My grief in losing my best friend has been beyond my comprehension to understand. Every time I take my eyes off of Jesus and being with my sweet Carl again, I falter and give way to tears and depression. I can’t stand the thought of the future without my husband. Each day seems a weight too heavy to bear. Each morning, I immediately remember my loss and look out the window and dread facing the day.

It’s as if I’m climbing a mountain. Yet, each day is a mountain. I climb and I climb and I climb. Finally, night falls. I can rest. But each day I rise, there’s a new mountain with fresh tears, dashed dreams, no lovey hugs from my favorite person, no conversations about today’s endeavors. It’s heart-wrenching. And I don’t know when it will end.

And then there’s a new fear. What if it does get easier as people say? Does that mean I will forget his smile, his kindness, his ability to make me feel like I could do anything? So then I think on that and get sad all over again.

I look at my children. I love them very much. But I never wanted this job for my own. My children need their father and it saddens me that my almost 16 year old won’t have his dad to teach him to drive this summer. And that my youngest who’s turning double digits won’t have his dad for his Passport to Purity weekend. Or that my daughter won’t have daddy to walk her down the aisle for a special celebration at church this August.

My heart groans with each passing day. It feels like an eternity already since we’ve been together. And I try to remember every little detail about him. I look forward to eternity together but I fear that each day will continue to feel like forever until we’re together again.

I want the world to know how much I love Carl and how his love keeps me afloat in this world.  His touch helped me to feel safe. His humor kept me joyful. His advice helped me see things through different eyes.

Without all this, I’ve been tossing and turning on the waves for sure. But I only get through each day by looking up. I’m looking for Jesus.

Carl and Jesus are in my future and for that, I’m filled with hope. I’ve never known such heartache but I’ve never hoped for heaven as I do now. It will be glorious. I can’t wait for us to be a family again.

Til we meet and eat again,

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I love our story together. Married young. We came from the same background so we ‘got’ each other. We had each other through all of life’s up and downs. From leaving our childhood church together to looking for a new church to finding a renewed real faith in Jesus.

We together understood the heartache of family problems and we had each other to maul over all our cares and frustrations. When life got us down we were there for one another.

We were the only one who experienced all 3 births of our children. The joy and frustrations of these 3 precious gifts.

I don’t want another story. I loved what we had. I’m so angry that it turned out this way. I wanted to love you til ‘death do us part’ but I thought that would be a long time from now. Why did it have to come so soon?

Why couldn’t I have had another 10, 20 30 or even 50 years with you? But even then, I know that wouldn’t have been enough either.

Babe, that’s what I miss most right now. You’re not here when I need to chat about all that’s been happening. I want your advice. Your strong hand. Your thought out plan. It all seems so barren and lonely without you. You know I’m a terrible decision maker. I always have been.

Where are you when I don’t know what type of heater to install? Where are you when I need advice once again on this teenager thing? Where are you when I’m exhausted and just want to plop on the couch and hold your hand? What about what home project to work on next? Or the next restaurant to try?

I want to ask you how your day was. I want to touch your hair and scratch your back. I miss so many things about you. Life is hard without you. I miss you terribly. I miss your voice. I miss your smile. I miss you.

My favorite thing you’ve ever said to me was, “I know that if we have each other, we can get through anything.”

And babe I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this because you’re not here with me in this. This is the loneliest I’ve ever been.

But I guess it shows just how special you were to me. This gaping hole in my heart will never be filled because when I lost you I lost the best friend husband and man I’d ever lay eyes on. Those are no easy shoes to fill so they’ll lay empty.

And now I’ll have to choose gratitude for what I did have. You were my life’s greatest blessing.

This isn’t the Story I Wanted, I want You.

God, grant me the strength to face each day without my precious, Carl.

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Hi there, Gather for Bread friends! It’s Samantha from Five Heart Home, and I’m so excited to be here. I adore and admire Melanie’s strong faith, sweet spirit, and delicious recipes, so it’s a privilege to be guest posting for her today.

I happen to know that Melanie and her readers love muffins, so I decided to share a twist on one of my very favorite muffin recipes with y’all. I actually took my beloved blueberry muffins and turned them into these yummy Coconut Pecan Chocolate Chip Muffins. They’re soft, tender, and loaded with goodies that make them absolutely scrumptious!

This recipe is quick and easy to whip up from scratch, and it’s also easy to customize. I chose to add semisweet chocolate chips, chopped pecans (even better if they’re toasted!), and flaked coconut to my batter. But it’s a cinch to swap out the types of chips or nuts you use, and you can even omit the coconut if you prefer.

In the same way, you can make these muffins more wholesome by using whole wheat pastry flour in place of all-purpose flour. Whole wheat pastry flour is 100% whole wheat, but it has a light taste and texture that’s more akin to white flour. So I love using it my baked goods for extra nutrition without the extra “heaviness” that regular whole wheat flour can contribute.

However you choose to adapt them (or not), these Coconut Pecan Chocolate Chip Muffins make a great breakfast or mid-day snack. They’re easily portable and not too messy. They’d also be a perfect treat to share with friends, neighbors, teachers, or really anyone whose day you’d like to brighten! I hope you enjoy this recipe if you have a chance to give it a try!

Thanks again for having me today, Melanie!

I’d love for y’all to visit me sometime at Five Heart Home, where I share quick and easy, family-friendly, real food recipes…from wholesome breakfasts (like Banana Bread Baked Oatmeal) to fridge & pantry staples made-from-scratch (like The BEST Homemade Buttermilk Ranch Dressing) to simple, kid-friendly dinners (like Instant Pot Chicken & Black Bean Tacos or Easy Ground Beef & Broccoli) to yummy sweet treats (like 5-Ingredient, 5-Minute Homemade Caramel Sauce)!

OTHER DELICIOUS MUFFINS:

• BANANA CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS
• CINNAMON SUGAR MINI MUFFINS
• COCONUT CHOCOLATE MUFFINS
• STRAWBERRY CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS

The post Coconut Pecan Chocolate Chip Muffins appeared first on Gather for Bread.

Your comments have been so encouraging and I’ve been reading and treasuring every single one. Thank you!

Today, I write not on food or gathering but on love, suffering and the tragedy of experiencing grief. I share my heart openly and honestly after what has happened to me 1 month ago.

My heart has shattered into 1 million pieces. There’s no bandage for this wound. Its cut wide open with hurt, sadness, anger and the deepest loss I’ve ever felt.

I’ve never known grief like I do right now. And it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I’d rather almost anything else than this pain I’m feeling. I’ve wished him back, prayed for him to come back, willed for him to come back. But it’s no use, my lifetime lover is gone. He’s no longer by my side.

For those of you struggling with a recent loss, I get it. I can now not only imagine your pain but I get it 100%. It is so very difficult.

My husband, Carl, went to heaven on February 6th 2018 after a tragic accident at work. He was the coolest person. He had a way of making everyone around him smile with his goofy ways.

He was known for

• his hard work ethic (never missing days at work)
• his fun humor
• his awesome hair
• how much he enjoyed the beach
• and most importantly how much he loved us, his little family.

He gave and sacrificed so much for us. What an example of an every day Jesus in our lives.

My heart aches so very much. And the pain cuts to the core. The smallest things make me think of him. The photos, memories, foods we shared, the things we discussed in private, the adoring gaze. They’re all hurtful yet beautiful to remember.

I miss so many things about him. But more than anything I miss his touch and his voice. I know I’ll never get over him. He was my only love. We met when we were 17. Married at 19 and he’s the only man I ever loved.

He never thought he was a good enough father or husband but I knew just how special he was. And now the kids and I share all the ways that we miss this special person in our lives.

Not Goodbye, But See You Later, My Love. I know I will see you again in Heaven. For you, it may be sooner. For me it may feel like forever but I know it’s coming and in that, I take to heart.

I may continue to share my journey through this grief process as I feel it may help. However, I don’t know exactly what that will look like. Pray for us. The children and I need your prayers for the difficult days to come.

Thank you to all of you have helped in generous ways through the GoFundMe and with meals, rides for the kids, gifts and so much more. We appreciate all of you.

God is our present help in time of trouble.

Broken but blessed,

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Like our Cinnamon Roll Sour Cream Coffee Cake, this dessert is perfect for breakfast or dessert. Great with a glaze or own it’s own.

Hi there! It’s Julie from Tastes of Lizzy T. I’ve known Melanie for several years and am honored to step in and guest post for her. Melanie has shared so many comforting recipes as she encourages you to enjoy not only good food, but friendship and conversation as you gather together. Recently we launched a new website called The Best Cake Recipes where we share cakes for all occasions. This simple coffee cake is one of our latest creations and I’m excited to be sharing it with you today!

I love that this cake recipe starts with a from-scratch, buttery cake base. You’ll mix together the dry ingredients from the cake and then set aside 1/2 cup of the crumbles before mixing in the wet ingredients. After you put together the cake, you’ll sprinkle the reserved crumbs on top of the unbaked cake. They act as a sugary streusel that you’ll love!

We used cherry pie filling in this easy recipe, but you could definitely switch it out to blueberry, apple or even lemon pie filling. Any will work and it would be fun to switch out the filling to fit whatever season you’re in.

If you’re a sucker for powdered sugar glaze like I am, be sure to whip up this 2 ingredient glaze to drizzle over the finished cake. Because streusel + glaze? Brilliant.

Invite a friend over, brew a pot of coffee and enjoy each other’s conversation as you serve up this easy coffee cake recipe.

Love cherries? You might also like our cherry angel food cake, chocolate cherry layer cake or cherry almond cake.

This cake is delicious with or without a glaze. A drizzle of a glaze icing just takes it to the next level. Try it both ways!

—
Julie & Maddie
Tastes of Lizzy T
https://www.tastesoflizzyt.com
https://www.thebestcakerecipes.com

Til we meet and eat again,

FOLLOW ALONG: Gather for Bread 

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