it’s best to know unspoken rules so as not to unwittingly demonstrate career-limiting behavior. Generally, asking for favors, introductions, etc. is reserved for people you know well, i.e. they return your phone calls, you talk to and see them more than once a year and you have a mobile or home phone number for them.

Here are a few guidelines to help you distinguish the nature of the relationship you are cultivating. You can know someone’s intentions by what they suggest or do. Conversely, you can set some boundaries by behaving in certain ways.

When it’s professional:

• Gifts – flowers, wine, crystal, food baskets
• Socializing – groups, restaurants, breakfast, lunch, drinks, weekday activities
• Discussion Points – work-related topics, personal headlines (marital status, number of kids, hometown, etc.); no details

When it’s personal:

• Gifts – clothing, accessories, jewelry
• Socializing – couples, one-on-one, at-home, dinner, weekend activities
• Discussion Points – feelings, finances, political and religious views, other aspects of your personal life

Follow these guidelines and you’ll know where you stand and make clear to others how you’d like to interact.