lowercase letters by carissa graham.

primo photoshoot.

2010-03-10T08:15:00.001-05:00

primo = most excellent.

yes, we had a most excellent photoshoot this past weekend. the best part? it was all free fun. thanks to our fantastic photographer friends. okay, so get this... they rented out a restaurant, fed us all food, gave us spiffy tshirts and took our pictures. can it get any better than that? nope. they are superb. primo. take a peek...

graham fam under a window.

my boys.

up close and personal. when i compare hunter's size to mine i'm reminded of how big he is. he is only 13 months people... but 27 lbs. no need for me to lift weights.

they are betrothed. vivian and hunter. hunter and vivian. just 10 days apart in age. it's a match made in heaven. vivian already knows it's destiny. hunter doesn't know it yet... typical male.

me and my future in-law momma...

hey gals, can this count as my belly pic? : )

our besties.

oh no he didn't!

introducing the bbm.

2010-03-09T07:57:00.003-05:00

are you busy?

do you live on a budget? (if not, you probably should. especially in this economy. just saying.)

are you a mama?

if your answer was yes to any of these q's, then you must meet natalie....
the busy budgeting mama.

her blog offers a wealth of wonderfulness on everything. and i got the privilege of interviewing her. we did a blog swap for the day. so fun. to read my interview, click here. natalie is my "we'd so be friend's in real life" friend. she rocks. you must visit.

enjoy the interview! i know i did.

1. how do you organize/plan your meals for the week?My goal is to pick out recipes that catch my eye so that I buy ingredients that I will actually use and not let go to waste. being pregnant I have to see something before I want to make it..so all these wonderful food blogs help me out so much! I scavenge them for great recipes. I go to the grocery stores twice a month to get the supplies for the recipes that I don’t already have on hand. I am soo wanting to tackle the whole coupon world…my friends have pink coupon binders that are so cute haha. That’s on my to-do-list.

2. when it comes to design - i.e. web/blog design, what are some do's and don'ts? Hmm I don’t know if I’m pro enough to give any do’s or don’ts! I think the main ‘do’ that I can think of is jump on in and you’ll be surprised how much you can learn from just looking up tutorials online! That’s what I did for a lot of my post production work. I learned more Photoshop tips on you tube than from my graphic design class in college! I’ll be posting soon the sites I go to on a regular basis to learn more about blog tricks/photo-editing/web design.

3. why do you blog? When I first got married and then had my daughter, Sophia, I found myself nursing with one hand and reading blogs with the other trying to find ideas to make my house a home, cook something yummy for dinner..and look good while doing it..all on a budget. I found myself wanting to share all the great stuff I had come across and I just fell into blogging from there! The community part is also really fun and I enjoy interacting and learning from my fellow bloggers! I have met so many amazing women through blogging!

4. do you have a money saving tip when it comes to decorating your home? My husband and I both do ministry…hence we are on a budget. So I’m all about the look for less. So my strategy is..1.) know or have an idea of what you are wanting..and go on the hunt for it! Marshall’s..target..ikea..garage sales.. 2.) DIY ideas…there are so many fun ideas out there, I try and showcase as many as possible on my blog 3.) Paint. That is the best bang for your buck when it comes to decorating a space.

5. what is your favorite dessert recipe? oooo…how can I choose!! carissa you know me too well..i have a sweet tooth. My all time favorite dessert (as of now..because I’m finicky like that. hehe.) is my mom’s Apple Crisp recipe from her betty crocker cookbook that I grew up eating. I suppose the fact that there is fruit in it makes me feel like it’s healthier than it really is. And I’m all about tricking myself like that. Haha. If you want to try it out.. go for it.

thanks natalie! you are super.

if you have fancy ideas to help us busy budgeting mama's, do tell!

miscellany monday.

2010-03-08T07:57:00.006-05:00

1. during the weekend i let my pumas come out and play. which means i put up the danskos. guess what happened then? i immediately became 10 degrees cooler - just getting prepared for my new mod and trendy blog design -which, by the way, is taking forever.

2. favorite response when telling someone about our $6,000 health insurance deductible: "that's not a deductible, that's a crime. we'd deliver that baby at home with soap and warm water."

3. this is a conversation i had a while back with a complete stranger:

complete stranger: "how old is he?" (referring to my hunter boy)

carissa: "he just turned one."

complete stranger: "oh, so are you potty training him now?"

carissa: "umm, he can't even walk yet."

complete stranger: "that doesn't matter. that's what he has you for."

carissa: "are you insane? i think so."

okay, i didn't really say the last line. but boy did i want to.

4. so not only are my thighs showing, but now my butt is too. i'd like to tell my uterus to keep its hands to itself.

5. if you want to win some mod and trendy baby stuff from dwell studio, you better go check out my "we'd so be friend's in real life," friend's blog. hurry. the goodness only lasts so long. the giveaway will close tonight at midnight.

6. thank goodness men aren't really allowed to be lactation consultants. if you watched the office last week you know why.

cute, cheap & crafty.

2010-03-06T07:56:00.002-05:00

i would love to be crafty every. single. day. but let's face it, michael's doesn't take monopoly money. maybe by the time i'm 70 i'll have a plethora of craft items to choose from in my (nonexistant, only in my dreams) craft room. until then, i will settle for making crafts when i actually need them and have the excuse of a nursery to decorate.

i'm preparing to make the cutest thing ever for sage's nursery. a mobile like thing... like this:

(picture from jagged ideal)

only mine will (hopefully) be much much cuter. i'll keep you posted... literally... and post a sort a, kind a type of tutorial.

in the meantime, i wanted to let you in on a cute and cheap craft that i made for hunter's nursery. it literally cost me $8. here's what you need:

(image from design*sponge)

alphabet flash cards. i bought the martha stewart kind.

(image from a stranded yarn)

twine. it's cheap. you probably have some lying around.

also needed:

scissors

hole punch

a few nails and hammer

here's what you do:

-hole punch each alphabet flash card in the center on top.

-thread the twine through the holes.

-cut the extra twine off the ends (be sure to leave enough to hang it with).

-hang it on the wall with a nails and a hammer (obviously).

so cheap and it's easy peasy.

here's what it will look like:

yes, that is a rhino head on the wall. it's fake. hunter adores it. yes, he has a safari room and his name is hunter. this was not planned purposefully.

happy cute and cheap crafting to you!

if you have an absolutely amazing cheap craft that's easy, tell us about it! if you wrote a post on it... post your posts address. thanks much. i want to hear about your craftiness.

typical.

2010-03-05T00:06:00.008-05:00

first... gina is the winner of yesterday's quackiest quirk. there's no prize. just the satisfaction of knowing you're completely quacky. i say all that in love. she is seriously so funny. go visit her blog. this is her winning quirk: "I will not touch the outside of milk containers. If I'm the only one at the store (meaning I can't make the girls or john grab it) i will use a wipe, tissue, a coupon, anything to grap the handle of the gallon with. THAT smell makes me vomit."

anyways, on to my days...

in retrospect, i feel like i squander my days. i have an abundance of things to accomplish but they just don't seem to be getting done. does this happen to you??? please say yes so i don't feel like a failure. why is it that in the middle of the day i feel exhausted and completely out of anything remotely resembling energy? i don't get it. or maybe i do... i've been sick {for like 3 weeks}, my one year old has had an endless double ear infection with fever {he is on the mend, thank goodness} and i'm 7 mos pregnant. maybe these things are good excuses? i hope so.

so here goes my typical day.

-wake up when hunter wakes up. usually between 7:30 and 8. i would love to be one of those "professional" moms and wake up before the babe does. i can't seem to do it.

-8 am: breakfast time.

-playtime until 10 am. if i decide i'm really going to rock at momhood and wifehood i prepare a crockpot meal at this time.

-10 till noon: sheer bliss. nap time for hunter. i study the Bible, workout, and take a shower. yes, this means i'm not ready until noon. see what i mean about squandering?

-noon: lunch time.

-after lunch it's play time and/or errand time. yesterday during errand time, i looked down, past the baby bulge, at my thighs while driving... i realized that my thighs are showing. what in the world do your thighs have to do with your uterus?!!! apparently if one gets bigger the other one does too.

-2pm-3:30 or 4: more bliss. nap time take deux for hunter. this is when i try to get things done. like cleaning, writing my grocery list, computer work {i.e. - blogging... can that count as work? please!}

-after nap, it's more playtime until dinner at 5pm. this is when i wished i would've done the crockpot thing.

-7pm - hunter goes to beddy-bie. kelly and i relax together and hang out. it's always a sweet time. we go to bed way too late.
-goodnight.

i read this verse {a sweet blogger posted it and it served as a huge reminder to me!} and want to make sure i'm making the most of my days...

"serve the Lord with all your heart; and do not turn aside after useless things that cannot profit or save." — 1 samuel 12: 20-2

quacky quirks.

2010-03-04T08:00:00.000-05:00

we all have them. some of us {me} are worse than others. i'm pretty quacky about my quirks.

first, there is a difference between the trash cans in our house. some are called clean and some are called dirty. no, they don't wear name tags. it's just a given {oh, and don't worry, when my hubby doesn't remember which is which, i'm quick to remind him... just as quickly as conan left the tonight show. sorry conan.} basically, the only trash cans that are actually to be used are the one in the kitchen and the one in our bathroom. all others {there are six of them} are off limits. yes, that means they are just for looks. because apparently a trash can is essential to the decor of a room. if we have guests over i have to prepare myself. and after they leave i go visit our clean trash cans and make sure they remained that way. if not, i have to make them clean asap. i mean asap. i also empty our two dirty trashes at the end of every single day. i like to be trash free.

i can't stand metal hands. whenever you touch anything metal {i.e. - car keys, door handles, clothes hangers in stores, etc} the metal makes your hands smell... like metal. it is beyond gross to me. that smell makes me sick and feel a great distance more than dirty. i immediately have to use my b and b works hand sanitizer and wash my hands as soon as a sink comes in sight.

what's your biggest quirk? i'm on a quest... i want to find the quackiest quirk. you might be the winner. we'll just have to find out.

baby got bak.

2010-03-03T08:37:00.003-05:00

camelbak that is.

he used to drink out of my pinkalicious camelbak. wait a minute... is it possible for me to be girly girl and drink out of a camelbak at the same time? i think so.

anywho, since one of the two of us is always sick with something, i figured we better quit sharing.

so he got his own. he loves it like a preggers loves cake. believe me, i know.

palatable pairings.

2010-03-02T08:30:00.002-05:00

yesterday i experienced some divine duos. some champion combos.

some perfect pairings.

pair one:

avocados.

plus

chicken salad.

equals

the loveliest lunch ever.

(note: pair one and deuz are not to be enjoyed collectively. because it wouldn't be very enjoyable.)

pair deux:

whipped frosting.

plus

peanut butter.

equals

the best brownie frosting you'll ever taste.

do you have a favorite pair that is full of fab?

miscellany monday.

2010-03-01T08:30:00.008-05:00

1. i used to think i was destined to be mrs. justin timberlake. i really ~~liked~~ was obsessed with 'nsync. for my 13th birthday i got tickets to their concert... it was there that i figured justin would lay eyes on me and know, without any doubts, that i was supposed to be his wife (even though i was only 13). when i realized our seats were in the nose bleed section, my heart began to bleed. i knew justin would never get to see me. and then i'd never become his wife. i cried over it for an entire week.

2. speaking of boys that sing, when i started dating my hubs (who is a really talented singer, by the way) i ~~hoped~~ believed that once we kissed, his dna would be imparted to my vocal chords and i'd become a better singer. didn't happen. although, i did get flown to italy to sing in someone's wedding. just saying. maybe it worked a little.

3. can it be crystal clear that, although we don't bring home a paycheck, although we don't get vacation time, bonuses, sick time, and insurance, being a stay at home mom is work?!. thank you. it's no piece of cake. admitting, it is nice to sneak in the kitchen during nap time to take ~~some~~ several bites of cake.

4. yes, i just upgraded my publishing forum so i now have the strikethough fabulousness. ~~i like it.~~ i love it. use much? i can't help myself. and i thought it would be fun to celebrate it with this post.

5. let me tell you this: i am redesigning my blog a ~~bit~~ whole lot. lowercase letters is going mod and trendy. now i need to wear pumas, get a mac, and drink starbucks every. single. day. oh, wait, i don't really like coffee. you'll meet the new stupendous design soon. can't wait.

6. where did february go? happy first day of march.

7. my super sweet new blog friend, stephanie gave me the "beautiful blog" award. it was so nice of her! thanks a bunch! maybe i shouldn't redesgin my blog now?! speaking of stephanie, go check our her beautiful blog. there's a great cookie recipe today. you will want to make some and eat the entire batch. she also makes fantastic jewelry. if you need some haute jewels, like i do, go visit her etsy shop! you will thank me for it.

things i've learned as of late.

2010-02-27T08:45:00.002-05:00

1. since hunter has had a double ear infection, i've learned that double ear infection poop is the smelliest kind. i'm guessing we can thank the antibiotic for that.

2. i thought fevers went away quickly once you got on meds. evidently fevers don't go away quickly. yesterday was day five with a fever. good news, though... it has gone down drastically.

3. once your child turns one, they most likely will not suffocate if you let them sleep with a blanket. i caved last night and let hunter be covered by his favorite blankie. so yeah, my baby slept with a blanket and survived.

4. on a windy day, don't ever set your purse down in the car. the wind will blow your car door shut. you will be stranded in a parking lot. without your keys. without your phone. but hey, at least your kid wasn't in the car.

so many learnings in just seven days. what have you learned as of late? teach me something.

on collections.

2010-02-26T06:45:00.002-05:00

i collect a lot of things these days... like loads upon loads of laundry, bills that need my attention, dishes that need to be undirtied, etc. my house collects dust. my son collects colds and germs. my dog collects dirt and grass.

as far as collecting something that i would actually enjoy... hmmm.

when i was in the 4th grade i collected ty beanie babies because my grandma believed they would make us wealthy one day. you know, whenever they retired a certain bear, in twenty years some crazy person would pay $1,000 for it, meaning that we'd make an eventual profit of $990. and then, if you consider that we had like a hundred of the darn things... heck, i thought i'd be a millionaire by now. by the time i hit middle school i finally realized that my grandma was silly; i gave her all my beanie babies, and where are they now? sitting in her garage {collecting dust, i might add} waiting on that highest bidder. nope, didn't enjoy this collection. at all. i don't heart ty.

and to be honest, i prefer as little clutter as possible. but, alas, there is one collection that i enjoy. it's pretty much clutter free because it stays put on my fridge. meet my magnet amassment:

we have bought a magnet from every place we've visited. some of them are from my beloved home state of cali. they are my faves. it's a cheap way to get a souvenier from every trip you take.

what do you collect?

grace.

2010-02-25T08:42:00.002-05:00

go back twenty years. meet grace. a newly single mom of a five and two year old. her husband neglected his vows and had an affair. instead of becoming bitter, discontent, and hateful, she was compelled by the grace of Christ to share His love to her greatest enemy...

one morning while on the way to work, before dropping her kids off to school and daycare, grace made a slight detour. she dropped off a Bible on someone's doorstep. she knocked on the door but no one answered, so she left the Bible and went on her way... dropped the kids off, went to work, and continued her day, just trying to survive as a single mom.

that doorstep belonged to the woman that her husband ran off with. grace showed the woman that helped crush her marriage complete grace. if it was me, that would be the last thing i would/could ever possibly want to do.

grace was compelled by her faith to choose love over anger, peace over distress, mercy over vengeance.

that grace was really my mom. those kids were my brother and i. this act of love displayed by my mom is forever ingrained in my mind and continues to be such a great example of the beautiful grace of Christ.

i love you mom... you are gorgeous and look entirely too young to be a grandma and completely too tan. i'm jealous.

{almost} wordless wednesday

2010-02-24T09:00:00.001-05:00

yep, we're still sick. yep, we had another rough night. thank goodness for {almost} wordless wednesday : ).

this is a belly shot {25 weeks & 3 days} that was taken a few days ago.

a huge difference {pun intended} from my 20 week belly:

hope you have a happy day.

oh what a night...

2010-02-23T09:43:00.008-05:00

my entire body is just zapped. i have no energy, i can barely breathe (my cold is turning into asthma - these days when i have a cold it often turns into asthma, which, started happening ever since i was pregnant with hunter and apparently can be a side effect of pregnancy... so weird.), my eyes are achy and what am i doing? writing a blog. i'm full of ridiculousness.

last night was a night of zero sleep. what makes it really bad is that i took a tylenol pm. hello! that makes you drowsy. and evidently, that's all it does. it doesn't do anything for congestion, runny nose, or anything. so, even though i still felt stinky, i should've been able to sleep thanks to the drowsiness. but, my poor poor little boy has come down with something and literally cried all. night. long.

hunter's fever ranged from 101 - 102. all he wanted was to be comforted by me and be as close to me as possible. all while balling his eyes out in pain and getting maybe 3 hours of sleep little by little here and there throughout the wee hours of the night. it was so sad.

kelly and i didn't know what to do. hunter had never acted like this before, so we knew he was feeling just terrible. kelly said he felt like we needed to call our parents because they always know what to do. i thought, wait, we're the parents now and we're supposed to know what to do. ha. we're clueless. go to the er? call the doc? wait it out and go to the doc 1st thing in the a.m?

we waited it out and took hunter to the doc this morn. he has full blown "really bad" (according to the doc) double ear infections. poor little thing.

okay, enough complaining.

all of this reminds me that i am a mom... and sickness happens at the most inconvenient times - like the middle of the night - (not that it is ever convenient to get sick)... it is just a plain old fact of living life. i'm sure we'll be better in no time. hopefully.

miscellany monday.

2010-02-22T08:07:00.002-05:00

1. easter candy is the best of candy. the fact that it hit the stores already is entirely too dangerous.

2. i'm starting a new Bible study with my mentor. it is beth moore's daniel. i have heard loads of good things about it. i'll let you know what i learn and just how much i love it. p.s. - every young gal should have a mentor.

3. my nose used to be pierced and oh did i adore it. there was just one problem. after six whole months it still hadn't healed. i was deeply saddened but enjoyed every day i spent with it. i've thought about trying the other nostril.

4. if you ever have the chance you must go to these places... my two most absolute fave spots in the entire wide world that are so full of beauty (well, i may be biased since i was lucky lucky lucky to have grown up in these places. i would die to move back... maybe one day... in my dreams.):

bodega bay, ca:

-and-

lake tahoe, ca:

6. today i have another ultrasound. this is the 4th one i've had with this pregnancy because this little gal is a bit stubborn - she has hidden her heartbeat from us on several occasions. this time they need to check her heart and brain.

7. if you want to win a super cute lil' first-aid kit, called an "ouch pouch," go visit my friend, beth's blog.

8. i am in a cooking slump. give me your ideas.... what's the best way you marinade or season your chicken?

9. the winter olympics are flat out awesome. i could watch them all day long. oh, wait, i do. : )

a congrats is in order.

2010-02-21T20:58:00.007-05:00

and the winner of the "hurray! it's a fine day for a new blog design giveaway" is:

fabiola!!!!

yay! by this time next week, she will have a whole new blog look. this is just super!

fabiola, i need your email address! email me at: lowercaselettersblog@gmail.com so i can give you all the fun details and you can be on your way to a whole new look.

oh, here's the proof:

(note: the min. number was 2 and not 1 because the 1st comment was from someone who does not have a blog...)

for all of you non-winners, don't worry. there will be many more fantastic giveaways to come!!!

i love him.

2010-02-20T08:00:00.001-05:00

even though he puts pudding in my face...

oh, boy, do i love him and all his handsomeness.

we heart each other.

he plays sweetly for me.

i love singing with him. especially in italy. can we do that again, please?

we love spending as much time together. as possible.

we have oodles and oodles of f-u-n.

i know, i know, valentine's day was last weekend. but, i am just reminded (not that i could ever forget) how tenderhearted and kind my husband is. i've been sick, so i'm worn out. yesterday, kelly watched hunter all day. all i did all day long was rest. it was beyond thoughtful of him. now i feel much better.

i love you kelly graham.

if you still haven't entered to win a new blog design, what's wrong with you?!!? you better click here and enter. the giveaway will close tomorrow night. hurry.

wantings and such.

2010-02-19T08:00:00.004-05:00

click here to get the scoop and to enter to win big in the "hurray! it's a fine day for a new blog design giveaway!"

if you're looking for this week's show us your life, go here.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

now on to the post...

if you're female, or really just plain human, you probably deal with want.

like for instance,

i have been preoccupied by this tree. look at all its beauty.

oh and this mobile. seriously, the cutest one i've ever seen.

but then i'm reminded that things are things. the tree... sage wouldn't even notice it for months upon months. i could just show her the real deal outside. and the mobile... its not like it will put her back to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

i think about how often i clinch on to things. things i want, things i wish i had, things i desire, nothing that i need (or could afford!). blah, blah, blah. they're all meaningless. are you like me? do you need to be reminded of this every. single. day? i certainly do. let's face it. we live in america. the land of possessions. but, my treasure is in heaven - i need to have this plastered to my forehead and look in the mirror frequently.

how about you?!?

it's inevitable...

2010-02-18T09:00:00.005-05:00

if you haven't entered to win big in the "hurray! it's a fine day for a new blog design giveaway!" you better! click here to enter and to get the scoop.

hunter will inevitably be asking where he got his big forehead from. and i'm sure sage will have the same fate so she'll be asking to. take one look at this...

see the big foreheaded man in the middle? that was my daddy (my bro and me are on either side of him - obviously). hunter undoubtebly has his forehead.

and not only does hunter have a big forehead, he has kelly's big head. poor kid. - our kids just may be doomed until the rest of their body catches up with their not-so-little noggins.

when people see hunter for the 1st time or anytime, really, they always talk about how big his head is. i'm sure people said the same things about baby kelly:

it looks like it will only get worse before it gets better:

little kelly at age 5 - similar to the likes of a basketball stuck to the top of a toothpick. but oh so cute!!!

back to the big forehead... i honestly can't wait to tell hunter where he got it from. because that means i'll get to tell him about my dad. it is a bit sad to me that my kids will never know him. it is even sadder that my husband will never know him. but, such is life. he died when i was nine. and i really can't remember a whole lot about him which is exceptionally sad. when we visited my family this past summer back in cali we watched an old home video from when i was five. my dad's voice was doing all the talking and it didn't even sound familiar to me... that made me want to cry. anyways, he died of a rare form of hereditary thyroid cancer. my brother and i have to get checked every year for it. if the doc's find any bad cells they will remove our thyroid because there is no cure. not chemo. nothing. and, statistics say that 1/2 of the persons children that have the cancer will get it. but, i'm not trusting the stats with this. at least i try not to. i also try to never think about it because it freaks me out beyond belief.

anyways, this wasn't meant to be a post about remembering my dad. i guess it has turned out that way. i'm beyond thankful for the few sweet memories i have of him! and, oh my great goodness, am i ever thankful for my big-headed, big-foreheaded little boy!

"oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!"

- 1 chronicles 16:34

purses and personalities.

2010-02-17T08:00:00.002-05:00

apparently, your handbag type says a whole bunch about your personality. or at least these peeps think so. are they right?

1. the shoulder bag. for practical women who want to look good.

2. the tote bag. for someone who is youthful, has places to go and people to see. you are fun, easy to be around, and like to mix and mingle.

3. the clutch. for women who are completely confident and don't have to carry their whole lives with them.

4. bags with lots of buckles and zippers. evidently, they are for wild women.

5. the designer. if you have to carry the latest designer purse, you are high maintenance. hey, don't get mad at me. i'm not the one making all this up.

6. oversized bag. carrying this bag is equivalent to wearing an oversized t-shirt. it's just plain comfortable.

i'm a shoulder bag. and i'm okay with that. what are you?!?

my hefty hunter.

2010-02-16T10:15:00.000-05:00

if you haven't entered to win big in the "hurray! it's a fine day for a new blog design giveaway!" you better! click here to enter. the giveaway will close sunday, 2/21 @ 9pm. the lucky winner will be announced that evening.

since hunter is now 12 1/2 months old, i figured i better give a 12 month update. sorry for the tardiness, grandma.

he won't be hefty for long. hunter doesn't like eating anymore. this is a real shocker. especially considering he is in the 90th percentile. he doesn't even like eating yogurt melts which is quite startling because he would scream over them with excitement the instant they came into view. i'll give him something and he loves it the first time but hates it every other time. maybe all kids go through this sort of pickyness? it makes mealtimes a challenge and full of coaxing.

look at this picture... closely. kelly gave hunter a mohawk. but that's not the funny part. look at the guy on the tv - he looks like he's slurping hunter's hair. this is a real humdinger of a picture.

i should've known that einstein is smarter than mommy. speaking of not eating, he has mastered the art of a few signs. as in sign language. his favorite sign while eating is "all done." he starts signing "all done" the very second i put him in his high chair. it's so annoying but oh so cute. he also knows "more" and "ball." the other night when i was putting him to bed he kept signing "ball" because he wanted to play and not go to sleep. he made me laugh. oh, and i can take absolutely no credit for him learning these signs. i've been working on them with him since he was four months and what happens? nothing. he gets a baby einstein "baby signs" dvd for christmas and all of a sudden he learns.

are child locks necessary on every one of your cupboards? a resounding yes... daddy has some work to do. hunter is on the go constantly. the only thing he sits still for is reading; we read lots of books.

we're not in the 1st trimester anymore, or are we??? i kept wondering why i had no energy and felt like i was back in the 1st trimester. i figured i would be some medical mystery that had gotten pregnant at two different times and i was in the 2nd trimester with one of them and the 1st trimester with the other. i thought way too long and hard about that. then, kelly pointed out that if he watches hunter for like one hour he gets exhausted. so i realized that since i watch hunter every hour of every day it's no wonder i'm dead. tired. nap time is more for mommy these days.

he cruises everywhere and especially has taken a liking to wall walking:

normally he's not glued to his paci like this. we are limiting it to only at bedtime. although i think he'd do fine without it.

you mean, he's not an angel?!? everyday has a battle... lately we have had a battle of wills over the fireplace. he laughs when he gets close to it and puts his hands in it. all the while i am telling him "no" and making a mad dash to get him out of it. yesterday we went through that eight times in a row. eight. after the eighth time, he got sent to his saucer. (that is punishment because he no longer enjoys it.)

hunter is jealous over me. i'm not going to lie... it is so sweet. whenever kelly kisses me or hugs me, hunter comes crawling over as fast as he can and tugs on our legs. this morning i was holding hunter while kelly kissed me goodbye and hunter pushed kelly's face away from mine, grabbed my face and hugged me. it was adorable. but, we have to show him who mommy's real #1 is. because his daddy is jealous over me too. : )

here are a few more pictures of his smash the cake session. because i can't get enough of them.

meet my new monday...

2010-02-15T08:12:00.000-05:00

now on to my new monday. this is what monday's will look like from now on @ lowercase letters.

1. since moving to the south from the west, i've been keenly aware of the pronunciations of words. i've noticed that hunter is often called "hunner." also, when you get a quarter back as change, do you call it "25 cent?" please tell me you don't, although if you're southern, i'm betting you do. i know that it is only one coin, but it is more than one penny nonetheless. which means it's more than one cent. which means when you are referring to anything greater than one penny you should say "cents." agreed?

2. you probably don't think this is as cool as i do, but the gal who won bronze in the women's mogul competition is shannon bahrke. when i lived in lake tahoe, we went to the same middle and high school. i was star struck watching her the other night on t.v.

3. am i allowed to wear socks with ballet flats?

4. this past saturday night, we had a "concert for a cause" to benefit water missions international and their relief efforts in haiti. keith and krystin getty (he wrote "in christ alone") were there stunning us all with their incredible, celtic, christ-filled music. i had voice envy the whole time. if you could imagine the voice of an angel it would be kristyn getty. seriously, so good. in heaven can i sound like her or sarah mclachlan, please?

5. you have to try dianna's banana's. they are frozen and dipped in chocolate. such a great snack. frozen bananas are light years better than non frozen ones. i even bought them without a coupon and without them being on sale. yep, that is how good they are. (thanks jules.)

6. how do you contain an on-the-go one year old who enjoys nothing but moving and exploring everything? he is learning "no." rather, i think he is learning to test the meaning of "no." up until yesterday he was doing well and i thought he had mastered obedience (hello, first time mom syndrome!). so yeah, yesterday, he started laughing as i told him "no" while he continued to do the "no no." oh boy, here we go.

7. so, did you see "valentine's day?" was it good? shall i wait till it comes out on a rental? bear in mind that in the last year and a half i went to the movie theater one time. we are not movie peeps.

8. hope you had a sweet valentine's day and a have a fun president's day. by the way, lincoln is my fave. reagan is my 2nd fave. enough politics, though. go eat some jelly beans in honor of the day... during reagan's presidency the white house ordered 12 tons of jelly beans.

to you, with love.

2010-02-14T05:43:00.007-05:00

happy valentine's day. here's my valentine to you, with love...

well, i wish i could give each one of you this fabulousness, but there will only be one lucky winner. and if you're thinking, "i never win anything" just remember that someone has to win and that someone could be you. okay, let me get on to the goods.

i have been granted special permission by the design girl herself, danielle, to host this spectacular giveaway. the winner gets to choose one of the design girl's scrapbook kits {they are all fantastic, by the way!} from the polkadot plum and i will design you a new blog with that very kit. your new design will include a {custom, of course!} header, background, {up to 5} sidebar titles, and a post signature. this is huge. normally danielle doesn't grant permission to use her kits for blogs. we are mighty lucky.

so, you better hurry up and try to win. how do you win??? easy. there are two ways:

1. leave a comment saying that you want a new blog design.

2. become a follower of this blog and leave a comment saying you are a follower.

yes, that means you have two chances to enter. i wish you the best of luck and also wish each one of you could be a winner. note: i just added the whole follower thing... everyone sings it's praises so i want to see what all the fuss is about. plus, my friend hilary told me i had to. the giveaway will close on sunday, 2/21 at 9pm. the winner will be chosen, at random, using an integer generator and i will announce the winner that evening.

hope your valentine's day is full of love. if not love, then at least chocolate.

p.s. - thank you for your comments and emails after my friday post. it was so thoughtful of you to take the time to encourage me. you are very kind.

digging deep.

2010-02-12T09:30:00.003-05:00

as i type this, i don't know if i will actually ever push the "publish post" button...

if you read yesterday's post, this is the rest of the story.

what i'm about to talk about is never talked about unless it's with my hubs, or my closest friend. that's how it's always been and i sort of want to keep it that way. me writing this is huge {as in, the Lord has been working in my life in a huge way to bring major, major healing}. oh, and just because i write about it, doesn't necessarily mean i want to talk about it face to face. so, don't bring it up in person {if i know you in real life}. thanks.

first, let me explain my reasons for even contemplating the following gut spillage and deep digging...

1. i long for someone else to tell me that they know exactly how i feel or how i've felt because they've been exactly where i've been. for show us your life, it is all about things you've dealt with and how you've gotten through. i secretly hope {or maybe not so secretly} that someone will read this and be that person who has travelled a similar path.

2. recently, a few people have told me that it must be so nice to have such a perfect life. ha. i felt like saying, "excuse me? do you even know me?"

3. writing is therapeutic. although i don't like talking about certain burdensome things, i can always write about them and feel 20 lbs lighter.

4. to show how God has brought healing to me and to give Glory to Him for His grace.

in a nutshell: here's my cardboard testimony -

front: at 19, i married a widower. on the surface it doesn't sound like anything difficult, but for me, it was the hardest thing i've ever dealt with. and i've dealt with some things... my parents divorced when i was 5, my dad died when i was 9. so, i thought i had met my quota for hard times.

back: the reality is, i deserve death and nothing good. but God graciously intervened and saved me. and gave me eternal life. the best thing possible. and not only that, He has healed my hurts.

in a not-so-nutshell:

so, yeah, i married a widower, and for a gal who is full of insecurities and jealousy {i.e. - sin} it has been the most difficult thing. but, it has been a long journey and i've come a long way. like the distance from here to china. and back. God has been gracious to me and given me grace to endure.

so, what's it like to marry a widower? and if you're thinking, "what's the big deal?" let me explain. right after kelly and i started dating, people would tell me that they weren't ready for him to start dating. as if he needed their permission. and then, when we got engaged, people told me they weren't ready for him to get remarried. and then they would compare me to his former wife and made it clear {as clear as freshly windexed windows} that i didn't even begin to compare to her. because remember, when people die, they become perfect in the minds of many. and who can ever compete with perfection? anyways, that led to me feeling completely insecure in our relationship. kelly would constantly reassure me, and insist that i was his one and only. but that nagging little {or not so little} voice of the red, horned man always told me otherwise.

during our engagement, many words were said that crushed me. it was like people totally had no regard for my emotions or feelings. they weren't excited for me like any normal person would be for someone getting married. i remember getting this question a few times: "why did you even register? {who registers when they are getting married anyway? i guess those that marry widows are not expected to.} doesn't kelly already have everything you could possibly need because he already had a wedding?" how in the world was i suppose to respond to something like that? somehow i managed to respond kindly, without punching anyone in the face, kicking their guts out or saying several unspeakables. all of which were things i wanted to do. God was with me.

day after day, the past would be brought up by people {some who knew us and some who didn't even know us} and it was slowly tearing me apart. at our showers, people would make comments about "her." at our wedding, i heard people comparing our wedding to the former wedding. when we got back from our honeymoon and back to reality i remember thinking, "oh God, how am I going to get through this emotional distress every single day?" i felt so alone. i didn't want to talk to anyone about it. i especially didn't want to talk to kelly about it because i was afraid that if i brought it up, he would think of her and miss her. i longed to go through anything but this.

i was jealous... i wanted our engagement, wedding, and honeymoon to be kelly's one and only's. i felt like i had to share them. can you imagine wondering if your husband misses his former wife? can you imagine wondering if he is comparing you to her? can you imagine wondering if he wishes that you were her? can you imagine wondering if he is just flat out thinking of her?

all of these were wonderings of mine. i say "were" because i don't wonder about them anymore. i know that all of the answers to these questions are "no."

there are millions of other instances of why my emotional pain was so great, but i can't even bare to share them.

the first year of our marriage was hard. at least for me. not because we fought or didn't get along. but because i allowed everything that others said to tear me down. i allowed my own mind to wander and take me to places of despair. my emotional problems began to show up physically... i had 2 surgeries our first year of marriage, and had undiagnosable seizures. my stomach was always in knots. i was in counseling. i couldn't drive for 6 months because of the seizures. i wanted to move to a new place, where no one knew about the past and that way no one could say mean things anymore. it was a year that i never want to relive. but, i was so close to the Lord during this time. He was my only true comfort. i would not be the same person i am today if i hadn't of had to deal with this.

the process of healing has been a long one. we've been married over 5 years and i'm finally to a place of peace. having a child helped with the whole healing process, it somehow helped to legitimize me as kelly's wife in my own mind. {i know, that is silly, but it's honest.} i am sure there will still be hurdles to jump, but for now, i'm doing well. i always longed for a normal marriage... without all the crazy weird baggage. i longed for people to know kelly and i as just "us" and not with the past in their minds. i feel like i've mostly arrived at that place. while people still know about the past, for the most part, i feel pretty normal and like it's "just us." - if you really knew how hard this has been for me, you'd know how huge that statement was.

i'm so thankful for the healing that God has brought to me. "you have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent, o LORD my God, i will give thanks to you forever!" -psalm 30: 11-12

please, please, please... if you happen to read this and have dealt with similar things, please let me know. it would make my heart glad to be able to talk to you!

to end on a lighter note, you better click here for your chance to win big in the "hurray! it's a fine day for a new blog design giveaway!" it involves the fabulous design girl. the giveaway will close on sunday, 2/21 @ 9pm. the winner will be announced that evening.

becoming mrs. graham.

2010-02-11T08:20:00.001-05:00

in honor of valentine's day, i though i'd share my love story with you. and of course, it is dedicated to the mister.

part 1: the chase.

kelly liked me for several months before i even thought about liking him. just being honest. he is 4 years my elder so i never had a clue he was interested - i was a random ex-youth group kid and he was the worship pastor. yes, i was 18 when we started dating. and just for clarification, i was out of youth group and well into college by the time we began our courtship.

we both worked at the same church. he was the contemporary worship guy and i was the youth group admin gal and in college full time. he often came into my office but i never knew it was because he wanted to talk to me. he says there's no way i couldn't have known that. i guess i'm clueless.

we both were chaperones on a youth ski trip during valentine's weekend 2004. we hung out the whole time and didn't chaperone any youth. hopefully everyone returned home in one piece. i started to like kelly. a lot. i still didn't know he liked me.

he asked me to coffee. i thought he just wanted to be my friend. there was no way he would want more. or, at least that's what i figured.

part 2: the "dtr" talk.

"dtr" as in defining the relationship. we had that talk and defined our relationship as dating. he was my boyfriend and i was on cloud n-i-n-e. he caught me.

part 3: the engagement.

notice that part 2 was especially short. that is because it was. we both knew after our first dates that i would be his wife and he would be my husband. after four months of dating {or courtship as we christians prefer to call it... : ) }, we were engaged in june of 2004. the planning began for our winter december wedding.

part 4: introducing mr. & mrs. graham.

and so we were married on december 19, 2004. we were head over heels. ecstatic. and in love.

the best part? we still feel the same way. and always will. and, we even love each other more today than we did then. so yes, love stories aren't just for the movies. well, this is most of our story. to tell you the rest of the story would require some major gut spilling on my part. i don't know if i have the guts for that. we'll see. check back tomorrow. {update: i had the guts... click here to read the rest of our story.}

in the meantime,

happy valentine's day {on sunday} mr. graham. i am so thrilled to be your mrs.

if you are in the middle of a love story lost, or are looking for your love story, keep trusting, believing and hoping in the greatest love story ever told.